Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 16 - Kevin Nealon

Episode Date: August 25, 2020

Come along as we chat with the very funny Kevin Nealon about food and wine and Europe. And check out Hiking with Kevin on YouTube! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey! sourdough. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know, it's also a show. Hey. Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I'm Tom Papa. We have an amazing guest today. We've got the great Kevin Neelan coming on the program. Yes, legendary actor, comedian, all-round good guy. So excited to have him on the show. So we're going to get to spend some time with Kevin Nealyn.

He's such a good guy. I've been doing stand-up for a long time, and he is one of the people. You know, a lot of people start off. They're doing their stand-up, and they get some success, and they let stand-up go, and they just kind of abandon it because it's a lot of work. But Kevin has this love of it and this appreciation for it and an ease about him that keeps him performing all of the time. I would just, when I would tour, I would go do these theaters and he was always there right

before me. He's just always out there and just, you know, super funny. I mean, that's really what it's all about. He's just hilarious. I also want to mention that he has this amazing show. He's going to be doing a Zoom show on September 12th. September 12th, you can get tickets through Rush Tix. That's R-U-S-H-T-I-X.

rushticks.com and you can get tickets. It'll be doing his full hour-long headliner set right there in your little living room or your, uh, I don't know where you watch your stuff, maybe in your car, maybe in your backyard, maybe while you're hiking around. I don't know. But rushticks.com, September 12th, you can get tickets now and, uh, and watch Kevin. He's going to have a big time celebrity guest on it as well. But I'm just excited to sit and, uh, and learn about Kevin and where he grew up and what he did and how he got to SNL. Such a good time. I really hope you enjoy it.

The great Kevin Neillen. Hello, early bird. I am an early bird. That's good. Are you not an early bird? I am. I am. I wasn't for a long, long time.

And then I had children. And then the morning radio show. And yeah, now I'm early. So what time did you get up? I typically get up about six o'clock. Six? Yeah, at 6 a.m. Because I just don't sleep that way.

I have a sore shoulder. In fact, I'm having surgery on it in a couple of days. Oh, no. So I'll be able to sleep again. So enjoy this early morning last interview for me. Because hopefully I'm going to be sleeping in from now on. So like, what do you like to sleep on your back or on your side? I like my back.

But, you know, now we're opening up another can of worms. Oh, is it rhyme with CPAC? It does. I have sleep apnea. So if I'm on my back, sometimes they wake up like this. Try to get my breath. So, you know, like now, so I did a sleep study. Yeah.

And they said I had mild to moderate sleep apnea. Mm-hmm. So they got me one of those CPAP machines. Oh, no. So it covers the face like that. And all night I'm breathing. I got the hose, you know. And my wife goes,

Jesus is like sleeping with somebody in I see you. I know. It's terrible. And I start getting all jealous. I said, how would you know that? Are you seeing somebody in ICU? How much long do they have to live?

But Tom, it's horrible because all night I have that thing on. And then I get up in the morning to go out. Then I got to put the mask on, you know, the COVID mask. Oh, my God. And then at night. of course, I'm a superhero, so I have to wear a mask. Right, when you go out crime fighting. And a mask on top of that mask.

Right. God. I could, I don't know. Isn't it worth, I don't know. Tom, I like all your books over there. Yeah. Look at what stacks you got. I try and let people know that I'm, that I'm, uh, did you just have breakfast?

Did you use my fake intellect to, that looked good. That was some bad. Oh, buddy, let me tell you. Let me take a look at that. That's what I have just about every morning. Oatmeal with blueberries, strawberries, strawberries, bananas, and walnuts. And almond milk. And what I do, Tom, don't give this way to anybody.

I let the blueberries and the bananas simmer in the oatmeal a little bit so they get soft. And the alma milk turns a little blue. Sweetens it all, natural sweetness. Beautiful. Now, do you make the oatmeal? the quick way or the long way? Well, I make it the, I don't like Instanotes.

Right. I like, it takes about eight minutes to make, it's not that long. On the stove top. I got lazy and started doing the oatmeal in the microwave. Ooh. Yeah, I apologize.

Are you, I was just going to ask you this up front. Are you an upgrade now or remind me later guy? What do you? Oh. Because I just, as I logged down to my computer, there's updates. Remind me later because the upgrade, I don't know what's going to happen, but then I'm tortured every single time I open my computer.

Well, I do the remind me later, but I picked the longest possible time away like tomorrow. Yeah. You know what I mean? I know. Not tonight. No, you're not reminding me tonight. Not in an hour. If we can make it for October, that would be the best.

I don't understand why they torture me and I don't understand why every website you're going to talk to me about cookies does that going to happen from now to the end of time just leave me alone there may be some cookies yeah well there might be some cookies down on my cabinet but I doubt it because I ate them all

I got a problem when you were a young man a child a young adult you were still eating meat? This was back in the 1900s, Tom. Right. When you actually hunted your own meat.

I hired hunters. When did you stop eating meat? 1988, around there. So this was before the trend. Yeah, yeah. And I had no meat or fish or poultry for many years. And then when my wife got pregnant, we were eating kind of a junk food vegetarian diet. And she was craving fish, like salmon, specifically, which I had been craving for years.

Because the last time I had salmon, my friend brought home from Alaska, big slabs of salmon that were, he barbecued and he just flaked off. It was so good. That's all I thought about. Oh, my God. And then so we both kind of went back on salmon for the last 13 years. but no poultry. Because if you look at the factory farming and, you know, those poultry, it's just so sickening the way they raise those.

Yeah. Animals. Was that the thing? Was that the impetus for quitting? Yeah. It was animal cruelty. Yeah. And health reasons too.

You know, it's a plant-based diet is much healthier. Yeah. The studies have shown. People tell me. People tell me that. It's a tremendous diet. How did you, where did you grow up? Tom, that's a good question.

I grew up on the East Coast in Connecticut primarily, but I did live in Germany when I was six until I was 10. Oh, really? My father worked for a helicopter company in the U.S., Sechorsky aircraft. He was an aeronautical engineer and a program manager. And so he was hired by a German outfit to set up based there. And for years, because that's the way he talked back then,

you know, they would call companies outfits. You know, I get this up, this German outfit. So for years, I thought he worked for later hosen. You know what I'm right? I thought, that's so weird. He works for a company, yet he never wears their product. He doesn't wear the outfit. No.

Do you have, do you have fond memories of Germany? Oh, my God, yeah. I mean, if every child could live in Europe. Yeah. For a couple of years, such an education. We would travel to, you know, on a vacation. If we had a week vacation, we'd get in the car because it's such a small. Europe is so small. You could get in the car and drive and a couple hours to Paris. Oh, man. Or you could drive to Greece or Spain. You know,

I learned how to swim in Greece. Oh, yeah. I learned how to ski in the Alps. Oh, my God. And I learned how to argue in Italy. Goodbye to boat. Hey, hey. Who taught you to swim in Greece? You know, the water is so buoyant there. There's so much salt in the water. It's really a great, I would advise anyone, any child learning how to swim, you should go to Greece. Get some kind of, I mean, flights are pretty cheap now. Yeah. And just get out there.

And I guess the salt and sea, is that the salt? Where's the one that has all the salt where you could almost walk on it? That's the, isn't that the Black Sea? where it's really thick. I would be afraid to swim in a place called the Black Sea, wouldn't you? Yeah, that and the Black Forest. The Black Forest as a child, anytime I heard about the Black Forest, I was like, oh, man, I'm not going there. But, you know, contrary to that, the Black Forest is some of my fondest memories, because we would go there as children.

Yeah. And we'd hike, and we'd get the carved sticks that they made. The what? And they had all the sticks, the hiking sticks, you know, that guys would carve out of the wood. And you could just smell the pine. Oh, my God. It was just really great. It's like a story book.

It's a story book. And you know what I like to do now is, I don't know what your favorite app is, but mine lately has become Google Earth. I love Google Earth. Because if you're driving by somebody's gated house and you can't see in there, don't worry about it. I'm going to go home and Google what your house is like. And then I'm going to cross-reference on Zillow and see what you paid for it. But so what I'll do is I remember places I hiked as a kid in Europe. And I remember hiking one place.

It seemed like all day to get there. I was only like seven. Yeah. And it was like, I think it was called the Silver Springs outside of Heidelberg, Germany. And I Google Earthed it. And I love it when the satellite's coming down. You're landing. You know, you're coming in.

I'm going, oh, here we go. here we go. And I see it, I go, that's where we walked. Wow. It's only a half hour from our house. That's amazing. Oh, man. I just, I have, my one grandfather was German, and I've never been, I was in and out of Germany

really quick once. But I have, especially during this time where everything's so chaotic in our country is not really that in control of the virus. And Germany has it. Really? I didn't know this. Yeah. And Germany has it dialed in. I just keep fantasizing about going. I just feel. Oh my gosh. Don't you fantasize about traveling a lot now? Oh, yeah. Big time. Because we love to travel. Yeah. You and me. Yes. Together. And it's just, it's just something that I really miss. And we're fantasizing about trips. Like, where's the first place we want to go? Yeah. I know. I know. I know. I want to go to Europe. I keep thinking. Europe. Yeah. For me, it's always Alabama for some reason. I don't know. It is magical. Well, you know, I got married in Italy. You did? Yeah, just outside of Milano, a place called Lecomo. Oh, my God. You and Clooney? Was Clooney your best man? Clooney was not my best man, but we went by his villa, his Via on Lake Como. And,

we got married in a town called Bellagio. Bellagio. Clooney's place, a little showy? A bit much? No, not actually. I didn't run into him like a year or two afterwards. And I knew him because he hosted SNL. It's funny, when you work with people on SNL and their host,

you have a forever kinship with them because they're so terrified on that show, they latch on to you. And so I saw him at, some Emmy Awards party. I was up for something. I was nominated for something. They all blend in together. And I said, hey, George, I was, I got married in Lecomo and we went by your place.

He goes, oh, you should have stopped in. You know, people say that all the time. They don't really mean it. Right, exactly. At least I don't mean it. Is that Kevin Nealing? Yeah, George. So what should I say to the Italian security working outside?

Everyone else hasn't said. when they have me in a sleeper hold and dragging me into a van. I know it. Is that book on the top shelf? Is that? Which one? That, uh, the one on Groucho, Mark? No, the top shelf.

Are you a coffee drinker? Mm-hmm. I just went to, uh, yesterday. Yeah. I got four bags of coffee, ground. Ooh. Because, you know, I like, I like grinding, but it's a lot. of work and it doesn't I can't tell the difference.

Yes, you can. Well, how else do you make? How else do you make it? Well, I mean, the whole bean. Right. I don't, you know, yeah. You can get a bag of whole bean and then put it in the grinder, you know, and then you shake it out and stuff.

And that takes time and it's a little messy. I find I just get the ground right at the place. I go to, I went to Phil's coffee in Santa Monica. That's a good one. Yeah. And I got two bags of one, two regular and two decaffinated. I'm trying to get off the caffeine. I know, I know.

Yeah, you don't want to, you do not want to be buzzing on caffeine while you have your mask on and your shoulder and laying in bed. You want to be asleep as quick as possible. That poster behind you is that I used to collect those. Those are like. Oh, yeah, that one up there. That's Bianco, Bianco, uh, Pizzeria in, in, uh, Eric. It looks like strawberries. Do it strawberries?

No, it's plum tomatoes. Kevin, are you eating during the podcast? This is okay, Kevin. You don't have to distract me. This is the Breaking Bread podcast. This is all about you enjoying yourself. You don't have to distract me with my own artwork. Can we just talk about bread for one minute?

Please. I know you're a big baker when it comes of bread around your house. And you're going to get a loaf of bread because you did this podcast. Is that in my swag bag today? it is. I love the smell of bread like everybody else. I think, you know, when you're selling a house, they say to make chocolate chip cookies so the owners will feel homey, you know, when it come in or or apple, you know, apple pie.

Yeah. But if you put a loaf of bread, sometimes I'll take like Sarah Lee and put it in a microwave or we're trying to sell a house. Yeah. And the smell of the plastic burning and the bread itself, it's just people go, wow, I need this house. This reminds me of home. Yeah. Do you...

Oh yeah, I'm going to bring you bread. I've got a beautiful sourdough bread. And somebody gave me a book called Living Bread. And it's... I'm just sitting... I'm spending all my afternoons, just reading about all these French bakers, all these people all around the world,

just baking these gorgeous, gorgeous breads. And I've been doing it for years. And I'm... I keep getting deeper. into it. Like, I keep, I keep wanting to do it more and learn more and do more. It's a weird, I did not see this coming. Do you, isn't that funny how these passions that we discover were sitting there for so long and all of a sudden we find them and, and then, and then you could get on YouTube and forever you're on YouTube watching other bakers and bread, you know.

Yeah, yeah. Do you have anything like that? Do you ever get, make a loaf of bread or you make so much bread that you've kind of gotten tired of it, you don't eat it? Yeah. No. I make more than I eat for sure. So you throw away a lot of bread. Oh, I just throw it away. There's a homeless guy that I always wave to on my way to the garbage can to throw it out. He's a good guy. That cough did not sound good.

Cough again. Kevin. All right. What do you do? Nothing. I think. But I find when I have the moment to. grind the bean in the morning in the grinder.

And then I use the pour over method. I put it in the little funnel over a single cup and poured in that. That coffee is exceptional. I do notice a difference in that. Well, what I do is I got four bags yesterday. Yeah. I had them grind all of them. And I find it if I drink all four of those bags when I get home, it's still fresh.

Because they just grounded. Just that night. Yeah, yeah. My face is a little shiny this morning because I put a little aquifer on it when I wake up because the mask dries out my skin. Oh. What an awful way to live. A retirement home. Yeah. I think it's worth just suffocating a little bit. It's not like you're really. No, apparently it's not good for you. No. One time I was getting a massage and I fell asleep on the table and I had sleep apnea. And I woke up and I almost. just hit the masseuse in the head because of gasping for bread. Who is that when you were little? Who was the cook in the family?

My mother. Yeah. My mother was a great cook, a great baker. Oh, yeah. Every night. This is probably why I fought obesity growing up. I wasn't fat. I just kind of soft, you know.

But I would come home and that house would always smell of chocolate chip cookies or brownies. And they'd be sitting still warm on the counter. and apple crumb pie. And I got all of her recipes. I made sure in the last couple of decades that I had her recipes. And she just passed away this past April. So I have those recipes.

Oh, that's amazing. My next thing I'm going to make is apple crumb pie. It's like an apple cobbler kind of a thing. Oh, man. Oh, man. Do you have an aptitude for it? Can you? Yeah, yeah.

I could do just about anything, Tom, but I'm not good at everything. You know what I mean? Yeah, I do know what you mean. I'm very similar. Like, I play the guitar and the banjo. And I'm not bad, but I'm not really good. Anybody else who plays, if there's anybody in the room with a guitar or banjo, they're always better than me.

Yeah. But yeah, but you can do it. You can noodle around a little bit. I could follow instructions. I could read. It's like I say, I say, can people, can you cook? No. I say, can you read?

Yes. Then you can cook. Right. Just follow the instructions. Yeah, you'll do it. But some people have a special touch that they add, you know, or they don't measure. I have a friend who cooks and he doesn't measure. Yeah.

And he just does it his own feel for it, you know. I know. I know. That part is, I've actually thinking about that. I have a friend like we went away for a little vacation together. And when you say went away rehab? Well. You know.

And, yeah, all by feel. And I was like, you know what? I should let that go a little bit more. I should trust myself to do that a little bit more. I have a sense of how to cook and what to do. It's like, why am I getting, you know, I'll read a recipe in the New York Times and start to like get exact with it. But it takes the joy out of it. Yeah.

Tom, hang on a second. I drop something. Oh, my God. This guy loves oatmeal. I got it. So when you, when you're raised that way and you have brownies all the time, do you have a pretty crazy sweet tooth? Do you still? Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. I have a problem. It's a real problem. Yeah. I won't, I can't just have a cookie. I've got to have the whole sleeve of cookies. Uh-huh.

You know what I mean? Yes. And it's embarrassing. When I go to somebody's house and I put out a plate of like homemade chocolate of cookies, I'm looking at it like some rock star from the 80s is looking at a plate of Coke. Right. That will all be mine.

I'm like, wow. I'm not sharing this with anybody. but I remember when I drove from Connecticut to Los Angeles to get in a stand-up. Yeah. I was about 24 at the time. And my mother made me and my buddy, John, who moved out here with me too, lunch to take. She always made the best sandwiches, fresh bread, you know, a tuna salad or chicken salad she made or egg salad, lettuce and tomato. The other kids at school, they had peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

but my mother had, you know, slop together. She, you know, the love she put into it, and she put it in the cooler with sodas, and then fresh-baked brownies that were still warm in the Tupperware container. Oh, my God. And my buddy, who's big like me, we're both like six, three, six, four.

We finished that before we left Bridgeport, Connecticut. We're reaching over the back, and we ate it all. You know, it's supposed to be maybe when we hit Virginia, we'll get into the sandwiches. Yeah. That's amazing. But, but yeah, so I have a great sweet tooth. And I've gone like sometimes like six months like off cold turkey.

Yeah, no sugar. And I would have, well, I won't say no sugar because it's in almost everything. Yeah. I will say no desserts. Right, right, right, right. No outright sugar-laden desserts. I would have like a banana, which is a dieter's candy bar. Yeah.

And I would have fruit, apples, and I need a lot of that to get my sugar. Yeah. But I would stay away from yogurts, you know, and drinks, fruit drinks and all that. But every time, six months is like the most I've ever got. I go like into a Starbucks and I just, I get like a, a skone. That's my weakness. The Starbucks scone. Yeah.

They're dry. They're not even that good. They're not that good. But they've got those little chunks of sugar on the top. Yes. Yeah. If you get the maple glazed one. And then, you know, and then all of a sudden, I had a scone.

That chocolate chip cookie looks great too. And I'm all over there. And I'm back. I'm back again. I'm on Skid Row. I know. But isn't there, I mean, isn't that joy worth it? Isn't that?

It is. As I'm eating it, I'm thinking, I know yesterday. I said today no sweets. Yeah. But I'm loving this. And I deserve it. I deserve this. Because I don't know if I'm going to be around tomorrow.

I was a good. The apnea machine might kick off. What was your mom's nationality? What was her background? She was mostly English, French, beautiful woman. She very outgoing and vivacious and love to laugh. A lot of people ask me who the funny, you know, who influenced me and my family is. My big influence really came from my parents because not that they were that

funny. My father was a kibbitzer. He loved a kibbitts. Hey, you know. And my mother was a great audience. Yeah. But they would always laugh. No matter what I said, they would laugh. And they go, oh, Kevin, that's so funny. Yeah. And I was always like in these car trips with my brother and sister. There's, I have four siblings now, but at the time, there was just two of us. Then there was a big gap. Then they had a couple more. Right. But on those car trips to Europe, there are long drives. And we were always, you know, like trying to play games and trying outwit each other. Yeah. So I think that. That's kind of like where it came from.

Yeah, that's so great. Your brother's funny? I have my older brother's a year older. And I have people sometimes when I'm visiting him say, man, your brother is, your brother's really the funny one. Really? And I say, excuse me, you are talking about red wine silly. Right.

Red wine silly is what he is. Let's be perfectly clear. Let's not confuse things. He has a couple glasses of wine and he does, you know, he becomes the floor, the, the lamp on the head thing. And even if it, you know, even if he was without the wine, it's not refined. I've refined the comedy. Right. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I'm still working on it. Yeah. Yeah. But now you have siblings. Am I correct? I do. I have two younger sisters.

Yeah, I bet women find you easy to talk to because you understand women. That is very true. It's very good. And I was just thinking before I came on this nightmare that I thought Tom is so easy to talk to. He's just like, he's just a good listener. And he is, it must have spent a lot of time in therapy or something because he just, not once you know excuse me i'm not finished oh let me just try to listen for once no i'm kidding i'm sorry yeah no but you did i guess you you were in therapy i was never in

therapy i never but then you're a therapist i am a therapist that's what this is so back to your father uh no i was never in therapy why do you say that uh that why the woman thing Why do you think that women? Well, because I think, you know, the times I've spent with you, the times we've talked, you're always a good listener and you always, you rarely interrupt. And you remember, you remember things. Right, right. I mean, I don't, you know, I don't know. The dames appreciate.

The dames love it. They love it when you listen. I'll try to fix it. Yeah. But should I be closer like you? Yeah, there we go. But anyway, I haven't gotten all the Zoom stuff yet, the lights and all the rigs. Yeah, I'm recording on my iPhone above the Zoom.

So I'm conscious of like, this I don't care of how well I look, but that one is, that's the money shot up there. So I'm trying. Is it a camera? Is it like a Canon camera or something? No, it's my iPhone, which is so great. Oh, okay. I got some lights. So I have one of these things.

Now what I'm doing here at Dodge, I'm getting some underlight. Ooh, look at that. I have my laptop. This is what a movie starts. And then I have a WACOM, a digital tablet that I draw on right below me. It lights up. Oh, and it brings the light. You're Chris Rock, by the way.

So good. You posted your illustration. of Chris Rock on the Instagrams. Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, you've got a real talent. I'm not sure for what. Thanks, buddy.

I love doing it. You know, you talk about, you know, bread, and that's your passion. You asked me if I had discovered any. And during, you know, I've always loved to draw and doodle, but I never really took it that seriously. I would just drood and draw.

I wouldn't even color them in, but yeah, mostly during COVID, the last five or six months, I just started focusing on, on sketching and painting on a digital tablet. I even took lessons last summer from a guy in England. Oh, yeah?

And I just love it now. Like right now I'm working on one of Tilda Swindon. Do you know her? Oh, yeah. She's great. She's so interesting looking. Oh, my gosh. She really is.

Yeah. And this is like, this is where I'm at with her so far. Oh, that's great. But it's not, you know, the eyes have to be fixed. But it's very rough. God. So what did you learn from the guy when he was teaching you? Because you already knew how to draw, you have that aptitude.

Yeah, I love drawing caricatures. But I, you know, I followed these different artists on Instagram. Like, I have a whole new Instagram, a separate Instagram. It's called Kevin Elyleon artwork. And I post all my sketches there. And then I follow artists that I don't know on that one, too. Like, I follow maybe 40 different artists. And so I could scroll through their works.

And then I find the ones that I really like. And then, you know, Instagram says if you like them, you like them. Right. So I check them out. So now I have a whole following of people. I enjoy their artwork or I'll learn from it. And I saw this one guy. He said, I teach.

You know, if you want lessons, I teach. I was sitting at LAX, wait, goes on a gig somewhere. Right. And so I emailed them and he goes, sure, let's do it. You know, I teach caricature. And so once a week, I would Skype with him. Yeah. He lived outside of London somewhere.

at Moist Paul, his name is M-O-Y-S-C-Pol. And he's really good. And he taught me a lot of just the basics of facial structure and characters and exaggerating. But the hard thing was, what I wasn't prepared for was how to use the digital tablet and a stylist that you use for it. Right, right. And that works, and that coincides with Photoshop.

You know, so I don't know, like, I'm just trying to learn how to draw big nose. But I can't get to the big nose until I learn how to, you know, loo the layers and all this and this other stuff on Photoshop. Right. So it's a little frustrating. Is it much different than doing it just on paper with a pen? It's a lot more fun because you could dip this thing into different colors like paint and pick your paint brush and just sketch it and draw it. And then, you know, you can mess with it later with different filters.

I do not have an aptitude for this at all. And I'm so envious of people who do. It just seems like such a great way to spend your time. Our world is so great. People that do what I do, you should be envious. Whatever. We love what we do. Yeah, but you can't eat it.

You can't eat it when it's done. I can eat my hobby. Oh, geez. This is a perfect time, Kevin. This is a perfect time for me to tell our listeners about my sponsor, wine access. Wine. No, not that kind of wine.

Not that kind of wine. And while you're doing that, I'm going to enjoy a bowl of that wine right here. You eat your little mush. This wine is so soft. Do you drink wine? If I'm going to drink, it'll be a glass of like red wine. Maybe once a week or once every two weeks.

I don't really drink that much. Yeah. I'm more about cookies. I told you. I know. You know, it's an interesting thing is when people quit sugar, wine's kind of the sneaky sugar. Oh, is it?

Oh, yeah. Oh, no, I know there's a lot of alcohol and sugar. But let's just talk about the word Somalia for a minute. Yes. Can there be a harder word for a drunk person to pronounce? Kevin, I swear to God, the ad copy, it says salmelier, and I skipped it just because I don't know I'm not confident saying it. Is it salmere?

Salmire, even as we're sober, we can't pronounce it. I know, it's Salmire. Salmere. Do you speak? Are they from? Can you speak other languages from your little European upbringing? Like I said, I can do a lot of things, but I'm not good at anyone thing. I used to speak fluent German when I was a kid.

I still remember a lot of it. I took French in high school and I aspire to speak French. I have the tapes, you know, I listen to what I'm hiking sometimes or in my car. And now my latest thing is I want to learn. Spanish because I mean we live in Los Angeles which is you know a large percentage of Latinos are here. Right, right. I know. I wish I want to speak Italian. That's really what I want to dial in. I would love Italian, but how often would you use it? I know. I know. The whole problem is you got to get the app and then you got to get the thing and then you got to get an Italian girlfriend.

Then you got to hide that from your wife. Honey, I'm meshing myself in Italian and that requires an Italian. girlfriend. Get off of birth. I have been living metaphorically in Italy for the last probably two months now. Oh, yeah. Because I'm reading a book on Leonardo da Vinci. And they're talking about Florence back in the 15th century in Milan and all these places. And I'm just loving it.

And I don't read that often. But lately, I've been, you know, I said, it's time to pick up a book now instead of a script, you know, and start reading books. Yeah. And I've been just savoring every page. And also because I love art. And I love what he was all about, you know. And I'm learning about his art styles.

And he was left-handed. So they can tell a forgery of his, you know, whether it's authentic or not, by his brushstrokes. Because he goes left to right, right to right. Wow. No, no, left to right. Yeah. He goes, a left-handed would go, you know. Yeah, yeah.

And, but there's just so many things about him, how he never finished a lot of his works. He got distracted. Right. Even if he was commissioned to paint something. something, he would have to give the money back because he wouldn't finish it, you know. Oh, man, oh man. Do you, are you envious of that life? Do you see, like, could you immerse yourself in an artist's life like that, like a visual medium?

I mean, you are an artist. I mean, I'm close to it now. I mean, I think comedy clubs, airports, or home painting out in the, clean air, whatever. Yeah. And how much time a day do you spend on it? it's not like a consistent thing like one day i might spend eight hours working on something on another day might go by around doing it at all or i might do like an hour or something right and as you know what i found to be very helpful is to work on something one day put it down you think

you're finished but then you come back the next morning and you look at it having not seen it all night, breathing through a seat pat machine. And then you come to the painting, you go, oh, that neck is not right, or that ear is too small. Right, right. So little things, but I do, you know, I'm reading about him and as romantic as some of it sounds, the painting and, you know, working in these courts of the Duke of Milan. And I think that's all great, but they had like port up, you know, that outhouses back then and no electricity. No, right, it's syphilis. Yeah.

But these, these, what I'm reading, and I kind of knew this before from watching Game of Thrones, some of these leaders back then, they had these really young wives, like 15, they impregnate them. You know, it's pretty fine, and also mistresses. Right. Which was acceptable or understandable at the time. So are you saying that that would help my Italian? What do you say? I'm just saying that maybe you should read this book and pick up some Italian through that way.

Amass yourself. I do think that watching shows, Italian shows, and digesting things in that language is a good way to learn it. Why Italian, though? I am Italian. I have a lot of Italian family. No one speaks it that I know. but I just, I don't know. I fantasize about it all the time.

I fantasize about going and being, I just love the language and to be able to speak with the Italian people. I just, well, speaking of Italians and going to Italy, there's Rome right behind me. Oh, see? No, I'm kidding. That's Manhattan Beach.

Oh. That's where you still live in Manhattan Beach, California. But it's kind of off-kiltered. Same thing, man. A little light on a cafe, on a patio. You're in good. What about Caravaggio? That's my favorite painter.

Not familiar with that painter. What? I'm sorry. Oh, my God. I'm just not. I studied the Impressionist. Oh, my God, Godavaggio. Tell me about Caravaggio.

Tell me about that. Tell me about, why are there not a lot of famous women painters from back down? I bet there were really good women painters. Yeah. They're not as good. They're just not as good. They're just, I don't know. Because they weren't allowed, because they were being impregnated at 15 by all those leaders.

Yeah, I guess. You weren't allowed to go to do all that stuff. No, no way. You can't. So when you got in your little car at, what, 24? And cruise to L.A. It was my grandfather's Pontiac, Grand Burrow, which had almost 100,000 miles on it at the time. And that was 1977.

And for that period of time, that was like your car should be in a junkyard. Yeah. Yeah. Anything over 60. But it was one of the first cars that had power steering. I remember the day he got it, he showed it to me. I thought, oh, my God, you barely touch it. And the car turns.

Amazing. Were you confident heading out? Did you feel like this was definitely in the right path? Or were you scared? I was all of that. I was confident. I was a little nervous. And I was excited, man, because I'd never been to California.

And as an East coaster, you grow up, you listen to the beach boys, you watch these skateboarding, you know, videos and the ocean in the background. And I thought, and then also because I was so into stand-up comedy, you know, just as a viewer, this is where they all go. They go to the comedy store and the improv. And, you know, that's where Freddie Prince is in the Tonight Show and Johnny Carson. I'm going there. Wow. I'm so excited. So exciting.

And was your buddy? Wasn't it? Was your buddy go? He would go with me. I waited for him to graduate. We went to the same college. So I waited for him to graduate. Then we both went to Europe for about a month and a half.

We did the year old pass and the youth hostels. Came back for a little bit back to Connecticut. And then I tell him, John, I'm going to California. Do you want to come with me? I didn't tell him I was getting into stand-up. I said, I just want to see it. And I want a company. You didn't tell.

No. But I eventually did. And we went to Los Angeles. And I remember we pulled into the improv on Melrose. It was in the afternoon. I go in there because I want to see it because I've heard all about it. And Bud Freeman's in there. And he was probably in his 40s at the time.

Yeah. Or maybe even late 30s. You know, and he was the cigar and he showed me the – remember all the stuff on the wall, like the newspaper printout some Jay Leno and stuff by the door. He would show me that and the early improv. And he was giving us a little tour. He was really proud of the club.

Yeah. And but my buddy and I, we moved down to San Diego for a couple of months because we wanted to check out San Diego too, you know, because that seemed like a cool town. And this was in November. And we both got jobs working as department store Santa Clausus through manpower. Really? Yeah. So, in fact, he just sent me a picture that he found. I'll show it to you.

That's hilarious. It's, it's, yeah, I work at the Sears department. That you're both doing it is so funny. Yeah. Yeah, we both worked at Santa Claus. And we were the worst-looking Santa Claus's, too. We were just, I was 24, like I said, or 23, something like that. Yeah.

And he had just graduated college. And they were the worst Santa Claus costumes as well. Of course, in San Diego. This is my friend John. We both played rugby together, too. So he's got a rugby shirt on here. But he's sitting on my lap. He just sent me this the other day.

I was really happy to get it. And that's me as Santa Claus. Let me see if I could get a good shot. Oh my God. It's creepy. Isn't that crazy? And I'm telling you. That's like the one Christmas story when they go up on the slide and it's like this

demented looking Santa. Bad Santa. Yeah. Oh my God. That's hilarious. But because it was San Diego, a lot of kids would come across. the border from Tijuana and they didn't speak English and they would just sit on my lap and they were terrified and a lot of them you know would be crying and they'd be peeing they pee on my lap

and this company knew that that would happen so they scotch guarded all the pants oh my so the pee would just bubble up and it would roll down the pant leg onto the floor like renex yes yes like yeah exactly like on the windshield. But it was a fun time for me. So when did you come back up to L.A.? So we were there for a couple of months. He met a woman. One night we were bar hopping on Santa Claus to the discos. He fell in love with the woman.

Women went home with Santa Claus and they ended up getting married. And I'm the godfather of one of their children now. Wow. Still married. That's amazing. So he stayed there and I came up to do, to L.A. to do standout. Yeah. And what was your first of those clubs?

What was the first place you felt comfortable? I came back to the improv. The improv, yeah. It was the first club I ever got up on. But it took me like six times. I drive in from Downey, which is about 45-minute drive to Hollywood. I was sleeping on a couch of a friend that I used to lifeguard with back in Bridgeport. He was a substitute teacher at some school in Downey.

So I would drive in every Sunday night was open mic night at the improv. In the first night, I would sit out there in the car across from it and just watch people go in. It was like a stalker. I was stalking a comedy club. I get it. Yeah. And then the next week I get the nerve to go inside to the front bar area. And I'd watch people go back and put the names and I look through the door.

I see people getting up and I'm eventually work my way back and I put my name in the bucket one and they called my name. And it was like a perfect time. Like 10 o'clock, pack. Everybody's looking around. Kevin Eland, I'm looking around because I don't want to go up, you know. I'm looking around for Kevin Ewan. I'll go up. You know, two more.

times I think I went up at like on 45 in the morning. There's two junk tables there. I went up and that's all I needed. I was hooked because I was on the stage. Freddie Prince was on and Andy Kaufman. Oh my God. All of Gabbard Brooks, all these great comics that I admired. God. Do you remember any of your first jokes in that first set? Do you remember? Yeah, I remember I had a scroll of typewriter paper. They brought from home and I taped it together the pages. So it was a scroll. And I would handwrite all my jokes out. They were jokes like, I remember I lived in a really tough neighborhood,

but the fees were kind of considerate. Like I remember coming home once to find my car, all the tires were stolen, but they were resting on four center blocks. And I opened up my trunk and my spare tire is gone, but they left me a spare center block. That's kind of crux these guys were. That's a good joke.

Another one, another one was like, I remember one time I was following, behind a meat truck. And it got into an accident in front of me. And the doors opened up and there was meat, sides of beef everywhere. And I didn't know it was a meat truck at the time. I thought it was just a really bad accident.

You know? So I started giving like, you know, CPR to a side of beef. And the amazing thing was I brought that side of beef back to life. That's how good I was. So that was like my original stuff. Who are your pals? Who did you become comedy friends with?

Well, it was an interesting, yeah, it was an interesting group back then. You know what it's like because you hang out at the open mic nights every week, whether it's the comedy store or the improv. You see mostly the same core of people at those things. And it wasn't just those places. It was like other places like discos had open mic night and delicatessons had it. So you knew where they all were. And I was hanging, I met Dave Merkin.

became a good friend of mine. He became the executive producer on The Simpsons, but he started off doing stand-up. Oh, okay. He got out of it. He got out of it. And other people like, you know, I would see all the established comics coming,

like Robin Williams and all those people. Right, right. Because I became a bartender at the improv for two years in 1980. And, but I would see guys like Michael Richards, you know, was getting up. We actually got up together once and did some improv thing, you know, we combined both of our times. We said we made a deal.

We said, okay, if we get called, one of us gets called, why don't we both go up and we'll combine, you know, we'll share that time spot. So one of us won't be called at 2 o'clock in the morning. Yeah, smart. What do we talk about? What will we talk about? We'll talk about what we're talking about right now. It was very surreal, you know?

And we did that and we killed. We did really good. Yeah, that's funny. And so it would be him. It would be, I'm trying to think of the. people that kind of came out of that. You know what I noticed is a lot of the comics that were being supported by either family or sponsors, people that believed in them, never really kind of went on to do anything because their life was too comfortable. Interesting. You know,

I was like, I was working, you know, part-time jobs. I had an apartment for $135 a month, which I split with a roommate, so it was 67-50 each. And I fixed it up. It was a one bedroom, we turned the living room into another bedroom. And I, I refinished the hardwood floors. and it looked pretty good, but it was small. And so I didn't have to work that much. But, you know, I wasn't getting like money from home. And I wasn't getting, you know, I didn't have somebody that believed in me that said, hey, man, I'm a best in you.

I'm a manager or whatever. So, you know, I stayed with it. So how did you find your way? How did SNL find you? Oh, my God. I've told this story. Have ever told you this? I don't think so.

You know, I hike with Phil Rosenfall a lot. Yeah. He's a buddy of mine, you know, everybody loves Raymond. That's great. Great guy. And I've told them so many stories that sometimes, every time I tell him a story now, I said, stop me if I've told you this. And so he told me about this thing that I think some partners have.

They had their dinner party. And if somebody's telling a story, they'll get the signal on the arm that they've already told that story of this group. Oh, really? Yeah, that's so funny. I've kind of come out the other end where when my friends like, Have I told you this story before? I'm like, just give it to me again. Because I don't remember it.

If you think it's a good story, I'll go with you. I don't remember any of this. Well, okay, so I was telling this story. I went hiking with Terran Killam. You know, the day. He used to be in SNL. And I was with Phil. And we were talking about SNL.

We were rehashing all. You know, his experiences in SNL and mine. And Phil was curious about it all. because he wasn't there. He was there once with Ray for a week or two, you know, when Ray hosted. So we're talking about auditioning for it. And I started telling my story about how I got on there.

And I said halfway through, I said, have you heard the story before? He goes, yeah, but you can tell it again. I don't know. I hate that. I hate having to tell stories, you know, that's somebody that's heard them already. I know.

They're good. Okay. But all right, so I'll tell you what happened. Stop me if you've heard this. I really don't. So I was, you know, I knew Dana Carvey from the stand-up circuit back then. Right.

And we shared a house in the Hollywood Hills with a couple of other comics. But he only, he lived in San Francisco and he was renting out the studio apartment over the garage. So when he was in town, he'd stay there. So we hung out a lot. And I knew him for years. And I was dating Jan Hooks at the time. And she was up for S&L. They were both up for S&L that summer.

Wow. And I was just a stand-up. So I wasn't, I was reading backstage lines. at SNL. And I was excited for both of them. And Dana got selected to be on it that summer. So he goes to New York for that upcoming fall premiere. And I'm excited. All of a sudden, I got a phone call from him. He goes, Kev, it's Dana. I'm out of Lorne Michaels, the producer's house in Long Island. I'm in the back bedroom. Guess who's in the kitchen. Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd. I said, you're kidding me. Bill. He goes, no. Anyway, Lauren's looking for one more cast member.

I told him about you. And I think he might want to see your audition take. I said, Bill Murray and Dan Actrad are in the kitchen. I wasn't even hearing the other stuff because I knew I would never get on that show. Because I don't do impressions or accents or characters. I'm just a stand-up, a really good stand-up. Oh, yes. Have I told you this story before? Okay.

I get to the end, you go, you know what, now that I think of it, you did tell me. Oh, right, right, right, right. So I send in my audition tapes, not thinking. anything will happen. Two weeks later, another call from data. Kevin, back had it, Lauren Michael's awesome in the back bedroom. This is in the kitchen. Steve Martin.

I said, no way. He goes, yeah. Anyway, Lauren liked your audition tape. I think he's going to fly you in for an audition. I said, oh, my God, Steve Martin's in the kitchen. I just wouldn't accept that I would even be considered for that show. Kevin, what was on that tape? It was the tie show with Johnny Carson.

Oh. And maybe Letterman, a Letterman. a letterman spot. Right, right. Just straight stand-up. Yeah. So I fly in New York. It's a free trip at the most, you know, or at the least for me, going into New York.

I go to 30 Rock, up to Studio 8H. I take the elevator up where they shoot the show. And I walk into the studio and I immediately got tired, sleepy, because when I used to watch SNL, I would fall asleep a lot. So it was an association thing, you know? In your pajamas. So I do my audition. Fall asleep.

I wake up. They're all there waiting goodbye to me. Now, I did my audition. And I also did a couple of characters. Dana and I used to kind of jam within the driveway of our house and the Hollywood Hills that we rented. You know, we did a couple of different characters. And any that became two of them. They both made it on to the show.

I think one only made dress rehearsal. One was called a couple of Sammies. It was like a precursor to Wayne's World. You know, it's like these two dopey guys down in the basement. And we had baseball jerseys on. I think there were Chicago Cubs. And we'd be eating Chinese takeout food, watching TV. And we were always boasting about things we were going to do.

And we're both named Sammy. You know what I'm going to do? What are you going to do? Well, one day, I'm going to get a boat. I'm going to sail around the world. And I'm going to go to every. Oh, my kid. That's another thing I'm never going to do.

Give me time of that dumps me. I was like that back and forth. It's great. Another one were these two adult actors, you know, adult film actors. And we were sitting in the makeup getting made up. And it's this very casual talk to each other. Jason, are you guys going on vacation this year?

That's nice, Judy. Make it nice for the people. Put some pinstripes on down there. That's nice. Are you going to, you know, you guys getting that new plasma screen TV? Yeah, that's that. Yeah, a little glitter on the side. It would be nice.

And, yeah, so there's all that kind of stuff. That's funny. So you, from that one audition, you got it? I mean. Yeah, so I do the audition. I fly back to Los Angeles. And two weeks later, I find myself sitting in a high rise in Beverly Hills across from Lauren Michaels.

And he's offering me a job on SNL. Oh, wild. Yeah. And I listen to him as people do. and at the end I said that's a very nice offer let me think about it over the weekend that's the way I roll baby that's how I that's how I negotiate that's how I play it how do you think I got on your show bacon bread whatever it's called did you really did you tell him you think about I did because I was I was with Brad Gray who became my manager once I got an

SNL and he had been working with me a little bit but he kind of steered me and guided to me. And after Lauren gave this long, you know, um, explanation of how he sees the show for that coming year, he excused himself to go to the restroom. It's perfect planning. Yeah. So that Brad and I can talk about it. At the time, I don't think I knew that Brad was also managing Lauren Michaels. So he said, well, you know, you got, he's offering you a job as a writer and a future player guaranteed seven, uh, you know, just tell him to think about it. it over the weekend. I said, are you serious? Yes, yeah, just don't think about it over the weekend. So he comes back and I told him, I said, let me think about over the weekend, Lauren. He goes,

all right, well, you think about over the weekend and we'll see you in New York on Monday. So the next thing I know, I'm out of Laura Michael's house at Long Island. I got a call from Dana Carvey. He goes, Kev, I'm in the back bedroom at Lauren's house. Because he's in the kitchen. I said, I'm in the kitchen now. That's me. That's me. Oh, man, oh man. that's amazing that that's a pretty easy path it sounds like uh it was it was it was it was really interesting because i think he was going more on chemistry of people because i knew dana and i knew jan i knew jane really well and jana ultimately got selected to be on after i was which was weird

because i wasn't even in a mix in the beginning oh man that must have been some that must have been a little relationship stress she well it was very stressful for her too because her mother was dying Her mother had just died. Oh, God. And then they bring her to New York. Right. And she also had stage fright. Oh, really?

Jen Frye, she had a very serious, you know, case of stage fright. So every Friday night, I would have to really reassure her she's going to be all right. Right. A lot of focus on that, you know, and I really, I didn't really, you know, my first year in SNL was, it was really kind of tumultuous and difficult. Because of that? Because of guiding her? Yeah.

while you're doing your own thing and all i mean just s nl alone is stressful yeah and when i'm trying to take care of other people at the same time i remember right before i went on to do my first sketch was mr subliminal Lauren you know in his sense of humor over five seconds away coming out of commercial that's my time now it's my first time in s&L he puts his hand on my shoulder he goes are you sure this is what you want that's great i know i love i love he's such a strange character everybody has the it seems like the the mental aspect of what he would do with people was he constant was it just a natural thing or was he managing manipulating things in a calculated way to this to this day tom i don't know yeah i mean the position he is in is very um

interesting you know it's a very unusual position because he's on the show that's been going for so long and he has all these personalities he's dealing with and he's trying to have a good show every week i see a lot of different sides of him i you know i i really like him a lot and you know i there's you know when i'm with him one-on-one and we're not at 30 rock where it's very personal and friendly you know and then i've seen sides of him where he's that businessman he's that producer where he makes everybody wait for a long time. And then, you know, we've had our, you know, everybody has their period of time with him where it's kind of, you know, not that smooth, you know, and you kind of get through it.

But all in all, over the years, you know, to this day, I like him a lot. And I just, I love watching him, that he's still at the helm of the show. Yeah, man, it's such a, such an amazing run. Just an amazing. Yeah. I mean, he's touched everybody, all these giants, of course. comedy that have come through there and that he's been the one common thing that's been there the entire time. Yeah, I don't think it'll be the same without him. It'll never be. And then if

that show goes out for another 20 years, there'll always be references to Lauren. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure they'll have like a statue of him at 30 Rock on Studio 8H as you get out, you know. But speaking of running, Tom, I am actually going to meet Phil Rosenthal. Ooh. And Will Forte at a nearby canyon for our. a hike. And by the way, you're always welcome to come. I love for you to come on a hike. No camera. One of my, one of my, uh, nicest show business moments was hiking with you on your show. Really? Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. Great. I just love that show so much. And this to be able to, I'm so glad you liked it. I'm part of it. I did it. Hey, tell people where you're doing, you're going to do a.

Oh yeah, yeah. So I, I'm, you know, I haven't done stand-up since March because of COVID. Right. And I've been, uh, formulating a lot of, uh, material areas. And I was offered this opportunity to do a show, live stream comedy through a company called Rush Tix, r-U-S-H-T-I-X.com. That's where you can get tickets. So September 12th, probably from this very seat,

I'm going to be doing an hour of stand-up, and I will have an opener, a surprise big star opener for me, who is not a comedian, by the way. Oh, really? thinks he's funny, but, so it's going to be really interesting. And the tickets are cheap. I think the tickets are $10 right now. They'll go up a little bit more once we announce who the opener is.

Right, right. So, you know, it'll be a fun. It's at 7 o'clock, September 12th, Pacific Standard Time. September 12th, yeah, R-U-S-H-T-I-X.com. Awesome. That's so great. I mean, look, I know we've talked about this a lot, but for, the last two, three years, as I would tour around the country, going to different theaters, every place I went, every green room, there was a picture of Kevin Neeland on the wall.

And he had always been there before me and I would take a picture and send it to you. And I'm here I am now in Fargo. I know. That is reassuring, though, isn't it, when you see somebody that you admire on the wall? He go, oh, he came here. I'm okay. Absolutely. He's like, oh, all right, he already did this.

I'll be okay. Yeah. And then you call them and you say, I was never at that club. I got that picture for else. Yeah. Well, when I sent you the last picture, then I was out during the pandemic in a place and you're like, you, what are you doing? Get back home. I know. Don't touch anything.

Well, you're the best. Kevin. Thank you so much for doing this. You're really. Thanks, Tom. Thanks for having me, man. I love you. Same here, man.

I think we could be good buddies if I had the patience for you. If we're allowed out of our house. Yeah. All right, man. So, Phil I say hello. I will. All right. See you later.

See you, buddy.