Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 134 - Maeve Higgins Returns

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

No one makes me laugh harder than Maeve Higgins.  I brought her a sandwich and she brought me rat stories.  Watch her new special A Very Special Woman. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? It's also a show. Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I am Tom Papa. We've got a good one for you today. My good friend, Maeve Higgins, is coming on the program. A very funny comedian.

She has a new special called A Very Special Woman, a new album. It's very funny. She is very funny. She truly makes me laugh more than most people in the world. I know. That's setting the bar kind of high. But she does. She just gets me laughing every time I'm with her.

She also, she was on during the pandemic. She zoomed in on our program when her book, Tell Everyone on the Train that I love them came out. It's a great book. I recommend you look up Maeve Higgins and look up her comedy and her books. She's got another book. She's also in this movie. She's hilarious. And I am here in New York doing a show, and we were able to find some time to sit down and talk.

I couldn't bring her bread because I was running around and flying and all that kind of stuff. So instead, my friend Liz gave me a tip for a new Italian sandwich place in the village called Alentico Vanayo. I don't know if I'm pronouncing that totally correctly, but it's on Sullivan Street, and the bread, they let me come in early as they were making the sandwiches and just fed me ficasha, and before they even opened up the doors, and it is delicious,

and we are going to gorge ourselves on these big, fat, beautiful Italian sandwiches. I hope you're doing well. The last we spoke, we were rolling into Thanksgiving and did we do one out of Thanksgiving? I feel like we might have. I don't know. Wherever you're at, it's a big food haze at this point, isn't it?

It's just, this is it. I know we've talked about this. This is about the weight. This is the lowest weight you're going to be for the end of the year. So mark it down as this is you. And then you're just going to get fatter from here on out. But we're not going to count the rest of that because we're rolling into the holidays. And why not? This is the time you're supposed to expand a little bit. Is that mean you

turn into a big roly-poly biscuit person who just sits on the couch? No, not particularly. You can still touch your toes and walk around the block a couple times, but you definitely should not deny yourself some of the guilt-free food and joy at least for the next three to four weeks. It's not that much at this point, right? It's actually a month. And then you've got to get the Super Bowl the end of and now it's the beginning of February. So it's like eight weeks, probably nine weeks. You're fat. That's okay. You're fat. That's all right. So am I. And we'll dial it back and then we'll just be a little bigger than the year before. It'll all work out, kids. It'll all work out. Something insane that I was already thinking about my New Year's Eve menu. I, I'd

literally just finished Thanksgiving, that gigantic, huge event. And Thanksgiving is absolutely the hardest meal because you literally have all of these things that need to be heated at the same time. You can cook them at different times, but everything's got to be heated at the right temperature on the table at the same exact time. And that is the only meal of the year that rolls like that. Like, I'll do Christmas Eve. As insane as this meal is, I actually feel very calm and relaxed.

We do this feast of the seven fishes, where you do at least seven fishes for Christmas Eve. It's a big to do. And I also throw in a lasagna. I throw in a veggie lasagna. I throw in the breads, and then there's all the bake goods and all the, no pressure. It'll all come out. When it comes out, things can be. I don't understand completely why it is less stress,

but that Thanksgiving is a bear, and I'm glad it's in the rearview mirror. Christmas Eve one, that's going to be the big one. Yeah, seven fishes. It's not that big a deal. You can actually, you count every fish that comes out onto the table, so you could have shrimp cocktail. You could have linguine with clams.

You could have even salmon on a little toast. It all counts. And then you throw out some big ones, some calamari salads. It's all easy. It's all easy. So I hope you're doing a lot and eating a lot and partaking a lot. My special, my Netflix stand-up special, comes out a week from today. It'll be on December 13th.

My big new Netflix special called What a Day. It is airing worldwide on the Netflix's starting on. on December 13th, and then you can just share it throughout the holidays. That's a pretty good thing. And then right from there, we've got, oh, we also on that date, I will be back here in New York doing the live, come to pop a Christmas show. You should come to that, Nicole, by the way. I'd love to. Yeah, you should come.

It's going to be a good show. We've got Dave Hill, of course, on the program. We've got Mateo Lane singing his Christmas carols. It's going to be a good one. I think we've got Judy Gold on there. Bonnie McFarland is on. It's going to be a great. It's always the best one of the year, I think.

That are the Halloween one. The Christmas one's always great. Rick Crone will be there, Olivia Vessel. It's going to be great. That'll be live at the Comedy Cellar at the Village Underground on December 13th. And then if you're looking for Christmas things, you want presents. What's better than tickets to one of my shows in 2023? Going to D.C., Grand Rapids, Charlottesville, Chicago.

Denver at the Paramount Theater. We're all over the place. Tickets in abundance. What an easy gift. You all get to do is a couple clicks, and then you give somebody tickets. That's pretty good. I should get tickets to one of my friends

and give them to my wife if she wasn't totally sick of comedy at this point. All right, enough of my blabin. Enjoy your holidays. Enjoy your holiday season, rather. Make sure you eat and get fat, no guilt. And here's a little morsel for you. Maeve Higgins. She's so damn funny. I love her so much. Enjoy this conversation.

They sell all of these things, I guess the fancy ladies where we put like eye stuff, like to wake up your eyes. A little plastic. Sacks. Huh? To wake up your eyes sacs. To wake up your eye sac. Is it to, yeah, like a little plastic patch soaked in some kind of an ointment? I've never seen that. I've seen like a cream. Oh, okay, okay.

I think it's supposed to like, like, time. tighten up your eyeballs. Yeah. I think I think what it does is it tightens up the skin around your eyes to make your eyeballs pop out and seem like a new baby, a newborn baby. And I think it's the same thing with like if you ever want to get surgery on your eyes. Yeah. Like cosmetic surgery. They're just like, we're just going to take all this skin away. All this extra stuff you're not using. Yeah. And so we just want to expose that old eyeball of yours and just really make it, you know, sing. Yeah, there is a, I don't want to say her name because it's just, it's, she seems like a beautiful

person inside. Oh. And has gotten, she's been in the culture for a bit and has done too much. Like the face has been. Oh, change. She got a new face. Yeah. New face in so many directions.

Like that Michael Jackson thing where all of a sudden it's no longer a face. Right. And you're right, it's just two eyes. Yeah. Or the only thing that remains untouched are the balls of the eyes. I want it so bad. I haven't ever gotten any surgery on my face. I mean, obviously.

But like, if I could, me and my friends used to always joke, like, what would you get? Uh-huh. And it would be, you know, I used to joke that I'd get my head moved into the center of my body. Like I'd get my trunk removed and just have my head in the middle and then arm. and legs. Because that's really the only parts that I use. And also it would be like I'd be starshiped. Like a starfish?

But I do like the, I mean, imagine just having like an absolutely shocking face. Like I feel like you get treated better. You know, because people, you know. Well, that's the thing. Like, nobody would say a word to you. No. No one would say a word. My wife, the, my wife, like last weekend, we're in an elevator and gave me the little nose thing.

Like, you got something in your nose? Oh, yeah. And, you know, there's other people around. So I was like, oh, and it occurred to me. Yeah. No one has given me that, hey, you got a little something in probably four years. Hmm. So that means.

Clean boy. No. They're just not saying it. Oh. You're walking around stuff in your teeth, stuff coming out of your nose. And they're just like, that guy. Let him. I mean, it's too late.

So no one's going to come up and be like. Like, hey, you're all new face. Yeah. Right? No one will say a word. I mean, it's kind of adorable that the closest you can come to imagine having, you know, like cosmetic surgery on your face is just like getting something stuck on your nose. Like, happy and they bugger. You're just like, well, I get it because last week I had something up my nose.

I had to do this interview thing this morning in the middle of it. They're like, I saw the makeup person like hovering, like. Oh, worried looking. Yeah, like worried. I'm like, what am I sweating or something? Can we just stop for a second? And they came in and they said, some of your hairs are a little wispy. We just want to like get control.

I'm like, some of my hairs are wispy. All I've got left is wisp. Did she come? She was hovering around with a full wig. Yeah, you're just coming with like. It was like a shiny secretary's Bob. George Washington. You're just going to get from this enormous white curls.

Hey, we're just going to pop this on. You're good. You're good to go. You're good to go. And no one would say a word. But aren't they just the loveliest people, like makeup artists who have to deal with people on TV? Because they have a hard, like, it's hard. To make gross people TV ready.

Gross balding men first thing in the morning. with something hanging out of his nose she's like was your wife around we have to really get together on this but they're so nice and they're also

I mean people are a little bit nervous and they're thinking what do I look like and then there's just these like lovely ladies with little gentle brushes you know and some men too and they just are like you're gonna do great

and you feel better after even though you look potentially worse actually when she started out she said Oh, you have really nice skin. Exactly. And I'm like, that's so cute.

Yeah. I'm like, yes, thank you. I do. You're like, yeah, I work at it. Right. My dermatologist is going to be thrilled because we've had this program for the last 12 years. Now let me ask you this. So I'm at this, I'm in, I'm wispy and it's like, you know, it's, it comes in shifts.

It goes, it leaves your head in shifts. Like, you have some hair and it goes. And it goes. And then all of a sudden, I'm losing a little bit more than I had before. And there is, you can, there's this article in the New York Times if you take oral monoxidil. Monoxidil is what they put in Rogaine, which I could never do. I just never, I put a couple drops on my head and was like, I'm not even vain enough for this. And but the pills, they say works really well.

And that nobody really knows about it. but if you take the pills, is it okay to buy pills from Canada for balding knowing that it may do something bad that I don't talk to a doctor about? Because you'd be too embarrassed, like because you've got... Just inconvenience. Oh, just... I just don't want to make the appointment and go in and park. Yeah. Talk to the guy.

I know. I know. You know what I mean? Yeah. If someone on the internet could just ask me a couple questions and give it. to me. So you want to get, but your concern is that there's maybe something poisonous in it or it's going to have some weird side effect like. Yeah. Yeah. Like might make my heart stop. Right. Permanently. Because do you think you'll be worth it if it just stopped every now and then and you gave

people a fright, your lips went a bit blue, but then you were back online again. Well, and you had a full head of hair. Yeah, I was just going to ask, do I have a full head of hair? Yeah. I mean, I mean, take them. you want, but will it grow back the hair that you've lost already? That's what it says. What? They say that this works really well. And that for some reason, I guess because there's not money behind it, I think it's at a point

where it's kind of public domain. So, yeah, so apparently it works really well. There's this whole New York Times article. Like, why aren't people taking this? Because it really works. I mean, I just don't really like how you're leaning on the New York. Times for medical, like, they're not always, like, the best judge of, do you know what I mean? Like, they do, they're careful with fact checking and everything, but like, you're speaking as

if it's a doctor told you this, but it's just a media outlet. Well, yeah, it's the, like, I'll tell you this. I write for them. Right. So you want to be careful. I haven't written for them in ages. Now I write for the Guardian. But like, that's the type, this is the level we're talking about here. But, you know, it just reminds me, my grandfather, when we were little kids, he was completely, completely bald. And he would, and he was like, so handsome and funny and everything. And he would always say, like, I just woke up one morning and all my hair was gone. And it was all there on the pillow. Like, that's what I thought happened. I didn't know. And I loved that image. You know, he just was like, 22 and he was just like, thump. But of course, he was just messing,

I think now, because I know, you know, so many of my friends and everything have lasted hair. But yeah, I mean, if you want to take the pills and you want to be maybe like the spokesperson for them, you know, the pop-a-p-a-poo. Well, the other way to go is just, just cut it, just shave it, just go bald. Yeah. Yeah? I'm just agreeing that is another way to go. A horrible way.

I won't be your friend anymore. But you, that is a way to go. I mean, the other cool thing to do is start wearing a bandana, right? This is what I would do, person. Absolutely. But that's my culture. Pirates. A pirate motorbike owner. Married to a motorbike owner.

Who listens to a lot of Sammy Hagar. But I think I can't remember. I don't think I told you this before, but like when I was in Istanbul with my brother. Did I tell you that before? Well, we were having, oh yeah, I just saw the camera. Where? That big camera up there. Oh, yeah.

Oh, right. You look beautiful. Jesus. We were in a mosque and, you know, like doing. tourist stuff and like Istanbul so beautiful. And then all these men there with bandages, you know, like fully

wrapped heads like World War I style like really gruesome looking head you know wounds. And I didn't realize like obviously because we've been talking about hair stuff, you know what they did. But I didn't know that at the time. I just thought they were like just like brave soldiers coming from the hospital or something.

Oh right. And then we just saw them everywhere. And like Istanbul is one of the capitals of you know, hair replacement where they take a strap from your neck, like from the back of your head, and then they sew it onto the front. So you just, at your, you end up with like all around raw head. And then like they were just, it looks so painful and it was like blood and like, um, like medical stuff seeping out. And they were everywhere. And there was all these men from all over the world. Because, you know, it's like people will come from the Middle East. People come from Europe. Like it's Turkey. Yeah.

And so there's all these different men with all these bandages in different stages of like recovery. Yeah. And so it's really, I mean, that's, I guess, is another option. And I mean, we know some comedians have done that. Oh, yeah, definitely. So, and I think maybe it does help their career a bit. Yeah, I guess. Like if you wanted to be in the next like Jenny Hunt series of movies or something.

If you want to be a teen heart problem. Right. That's the other thing. It's like, I made a joke because when we were getting me ready this morning and they said, the makeup person said, okay, all done. And the producer was like, what? Really? We got him here. Like, hey, we're not in a rush, babe.

Yeah, we got him here early because we thought this was going to take a while. And I say the joke I always say, which is, no, I'm fast because hair and makeup has quickly become just makeup. And then I go over and they're like, there's some whips. You're like, but my little joke. I know. But my defensive little joke, you still want to be at my top of my head? So I got hit up on Instagram and they said, we will fly you all expenses paid to Istanbul. Are you serious?

Yeah. To do that. from a clinic or something? Or is just like your family? I think just complete strangers. But that's the thing when I said to the guy, when I sat down after making my little joke, it was like, for my line of work,

you know, the funnier looking kind of the better. It doesn't really matter. Like, why am I chasing hair? Like I'm not going to be the heart throb on whatever. But I might not, I might look a little. younger. Yeah, I don't, I mean, it's, it's kind of impossible to know, isn't it, like, how, what you look

like affects your career? Right. Like, yeah, if you're a stand-up, but like, if you're on TV, you know, Nory Reid, she's like this really funny LA comedian. And before she was saying, like, like, please put more ugly people on TV. Like, I'm so tired of, like, seeing all these, you know, like, extraordinarily, sort of exceptionally beautiful people. just, you know, working as janitors on TV, working as, you know, doctors on TV.

Just like, and I do think British and Irish TV, there's just like way more kind of average-looking people on there. Right. But like, you're right. Maybe for a stand-up, I mean, maybe it helps it like to look more relatable or like it's just how are you going to get empirical evidence on that? It's just, it would be such a brutal questionnaire. Yeah. Also, I do think like we're talking like kind of like maniacs here because it's like you're kind of saying like, well, I as a absolutely horrific monster, I think it might help things. It's like you're not, you know, like there's absolutely nothing wrong with what you look like.

Well, there's always something wrong with what we look like always. No, but there's not though. Yeah, but there is. But okay, I have to say there isn't. There really isn't. And if you think there is, then that's kind of you telling everybody that there's something wrong with what they look like. Right. Because we feel like it's so personal to us.

And, you know, I remember like women's magazines when I was growing up, they'd always ask like female celebrities like, what do you hate about your body? Right. And like none of them would say like nothing. I'm literally a female celebrity, so I have to look perfect. Right. They would all like pick something. And I remember reading one and it was Elizabeth Hurley, you know, who's just. you know, perfect.

Perfect. And she was like, I hate my claw like hands. And that's, that was probably 1994 or something. And I was just like, are my hands like claws? That disgusting witch Elizabeth Hurley has hands like claws. And it's like nobody would have ever even thought about that. Yeah. You know.

So I do think, you know, as people who are talking a microphone, we're kind of telling everyone else to like. Right. It's a little bit of a responsibility to just, you know, Well, it's very difficult to be happy with yours. Well, it's also very telling, though, that, like, you make great jokes and comedy about, you know, different things you're not happy about. But you don't take a trip to Istanbul despite, like, somebody offering you. So, like, it's clear you're not that upset about it. I'm not.

No. I mean, yeah, to go even further, like, back to the monocodil, it's like, I don't even want to make the appointment. You're just kind of, like, mildly considering it. When I first started losing my hair 20 years ago, I got the rogayn and I literally was in the mirror with the dropper and put like two drops on my head. Yeah. It's like, this is ridiculous. Really? And threw the whole thing out.

I was like, I can't be blink, blink rubbing in. What am I doing? I'm going to do this every night for the rest of my life. There's no way. Yeah. There's no way. You're like, you're like, kids are crying and I're like, sweetie daddy has to go home. It's Rogan time, okay?

Don't touch my head. Change your own diaper. Yeah. I got you a sandwich because... I'm so glad you did. The first time we spoke was Zoomie Zooms. Yeah. And when your book was out.

Yeah. I got absolutely nothing then. No, you got nothing. I know. And this time, I'm in New York. And all my bread stuff is back in L.A. So I couldn't bake you bread. Yeah.

So I found this place that my friend Liz recommended. Oh. It has amazing sandwiches on faccia. Oh, yum. And I got there early, and they let me in just to sit there and wait before the shop was open. And they just fed me bread like a baby bird. The bread is so good. It's so cute.

So good. Wait, so did they just kind of see you lingering outside their store? Yeah. And then they were like, They were like, hey, you look, where's your hair? But that's just like, it was like the one good line in that movie that I didn't like with Jack Nicholson, you know, when he's like falls in love with Helen Hunt and she's the way. As good as it gets. Yeah.

Then I like, I didn't like that because basically he was deeply unpleasant and elderly and she was just like young and wonderful. Yeah. And then he was like, still, I want to be your boy. boyfriend. And she was like, I'm so grateful. But there was one really good line in that, because remember they met really early in the morning or something? Yeah. And then he said, look, we're just like people on our way to walk into a bakery. Right. And so that made it seem like anything you do that feels a little bit demented, you could put a story on it and then it'll be okay. Right. That is a good line. The other line I liked in that movie was we're just going to act, this is paraphrasing, but we're just

kind of act like normal people who get together and have noodle salads. Oh. When the three of them are in the car, they're driving someplace and they're all a mess. Something like, can we just pretend? We're just like those other people that go out and on picnics and eat noodle salads. Showing just how in touch they are with like regular people. Oh, that's cute. Oh, yeah, because her friend was in that and he was like injured or something.

Yeah. Yeah. Greg Kinnear. Yeah, I liked that story. It was a good movie. Yeah. I think I was just left of the impression that, like, he was like a cranky old man. Yes.

And yet he still got to, like, decide if he would be with her or not. Right. Yeah. Instead of he should have been on his hands and knees. But I felt like it was kind of groundbreaking that way because you don't often see older men with younger women in film. No, it was interesting. It was fascinating. Yeah.

I guess it's just, for me, it didn't ring true because in reality, you know, I'm a real life day-to-day. It's always these old women with these young guys. It's never the other way around. Right, exactly. So I guess it was nice. It was like a real fantasy. I really had to take a leap there. Yeah, you're right.

So you had a bakery morning where you sat in the bakery and they tossed little... Yeah, so it's really like an Italian sandwich shop. Lovely. I started in Florence and then they had one in Hell's Kitchen and they just opened one here on Sullivan Street. Oh, nice. Yeah. And so I got... So do you want...

Al Antico, Vinayo. Very good. Do you want the summer one, which is prosciutto, Tuscana, fresh mozzarella, tomato, and basil? Or I can give you the skiatia diktia del boss, which is prosciutto, pecorino cream, and truffle cream. Good Lord. Or...

Oh. You could have just with plain mortadelle. You're a fancy lady. You're not going to do that option. I liked the sound of the first one with the, I mean, the second one I'm like, what do you mean they've got like? Truffle cream. Yeah. What does that mean?

I don't know what it means. That sounds like a hot thing. Yeah, it does. But these are cold sandwiches, right? Yeah. When I was online next to these two working stiffs. Oh, yeah. their reflected vests on.

You were like, hey, me too. I'm about to go to a podcast. Actually, the guy said, are you Tom? And I said yes. He said, Tom, Papa, I said, yes. And he said, I recognize your voice. We saw it before I recognized you. Oh, that's so cute.

He said, I listen to NPR. Right. And I said, oh, that's funny because I'm going to interview Maeve Higgins. He was like, no way. Shut off. I swear to God, this was an NPR fan in the sandwich shop. What do you think his profession was? Something underground.

Yeah, there's a lot of work going on around here. Yeah. And kind of like the, it's like, you know, they're trying to fight the rats in this neighborhood. Are they? Yeah. Really? And so that involves like some work in the sewers. Wow.

They didn't have bite marks on them, but they definitely look like they scurried underground. Yeah. What are they doing to stop the rats? Well, there's a job advertised at the moment, like the rats are where. they're trying to get like one person to overall like control it and then the mayor is like it's a little bit I don't know how truthful he's being but like the newer mayor is kind of saying like this is it like war on rats and and then one he had like kind of a shy like public servant with him like this lady with red hair and she was like she had like a prepared statement she was like the rats are not going to like to hear this but we're coming for this

And like, because like the mayor is a real extrovert and like he wants these like theatrical moments. But like he works with a bunch of, you know, just like nice city employees. Yeah, yeah. And she was like, so big apologies, but we're going to murder you and your family. Sorry, rat. Reading from a statement. Step back. Blushing.

Is it, uh, is it a prerequisite of the, of the person that takes a position to dress as a cat? prowling around. I mean, it's just like so crazy because there's so many cats in New York, but they're the most, you know, like coddled indoor apartment cats. And they all like, you know, have different like autoimmune disease. Like they're the most like precious little creatures. And then the places, the rats are just like marching around, owning the city. Smoking cigar.

Yeah. How great would that be if during that press conference, they said, So we're asking on every citizen in Manhattan, Tim in Brooklyn, to release your cats. For the good of us all, let your cats out between the hours of midnight and 6 a.m. You know, this city, like, doesn't, you know, come together on everything, but that would, there would be absolute, like, trouble in the street.

If, like, New Yorkers were told to let their cats out, just be like, out there you. All these pampered long. haired with bells on. And elderly, too. Because, like, in, in Ireland, I think the oldest cat I ever met was maybe like 12. Uh-huh. But here, because they don't have any, you know, work or...

Stress. Yeah, stress. They're just, like, the most luxurating, you know, safest creatures, which is lovely. They live to be like 21. Yeah. They're old cat. They're so old. Yeah.

The rats would dominate. Totally. they would dominate. There'd be dead cats at every subway stop. It's terrible. It's awful. The rats are really out of hand though. Yeah.

And I think like in the, they did like a profile of the, you know, different neighborhoods in the city. And like depending, you know, often these kind of tightly packed Manhattan neighborhoods are really bad.

Right. But you know, I actually like wrote about this for a column, because Carl Arnheiter, who's a comic, a rat swam up his toilet. And like I thought... Swam up his toilet? Yes. And I thought that was an urban legend.

Yeah. And then because I was, I was just writing about like the rat problem following the pandemic when, you know, sanitation services were cut and then outdoor dining started. So like there was a lot of factors. And then he, he messaged me and he was like, Maeve, you know, like I have video of a rat that swam off my toilet. He had video of it? Yes.

And I would have believed him, you know, because I know him and his son was there, like his kid. What, he wouldn't lie in front of his child? No, like, there was another witness too, is what I? Oh, okay. And then in fact, he was like, I'll send you the video, but it's really upsetting. No. Yeah, and it was like, in his son were like playing on the iPad or something in the living

room and they were like, who's in the, who's in the toilet? Like, who's in the bathroom? that noise. And the lid was closed. And there was just like a kind of a splashing and gasping coming from the toilet. Yeah. And then he went in and opened it and was like, you know, screaming. Then his wife came in filming already. I was going to say, where's the camera come in? I'm picturing the camera while they're sitting there on the iPad. Like it's a scene. Yeah. They're like, they're like action. Action. What game you're playing, buddy? What's you doing there, pal?

But it's just like, thank God that didn't happen when one of them was on the toilet. Oh, my God. I don't think you could come back from that. No, you're never using a toilet again. It's all buckets for you for the rest of your life. Oh, my God. Yeah. So what did they do?

Do they flush? He said, what did he do? Probably tried to flush. Yeah. Oh. But then you flush and then... No, he pulled it out. I think he mentioned that he got a mop.

Like, he, like, took the rat out with a mop. Oh. Something like that was what, yeah. All right, trying to be a little compassionate for the rat. For the rat, yeah. How long was he swimming, like, to get up that pipe? I mean... And is that an empty pipe or is he scurring in a dry pipe?

How do toilet pipes work? Are they filled with water just permanently? And he was just swimming, swim and swimming? and swimming? Or is he walking, walking? I would think, I don't know, truly, but I think they have to be full of water, right? Like, he, depending on which one he came. I would think so. There's got to be, well, the water comes from the cistern, so that wasn't where he came from. So maybe he came up the dry one that, like, you send the water down. Yeah. But, like, clearly neither of us are plumbers. Yeah, but it probably would not be filled with water, like just sitting, like, your idle toy isn't just to have

water in that whole pipe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be a lot of unnecessary water. Yeah, yeah. So we probably was walking along. But they can hold their breath for a long time though. They can. Yeah.

And like they can jump like they can jump vertically. You know, if you ever did like try to do a box jump. Mm-hmm. They would be so good at that. Really? Yeah. And they can, they can scale walls. How are they at burpees though?

Because those are, like, those are even harder than box jumps. Modified. Pre-core. They do like push-ups on their elbows. Terrible at planks. Terrible at planks. But it's more about their focus than their core.

So, yeah, that's what I do. They can jump, just leap? Yeah, they can leap stirred up. Yeah. And they can survive really like hard falls as well. Was your friend really like? can he go on the toilet? Is the kid scared of the toilet? You know, I didn't check back. I should do a follow-up interview. Yeah, he said, I mean,

like, he was like, even the video is, like, really hard to watch. Because, like, I would say the rat, like, dredged off a lot of stuff with him. He was probably pooping at the same time. Right? And throwing up and, oh. And who knows? Why did you add throwing up? That's so disgusting. Because I've been just picturing him being panicked. I just picturing. When you panic, you throw up and you shoot yourself. Well, I've never been stuck in a toilet, but I could only imagine I'm getting water in my system and throwing it up again, slailing around. What am I going to tell my trainer?

Oh, my God. Yeah, I know. So, New York is the most expensive city in the world to live in, and it is absolutely covered in rats. It's covered in rats. Yeah. Last time I was here, I was walking through, it was a little warmer, and I was walking through the village.

and it was late at night, so everyone was kind of away. Yeah. But passing all of these outdoor dining things that are still up in the village. Oh, yeah. You could smell the rodent scent, you know, that kind of, like, gamey kind of rats. And then you go to around and they're all just sitting up at the tables, like knife and fork. I'm sorry. Are you our server?

No. I'm just trying to go to work. Yeah, it really, but you can. For it to be that heavy that you can actually smell it on the streets. I mean, Tom, have you taken the subway? I once. No. Well, now, because it's cold too.

And, like, they're just, they're so confident. Like, that's the other kind of, like, unsettling thing. They think they've won. I mean, yeah, I, they, they have. Like, that's the, right now, they, they certainly have. Oh, man. Like, now the city is, like, changing all of its, like, trash. collection schedules and it's like trying all these different things. But the population is just so

high of rats and they're so resilient. Oh my God. You know? And like they can like fit under doors. Like they can flatten their bones. Like they're just so much like more well built for survival than we are. So yeah, they've they've certainly won't. Yeah. Jeez. You ever read that book, The Rat by Gunter Grass? No. He came out. He was, he might have been a Nazi. But yeah, he was a good writer. Not even like a great writer. He was a great writer. He was a great writer.

Have you ever read anything by him? No. Really good. A German writer and I think as a child, like he hid that someone in his family, I think was in, he grew up in Germany and someone was in the, someone wore the uniform. But that book is pretty much about that. It's about, it's about. it's a narrative about this rap,

but the survival stuff that he gets into is just pretty intense, yeah. Is it written from the point of the rat? Oh, that sounds cool. Yeah, yeah. It's the yellow, oh, man, I don't know. Do you think we can win it? I mean, you know.

We could beat them back a little bit. The interesting thing is like they're only thriving because of us. Right. You know, it's what we're doing is like helping them. You know, these like urban cities, all this waste. Like our lives are perpetuating theirs. So like it's that classically stupid human behavior where we're like, we're in a war with something we created. And it's like, oh my God.

Look in the mirror, babe. Let's kill it without fixing them. I like how, by the way, how suspicious you always are of the mayor. you're, have I like talking about him? You have. We've talked about it just off lines. And it's always like, yeah, he said this.

Well, okay. I mean, none of us are a huge fan of the mayor. Also, like he used to be a cop. Like, he was a transit cop. And he just thinks that's the answer to everything. He's like, more of me. It's like, that's not helping. And so, and like he just made this thing on the subway

where like if you push open the emergency exit doors, it beeps again. makes this horrible alarm sound. And that was like the coolest thing about New York forever. That you could push those emergency doors. There would be no sound and everyone could come in without like, you know, paying if they were broke or whatever. And he's so mean that he was like, put the alarms back on. It's so nasty.

Oh, I don't know. I mean, he does, he's done work too. But, I mean, he also, I don't really like that he loves celebrities so much. Well, he wants to be one, right? Yeah. Yeah, he does. Yeah. I think I saw, I think it was Roy Wood Jr. I saw a clip of him saying that like, like, I don't want to see the mayor at the club. What are you doing? Right. Two o'clock in the morning. In a different outfit than you were at 11. What do you, why is the mayor at the club? You should be home. You got to get up early and do stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's so, I must look for that. Yeah. That's exactly it. And like, it's not, you know, it's fine. I don't care. Have a good time. But like, he thinks that's like so cool. You know, like, he thinks like everyone's going to.

be so proud of him because he met Taylor Swifters. And it's like, oh, sir, please. I know. I know. I know. I mean, that is really the, of, that's the one thing with President Biden, you know, and everybody gets out. And it's like, but you know what?

That's what I want. I want boredom in politics. Yeah. I want just people that just quietly do their, I don't want them to be celebrities. I mean, he's quite bad at talking about like. Anything. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, because he's got the old thing combined. with the stutter thing and it's it doesn't vote well but so don't talk that much just go do your job that's what politicians should not be our celebrity yeah it would be so nice yeah it would be so nice so we'd be bad mares i think um yeah you definitely would you yeah you you really care about people you have a big heart you really want people no i would use it as an option to settle scores, I think. You would? Yeah.

I mean, I'd try, you know, all the kind of humane, you know, I'd try that, and then I'd be like, this is actually really hard. Yeah, now I get it. For the next, yeah, now, oh, I see. I started, like, locking off people. And then I just turned to, yeah, meeting out revenge. Really? I guess.

I mean, I think that's what happens when you get a lot of power. Yeah. That's what Trump did, like, came out that he was sicking the IRS on people. Was he really? Yeah. I haven't heard that part. Yeah, that he was trying to get the IRS. I think unsuccessfully, but trying to get the IRS to investigate his enemies.

That is so mean. Yeah, it's really mean. But right into your mayorial campaign. What other ways would you do it? To force someone to get paperwork is just like brutal. Drown them in paperwork. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

Make them scared of their mailbox? I mean, the mayor kind of has like limited power. but I think maybe I would make them move their car all the time because there's nothing more annoying for people. Set up alternate side of the street parking like every 15 minutes. Just on the streets where my enemies live. Yeah, I would do that. And then I don't know if the mayor,

the other really annoying thing that I wish I had to control over is, you know, if you have a dog, I mean like yours. Yeah. But like, and they go and they, when they're pooping and then they move and they poop again and they move again. again. Like I'm always like, hey, I'm one of the good guys. Why don't I have to deal with this? I can't like, because I look after my friend's dog, Sonny. And I'm like, Sunny, just stay in one place. Just poop. I don't deserve this. And I think, you know, that's a good punishment if you're a bad person.

What? That your dog ends up moving from place to place. And you have to pathetically follow them with a tiny bag. But how can you control it as the mayor? No, but that's what I'm saying like, I couldn't. Oh. I'm saying like that would be the idea. That would be a good one, right? Yeah, that would be idea. That's tough because then you've got to get trainers involved and

Yeah. You've got to put sense on the sidewalk to attract Sunny to different places. Yeah. Oh, actually, that sounds like you can be my like, uh... Vice mayor? Yeah. Is there a vice mayor? My concellieri.

Is there? I think there is a vice mayor. Yeah, there's like a second in command because actually the former rats are who, is now like the second in command in the mayor's office. Right. So he was like, it's a really good job. But it's like, well, you didn't do it, sir. And you got to promote it.

Do you think that those giant rat things they put out for the unions is embolding the rats? Do you think they're like drawing them? They're like, see, now they're worshipping us. I told you one day. Father, you have come. I don't see big blow up things of humans out there. Look at them all walking around us and chanting. Now I'm worried about the guys in the sandwich shop that worked in the holes.

Yeah, because they're definitely in union and they fight rats. Any place they say, any place where there's construction on the street, don't eat in those restaurants. Oh, but that's so hard for those restaurants because they're the ones that are always like, hey, we're still open. Hey, come on. I know. I know.

But you think it's because it deserves like rats nests. Yeah. That's what they say. Yeah. And then they look for places and they fly up everyone's toilets. The noise of the noise of construction is so nice when you're eating. It really is. Do you think as the mayor that you should, are you going to get rid of all of the outdoor dining structures?

Or do you like them? I like them. And what I would do is I'd, as a punishment to my comedians who are my enemies, I'd assign one comedian to every outdoor diner dining structure. To do their set or just to work their. as a waiter. To do their set. Again and again, the same 10 minutes from 8 to 12 every night. Some people would probably like that. They probably would. There's actually a fun show in Williamsburg. Do you ever do that show? I bett-a-sau, the barbecue place. These like young girls, so passionizing, these women. You could say young girls. It's okay. Yeah, I mean, they're seven. No, they're like in their

they're really good. Yeah, we're all kids. I think when you're talking about comedians, we're all kids. Right. Right. So these... Two broads. These sluts, I want to say? Yeah, these sluts run the show. I'd fatt us out. It's really fun. And that's outside, but somehow it's fine because it's like enclosed and it's very, I don't, they make it fun. Yeah. Why have you retired and come out of retirement from comedies three times in the time that I've known you, which isn't very long? I'm going back into retirement now. You are?

January, yeah. Your album's out and now you're going back into retirement? Yeah. Why? What's your relationship with comedy in your brain? Abusive boyfriend. Okay. You know, so that sometimes gives me money.

Right? Just to shut you up. What about? You, like, you treasure it. I do treasure it. Yeah. I do. Yeah.

Yeah, it's what I am. Mm-hmm. It's my, it's one of my outlets to write and create and put into the world. Mm-hmm. And, yeah. You appreciate it. Yeah, very much so. I do appreciate it more.

Yeah, it's funny because when I did some shows with this wait, wait, tour, where I just do like 15 minutes, and then there's other comedians. And I saw your name was like doing similar, like in Rivington Theatre or something like that or like Portland or Seattle or something. I was like, Tom is coming. Yeah. And then, but like I would find that hard to do that.

Like go around city to city by myself and not know anyone and then just be like, oh, I'm going to make it fun. I'm going to go to a bookstore or whatever. And I was, oh, God. Well, the good part, the good part of. about it is you're so, I'm so tired from the travel. Yes. That I'm not looking for fun when I'm there. It's kind of like I just get there. I just want to stop moving for a minute in the hotel, eat a little something and then go up on stage and do it. And if I could have an opening act with me,

that's always fun to like share the meal with. Yeah. But it really like the, but you know, it's kind of like after the pandemic, that part of it shifted like shifted a little bit. I did have a little bit of the, what am I doing out here? Should we get something to eat after? Should we go out after? And now it's become very monk-like. What's that called? Monastic? Monkey? I'm like a monkey. I'm like I've trained monkey. I'm an organ monkey. I just stay in my sack until the music comes out. I come out. Then the audience you cling onto their backs as they're leaving. Where are we going?

Yeah. No, but it really, I don't know. Something has definitely shifted. in my head, like, I've literally, I'm not even looking for that much entertainment in the hotel room. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's gotten very small. My whole perspective while I'm out there has gotten very narrow and small and quiet in a nice way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I get it that it's the travel too that makes you, I think that's probably what it takes it out of you.

So then you, and you do a show, which is a lot of energy, you know. A ton of energy. Even though I know you're miming, but still. Yeah. It's hard because I have to think about everyone's jokes that I'm stealing while I'm up there. Oh, you do like a little nod to, you know, you're like. Yeah, this is a tribute. Thanks for that, Mitch Hedberg.

Yeah, here's a tribute to Mitch. No, but you, and very good switching it back to me, by the way, but you are brilliant and very funny. Thank you, Tom. And you're such a good writer. and you're, but there is something that in you that says, I'm not to stand up right now. Well, I've been, you put it down. I mean, I've been doing standup for so many years and everything.

And, you know, I still think it's, I do a show every week in Brooklyn. I host a show. Yeah. So that's a lot. And then, and then if I am, you know, yeah, I mean, I just, it's like you said, it's an outlet. So if there's other outlets that might better. the idea, then I would go towards them. Right.

You know? Do you get tired of the repetition of stand-up? But we're just up here just for the single laugh. It's always, it's just about the... I mean, yeah, I like the connection with the audience. I do think that's really lovely. And I appreciate that more since we're able to do that and be back live and everything. But myself and John, my friend John Ranson used to run a show every month.

then I was like, we cannot repeat the same thing. This is like the rule for the show, we're not allowed to repeat the same thing. And he would often be like, maybe this is insane. Like, just, this is like too much, you know. And I was like, no, it's really important to be, you know,

pure and authentic. Like we can't just like say the same thing. It sickens me. It sickens me. And then in the end, he was like, we have to stop doing the show. I really didn't believe him that he hated it so much. I'm out of stuff.

I don't need the stress. We did it for years, but, like, you know, still we kind of laugh about it now because he's like, I told you. Every month I told you this is incredibly stressful for me. I would always be like, shut up, John. Don't be so. Are you working on a new book? No, right now I'm just doing, like, taking classes and doing my column and doing bits and pieces for other newspapers. Right.

How often is your column in The Guardian? Well, my column in The Guardian is whenever I pitch it or have an idea. But I do a weekly column for an Irish newspaper, the Irish Examiner. Right. That's every week. Why did you choose Irish? I just love them. They're such simple people.

They're charming, I think. I knew an Irishman one. So, yeah. You do that every week? Yeah, I do that every week. Yeah. Nice. But yeah, I mean, I always.

always panic when people are like, what are you doing? But I think that's what I'm doing. I mean, that's like, that's enough. Yeah, you can't, it's, it's difficult to, it is very, I find myself when I interview people on my radio show all the time. Yeah. And it's like they've had this project out. And I, I, I ask it, even though I just to fill air, but as soon as I say it, I'm like, what an idiot. Oh. Whenever you say, so what else? Like, what, what do you have? And they just finished this project. They worked on for three years. It's finally out. How about just leave them alone? How about just let them just appreciate it?

It's polite to ask and if, you know, they're like to. But yeah, it is a bit. But I mean, that is also like the way it goes. Like you can't like you write a book and then you have to write another one. Right. You do a special and you have to do another one. Yeah. It's not like you ever finish because of the way things are set up.

Right. Keep going. But also that's kind of it's kind of what we do. do. Like that is, right? And it's okay to take time and I'd let it fill up again, but it's not like I'm going to start, you know, writing songs. It's like, I should write another funny book, you know. Yeah. That's what I'm putting into the world, right? It's like you're a writer and a comedian and it is, the thing that's nagging is following the schedule that everyone else is following. Right. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I got to work on my hour. I got to work on my next hour.

I got to work on my next hour. Yeah. How about I'm just working on ideas that I think are funny. And maybe it's a half hour and maybe it's two hours and maybe it turns into a show or maybe it turns into a book. I don't know. Yeah. That's a lovely way to be to have like a kind of a loose grip on your creativity. Like you don't let it escape you.

Yeah, yeah. But you also don't try and like force it into something. Right. Because like I hadn't even thought about, oh, do an album, blah, blah, until then Eugene Merman was starting to make, like he was starting a record label or like a sub-pop. And then he was like,

oh, do you want to do an album? And then I was like, oh, I do have all this like stuff floating around that I could, you know, and then it really suited, the format really suited it. Right. Yeah.

It's really funny. Probably in the past, like when I was starting out and stuff, I would have been like, like you said, like have to do an hour for Edinburgh every year. Yeah. Whether I'm ready for it or not.

Right. That's the rule. Right. It's like, that's actually kind of destructive. Right. Just because everyone else is doing it? Yeah. Yeah.

So it's tricky. Yeah, that is tricky. Have you thought about watercolors? Getting into that? I'm knitting a lot. Are you? Yeah. That's good.

Yeah. What are you knitting? Are you fast? I actually haven't in my bag there. I'm knitting a jumper for my sister. A jumper? A sweater. Oh, okay.

Yeah. That's big. It's, yeah. I mean. Most people are like. I chose like the littlest sister. But yeah, I do love doing that actually. And that's a good thing to do when you're travelling, knitting.

You know you're allowed to bring knitting needles on a plane, even huge ones? Really? Yes. They'll let them go through and get really. Yeah, because they just trust knitters. Yeah. You know, people just think, oh, she's so harmless. Yeah, what is she going to do?

Little do they know. Little do they know. Your plot. That you're the shadow-made. of New York. Keeping a long list in my enemy. How long have you been

knitting? Well, I was doing it since I was a kid and then I just picked it up again like last I picked it up again last summer. It's really good for anxiety

because it like forces your brain to slow down because it was like count a lot. It's kind of mathematical. And then I actually wrote about it in The Guardian a couple of weeks. ago.

Oh, yeah. And it had like such a big response. Like I read about lots of different things. Like maybe like, you know, refugees, migration, da, blah, then I'm just like, I like knitting. It's really fun. Huge, like, you know, comments are closed. Like, we cannot take any more of this.

And then the, um, the editor put up, or like whoever, the photo person put up a picture of crocheted toys. Uh-huh. And that really set off. I mean, an absolute firestorm. of bad publicity for the Guardian. Because it was Crochet. It wasn't knitted.

Oh, no. Uh-oh. The purists. And it was like, it was like, they published it on the UK site five hours, you know, before every. So before I even woke up, I woke up, I thought, I was like, oh, my God, oh no, oh, no, that's crochet. And then. Oh, no. I was like, that's fucking crochet.

What are they thinking? And like, I emailed my editor. It's like, just to let you know, he's like, Maeve, we know, have you seen the comment? Oh, no. Because I don't look at the comments normally. Yeah. But I just had to look and they were all just there. Well, this is a real disappointment.

Wow, I expected more from The Guardian. Oh. Just a question for you. If we were talking here about rugby, would you put up a picture of a football? Oh, no. And like, litters. The disrespect. Yeah.

And it's like they're called like the fiber art community, right? Fiber arts. Yeah. And they're very, you know, warm and welcoming and friendly until you're like, make a misstep. Oh, no. Like if you like ask somebody, you know, like, oh, how many things you're working on or whatever, you know, did you finish that? Everyone's like, you can't ask that. Like, what?

It's like, it's like in the old days we asked somebody's weight or something. Right. Nid is a very like protective and like there's these little landmines that you can step on. You should be so careful. Oh my God. Are you one of those people? Do you, are you pretty militant? I feel like I'm pretty new into it.

I mean, I do think, yeah, like fuck crochet. Like, I hate that. Okay. Why is crochet so bad? Because it's hooky? Yeah, it's just, I mean, it's just very different. Simple. It's the pickleball to tennis. It's the pickleball to tennis. Yeah. And I'm Venus Williams. And it's like, it's just, it's just, I think the issue is it's very different. It's much more, it's just like tying lots. I mean, so is anything. But like knitting, you have all these, you know, it's just very, yeah, all I can say is it's very different. It's very different. in a way that like is you know i hope is loaded with meaning right now a friend of my uh a friend of mine is knits and she asked me what do you want and i said uh i want a hat with a pom-pom on it and yeah and she sent me this white hat and it's really nice but the pom-pom's a bit much what color is it is it white it's white yeah the whole thing you look like um a boy band like in sync or or something in 2000s.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, also you live in a way. Like you put that on an in sync character. Yeah. You put it on a dad who's just waiting outside of a bakery. It tells a different story.

So as a knitter, would it be, is it okay? Is it a foul? Because now I'm learning that these people are very aggressive. What if I were to snip the pom-pom off? Jesus. Oh, sorry. I feel a bit sick. Do some water.

It's a little intense. All right, we'll be right back after this. Mave, are you okay? Is there a medic? Get the paddles. Get the yarn. Because I ordered, I should just wear it. But the thing is it's preventing me from wearing it.

I know, I know. Yeah, I feel like, you know what, wear it. Take a photo. Send her the photo. Okay. And then do watch you. will with a hat. But like, you know, to be considered knitworthy is huge.

Like she must really love you. She does. Yeah. So then. She also sent me a thong with the leftover of the knitage, I guess. She did. The fivers. She has a joke.

She sent me a thong. She sounds great. Literally is a thong, but like a green yarn. No pom-pom. That's, she sounds awesome. No, I think, I mean, she would be fine with that, I think. You know, sometimes, um, you, she might not have, like, stitched it perfectly and, like, the pom-pom can hide that.

So, like, you might make a mess if you, just, like, slip it off. Like, if I snip it off, the whole thing may unravel. Maybe, you know. Um, but, but, yeah, if it would make you wear that, I mean, like, ultimately what we want, and I'm speaking for the fiber arts community here is, people to wear what we make them and give them and then to endlessly thank us and compliment us and to pass along any thanks and compliments that we, you know, through.

And like obviously the best feeling in the world is if someone says like, where'd you get your hat or where'd you get your sweater? Right. Sorry? I made it. Oh, even just saying that now, it just gives me such a rush. Yeah. Oh, I made it.

Are you going to be like, what you said? Oh, I just made it. I don't know. It's easy to make. A sweater sounds very complicated. Well, I've made two for myself and they haven't worked out. I haven't worn them and I have to frog one. So this one now that's for my sister, I'm doing it like so carefully.

Yeah. The sleeve to armpit has got to be. Yes, Tom. You say it's good for anxiety. It sounds horrible. It's the focus. I kind of want to show you. Yeah, I'd like to see it.

Oh, and we got to wrap up in a minute. Oh, here we go. Your appointment. Which one did you want? Which sandwich? I want the one with the... The summer one. The first one, yeah, with the cheese. The white, the... God, the white cheese. Look, Tom. Oh, my God. It's beautiful.

Thanks. Oh, my God. I want to take a picture of this. See? Can you hold it up proper? Well, it's a surprise, though, for her, so... Can I see her face a little more? Beautiful. Wow. Yeah. So... I'm just working on the sleeve now.

So actually, it's funny that you said the armhole because I was doing that this morning. Oh, yeah. But it's pretty good. It's top down. So, but there is like a little bit of a tricky thing there. She'll never see it. No, no. She'll never see it.

She's visually impaired anyway. That's why you chose her. She's small and she's got glasses. Wow. This is amazing. Yeah, I really like it. It's all multicolored. Yeah.

And there's two strands. So there's more hair is going to make it so cozy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, feels good. I want to meet your friends. who made you that. Yeah.

Do you ever think of making a thong with the leftover stuff? No, that's really funny. It's a really funny thing to do. It's a good stash poster. Well, that's amazing. Good job. Thank you. And now I know why you're not doing stand-up so often.

I know. Sometimes I think about that. I'm like, for all the hours I put into this, I could potentially be, you know, Mave. Oh, God. All my editors email and me, do you have any ideas, Mave? I'm like, yeah, I do.

I'm going to do a little. orange stripe next. I'm going to do an article about the crochet people. Yeah, I'm going to slag off the crochet idiot. Well, thank you for doing this. I love you. I love seeing you. I love you. I love you too. And you didn't give me

the sandwich. I just want to point that out. I got it on top though. Oh, great. It's ready to go. It's right here. Oh, I'm so happy. I hope I'm... Oh, look at that. Yeah. It's Fokasha, so it's square. Magnificent. Oh, my God. The weight of it. I know. You're going to heat this for a while. This is so cool. Thank you. This is like a sandwich they would eat on the Sopranos.

I know, right, exactly like all of them. Yeah. I wish, well, we'll look offline and see if there's a plastic or something because it's seeping through a little bit. Yeah, but that's a good sign. You're the best. You're the best. Thanks for having me. All right. All right. Well, there it is, kids. That was Maeve Higgins. I hope you enjoyed it. I told you she's hilarious. I am a little sad that the sandwich I gave her is going to ruin her sweater and her. her bag definitely is. That shows how good the sandwich was. She's been working on the sweater for months and she was just putting a big greasy sandwich on top of the sweater. It was the only way to get it into her bag. Oh, it's so sad, but not my responsibility. It'll make for a good

story. That's why people like Maeve are funny. Weird things happen to them. Thank you all for listening. Again, spread the word about my special December 13th. Go to tompapa.com. Buy all. all the tickets, do all the things. I'll talk to you next week.