Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 162 - Jay Leno

Episode Date: July 4, 2023

Jay Leno comes back to the safety of comedy - no helmet required!    Thanks to our sponsor Nuts.com! Right now, Nuts.com is offering new customers a free gift with purchase and free shipping on orders of $29 or more at https://www.Nuts.com/PAPA.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, it's also a show. Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I'm Tom Papa. Thank you so much for joining us once again. We've got a good one for you today. The one and only Jay Leno is on the program. Jay has been a comedy workhorse for over 40 years, and he joins us on the podcast after not one, but two,

cheating death scenario. One lighting completely on fire, another motorcycle accident, and he is up and he is walking and he is still filled with jokes, and he comes by to spend some time with us today. He's a workhorse. We'd like to thank the good people at nuts.com for sponsoring today's show. Nuts.com is a great service. If you want nuts or berries or snacks of any kind, I've got some gummy bears dipped in chocolate, I've got some dried apricot. a lot of things in my pantry because of nuts.com. Nuts.com is offering new customers a free gift with purchase and free shipping on orders of $29 or more at nuts.com slash papa.

That's nuts.com slash papa. So go check out all the delicious options at nuts.com slash papa. You'll receive a free gift and free shipping when you spend $29 or more. That's nuts.com slash papa. Also, a little plug for my book. We're all in this together, so make some room. Thank you to everyone who has bought it. Sales have been nice and healthy, and I like that they're spreading the word.

If you can, if I may ask another thing of you, if you could review it, it would be great. If you got it from Amazon or Barnes & Noble's, wherever you got it from, if you could go on and review it, give it a good review. even if you don't enjoy it or know what I'm talking about, just give it a good review. It helps with the sales, and it helps with spreading the word. And it just, you know, feeding the algorithm, kids, feeding the algorithm. So this is the big Fourth of July show.

This is dropping on the Fourth of July, but you probably shouldn't be listening to it on the Fourth of July. Maybe you are. Maybe you're driving around, getting ready with some potato salad in the back, a pack of hot dogs on your lap, and heading off to see some friends. maybe get an early spot at the fireworks,

whatever it is, happy Fourth of July to you. It is one of my favorite holidays. I truly, truly love it. And I know some of it's nostalgia, and some of it is just creating these habits through the years of always getting together with my family down at the beach and having a good time, and it's definitely attached to that,

but it's also deeply attached to just the love of the country. And I do not feel that that is anything to be ashamed of. I very much love this country and what it has given me and the opportunities and the ability to criticize it when it's wrong and try and make it better. And it is still a unique, unique, special, special place. And I'm very happy to be raising my family in this country. I'm very happy that my dogs are running around in this country. I'm very happy that I've got a suitcase filled with cigars from another country.

That's what this country gives you, freedom. And it really does. And I know it's easy and it can be fashionable to beat it all up and say it doesn't matter. But to me it matters. And I'm not saying it has to matter to everybody. But to me, I just truly, truly enjoy and love living here. our time and this is my time and this is what I've got and this is where I landed and make the best of it. It's very easy to just completely rip things down and and push them to the side and complain and say I'm not a part of it and be cynical and smoke a cigarette and lean against the back wall.

You could do that. That's not how I'm going to do it. I like that I get to share this with you. I like that we get to celebrate and that's what life is all about. complete celebration. So I hope you have a great Fourth of July and I hope that you get to grill up some good stuff and have some corn and maybe some berries and some of those weird pies where you put the big things of whipped cream on it that you don't normally do and just enjoy the hell out of it. Happy Fourth of July. Thank you for listening and he, oh, and enjoy the great Jay Leno. He was very kind to come and spend some time with me. I love just talking about comedy with him. He is not a guy that is going to get all touchy-feely, but he is going to love talking

purely about comedy, which is one of his loves. The other love is trying to kill him. The other love is cars and motorcycles and everything gassy and greasy and steamy, and it's dangerous, and I hope I'm glad that he's safe, and I'm glad that he was able to come and spend some time He's always been very generous throughout my entire career, inviting me to the Tonight Show many, many, many times, and always giving me a spot and very kind to my family. And I'm just happy that he's still alive. Enjoy Jay Leno.

Good to see you, Jay. You too, you too. Thanks for being here. Thanks. So nice to see you. Are we on now? Yeah, we're on now. Oh, no.

Yeah. Okay. Wow. All right. This is high tech, baby. Where do we start? First, I'm glad you're alive. That's very kind.

Thank you. The other I'd be talking to another pizza guy. That's right. So, yeah. Really. I mean, in the last several months, you were on fire. You crashed a motorcycle. I lost some weight.

It says it's crash and burn, don't it? Crash your motorcycle and then you catch a fire, and you lose weight. I mean, it works. Actually, lost about 20 pounds. Yeah, you look thinner. Why did you lose the weight? Well, when you're on fire, you don't really have that much of an appetite. So that would, you know.

How scary was it? It wasn't scary at all. People catch on fire all the time. You know, when you're a stupid celebrity, real people get burned up all the time. Like I always say, people love to see rich people get sent on fire. So it's not, you know, it's not, it wasn't bad at all. It was it. We did the whole thing at eight days, you know.

What do you mean the whole thing? That's a whole brand new face A whole new face? Oh, it is, yeah. For real? Yeah, yeah. First of all, you're amazing. Well, yeah, I'll show you.

There's never... Yeah. Yeah, see your hand. You've got... Yeah, you can still see some of the burn there. So, God. So it just... A car just...

You know something? It's better than a broken leg. At least you're not hobbling around. God, it must have hurt, though. Be on fire. Was it completely like, did you know you were on fire? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you tend to know when you were on fire.

No, no, I didn't pass out. Oh, Jesus. For God's sake. I'm a man's man. No, but I mean, it's like, please, Harry else you. Okay. Okay, well, that's what it's, yeah, that's what it looked like you brought me in. Holy shit.

Yeah, it's not good. Oh, my God, Jay. Yeah, not good. There's no saying that's not a big deal. Your whole face is off. It wasn't that bad. Your face is off. I know. In fact, if you look at the next picture, see, they sawed it off.

That's a circular saw. They cut off. See the laying new skin in? Ah. See? Oh, my. This is a brand new ear. Jay is showing me complete surgery of them putting a whole new face on. New ear. A whole new ear, that's a not your, yeah.

It's my ear now. No, it's fine. Oh, my God. But this is your attitude with life. You're just always like, nah, it's not a few. And the motorcycle accident accident is worse because when you, I got a broken collarbone and two broken ribs. So with fire, the pain is constant. You just get used to it.

I mean, that's what it is right now. It just hurts. It still hurts. Well, no, it's okay now. But when you got a broken rib, it's like when you cough, ah, ah! You know, that's that kind of, so that one is actually, was actually worse. Oh, my God. But it's okay.

So does this make you think of your adventures that maybe you should be, uh, getting a rocking chair maybe and just sitting on a porch and relaxing a little with some lemonade. You know something, at least when you crash a motorcycle, you catch on fire. It's still better than slipping in your pat-boom walking bathtub. Because then you're like an old guy. At least you get some street credit. You know, if people find out you crash, you know, you got an 83-year-old motorcycle with a 73-year-old guy on it.

Well, what could happen, you know? Right. But, no, it was okay. Jeez. How did the fire start? I was working on a car and I clogged fuel line and I said, just blow a little air through the line there. And it freed a hit me on fire and there was an open flame because there's a steam car.

So I caught fire. Jesus. All right. Oh my God. You're like evil-coneval. No, it's not like evil. It's worse. No, no.

I never said, literally, no, no. No, it wasn't that bad. From seeing those pictures, The seeing your face is incredible. But you know, the doctors were eight days. They did the whole thing. God. Because there's like one of those things that, oh, it's going to take 12 weeks.

You don't paint a car one for a time. Do the whole thing. So boom. Just do the whole thing in a week. Oh, my God. You live in one of those compression chain. What do they call it? Hyperbolic.

Hyperbolic, yeah, yeah. Oh, really? And that kind of speeds things up, yeah. Jeez. What does that mean? You're just in like a tube? Yeah, it's so funny. You're in a tube.

and the glass is like two inches thick, you know? So you're in there, and they're like, okay, just knock on the glass. You need anything. Okay, so I'm in there. I'm like, getting hot in here. And I see people talking, well, you know, well, you're like right there. They don't even seem I'm going, I'm going. I mean, yeah, it is, if you're claustrophobic, it's not good.

Yeah. Yeah, it's all tricky, but it was okay. That's what I was thinking with that submarine thing. It was like I could not get in that submarine. If it was in my yard, I couldn't get in that submarine. You know what's so odd about? I mean, this is what I love about America when the story first broke. Yeah.

And one of the people is a billionaire. Like, okay. Like, suddenly their life is worth more than just regular people that are on the plate. You know. Yeah. Yeah, that was a class, boy, that was just bad all the way around. You know, I love free enterprise, but that's a classic case of just run amok, you know, because, you know, Elon, he does it. He sends rockets into space.

Okay, but there's a lot of checks and balance in the place. I'm no export, obviously, but this didn't seem to. I work with carbon fiber, and it just wasn't tested. It wasn't tested enough. Carbon fiber is very strong, but not under compression. You know, this thing had done a bunch of it. trips. I mean, how many times can you bend a coat hanger until it breaks? Right, right, right. And you've got that steel. It compresses and decompress and compresses and then eventually it's just

going to go. And that's, and apparently it happened within the first, like Sunday, fairly, what, an hour and 45 minutes into the deal. As soon as they lost contact, that's when they think it imploded. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's a sad story. And it's. Yeah. I mean, it's an odd. because it had two billionaires. Yeah. I mean, you had a ship off of, not some of those, like, 700 people went down. No one cared.

What? Well, I mean, it didn't get the coverage. No. You know, I mean, so, yeah, but I mean, it's one of those, it's got all the men, it's got billionaires, it's got the Titanic. All the ghosts from the Titanic. Now you have another dead millionaire down there,

for people to visit when they're going to next thing. And if you go to your left, you can see the, oh, okay. I mean, I'm not making light of it. I don't mean it that way. But I mean, that's what happens. Now it becomes another. But I think this puts pretty much the cabash on the underwater trip thing. Yeah, exactly.

I mean, it's such a frightening. Oh, my God. It's like five guys in a minivan. That's what you're in. Yeah. And you're not even in seats. No seats. You're just lying on the floor.

Oh. And, you know, you can get the James Cameron video, which shows you, the Titanic. You can beautifully shot with the underwater camera. You see everything. Yeah. This thing, you're looking through urinal glass, you know, that thick, you like to have in the men's rooms. You know, that thick glass where you can see an image on the other side, but you can't quite make out of it. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't quite get it. I don't get it either. I really don't. I mean, there seems to be that thing, these guys, they just, I think they're bored. They just get, they get so much money. They just don't know what to do. Well, you get on, you know, there's that weird thing because you can afford something.

Right. You must be good at it, you know. Right. People say, why don't I race cars? Because I'm not a race car driver. I am not an athlete by any stretch of the imagination. Yeah. Just because I can afford the car doesn't mean.

I enjoy cars. I enjoy driving it. Yeah. I enjoy pretending I'm a race car. But I don't think that I am. So consequently, I don't, I see a lot of guys and they enter races over. I just had these tires. I could win.

It just had this. Yeah. And they wind up, you know, it just gets a little crazy. Yeah, yeah. What was the first real car that you got? The first one that was like, I'm now, like, in show business and I'm buying a fun car. Oh, I don't know. I don't know.

I've always been interested in cars and motorcycles. So it just, you know, it wasn't like, oh, I got the car now I'm in the... Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, probably the McLaren F-1 would be the... Yeah. That was the epitome. That was the big. one. Yeah. You know, I bought that car in

99, and I paid $800,000 for it. You're crazy out of your money. The last offer I got was 20 mil. So it's... 20 mil? Yeah, so you don't... They only built 64. Oh, my God. Cars are actually a pretty good investment. If you know what you're doing, you know, if you buy

what you like and you're reasonably well informed, chances are other people like it too. Right. And when you get something they're not making any more of, you know. Yeah. When people pay big money for a car that's coming out that they're going to produce you know forever

well those ones don't really go off in value because you just buy a new one right right when you have something that came out they only built 64 the company went under they can never build them again okay yeah yeah what do you like more comedy or cars you know comedy

pays for everything I mean I like the comedy the best yeah I mean it's because you know Most of us can't do, most people can't do anything. Some people can do one thing. Right. And I can do one thing.

I'm a huge believer in low self-esteem. I think it's the key to say, no, I mean, seriously, because if you don't think you're the smartest person in the room. Like when I got the Tonight Show, let me hire the best producer, the best lighting guy, whatever. And I talked to friends of mine to get shows, and I'm fighting with the lighting guy now. Well, what do you know about lighting?

I mean, your mom doesn't like it. All right, but what does that? I mean, so to me, just let people do the job that they do. Yeah. You know, that was always my thing. Everybody,

tell me if I suck. Right. Please, just tell me if I suck. And people would go, Jay, the show tonight sucked. It was very good. Okay,

what was wrong? All right, thanks. You know, and I always appreciated them. I think that's why we were able to stay down for 22 years

because you weren't fooling yourself. You know, when you, how many times you see a guy do a Tonight Show monologue and it's geared to that audience where they hit the applause sign and people laugh.

Then they do it in a club, and it gets nothing. Right. Because it's like it's a TV monologue, you know? It's meant to get applause as opposed to real laugh. Right, right. So, no, I think low self-esteem is the key to success. Right.

Which too, because then you go, you know, this guy seems smarter to me. Let me put him in. Okay. You know? Yeah. What about in the early days when you were showing up at the clubs and going after it? Because you had the reputation of being the guy. I know, I was a good guy.

I mean, you just do what you do. But you knew you were good early on, right? Well, interesting. Early on, I had no idea, because I had never, I did this for a year before I ever met another comic, really. Oh, yeah? Because I started in Boston. And Boston had, you know, thousands of colleges with people with no money,

you only be entertained by people with no talent, because, you know, they put a candle in the cafeteria, be the two-toe cafe. Stop you warm, Machine Man, you know, all those kind of folks. And comedy was not something people did. It just didn't seem. You had Cheech and Chong, which is sort of alternative comedy.

That way. And then you had guys like David Steinberg breaking out kind of big. You know, prior to that big change, comedians were older Jewish men who were funny-looking. You know, Alan King and not an honest, funny-looking, but I mean, he just had that old man persona. Henny Youngman, Rodney Day DeVille. Hey, the kids today, you know what I had so long? My pants are too damn tight. I tell you that right now.

You know, just that kind of attitude, you know. And suddenly you had Robert Klein, who was, that was my hero. I love, because he was most like me, just a regular guy. You didn't have a gimmick. I mean, if you were a minority, you could play off of that or whatever might be. But just being a middle-class kid from a nice, nice. parents in a nice town. There wasn't a lot there, but that's what Klein

was. And I watched him, I thought, boy, that guy really has an interesting angle on him. And across Carlin, those guys. I mean, I remember George when he was straight George. You know, he'd come out in a suit and tie. Yeah. And do the hippie-to-be weatherman and all

that kind of. And very funny, very funny stuff, you know. Yeah. And I remember when it was Burns and Carlton. Carlin. Do you remember Jack Burns? No. Jack Burns used to be on the Andrew Griffith show. It was Burns and

was it Alan, but he used to be a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember that guy? The guy used to do that. You're going in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and then Jack Burns broke one off on his own. And he got on the Andy Griffin show and I think he would place

Goober or somebody, one of the characters there. Yeah, but he used to be Carlin's partner. Right. Yeah, it was Burns and Carlet. And they used to do a two-man show. It's funny to watch. Yeah. It's a crazy thing to watch.

The Carlin's story, I mean, you know, people have heard it a lot, but as a comedian, it's kind of mind-boggling because he had a following and he had people who liked him. And then to take that risk of turning off all those people to go in another direction. Yeah. It's pretty ballsy. Yeah, yeah, it is. It took real gusto.

I remember when Rodney, before he had no respect. He was a comic. I mean, but doing... Just straight. I remember one of his routines, he used to make me laugh was about... This is your pilot speaking.

We're on flight so-and-so. And he's doing the thing. He says, look on the left side of the plane, you can see the remains of Flight 418 that hit a mountain. You were with me on that one, what's your bum?

That always made me laugh. It always made me laugh. But it was so different for Rodney. And then he got the no respect thing. Yeah. And then the whole thing took up. You know, Rodney had to grow into it. Yeah.

You know, it's real funny about Rodney because he was a comic, didn't have much success, quitted to sell aluminum siding. Right. Became an extremely successful luminous. He had like 50 people working for. Did he really? Yeah, he had aluminum signing company. I mean, the idea of, what do you sell aluminum signing?

It all came from Rodney. Right. so many times. People use that as the show business job you get when you're not six. He didn't get back into Tullius, 44. Amazing. Because he had to look like his act. Right, right.

I mean, I always tease Seinfeld. You know, when Seinfeld, he was on one of the early shows, Mer Griffin or something. And he looks so baby-faced. And he's time, hey, you know, you get a hooker. I called him, I go, hooker, what are you? 12? Look, I get 12 years all you.

It was just so funny. You couldn't really do those. kind of jokes because he didn't look like it. With Rodney, with the, you know, with the shirt one size too small and, oh, I tell you, he's sweating all the time, you know. He really had to grow into the act and become that guy. Yeah. And it was funny.

Once he did, there was no stop in him. I saw a thing up at a club of Rodney's jokes. It was his set list. He kept all of his set list for the Tonight Show that he did. And it was crazy because it was the joke written out. Right. And like when I make a set list, I would write the heading of the joke, like, you know, baby walking or whatever. Right, right.

His bold face was the punch line. It was always the punch line. Right, right. It was always the did, do, do, do. And then boom, two lines of like what the punch was. Yeah. And that's how he set up his joke. And it's really funny, you know, because he was always, he wants to hear Johnny is stealing one of his jokes.

He got banned from the show. No, really? Yeah. I never heard that. Well, he got back on again. Yeah. But he saw The Tonight Show, and as often happens, I think, I don't know where it happened.

This is the case. Maybe it's just similar that somebody, because Rodney kind of thought, not that he wrote all the jokes, but, I mean, he said it to me because once I, there was a Viagra joke that seemed really easy about, I gave my dog Viagra, and now he's a pointer, you know, okay. Right.

And I had done some versions. of that because oh that's funny and then I heard Rodney doing the Tonight Show and I stopped doing it because I know Rodney would think oh I saw a tie tree he took up right right so he was always very guarded about his material and actually got like a shouting match with Johnny over it or something really and then he finally apologized to Johnny and I got back I didn't even back in again

wow yeah and that's so hard I mean there's so many especially if it's current jokes yeah and the host of the Tonight Show I mean every night well you know you had to watch all the other shows to make sure, you know, and if you did have something that was similar, then you were accused of stealing. Whoever, if you were the fan of Conan, you stole it, if you're a friend of Jay, Jay stole it. Right. You stole, whatever, you know.

It just got a little stupid. Yeah. Did you ever see, would you see Rodney around, like in the clubs at that time before he was in respect that? My wife and I stayed in the storeroom at Dangerfield. They put a cot back there. My wife and I lived there for the two weeks I played it. Did you really?

Yeah, yeah. You guys come in a can of tomato sauce. You know, they take it off the shelf. You know, we'd have to get up and get out of the store. Oh, geez. Yeah, Rodney was always... Was it good to you? Yeah, I like Rodney.

Well, you've probably heard this story, but I had Rodney on the Tonight Show in 2004. You know, my thing, I used to love when... watching Johnny be the straight man. You know, things are rough running. Oh, Johnny, I'll tell you it earlier. And then Rodney would say a line and then Johnny would just repeat it.

Oh, things are bad. Oh, Johnny's so bad. You know, I thought, wouldn't that be funny? So when I got to do that with Rodney, oh, that was like the greatest thing. I just thought that was so much fun because I used to love being the straight man to run. Things are bad, Ronnie?

Oh, yeah, I tell you, things are bad. How's the dog? Dr. Vinny Boombots are not good. Whatever it might be. So I am. You know my doctor. Yeah, yeah. So 2004, I got him on the show.

And he comes out, and I noticed he's sweating a little bit. I mean, more than the usual manic, you know. And the hand movements are off by a hair. I mean, I think as a comic, you or I would notice it because we, you study the way the other performers work, you know? I don't think the audience did, but you know how he'd touch the time and go, oh, I'll tell you. Well, it was a little arm, and he's doing fine. You know, so I'm watching them.

I said to Debbie, our producer, while he was doing the stamp, I said, Roddy's having a stroke. Just call the paramedics just in case. She goes, hey, I go, no, I do, really. Okay, so. Rodney sits down. Hey, Jay, I tell you, that there's great crowd.

And we do the whole thing back and forth. Then the show's over. Rodney's and the drive, and he's fine. As the show ends, the paramedics show up, you know, I said, I said, Rodney, the paramedics want to take a look at you. I look like you're having a stroke. Well, he did have a stroke.

Whoa. And they took him out in the stretcher. Whoa. And then he's in the hospital. He died a couple weeks after that. But one day I'm at home and I get a call from Joan, his wife, you know. He wants to have Rodney. He's going to call me.

You got to come to. Okay. So I go out to the hospital and Joan is there. And just a great wife. You know, she really love Rodney. You know, a lot of people think, oh, she's a beautiful girl and Rodney. But she really loved the guy. I mean, you know, she liked to laugh and, you know, was, you know, watched out for him,

left and right, you know. So I look at Rodney's line who his eyes open, but he can't do it. And Joan says, Doctor said he can hear us, but he can't respond. So I'm telling him how much we love him, how great he was to all his comics. So Joan says to me,

Jay, put your finger in Rodney's hand. She goes, Rodney, if you know it's Jay, try and squeeze his finger. So I put my finger in his hand, I feel like just a slight squeeze. And I went, Rodney, that's not my finger. And Rodney's shoulders don't like it. And Joe goes, he moved, he moved, he moved, he moved, he moved!

Yeah, and oh, we all, you know, and so he died right after that. But to get a laugh from Rodney. Oh, my God. I mean, it was like, you know, I don't mean that to be a cruel story. It's a great story. But it's just, I'm just to make Rodney to get one last. One last laugh like that. Oh, God.

Yeah, it was really cool. It was really fun. God. It was really nice. It was kind of a comedic send-off. Oh, my God, that's amazing. Was he as tumultuous as of a personality during his prime as you kind of hear? Like, it seemed like he was a furnace that was, or like, a furnace that was always about to blow out.

Well, you know, he would walk around in an open robe backstage at tonight. I mean, close a row. Would you play? And he wasn't like, it wasn't like, Cosby where he's like, ooh. Yeah. You know, but you just like, oh, sorry, yeah. No, it's all right. It's all right.

Yeah. It's just very funny, but I mean, he just. Yeah. You know, he was with Lenny Bruce. He knew all those guys. And Joe Ances, do you know Joe Anst? Do you know that name? No, I don't know that name.

Joe Ances is probably one of the most famous muse. By that, I mean, people who help you be funny. He made Lenny funny. He was one of those guys. I guess the analogy I would make to our friend Kevin Rooney, he was no longer with us. Rooney was one of the funniest guys. Whenever I get together with Rooney or Seinfeld, Whenever we're talking on the phone, I think we each come away with something we can use.

It's a funny phrase. You know what? I may have come up with it, but wouldn't have come up with if Seinfeld hadn't given me the lead in or vice versa. So you always like talking to people here. And Anciss is one of those guys who would sit with Rodney and Lenny Bruce and, you know, do jokes. Jokes you, quote, couldn't do, you know. Right. And it was interesting.

Yeah. If you read, ladies and gentlemen, Lenny Bruce by Albert Goldman, Anciss is in there. Was he a performer as well? No, no, because he, I think we're scared to death to go on stage. Oh, really? Yeah, he was not a performer. He was what we used to call a table comic. Yeah.

You know, like you'd go to, it was the green kitchen in New York, it was cantress here. Comics would gather, they'd sit at the table, and you'd throw bits, you'd talk back and forward. Yeah. There were a lot of guys like that. There are guys whose table act, I think, was better than their real act. Yeah. Like, nobody funnier than Johnny Dark. Johnny Dark would kill people at the table.

And then his act was good. But, I mean, it was more of a tradition like Quebec. Yeah. But the act he would do with the thing, you know, at the table would be some kind of off-the-wall thing being hit on by a guy or whatever it might be. You know, something that people didn't do back in those days. And he was really funny. He was a good tablecom. Yeah.

And that's what Joe answers was. Before his Lincoln phase. Right, right, right, right. Exactly, exactly. Right. Nuts.com is your one stop for freshly roasted nuts, dried fruit, sweets, pantry staples like specialty flowers, and more. You go to Nuts.com like I did, and you just go through just like a little walkway

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It must have been. seems like such a great I mean everything looking back and always seems like nostalgic and stuff but it seems like that era of you guys at the improv and the comedy store kind of making your way

well it's interesting because it's not like now where everybody's a comic back then there weren't enough comics I mean there's a phrase I always thought Bud Friedman who owned the improv should have made it

his autobiography two singers and you because the improv the improv was set up for Broadway singers to hang out. Bet Middleer would come in. I remember Barry Manilow was a piano player. You know, all this kind of stuff. And Broadway singers

come in, they do a couple of their show tunes or whatever it might be. Yeah. And then, oh, then a comic, there were never enough comics. Amazing. You know, and I drove down from Boston to audition once, and I got on because there weren't any comics. Just the numbers thing. Yeah, yeah, it just wasn't something people did in the same.

It was a serious time. College kids were protesting the war. So doing comedy just seemed like, oh, passe. Right, right. But then when it happens to the comedy store, at that point, I mean, when did you get the Tonight Show? What year was that? I got to the Tonight, well, I started guest hosting in 86, 87, 87.

I guest hosted for five years, and then I got the show in 92. I mean, when you walk through the comedy store now, all the pictures are of that era, right? I mean, it was prior, it was. Yeah. You know something I used to, I loved following, we called him Richie Pryor. It's so funny, because it's Richard Pryor, but it was Ritchie then. Yeah. Ritchie, yeah, you know.

And nobody funny. Really, really, really powerful, really good. Yeah. Great word play, great ad lib, really good comic. Yeah. And I used to say to Missy, can I go on after Richie, you know? And it was great because nobody wanted to, but I figured that's the only way you get good. And I realized, I didn't have an hour.

I had maybe 14 minutes. Because after Richie would kill. Okay, but I was Jane, I know, the movie. I mean, they just come down from seeing Richard to an hour. Yeah. And then you go on. But if you got laughs, at least, you know, the comedy store was a great breeding ground, but it was also made for lazy performers, you know.

What do you mean? Well, a lot of people just, they want to have a comedy star act. They have 10 minutes on the play glass window over. over here. Right. Five minutes on whatever thing was hanging on the wall. And it would get big laughs because it appeared to be ad libs to the audience. But it didn't work when you left.

Right. You know, I noticed in Boston, there were, there were really good comics in Boston when I started. But they were making a thousand bucks a weekend in Boston, just doing Boston. Right. Because they're doing Mayor White in the city of Boston. They're doing all, doing impressions of aldermen and people who are on local TV. Yeah. And then they go to Hartford, Connecticut.

People go, wait, what are you talking about? You know? And I realized, boy, when you get good somewhere, just get the hell out of it. And go to the next place. Yeah. Because, you know, comics, I think, were inherently lazy. You go to what, they like me there. I'm going to go there.

Yeah. You know? Right. The trick is to go to places where they don't like you. And if you can turn them, then you've done something. Right. Man, what a different thing that there's, that there weren't enough comics. I mean, there's so many.

So many now. There's so many. It's become like music now. It's like there's so many genres of comedy. You know what I mean? There's like... Well, you know, it's really odd because to me... Seinfeld and I always have this discussion.

There are certain comics we talk about. They're like alternative comics. And I always said, Jerry, but how would they do at the sand and gravel convention in Vegas? And you go, no, they wouldn't play this. They couldn't do the sand and gravel convention. And that's the real true. I mean, I had a gig the other night.

It's up at Costco, I think. A casino. Nice thing. Up in upstate in California here. About 45 minutes north of Fresno. Right. Indian casino, and it's outside. Stage is outside.

The sun is shining when you go on at 8, so you've got at least an hour of sunshine before it goes down at 9. You know, and the parking garage is right here. There's a neighbor there with barking dogs, you know, and you, and not. audience good but they're you know they're milling about they're looking for the seat you're outside you know and you're talking to go go to sound to the credit

sound was actually pretty good and it was it was fine but it was one of those ones where just concentrate just work yeah just plow through yeah you know just have the next thing I always feel like just remember they're having a good time you're miserable right but just put a smile on your face and go because because doing This is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still good. Right. Even when it's bad, it's still pizza, you know.

I mean, there's no better place to be than on the stage. Oh, my God. You know, that's, I mean, I find that as, like, if I go on stage with a broken collarbone and two broken ribs, I have no pain for an hour. Right. I don't feel anything. Yeah. Then I come off stage. Oh, man.

Ah, I sit out. But, you know, for that hour, it just, it just disappears. Yeah. It just disappears. Yeah. But I think all comics. would tell you that. You know, if you have a cold.

I know. But one time I knew I really had the flu, and I went up at the comic strip in New York and still felt it. Right, yeah. I was like, that's, this is another level. That's when you're going to die. Yeah, right, exactly. Yeah, but for the most part, yeah.

Yeah. So. Then you're in trouble. Yeah. Do you still, was there that part, and I think I've asked you this before, but. What? Was there that part when the Tonight Show's over where,

uh, you missed the, jokes about the night, about the day, about the thing. I mean, you have your act, but did you miss the, because you go to a comedy magic club and go through your relevant jokes for the, for the, I like writing jokes on a daily basis. It was fun. Yeah. Do you still do it in your head? Do you still?

No, not really, you know, it's different now. I mean, now you have to give your opinion on every issue. Right. You know, people come after you if you don't. Uh-huh. You know, I remember John Oliver, I'm just watching, I like John. I watched one of the days, suddenly he's talking about. Lano hasn't apologized to Monica Lewinsky. And this is last year.

I'm thinking, why? What's the problem here? I mean, she's over 21. They're both adults. You can't say you didn't know he was married. He's president of the United States. Why is this? I mean, at the time, it was fair game.

Right. Now, is it piling on or it's not fair game? I mean, I'm astounded at how. different it is now. It's why I don't really do any of these comedy specials because something I said five years ago, which is perfectly fine, is now

ooh. Right. I mean, I watched a comic I know who I like very much. He had a special. I watched he in the night of 2016. And he walked out and said it in the most innocuous way, these pants make me look gay. I'm not being a fan, do they? You know, and the audience was laughing

because to me he was being silly. He wasn't being homophobic. And he didn't go anywhere else other than that, but I found myself going, ooh. And I go, why did I do that? Why did I react that way? I mean, he wasn't, he, he, he, it was his insecurity with the pants. Right, exactly. It wasn't, it wasn't an anti-gay joke or anything, you know, right. And he go, but that's where

you are now. You say something. Yeah. Oh my God. Right. It's interesting because there's so many people, I noticed when Chris Rock did his last special. The people writing reviews on it were not comedy writers. They weren't people that write about comedy or no comedy. It was people from the culture part of that. I watched Chris's special. I thought it was great. I mean, unlike a lot of

other comics, he doesn't pontificate. He has a joke every six to nine seconds. Yeah, exactly. And that's what I like. Whether you like the joke or not, that's fine. But the joke is there. So when I watched it, there are people who want to hear the social commentary. And there are people like me

who want to hear the joke. I appreciate the social commentary, but I'm there for for the joke. So I thought he was great. But then I read reviews where he referenced, you know. Like one said, Chris Rock said, this is all new material. I saw him two months ago in San Francisco. He did the same material.

Yes, he was breaking it in. He's breaking in for the spanish. What are you talking? That's someone that doesn't know comedy. What are you talking about? Yeah, I mean. That's someone that doesn't know. It's embarrassing.

I know. Reading their stuff because they really have no clue what comedy, how comedy works. Yeah. I mean, I remember reading a Rodney review. It really made me laugh. Rodney played the comedy store and the L.A. critics. They sent down some guy. And he said,

Mid-Sandia has an annoying habit of constantly touching his tie and, you know, you know, that nervous why I tell you, you know, it's, that's the act. That's who he's playing. You know, I'm thinking, how do you not know that? How are you a comedy critic?

I know. Because they're not comedy critics now. They're just people writing from the culture end of it. It's just about the issue. It's okay. but it's kind of embarrassing that you're trying to analyze comedy. It's like writing about football and you don't know anything about football. I saw a guy or girl, somebody reviewed Sebastian,

and they said he was telling a joke about being at Starbucks and this person eating out of a bag at Starbucks, and he's mocking this person. And the person wasn't even there to defend themselves. Well, if you're going to bring up everybody in your act. And who you didn't mention them by name. No. It's just a person.

Yeah. It's like the, yeah, the disconnect between what comedy is and what they're writing. Well, you know, you mentioned I was in a restaurant with my wife and a Chinese restaurant. And one woman just went in a whole way. It was like a small restaurant, but every table, maybe 25, 30 tables. Yeah. And I said, man, this woman's working her ass off. And the next table goes, she's a server.

well I said I wasn't I said woman I didn't say girl I didn't say right I said I said this woman's I said this woman's working her ass off it was a compliment and what and who are you why is saying woman bad and and right away she kind of went on and I don't know well no I'm look I'm not it just I mean you're correcting me on something okay she if I had said she's the server you probably would have said, she's a woman first, which seems like what it, that would be the correct insult if you're going to find. How do you get, yeah, the semantics of it? I know people are all offended for other people, for people they don't even know or not.

Right, exactly. And they're blaming the people without even considering the source, without considering what this person is and what their work is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's something I took offense to when you were doing an interview about food on the road. And you say you never get room service. Oh, I never get. That's all I get when I'm on the road.

I'm always like, I just want to be alone. I always figure, I just want me by myself. I don't want to. Too lazy. How hungry are you if you can't walk down and get something to eat? To have small men in ill-fitting suits, pushing cartons of food into your room just seems odd to me.

I feel like so guilty like, you know. And that it just seems so, you know, when you're a comic here, you're always broke even when you're rich you think you're broke always is that true because I still feel that way but I didn't think you would feel that way

no I feel that way I still use you know I'll tell you I tell you it's so stupid I did a thing for McDonald's a corporate event so they give me a bunch of happy meal coupons

like I gotta use these so I pull in a McDonald's I'm driving this fancy McLaren would the doors go up here so I got the guy oh he'd go and let me two happy meals his time you get i goes oh sir we only allow

one happy meal per visit i said well that's fine i'll pay for it no no hang on can you hang i said well no please wait there let me get to manage it what no can you pull off this okay so pull off to the side now the door has come up you know and manager can the people are what kind of car is that with oh lots of mclaren and it's up jealoka and i hear somebody go he's arguing over a happy meal cube i'm not arguing

i'm not arguing the guy that had them they said i could use you know i look I look like I'm driving a expensive car and I'm fighting, like I'm fighting with the guy over the happy milk you want. So stupid. Yeah. What is it the, is that feeling like you're poor? Is that similar to the low self-esteem makes you successful?

Yes. It's the vulnerability. You know what it is? So I think it's the idea that I see this happen with comedians to become rich. Nothing funny happens to them anymore because other people do things for them. You know? I mean, I'm just, I'm thinking of some comics I know that became big movie stars that are really great comics. Yeah.

And they really haven't been funny in years because nothing happens. Right. They're not living a normal life anymore. I mean, I tell you, this is such a stupid story. I always tell my wife's friends, if you're with Mara Mavis and she sees something she likes or it's too expensive, call me, you know, I'll get it for Christmas. Okay. So he goes, oh, this guy Barney, your wife saw this.

A major's friend called me, says, she saw this bracelet that Barney's. I said, how much was it? 7,800 and 7,000. Okay, you know. I'm thinking, well, that's a lot of money, but, you know, I've been my 40th few years, and that's less than 10 cents a day, you know what I'm saying? You try to rationalize it. Okay, so, okay, so I take out my MasterCard, and I go, here you go,

and the guy goes, oh, this is Barney, sir, we don't accept MasterCard. I go, well, why? What's wrong? It's not the Discover card. That's the card. We don't take him. He says, you got another card? I said, I don't.

I do, but I don't use him. He says, you got an Ameri Express gold card? I said, I do. I don't think I've used it in the last year. So I hope I, I see the yellow, a gold card, and I give it to the guy, you know? The guy looks at it, it looks at it, it looks at me, look at the card. Then he goes over to talk to the manager. I hear the manager go, I don't care what show he's on.

I don't care who he is, no. The answer is, no, we're not doing it. I'm thinking, what's this jerk's problem, you know? I can't accept it and I realized what I had done this is so stupid last year I had done a corporate event for Burger King

so they gave me a gold card good for 500 free hamburgers and I thought that was I saw the gold kind of gave I looked like eating so let me trying to trade hamburgers for a

I'll give you 500 hamburgers if you give me this bracelet like Pluto yeah yeah it was so stupid you're wimpy so stupid you always

I remember that you were so nice. I did the Tonight Show. I think it was the first or second time that I did it with you. And my father was there. And you invited my father to come see all your cars. It was such a nice gesture. I mean, he's so excited to be there. And then you to come in as the host and just be like, come on up.

And he took you up on it. And it was always, I tell that story all the time. I'm probably the age your father was when I brought him in to see my car. Yeah, probably. You don't think about that when you were a kid. It always amazed me when I reached the age where presidents were younger than me. Yeah, I know. Like Obama came in and I'm like, what?

Yeah, I know. So he was like in the fourth grade when I... I know, it's so crazy. Yeah, I know. But when we tore it around your cars and there was a lot of different stuff that you got... My point is you seem to do corporate gigs that you always get good little gifts off of them. Oh, yeah. Like for Ford or for Burger King.

I always do them and you just get paid and you never see them. But you always seem to get... Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, you got to get the treat. You got to know how to play it. Yeah, yeah, you got to ask the right questions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it, yeah. There is questions, sure, sure, that's it, yeah. Do you, how often do you work on your act?

Whenever I come up with something. And just, it's always like, it's always a work in progress evolving. It's always a work and progress. You know what it is? I don't do specials because I always know where my act is. Right. You know, like a lot of times people say, God, I saw you last year, you got all new stuff.

No, I don't. Right. It might seem, some of it might seem new, but maybe I change something around. But you have a bad memory. It's like watching a magician. You know, you saw the trick is done, and you forget, and then you go see it again.

You know, so to me, I remember we had a comedian, and I can't remember, I don't want to say his name, but he came on the Tonight Show, and he had done a special. Yeah. And it got good reaction. So he was on the road. Right.

Promoting the special. I said, God, you come up with all this stuff? He goes, no, no, no, I'm doing the same material I did in the special. I go, people watch the special. They come. He goes, no, no. The next time he was on the show, he was like ashen face. He was like, oh, my God, people yelling to me.

Oh, really? I mean, they saw it for free, and now they had to pay $25 or $50 to hear the same thing again that they just saw for, they can go home and watch again for free. Right. So, I mean, so figure out where you're going to make your money. If you want to work one day a year, work on the special, you'll do it one day and relax it. Or I would rather do it 150 times around the country than do it once on a special.

Right, I know. But I always said, and I've told you this before, I think that you should record it, maybe don't air it, just so people can see it when you're done. When I'm done, I won't know whether they saw it. I know, but we would. But we would get to see it. I saw a clip of you yesterday.

What? Was your birthday yesterday? No. It was someone saying happy birthday. Maybe it was, I don't know. It was an old clip, but bushy, bushy hair. Yeah, that would be an old clip. That was not yesterday.

Yeah, probably. I think it was the improv, put it up, actually. Oh, maybe, okay. Yeah. Bushy hair, talking about the UFOs. Oh, Bob Boogie is because of Wien. Those names are so great. Yeah, yeah, that's where it was.

Bob Boogie and. Yeah, no, I just never got the whole. You know, if you. But it's, but it's, but it's, but it's, I'm sorry to interrupt, but it was great to see that clip of you, and it will be great to see that act at some point. Yeah, I'll think about it. Yeah, just recorded.

Put it in your back pocket. See, I had the advantage. I was on TV every night already. Yeah. So people didn't need to see any more of me. You know what I mean? It's like, I mean, I got asked to host the Oscars, and I thought, well, what do I do here? Do I save my best jokes for the Oscar show?

Or do I do them on the show that I do? do. Right. You know, so the idea that you do five nights and then on Sunday night you do a brand new monologue, you do the best of the joke. What do you do there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I mean, I think my, my decision was right when I saw Dave do it and that was kind of, that was not a real successful, I mean, look, Lenneman's great. I don't mean that way, but I mean, he got some grief. He got a lot of grief. He got a lot of grief. Yeah, Oprah, Uma. Well, the fact that they, they, they, They watch him every night. Yeah.

And then you see him do the same thing on the special Academy Award thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, Kimmel does a good job. He does a good job. Yeah. Yeah, I like what he does. Yeah, he's got funny stuff. Yeah.

But it's, to me, if I have a job, I concentrate all my effort on that job. Right. But if I have to do five nights of Tonight Show monologues and then have one day to get something ready, that doesn't quite work. You're getting greedy. What's the, what's the, what's the, what's the thing with comedians the compulsion to keep doing stand-up no one retires you never hear of like a comedian saying i'm retiring well you do all the time don't you i mean think of all the guys that were around not that long ago they're not around anymore i mean they move into game show hosts so they become a sitcom star or an actor

right right there's nothing harder than writing a joke yeah and when comedians take jokes that are not comedy take jobs are not comedy related i don't know what you get you just got a guy yeah i know you can tell when people go off and they go they go do something they take another job and say well why didn't he come back to stand up yeah like to me i would i would love to see letteman do stand-up again nobody made me laugh like dave you know i i the best years of my life was doing the the late show with letteman because yeah it was the first time in my life that I was talking to appear age-wise, talent-wise. I mean, it just, yeah, you know, when you grew up in the East like we did, how are you

Mr. Carson? You know, it's Johnny. I can't call him Johnny. I just, like, hey, Johnny, hey, you know. It's like talking to like your friend's dad. Yeah, yeah, like, here, like this is my parents, Bob and Agnes. How are you, Mr. Mr. Medicelli? Nice to see you.

You know, so I could know, I could never do that. Yeah, yeah. But with Dave, I mean... Yeah, Dave, I thought, was one of the funniest stand-up. Because I remember seeing him at the comedy store. Yeah. I'd met him yet. I saw him on stage.

And I thought he was just a great word smith. He used a beverage instead of drink. You know, he chose each word specifically for a purpose to give off, you know. And I thought, oh, that's really good, you know. And I think he kind of admired my bravado. He was sort of nervous. You know, my favorite thing to do when I would go on with Letterman, I would get like a meatball sandwich, you know.

I really like a giant meatball sandwich. And they would say, Lenneman's coming down a hole in like, oh, and I stand in front of makeup. Oh, Dave. He goes, get that disgusting sandwich out of here. How can you eat? You're going on in 10 minutes. And then I would bring the sandwich out on stage, you know,

and just surprise. Try some of this meatball. No, I don't want any meatball. I mean, it was just so much fun. But I think he liked the fact that I could be loud and verbose and quacious. That wasn't his thing. And I admired his ability to be a wordsmith. I always remember his great joke about local editorials.

Do you remember this one of a bit? We here at Station, whatever, are opposed to the use of orphans as yardage markers on public golf courses. And I thought, what a clever... Seriously. Obviously, he does it better than I do. But I thought, oh, that's just unusual, clever, interesting. Really good, really good. He's having another chapter, you know?

Yeah, yeah. Doing these Netflix interviews. Right, right. You know, it seems like he's kind of found like another gear in a way. Yeah, yeah. With your car show, do you feel like that's your thing? Yeah, you know, you take your. hobby and you get somebody else to pay for it.

Right. Yeah. I mean, really, it's just a tonight show on wheels. Right. Because you wind up talking. You get a lot of stuff. Yeah. You get a lot of stuff.

Yeah. You try to find the connection. Yeah. Oh, my dad and I used to go for ice cream and a packard. Oh, okay. And then you find a car like that and we go for ice cream and we talk about their life, whatever. Yeah.

Yeah. Just keep going with it. Yeah. I have to say, though, the eating thing, like you, you, that is an unnerving thing for comics and I know because people talk about you like at the comedy magic eating right before you go on

because comics are very delicate and don't want to really eat before the show and the legend of Leno being backstage eating like a steak and salmon and fries and just okay Jay you're on okay one more bite and then like going up on scenes that really does freak people out freak comics out

I mean you know the stage is not a normal place to be. So if you're not on it, at least once or twice a week, it seems like unusual plain. Yeah. You know, I mean, an old trick I used to do just to help me, I

would do my act and then write a letter with this hand. Uh-huh. You know, I would talk and it helped me compartmentalize. So if there's a heckler over here, I'd think, what can I say about that guy? While the act is falling out of my mouth, you know what I mean? What do you mean you're writing it?

I mean, I write, for example, a good way to practice is if you ever knew the Pledge of Lee. I pledge to the flag United States of America, dear Bob. You're writing a letter to somebody. Right. As you're telling you the jokes? Yeah, as you're telling your jokes, you're doing that. You're able to kind of split off on what side of your brain can do something else, you know what I mean? No, I don't know what you mean.

That's insane. No, it's not insane. No, it actually works quite well because when you're on stage, if there's like a big fat guy, here. I mean, I have, I'm dyslexic, so I don't really write anything down. So if I have it in my head memorized, the words fall out without me even thinking. Sure. Yeah, I'll have that where I'll, you'll be telling, the jokes will be spilling out and you're thinking about, I wonder why I'm going to eat later or something like it, but the idea of, well, yeah, it's, it's that, but you're just taking it to the next level. Yeah. You're able to compartmentalize about it. To what end? Why?

Well, because I could think what I'm going to say about that. What appears to be an ad lib. Actually, I've been thinking about for about a minute and a half. Right. And then it comes out as a, oh, like you just come off. But it's not. Right. It's so great.

You really are, seem from the outside to be built for the road in a way that some comics aren't. Well, I don't really like the road. I like the performing part of it. And I always travel by myself. Yeah. That's when funny stuff happens, you know. When you do theaters, when you do, not corporate events, but when you just do a theater or a casino, do you use an opening act or do you sometimes just go up by yourself?

Well, I usually do 90 minutes, so I just go by myself. Just walk out. I don't really use a comic because, and everybody, I've done it a couple times, and the comics are dirty or say the F word. And then people yell at me. Yeah. I thought it was going to be a clean show. Well, mine, I don't know this guy. casino brought him in.

Right. And to me, I, I always like comedy and music or music and comedy. To make it a show. Right. You know, right.

When you go into Caesars and you have three comics, it's a comedy club now. Yeah. It's not, and inevitably, right, it's not the, yeah,

inevitably, you're stepping on each other's material. Uh-huh. If you're talking about growing up, and then I haven't seen about growing up, the joke's completely different, but to the audience, oh, it's the same,

it's the same, it's the same, it's the same, I think it does. I think it does. I mean, what we used to do in the Tonight Show, because we had a situation where stand-ups just people didn't stay for them. Right.

They just didn't stay. Yeah. So we hired stand-ups as correspondence. And they would, you know, do it after the monologue. Let's go to so-and-so. Yeah. I did it. I did some of them.

Yeah, you did some of them. And that way, they got to be comics. Yeah. As opposed to standing on the mark and just telling the joke. Right. It seems still not as popular as it used to be. Yeah, it is kind of interesting. Do you think that late night is in trouble now?

Do you feel like those shows are? Well, I do, but not for the reasons you think. The trouble is when we did the tonight show, I think around 9, 10, 11, 12, they passed a law. I mean, after 1130, you could add another, like, minute and a half or two minutes. There was a nine-minute break at midnight to, like, 908 or 909. So, you know, you turn on a late-night show, now you hear the monologue. Then you have four minutes of commercials, at least, and they're all 30-second spots, so that's eight commercials.

And they're so well-shot with mountains and plains and beaches that you think you're watching a movie. That's really only 30-second. It just seems like forever. It does. And what I can switch over to Netflix or Amazon Prime and get. All entertainment. Without any commercial interruption at all. Yeah.

You know, it's like, oh, okay. Yeah. So I think that's what kills it. Because when you watch late now, you're only watching 40 minutes or 42 minutes max of material, which is not very much. It's not very efficient. And how many times can you watch that State Farm guy, you know, James from Statefront.

I mean, it's the same, it's the same ad over. Yeah, just beating you into submission. It's like, geez, come on, guys, this is really killing me. Do you think a late night show could work on streaming? I don't know because, you know, Dave and I were lucky because you had appointment television. Oh, you turned on to see what Dave had to say, or Conan or me or whatever, had to say about a subject. Now you can just get that part if you want. Yeah, right.

And everyone gets it on social media the next day. Yeah, and the other thing is, with streaming, people, who watch it whenever they want. So now you're watching a five-day-old monologue. Yeah. Which really, you know, when worked on Monday, things changed. The guy was found innocent or whatever it might be. Yeah, yeah.

You know. Yeah. It's tricky. Yeah, it is really tricky. I was doing a morning TV show here at KTLA. And the first question they asked was, so late night's been off because of the writer's strike for a month now. You think anyone noticed?

Do you think anyone cares? It was like, they were saying like, it doesn't matter anymore. This is a guy on TV. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's, you know, I can't really answer because it sounds like sour grapes, you know. Yeah. I mean, Johnny was the king and he had the huge, it started to taper off after John. I went when cable started to come in, but only certain people. Yeah.

A lot of people had HBO. The cool people had it. And all that kind of stuff. But now it's a point where you can, you can, let me see, I can watch all three Godfather movies without a commercial, you know, you can watch. Yeah. You know, it just changed. You know, breaking bad, whatever you want to watch.

Yeah. So the idea that you would watch. And the idea that we think the celebrities like a movie star, you could only, oh, they're coming on your show. That's my chance to see them. Right, right. Now you see them on their own Instagram. Yeah.

And the other thing is everybody has handlers now, which they, didn't. Yeah. You know, we got a lot of press when we had Hugh Grant on that time. I said, you know, what the hell are you thinking? You know, I called Hugh Grant. He still, and he goes, yeah, I'll do it. I said, thanks.

I really appreciate it. And I said, look, I got to ask you about it. Okay. He goes, yeah, I got to sound. I screwed up, you know. Yeah. He drove himself to the show, no handler. He was self-effacing.

He was really funny. Everybody now is press people, whatever. You know, the old days with George Goebel. I remember the famous one. It was like Dean Martin, Bob Hope, Sinatra, and then Goebbled walks out with brown shoes on, you know, and everybody's just like giving them a heart. I mean, it was really funny.

Interesting. But the idea of somebody wearing something inappropriate. Yeah. Not happening now because they have a dresser, they have wardrobe person to make sure that everything you do is, you know. So it's a little bit different. It's not that late night party atmosphere. Right, exactly.

I don't think it's comfortable. back? I don't know. Plus, everybody, like you say, you have to pick aside when you tell jokes now. Yeah. And I used to do a lot of dates with Colin Powell. He and I would go out and I'd go on and do some comedy, and then I'd introduce him, and we'd do a Q&A.

And he said that. He said he didn't, well, he didn't run for president because his wife thought he'd be assassinated. And, you know, he's a great guy. He was a great guy. And he said, you know, I dragged my wife all over the world. crappy army base. Yeah.

I don't want to make... Put her through that. Put it through that. But I think he would have been a great president. Yeah. He was a decent man, great guy, you know, real New York success story. Yeah. So I think he was in the Bronx or it was.

Yeah. Just a great guy. Yeah. And he said, you know, he said, I'm popular now until I open my mouth. Then I'll lose half. Right. Next day I'll lose another half. Yeah.

And then, you know. No, I remember you saying that there was a bit of advice. you gave me early on was you don't have to go out there and tell people where you stand and what you believe in and split the room and half and your audience in half. They know who you are when you walk up there. They get your essence as soon as you get up there. They know what you're about. I remember we had a stand-up comic, I don't remember.

You know, I'm a Democrat. And I, well, right away, he lost half the crowd as opposed to tell some jokes. And, oh, it could be about our guy, but I know. Yeah. Yeah. Just the essence of stand-up as a craft, as a thing. We were talking earlier about, you want to see, you know, where the jokes, give me the jokes.

Do you think that that is an art form that's going to be around forever? Yes, because it doesn't require any effort really much at all. On whose part? I mean, I've done gigs with, like, Rod Stewart, And you've got a $300,000 load in and load out. Right. Okay, see, bring me on, I just walk out and I start talking. Right.

So they say, okay, so there we can, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the real trick is trying to find. You know, I was trying to write a political joke that had no politics in it. Uh-huh. You know, the people couldn't say you. See if you like this joke. This is my non-political political joke.

Guy is a local politician, a selectman, whatever I go. And he gets invited to the Republican or Democratic presidential convention. Flies to New York, he's been asked to speak. He's all excited. He gets the matter where 30,000 people, places packed, you know. 8 o'clock, the vice president goes on, oh, the crowd goes crazy. 9 o'clock, president, the guy says, oh, the crowd goes crazy. And senators and policemen and various local officials.

and the guy's sitting there with a speech, you know, he looks around. Everybody's gone. The place is empty. He looks behind him, four rows back, guy's sitting there with his hands and his lap. He goes, you know something, that guy stayed? That guy stayed. I'm going to get up, but I'm going to give my speech just as if this place has got 30,000. And he goes, we must move on the government.

And he just gives us, he talks about 20 minutes. Comes off, the guy's still sitting there. He walks down, he says, sir, can I ask you question? What made you stay for you? of my speech. Oh, I speak next. I like that joke. I like that joke. Yeah, it's like a non-political, political joke. It's a joke about politics.

Yeah. Without, you know, you do a Trump joke. They get all upset. You do a Biden joke. They take themselves very serious. I mean, it's like, God, just take it easy. Right. I know. You always have that ability to keep joke jokes in your head. Yeah, I like joke jokes. Do you remember the joke you told me, years ago about the kid with the welding mask. Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember that show. Do you remember it?

Did you tell it? Oh, okay. Kids walking along the street and sees a broken welder's mask on the road. He puts it on, er-puts the shield down. He's walking. Truck pulls up. Hey, kid, want a ride? A ride.

Sure, thanks, Mr. E-Hs. They're driving along. Kid, you ever go out and party with grown men? You ever do that? party with grown men. No, I never done that. I started driving along before. Because, hey, kid, do you ever take a shower with a bunch of guys?

I do that? Take a shower with grown men? Take a shower with a grown man. No, I never done that either. A guy pulls the trucker and says, this is a kid. Let me ask something, kid. How did I get your ass reamed? Kid goes, I got to be honest with you, Mr.

I'm not really a welder. It's a stupid joke. It's great that you keep those in your head, though. I couldn't do that. Well, his are really. have I told someone to joke five years ago. There's no way it's still. Here's a really stupid one.

Woman gets a $30,000 facelift. She comes out. She goes, oh, my God, that sucks. I'm believing. She goes to the bank, you know, make a deposit. She says to the tell her, hey, how old do you think I am?

Tell her it goes, 36. No, I'm 47. Oh, she can't believe it. As you walks across street, he goes into McDonald's, get something to eat, you know. It's up to the thing. And kids take her home her, she says to the kid,

I think I am. He looks and he goes, 29? No, I'm 47. Oh my God, she can't believe she's just on cloud nine. She's so excited, you know. So she's cutting through, she cuts through the park. She's an old man sitting on a bench, you know. She just sits down there.

She says, excuse me there, a fellow. I only think I am. Guy says, well, my eyesight's not good. But I have a surefire way to tell how old a woman is, but it's a little rude. She goes, why, what? He goes, well, let me put my hand down the front of your pants, feel around a little bit, and I can tell exactly how old you are.

She goes, that's impossible. He goes, well, I can do it. He goes, I don't believe. Well, I can't. Finally, you know, it just gets the better. She goes, all right, all right. So they duck behind the bench. Guy puts the hand down, feels around, takes his hand and goes, you're 47 years old.

One of goes, that's a me. How do you do that? He goes, I was a guy behind you in line at McDonald's. Stupid joke. Stupid joke. So stupid. I know. But sometimes it's just funny.

That's why, you know, I knew Rodney for years. I didn't know of Rodney was Republican or Democrat. I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything. And I wasn't, I didn't care. It didn't matter. Well, that's what's interesting. It's like, we don't come to you for that.

I'm not coming to you for that. You know what I mean? You go to Bill Maher for that. Right. Like that's, he loves it, he breathes it. It's his thing. That's great. But if you're not that kind of a comic,

dipping in a little bit, that's not where we're here. Here's a joke you would like. This joke works pretty good. We're talking about everything now. Everybody is, you know, gender fluidity. You have to say what you are. And on President's Day,

so I think he was on the Today Show. Some guy came out with a book where he said, Lincoln was gay. Lincoln, isn't that unbelievable? A guy goes to the theater one time. That was pretty good. That's a pretty funny joke. I just like that joke.

It doesn't make me loud. Let me ask you a couple last questions. First, you said also that you like having food that you can hold. What is it? It's like wrapped in paper. Like a hot dog or a bird. I get most of my meals from people in paper hats. In paper hats.

Yeah, that's pretty much my life. Right. Have you ever worked out? Do you work out? Well, when I had the tonight show, yeah, I worked out every day. You did. I worked with a trainer. Oh, you did? I ran five miles every day. He did all that. You did? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I did all that stuff. Oh, that's interesting.

But I'm not a big food. You know, Seinfeld and I always have this. I think Jerry's favorite. You know, to me, soup is just a way to screwy out of a meal, you know. Here's a bowl. It's wet. Okay. Thanks. That's great. I got anything to eat now. No. No. No. Not a soup. You have this, you have this, the fire, the accidents, the, I'm getting up, it's not a big deal, I'm just going eight days, and you eating backstage at the comedy and magic club and going back up on stage. The meatballs before you go on the thing.

Oh, that's fabulous. You seem to have a just go attitude. Is that something that you were born into? Is it something, way of living that. you just kind of figured out. Like you don't seem to get mired in feelings and you just seem to be. Well, you can have feeling. It's not the feelings.

It's just that you don't. You know, you stay married for 43 years because you don't complain. Mm-hmm. You know, you're not whining. You're not complaining. You're not complaining. Just do what you're supposed to do.

Just shut up. Nobody cares. They really don't. Right. You know, I mean, all this thing. That's my favorite thing whenever I watch. If you ever turn on Jerry Springer, if you ever go,

I'm here on. national television that let people know what my husband is like. Who cares? People have their own problems, you know? Right. It's the same thing. Yeah, I mean, nobody wants to see whiny celebrities. They want to see you do what it as you do, tell jokes, be funny, or at least make

an attempt, not get out there and whine and complain. That was always my favorite thing on the Tonight Show, you know, comics would work hard, put a set together, put some panel together, have a funny story. And then when they make it, the manager calls say, he's just going to talk, just ask them questions. Well, where does he want me to go?

Just whatever you want. Hey, why'd you ask him that? Well, you didn't say what not to. Yeah. Yeah, just do the work. Yeah, I mean, people expect you to be funny. Right. I mean, that's your job.

That's the job. To go on a show and not be funny, it's like, oh. Right. There's a lot of people that can do that. It's like, please welcome Frank Sinatra, Jr. What? What do you say at the end? You know, I mean, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, just go out and do the job.

How much you touring now? Oh, maybe 150 a year or something like that. That's good. Yeah, I used to do quite a few more, but I like it. Yeah. I mean, I enjoy it. And, you know, now it's funny because now you're like, they're stunned that you're still alive.

Right. You know, like, oh, and you, I mean, it's so funny talking to guys. You're still alive. They're talking to guys in their 40s ago. I used to watch you with my grandmother. You go, oh, it just seems so on to me. Yeah. Because we never think of ourselves as being the Allen Kings or the Rodneys or the, but I guess to a younger generation, possibly you are, you know.

Maybe. Like Shecky Green. Yeah. Yeah. But those guys looked old when they were 40. You know what I mean? Like, you still look like. No, that's because you're old.

Is that what it is? Yes, because you're looking at me. You know, it's so funny, I was sitting in my office one day. The Rolling Stones are on it. This is like a few years ago. Why, this is nine years since the Nitro was right last year. And the Rolling Stones was on it. Some of the interns came in the room and I said, well, you know, guys, they still look good considering how long they're doing it.

And they went, what? They're like, Mr. Leno, they're really old. It just made me laugh because, oh, they look pretty good. They're still going. See, I mean, that's what I mean. I was watching a commercial, I think it was for tied detergent. Yeah. This woman's holding out a pair of pants.

You're not wearing that. No, you know, I go, why is this chick has and a little answer? What do you care what she wear? Oh, she's the mom. They both look the same age to me. Right. You know, I went, like the daughter was like 18. The mom was like 36 or 38 or something.

Yeah. I went, oh, they look like the same. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that always made. makes me laugh. It's not old. Yes, it is. Yes, you're old.

I know I'm old. I mean, it's funny. It always makes me laugh when I see comedians my eyes. So I'm dating this chick, you know. I met as a, I'm, shut up. You're not dating a baby chick. You're dating an elderly woman, and you're old, too. You know, it's best when you can play your age.

Yeah. I mean, because my act was always older than me. Yeah, me too. So you grow, so you actually grow into it, and now you're there. Yeah. You know, it's like I always say, oh, you used to make me laugh when you'd see, like, comedians, like, when they're 25, they got on stage and they got the leather pants and the open shirt. And they say the word pussy, and women go, oh, he said pussy, and they laugh, you know. Then you see that guy, he's 52, and he says pussy.

And he goes, ooh, that old guy says, oh, you know. What's wrong with him? What's wrong with that creepy old? Yeah, so when you go, when you start to look and become your act. Yeah, that's what it's... I mean, that's the real comedy breakthrough. Yeah. When you can just talk, and it's funny.

Right. Because I used to have, you know, set up punchline joke when I started. Yeah. And then one day I started just telling on stage the table stories when we sat with the comics. I was talking about it. Yeah, yeah. And they didn't have a beginning or a middle, but they had a funny middle.

So I would just do the middle. And I would, oh, I'd get laughs with that. And I went, okay. Yeah, yeah. If I can come up with a little tag. And then it really becomes you. Like, your material only belongs to you. Yeah.

If somebody else did it, they go, that's Tom Papa's material. Right. As opposed to just doing off-the-wall one-liner. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, Jay, I really thank you for doing this. Well, thanks. Thanks for having me. I'm glad you're still alive.

Well, thanks. I appreciate that. So I can die now. Now that's done the show. You know, the last podcast he did, you know, I want to say, my show was the last one of none or did. Leno did before he died. But be careful out there.

Yeah. Stop lighten yourself on fire and going under wires with your motorcycle. Yeah. I know it's nice to go out and a blaze of glory, but not yet. Not yet. Tom, thanks. You're the best, Jay. All right.

Thank you. There you have it, everybody. The great Jay Leno. As I said, I'm happy he's still alive. He's always got jokes. He's always very generous with his time. He's a mensch, as they say. A mench.

40 years. It's a comedy tank. The man is a tank. Thank you to Jay Leno. Thank you to Nuts.com. Thank you to all of you for listening. Make sure you go out and get my book. We're all on this together, so make some room.

And also, I've got some shows coming up if you are anywhere near the Delaware area on Sunday, July 16th. I will be at the Fremont Arts Pavilion, a beautiful, beautiful spot in Delaware on a Sunday summer night. It's going to be a great time. Maybe I'll even have my books there. Maybe we'll do a little signing. It'll be a great time and a great way to cap off a weekend in the summer. And then I'm going to New Hampshire. I'm going to the Hamptons.

Going to Winnipeg. Going to Montreal. It's a fun summer. And then we've got a whole list of other tour dates for the fall at tompapa.com. You guys are the best. Happy 4th of July. Happy summer. We'll see you next time.