Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 147 - Alonzo Bodden #3

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

The great Alonzo Bodden stops by again to talk about his dog, ordering food vs cooking, and of course, he gets some bread.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus It's time for Breaking Red with Papa Hey! Don't you know? Hey, it's how we go. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey!

Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I am Tom Papa, and you are listening to our wonderful podcast. And today, I love this one. We bring in Alonzo Bowden, very funny comedian, good friend of the show. He was, I think, our very first broadcast. Alonzo is great. I love him to death, and it's always great to have him come and sit at the table and catch up. It's a great conversation that you are going to very much enjoy.

I'd also like to thank ORA Podcast for joining and sponsoring today's program. ORA, do you know your personal info is out there for anyone to find data brokers, scrape public tax records, and sell that information legally, making it a good. accessible to anyone. For a limited time, ORA is offering our listeners a 14-day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free. When you visitora.com slash Papa, P-A-P-A. That's Aura.com slash Papa to sign up for a 14-day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. Scary stuff. is there to help. Okay, so I just had a great weekend. I was just in New York City where I did,

well, first I was in Scranton, Pennsylvania where people really turned out. It was slow going in the beginning. I was like, why is Scranton not selling out? Like all the rest of the beautiful shows on tour. And it turned out that we were in Scranton, in the biggest weekend of the year, which is their St. Patrick's Day Parade. It's like the fifth biggest one in the country. They do it the week before St. Patrick's Day. And the place goes bonkers. Bonkers.

The whole city shuts down. They told me, I was there on the Friday, and the parade was on the next day. They told me that if I don't get out of the hotel by seven in the morning, that you'd have to stay. There's no getting out. until that night because the whole city is going to be shut down and you're not going to be able

to drive through what a parent, what I can only imagine is a lot of throw up. So people in Scranton, so it was slow going in the beginning. I was like, I don't know if we're going to be able to compete with the parade, but it ended up a huge show at this beautiful theater and everybody showed up and it was great. And then my buddy, Mike Fenoya, was opening for me and he was my trusty, kick to get out of Scranton, we drove through a snowstorm over the mountains and through the woods to New York City, where I was lucky enough to meet up with my wife who flew in. It was our 23rd wedding anniversary. It's so crazy. Our anniversary is on March 11th, which is also now the anniversary

of when the world shut down from COVID. March 11th was the day that everything shut down. when Tom Hanks got COVID and the NBA shut down. So now we have, it's almost like another 9-11. Well, that's kind of weird. March 11, 9-11. Conspiracy theorists will love that connection. So anyway, I flew to New York and we got to celebrate our anniversary. On the same night that I played Town Hall,

which is this great theater in New York City where I used to do live from here, the old Prairie Home Companion Show. to do it there all the time. And it was the first time I got to go on my own and do my own show there and do stand-up. And it was a really nice milestone. It was this very cool thing to be able to come into New York. I don't know, 1,400 seats all sold out.

I got all my good friends from every walk of life, you know, little people from school, people from comedy, people from my life. just showing up at the theater. And, you know, these are people that saw me do stand up in front of three people a night for years when I was starting out in New York. So then to come back all these years later and do Town Hall and have it sell out and have this be modestly say a really great show, you know, the audience is a big part of it. So that's why I don't feel too egotistical about saying it. There was a lot of love in the room in the back and forth and it was great and just fun. It's just this really, really nice marker with the new set that I've been out on tour with only since January.

This is nothing. I had a couple of people that didn't watch the last stand-up special What a Day on Netflix because they didn't want to ruin the show, but there's nothing from any of my specials that is in the act right now. I don't feel like you have to show them everything new, but I've just had this nice creative burst and everything is, and spanking new. So to take that new act and have it validated that it's in a good spot and it's really working and then to be back in my hometown in a big way right off Broadway was really great. And I will shamelessly plug that the rest of the tour is on sale. We're all going into London at the Leicester Square. We're going into Cincinnati. We've added second shows in

Atlanta and in Chicago and we're playing Grand Rapids. I think we just put some more on sale there. The tour has been just super fun and we have a whole bunch of dates. We're pretty much booked through next year. So it was just a really good feeling and a really nice and just to know that the act and the whole thing, the tour, everything, thanks to all of you as well, is in such a, in such a great spot and I'm very, very, very excited to keep rolling for the rest of the year. So thank you all for coming out and I hope to see you out there. My new book is coming out. We're all in this together, so make some room.

You can get it for pre-order right now and we'll be bringing that out on tour. You know, I do book signings at the end of each show and that's how I know all the people that are listening to this program because you keep coming up. and and bringing bread in Scranton actually we got a ton of food from listeners we had homemade bread we had bread from a bakery we had a whole basket filled with chocolate covered pretzels we had people that knew that my anniversary was coming up and brought us some wine it was just an amazing amazing thing and it really does feel as corny as it sound a lot like a family and I'm humbled and appreciate it more than more than I can say. All right, I'm also humble that my good friend

Alonzo Bowden has come back to the program. He is the greatest. I love talking to him. If you've heard him on previous programs, you know how great he is. Alonzoboden.com and zoe funny on Instagram, zoe funny on Instagram. And you have to see him live. He is a real artist, not afraid to speak his mind and go into new material every single night. He's just great. So now enjoy the great Alonzo Bowden. You know, I mean, you have it with your dog. Like you are, you now have someone who needs you. Yeah. Right? You have a big thing that needs you. I don't know if I ever showed you this one. This is, this sums up dog ownership.

100%. You have one, so you'll relate. I have two. Just for our listeners, just for our listeners. Just for our listeners. listeners. Alonzo has a giant Great Dane. What's it, what's the name? Hulk. Hulk. That's right. I always forget that. The Mighty Hulk. Who just gave his testicles to science. He did. He did. They say that it is healthier for them if you're not breeding them. Mm-hmm. And, um, healthy for them or healthier for the neighborhood. Well, someone told me, someone said that they'll live years longer. Years longer if they don't dog you are my life i will do anything for you human drop the ball dog nope no is that oh my god my black lab sums it up a hundred percent

i love you i love you i love you give me the ball no nope not a chance i do this thing where i just go drop it drop it drop it and she won't drop it and then i pretend i don't care and i turn my head and she sees that i'm ignoring her and then she'll drop it and then i'll turn Turn back. Go for it. They're quick. They're quick. So I've had three dog trainers.

One of them was excellent. And I lost her. She went back to her movie job. She trains animals for movies. So, you know, she's like a dog whisperer thing. Those people are magic. Yeah, they really are. They really are.

And she said, the dog knows I expect him to do that. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, but I expect him. And she's like, now you ask him to do it. really so okay but the other two haven't been that much and the latest one the whole thing is treats so it's like well i can't carry a bag of treats my pocket at all times i had a guy like that with the ball they're like well give them a treat and they'll drop the ball yeah yeah okay that's not really training that's that's not training that's bribery and yeah we had the same guy

It might have been the same guy. And he had just a pocketful of treats. And he's like, and then you make the noise. So you're like, and give him a treat. And then you do it without the treat. And that lasts like twice. And they're like, you're full of it. I'm not falling for that.

Yeah. Because when he, you know, I have to give him these antibiotics, these three capsules. And he doesn't like them at all. And this is the funniest thing about my Dane. He's a picky eater. He's a 150 pound dog that's very picky. about what he eats. So I have this beef liver.

They call it topper. You know, it's a powder. You shake on the food to make it taste. So I'm rubbing the capsules in that and then give them to them. That lasted for two days. And then he figured it out. He was like, nah, that's not a treat. No, no, no, I'm not falling for that anymore.

They're so smart. What do you want to train? Why do you need a trainer? You know, the big problem he has is he's easily distracted. Uh-huh. So you'll be walking and some dogs he'll walk right past. And then other dogs, he'll just leap and want to get it. So I just want him to ignore that, ignore the other dogs, ignore distractions.

And they're like, well, if you keep giving him treats as he walks by. It's like, okay, first of all, that's only going to work a few times. He'll just be like, nah, I don't feel like eating. I want to chase that. Yeah, right, exactly. And then also it's like, well, that's not training him. Yeah. The guy on TV does it in a half hour and the dog will ignore a nuclear explosion.

I don't know who that guy is or what, you know, that's the thing about those TV shows. Yeah, they always should, like, it's like the house building shows. I was just going to say. Yeah, you can redo a bathroom in 45 minutes. Right, exactly. My wife is always like, we should do that. I'm like, yeah, the whole world should do that. Yeah.

We don't have magical powers. Yeah, we had the same treat guy, and that didn't work. It's hard to train these. It also depends on how smart they are. Like, we have two dogs with vastly different brain capacity. We have this bug that just there's nothing going on in its head at all. It's like a very low voltage watch battery. And then we've got the Black Lab who's super intelligent and aware and,

and you can really, really train her. But there's always a limit, you know? Unless you're going to spend a lifetime with them, like that thing like when you walk through the neighborhood, my dog's cool with all dogs, but if it sees a dog that's like a golden retriever who is its pal when we go away, she thinks like maybe that's another one,

and just wants to lunch, just wants to, it's all playful, but the owner doesn't know that. Right. And that's the thing with Hulk. He's not aggressive, but he's big. So when he leaps, it's a big leap. And there was one dog, a husky, that would really drive him nuts. And the good dog trainer, a pro, she said, yeah, huskies are a problem.

She said, because people shouldn't have huskies. Yeah. Because they're made to work. And if they don't work, they get really bored and they become a problem. She's like, that dog is supposed to be pulling a sled for hours at a time. Like, do you know how much strength and energy that dog has? She's like that way with like the border collies and stuff. She's like, if you can't take them to the park every day and just let them run,

they're going to start going nuts. And that's when they become a problem, you know. That's where the pug really thrives. It's pretty much a blood-filled throw pillow. He just does not care about going anywhere. Yeah. He just, there's no energy you have. to burn off. Great Danes and Hulk really is like a dog trainer told me to get a great day. She's like,

it's going to be perfect. She said because they're low energy. They're daylight. You give them 20 minutes of activity. That's followed by a three hour nap. Right. And that is exactly how we're like before I came here to do this. Took them to the park, walked him around the park, right? He gets back in the car and goes to sleep. He's like, all right, let's go home. Time for the, time for the afternoon nap, you know. I love that. Oh, it's great. I love that in people. I love that in animals. Yeah, he has the, you know, we have the same temperament. They're like, she's like, yeah, both of you are big, funny, and lazy. You'll be fine together. I'm like, yeah, that's my kind of dog. I don't need, I don't need a terrier. My buddy, Mike Fanoia, do you know him, comedian out of New York? Really funny. He just

worked with me this weekend. And he either got his dog or, or the same thing. I, I, a dog whisper. Like she trained. She has pictures of her with every, like, famous dog pet, whatever that was in movies for the last like 30 years. And said the same thing. Like just as soon as they walk in the room,

the animal knows something, one of me or something that's closer to me is here right now. Right. I don't have that connection. No, no. At all. I mean, he'll listen to me,

but it's like, and he is very, smart. Yeah. He's definitely smart. Are Danes traditionally smart? Yeah. They're pretty smart dogs.

They don't know how big they are. That's what's what's funny about them. They have no idea. He will sit on you like he's a lap dog. He will, you know, those are the kind of things. Sometimes he'll bump into stuff and I'm like, that had to hurt. And it's like, no, just, you know, so they're funny in that respect. But, no, watching a real dog trainer, it really is fascinating.

Yeah. What they can. And then I was reading this article. I guess this is a thing now. They have these, like they cost between 50 and 100 grand, and the stars are buying them. They're protection dogs. And they come fully trained to listen to everything. And they protect you.

Like it's like a guard dog. Like a guard dog. But not like a vicious guard dog. They're like a family dog. But if someone gets within a certain distance of the kids, the dog goes on high alert. or whatever. Or if someone comes in the house. Oh, that was off of the L.A. break-ins, right?

Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. Because people, they're following them home and they're doing the, what they call it, the home invasions. And these, so people are buying these dogs. And they say, you can't get them. There's a waiting list because it takes like two years to train them. Whoa.

But I saw a guy with a dog like that once. I'll tell you how long ago. I was at a barbershop. That's how long ago. But we're sitting in there and he was showing us what his dog could do and he'd say protect. And the dog would put its paw on you and no one could come within six feet. Like the dog would just be and then the minute they'd, you know. Wow.

We're sitting in the shop and he said car. And the dog walked outside, walked down the block and just jumped in the car window and waited for him. And we're like, so you're a miracle worker. Yeah, that's amazing. And he did that. He trained dogs for a lot of stars and new names. Yeah, you just, I think, I think you can learn it, but I think certain people have that vibe. Like, my wife is more of that vibe than I, like, she comes home, the animals, wherever they are, the cat, the dogs, the lizard, everything comes out of its hole and like snow white.

And they're like, she's back. And she just has this natural way. You have to have a lot of patience. Yeah. And then the other thing that's funny, and this is annoying, the people, the off-leash people, my mind. dog is trained it's like no yeah if you yell his name seven times and he's still not coming he's not trained right he's just off leash you're just yelling his name until he decides to walk yeah even calling it off leash is is just not right right they're just not on a leash right they're just running wild

oh they're off leash what does uh what does Hulk like to eat is he eat any human food no no no i've never given him human food i don't want he doesn't beg then no you can you can you You have to train them. And this I did train them because Great Danes are table height. Right. See, his head would be right here without stepping up. So if you don't train them to stay away from counters and tables, they're just like, oh, I'll have some of this.

Oh, yeah, that looks good. Yeah, they can just eat without jumping. Yeah. And so he eats dog food, you know, it's not even the super high end. It's like good, but not. Yeah. I don't do that whole raw diet, buy it in a freezer and prepare it. Oh, my God.

don't do that for me. Right. I know exactly. I'm not chopping vegetables for a dog. Right, right. So, but, you know, so he eats, what, freeze-dried meat with his kibble and the topper on it. Oh, that's good.

He's good with that. Do you cook the meat or give it to you frozen? No, no, it's not frozen. It's like in a bag, these freeze-dried. Oh, freeze-dried. Okay, gotcha. So you just throw that on there. Yeah.

Must eat a lot. He eats a lot. It must shit like an elephant. Well, you know, it's funny because people comment on that. I guess he shits like a 150-pound person would, you know. Yeah, that could be big. A couple times a days. You know, some mornings you get a two-bagger, you know, that's what I call it.

You get a two-bagger. Yeah, on rare occasions, a three-bagger. But usually you get a two-bagger in the morning and then a one-bagger, about two twice after that. You know, I walk in, what, four times a day? Well? So we get three out of four. There are some times when my pug goes and it's so small and you're like, should I even pick it up? And you pick it up, you don't even know it's in the bag.

But I feel like not doing it wouldn't, not that it would be disrespectful for the owner of the house. They'd never see it. But I feel like Frank, the pug would be like, aren't you picking that up? You know what I mean? He's like, he's kicking his rear legs. Like I did a good job. Like, you know, if I were to ignore it, I think it would just be a blow to his self-esteem. They train us at least as much as we train them.

Yeah. You know. Yeah. That sense that they have, like they know when I stand up from the desk, if I'm just going in the other room or it's possible we're going outside. Right. They know the outside vibe. Yeah. I don't think I'm doing anything different.

I'm just getting up from the desk. but they know I don't know what I'm giving off they also well they're creatures a habit and Hulk knows time like five o'clock is we play walk and then I eat

right like between five and six and he knows it he'll be laying around and then right about 445 he starts getting up looking around like all right enough of that computer stuff let's go and he will put again, because of his size, he'll just come put his head on my desk.

Just boom, like, all right, I'm here. It's like, all right, I guess we're going outside. It's amazing. So you got some time off the road for a bit. Got some time at home, which has been, yeah, it's been nice, man. It's been quiet. This year started out really busy because I was back on my jazz cruises. So that was all of January.

How are those? I love them, man. It's phenomenal. Is it with one particular art? artist or is it no it's a ton of it's one company uh entertainment cruise productions okay so they do we have like straight ahead jazz then we had blue note which is kind of contemporary jazz and then smooth jazz and it's a bunch of artists um the the big one for me to meet this year a woman named samara joy who won best new artist grammy she's like this amazing they're like oh yeah uh saravon ella fitzgerald

like she's that type of jazz voice really so she was on the cruise and the crew and then Robert Glasper, he's the host of Blue Note. He's phenomenal. And then the smooth jazz guys, you know, well, Marcus Miller's, he's, he's the one guy who plays with all of them. He's like he's just a jazz genius. And, you know, Jonathan Butler, Peter, why, a lot of people. Yeah.

But we hadn't been out for three years because of the pandemic. Oh, this was the first one back. Oh, man. And it was, yeah, it was a ton of fun. And then we did Bermuda. You've done, did you do? do Bermuda, JFL? Yeah, I did it.

Yeah, you did it. Like 10 years ago. Right. So that came back this year. That hadn't been done in about, well, three years, right? Was that fun? Yeah, it was great. Oh, that was a good gig.

Bermuda's nice. It's so nice. It's a quiet island that it's almost like, it's good not too many people know about this. I know. You know what? Yeah, and it's not super warm year round. Right, right. Right, because it's pretty much North Carolina out in the ocean.

But it's one of those places where, like, you go to some islands and Chris Rock had a great bit about it where you're like driving through just poverty and Armageddon, like really rough. And it's kind of, and then you're at this resort. It's a pretty bad feeling. You need a couple drinks to forget about what you just drove through and to get the guilt to dissolve. But Bermuda, the whole island is just... Yeah, they take a lot of pride in being an island nation. They're like, yeah, we're a country. And I guess during the pandemic, they were like, yeah, we're closed.

If you're not... I guess for a while, the airport was closed, so nobody was coming around. And then when they opened it, it was like, if you're not Bermudian, you're not coming to Bermuda. Right. So they... I mean, it was in the news. They had like five cases of COVID while we did. And, you know, that made the news.

That's amazing. That is amazing. We're keeping an eye on everything. Oh, what a beautiful place. It was a great, great. Do you rent a moped when you're there? Normally I do, but this time, man, I just kicked back. I was like, I don't even feel like going anywhere.

I'm just hang around the resort and just go do the shows, you know, and it just had a really relaxing vibe. So, yeah, so January and February, we're really busy. Now I'm home. At the end of this month, I'm going to Canton, Michigan. Nice. Which is right outside of Detroit. and I'm doing a show there.

Oh, very cool. That's it. So I've been home, yeah, it's been kind of nice. When you were on the jazz cruise, Samara, you said her name was? Samara. Samara. Was that the first time you saw her? Yeah.

How was she? Phenomenal. And I'm late to the party. Yeah. So the way I met her, D.D. Bridgewater, who I don't know if you ever heard of, she's super multi-town. She's one of those people. Yeah, I've won a Tony and I've won Grammys.

Right. I do everything, you know. I act, saying it, right, whatever I do. I'm, you know, and Didi's been around forever. So they're talking and Samara said, oh, hi, I'm Samara Joy. And she said, I sing, right? That's all, and I had never heard of her, but Diti's kind of telling her like, okay, this is how this works because you're, you're about to be somebody.

You need to know. How old is she young? Yeah, she's in her early 20s, just out of college, you know. So then they had a thing on stage where they had the singers on stage. And she started to sing. And I was like, I said, you sing, you sing. That's like Herbie Hancock saying, yeah, I play piano. It was like everything stopped when she started singing.

Jeez. And she's amongst, you know, Grammy winning jazz singers. Yeah. But when she sang, everything was like just stopped. Oh, like standards? Yeah, yeah. Standards, great. Really?

And Christian McBride, who's another brilliant jazz guy, been around forever, he said, yeah, she doesn't even know how good she is yet. She's not doing her own stuff yet. He said in a few years, it's really going to. Do you know where she comes from? She comes from the Bronx, and she comes from a singing family. Her parents were musicians, and I think her grandparents had a big church choir or whatever. Wow, that's great.

But the funny thing about it is she didn't start singing jazz, I don't think, until she got to college. Even though she had like the perfect voice for it, she said, yeah, I can't. from an R&B family. Right. And then when she, somebody heard her and said, you need to sing this. And, you know, so she sings all these jazz standards. That's amazing.

When those cruises go out, how long are you out there? Each one is a week. A week. So you do a week and then the musicians get. Some musicians stay, but most of them get off and then a different batch come on. Oh, and you get to stay the whole time? Yeah, I'm there the whole time. And you host the whole thing.

I don't host it. I host some shows and I do some Q&A's. And I do two comedy shows every week. And then, you know, the vibe for each cruise is different. So on the straight ahead jazz cruise, it's a very laid back. It's kind of like jazz trios and quartets and this and that, you know. And so there's not a lot for me to do on that one. I do a couple of shows.

Yeah. Then on the blue note, which is more, how do I explain it? It's contemporary jazz. These are the guys who are pushing jazz right now. So there's what's going on with them a lot. There's a lot of hip hop. And there's a guy named Terris Martin who comes on. And he does Kendrick Lamar's music.

But his love is jazz. So it's a lot of that. So the energy to cruise changes to where now I'm more involved and I'm clowning around with these guys doing interviews and talking with them. And it's fun. And then we move to. I'm sorry, but to go back when you do the straight ahead jet, they don't want to clown. They're like so serious.

It's not that they're serious. You know who's on the straight-ahead jazz because the people who grew up with jazz as their music. Right. So they're a little older. They're a little older, yeah. And that's, like, that's what they listen to on the radio.

That was their thing. So they're, so. And they just, they just hold in such high regard. Yeah, and they say that, you know, whatever music you grew up with, like, that's your music. Yeah. You know, like at any age, that's still your music. Yeah.

So they're listening to it. They're listening to it the way we'd probably listen to stuff from the 80s. Yeah, I was just going to say, like, as much as I love all different kinds of music, and I'm always new, I always want to be introduced, and I love it. But then something happens when, like, Van Morrison or Van Halen comes on, that just happens to your spinal cord, where you're like, you know, you're back in eighth grade in someone's basement. Yeah, they say that's what music takes you back to, it's an emotional memory

to when you were listening to this music, and that's what you connect to. They say it breaks people out of, like, their catatonic late stage, dementia stage. Yeah, I can imagine. That would be the one thing you do remember. Yeah, it's so cruel.

So, and then the smooth jazz cruise, they've been doing that cruise for almost 20 years. So it's almost like, it's definitely a party, and it's almost like a reunion every year. Like a ton of people do it every year. And it's just, the difference with that one is the artist share bands. So rather than each artist having its own band, they have like three bands that back up everybody. Right.

So now the headline artists get to play with each other with this band or just have these impromptu jazz jam sessions, you know. And for example, there's a, I don't know if you're familiar with Take Six. ever hear take six it's a six man a cappella group they've been around forever their voices are amazing i don't know them so um michael mcdonald but uh but more jazzy yeah have you ever searched your name on a search engine if not you may be surprised by the amount of personal information available online about you your full legal name email address, phone numbers, and more can easily be found online. And this isn't just true for you,

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involved. That's A-U-R-A-O-A-O-A-O-A-O-A-O-R-A.com slash Papa. Certain terms applies, so be sure to check the site for details. Time to protect your information. Thank you to ORA. So Michael McDonald was on. So it turns out, Take Six loves Michael McDonald. Sure. So now he's singing with them as the background. And, you know, and it's one of those things. like yeah well you'll never see this because they'll never be in the same room together like this and you know so you have you have moments like that and then they bring in big headliners like they brought this year they brought in um Vanessa Williams who just you know she didn't stay on the ship she just got on while it was in port to do her thing and then yeah so it's that's cool so then you get

to kill you get to go and do stand up and crush yeah and then hang out and then do one later on And the other thing that's really cool is that like when I improv, because I improv a lot of the shows, they're like, man, it's like jazz. You know, so when you have somebody, you know, like Marcus, who, you know, played with Miles Davis and it's won multiple Grammys and this and that. And he's telling you, man, I wish I could do what you do. Really? Really? Because I'm just here telling some dick jokes. You got a, you know.

Yeah. I know. You've changed people's lives. Oh my God. But there is that thing. It's that mutual appreciation. Yeah. And I love it.

And just, you know what I love about jazz like versus other music is the creativity. Right? Because jazz, they're always like, yeah, what else can we do? They're always pushing the envelope and want, and they master their instrument. Yeah. And then start playing. It's like, and he told me that there would be things like there were bars and clubs up in, in Harlem back in the day, like when you walked in,

that was the test. They were like, all right, let's see what you got. And they were like, you're gonna play right now. And they'd have tracks, you know, things like, there's a song Cherokee that's really hard and really fast. And they would play it. And if you couldn't keep up, they were like, yeah, we'll see you later.

Amazing. And, but that was the tradition, you know, and that's how you, that's how you got in. Yeah, that's amazing. There is a thing that's, like there's a certain, like comedy to you is natural. Yeah. Music to them is natural.

So, and even though, like, you know what you know about comedy, you see it in some other form, it looks like a magic trick. Yeah, yeah. When they see you doing crowdwork or just riffing, they think it's a magic trick, but they don't, they don't know that at that moment, you're more comfortable than you've been all week. Absolutely. That's what my therapist said. My therapist said, if I could get you.

to be the guy you are on stage all the time, I'd be done. No, that guy, that guy only lives there. What is the difference? Like, what is your... The comfort level. Zero self-consciousness and being totally in the moment. Right. You know how it is. When you're on stage, you know, and it was advice I was given early on and really safe. You don't think when you're on stage. You're just there and you're just doing it, Right? You're not thinking, hmm, how do I improv this joke or what it? No.

If you try to do that, it would be horrible. Yeah. You know. No, you're just in the moment. Yeah, you're just in the moment and you're reacting and. And when you're off. But in life, you have to really be confident to do that in life. Yeah.

Well, you also have the free time. Right. To sit and let your dumb brain noodle around throughout all the dumbest shit that's going to make you feel shitty. Yeah, exactly. It really is funny how we, you know, what does my friend Matt say? He says, yeah, this never ends well. This doesn't end well. Whatever, whatever it is. It's like, no, it's not going to end well. Left up to me, left up to my devices, this doesn't end well. Even when it does, you're still like, no, there's got to be something. Yeah. There's something else is going to happen. Yeah. There's too much, yeah, there's too much space. Do you, do you have? have, this is a dumb question, but because it's the total opposite of what you are on stage,

do you have low self-esteem in your life? Oh, absolutely. You do? Yeah, absolutely. I'm not this big, strong guy, and I'm the little guy inside who's, it's probably a, hmm, I don't know if it's a not like me. It's more like I'm not the guy you think I am. as confident or whatever as I look.

And the other thing is, I've been around people who are the best at what they do. So it makes you like, I'll give you an example, playing basketball, right? Growing up, I played basketball. You know, I didn't play for school, but I did play and I played a lot. And I played with some guys who were pretty good, right? But in my neighborhood where I grew up, everybody was like six feet was like the minimum. Like everyone was six feet tall. It wasn't a big deal to be six feet tall.

And we're playing ball and this. So then I leave the neighborhood and I come out here and I go to work at Lockheed and they have like corporate teams and suddenly like, man, you're good. And I'm like, oh, because the guys who I played with, I wasn't that good. Like these guys went to play Division I college ball. So you don't think you're, you don't think you're good. Then you leave and then you get in another situation. But in my mind, I'm still not. I'm still the guy who wasn't as good as the guys I grew up with.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And then I got to play with some NBA players and really found out how not good I am. Then you find out, oh, that's a different game that those guys play. That's a different. But again, like you said, it's like that with comedy, right? Because I think in comedy, you develop a confidence. You know, you develop a, I know I can make them laugh.

And that's why that's at home because I don't have to think about that. Now I'm seeing what I could do. Now there are certain comics who push me, who bring out the best because you just, that's just a, I don't know, I don't know, it's not even, competition is not the right word.

It's just kind of a inspiration. Inspiration, that's a better word, yeah. Yeah. No, there's, uh, even when you're really good at this, uh, you don't think you are. No, no.

Like there's, I mean, you know, on one level you know, but at another level, you're still like, ay, aye, aye, I don't know. Yeah, there's something, because we're always looking for it, right? And it's like golf, like you hit one shot and you hit that one right. You didn't even feel the ball, hit the club, and you're like, oh, that's the shot. And then, well, you're not going to do that again. No, and then you're muddling and awkward.

Yeah. Yeah, right. And in comedy, you'll hit that one joke or that one bit and you'll be like, man, I want everything to be at that level. Yeah. You know. It's so strange because like people from the outside, like get off comedy, like just you're saying like, you're not, I'm not what people think. When you see like a big, strong, confident guy and you're, they have no idea inside as like this little kid. Yeah.

I wonder, I mean, we all kind of feel that. I don't know if, I don't know if certain people, I think everybody feels it, but I think some people are better at hiding it. Yeah. You know what I mean? I think some people are aware of who they are and that allows them to do. But it's very, it's like a prince. Like prince, you know what I mean? Like, I don't think Prince was not confident, but he still, he wanted to create.

but he knew he had this talent and ability within him, and he wanted to make the most of it. But I bet, I bet he had self-doubt. I bet even though he knows he's Prince and he's putting out of this music and he's trying, but there's that elusive thing that always kind of humbles you at times. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel like the better the artist is, the more they kind of carry that, even though they'll have all this success. Maybe, maybe, but only with themselves, you know? Because like they said, like, Prince got booed opening for the stones, right? Right. But he didn't quit.

Like, you know how good you have to know you are to, like, there's 20,000 people booing and you're like, yeah, you're all wrong. Yeah, you know, there's eight people there. Like now, of course, everyone's going to lie and say, well, I knew. But at that time, there were eight people there who were like, wow, this guy is amazing. Yeah. And the rest were in the masses. You know? Yeah.

And I think in comedy, there's a few people like that. Like Dave Chappelle, I mean, it always comes back, talking about him. But I think he knew that even when he talked, now, when he got his presidential award or whatever, and I don't know if you saw that show where he talked about his mother told him he was, what is it, the griot, the storyteller from Africa and this and that. Like, do you know how great you'd be if your mother told him? told you, yeah, you're destined to do this. Right. You know what I mean?

I mean, that's what we didn't have. That, that is an amazing, an amazing thing to hear, yeah. To hear and to grow up with to have somebody. Because what do we have? All right, you need something to fall back on. You better have a real job. Right. Get a degree just in case.

Yeah. So, so, and I think that helped make him who he is because his whole life, he like, I don't know, knew it is the right word or was supported in it or whatever. And so you see people like that or like Tiger Woods, you know, where at three years old, his dad was like, yeah, you're going to be the greatest golfer ever. And it's great when it works. Now, if it doesn't work, you're a horrible parent. That's the thing about that, right?

The Tiger Woods or the William sisters, like when it doesn't work, you're a horrible parent. But when it works, it's amazing. Yeah, I bet it works nine times out of ten, though. Not that you become the William sisters, but you probably achieve more than you probably would have. Yeah, and you have a confidence about you. Yeah. You know, so. But I think, yeah, I think the insecurity and the lack of confidence, like you say, that drives you to be better. Oh, yeah. You know, that, that, that unsettled. I mean, they said that with Michael Jordan, right, that he always looked for something to, to, you know, push him, anger him.

Right, mostly out of anger, when it turned out. But he needed something that would make him, you know. Yeah. No, because there's definitely that you need that kind of, that curiosity, that fear, that thing that keeps you striving, keeps you going for it. And the flip side of it is when that makes you feel lesser than and you actually don't own it, you know? Like, you've seen people in comedy that are not that great who seem to own the confidence. Oh, the level of confidence of bad comics is fascinating to me. You know,

when, oh, it's the crowd. No, not every night. Can't be, no. No, and that's, that's a funny thing when you see people, but it works. It works. It works, yeah. Especially in Hollywood. In Hollywood, it's perception. Yeah. And you have people acting like stars and then they suddenly treat them like stars and nobody stops and says, wait a minute, they're not really that good. Yeah. Like if you could have a little less humility, you could actually play that game. A little more humility, a little less confidence. Yeah. Yeah. I, because I used to always tell my agent, I said, listen, man, you need to find out how do bad actors get work? Stop sending me in where I'm, where I recognize people. There's nothing worse on an audition for me than when I recognize people. I'm like, well, you, this is what you do.

I know who you are. Why are you here? Send me when the bad actors get. I want to be one of those guys where they're looking at the movie. How did he get the job? I want to be that guy. That guy has a great job. Yeah.

It is ridiculous. Hey, Joey. You know, Alonzo's here. And he's at a table. called Breaking Bread, and it looks like we've completely just forgotten about Alonzo.

That'd be a subtle hint there, Joeie, the bread. Oh my God. Joey's doing his bread. What do you mean to say, the bread? Good Lord. In front of the company. Do you like regular bread or do you like olive bread? I'll go to regular bread.

Is this also Tom Papa bread? This is not. I just came home last night from New York. Oh, okay. So it'll still be good. This is my favorite. This is Lodge bread, which is the best in L.A.

All right. And I get that to fill in the gaps because they've been on the show before. They're amazing. I will try it. And that is your bread. I apologize to you. Joey'd grow up in a way. Who knows who raised them?

Yeah. Yeah, his parents weren't. No. They had better ones. Better kids? Yeah. Yeah, they had. And then Joey came along.

They're like, we can't help this guy out. Yeah. No, there you go. I apologize. Now, what will you do with bread? I will eat it. I'm not. Do you cook for yourself?

No. You don't, you order in every night. Not every night, but I don't order in. I go out to get the food. I will not be so lazy as to just stay home. You know what I mean? Like, I'm like, at least I'm doing that. I'm going to get it.

That's so funny because I cook a lot, but when I don't cook, I'm not going to get it. Yeah. I want them to come. No, I'll go get it. You will. Also, when they bring it, I don't know if it's going to be cold or how long it's going to take to get or whatever. Yeah.

When my ex when she was living with me, she ordered a pizza and the guy delivered the pizza. And when he got to the door, Hulk barked. And, you know, in a Great Dane barked, you know it. Yeah. And the pizza was simply left on the top step with a trail of smoke going on the stairs. It was She said, yeah, I opened the door, the guy wouldn't even there. He just took off.

It was like, yeah, that's a big bark. How long did she live with you? We lived together for about nine months, eight, nine months. We shocked everyone who knows me because I'm just not the relationship guy. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't, the problem was it was, it was, too soon in a relationship like the the pandemic happened and this and that we just kind of fell in

and staying and oh i see we weren't we weren't there yet i think that was a problem circumstances brought you into the house together right so what was the hardest part of just having not to attack or just having another human just having another human being in your space it's your habits yeah habits and your space that's yeah you've always to me seem like a very independent guy You do your own thing, your own pace. You have a motorcycle. You're by yourself on the fight. A friend of mine who I've known her, getting old now, about 30 years.

And she said, the toughest thing about you is you don't need anybody. She said that when women come across a man who doesn't need them, they don't know what to do. She's like, what do I do? He's self-sufficient. He can do his own laundry. He feeds himself. whatever you know and and it's like yeah I just I want the companionship but I don't you don't have to and and I appreciate it I mean that stuff is nice yeah but it's like like my brother's wife when they

were dating he would call me to tell me what she cooked she's like a great cook and he'd be like man we just gone to the movies and there was a meatloaf with with you know sweet potatoes and this and that and then she made a pecan pie and he's like he's like man and I was like yeah she figured it out she got she got you yeah every time you come to the house there was a meal yeah absolutely and and there's a value to that i'm i'm like i already ate what what is you're you eat what is you do you eat fast food not often no um you're on when i have a burger it's from a better place like it's not an in and out or whatever it's in and out or right one of those kind of uh burger places I mean, I'll eat fast food on occasion, but like I'll go to Sharkies, not Taco Bell.

Right. I'm at, you know, Tom, we're both at the age. You can't do Taco Bell. There's a certain age you hit where you're like, okay, I can never eat Taco Bell again. My body is like, and I'm not one of those super healthy eaters or whatever, but my body's like, all right, listen. No, they're definitely. We're going to cross Taco Bell and jacking the box off the list forever. Yeah, I have the same thing with eating late after a show, which is always such a hard thing

to not do because you're done. You feel like you get a reward, but age will actually stop you from doing that too because laying down and sleeping an hour after you've eaten is going to do foul things to your system. It's going to be a throat level for a while. And that's the thing about our job, right? Our job is not conducive to health. No, it's not.

Because you, like you said, you finished you. You don't want to eat. before the show because then you're just sluggish and lazy on stage. So now you finish the shows and you want to eat. And that depends on where you are. You know, last summer, I was in St. Paul, Minnesota. There's no place open after 10. There's like one diner.

And everyone is there. Everyone in St. Paul is at the diner. People from the show, everybody was there. You were like, me and the Skyfield, we were like, man, this is it. But they don't tell you that. You know, it's one thing. Yeah. They're like, okay, order your food before the show and put it somewhere because after the show, nothing's open.

Yeah. So you learn that. And I remember me and Huff were somewhere in Pennsylvania. I don't know where it was, but we finished the show. And the only place to eat was like a hooters off exit 47. Like that's where you had to go. And nothing against hooters, but there's, you know, there's a time for hooters. Yeah, 11 o'clock at night.

Yeah. There's a time when you, like if you want to eat food, you can't go to Hooters, but like, that's all that's open. Yeah, sometimes the only thing you get is a gas station. Oh, yeah. Which actually, that kept me from fast food my whole career. Yeah. When I realized, oh, I can get like nuts and treat myself to a small pack of nutter butters. Like, I can make a meal out of a gas station any time.

and it's actually better for you than rolling into. Well, that was my joke about the vaccine. People like, I don't know what's going in my body. I was like, I've eaten gas station hot dogs. All right. So there's nothing you can put in my body. My body's not afraid of anything you have. Go ahead.

That's right. Give me the shot. Yeah, just rotating under a fluorescent light. When you eat a burrito in a place where there are no Mexican people. You know what I mean? I'm in Wichita. I'm going to have this burrito. Yeah, okay. Are you sweet? Are you salty? Horrible. No.

Horrible chocoholic. There's another one. Okay. So there's another one. You talk about unknown things. Man, I have a problem with chocolate. Like when women talk about, you know, I feel bad and I eat chocolate, like, it's like, yeah, I know what you mean. And like they never believe it. I'm like, no, I know what you mean. I get into self-hate and then I got to eat a bag of chocolate. And it's like, yeah, I do that too. I don't know where I learned it. is your go-to chocolate chocolate covered peanuts oh really not not peanut m&Ms not that doesn't do it that's not enough that's not enough you got to have just a straight chocolate over your peanut you know just dark or milk milk milk milk really dark chocolate's okay dark chocolate's good with an almond uh-huh you know but with

a pretzel nice dark chocolate on a pretzel yeah with peanut though you got to do got to do the uh milk chocolate and it's just not good and i'll stay off of them for a while it's really really like a drug like I'll stay off of what they'll be like yeah they're right there start getting itchy right yeah how gotta have one when you break and you buy a bag how big is the bag it's that little plastic what is it like uh-huh eight-ounce thing you know that little plastic yeah tub they sell them in it's one of those and that might make it for two days that might last two days that's pretty good yeah that's not bad what is your go-to thing that you order for dinner I don't know that I have one I I love Italian food, but it's not an everyday thing.

No, I mix it up. I like, I'm a meat person, so I do have meat, most meals. I mean, when I say meat, when I say meat, it could be chicken, it could be, you know, or fish. It used to be a great fish place near where I live, and then they change up their menu, and it's like, oh, you're not a great fish place anymore. You were a great fish place. A bad fish place is not a good, anything. A great fish place.

You have to be, if you're going to be a fish place, actually, you better. be great. Yeah, but my meal center around that. You know, I like vegetables and stuff. Like, I'm not a big French fry person. I'm not crazy. Really? Oh, man, I wish them.

I'll eat some, but I'm not crazy about them. And again, it's not a health thing or whatever. It's just not my thing. So I prefer, like, if I can get a burger and a salad, that's a good meal or a sandwich, a hot sandwich. I like. And then deli. And no chips on the side of the sandwich. Sometimes I'll do the chips, especially if they're those homemade kettle chips like the place.

Yeah. I don't know. But that's kind of fried adjacent. I know. It's like fries. Yeah. And then delis, a good deli I like because they have that, you know, they have 300 things on the menu. You know, those New York style delis.

I love those. We make everything. Yeah. What fascinates me about those places is you're looking up at this gigantic board and whatever you say, the guy is cool with it. Yeah. He's never like, wait, how do I do that? Right. Whatever you want, I can, if I don't have it there.

Yeah, all the Greek special number 12 with extra peppers and tahini. Okay, you got it. Boom. You know, you mentioned barbecue. How is barbecue not healthy? People say barbecue is not healthy. I know. It's a meat, it's a vegetable.

This is good for you. What do you mean it's not healthy? Fat, greasy in a sauce that's mostly sugar. Yeah, but come on, they grilled it. It's not fried. Stop it. What do you ride? now. What's your bike?

So I just bought, I'm waiting for it to be delivered, a Honda Valky. Really? Which is the gold wing without the bags. Yeah. I'm looking forward to that. Yeah. And I ride a BMW cruiser and a BMW touring bike. And, you know, I'm like,

I've gone fast for a long time, so now I don't have to anymore. Right. Comfortment. No more crotch rockets? Oh, no, my knees don't fold up like that. Like I see Ducati's and I love a Dukadi is like a 25 year old woman. It's like, oh, that's beautiful. I will not be riding that.

I'll just embarrass myself if I even go near it. Nobody needs to see that. The aftermath will not be good. It's going to be knee pain. It's going to be depressing. I know who I am. So I love them. You know, and I'm glad I went through that era and had super fun going fast and doing

racetracks and stuff. But now I like comfortable bikes. and cruising. And it's meditative to get on a bike and just get a little out of town. And, you know, that's the great thing about Southern California. Like, in 15 minutes, 20 minutes, you don't know that L.A. exists. You're in the hills and it's just quiet and peaceful. And I've come up with tons of material that way because my mind just opens up.

Right. God. Yeah, I do miss it. But also what you said about not sitting in traffic and not worrying about parking, I'm so used to that. Yeah. That if I drive, I'm going to be late. Right. Of course. Yeah, your math is all off. Like by, by like 45 minutes. Yeah. And this, this, you know, new thing where L.A. has become Seattle. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You've been in the rain. Oh, man. It's just ridiculous. It's been a rough winter. It's, yeah. And I, today I was going where I, there's a park out in Malibu I take

hope to, you know. And so I was on Mahaland. And it's closed in all. these sections they're clearing mud. Jeez. They got the bulldozers out there and they're moving the mud and the big rocks and stuff. And then they're like, oh yeah, and it's going to rain again tomorrow. I know. Okay, stop praying. You're people praying for rain.

Stop it. It worked. All right. You got, yeah. Yeah. I love how we're like in this mega drought and people are like, please stop this. I don't need any more rain. You know, but and yet that's how L.A. is that?

You know, it's like, okay, we want to rain. we weren't okay we've had enough now stop it now we need to go back and that's yeah in 75 degrees do you ever go on long trips yeah yeah i did cross country yeah once which was amazing it was amazing and i've done i've gone up and down to east coast up and down the west coast the only thing i haven't ridden i call it our backyard i haven't done the grand canyon or death valley the rides that you would think living in l.a would be the first ones you do i haven't done those which i i definitely want to do yeah and this year would be a good year to do Death Valley because it's never going to get hot. I don't know what's happened. We did, Cynthia and I did cross-country and did the, and did Vegas, Death Valley or Grand Canyon

Vegas. Oh, nice. That's a nice. It was really nice, but we hit, we like left Vegas way too late. We partied in Vegas and left it like noon. So it puts you in Death Valley. Like, it was not good. We were That kind of heat. That is really like, this is death for a reason. Riding in that kind of heat, I tell you, it's like having a blow dryer on high in your face. Like when the wind is hot, that's when it's hot. So hot. And you don't want to peel off leather because it's your protection.

Right. Arizona is nice, like right after that monsoon. Like, you know how they always have that big afternoon rain. Yeah. The hour after that is perfect. Yeah. It's like, oh, the rain has cooled it off and now. It's the best.

And you dry instantly, like you ride through the rain because as soon as the sun comes out, yeah, I'm dried off. It's a blow dryer. There's no, because, you know, I rode for a long time. And then when I came out to L.A., I mean, it was synced up with my career and my daughter being born. So it was like I just pushed the bike into my brother-in-law's garage and that was it. And when I'm in L.A., I'm like, this is an insane place to ride. It is a living game of Frogger.

Yeah. You know, and I mean, I've been doing it. Yeah, I've been doing it for so long. Yeah. You develop this anticipation. But again, when you get a lesson when you're young, this guy said, yeah, man, ride like everyone's out to kill you. Right. And I was like, that's the best advice I ever got.

Yeah. Because especially now, the phones add, two things added levels of danger. Telephones and Teslas. Because you can't hear him. You can't. only can't you hear them, I assume the person isn't driving. Right. You know, you're on the freeway, and you know, you've been on a bike, you can see in cars. Right. People in Tesla's, it's like driving isn't even in the top five things they're doing. They're just, they're along for the ride. Because, you know,

he told them that it had an auto drive. Well, yeah, but. Then they're like, it's not, it's like, you can't tell people it's automatic driving and then pull back on that. He should have called the driver a sister. Once you told them that it can drive itself, they're like, well, then I can eat with two hands or I can, you know, work on my tablet or whatever else. So on a bike, so when I see a Tesla, I just assume, okay, they're not driving. Right, right. Yeah. I mean, anytime someone gets in an accident in one, you know they didn't have their hands on the wheel. They weren't really, they were letting the thing to it but you are right being told that yeah they you know and then the other accident you know is when you're on a straight section of the road it's dried as nothing else and someone

hit someone like you were on the phone right because there's no other reason you wouldn't see this other yeah yeah you're looking down yeah yeah you were on the phone and you plowed into them yeah and and some of them are you know pretty bad i mean it's it's i don't know i don't know what the um I don't know how we're going to stop that. You know what I mean? I don't think you are. They stopped drunk driving, right? It took a lot of work in a long time.

But now drunk driving is kind of unusual. I don't know what the solution is going to be for tech driving. I think that there absolutely has to be the technology that disables your phone in the car. Yeah. Like, you know, you can't program the GPS in your car, that kind of. Like, it could be done. Right. But the outrage and the loss of money would be so great.

No one's going to do it. No, no one's going to do it. You've got to almost hope the next generation is just better at it. Right. You know what I mean? Then all these old people trying to. Or it'll be so integrated that you can't. Yes.

Like it'll be integrated to the point where you just say what you want to go or whatever. Right. The tech gets better. And Apple, I don't even know. Like you ever look something up on Yelp and then you get in your car. and it pops upon navigation. Like, how did you know, like, you guys and you? I love these people like, oh, they're not monitoring.

It's like they're monitoring you. They're monitoring everything. Everything. And here's the thing. They don't care about you. Okay, the government's not out to get you because, you know, you work at Ross. Right. No, it's so in tune that you don't even have to look it up.

You just say it. We're in a conversation talking about Taco Bell. Right. Something's going to pop up on one of our phones. Yeah, 100%. I do these videos for the young Turks, these news videos and, you know, make fun of it. And sometimes they send me these stories. And I hate it because I have to look up something that I don't want on my phone.

You know, like there was this thing about, as you know now, the drag queens. Like it's always funny to me what the latest group is that's going to destroy America. Right. For some reason, the drag queens are doing it now. So there was this thing about it. But it talked about how they're talking about influencers and stuff, right? So it also talked about those kids beauty pageants and, you know, the babies in bikini. And I'm like, I don't want no, because the moment I click, I can't click on little girls in bathing suits.

Now it's in there. Yeah, now I'm a part of an investigation. I'm like, you ever seen the young Turks? Like, no, I'm in handcuffs because I'm a single man with no kids who looked up little girls in bathing suits. That's why I'll send it on your podcast. The milf pageants. You're going down with me. You're going down with me, Tom.

Oh, great. Let me be clear. We are all about milfs on this program. Not even close to being a problem. We've been 30 years beyond. Gilfs. I'm looking at gilfs. And I'm like, oh, look at you.

That's two generations of beauty under you. But it's, yeah, that part of technology is funny. And then they've offered me a few. different people have offered me the because you can get it in your helmet now you get Bluetooth in your helmet right and I'm like and one had a heads up display oh god like are you kidding like no no I don't want to talk to you on the phone the whole reason I don't want to look through my face shields to see a head up to I'm not a fighter pilot yeah I want to see the idiot you know making a left turn in front of me right I want to be reading my gauges yeah distant from

now I'm now I'm as bad as him yeah so so technology I've got And this is another thing. Maybe I'm old, but I'm kind of like, no, man, simple. The last bike I had had all this tech stuff on it, and it didn't work. And you just keep getting these error messages popping up and you got to take it back to the dealer and this and that. And after the second time, I said, listen, man, he said, no, man, it's okay. I'll buy it back. I sold it back to him.

I was like, I don't want this bike. This is too much technology. Yeah. For things to sync up. And it's like, no, I want to buy. Do you use GPS on the bike? Yeah, I have one bike that has GPS. But it's the old school GPS unit, which works great.

Right. Just plug in where you're going. But I don't use my phone. A lot of people have the phone connect, you know. Like a car play thing? Yeah. Yeah. And I don't use that.

Yeah. They have mounts where you can mount your phone to the handlebars. I tried it once. And the thing about a phone, it's constantly picking up Wi-Fi. Everywhere you go, so it keeps popping up different. Yeah, yeah. And they said, you got to shut that off and do that. I say, you know what?

How about I just look where I'm going? It's crazy to think that I gave up the bike before GPS. Yeah. Like it was just starting to emerge, but it wasn't, you know, it was still MapQuest time. Yeah, I think we might be the last generation that can read a map. Yeah, that's what you would do. You would plot it out and memorize it and go out on your bike. Give one of your kids a Thomas guide.

It'd be like giving them the Declaration of Independence. You know what they do, they'd feel sorry for you. age and scrolls. He was like, oh, dad, you had to use this? Yeah. They would think you were so much older. I love when they're kind of condescending to you. Yeah.

You had to use stupid technology. Oh, God. Yeah. Oh, really? You know what my daughters are doing now. They're passive aggressive, trying not to call me old and shitty is when I talk to them when we FaceTime and I hold my phone. Invariably, every time I'm doing it, they just look at me, the look of disgust on their face.

and they're like, you're covering your microphone. No, I'm just holding. And you can, you know, it's that thing like you have with your parents. You're just like, I don't want to call you an idiot, but you're an idiot. You're covering your microphone. I was reading somewhere that some guy said he knew it was bad when his kid said to him, Dad, you were born last century.

Oh. Ouch. Ouch. Right? Because now you could be born in 2000. You're 23 years old. Oh, I know. It's so insane. You're from last century. And it's worse when they tell you like I have a niece and she would tell me everything that I'm doing wrong with the phone and I bought her her phone. I'm like, listen, without me, you don't have a phone to be an expert on. Okay. So let's slow down on how dumb I am. Right, exactly. That's so brutal.

All right, before you go, you're going to take the bread home. Yes. What are you going to do with it? I am going to, I'll cut it up, and now I'm going to eat something tonight that will be bread appropriate. Okay. Maybe I'll get some pasta or something. I'm going to get something that bread is an appropriate side. And I'll have just bread.

Do you have butter in the house? Yeah, another thing. I'm not a butter eating. Don't like butter. I like toasting the bread. Sometimes I'll do a little oil, but a lot of things. Just the bread. What goes on your toast?

Just the bread. Yeah, just the bread. The bread is good. This bread's good for that. All right. I like it. Man. You're the best.

I look forward to these all the time. You're one of the great comics that I know. Like, you know what I mean? Likewise. We're guys who are, we're still comics. Right. With everything else, you know. And you know what I mean.

But we still love the art of stand-up. Doing that thing. So it's always fun being with people who are like that. Right. Who respect what. it is so yeah this is it's always fun to catch up with you man always always always i'm sure everyone just look for me at the village theater in canton michigan um march 30th or 31st i shouldn't know where do you where do you post all your stuff on social media yeah i'm on um so funny on

instagram zo f un n y and then alonzo bowden dot com all right beautiful awesome we got it aaronzo bowden well there you have it kids the great alonzo bowden i hope he's safe out there his motorcycle. I really do miss and envy the bike. You know, Alonzo is a good friends, not good friends, but my father loves Alonzo and he's run into Alonzo at bike events and things like that. And biker to biker, my dad's a big biker. Alonzo's a big biker. And I used to be, but then had to bail. With living in L.A. and having kids and all the rest of it, I just, I miss. it, but I also know how insanely scary it is. But you know what it is? The longer you're away from it, the scarier it seems. Alonzo's dialed in. He knows what he's looking for. He's going to stay safe.

And you kind of have a little more control over it. But the longer you're away from doing some activity like that, like the idea of doing it seems scarier than it appears to Alonzo. Either way, I'm jealous. I can pontificate and try and intellectualize all of it, but being on a bike by yourself and just your own thoughts up in these great roads. Ah, I know. And my father and Alonzo both look at me. They don't say it out loud, but deep down inside, they're like, what did you do? Why did you do? Thank you to Alonzo. Go to Zohfunny on Instagram and Alonzovodin.com. Make sure you look up his dates. He's got that date coming up in Michigan, and got to catch him live. He's always just great.

Go to Tompapa.com, look up all the tour and the new book. We're doing great. I mean, you're doing great was the last one. We're all in this together, so make some room, which is coming out soon. You guys are the best. Thank you for listening, and we'll see you next time.