Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 150 - Big Jay Oakerson

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

My pal Big Jay Oakerson stops by with his big heart, hilarious stories and a new special 'Dog Belly' on YouTube.   Thank you to our sponsor Helix Sleep! Take the two minute sleep quiz to match you with the perfect mattress, and save up to $200 off your order at https://helixsleep.com/papa  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's how we go. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey, everybody. Welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I am Tom Papa. Hope you're doing well.

Nice of you to stop by. We don't have any food for you because you are someplace else. But if you came by, we'd give you food. You just never come by. Thank you for being here. We've got Big Jay Oakerson on the program today. a very funny comedian who have known for a long time. He's from New York City at Philly originally, but I know him from New York.

He's got a new special on YouTube called Dog Belly. So it's free for you on the YouTube. Very funny comedian, very funny special. Go and check it out. We'd like to thank the good people at Helix Sleep for being our sponsor today. We love Helix Sleep. I sleep on a Helix mattress. and you should too.

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headquarters, our adjunct, it's been going pretty well. We've got Joey over on the controls over there. We've been, we haven't gotten a coffee machine yet. That is a, the one thing I really want to try, there's literally an Italian pizza place right next door. And I feel like we have to, I feel like we have to, I said this last time, we need to open this bottle of wine. We need to book a guest who's going to open this bottle of wine with us and partake in some of the pizza from that place. Well, I'm not going to give the name because it might not be that great, but it might be good. That's what we got to do. I'm a little distracted today because as of the recording of this, I am not sure.

I might be on a plane going to Paris tomorrow, and I might not be. How a F is that? My wife has passport troubles, and it's been going on for quite some time. and we're trying to get word on the delivery of it. So I have done all this research. I've been, I have a list of great places to go get pastries. I don't know if you remember early on in this podcast,

we did Apollonia, Poulaine, this great French family bakery in Paris. She was on the program. I want to go by and see her. a bunch of great restaurants. Of course, I just want to know where Hemingway got drunk and go get drunk there as well. And then doing a show in London on my way home.

And the tone of my voice is a little aggravated. It should be, I'm going to Paris and I'm going to get drunk where Hemingway got drunk. But I don't know if I'm going. And there's a possibility we may not know tomorrow like two hours before we're supposed to go. So I'm trying to be cool. Look, I travel a lot, and I'm a pretty good traveler, but to tell you the truth, I'm still a bit of a nervous wreck.

I think we all are. Every time you're leaving home and going and doing something, it's a bit of a stressful situation. And this one, I'm not solo. It's with the family. It's the whole thing. And that I am literally recording this, and it's 24 hours. Like, I'm going to get the ping to check in to my flight. What do you do?

Do I not check in? I don't know what to do. I guess just open a bottle of wine and sit by myself and wait and see if a passport shows up. It's very stressful. Everybody, if you have a passport, go check the date right now. And because during these COVID times, even paying like expedited, and I tried to do it right, I tried to pay this expedited service and they completely messed up. so that put us into this down to the wire having to use another service and trying to figure it out at the last second scenario because they completely screwed us.

I should have said that too. I should have told the people that I would have, if you guys do this for us and you give us a day in advance even, I will give you free advertising for the rest of the year. I didn't say it. So I'm sorry if I sound a little bummed out. If I do go, I'm going to have a lot of great reports because I have it completely mapped out. The only bad part is my family is vegetarians. And a couple of the places, it's just meat. There's like, they're not even, these old places like, what is it called, La Meilouille? It's like 14 tables. It's been there forever.

And it just serves, you know, like rabbit livers. and red wine and snails and it's just going to be a meat fest. I think I'm going to, if I go, I'm probably going to spend a couple evenings by myself because you can't even go to a place and order rabbit livers in front of your vegetarian family, even if they have cuscus and things that they could eat. They don't want to know. Like coming back, it'll be like returning from Vegas or something. Like, let's just not talk about it.

I'm going to go brush my teeth now. All right, Big J. O'Kerson is on the program. Love him. He's a great guy. He always has great stories. And his special, again, is called Dog Belly. It's on YouTube right now. So let's jump in and enjoy Big J.

O'C.' God, these years are really getting, they're really racking up. That's what it is, like the flyby. I don't remember, like, pinpointing, like, a time when I went from, like, I was trying to get like the new spot in there to people being like, did I got in the comedy because I grew up watching you. Like, grew up watching me. Yeah.

I'm like, I feel like I'm not even fully in yet. I know. I know. That is the weird thing. You always feel, uh, young and vulnerable.

Yeah, like you're not that guy, you know, I was like, someone looking up to you, you're like, don't look up. Yeah.

Look up to somebody who's like doing great. Have you had, uh, someone bring you up? at a club where they're like the legend. Oh, just the oversell. The oversell of how long you've been around. It really just means...

I remember seeing like Dom I rera being like, oh my God, why are you calling me a legend? How old am I? Yeah, the living legend. Yeah. You're like, yeah, I've done it everyone. I've made it to 45. There was one time I was at...

You ever play comedy at the Trop? No, no. The Tropicana, Atlantic City. Yeah. It was a weird little club. And I remember Dom... uh was on i was opening for him and he was like ladies and gentlemen i forget who this comedian was and they're like we have a uh a legend in the audience tonight uh he's been he's been in the game for

whatever and they're like i forget the guy's name he's like uh joey b and joey b stood up and everyone was like who that's great the shout out you never want to get right exactly it was like He's saying Sinatra was in the audience. It reminds me of a thing, one of my favorite things. I'm a big sports fan for Philly teams. Yeah. And particularly the Sixers and the Eagles. Uh-huh.

And I went to, and I became friendly. The only Philadelphia sports person that I'm any kind of, like, friends with at all, is the in-house announcer for the Sixers. The guy does color in the stadium. Yeah. Matt Coord. Radio guy, great dude. Known him for years.

He's amazing. he's always let me come down like watch some practice before the game and stuff I can go kind of do that and it's been great and then at one point I wanted to get season tickets

and I was willing to pay for I wasn't looking for a hookup I was like can you just get me through there's like a crazy process of like waiting lists and this guy that guy is there anything that you could do and he said yeah let me uh he's like I'm going to talk to the corporate offices

he goes I'm going to have somebody call you and you could tell, and you may have had this where somebody is telling you, did I tell you this in the other podcast? I feel like, okay. You could tell it, he's told somebody my name with the idea that they were going to know who I was because he knows.

You guys talk about a phone call because I could tell you went to somebody and goes, hey, you're going to call Big J. E. E. E. E.G.erson's looking to get in some season tickets. And the guy was like, okay. He's like, here's the number. Give him a ring. And the guy called me. And I was like, so yeah, yeah, I'd like to get these season

tickets, like a 10-game thing. He goes, yeah, you got to go, like, sign up for the fan club. It was like, you just sent me right back to the thing. Yeah, it did nothing for me. And I didn't want to, you know, I didn't want to say things. I just kind of ate that. And so I go and I pay, like, a couple games a year, I pay good money to sit in great seats to watch the games.

And I gleam at, I know who they are. There's the old man who wears a jersey. It says the sixth man. He sits right at the end of the team's. bench. He's an old man. He owns all the dormitories at University of Pennsylvania. Then the scores table and then M.

Knight-Sharmelon seats. He's there a lot. A couple seats down, it's a lawyer named Tom Klein and his child bride who could never care less about the game, just in her phone. And I gleam at them going like, they don't even appreciate how great, like, they're sitting on the floor and they're like doing other things.

It's so regular to them. I get furious. And I'm like, I'm sitting with Christine, my girlfriend. and I'm just like at the moment of me going like I just don't get any love or recognition at all from any of these teams and I talk about the

Eagles and Sixers only yeah yeah your whole life talk about them so much on all my broadcasts and bring this and then a guy behind me gives me a nudge and he points up to the screen and I was like

I was like what I see that me and Christina on the screen and I like and then the announcer Matt goes he goes oh is that that him right there and I like sat back in my chair on the screen I go and I'm like you know they're about to do and then it cussed somebody else and he goes is that him how about this guy is that and

then it pulls back on like the sixth guy and it goes now here he is it's our winner of the shick razors beard of the game oh no so you were just a rando I was just but in my mind I was like they did stay on me a little bit more than the other people so I go But that may have been Matt's, like, quiet, nod to like, hey, man. So usually before I go to the games, I'll call them. Yeah. Or text them and be like, hey, I'm coming to the game, you know, I'll say hi. Yeah.

I didn't this time. Maybe it was sort of last minute or something. I didn't want to bother them. Yeah. But after the game, you know, we were in low seats. So I walk over behind the thing and I go, Matt, Matt, he just right. He goes, oh, I didn't know you were here tonight. It wasn't even a nod to me.

I was just literally the shick, a loser of shick. Razor's beard of the game. If you're a Yankee fan, I think it may have changed, but I think it may still hold right behind home plate, which is, you know, you're seeing that shot forever, you know, the pitcher to the home plate, right behind is Lauren Michaels four seats. Yeah. And you just, it's just a cavalcade of guys that you know don't appreciate the game like you do. Oh, yeah.

But are more famous than you are that are sitting in those seats. And it's so distracting when you're just trying to watch a ball game. Oh, yeah. You've got to be like, why is that dude there? Christmas Day, I brought my daughter because the Sixers played the Knicks in New York. So I'm like, oh, we'll go. And I got seats and like, yeah. It's like, like, court side of the thing.

It's like Pete Davidson and his sister. Pete looks like he's shaking one. He's got his sunglasses on his head's down. I'm like, he doesn't care about the game. I was texting on my text. I'm like, look alive, dude. I have to listen to the five guys behind me, you know, predict your entire life. Who's that?

That's not Emily Radicalsky. They were just nonstop the whole time. How did you handle the Super Bowl this year? We went. You did? Yeah, Burke Kreischer gave me a last second offer to go with him, Shane Gillis and Mark Norman. Oh, wow. Which was an awesome, awesome gift, man.

Great crew. Shane and everything. And it was funny. I said we were doing like the, Shane's from Philly Toots. We were doing like to, I can't believe we get to experience. experience this together and share this. We're having those moments. It's funny.

When you go and they lose, it's just like, oh, all right. Well, now I guess we've got to walk a mile back to wherever we're driving to. Everything just becomes like shitty again. Whatever. It's like leaving Vegas after you lose. Yeah, yeah. When you get there on the bright lights, she goes, this is where it happens. Dreams are made here.

Did you wear colors? Yeah, wore an Eagles jersey for sure, yeah. And then just walking out of there is just like any other, you're like, Well, that's done. That didn't go good at all. I guess I'll just go to the hotel. I was just happy they were winning long enough, the Eagles that I was able to enjoy the Rihanna halftime show.

Right. Because I could see the anger of just like being down or are you getting crushed. You're just like, why do they do this? That's when you get cynical, what football fans want to watch Rihanna dance around? Yeah, yeah. She's really, she's really, she really has some tunes. It's not my thing necessarily, but I got to say she really,

really like as a hell of a performer. Is she pregnant? Good for her. Yeah. Good for her. Look at her go. Doesn't miss a beat. True.

You know what I can say? She's a pro. And did you have to go back to the hotel and fly out next day? Or did you get out there? You got a Airbnb and I flew out the next morning. Yeah. And I said, I mean, the overall experience was unbelievable. Yeah.

Just like Bert's such like a party. So wherever you go, it was just like, yeah, it was great. We had a blast. Yeah. Good for you. But a bummer to walk away from. Yeah. Yeah.

I've learned that to not like, I, if I was like wealthy, wealthy like, you know, Bert is, I would have, I would do something very similar for sure, but it is funny, like my nerves, I paid for a, me and my daughter and my girlfriend to go to game seven of the Sixers versus the Hawks like two years ago. And it was just like a meltdown of a game, like, and we, I sat behind the visitor's seat because that's where the offense for your team is in the second half. half. Yeah.

So just to watch some crumble and miss shots constantly. And when you go home, I go, man, when you're looking at that price when you're buying three playoff tickets in like sixth row, you're like, you click it because you go, these are experiences. Yeah. These are things my daughter is going to remember forever. We went to that game. And then when you leave, you're like, this is the stupidest shit we've ever done.

Who would spend that much money? They don't even give you any of your money back if they lose. Yeah, right. So you spend all that money. It's like, well, you tried. Yeah. Those guys tried for you. It was so brutal.

Yeah. I was like, I don't know if I could do that again. Not a hockey guy. No, I never grew up playing it. It was an expensive sport to play. So I didn't know that. And baseball, I did love. I actually enjoyed the playoff run to the World Series for the Phillies this year.

I was kind of able to get into the players and their thing. I know. Those were good. But I had, my step pop came into my life when I was like 10, almost 11. Uh-huh. And he liked the Phillies. Still does.

He's a fan. but like he uh i didn't care about baseball and he uh took me to a couple games and we went and it just happened to be the season i got into it big where i love because it's interesting the thing i love about basketball is that there's 82 games so it's like such a mindless like unplug when i put it on i'm just like put the game and i the escape of that i love yeah i would love to have a hundred and sixty two of those uh a year yeah but in 93 i became a huge fan and that's Lenny Dykstra, Mickey Morandini, Dave Hollins, Dutch Dalton, John Kruk. It was this personality-driven team that was great.

And they went to the World Series, and that was such a great feeling. And then Joe Carter hit a two-run home runoff, Mitch Wild Thing Williams. Mitch Williams never went back to Philadelphia. He went right to Houston and sent for his things. And then they were the worst team in baseball for like 13, or at least didn't make the playoffs for 13 years after that. And I just lost my love of the sport. I'm like, it's a really long, board. You know, even basketball, I watched a lot of, and it sucked,

I watched a lot of games, tons of games in the season, the Sixers won 10, like, before the situation or now. Yeah. With everybody. And I mean, like, but those games are still like, it's moving. Yeah, I mean, like baseball, when you're the worst team, it's just like, you're just watching guys stand in positions and not do anything. I know, for years.

I guess you go stand there and not score. You go over there. Yeah. I had that with the Rangers. I was a big Ranger fan my whole life, and then with them all the way up to the Cup and winning the Cup in 94, and then they just sucked for 12 years straight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it just, they just beat it out of me, and then I moved, and I'm not, like, in the city anymore, and it's just like, I can't. I did try, though, once, someone asked me this recently, and I actually remember making a decision, and it lasted for a quarter of a game.

I was like, look, I'm not moving back, back to Philadelphia, like I live in New York. Yeah. And this is at a time where now you can like, I have a package I could watch every game wherever I'm at, football or, you know, Eagles or Sixers. But there wasn't that. We used to go to Ship of Fools, which was a block up from,

from the comic strip. The comic strip. I love that place. Man, I haven't heard that name in it forever. We used to go up there and watch the games. Yeah. So it was before all that. And then I was like, man, you know,

it would be so much cheaper and easier if I could just do what I did my whole life in Philadelphia. Yeah. And just turn on the TV and my home team's playing. Yeah. I was like, maybe I'll just like, see if I can get into the Giants. I was watching a quarter and being like, I can't root for the uniform. It's like my whole life's just been like, no, no.

Impossible. And then I made a buddy one year who was a tight end for the Jets for a little bit. Great player, Dustin Keller. I became buddies with him. And so I was like, well, I could root for the Jets or AFC. It doesn't really matter at all. Yeah. And then he just, he had the ultimate thing that, like, the fear of anything.

He played three years for the Jets. And then after his contract went to the Dolphins. And in preseason, got his knee bent backwards by a helmet, like hitting him in the knee. And it's funny knowing someone like that, because when I spoke to him, I thought it was pretty, like, insightful. He was like, he came back, he got healthy. And he went to, like, a couple camps to, like, you know, see if anybody wanted to pick him up. And he went to, like, one of them, like, for, I think the Patriots. Yeah.

And he was like, I don't have it. He's like, you can't live, you can't play effectively if every time you come across the middle, like, you're not thinking about catching the ball. You're thinking about it. You're going to get nailed again. And he's like, so it was just time. Wow. Stop something.

That's interesting, man. It is interesting. It also goes to flow of everyone I know who's famous decides to be not famous five minutes later. I was like, well, you're my only link to NFL. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, I'm going to leave. I'm going to open up a string of delis, which is what he did.

Okay. I'm coming to get half off of a hero. He's the one. So he played, his quarterback was Mark Sanchez. Yeah, yeah. On the Jets. And Mark Sanchez, when he was done in football, Dustin Keller, I saw him. Mark Sanchez at this point had become, through injuries,

the starting quarterback for the Eagles. And there was a game that they were playing against the Cowboys. It was a loser goes home from the playoffs. One of them's going to the playoffs One of them's not Yeah And I had done a show You know, Preston Steve, the guys in Philly

I love those guys So I did their camp out for a hunger show And they said to them He goes, hey man I have tickets I'm not using it for that game They're not good They're like nosebleeds But like you'll be at the game

If you want them, they're yours I was like yeah, I'll take them That's great And then I saw Dustin Keller About a week before that game And I was like Oh yeah I forgot

your boy is like the quarterback for my team now give me some free tickets to the game and he goes i got you man i'll get you he texts me later he goes mark says you're good remind me to remind him day of and the tickets will be at will call for you i'm like well i call my sister up i go you and your uh husband can take these shit tickets up in the nose bleeds like bums i go you could have those i go i'm going to be mark sanchise is getting us some tickets the starting quarterback for the game and we go we go we We walk to the, we walk up there. I give my sister her tickets.

Yeah. And we go, we walk to the first will call. They're like, now, like, it's not this will call. It's like, you got to a different one. Where's the players will call? You know, I must be, and they go, oh, a player gave you tickets? It's like around the other end, this different entrance. And I'm like, okay.

And I go and they give me an envelope that's got two tickets. Yeah. And it's me and my girlfriend there. And two of these big, like, they have a gold lamay on them and things. It's weird. And I'm like, what is this thing for? This must be like, and I see the ticket says GA. And I'm like, this might be some kind of a thing like on the field, like a pit or something on the field where you can like, I'm like, this is about to be crazy.

What an experience we're about to have. We walk in, first thing they ask for is that big ticket. I go, what's this for? He goes, it's just you can walk through this room and go to those escalators. I'm like, okay. He didn't get us the buffet. Fine. He's busy.

He's got a game. He's got an escalator. General Mission, we're going there. Over there, that escalator. We go up, there's at the top of the stadium. And I mean, it's the roof. There's a sign. It's four poles that have the L-I-T-E for Miller-L-L-L-L-L-L-E for Miller-L-L-L-L-L-L-E.

Yeah. It's a poll and the huge letters. Uh-huh. And behind that is just concrete and like the concourses. That's what general admission is. No. If you don't stand. Now when we get there, there's a lot of people there.

There's no seat. You're never getting a seat. That's not even an option. But what you also, the problem is, if you don't get against the gate, it's a straight shut down. So you have to be against the, you know, the gating to see the game at all. If you're one person behind, like, it's impossible. Oh, my God.

So we, the only one we can get is we have to, like this, between the, you know, the I and T of Miller Light like this, and watch the game. And then my sister, who now has at least seats. Yeah. Was the way I tell her things. I'm like, how she enjoyed that so much. So when she comes back to like, I'm like, hey, can you come, like, stand in our spot or go get his hot dogs? Or can you wait here while we pee? and they have to come like be body doubles for us.

Because if you lose that spot, if you move, it's over. Why does Sanchez give you those seats, you think? Because he's a shitheaded asshole. He's not good. I was saying, I was like, I did the oddball tour. And forget him an oddball tour because I'm a comedian and that's like a little more in.

Yeah. When I did the Torn's with like corn and Rob Zombie and those guys, I mean, a club owner or something would call me and be like, I saw your time. my cousin or my best friend from growing up is the biggest fan of my boss can you possibly get him so

sure I know from seeing him he's in the fifth row he's at least in the in the arena yeah that was the starting quarterback and I by the way so that light symbol is in the corner it's the corner of the end zone

where that is that area and it was just it was just the right spot yeah to watch Des Bryant catch three touchdowns over his shoulders, like right in front of us to end the season of the Philadelphia Eagles. Oh, my God. Well, I feel kind of bad that I got eagle colors for behind you. We got the special curtain for him.

Hell yeah. Midnight Green. If I had known they disrespected you like that. They did the disrespect. I didn't have time to bake you bread, so I brought you lodge bread, which is my favorite, one of my favorites in Los Angeles. Yeah. Are you staying in a hotel, I imagine? Airbnb. Airbnb?

Oh, good. So they'll have nice to rate a night for you. Hell, yeah. You'll be able to eat this. I also got you some treats because you're a sweetie. Oh, that's great. Usually bake a bread. I do.

I bake a lot of bread. Really? Yeah. Is it hard to do? It's... To make different kinds, I mean? To learn it. To kind of get into it.

It takes some time. But I've been doing it for like 10 years now. What's the most difficult one? Like a rye? Rye. I was going to say. Yeah. Rye is tricky.

How'd you know that? I'm just assuming with like the seating and the texture of it alone. Yeah, it's a very... Spongy. It's very loose. It's hard to work with. So you sleep every night, right? Every single night.

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Helixleep. com with Helix Better Sleep. It starts. How do you feel when you come out to Los Angeles? Because you and I go back a long way as we've known each other from New York. Yeah. And whenever you see your friends in Los Angeles in the sunshine, it's like some people fit, some people don't. Sure.

Some people you're like, oh, yeah, like I can kind of slide in. I'm surprised you're even in New York. I have, it's been fun. And it's very new for me, which I think is neat. Because it seems like, again, the years move so fast. Like, I just remember. like in my friendship with Ari Sheffir which is like you know half of my comedy career

only was time of the comedy store being like okay you did fine but let's uh see how you do in a different room and we'll check the vibe and the whatever thing and I do love that now like when I go I don't know again what the flip was but now I go and it's like you know like you want to go on you know it's like and there people get excited when you're in town

I think Ari Shafir, who also executive produced the special, which is amazing. Ari Shafir, which is available now on the YouTube. Big J. O'Kerson, YouTube channel. Do you realize how much Jay loves you? Do you realize how much Jay loves you? Do you even? He's giving you a special. You don't have to do anything, but just go on YouTube.

That's it. Dog belly, baby. Dog belly baby. And Ari, yeah, Ari was a producer on it. But Ari moving to New York was that bridge. for like my generation of guys for sure because by the time then when I started coming to New York

even if the work wasn't there necessarily like the clubs it was I'd see like the people I'm like oh we're supposed to be friends because we had no the same person you know what I mean like that bridge was huge oh really yeah it really made a it was big for New York because that's

I started coming out here and it's like last night I just my press ended early enough that I was like I was not going to sit my Airbnb let me go over to the comedy store and like I even still pull up going like oh boy am I going to be and two seconds of you walk in someone's like you know that's that's great I do love that feeling so I do I have a much warmer feeling about it out here now that's the thing it's like when you're when you come out

here and you got nothing going on you're starting out it's a very isolating intimidating experience because it's huge also yeah huge like surface New York at least is like yeah subways 15 minutes to everywhere right exactly no it's good I mean you've you've you've had such success I mean the the skank Fest thing, how did that even start? Because you guys... What an idea. It was Lewis J. Gomez,

which is, I think he even posted it once in a while because it gets him like, you know, it's like not emotional, but like it's kind of like a neat thing. Like, he put out, he goes, in the summertime, a comedy festival called Skangfest, that is all. And he just wrote that in a tweet like years ago. And then Lewis, which he's great at, aside from just being hilarious, he's like such a great like business mind in the sense of even knowing

how to like employ the right people to do the things. Right. And then between him, Rebecca Trent, who owns the Creek in the Cave. Yeah. And Christine,

my girlfriend, who's on the bonfire of my radio show and she's produced a zillion things. Like they just like, so you know, he, he's like the faceman of it. He does like a bunch of the work

and then the three of them together just get it. How many years ago when it was in that tweet? probably like six years ago and I think we're going into our or no maybe more maybe like seven years ago and we're going into our like sixth or seventh

Skangfest and it's really become like a thing that people know, recognize and wait for like it's a legit. Yeah well what I like every year is we end up like turning somebody who was like skittish on coming and the name I've had to tell like you know

I asked Jim Jeffries I was like would you want to do it? He was like yeah I was like can I have them like send you an offer for Skynyfest? He was like, yeah, I go, do me a favor. I know this sounds weird. Tell your people to not ignore a thing. Because I fully get that idea that, like, I think we've sent to fortune before.

And so I think, like, because we have the same management now. I think he was like, oh, yeah, we didn't know what it was. And I think we were right away, like, we're not doing a thing called Skank Fest. Meanwhile, it's like she'd go there and have a blast. Right. The name is misleading, but it's not misleading if you just take the optics of it. Because when you go, you know, we just make the joke,

it's a festival of people who'll hear. exactly like us. Right. There's maybe more tattoos somehow and whatever. But they're comedy fans, like throwing through it. They love every single bit of it. There's no one who's going up on that festival that they're not, like, excited to see.

And the fun thing was to be able to see people who we've had, like, you know, dumb podcast wars with or, you know, little, like, just dumb, like, beefs and gripes that are nothing. It's wrestling to some degree, you know? We heard about one, right, Joey? we had uh jeremiah walkins was in talking about the slap the slap do you know the slap with lewis gomez oh yeah yeah they had a slap fight jeremiah definitely won and kills lewis inside it's what he was he trains and he jeremiah's like i can't i can't do it again like i can't rematch because it's not

it'll never go is that good again it was because lewis was in the right in the heat of like i train now and I do and Jeremiah just slapped him up and then also even it's probably not as bad of a win as I remember

other than we've only done we've done nothing but play up how big of a deal it was to Jeremiah's just took him down just done that too what are the other podcast scores well I use a good example of because they're great and they're friends and they're is the

guys we fucked girls you know Christina Hutchinson and Corinne Fisher are both great but you know we've had things with them on the air and then our fans say shitty stuff whatever the thing is. And when the first time they came to Skank Fest they were a little like nerve

but you know they were like oh we're gonna get on stage and they're gonna yell shit at us and heckles us and everything and I was like you're gonna be surprised like watch like you're like you guys here

even though you're still doing your comedy it's like they come at you as you're Erica Kane I go, and now they're meeting Susan Lut. You know what I mean? No one hates Susan Lucci because she's Erica. So I'm like, yeah, you were like the villains in the story they were have. They don't hold any kind of, they're happy for you to go do comedy and make them and they're great. Oh, that's great.

That's good. Yeah, whenever I see Skangfest, because I think I was in Vegas, you would do Vegas this year. Yeah. And I had some corporate gig in Vegas at the time. And I was like, I should try and get over. And I couldn't work it out because I had to be with these people after. But there is always a little part of me is like, They don't want me at Skangfest.

Oh, no. They definitely would love you to Skaget. You would enjoy it. You'd enjoy the chaos of it because it's also, like, it's comedy across the board, but they do the Jason Ellis, like the Ellis Mania fights. We ever year, do that every day this year where, like, that's the best. What is that? I've done his show.

It's fights that are, like, organized to be funny and also, like, pretty challenging. And then watch the psychology of it was very interesting to me with that. What do you mean? They actually get in the ring? They get in the ring. They play a game called musical chairs where there's 10 people with boxing gloves on, 10 guys or girls, depending on which one they do. And 10 fighters, and they start with eight chairs.

And they do musical chairs. And the two people who are standing have to box for a minute. And then whoever wins that stays, and then they pull a chair away. And they just do that same thing. and just whittle it down to two people. The girl who won when we did it in South Festival, in Houston, the girl who won was wearing a sweater and just like black jeans.

Like, I mean, such a sweet-looking, like, not even that she didn't look like she would be at the festival, but she just looked like a soft, like, girl, a very girly girl. Right. And she didn't win. She went to, like, the finals, though. and, you know, she was getting, like, slant.

And her boyfriend was watching it happen. And, like, he's kind of a big, mussely guy, but she was just, like, a pretty girl. And when I saw her the next day, I was like, because she was nervous for her she went in, but she was, like, excited. Yeah. And I was like, how was that?

And she goes, you know, I've never been in a fight. I've never thrown a punch. I've never been punched. And she goes, now I want to go home and take, like, clench. Because it was so exhilarated. I was like, it's almost like that fight club thing where it's like, you're conquering,

like one of your biggest fears. Like, I don't want to get a fight. What if I get punched? Then you get punched, and you're like, I'm still okay. And it's fun to watch that happen, which is regular. And then they also have, like, you know, internal gripe ones that are good, like, producer versus, you know. The producers of this show is talking shit to the producer of this show, so they're going to fight. And they, like, they go.

It's, like, really fun. Do you ever fight? No, like, every year I get, like, the, I really want to. And then I'm just, like, I'm 45, the risk versus reward. Yeah. In my head, yeah. I'm choreographing it that it's just a, one-sided ass kicking, I lay on somebody.

Of course. But also I found out, through a sketch I did shit, 15 years ago with Mike Vecione, we took a, me and Mike, the sketch was, whatever it was, the segment,

we were supposed to take like an hour of boxing lessons with somebody. And then me and Mike would go and do three one-minute rounds in the ring, like sparring. Head gear and big gloves big gloves yeah

and I've been in so many fights in my life like a weird amount of fights for my temper for my personality I think I've been in a weird amount every one of them like in anger you know like yeah it's it's like we're in a situation like we have to fight you know there's a fight

happening it's I've never ever like fought for sport and it's such a different beast because yeah I remember we did three one minute rounds in the first 10 seconds I came out with it I think I like pawed you know, I part Mike a little bit, and he just sent one, not hurt, not pain for anything. Yeah.

Just sent a straight one right up the gut and just hit me in the nose. And I had like that kind of like, you know, you see the stars for a second. And I said the rest of the time was just me being sad that my friend punched me like that. I'm like, I couldn't punch him like that. I couldn't do it. Why does Mike hate him? I'm like, why can he do it? And Mike's just like, he wrestled his whole, you know, he's an athlete.

He's like, yeah, we're sparring. And I'm like, I wouldn't hit you in the face like that under any circumstance. And I don't like you did it. I was just sad. My feelings are hurt. So I know I wouldn't, in those things, it's like, yeah. But when you were,

when you would get in fights, is when you were young, that was, because you hated the people that you were fighting. Or just like, you know, it's like, yeah,

yeah, it wasn't like a buddy who was like, ah, it's on the gloves and see what happens. I'm like, I can't hit you for real. I have to throw punches

with like intent of like, yeah, you're going to hurt me, you're going to hurt me. Well, it's more like, it's more like that. That's so much this talking. I mean, I've got caught up in that plenty.

But for more, it's just like if I'm fighting, it's like, oh, I'm going to get, like, beat up if I don't do something. You know what I mean? If I don't fight back. Was that a growing up Philly thing? Like self-defense kind of thing? Yeah. I mean, I always thought.

I always said I tried the bully one time to look cool for the cool kids. And egg this kid on to fistfight me. I don't know why. It was so dumb. Yeah. And I had him, like, when we started fighting, I had him kind of like

in a headlock over from the side that doesn't do anything. Now, it's really MMA, you find out it's like it's the worst position like holding someone

in a headlock. But I had him like subdued where it wasn't going to go any further than that probably. And he wanted it to stop and everything. And then a security guard from the library.

We always fought outside of a library or some weird place. Yeah. And this library security guard comes out. He goes, you guys better go. I already called the police. And that to me was right.

I was like, well, is not going to be stoked on that. So I'm like, so I just let him go. And I was like, I guess we're all going on several ways. He just jumped on my back and started wailing on me. Thank God like on grass. Oh, really?

It could have been like on concrete for sure. Like on the grass, like a little grass on the sidewalk. And it was like, what was like a Christmas story? I felt like he was like crying and hitting because like he was, I mean, he had a complete control. Where I had to just fold and go like, okay. You win. It's over. And I just remember feeling so stupid

But still, even as young as I was, having, like, the thing the next day when they were like, so I mean, that was not cool. Like, he jumped on your back when you were walking away. Are you going to fight him again? And I'm like, no. This whole thing was so. I have no problem with this kid.

Yeah. I thought you guys would think I was cooler if I was, like, bullying this kid. And then I got my shit kicked in. No, I should. I'm probably going to go apologize to him and be like, I don't know what, I could even get. I have no problem with you. How old were you here?

It's probably 14, maybe. 14, maybe. Yeah. That's what it was going home. I'm being like, what am I? Yeah. I'm starting that fight that I didn't want to. I don't like fighting.

I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt. That is the age where it starts to make sense. The world starts to. What the hell am I doing? Yeah, why am I fighting a guy? What is your mom like? What was she like, if she would not be cool with it, was she strict?

Well, it was funny. She had me so young. I felt like I was her first kid and it was, you know, of course the, all the lessons are learned there. but her switch was so funny to me i remember getting an earring when i was like 14 or 15 on my own yeah i forged like a letter she was like she was young i remember her being young and being like every bit young too which she was 19 so yeah i remember her 20s relatively well you know especially her late 20s and it's such like a young girl's like life she worked retail uh-huh

She'd come home We had like spaghetti And parmesan cheese with butter Yeah It was like we were broke Yeah And then she'd stretch that phone cord out On the table

And lay on the couch She was My mom was like a size One But she wore zeros So she started She had like unbutton her pants Super skinny

She said there and like Rip cools And talk on the phone They were friends And I was Feminized so much too Because like I was just in that world

where my TV shows were like Falcon Crest. I remember, everybody says Lorenzo Llamis. Like, oh, you know, Lorenzo Llamas is renegade. I go, I remember Lorenzo Rlamas is Falcon, you know, Falcon Crest, which is a nighttime dromedy with Joan Van Ark. But I watched all those loveboat and all that stuff. A big bowl of spaghetti. Lain on my belly, twirling spaghetti.

I always said I know my mom had a good week because she would, they'd call Alpha's Pizza House. and she'd order a fried seafood combo. And I'm like, ooh, la, la. I'm like, somebody had a good week at the old, yeah. She also wore one of her resale jobs for the longest time. When I was young, she did tuxedo rental, small as formal wear, and I would go there after school and hang out.

And then when I started getting older and a little bigger, she became like a general manager of casual male big and tall. Nice. Just to get you some friends. Make sure, yeah. Hey, guess who, found some brown 34-waste jeans for a 10-year-old. Cumberbund included.

But she was, you know, she was great. My grandparents jumped in. My dad split when I was like three. Uh-huh. I just went on to have new families. Did you remember him? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I'm still, like, I'm fine with my dad, actually. Yeah. Because, like, I mean, we've probably never talked out anything we should have talked out. But, like, I also, as I get older, like, I forgive. it without even much of the talks because I'm like he was 19 when he had me. He was 22 when he left. My mom was 22 and it was a little out of sight

out of mind. I don't know if early days of, because I was young too, I was like 23 when my daughter was born. So early days, I'm like, oh, I very much remember even like the idea that I was doing comedy so I was able to go.

When they'd be like, all right, you could do this gig, but it's like one of those Wednesday to Sundays and I'm like, sweet. I'm like, I don't. off the feet a baby in the middle of the night and do whatever. You know what I mean? Like I was like happy to get it. So I'm like, when my dad's split, I think he was just like, oh, neat.

So I don't have to. So I don't have to. So I don't have to bring him with me. I think I told on him. I think I did like. Right. You busted him a couple times. I know the last one.

My mom always thought it was funny because it was like, she goes, that's a great ball you have. Where'd you that ball? I'm like, Donna gave it, whatever, you know, name. She was probably a name of her. Donna. She goes, who's Donna? Yeah, it's like the lady, uh, daddy.

Daddy hangs out with every Tuesday, whatever at the park. Daddy's kissing friend on Tuesday. Daddy's Tuesday kissing friend. His Tuesday kiss. His Tuesday kissing friend. That's who he is. Yeah, so I think I told him. But yeah, he went and then I got a stepmom when I was, I was pretty young, like five or so.

Like he married my first stepmother, Kathy, who was great. She had kids. Oh, so you saw him. He wasn't gone. Yeah, but it was, it was, my memories are all like waiting on the, Kurt Metske used to laugh so hard. Yeah. Because he would picture me

with like everything possible that a son would want it for a father, like waiting on the steps with like a number one Hulkomania finger and like a tent on my bag. And just wearing it like, headlights coming on the street and be like, this one's him. And he just wouldn't show up.

So I had more memories. I'm sure he showed up more than that particular situation, but that's like my, you know, he was always like the, you know, call seven days after my birthday and be like, bud, I called you on your birthday. You didn't answer? or like, did I?

Right. Yeah. Was that hard to adjust to? Or, I mean, it was just what you knew. It was what I knew. My grandfather and grandmother were awesome. They gave me a sense of, like, stability. And, like, they kind of let my mom go be a kid.

Right. And sort of took the responsibility of me in that regard. So in between, in between, to a block and a half away, yeah. Right. The, you know, so the change between the bowls of butter pasta and parmesan cheese, like, you know, then I go to my grandmothers and she used to make, like, back of cereal box breakfast. Like it was like a small glass of orange juice, a big glass of like whatever milk. And then like, yeah, two sweetened low packets with rice Krispies and an omelet with a happy face of ketchup. So it was great.

So I was like, you know, I mean, so I did get to have that too, which is an awesome thing. That is awesome. My grandfather passed. Then my stepfather came in. It's so funny. I always look. My step up brought all masculinity into my life except like the duties of man. Like in physical labor, I mean.

So like I have no, if something breaks in my house, there's no way. It's like I'm going to have to get back there and fix that pipe. Call someone immediately. If you were like, you know what? Like don't even wait for this. Just change your own. own breaks. I'm like,

these aren't things that I have, I wouldn't know, I don't know where to start. I know where the brakes are, I think. Right, right. No, I don't know where spark plugs go.

Yeah. That all comes from, yeah, that all comes from your parents. But my steppop came in and he was, uh, dirty comedy.

Oh, you know what I mean? Like he brought like, he was a weightlifter guy. Yeah. He brought like those things. And then ironically, enough as much as like a gym rat

kind of guy he seemed to be. Like he worked at GNC. He was young too. Yeah. My mom was young when she met him. Yeah. just like a next level savant like speed reader

genius guy and he he looks the part so of like you know what I mean is the game on you know it's like these guys suck and then go like crank weights with like a weird weightlifting shirt out in the garage and then come in and like run jeopardy and then especially when he was like then he went back when my mom got pregnant with my brother

you know he was working at GNC and he was like I guess I gotta do something better than this and my mom when my grandfather passed away went back to college got an associate's in respiratory therapy wow and so which is a good job for a two year degree especially my step-pop was just like what is it you do

and she's like respiratory therapy it's two year place ago I'll just do that and he's like aced school and they I think a hospital paid for his second year so you can go there so you just like yeah Savant guy but yeah but on the most basic level was never like, you know, my step-pop was never going to be like, hey, why don't we redo these floors? He would have no idea either.

That all comes from your, from the men in your life. But I was thinking my dad didn't have that with his dad. I met my dad's dad once, and I think it was my dad's second time meeting him. Right. We went to, at a family reunion for my first time meeting grandfathers, new wife's family. He goes, hey, your family doesn't mind if I bring in a bunch of estranged people we've never met, probably got a lot of issues to work out. Bring them. Well, if it's any consolation, my family was intact, and my father's and grandfather's and grandfathers's handyman skills were horrible.

There was never a tool. There was never a toolbox. There was just, my father would be faced with a project, go at it until it broke and then call someone. That's so funny. I have a friend, great guy, great guy, and he's like a person through our lives we've called in as a handyman. But I'm starting to realize in a lot of situations, I don't know if there's probably a good

amount of people in the right place you call that a lot of people who can do a job. job well. Yeah. A lot of people are just willing to do the job. So he's like a guy where it's like, my daughter would be like, I want a shelf. Yeah. Like to go as a crop. You know, like, not with the prongs, you know, when it just kind of comes off the

thing. And I'm like, I don't even know how to think. Yeah. And then my ex-wife will, like, call up that guy. And he comes over and you see it's like bending down. I'm like, well, I could have done it shitty. Do you know what I mean? You just, he's just a guy who goes like, I'll put it up.

And I'm like, yeah, I'm always like, I don't even want to hang. that picture because I don't know if that's a stud or not. I don't know how that sounds. The machine's never right. Right. I go, and all I'm thinking is I'm going to put a hole and then I have a big, big hole in my wall because I put it in the wrong thing for hanging a picture. I know.

I'm the same one. Some people are just like, here. And they're like, no. Here. My girlfriend will do that. And she was like crammed chalk into the hole. And I'm like, I know it's there. Bothers me.

It's just confidence. What was your first tattoo that you ever got? Oh, that was we moved to South Jersey. Jersey when I was 17. It was not Jersey when I was 17? Mm-hmm. 16.

Now, who are you at 17? Are you into metal? Are you... I was in everything, but I definitely read Wigger. For sure, yeah, because the stylish clothes, or if you were, like,

any kind of name clothes at that time, we're going to have to be, like, hip-hop-y, like, Fubu, it wasn't by choice. My heart was always... It's so funny. Somebody made one for me in my size, and it's just not a flattering shirt at all,

but like when I was a kid I always wanted the three-quarter length sleeve, the Zeppelin Angel. Like everyone cool, I saw it, had that shirt. The solid blue sleeves. It was like a softball shirt or something it looks like. And I always had like the angel. I was like, damn, that's the shirt. Those are cool. But it was just never in my side.

You know, those were always in the small people's size. So I went with the hip-hop thing. But like... Oh, really? Just had a size. My personality wasn't really that. Where that helped me, organically was when I started in the black comedy circuit.

Like, that's where I started out. And, like, already looking at the part, like, bought me a, Kurt Metzker. Right. Before you said a word sometimes, they'd be like, you khaki pants wearing goofy motherfuck. And at least I, you know, I'd go up there and they'd be like, all right, see what he's got.

And then if you were on the panda like I was. What would you, what would you buy on a state? Oh, a Fubu jersey or whatever. I had a, at one point I just leaned into it big time and got like, Like I had a chain, like a big silver, you know, sterling silver from the mall. Yeah. Chain with like, I think I had a cross. I'm Jewish.

I had a cross, a Wu-Tang symbol at one point. I would have went, I did all of them. Nice. And when we moved, I found out there was a place. To Jersey? In Jersey, South Jersey called Jersey Devil Tattoo. It still exists. I've driven by it recently.

And they were the place notorious, like you can do the same thing with the earring. Like you can get a fake. Oh, I was saying when I got my ear, my mom was furious. Oh, really? And told me to take it out

before she gets home, which was very painful and difficult, but I did it because I was afraid. Yeah. When my little brother was 11, she took him to get his ears pierced.

It was weird. My mom now has tattoos, which is funny. It's funny. But my first one, so they go, yeah, this place will do it.

So I went and I was like, yeah, and I got J-A-Y. Uh-huh. I mean, old English letters. They were, half an inch each. It was so little.

On my big arm. Just a little tiny. Tine, but I just wanted to get it and be like, look at that. Look who's got a tattoo now. Technically, I have a tattoo. It's tiny. And I was like, and it's up high. So like, why would my mom ever see that?

Here's why. Every day after school, we would go, especially when I went in Jersey, because it was like a big culture of this there. Like, you could just go play basketball after school for hours. Yeah. Rec center. There was outdoor courts. It was always,

me and all my friends would go. So I wore a sleeveless shirt. One day, and I came home. I mean the next day after I got it. And I take off, I'm wearing a zip-up hoodie. I remember,

and I'm going upstairs. I'm like, Mom, I got it or whatever. And I remember just doing that and then going, like, she probably didn't notice that. And she was like, what's that? I was like, what? She's like, on your arm there. I go, oh, and my stepfather is trying to cover my ass.

He's going, like, it's fake, Terry. Oh, worry, it's fake. Is that fake? I go, yeah, it's like, she goes, come here, right now. And I walk over there, and on a brand new tattoo, she starts thumbnail scratching it. I was like, it's real, it's real, it's real. And I got in a lot of trouble for that. You did?

Yeah, I was like, well, I was a senior at that age, and like I started younger. Right. I have a December birthday, so it's that decision. Yeah. So I was, you know, one of the younger. a scene but my mom when she found that she's like you know what happened here how did this happen

I go there's like a tattoo parlor like doesn't care like to let kids get tattoos with it and my mom goes where I'm driving over there right now I'm gonna have a place shut down and she took the car away from me in any capacity

for like half a year because that was the deal was like I was like I would do anything please don't I'm already the new kid in school yeah Please don't make me. And also the new kids of school came in his mom ruined everyone's,

like a cool tattoo place. Right off the bat. And she goes, but other kids are going to get tattoos? They go, please let that be there. I promise you, I won't do this again until I'm 18. I promise. And I didn't. I was like, I won't do it again until I'm 18.

But please, God, don't make me. And she was like she didn't. To her credit, she didn't do it. So how do you turn into, how do you turn towards metal and stuff? It was never a turn to. I grew up. That's why I find it. Everyone's like.

The mix is so... Yeah. It's... I think I said this on the show. When I'm driving in a car in a long drive, like 80 soft rock, you know, so it Ambrosia and all that kind of stuff. Right.

But when I was younger, the influences were... My mom was all pop and stuff playing in the car. She just didn't overly care. Like, top 40. She didn't really have like a... This is My music thing. Yeah.

My step-pop came and brought, like, bands like Boston. and like a little more classic Rocky Kiss. Yeah. Stuff that my dad, in the limited things, were like Pink Floyd and Bowie, and I listened to those to, like, feel some kind of connection.

You know what I mean? Like, I'll hope you think it's so cool. I know the wall. Right, yeah. And so I love those. And then I had my dad's first family, or second family, I guess, before the one he is now.

Yes. Older stepbrothers there. So I'd go there and they had, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, more things like that. Yeah, yeah. And then Guns and Roses came out, and that was like, to me, that was the first thing that was like, that's mine. That's my music completely.

And I loved it. But it was, but it never was like, and then also my grandfather and grandmother, like, you know, not so much. I mean, I know the music of like the don't sit under the apple tree and the boogie-bugy boy. That was my grandfather, love Glenn Miller and that kind of stuff.

Yeah, yeah. But also like Barbara Streisand, who I started. still love to this day. You know, I mean, I just love Barber Stride. And I'd go to a Barber Strise and concert. I think that surprises people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, yeah, I'm across the board with music.

There's no real, like that thing. But as far as, like, the look I've always great. People make fun of, like, especially my age now, and like, you have a wallet chain and blah, blah, blah, blah, and the fingerless gloves and everything. And the ownership I have over it couldn't be more where I'm just like, yeah, man, I wish I would address how I wanted to as a kid more. I didn't. I tried to do everything that everybody was doing.

Right. And scurrying for, like, the look of the time where I was like, my heart, I'm like, I should have been like a safety pin earring guy. And so that's what I wanted to do. But I was like, those kids are even more like made fun of than I am. You know, I'm like, so let me just throw on like whatever to stylish. But that was the best, too, is my poor grandmother taking me school clothes shopping and like watching her fat grandson try to do the styles of the day.

And my best one was a. She took me for School Clothes shopping And I got MC Hammer Pants You remember those? Oh yeah The big Zubas

But yeah The bottom was like the crotch Was like down to the ankles Or to the knees And I went to a store More bootleggy stuff One they didn't call them Hammer Pants They called them Bobby Brown pants

Which I thought was funny The only ones they had in my size Even though they're like Elastic Waste Pretty much like drawstring things still my size was it was bright gold like a golden color almost like this like the bag and my grandmother the funniest thing was my grandmother and ananita her friend i had anananita these two old ladies uh bought pairs also because they were like this will be good to walk around the school that was

their exercise they walk around the schoolyards and so sometimes sometimes when i was at recess i see my grandma and an annaita walking around and hammer pants like walking around the school yard. That's amazing. But when I went home that night, my mom and step pop would always be like, well, let's see. Yeah. You know, my grandmother would take me school because she had money. Yeah.

Not even a lot of money. She just more money than my mom and step up. And she was like, I'll do that. I'll take him for a school clothes. Yeah. And she kind of let me, like, pick what I, you know, she would just believe me. I'm like, this is the style. You know, I know they don't make Cavaricies.

But Hugo Boss makes a nice pleaded pant. And, uh, pleaded pants. And I'm going, and I remember, like, show. and, you know, I put on my jeans and my sweatshirts or whatever to show my parents, and they're like, it's fine, it's fine. And they weren't, they were more just like, what did you get? It wasn't even like, they weren't going like, that's appropriate, that's not appropriate. And I just came out and I go, oh, and here's what I'm pretty excited about.

And I came out in those gold MC Hammer pants. I always describe a Def Jam laughing because, like, they're, like, laughing so hard on that couch. And I'm standing with my legs, like, close, you know, I'm standing, like, straight up. You haven't even done. My legs close. And they see, though, how wacky, baggy these things are in the middle. And my step pop, I remember just going and he goes, what's, like, between laughs, he's like, what's all that shit in the middle?

What's all that shit in the middle? And then I went, oh, I mean, like, I'm seeing how. And then when I stretched my legs open, I mean, they were, like, all, like, slapping each other, like, they couldn't control themselves. Those pants became, like, my sick pants. Like, if I was in bed for a couple days, like, because they're super comfortable, but I would never. And we moved, eventually when we moved when I was, like, 16 or something,

I remember going the bottom of my drawer, and I'm like, oh, wow, it's a hammer pants. That's amazing. So never put them on to school once. And I said they saved me from, like, looking like a fool. Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. It's so funny. It's so the picture of you just kind of like into your cool pants.

I made a lot of those mistakes. With the reaction you're not thinking they're going to give you. I made so many of those mistakes. I did a, my stepbrothers were skinny, like cool looking kids. Yeah. And one year for Christmas, my dad got us all the same really ugly, like yellow with like some paisley patterns on it, like button-down shirt.

Oh, ugly. Yeah. But these skinny brothers in my, you know, at a time of like style and stuff, I think they put on like a hat of some sort and a half top underneath it. And at the time, I was like, you know, these guys look so cool. And then I'm going back to my life during the weekdays. And I said, one time I think my mom didn't let me go to school where with my gut, hanging out of a half top

on that same show. I tried to do it and she was like, no. Yeah. I tried when I saw the Def Leopard video for pour some sugar on me when he's got all the cuts in the jeans. I thought it was just, I don't know there was a process

to making those cuts look like that. So I just took a scissor whack like every couple inches on some pants, my husky jeans. Yeah. And it looked like it's stung by a thousand bees. It would be like dark blue jeans, a slice and a fat bubble of skin

and then another, it would. You're the wranglers. And then the other, and then my, the one of the few ones I walked home from school in the middle of the day, just going like, I'm leaving and if I get in trouble,

I get in trouble. Yeah. Was when the movie Roadhouse came out. Swayze. The last 30 minutes of the movie. Yeah. He's wearing a karate gleege as a shirt. It's tucked into jeans with a belt.

And on Patrick Swayze's little frame, it looks awesome. It even looks cool when he's fighting and it comes out of little bit. It's like, you know, and I wore the karate Giza shirt. I remember the first time just adjusting it all, and I'd get that bunch up right there. I'm like, you just see like little fat titties like soon. And I was like, enough people laugh at that that I was like, I'm going home and we're just going to walk away from this one. It's so funny because at the same

time I'm in North Jersey trying to be Springsteen. Yeah. Who were like at that time was wearing like a real cool leather vest, but I couldn't afford leather rest of mine was just like felt. Oh, I also It's all such Jersey dumb I also did the move when we moved In I guess 93 It was to South Jersey

That was actually really hilarious 93 or 94 we moved I think 93 Yeah We moved out there I also had that moment of all like Well I'm also going to new school Like I'm a clean slate here Right

Who am I going to be And one of the fails was There was a pool hall But it was like four teenagers You can go to Yeah I think adults could, but it was just like, I think it was no booze. It was just like a pool hall.

Yeah. It seemed like a cool place. Maybe I'll go be, show my face from there, shoot some pool by myself for a little bit, see what happens. And I went in a, I went 90210 for some reason. It was a gray sweatshirt. Yeah. Sleeves, like the short sleeves rolled up. Black, you know, shiny back vest with like the pattern on the front.

And gee, like, Joey Long. And that was another one. I'm just like, do it. I'm like, what? Oh, I think that was the first day I found. I think it was the first day I found out that gray sweatshirts really show armpit sweat. Under my vest. Oh, it's so hard.

Just a mess. Do you get, will you get more tattoos now? How many tattoos do you have in total? Do you know that? I mean, because a lot of them mushing together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of the things get covered up. It's funny.

My daughter loves tattoos and she's gotten a couple. and it's I've got her to stop simply because she's telling her I go Look I'm not anti-tattoo Obviously I'm not saying I go One see where you're What's the actual direction you want your life to go Before you start making crazy decisions

Right Two get a good artist Because that's why I said I did it all at her age And younger even I go but Most of my adult like tattoos Are covering up like

Shitty stuff I had Just dumb stuff Yeah But yeah I would get more for sure Yeah I'd keep good Nothing, I wouldn't do anything like face or anything like that. But again, I...

Right. I know, it's like the new frontier is face tattoos. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a real, like... Real statement.

If you don't like it, I... semi-regret even, like, the hands, which is sort of recent, too. But, like... Oh, really? I just think I wish I would have thought about it, maybe more what I was going to do with them. But like, like, I said, if it makes sense, it all kind of goes... Like, if you do something and people, like, know who you are, like, things become iconic when they're not even, like, like, like supposed to be.

Yeah. Which is kind of interesting. I was, yeah. I wore a G.G. Allen shirt yesterday. And I've been, I've been watching a bunch of a documentaries on him again recently.

And like, his tattoos are horrible. But like when you see him like, right. In the, it's like, well, that's him. Yeah. In the totality, it's cool.

It's just like, life sucks, scum fuck. I'm like, what? But when you see it on him, you're like, oh, there's a tattoo. You know,

it's like, oh, there's the thing. Yeah. You can see it peeking through. Yeah. Yeah. I got Madeline Lyrics that I'm getting covered up

because those didn't age well. Oh, no. I never took in consideration, me too, to lyrics I'd get tattoos in my arm. Oh, my God. And then they quietly dropped all charges against them, but I'm like... Did they really?

Yeah, but you're still like, but... You know what? Let's just go ahead and not. Let's just not have them. Yeah, this is still up for debate. I know. I think about that of my Woody Allen back tattoo. do.

Full side. It's Steve O'nob giving the yeah, dude I rule. Yeah, it's just giant witty Allen. Is him holding the soap gun? Yeah. How long are you going to be in L.A. for? Two more days. Two more days.

Yeah. And then I spoke in and then Austin for the last of the press. Nice. On the road, at least. That's good. You getting good love off the special? As well, since it's not at least internally. Yeah, yeah.

Like the people I've shown it to, yeah. Cool. have been good. So I hope that it's, I've never, like, paid for it all before and saw that kind of thing. So it's great. It's great in so many ways,

too, I do love that I own it. Yeah. I'm proud of it, for sure, which is great, but it's just like, I don't know what the steps? You know what I mean? Like, what do you do if this doesn't?

Like, there's such a bar set, also with the self-production because the thing with, like, Netflix, yeah. It's just like people, are people talking about it or are they're not talking about it? It's really all you can get down to it.

Did you gain some followers? or you're not getting some followers? Yeah. The fact, you can go every day and be like, and only four people checked it out today. You're like, okay, that sucks to know. Right, exactly. Yeah.

And even if it comes out of the gates, like on fire and you get to that thing, there is just going to be a day. You know, I remember Ari's special is a great example of that. And they will. I've talked to everybody enough to, like, they'll hit walls and then another round of promotion or something else you do comes up and it gets, you know, millions more. Yeah.

But in that first thing, I remember Ari was, like, climbing. Where I was nervous is he produced my special with the same crew. Right. where I was like, well, this is sort of the bar standard. You know what I mean? And I saw his thing get up to like $5.5 million in the first month or a little less. And I was like, wow, that is amazing. And then I looked the other day and it's like $5.6 million.

Now, it changes nothing. It's not an insult because still $5.6. If it never moves again, it's a successful special. But you just go, it's like, oh, wow, though. It does just want, like when you get to $5 million, you're even like, this is insane. And then when it doesn't get to $6, like three months later, you're like, what happened? Right. And they're like, it's a lot of people, man.

But you're like, yeah. Seems like everything was rolling. We were all going to see that. Yeah, exactly. It is great, though. I mean, there was such a roster of really good people that have done it this way. Yeah. And it's a cool, it's like a cool moment for that.

Well, that was, you know, Netflix and all those things, which are great. You know what I mean? I would have loved to do another one, but I get the position there in with stuff too. Yeah. I'm a risk in that regard. guard because like I'm not well you know I'm not like a

when it comes out everyone who goes on Netflix isn't going to be like oh shit you know yeah like the Chappelle like the new Chappelle's specials out yeah yeah people will be like who's this

and the fans will know but like yeah but yeah the self-promote like I never like said that the much stress in this

is surprising that's what I was like what it was going to take what this stress of going out and promoting yeah because I said it was not like when I did Netflix stuff

before everything too. Right, right. Yeah, I do a couple of phoners. Right. And it just goes up on there. And I did the Comedy Central one. I did a phone.

I did a phone. I did a phone. I did a phoneer with the guy who became notoriously the guy who got like Shane Gilles fired from S&L. Oh, God. And it's so funny because like the change, talk about people doing the change of heart. And happened to Louie, too, I saw in articles.

Uh-huh. Was, uh, I mean, this guy wrote, I think of one of these things like, a modern day Mark Twain. Like, or somebody called me, like, you know, a, Filthy Mark Twain, this guy. And then, like, you know, cut to three years later, he's like, this Nazi is racist, homophobic. Yeah, you're like, what happened?

Yeah. Well, people started writing about identity politics. Yeah, exactly. It kind of infiltrated comedy. It's kind of embarrassing when you read some reviews, and it's all about that. Yeah. And you realize how little they know about comedy. I know.

Just stick to your beat. They harp on the weirdest stuff. Yeah, it's like that has nothing to do with the experience that the community. media or the audience is having. There has nothing to do with it. Nothing. Yeah. It's like writing about like NASCAR and and talking, you know, only about rubber products.

Yeah. That's, yeah, sure, there's rubber involved, but it's not the thrust there. Yeah, it's not the thrust of the whole thing. Well, this is great. I'm glad you can come and do this. Thank you for having me, man. Yeah. This is a blast.

The special is called Dog Belly. Yes, indeed. On YouTube. I hope you enjoy all your treats. Yeah, they look great. Make yourself a big bowl of spaghetti with some butter and parmesan tonight. Get some butter and parmesan?

You know, when I stayed, I was thinking this is a funny L.A. thing. When I first came, one of the first times I came out here to do something with Ari, Ari was like, I'm out of town, but you and Christine can use my place.

I'm like, wow, that's huge. And it was when he lived on sunset right by the comedy store in this weird little courtyard apartment complex. Yeah. We went in there and we was kind of looking around Ari's like Bachelor Life, which, you know, he's got a girlfriend now.

It's different, like his living situation now. Yeah. But he himself is just a guy who's like, he doesn't give a shit about that stuff. Yeah. And we went in there and I remember we looked in the fridge at one point, see if they drink and it was like four already opened and used like Parmesan cheese. And then we opened up one of the cabinets. and he had like three unopened Parmesan cheeses.

And on top of his fridge, in case they don't need to be refrigerated, he had two other Parmesan cheeses. And then I swear. I asked him if it was a joke and he said, no. He started laughing. He goes, no, it's not a joke. And then on his refrigerator was a magnet and like one piece of paper. And it said, to do list.

The number four was buy parm cheese. What do you do? He's like, I ate a lot of spaghetti. I go, yeah, but man, that's too much parme cheese. He's so uniquely funny, Ari. He really is. He's just so his own. I love it, though.

I love like that he just goes for it. I know. I wish we all had that balls sometimes. I know, because there's nothing calculated about it. It's just that natural, you know, I'm not going to really entertain the normal way to live. It's so natural because when they go, Ari, no, he always has like, what? Right. Yeah.

You can't take his shit in the middle of a national zoo or something. I don't get it. Yeah. You can't shit into a lion's... It's an lion habitat. It's so funny. Great seeing you. Great seeing you.

Enjoy the rest of you. Thank you, man. Thank you so much. We got it, Joey. That's the big show, guys. That's it. Big J. O'Kerson, go see a special. Go watch it.

Like it. Give him some love. He's running around, doing the right thing, promoting it. Listen to him on Sirius XM on the bonfire with the great Robert Kelly. Used to be with Dan Soder now, Robert Kelly.

Great show, great community, and Skangfest, of course. It's always a good thing and a good time. Go to Tompapa.com. The tour is up and available. We forgot the book again, Joey. We've got to show the people the book. We're all on this together, so make some room. I will talk to you next time, either with a great French experience or it might be

tomorrow. I might be right back here tomorrow. just doing a podcast by myself and drinking this wine and eating French cheese at the new studio. You're the best.