Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 149 - Maz Jobrani Returns!

Episode Date: April 4, 2023

Maz Jobrani gets into The Birds and the Bees at our table and on his new YouTube special!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, it's also a show. Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I'm Tom Papa. Thank you for being here today. We have a return guest, the great Maz Jabrani. He's a new special out on YouTube called The Birds and Bees, or it's the Birds and the Bees. You think it's the Birds and the Bees or the Birds and the Bees? or the birds and the bees?

Or the birds or birds and bees? It's Maz Gibrani, and he's got a new special out on YouTube. You'll find it. He is hilarious. I saw him at the comedy store the other night. He was just killing it with all new material. He's done a ton of specials. He's beloved all around the world,

not just in this great country of ours, but all over. And he's just great. So I'm very excited to have him back. It's always an interesting conversation with the great Maz Gibrani. This is our second episode here at the breaking bread adjunct. You know, we franchised. And it's going pretty well.

It feels like we're doing good stuff. We've got wine that we have. What we have to really do, and I don't think we can do it today, is we need to get drunk in here, Joey. We're going to need to, it's almost like bad luck. if we don't break this place in by doing something, we're going to have to, I can't today. I've got to work out after this,

but the next time. Maybe we'll do one by ourselves and just get boozy and see where it goes. But we do have to christen the space. But I'm very excited to present this. Let's jump right into it. The Great Mastropa. Well, thank you for being here.

Thank you for having me. You know, we were saying the other day that we kind of have franchised out. You were at the original restaurant. Yeah. In the baking bread. And now this is our second location. Have you ever wanted to open a restaurant or a bakery?

Are you into that at all? Or that's not you? I've thought about, yes. I have little fantasies. I know how much work it is. Yeah. It's so much harder than anything we've ever done. Yeah.

And it's endless. Like when I did the Food Network show called Baked. Yeah. And we would be. visit bakeries. And I know this sounds so stupid. I've said this before, but I was always so, I'm always so naive. Like when I roll into a bakery or a coffee shop and they have that case filled with stuff.

Yeah. It's just there for me at 9 o'clock. Yeah, exactly. And you have no idea. I never clocked that for that pastry to be in that case at 9, at 9, someone was in that back of that building at 2 in the morning. Two in the morning. It's funny you say that because we used to,

First of all, I am like you, like you have that moment of, you have that like, the glamorous thing in your mind where you're like, I'll be the owner. Right. And I'll walk in and there'll be all this great food. Right? And it's just, I don't have to really do the work. Don't have to really do the work. And so there used to be a place in North Beach in San Francisco when I grew up there. And they would say, yeah, there's this place and you go at like two in the morning coming home from the clubs.

And they have all the, they have all the bread. they're making and you give them like whatever a dollar and they give you like a nice fresh hot baguette and we're like what a great thing not for a minute thinking there's some poor dude we're coming for a club there's some poor dude who's like in the oven you know 500 degree oven he's like these kids for a dollar but it's such hard work it is right it really is hard work but i said this in one of my specials that i always have a fantasy of when everything downships having a bagel shop at the beach. Nice.

Like that would be a little bagel shop and call your own hours. Yeah. This bagel shop only opens from nine to three every day. Sure. And like that to me does seem kind of appealing. But that means I'm not touring. That means I'm not, you know.

But also the other thing that happens as you get older, you realize all these delicious places, as you get old, you can't eat them anymore because you start having, like, health problems. I know. That's the other problem. A bagel is now, I don't know why. Well, I know why.

Yeah. Because it's reality. Yeah. But a bagel has kind of entered the donut realm. Yeah. You're like, a bagel, that kind of ruins the entire week of dieting and trying to get in shape. Dude. One bagel can totally F you up.

I just had that yesterday. So it was interesting because I've, I really like, I used to like going in college. And then even later, I used to like go in a sit at coffee shops and like just read something and just drink my coffee and have a pastry with it. And I have to worry about anything. And I realize in the recent past, whether it's through family stuff or work stuff or just other stuff that I commit to, I haven't had a chance to have that, especially now we've got a dog. Right. And the dog will come and, you know, she's pretty cool. But if I'm sitting there, you know.

Not alone, cool. Yeah. So yesterday I had like about 45 minutes of just free time. Yeah. And our buddy Dan Adduit has just written a book. So I grabbed his book. And it was about eating, actually. Oh, yeah.

So I grabbed his book. He sent it to me. Yeah. And I went and I sat there. down. I was trying to read it. And then I was like, well, if I'm going to have a coffee, and this is after, I'd already had my oatmeal, which was, it's just supposed to be good for you, even though it's also hot, like, it's not a light meal. No. But it's good for your cholesterol. But I was like, there's a great bagel place right in our neighborhood. I was like, well, I'm going to have a coffee. I need to have a bagel.

So there I do. Like within an hour and a half, I'm like, is this wrong? And I go, you know what? And then I said to myself, Tom, I go, I'll just eat half of it. I'll take the other half to my daughter. And then I ate half. I go, this is really good. I'll get her another one. I'll get her another one. I forget it. It took so much negotiation to just be able to enjoy myself for 45 minutes. I know. And you do have to kind of let yourself off.

It really comes down to, and this is such an old thing to say, but you get to a certain point. You like you just want to make sure that everything's cool. Yeah. And it's like, I'm working out. I'm eating kind of right. And I'm like, does it matter that I'm having trouble dropping the weight? Like, I just want to drop the weight.

Yeah. Which, by the way, that shot that everyone has in Hollywood sounds really appealing. Oh, oh, oh, Zampic. That's what that is. Yeah, it was a diabetes medicine. You just shoot it in your ass once a week and you're skinny. So I'm like, so I took my blood pressure just to get, I do like once every couple of weeks just to keep in between physicals and stuff. And it's like 118 over 80.

And I'm like, does it matter that I have a couple extra pounds? Yeah, it's not fine. It's fine. It's all right. Yeah. You know what I mean? If I lost 10 pounds, you're not coming and going, you look good. Dude, I saw a guy last, I saw a guy last night that was like he had to be at least 350, 400 pounds.

And I'm going, what's his life like? Yeah. And then it makes me go, the bagels okay. Bagels are right. You do all the right things. You do all the right things. You know, you have to counteract like if you're just bagel guy. Yeah.

But you're doing a lot of other stuff in between. Yeah. Let's mention right off the top, though. Yes. Because it's why I saw you at the comedy store. Yeah. I was excited to get you back in here. You have been very busy.

Yes. Because you have a new special. Yes. And it's out now. Out now. This is very exciting. Yes. So it's interesting.

So I've done, this is now my seventh special. Whoa. Yeah. Seventh. Now, they're not all good, but there's seven of them. You hear you hear Seifel is like, only the A material. I'm like, yeah, you got a couple of being. somebody's

No, but it was my seventh special and I was going, I've shot specials, my Netflix special, I shot at the Kennedy Center, which for me was super special. So great. I've shot a special in Dubai. I've shot a special in Sweden. I've shot specials in L.A.

And I thought the word special. Sweden, you did Sweden? Stockholm, Sweden. Did you really? Dude, it's amazing. Why did you decide? You know, it's interesting. I never knew.

So Sweden for the longest time had a pretty, laxed immigration policy. So a lot of people leaving countries that had turmoil would go to Sweden. So there was a big population of Iranians in Sweden. And I had no idea. I'm being Iranian-American, the first time I went out there,

I sold out this theater. Wow. And so there was Iranian-Americans, and there was Swedes who like Iranian-Americans, and it's expanded sense. Amazing. But the other thing that's amazing about, it was Stockholm in particular,

is it's very cosmopolitan. Right. You have there, they know about anything you talk about. And nowadays, because of social media, you can do your LA Act in Stockholm, and they're going to totally get it all. Wow. That's great. So I shot a special there. Actually, the special I shot there was 2012. But then going into this new special, I'm going, the word is special, so it's got to be special.

Yeah. So I said, you know what? Let me shoot at the comedy store, because that's where I got my start. I tell the story of how Mitzi Shore made me a regular. Wow. And she wanted me to wear a turban when I first started. Did she? I swear to go.

It's like the Jamie Masada thing. Yeah. He said that to a lot of comics. Yeah, well, everyone, like, it's funny because Mark Merrin will say that Mitzie told him that you're the thinking man's comics. So wear a scarf, you're a poet. So he said for a while I was wearing a scarf. And he did it.

Yeah, he did it for a while. I talked my way out of the turban because I originally, like, I tell the story in the special about how this was like, to me, this was like a dream come true, the comedy store, legendary. Eddie Murphy, who was my comedy hero, was there. there. Robin Williams was there. You know, all these amazing comedians were there. And back then, you would perform three minutes in front of Mitzi.

If she liked you, they'd get word to you to come back and do six. They liked you. Come back a few more weeks and do 10. And then if they liked you, now Mitzi would sit in that back chair in the original room right by the exit sign. You had to walk past her. Right. And if she let you walk past, that meant quit the business, get out of here.

Because she grabbed your arm. That meant you're in. And so as I'm walking, it's like, walking a plank. I'm like, please grab my arm. Going slowly. Going slowly. She grabs my arm and I was like, in my mind, I'm like, I'm accepting the Academy Award already. I'm like, this is Eddie Murphy. And I'm the next Eddie Murphy and I'm on Saturday Night Live now.

And she goes, she pulls me in and she goes, you're very funny. I go, thank you, Missy. She goes, I'm going to make you a regular. I go, thank you, Mitzis. It's like mafia shit. And then she goes, have you ever thought about wearing the outfit? I go, what outfit? She goes, you know, the hat and the gown. I go, hat and gown. She goes, you know, the hat and the gown. She's making a circular motion I'm like

A turban? She's like yeah I was like Yeah yeah that's a good idea I don't know what to say I just said yes Yeah And I went into the hallway

And I was like Oh my God What I just agreed to do Oh my God And I'm like my career is over And then I got into this negotiation Because I thought At first I thought since she's old

She'll forget Right So I thought by Monday This was on a Sunday I thought by Monday when they call me They'll be like Oh yeah no Don't worry about it

But Monday the booker Her name was Corey She was She's Freddie Soto widow. She was married to Freddie Soto. Who if people don't know, Freddy Soto, he was one of the funniest guys. And so Corey calls me up. She's like, Maas, congratulations.

Mitzie said, you're a regular. I go, yeah, I'm so excited. And she told me you're going to wear the outfit. I was like, oh. I started talking. I go, what happens if I don't wear the outfit? She goes, do I really have to tell you? Which meant like you're not going to be getting a lot of spots. No. And then she started to try to convince me.

She goes, listen, Mitzie helped Roseanne Barr come up with that character of like being the, you know, this housewife, whatever. Uh-huh. Andrew Dice Clay created his character at the comedy store She goes, if Mitsy wants you to wear

the app, she sees something in you. I was like, all right. And then I started like thinking about this turban thing and then I went into her office.

I went into Corey's office. She became like the negotiator. I said, Corey, what if, like I do my act and in the very end of my act I become like Rudolf Valentino the shake.

Like he was a lover, right? What if I become the, you know, I put on a turban thing, and I'm the lover. And she goes, I love it.

Because she was also, Corey happened to be a fan of movies from that era. I'm going to tell Mitzie, you're going to be the lover. I was like, great. I was like, I just negotiated something I don't want. And then finally, what I realized was, so my father had moved back to Iran at that time. Okay.

And a lot of people in the West that had parents or any kind of relatives in Iran were afraid of saying anything about the government because they thought that the parents could be in trouble. Right. And also there had been an Iranian guy who made fun of, like the I, Atollahs on Persian television in Los Angeles. Okay. So the Iranian audience would see him all the time.

And he was at some event at a rally or something, and some people showed up and threw a rock and blinded him. In L.A.? In L.A. Whoa. So that's when I called the club. I go, Corey, I've been shopping for turbans. But, you know, just so you know, there was a guy who did this,

they showed up, they blinded him. So I could do the thing. But if they find out, they might come to the club and come after me. Worse yet, they could come after the club. And so she's like, let me call you back. She calls me five minutes later. She's like, just wear something comfortable. You'll be fine.

So I got out of the tournament, man. Oh, my God. You know what's so funny about that, too, is that I'm sure by the time she, when she, you can see Corey telling it to Mitzie. Yeah. Yeah. She just being like on the phone, like, what? Yeah. And she's dealing with something else.

Exactly. You know what I mean? She's over another, yeah. Yeah. And for you, it's like, I mean, a huge thing. Life and death. Life and death. Yeah.

Your career. your personality Well when I told that story I told that story to Joe Diaz backstage one time and he was telling me he's like You ever heard of Jackie Bananas And I was like no he's like

There's a reason I go who's that So it was some guy who I guess used to do his act And then at some point in his act He used to put on a banana suit And Mitsy supposedly saw it and goes You're the banana

And he's like what You gotta be the banana the whole time So the guy just disappeared No more Jackie bananas There was a Russian guy who on stage was talking like in his real deep. It was a young kid, like a real deep. Not Yaakov-Smirno.

No, no, no. It's just after that. Yeah. And just at the laugh factory, just doing like, you know, late-night spots. Yeah. And he's talking, like, you really have. And then you see him backstage. He's like, hey, what's up?

Oh, God. And I was like, what? He's like, Jamie told me I have to do the accent. Like, I have to be the guy. And I was like, oh. There was another guy that Jamie had. Was it, it was like Valentino or something? He was his Latin.

Very funny guy. Like, I think Latino. I don't know if he was like, I don't know if he was like Mexican-American or what. Yeah. Regular dude. And then he would go put on this white, almost like staying a live suit, like white and then the collars. And he would come out with a glass of wine and he would be drinking the wine and he'd be like hitting on the women and he'd be like stirring the wine. I'd be like, you are so beautiful today.

And I was like, why are you doing the character? And he's like, Jamie, what I got to say, though, that I'd like to see that guy. He was a nice guy. He was funny. But it's like, you know, the problem you find. out is it's limited right well that's the thing it's i mean the thing that you have to be especially as as the art form has progressed yeah it's become more about honesty yes more revealing shows more about you are what you are yeah so if you're faking it you're kind of in trouble although i will tell you

it's funny i did so i did so um years ago i did mobeda mondays was the black comedy night at the improv now before that i'd done chocolate sundays was black comedy night at the laugh factory Yeah. And when I did the black, when I did Chaka Sundays, Thea Vidal was there as well. And I remember seeing her come off stage at the laugh factory. She was like, wow, this audience is so great. They're much better than Mo Better Monday.

Like, they're nicer. Uh-huh. And I was like, huh, I'm thinking to myself, that's interesting because I've been in a movie called Friday after next. It was Ice Cube's third Friday. Yeah. And so the black audiences knew me. And I was relatively new.

And I think the Chaka Sundays went well. And so when I heard Theo Vidal talk about the Mo Better Monday crowd being rough, I was like, how rough can they be? Like, I've only had nice audiences in black audiences. They've always been nice to me. Yeah. So I was booked to do More Better Mondays, and Sam Trippily had heard about it. He was like, we were coming up together.

He shows up on Monday to watch, and I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, I just want to be here for support. And I was like, how bad is this audience? Like, how bad could it be? And of course, you know, even though I'd been in this movie, they put me up, I think, first. Like, I think, like, I don't know who it was. I don't know whoever the whole. host, was it, was it at that time, D-ray, whatever, whoever was, I'm just up early.

Yeah. It's a cold audience. And I'm just like, I'm not seasoned enough to handle this. And I have five minutes of really a bad set. And I was like, God, these people are, it's a really bad crowd. Like, I was like, thank God, like it was only five minutes. Because any more minutes, I would have started getting heckled. They would have kicked me off.

Yeah. So I was like, okay, notch that up to now I understand. And then like several months later, I'm at the comedy store. and sometimes when I would go up at like 145 or 130 when it's like the last few sets, I was starting to just mess with this character. I had a character named Dussoldorf. He's just this German guy and he just goes up on stage

and he just starts to like notice things. And like there's no material. It's just him going like, you know, I look around the room and I'd be like, why is the exit sign? Like there's a green exit sign, right? Why is the exit sign? It's like it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's actually red.

I'm like, why is it red? Red means stop. It should be green. You should come through. what's up with that? And I was just doing silly character, right? And I'm having a good time being this character. It was kind of like Bruno, but Bruno hadn't come out yet.

But I was having fun with the character. And literally it was like maybe five people in this audience. And then there's these two like hot girls and the side boots in the original room. They're not penetrated. They're just talking. So I'm like, hello, girls. I'm telling jokes up here. What are you doing?

What's up with that? And then they go, what? And I'm like, you know, you need. Pay attention. I'm Dostledorf. I'm very famous in Germany and Dussledorf. And then they go, wait a minute. Aren't you that guy from the improv? I go, what? They go, yeah, Moabed on Mondays. And they go, you bombed. I go, what are you talking about?

And the whole time I pretended, I'm thinking to myself, what are the chances that those girls saw me bomb there? And now they're seeing me do some weird character. And they kept trying to give me to break. I wasn't. Now you're going to stay in the character the whole time. I go, you guys must be very drunk tonight. Why do you talk?

I did, I did, bomb. That's so great. What are the chance is? Are you the guy? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So what is your special called? So the special is called the Birds and the Bees.

The Birds and the Bees. And that comes from. Because you, that's why I wore this shirt. Oh, look at that. Yeah. I love it. You've already got my merch. That's right.

I like it. That's what this is about. Miles, I want to pitch you on some Tompapa merchandise. You see how great our podcast. You're amazing. Not only do we give you bread. I love you. We also, we wear your merch.

You're one of my favorite people, I got to say. It's just hands down. You're just a good person. And it's like, as we've talked about like in this business, you know, we all come up with different people, but you try to remain. I think you're grounded. I don't know if it was, you got good parenting.

I don't know what it is. Can't be them. Could be that. Whatever it is, I love, just like talking to you. And so we were talking at the comedy store about it. And the birds of the bees comes from, there's a bit I do in the special about stumbling into the birds and the bees with my kids. Right.

Because, again, nobody did birds and the bees for us. And especially, like, coming from an immigrant background, like my family wanted me to be a lawyer, doctor, engineer. So in the joke, I said, I told my dad, can tell me about the birds and the bees. He goes, son, we don't have birds and bees. In our culture, we have lawyers and doctors. Just be one, you know. And the truth was, you as a parent know, we read now, we read parents.

books. Yeah. Which, you know, back then it wasn't a thing. No. And I was talking, actually trying, actually try and do this effectively. Trying to do it effectively. I was talking to my sister, who is a psychologist who had said at some point, she said, if the kids ever ask you a question, it's best to answer them honestly.

And I was like, wow, that's pretty, that's pretty evolved. And I was like, I'm going to try my best to do that. Yeah. And so I was sitting there watching Blackish with my daughter when she was eight and my son is 10. And I honestly, I did no research. I'm going like, there's kids in the show. It's got to be kid-friendly.

Yeah. Very first scene of the whole show. And in setting up the bit, I talk about how boys, when they go to their teen years, they just get spaced out. My son is smart, but he's spacey. So it's just a little, oh, all the time. Girls, sharp. I go, my daughter's like CSI, FBI, CIA.

She sees everything. So Tom, literally, the first scene of the whole series of Blackish is the father walking in in his high school son who's about to masturbate. So he's about to take his unmasterschievous. So he's about to take his unmas. underwear down. The dad opens the door. He sees it. And the dad goes, oh, and he walks out. And the son goes, oh, and he jumps on the bed. My son doesn't notice. Dara's just like, oh, just keeps watching. My daughter, Milo right away, she goes, what just happened? And then the thing of Be honest kicked into

my head. And I'm like, well, you got to be honest. So I'm like, well, I go, okay, okay, I'll go, I go, what just happened was the dad walked into the room and he's in high school. That's his room. He was in his underwear. It's embarrassing. So the father walked out. And she goes, okay. And I thought, I was, I think I was, I go, I was just honest. Yeah. And I just dodged the bullet. Like, I didn't have to do the birds and the bees. Right.

Very next scene, the father walks into the wife and goes, I just caught our son playing with himself. Once again, my son just, uh, my daughter, I'm not kidding. She goes, what does that mean? And now I sort of got time. I was like, oh, God, I got to be honest. So I was like, okay, I go, baby, what that means? I go, what that means?

I go, playing with yourself. I swear to God, I thought I was doing the right thing. I go, I go, I go playing with yourself. I remember, she's eight years old. I go playing with yourself. I go, sometimes when boys are in high school, they just squeeze their peepee. Just a little. Just a little.

I swear to God, my daughter, her jaw drunk, she looked at me, she goes, what? I go, just a little. It's just a little thing. And then she goes, and I swear to go, did you do it? And I was like, ah, I don't want to talk about this. And I swear to God. And I got through the episode, and here's the kicker. So I talk about that on stage.

The part that I don't talk about on stage is the latter part, which is that night I'm with my wife. And I know this happens to you. where you do something or something happens and you forget to tell your wife. Right. But it was kind of important. Yeah. I just remember we're at home later that night.

We were just like talking about the day and everything. And then I go, oh, by the way, I go, by the way, I did the birds and the bees with the kids. She goes, you what? Okay, I did the birds and the bee. She goes, what do you mean? I go, well, you know, they asked the question and I answer them honestly.

And she goes, you're not supposed to, I go, no, you're supposed to answer. She goes, no, you idiot. She goes, they're too young. They're eight and ten. Like, they're not ready. What did you tell them? I just told her, she squeezed her peevee. She's like, you've messed it all up.

What's wrong with you? You're going to scar him for life. I'm sure my daughter's going to be like, you've got to squeeze it. I don't know. I didn't want to go there. But it was. That's funny. I had a similar thing with my daughters.

My one, like, must have been old enough where she kind of knew what it was all about. And my other one, it was the same thing. Like, you're just in the moment. And you're just like, oh, just keep going with it. Yeah. It was something about, I don't know if they saw on TV or in the neighborhood, two dogs mounting each other. And I use that as an opportunity to say that's how babies are made. Yes.

And I start with no finesse, just saying to my youngest, as the other one is watching at the counter in the kitchen, I start telling them, well, that's what, you know, the dog in his penis and it goes in. She's on top of the other one. And they, you know, thrust a couple times. And that's where the big, and my older one, who's probably like five. Oh, my God. It was like six. She must have been old.

She was probably like it. But the older one just looked at me like, what are you doing? Like she knew the story. She knew. She saw her who was messing it up. And then horrifying my younger one. Yeah. She was like, what are you doing right now?

You need a degree of science. psychology to do it right. Well, that's why nobody did it. Yeah, exactly. You realize. Yeah. I'm not going to. It was funny, I just saw Lauren Bobert, for those people who don't know who she is.

She's the congresswoman out of Colorado who's just like right wing nut job. And she was at some event and she was saying like, we need to, you know, she goes, you know, the education. We fund education, public education. And, you know, they're teaching about sex ed and they're even teaching by gay sex and this and that. And I was like, yeah, Lauren, I would rather have a teacher teach them. that have to be the one to get into these uncomfortable conversations. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, like cloaked in religion and all this other stuff. Oh, God. Just like, yeah, my God. Yeah. That is really, it really is such a scary thing right now, how on the left and the right, just the book banning that's going on. The book banning is so silly. It is insane.

Yeah. I mean, that whole, you know, Roll Doll, who does. Yeah. You saw that story. Yeah. Charlie and the Chalka Factory and Tilda. Yeah. It's like his writing is so great.

Yeah. And it's the same as like Dr. Seuss. They just tapped into something in human beings. Yeah. That really resonates and makes you learn and be frightened and all these. And by the way, if they said or did something that was, let's say, because it's feel funny when you find out like, oh, so-and-so was a Nazi. You're like, what?

You really? Like, you know, like, I forget who it was. I don't know if it was Adidas or one of these guys, like provided the uniform, like, the shoes. I don't know, reading something. Yeah. Don't sue me Adidas. I don't know who it was. But somebody.

And you're like, ooh, I think it was boss, the boss clothing. It might have been. Yeah. And I was off the Kanye thing. Whatever, but I was just like, ooh, I was like, should I keep wearing it? I don't know. But it's good to know the history. So when you go and you whitewash, like, it's good to know that this was being said and accepted back then.

100%. And then we learn, like, you know, I think literature is there and films are there to offend you and push you and make you emotional. And I agree with you. Like, why? That's the warts and all. Yeah. And we all learn from it and go forward. And I really want to start a book collection in my house of everything that's banned.

Yeah. From the right and the left. That whole world doll is the left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the right is just taking all this other material, anything that has anything to do with brown people or... Dude, it's so crazy. This whole excuse, I was saying this, I was like, this excuse of like, don't talk about

slavery because then white kids will feel bad. I go, no, white kids will be like, wow, my grandfather was a dick, you know? Like, they're evolved as well, right? Exactly. It's, you know, taking all of it out as bad. And it really is pinching in from both sides. Yeah, yeah. Listen to a thing about a teacher who, no, it was an author who had 14 of her books and pulled out of this library.

Oh, my God. And the process to get them pulled out in this state, I forget which state, they didn't even have to read them. They just had to know there's something about this that deals with homosexuality. So crazy. Or there's something about this that has. do. And yeah, and I don't know, a librarian too. I heard talking about the bravery that it's, the thing about putting like a book about homosexuality on the shelves. And these parents are like, my kids, like no one's making these kids read this book. Yeah. It's on the shelf for a kid that

needs it. Yeah. And she said, I would watch as this young kid walks into that library, how brave is it to walk into this library, find that book, get it, go up. Yeah. Have an adult. See what you're checking out. Yeah. And then go. Like, they're not doing that lightly.

Yeah. That's, they need it. It blows my mind that the year 2023, we're still like this hung up on homosexuality. What's so weird in all general terms is that 20, 23, and there's so many things sliding back. Yeah. Like just the war in Ukraine. It's like, these are pictures from, we just saw this all quite on the Western Front. Yeah.

Like, this is all barbaric. I said we cannot really rise. Well, you know, it's interesting because last year there's protests in Iran, and I ended up, like, being vocal about it. And I was, you know, my social media was very active. And I was trying to, I went to a few schools to talk about it, to tell Americans why you should care about the protests in Iran. And the protest began when there was a 22-year-old woman named Massa Amani.

She was walking down the streets in Tehran. And her hijab, her hair was out of her hijab a little bit. And then the morality police arrested her and then proceeded to kill. in the process. It was just crazy. It's just nuts. That was it? She literally had like one... Had a little bit of hair out. So they have this morality police. I think part of it is to like, it's kind of like the Gestapo. They're supposed to, you know, they can go up to anybody. If there's a couple walking down the street, they can stop and say, are you guys married?

What's your situation? You can get in trouble. And it's just their way of keeping, you know, that's how totalitarian governments work. They keep you, they keep you in fear all the time. Right. So I was trying to explain to the American and American students, I was saying, first of all, I was saying, you should care because Iran is a cautionary tale of what America could be. Because if you allow religion to take over, you know, which they,

and I said, if you don't think it's going to happen, I go, it just happened when Roe v. Wade was turned over. Even though there's a higher percentage of Americans who support a woman's right to choose an abortion, I don't care if you're pro or against abortion, that's not what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to say, it should be a woman's choice. And so if you look at that,

and then you look at the fact that quickly during that decision, Clarence Thomas in his decision said, we're probably going to look at gay marriage next. And I said, this is the same playbook that was used in Iran. They first took away women's rights. Then they go after the LGBTQ community. Then they go after religious minorities. And before you know it, you're living in this handmaid's tale.

It's crazy. And it's like, and we're seeing it happen here. And it's just crazy that it can even, a minority of people can impose that on a majority of people. That's right. When you look at the numbers, they don't support it. No. That South Carolina proposed,

and I think it was like 12 lawmakers endorsed, the death penalty for anyone that gets an abortion? That's nuts. I mean, how quickly to that dystopian handmaid's tale. I mean, Roe v. Wade is under a year, right? Yeah, and was it, was it Walgreens or something? Or CV one of those places, Walgreens said, we're not going to even do the pill anymore.

So it's crazy. Again, I've had conversations with people who are like, child's life is sacred and all that. And I go, all right, listen, that's fine. We can have this discussion. But again, we both know, like, you know, some people are in certain situations. And it's crazy how, you know, passionate or zealous, I should say,

people that are religious can get about something. It's like there's no room for negotiation. No, because they think it's ordained, that it's from a higher power, right? I mean, you see it in every religion. It's nuts. It is nuts. I know.

It's such a weird, that's the thing, we're really just primates. We are, and it's like, and that's why I think, like, again, having been involved in the, in the, like, trying to push my voice in the, last protest, I just realized it's like, we can't, if you have beliefs of openness and freedom and all that stuff, you got to speak up, I think. You know, I saw this guy, I got to look up the name.

There's a comedian out of San Francisco who did this bit, and he was great. And he goes, he goes, you know, people sometimes, you know, do political jokes and they say, people say, I'm just not a political person. And he goes, I get it. Because, you know, you're not affected by inflation at all. So that's fine. You're not affected by inflation or healthcare. You're not affected by inflation, health care, or oil. You know what I'm saying? And he just starts going down and you realize you have to be political. Yeah.

And stand for things. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Otherwise, you can be that quiet person who eventually will be like locked in the house. You're like, how do we let the nut jobs take over? Right. Because you would ever got up to go and stand up.

You know? It's really frightening. It's weird because there's such a, just on the religious aspect. Like there's, there's definitely. definitely this presence of this thing. Yeah. This Godlike thing that's, we all are somewhat aware of some kind of rhythm,

some kind of presence, some kind of something. Yeah. And everyone's trying to interpret it. And from religions to cults, to meditation practices, to craft stores with little saying, on things. Like everyone's trying to make sense of it because it's unknowable.

Yeah. Like it could have the most beautiful expressions. Yeah. And it can then be hijacked and used for the most heinous events. I think that's where the human ego comes in. We actually feel like, or some people feel they're capable of actually having had that connection. Whenever you hear anything like I spoke to God.

Yeah. Yeah. Forget it. Just that whole hierarchy. It's basically it's like saying like, you know, if you're a mathematician and you've spent years getting your PhD and some sort of math, and then we both look at a problem and you say, no, this is the answer.

And I go, no, this is the answer. Math is a science. There's an exact science to it. I kind of got to defer to you and go, I think you probably figured that out more than I could. But again, religion is not a science. So you could be so well versed. could know the Quran or the Bible or the Torah front to back and you could tell me no this is what God wants you to do and I can very easily destroy your argument because I'd be like no like because

God you're saying God wants me to God in the Bible says kill your firstborn or whatever it was there's all these like crazy things and I go you might be well versed on the story but it's not math there really comes down to this this kind of instinctual feeling that it goes against nature like we all know that like murdering somebody is bad right that treating someone on the street in a certain way is bad like you're causing suffering yeah and that's where the the abortion thing that's why it's kind of unsolvable yeah because you'll take people they're thinking well what's more what's worse than killing that yeah right yeah and then there's no way they're going to come back.

Yeah. And you're saying, yes, but this woman, look how you're destroying the life of this woman. Yeah. So you've got these two things that both think they're righteous and doing the right thing and protecting their thing. Yeah, you're right. Oh, what a mess. Yeah, and then, but then you bring it to other issues and you see the hypocrisy, right,

with like the gun and the shooting people and all that other. So, like, you know, you get a guy like a Kyle Rittenhouse who shoots these two guys or three guys. He went down there with his rifle to defend the neighborhood. It's like you're some teenager. You should be home playing video games. It goes down there. He gets caught up and he shoots these people. And then these same people end up defending him and making him a hero.

Yeah. So it's just, you're right. It's, but I think you're right. I think if you really, if your heart is moved and you really see something and you want to talk about it, there should be no, there should be nothing that stops you. Yeah. So what is the, what is the, what is the,

the state of that crisis in Iran now? So the protests in Iran kind of quieted down, but the country still is, you know, there's a lot going on in Iran. It's interesting because, you know, there's so many countries with so much going on. And again, you look at our own country, look at other Western countries

and what they're going through, and you see them going further towards autocracy. And it's just... It's freaky. It really is everywhere. Yeah. My wife brought that up last night. Yeah.

Even, I mean, that I don't think he's at this stage, but even like the part of the protests in Paris. Yeah. Because he is slowly acting like he's the all-powerful. Like he doesn't have to listen to the people. Yeah. And it's like even if it's in France, we're like, hey, everyone wants to have that.

They don't want to have, but strong people are making a power grab. Yeah. Of like, no, my way. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's, it's, it, it, is it's well the what's also it gets complicated is a multi-level multidimensional chess game right because in france um they're saying that if he loses all that confidence that lepan who is far right right she comes in and then they start doing all this like you know going after immigrants and going after you know people of

color or whatever so iran right now is just it's a country that has a lot of young people yeah who don't have the freedoms that we do matter of fact when this when those pro were happening. I happened to be touring in Germany and I and I was walking past these two girls was just walking along and just having a good time and their dress however they wanted. And I'm thinking to myself, what a crazy world we live in that these two girls are just living their lives. No one's bothering them. And just, you know, a few thousand miles away. Yeah. These other girls have to, you know, they can't. Yeah. This is nuts to me. I mean, there was the, there was the, there was the, when was the first uprising? Was the green? The green movement of 2009.

Yeah. But there's been, listen, what happened? Listen, what happened? was like in so in late early 79 when the Shah left he was the king of Iran at the time there was a revolution and and the the Ayatollahs of religious folks came in and they quickly turned it into this

like totalitarian religious totalitarian state and they were executing people and it's just been dark it's been a dark place for 43 44 years and the people of Iran are amazing like really like and I see this all the time just just last night it was some event and Iran and Americans

and their artists and their, you know, musicians and their, you know, business people, and they're just great minds that want to do great things. Yeah. But with the lack of freedom, a lot of them are stuck. And they can't go back? Well, the ones here can't go back. And the ones in Iran, there's like, so people in Iran want to get out. Like they want to because they want to have, because see, the one thing that you've got to realize

is people now are seeing, because of social media, they see how everybody else is living. Yeah. So it's almost important. possible to keep your population in the dark. So they want to be able to live like that. Even a place like China that's totalitarian, at least they give their people some freedoms or an ability to make some money

and have some opportunity. They went on to arrest a lot more protesters than women, right? I mean, the numbers were high. Yeah, the numbers were high. Are they still in prison? You know, I don't know where that all stands. I know that there was like something like, because the other problem is when you,

you have a country like Iran, the news coming out of there is not reliable. Well, that's the thing that I always, that's why I brought up the green, the green movement, yeah. Because it seems like a pattern where there'll be an uprising and it seems very hopeful and a lot of people storm the streets. Yeah. And then you hear about these funky arrests. And then it goes quiet. Yeah. And whenever it goes quiet, it feels like, well, I don't, it's not because of progress.

No. It's because they shut it down and what's happening. They shut it down. And then there's enough people. I think we get tired and they go, all right, you know what? Maybe there's a way to just make this system work and or evolve. So they start looking towards that a little bit. Do you have a vibe on how much of the population is cool with living like that?

Again, it's such an interesting thing. Like, because we don't have reliable numbers, in the process, I try to listen and stuff. Somebody had said something along the lines of like 30% of the population supports the Islamic Republic. Now, if you think about that, that means 30% are probably highly religious. They're kind of like your MAGA Republicans, right, who are like, you know, the evangelicals. Right. But that means 70% of the population does not support. But then the question becomes, is that 70% of the population willing to just go on strike and go protest?

Probably not, because some of them are like, well, I'm not going to, you know, I'm not comfortable. I'm not comfortable if to go out in the streets risk my life. So now you have a smaller percentage of just doing that. Right. So. Yeah, it's tricky. It is tricky. And I don't know where it's going to go.

You know, I really just, all I can say is I just continue to hope for freedom for them. And I continue, like, whenever I can try to voice my support on social media, which, you know, when you do it, you're like, what am I doing? But then you get people in the streets coming up and go, hey, thanks for posting about that. I'm like, oh, people are watching. Right. Well, that's good. Yeah. God, it always falls on women.

Oh, dude, it always falls away. And in my act now, I talk about it. I go, women really around the world, if we're going to make any progress, it's going to be women. I know. Because men have just, just shit on the earth. And they get knocked down in the most barbaric, primitive of ways. And unnecessary. It's so stupid.

Like, what was it? There was, there was, so one of the more recent things that was happening was there was, there was reports of some sort of, like, poisonous gas at these girls schools. Like girls in girls schools were all kind of falling ill. Where? In Iran. And nobody knew exactly what it was, but the thought was it's either the government taking revenge on girls for having been part of the protests or someone is trying to discourage girls from going to school. Right. And no matter what it is, I was like, I was like the stupidity of like losing half of your workforce.

It's like the Taliban, right? Yeah, immediately. But why would you like, we live, again, it's the year, you know, 2023. You know what I'm saying? I know, but it's, they want to, I know. It's nuts. It's so insane. Like, everyone has a mom.

Everyone has a mom. Everyone has a mom. Everyone has a daughter. What about your daughter? What about wanting your daughter to do something bigger? Or anything. Or just be left to live their lives the way they, like, how about the giver of our lives? Listen, a lot of it is tradition.

A lot of it, it goes back to that religious stuff of like the patriarchy. So I think a lot of these men think, like, you must take care of your, daughter. Right. Until a husband comes and then he will take care of her. Oh, God. And whatever he says, he is the, you know, like that culture of ownership. It's like ownership.

It is. I mean, it's nuts. It's totally, it's totally illogical. And you want to just sit down and go, dude. And they would probably come back and be like, well, you're too liberal in the West. You know, don't you have any kind of scruples and morals to defend your women? I'm like, no, Mike, you know, let you go take, take Jiu-Zitsu. Yeah.

How about you shut up and watch what they do? Yeah, let her do a thing. Dostosterone bag on top of it all. Good Lord. Good Lord. On another note, do you drink? Yeah. You do?

Yeah. I was going to offer you a drink today, but I have to go work out after. I'm happy you're going to go work out. Because last night I ended up having some tequila that I was said this Persian, No-Ruz. No-Ruz is the Persian New Year. Oh, happy New Year. Thank you. No-Ruz is like the first moment of spring.

no means new, ruse means day. So it's new day. No ruse. No ruse. And it's the first moment of spring because back in the day when I guess it was like a, you know, it was like a, what's it called agrarian? Or was when the world revolved around the crops. Right.

So the first moment of spring was when the crops were going to be reborn. Right. So it became no ruse. And so we celebrated. Yeah. We celebrated that. And then there's like 13 days or so of celebrating the 13th day. actually the unlucky 13 comes from that too.

Oh, really? The 13th day you're supposed to go outside of the house and be outside because it's like if you stay inside, it's bad luck. So there's a lot of luck and stuff above. So it was last night the first day or the 13th day? No, last night was the, I don't know, it's like probably like the fifth or sixth day.

Okay. Do you get presents all along? The presents that are given, it's interesting. Basically, no ruse, the two weeks of no ruse encompasses all of the Western holidays in two weeks. So, for example, you're supposed to give a gift. Now, the gifts, you know, in America it's gotten out of hand or Christmas has gotten out of hand, right?

Sure. But the gift is supposed to be like what they used to do for us when we were kids. They would like take a bill, like a crisp, clean bill. And in America, it was like a $2 bill. Right. And they would sign it. They would give it to you. You're supposed to keep it for the year.

It brings you good luck. Yeah, nice. So there's the gift. They would color eggs, so it was like Easter. Right. They would go door to door with a bowl and a spoon and you tap on it. And people were supposed to give you like nuts and. candy. That's Halloween.

Nice. You're supposed to jump over fire. Again, the jumping over fire is getting rid of bad, last year's bad luck and bringing in this year's good luck. So it could be like a candle or anything. But that's kind of like the fireworks of it all. There's the picnicking that happens on that 13th day. So there's a lot of stuff

that happens. But last night... And is this ancient? Is this... Yeah, this is so it was part of the Persian culture. There's a religion called Zoroastrianism, which is one of the first monotheistic religions. Okay. And their whole thing, Their tenants were good thoughts, good words, good deeds. Okay.

Just do those three, it would be fine. Nice. And so thousands of years ago, they were celebrating this. And now they celebrated in Iran, Afghanistan, Tajikistan, parts of India. Like, there's a lot of people who, you know. It's a cool. It's a cool. What do you eat?

You're supposed to eat. So there's rice. We call it Sabzipolo. Sabzi means it's like the greens. So they'll put like greens, like I don't know if it's parsley or I don't cook it. But it's like the rice with greens and then a fish, mahi. Not Mahi Mahi, but like Mahi and Persian is fish. So Sabzipolo Mahi is the traditional dish that you eat.

Nice. And so last night I was at some event and they were doing this tequila with like Pomagran. Persians love pomegranate. Yeah. So I haven't had tequila once, so I had that. And then I was there. Straight?

Or with pomegranate? With the pomegranate. Okay. And it was right next, it was at an art place right near the improv. Okay. And I'm there with a friend of mine, my wife's friend and our friend. say her name is Ozzie stands short for Azadeh. She has dyed her hair blonde.

She's brunette, but she's downed. Her blonde and is short. Yeah. And I'm talking to somebody, and it's an outdoor parking lot area. And I'm just like talking to someone. And then I see a, I see a Tesla pull up.

And someone with blonde hair is like waving at me. And I thought it was Ozzie leaving. So I was like, oh, see you later, Ozzie. And then she's like, no, maz, ma'am. And I look closer. It was Tiffany Haddish, who was also dyed her hair blonde. Right. So I go over, I go, hey, what are you doing?

She goes, I was just in the improv, whatever. She's like, she's like, what are you doing? I go, oh, this Persian New Year party. You want to come? And she goes, no, I'm going to Shaka Khan's birthday party. Of course she is. She goes, you want to come? I go, of course I want to come.

So I got the, the Ozzy's. I got the two Ozzy's and my wife. I go, we're going to Shaka Khan's birthday party. That's amazing. We left the New Year's party, and we went to Shaka Khan's birthday party, and eventually Shaka Khan and Stevie Wonder are on stage singing. And I was like, this is crazy. That's amazing.

So it was this amazing. Amazing night. And I got to also give it up to Tiffany Hadda. She's such a sweet, sweet. She really is. She's maintained that dedication and love for comedians. Dude, amazing. Really.

Yeah. She really has, she's holding on to it. With all that, that's, the tsunami of fame and stuff that's hit her, she literally turns into Tiffany at the Laugh Factory immediately. It's what I was saying to you earlier about, like, you are the same person you were years ago. Like, she is that same person.

It's just all love. Yeah. It's so great. She's such a great human being. That's so funny. Because I was, I literally last night went out to my friend, do you know Chris Voth out of, did I ask you this? No, no, you asked me out of Denver. Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah. Out of Denver. Yeah. Just a good comic, great guy. Yeah. And he has this opening for his movie. And he's just going to screen him for some friends. And I went to go see it.

And it's so unlike me to leave my house for anything other than comedy. comedy. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I'm the same. But I drove all the way to Los Felice and I went and saw his thing. Yeah. And then came back.

And then today I was back in Hollywood doing Craig Ferguson's podcast. Yeah. In this coffee shop, like you were saying. Yeah. I had time to kill him in this coffee shop. And I came back. And I was like, I can't tell you. I think it's because it's also been raining here since Christmas.

Yeah. Like just the act of going out and doing things. I know this sounds kind of moronic. Yeah. It was like, oh, I literally have not been doing things like this. It's been comedy club, gig on the road, maybe see a friend for a dinner. But that thing that we used to move around all the time. And I really think it's part of the weather here also.

And it's also coming out of COVID and being like whatever. Yeah. But hearing you do that, it's like, you're doing stuff too? It's crazy. Yeah, you're so right. It's funny because last night at this Persian near his event, there was so many artists. and this and like different people from different backgrounds. Yeah.

And my wife knew the art gallery because she goes, she goes, we buy all our art there. I go, we do? I had no idea. Yeah. And then I was telling somebody else. I go, it's so funny. I go, it's funny.

I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I'm really, my social life, like you said, is like, even tonight I've booked four sets. So I'm bouncing around doing four sets. I'm not going on anything else. But last night, just this magical, like, let it happen. Yeah. And you realize, like you said, there's a whole world out there. A whole world.

And there's multiple worlds. I know. And it's great. I was there and I was like, I'm watching Shaka Khan and Stevie Wonder. I was like, Stevie Wonder is like the Mozart of our era. And Chuck Kahn's an amazing, like, icon. And I was like, if I'd stayed home and just turn on my TV. I know.

And it makes you realize also, and you really should never take lightly when people do come and see you. Like when people are waiting to see Maas, roll through, come to Denver, do his thing. It's like, that's their big night. Yeah, you're right. That's their thing. You're right. And that's kind of why we don't really do it because when you get home, you're like, you kind of have that heavy load of it.

Yeah. But it's so different from just seeing random people and having conversation. It's all about the people. It's also nice to do, it's also nice to go to events where it's not at all about, like, your comedy. Because now you can talk to people and just be another, there's another angle of you. And also the people you're with. Yeah. Because I've had friends coming to town and they'd be like, what do you guys want to do?

And I'm like, well, I got sets. You want to come watch me? I know. Come watch. And I'm kind of feeling like, I feel like I'm taking them hostage. I know. And there's pressure. Like even last night getting in the car to go drive through traffic to go see my friend's film,

which again, like I said, I'd much rather be on the couch. Yeah. Getting in the car was so much lighter than when you're going to do a set. Yes. Not that I'm scared to do sets No But I've got shit on my mind Yeah yeah

I'm going to work Yeah I'm not going to just like I felt like This is a night a night out Like I should be going To paint parking in this weird little spot I told my wife

As we were going to the The Norroo's thing I go I really don't know I go She goes She goes do you think it's a sit down dinner I go I have no I have no idea what to expect

Yeah Which was actually so free So nice That's what I said to my wife She goes What's the movie about I have no idea It's so nice

Sometimes that's the best thing I know Even like being invited by Tiffany to go to Shaghan's birthday. I was like, we didn't know what's expecting. We walked in with some warehouse and the barred ran out of cups. And I'm like, what's going on?

I was like, what is this? And then we're like, is she going to sing? We don't know. Other people were singing. It's so great. So we're all she. She was amazing. And also the other singer's amazing.

And then Tiffany sang, Tiffany followed Shaka Khan and Stevie Wonder and killed it. No. And I was like, you are a superhero. Singing. She sang Tina Turner, left the good job in the city, working for a man.

I was so envious of her courage. I go, that's like watching, like, LeBron James, like score, you know, the most points ever in a basketball game and be like, all right, now watch me. And that's not a karaoke situation. Not a karaoke. She got up there with the band and killed it.

Amazing voice, amazing performance. She's amazing. What does Stevie Wonder do? Stevie did so many. He did, he did, maybe, oh, baby, done, find some other. made some other plans good thing i didn't sing i don't know the lyric there's that song and it's a great song um god i should know albums and stuff i listen to it all the time then he talked about a song that he had written that that i mean this is how crazy this is he's like you know years ago

he's like i wrote this song and they told me they introduced chaka con to me and they said she can sing it like he's talking about like 50 years ago meeting chakana oh my god and being like and then they're singing it together that's so great i mean just such a crazy, crazy, cool thing to see. I know it's a small thing, but it's a huge thing.

When Tiffany says to you when you're there at the gallery, you've already done something, you've come out, maybe the tequila helped. Yeah. And someone says, do you want to come to the thing?

It's so easy in life to say, nah, I'm going to stay. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That you went is so great. Well, you know, again, it also,

you're right, it was like a perfect storm of things because there have been times, like when Chappelle was in town, doing his the shows at the Hollywood Bowl I was in touch with his manager

he's a friend of mine and he was like just make sure like because I went to saw the thing and he goes he goes by the way Sunday night we're going to do the I think Chappelle has like

something called the Comedians Ball which is he just throws a big party he goes make sure you come with the comedian's ball and that weekend ended up being exhausting like we went to Chappelle it was my wife's birthday so we went to Chappelle one night

then the next night we went to see Nause perform at the Disney concert hall. It was amazing. And the idea was like after that, I was supposed to go home at like 10 o'clock on a Sunday after a long weekend and including drinking

and then go to this comedian's ball. And 90, you know, a big part of me wanted me to go. Yeah. But my body was like, you can't. And I was like, I didn't go. And I had so much FOMO. I kept texting to people. I was like, how was it?

Did you go? Just get in? What was it? And, you know, a few people were there and everyone had a great time. But I would have been exhausted and probably like staring off into the, You know,

but last night, the energy was right. Yeah. And I love shotgun. So it was the most random thing for Tiffany to be like, you want to come to shotgun's birthday? It was her 70th birthday. I was like,

yes, I want to come to Shaq. And she was so sweet. I go, I go, you sure you can get me in? She goes, you're Mazja Brani.

You're going to get in. I was like, yeah, I am, I am, I love Tiffany. Did you meet her? I did not meet her.

I didn't even try to like, because, you know, was that a big crowd? It was a pretty big crowd. And she had her daughter, and she had a whole posse of people just like walking her. I wasn't looking. The only thing I, like when we left, I was outside,

and then Stevie Wonder walks out with his crew. And I was just like, Mr. Wonder, thank you for all the, you know, happiness you've brought us all. And I'm sure he gets that all. You got to think of it. First of all, Tom, it was interesting because everyone had their cameras up. That's the other thing. And I was trying to watch it, but I also was like,

I got to film this. So I'm trying to film it. But there were so many cameras. It was like a wall of cameras. And I kind of, I would get bits and pieces of them. right? Even though they're 10 feet away from me. I know.

But you've got to realize, I was like, God, what's it got to be like to be either one of these guys? Everywhere they go every night. I know. People are going, is he going to sing? Yeah. Is he going to sing? You know what I'm saying?

I know. Every night of their lives. Yeah. Unless if they're like with their family, even if their family, there's got to be like a cousin who's like, come on, Steve. You had, you know, I came all the way from North Carolina. You got to see. Give me one.

You know what I was like, I had cameras on all the. You know what's a good thing to do? I think you really should have in your head a great line for a great artist. Because it is so uncomfortable. Yeah. I once saw like Steve Martin and Dan Keaton in a restaurant. They were the only other two people in the restaurant. Wow.

And it was like, oh my God. And it ruined the whole night because anything I said would have been stupid. Yeah. The reaction would not be what I wanted to be. Yeah. Can we be best friends forever? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And but it is good to have like one kind of like really good.

good line that you could just, that could sum up, thank you, I love you. Yeah. My whole life is, you've been a part of my entire life. Yeah. Like you want to express that. And they do, if it's written well and you do it in a nice way, in and out, yeah. It'd be valuable.

Yeah, I think part of that is why, like, I, you know, I try to stay away from the, like, can I get a picture or like, oh, my God, let me tell you, let me, corner you. That's why I just throw the, like, thank you for all the happy, You've brought me brought us all. You know, it's just quick and easy. I was just at the pharmacy today. The pharmacist recognized me. It was funny because I went up and the girl came to the counter.

It wasn't the pharmacist. The other girl came to the counter. And the pharmacist was like 10 feet back doing her stuff. And I said, oh, I'm here for Joe Brani. And the pharmacist go, Maz, big fan, love you. She screamed it. And I was like, oh, thanks. And for me, it happens few and far enough where it's still.

It's great. It's great. Yeah. And then she was, then she was apologizing. I'm so sorry. I go, no, don't be sorry. I go, that's good. Yeah.

This helped my ego today. I know. Yeah. Whenever people come on, I'm like, can I have a picture? I know you hate this. I'm like, I didn't get in this business to not have my picture take. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, congratulations on the special. I'm very excited for you. Thanks, man. It's on YouTube. It's on YouTube.

It's on YouTube. Birds and Bees. The Birds and the Bees, Maz Jabrani. It's on the Mazja Brani. It's on the Mazja Brani. Nice. So you just go to YouTube, put in Maz Gibrani and it'll come up. It's a great thing.

Yeah. I know, man. I think, you know, we're at this world now where it's like, you know, there's a couple of gatekeepers, I think, for comedy specials. You know, it's Netflix and maybe HBO is my opinion. And obviously Netflix is international, so you'll get some eyeballs. HBO, I feel like, is probably more of a prestige play, right? But I think YouTube, a lot of people are putting it on YouTube beginning, again,

international, available. Well, it's like what I was saying about my buddy, who just made this film. He just was, you know, you couldn't have done that 30 years. ago. Just make your own films. I'm going to do this and make it. And it's kind of, this has been my mantra to myself. It's our job to create.

Yeah. It's your job. Just keep making stuff. Yeah. You want it to be popular. You'd like people to see it. Yeah. All that good stuff.

But that's the result of the work you're supposed to be doing. And you're supposed to be making fun things that people want to see. Well, you said that to me the other day because I was worried about. I was like, I don't know how many views it's going to get and all this other stuff. And you were like, listen, you make. You made something that you're proud of, and that's it. Like at that point, you did it. You did it.

You did it. And go hustle it up and spread the word. Yeah, of course. And that's why I asked you to come in because it's like we should let people know. Yeah. One of my favorite comedians as a new special outlet. Yeah. Like that's great.

Yeah. Yeah. But we really can't get hung up. I mean, it's hard. I mean, of course. You're also an artist, so you're sensitive. Yeah. And we all are.

Yeah. And you're like, you know, it is a weird thing. But that part has to be kind of shut out. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's also like, I mean, I think we're in the world where it's like you just hope, you hope for some, some eyeballs. Like, it would suck. Like, there's been times like, I posted something on my TikTok.

And, you know, there's been times I posted something on TikTok and I had like three million views. Yeah. Then more commonly, it'll have like 15,000, 20,000, maybe 70,000. Yeah. I posted something, it was like, it was stuck at 700. And I go, what? What's going on? Those you got to rip down.

I took it down. That is embarrassing. What happened? I know. That's about more than 700 views of my special. That's all. Right, exactly. I know.

Crack the algorithm. Oh, my God. So this is bread from my buddies at Lodge Bread. I love you. Thank you so much. It's so delicious. Great. I can't wait.

It's just out of the timing of my baking. I couldn't bake for you. I've done that before. So this is your lodge bread. These guys are great. Share it with your family. Thank you. I will.

What is it called again? No roos. No ruse. No ruse. Like just the, like, Like no. No ruse. And then ruse.

No ruse. And is it still going? Yeah. No ruse will go from. So the first day of no ruse was, I think, Monday the 20th or something, whatever that date was. Okay. And it'll go for 13 days. Oh, so it starts with the equinox with the spring equinox.

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. It's the first moment of spring. So it's interesting. Whereas, like, the Western New Year happens midnight in every time zone. Right. No ruse happens at the exact precise moment around the world.

So it could be midnight one place. It could be noon the other place. It could be, so I remember as a kid, as a matter of fact, it was like a tradition for people to, they would have to call their elders to wish them Happy No Roos. So my dad would be on the phone calling Iran at like three in the morning because that's when it was. So you'd be, Happy No Roos. That's amazing. Any excuse to add another holiday to our life.

I'm all for it. I know, man. You're the best. Thank you, Tom. All right. We'll continue spreading the word. All right. Got it, Joey.

There you have it, kids. Mazjabrani, go to YouTube, check out his special, share it, give him some love, let him know that coming on Breaking Bread was worth it. I mean, he's a good guy and we're friends, but, you know, give him some Breaking Bread love. Go to YouTube, Birds and the Bees.

Go to Tompapa.com, look up all of my stuff. I'm touring all over the country. We added new shows in Chicago and in Atlanta. We've got Grand Rapids. I'm going over to London, at the Lester Square Theater, and the new book. Ah, we forgot the book.

We'll bring the book next time. We're going to be in here with, I think Big J. O'Kerson's coming. We'll bring the book. We're all in this together, so make some room. It's available for pre-order right now. Sounds like we are drunk. All right, everybody.

We'll see you next time.