Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 142 - Kelsey Cook

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

The very funny Kelsey Cook doesn't eat bread but for a very good reason.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, it's how we go. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey. Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I am Tom Papa. Thank you so much for listening.

I've been running into a lot of you out on the road lately. And I always like when you're playing in front of all these people, a thousand people, whatever. and at the end when you're signing books and you have a couple people come up and they are a podcast listeners, a much warmer place in my heart for you folks. So thank you for listening. Thank you for coming out and supporting the tour and all that good stuff. And it just means a lot. Thank you very much.

We've got a good one today. We got Kelsey Cook on the program. Very funny comedian. Has a new stand-off special coming out in March. called The Hustler, and I'm very excited for you to spend some time at the table with Kelsey, really, really great person. I knew she was very funny, and now I know she's even more than that, a super, super cool human being. I'd like to thank the good people at Diet Smoke for sponsoring the program today,

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and use the code Papa, P.A.P.A. at checkout for 20% off your entire first order. That's DietSmoke, D-I-E-T, Dietsmoke.com, code Papa at checkout for 20% off. So here we are. This is kind of a moment for me in the year. I always kind of clock, you know, you go through the holidays, and then you have kind of residual, and you're still eating a bunch, and some people go New Year's and go dry January, and try and cut back on all of their stuff and do their life right. That never really makes much sense to me. I always feel like get to the Super Bowl and that,

because you know you're going to have a big blowout then, so why even try and lie to yourself that you're going to behave yourself like where that happens? And now we just passed it. And I always kind of had this thing when I was like right around college and stuff when if I had a if I was drinking with my friends or and I knew I was going to kind of cut back or if we were smoking weed and we're going to cut back just kind of like go excess at that last moment and smoke all the weed you have left and you're like all right done and I don't need that for six months

and same thing with the food and yesterday the Super Bowl as of the recording of this uh it was my blowout We had chili. We had giant beef hot dogs. We had giant ficasha pizzas. We completely went off the rails. There was charcutory. There was cheese. There was everything. And what I'm trying to say is your pal Tommy is is full. I am full up. I don't need alcohol. I don't need food. I don't need to chew. I think I'm pretty good. And I'm not going to go dry January. or make any declarations. I'm not, look, I started the morning off today eating a scone that I made over the weekend. A nice sweet, sweet blueberry scone, which, by the way, pretty easy to make.

And I just had a whole bunch of blueberries. This is another strategy that I'm going with, by the way. I know this is going against my not eating, but you know what I mean. I always go off shopping and I buy all this food. and then kind of mill around, what are we going to eat tonight and end up ordering or end up whatever. I'm letting the pantry and the refrigerator dictate what I'm going to make. Open the drawer and be like, oh, right, we had kale for some reason. Open the pantry. Oh, there's potatoes in here that are starting to grow things. Let the food that you have in the house

dictate where you're going to go and what you're going to make. And just get in there and find the stuff and then make something out of it. Rather than sit there on the couch like a big lump and just be like, I'm in the mood for sushi tonight. Yeah, sometimes, okay. But just get in there. And especially if you shop a lot, if you don't shop a lot and you're one of those people who lives in an apartment and there's, you open it up and the only thing in the refrigerator is like snake food. This isn't a good strategy. But if you have a home and you do go to the store.

and you buy a bunch of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I did have a good moment yesterday at the Super Bowl, by the way. There was another couple there who I did not know. And I'm not bragging, but I'm bragging that they found the bread and were blown away by the bread. And it's very nice when people don't know that you made something and they're raving about

the thing that you brought in. And then you get to come in with like, yeah, yeah, that's mine. It's very cool for the moment during the Super Bowl, the new Matt Damon Ben Affleck movie called Air about Michael Jordan joining with Nike for the first time. And I may have a part in it that you might want to go to the movie just to see your friend Tom. Yeah, I'm a little chubby in it, but it was for the role. Matt was a little chubby in it too, but he had to wear padding to look at. even skinnier than me.

Whatever. Anyway, it's cool. It was a good trailer, and people are into the movie. You can tell already. There's like a nice little rumbling going on about it, and it's the first one that Ben and Matt are making for their new artist equity company. So very cool, and I'm proud to be a part of it.

So go check that out. And also, the tour is going along. Tompapa.com. Look for all my dates. I'm all over the place. a lot of them have been selling out but we added an extra show in Atlanta there's now a late show in Atlanta and a late show in Chicago at the Vic so we're adding shows and touring all over the place go to tompapa.com and look up all of that goodness all right enough for the intro let's get to

Kelsey a really really great person you're going to enjoy this conversation she is a just a sweetheart And there's a lot of depth there and a lot of great things happening comedy-wise. And enjoy. Kelsey Cook. Nice to see you. Yes, you too. Yeah. How long are you out here for?

Oh, just another couple days. Just another couple days. So you staying, where are you staying, a hotel or friends? I stay with my friend Taylor Tomlinson. Ah. I know you also had on. Yes. And, yeah, it's, I was kind of adding this to what was already a crazy.

I went to Spokane to see my family. Right. And then went to Portland to do helium and then came here to do podcast promo and run my tonight show set. They just found out of doing that in two weeks. So it's been kind of like a hectic. I know. It really is. When you wake up on a day, when you're home and you wake up on a day where you have nothing, even a spot that night.

Yeah. It's so rare. But what a great day that is. It's so nice. Because you just went through your special. promo not that long ago. Yeah. And it's, yeah.

It is a beast. It's like doing all the things, just trying to get the word out. Yeah. And you're like, oh, I'm going to be done with touring. So that'll be nice. And then the special command, then you realize, oh, but now I'm traveling for that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, those days when you have absolutely nothing. And then I start to crave nothing to a point where if one little thing pops up, you're like, oh, come on.

Really? I've got to go. to the post office? Oh, mail some, your tolerance just drops so quickly. Yeah, there's no way. Yeah, I don't know what it is about having to do like a clothing return, anything that involves FedEx or the post office, but it's like, it feels like somebody's asking me to fly across the country to do it.

I don't know why it takes so much energy. My friend and assistant Joey is here, and the whole reason we work together is so he'll go to the post office. True. I know, I'm like, I don't need an assistant. I would love to hire somebody just for that for me. It would be a great actual service. Yeah, there needs to be an app for just returning things. I have so many clothes in my closet that are ill-fitting that I don't like, but it's because I bought them online. And I just, the time passed for me to return them. And so I'm like, well, you live here now.

For some reason, I think I was trying to buy a baby gift for my friend. Yeah. And it's been, it's too long. Like, I just got to get something. I wanted to be meaningful. And now that's done. Now I'm like, it's got to be. Now it's just a thing. And then I thought I ordered a baby like blanket and a fitted king sheet showed up. My wife was like, do you live somewhere else? Like this doesn't even fit our bed. I'm like, no, it was supposed to be a baby. I don't know what I did. He's like, well, you got to bring, you got to bring it back. I'm like, yeah, it's not going to happen. We have a kid. fitted king sheet now to the end of time. We just have to buy a king mattress. I'm not printing a label. I can't do it. Yeah, that's so hilarious. What a puzzle for your wife to try to solve.

Like, does he have another life? But like, why would this be involved in it? Like, right. Such a weird. Yeah, I was like, even if it was my girlfriend, like, would I just buy her a fitted sheet? Yeah. Like, bring it to her house. This Walter White other life.

Like, burn her phone of a king sheet. Yeah, that's a great mystery. Yeah, what an odd relationship that would be. I know. If you're buying like random sheets for your mistress, what? I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah.

Yeah, but we're going to have them. So if you have a king sheet, you can have it. And this is your bread. So that's good. If you're going to stay with her, feel up the underneath, just because I timed it out this morning when I was doing my radio show. This is so kind that you do this. I mean, so here's, okay, I had to tell you at some.

point because I feel like an imposter. Okay. I can't eat bread. You can't? I can't. Taylor can't. We'll eat it. Taylor will eat it.

Okay. I feel like I shouldn't be allowed on your show. This is such a wonderful thing you do and I can't even eat it. Well, before we kick you out. I know. I was like, if you bounce me out, I'll understand. What do you have fibromagyla? What's the thing called?

The clinical turn. Why can't you eat bread? So back when, gosh, one was this, was this in college. I went and got my hair done. Okay. And the salon I went to, they were doing free facial waxing that day. Uh-huh. They're just like, well, you're getting your hair colored. People were here just, they're training, we're just doing them, free little spa thing. I was like, okay. So this lady waxed my entire face, which I didn't, you know, I was like a teenager, whatever, waxed my entire face. And then while all my pores were open, she like rubbed oil in them. And I,

I mean, she was just like walking around doing stuff, didn't have clean hands, basically just rubbed a bunch of dirt and bacteria deep into my pores. And I had a crazy, like, cystic acne breakout happen. Whoa. And went to the doctor. They gave me an antibiotic for that. But anytime I would try to get off of it, my skin would get really bad again. And so they're like, you know what?

I mean, just keep taking it. Fast forward to, I think I was on it for like three years or something, which is. What? It was like... The antibiotic? Yeah, yeah, I was trying to remember what it was called. Three years. That's way too long to be on an antibiotic.

Where were you living? Where were these doctors? Oh, like Cheney washing. I mean, like in the boonies. They'll just toss pills at your face and... Just what he had in the locker. Yeah. But that's, I mean, way, way, way longer than you should be on that.

And so what that did is it was killing all of the good bacteria in my stomach. The biome? The biome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. that's why people tell you to take probiotics and all that, especially if you're taking antibiotics. And I wasn't. And so I was developing all of these issues. I was getting like IBS, acid reflux, all these things. And then Candida, I saw an esthetician. I used to have little bumps all over my face. And she's like, so I can tell just by looking that you've had an overgrowth of Candida in your body for a few years,

were you on antibiotics for a long time? And I was like, yeah. And she goes, so you need to forever stop eating bread, stop eating cheese, stop eating anything that's like fermented or rises that feeds that bacteria. Whoa, wait a second, let's go back for a sec. Yeah. Candida? Mm-hmm. It sounds like a, it sounds like one of like a weird, like a weird soda you get like Haiti.

Yeah. Yeah, a stevia based candy. Yeah, right, exactly. Like a weird Canadian treat. You've never had Candida? I wish. It's like orange sherbert and chocolate. I wish that's what it was.

Yeah. What is Candida? That is the biome. That is like the... It's been a long time since I did all the research about it. You can make it up. Great. Perfect.

I believe it's the actual bad bacteria. The bad bacteria. Or like the byproduct of it. But it's kind of like zombies. Like it's very hard to kill in your body. It just feeds. off of that stuff that you put in it. And so you have to kind of like starve it out.

Right. For it to go away. But, you know, the symptoms pop up differently in different people. So for me, it was like those gut issues, skin problems. I was really tired all the time, a lot of brain fog. And then I did the candida cleanse and have had to kind of stick to it now for like a decade. A decade. Yeah.

It changed my life. I feel much better, but I'm like heartbroken because I. How long do you? to take you to figure it out because usually those things are um it sounds like you solved it pretty quickly well once i had started doing the um the process of cutting those things out i felt so much better within um like a few weeks who decided it was your gut it was so it was an esthetician who was looking at my skin and that's what was yeah she like asked me all these questions and it was like yes yes yes yes yes yes and then was like yeah you've got she's she was ahead of her time she's

amazing. She's like Jennifer Garner's aesthetician. She was, I don't know if she's still with this comedian. She was with a comedian years ago, so she was just hanging out in the green room at one of the shows. And I was like, I know this is probably annoying to ask you to do your job when you're not clocked in, but I have a bunch of skin issues and I just

wondered, like, can you look at my skin and tell me if anything's obvious? And she changed my life in the parlor live comedy club green room in Bellevue washing shit. Like completely changed my life, but I... That's amazing. She was able to look at your face.

Yeah. Like, this is what's going on. Yeah. And nail it. And it was spot. I mean, it was exactly. God. Yeah.

And so it cleared up. Like, my acid reflux went away, all this stuff. But I used to, my whole life, like pizza was my favorite food. Burgers were my favorite food. And so to not have bread and cheese has been devastating. Yeah. That's a tough one. Yeah.

I don't know if I would, I probably would take all the symptoms. I was going to see. So people are like, listen. And that would just be my life. I'd just be a foggy-headed, bumpy-faced, sad lady. A bumpy-faced, sad lady. Shuffing bread in their mouth. Well, there's time.

Life is chapters. You're killing it now. Your specials, you're doing... Thank you. There's a lot of reasons why you need to be nice on the camera. Yeah, that is a tough thing. Yeah, you can turn into a troll later after you've had some success and then you have that chapter where you're like, you're not going to, you know, box me in and I'm going to

Zig when you want me to zag. Yeah. Then you go bread. I burrow like a raccoon. We'll give this to Taylor and... I will. Yeah, and you can just feel the warmth. I smell it sometimes just to be mean to myself.

And remember when it, can I smell it? Yeah, you can do whatever you want with it. Oh my God, it smells so good. Yeah. Yep. But it's filled with candida. So sad. So how come

why wouldn't it's just so so they created such an imbalance in your gut that you're like you're a petri dish for that for the to the end of time yeah like you it's not like it's not like it's not like you get ahead of it and you can go back apparently some people can and then some people just don't and so I was hoping I would be somebody that could but anytime I've tried to bring any of it back I feel sick right away um mushrooms are another thing I can't because it's a fungus, it feeds that. And I was having a dairy-free cream cheese for a long time that I loved. And then without me knowing they changed the recipe,

and they started using mushroom extract as a preservative in it. But I kept buying it not knowing. And about, I don't know, like at a certain point over the course of a month, my skin had gotten to that really horrible cystic acne place again. I was like, what is going on? I haven't done anything different. And I looked at the label randomly, day and saw mushroom and like called their company. It was like, hey, just out of curiosity,

when did you start adding this in? And it was like right when I had noticed the skin get worse. So yeah, it's, I have tried to bring it back and it's just not a. But it is pretty great that you like I know a lot of people that have an inkling that it might be their, but it's all so vague and they try things and it's like never really get a hold of it. The food allergy stuff. Yeah, that you're dialed in. It's pretty great. Yeah. There's a brand called base culture. I don't know if you've heard it. They're in Whole Foods and health places. I can have their bread because they don't have a leavening, any sort of like fermentation process with it. And so that's, I've been able. Does it look like bread?

It does. It looks and tastes like bread. It's actually great. But that I like almost had tears in my eyes the first time I had a sandwich again like a year ago and I found this bread because it's like, you forget it's I mean like wraps are fine but it's yeah no I know bunless burgers fucking suck yeah I know it's not the same it's not the same well I'm sorry to torture you with this no it's okay I've so funny because I literally was plotting it out like on my radio show was like okay we'll be right back after this they're like why'd we rap I'm I have to pull the bread out of the thing I was like in the stages of no no no I was you know a gift is a gift what you do with it is that's true

It feels like a gift and I'm sorry. What do you mean that you came from Carney Folk? And is your dad in the Musee, the Yo-Yo Hall of Fame? Because I went to the Yo-Yo Hall of Fame in, I think it's in one of the towns, I'm going to look it up. It's in one of the towns, Northern California. It's like in the back of like a pharmacy. Sure, that checks out. That's what that deserves.

So my parents met playing in a professional Fusball tournament. Right. You said that in your in your act, which is very funny. Yeah. Oh, thank you. What is that?

Do you phrase it? Oh, I like I literally wouldn't exist if it weren't for Fosball. If it wasn't for Fusball. Which is sad. But yeah, but that some people wouldn't exist if it weren't for boxed wine. So it's kind of like, you know,

we all have a little garbage in us. Yeah. But, and then my dad was also, He is like an international yo-yo man. He doesn't really do it anymore, but he used to like travel overseas for yo-yo demonstrations. Oversees. He would get paid.

And then he also is, his full-time job is that he's been a professional trumpet player in the Spokane Symphony for 40 years. Wow. But he's got all these weird offshoots. He's like the poet laureate in Spokane. He's a slam poetry champion. Just a weird, weird background with my family. So wait, let's, if you know, if you know this stuff about your father. Okay.

When did he start his yo-yoing? Oh. Was he part of like the craze when like yo-yo? Yo-yo always seems to, it hasn't in a while, but it always seems to have this moment of like it comes back and they put him on shows and. Yeah. I don't know what age he was when he got into it. I think it was like the Duncan brothers. Does that sound right?

that there was something going on with them with yo-yo and he saw it and got into it. Uh-huh. So he was a kid? I think he was younger, yeah. And he, like, really, he mastered it. He owns, like, a thousand yo-yo's and has this crazy collection and can do all, like, just the craziest tricks. Yeah. That is amazing.

Yeah. That is the coolest. Yeah. And when you were a kid, that must have been super fun, watching Dad Yo-Yo's ass off. Yeah, the graph of coolness for that. that really depended on my age. Yeah. Because he would come to my elementary school when I was young and do demonstrations.

And at that age, you're like, oh, my dad's cool. It's like, that was a fun thing. But then you get anywhere within a sniff of middle school and you're like, you stay home. Don't you dare set foot. I'm trying to lose my virginity at some point in my life. I can't have you hanging around here. This is not cool. Like, you know, that's so tough.

That is so tough. That's a tough thing. Yeah. But anything. that he would have done would have, you're horrified by it at a certain point. Yeah, you guys can just walk into the room and take a breath and we're like, oh, God. Yeah.

They say it's like a literally like a hormonal thing. Oh, it was a hormonal nightmare. You have two daughters? Yeah. You've probably been through it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, different phases, comes and goes.

Yeah. You just don't know what you're getting. You just don't know. Yeah. And you want them to. Yeah. And then you throw so. social media on top of it.

Oh my gosh. That's created like that that for me like there's they're pretty even keeled you know a little emotional and stuff. Yeah. But you add in times when they're like deep into their phones that that's when it's like it's like putting them at more of a disadvantage like they're trying. You know you want to, you know, you want to get a grip of this. You don't want to feel like why do I hate myself and everybody else.

Yeah. Right? You're trying to wrangle that and you can't for, you know, a good amount of time. And then you throw the phone on top of it. It's too much. It's too much. I also, I mean, this is a personal question. You don't have to answer this. But for me, I also, I got on hormonal birth control at 17 trying to help my skin at the time. And also, you know, then started to have a serious boyfriend. And I feel like that's something too with girls around that age. You're dealing already with so many crazy hormones. And then if you do either. if you're trying to get help with acne, if you become sexually active, those pills are like really tough on your body and they don't really explain that to you as a teenager. And I remember feeling like, oh, my God, once I finally got off the pill like a decade later, I was like, oh, I don't even know who that was. Really? That was like, it made me so anxious. It made all emotions feel very heightened. And yeah. Yeah. And there's so many things at play. Yes. Like an acne medicine and there's a pill.

and there's an, oh my gosh, yeah. ADHD thing. Like, so what in those combinations? Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, it really, it's such a complex thing because then you're looking at these bottles. Yeah. And you're like, but I need that for this.

And it's like, I know, but are you, it, are we? But is this making this part? Yeah, are we okay? Yeah. There's, you know, there's a price for every little thing you put in your chemistry set. Totally. Yeah. But there is a hormonal thing from daughters to fathers where it's kind of a protective thing that that is not the male.

That's the male we're supposed to keep at a distance. Really? Yeah. Oh, can you explain more of this? Because I haven't, this is fascinating to me. Because I definitely went through that with my dad where there was a period of time where I just felt very, did not really want a relationship with him. Which is such a strange thing, but it's literally like the physical part of a young woman, like that is, that's not for us.

That is, keep that at a distance, like a protective breeding mechanism, which is so, yeah, which is so insane. Girls tell girls this when they're young. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Why didn't they tell dads before they decide they want to have children? Or when your daughter, like, doesn't want to. want to hug you and you're like, what's going on?

Everybody could benefit from that information. Yeah, yeah. I know. And I heard that. I was like, oh, that makes, that makes sense, you know. Yeah. Yeah. It makes total sense.

But yeah, you can't, you just got to kind of ride it out, I guess. So when did you start to, when did you, like, when did you say you were a hormonal mess? Was it the pill? Was it around that time? Or no, that was 10 years after? So when did you like the yo-yo guy again? Well, I just remember being in like middle school, high school, definitely feeling when I had hit puberty of like, whoa, I feel, the emotions feel different lately. Yeah.

So I remembered that. And then I remembered the feeling also of getting on birth control that it was just that anxiety. It felt a lot easier to have racing thoughts and just be more anxious. But I think you're so young that you think, oh, this is just like who I am. Yeah, exactly. So that's what I meant where it's like once I got off it, my anxiety just became almost nothing.

And I had just assumed that was part of my identity. So that was a really big thing to be like, oh, wow. And then the dad stuff, I'm trying to think when I felt like I had wanted to become closer with him again. Mm-hmm. I think sometimes something happens when you go to college and then you do have some physical distance that it lets you kind of miss them more. Mm-hmm.

But yeah, definitely those high school years, I just remember feeling pretty, like, anti-all-that, like, getting a hug. I felt like I just didn't want a hug. I just was, like, like, a wet cat. I was just like, I don't want to talk. I don't want a hug. And then, yeah, I know my dad and I are super close, but. Just sitting there with this yo-yo, like, what? She used to like this.

She used to, like, walk the dog. I don't know. How do you make his living? So trumpet. Trumpet. Yeah, that was the paying gig. That's the full-time thing, yeah. What an interesting guy.

Yeah. And sometimes people go like, oh, I bet you had, I bet your parents were so supportive of you doing comedy because they had unconventional careers. But actually, I think it was kind of the opposite, at least for my dad in the beginning, because I thought I was going to be a high school math teacher. Uh-huh. And I think for a dad, that's like, great. Right.

Great. Like just a stable, steady job. awesome. And then I was like, I'm going to be a clown. It's like a dad's nightmare that you're just going to go try to do comedy. That has to, I would imagine as a parent, be like, do you have a degree? Like, why? What are you doing? Why are you throwing your life away with this? And also, did they push back? My mom was always pretty supportive from the beginning. My dad was a little more unsure until things started to happen. And then I think he was like, oh, okay. something's happening with this.

Yeah. Also, I think from a dad's point of view to, I was dirtier when I had started, as I think some people, you know, that's, I think, more common. And I think that's probably a good dad that if you see your daughter telling calm jokes, you're not like, yay! You're probably like, no, like, who is this? This isn't my daughter. So I think that was probably a normal reaction.

Yeah, that is hard. Seeing your, what, again, I'm not a parent, but I would imagine it's like you always see your daughter as your little girl. Yeah. And then you see them going on stage. Yeah. Saying whatever. And it's like, what is this going to attract? Yes.

What guys are going to come around? For sure. Yeah. All right. Let's take a quick break from our conversation with Kelsey and talk about our favorite sponsor, Diet Smoke. Diet Smoke. makes federally legal premium THC products delivered discreetly right to your door. Diet Smoke's variety guarantees. There's a THC product for everyone with not just flavor,

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What would your mom do? So my mom was actually my high school French teacher. But she was the French and German teacher at my high school. Oh, that's great. Do you still speak? I speak French, but not like super fluently. I can understand it better. but yeah, but she's like in the Fusball Hall of Fame and world champion foosball player and all that.

So definitely some strange. Amazing. Is there footage on her? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Doing foosball? There's a documentary called Fosballers that was on, it's been on ESPN a few times and people can download.

I think it's on like iTunes or Apple or whatever. But yeah, she's in that and there are some clips online of her and I playing together too. That is amazing. Yeah. I love this Carney family. Yeah, it's great. Now I wouldn't want it any other way. Growing up, there were moments where I was like, this is, why can you guys just be, you know,

Dental Hot Dennis or whatever, like the rest of it? Was the house a strange setup? Like, was there a fuzball where like normally there'd be a dining room table? Yeah. That was my apartment during the pandemic. It was. I had a fosball table and stuff at dining room. Did you really?

Yeah, I was like, I'll just eat on my couch. Like, this is, I've been serving on the scourning. So you love fosball too? Yeah. So I've played my whole life. my parents, there's actually a football table here in the studio because we used to shoot my web series here, Rissifuri. But yeah, my parents were both training me since I was like two years old. Wow. So yeah, there were photos of me standing on a stool so I could be tall enough to see the top of the table.

And they would put their hands on top of my hands and teach me how to play. So it's amazing. Yeah, my mom and I, my dad doesn't really play so much anymore, but my mom and I would like still travel around and go to tournaments. Really? Oh my God. Yeah. Why do you love foosball other than your parent connection, like the game? I think it's such a hard game to master that there's something about that that feels I like the challenge of it. I think it's such a misunderstood sport.

It's such a bar game that people go in and just like spin the rods and don't. But it's one of those things where it's like if you haven't seen it played on a professional level, most people don't even know what it looks like to be played. that way with the certain passing and different shots and all of that. Right. So I love the escape of it when I'm playing. It's the only thing I can think about because the ball is moving constantly. You can't really break attention.

And also, I've played sports my whole life, but I've always been short. So I was never like the hitter and volleyball or anything like that. I was always the setter. And for me, getting to slam a foothball really hard is kind of like as close as all get to being able to dunk or anything like that. But it's such an adrenaline rush to hit the ball hard. Oh, that's great. That is great. Were you guys successful as a team?

So we won women's expert doubles in Vegas. This is probably five years ago. And that was a really cool thing to win together. Yeah. Because there were some tournaments where we didn't play that well together. But that was a diet. Like, I will always really cherish that moment.

Yeah. Oh, that's so great. Yeah. Very random. Yeah. It's totally random. Yeah.

But it's great. Thanks. It's like people like, I was always envious with people that like just had a ping pong table in the living room where they just had a Pac-Man machine in the kitchen. It was like, these people know how to live. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like bills might not be getting paid, but these people, boy, they not have a good time. It's a weird thing to grow up popping foothball tables everywhere. Yeah. Well, it must have been pretty easy for you. Like, I grew up and everybody had straight jobs. Everybody was, you know, there wasn't one person in entertainment or foosball or like, you know, raising oxen.

There wasn't like, it was all just jobs. So it was kind of like you had to learn like, oh, there's other ways to live. Yeah. There are other ways to exist. Yeah. I do think them living those lives did help me just give comedy a try. Yeah. And be like, you know, it is possible.

I'm seeing my parents do the things they love. So like, let's just see. Right. That was nice. Yeah. And so many people, like when you say like they were a little hesitant or your dad was. Yeah. I mean, he's got to know.

There's friends that had straight jobs that end up. like getting fired and having no career. It's like show business isn't that unreliable compared to what can happen to you in an day job. It's so true. I think it's comedy is such a business that like nobody knows unless you're in it. Yeah. From the outside,

as I even my best friends from home, I think are probably like, yeah, we don't know what you're doing. Like they're so proud of me and so happy for me. But like to understand how touring works and all that, it's just like a very different world than a conventional career. And so I think as a parent, my dad picturing me trying to get successful enough in this business that you could do it for a living, to him was just like, I mean, it's statistically impossible, which it is. I mean, it is such a weird thing to do. Yeah. Were you funny when you were a little?

I think I was goofy when I was little with the people that I felt comfortable with. And then I was pretty shy when I was not comfortable around people. I was pretty quiet, kind of introverted. And then, yeah, as I got older, I just, I really loved making my friends laugh. Like, if something embarrassing had happened, I loved telling them and making them laugh. But I was very kind of like straight a student, didn't want to take risk. That's why I thought I wanted to do, be a high, I wanted to be a high school math teacher at the high school I went to in my tiny town I grew up in. That's like how little unscended.

uncertainty I wanted in my life. I just was like, let's just do exactly what I can picture doing. And then comedy is complete zero certainty. So where's that pop into the equation? So I got halfway through college doing the math major and I was in calculus three and just dreading class every day and was like, yeah, this is this is so different than what I thought. Yeah. I thought I was just going to teach like, you know, honors algebra two. Right. It's all you need to know. Yeah. And it turns out it's like, they want you to be pretty fucking smart. And I was like, I really don't want to keep doing this. So what year is that? That was at the end of my sophomore year.

Uh-huh. And yeah, just miserable. Our professor was Russian and spoke just kind of like broken English. And so the whole like the whole class was failing the class because we were all just trying to teach ourselves calculus three out of these textbooks from the 80s. It was brutal. So, um, I switched to a broadcast production major. And one of the first classes that you had to take was public speaking. And I had ended up turning almost all of my assignments into like, like SNL, like just like comedy. Like I was being such a weird person. I was like showing up in like costume.

Like I was doing the summer course. So it was like only 18 people in the class. And most of them were foreign exchange students from Japan. And I think it was like a couple other people from America in the class. And it was like you'd have to give a eulogy. And I gave a eulogy of myself, but like in character as somebody else. And I'm sure everybody in class was just like, like she's going through something. She's working it out.

We're here for the credits. She's here for therapy. She's either really happy or so sad, like either one. But my professor. had pulled me aside after class Monday. He's like, you know, like, you should go do an open mic. Because he's like, this is all really funny. It's like I can tell that you're really happy doing this.

It's just like you should keep doing it outside of class. Yeah. Because this is obviously like not the right. Just don't do it here. Can you please leave the wigs at home? Like you're startling everybody. It's funny to think that your whole career may have been pushed by someone who just wanted you to, Calm down in his class.

Enough of this. Just give you a different outlet. Yeah. Go burn your energy out in this dog park and then come back. I know. He was so sweet. And I really do credit him for making me feel like, oh, I guess maybe I should try this. Because he was genuinely, like, I would make him laugh in class.

And that was such an addicting feeling. Right. And so I started doing open mics at the college. Where was your school? Washington State University. Oh, okay. So there was open mics around there. It was just a monthly open mic in the school's cafeteria, which is a very dark way to start. Yeah.

I mean, you're just a nuisance. Nobody's, everybody has mashed potatoes in their mouths. You just want to eat. Clank and silverware. Nobody cares. No. And then I started a weekly show my senior year to try to give myself and the other people that were trying to do it an opportunity to just like do it more. often because once a month that's a real slow trajectory to get better.

And yeah, I did that and then moved to Seattle. And I was in the Seattle scene for about four years and then L.A. And then Spokane and O. Minnesota. So it's been all over the place. Yeah. What was your, was the Tonight Show kind of like a real benchmark? Definitely. Oh, yeah.

I had been touring with Jim Norton for a few years. Right. Sorry about that. deepest controlances. He's so great. I always call him my comedy fairy godmother because he like really changed my life. I mean, he made it possible for me to do it full time,

but it's just so funny to picture Jim Norton who's this like, you know, self-proclaimed degenerate being this like, you know, whimsical, like blessing me and star dust and being like... It's kind of like it's a wonderful life kind of angel. You could totally see Jim in like wings And a toga. Totally.

Yes. With a little halo askew. Yeah. Complaining about his coffee or something. Yeah. He had a very funny bit on Instagram last night about, who is he talking about? Madonna? Yeah, the Madonna.

Yes. Yeah. About how it's hard being a sex symbol and then losing it. And that's the advantage of his life is he never was. So pretty much the same. Yeah. It was very funny. So funny.

It was great to watch him on the road for a few years because he is so brilliant and funny. And so, yeah, I had been touring with him for a while and then did the Tonight Show and then did, this is not happening in a Comedy Central right around the same time. And so those two things, I think, helped me kind of transition into headlining. Yeah. The clubs, you know, they just want like the logos, I think, at a certain point and to feel like you could maybe start to put some butts in seats. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

But also just on a creative level, you, you looked very established in both of those sets. Oh. You looked very professional and like this is. Oh, thank you. Yeah, there was a, there was definitely a level of professionalism that I think a, I think like, right, like clubs would see and be like, yeah. Yeah, okay.

Thanks. Yeah. And then, of course, it's the, you know, are we going to have two shows on Saturday? or one. Right. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, which is always part of the thing.

Yeah. But definitely it seemed, so how long had you been doing when you did both those spots? So I started comedy when I was 20 and I did those, I think, when I was 28. So about eight years in. Yeah. No, that makes sense. Yeah. This will be year 13, which is crazy how, like, at a certain point, like, just clumps of years go by and you're like, oh my God.

insane. Weird. Yeah, really weird. I know. It is really strange. You see these people that are just like, oh, wow, we've been, like, that you started with. You're like, really this long? Yeah. It's like, oh, maybe don't tell people to spend that long because it doesn't match. Yeah. And then just found out a few days ago that I'm doing the Tonight Show again in two weeks. And so I'm excited for that and feel grateful that I've done it once to kind of. to get at least those first nerves out of the way of like now I can at least picture exactly what it looks like to like walk out and stand on the clover and know what that is. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Anytime something's new, it's just, okay, this is, may not be terrifying, but you got to get the rhythm of it.

And then when you return, it's like, oh, okay. Yeah. This is so much easier. Yeah. Still, I think I definitely will still have some nerves, but that would, to not. night show, I feel like at least at that time it felt like comics were doing other things first on TV before they would do the Tonight Show. And the Tonight Show ended up being like the first TV thing I did. So that felt a little like, oh, I wish I had some more TV experience under

my belt because this feels like very high pressure to do this first. But yeah, I'm so glad I got to do it then. Right. So what do you eat for lunch when you don't have a sandwich? So now that I found that other bread, I can have actual sandwiches again. What do you put on it? I do turkey. I do dairy-free cheese because I still, I don't do dairy because I just like, I can't find a way to eat dairy that doesn't mess up my stomach. Yeah.

So what is, what's the dairy-free cheese that you like? So there's a brand called Follow Your Heart, which sounds like just the most fitting, vegan, you know, brand name. But their sliced cheese is unbelievable. Kite Hill makes a great. cream cheese and ricotta. So there are a few brands that do certain types of cheese very well.

I was just talking with a vegan friend of mine and he was complaining how he has not found the cheese that makes him happy. Yeah. It always has that little tang at the end. I haven't found a shredded one that doesn't have that weird tang. Was it daio? Yeah, dia.

Daya. Yeah. And I was like, oh, this is close. Yeah. And then not really. I know. What is that? leaves that thing. I don't know. I don't know if it's a nut cheese thing or, but just that,

yeah. It's such a good way to put it. It just grabs you. It won't let you not taste it. You're like, oh, this is good. This is nachos. This is just like, oh, my God, it's, it's so true. I've tried to have, like, it doesn't matter what you combine it with. It, it comes out. Yeah, but the slice doesn't do it? No, I don't taste any of the nia on a slice. Really? It's, yeah, that follow your heart brand is very, very good. Follow your heart.

This is inspiring. Yeah, they do. So no butter? No butter. Butter in things? Butter and baked in no butter. No butter. Wow.

I know. But I do feel great. I did. How much heavier were you? I think I had a lot. I'm trying to remember, because it really has been like 10 years almost. Yeah. I think I lost almost.

20 pounds like 15 to 20 which for me that was a lot because I'm 5-4 that's a lot but I was you know I was drinking a lot of beer I was very depressed you can a beer that's fermented yeah right I was very depressed working um as a receptionist and doing comedy at night in Seattle and I was exhausted you know when you're doing like all hours of work yeah and I would go I was in Seattle and I would um take my lunch breaks comically early at like 10 in the morning and I would walk to a place nearby and I would get warm soft pretzels with beer cheese sauce and I would just like put my hood up and just like just house an entire soft pretzel at like 10 in the morning just dead inside was that was a tough one somebody's going to fill the dead inside hole though that's a good place to poke around

yeah so I used to this is just to say that I was doing that I was drinking a lot of beer I was So I was, I was puffy. Puffy. I don't think anybody would have looked at me and thought necessarily like overweight, but like, puffy. I did, you know what? I forgot about this. A woman thought I was pregnant actually. But I think it was, I think it was less like the weight on my body.

I used to hold some weight on my face, I have chipmunk cheeks. And then I was wearing a coat in Seattle that was like a pea coat that would tie under your boob and kind of poof out a little. And my friend and I, on our lunch break went and got ice cream. and it was this French ice cream shop and the lady handed me my cone and she goes, so what are you do? And I was so confused

because I hadn't had that happen before and we just stared at each other for a second she was like waiting for me to respond and I was waiting for her to explain and then we both at the same time realized I realized that she thought I was pregnant and she realized I wasn't and she was like oh I'm so, she was so mortified

and I was standing there with ice cream thinking like there could not be a worse time to be handed ice cream than when somebody just thought I mean it was just like immediately in the trash like okay like does six bucks gone yeah do you have a noose back there too like do you have cyanide pills a stoppings I just was yeah that was a low point so doing the candida thing did help me um lose quite a little weight but I know and I did a I did this thing it was kind of like the whole 30 is kind of that way where you eliminate these main things in your diet for a month. Right. Meat, cheese, adultery, alcohol.

And there's another one in there. It's not bread. And it was the cheese was the thing that I abused. Like you get a clear sense of what you really miss and what you really. Yeah. And man, I dropped weight like that. Really? Cutting cheese and all that stuff out.

Yeah. Immediately. Yeah. That was a big one. Yeah. People were, I've never had that in my life where I would like show up to comedy clubs and people were like, oh my God, I didn't recognize you. Right.

That's how, I mean, my face just like deflated. Right. It felt like somebody popped my body, like a balloon and just like. Your face is where you can, someone told me that they actually could tell when people weren't having any dairy products is their face. They can tell from people's how much more chisels. and is that crazy? Yeah.

I didn't think I even physically had cheekbones. I thought that my body just didn't have that bone. I just thought I was going to be like a very like round-faced gal my whole life. And then, yeah, I was like, oh, you're just for hiding, but I didn't know. What was food when you were growing up? Who was the cook in this crazy foosball family? A lot of takeout? A lot of cereal?

Yeah. My mom was not much of a cook. A lot of. a lot of craft mac and cheese, a lot of lean cuisines. Right. A lot of pizza hut. And then my dad,

so my parents divorced when I was young and then my dad and stepmom, that became this blended family with four kids. And so they were always cooking on a budget. I had a lot of like canned food growing up, like a lot of bunker food, canned green beans, canned pears,

things that if I smell them now, I want to vomit violently. Like I have such a visceral. oral reaction to that. So yeah. You know, they were all doing their best. Right, right. But yeah, it wasn't.

It's kind of good, though. Yeah. Because you don't have like these family ties to all these foods that you can't eat anymore. You know what I mean? Like I have a hard time quitting stuff from this Italian upbringing that. Oh, sure. Like when I went home and was like, I'm a vegan now, they were like, why don't you just spit on all of your ancestors?

Graves. Why don't you just kick your mother right in the stomach? What is wrong with you? Yeah, culturally, that is such a huge part of it. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we were just trash and Spokane. Like, if we went out to Olive Garden, that was like a really, like, that was a big thing. That was exotic.

Red Robin, Red Lobster, all the Reds. Chili's. Yeah, that was like a fancy. That was like a birthday meal. So I had a very different idea of. old were they when you when they split? How old were you when they split? Um, five. Five. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, maybe almost six, but. That's a hard age. Yeah. Yeah, it was. That was, that was not easy. Those were some very tough years. It was not, um, a good divorce. And, yeah, but I do think, uh, like,

that's kind of the silver lining of comedy is like, I do think that probably helped form some trauma to make me funnier. Right. Like, at the least, I think that, yeah, It made me want to say some things. How long to take to work it out? Are you still working it out? Like for me to work out my first divorce? Yeah, just to feel like, yeah. Like this is livable where it's not like the main thing you're thinking about as a kid.

Oh, probably once I got a car. Once I was able to feel a little bit more independent, like I wasn't fully locked into the divorce agreement of you're at this house these days, you're at this house these days. When I felt like I could, you know, be more of an adult. That helps me, I think. Have agency and where you're going to go. Have some distance from it.

But before then. That's a long run. From five to then. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that was tough. Yeah. But I do feel very lucky that I have a really good relationship with all of my parents now.

So, but yeah, it took a while. Did it make you look at boys differently? Um, what do you mean? Like, in what way? Are you afraid of commitment because someone's going to split? Oh. No. You know, it's, I think when I look at it. So my dad married, um, the woman that he, like, decided to be with. Right. Right. So then they have had a, you know, 30 year marriage or whatever. Right. So it's like, it's hard. I think one of the lessons I tried to pull from seeing that was like, You know, sometimes people make mistakes.

Like, I know my dad, I think, has regrets about things, but it does seem like he is happy with the person he's with. And I don't know as a child in that house if I would have wanted them to stay together if they, if one or both of them weren't happy. Yeah. So I haven't had commitment fears, really, which is, I think, been probably a miracle after coming

of divorce. But yeah. But I, you know, I was married myself. I got actually divorced a week before COVID hit, which is something I talk about in my special that's coming out. But yeah, and then now, what's the name of your special, by the way? It's called the Hustler. So it's about, this is the Hustler tour that we're on. Yeah, I just wrapped the Hustler tour. This one's called the Nice TRI tour now, but it's still kind of foosball themed. So I do the bit about hustling people in the special that's coming out. Yeah. Awesome. And where can people see it? So it will be out on YouTube on March 9th for free everywhere. If people want to get it early, it will be available for purchase on my website,

Kelseycook.com, on February 28th. You'll get like a signed poster and an audio download and all that. We're trying to make it, you know, like a bundle. That's a good idea. But it will be everywhere March 9th. Awesome. Yeah. That's great.

Thanks. Yeah. What were we saying right before the? Oh, we're talking about getting divorced. Oh, yeah. Right before COVID. Right before COVID. That was perfect timing, though.

Yeah. I mean, well. Good and bad, right? I mean, I think there's that perspective of like, what would life have been like if we hadn't. But also it was like the most isolating time for everybody. And it felt very much more prominent to go from like living with somebody for eight years into living alone in a global pandemic. It felt. I felt like I was on some sort of like

Guy Fiery reality shows like extreme divorce. It was just like, you really felt divorced to be living alone in a global pandemic. Where were you? I was actually here in L.A. You were here.

So you had your friends, you had, well, kind of. I had like a few, you know, my friends that lived here, but I had a lot of friends back home, my family back home. And usually if you go through a large, you know,

you've been together for a long time. Yeah. a massive life change, you and other circumstances would go be with your family. You'd go see your friends, you know, do things that brought you comfort. And it was like a legal mandate. It was like, you can't leave. Yeah. God. So. Did you do okay? Um, you know, there are some ups and downs. Yeah. A lot of long walks. A lot of, uh, you know, it's hard. It was really hard. And did you say that you got the foosball table during the pandemic? I had that. Yeah. So it was, there's times practicing foosball.

So we had it in our place and then I took it with me into the apartment I moved into. You got custody of it? Yeah. I don't think he probably wanted it. I don't think he had like a big attachment to it or anything. They're also so loud. Like they're not a pleasant thing. But I sold mine here in L.A.

And then just moved in with my boyfriend in Minnesota and he got me a football table in our new place has a Christmas gift. which is so nice. Oh, this is going to be a good relationship. Yeah, it was such an amazing. Can we say who it is? Yeah, it's Chad Daniels. Yeah. Great comedian.

Great comedian. Yeah. So that was an amazing surprise. I was in complete shock. That makes perfect sense that he would nail that gift. I only know him a little bit. Yeah. And I told you before we started, you just get a real comfortable, like, vibe that, oh,

this is a good guy that kind of has things figured out. is the vibe I get from him. Yeah. Yeah. Great human. And that's a great way to put it, too, that, like, I think he's always understood what is important in life. Yeah. Or at least maybe, maybe, be, yeah, like, becoming a parent, I'm sure, has to really shift that in comedy and be like, how am I going to sleep at night?

Like, am I going to feel okay putting certain things in my career way above being a dad? And having to try to find that balance, I can't imagine how hard. that is, but yeah, he's always been somebody that I think is very mindful of what is really important in life. So when did you start living with him? Just like five weeks ago. I moved to Minnesota in January, like a psycho. Yeah. I mean. So you've never been through a Minnesota winter. A Minnesota winter. This is my first. This is very exciting because I've always, yeah, because I've always really thought about that Upper Midwest life going full year cycle. Yeah.

And I'm probably not going to do it. So it'll be good to watch someone else do it. Suffer through. And see how it goes. Yeah. I was just touring in Upper Michigan and Wisconsin. Oh, yeah. And I told my wife, we should move to Kohler, Wisconsin.

She's like, I did that gig. She was like, no. Oh. Did you do like the resort, the colder resort? No, it was a, it was like a school theater. Oh, okay. I performed it like, you know, colder that makes the, yeah, yeah, they have a resort up there. Yeah, they own that, right, the American club. Yes, yeah. I performed there years and years ago and I was like, the shower with 47 showerheads. It was crazy. What was so crazy was they own the whole town.

Oh, okay. It was like a family that started the whole thing. And I literally was in the green room and my dressing room doing the waving underneath. It was like a bad bit that I couldn't get the sink to work at Kohler. I'm like, if not here, then where? Yeah, exactly. But I came back from that. I'm like, we should live there.

These people are so nice and everybody looks healthy. And they're just so nice to you in the stores. I didn't hear a police siren the entire two days I was there. I'm like, we should live there. And my wife's like, I'm going to let this phase go by and we're not going to live in the cold Wisconsin winters. There's no way. Yeah. It was cold, though.

Holy shit, it was cold. It's intense. You're going to have to get good socks. Yes, I invested in some REI socks. Being from Spokane originally, at least it's not like the most insane culture shock. Sure. Because Spokane does get, we're in the same lotitude. It does get cold.

but that wind and coming off the water in Minneapolis, like it's not uncommon to wake up right now and have your phone app say it's like negative 13. And that's not what it feels like. That's what it actually is. Right. And yeah, I've been learning like trying to use a bidet in the winter there is something.

I mean, the water feels like locally anesthesia. It's like the coldest. Like you don't feel your behole for weeks. It's just like, you have to really decide, like, how much do I care about this being clean right now? Because this is. Probably don't even have to because you're not going to be taking your clothes off for a month. Not taking it under any circumstance. Yeah.

And is he hardy? Like, is he? He's a Hardy Minnesota man. So he's lived forever. Yeah. So he knows. Yeah. He took me, we went golf, you know, top golf.

Yeah. So there's one in. Fargo called Sweet Shots because, like, of course, it has to be like the, it's like, you know, like the Kroger top golf in Fargo. And we went out with a couple of his friends there. Was this in December? I think this was in December. And it was six degrees.

And he was like, well, there will be heat lamps. And I was like, okay. But it's still, anytime you do this, talk about the whole front is open. It's just wide open. You're standing there. You're outside. I stood there for two seconds by a heat lamp and I was like, I'm going to eat tacos in the lobby. Like, you guys have a nice time.

And they're like not even wearing jackets. They're just wearing sweatshirts. Oh my God. Golfing, drink and tequila. Like, totally fine. It's so crazy. Their blood's different. It's different.

They're like creatures that live in the woods. Yes. And they have thick syrupy blood. He's like something from Harry Potter. He was like found in the deep forest. Yeah. And I just feel like this bird. person that there was no way I could. I was like, I don't mean to be a party pooper. You know,

when you're like meeting some of their new friends for the first time, you want to make a great impression. And I just was like, I am so sorry, but I think we're going to take me to the ER if like I don't go inside. This is crazy. I wonder if it'll change you. It has to. If you stick it out, yeah. In your mind, he won't listen to this. In your mind, do you feel like eventually you can get I'm out of there? Or do you feel like I'm going to be here forever? I think I knew that me moving there was going to be me living there forever. Right.

Now you might turn into, like, because I had a woman pick me up. I was in Traverse City. It was like right on the water, like super cold. Yeah. And she picked me up and she was, I don't know, it's hard to say. I would say she's probably 68. Okay. It might be 50.

Sure. They're hardy. Minnesota. Different, right. That wind. It's not in L.A. Oh, my God. Yeah.

50. It's like, absolutely not. But she was so great, like unfazed by the weather, by the cold, by any aggravation, just even keeled. We're going to get through it kind of people. Yes. It's so kind. It's very appealing.

It is. Yeah. It really is. People are very kind. you know, just polite, a lot of pleasant trees and I grew up around that. And when I moved to L.A. and was here for those six years, that was such a shock to me. It is a shock. It is different. Yeah. The whole, like, if you hold the door open for people, sometimes they just blow by you.

That was very different to me. And it's nice to be in menace. It does feel very homey and people are so nice. It's hard when you're here and you're friendly. It's a tough place to be friendly. Like when I would run through the neighborhood, you know, jogging and I waved to everybody. Yeah. Like a clown. Like if I had been in Kohler, Wisconsin, it'd be all waving back and I would feel like I wouldn't even clock it. Like a clown.

Sorry, there's something about that visual that's so funny. Just this like dopey guy. Hi. And they'm not saying, looking the other way. We're looking right at you and not saying anything. And you're like, oh, again. That's the weirdest. I guess is the eye contact.

Yeah, and nothing. Not giving you anything, you weirdo. Yeah. But that isn't, that isn't, I had Gabby Reese on the podcast and she, I was said, I said they may have beaten me. Like I think I'm a little less friendly now and she's like, don't you do it. Yeah. And she kind of gave me the assignment like you didn't know, go harder into it. Yeah.

And I have. I kind of took her advice. Good, yeah. And it is better. I think so. But have you seen that ad? You know those series of ads where they don't turn into your parents? Oh my God, yeah.

Those are a genuinely very funny commercials. Legit funny. Yeah. And the new round has a guy on an elevator. Yes. Yes. I'm that guy. Oh, my God.

Because I was on it. I was guy at the lounge in Dallas. And I was, and everyone just got on. It was early and everyone was kind of cranky. It was like, I know, six people. And this older woman in a bright orange down jacket was just looking at everybody. And she goes, so where are you going? And where are you going?

And everybody gave her an answer. And this is just a short little elevator ride. Yeah. She changed the whole elevator. By the time the door is opened up, everyone walked out. Everyone was like, have a great time in Boise. All right. Have fun in Florida.

and she completely transformed it. So I'm like, I'm going to be that guy. And then that ad came out and I'm like, eh. Do I want to be that guy? Do I want to be that guy? Yeah. How do you feel about grocery store interactions with the person scanning your groceries? I love it.

Okay. Yeah. I call them my girlfriends. My daughters, like, when they come with me? because I like shot. I do like going to the supermarket. Like, because I'm planning the food and it's kind of my role.

And, uh, and I have a couple that I really like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was, that was a change I noticed for myself that when I lived in L.A.

It had kind of broken me down into being at grocery store. Like I didn't even want to interact. I feel like most time they didn't want to interact either. Right. But if they did, I would almost be the person that was more like short answers. just kind of like trying to get out of there because I was so stressed always living here. Yeah.

My friend has described living here as being on a treadmill that's always set a little too fast. Like every aspect of living is harder. Like going to the grocery store isn't just that you roll up to the, it's like maybe you have to deal with a parking garage. And put your cart on one of those weird cart escalators. Yeah. And if you add that up by the end of the day, you've done more than you know. needed to do to just live. Yeah. And so I used to feel pretty stressed going to the grocery store here. And then when I was

living in Spokane again for a couple years, I was like, oh my God, if they were like scanning cat food, they'd be like, oh, my God, do you have a cat? Like, I would become the person. I was very sociable. I really liked talking to them. And I was like, oh, this feels like myself again. I know. Yeah. That's really the way you should live. Yeah. And you can, you know, know you can try and be the friendly person here and do that yeah but you are swimming upstream you are you are yeah this city bonnie mcfarlane you know bonnie yeah love bonnie she's uh she's just the greatest yeah and she had a funny she said she was on the road uh she was on the road somewhere and she was like getting kind of like tired of the friendly in a way yeah and she's just and just seeing like

wow everyone talks everywhere and then she flew back to Newark and went up to the Starbucks in Newark and the woman behind the registers looked up and went, what? Oh my God. She was like, I'm home. I'm back. I was in, I came from Portland. So I was at Helium Comedy Club over the weekend.

And Portland, of course, is known for like just, of course, like some very eccentric, almost too friendly of people. And the woman checking me in at the hotel. tell within 10 seconds of checking me and had told me that she was learning how to roller skate that she's been covering a lot of punk rock songs on her ukulele where you're just like how did you even find a way to get these pieces of information into the conversation i certainly didn't ask anything about them right and then she had handed me my room keys and she goes all right well come back down here and hang out with me if you want and i'm just like i don't i like what a

weird world that would be that I would fly all the way here just and then come be in the lobby where there's no chairs like you want me to just like pop a squat next to you help check in people yeah it just sometimes I feel like that level of friendly turns into a hostage situation yeah I just I just want to sleep yeah right exactly and now you're like scurrying out of the hotel trying to make eye contact hoping that she's involved with someone else yeah it is difficult but man and and I think that's the thing I was craving with the Kohler and why I'm excited for you to go live this life is because it's fewer people I think it's just literally density yes I think because I went from Kohler and I had to drive to Chicago and just feel it growing you just feel the humanity growing

by the time you get down there and it's like I just I just want to be like in a cabin anywhere yes You know what I mean? Just to not be around human beings for a minute. You need a break. Yeah. Our job is in front of so many human beings. Constantly. It's kind of nice to like hibernate a little bit during the week.

Yeah. Where are you going to be next? So I will be, I go to New York for the Tonight Show and then I go from there to Cincinnati for shows in March. Then I'm in Kearney, Nebraska for a random weekend. And then Acme, in Minneapolis at the end of March, which I'm excited for. So San Francisco, Denver, Chicago, lots coming up in the next couple months. Awesome.

Yeah. And so what's your, when are you in New York? So I will be there Sunday, the 26th through Wednesday, March 1st. So I'm doing the tonight show on Tuesday, February 28th. Got it. All right. I'm going to be there the week before. Oh, we'll just miss you.

Rats. Yeah. Rats. Yeah. It was exciting, though. Yeah, thank you. Cool. A lot of good things are happening. It's very nice. Thanks. And thank you for having me on. I've truly been a fan of yours for a very long time and just love your comedy so much.

So it was fun to come on and talk to you. Thank you. Yeah, absolutely. And just let me know where the bread ended up. Even if it's a stranger, someone in a lobby, just let me know where it went. So much goes into it. What kind of bread is it? This is a sourdough. It's called an overnight country blonde. Oh, my God. So it has whole wheat, all purpose, and white rye. Wow. Kind of all mixed together.

Oh, my gosh. It's going to taste shitty. Don't put yourself up. It also sounds like an only fans category. Yeah. Right. Whatever that was. Overnight country blonde.

Overnight country blonde. Yeah. But, man, I do miss sourdough. Sourdows are delicious. Yeah. And, man, I wonder if my daughter, Maybe she has candide in her. Candida?

Candida in her belly. Does she have? Is she skin? Oh. Little bumps? More like acne? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Had she been on antibiotics before? Not heavily. Okay. Not really. That's crazy that gave you that much antibiotic in the beginning of your little life. I know. I had a similar thing when I went to get my haircut when I was 16 and he took shaving cream

and he shaved me. I didn't even need it. And he shaved my ears. He put, and I was like, I don't think this is a thing, but I didn't know. I'm 16.

So old Italian barber with a straight edge. And he shaved my ears. And I literally have like ear maintenance. I have to tend to. Oh my God. Because it should not be shaved

and grow in like a forest. Oh my God. Yeah. But you don't know. You're a kid. You're just like, all right, she's just going to do this

to my whole face. Yeah, well, and it's that kind of, it's that people pleaser thing that kicks in when you're in a setting like that. And it's like, oh, we're doing this for free. You're just kind of like, okay. You're like not thinking about what the potential, like what they're actually qualified to do. Not at all. And it's my face. You know, she waxed my whole face and then put dirty oil in it. And I like, isn't that crazy that one day robbed me of pizza and burgers for the rest of my life? the rest of your life. And I have mad ear hair. So let that be a lesson, kids. Jepetto, shaving your ears.

God. Well, this was really great. Thank you so much for me on. And say hi to chat and keep, I guess I just have to follow you on social media to see what the updates are. But if I'm, I will break the social media wall once in a while to ask questions about this new life. I would love that.

Yeah. Just to see how it's going and how much, what do they eat up there, sturgeon or something. There's like a lot of sturgeon or something. A lot of wild rice. Chicken soups and yeah, it's a whole thing. All right.

All right. See you soon. Bye. We got it, Aaron. There you have it, everybody. That's Kelsey Cook. Good person, funny person. Keep an eye out for her special.

The Hustler, which will be out in March and on the YouTube. Go to Kelsey Cook.com. Look up all of her tour dates. Very funny person. Go to YouTube and look up her last tonight. night show and her this is not happening very funny sets and and enjoy thank you very much to kelsey for being here thank for you all of you for listening thank you to diet smoke for sponsoring and go to tompapa dot com look up all this stuff and also um my new book also we're going to start talking about this a lot

more uh we're all in this together so make some room is ready for pre-order now and we're going to have a lot of book events and things coming up which we'll be talking about in the near few future. All right, that's it, kids. Enjoy your day.