Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 135 - Stavros Halkias

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

Tom did it all for the cookies and Stavros Halkias. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, it's our goal. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey! Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. If you can see me, you would see me with a weird headset on in a strange hotel room, in a big city with the Empire State Building, somewhat visible behind.

behind me. This is how this one's going down. So my special, what a day on Netflix, comes out today. Finally, this is the time that my special finally hits the air. We've worked on it. We've talked about it. We've done all the things. Now, finally, we push this little paper boat out into the rapids and let nature take its course. Very excited. So I am back in New York, running around, doing a lot of press for it, doing a whole bunch of shows, and then going to Austin to do Tom Segora's podcast, and then going up to Chicago to do wait, wait, don't tell me. And just trying to spread the word that the special's coming out. So you guys, of course, are the first to know and get the inside scoops. And I, I am back in New York doing this. I was here and recorded with my buddy Stavros Halkius, who's a very funny comedian who opened for me the beginning of his career,

and now he is a legit headliner and is having a really great successful run as his own guy. And Stavros and I, as you'll see in this podcast, we have a good history together. I adore him. He's very funny. He's very honest, very legit comedian. And we got to hang here when I was here last week. I was able to snag him and do the interview. And now I have gone about my life and did a whole bunch of gigs and did a thing. And then all in this one week. And I have come back to New York. And this is where I am doing just literally the intro for the Stavros interview. So I am back in this hotel downtown in New York and happy to be with you all and hope you're enjoying your holidays. Tonight's podcast is brought to you by my good friends at Helix. Helix mattresses. You've heard me talk about Helix before.

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It's what I sleep on. A helix mattress with helix better sleep starts now. So as I'm running around doing all of this press in New York City, it is just a jewel box at this point. It really is just, you cannot beat it. I mean, look, I haven't, the only suspicion I have in my mind is, that if you go to Europe, and if you go to, let's say you go to parts of Germany, Copenhagen, there's got to be Christmas towns where they do those little villages and you get the unique chocolates and the things, and I'm sure it's comparable.

But I got to think the scope, the scale of New York, the added crassness of America, like I'm sure you get like nice little gingerbread houses and you get nice little quaint little places with a pint of Guinness. I'm sure there's all those nice things exist. But are they going to sustain you for a week? or you're going to have to get out of there and get to the next country. You could spend a month. You can spend a Christmas month, a Hanukkah month in Manhattan,

and you're not going to run out of stuff to do. Every block is a new adventure on the same block. If you just turn the direction and walk the other way, it's a whole other experience. I know I'm biased. I know it's. It's my favorite place, but I'm telling you, it can't be beat. And I'm not, look, I'm not this renegade.

I'm not this, I'm not going rogue here. It's a reason why millions of people flock to New York during the holidays. It's a special place, and it is all lit up, and the bars are just perfect. The restaurants are perfect. The people on the street, perfect. Now am I rolling around in? Times Square, no. I'm on the Upper East Side. I'm downtown in Soho. I'm in the West Village at the Comedy Cellar. I know what I'm doing. But if you just give yourself a little bit of an education

on your way into this place, during the holidays, you will not be denied. I'm not telling you go to Times Square on New Year's Eve. I'm not telling you to stand outside in the cold and pee in a plastic Poland spring bottle. I'm not saying that at all. All I'm saying is if you have a chance to come through New York during the holidays, do it. If you can't, yeah, I'm sure your places are great too. And then you turn inward. You go and you do your little, uh, your little short run in your towns. And then you go inside and you, uh, you get busy baking. We only have one more podcast left for this year, for next week. And then we're going to take a break for a week or two weeks.

I'm not sure how the math works. So next week, I will tell you exactly what I am planning for the Feast of the Seven Fishes for Christmas Eve. That is an Italian-American thing that I have been doing now probably for 15 years. It's a great meal. It's a great thing to put out. And also, the precarious. Christmas wreath that my wife's mother baked for her when she was a child and I've been trying to

replicate and I get close and look I know I'm never going to pull it off. I'm never going to be exactly what mom made. There's no way. It could be exactly the same and because mom was involved, it will not be the same. But I make a good effort at it and I'll be talking a little bit about what I'm planning and how I'm going to go and attack that next week. I was baking a ton of bread until I came back on this last trip of the year. I was so tired on the plane, my friends. I was so tired on my return to New York yesterday where I was, I planned this family Christmas party every year for my family. I'm one of 21 grandchildren, and I try and assemble all those people who now are parents themselves, some even grandparents. And I put this giant group together

with my help of my cousin. And we do it every year. And so I hustled back here to New York to have a day before press and do the thing. I was so tired on the plane that I was asleep on the plane. And you know that moment right when you're about to wake up and you don't know where you are? You haven't opened your eyes yet that you're conscious and you're. you're not sure exactly where you are. I literally thought to myself, this is on the plane. This is upon landing. I woke up and I thought, oh, man, I got to get to the airport and get to New York. That's how tired I've been, my friends. But it's all good. Very exciting. The special is now out. Go and check it out. Let me know how you enjoy it. Hit me up on social media.

Let me know that I made you laugh as much as I intended. And if I didn't, you can let me know that too. Let's get to it. Stavros Halkius, a great comedian. Comes from Baltimore, a funny Greek fellow. His mom gives me cookies every year. We worked with each other. He was just starting out.

And I was looking for somebody funny. And somebody sent me a video of him in his rawest, earliest form. and I knew he was great. And I'm so excited that he is now having success on his own. And I got to spend some time with him. And now you get to spend some time with him as well. Enjoy Stavros, Halkeos. So good to see you, buddy.

Good to see you, Tommy. I can't believe, now, I just want to be clear. Yes. I didn't ask you on the podcast because it's Christmas cookie time. Right. You know you get the cookies either way. Yeah. I feel like I'm, I don't want to assume,

but I feel like I'm grandfathered in. You're grandfathered. You're cookies for life, the papa. Cookies for life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your mom for our listeners. I should get them out of the bag to show the people. Stavros' mom makes,

makes amazing Christmas cookies. She's the best. And sends them every year, probably for like the last five years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe even more. Who knows? Yeah. Because when we were on the road together and we would do stuff

and then we just loved to eat and whatever. Of course. So I look forward to it every year. Yes, yes. And I will admit I was getting a little nervous that we hadn't seen each other from the pandemic. Oh, is that what this text is about, refreshing the cookies right around the holidays. I just want to make sure that your mom knows. I think you got them through the pandemic, didn't you?

I got them. You got them. Every year. See that? Every year. Yeah. And, you know, we would work on the road together a lot, but, you know, you're kind of a big star now on your own. You're doing a lot of your own gigs.

We're getting there, hopefully. Yeah, yeah. Do you still need opening gigs? No. Yeah. See? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is the, yeah.

So we've got to do each other's podcast to make sure I get cookies. To make sure your bloodline gets cookies. It's passed down to your daughters. No, my daughters will be like, where are the ones with the powder on them from last year? Oh, that was, he's a headliner now. He does his own shows. He has his own fans. Stavros has grown up.

No, but honestly, it was, it was, I had so much fun on the road. And it was, I remember the first time we worked. together. You do? Absolutely. It was big, big for me because this was in Annapolis, Napos, Maryland. And it was already kind of a cool, it's kind of a cool theater. It was the Rams Head. Right. I don't know if you remember. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, I'm doing like, I'm featuring here and there. I'm doing Baltimore stuff. But right. I was, I had worked with somebody else and they were cool, but they weren't like super warm. And it was kind of like my first, it was my first, like, kind of bigger, not like a comedy club. It was like a little bit of a theater

situation there at the Ramshead thing? Is it shitty to ask the name? I don't want to say the name. All right. Yeah, yeah. They're nice. They're a nice person. But it was just like, you know.

Ryan Hamilton. It was Ryan Hamilton. It was Robert Kelly. He was, I worked with this other guy. And he was just a real piece of shit. And anyway, there were two green rooms. Right. And it was like, that person just had their own green room.

And then I was in the other one. And then I remember you came in and I'm in the shitty green room. learned my place as the opener, as the local opener. I'm just waiting, just not even looking, you know, no TV, no water. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just drinking from the, going to the bathroom and drinking off the tap. And you're just hanging out for a while. I'm like, oh, he's coming and introduce himself.

That's really nice. And then you're just like hanging out and you're like, this green room kind of sucks. Should we go to the good one? And I was like, yeah, we should. You know, I just moving on up. I was just ready to not make eye contact. with you. And you're the best because it was like, you know, it's funny. I didn't know you personally. Right. And I knew your act and I was a fan. But it's also like, you know, I'm a

fucking dirt back. I'm 23 years old living in a, you know, $300 a month rent in Baltimore City. You were still in Baltimore. Right. Still in Baltimore. I drove up. It was a local gig. Right. And I mean, my act now is still dirty. But at the time, it was like, I was like, he picked me? Yeah. Open for him? And I'm like, so. Oh, you know, the thing about eating pussy, and it's just like a bunch of nice families, you know what I mean? And I was like, he's going to hate me. And you, you were great. You love.

I think you got a kick out of it. And your fans did, too. Because the thing is, people have these perceptions where it's like, just because you wear a jacket on stage, you can't, you know. But it's like, yo, you used to be the dirt back. You were 23. All your fans used to, they might be wearing jackets now, but they used to live with their dumb friends. And, you know, it was all. It was kind of nice.

And it was, and we had so much fun on the road. And there was only one time anyone ever said, what's up of your opening? You know, he's too dirty. And you took that bitch to task. It was awesome. Did I really? It was so cool.

You were like. I don't remember that. It was so cool. You did it live in person? It was at the DC improv. And some like uptight stuck up, you know, DC lady. I'm telling my, you know, I'm telling all my, you know, my dick is little jokes. I'm doing four minutes of fat jokes, five minutes of my dick of small jokes.

You know, and then we're coming to. Closing with the. Closer with a pussy eating joke. I'm good at eating pussy jokes. Yeah. To throw that out there just in case, there's any divorcees. But in a very classy way.

Yeah, I'm doing my classiest pussy eating. Did that ever work, by the way? It worked all the time. It did. With Bobby more than, because I feel like Bobby has a few more degenerates. Yeah. In his audience.

In his audience. But boy did it. It was great. Yeah, because whenever a comedian has a joke like that, like, oh, poor little me, I just want to please you. I just want to, I just want to, I just want to go down on you forever and ever.

It's like if that joke sticks around in the act, it's because someone's coming up after the act. Absolutely. Yeah. I start, you know, you only do comedy. I anyway,

to fuck, to get attention from women. So it was like, that was very, when I was featuring, I was like, gotta close on a big pussy eating number. So anyway,

I do that. And this lady comes up to us after. And I've, you know, we've been working together for months at this point. I wasn't worried about anyone. And she's just like how this guy's so vulgar And you just lit her up, dude

It was awesome I don't remember that at all You were like more harsh than I was even expecting You were like lady this is the fucking I mean you were like going at her You were nice at first and then she tried to you She wouldn't stop and you just lit her up I was like that's my guy

That's good That's proud of me Cookies for life That fucking guy Let's wrap up this podcast right now Just text me what you've been up to Wow that's good good. That's good to know. Yeah. And it was a really fun run. And there was, well, you just always made me laugh.

Great hangs. I do have this thing where, through the years where I work with people and I just work with whoever makes me laugh. Totally. That's the only, that's the only metric. Yeah. And half go on to headline and do their thing. And you don't work with them because of that. And others I don't work with because they end up not. doing comedy anymore. Right, right, right. But I just love them so much. Right, right. And it's just like they make me laugh. But there's, you know, just never really kind of catches.

You know, what can you do about it? That's what you want, a good hang. Yeah. We had great hangs. And even though your mom showers me with love, I've never met your family, but you actually came to Father's Day. I did. I did.

With my family. Yeah, when we played up in Nyack, New York. Yes, that was so fun. And we had to go to, why did you, did we have a show that night? We had a show that night, I think. Oh, I think we did a Sunday. Because it was a Sunday, yeah, yeah. So we did a Father's Day now.

Maybe they tied it in like Tompapa's on Father's Day. Something like that. Yeah. And it was like, all right, yeah, why not? It was like a nice father. We had to have had a show or you would have been. Yeah, I would have left. You would have been.

I didn't stay the extra night to have Father's Day brunch with you and your dad. My dad and my sisters. And everybody. And by the way. Everybody loved you. They still ask about you. Oh, I love the Pappas. They were great.

Great hang. But it was funny. That one in specific, it's like the person who least cared about that was your father. You know what I mean? Like everyone is like, it's Father's Day. Your father wanted you sitting out on the couch. Literally. All right.

Yeah. We're parking here. Spending this on this. All right. All right. Really? We're going to get dessert too. You can probably get that at home.

I just spent a couple weeks with them. And yeah, he's, he has not changed at all. He's the best. He was great. Yeah. From day one. Just non-plot. Constantly doesn't really just...

Why are we doing this? Why are we out? All right. Makes you happy. Yeah. We'll sit here. Just wanted to hang and then like the only time he lights up is when he talks about motorcycles. Right.

He's like, he can talk about that and like the joy, like a little kid on Christmas. Yeah. Everything else is just like, oh, yeah, yeah. Just, you know. Just make it, like he's in an elevator. Right. Like that's that. Yeah, it's so brutal.

No. All right. So, well, I, now, if you. you had done my podcast in uh in los angeles i would have baked you bread someday we'll get there we'll get there at some point um so today i instead stopped off at this italian uh sandwich shop that uh i'm listening is really good okay and um Nicole and i already ate one of them okay great and it's literally bigger than her head i love it's made on faccia oh very simple you need you need the focate. So good. Let me see what I have left. Yeah, please. Okay, so I have a, I have the summer one.

That's not what you had, is it? No, you had the boss one. We had the same one, Nicole, right? Yeah, we had the same one. Okay. So this one is the, you could either have straight salumi, which is just very simple. Sure. Or you could have the summer, which is prosciutto, mozzarella, tomato, and basil. Oh, man. I got to look at them. This can't be, I can't. Yeah. This has to, you need more information.

It must be visual. Okay. I'll show you. This is the summer. Oh, it looks pretty good. Mm-hmm. It's pretty good. We had one that had, that was heavy on prosciutto also.

The prosciutto is insane. Yeah. What's this guy right here? I have to say, though, ours had this truffle cream on it. Mm-hmm. Big. Big, big, big, I just hit or miss. A truffle.

Yeah. elevate something or it just feels like, you know what I mean? Yeah, so it's intense. Sticks it, yeah. It's really intense. It can overpower a sandwich. Yeah. This one, I took a bite out of it.

Okay. This is straight mortadelle. Oh, I am a big mortadella thing. Are you? I am. I might have to do a little sampler. Little column A, little column B. And this one is straight salami.

Oh, my God. Salumi. Salum. I am more, I'm leaning. I need a little mortadella just to fucking wet the beak. Uh-huh. And then, you know, make a little... Well, I'm going to give this one, too.

I only took one bite out of it. Okay. Come on. You could eat around. I'll eat around. But it's legit. This place is legit. I'm going to just try some for the people.

Al Antico. Al Antico. Vanado. Al Antico Venado. All that. Alentico Venado. Straight Mordadell, right? You can't go wrong with that.

That's good stuff right there. Yeah, that's good stuff. Mm. Maron. And I just started. I didn't just start, but in the last couple of years, started messing around with faccia. And that's all they make.

So these sandwiches come out square. Mm. And they just, uh, yeah, as soon as they let me in early. So I got to kind of hang in there. Bread celebrity. Yeah, bread celebrity. And then, uh, and then by the time it opened, as soon as they opened the door, there was 20 people there.

Wow. Yeah. So this is a fucking good sandwich. So, there you go. What happened to your finger? Mm-hmm. It was an onion caramelization accident. my god oh my god what happened well what was this onion i'm big on caramelizing onions these days you are

you are yeah big big on it it's a nice healthy topping right you know i'm making a lot of turkey burgers trying to like stay off the mayo and shit get a caramelized onion a lot of flavor a little fucking yeah mayo a little Greek yogurt you can make a little sauce that way uh-huh um so uh i just i'm I'm working with a mandolin now to get them to get the sizes. Oh, the slicey. Exactly. Yeah. And so, because that thing is nasty.

It cut like a straight, just a, I saw like a, I took, I picked up a piece of my finger. Ah. And threw it away. Yeah. I could commit a crime with this finger right now. My prints are not fully on. Yeah, it's brutal. Oh, man.

That's slicy thing. Brutal stuff. Yeah, the mandolin. It's, I use it for, um, potatoes. Slicing potatoes. That's another good one. But man, you can't be absent-minded about it. This is first thing in the morning.

Oh, brutal. I was like, let me just, let me not get a bagel. I have some leftover turkey burgers. They were good. I'll caramelize an onion. I'll do my chores while they caramelize. Fucking first thing in the morning. I'm like, ah.

But to be clear, what's first thing in the morning for you? I was nine, nine ago. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was definitely thought you're going to say noon. I had a meeting. this and I had to get I had to hit the gym Tom got to get hit the gym yeah well I'm not I'm not speaking out of turn but you don't look like you've been hitting the gym like you can be strong

look at what look at the mr look at the fucking strongman competitions some of the fattest guys you've ever seen in your life I have gotten strong well you've always been talking you've always been talking about dialing it in and yeah so you just go up and down right and down. I've lost a lot of weight during the pandemic. Right. And then it was like, let's get back on the road. Let's make up all the money we lost. And I was just touring.

I mean, I've basically been touring with a month break a couple times since the pandemic. You know, it's been nonstop. And when you go, do you come home or do you just go? I do a little bit of both if I'm on the, like, I thought it would be easier to stay healthy if I don't come back and forth and limit my travel. Huge mistake when I was on the West Coast. It was just like, it didn't feel like, it felt like a vacation the whole time. Yeah.

And I was there during the winter last year, my birthday. So you do week after week? Week after week. And I would go to L.A. Instead of I come back to New York, I was like, oh, I'll get some work done. It's like, no, I didn't get shit done. I had an awesome Airbnb. Right.

Getting fucked up. I'm trying to fuck as many girls in L.A. as I can. Well, before I come back to New York. It was great. I had a little grill. I'm making lamb chops. I was like, I was like, it'll be good. I'll get chicken breast.

I'm getting like, you know, I was just. It was great. It was a great year. But I also got fat as shit. I literally was like, I was where I needed to be during the pandemic. And it was. Yeah. And then as soon as the road.

Yeah. And I was like, this year will be nice. And then, you know, my things will slow down a little bit. It'll be good. And then, like, you know, I can't complain because my special did really well and things have gone really well. And I just have to, I'm staying on the road. And I'm adding shows and all this stuff.

Is that what clicked it for you? Was it the special? Because, I mean, you were always progressing. It's always hard to say because you're progressing and, you know, things are happening over the years. For sure. But that was a nice bump. It was a huge bump. I mean, the podcast, the old podcast helped.

Yeah. Got me to kind of start headlining. And, you know, I would sell out a Saturday late show and that kind of thing. They were good weekends. Yeah. But just the special and even more so than the actual special, the lead up to it where I just started clipping, doing little clips. I saw Sam doing it. I saw Nemesh doing it.

Yeah. And it helped them a lot. Mark was doing it. And I put those up as kind of like, well, I'm releasing a special. I only have 20,000 subscribers. Maybe I'll get a couple here or there. Yeah. I went from 20,000 to like 300,000 off of those.

And it was like, I still don't understand what algorithm I hooked on to. And this was on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok. Right. And that really, and then it was like. It's funny. Everybody says TikTok that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so funny because it is very valuable.

It's really to make it. But because of what it is, everyone goes, TikTok. Well, I can't even be on it. It's literally like crack. It's like, you know, I would lose hours of my time. And then I literally now I have my friends post everything. I don't, I heard one of my buddies to run social media. Oh, that's good.

And I was like, I can't be near this. Yeah. They know you so well. My algorithm is all, it's sandwiches. And then it's like girls with huge tits working out. Because it just combined like everything that I want is just like a beautiful woman getting in shape and just big ass titty. Like I, my algorithm is hilarious. And then like cute babies because they're like, you're getting older, don't you want a family?

And I was like, yes, I want all this. I want, like, and it's just all your basis. And I was like, I can't be on this fucking. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is crazy. So it really clicked. And that's where all your fans started.

After the special, it was like things went from the, you know, four shows a weekend to eight shows a weekend. Wow, that's great. And then now we're trying to do some theater stuff, so that's going well. But yeah, it was like, so I thought this would be a slow. low, you know, I was like, I don't want a podcast anymore. I, you know, I kind of, I stopped doing my, my other podcast. And then it was like, I just kind of had had, you know, five months of just touring. And it's been really crazy. But, but then you're like, ah, a podcast is valuable. Because you make these fans and they're going to want to check in week a week. So, so I'm starting a new

podcast again, too. So it's like, it was like, oh, I'll take it easy on touring. And I was going to take the whole summer off. But then it was like, two. months off became six weeks became three weeks became like 15 days you know and it was so so i have to find this but you know i'm on vacation right now right this literally is my vacation is coming into new york doing one show tonight hilarious two podcasts during the day yeah yeah it's a sickness yeah so my friends this is cuddle time right this is a hibernation time this is time when you're spending in your bed, take a look at your bed. When's the last time you were really happy? When's the last time you thought maybe we should be looking into something better? When's the last

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And you can even take the quiz without committing and just see what they're offering. And then make your decision. Helix is offering up to $200 off fall mattress orders and two free pillows to our listeners. So go to helixleep.com slash papa with Helix Better Sleep starts now. Thank you to Helix for being a sponsor. year long. I'm happy to talk about it. I don't talk, I turned down a lot of products, but I haven't turned down Helix. But also, the work is, you're so grateful to get the work after you're not getting it. No, it's, now we've, you don't want to let it go. Well, that's the

thing. It's like, we've crossed over my dreams. This was like, I wanted to headline. You know what I mean? And now, now it's like, my agent will be like, hey, this theater is selling, well, we should add another. I'm like, another one. Right. What? I was like, shit. I'm just like, I mean, okay. I still don't believe it. Right. Because I haven't done my own theater yet. Yeah. It'll kick in when it's like that first theater show and I'm like, I guess. I guess this isn't some huge prank. Looking through the curtain. Yeah. Are they really there? Yeah. I know. So, but yeah, exactly. It's like one of these things with entertainment especially where you're like you work your whole life. Yeah. And then it starts

happening and I'm I kind of feel like I can't like it'll they'll tell you when it's time to stop there will be a time that slows down absolutely and I just don't I don't want to be the thing that slows me down right you know it always everybody's career kind of dips and whatever and when it dips great I'll be ready for it I'll be ready for a little time off but right now I just feel like I got you know I saw Elton John's final show at Dodger Stadium and uh it was great I was like why haven't I been watching why haven't been going to shows for 10 years yeah yeah yeah Yeah, yeah. So good.

Yeah. But, you know, his thing is, where he's quit like a bunch of times. Of course. Yeah, yeah. And he's up there talking about, you know, why he's going to quit, you know, for his family, 76. I mean, yeah. Seventy-six. I mean, yeah.

And he's reading off in the crowd, people hold up signs. This is my 50th show. This is my 180th show. Holy shit. I was like, man, how many shows has. he done? And we looked it up on the Googles. And concerts, this isn't, they can only count concerts, right?

All the other appearances are not going to be in this. But he's done 3,800 and something concerts. Crazy. Insane. It's a big number. I know. I know. That is a big number. Huge. Yeah. No, I mean, I was thinking about it. I'm like, fuck. It's like, because we don't just go, I mean, I'm not comparing comedy to fucking Elton John. No, but you see, but it is like, you know, you go to a weekend and it's like, that's five shows minimum. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Or four shows, let's say. Yeah. It's like you do 50 cities. That's right there. That's 200 shows. Yeah. Or more. More.

In a year. I think you have to count every time someone says your name and you grab the mic. Right, right. Really? Oh, my God. Because, I mean, think about all the spots. Yeah. I mean, every time that you have that little thing of.

you know, you can't count it just on how many family outings you've ruined by leaving. There's hundreds of those, too. And you have to count it the other way. Yeah. That's fucking wild. Yeah. But so when you're out there touring and there's no way that you can stay in shape. It's hard.

I mean, every tour starts with a lot of willpower. Yeah. And then it's like you get lonelier or you get like it's all the, and you know, I'm going on, I'm going on this stuff. And you're tired. And you're tired. And each tour I've made a little bit of a, I've improved a little bit, right? So it's like the first tour back, I went fucking crazy.

I fucked my whole life up. I'm still digging myself out of that hole. But now it's like, and then I went and worked out with my brother. And I got some habits. He gave me a workout that's like, you know, you skip a couple days. It's not the end of the world. You can hop back in. It's not super advanced.

So that's kind of what I'm doing. You know, he's got a little program for me. Nice. And the eating was. you know, I have to get, that's obviously, I'm still struggling a little bit with that, but I stayed sober this whole tour. Oh, really? Really helped mitigate things where it's like, God knows what it would have, what it would have been.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Where it's like, it would have been 20 pounds more. Yeah. You start drinking. You get high. I mean, for me, getting high is even worse. Oh, God.

You want to eat more. Of course. So I've stayed sober. And then for this one, I've just realized that it's like, you can't just trust that you'll find the healthy stuff. And so I was talking to Mateo, you know, Mateo. Yeah, of course. And he does like a meal delivery service.

On the road? And you do like, you have them delivered to your hotel. And, you know, it's like, you know, they're good. They're not like gourmet shit. It's like stuff you microwave, but it's still like good food, you know? And it's like, if you do that, okay, you'll go to one breakfast, but who gives a fuck? That's one breakfast. Yeah.

The problem is late at night when you don't have shit to eat. Yeah. Come home, you warm up a little something. You're good to go. You get some yogurts, you know? Man, I, the eating late at night after a set is so evil. And it's because there's nothing more joyful in the world. You've deserved it.

You've worked hard. You just, you're not, it just. It's over. It's so. We have to be anxious. That's the worst, hardest thing about comedy. You go to a city and it's not fucking, you know, you, you're not done until 1 a.m. Yeah.

So you wake up, you're not. You're a little on edge, even at breakfast. You know, it's like, because you have to show that. You can kind of enjoy, you can kind of enjoy breakfast. Yeah. But then it's like, two o'clock rolls around. You're like, you see it. Yeah.

7.30's not that far away. You've got to start getting ready. That's right. And then it's like, you know, now you're worried about that. And there's just the only part of the day that you are completely done is 1 a.m. Because at that point, you are, that is the point where you are farthest away from the next show. From the next show. Yes, yes, yes, exactly.

And that's your only time. And then to just make yourself go to bed and not eat anything. And you're amped up from the show. But I've been pretty good about not eating at night. And the other night, I just walked up, I was at home and just walked up to the kitchen. And my daughter was walking up too. I'm like, where are you going? I'm going to get a snack.

Uh-oh. I was like, runs in the family. Yeah. And I was like, we just sat there and ate like bread, toast and sun chips. And it wasn't even like that bad. Of course. But it's the ritual, man. I hadn't eaten that late in a long time.

And the joy from doing it, I was like, why shouldn't I? That's what you start saying. Totally. Why can't I eat? It's not that bad. It starts innocent. Yeah. You're like, well, I have 400 calories left.

Yeah. You know, I'm tracking my stuff. I can treat myself to a little bit. And then you just tack on a little, an extra spoon full of peanut butter. It's like, it's healthy or a little smoked salmon. And then it's like, it just goes each time you tack on one more thing, one more thing. one more thing. And by the end of you, just ordering Chinese food.

You know, it's like in three weeks, it's like for fucking, you're ordering four different entrees just for you because you want a little taste of everything. Right. You're like, I'm not going to eat at all. That was another good meal that we had was when we were at the comedy works in Denver. Yes. Right when weed became legal. Yes.

And you came out with your buddies. Oh, unbelievable. That was so funny. That's, I had one of the craziest weed-induced panic attacks of my life. You did? Where the, right before, because my. phone died. Do you remember that? Right. And I got, we were, there was like some kind of room situation where I accidentally, they gave me your room and I was like, this room is too nice.

Something's off. But then my phone died and I was like, and I'm on, I had never done edibles because it was like, you couldn't buy them in the store. I, I must have taken like 200 milligrams, which now, now would fuck me up after 10 years of taking then, not knowing what I'm doing. And my, my friends were even higher. You were so, they were so young and happy. They couldn't believe, like, because it was the only place in the country that was legal. And they had just come to Disneyland the first time. They were so overjoyed. Stoned out of our mind.

Overjoyed. It was incredible. But then we ate at that, at that Greek restaurant right next to the Comedy Works. Yep. That place is legit. Good meal, yeah. Yeah. Especially for, like, you know, Comedy Works is like, the one South is like, it's in a strip mall situation.

It's a nice one, but it is, it's definitely the best. Greek food you could get in a situation like that. Right. You know, it's not Astoria. No, you know what I mean? But it was a real Greek family. Real Greek family, really good. Yeah, yeah.

Definitely hit the end. How does Astoria's food match up with yours growing up? It's good. It's good. I mean, it's up there. Yeah. For sure. I would put them, there's a couple of really good spots in Baltimore.

Uh-huh. There's way more here. Baltimore, there's two that I could, that I think could survive in a story. But in a story, there's like, you know, maybe like eight. ate super good ones. Right. And then it's like everything else, it's just kind of like,

but I will say the best Greek food I've had outside of Greece is actually in Melbourne. Australia actually has the most Greeks outside of Greece. Really? You don't think about it. No. Because you always think we have all these Greeks on the East Coast, diners on the Midwest.

Yeah, Montreal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But apparently there's more, and honestly, insane. This place, the lactites, I think. Yeah. Free promo. If you're going to Melbourne,

insane. Really? Yeah. Was your mom a great cook when you were growing up? She was a good cook and she was also, she literally worked at a Greek restaurant. So it wasn't even her food. It was like, you want to talk about like, I was thinking about this actually, this like psychologically what, how my life, maybe I have no choice because my mom was a Greek, she was a waitress at a Greek restaurant and she would bring home leftover Saturday nights, right? Because it was the busiest night and she would usually bring some calamari, some.

you know, surf and turf, just great, right? Yeah. But you had to stay up until she came home at midnight. So I'm a little fat child watching Saturday night live. My Saturday nights are comedy. And then a woman I love bringing me fried foods. And now I'm thinking like, I'm just trying to recreate that every night. I'm the comedy.

I get the fried foods. It's not a woman I love. But it is, it's, I am trying to spend them with a woman. I can talk myself into loving her for a while. Yeah, I love her for that. couple hours. Yeah, I could see a future. And it was like, literally, I'm like, this is the most Freudian shit. It's like, was that, were those Saturday nights just, did they doom me? They yeah. Did they just do me and gave you everything? It was the blueprint. Yeah. My whole life is that now. It sounds like heaven.

I think it would be more heaven than hell. It's great. But again, the unhealthy. Heaven is how I live on the road. Right. And you get healthier the more you eat. That's what heaven is. Like every, every, every, Wing is a six-pack, it's like I did, it's like four minutes on the elliptical. I would be the most jacked man. I'd be Mr. Universe. You know what I mean? Can you eat wings after 8 o'clock at night and sleep? If you're fucked up enough, yeah.

If you're high enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a thing. If you're passing out. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm getting horrible sleep. Yeah. It's like, it's passing out. And then I love wings so much, but I think it's just an age thing that I can't eat them late and be able to sleep. Like, yeah, that's a thing.

That's such a sad thing to say out loud. They have to put wings on your calendar. Yeah. Calling your buddy like it's wing time at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. Like a couple trying to conceive. You're like, I'm ovulating. I know neither. I know this isn't spontaneous in the least.

But we've got to do it now. We've got to do it now. The Pepsid AC just kicked in. Yeah, it's so sad. It's so brutal. Yeah, I don't know. I've been, I've been, yeah, I don't know, I've just, the food hasn't really bothered. Sleep is always a problem on the road anyway, though, for me, because it's just like, you're out, you're, you're just. Different noises. Yeah, the bed is different. Yeah. You never know. I mean, I have been, the more I'm on the road, the more I'm like, oh, you have to get a nice, even if you just splurge on it and you make less on the weekend, it's your sanity. You're paying for your sanity. Oh, 100%.

good hotel because, you know, the first couple tours, it's like, I'll sleep on floors, so I'll do whatever, just, you know, you're only making a couple hundred bucks. Yeah. But now I'm just like, got to, but even then, it's like, it's just, in the time zones, the worst thing is when you go east coast to west coast, your body wants to go to sleep at 8 p.m. anyway. Yeah. Then you fight past that to do shows.

And then you got that post-show adrenaline. So now the show ends at midnight. It's 3 a.m. your time. You can't go to bed until 2 a.m. Yeah. And that's 5 a.m. Your time. It's just like, forget about it.

I know. Denver was great. Comedy Works, great club had insanely great shows. But I was just, I felt fucked up. Right. Just off the time change. What comedy work, you said? Yeah, but great shows, though.

I mean. Also there, that is no joke going to that elevation. Elevation. You never feel good there, ever. Even coming from the West Coast, just going from L.A. to that place, it's a weird week. Yeah, that's true. Thank God the club is, like, the best.

otherwise it would be if that gig was bad Denver was bad it would be really brutal it would be really brutal the downtown club I was in the downtown yeah I did I did a couple of downtown then did one up in the landmark east and that was great too yeah when they got the balcony and stuff it's awesome yeah it's such a yeah remember we did that show where it was the power went out oh yeah yeah for like three years in a row every time I went there something weird one time like a flood came in yeah The power went out. It was the flood that fucked the electricity up. Because it wasn't the whole power.

Right. It was just the mics. The only thing we need. Yeah. Was the microphone. So we're just out there like it's, you know. It was like Shakespeare. Yeah.

We were just out there. It was weird. Yeah. That was fucking straight. I literally run into people, though. I have run into people. They were like, we were there the night. You had no mic.

That's awesome. Yeah. It wasn't very memorable. I'll remember that show for it. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Just talking out loud like we're in theater. Really projecting.

I only had to do 20 minutes. You were out there an hour. Yeah. It worked, though. Yeah, it was fun. You didn't really need a microphone. And it's a good, again, good room, you know, kind of set up nicely. It feels like a theater.

No, it's the best. It's the best. Yeah, there's only a handful of clubs that I do anymore and that I'll never take that off the list. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always the best. Yeah. I just saw Ali Wong was there just like doing like Tuesday, Monday through Wednesday.

Wow. Just, you know? Just working on stuff. Yeah, exactly. That's great. Such a good environment. It really is. I had a blast.

How upset are you with Robert Kelly losing weight? Yeah, he's a traitor. Yeah. Because you guys were pretty, that was so funny because we worked together. Then you started working with Robert. And you were like, this is going to kill me. They come into my green room and there's like some crudite. Yeah, I'm going, I'm eating the fruits.

I'm like, oh, there's the first. fruit I've had in weeks. Yeah, there's a fruit plate. Yeah, a vegetable plate. It was night and day. The flip week. And there was a couple years where it was basically I was either on the road with you or Bobby pretty much every weekend.

And it goes from like, you know, you're coming in from L.A. We're getting salads for lunch. You have crudette. And I would go with Bobby and he's literally ordering eight entrees. And he's like, no, we're just going to taste it. And it's like, we eat. Before the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had, there would be times we're having full steak dinners.

And it ends 20 minutes. before the show. And I'm like, how are you, how do you do this? How are you just? And I was like, I can't complain. I'm like, listen, at the end of the day, I like the steak dinner.

He did, he had to institute a, he had to institute a, you're not allowed to have the last one. Or it was like, he had to train me like a dog. Because I would just be like, waiting for the appetizers to come. He was like, I have to have one first. Because I would just be like, he would listen, the guy has taste.

He orders the best stuff. It's true. And so it was great. And I was. It was just like, but yes, certainly not the influence I needed. When you were allowed. Literally like a, like a puppy. Yeah, like a Dotson.

It was like, I was just, he could tell, because I would be high too. After the show, I'm just like, staring at a dumpling. And he's like, not yet. Not yet. He would do it like a trick. Like when we're eating with someone, like, watch this. Good boy. Yeah.

And now he's losing all this weight. I know. I mean, good for him, honestly, but he is a traitor to the fraternity. Yeah. And it's like any mess there, he put all these other people on the fatty path. He did. He left the fatty path. He did.

He really did. Yes. Well, that's really at the core. That is what Robert is. He's evil. Yeah. It's been an elaborate, it's been an elaborate practical joke. Yeah.

See how many comedians he can give diabetes before losing 150 pounds. If I'm going down, everyone's going down. Yeah. What's up with the ladies? That was another thing. I think one of the last gigs that we got to do together, I think, was in Boston. And we were doing some club in Boston. Maybe laugh Boston.

Yeah. And you were, that's when, like, Tinder was really starting to become effective. No, I had a huge. run in Boston. Yeah. I think I hooked up with a girl every time I was in Boston. You were almost catatonic

backstage. Yeah. I was just, I didn't really understand what it was happening yet. You're just like, so you would, not now,

Tom. It was like TikTok with real life. Oh, yeah, with the possibility of fucking the women in the few pictures you saw. Yeah.

Yeah, I was just, but that's the other thing. It's all, it's all like, um, compulsive behavior, you know,

where it's like just hooking up becomes another one of those things. Right. We were just like, all right, let's fucking do it. But you're not really an addict, right? Like, you're never, like, you never went into, like, the danger zone. Well, you quit drinking. Am I speaking up? Yeah. I mean, I, I think maybe there were the first week where I, like, where I wasn't drinking or smoking or doing anything after doing it a lot. I was kind of like, you know, staying out late as hell, just trying to hook up. You know, there was like a week where I was

like, what am I even doing? So I don't even, I don't even want to do this. I'm just like, this is just so I'm not alone with my thoughts, you know, which is really what it comes down to. But, you know, who knows? Like with everything else, I'm trying to just be a little more, you know, just have a little bit more of a, be more conscious about it and not just because the, you know, because you can eat a couple M&Ms, eat them, because you can fuck some girl, you know? Right, yeah. Because you can raw dog some woman in Massachusetts. Doesn't mean you should. But I want to.

What am I going to watch? Yeah. Well, I just go watch diners, drive-ins, and dives. Again? Yeah. Yeah, so I don't know. Are you okay with your own thoughts now? I'm closer to them.

You are? I'm closer to okay. I'm closer to okay. I mean, the reality is that's another nice thing about working all the time is where you're just like, I don't have to deal with this right now. Right. There's no time to do it. Yeah.

You know? Yeah, that is true. But I'm trying to get better. at it because, you know, at a certain point, you don't want to just, one thing I'm realizing is like, oh, if you get successful, you won't be happy. It's not a guarantee. It's like part of the thing, part of the recipe, but it's not everything. Your problems don't go away. And then you see the rich people that are like, or like super famous people that you're like, oh, there's a reason these people are the most insane. Now that you say it, it almost makes it, it makes the case for being

just successful enough. Yeah, exactly. It's like if you're super, You don't want to be that. You're back to where you started. 100%. But if you're in that part where you could lose it at any moment. Right. Right. And it keeps you running.

Absolutely. That's probably the sweet spot. It's a good spot. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. So, you know. It really is.

It's kind of true. It's great. You don't want to be stopped on the street. You want to be able to go to a restaurant. Yeah. You know, you don't want people to be like, you know. Yeah. You just want the sandwich shop to be like, you can come watch us make the bread.

That's it. That's all you need. You need one guy. You need the cashier to know who you are and just slip you an extra sandwich on the house. And to be like, big fan, quietly. That's it. That's all you need. That's all you need. That's the fucking sweets.

That's where I'm at right now. I don't need. I've said it before. If I could sign a contract that was like I will just be this successful for the rest of my life. But never any more successful, I'd be like, done. I'm good. Give me a 40-year contract. I don't need anything more, but nothing more either.

I would do it in a heartbeat. I'll live in a story of the rest of my life in my life. in my rent control department for the rest of my life. I don't need a house. Are there relatives that look like you, like from your grandparents on even older, that like when I see you like on social media in like the last, I guess after the pandemic. Yeah. And I'd be like, and your hair's gotten longer.

Right, right, right, right. And your belly's gotten a little bigger. Just like embracing it. I'm like, yeah, that's that Greek guy. Yes, absolutely. That's the Greek guy who's just, yeah, you like to sit, wouldn't have a coffee with, maybe a cigar. 100%. Are there people in your family that have the same?

They have the same look? No, I don't think there's anyone who's fully unleashed it the way that I have. We'd have to go back to before photography. Some lithographs. Some guy out there with nets. Absolutely. But I, yeah, there's definitely, I mean, this is absolutely like a real, a real Greek look that I'm going on. Yeah, it works.

You know, you just, you bring up a little black hat. The little black hat is the fly. the final piece. Yeah, it really is. Start smoking cigarettes. Then we're in the little beads. Are you having, I'm picturing you having more just young people of different whatever nationality and whatever showing up.

Yeah. But do you have Greek people showing up? I think it's starting a little bit. Because I remember there were a couple Greek acts when I first started and if the Greeks find out that you're Greek, they show up. Yeah. You could be the Sebastian of the Greeks, is what I'm saying. Well, that's the thing.

it's like a little bit that's definitely happening there i have been especially early in my career i was very conscious not to be those people you know what i mean because you don't want to sebastian i think is a is is he's just a good comic you know but it's like there are people there's definitely greek people that were like you know they they make their money selling dvds at greek festivals you know what i mean like they they they tour all they've got is i'm greek exactly exactly and so for very early on i didn't do that now I'm kind of organically and even on my last special

there was a few jokes about being Greek and about my family but it was from a very it was really my perspective Yeah and it's like listen if and I know Greek people

can relate it's just stuff that most Greek comics it's like well you know Yeah well Sebastian does that too like it's not

Yeah he talks about stuff that's very Italian but it's stuff that everybody gets Right right right Yeah yeah and I just want to

Mine is a little more like I'm being a little I think a little less polite about the whole immigrant thing. It's just like, you know, I'm putting on blast what pieces of shit, you know, immigrants can be, you know what I mean? The racism, the like, you know, the, just the, just the, just the, some shallowness, some, you know, all that, all that kind of stuff. And it's like, yeah, if you want to hop on board with that and admit, and admit that your immigrant father was

probably also a piece of shit, you know what I mean? Your immigrant dad probably also was just withholding, you know, emotions and not just to like, boy, we sure do love to eat, don't we? You You know, that kind of shit. Which everyone does, by the way. Yeah. So, yeah, it's happening a little bit, though, for sure. And a lot of, like, Baltimore, I started doing just, like, these little videos about the Ravens. And it's crazy how many people from Baltimore just, like...

Really? Just a local fan base is kind of... I can't... Like, when I go home, that's the only place I feel famous because they're just like... They're just like, oh, yeah, from the Ravens. They don't know anything else. Oh, really? They know the Ravens videos, which I do once a week after the Ravens lose.

I do a character. That's hilarious. I know. It is really, you never know what the fuck is going to make people. Yeah, that's great. No, but you really, I say lean into it because it is your culture and it will naturally come and you're very conscious that you start making sure that you're not pandering, keeping yourself in check. Right, right. But now you're there and you're writing and you should definitely do it. Because, look, the Greeks have came for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. They were like that, are you Greek? Tell us your Greek. Please tell us your Greek. But that's the funny thing. It's like, I don't think I even have to do anything because. Yeah.

My name is Stavros. You know, they know I'm Greek. Exactly. They would come see me if I was, you know, doing whatever. Yeah. I do have plenty of Greek people come and just, even if it's not their, you know, genre of stand-up, but they are fans because you're just a Greek guy. Right. Just in the, you know, like Zach Alfanakis, every Greek.

Right. Old Greek guys, you think they fucking know about alt comedy. No. But they were like, hey, you know what I mean? That's us. You know, yeah. Between two firms. They don't get ironic.

ironic interview shows, but they were fucking huge Zach G fans. It's amazing. So I think they're, they're definitely starting to come out, though, for sure. That's good. Yeah, and it's interesting. YouTube, people, like, people you just don't expect. Because when I had the podcast, it was all like, honestly, just like, you know, young white guys. Yeah.

Too online, those kinds of guys, you know. Yeah. What was that podcast called again? Comtown. Comtown, right? I remember it was something that we couldn't say. Yeah. I count out.

And it was great. We had a good run, you know. It was very funny. It was successful, right? Super successful, very fun. And, but it's, you know, it's like, you know, a certain point you just want to do the next thing, something new, something different. Yeah. You know, I want to do my own thing.

I also want to do. I think all of us has gotten a little stale with it creatively. And it's like, yeah, just do some, do the next thing. Right. And it was great. And those fans are awesome. And they still come, a lot of them still come out to the shows. And I'm always grateful for that.

But it's like, um, I'm. Yeah, with YouTube, it's like people you just don't expect come out. Just like, just like a old couple on date night. You know what I mean? Like, just like, you know, two to like 50-year-old Latinos. You know what I mean? That are like, we watch your videos every day on YouTube. It's just like YouTube has just become TV.

It's the reality. We all, everyone in comedy and entertainment still thinks about like TV. Right. And movies maybe are a little different because a good movie is still, like, can still affect. And don't get to be wrong. I hit TV show still all. is the best thing you could have. But just an okay TV show,

I would rather have a big YouTube channel than just be on a TV show that does fine but is no one's favorite, you know? Right. And so I think a lot of people have just shifted to watching YouTube when they're flipping channels. That's flipping channels now.

It's going through YouTube. It's not getting cable. It's not even Netflix. Netflix you go if you want to watch something specific. Right. But I think a lot of people just fuck around on YouTube. Yeah. And they just, I keep, we were just talking about that earlier that it's like, and I guess you're kind of answering it.

It's like, I always think, like, who of like really popular podcasts that blow up on YouTube, they all seem, in the comedy world, they all seem very broie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all like that kind of, that kind of thing. And if you put those guys on your podcast, on my podcast, like most people, like, those are the highest numbers we get. Right, right, right. But it's got to be more than just that on YouTube. Totally. You know what I mean?

It's got to be bigger than just... I think it's just pure numbers. I think people... I think just everyone watches YouTube now. Right. It used to be like people would age out of it. Right. Old people would watch it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, now I think everyone watches. YouTube has just become TV. Yeah. In a way that everyone has YouTube. Right. Not everyone has every streamer. Right.

Everyone's got fucking YouTube. You know what? That's what my father was just visiting and we were... wanted to watch some sporting event or whatever, when we couldn't find it on direct TV. My father's like, I'm watching it right here on YouTube. Yeah, no, my mom would watch old Greek movies that were just on YouTube.

Right. And then she gets in the algorithm, and she gets into the habit. Right. And now she's just like, well, watch stuff. They'll watch Greek TV shows. They'll watch snippets on YouTube. Right.

Instead of, like, having to subscribe to the satellite channel that costs how much money. Yeah. Like, this is free. Reruns of mom. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I don't know.

It's cool, though. It's sick because it's like people that... It is sick. That I wouldn't have ever... Would have never found out about me. Yeah. You know? And it's like these dumb little videos

and they're like, this is cool, we'll see. And it's like translated to... And I'm sure there's so many other people that maybe aren't coming out to a show, but are still watching. Yeah. It's also awesome. It really is insane, isn't it? It's like just show up anywhere.

Yeah. Like, I literally this morning had someone come up and was like, at the sandwich shop was like, I know you from NPR. and then I showed this thing earlier and she's like, I just, I learned about you from TikTok. And I was like, what? In my old head, it's thinking,

what could be more split apart than NPR and TikTok? You know what? It's not that far apart at all. No, no, no, absolutely not. It's not. It's wild. Yeah.

It's very interesting. Because it's like, I think we have a relationship to social media shit where it's like, we have to do it for the job. And it's kind of a bigger, burden, but it's like, if you're just going to have a good time, I'm sure it could be a lot more fun than when you're like, oh, I have to move some tickets. So yeah, yeah, yeah, I have to post. It's like, I have to do this shit constantly where it's like, like, my mom, I don't think

even post anything. Yeah. She just like has a thing to keep up with their friends and like, you know, maybe watch something. Right. Every once in a while. Yeah. Do you think, um, you said that if you could level out this level of success, you'd be good if you could sign that contract. That'd be awesome. Um, what, about for your life do you do you feel like there's going to be little stavroses one day that's a good question because it's uh yeah you got to be thinking about it i am thinking about a little bit because it's the first my best friend so i moved here she we live together first apartment like we've been friends we were kids she had a kid recently and it was the first like you know i've had friends

friends but not but she's like you know family family and it's like to see like a kid where you're like wow, she had a fucking kid. Yeah. She was the first one who moved to New York when we were like, I was 19, she was like 22 or whatever.

She just said, fuck it, I'm moving. She's always kind of been the first one to be at the next level of life. And it's like, I kind of wonder like,

is she dragging the rest of the friend group into being like, you know, oh yeah. And it is true. The older you get, it's like your friends kind of set the pace

for what kind of life you want to have. Yeah. And when you do comedy, you could fucking listen. a fake life. Like I go home, I went home to visit my brother and all his friends have kids. Yeah. You know, all he's, he's married. And I went there. I'm thinking, damn, my brother's a little young. And I'm like, he's a 31 year old man. He's not young. Right. Your old. He would have been retired in the 1800s. Yeah. Yeah. But he, but in comedy in New York. Yeah. It's 31 is like,

he's a baby. He's just started. Look at him. Yeah. Yeah. He's walking. Look at him. So that that kind of shook me out of the whole like, oh yeah, you're not. And you also don't want to be those guys that's like trying to be cool when he's 40. Yeah. You don't want to be a guy with like plugs trying to fuck the hostess. You know what I mean? Like trying to get her in your-man-Mazerati. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That shit sucks. Showing like a 19-year-old girl, you're like crypto portfolio to impress her. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't want to be fucking that. So it's just like. And so, you know, we'll see. It's nice that a lot of my, like my brother,

others are married, my cousin's getting married, my, you know, my best friend, another one of my friends is a serious relationship. Yeah. It's like, you're like, oh, yeah, first of all, if I were to continue living kind of how I am, it's like, I'd have to get, what, 25-year-old friends? I have to, like, that's fucking weird. You surround myself a bunch of, and pretend I'm their age. You're right.

You see that guy, and I don't want to be that guy. Pretend that you could watch the same host of blues clues. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a fucking Steve guy. I don't know who came after Steve. So, I don't know. I mean, I think it's, that is another thing about being on the road so much and working so much. I'm like, for what?

Yeah. Who gives a fuck? Right. It's like, okay. Now I'm at the place where I can afford everything. It was nice. I didn't grow up with money. Yeah.

Now if I want something, I just get it. Right. That's nice. Yeah. But it's not like, but then ultimately what's the whole point? Yeah. And then you're like, well, yeah, I guess some family should would be nice. That's the next thing.

You know, we'll start probably with just trying to have a solid relationship. Right. You know, I've had a couple okay ones. It's like, I've always been a little immature and I've always been so worried about my career where now it's like, right, this shit's pretty settled. Why don't you work on you as a human being? There might be room for another part. Exactly.

Yeah. So that would be cool. I literally, I remember I was coming home back. I was on the road for like four weeks in a row. I was like, I'm tired. I wish it would be nice for somebody just like, if I like got home and like there was like, food and the apartment was clean. And I was like, maybe I could get a roommate again

and they could do that. And you know what? I could get like a roommate. I wouldn't even have to pay rent. Like, I'm doing well. I was like, why a roommate though? It should be like a girl that I like. I could have a girlfriend who does that. And she would, she wouldn't have to pay rent. And I was just like, I've just invented a 50s housewife. I was like a woman who stays in my house and

cleans and cooks me dinner. And she doesn't even have to pay for anything because I'm doing pretty well these days. And I was like, oh. She loves me. It's taking care of her. And I'm like, yeah. You just want, that's we just invented the thing that was how society worked for thousands of years until like 15 years ago. Right. So, I don't know. So yeah, I think there is something to getting older and just seeing all that stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. You know. And ultimately, the Tinder shit is like, it's not fulfilling to fuck a bunch of strangers. Right. Who cares? Is it still going? Is Tinder still a thing?

I don't know. I'm not really on the apps that much. No. Mostly, if anything, it's like, I feel like social media functionally serves as a dating app where it's like, you know, it DM someone, whatever. Right. That's kind of how it happens. Right. Is it still as random?

Is it still as random? What do you mean? Like, do girls hook up as randomly as? Yes. Because it wasn't like, you know, before all of that. Right. You know, it wasn't really the way the world worked. I see what you're saying is there been a backlash to just, has it been a normalization?

did it swing too far to the fuck whoever. Right. I still think there's plenty of people out there who are fucking whoever. Right. And then it's like, you know, but I think I'm a little out of, I think maybe I want to get out of there. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's like, it's like, you can't do that forever. Yeah. And it's also just not fulfilling. You just want to like, you know. Right. You just want to watch a whole show with someone. Right. You don't want to be three different places on one show with three different women.

You know what I mean? You don't want to have to be pretending you're still on episode two when you watched five with somebody else. We saw this already. Oh, right. No, I definitely did. Why are we always a season ahead of 30 Rock when I come over? I don't know.

I just watch it sometimes. So I don't know, man. Do you have a break coming up going into the holidays? A little bit. I have a little bit of a break after. So I'm putting out a podcast, Stavi's World. Nice. Tell me about that.

It's fun. It's a, It's like an interview, it's like an interview and advice show. So it's like, I did it during the pandemic. I did like a little, did like a Twitch show where people would call in and I would just, you know, kind of shit on them but also solve their problems. Right. And I would do it with guests sometimes. And so I'm just trying to like adapt that into like a something that I could do because I did that show live and it's just like it's easier to pre-record a bunch of podcasts when you're on the road.

So I just kind of want to have them ready. So I didn't want to do a live version. So I have a different version of that where I've turned a room. in my house into a little podcast studio. My friends come in. You know, Ed Samarrell, Ian Fidance, Mateo, Marie Faust, just a lot of really, really funny people, Joe List. And, you know, we kind of get into their things for a little bit.

We fuck around a little bit. And then people call in for the next last half of the show. And we kind of, you know, solve their problems, but also bust their balls a little bit. Nice. It's fun. It's just like a fun show. So that's good. I'm promoting that for the next couple weeks.

And then Christmas through the first couple weeks of January. I'm taking completely off. Nice. And then... Back to it. The Fat Rascal Tour. Starts in earnest. Some theaters.

Nice. It's selling well, but it's like it's going to be a kind of a sprint from February to May. And at the end, I'm going to record the next special. Nice. And then... And you did that through YouTube? I just put it out myself. Yeah.

Through YouTube. So the next one, who knows? I'd like to, you know, be nice to get a Netflix special. Talk to your boys for me. Right. Tommy. Let him know I said what's up. You know, I'm just saying the cookies,

maybe we ran out of flour next year. You know. You tell your mother. There's a fire in the kitchen. You tell your mother, if we were to happen to get two tins this year, maybe someone's going to see her boy, do very well. I'll send the whole corporate office at Netflix to get tins. So yeah, I put it out, and I put it out,

myself, which was really cool. It was nice. Wait, how did you get the tin of cookies? What do you mean? Like, how did you get the tin of cookies? Like, we just decided to do this. Did you go home to get them? No, I just got back for Thanksgiving. I got a whole, I was actually going to start mailing cookies off because I want to take that off my mom's plate. She's doing it that early. Yeah. Wow. She's getting ready. She's a machine. Because you know, sometimes in the past, it would be like some people would get their cookies after Christmas or after New years and it's like people are like hey thanks but i'm fat now yeah i needed i wanted these the two weeks so i wanted to be like this year you got it we're gonna we'll give it to you right in the like

guilt-free zone yeah this is whatever the fuck you want yeah given giving people cookies on january third is like kind of rude yeah really trying to turn their life around they're like okay yeah this right now is the sweet spot right here is where you're like it there's no trying to correct this no let's just go and enjoy it full force yeah we'll we'll We'll wake up hungover on January. Like that's what it is. This is the party. January is the wake up, see what the damage is.

The hangover. Absolutely. The self-reflection, the regret. Absolutely. Yeah. So I can't wait. I can't wait for the little break. I'm going to go.

I'm going to work out with my little brother. He's a trainer. He's got his own gym in Maryland. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Really? If you ever want to work out in Maryland, man. Nah.

If you ever want my brother to put you through the paces. I just... Eh, it's okay. That's right. Do you belong to a gym here? I do. You do? I got a gym in a story that I go to.

Nice. I was working out this morning. That's how they started. That's right. And yeah, I go, it's nice. When I get to be home, my habits are good when I'm home. I'm just never home.

I went to Costco. There's a Costco. I meal prep this week. I had these turkey burgers ready to go. Chicken breast, marinated. That's awesome. Big pot of rice.

Some broccoli all cut up. I kind of do the opposite where, well, at least with drinking, where when I'm home, I drink more. Wow, interesting. When I'm on the road, I'm just... What does that say about your relationship to your family? It says everything. Drinking more when you're a road comic is hysterical.

Drinking more when you're home. I don't drink it all on the road anymore. That's crazy. You come home where you're comfortable. I'm like, ah, people you love. Yeah. Leave daddy alone. Well, your kids are what?

Your kids are about to be college age. Yeah. You see that they're about to be adults. You can't really have any. You just got to be. My job is done. My job is done. That's stressful.

The only way to convince yourself that you're not, the only way to be comfortable with the fact that you're no longer in charge of their lives. Right. Is to be drunk. Yeah. No, when they're getting, yeah, that's tough. That's a tough transition. Yeah. Because you know they're dumb. You know they're not ready for it. You know the world is mean. You know how fucked up the world is. Yeah. What you have subjected them to without their... They didn't sign on as fetuses. They're just like, I guess I'm fucking born now. Thanks. I guess I got to put together a resume.

And you're like, fuck. Now it's about to get real. I thought it was going to be all Christmas trees and candy canes. Yeah. It's time for you to put together a resume and get out there and make it. And just things will go bad. You just know, that's how the world is. Yeah, it'll be horrible. It's all filled with good and bad. So, yeah. So I'm drunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Keep the whiskeys coming. What do you drink anything specific? When I'm home, it's, the cocktail is a martini, a kettle one martini, straight up with olives, very dry. Look at you, a little smoking jacket in the house. I do have a smoking jacket. I don't break it out all. the time. I do have a smoking jacket. And red wine. Red wine. Really good red wine. Red wine's good.

Yeah. That's the way to go. Yeah. I now like know what I'm drinking and, uh, can really enjoy it. That's huge. And I just, I can, the only way I can tell of where I'm at is when I get off the couch, how big of a head rush. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. If you get up and you're like, who, how wobble is the walk to the Yeah, okay. What did I have tonight? Yeah. That's great. And I still buy weed, but hardly ever have time to smoke it. Yeah.

I just like the ability to buy it. It's nice that it's there if you have it. But it really just doesn't fit my life anymore. It's so sad. That is sad. Eating chicken wings at one and no longer smoking weed. Yeah, yeah, 1 p.m. Eating chicken wings in the daylight.

Yeah, no longer smoking weed. That's free everywhere. That's where my life is at. I know. What are you? going to do you'll get back to you'll get back to weed there'll be a big weed resurgence later in life i can yeah probably when i really feel like i don't need my brain that much anymore absolutely yeah i can't wait i can't wait to i can't findy mcfarlane has a very funny joke about that she just worked with me

she said something about uh that's what about how there's no going back it's too late with climate change it's all over the the end of times is near yeah yeah that's why they're making weed legal they're Like, here's your end of time's drug. Right. Just enjoy yourself, everybody. Have a good time. It's the apocalypse gift basket. Right.

It's just insanely strong weed. Right. Exactly. Just anesthetize yourselves. And you can gamble, too, by the way. Gamble off your phone. Get high. Gamble.

Feel something. Yeah, exactly. It'll all be over soon. Just shut your eyes. Just shut your eyes. Rest for a while. Yeah. Bonnie's great.

I love her. She's so funny. So funny. So when is the new podcast going to come out? It actually comes out. I don't know when this comes out, but the podcast comes out December 5th. Oh, nice. Yeah.

All right, cool. Go listen to that. That's very cool. I like the way that you tried to get me to do it by saying I could go to one of my favorite bakeries around the corner. It's around the corner. Don't say what it is so that no one knows where I live. Yeah, I won't say the name of it. That is a good spot.

Do you ever go there? I go sometimes, but it's tough because it's just. There's nothing even remotely healthy. No, no. So I go. You mean the bread with a round bread with the prosciutto? Cheese and prosciutto baking. I always remember you.

I have that picture of you walking down the snowy street. Yeah. Just eating it like it was a donut. We weirdly, I don't know how our travel got fucked up. We just didn't get a chance to eat. And also we were going for some reason from one gig and then out to Newark. We were like literally going past your house. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and that's where that bakery was. Yes, because you're going to the, yes, it was in Newark, and the bakery was, happened to be a couple blocks. That's right. But we also hadn't eaten. So we get these hunks of bread and we're just like, like a giant loaf of bread. I think we were like, oh, we'll stop, we'll have time, but it started snowing.

Right. It was just bizarre. Yeah. It was further than we thought. Right. And it was just like we had, it was a strange day. It was a fun day, but it was a strange day. It was real, because I asked you, can we stop?

That's right. I asked you, do you mind if we stop at this bakery on the, from Long Island to New Jersey. Right. Because I know them. I put them in my Food Network show and I want to go stop. And you're like, I'm around the corner. Yeah, yeah.

That's where my apartment is. That was the weird part. That was very weird. But I just have this great picture of you. This prosciutto bread, which is like a wreath, like a Christmas reed. I still get that sometimes. And you were just eating it like it was like a cookie. Yeah.

I was hungry. What can I say? That was good. Well, this is great. Anything you want to ask me? We haven't caught up in a while. Anything that you're curious about? I am curious. We got through your life pretty good. I'm just wondering about, I mean, I honestly. Happy for your success. Thank you, Tommy. It's all good. I am. I mean, I, you know, we can do it on the pile. We can do it off.

But I'm mostly curious about, I am, we hinted at it, but I am curious about, like, how you, how you are dealing with that, like, the kids out of the, that's a, even when we were working together. It was, like, on the horizon. Yeah. And it was like, you know, where your kids are your kids going to go to school? where, you know, like I'm... It was all starting to... Yeah. And now I feel like you've got to be in the thick of it, so I'm very curious about, like...

It's a different stage, for sure. You're all of a sudden, that couple that lived across the street whose kids were grown. Right. And you were having your little kids playing on the yard. And you're like,

how do they spend their time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I'm, yeah, now we're in that... Are they gone? Are they kids... One's in school and one's on her way to school. Wow. And, yeah, I was just telling my friend Nicole,

that we really didn't plan it well because, like, we love New York, we're in L.A. The kids are going off and doing their thing. Why not just get an Airbnb and come back to New York for three straight months and new sets and just have a good time and be in the place that we love? But we have these dogs that are still alive.

And we didn't time out their death the right way. That's brutal. Yeah, so I guess I'm going to have to come here by myself. I'll dog sit. You want to swap? I'll come live in your house. We'll go to L.A. Do some meetings?

We got people for that. Come on. Let's see how this new sobriety. See if it sticks or not. See if you meet that nice young girl. Okay. You'll allow me once I have a girlfriend to house in. Probably a shrewd move on your behalf.

Yeah. There's a lot of valuable things there. but no but it is uh it's definitely you know there's these moments in your life where you were all part we're all playing from the same brochure yeah and like your friend who's has their kids it's like oh shit this is that chapter's here and now yeah yeah whether you like it or not you've got to kind of deal with whether you're participating or not you're in that stage now yeah yeah yeah and we're all going from the same handbook and my handbook I'm at that part where like there's actually grown kids.

And there's parts of it that are very cool. Like I love being able to like see them as adults and sit and talk to them as adults. You get to hang out with them as adult. Yeah. These people that you made are now their own thing. But that means you get to enjoy them as a separate entity instead of just kind of dependent on you, which they have been. Yeah.

And then you've got to, you know, then you digest it and figure it out and find out how you're going to handle that stage of the handbook. Right. And then you see your parents and you're like, well, that part of the handbook will come soon someday also. And I'm going to be, you know, it's so, you know, you just ride them all out. It's very interesting. Like, we just have all these different phases. And you can bring your own vibe and your own mentality to it and try and make it and do it the coolest way that you can.

Sure. And be open and loving and, you know, smart about it. And maybe, you know, vary from what you've learned. somewhat, but also take some of the lessons. Yeah. You can definitely put your own stamp on all these stages, but you're, uh, but there is no avoiding the stage. Yeah.

Well, that's what's so interesting is that even talking to you about this, it's like, and what I've kind of realized, it's like, no one thinks they are the age that they are. No. Everyone feels 10 years younger than they actually are. At least. You know, and it's like you're never prepared for any part of it. No. That's what ever, that's what has become so.

clear to me because I'm like, wow, so every 30 year old I met, every 33 year old, they felt how I feel now. Right. And to me, it's like, they were just adults. They were just like, you know, it's like, they were grownups. You know, and it's like, they were just, and it's like, no. No. Your teachers? It's like, yeah.

I've hooked up with teachers. And I'm like, this is what my teachers were doing. They were just fucking some guy and getting fucked up doing drugs in a guy's hotel room. And then like, so, do you guys, what color is a fox? You know? It's like we were just fucking, you know, she was all blasted out of her mind on edibles.

And it's just like, yeah, it's just like that does blow your mind because you have this perception when you're young that everyone knows and no one has anything figured out. Not at all. And it's like when someone. It's only on reflection that you understand that phase you were going through. Which is fun. Yeah. And you come into it thinking you got your shit together. Right.

I got this. Right. And you look back and like, what was I doing? Yeah. Yeah. It was panicked. Why did I behave at all, like that? Yeah.

I was so wrong. It's like, that's the thing of having two kids is like you go, you, you have that face twice or, you know, whatever number you have. You're going to go through it again. Right. And like, I thought I was really chill with the first one and really like, oh, I've got this. And I was unkind of sure. And then the second one comes to me, you're like, oh, I was losing my mind the first time

my daughter got on a bicycle. Right, right. Or like, you know, like, I was, I thought I was chill, but. Yeah. No, not even close. And then also the personality differences when you have kids where it's like you think you're ready and then the second one throws you a complete curveball. Yeah, they're not the same. They're not exactly the same.

These methods don't work on this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That worked on that one. Yeah. Yeah. But that is the funny, that is the strange kind of thing about life is that you have these. There's, it's almost like you're in the ocean and you're getting hit with all these little waves, little waves, little waves. And then every 10 or so years, you get hit with a tsunami.

Right. And there's certain ones that you can't avoid, like the death of a parent or like the birth of somebody or like, you know, losing somebody or any of the loss or any of that stuff. Those waves get so big. Yeah. Then you definitely, there's also a part of you that you have to be okay with knowing you have no. control. Right, right. Right?

I mean, that is, like, think about how you're trying to dial in all this stuff and do your career and you're eating right. You know, no doubt that's. And you do, and you do. And then something comes along and all of a sudden you have no, you have no more base. There's no more groundwork for you. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. It's pretty, you got to be pretty fearless to be a person. And no one chose it. None of us are like, this is what I want to do. We're just born. and by the time you know what the fuck's going on you're 10. Yeah.

That's so funny. I really want to talk about that now when I act that my daughters have to go get resumes. Yeah. That really is so funny. Wait, this is fun. We had Christmas trees.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We go into Disney World. Yeah. Now that shit's over. It's over. What do you mean? Yeah, what are your skills? Yeah.

How useful? You're right. How can you make some rich guy even more money? Right. Otherwise, you're fucking, you have no value. you. And Gooley, like, write you a letter of recommendation. Yeah. Oh, it's brutal.

Tough. It'll all work out. Yeah. Well, thank you for the cookies. Of course. This is very exciting. This is worked out so much better than I thought it was going to. Great to see you, man.

You too. And, well, good luck with the podcast. Thank you. Come on. I know it's in Queens, but we're going to have you on sometime. I'll bribe you out there. Yeah. The bakery's still there.

Bakery's still there. They're still in business. Yeah. All right. Thanks, man. All right. There you go. You guys got a great podcast. I got a box of cookies from Stavros' mom. So we all win. Go check out my special. Go check it out. It's on Netflix. Tell your friends about it. Spread the word. It's much appreciated. I'm very happy with it. And I hope that you get to enjoy it and are happy with it as well. And also go to Tompapa.com. Look up my tour. My date. for 2023. The first half pretty much are on sale right now. I'm going to Chicago. I'm going to Denver,

big show in Denver at the Paramount. I'm going to the Kennedy Center in D.C. Lots of great shows all in the new year. But for now, just concentrate on the special. You guys are the best. Thank you very much. Thank you to Stavros, and we'll see you next time.