Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 161 - Ali Macofsky Returns

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

The always funny Ali Macofsky is back and she's eating all the bread. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Insurance isn't one-size-fits-all, and shopping for it shouldn't feel like squeezing into something that just doesn't fit. That's why drivers have enjoyed progressives' name-your-price tool for years. With the name-your-price tool, you tell them what you want to pay, and they show you options that fit your budget. Enough hunting for discounts, trying to calculate rates, and tinkering with coverages. Maybe you're picking out your very first policy. Or maybe you're just looking for something that works better for you and your family. Either way, they make it simple to see your options. No guesswork, no surprises. Ready to see how easy and fun shopping for car insurance can be? Visit progressive.com and give the name your price tool a try. Take the stress out of shopping and find coverage that fits your life on your terms. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. for Breaking Bread with Papa.

Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I am Tom Papa. Thank you for being here. We've got a great show with Ali Makowski on the program. Very funny. We've had her on before.

So it'll be her first time in the new studio. We actually spent some time in London together. We both were over there. When I performed over there, she performed with me. She's so funny. I'm very excited to catch up with her and welcome her back to the program. She's definitely one to watch, as the kids say. I want to thank the good people at,

We're all in this together, so make some room. My new book, which is out now, it's selling really well. We're very excited. Make sure you get your copy and give it to somebody, maybe bring them to the beach. It's probably a good thing to open up when you're on the beach, let people walk by and see that you've got a good. sense of humor and you're also very literary-minded. It's all about making you popular this summer,

so that's why he wrote the book. All right, so we're in the throes of summer. I have a vacation coming up in a bit. I have not grilled or eaten a single hot dog. Kind of, what is happening? Summertime for crying out loud. Well, let me revise that. I had one at Dodger Stadium. Does that count? Brotwursty. I feel like that counts. But I really am not in the full summer swing yet. I haven't had seafood yet. I haven't had crabs. I haven't had hot dogs. Haven't really had burgers. I blame it on L.A. that we live in Portland now and we haven't had sun for weeks. I feel like it's kind of killed our mojo. The rest of the, when I go run around on the book tour and touring around, it's, I don't know if you know this, Joe.

Joey, but it's summer other places. You go other places. They're in bikinis, and they're going off tire swings. And it's summertime, and people are running around like Huck Finn. Not here. Not here. I'm glad Allie's coming on the show, because she's going to, I'm sure she's not going to be happy about it either.

I have a lot of great shows coming in a bunch of different places, outdoor in Shelbyville on July 16th in Delaware. We're going to the Hamptons. We're going to Winnipeg at a casino up there. We're going to Montreal Comedy Festival, Anaheim, a bunch of great dates all this summer long. And I will be filled with hot dogs. I'll be truthful. In addition to it being gloomy, I've also had my physical coming up, which is the first one since before the pandemic.

so I don't want my doctor to think I'm just filled with hot dogs. So, but as soon as that happens, which is in a couple days from now, I'm going to go hot dog crazy. This is America for crying out loud. All right, let's get to it. Please welcome the very talented, the very funny, Allie Makovsky. Good to see you again, Allie. I'm doing this now where if I put this over in your camera, it looks like he's going to eat your face.

We were in London. Yeah. That was fun. Yeah, that was nice. I was so happy that you were there. I know, me too. I didn't have some like weird UK comic who no one likes over there. Just throwing them on my show.

Yeah. There's some goofy little British comic. Yeah. Telling silly little stories. Yeah, and you don't know if you're supposed to be nice to them or not. Yeah. And then you were learning all the other comics don't like them. Yeah.

So it was really nice that you were there. I know that worked out great. You had such a good set. Thanks. It was fun. I think that was like my first show in town on that trip. So I was like, this is going to decide my feelings for the rest of my trip. So it needs to be good. Or also I'll be like, well, didn't go out, Papa's show, not going to have a good time on the rest of my shows.

What were the rest of the shows that you did? I was just doing like little club dates. I did like a solo show. and then, yeah, just kind of like bounced around. Almost like what I would do here. Right. And was it fun? It was fun.

It ended up being great, yeah. I think the only problem was that I was there for like just a little bit too long. Uh-huh. And it stopped feeling fun. It felt like a work trip. Right. How long were you there? There for like two weeks.

Yeah. And I didn't like, I didn't take any like weekend trips to Paris or like Spain. It was very much just London. Right. And I've already, it's a place where I've been and done comedy about like five or six times. Oh, really? Yeah, so it didn't feel like this new territory, like Christopher Columbus style where I'm like, let me show you a thing or two. That's how I felt.

He was like, hey guys. How are you? How are you? I've been. Long time no see. Yeah, I came in from Paris and I was like, wow, I'd hate to be, go with a cliche here, but this food isn't that great. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Right? You're like, I just had the most amazing meals for a week straight. Yeah, I feel like they do really good, like, non-American or British food. Yes. Like, their Indian food is amazing. That Indian place that's, like, right near the theater where we were. Yes. Why am I blinking on the name right now?

I ate there five times. I ate there, like, maybe five times on the trip. It's insanely good. Why am I blinking on the name? He said me the name. He's like, you have to go there. It is, like, kind of a tour. tourist trap spot, but it does, like, live up.

It's so yummy. But it's legit. It's so yummy. Yeah. And it's also, it's filled with Indians. Is it? Yeah. So, like, we had, you know, a good amount of tourists, but most of the people in line with us were Indian.

Oh, that's, every time I went, it was very much, like, people like me. Oh, really? Yeah. Just, um, world travelers, you mean? Just a bunch of cute, old white girls on a little big kids. On a little vacation That food was insanely good Yeah

The rest of it not so hot Mm-mm mm-mm When we first got there We went to a pub immediately And had fried fish Yeah that's good like once on the trip You're like oh I'm doing the fish and chips At the pub yummy yummy

And then you're like oh I'm this again Yeah, wait no It's just all gray and brown and white I know There's some guy like giving you the shoulder on your way to the bar. Trying to fight you. Are you okay, Joey?

Yeah, I'm just going to zoom in on Allie. Oh, no. What happened, Allie's angle? Oh, no, she looks good. Yeah, closer. Is it because of the dinosaurs not in her face? Yeah. Have you done stand-up in other places, exotic places?

Exotic. I will, so the first time I went to London, I don't know if I told this story to you. I've told it before, but I was very dull. I was delusional when I first started doing comedy, and I was also drinking a lot. So it was like this perfect combination of having, like, all of the confidence of an open mic comic who has achieved nothing. And then also just like drinking and whatever. And so I had booked a trip, and I was like, I'm going to move to London.

Like, things are going great for me in L.A. I'm doing all the hottest open mics in town. And if I go to London, I'm sure, like, it'll just, everything will happen for. faster. Right. Everything's just going to happen way faster. I'm American, so I've already got kind of a quirk out there. Yeah.

And I'd never been, but in my head, I'm like, it's just going to be perfect. I'm going to go to London. I'll work at, like, a bar, you know, because even though I'm, I don't know how old, like 18 or 19, I'll be able to work in a bar. I'll get to do comedy. It's pretty ballsy at 18. Yeah, but I just crashed my car in a blackout back home. So I'm like, this is perfect.

I don't need a car there. You need a car in L.A. I'm an artist. I'm hitting five open mics a night. What? I'm supposed to just Uber to all of them? I can't do that. And so I'll move to lunch.

So I bought a one-way ticket. Wow. It's like I'll figure it out when I get there. Nice. I don't need a plan for a move like this. For my life? Yeah. No, I'll just figure it out once I get there.

Yeah. So I'm looking at these apartments. I'm looking at a place in Wimbledon. I don't even know if that's near where. But I've heard of Wimbledon. I know about tennis. I've heard. I'm like, that's a.

real city. I'm sure there's people who live there. And there's train, so I'll get into the city. So I book this one-way flight. And then I tell my friend, I'm about to leave in like three weeks or something. I tell my friend, I'm like, my big farewell. She's like, you have

a visa and everything? And I'm like, no, I'll get one once I'm there. You know, I'm working at a bar and I'll get my visa from being a barkeep. And she was like, that's not how it works. And I was like, what do you mean? She's like, you have to get a visa before you go there, you can't just get like a regular person's job. Yeah, like they don't need Americans to come in and bartend.

Like, you're not valuable in any way. No, but they don't know. It's me. Yeah, it's me. I've never bartended before in my life. I'm not even of age back home. But I can drink. Yeah, I've made a mixed drink in college.

I just blacked out. Yeah, exactly. It all tasted good to me. So then it ended up being a third. week trip. Oh, they kicked you out? No, they didn't kick me up, but my friend told me I can't do any of this stuff. So I'm like, okay, well, then I can't do it, and I'll just go on vacation.

Did you hit the open mics over there? Were they waiting for you at the airport? Yeah, everyone, all the open mic girls back there were holding up signs. Thank God you're here. We needed another person. Yeah. And so I went, I went to London. I went to Paris and I went to Berlin.

Nice. And in London, I was drinking so much. I didn't even leave the vicinity of my hostel. Like, I stayed in the one block radius of where my hostel was. Like, I couldn't be bothered to figure out the transit system. If I did need to get anywhere for whatever reason, I took a ridiculous Uber. And there was a bar, luckily, near the hostel that happened to be doing, like, a comedy show. So I go there and I'm just begging them.

I'm like, please let me on. Like, you need to see me. It would be a shame if you didn't let me go on. You would regret it for the rest of your life. Just like this insane. Were you like this your whole life? No. When you were young, no?

No. I mean, I think when I was young, like, you know, you kind of don't realize that people don't want you doing things. Right. You have this thing of like, I'm young. Of course they're going to let me do something. Yeah, whatever I want. But it wasn't like this kind of, I mean, and I'm kind of exaggerating a little bit.

wasn't that arrogant, but there was a part, there was definitely that inside of me that was like, which you need. Yes, it's gone away the older I get where I'm like, that's not really cute or charming. You don't really need me on your show. Yeah, you're going to be fine if I don't do it. But I did that one show in London. Yeah. And then I go to Paris and I'm just kind of drinking, partying.

I know that there's some shows there, but I couldn't be bothered to figure out how to do them. And then luckily I go to Berlin. And I was staying at a comics house. And so that worked out great because he was like, there is a comedy show right across the street from my house. And I'm like, proximity's great. Love to hear that. And he's like, my friends go to this comedy show.

You should go meet my friends, whatever. Luckily, there was like this American guy who was on the show. He was hosting it. So I got to talk to him. And this in Berlin, and it was like really cool. It was very, like, cavernous. You're like in the basement. but it feels like a cave.

Wow. So I hung out with him. There was this other British comic out there, and I just did a bunch of shows with them. And so that was, like, really fun. That's cool. But that's, I think, like, the most outside of London. It's cool.

Yeah. It's very fun. Because there's so many, like, expats who live there. So there's a lot of, like, English-speaking comedy shows. Nice. And that was really fun. That's good. Yeah.

Oh, I forgot. I had Fred for you. Oh. What if... I want to, like, dive into it now. You can eat it. I'm so hungry. You can do whatever you want.

This is from my friends at Lodgebread. I just had all of these people in my house. My daughter was graduating high school. So exciting. So my baking, I was baking and trying to get you enough. Yeah. And then everyone took it. I'm just going to get in there.

Yeah, get in there. Okay. Oh, yeah. How's it love? Oh, yeah. It looks great. It's very soft. Yeah.

Oh, is there? What's in it? Is this olive, Joey? Yeah. Oh, it's olive. Do you like olive? I like olive. All right, good.

I'm going to steal something of your bread, too. Their olive bread is really insanely good. It's like a little bit of a hole there. Yum. Right? Yum. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I need a little bite. Yeah, so good. Mm-hmm. I would like to go to Berlin. But, you know, there is a part of me. I was like, this is one. That show was really great. The audiences were...

really the thing. It was like, I had a sense like the English audiences were going to be great. It's far. What, London? Yeah. The whole, you know, there's shows everywhere now. And if it's tied to a vacation, I could see it like being like, this is really going to be fun. But to go all that way to do shows when we have so many shows here. Yeah.

It's like, it should just be a pilgrimage to hit fans that you haven't played. and also see some great stuff. But I don't, it's tiring. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's a long flight. I like to go, I like to go there like once a year. Just so that way I'm like, here's my new stuff. Right.

Kind of build that, not like an, I don't know if I even have an audience there, but it's like, it's just nice to kind of like showcase in a way. Because if I'm doing all my stuff here, I'm like, I don't even know how long I've been working on this. But when I go there, I'm like, oh, okay, here's something new for you guys. And it feels nice to be able to do that. That's smart. There's always setting something up, some kind of metric that keeps you honest and makes you work.

It used to be for me doing late night sets, like whatever, Lenno or the Tonight Show or Letterman, like Conan. It was like, okay, now I'm working on that next set. Yeah. So it would just keep you writing. Just something, some goal. Yeah. Is really smart. Yeah.

What was your first late night appearance? My very first late night appearance was, was it Conan or Letterman? I think it was Conan. Okay. God, that's so weird. because I feel like it might have been Letterman. Do you remember how long had you been doing stand-up when you got to go on late nights the first time?

I was probably doing it from the time I started. But, you know, when you start and you do like one set every three months. No. I would say it was probably five years. Yeah. Yeah. And do you feel like it happened at the right time? Do you feel like, oh, this should have, like, when you got it, were you like, this should have happened a year ago?

Or like, I've been waiting to do this for a year and, oh, now you guys want me on? Or was it like, oh, my gosh, this is perfect. I was definitely impatient. Yeah. I was definitely impatient. I was trying to get on Conan for the longest time. I feel like I did a Conan before Letterman. Okay.

But I don't have a memory of that being the case. I had, like, this monumental set on Conan that, like, got me in my TV. show and all that kind of stuff. So that kind of overrides the other stuff. But, yeah, man, it's very interesting. I'll have to look it up. They were pretty close, but I definitely was with Cohn and with Letterman, with both of them. I was like, I'm ready, and I couldn't break through.

Yeah. I could not break through. And the funny thing about the Leder, the Conan one was the guy who was blocking me, who was like the Booker, who I became friendly with after. his last name was smiley and i'm like how is my comedy career being held up by a man named smiley just feels like a slap in the face yeah but i definitely felt like i was overdue like it was but i kind of also wrap my head around i'm only going to get better yeah i'm only if i they can make me wait another year i'm going to be a year better yeah and they for whatever reason they're

not putting me on, but when it happens, I'm going to be stronger than if I did it tonight. Yeah. And, but it still makes you, it doesn't really calm you down. Yeah. When you see other people getting it, like, my turn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Did I ever tell you that tonight, the Letterman story? No. I love Letterman. Yeah. So cool. I know. Did you watch him in his show? Yeah, I mean, a little bit.

Yeah. More of Letterman Now with the beard. I love Letterman now with the beard. I love old, you know, kind of learned letterman. Right. More progressive in some ways. Yeah. Because all those kind of hosts back in the day were dogs in a sense.

It was kind of the time, too. But, yeah, it's funny seeing him now. He's got kind of that, who's that music guy? Rick Rubin. Yeah. Is Rick Rubin the one who just wrote the book? And he's like, I don't even know what? I'm doing.

He's just like very zen. The producer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's kind of Letterman's vibe now. Right. I can see him like living in one of those streamliner RVs just by the beach.

Like who knows, who cares? I know. But yeah, growing up, I mean, my mom loved watching late night talk shows. Right. And I would just stay up and like watch those with her and

right. It is a weird thing right now that the talk shows have been dark for a month. Yeah And I was doing a interview on a morning news show in L.A. One of the first questions was... Which morning news show?

KTLA. I love... Big fan of KTLA. Yeah, they're great. And he asked me straight out, like at the beginning, there's been no late night shows. You think anyone notices? And I was like, not really. Yeah, as soon as you said that, I was like, oh, yeah.

Yeah. It's like, I mean... What are they doing? I missed the clips on Instagram the next day. But, I mean, with my book coming out, I really wanted to go do Kimmel or Colbert. So I was, there's definitely still an audience. Yeah. But it's not what it was and it keeps becoming less what it was.

They need to bring it back like, well, first of all, they're so cheesy and overly produced now. There's so many gimmicks. which get good views on YouTube, and maybe they should keep those, like, just for the digital side. Yeah. But the show, like, I miss, I mean, even though this wasn't technically, like, late night, but even, like, Chelsea Handler for panel show. Yeah.

I think panel shows are so fun. Like, uh, like that British guy who I love, uh, what's his name? No. Um, uh, the guy, uh, Craig. No. No. No. He's a, he's a British guy.

Oh. The guy with a big head, the older guy? The older guy, he sits on a red couch. They have all the celebrities on. Oh, with the red couch. I love him. I'm blanking. He does, he does, like, James Corden style.

Yeah, but, but Corden's a little too charactery. Yeah. You know? Oh, damn, what is his name? Craig. Craig. Craig, his name's Craig something. It's not.

No. It's something. No. And he would get all, like, the biggest celebrities. Yeah. He would get Tom Cruise. Oh. Come on.

We're really brain farting here. It's because we're hungry. I know. I'm in a carb deficit right now. Yes. But that show a little looser. Yeah. A little more fun.

Yeah. I know. I know. It is so formulaic now. In the ads, there's so many ads. Did you find it? Come on. Oh, we have an internet problem here.

Oh. That's the one flaw with the studio right now. We can't find the password. It'll come to us, but whatever. I think it's within R. Maybe just because you said Rick Rubin. But I think it's Scott, something Scott? Hmm. People are so mad at us right now.

Well, I'm going to tell you the quick Letterman story. Yeah. Just because it's so funny. And during the story, it's going to come to us. I was doing Letterman for the first time, and I was nervous. My friends told me, you've already done the set. This is just, like, rounding the bases. You already hit it out.

This is just, have fun, whatever. It's just like any normal set. I was like, okay. So people say, it's so annoying. You're like, it's not. There's cameras. There's lights. I'm wearing an outfit I've never worn before.

I look like I'm going to a wedding. Dave Letterman's right over there. Paul Schaefer's right over there. I'm in the Ed Sullivan theater. But the whole day I'm just like, it's a normal set. It's just a normal set. The guest, the lead guest is Tom Cruise. It hasn't been on this show in 15 years.

Is this pre- or post-Opra, do you know, when he's jumping on the couch? This is post-Opra. Because I remember clockingly still kind of doing it. Because in between, he's like, I haven't been on in so long, and he's really pumped up. He's doing his Tom Cruise thing, and he's making the universe come to him, and he's doing it big time,

and they take a break, and he's running up and down the aisles. He's, like, saying hi to the audience, and he's, like, touching the people, and I'm like, oh, my God, this is just a normal set? It's just going to be a normal set. The electricity.

I've been in some buildings with Madonna, him, where you feel that they're in. the building. Like you literally feel, because they, they're so electric and they're turning everybody else on and everybody's just buzzing and you literally can like feel it. Yeah. But I have a set to do so.

I'm just like, it's just like a normal set. It's just like a normal set. And towards the end of his segment, they bring me down the elevator and I'm waiting at the door like to go out onto the thing and he's doing this thing and the door swings open and a sweaty Tom Cruise is leaving the stage and he sees me he's like you're up next it's great out there and he gives me a hug a sweaty Tom Cruise hug yeah and I'm like this is not a normal set it's not going to be a normal anything but normal oh my god it was insane and then I went out there and just kind of like did my thing yeah but yeah it was you there did you see him afterwards

Or did he? No, he was with... Katie Holmes? Not James Cameron. Who's the one that directed... Oh, man. He directed that Rolling Stone movie. Oh, almost famous?

Yeah, he directed that. And then he directed Tom Cruise and something like Orange Sky or something. And the two of them were there, and then they took off. Yeah. I thought I was going to get some cruise time. Do you get nervous?

Like now, if there's celebrities watching or... Yeah, if I know someone's in the audience. Yeah. Yeah. I'll still... Is the thought, like, I hope they like me. Yeah. I hope they really like me.

Yeah, it'd be nice to be invited to, you know, Celebrity's dinner party. I saw this guy at the comedy store really funny. Got to have him over. Yeah. And it's nice to be a part of that kind of stuff, and it's nice to have... But then the other part of it is, like,

I never want to do anything. Like now, as soon as this is over, within the next two hours, there's some premiere for Robert Downey Jr. has a new docu-series on Max, which I don't know if that's HBO or what that is, but it's about cars and he's going to, it's a premiere kind of thing for that. And I got invited to it. And all I've been thinking about since I woke up is I got to get out of that. Yeah.

Yeah. Do I have to go to that? Where is it? It's at the Peterson Museum. There's like a car museum that has a theater, I guess. Yeah. It's over in Hollywood. R.D.J. He'll be there.

He will be there. It's kind of exciting. It is kind of exciting. He's going to give a talk after an interview moderated by Zach Shepard. Who's Zach Shepard? He's married to Kristen Bell. Oh, Dax Shepard. Jack Shepherd.

Yeah, I love him. You love him? Yeah. I've been listening to podcast recently. Oh, really? Yeah, I'm not a big podcast person. Uh-huh. Listening to a lot of Marin.

Oh, yeah? Great, great interviews. There's great stuff in there. Who would have thought? You know? It's going on like 20 years at this point. I know. Just finally getting around to listening.

Like, oh, wow. Letterman's on here. It's so weird, though, listening to, like, podcasts. And then I go to do one, and I'm like, oh, look at me, doing the thing I've been listening to. Is Dax Shepherds good? Dax Shepherds is great, yeah. Is it?

Yeah, I really like it. He did one with, um, or no, I listened to Dax on Maren's podcast, and it was really good. But I also like Dax's podcast. And I think we're neighbors. Oh, yeah? Kind of. He like, I live in this area. Uh-huh.

Where if you go just one block. Yeah. If you go just one block, uh, I don't know, northeast one way. Yeah. If you go north, just one block. It's so nice. Uh-huh. But then literally just right across the street, you're just in the slums.

It's crazy. I'm like, I'm one block away. I'm right there. Right. Because you're driving up to my apartment, it's like, yikes. You go one block. I'm like, why do they live? Do they know that, like, do they say the same thing?

Like, I live in this beautiful neighborhood, but one block south. Yeah. Yeah. Don't go in that way. Yeah. If you go that way, lock your doors and turn back. That was in New York was fascinated me. Yeah.

It was like the same thing. Like one block away, you're like in like paradise. Well, and then it bums me out because I'm like, oh, when I get money. Yeah. And I want to move to a nice neighborhood. Even though I love that neighborhood that he lives in, I'm like, I can't live there. It's too close to where I was. It's not like, oh, Ali's moving on up.

Oh, one block. That's all. She's just one block away. Yeah. Yeah. It is strange. But sometimes I do take the long route home to drive through. that beautiful neighborhood?

There is something about it. I was doing a podcast. Everything's in podcast form. In Beverly Hills yesterday, Rachel Hollis's podcast. And it is really nice when you're driving through Beverly Hills into the canyon. And it's like, yeah, they really figured it out over here. They know what they're doing over here. This is, I'm like, I live in a nice place.

And then you're like, hmm. Could be nicer. Could be nicer. I love where I live, but it's just so dirty. Yeah. And I never cared about that until I got a dog. And I walk my dog and I feel so bad for him. I'm like, oh, just right over this glass, just a few needles.

Just move past that. L.A. is definitely that kind of a town. Yeah. One block, just tent city. and people struggling and then what now I'm in the skated community and nice museum and it is strange. Do you have a, do you have a socialist bent to you that feels like I should be with the people? Or do you have a capitalist desire to run as fast as you can and get to the winning team? I'd be out of there quick.

Oh my God, I'd be at Robert Downey Jr. docuseries premiere. Oh yeah, immediately, I'd be like, bye, bye, everyone, be safe. Good luck. Do your best. Yeah, good luck. I'll be over here if you need me, but don't come too soon. Don't come. It's so funny. I was just with my nephews who are a little more socialist,

and I can't tell if it's because they're... It's easy to be a socialist when you don't really got much. That's what I'm thinking. I'm like, is it because... But also, if I... If I had all the means to be living a bougie lifestyle, I would hope and I would think that I'm the kind of person that would want to give back in some ways.

So I think there's like a balance to it where I'm like, you know, I'm with the people right now because I don't really have too many options. And I like being with the people. I'm happy to be with the people. It feels nice. I like my neighbors. I like getting to know them. Oh, but if I can get out of there, I will be out of there.

Yeah, that's how I always felt. And yeah, you still want to help people out and you're not, you vote the right way and do the right things. But at a certain point, you don't want to have to brush roaches off of your futon when you're bringing a girl home for the first time. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like, yeah, I was trying to figure, like, is it because of where they're at or do they really feel for all of the people? I think it probably is more personal. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. I was just talking about this. You know how like some people are like, we should cap how much money you can make? Like someone like an Elon Musk or Bezos. Or Bezos, yeah. It's like what's the point? At what point?

Do we, like, is it just the freedom to make as much money as humanly possible and that's beautiful? or is it like should there be a cap? Right. And I was talking to someone I know who's very, very wealthy. Uh-huh. And from their perspective, I'm like, yeah, if I was in his shoes, give me all the, why cap it? If I'm making it and I earned it, why cap it?

I'm like, but what do you need at a certain point? Mm-hmm. A certain point, like, what do you hold on to all this for? Yeah. You need to provide for your great, great, great-grandchildren one day? There's no, yeah. Yeah, there is that, there is a weird thing, because I've been around really wealthy people.

Yeah. They still carry, as absurd as it sounds, they still carry a, I can lose this all tomorrow. Yeah. Kind of a thing. Or I think it's more like I can get more. I don't think it's, I can lose it. It's like, this isn't even enough.

There was a great New Yorker cartoon of a rich, guy on a bench on his phone in a beautiful suit and a homeless guy on the ground next to him picking through some garbage and the they shared the thought bubble it both said I got to get more money yeah yeah yeah exactly I'm like there should be something where like once you make a certain point yeah and I'm talking like a crazy amount I'm not talking about just regular rich people I'm talking about stupid, dumb, crazy rich people. 500 million or more. Yeah.

Right. Maybe even a little bit lower. 100 million or more. I'm sure. 50,000 or more. The crazy thing is, I'm sure once you're at 100 million, I'm sure it's like, oh, this isn't that much. I'm sure when you have it, you're like, this isn't that much. Yeah.

Yeah, I have all these houses. I got all these staff. Yeah, but I'm like, there should be a requirement. You got to give some back to, like, charity or, I don't know. It just... The cool move is like the Warren Buffets and the Bill Gates's and Bezos's ex-wife. Yeah. We're like, oh, this is insane.

Yeah. And I'm giving this all away. Yeah. And there's like kind of some, you know, spiritual principle of like, when you give it away, you receive. You know, when you're not in fear by holding on to it. Yeah. And you can just kind of like let it be what it is. That's what I say when I go shopping.

I go, I have to spend to get it. More will come if I look good. I'm helping all these people. I'm employing all of these people. What would Nordstrom do without me? Yeah, I'm almost done with tuitions for my children. Yeah, that's costly. Yeah.

I feel like that's going to be my Jeff Bezos moment. Yeah. When I don't have to write tuition checks. Which I've been doing most of their schooling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's why I dropped out. It was for my parents.

That was nice. I didn't want to burden them. Did you drop out? Yeah. What year? But I had my own money for college. You did? Mm-hmm.

Oh, nice. How'd you get that? From being a child star for a few years. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah, it was much, but it was enough to put me through college. And then I was like, what if I just went to Coachella every year instead? I think that would be really wise.

One year? Did you make the whole year? No, I went a few years. A few years. Oh, oh, oh, for college. Yeah, just one year. Yeah. Coachella a few.

Yeah. I graduated Coachella University. Magnacum, loud, or whatever. Don't even know how it's pronounced. I didn't get that far in college. Yeah, one year. That's enough. You saw it.

It was enough. It also wasn't like a prestigious school in any way. I don't think if I had graduated, it would have helped. But now I do think about maybe going to a university to take a class or two. Oh, yeah? I think you're allowed to do that, right? You could totally do it. I don't even know if you have to enroll.

I think if you just walk in and act like you know what you're doing. Yeah. You know, as a comedian, you just walk into a theater? Yeah. And they just like, they just assume, oh, you must belong here. Every place I do, they go, oh, you're here a little bit early. Do you have tickets for the 7 p.m.? And I go, my face is right next to you.

I really. I'm here all weekend. You didn't just look at the face once and go, she'll be coming at some point. It still happens. It's crazy. It happens. And so I'm very, and then I'd much rather go this way when I walk in and go, hey, I'm Tom, Papa. I'm on the show.

Yeah. Yeah, we know. I'd rather than be that, then can we have your ticket? Yeah. And then you have to say that, yeah. So I try and lead with it. That's smart. Yeah.

That's smart. I got to try that. Yeah, give that. Sometimes I just walk in and I'm like, hey, anyone home? I did have a moment when in my career where my strategy was when I was, when I, I walk in and they, if they say, can we have your ticket and your headlining, that my response was, fuck you. Like in a fun way or like, fuck you?

Yeah, no, and it's kind of in a fun way. It was the second way, but said in a, it was more like, fuck you. Yeah. Like, you obviously made a mistake. Yeah. But I got to say, fuck you. That's fun. Yeah, that was fun.

I, um. Didn't last very long. because I felt mean. Yeah. There's a lot of new door guys at the comedy store. Uh-huh. And I'm not, you know, I'm not a paid regular there. Right.

But I'm sure, like, like, I see it happen. I did it when I was a door guy at the comedy store. I wouldn't know, like, the most popular. Yeah. Right. But what do you do at the comic? Because that's like a home club. Does that ever happen?

No. They're also kind of, you get to drive in. I get to drive in. Yeah, I have to walk through the front, through security. Yeah, no, when you drive in, they're always on walkie-talkies too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tom's here for his 9-10 or whatever. Yeah.

I'm excited to go back because I've been on the road so much. I haven't been there in like a month. Mm-hmm. I'm really excited to just go do like normal sets. Mm-hmm. Are you at the improv at all? Very rarely. For any reason?

And laziness. Mm-hmm. Because Robert Downey Jr.'s not there? Yeah, he's never at the improv. I know. I heard machine guns. Gun Kelly was at the comedy store. Really?

Yeah. Oh yeah, I think I saw a photo of that. Yeah. So random. Yeah. Did you have a problem with some comic for some... Oh, yeah, I think... Yeah, someone was getting in a fight.

Right? Yeah. Who was it? I don't know. I forget. Yeah, he was like fighting someone. Yeah. Joey, did you hear that rumor?

Come on, Joey. We need your... Man on the street skills. You need to know all this. the events going down. The young guy knowing the hustle. At the comedy store. Yeah, and he didn't like some,

some comics said something that he found offensive for some reason. Well, maybe. Maybe? Maybe. Didn't like his joke for some reason. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like if I was a celebrity,

I'd be like, I'm going to shut up. I'm going to sit in the back. Yeah. But if you're a machine gun Kelly, you're kind of like a punk guy. Yeah. I don't know. I'm at an age where,

Whenever I'm into find new music, I have to ask, how long has this been out? Mm-hmm. And is it cool to like it? Yeah. Because it's not, just and it doesn't happen to me anymore. I'm not in circles where I just learn it and know it, like, when I was younger. Uh-huh. So I've got to kind of ask those two things.

And I was on the Peloton exercising, and the teacher gave a shout out to Machine Gun Kelly. Was he in the exercise? He wasn't there, but he said something about his music. but this guy is pretty close to me, the instructor. Yeah. So I'm still, I'll ask you. You're like, are we supposed to know this at this age? Yeah, I was like, why?

He's saying it, but I don't really trust his street sense. I'm going to say no. No? No. I don't think it's your vibe. I think there might be other people who are roughly around your age who maybe I'm like, sure, yeah, that fits. But I would say I'm going to pass for you in MGK. All right.

I just took a soul cycle. class for the first time. Oh, yeah. Is that similar to Peloton? It is with certain teachers. Yeah. Yeah, it's the motivational teacher. It's brutal.

Yeah. Oh, my God, my butt. Oh, my, it was so sore. I was like, did it, yeah. Yeah, it's intense. So intense, but I like the lights. They turn the lights down. They put, like, kind of like strobe lights on,

so I felt like I was in a party, but just sweating on a bike at the party for some reason. So brutal. No cocktails being brought around. No. No pigs in a blanket I don't like I don't like the soul part of it

I don't really like You know what I mean Too much soul Too much soul I don't like when I have instructors That are too hippie, crunchy Oh I love it We're all in this together guys

We can do this I love that I like the soul Less cycle more soul Yeah I like cycle with like a Old gym coach Yeah Going give me 20

Yeah And that's it I just started working out. So I've been like, I've been doing class pass. So I'm just kind of going around to a bunch of places. And it's so fun to see all the different types of like teachers there are. Because everyone's got their personality. There's one girl who's like very valley.

He's like, okay, guys. How's how are you? Okay, yeah. Okay, so I'm just going to adjust this. And she's so like, like, she's like the perfect, like, Valley, L.A. girl. And then there's this woman who reminded me of Da-Marer. Like she kind of looked like Dom a little bit And she just like kind of didn't give a

She's just like put your legs this way She was like Russian or something Legs this way quit straight back That's enough And she was just so like funny But without really trying Yeah And then there's this guy at my yoga class

Very I told him today I was like do people tell you You remind them of Matthew McConaughey He's like yeah all the time Because he's just always saying this stuff He's like You've been breathing this stuff whole time and you didn't even know it and you just got to let the breath happen to you just lay

back nothing's happening right now no opinions no judgment put your ego to the side and like this is so beautiful so which of those types of teachers do you vibe with the most i love all of them i'm such a teacher's pet yeah because i'm so out of shape that i'm like i think i did something wrong i might like i just want them to know that i'm like kind of trying and also take a break a little bit yeah yeah i'm like this doesn't feel right It's so fun. I did yoga for a long time, and it was hard because I'd find all the teachers that were a little too. Soul.

Yeah. It's too much soul. And then I had this one teacher who was like, all right, we're just going to do one oam and get into it. Okay, now stretch. I was like, perfect. Yeah, you just want to be told what to do, no little gimmicks. Yeah. And it was good.

Like, she would center you a little bit and give you like the proper. proper yoga thing of, you know, no judgment, but not further than that. Yeah. I like someone real chatty. I want to go on like a mental journey, someone to take my mind off of what I'm actually doing. Why are you starting to work out and you feel, is it mental just to give you? I think it's a little bit mental, but then I also like looked at my body in the mirror and it was the first time that I was like, whoa. What? What's happening?

Because I've never, I mean. Why did you gain weight? Oh, yeah. I don't even know if I don't really oh yeah no I stepped on a scale and it was the first time that I saw a number that I hadn't seen before and it was only like one pound heavier but I never crossed that threshold. I was like whoa new digit up there okay my new goal weight is my old never been fatter weight yeah it's like that's my like what I used to think was getting too fat like don't grow through that threshold that's now my goal yeah Yeah, well, I just, like, looked at my body and I was like, that's sitting a little different. And this doesn't. And then I was like, I was getting, I was getting annoyed that I had to walk my dog.

I was like, I got to get up and walk the dog. I'm like, I'm 27. Yeah. Why am I like, oh, the dog. I have to walk it around the block one time. That's exhausting. It is true. So I just, like, got on this kick and I've been doing it for like three or four weeks, but I've been going every day.

Every day. Even on the road. Wow. Maybe sometimes even two times a day. Really? It feels like open mics, like the early days where I was just excited. It was new. Figuring out what I liked.

What do you doing on the road? What do you mean? Class pass. No, no, no. I can't do. Class pass. You can go anywhere anytime? Yeah, unless you're in like really the boonies.

Yeah. But you can pretty much find any kind of like exercise class. Oh. I do better in classes. Yeah. Yeah. You like being around other people? Yeah, because I'm not, because I don't think it's good.

but if I'm not the worst person in the class, oh, I'm feeling good about myself after. I go home, I tell my boyfriend, I go, this one person, they said flat back, hunched over, like Notre Dame, and me, flatest back in the class. Oh, it makes me feel so good. I'm like, I should teach. I should get a certificate.

I got this. But then when I'm the worst in class, I just lean into it. I'm like, oh, look at me. I can't do anything. I'm giving up every five seconds. There is definitely, I ran to a guy in an L. And I was like, who's in his workout stuff? And I said, is the gym good in the hotel?

And he was like, yeah, I saw it. It's pretty good. But I'm not going there. I'm going to a class. Because I just, if I'm with other people, then I know I'm really working out. I'm too nice to myself in the gym. Oh, yeah. I was like, yeah, there's definitely something to that.

I just, I don't even know what to do in a gym. Like, what are all these devices? Now I got to learn new equipment. I got to learn how things turn on and speeds. What's your favorite class? Is Soul Cycle? No, I did it once. I'm not going to do it again.

No, I did not like it. Too clubby? It was just so fat. I don't know. I'm like, when am I going to need this stamina? Yeah. I'm a comedian. I want to be fit, but I don't need to be like,

I don't need to know how to cycle up a mountain. Right. But I like a Pilates class. I like a yoga class. That's pretty much it. I'm just doing those. Yeah. Yeah, it's always.

I'm always suspicious of comedies with too many muscles. Yeah. Too good a shape. That's me with anyone, regardless of who you are. What's it for? Right, exactly. What's it for? How much time you're spending on this?

Yeah. So what are you doing the rest of your time? It's crazy. You don't have any other time. And so even if you were preparing for like the apocalypse, it's like your abs aren't going to help you. It's more mental at that point. You got to kind of outsmart people and be a little witty and charming.

Yeah, exactly. But yeah, I like a... And I do like the mental part. Yes. And I really learned that. I mean, I, you know, I worked out forever, but I realized the importance of keeping my head straight during the pandemic when I would work out all the time.

That, like, stopped me from becoming, like, depressed. Yeah. Crazy person. Yeah. It was definitely what the before and after working out is pretty profound. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

That's why it's nice, too, I think, like, being in a class, it's, like, one hour. You get to see people of all different, like, walks of life and bodies and yada, yada. Yeah. Plus, it also motivates me, because I'm like, what if I'm the off-random chance that someone in this class knows who I am? Uh-huh. I can't be the person giving up every exercise. They're going to go to their friend and be like, Allie is really bad at exercising. She's funny at all, but...

Try and pretend that someone in there's a fan of mine. I walk into the class. Like, they probably know who I am. But give them a little show. I had one time I was in Denver on a treadmill and I'm running along and this girl came up to me. He goes, I think I know you. And I was like, yeah.

And she's like, and that's something in me stopped myself from saying, I'm a comedian. I've been on TV. I didn't say it. I was like, oh, really? She's like, yeah. Mrs. Rubin's homeroom? No. In Woodcliff Lake.

I know. And she was right. And I was so relieved that I hadn't gone to the TV thing. Yeah. She knew me from grade school. Yeah. Oh, wait. So it was someone you knew.

She was right. Oh, wow. She was right. Oh, wow. That's so funny. I know. I know. Then I told her, you know, I am on TV.

I'm just humble. By the way. Yeah. Just so you know. Yeah. And I would get C's in that class, didn't really need it. Yeah. I always knew I was on to something bigger or better.

I always knew my path wasn't in the education field. So do you not drink at all now? Mm-mm. Zero. No, but I was in Vegas this past weekend. Doing what? My boyfriend was on a little work trip, so I got to, like, play reverse uno and be like, what's this like to be the little partner who gets to tag along? Yeah, who has nothing but downtime.

Yeah, but then, of course, the first day, I'm like, are there any comedians who are in town? I'm driving. I'm like, Google who's in town? It's like Seinfeld. I'm like, I can't contact Seinfeld. You won't let me open. He's like, Nate Bargotsie. I'm like, don't know him.

And then there was like some local shows that I got to hop on. And you did. And I did, but we were at this club one night. He had to go for work. He didn't have to, but I wanted to see. I've never been to like a Vegas night club. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

And it's not really my vibe. It's fun. But I'm, you know, I'm wearing. jeans and a long everyone's wearing like sexy little outfits with their heels I'm wearing like tennis shoes and jeans yeah but the

the service the bottle service lady she comes by she's like what can I get you guys she's like we have orange juice we have cranberry juice we have red bull and I'm like oh that's so nice they know that me and my boyfriend don't drink so they have all these like juices so I'm like oh I'll do like a cranberry juice

And so she gives it to me And I'm like Immediately I'm like Oh of course They're not doing baby service They're not giving out milk And orange juice and cranberry juice Like I'm a toddler

Capri Sums all around Yeah It was like a mixed drink So I took a little sip and spit it out But that's the most recent time I drank I guess For how long? I haven't drank in seven years Whoa

Yeah So you just knew it was trouble Yeah My mom's in alcoholic it's in the family you know so i i i see two ways in which it goes down and yeah even just early on i'm like this isn't good especially with comedy yeah being new and someone said and this is one of those instagram things that but i could kind of linger on it that in or it might even be one of those repetitive youtube things that pop up all the time yeah that drinking will be looked at as

in the same way that smoking was in the next 10 years. Well, I feel like there's already a trend of people who Everyone's like kind of moved on to marijuana. Right. Everyone's kind of like, there's this term like sober curious. Mm-hmm. Where people are like more sober by choice. Right, right.

Yeah. Yeah, I feel like it's, it is very just like there's a lot of like negative. A lot of negative. At least with like hard alcohol. I think if you're having like a glass of wine in night that's. you know, nice. Right. But even a night.

Why every night? Right. What's the edge? What are you trying to take off? Yeah. Yeah. It is a thing. It is a thing.

Your body really does feel completely different the next day. Yeah. If you don't have that thing. Yeah. It's not that bad not to have that thing. It's that same thing with like the mental aspect of it where it's like the next morning just being like, I'm a loser.

Everyone hates me. Yeah. This is who I am. This is my true self, just sitting on the couch, hungover, sweatpants all day. That is not to plug my book, but there is an essay in my book called There's No Cure for a Hangover. Yeah. And that that is actually the one joy, the very melancholic joy of drinking, is that really unearthing how awful you are the next day. Yeah.

Like really let it wash over you of. all the reasons you hate you. Yeah, it is kind of a nice, nice excuse to be like, well, today's my, like, piece of shit day. Yeah. I deserved it. Yeah. I get to sit on the couch, watch my reality shows, do nothing.

Yeah. And it's completely excusable. Yeah. Because I'm garbage. Yeah. Yeah. Caused by last night. Yeah.

Yeah. Does your, is your boyfriend not drink for the same reason? Yeah. Yeah. He used to do, like, drugs. Oh. Yeah, he's one of those.

Bad boys. But he's also been sober for like six years. But we happen to just meet on like Tinder. So it's just like purely coincidental that we both. It's Tinder become the like it's like a proper date me app now. I remember being a little bit more reckless. But now several people have been like, yeah, we met on Tinder. I think it's you choose your own adventure.

Right. You want to be reckless. It's a great play. I was doing some of that. on there at one point in my life. And then it was also during the pandemic that I re-downloaded it. Because I got on Raya at one point. Yeah.

They let me on. Wow. They let me on. I did not match with any hot people. But I got, I was on Raya, and that's like the dating app that's like kind of for like cool people, cool adjacent people. So it's like there's some celebs. There's some people that you're like, you must do something cool.

Right. But no one wants to meet on there. Everyone just wants to know, what wants to see people. Oh, really? It's like exclusive Instagram. It's like, let's see what John Mayer's photos on here are like. What song did he pick is his music? And it's like, you match, you're like, please, John, please notice me.

And then no match. You're like, okay. But then if you were to match with someone, you're like, want to meet up, they're like, nope. Nope. Nope. But if you want to follow me on Instagram, that's perfect. So then I got on Tinder because I'm like, I need to be with the people. Socialist Allie.

I was like, let me go with the people. Yeah, go to Tinder. Then I met my boyfriend, but I, like, went into it being like, let's meet at a coffee shop. Let's go on a few dates. Proper. Take it slow. Yeah, that's good. Slow is the key.

Slow is the key. Slow is the key. I'm trying to get Abraham Lincoln back out there. Ooh. It's coming off of a breakup. And he's just so fast. It's just like he wants to Tinder and then just get down to it that night. I'm telling him to slow down.

Well, I think if you meet. someone on Tinder and you see it not going the distance. Sure, have fun. Right. You know, move fast. Have fun. Right. Yeah.

If you're like, oh, maybe this person should be my family. Right. And take it slow. Then take it slow. Yeah. That's smart. That's good advice. Why don't you listen to that?

He's really. You think you'll see you when you go back? Yeah, I think I will. You will? Yeah, probably. Probably say hi. I got some of her clothes, so. Just leave them on the.

the front doorstep. What's the point? It's done. I know. There's not a great point to it beyond me feeling sad afterwards. I know. That's the guarantee. I know.

Yeah, that's hard. Yeah. Yeah, relationships are weird. How many times a day do you check her social media? Like, not often. Probably never. You know, I think I'm all right. I know some people who are like, you have to block her, you know, you have to.

I don't have a big problem. like checking in too much. I do think we're like sharing location still or she's sharing her location with me. Oh, I love that. I'm so nosy. Yeah. Just to know where they are.

Yeah. I think one of the cameras might have turned off. I heard a noise. Is that one? Yeah, I think it's this. This one we need to unplug from the charger. It's too far. Got it.

We hardly use that shot anyway. Yeah, that shot sucks. Where are we? Location. Oh, I love watching people. This is a fun little trick. So sometimes I'll, like, send my location to a friend. If I'm meeting up with them, I'll be like, hey, I'm on my way.

And I'll share my location on my iPhone. When they click the link, it'll say, do you want to share your location with Allie? And they go, yeah, sure, why not? But they don't realize it'll stay there. They don't turn it off. For the long run. So I'm following my sisters. I'm following my boys.

My friend. I'm following my friends. And I'm just. It is pretty great. Oh, I love it. And then when I'm on the road, I get to see, like, who is the closest to me, you know, based on where they live. I have it with my daughters.

Yeah. For safety reasons. But I'm sure they're young, so they probably know, like, hacks. Like, if you put your phone when they're at their friend's house, they put their phone on, like, airplane mode, and then it stays at their friend's house, even when they go wherever. Yeah. And I try not to point out that they might hear this because they love you, but in the hope they'll watch this. But I try not to point out that I do check once in a while because I don't want them to think I'm going, you know, following them.

Yeah. But one time my daughter was studying in Europe and I just checked and see her. And she was in the Sen, in the river. Oh, no. And it was just like going back and forth in this. river. I was like, okay, this is probably a reason. And then she called me later on. I was just on a boat. I was like, oh, I thought you were in a garbage bag with some rocks in it. I get nervous. It was so bad. Yeah, my mom got her privileges revoked from find my friends because I was

hooking up with this one guy who lived on like, I think the street was like Gramercy. And I go over to my mom's for dinner and she goes, hey, Gramercy, girl. Oh, no, no, no, no. What's up this grammar, see? No. And I go, you're done. You're done. That's terrible. You're done.

The fact that she knew the name of the street. I'm like, you're watching it way too much. Yeah. You're seeing how often I'm going. She's zooming in. No, you can't. If you're going to do it, just be quiet about it. Be quiet about it.

Are you quiet about it with your friends who leave it on? Yeah. Yeah, I don't tell them. Do you ever test their, test their truthfulness? More so with my boyfriend. I like to nitpick everything he does. He's like, oh, I'll be about 17 minutes. And I go, no, I just put it in my map.

It looks like you'll be closer to 25. So let's just get the expectations at the right level. I got these air tags, you know, those Apple air tags, which I got it. I thought they were smaller. I was going to put it on my cat because he goes outside a lot. You can put it on the little collar. It's big, though. Is it?

It's like that big. Yeah. It's kind of like you can have a weak neck. No, but I mean, just Hang out there. I can't support the air tag properly. I feel like it's going to be like the coyotes are going to see it and be like, you nerd.

Shiny little air tag. Yeah. So I don't know what to do with it, but I did read a story. It was like one of those ethical things in the New York Times. Like, is this ethical? And a woman put, slipped it into her boyfriend's luggage or backpack

to keep track of where he was and didn't tell him. Is that ethical or not? Yeah, it is. Put it in his shoe. Put it in. Anything. Anything he has.

Slip it into his neck. Wall it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Feed it to him. Let it digest and marinate in there. Yeah, there's so many, like, they're creepy because they're so small that a lot of, there's TikTok.

TikTok really sensationalizes so many things. Yeah. Like, I'm being tracked and followed. I found an air tag. Yeah. But it is kind of scary how easy it would be. It would be. To just slip an air tag in your car on the way out and be like, let's see where Tom lives.

Yeah. It's freaky. It is freaky. I don't think it's happening as often as people on TikTok make it seem. Yeah. Have you seen those videos where they're like, if you find a zip tie on your door handle, you're being, you know, targeted for sex trafficking. And it's like a 70-year-old woman. And I'm like, I think.

Yeah. I don't think, yeah. I know. I know. TikTok makes everything like. My daughter just keeps coming up to the kitchen, like, do you hear what's, you hear where the tsunami's coming? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's not happening.

And, like, all my friends' kids said the same thing because it was all trending. Yeah. The tsunami day. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Back when I was in high school, we had an event on Facebook because that was the hot app at the time. Yeah. There was this thing on Facebook.

It was a scheduled event, and it was like a group that the world was going to end because of the Mayan calendar. Right. It was like something, something, something 2012, I think it was. Yeah. But everyone was like, this is it. Last day of school. The whole world's going to change right after this.

Yep. Just so many, like, yeah. I know. Now TikTok is like that every day. Yeah. I do love it, though. Yeah. Is it your favorite?

Yeah. Yeah. It's my favorite to just kind of mindlessly scroll. Yeah. Instagram gets a little bit more. Why is Instagram Reels not become TikTok? Well, that's what they're trying to do. But it still feels like grandpa's TikTok.

Yeah, well, the whole thing, it's like TikTok was an app that started where you didn't have to follow anyone you knew. And the whole thing was like, here's a bunch of strangers, let's see what you like. Like, okay. And now it's like perfectly set up for me. Right. But Instagram, I still have, oh, my TikTok thinks that I'm a single mother. It's like all these parenting hacks. It's like things to know before your first one comes.

And I'm like, I'm not planning on having a child anytime soon. I don't even know if I want kids at this point. But my sisters, my sisters are having babies. And I'm just like, I want to know everything. I want to be the best aunt. Right. I want to send them things that I think might be helpful. That's hilarious.

So they think you're a mom. Yeah. I did. I watched my sister give birth. You did? Yeah, I just happened to be there. It wasn't like planned. What at the mall?

We were at the mall earlier. That day. She was going into labor at the mall. Oh, that's so weird. Yeah. And then, uh, and then we went back to her place.

And then, yeah, she started like having contractions and everything. And then she like waited too long. She like didn't realize she should have gone to the hospital. So she's like, okay, I need to go now.

And I thought I was, she's wearing like a one piece outfit. And I was like, I'm going to have to like scissure, cut this like a fireman and just rip it. The baby's going to like slide down the pant leg of this one terrible outfit for the day you're giving birth. Yeah.

But then we got to the hospital and I think she was just so much was going on. She didn't even say like get out of the room. Oh, really? I just was there and I was like, I'm going to be here. So how quick from when she got to the hospital? She was like in labor at home for a long time. And then when she got to the hospital, she was still in labor for maybe like an hour or two. Okay.

Yeah. But it was nuts. I used to be like, oh, I'm having kids. I love kids. I saw that. And I was like, maybe I should. No epidural? No epidural.

It was too late because once you got to the hospital, they're like, oh, you're 10 centimeters dilated. Oh, man. You're pushing the baby out now. Oh, so you heard all of the fierceness. Oh, it was crazy. Yeah. Yeah. And then I'm picturing myself in these workout classes.

I'm like, I can't even do a Pilates setup. And now, like, watching her do that, I'm like, oh, I'd be like, I'm done. Yeah. I'm done. Episiotomy. Yeah. You know what that is? No, wait.

What did you say? Episiotomy? I know, is that a Bible chapter? That's when they... Ecclesiases or something? That's when they have to make an incision. Oh, in the lady part? In the lady parts, because you need a little more circumference.

Yeah. There's always adoption. Yeah, but then you still have to give birth. Oh, to have a child. Yeah. Yeah, and I think if I were to have children, I wouldn't be opposed to it. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, if you get them. It's messed up, but I was going to say, I'd want to have a newborn. It's kind of messed up. It's not very nice. No. Most people don't adopt, so I think it's nice that I'm even... Some people like use cars. Some people don't.

Yeah. Some people like at least, you get a new one all the time. Yeah, I don't know. Well, I realized I'm just very selfish. And for me, and I, that's why I'm like, at this point, definitely I shouldn't have a kid. Because I'm picturing, I'm like, well, I want a young baby if I'm adopting, because then they're more form. Formable.

Yeah. With an older person who needs to be adopted, you have to be patient. 16 year old? You have to work on their trauma. Yeah. I don't have time. I got to work on my own trauma. Right, exactly.

Yeah. No, you want them, yeah. You want to, as new as you can get. Yeah. But maybe when I'm... You could volunteer for the older kids. I think that would be cool. I see those TikToks, the people who help let the kids come in for like a night or two while

they figure out their next home. That seems like a nice... Yeah, like a half a half a... Wayhouse? Kind of, yeah. Foster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Foster could be good.

I think that would be awesome. Yeah. I always want to do all these things, and then I just run out of steam. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm not going to be around. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to be on the road.

Yeah. And this kid's going to be exciting because this is our wiffle ball day. But I got a corporate gig in Phoenix. Yeah, like, great. Now my new dad is leaving me. Right, exactly. Just rehashing their trauma. Just breaking my heart all over again.

Yeah. Maybe it's like immersive therapy. Yeah. They're like, this isn't your fault. Yeah. Yesterday on a work trip, he'll be back. Right, you're learning. Yeah.

Exposure therapy. What's going on with your shows? I took a little bit of a break. I was getting really tired. Yeah. So I'm taking a little break. I'm working on, I stopped doing my podcast. So I'm working on this new YouTube kind of series.

Oh, yeah? I don't know when it'll be out, but I have like two episodes down. Got to get some more kind of backlog. No, not scripted, like podcast style, interview style. Nice. But just something a little more exciting and fresh. That's good. And then, yeah, I should be going back out in about a month.

Are you going to be in Montreal this year? I am. Will you? Yes. Yeah. Yes, I'll be in Montreal. I just found out. Nice.

Yes. We should go out for food. Oh, I would love that. Yeah. I was thinking about that this morning, actually. I should make some reservations now. Yeah. Oh, that's smart.

To some of the good places. Yeah. It's so funny. I'm a big eater. Like, I love eating. Yeah. I was just at dinner last night with my boyfriend and his mom. And his family, like, they just are normal.

They're normal eaters. They eat when they're hungry and then they stop. And anytime I eat around them, they look at me like I'm a circus animal where they're like, they're just jaws on the floor. They're like, more, you're doing more of that? Yeah. Ooh, look at her. Yeah, I don't make this kind of food at home. I'm feasting.

That's what you want to hear from. your boyfriend's parents. Look at her go. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Hungry girl. That's funny. Well, that'd be cool.

You've got to come back when the YouTube thing is up. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That sounds great. Yeah, I've been going really hard, and I feel like I'm going to have, like, one week off or, like, two weeks off. I'm really looking forward to it. But I'm sure, are you better after all these years of, like, I mean, you have, like,

such a regular life outside of stand-up? Is it easy to kind of get back? Because I realized I'm like, I have no kind of system in place for when I'm traveling a lot on the road. And then I come home and I'm like, okay, I need to do laundry. Then I need to pack again. I have no kind of like schedule or consistency. Yeah.

And it was really tough. That is tough. Well, maybe if you pick one of those classes and make that consistent, set up some structure. But yeah, like I would come back and it's like, okay, now it's the house life, the family life. And it was just boom, boom, boom, it's all a ton. Yeah, I know what you mean.

It's when you're adrift, it's not easy. When you have too many, too much free time and too many options, it's very confusing. Yeah, and that's why I was like, I need to take a little break to like prioritize, figure out what my goals are. Like, do I want to be a road dog and just grind in and out? And it's like, part of me. Yeah, I enjoyed that.

But is that all I want to be doing? Yeah. Yeah, no. No. I'm going to say no. I'm also saying no. I'm saying no. I think that was a thing that I figured out really early on.

Yeah. Was that can't be the only place where your living comes from. Then you're, you know, then why even live here? Totally. Like you want to be in places where there's opportunity for other stuff and then feed it and then go tour the right way. Yeah. But, you know, you see those pictures, black and white pictures on the walls of some of these clubs. And you're like, who's that?

Yeah. One was this person? He was there every year. Yeah. Ten years and then burn out and then gone and no one knew who they were. Yeah. It's tricky. And just creatively, when I was on the road, after a while, I was like, oh, I'm not really trying anything new.

I'm very comfortable just kind of doing what I'm doing. So it was nice to come home. I have, like, some new material I'm excited about. And now I'm like, oh, I can't wait to, like, do these shows. Live your life. Yeah. Congratulations about the bread. I'm glad you.

Yeah, thank you. I think we did well. Yeah, we cleared like a quarter of it. Yeah, and we didn't make people upset. If we give things that are too chewy. Oh, yeah. Sometimes people get angry. Yeah, sorry.

It's great seeing you. I'm glad we caught up. Come back soon. What do you think of the new setup? I like it. You like it? I like it. All right.

It's got cameras. It's got mics. It's got. I'd tell you need. That's all you need. Tell you need. An Italian restaurant across the street. Wish I had time I'd go with you.

Whatever. I'm going to put an air tag in your bag. In my car. Yeah. We got it, Joey. There you have it, kids. Ali Makowski, very funny. Make sure you go see her.

Check out all her social media. Check out her site. She's hilarious. She's very funny. Maybe we'll even do some shows together. Maybe some West Coast shows. on the tour as we kick off. Go to Tompapa.com, look up all of my dates,

and you can also find the book there. We're all on this together. And also the Breaking Bread podcast. Wait a minute. You're already listening to it. You crazy, kids. We'll see you next time. Lazzang sur-gillet,

puissance-moined, for 15 minutes. We're like it's their dojo. Pre-to-Jew? Vive the pleasure with Leo Jo. The casino on-line that proposes the more recent machine-assoo and the show of casino in direct.

Profite of 50 tours gratuit on Big Bas, Bonanza, without exigance of mis, and with payments instantane. Hey, I've gained. Woo-hoo! Sentire the pleasure.

Play-Ojo! 108 and plus, 1, 1,000 depot only, exuberant in Ontario. 50 tours gratu on the machine to sue, Big Bas, Bonanza. Depos minimum of $10.

Devoys show to a responsible. The conditions apply.