Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 145 - Colin Quinn

Episode Date: March 7, 2023

Colin Quinn hates sourdough bread but we we love his new show Small Talk coming to the Greenwich Theater in NYC.  FYI he's never had MY sourdough. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, it's also a show. Hey. Yeah, we're also on camera. Wow, how did you see the camera? That's what's so great about this place. This is where Robert Kelly does it. Robert, have you ever been here before? Yeah, I was here with Robert, but it was a different setup.

Oh, it was? Bob's like, wait till you see the new place. I was like, oh, shut it, Bob. It's, yeah, I like, I like, yeah, I like, it's nice. It's nice. It's better. I brought you some sandwiches. Thanks. This is a place that Liz told me about over on

Sullivan Street. Oh, nice. What's it called? It's called Alentico Venaio. Nice, nice. And it's made on facacia bread. It comes from Florence. So that one you'll like because it's just prosciutto. A little oil plain. You say facacia bread

like in some new delicacy. It's been in the country for 40 years. Every other restaurant serves it. The olive garden probably I know, but you never get these you never get sandwiches just on a square faccia, who does that? These people. Oh, good.

That is, this one is Prejuto, but it's got a truffle on it. Ew. I thought you would be, I thought that one would make you mad. And this one's, uh, uh, guan charlie with, um, some eggplant thing on it.

Turkey? No. Cork. The fagia could corner my throat. Like a choke. to that. I got you. Do you like it?

That one's good, right? Very good. Yeah. Just for you. But guess what? What? Nothing the podcast fans hate worse than when you eat on camera. They get so mad.

So mad. So mad. If you chew on the mic, my whole thing is about eating. I know, but I can't blame them. You bother you, too? Well, you know,

when you're hearing somebody chew, it's kind of annoying. I kind of... It makes you sick. You drive it away and you pull up. Yeah, but I don't know. It's just chewing. But there's an as I'm...

is disgusting. ASMR thing about it. You know what I really hate? What? Whenever you're watching a movie or a TV show. Yeah. And you hear them going like this. Mm.

Mm. Mm. And they go, mm. Like, even on a cooking show. Mm. I want to get gross. I know. But when I had that show on the Food Network,

yes. A big thing was that you had to eat it at the end. That was like the money shot. They wanted to see you chewing. They wanted you to talk about it. They wanted the mouth. They wanted the whole thing. I produced that show to play.

music over it. Yeah. And you're supposed to like really get into a... A great song, man. Mom. You play a song right there. My daughter had to stop watching The Bachelor because of all the kissing sounds. I agree with it.

So what's going on with your show? You're moving to a new theater. Is that a fancy upgrade? No. It's just a lateral move, but... My show's upgraded. Extended. Yeah, and I'll be doing new things with the show.

You are? Yeah. What are you going to do dancing and stuff? No, but there's a lot more crowd interaction. Even on this one, there was more than I usually do. Oh, yeah? I don't like to throw the rhythm off with, you know, because the crowd, you know, it can change the rhythm. Yeah.

And it can change the whole show. Yeah. And as much as crowdwork is fun, sometimes it's, you know. Yeah, it's a risk. Yeah, and it can be a crush, and it can be a little. a lot of things, no. Yeah. But you're enjoying it.

I love it. Yeah. I never do it. I know. It is good. It's fun. It is. And what you have to do now is cut little pieces of the crowd work and post it on your TikTok.

Well, that's what everyone says, but I don't have TikTok because I'm too old to be on TikTok. No, you're not. Oh, yes, I am. No, you're not. Mike, is he too old for TikTok? No one's too old for TikTok. No, he's not too old. Mike, let me ask you this.

If anyone's too old for TikTok, it's me. Let's say, hypothetically. somebody could be too old for TikTok. It would be me. You could put it on Instagram. Yeah, you know, I put on what's... Or Facebook. You probably have a chat room in a Facebook. Oh, the crowd work stuff? Yeah. All comedy on all these platforms is starting to annoy everybody.

Yeah, it really is. It took it long enough. God bless him. Do you think it'll affect comedy the way that it dipped back in the day when it was on cable too much and there's too much bad stuff? I've said that for the past 20 years. It hasn't happened yet, so... Yeah. I don't want to predict it now because, you know. Why do you think it's different this time? You think the comedy's better?

Why does it last it so long? You know, like, why hasn't there been, why haven't people gotten sick of it? Because. Like, back in the 80s, people got sick of it watching all this stuff, and then all the comedy clubs crashed. Because as things got,

as things in the past 15 years have gotten progressive, hold on, I've got to check my soda. I've gotten progressively more dishonest, where all the rest of everything is fake, Right. The little scintilla of honesty and comedy, people still crave it, you know. Wow. I see what you're saying.

So now that we are the truth tellers. Well, at least occasionally some truth gets through. Right. I was thinking this morning because I had to do an interview, and I'm going to ask you this, when I get asked this, whenever I go, whenever I'm doing press in some of a city and they don't really know me or they don't really know comedy, someone just put on the whatever newspaper to go you go interview this guy right for the show and the question i was getting i want to see how you handle it because i can't handle it i never have an answer for it so colin you got your show small talk it's playing over at the theater to tell us what can people

expect from your show oh well i say you know they can expect to laugh throughout the entire show, like laugh the entire time. And, you know, I think that's really the requirement of being a comedian. You can expect, I elicit laughter. Whatever a subject I'm talking about, you will laugh. And that's really all there is to it. It's that simple. Yeah, that's not a better answer than I give.

What? I don't know what they're expecting. They're expecting something more than that. Because I said that... I don't care what they're expecting. Guess what? Comedy, once they get into all this complex stuff, ultimately, if you're getting laughs, you're a comedian.

Right. If you're not, you could say you're a philosopher, but I wouldn't call you a comedian. Right. I was getting ready to go out to the comedy store the other night, and I was just getting ready and grab my keys and stuff. And Cynthia said that she was watching some show about people who hooked up or dated. They were talking about dating history or whatever, and they were like, what professions do you like going out with? And it was like, I dated a doctor, I dated a lawyer. And she goes, stand-up comedy.

And the girl was like, oh, yeah, what was that guy? He, like, was getting into stand-up comedy or he was trying stand-up comedy? Oh, that didn't work out. And she was remarking how there is, like, thousands of people that will try it. But very few end up just, like, legitimately you could say, I am a stand-up comedian. Well, yeah. I mean, look, it's harder now than it was when we came off. And it was hard then. Right.

But, you know what I mean? It got harder and then, but so many people did it. But, you know, it's really impossible now. Everything's impossible. Everything's so saturated. Right. I don't even know. You mean hard to break through? Yeah. Well, hard to break through in a sense that, you know, that it's, even if you break through, it's still saturated. Right.

So, like, hard to break through with an audience for yourself. more than there was no industry really to speak up. But, you know, even going on social media and trying to do your thing, like getting the crowd and then saying, oh, and then keeping them, you know, because you're putting out specials. And it's like, we love this person, but it's like anything else. Yeah. You know, it's just such a, such an over, everything's just, there's so much of everything. Well, that's why there's so much crowdwork, people posting all their crowdwork on social. Like, they just to keep, just to keep feeding the machine.

You just have to constantly put it out. Yeah. But I think the demand of social media, or even like your specials, they just want more. They just want the next thing. People say that. But then when people talk to me, they go, I love you. Do you have any specials on anywhere? I'm like, yeah, I have specials on for years.

So it's like, everybody claims to one more of you, but you know it is. Yeah. You're like, when are you coming to Buffalo? I was there on Tuesday and Wednesday. Right. So it's like, I don't know. You know, I think people are just like. like, hey, come by and, you know, they want to deliver it to them.

Of course. Yeah. Service. Yeah. We're all small businesses now. I know. It is, yeah, it's on-stop. Everybody's.

Ad agency, marketing. Everything segregated. Nobody talks about that stuff. You know what I mean? Right. That's the way it is. Yeah. Even Mike screwed up my specials.

What? Yeah. He was saying my one special, but it wasn't that special. It was a different special. Well, what's the wrong with that? At least you said it. You think anyone noticed? of you?

Yeah, well, he was only talking to me. I'm saying anybody who's talking to wouldn't have noticed including your manager. Including your wife. Your kids, they wouldn't have noticed either. What do we notice? I know. There's a few fans that'll say something to you like,

ha ha, I'm still in it. I did get your reference, by the way, on your Instagram video when you're telling people go to the other theater. Oh, how about the other one that Liz post? and me singing, attacking Tom Papa. Oh, yeah. What was that? You forgot all about it.

See what I mean? This is how saturated life is. It was 10 years ago. It's the first thing you would have mentioned. That's true. I had to bring it up. That's how saturated everything is. Nobody remembers anything.

Yeah, you came into the comedy cellars. I was getting ready to do come to Papa. And I had the band, and you broke. I came in hot. We can't deny it. You came in, you came in crooning. You were coming in. You came in like, you wrote Dean Martin.

I thought I was going to sing that day. Yeah. Instead it turned out to be one of those girls. And then you attacked me out of nowhere. Well, that wasn't out of nowhere. That kid was a long time coming. A cop show? I had you pegged perfectly.

That was a great episode, wasn't it? It was a great episode. Laughing it up. Oh, the best. That's such a good show. Cop show is so great. Yeah. So funny.

You know. Why don't you make more of those? I don't know. I just don't. I didn't have money. I was losing money on every episode. Yeah. It was not a great business model.

It was running out of money. How much is it cost? It couldn't cost that much. No, it was cheap. Yeah, it didn't look like it cost much. But we were paying nobody anything. We couldn't keep doing it. I don't think I got paid at all.

Uh-uh. If you got a hundred bucks yet. And I really brought it. You did. I brought my A game. Yep. Riter College. My Riding College School of Drama's.

Yeah. Yeah, but, look, there's no shows where you really go. to me, there's a lack of joy goes on now. I'm watching TV, I watch these things, and it's always there's some kind of a film, a fake film over everything. What do you mean? I don't mean like film, over film.

A film like there's a voice of, you know, disingenue, whatever you call it, over everything. So you're starting from an imaginary premise, an imaginary world, and then you're asking people, people not only just suspend disbelief because it's a show, but to suspend disbelief as they know life experience to be. Why?

Because people are so in the know? Because people all know that it's, we're too savvy? Or is it the, is it the viewer? I'll speak for me. I'll speak for me and your listeners. Okay. You could not have had the opposite of my intent in my statement and what you came up with.

I was confused. I'm asking a follower. You sure are. No, I'm saying that... You're saying the people making it. I'm saying the people making it are sort of in like a... They're in ideological propaganda mode. And out of fear or out of their own true beliefs,

so you're living in an imaginary... You're setting imaginary premises, and then everything you put into an imaginary premise rings hollow so people can't laugh or really enjoy. Right, right, right. I'd say 95% of things I see. That I understand. Yeah, because you're right.

It doesn't matter what they're doing, what they're making. There's now like a self-censorship going on. Yeah, and it's not just censorship. Yeah, it's pushing themselves right. Right. Yeah. It is really true. I mean, when you look at stuff that was made before this time, I mean, that...

Yeah, that was bad enough. But now. But like the 70s? the honesty of like comedies and stuff. It was just, it was raw. It all felt raw. Yeah. It was.

Yeah. Now it's gloss. Yeah. And it's also because everybody's being filmed at all times. Yeah. Everybody knows they're on watch. They're being watched at all time. So they're careful.

They're under surveillance film. That's part of it too. God. Is this the kind of thing people can expect from your show small? Yes. They can get lots of laughs. First of all, my answer is the only answer you should give these people. If they want to say something else,

let them ask it. Right. It's being too lazy. I get that question too. You're right. I hate it. I hate that question because of course. I know.

But you have to say laughs first. Yeah. Because first of all, that's not as common as you would think. The last time it was just the other day. And I said, they can expect to laugh their ass off. They're going to have more laughs than this hour and a half than they will. Any other thing they watch this year.

There you go. That's the right answer. I know. but it's not... Then let them do their homework. I feel like they're not satisfied. Yeah, and let them ask a follow-up. What do you mean by that?

Why should you do their work and figure out what they're trying to say? Ask the question, but this is part of what I'm talking about. Yeah, right, right, exactly. I know which is people are trying to insinuate. They're trying to make sure that they keep clean and getting you to... It's so weird. It is weird. It's really fake.

It's fake and it's, you know. Do you think the regular people are aware of it? Yeah, I think they're getting more and more aware of it every day. Yeah. I mean, even my mom will make jokes like, oh, am I going to get canceled? Yeah. You know what I'm right? Yeah.

You know, and she's just talking honestly about something. Yes. She'd be like, oh, you're probably going to cancel me, but. Right. It's a weird thing. It's weird that that is permeated to the point where... It's been slowly coming for a long time. A long time.

I remember you were very much in the front of it. You were talking about... the danger of where we were headed with all of it, like 20 years before. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why you weren't more effective in stopping it. I don't either. I had big plans, but the best-led plans of mice and men. But then there's another part that with comedy,

the more raw you are in some ways, it does break through. Like, people seem to be craving it. Well, in certain ways, yeah. I mean? Yeah. It depends. Like even if you do something stupid, like just use retarded. Well, but that's what I mean.

Here's the problem with, I think, is that, yeah, exactly. People will go in another direction. You're like, no, no, that's not what I mean. You know, and then suddenly it's like that becomes a thing. Yeah. It's like, yeah. I'm sure it's been like this forever in different variations. So it's just this is the modern incarnation of it, you know?

Right. But back to my acting and cop show. Yes, you were brilliant. I really was. You are good. I'm surprised that my episode didn't get more funding for the show. No, no episode really did that well, actually. It was really amazing.

No episodes really did as well as what I hoped. Right. You know, who knows what happens, you know? Yeah. It was very strange. So you have, you always talk about how many times you were famous. Yes. When fame would creep up on you in your career.

Yeah. Or not creep, when it would hit. Right. Did you learn anything from those cycles of when it comes and when it ebbs and flows? Like, did you, do you know, were you able to cultivate it? Or was it happenstance? Was it karma? Was it, how did you look at that?

Well, how it happened, you mean? Yeah. Yeah, like, you know, we're always walking around thinking, like, what's my next thing? When am I going to do this thing? Could you control it? No. No. Or is the wheel.

The wheel. The wheel. You know? Yeah, I couldn't control it. It was never predictable. It was never, you know, it was never the way. And the funny thing is because, like, I never really sold that well with, like, comedy as far as, you know, building that giant base. Yeah.

But the first, because I believe that when I was at MTV, I was selling really well by stop doing comedy for a while. But I believe the first time you're famous is where you imprint with the audience. with the audience, how big you're going to get? If you're famous, I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. So the first time I was famous was when I should have imprinted. I do theaters, but I wasn't, I would have screwed it up anyway. I wasn't prepared.

And people weren't really doing that then. But it doesn't matter. I could have been a guy that did it. Right. And then you just imprint and you sort of stay at that. Uh-huh. Maybe not at that level, but I'm just saying that, like, you know. Yeah, I know what you mean.

Yeah. And it's just funny because you can't. You're like that guy. know you, they just know you. Right. And after a while, they like you and they like to see you, but they're not going to, they're not going to think of you in a certain way. That's what I think.

You know what I mean? Right, right. It's just the way it is. But again, this is the world is just bullshit theory. But in my life, I've seen that. That's definitely happened with me. Yeah, yeah. But that could have been some other variation, you know.

Yeah. A lot of people have complained about not being able to understand me, which apparently is a big thing in comedy. People want to be able to decipher what you're saying. So. It's overrated. Yeah, the fans have complained. There's one good thing about social media. You get to understand.

People really are saying, hey, you're muttering. You're mumbling. And after a while ago, I guess I really am. For years, comedians say it. I'm like, ah, you don't know what I'm doing. Shut up. The fans are like, I can't understand. Yeah, but it's an interesting thing because it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, where, of where, of where, of why they're attracting positive things in their life or why they're, right, you know what I mean, like, sure.

Yeah, it's, uh, yeah. And, you know, there's like, are you manifesting it? Are you, are you, are you in control of it or living a good life and then things kind of happen that way? Right. You know, all that kind of stuff. of stuff. No, I mean, it's so true. Yeah. But I definitely noticed, I just noticed that when I was on MTV, like, I had what they call momentum.

It matters to, to my credit, sabotage are pretty across the board in different ways, but, but I did definitely notice it. Right. And then, but here's another funny thing. Then you get used to it. So one day, you're back to flying coach. Right. Literally.

Yeah. And you're back on the subway. Mario Joini used to have a funny joke about that. He goes, yeah. because he was on MTV with me and he had a similar thing. And he goes, I remember two years ago, people would go, riding a subway? And he goes, now they're looking at me and he go, riding his subway.

And that's, you know, that's how it goes. I had a show and I was going back and forth between New York and L.A. For a long time, flying first, you know, doing the whole thing. And then the show gets canceled. And then you run out of your stuff. status. And then I was back to coach. Yeah.

And I'm sitting in a coach and a flight attendant on American Airlines just came back and goes, what are you doing back here? And I said, my show is canceled. It's over. It's C-N-O-H. Yeah. And he was like, oh, my God. And then later on in the flight, he came back with a cookie wrapped in a napkin.

And he handed it to me and he goes, you'll be back. Oh. That was so nice. It was so nice. What a great story. You got to tell that in your ass. You're going to tell that in your act. Yeah.

That's a great story. That's a great story. Yeah. But it's such a human story. It really was. And he knew he clocked me. And we did actually, I did see him like 10 years after that. You did.

Yeah. Then he was weird. He was like kind of into like salt. He was showing me all the salts that he likes. Well, why not? Salt is one of the breakthroughs in society. Right. You read that book, Salt.

Yeah. It's a good one. But yeah, there is that thing that eb and that flow. But what you've done is really I'm very envious of because when I remember the very first time I ever saw anything off Broadway, I saw True West. Oh, yeah. John Malcovic off Broadway. I think the theater you're going to be playing in on Barrow, right? Man, maybe, maybe.

Yeah. What's the name of the theater? No, no, that was the Cherry Lane. Oh, that was the Cherry Lane. Right, right, right. Oh, believe me, they still love their True West Cherry Lane story. Yeah. Yeah. And I always thought, why, man.

And then like Eric Bogosian and just staying in New York and doing the Broadway thing in a immediate way. It was like. Yes, it is kind of fun. Which you have done for now for 20 years. Yeah, well, 10 years. I really do. Really? Long story short.

Yeah, 12 years. 12 years? It's such a cool, from the outside. I don't know how you feel inside. Yeah, no. The outside, it is very cool. It's cool in a certain way. Because, you know, Eric Begozian, I remember why.

I remember watching everybody goes into shows in the 80s. Yeah. When I first started comedy, and I was like, that's cool. It was so cool. And I saw Whoopi Goldberg, and I saw Lily Tomlin search for Intelligent Life. You did? And all those shows, I was like, these shows are good. You know, they're doing a one-person show.

Yeah. It's kind of cool. Yeah, it was very cool. Yeah. In New York. They were all really good shows. Yeah. I think, and what you do, it's just great.

Thanks. And it's so perfect. Like, to see you, like, touring. around is yeah whatever but seeing you do these things in new york is like thanks for my tour days they really see what if i was promoting my tour right now you're lucky i'm not what if i was you'd be like see the tour ah whenever jesus do you want to try a prosciutto with truffle or it'll be too much i think you said liz is gonna bring me the other day cold i asked she's she's ghosting me i don't know where she is i know where she is oh my god she doesn't see me in months

I thought you when I came running up. I know. I'm going to say now he's yelling at you. It's really enough. So you haven't been coming to the cell? You just go and do your spot. Yeah, now I'm going to come back to the cellar. You know, I'll be back now.

I mean, you know how the cellar is. It's like, it's really as much of a home as any home in my life. I know. I think about it. Like, this street, this place is so deep to me. And from the day I first saw it, if I felt like that to me. Right. Exactly.

It is weird. And that it happens like that for a lot of us. Yeah. You just walk in and, like, I don't know if it's the ghosts that are here from all the performances. Before comedy. Yeah. I mean, this was in the early days. I know.

So it's just something about this. I was reading Dylan. I think it is ghost. Rereading Bob Dylan's autobiography. And when he talks about this whole area, oh, you're just like, it's the same. It's exactly the same. What did he say about us? Just that, yeah, the energy.

Yes. The energy, it was happening. You could just feel things happening in different spots. God. Kettle of fish and going in and meeting all these characters. The meeting of the different people just populating it. I mean, early 60s, New York, before everything blew up, really, before the Beatles. Yeah.

Really, you know, one of my theories is the Beatles, who I love, of course, they were. Sent by England to destroy the United States for payback for the Revolutionary War. Wait, what? Well, it makes sense, doesn't it? After the Beatles came is when everything started to upheaval. The country fractured apart. Right. It is true. And it was because the Beatles came over here.

Started parading around and telling everybody, yeah, fuck this place. I didn't say that, but the subtext. Do you think Elvis is responsible? Oh, no. Does anyone ever say Elvis or somebody that's doing an impression? I think Elvis was, by the way, the Elvis movie, speaking of imaginary, the whole Elvis movie, this is a fake movie where he was hanging out in Memphis because they were so afraid people were going to be like, Elvis, he stole for the blackness.

So instead they invented in Memphis in the 1950s. They made it seem like he was down for the court. Yeah, he was one of the black artists. Yeah. It really, I was. And that guy was great, though, huh? Huh? That guy was great.

The actor playing Elvis? Yeah. Let me ask you that. Would you rather be an actor? I'm not going to mention any names, but let's say some ugly actor who's considered a great actor. Uh-huh. Or would you rather be a guy like him that looks like him, but never really is successful as an actor. I mean, he's successful, not him.

Yeah. You look like him, but you kind of work as most of your life as a waiter. Right. Would you rather be, usually successful as an actor? successful, ugly actor. I would rather be the ugly actor. Interesting. Yeah, 100%. Really?

Not even close. Really? Yes. What do you get for being the... Even though every time you look in the mirror, you want to throw up? I feel that now. How is that any different? There's no way. What do you get from being beautiful?

When you're a handsome waiter? Yeah. You get laid... Yeah, you're sitting there. You get the... thrill of some like beautiful wife married to a rich guy

slipping a phone number to your hand when a husband's on a cell phone yelling at somebody. Yeah, that's a complicated life. Hey, you know, that's the way this guy lives. I don't want to be that guy. I'd rather be the guy who just kind of like talks weird and looks weird and gets

putting those roles. I mean, look what Tom Hanks had to do just to be like us. Let me tell you. That in that movie, that was... Tom Hanks, was creepy in that movie. That was so weird.

Just me like us. What do you mean? Saying we're like the colonel? We're like the colonel in real life. Well, comedians, Jim Norton was so funny one night because this girl was like stalking all the comedians at the cellar like trying to have sex with him. And she was really so obnoxious and crazy. And she was like, looked like a psychopath.

And I go, she pisses me off too. I go, I don't know why she makes me so mad. She goes, she makes you mad because you know. That's what we deserve as groupies. We deserve her. It's true. And then... It really is true.

And then Nick DiBalo had a line. Groupies goes, yeah. Tommy Lee was dating. He goes, she gets Pamela Anderson. He goes, you ever see Gallagher's wife? No. He's chained in the basement. He goes down once we can break some watermelon over our heads.

I mean, it's funny. No, we're not supposed to be part of showbiz. We are. We're supposed to be people that are just, we're like the audience. Right. That's the thing. We're like the audience. We're not rock stars.

We're not movie stars. Yeah. We're just. And it got kind of blurred because the audience now can have their own shows. Right. So it's kind of blurred a little bit. Communion became too successful. Right.

But we're just crums. It's really true. You know? We don't belong in show business. We don't believe on a radio. Corbyn. Why did Tom how to play that part?

Yeah. It really was one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen in my life. It was so crazy. I mean, it was like watching

a serial killer. He was like talking like a parrot. It was psychotic. And had like a rubber suit on. I mean, if he played a serial killer, that would have been good. That guy would have been

the greatest serial killer. It would have scared the shit. Forget Hanam elected. That guy would have been 20 times scary. That's what he should do. He should do a bar like that

Yeah. Yeah. But it was so cartoony. It was just even, it was just, yeah. And I can't believe they, but in those days a guy like that, you know, with confidence, who was definitive,

who acts like he knows what he's talking about, got away with murder. I didn't even get that from the film, though. I was so distracted by him. Yeah, it was really terrible. There was no confidence. It was just him like, well,

I know. We're doing a Christmas special. It was really psychotic. It really was. You know what I mean? Look, what do they say in acting? fail bravely. That's the way you should do it.

He made a big choice. He was like, hey, guess what? I'm paying this goddamn guy. I'm going all the way. So I admire that. Better than being like, hey, I'm going to play him as a regular guy. It's like, no, no, do it.

No. When people criticize Al Pacino, I'm like, Al Pacino gets big in parts. Good. I'd rather see him take a chance and overdo it than underdo it. Yeah. Can someone walk up to him in the middle,

like in the first day and be like, you might want to tone it down a little bit. Yeah, the director. Yeah. I don't think you've done to Tom Hanks anymore, right? No. Good point. You can't be like, yeah, maybe just pull that back a little bit with the...

Well, I'm sure they have the dailies and, you know, a couple of the directors, a couple of producers sitting going, I mean, is this what we want to do with this? It's kind of overshadowing everything about Elvis. I know, and he was the main thing of the whole movie. I know. Oh, but putting Elvis in and making him, like, that he was the first black artist was so bizarre. It was so bizarre. It was made sense.

Yeah. Because they don't want to get criticized. But, I mean, yeah, it was really whitewashing. I think that guy was good. He was great. There was a lot. I mean, it was shot cool. There was a lot of that kind of stuff.

But, man, as soon as it was over, I put on a documentary of Elvis. And I was like, I would rather watch this. Oh, Elvis was a legend. Yeah, just watch. I mean, as great as that guy was, the lead actor and charisma and good looks, you go to Elvis, and it's like, no, this guy's from outer space. This guy is a different level of. Yeah, he was.

Cool. Oh, my God. It was like from another planet. Now, would you rather be Elvis, live Elvis's life, and die at 45, whatever the hell he was, 26. Or be the unnamed ugly guy and live to 83 and die in a civilized manner? I'd take Elvis. I would take Elvis because, yeah. It was Elvis.

He was Elvis. It wasn't just a guy waiting tables. good looking getting some parts. It's so funny, though. That was Elvis. Because Elvis, when you think about the fact in those days, like nowadays, he would have had to weigh in on civil rights. I always think about him.

And I always think about, by the way, I found a flaw in, you know, Joe Namath was at Alabama from 60 to 64. Uh-huh. In the middle of the civil rights thing. But, I mean, I guess it was insulated from him on campus. But they insulated stars in those days. Now you'd have to answer it for everything. but it was the floor in Forrest Gump.

He was there and he never ran as a Joe. Instead of one thing where he was like, and they had a quarterback, and he went on to win the Super Bowl. They never mentioned Joe name. They never mentioned him. They mentioned Bear Bryant through the whole thing. Oh, interesting.

I found a floor in Forrest Gump. Jeez. You heard it here, folks. And then a few years later, a man named Richard Todd also became a Jet's quarterback, not as successful. How could, you didn't pursue an acting career.

Me? Yeah. Like you have few parts, but it's usually like because your comedy friends are in it and they're doing it. I hate it. I don't know. I don't like acting that much. I like cop show acting, but I'm not really into acting. Yeah, but you could be like I could see you having the turns like

the dice clay all of a sudden shows up in like a legit movie and it's like, you're a good actor. Who gives a fuck? I don't care if you're a good actor. It means nothing to me. Be a good actor. Look, I admire really good actors, but It's like, it's not my thing. Right.

I've never seen a movie where I go, oh, yeah, I would have been great in that part. No? No. So many times I'm watching TV and movies and think and say out loud, Colin should have had that part. Yeah, I don't care about acting. You just don't love it. You just don't love it. You see the trailer the whole time.

I'm like, what the fuck, man? I'm really doing. I don't even like these projects, you know? Yeah. You know? I know, but you're a character. You're such a character. Yeah.

I don't care. Here. Thank you, Mike. I'm glad you left. Because Mike knew when you called me a character, I was getting pissed off. You know what I mean? Mike, he said, yeah, you're a fucking object. Why don't you just put me in the goddamn Ringling Brothers circus for that matter, Tom? I think what we're revealing in this podcast is you think you're the guy in Elvis. And you don't realize that you're the colonel.

I'm the colonel. If that's what you're getting out of, it's fine. The ladies do love Colin Quinn, though. The ladies have a thing for Colin. Whoa. There's always a little glint in the eye, that little smile. I don't see it. No.

But a lot of the ladies see it. I don't see it. I've heard from the ladies that they say that Colin is a sex symbol. Oh, well, maybe pushing it. Sex symbol might be pushing it. Why do you think that Liz won't bring us a Diet Coke? I think that Liz is going through with a thing right now where she's like, you know what? I do everything.

It took me 12 years to realize. It took me 12 years to realize. She's working 50-hour days. I work 50-hour days. And these assholes have the nerve to ask me to bring a Diet Coke. Hot damn. But I thought it would be like a friend thing. So did I.

I thought she'd be very excited. She probably feels that she's that even with friend things, we couch it on the friend thing and then she's still working. So she's probably like, and you assholes think I'm falling for the old, Hey, it's a friend thing. If it's a friend thing, why don't you bring me a dike? He said to me bringing you a dike. I brought her a sandwich.

Oh, fuccia. Yeah. Maybe she just doesn't like us anymore. I still, honestly, I'm still angry about sourdough bread. I was telling Mike. Mike's like, what bread do you like? I said, I can't even say it out loud because Colin's coming. The only man on earth that doesn't like sourdough bread.

These sandwiches should be coming from Joey roses. Oh, come on. I heard he has good bread. I heard he has great bread. Really? Yeah. Everyone says Joey Roses has great bread. Really?

We don't have to pop down there one day. Does he make his own bread? Yeah, I think they make it. Really? We should go down there one day. Yeah, we should. You especially. Oh, my God.

I can't believe if you've done a segment on Joey Roses when you're the bread man. I talked to him. We thought about maybe doing a mashup. He was too highfalutin. Yeah, he was too. Joey is like that. Let's face it. Yeah.

One of the things I like about Joe. He reminds me of myself in that way. And that he just thinks he's who. he is, as we used to say. I was trying to figure out who he was early on, and I was like, and when I learned that he was really into Zappa, I was like, oh, I get it. Right? Like, those guys you grew up with, I mean, everyone respects Zappa, but when you were a kid, like, for a kid to be into Zappa, you're like, what's up with you? No, exactly. Yeah, maybe he's legit. In concert. Huh? I probably can bomb a joke because I saw Zappa in concert. You did? Yeah.

Was it good? It was amazing. Yeah. On acid, but it was still amazing. You were on acid? Yeah. Seeing Zappa? Maybe he was on it too. Who knows? Yeah. Wow. I knew his sons.

I loved his sons. Amit, Dwayzel, Mune. I loved all those kids. He was a great guy. I met Zappa through Ahmed. We all went to the house, and he was just a great. Him and his wife, there was just, like, even this big rock stop, but he's like a family man. Really?

Really cool. Super smart. Yeah. It does make me like Joey anymore. How old? I don't know, but he smoked cigarettes. That was what killed him too. I just changed some over, I think.

Right. I remember correctly. He had, you know. His granddaughter was in choir with my daughter. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

But I wonder who's to, maybe he's a store. And, um, but yeah, Joey Rose is sandwich place. And then we can talk to about Zappa. You know what you can do? The good thing about Joe is he'll take it with a great, he'll love the humor to understand. What we have to do is hit him with a couple of Zappa questions. And he'll start stuttering and realize I'm not as his

Zap. I'm just the guy that says I'm into Zappa. Because I want to be that guy. You know what I mean? Yeah. There's no way he can hold up on the questioning. I'll bring my Alex, my manager, Alex, he went to Berkeley School of Music.

So he'll break down Joe in about three questions. I thought you're going to say break down Zappa. No, he'll break down Joe's love of Zappa. Right. He'd be like, so you like this? And then when Joe's like this, he'll be like, oh, well, he's like, but that's rudimentary.

knowledge of them. The best part about that. That would be a podcast. The best part about that is that Joe would take it so to heart. Yeah. He would be so. That's what's so good. Yeah, but he recovered.

Look, he recovered from the, uh, keep kicking him in the nuts. That too very nicely. Right. No, I think that's the next podcast. Yeah. Me bring in Alex and bringing down Joe's love of Zappa. A 12-part series. No, we'll just do it here on the show.

We'll say, oh, we want to do a show us promo for the place. What? The guys from the stand will be like, hey, Joe, you got to do. promo and then it'll just be that. How can people get tickets to your thing? Well, I don't know. I mean, there's a thing called the website, you know, what else could

they be? Wait, Ticket Masters is having some problems, huh? They just... Are they? Oh, my God, everybody complains about it all the time, because everything people want to see sells out of the website, there's some weird stuff goes on. Right. Ticket Manor is one of those things. Did they do a documentary on them at some point? I don't know.

I think maybe Blockbuster. I saw a Blockbuster documentary. I can't tell because all my shows are sold out, so it's hard to tell if it's a mistake or not. That's good news. Where are you working? I'm going to Foxwoods tomorrow. Oh, okay. Farland's opening for me.

Oh, she's great. She's so great. I love it. I hope she hasn't brought her husband. I know. Mike works with Voss, unfortunately. You do? Yeah.

On what? My wife hates. He does stand up too, Mike. I know. Oh, you open for Voss? Yeah. Sometimes. Oh, wow.

Yeah. A lot of times he can't pay him, but. Yeah, wow. He's not getting paid, why can you? By the way, if you're at Foxwoods, I have a friend at Mohican Sun this weekend. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Stop buying, say hello to him.

Robert Kelly. Oh, no. Oh, in the club? Yeah. The Mohican. That's good. Isn't that close by now? No.

They seem like they should be close by. I know. They always seem like they're close by them. Mike, why aren't you opening for Robert there? I'm here. That's right. He's got business to take care of. Oh, really?

He turned up, he asked you, and you turned him down? No, he didn't. I can't believe. Honestly, I can't believe it that Liz never showed. It really is upsetting. Well, we still got time. No. Come on.

We've got time. I'm not one of these guys that does two-hour podcasts like you and Rogan, okay? I do an hour. We're not even at an hour. Oh. Let me just try it. I'll try her on speakerphone. What do you mean even an hour?

It's already 142. What time we start? One. Yeah, so it's not even an hour. You want to leave already? No, not yet, but an hour I will. I don't understand. Some of these podcasts live, I'll tell you the truth.

I'll tell you the truth. I'm going to see if Liz loves us anymore. I don't think we used to be her favorites. Those days are over. She likes the young guys. I don't blame her. Yeah, there's a whole new crop now. Yeah.

They're young, the lively, they're fun. She's like, ugh, you guys again. Yeah, you guys are old fogies. Right now she's looking at her phone and not, I mean, cursing. Who more than Liz has their phone at the ready? Like, I've never seen. Doesn't answer calls, only text.

I've never seen her look at you without one eye going off like an ant eater on the other phone. Like a chameleon eye. She's probably hiding in the hallway. making fun of us laughing on our faces. Why don't you like sourdough? I don't think you understand sourdough is the problem. I don't think that you really understand it. You think it's that San Francisco really sour.

Yeah, I hate that shit. I went to San Francisco, I'm so excited to try sourdough bread and the Italian food and the bread there. And I taste it. I was like, what the hell? Even its name is sour. Sour. Why is that good?

I know, but that's the bait. It's kind of a, there is the sour side. But then there's the earthy sourdough or the fluffy. I don't like anything earthy. I never liked healthy stuff. Even as a little kid, you have a health bread. You're like, oh, my God, this fucking terrible. I like wonder bread.

What would you eat for lunches when you were going to school? When I wanted, you mean what I would eat? Yeah. Well, when I was really little. Yeah. You know, I was around for when it became healthier. Uh-huh. So before that, we would have, you would have literally, sometimes as a treat, you would have

sugar bread. It was a slice of bread with sugar on it. You have to be a certain age to have had sugar. A slice of bread with sugar on it? With sugar on it? Butter and sugar? Nope, just sugar. Just sugar?

Sugar bread. It was delicious. And then my aunt Patsy Kelly, I was just talking downstairs about how much I hate mustard. The bartender was saying he loves mustard. I was telling him to hang out with Jim Norton. Mustard King. And then my aunt Patsy made me, uh, Patsy Murphy, I think. She made me, um, eat mustard on my bologna and I've hated it ever since.

Oh, really? I hate mustard. I hate mail. What do you put on a hot dog? Nothing. Nothing? Well, sourcrowd sometimes. Right.

But that's bad for your heart. We had a heart attack that says sourcrow is very salty. Sourcrowders. Yeah. Have you changed your diet completely? It's like eating 10 shrimps. Do you not eat wings anymore? Oh, I never eat wings.

Really? Except when I'm at the cellar. Joe's Pizza. I haven't changed my diet at all. I take my medication. And I went to my doctor and, you know, I was like, oh, he's going to tell me, you're an ice cream. I said he's really going to put the clams down because he's kind of a serious guy. I go on the, you know, do the stress test.

at the end he goes, whatever you're doing, keep doing it. Your heart's great. I was like, what? Another reprieve. That's amazing. It shows you the miracle of statins. Yeah. Folks, if I get no message out of today's podcast, please get on statins.

Yeah, you can eat whatever you want. You can eat whatever you want. What if you, what did you, what did you, what did you, what did you, what, Jen makes you go out for dinner? Yeah. And it's like, okay, it's a big date night. Do you go for Italian first? Yeah, we're Italian. Italian.

You know, Italian is the greatest food of all time. I mean, people that don't like Italian as in one foot, I can't even understand it. Yeah. Yeah, they have real problems. Yeah. Now, I also like, you ever have Spanish or Portuguese seafood? Yes. The best.

El Quixote. Yes. Right? By Gotham. Yeah. That place was good. Really good. Is it still there?

I don't know. I don't know. But that's like a once-in-a-while kind of thing. Yeah. You're not like, let's go out for that. Not in Brazil. They probably have it every night. Do you cook at home?

No. Does Jen? I've cooked, but not that much. Right? I cook, you know. Yeah. I always threaten to cook, but it takes a long time to cook. Yeah.

What I like to cook, I don't let you cook that red sauce. So that red sauce, it takes like three hours. You can't just cook it. Right. You have to let sit, then you have to put the other stuff. and it's a whole thing. Cook it down. Oh,

meat in it. Yeah. Just go around. Just go. Just go. Just go around the corner. I was thinking of Goodfellas the other day. And one of my...

Do you think of Goodfellas every day? No, but I think of Mean Streets or Goodfellas a lot. Right. Mean Streets is really the funniest one. Yeah. Do you always Mean Streets a few times? Yeah. I mean...

The guy that played, not only all four characters funny from the beginning, they set him up perfectly. Yeah. But just the fact that the guy that Michael that's trying to become a mob gentleman, everything that happens him where he gets birthday cake on his face. Everything goes wrong for him in the whole movie. It's like a comedy in the middle of this serious mob movie. So funny. I mean, it's one of the funniest movies. Yeah, yeah.

And what's his name, Doyle? Brian Doyle. Harvey Kitell? No. Ray Romano's dad. Doyle, isn't it? Doyle? The big guy.

Yeah, the big guy. Young Frankenstein. Peter. Peter Boyle, no, that's taxi driver. Oh, that's taxi driver. Oh, my God. Taxi driver is another one. Right.

I mean, that's the problem. Right. When you really think about this, how is Scorsese going to get excited after doing taxi driver and Main Street? Right. I mean, those were level, even good fellows. As great as good fellows is. Yeah.

Is it the same level as Mean Streets to taxi driver? No. They have a different flavor because what you said, the 70s was raw. Yeah, so raw. You know what I mean? I know. It was another level. So good, though.

What about casino? Not a fan. Not a fan at all? No. Really? A couple of good scenes, but I just didn't think it was great. I thought it was pretty good. I thought Sharon Stone was great.

What were you thinking about Goodfellas? You said you were thinking about Goodfellas the other day. Oh, yeah. No, I was thinking about what? The moment in Goodfellas when he, when he, because my brother, my brother does the best impressions, but he'll only do him on command. But he used to do, he would do young Henry going, thank you when Jimmy gives him his, keep him coming. Thank you.

And the way he did that one line, but he does that with movies and TV shows, but he'll never do it if you ask him to. Right. But it's perfect. And he got his thing perfectly. Yeah. And he's just, he's a great impressionist. It's just these little snippets. but they're always the one like that.

Like this kid said it kind of almost deadpaned. Like he just picks up like, thank you. I can't even do it. The way he did it was so funny. That's the best. What about Raging Bull? Yeah, Raging Bull is great. Yeah.

But I mean, you know, it was very ponderous. I like the heavy, the heavy Lomata. Oh my God. He was great. God. He was amazing. Oh, my God. But isn't it funny?

Like Scorsese didn't get, it didn't win best director, right? Uh-huh. And then even Goodfellas didn't win best film or best director. It's very strange. And it was like, well, you know, it's political stuff. It's like, how can, it is weird that show business can be political. It is really weird.

I know. And even now people campaign for us because I don't even know, I wouldn't even know how you go about that. I know. What do you do? Right. Oh, they take out ads. What? Yeah.

And make a thousand appearances. What is it? Yeah, they go to... It's all this favorite stuff. And I mean, who cares? Nobody watches any of these shows. It was making me wonder about that. Like, why is show business like the only...

I guess it's the reach, but why is it the only place, the only one that's responsible for making moral judgments on society and the diversity? And it's, like, why is it all just in there? You know what I mean? Like, maybe it's... Maybe it's everywhere. and that's just the most visible. It is everywhere, yeah.

You know? But it's like, and I could see it being like, okay, we're going to make these meaningful pictures about these issues. Right. That's great, which is the way it always used to be. But then you would also have screwball comedies and just bat shit crazy stuff. But now that message is in all aspects of it. It's infused, yeah.

Yeah, it's infused. It's very responsible and very earnest. Yeah, it's like it has to be part of the mission statement. nominees can't be honest. Yeah, it's like it's got to be the mission statement for anything that you make. It's very strange. Mike, do you want this other piece of this sandwich? This is a weird one.

Sure, I'll take it after. All right. You got to keep Mike Fett. You drive in these gigs? Do you enforce drive to the gig? No, like in Dallas, I went on my own. He came from here. He lives in Texas, really.

He doesn't really live here. I really live. No, he's from San Antonio. Yeah. I have a house in San Antonio still. Right. He lives with a giant Mexican family down now. There's only two of them, but they're really fat.

His father is a super well-to-waited. He happens to be a local champion in the school of Jesse James Leahyha, like Texas Idol. Yeah, Texas is another interesting place. Yeah. And do you live in San Antonio? My house, I have a house there, yes. Yeah. Yeah.

He only comes here. for this and for uh oh that's cool and for voss gigs i know well it's boss do you think boss will be with bonnie when bonnie's working with me this weekend you got to get yourself up there mike um the um do you think he'll be in the green room with her um no i think he'll be in like some he'll be in like you know the brokerage so no like Toledo right he is in ohio this week he is he'll be in the other club wherever he is I'm at the other club. Oh, you're playing hilarities?

No, I'm playing the other club. I mean, he's so damn funny. So the funniest people on earth. Yep. I mean, naturally just the funniest people on earth. Watching him and Bonnie on... The best. She hates him or whatever.

How that's not, like, one of the biggest podcasts. I know. It's ridiculous. It really is. It makes me fuming. How can they not be every couple of us that all the time? Yeah. It's so funny.

I think it's because it's not that relatable because most people don't see them as dumb as rich comes off. Even if they are, they don't want to think of this that way. That's a good point. So are you allowed? I know when you're on Broadway, you can't change the act at all. It gets kind of set in stone. It is. Right?

When you were on Broadway, I thought you had to stick to the book. Oh, you have lighting cues and stuff. You have to stick to the last line, but you can play around in the middle. Oh, you can. Yeah. Oh, okay. You just have to have the last. The lighting cue line always has to stay the same.

Right. Okay. So the opening and the last one also confuses the lighting and stuff. But otherwise, yeah, you do whatever you want. Oh. And now I do whatever I want, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, because, yeah, I couldn't see that part always was in my mind of like,

I couldn't see you just locking in and not doing new thing because you're constantly, you're the most prolific. So for you just to kind of like lock in wouldn't... No, me and the director from the beginning, this has to be open. Right. What's the point? Right.

You know we are. The beauty of... The beauty of stand-up comedy is you can respond to what's going on in front of you. Right, exactly. In the moment. In the moment, and people expect it. Right. Yeah, you have to be.

Yeah, exactly. But I mean, but you also try to keep it in semi-control. Like, sometimes the worst is like, even Davos at Comedy Works a few months ago. And this guy, and I knew he was a fan, but he was so drunk. And he yells out 20 minutes and saying, Jim Norton! And I go, sorry. He threw him out and he's like, I love him. He does love, but he got too drunk.

Oh, no. He ruined the night for himself. Yeah. I mean, I'm insulting. You know, I'm so mad, but just so drunk. And then, you know what I mean? instantaneous, but it's like, Yeah.

That's the worst. People say hecklers are bad, but the hecklers, most, I would say, 75% of hacklers are, love you. Uh-huh. They're your bands. That's the weird part. They're so excited. Yeah.

And they're just too drunk. Yeah. And they want to be part of the show. It's just blurting. So 71% love you. You used to think, oh, they hate you. There's only 25%. Right.

It's so sad. Do you think, do you think all the stuff that you're talking about, do you think that it goes back to the 70s, or do you think that this is all going to just be baked in? Are the fun times over? No, because, I mean, who knows? You know, I mean, like, I mean, we say the 70s was this great time.

Here it was, but in Chile it was, and that kind of great. Yeah. I mean, I mean, you know, all depends on your viewpoint. Yeah, no, but just about like the, just about like the freedom of in the arts. I mean, it can't say the way it is. It's so everything I watch, you just see them hitting all,

making sure to cover their ass. And it's done artfully, but it's fake. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. It's not coming from a true believer. Sometimes you read, you know, this person's a true believer. But for the most part,

there's just something false, I think, you know? Yeah. And it's like, it can't remain because people, look, people turn off everything. I mean, these places end up losing money or whatever because people just can't tolerate something that's that's so inauthentic that you're just like, well, why am I watching it? Either make it completely fake. I mean, now it almost feels like a different version of the idealized father-nosed

father-nosed best shows from the 1950s where everything's like, here's how we want it to be. Right. It's this imaginary ideological thing. But, you know. Do you think people will break through it? You think it'll... Do you think a younger generation will call bullshit? Yeah, I do.

You do? Maybe the next generation, you know, with this one coming up. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I do think they'll... Somebody will hit the tone that people go, oh, that's the tone, yes. Right. And it'll be this breath of fresh air, and then everything will get siphon through there.

Right. You know, and then they'll be able to breathe and be able to do stuff, you know? Able to breathe is a good way to put it. Yeah. Yeah. That really is it. It's like suffocating. Yeah, it is.

It's like suffocating. Anytime you go to make something with other people, and they just start putting these big blankets over your head. It's so severe and so weird. Yeah. And it's just joyless, you know, that's how I think. I think it's all joyless. That's what was so lucky to be stand-up comics.

Yeah. Because you can still create your own thing. And even if it fails with the audience, is like, whoa, at least you got through those other levels, you got through those other levels before you had to. Yeah. Say, oh, the crowd is, you know. Right.

You know what I mean? At least you got through certain levels. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody else can get through it. They can't get through them. No. You know what I mean?

They make a movie. There's 10 layers of people going, know this, this, cut this, change this. This is weird. This is questionable. You know? Yeah. So by the time they get to it, it's unrecognizable. And then the audience can hate or love it.

But I'm saying, they don't even have their own choice. They don't have their own choices in their project. So that's weird. I saw this little film that Whitmer Thomas made, with his friend. Who did? Whitmer Thomas. I don't know who that is.

He's a young comic and just made this quirky little film. Him and his friend, I'm basing on his friend's name. He's a comic also. He came from Alabama. He had an HBO thing on Alabama. It's his stand-up from there. And really creative guy, really funny guy. And he just made this little film for like $30,000.

But it really brought me back to like the 80s when you would crave independent films. Yeah. Like you were waiting for the next cool independent under the radar, not from the big studios film. Like that, I remember wanting that and waiting for him. My friends would be psyched. And you see drugstore cowboy or whatever these kind of things.

Great boy. And it's been so long that those have been around. But watching him make this film for like 30 grand. And it was funny and it was interesting. And it was like, it's just so raw. And they didn't have money. So they had to just get it. it out. And it was like, maybe that will be the thing that kind of corrects it.

Yeah. Like young artists just... Well, it's what's happening with stand-up with, you know, suddenly Netflix, like, oh, we're on YouTube. We want to acquire your special. Right. If they're on YouTube. Right. Right. Right. Same thing. We'll have it with movies with Thomas and everybody. Yeah. So we'll just go do it ourselves and without any rules and without any big expectations. So that maybe that's... Well, that's also the problem is expectation. Like, everybody now, Now, like I always thought old, which is the way people think now is I'm going to just too, I'm going to find a way to do this myself. That's how it's done. Right.

And that's how it's done. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You can't wait around. You can't, you have to create your own small business, what we said. Right. Which is pretty great. The dog store cowboys might be the funniest.

Matt Dillon was so funny in that movie when he goes, this is liquid deluded. And he's showing them like, this is the best thing in the world I'm showing you right now. He didn't overdo it. It was one of the funniest performances. So you love films so much. I think you should be in more films. I know, you really do. Huh?

I'd rather be a film critic. Did you? I mean, I love, but I love like those Italian great ones. I mean, yeah. No, you remember all the lines. You really love. Did you ever watch Nisi Kiberia? No.

A, a movie? Mm-mm. Oh, it's the greatest thing. A Fellini movie? Yeah. You know, he was married to what's a name and Massino and Julian I know. Anyway, but there was his wife, Julia. Uh-huh.

But anyway, she's in this movie called Naisa Giberi. It's all set in her home at night. Uh-huh. It's so funny. Maybe because of the comedian, you're like even better because it's all night shoots. Right. It was the funniest. She was a genius.

Really? They call it the Charlie Chaplin of Europe, you know. Wow. She was amazing. Have you recovered from Rocco Lel Walsh passing away? Oh, I love Raquel Welsh. I know you. Raquel Welch.

One time me and my sister made a comedy tape. She was only like nine. I was like 13, 12, I guess. And then I go, and now I was pretending to be Johnny Carson. Uh-huh. We get a little tape recorder. I go, now is my guest, Brockel Winch. And I go, Brockel, you're looking very, whatever these days.

Some joke about her tits, you know. My sister goes, thanks. We did the whole thing. It was so funny. I wish you could find all the old tapes You sure you don't want one with truffle What? Truffle oil or truffle?

Truffle like No it was that Mush Pigs? Truffle? Pigs fine. Pigs? Remember the guy Lenny Schultz?

More pigs, Lenny? Remember? You'd make the crowd yell more pigs and he throw mud and pigs and stuff? He was a big comedian back in the 80s. I mean, he was, he sold out a lot of places. I have an update from Liz.

Oh, nice. Is it cursing us out? I said, now he's yelling at you, and she said, Colin would never yell at me. I said, we're wondering why you don't love us. I'm putting us together to hopefully buffer it. Last minute, maybe she could end this. The crescendo is when Liz shows up.

Yeah. Did you watch that movie, Tar? I watched the first 15 minutes. I'm like, this is a hard movie to watch. Oh, really? Because it's like she's throwing out all these references to like Mozart and Bachling. And I'm like, I don't even understand what she's talking about. But then I heard it gets into like interesting like it becomes his other movie.

Oh, yeah? I don't know. The beginning is really hard. All right. It's good, but it's hard. All right. Because she's like a very severe lesbian kind of a music, uh, Juilliard professor. And she teaches or she conduct her or something.

And it's just like, unless you're really into class or music, it's hard to understand these references. Right. What are they talking about? Why is it called tar? I don't know. Your head feels. Oh, that's a name. Oh.

A name is Edna Tar. I know some classical things. You do? Yeah. Like what? Ask me a question. All right. Have you seen Tar?

No. Oh. All right. What's a crescendo? That's the apex, the peak. Yeah, but everybody knows that. Well. I thought it was another musical.

time. Okay. Do you ever look at on Instagram you ever see Leonard Bernstein? Bernstein? No. Oh. He explains that It's really good. He explains what? Classical music and what all the instruments mean and why this is coming in at this level

and it's really good. I bet they still left for this movie tour. Oh, maybe. Well, all I have to say to you is I hope you're going to I'm going to give you a warning right now. Five minute warning? No. You better see sharp, but you're going to B-flat.

Oh. Well, this was fun, Colin. It was fun. I'm glad you canceled your other podcast. I didn't cancel. I just did it early. Oh, you did? Yeah.

Was this one better than that one? I asked them to flip the times. Oh, that's good. Was this one better? There's no better. It's like children. They're all different. Did he give you sandwiches?

No, they did not. It was on Zoom. Interesting. That one was on Zoom. On Zoom? Yeah. Ugh. That's fine

That's fine We just got to sell tickets We do How long is this show Going to go on I mean At the new theater What's the theater called again?

Um The theater's called the The theater Delardine Della Lade Bella Bella on Barrow No it's called

The Bella Of Barrow Bella No it's called It's not in at all It's called the Greenwich Theater Not Barrow City

The Greenwich Theater The Greenwich Theater You know, Don't you want people to go? Yeah. And we'll have to go to my goddamn website and then I'll find out where it is. I don't feel like looking up to embarrass it.

That always seems like the one pain in the ass of doing these Broadway things. You Broadway guys. What? Is that you have to promote it the whole run? No, Broadway's the worst. Broadway, you have to promote all the time. Or Broadway's a little better

because it's about one-third to one-fifth of the seats. Right. And it just... You don't have to promo constantly? No, you have to promo, but not the way other people do it. I don't care if I don't sell out. I'm not looking to sell out every night. Right, right.

I mean, that's actually a horror to me. Yeah. I was chomping at the bed. It's like, relax. It's all Broadway, like you said. Right. When we grew up, all right was like it was like the hip cool, like, goes in and those kind of people are kind of working in a certain way. It was fun, you know?

Right, exactly. Yeah. Think about it. Like if I was like a freshman in college or senior in high school getting tickets to go see Bogosian, he wasn't selling out. No. You know what I mean? No. But he was selling decent.

Yeah, it was... But he was not in cell. Right. Yeah, yeah. I used to see this guy, Brother Theodore. He was a famous guy. He ran the 13th Street Theater. He did this show, one-man show, every weekend for 35 years.

He was on Letterman a few times. Oh, really? And he was a German. It was like this dog. He just come out and like dark and he's just the scariest guy. Hello, everyone. You know, he come out and he go, oh, the great philosophers are dead. Jesus, dead.

Moses, dead. Muhammad, dead. And I am not feeling so hot myself later. I was his opening. I'd go into this whole show, but it was really funny. And he worked the crowd. It was really well done. He was like a real...

It's amazing. It's a great open. Yeah, it was really good. So is it fair to say you are like the Tony and Tina's wedding of... More than fair. Guess what? If I can incorporate a fun, like those kind of things, I love those kinds of things.

I love when I have a wedding interactive. I love all that shit. You do? I love it. I mean, you have to be careful. You don't want it to be, you know, where you sell out by doing it. Right.

But if it's done legitimately, it's fucking cool. Yeah. Like Tony Deen. I never saw Tony Tien's wedding, but I'm just saying... You mingle with the whole wedding part. Yeah, but I'm saying it's a great idea. Yeah. You know?

Yeah, ran for a long time. But it's the same thing we're talking about. at the beginning. The crowd, if they have too much, I guarantee that would be a documentary I'd love to see. Right. The story of the people that did Tony and Senna's weddings. Some big stars did it too. Yeah. I know a girl

that actually did it. And to see what they say, like when they knew there was an asshole, because people are drinking too. Right. You mean the audience members of the air? The audience is drinking the whole show. Grabbing ass. Grabbing ass. Grabbing ass. Trying to be funny. Trying to be tough. Trying to be, hey, Tony.

I mean, it must be. Great and horrible. Yeah. Like when they ran that show, after I did my show, Long Story Short, the next show in the Helen Hayes was that show about the 80s musicals. Oh, yeah, power or something. Yeah, what it was called. And they said, these were all like nice suburban couples,

but in their late 30s, early 40s, it's the first thing. The first of those shows for them. The Scorpion, whatever songs, I don't even. Yeah, like all the 80s ballads. And they said people were vomiting off the balcony. They said there'd be so much money on drinks, but it was a nightmare. I mean, there's people getting sick, falling down, passing out outside, in the seats. They said it was nuts.

Drinking like they were in high school again. Rock of ages. Rock of ages, that's what it was. And they said it was crazy in the middle of Broadway. Right. That's so funny. Because they sold drinks. They made a man.

And everybody's listening to Van Halen. Yes. And they're back in high school. You know, they get in their head, we're like, I'm back. And then only your body's. not back. Your mind is back. It's so funny. Your body can't handle it. Yeah. Only your mind can't it.

Yeah. Yeah. They're listening like, get whoever was, you know. Isn't that crazy? That's so crazy. And it was the first one of those where it's like, oh, these audience now. Their kids are 16, they're going to go out for the night. Right, right. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Risky business. That should be a Broadway musical.

Yes. Right? That'll be a good Broadway musical. Yeah. They already have the one song, old time rock and roll. Yeah. Get people throw. growing up there. We should do a Broadway musical. Comedy.

Someone did that. What? Who? Someone did it. Well, they did the Catskills on Broadway. That's different. I'm talking about this is going to be a comedy show about comedy. And then there was one after that. They tried to put together.

I'm doing one called the Cellar Table. It was a big table. A big table. Everyone sat as long as they were able at the big table. I already got one of the The song is written. That's pretty good. I would go see that.

Interactive. It's not interactive. No, I think it should be. No. I think like Tony and Tina's wedding and everyone gets a bee at the salad table. Well, you know what? I like this idea because listen to me. That's a great idea.

Because you say, hey, guys, you're enjoying it, and you put the table in the audience. Right? And you have a little cut out point of the table and put it on somebody like this, like a tray. And then everybody attacks them and roast them. Right. Like the cellar table.

Yeah. And then after you do that a bit, then we all go downstairs to the cellar for the set. I love it. That's a really good idea. This is pretty good. And we find like a young, unknown to play Patrice. Mike. Mike, can you do this?

Ah. You're awful. I tell you, the one time I was at the, he opened for me. I was doing it. Aspen Comedy Festival, like 2003, 2002, whatever. And then he's opening for me. So the Aspen Comedy Festival is, there's no wider place in town. And Aspen and the Aspen Comedy Festival in 2002.

So everybody's at the show. The whole audience has ski tans. Everybody's in there, nice a sweater. Beautiful teeth. Beautiful teeth. Everybody's like beautiful hair. Just beautiful people, you know. With money. Oh, with big money.

And then Patrice opens for me. So the opening act, you wanted to warm up a little. little bit, you know, getting a cry going. His opening is like this. He walks on stage. Ah. They're like, ha ha.

I hate it here. And they're like, what? He goes, I hate this town. And they're like, he goes, because he goes, uh, just you're too, you're too friendly. He goes, I was at the, and he's those story. He goes, I was at there,

walking out of the store to this lady. He goes, hi. Um, he goes, hi. And she says, are you a football player? He goes, no. He goes, oh, do you live here? And he goes, miss, if I lived here, don't you think you'd know it? And the whole God left. Oh, God, did you laugh? It was so funny. It's so great.

2002. He opened for you in 2002. Something like that. Well, it's a long time. I know. I just saw a picture of of Mani and Geraldo when I was going through my photos today. I'll show you the photo. It's a really good one. Albums. Gualdo?

Yeah. Oh, my God. I mean, Giroldo, that's the other thing about tough crap. You get a guy like Giroldo, who, you know, people he never made a big production of himself. He was always had a different angle on thing. Always funny. Always held his own. Yep.

And, you know, just one of those guys that never, never, never, just like never didn't, didn't hit it. You know, never didn't. Right. Never missed. He never, he never didn't nail something. Right, I know. Like you could rely on him always to have his own unique,

did it himself, Yeah. We're together. I mean. I know. You could tell because, I mean, that's the thing with him and Patrice,

is that you hear so many people say, they wish they were around now just to hear what they would be saying. Yep. You know, that's. Yeah. Because they were so on point. I'd go out with you.

Yeah. Do you feel like at least you have me? Yes. That's good. Oh, I thought I saved it. It was this cute shot of Manny and Geraldo. both just young and alive. Colin Quinn, Small Talk.

Yeah. At the Greenwich Village Theater. At the Belabarrow. At the Belabarrow Theater. Just go on my stupid collinquin.com and get the tickets. And buy the tickets. It's going to run through when? It'll be running all of April.

Whoa. Good way to get in from the rain. And, yeah, it's going to be good. It's really interesting. It's all about small talk, but it's bigger than that. It is. I watch you put together all this stuff. so good. Thanks. Yeah, it's coming together.

Yeah, it really. Yeah, I know you watched me put together. Hamford's on Serious, thanks to your buddy Andy Björ. At least that's who took the... No, when I opened... When I would open... That's just the wait for it. It was really Tom. Um, go ahead. That was not my fault. The great Colin Quinn, everybody.

We'll see you next time.