Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 152 - Ian Bagg Returns

Episode Date: April 25, 2023

My pal, the great Ian Bagg is back! Naturally funny and full of bread! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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the right support and a few breakthroughs, it becomes something more. Make RBC Training Ground your breakthrough moment. Start your journey to Team Canada today at rBC trainingground.ca. It's time for breaking bread with Papa. Hey, it's time for breaking bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa.

I am Tom Papa. very excited to welcome the hilarious Ian Bagg back to the program, very funny comedian, good friend from the very beginning of my stand-up career, Ian and I were banging around New York, telling jokes, and it's so great that he's coming on. And I really, excuse me, I'm really excited to have him on because there's a trend happening on social media of people doing crowdwork,

people shooting crowdwork and sharing it, etc. And this is going to be the thing that's going to blow Ian up because there's no one funnier at crowdwork in the country than Ian Bagg. He's so quick, he's so good, and that the world is going to see more of this. He's one of these people who's just naturally funny. There's people who are funny, and then there are people who are just naturally funny and people who learn to be funny

Ian, it just oozes out of them and I just know that the timing of this podcast is going to be perfect because he's going to grow very, very quickly from this moment on and I just want credit. That's why I'm having him on. I'm getting over a little bit of a cold.

I hope it doesn't bother you too much. I'm doing my best to not sound nasally, but that's just the way it rolls, guys. I am in a, what do you call it when you, remember when that kid on Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory, he ate something and turned into a, oh no, it was the girl, right? Yeah, the girl ate something blueberry and turned into a blueberry.

Joey, do you remember that? Was it violet? You're turning violet, violet, right? Turned into a blueberry. And then she swall up into a big, is swall a word? You swell up and she has swollen. She swole up? She turned into a big fat blueberry.

And they didn't know what was going to happen with her. And then the oompa lumpus come and they take you away. they took Augustus Gloop out of the chocolate and they take the goose lady. They took Violet to the de-juicing room and they were going to squeeze all the juice out of her, bring her back to size. I feel like that's where I'm at right now. I ate so much when I was rolling through Europe and then came home and rolled right into Easter. And there's just, you know, there was bagels and stuff from our Easter brunch.

And then there was in Kish. and hams and all these wonderful things. And then Easter baskets and chocolates and chocolate eggs all hanging around the house. And, you know, I was raised not to waste things. So I have to eat them all. And that's what I've been doing. So I went from Paris into Easter. So I feel like the Lord would want me to eat all of this stuff.

And now I'm at max capacity. I am now a swollen blueberry and I need to be squeezed out. So forgive me if I'm not going to go pontificate about all the beautiful things that I'm making right now because I'm just trying not to eat. I'm trying to put things out on the counter so they go stale so I don't feel guilty about throwing them out. And watch as my wife just eats the Easter money. She likes to scrape it off into peanut butter and have at it. say, go for it.

And then quietly, I'm not eating any of it. You got to de-juice once in a while. I love Ian Bagg. He is hilarious. You are going to love this conversation. He is a dear, dear friend. And let's jump right into it. Ian Bagg.

Hi, Ian. Hello, Tom. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me to this political podcast. So, the vote comes down tomorrow. Pretty excited about it. People are saying that you're going to flip, is it true? It is true, but not true at the same time.

I am so excited for your hockey podcast because, you know, I was a Ranger fan back when we met. Yeah. And then they were so bad for so long. I followed them as a child. And then they won the Stanley Cup and they beat Vancouver. Even though I'm wearing a dollar. And then they went in the shitter for a good 12 years. Yes.

Well, while they had the gorgeous sweetest goaltender, they have been pretty good. Right. They got to the finals one year, right? Right. But they did go into the shitter for a bit. A long time. Yeah. A long dry spell.

And it was also like when I was moving to L.A. And things like that. People were bugging you about it. People were bugging me. But it was like, you know, when you're not home, you're not watching your local team as much. and I'm all I'm just saying this and this is why I had you here today just to admit to you because we were old friends

and I just wanted you to know that I have not been following hockey that much Tom I'm going to be honest with you I had a feeling unless your team was absolutely going to the finals I was pretty sure you were not going oh the Rangers are playing tonight I love you and I know you love the Rangers

I loved it I loved it for so long And Lucian used to hook us up with tickets to the Rangers every so often. Lucian, the manager of the comic strip. Yeah. Yeah, he would once in a while. Yeah, he would. So, but you're, I mean, look, it's also, it's natural because you're Canadian to love all things. How can you play hockey, you grew up playing hockey.

Yeah. When we were in New York, he used to play at Chelsea Peers with a bunch of actors and fancy people. Who was the-G Fitzsimmons? Greg Fitzsimmons. Greg Fitzsimmons. would play. Tim Robbins. Tim Robbins would play.

Rob Carlson. Remember Rob? Yeah, he played. And there was a couple other actors, shady characters. Yeah. We played in a police fire league. And it was during the day. So we played, there was two games.

There was one at 11 or it was one at one. Right. And you'd play one of those games. But it was the Secret Service, CIA. What? Three fire department teams, three NYPD teams. And then. actors and people that worked at the rink.

That was our team. So a bunch of people who could arrest you and then Derlich. Yes. They were the filthiest guys on the ice. And you finally take it out on cops, right? Right. And I was always concerned about the Secret Service. That's the team that really bothered me a lot.

Yeah. Because I'd always have fake money on me. And you played in that league for a while. It was good. Fitzsimmons played on our team, and we won the championship. Whoa. Yeah, and Tim Robbins took us all out for steak dinner. He did?

Yeah. Wow. Shawshank Redemption. Yeah. Yeah, movie money. Jeez. It was crazy. He was confused.

He was confused that nobody else was picking up the bill. No. He loved it. He was like these poor comics. Yeah. We were very poor at the time. Oh, so poor. So poor.

Living in some shady, shady places. Yeah. I can't believe we found food. Do you know that, I remember that street that we lived on? Do you remember? Yeah. Do you remember because you'd be over a line? Do you remember we had a mosquito problem?

Yes. Okay. Well, when we moved, the street collapsed and there was an underground lake there, and that's why there was so many mosquitoes. No. An underground lake on the Upper East Side. And then all of a sudden, just the whole street collapsed. Whoa. That's amazing.

Well, they say like Manetta Tavern next to the comedy cell. Yeah, yeah. It's now like a hot spot. Really? And it was like just this, it's been a restaurant forever. And it's Mineta Lane goes, like, it's a weird street that kind of wanders behind the comedy cellar. Yeah. And then Manetta taverns on the corner.

And that is an old, it was like the Manetta Creek or something. Really? Like Indian times. Nice. Native American times. Never heard of them. It was a creek that ran through there. And it's, they say if you go below, the creek is.

still there. Really? Yes. Crazy how. I know. That just used to be nothing. Nothing. And you just think of it as always being buildings, but it was at one point.

Yeah. Nothing. Nothing. Like you could, yeah, you could just wander through the woods of it. Yeah. It used to be New Jersey. It used to look like New Jersey. Yeah.

So insane. So, yeah. So I've been, but then I was like, now that I know the Rangers are good. You're back. and I'm like, why haven't I not? Because there's always that gap. I love baseball. And there's always that gap between like Super Bowl and all that fun stuff and baseball.

There's always like a little... Okay, tell me, do you love baseball because of the game or do you love going just to hang with friends? Because of the game. Really? Yeah. Do you think the game's too long? The social part of it is part of it. It's a game too long?

Mm-mm. No. They're doing all these things to make it quicker. And it makes me so angry. Really? Because I just don't, I don't have that kind of time, especially the fact that there's 180 games. Yeah. I don't have four hours to give, to take away out of my life and go sit at a baseball.

I know. And this is where the way I watch kind of plays, I don't have to watch every pitch. Out here, it comes on, like a night game is 4 o'clock. Right. So I throw it on. If nothing's going on, I'll sit and watch some of it. sometimes watch all of it if I'm just like doing whatever. It's a game you could watch while you're doing your emails.

You can definitely do stuff during baseball. Yeah. It's not as intense as hockey. I have a joke about it's too long if you have to make people stretch halfway through so they don't get deep vein thrombosis. There's a problem. And also out here, they're making you stretch because once you leave the park, you've got to run.

So you need to stretch right. So the Dodger fans don't attack you. Yeah, you don't want to be killed. So you just got to be, make sure you're stretching. Getting ready to leave. That's what that stretching is about. Yeah, it is a good pay. But I always liked it.

Like, my grandfather was in it. I just love the pace of it. Or something you do with your grandfather? Yeah, he took me to a couple games, but it was just always on TV. And he was like the Mickey Mantle, DiMaggio. He grew up with like the classics. Right. So it was definitely a bonding.

Do you know if the game was quick? quicker than? I'm sure it was. Probably was. There was a lot less going on. A lot less advertisement. Probably no commercial breaks, all that kind of stuff. But I feel like if you shorten the game, you're not getting hockey fans to be like, oh, good, it's short. I'm coming over. They don't care. Yeah, you're either in or you're out. So if you love it, who cares if it takes a while? I like, I really like October. Yeah, just as a month in general. Yeah, but baseball in October.

Yeah. Chili. Chili. The team's a little bit cold. They want to get it done. Sometimes they're going to play in Cleveland where it's really cold. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's hockey. I'm from Canadian. I'm from Canada and this is hockey. It's getting cold. There's going to be ice. You know what I like? Exactly. If there's a chance of somebody slipping, I like it.

I saw the cutest Instagram reels of two little kids playing hockey. Uh-huh. Like little like four years old And the one kid's standing Next to the Next to the wall And the other kid is coming for him Like slower than maple syrup

He's just slowly coming And you're like Is this kid gonna go for a check? He gets up to him And bam It's the kid He falls over He's like what do you do it

You're my friend Why would you do that to me? We're on the ice It's time to fight There's one kid he's probably You know, he's tiny, and he plays goalie, and his dad's miced him up. Yeah. And you can hear him talking him.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You got this. Yeah. It's pretty good.

Yeah. My Instagram is all, uh, it's all babies and motivational people. That you follow? Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Uh, you got a lot of stretching. You got a lot of stretching.

A lot of, I like the hip people helping you with your hips. Uh, I like that. Yeah. I like, uh, there's a couple animal people that I follow because I just have. have wacky animals. Do you ever get a nature is metal? No. You ever see that one?

No. Ooh. Really? It's just hardcore death. Really? Animal on animal. Oh. Yeah.

You're like, why is this grasshopper with that tarantula? Yeah. And then you're like, oh. Holy shit. And then a snake comes out of nowhere and eats them both. Yeah, exactly. Nature is metal. It's pretty, it's.

Nature is metal. And another guilty pleasure. MED or T? T, like metal. Metal. Yeah. And, uh, kids hurting themselves.

I think it's the name of the account. It's got like 40 million followers. It's kids just falling off like chairs and whatever. Some of them, you feel bad for laughing. You know, it goes overboard. Do you think when they don't show longer, that means somebody got really hurt? Yeah.

There was a kid that took a header off the monkey bars. And they flip over to him and he's just laying there, not moving. And then they cut out. It was like short enough to be a joke But not long enough For you're socially Or morally committed You're like oh

I guess I won't have to help him up I found one not too long ago Where there's A lady filming her husband And he's beside the bed And he's meditating She goes what are you doing He goes I'm meditating

She's never meditated before He goes I need to change Right He's like I'm tired of it Because I just have no self-control I have no, I'm an animal. Like, when it comes to food, they open the gate and I guess, and he's just really upset, right?

And he's just like, I got to change. I got to change. Yeah. And then she goes, are you hungry? And he goes, yeah. Do you want to go get breakfast? Yeah. I'm glad there's more than just me out there.

Yeah. There is no part of me that I only stop eating because I know it. wrong. Yeah. Like I fall asleep. I don't get full. I don't have, I don't have, like, no desire to eat.

Yeah. I only do it because I know it's wrong. How about people that don't enjoy eating? I'm just like, I don't get it. Why are you here? Right, exactly. Yeah, that's why people take pictures of food,

talking about Instagram. Yeah. You know, it used to be like a, like a hacky joke of the go, people taking pictures of their food. Next to, love and making love, food is an experience. Yeah. That is a sensual, great, yeah.

Yeah, it's really close to all those two things. Yeah. I can't even say making love without wanting food. What did you eat today? Right now we're as a recording. Oatmeal. It's noon. I had oatmeal this morning.

That's good. Yeah, it's free cholesterol. Healthy. And then who knows? Last night, though, we went to this place, this taco place near us. they have got the best salsa in the world. Really? The best sauce.

And we go for the salsa, but I had the tacos. I had the three. Have you ever read this? The potato taco? So good. So good. So good. So good.

That's a vegetarian taco that my family always gets. Really? Love it. So good. So good. I brought you bread. Did you make it? Did you make it?

Because I just got home from... Here's a question. There's a lot of questions from my wife. She's like, you're going to see Tom Papa. Can you ask him some questions? Yes. Let's do it. And she, and this is what she said to me.

She goes, when you're there, does it smell like the bed's breaking? Like the bread is baking. She thought we were doing it in your house while you were baking. And I was like, no, that's not how it works. That's not how podcasts work. It's like TV, right? So she goes, she goes, I need to know what he bakes it in. Okay.

Is it some sort of? Dutch oven. Dutch oven, that's what you said. Yep. Which, when she said that to me, I would just thought it turned into a teenager, instantly and just started giggle. Fart under my mind. That's not how he cooks it.

And then she wants to know what kind of salt you use. I use a fine sea salt. Is there a particular place that you get it, where it's the country it comes from? No, it's a, it's U.S. It's a, it's a blue container. I'll look it up. Look it up, but it's really fine.

It's fine, yeah. Some, a lot of recipes call for kosher salt. Mm-hmm. Which I find too coarse. And if you're building gluten, which are these strands, that's the structure for your bread. Right. It makes sense for it to be fine and not interfere with it.

Have you fought with bakers about this? No. Do you have many bakers on the show? Yes. I had one yesterday. What did he say? Sandra Bullock's sister. Gazina Bullock Prado.

No, they're German and something else. What's a Gazina? Gazina. She's a baking war. She fights while she can bake. She moved to Vermont and bakes. She left the movie business, lives in Vermont and is this world-class baker. How'd you get her?

Is that a curiosity? I knew she had a book. I'm taking this over. I knew she had a book. Celtic sea salt. Is that what it is? Yes. No, here it is.

Here you go. Baleen. Labeline. Labeline. From the Mediterranean. Mediterranean preserve. I'm fanciergeer than I thought. Yeah, you're not.

I can screenshot it and send it to you. Why, does your wife bake bread? She bakes, she bakes and she wants to do bread. So she wanted to know. I will guide her. I've got some good YouTube videos. Yeah. I'd say mediocre YouTube videos on how to make bread.

Okay. They're informative, though. But she also should get flour, water, salt, and yeast. Those things, not just salt. That book. Oh, I thought you were giving her ingredients. That is the only ingredients. but does she have a starter?

I don't, she's got, I have no idea. Like a goo and a jar in the fetch. No, she does not. She needs that. I like it, I'm just like, I have no idea. Does she have a starter? We don't even have a barbecue. Now, I know you, you're, you have a love-hate relationship with bread.

Yeah. Sometimes you're in, sometimes you're in. I'm in right now, full on. Yeah. All right, good. Yeah, full on. These are my pals from Lodge Bread. And how did you become buddies with them and why do you love them?

I'm taking over. I love doing. the podcast. I love talking to comedians, my friends. But when I have a baker on, it's like I'm meeting Elvis. You weren't into baking bread

when we were first time. When we were poor, no. How did, this is something that just came about because you needed something to let your mind relax? No, I always like cooking. I was always a cook. Yeah?

Varing degrees. I remember that. And I was in a writer's room, and my friend Max was talking about sourdough bread and how it's made. Like with a sourdough starter, I had no idea that sourdough starter was. I just found out. It's like a glob of living yeast. That's where the first yeast came from. And so he's telling me all about it.

And then my daughter, for Christmas, I told the story at dinner. And then at Christmas, my daughter gave me. started a starter. She took flour and water and put it in a bowl. Nice. Let the yeast from the air go in and start eating and become bubbly. And she gave it to me. So I made my first loaf of bread off of that.

And I don't know, Ian. It just... Steam rolled. I just got hooked. I was like, the process was great. It wasn't as precise as baking. It is baking, but it's not like, you know, pastry. And I just kept getting better at it.

And it fit with, like, writing. Like when I was home, working on my books and stuff, it takes three days to make a loaf of bread. So I'd be writing, and then you have to get up and take a break, and you go and tend to the dough. Then you go back to writing, then you come back, you do the next step. And it just became, it's very much like stand-up in that you keep working at it, keep chipping away, it gives you rewards, you fail, you get better at it. You still fail. It's very humbling, but you are improving. We think you've got it, but you don't.

Exactly. Yeah, okay. Exactly. All right. So that's where the addiction. So my wife bakes, my wife bakes, and I've got actually a pretty interesting story about Christmas time. Yeah. I bought, so we live on the beach, and beside us is four bungalows.

Okay. Right. And we live in a duplex. And I bought, for the neighborhood, I just put up lights in between us, right? Right. But they're going to be year-round lights. Uh-huh. And I put it up.

And we actually got a new oven, and my wife was doing a lot of baking. Right. So we get the power bill in January, and my wife is like, you got to take those lights down. Our power bill jumped $130. It's those lights, and I'm like, it's not the three strands of lights. 10-wobles. She was baking so much, $130 worth of power. It's impressive.

You really got to check with what oven you get. Yeah. You probably have a gas oven. We have gas. Yeah, well, we have electric, and that's just stupid. My gas, like, I've had my, like, these are big ovens that have, you know you never have to fix and my guy's been in two or three times because i burn it out nice because i'm good for you cranking it out i love that yeah it is great it really is

it's great i just love it to death so anyway when i have these when i have uh when i know that someone has a cookbook coming out like gizena i reach out to their people and um they're willing to talk a lot of times yeah all these are books from on the the table. These are all books from people I've spoken to. That's great. Yeah. And it's not, and it's just a small portion of it. Do you do your own pizza dough as well? Yeah, I'm not great at it. I haven't really focused in. Yeah. I'm not that, uh, it's a, it's, it's a big sloppy endeavor pizza. That's funny. But you love, you love, you doing your bread. Yeah. And I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I just, yeah. Good for you. I just, yeah. Good. That's Awesome.

So. When you first said that you were in a writer's room, I'm like, you didn't have anything. So what I did was, I baked them bread, kept my job. Right, exactly. I wasn't funny. So I was able to keep it going. Yeah. Same way I played hockey a little bit.

Just kept everybody chirped on the bus. How is Vancouver this year? Horrible. Horrible. Is that why you're wearing the Dallas stars? I thought I grabbed something else and I grabbed this. This is because Pete DeBore and Steve Spot coached the team, and they, I do shows for their teams every so often.

So, and now they're coaching in Dallas. You do a stand-up shows for them? Yeah, so I'll do at the beginning. They'll have a party at the beginning of the year, and I'll go in and do it, yeah, which is really fun. That's really cool. The best one was, do you know, Joe Thornton? You know, remember, do you remember him?

So he played for the, for the San Jose Sharks and a little bit for Boston, but mostly for the San Jose Sharks, and even in Toronto. He's known for this big beard. And I was teasing him. We got him to shave off the beard. one night, like, and it was crazy. People, like, he shaved out the beard, because me, because I was calling him a Taliban.

That's amazing. Do you ever do rants about your team? Because Stavros Halkius, does Baltimore Ravens, and he just started doing it this year, and it really caught on. And then Jim Brewer used to do the Mets. After every game, he would just take his phone out

and just go off. about the Mets, win or lose. And, you know, we're all funny people, and it just catches with their fans. I get it, but I don't want to say things that are going to get me in trouble. You know what I mean? Right.

I might go a little bit where I shouldn't, and if I'm going to get passionate about it, that I need to rant about it. Yeah. But get in trouble culturally? I'll say something stupid that don't get me in trouble, right? So, yeah, so to me, I just love the whole league, and I'm disappointed in my,

and my team. Right. Does that make sense? Like, I'll go to any place. I'll go to, I'll go to a minor league game. Right. I go to junior game.

I'll go to, like, I went the other night. I went to ducks and avalanche and, you know, like, I'll go see anybody. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't, I don't, yeah. You're an ambassador.

You can't be. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not angry at the game. Right. And that's what the, and that's what the fans like. Right. Because you're getting their,

yeah. You're tapping into their anger sometimes. You know what I want to do? This is my thing that I'm going to do and I'm going to start putting them on YouTube. I'm just going to start interviewing people and food lines at the game to see what they're getting. That's funny. Yeah, just have a conversation with them, just like, just have one of those little microphones.

Just go to the stadiums and see the meeting and the food. Yeah. I wonder why they're getting that. Let's find out. Then I'll get that and write it, you know? Well, this is why I was pushing to have you back on the show because what a trend in social media comedy right now, excuse me, is crowdwork.

And because comedians don't want to burn their material and they're able, they're picking off crowdwork, captioning it, putting it on social media. Right. And Stavros is one of those guys that it really helped in Samarrel. And like there's guys that really tapped into it early in Nemesh Patel. and it's really effective. And as I'm watching it all,

I know that the best human being at CrowdWork in the world is Ian Bagg. It's always been. And it's like you have to, and you started posting it. I did. I noticed you started putting it up. But holy shit, like the world has to know

that it's Ian Bagg. Let me tell your stories. So in October, I fired everybody I worked with. Great. And in December, I met this kid. And I struggled. I didn't know what to do. I was like, I just know that this isn't working.

Right? And I'm just like, I got to figure it out. And I don't need to be angry people. I just let you go into the forest. I would love to be your friend if you want to be my friend. But if you don't want to be my friend, that's fine. But you're going to make a change. God, I make a change.

So I make the change. And I meet this young kid and it goes, hey, man, let me help you out with your clips. Right. And I know how to do. to do it. So he's tried to help me out January 1st, and my world's changed. Really? It's funny that you bring that up.

Yeah. I've gone, on Instagram, I've gone from 26,000 followers to like 140,000 followers. Yeah. Three months. It's been stupid. Whoa. And, like, YouTube's been, like, from 5,000 to 75,000. Wow.

So I know those numbers will get bigger as we go along. Yeah. But he said to me, you're not trying to do that stuff? That's just what you do. Exactly. Let's just clip it. So I did two specials. I've made more money off of clipping the two specials than I did the specials.

What having it. Having it clipped up and put online. Like, I received more money from it being online than I ever did get paid for it. Wow. Yeah. So it's been great and I still got so much out of it. That's so good to hear. Yeah.

Because it's, you're the best at it. You always have been. From the time we were doing open mics in New York. You always have good material, but your real strength is playing with everybody. And you just really have a unique way of doing it and lightning, lightning fast. And all these other guys are great. We all love doing crowd work. It's all fun.

Yeah, who does? Yeah. But, you know, like it's like Paula Poundstone. She was one of the best. She still is. But she was like one of the first people that, like, would do a special and turn the lights up. Yeah. And have the comedy.

Like, she goes out and does. two and a half hours on her own, these theaters. It's crazy. Because that's her thing. Yeah. It's your thing. It is. A lot of people are trying to, within their thing, they know, like, okay, now let me do my

crowd work section that I'm going to post and. I did have a conversation with somebody about that. I'm like, they shouldn't be. They should just, you want to, like, you want to build your thing. Yeah. But in short spurts. Right. So find your thing.

Clip those things. And don't worry about burning material. Right. No, I know. Like, what are you saving it for? Exactly. Exactly. Really?

What do you say? There's nothing to save it for anymore. That's right. So burn it. Yeah. Use it. And you got to, you have to, there's kind of like little gurus out there that you have to meet to help you get your stuff seen. That's right.

That's the only problem. Because I see some of my friends that are hilarious, but they're not getting any views because they just haven't hired the right people. 100%. And they're of the era where you didn't do it. So it's like, oh, my God. You know, my daughter could put together a clip in 10 seconds. And I'm there, like, looking for a manual. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah, you're like, yeah, it's, it's the, that guy over there. Joey. Joey? Yeah. Yeah, like he knows how to do it all. These kids are raised to do it all. I call Joey, who, by the way, I've changed his name on my radio show.

I now call him Abraham Lincoln. Oh, because of his beard? Well, I think, I feel like he, I feel like, tall and awkward. It's just more fun if somebody from NBC gets, has to include Abraham Lincoln in the emails. That's funny. That's really funny. You've gotten to that point where you're entertaining yourself and everything. I'm like, it doesn't matter.

Bed bug. How great would that be? That's great. If you're like, do we set a meeting? I don't know. Did anyone hear from Abraham Lincoln? Not in a while. Is Tom available?

I don't know. Ask Abraham Lincoln. He usually knows. You know, it's great about that. The person that gets to meet you for the first time and is introduced to Abraham Lincoln, the first time is very confused by it. Otherwise, it just becomes a name. But the first couple, I'd like, am I really supposed to respond to this? And let's be very clear. You cannot shorten it and go, Abraham, or Mr. Lincoln. It's one word. Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln. No, but there is nothing. There is a, and, you know, I don't really like to compliment Abraham Lincoln. Who does?

I don't tell you who does. People that are free. But when you call Abraham Lincoln, when I'm on a flight and I'm like, ah, shit, I have that second show in Chicago. Before, I'd be like, blah, I'd be trying to get the links and do all the stuff. Now I just say, hey, Abraham, Lincoln, post-Chicago. And he does it in two seconds. That's... Yeah, it's pretty great.

That's the way it should be done. Yeah. Do you like to control still, though? Abraham Lincoln? No, you're... Yes. Your social media, do you control? I mean, he's helpful, but I like being in power.

Yeah, okay. Well, some guys just, like, throw there and just say, hey, take this over. Oh. And then I get sent everything and then I post it. I see. I don't post it. You don't post it? Well, like with my stand-up clips and stuff, I have a company that cuts that stuff.

I'm proposing what we should do each week. But I like filling it all in. But you put it. Yeah, I like boasting me with bread or me just talking or, you know, funny stuff I see. Do they tell you how many times to post a week and all that junk? We haven't had like a meeting that been that analytical about it. But I will say, and this is, I'm sorry if this is boring any of our listeners, but this is a little inside Instagram baseball.

I'm going to drink some of this water. But I noticed that I went on YouTube. It's such an old guy thing. I went on YouTube and I'm like, you know, increasing your, you know, social media. And this girl was saying it should just be Instagram reels. That's all Instagram is into. Your stories, static posts, a picture, they'll do fine, but they really want reels to go. So post more reels and it'll happen.

So I just did that. And I started making reels of me. with dough and just for a month. And it just popped up. The response of the number of things. It just really, it's like, so I like being involved with it. I like, yeah, good.

It's kind of a fun thing, you know. I like it. I've learned that you post reels three times a week. Three times a week? Yeah, at the same time. At the same time. Same days. Same days.

Yeah. So not all in one day. Why is that? Apparently, I think it breeds familiar. Familiar. Familiar. What's the word? Familiarity.

Familiarity. Splash, bluish. I had a seizure trying to get that word out of my head. And then you're supposed to do some stories and then a couple of photos a week. Right. But you're supposed to do stories every day. I do do do stories every day. You do?

Yeah. You know who's great at it? Who? Bert Kreiser. Oh my God. The Kings. So, I was like. Him and Joe Coy.

Yeah. They don't mind. I'm taking a poop. You're coming with me. I know. Like, Bert's now at a point where he doesn't wear clothes. Yeah. And nobody's offended.

He's at a urinal with no clothes on. Getting a needle in the butt. Get his needle in his butt. He went from no shirt to no clothes. No, it's just gross. It's just gross. But, like you were saying, like, you got to do what you do. Like, Bert is Bill.

That's Bert, Bert's Bert. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, if I saw Anthony Jezelnick, you know, posting with no clothes on and just, every like five things a day, you'd be like, what happened to Anthony? Yeah.

Right? Sounds like he's got some bills to pay. Yeah. But it's like, Bert knows he thinks as a, you know, he's like P.T. Barnum or like, yeah.

It's like, he's, those shows he's, those shows he's created that, that, uh, fully loaded insane. Like the thing that one of our friends came up with that idea and it's,

and doing it. Right. I know. I'm just like, yeah. He has his own festival. Oh, I'm,

I'm really lazy. Our buddy just created Coachella for comedy. I know. I know. Yeah, you got to, you got to work it to what you're good at. And your thing with crowd work is, I'm so glad that it's.

Oh, thanks, man. And I really was just like, I just want to just keep spreading the word about it because it's one of those things. Because it's like Kyle, our good friend Kyle Dunnigan. Yeah, so funny. He's so funny.

He's great at characters, and he found his way on Instagram to do his characters. and that exploded. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I think, you know, for the most part, everybody we know just needs to find it.

It's just, but I always say to people we're popcorn. Like, we don't know when we're going to pop. We just got to get into that oil. That's all. Yeah. So, yeah, I would, somebody just said,

hey, the oil's over there. And I'm like, oh, that's, you know. Right, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. But it was so funny just to watch everybody and be like, they don't know. Ian's the guy

I love So there's some hate Yeah do you get much hate on On yours I get some people just like This is blasphemy And you're gonna cause in trouble You're a pito

I've been called a pedophile What? Yeah I'm just like I'm like Then you know you're successful Yeah You're rising in Hollywood

I guess right I was like I wasn't expecting that That didn't seem like The right way to go with that But okay Yeah I don't really Read comments

Oh you're good Yeah I was stupid. I answer something. Once in a while, if I have a sense that things are going really well, like my Netflix special and you get a sense like, oh, people like it, then I'll read them all up. But if it's something like borderline and people are starting

and then I just like, then I become one of those guys who doesn't read comments. I don't like them. Yeah. I think they're valuable at times, you know, kind of get a sense of what's what. I really enjoy answering the people that have legitimate questions. Could you imagine who would have been the comedian when you were 16, 15, that you could have messaged and would have blown your mind if they message you back?

Sam Kinnison. Right. Your head would have exploded. I got a message from Sam. How many do you get at these? Is this really you? Yeah. Or they don't even ask.

They just say, I love him. They use he, he and him, you know. Is there any chance he'll come to our thing? Oh, those are the best ones, right? One are you coming to? One are you coming to? I started, I tried, I didn't have the energy, but I, every time I would look at a friend's post,

you'd be like, you know, posting. Like, I have my new crowd work special app. And then I would write, when do you come into New Jersey? That's funny. And I ran out of gas. But it is something comedians here all the time. You'll be like, okay, so here's my tour. And then someone will say, what about Boise?

Yeah, yeah, your St. Louis poster is still fresh from last week. When are you coming to St. Louis? Are you touring a lot now? Actually, less than I was. Yeah, because... Consciously? A little bit. A little bit to work smarter, not harder.

Yes. Does that make sense? It does. I wish I could do it. Right? Well, that's what I'm trying not to, but it seems like every week's full. Right. I know that's the problem.

I just found out that I'm going to be in Chicago the night of my daughter's prom, which normally isn't a big deal like she blows off, like she's not a big deal. But my agent, his kid is in the same school. And so I thought he had it all covered. Like he knows when graduation, and he had all the big ones done. He's able to stay home. He'll be at prom. Damn it.

And the second show, we added a second show because we sold out the first one, very exciting. And the second one is slow going. And I'm like, this is got to sell. I can't be at a quarter house knowing a missing prom. Unless you brought the prom to Chicago.

True. Everybody, except for the agent's kid. They have to stay home. I was with her when she bought her dress. We were in London. I did my first show in London. I seen you walking around London. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love that this kid that I met on the street outside of Starbucks and was excited about going to do stand-up at the comic strip. Yeah, that's right. Goes to London and people come to see him. Yeah.

They're not coming to see comedy show. They're coming to see Tom Papa. That's crazy. It was pretty great. Good for you. Did you love London itself? I did. Not as much as Paris.

Did you do more European shows or just London? I did a spot in Paris. Paris just to do it in English-speaking show. Uh-huh. Just like a small 50 people thing just to go up, you know? I just wanted to... I wanted to come home saying I performed in Paris. You wanted it on a resume.

Yeah. The lunch... So I can't really... Did you take the family? You took the whole family. We were visiting my daughter who was studying over there. My God, you're a good family. Kids are studying and broad.

Yeah, so we went to see her. What's she studying? Well, she studies French, but she's doing all of her regular classes in French. Does that make sense? It's immersive. So she's studying all of her regular classes, but in French. And she lives in a French person. And she's all she's talking.

In French? She's just speaking French. No English. Yeah, that's the way it works. It's pretty great. Yeah. She's going to come back and think she's way better than you guys. Oh, there was one point where I said out loud.

With my other daughter, look, she thinks she's better than us. That's funny. And she laughed because she was just doing something. She was just tired of us. And she was just like. She rode away on her bike. On her bike with bread hanging out the front. I'll see you later, Mama.

Exactly. So it was for food, Paris was just like, for food and style. And you ever traveled to towns? It stands out because it was unique. I was in San Antonio. and it was quiet at night. It was like a Thursday night show, and it was just quiet.

Where in every other city, there's like the street where everyone's going, nuts and throwing. The car is blah, you know, all that. So it's like, it's an American. Paris was quiet at night. It was like, oh, they're just, they don't have a Times Square.

They're just like. Yeah, they're just doing their thing. Just doing their thing. It just, other than not being able to speak French at all, I was like, this, I really love, You had no idea. There's one street over, but they didn't tell you about it because you didn't speak French. I know, right, exactly.

It was totally going crazy. Hold on. Were the riots going on while you're there? They were right before, and they had cleaned up the garbage when we got there. They went right back to work and cleaned up their mess. That's the people. I learned this lesson when I went to Portland during the Black Lives Matter summer. CNN was running things, and Trump was talking about an American city. died.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, the whole place on fire. And my daughter and I, she was going to come with me because it was the pandemic. She had to get out of town, out of the house. Shred to do something. I had a show at the funny moan, not the funny bone, helium. And, you know, with 20 people max capacity, but I was going. Good times.

That's easy sellout. And I, yeah, I was supposed to sell out all the time. And all the stories were like, don't you dare book a flight to Portland? And I said, we should go. let's go see. We landed. Within 15 minutes, we're at a food truck, eating tacos, in the sunshine, with all these beautiful people. Going for a walk.

Everything was fine. Yeah. There was one street downtown by City Hall where at night they would start trouble. There's nothing more dramatic than something on fire. Right. It's instinct. It's hardwired. But it was, it's always a lesson that we learned.

It's the media. And it's always other people's, it's. shit. It's always other people's things seem scary. When you're there, they're like, it's not a big deal. Oh, we have this in our neighborhood, too. Right. Yeah. Yeah. We remember when we were in New York. If something happened,

your family would call, a transformer blue. Right. That's three blocks away. Yeah, yeah. It's not a bright big deal. We live at 91. Yeah, right. I was at eight. Yeah. So Paris was beautiful. It was fine. Good. I was just hoping you've seen the, I was hoping you seen the riots.

And I was, I was happy that they were riding to retire later. Earlier. Earlier, yeah, because they were retiring later. Yeah, yeah. And then meanwhile, in America, there's an 80-year-old running. I welcome you at a Walmart. Exactly.

Just keep pushing them out. We should riot for Motley crew to retire. That's who we should. Yeah, right, exactly. How about the people who won't quit? Yeah, I was like, like, kiss. Every time I play a casino, there's deaf leopard or some version of foreigner. Isn't it great when a band's got one guy left?

I know. I'm like, should you really be calling yourself? Toto. Right. Casinos. They love playing casinos. And they sell out and it's crazy. Yeah.

Do you do a lot of casinos? I'm starting to do more. Because the money is so good? Money is good. Yeah. Nice. And it's fun. Is it less pressure or do you still have pressure to sell?

Your ego always is involved. Right. It's not much more pressure on you. I feel pressure in Vegas. Like I feel there. That's a tough town to sell. There's so much going on. And I never know who I'm selling to.

Yeah. You know, like people are coming into town last minute. So should I be advertising to the whole country? Yeah. You know what I mean? Or is it locals or? Yeah, I don't. It's a hard market.

When guys take long, like long things. George Wallace. Yeah, you're just like, when I met George Wallace in a, I didn't mean him, but I went to see him. We'd been friends through Jerry for a long time. He had his gig at the, Hilton, I think it was. And he said,

I'm running ad agency. It was like every day he had a show. Right. He had to hustle up people every day. So it was like. That's a lot of pressure. It's supposed to be a non-pressure gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't have to travel. Yeah. Yeah, I'd rather get on a plane. I'd rather too. Yeah. Did you see that woman that lost it yesterday on Alaska Airlines? No, what did you do? They had to land.

Alaska going from San Francisco. Chicago. And she wanted to change your seat and they said it's full, you can't. Then she went into the bathroom and started banging on the door from the inside after she been in there a long time. Then she came out and went after a flight attendant. No way. Zip tied land in Kansas City.

The zip tied thing is pretty funny. Zip tie is. People are zip tied here. It's about time. People were using belts and duct tape. It's like, let's have some zip ties. We couldn't use us. Yeah.

Some, I seen, I seen a frontier airline had a homeless lady snuck on to the plane. Whoa. Had she get, I have no idea. Through the airport. So, but security, they just kept filming it and security wasn't coming. Like the passengers and the, and the. Just confused? They were trying, they ended up paying her to get off the plane.

Oh, really? They could raise money for the passengers, give it to her, get off the plane. Like, that's how long it took. They were able to raise that money before security showed up and she was off the plane. Oh, my God. Yeah. I thought people had calmed down a little bit. It seems a little bit.

I think they're going back the other way. Yeah? Yeah, I think they're... I thought they were... Whenever Trump's back in the news, people get... Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

Whenever he peaks, it peaks. Yeah, the crazies. Yeah. All come together, right? Yeah, it's like a full moon. They all come out. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting when they get all fired up.

Yeah. I don't... I don't know. I'm just like, what about my potholes on my street? I don't care. Arnold Schwarzenegger, I just saw in the news today, filled his own pothole. He couldn't get the city to fill it up. So he got some stuff.

They showed him out there with a shovel. Good for him. His own pothole. Yeah. He's rich enough. He can do it. Yeah. Yeah.

He's got people that can get him tar. Yeah. In some of those little bits. And he's built. It won't hurt anything doing some physical labor. Are you working out? No. Not at all.

I am, but I'm just, I'm struggling at this last three months. It's just been a struggle. So. Yeah. Like I work out, but I'm not, what is it? How do I say it? I work out, but I'm not trying to be in shape. Like, I work out just to keep myself healthy.

Right. But I'm nowhere near in shape. Right. So I'm just like, mah. Yeah. I think you've got to go through those every once in a while, right? 100%. We're human beings.

Okay, good. I ride the Palaton just for the health and keep things going. But I know, like, when I'm, it's a difference between, like, you said, being in shape. So I've, I have a challenge, and maybe you want to be a part of it. Okay. Can you do one pull up? I could. Before, I could.

When? Like high school before? Yeah, like in my 30s when I was really going for it. Yeah. Yeah. Can you do one? No. Over the summer, I had, I challenged myself.

And I was able to do the one where your hands are facing you. So you're pulling up that way. Oh, you were going now with the military press. Yeah. That's what. And I'm on you. You'll throw your shoulder. out doing that one.

There's a guy on YouTube that says he can get me to do zero to five in 22 days. Who's, there's a YouTube channel? Well, just go on YouTube and put him how to do a pull-up and you'll, there's like a thousand videos. That's so funny. Yeah,

it gives you little lessons and what to do. And you know what the biggest thing, though, with pull-ups, the easiest way to help yourself out is not to have to pull up so much weight. Yes. Yeah, that's the easiest way.

So if you're heavier than normal and your body's like, When I heard that, I'm like, oh, God, I could do one, but not right now. I'm sure of it. I know, exactly. I have a prescription for cholesterol, and I had, went to renew it, and the doctor's like, you haven't been here in two years. We're going to, we're going to renew this one, but you've got to come in for a physical. And I'm like, I'm going to eat.

My cholesterol's going to be up. I'm going to eat ducks and cheese. Well, isn't it, is that what you find? And I don't know if we've ever talked about this before, but you're either social or you're in shape. Yes. Yes. Right? 100%. My friend, I have two friends that want to meet me for dinner. Right. Those two.

On the same day, and you'll go to both of them. I know. If I go out to eat two times a week in like a nice restaurant. Yeah. I'm toast. Yeah, that's what it's been like since January for me. It's just been like, okay, I'm going to, oh, okay. I know. Yeah. And I'm just like, yeah, I want to hang with some friends right now. I want to have a couple drinks. I want to do this. I want to do that. Yeah. So you just got to, you just got a, yeah. Does your wife also cook at home? She bakes at home, yeah. So who does the food?

Do you order? No, she, we do. She does some cooking, but then we, you know, it just goes like last night we went for Mexican. So, you know, it just kind of. Do you have a scale in your bathroom? Yes, and I yell at it a lot. You get underneath that shelf.

I used to yell at mine. I'm like, I don't have to be on you until a week after Paris. Right. When's your doctor's appointment? I haven't made it yet. I want so I want... I got to get in shape for it. No, go when you're not in shape.

Really? Yeah, then you can, then you're like, oh, I can get to where I need to be. But if you're in shape, and then there's still trouble. Right. Yeah. I went to the doctor before Christmas and I had a bunch of things done, and everything was good, except for my vitamin D was low. Everyone's D is low.

Is that what it is? Every single person's vitamin D is low. So I'm on vitamin D. I'm on vitamin D now. Yeah, big deal. And you'll feel no change and you just keep eating them. I freak myself out. So a friend of mine got prostate cancer and passed away.

How quickly? Pretty quick. Do you do St. Louis, right? Do you ever do with a Riz show? No. He was on the Riz show and he was a really good guy. He was like one of those guys that would just send you a message, hey, you're really funny.

You're doing the right thing. Continue on. Just out of the blue. Yeah, just out of the blue. Like, just right. So, yeah, those guys are great. So he, and I was just like, I don't know what got on my head. I'm like, I got my prostate, my prostate.

And so now I'm peeing. I'm like, oh, I've got problems with peeing. I'm dying, you know, so. But I had to do with, I go to the doctor. And she goes, do you want the finger or do you want to get the ultrasound? Right. And I'm like, well, the ultrasound, ways and sounds like, does it go in my butt? Yeah.

Right. Because now I'm like, well, obviously ultrasound, right? And she goes, okay. well, we have to go in for an appointment. That's a tough spot to be put in. Right. Like, who's saying finger, please? Yeah, I know.

Works out weird for both you, right? Yeah. So, but now I'm in my head, I'm like, how does the ultrasound work? Yeah. In my head, I'm thinking I'm going there, and they got me up like a baby, and they're rubbing it on my tank. Yeah. Yeah. But they rub on to your ankle, sir.

Right, exactly. That's like, I don't want to go to this. So, but actually, you drink a bunch of water, and they watch the water and stuff like that. Right. So, but they feel. forgot about me while I was in the waiting room. So I drank, like, all this water. And then you got to pee?

And I'm just like, and they forgot about me for an hour. And I finally went up the front desk. I'm like, um, I really have to. And the lady goes, you're still here? And I'm like, no way. It was crazy. Everything was fine, though. I went for a colonoscopy.

Fun. And, uh, I'm laying on my side. The anesthesiologist comes over. I'm on my side of my little paper gown, ass out. and the anesthesiologist comes over and he goes, so you're going to count from a hundred down and you won't even get to 95 and whatever. I said, okay, good.

And he's like, all right, we're going to start it up. By the way, big fan. No way. Oh, God. No way. That's a good sleep. That's the prophylphal, right? Because my guy said, this is the drug that killed Michael Jackson.

Whoa. And he goes, you'll never sleep better. I'm like, whoa. Too much information. Yeah, why are you telling me that? Yeah, three, two. Oh, my God. Yeah, big fan.

Jeez. Big fan. Then I woke up, and my wife had to pick me up. You can drive yourself. So my wife came. And I'm a little goofy. And they said, okay, you're, I'm in my, now I'm in a wheelchair with my foot. No, you're in a wheelchair?

Yeah, because they got a wheelie out of the thing. I didn't know. They just made me walk out. They didn't let me walk. And, uh, look. the nurse comes over and says, okay, um, Cynthia's here to take you home. And I asked her, ask the lady to lean down, she leaned down and go, who is she? No way.

That's funny. I know. I felt proud of myself that I got a joke off. That's so funny. Well, I'm out of my mind. They told me, because I was like, what do you mean I can't drive? Well, you could probably drive, but we don't let people drive because we've had problems with people ordering things online that they don't remember.

ordering. Whoa. Like while they're waiting afterwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll buy stuff online. Oh, hilarious. Why do we have a pool? Yeah, they, uh, you know, we couldn't, someone had to pick you up and they didn't

kill you out. I walked out. You did? Did you keep the socks? I asked to keep the socks. That was a little kitty socks. Yeah, yeah. They got grips on the bottom.

Those can come in handy at home. Absolutely. Non-slip in the middle of the night. Oh, it's hilarious. It's getting old is fun. Yeah, it's a treat. It's a real treat. Yeah, it's...

You have good eyes. Oh, no. No? Check those thick ones out. Yeah, those are big daddy's. Progressives. Progressives, yeah. Yeah.

You have trouble with the last step? Yeah, that's funny. It does. Nothing makes you feel older than missing a step. But it's these big goggles. Yeah. Do you wear them with sunglasses to? You're going to say, do you wear a helmet?

Do you have a helmet because you're missing that step? Do you do sunglasses with prescription? Yeah. Do you do the transitions or? No. Do you? No. I just like the name of it.

Someone told me like, I think one of my daughters is like, you can't. Don't do it. It looks weird. Because there's an in-between phase. Yeah. The douchey. Yeah. No, I just take them off and put the other ones on.

Exact same glasses. My daughter sat on my sunglasses. So I didn't have sunglasses on a trip. And that was rough. Oof. That was rough. You know what I bought? I bought the, this is turning into an old man podcast.

Hey! I bought the, whoops. I bought the, uh, um, was that, was that a way for a long time? The mic was the wrong spot. Uh, I bought those little clip pods at CBS that go on your glasses, the little sunglasses. Oh, yeah, yeah. Viser thing. Because the transitions don't look.

No, you know you're getting, you know, you know. Right. Exactly. And you're like, hey, these aren't so bad. Oh, we were cool. You got them. They're selling crocs for five bucks. Who else wants tall socks?

It is crazy. When you look at all these comics that, like, we're ahead of us. But, like, who have checked out, you know, Norm and Louis Anderson and Sagitt. It's like, Sagitt scared the shit. That scared me. That was more like, what? We're not allowed to jump on the bed anymore? I know.

It was like, thank God I don't stay in really nice hotels. Yeah, yeah, thank God. With big marble floors. I'll never hurt myself. Yeah. Everything's carpet in mind. It's weird, though. I'm still at that point where I'm so happy when one of our friends passes away.

And that's not what I'm happy about. But when it comes back and it was drug-related? Yeah. When it's just, when it's always natural causes, you're just like, what? Yeah, right, exactly. We're not at that age. No, we're not there. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. No. We've got a ways to go. I hope so. All right. So is it too late for me to get back into hockey?

No. Can I just jump in now? Yeah, jump in now. Right? You still got a jersey? I got a jersey. Yeah, put it on, watch a game. Love it.

Yeah. If they end up playing, if New York ends up playing Los Angeles or in the playoffs, we'll go. But next year, when New York comes out, we'll try to make a point to get together and go to work. Yeah, let's do that. All right. 100%. How am I going to... Get a hold of me?

Get a hold of me. Well, there's his man named Abraham Lincoln. You flip a penny in the air, and I'll know you're calling for me. You should get one. An Abraham Lincoln? Yeah. I really want one. What if I got a George Washington?

Is your George Washington? Does he go to the clubs and record? You know, I just send them clips. That's the thing where New York has it over L.A. You go to the seller and they just email you a link of your set. L.A. is a little tight with them, right? Yeah, I heard things are changing. Like, you don't get your set.

Yeah. I heard that's changing, though. Yeah. Has to. You know what? I started working at the con. I passed at the comedy store in 2004. Right.

Correct. And I went once, and I went once. hated it. I was like, because it was very angry place at that time. It was dark, yeah. And it was dark times and I never went back. And then it started getting good and I just thought I'd kind of be a weasel if I went back.

Well, during the good times. I thought it'd be kind of a weasley thing to do, right? I'd pass and then I just don't work there, but now it's good. Oh, come work here, right? So, and then Eleanor started asking me, why don't you work at the comedy store? I was like, I told her she's like, you've got to come back to the comedy.

Yeah. And then a couple other people said, you go to the comedy store. So I started putting in and I love it. I just love me. It's great. So good. I'm going to go tonight. Nice. Yeah. Which room are you in? Main room. So fun. So fun. I like the OR better. The OR feels like you're in show business. Like something's something's happening. Yeah. Well, something's happening here. Yeah. And you feel like you could just be loose and the main room's like, this is a real show. Everybody do your best. Yeah. You're like, but I want to. to try out this pineapple joke. Upside down, pineapple, because I'm now a swinger.

Yeah, well, that's good. I saw you there right before I left for Paris, actually. Yeah, in the hallway. I think we had a picture taken together. We did. Did it show up? I don't think so. I don't know.

It takes so many pictures there. I know. They really do. I'm like, man, something's going on here. That's a long drive for you, though. It's not that bad. When you leave and go home? When I leave and go home from the store?

No, it's only about 45, man. Like at night, it's no problem. Yeah. You know, like, yeah, yeah. I make sure, I make sure that I put in at least once a week there. Yeah. No, that's good. Comedy Magic Club, I love.

Love it. That's a two-hour drive for me now. See? When I first started coming out here and living in this area, it was under an hour. Now it's close to two. That's how much traffic has exploded in 15 years. I hate the 405. I hate it.

One of my favorite Seinfeld jokes of all times was he was on Letterman and he goes, Fluent today, got on the Van Wick. Hate the Van Wick! I didn't know what the Van Wick was, but just the way he said it with that much hate. I was like, oh, I love this guy. I don't know what the Van Wick is, but he hates it and I hate it too. Man, he just did, celebrated 100 sold-out shows at the beacon. Jesus.

Yeah. It's so funny All these How many seats is that? Like two 2000 A little over But that

But so A hundred I know That's 200,000 He can go to the end of the time And still sell it out That's 200,000 seats Yeah

And that's in one theater He just quietly goes around The country Selling out Whatever he wants to Sell out Do you go with him still or no No

Who does he take with him? He takes Ryan Hamilton I had seen a clip of his the other day. Yeah. He's so funny. He's so funny. And he's really handsome now.

He wasn't, he was never that handsome. On this clip, I was like, that's a handsome Mormon. He's really coming into his own. Yeah. He and Mark Schiff and some of his old friends.

But, um, yeah, it was great. But I had to, I knew I couldn't continue to open and, no. And have my own way.

No. So I had to go. And he said it when we first started working together. He goes, eventually you're going to have to just, go take shittier gigs. That's so funny. Because you're flying private to this gorgeous theater and they love comedy and...

Yeah, fun time, but... The best gig you could have in comedy. You want it to happen because of you. You don't want it to happen because of somebody else. Well, you don't want to also just rely on... And if it doesn't happen, you're just, you know, you're just... Some guys get stuck, but some guys get stuck on that opener. Yeah, well, it's very lucrative and comfortable and who's better to make laugh than

Jerry, you know, he's, you just feel, as a comedian, you just feel like this is, it's like hanging out with Wayne Gretzky. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, the best of all times. This is the best. And, but yeah, so I couldn't at a certain point. Good for you. You know, a lot of people guys, a lot of people guys, a lot of people guys, a lot of people.

I've had some guys come out and girls come over for me. Yeah. And I said, I wanted to, so you never call me again. Right. That's what I, that's the success. Yeah. You don't have to call me and ask me for work. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. You ever go out without an opener? I do once in a while. Where you just walk out? Usually, I have done it once or twice. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of fun.

It's lonely, but the show is pretty fun. I've only just started doing a theater here, a theater there. Like, I haven't had many. And the times that I've done it, it's been back home. Right. That's why I've done. Right, so it's comfy. Yeah.

Yeah. So. Well, that's going to change Ian Beck. Okay. It's going to change because, uh, this, this crowd work, social media thing is the, is the, uh, pretty exciting. It is exciting because it's going to unlock what we've all known for so long. Oh, you're so nice, Tom. I know.

We have to, you know what we have to do? We have to do a podcast when, uh, Dave Hill comes out to L.A. Okay. He's working on a book right now. Okay. about hockey around the world. Really? And he went to do, he went to Africa, like Russia, Germany, Mexico, all these places.

Some hockey. It's obvious. India's got a hockey program. Oh, yeah? Yeah. And he's writing a book about his hockey. I didn't know he was a crazy hockey. He loves hockey.

Really? That would be fun. That would be fun. I'd love to get them on my podcast, too. But we can't do that. Okay. Thank you, Abraham Lincoln. Tom, unlike Abraham, does not believe in freedom for everyone.

Where do people keep track of your dates and all that stuff? Go to Ianbag.com. You find me there. Call me at rap, yep, yep, yep, yep. I said my address on stage one night. Like, so quick and just in a stupid spot where I didn't think anybody would recognize it. A girl came up afterwards and said, do you really live at blah, blah, blah, blah. Whoa.

She then showed me on Google Maps my house. I was like, okay, this is nuts. Yeah. Because I was just like, how did anybody pick that up? I'd be so scary to wake up and have all these people with autism outside your... It already happens. My wife's an O.T. It already happens.

All right. I love you, Tompapa. You too, Ian Bagg. All right, that was our big show with Ian Bagg. The one regret, Joey, is we let Ian leave. and he didn't take his bread. He didn't take his bread. And Joey, I told you to get two breads

because the other one's for you. That's right. I know you're poor. I know you're hungry. So there's a bread for you. Maybe you'll have two now that Ian didn't take his. Maybe we can get him. Maybe we'll run to the parking lot.

Go to tompapa.com. The book is available. We're all in this together, so make some room. It's pre-order right now. It's going to come out soon and we'll have big book events and all that good stuff. Go to tompapa.com for all the tour dates.

I'm coming to Chicago. We have a second show in Chicago and Atlanta, Cincinnati, Cleveland, a whole bunch of shows all around the country, tompapa.com for all the fun stuff. You guys are the best. We'll see you next time. Bye.