Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 18 - Kira Soltanovich

Episode Date: September 8, 2020

Kira Soltanovich and I have been in steam rooms, saunas and Russian Baths and today we break bread, drink wine and treat ourselves to Russian pastries.  She's a great comedian and has a new season of Let's Get Sweat out now on YouTube!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, it's how we go. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey. Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. My guest today is the great Kira Soltanovitch. So excited to have her on the show.

She's a good friend of mine. And we're going to break bread and eat Russian pastries. It's going to be so nice. Today's show is brought to you by Helix Sleep. It's a great mattress company. A big shout out today to those good folks. Take their two-minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. Find your perfect mattress at helixleep.com slash Papa.

Also, our good friends at Wine Access, thanks to Wine Access for sponsors. this episode of Breaking Bread. They make it so easy to get the world's most inspiring wines delivered straight to your doorstep. No subscription needed. Here's a limited time offer. Just for my listeners, $20 off your first order of $50 or more. Go to wineaccess.com slash Papa P-A-P-A to order yours today. They've been sending me wine and I love them so much. Our show today, I get to sit down with Kira. I love Kira so much. We've traveled all around the country together.

We do shows together. She really, really makes me laugh. She's such a strong comedian. She's been on the tonight show as a correspondent for years. She is a headliner in her own right. She has an amazing show that she created herself called Let's Get Sweat. It's so funny. She takes her Russian heritage.

and love of all things, saunas and Russian bathhouses. And she basically plays her mom. It's such a funny thing. I did it. And basically get down to your bathing suit, get in a hot sauna, and hang out with Kira. It's a talk show in a hot sauna, Russian style. It's hilarious. I actually wrote about Kira in my book, You're Doing Great and Other Reasons to Stay Alive.

where she, I literally told a true story of when Kira took me to a Russian bathhouse, Abanya, for a process called Veniki. It's tough. It's hilarious. It's funny and kind of scary. Just like Kira. I love her so much. Please enjoy Breaking Bread with Kira Soltanovich.

I know normally you don't drink wine. We actually drank wine then. We did. did. Yes. Someone gave us. They gave us wine. Because it was the valley, Walla Walla Valley.

Yes. It's an up-and-coming Oregon. Yeah. Right? A lot of wine. It's not raisins, but it's a prune wine. And it's very unique. We drank a little in the lobby.

In the lobby. By the fake fireplace. Yeah. All of it felt real to me, though. Yeah. Well, we'll have a little. You have brought the... This is from our good friends at Wine Access.

I'll tell the people more about it. This is a Barolo. Do you know where that's from? No. Italy. Oh, okay. Yeah. Barolo is like, if you're kind of snobby,

you always say Barolo. Barolo? Yeah. It's a more complex wine. Thanks for doing this. Cheers. Cheers. You're looking your eyeballs.

Yeah, good luck. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. This morning, I had quite an adventure. It's nice, right? I had it quite, and this is bread for you. Thank you. I baked it.

Still, thank you. I'm kidding. You're like a professional. You're like a professional. This you get to take home. Thank you. It looks beautiful. You can look at it.

it later. But this morning, not only did I bake you bread last night, but I was trying to find Russian bakeries to bring you possibly some stuff from your heritage. And I found a couple places, but I have to say, I don't think these are Russian pastries. Yes. Yes. Yes, this is. It is? Yes. Okay, because this is a a Napoleon. Right. Which Italians have Napoleons. Sure. Looks different though. This is, this looks

as things Russian are bigger and stronger. It's very aggressive. It's aggressive. Yeah. Yeah, these are. They are? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. My grandmother used to make these. There's like a, there's like a creamy center inside. And it's very

delicious and sweet. Yeah, yeah, you would find these. You would? Yes. And meringue? Is meringue a big thing? Sure. Yeah. Russians are not known for, you know, pastries and baked goods like are a happy thing. And that's not what Russians do. So they have to steal from other places, France, Italy, whatever, you know. That's hilarious. That's not why we're not known for, you know, we have bread that's called sierra chlieb, which literally means gray. They call their bread gray. They're not happy. bakery people. But you did a great job. I was looking for bread. I was trying to find Russian bread.

And they had this one place. They didn't have it yet because it was early in the morning. And this one was just similarly, it was just called dark bread. Yeah. Yes. It suits us. Now, I will say I would never wish upon you in Russian bakery because that will traumatize you for the rest of your life.

Why? Because they're not known for any kind of customer service. They all speak Russian, even though they know how to speak English. They will pretend like they don't. And there are several Russian delis near your house. I know where you live. And there are like three or four pretty good ones. Oh, really?

That have a little bakery section or a bread section. But they will put you through hell. It won't be nice to me? So that you never return. Don't they want my business? They don't. They really don't. They're not hurting.

They're not. And there's like three or four all clumped together and they're not hurting. Right. And I speak Russian and they're like, they literally, you walk in and you say, oh, can I have some serry glib, right? Can I have some gray bread? Some gray, dark gray bread. And they'll look at you and they'll go, I'm listening.

And you're like, it's kind of like their version of what else, right? You know that deli joke? Right. Yeah. What else you want? Uh-huh. But they look at you and they're like, I'm listening. And you're like, I just told you.

It's all I want. That's all I need. And they're just like waiting like, what else? You didn't come in here for one thing, you loser. You American loser. One thing. And do you get intimidated? As a Russian, do you get intimidated?

Very intimidated. Yeah. Because I can read block letters. Fine. Easy. Uh-huh. But once they, and they all write in cursive at the deli. Oh.

idea why. So I'll start like trying to sound it out. Oh, no. And I'm saying it out loud. You know what I mean? Like, can I please have, you know, Napoleon? It's awful. I'm trying to read their cursive writing. I studied a one semester, maybe two semesters, of Russian. Why? In college. You lost a bet. No, I was done with Spanish. I had mastered it. No, I was just done. taking it and I was like and I think the thing was the Russian teacher was a really nice guy. Oh, okay. He was like a guy like in my mind whenever I see a guy like this, his name's always Charlie.

Like a little round face with glasses and his hair kind of sticks out and that's Charlie. He's a good guy. That's what this guy was like and he would let you take the test as many times as you wanted, not just to pass. Like if you've got to be and wanted to keep going or you want to, you could just keep going. I think he wanted company. Charlie sounds lonely. Charlie was great. But I have to say it was, I didn't go very far.

But it wasn't so opaque that I couldn't get a handle on it. Like there was, it seemed like pretty. It's a straightforward language. Yeah. English is way more difficult. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, oh, this, maybe I could do this.

Trasvuti desidana. Yeah, you did it. Right? Good for you. That was all I got. I came away with. But I was, I, if I didn't have other interests and, you know, I had met my requirement, so I just bailed. But I felt like, oh, this would be, I would like to learn more of this.

Did you grow up listening? Were your parents both spoke? Yeah. No, no, we had Russian in my house. No English. No. No. Why?

Really. Why? What? Because you're in America? Because they're listening. The American government is listening. speak English in the house is if they thought the American government was listening. They'd be like, it's a very beautiful day in America today.

Come on, you guys, you have to speak English. It's, we love stars and stripes. Come on, they're listening. That's the only reason they would speak English. For real? It was all rush. You're not exaggerating. No, no.

And my grandmother, they had a bit of a paranoia about 100%. Really? I used to do a bit about it. This bit never worked. because I think people just didn't get it. I tried this bit for a long time. My parents, until we became citizens, would freak out. Like, if there was a cop who pulled someone else over, they, like, would see the lights.

Like, we're not legal yet. And they would, you know, freak out and flip out and turn a corner when we didn't need to, like, go down a wrong street to avoid, like, a police officer that's not even going to stop you. I got in trouble a lot as a kid. Yeah. And because I went to a public school, they see this as government. and I would get in trouble all the time. And my dad's like, you're going to get us kick out of this country. And they got in like, you know, the principal was constantly calling them into the office.

Right. And my dad's like, I'm not going. Because he thought he was going to be put on a plane and taken away. You're done. And that joke never worked for some reason. Oh, really? I don't know. It's just never.

Yeah. It's so strange. So why did they come here? Why? They were just, did they have to flee? Did they, were they? Like it's, like as scary as this place was, that place was even scarier. Well, they're not really nice to Jews in Russia.

I don't know if you were aware of. It's kind of a sordid history. Yeah. Yeah, they weren't nice to Jews. And also, we got traded for bread. So it's perfect that I'm here on your show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Jimmy Carter traded us for bread. He's like, I'll give you.

I can't do Jimmy Carter in Russia. I'll give you. Yeah, give me your Jews. I'll give you. bread, give you grains. Really? Yeah. How does that happen?

I have no idea. He made it. He was like, we need to rescue the Jews. Were Jews being at that age at that time? Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. They were being like, what, put in jail or just? I think as of last Tuesday, I mean, it's not a pleasant place for Jews. I mean, not as bad, but yeah.

So my dad would walk to school and there was always like, Like one gang of kids. I mean, it's like so stereotypical. Like the mean gang would stand there on the same corner every morning and like throw rocks at my dad and his friends and yell out like, you know, anti-Semitic, you know, stuff in Russian, right? Called them gray bread, you know, all the worst stuff. And it was every morning. It was like every morning. And where was this?

What city? Well, he is from Moldavia, but that was USSR. Right. Now it's its own country. But yeah. I'm from the Ukraine. Jeez. So that was just happening all the time.

It was just bad. And they would tell you like if you had a really high, like, level government job, which my uncle happened to have a really high level job in the government, that you're lucky because we don't normally give Jews this job. So you're lucky. Jeez. And they would feel lucky if they, you know, got to go to college or whatever. Wow.

God. Yeah. And was there a large number of Jews there? Yeah. Huge. Huge number. You've never been to Brooklyn? What?

You've never been to Brooklyn? Well, yeah, but it's, yeah. Or most of Los Angeles? I mean, at one point. Yeah. No, I know that. But so they're in this culture. And I guess everyone just wants to get out.

But other people are like, no, this is our history. We want to stay. Well, so propaganda is real slick. And they tell Jews, no one except for Israel will take you. So you're lucky to be in Russia. Yeah, this is Soviet Russia, right? Very different. But like, they do say, like, fine, if you want to go to Israel, they're the only place. But it's really bad there. You think we're bad to you. Yeah. Everywhere else is worse. And they would tell Jews that no one will accept you. Like, they won't even let you in. And at the time, that was a reality that really couldn't be checked. Right. No. You're in Russia. There's no internet. There's no. You couldn't Google image it. Right. You couldn't. There's nothing.

So they just generations just believed that. You just believed it. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And then they would get like bootleg copies of stuff. Uh-huh. So my dad got like a bootleg copy of like the Beatles, let's say.

Like, you know, one of their albums or like they would get like, they would slowly get like something that was recorded. Someone had a recording device that recorded news from another country. And it was like really underground, really, you know. Yeah. It was hidden. Yeah. And then word got out. Like, no, I think Jews can probably live anywhere.

Right. I mean, maybe not parts of Boston. Harry just wrote us a letter. He's in the United States. Yeah. They love us there. Yes. And we would call once we got here, my uncle and cousins and aunts in Russian have to speak in code.

So if we got their paperwork together, we would have to say, it's been so beautiful. The weather is amazing. We would, my parents had this code because on their end, all the conversations were listened to. Jeez. Yeah. This just happened, too. I know. I was just going to say that.

Like the 1800s. This just happened. Yeah. I mean, I, this is like what, the 80s. 80s, 80s. Yeah. Jeez. 80s.

80s. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. But when my dad was a kid, his dad did drive spies. So there was a reason for my dad's family to be. a little on edge. He drove spies around. He was like the Uber for spies. Oh, he was like the chauffeur for? He was a chauffeur. Yeah, yeah, for different spies. For different spies. And so then he was

spying on the spies. What? Yeah. What do you mean he was spying on the spies? I don't know, but he left for like three years when my dad was seven. Uh-huh. He just left. Just took off? Yeah, took off. And then came back when the coast was clear. Oh, really? Yes. So he just like waltzed into my dad's schools. My dad's like, whatever, fifth grade. Right. And he walked. into school is like, I want to see my son. And they're like, you're dead. Like, we marked you as dead on the paperwork. And just shows up again? He just showed up. Yeah. Oh, my God. So the, oh, the paranoia. I mean, bananas. Bananas. Yeah. So, and that's got to pour it down to you. For sure. In a whole bunch of different ways. One hundred percent. Yes. Yes. Yeah. You know,

they have actually scientifically proven that, you know, your family and ancestors traumas get passed down through DNA. Through DNA? 100%. Because there's new neural trackways of how you're coping. Yes. And so I have that even though, you know, here I am. Basically, I was two years old when we got here, right?

I basically grew up in America. Yeah. Still have it. You do. 100%. In what way? Everything. Everything.

Now, this is my, this is my, shallow interpretation of you in that regard. And in like a what's your, what's your heritage and how does it manifest itself? I don't, of course, have, see any of the paranoia. I just see you as you're strong. You're really strong. You're stronger than most.

Like your attitude of how you raise your kids or how you're going to travel on the road or even like dealing with the pandemic. It was just like you're, you, you're tough. Yeah. You have a strength to you. But I don't see you, but I also see you, I guess because I've seen you with your kids and hear you talk about your mom, taking care of your mom and stuff like that. There's a very, there's a loving part to you.

You have a big heart, but I also see that there's also like, but there's a place for that. Like there's, like, I have this, like, you know what I mean? Yes. And this is, there's much more to you. But I'm saying what I think in my rudimentary translation of what Russian even is. And what, and that's those are the things I see in you. You know, I, I appreciate all of that because it's actually very accurate. Is it?

It is. It is. I grew up still kind of, even though, you know, we're in America, all these freedoms. My parents, you know, could change careers. Whereas, you know, in Russia, it's like, this is the career you studied for when you're 14. Right. They go to trade school.

Yeah. That's it. No one's like, but I want to be a barista next week, right? That's it. So even though we grew up with that, I still, because it's what happens in the house. Right. And in the 80s, a lot of kids had autonomy. So I had to grow up kind of tough and it was kind of helpful that my parents, you know, no one was home when I got home.

My brother was older. He was like out. Like the minute he got a car is like peace, right? He was done. It was not even at home. Didn't even sleep at home. Like he was gone. So I was by myself.

And I think that also contributes to like my toughness and just kind of like. And I think that's why I really do well on the road. Yeah. Because I don't feel isolated. Right. It's almost like nostalgia for me. It's like memory lane. Like when I did everything as a kid by myself.

Yeah. Because some comics are really good and really talented. And I don't know if you know anyone like this, but like they just can't hack traveling at all. I know. I know. just they fall apart. Yeah. And being alone in your hotel room and getting yourself and getting in a rental car and getting into the next gig that's five hours away. I mean, all that stuff that goes into it. It is being alone. That part of it is really, and that's what not being on the road

since March that I've really just realized actually just like a couple weeks ago, because I've been with my family and I've only gone out and done a couple little gigs. And it was, I just got to this point. It was like, I literally said in my head, I got to be by myself. Yes. Like I literally, that's that like when people complain, like whenever people are envious of comedians and they're like, oh, but the road, right? Oh, the road.

You know, they always try and knock you down a little bit. They're like, yeah, but you travel a lot. When I picture putting on my seatbelt in, on a plane, on a plane. That's why a lot of people's nightmare. I'm just so... I'm going to zoom away to a new place. And you're going to be up in the air by yourself. I need that isolation.

So you are built for it. 100%. And I like that little kind of like, ooh, what could go wrong, right? It's a little bit of that. Yeah. It's a little bit like, I don't know about you. I have many times had to return a rental car while also having to pee so badly while also almost missing my flight.

Yeah. I mean, many times. So many times. And, you know, it's that feeling of like, am I going to make it? And you haven't filled up the tank. Oh, my God. You have to stop for gas. You have to stop for gas.

At 6 in the morning. And then it's just, and then like there's like rules now where the rental car's like, but it's 10 miles away and it has to be 8 miles. Did you know that about this? No. Nonsense. No. So it was just like that feeling or when you're going to a gig and you're like, what's it

going to be like? Like, what's the theater? Is it going to be a barn? because it could be a barn. You and I had a green room that was a container, a shipping crate. A shipping container. That's right. That's crazy.

But that's what our green room was. And it was cozy. I loved it. But it's like you never know. You walk in. You're like, all right, what kind of craziness am I going to walk into? Yeah. Yeah.

I miss that. You're built for it. Yeah. I really do. So where were your folks when you were coming home young and where were they? Working. Where? So my dad was a plumber. He was a plumber.

He had a van and his initials, J.S. plumbing. And it was just the scariest thing. Like you would keep your children away from this van. It was like painted black windows because he didn't want people to see all his plumbing supplies because he got robbed so many times. Right. So he had a really just crappy plumbing van. And he was just a plumber. He was just like, I just, you know, I call it a toilet and sink plumber.

Yeah. He worked his way up, but that was our job. And my mom has always worked in fashion. Always in fashion. Oh, really? Yeah. Is she glammy? She was.

Yeah. She was? Like the big shoulder pads in the 80s. And then just barely a nipple peeking out of her. Like everything was dynasty in our house. But I will tell you this. So I got in trouble a lot in high school. Right.

The height of my mom's hotness. Like she was Unbelievably She looked like you Dark hair Yeah but like Yes yes yes yes yes yes Yes very Hasidic yes

And mustache for sure So so she would come to my high school To go talk to my teachers again She had her own parking spot I'm not exaggerating Because you got in trouble so much I was in trouble all the time And but we had this huge quad

And you had to walk across And it echoed and it was loud and she wore these heels and a boostier, a boostie, just boobs and these tiny little, like, sparkly shorts in high heels, big 80s hair, just make-glammed out makeup. This is San Francisco? In San Francisco, yeah, and just click, click, click, click, and all the boys would, like, stop and like tuck their boners down there, you know, and just like stare at my mom and they're like, Kira's in trouble again.

Like they loved you when I was in trouble because my mom would show up in some scantily cloud tight rhinestone outfit. Yeah. And she just knew it. And then would you get you released because the principal was the effected the same way? Well, so here's what they would say, right? They'd set her down. Mrs. Sultonovich.

Kira is disruptive during class. And she won't listen. And she would look at them and she'd go, this is story of my life. and she would look, why are you wasting my time? Like this, I have to deal every day. You're telling me this? I tell you this. And they would get nothing out of her.

Like they were expecting like, I punish. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, we will not let this happen again. And she would just yell back at them. And then he would be like, well, this was pointless, but they don't learn. And I was there for four years. So it was like every semester, a new teacher would be like, I'm calling your mom in. And I was like, you do that.

We'll see how that works out for you. And she click, click, clack, clack across the, you know, sit there with like all of her decalitage hanging out. And they would just be like, well, Kira is very disruptive. And she's like, you're disruptive. To my work, I have to be at work. You disrupt me. And they would be like, all right, we're done. We're done with this meeting.

Like zero. Apologies, nothing. That is amazing. And I wouldn't get into trouble because my parents didn't know how to... How to deal with you. When did you become the bad kid? Like what, like, was it all the way just you're like in school the whole way thinking I'm not doing this or you got to high school and we're like having new pound? Oh no, it was kindergarten. In first grade. Pure energy. We went to, by the way, they sent us to the school for free. So it was very embarrassing for my parents. Right. Hebrew Academy in San Francisco. Uh-huh.

And they gave us a scholarship because we were new immigrants. Right. We didn't have to pay anything. Jimmy Carter brought you. Jimmy Carter, we brought bread with us. Right. Our baked sourdough. And they still kicked me out.

And they still kicked me out because so we had to pray. I'm not religious at all. I'm Jew by profile only. Right. You know what I mean? Like I'm not. And we had to pray. And during.

prayer, like, you know, the teacher would be leading the prayer. And I would be acting it out. How old? Wait, when is this? Five. Five. So let's say the teacher was talking about, I don't know, Noah's Ark, let's just say. And he's like, and there was a terrible storm. And I'd be like, standing up behind him and we're like, terrible. And I would be acting out the waves and the arc and the animals, elephants two by two. I would literally act out the whole thing. So he would put me in the hallway. And he had a desk for me in the hallway. And this school was so small. It's actually a house that was converted into a school. So it was like different bedrooms where your classrooms. Right. So my brother's room, he was eight years older, but he could see me in the hallway.

And he'd look at me and he'd be like, because I was working on my next bit in the hallway. And the teacher would open up the door and he would say, are you ready to join the class? Right. And I would do my bit. You'd be like, yes, I am. In the hallway, I would do my bit. They would all laugh. The laughter would wash over me like hot butter. And he'd slam the door in my face.

To me, that was a success. That's why I can't get angry at my kids. Right. I can't. My husband, complete opposite. Yeah. And he and I, we just butt heads. But I understand.

I understand that feeling. It's not right. I don't think it's right. Right. To be disruptive in class. Sure. But yeah. So, so as a father, and I was very similar.

I was, you know, I was doing all those bits and I was twirling around a banana, singing rhinestone banana in first grade, my take on rhinestone cowboy. And the same exact thing. I was that same thing. But I never felt like I was dumb. I never felt like I couldn't like I could do this. What do I got to do to make sure my parents don't yell at me. See?

C minus. Would that be pushing it? Because that's what I'll aim for and just keep them off my back kind of thing. And that would? That would work? Oh, yeah. They would be mad. They would be angry with the Cs.

But it wasn't, you know, it wasn't failing. So it was like, it's okay. But I have a hard time, even though we are that person, I have a hard time looking at my kids and not demanding that they take school seriously. Yeah. You know what I mean? I know. I worry because I'm like, well, I got through it, but I'm pretty unique.

He's in my head. I knew what I was doing. Yeah. Also, the spotlight wasn't on kids when we were kids as much as it is now. No. A lot of kids, the teachers were just like, you know, they were just trying to make it through the day too. Yeah.

And now everything's positive parenting and seeing the whole child. And every kid has like a IEP. Yeah. And this one has allergies. Let's get your EpiPen ready. Like we're way more taken care of. Yeah. But I wonder if it's good because I don't know.

I don't know. My kid, I just taught him how to make toast. I was making, he's nine. I was making full meals for myself when I was nine. because nobody was home. So, I mean, not like a full meal, but I would crack an egg and I would, you know, I would make a hot dog. I'd boil water and throw a hot dog in. Right.

I could do stuff. You could do stuff because you had to do it. I had to. Were your grandparents? So I only knew one grandmother. One grandmother. She came over also? She came over, yes.

Everyone else had passed away. Right. Because that's kind of what Russians do. They're like, this sucks. We're out. See you in the next life. Right. Oh, really?

So my mom's parents died way young. Really? My dad's dad died pretty young. Pretty young. Like young for America young. Yeah. Like 50s. 50s.

That's young. That's really young. Yeah. So I had one grandmother and she lived to 101. Like she made up for everybody. Whoa. For everyone. And did she cook?

Amazing. Yeah. Amazing. Did she live with you? Ronald Reagan sent her a letter. What? Yes. Wait, wait.

Hold on. Did she live with you or did she live nearby? She tried to for a few years. And it was pure hell. It was your mom. It was my mom. No, my dad's mom. Your dad's mom. So for my mom, it was awful.

Right. Which I get. Yeah. I don't know if I'd want to. I mean, I love my mother-in-law, but I get it. Yeah. Live in the house with them. But you know what?

My grandmother was great. She was very social. She gambled, you know. And she, very tough, tough woman. So tough. Really? know when they say like, there'll be like some magazine article like that's like, here are the five secrets to longevity and health, like positive attitude. She was the most negative person.

You know what I mean? Like eat healthy and don't get lard. She ate like the full, like the tongue of a cow for breakfast. So she just, all the rules that we know opposite. She was so negative about everything. And she lived to 1001. So I don't know. I don't think that nonsense. But, um, yeah, it's really, that's, don't you think that's just genetic? It's just kind of like, you're gonna. Yeah. Right?

She wasn't like mean or rude, but she was just, like, she would look at you and be like, look at you with your shirt. Like, she would just find a way to like, just be meat, like negative to people. Oh my God. Two buttons. Ugh. But she could cook? Amazing.

Really? She was incredible. What would you make? Well, you wouldn't like it. Why not? You always say. It's weird. It's weird colors and textures.

This is a funny. This is another funny thing that you do. Maybe it's Russian and I didn't know it. I just thought it was Kira. You asked me, you always tell me these things from your life of your heritage. And then I'm like, that sounds great.

And you're like, no, you're going to hate it. It's not for you. It's not for you. So our listeners are aware. In my new book, you're doing great and other reasons to stay alive. There's a whole essay of,

about Kira and I going to a Russian bathhouse, essentially, and getting a Russian treatment, would you call it? Yeah, yeah, Veniki is a treatment. Yeah, and Abanya. And she's like, we're going to be in San Francisco together. This is where I came from. We're going to be working together. Let's go to a, I'm going to take you to Veniki.

And I'm like, oh, that sounds great. No, it's horrible and you're going to hate it. And I was trying to. I was trying to assage my anxiety for going to this weird new experience that's going to be super hot. And am I going to have a heart attack? What's going to happen? And I would try and be positive about it. And you're like, no, with a smile on your face.

Yeah. No. This is, you're going. This is a horrible thing. Because we like to see people in pain because we are in pain as Russians. And you're beaten with branches, which by the way, you have to admit, did feel good. The end, when I was spit out. done, but in the middle of it, it's hell.

It's hell. And what's so funny is I'm laying in a sauna, a double... Three-story, technically. Three-story sauna where heat rises, the hottest place I've ever been in my life, and they're beating me with sticks. And it is intimidating. And I look over and just see you smiling ear to ear that I'm going through it. I truly could not believe that you did it. And remember I was sitting there.

I was like, how you doing? I was checking in. How you doing? I was checking. I'm here to rescue you. Well, it was the checking. It was this weird combination where you were guiding me along as my protector and my friend. But at the same time, just kind of like talking me down.

Like I can't believe you're doing this. You can get out of this. And I was like, well, because I didn't know what was happening, I was like, is there a possibility that I'm going to die? is all you wanted to know. I mean, maybe. Look, on the way over there, there's a bigger possibility, in the car on the way over there. I would love to do it again because now I know. And the cold plunge.

Come on. Oh, 100%. It was amazing. You go from being the hottest that you ever were, where they're beating you with these sticks, which is not to beat you, but to generate more heat. Yes. And to drive the eucalyptus into your skin, your pores are the most open. Yeah.

Yes. And then you go from there, in this part I have to do. In my memory, I do feel a little like a grandpa that you were like kind of guiding me up the steps to the cold plunge. And I felt like it was like the grandpa being like helped to the car in a way. You're very vulnerable in that moment. You're very, because like anything could get you gravity. You slip a little bit. A penis swinging the wrong direction.

Yeah. They were swinging in our faces. They were swinging in our faces. We're the only ones with bathing suits on. Yeah, there were a couple other ones. Now that we're friends, would we wear the bathing suit again? I think so. You think so?

Yeah. Co-worker kind of a thing. Yeah. I mean, not because I don't, I'm shy or embarrassed, but just for COVID, really. I think mask up your genitals. There was, yeah, there was, but if that actually felt weird, like that we, there was something wrong with us. Like, it was like being in a nudist colony in a suit, basically.

Yes. Like, they're looking at you like, what's your problem? But I think we need to, you know, we're professional co-workers. Yeah, it felt like we shouldn't be naked with each other at the moment. And also, I grew up there and there's a really good chance, you know, Oleg or Igor or Vladimir that I grew up with is going to see me naked. So I should wrap it up. There was one guy who was about seven feet tall and his penis was about five feet tall. Oh my God.

Who was very proud and just, I think he was there just to walk around and show everybody. Like. Did you like how that? essay came out? Yes. So you know when I was reading your book, I sat down on my pool lounge chairs and I opened it up and I started reading. But that was taking attention away from my five-year-old. Oh, God, yeah. So a few weeks later, I don't think I told you this, a few weeks later, she opened your book and she was like, I'm Tom Papa. Oh, my life is so interesting. I killed it. She nailed the essence of this book because it was,

kind of she was jealous of the book because I sat I read it from front to front to back I read the whole thing and she was like oh F this book I'm Papa look at me oh blah blah because she can't read so she's like I went here and I went there I loved it I forgot to tell you that that is great it was really great well if you can send a message back to her oh which I told you on the phone the other day that She came running out of your house when I dropped the book off, screaming, yelling. She was very upset that we left. She jumped out of the pool, ran down with your husband down the driveway and made us get out of the car for this message. It's very important message that she had, which was that we had to come to her birthday party in July.

Yeah. And if you can let her know that I noticed that July came and went. Yeah. And we were not at the party. Well, if she would have known These desserts were available to her I think she would have double triple checked Yeah, we had a troll's birthday party

Wine access So what did your grandmother make? What was she really good at making? Apple strudel Russian style, so it's a little different But it's the same again, that Russian steel Whole apples Unpealed whole apples

Pits, just all the stems. But yes, she submitted her strudel and her recipe to some contests. And then she won that. And then she just kept winning these contests until it got to Reagan. I have no idea why it was when Reagan was president. And he sent a letter. He sent. Dear Bastia, I tried your apple strudel.

I don't know. I don't know if it was the real Reagan. I don't know if it was one of his body doubles. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah. So she was really, really tremendous. Basia? Bacia. Wow. So she was a baker? Everything. Everything. But I appreciate it now. As a kid, the far shanovnairribe that she would put in my lunch, which is ground up fish, which is like a gefilta fish, right? But she would make it and it was like she would decorate it with like a little fin. And then she would make like an eyeball out of a carrot. And she would create like this fish face. on a fish patty that I would have to take to school and eat.

Oh, it smelled like fish? And it smelled just like sadness and bullying. That's what it smelled like. And that was, you know, I didn't appreciate it back then. Sure. And it seemed fancy that I had caviar sandwiches, but. Whoa. Well, yeah, Russians eat, but the big red caviar.

Right. Yeah. Different. It's different. It's not the $500 fancy party caviar. It's just salt water exploding in your mouth. Was it a lot of seafood? I mean, I did have cow tongue.

Sure. You Zick? Absolutely. Oh, I had, and I had to pretend like it was something else. And the kids were like, that's not baloney. You had like a cow tongue sandwich? Yeah. Yes.

In my lunch. And kids are like, who wants to trade? And I'm like, ooh, I don't think you guys want to make out with the heifer. It's not a trade. This is not a trade. Did you have friends? Yes. Did they?

I did, strangely. Did they? Well, I would think you would, but you also, you're painting a picture of you being kicked out in the hallway with your tongue sandwich. Yeah. Like, again, with the toughness, I'm sure you had to fend off some of the comments from the kids making fun of the tongue. But I could also see you being very popular because you would demand it. Well, like all comics. I beat them to the joke.

Right. So I would make fun of myself before anybody else could. Right. So they're like, I already said that joke. You know, like they're making fun of me. And I'm like, yeah, I already said it. Wow, took you long enough to notice. My last name rhymes with, you know.

Was someone funny in your family? No, but they will tell you different. What do you mean? So my dad, if I ever have shows like in the Bay Area, he will come and sit in the back like a stalker. Uh-huh. In the shadows. Very Russian, right? Just like, won't even tell me he's showing up.

He's just there. There's just a plumbing truck parked at front. Exactly. And then people will be like, oh, my gosh, your dad's here. And they all want to talk to him. Oh, wow, your Kira's dad. When did you know she was funny? Yeah.

She gets this from me. I'm very funny. You can't say it like Dracula. Like they think that I got my humor from them. And they could not be more unfunny. Like zero. Like, how do you not have any sense of... There's no...

No joke timing. Nothing. Nothing. No. So where were you getting funny? Like, where did that gear... Just... TV?

Maybe. I think just being... Well, first of all, beaten severely helps. Really helps. Who was beating? Both of them? My mom. Your mom.

Yeah. My dad didn't. I don't know. He's just not capable or lazy. I don't know what it was. But mom was just like... But she, yes. I'd hit rather than talk.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that helps. Any kind of trauma helps. You can read it in my next book. How can I raise a comic? Beat them severely. You ever spank your kids?

No. No. But. So Rich Scheidner said something so interesting to me. He was also hit a lot as a kid. And he said he would never hit his kids. He never hit his kids. They're adults now.

Yeah. But he said to me, I was scared that if I hit them, I wouldn't stop. Whoa. I was like, dude, I get it. Yeah. I get it. Like, I know that feeling.

It's like alcoholism. Right. I can't even take one drink because I won't know when to stop. But I'd threaten with like the most ridiculous thing. And I'm not proud of this at all, but I'm just going to be honest with you. My nine-year-old would do something terrible and mean to his sister. It's awful. Right.

And I look at him and I go, is today the day? because I tell him he knows I got spanked and that's why I'll never spank him but I'll look at him and be like, is it today? Is it today? Is it June 15th? Is today the day? You get big eyes.

And he's like, oh my God, is it? I don't know. Is it? So that's my threat. That's good. I think that's very important. Is that a good threat? Oh, 100%.

I say it all the time that they should think that you could hit them. Oh. They should think that you're capable of it. Yeah. You never, you know, we're the generation, really. where it stopped. Yeah.

But yeah, they should think, like, that it's possible. Otherwise, no. Otherwise, you're like in school, like, you know you're not getting in trouble at school. So. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

Well, that, you know, I have a joke about pushing down the inner Soviet side of me. It really is every day on a daily basis. Right. I have to like, yeah. I live in L.A. It's 2020. This isn't Soviet Russia in the 60s. You know, like, I have to remind myself.

Yeah. Yeah. It's hard. Have you gone back? Yeah. You have? Yeah. How many times?

Just once. Uh-huh. Because I wanted to go back other times and then something would erupt. Mm-hmm. Because the time that we did go back, we did have a bodyguard with us. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Because they see Rich Farner. I mean, they see, like, comic who does B-rooms, you know, and, um... No, I mean, yeah, they can tell your Western. are right off the bat. I have no idea how because everyone dresses like everything now, right? Right. Yeah. Their country is, you can get anything anywhere. Yeah. But they can tell by the way, you smile. Oh, right. Even just in your eyes. Just smiling and making eye contact. They're like,

whoa, you're not from around here. That's so funny. We had a Russian family that lived across the street from us in my previous home. And there was rumors that maybe they had worked for whatever. Maybe they don't, the alternative economy. And they could look you, you know, we're just this family in this yellow house like, hi everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Hello.

Hey. Oh. And we would say hello to them. The father, the wife, his mother, like the grandmother, kids who were like driving age. And we'd be like, good morning. Yeah. Wouldn't just not say hello.

They would just look at you. Yeah. with no expression. They're trying to figure out, why the hell are you smiling at me right now? That's what they're trying, honestly. Right. Yes. It's such a strange thing.

Because coming from my world, it's like, that's just the way you do it, right? It's just friendly, friendly, friendly. Yes. I would, it took me years to be able to come out, see him and just get in my car. Right. and not do it. Like everything in me was like wanting to say good morning. I was in a Moscow subway really late at night.

There was no one else waiting for a train with my dad. And there's just a guy that works for the, you know, it's very clean, by the way. The subways in Moscow. Oh my God. Yeah. I would gladly eat all of this dessert off of that floor. They are meticulous. So he's sitting there he's sweeping.

And we walk by. There's no one else. So we walk by him. We kind of slightly make eye contact. And I say, you know, Dobreveitcher, which is like, good evening. He literally throws his broom down. He goes, do you know me?

I go, no. He goes, why the hell are you talking to me? Whoa. And my dad's like, okay, we're leaving. Like, my dad was, because my dad knows that anger. Yeah. He's like, all right, let's go wait for the train all the other side. Oh, my God.

Like, what? What is wrong with you people? They are, and this. That was 2002. Right. Like, Pitus Flores has gone. Like, it's done. Loosin up a bit.

But like you said in the beginning, going to the bakery here in L.A. in 2020, they're still kind of acting that way, even though they're running a business, which is so funny because my whole thing is like you, if you go to a bake shop, those people are like the nicest people on earth because who opens, what asshole opens up a place to make cupcakes for the community? Yeah. Those are not mean people. No.

But I think we might have found the wrinkle. Yeah. And I remember in my hotel also I asked, again, I was there before my smartphone, right, 2002. So I remember you had to ask directions and the woman who works at the hotel in customer service. And I thanked her for giving me directions. And she goes, stop thanking me. You know, really she was saying, you weak American, you thank people. Oh, it's so weird.

It was so bizarre. It's so weird. But I was there for a few weeks and I felt myself hardened slowly. You did. Oh, yeah. And were you comfortable with it? I was like, oh, this feels pretty good. I get it now.

I get it. And they had Uber before we had Uber. Literally you just, you point your hand, like you go like this on any sidewalk and anybody stops. They're not registered. They're not taxi. They don't have a test or a license or anything. It's anyone who wants to stop.

And they just say at the end of it. And they go, where you're going? and you go, I'm going over here, and they go, okay, it'll be, you know, 500 rubles, and you go, okay. And you agree right there on the spot. That's amazing. It was nuts. And I don't know if I would do it again now. It's so strange because you, while you say you have that in your DNA and you have that stuff,

you also have this just joy, this comedic joy about you that. I need to stay laughing. Yeah. I really do. There was this thing. And what's the name of your, what's your name of your sauna show? Let's get sweat. Let's get sweat.

Yes. So Kira has this great, this great show where you go into a sauna similar to this whole thing of like inviting me to the Veniki going to this banja and doing the, this isn't like just something fun that she thought. Let me introduce you to my culture. This is your passion. Obsession. Obsession with being hot. being in steamroom, saunas, it's so ingrained in you. And she made it into a show where you, she runs basically a talk show in a sauna that's

smaller than this booth, by the way. Yeah, for sure. You're just in this tiny, hot, sweaty thing. It's hilarious. It came out so great. And you were kind enough to be my first episode. Yeah. And I licked your sweat.

It was great sweat. Honestly, of all the sweat I have licked, yours was very pure. Thank you. It was, what did you call this wine again? Barolo. No, but you called it sophisticated. No, you called it. Sophisticated?

Yeah. You called it something. Complex. Complex. Your sweat was complex. It was very complex. But I really am obsessed. You are.

With sweating, scrubbing, Vieniki. I slapped you with Vianiki. Yeah. Because I really, it's truly what makes me happy. Yeah. It brings me so much joy. And there's a challenging part to it. There's a, there's a, my wife kind of has it too, by the way.

Like, if I get into like a hot tub or something, if I'm enjoying it, it's not hot enough for her. Ah, yes. Right? It has to be like completely scolding, boiling. And there's like, she's like proud when other people leave before her. Yeah. Yeah. When I go into a sauna, like, I don't know if it's at a hotel or some spa or whatever and it's not hot enough, I'm offended.

I'm offended that they think that this is acceptable. Right. I truly am. It's very, you know, that's why I have to go to Korean spas because they want to keep you out. Right. If you're not Korean, they're like, let's keep the non-Koreanans. Let's scare them. And get them out of you.

Yeah, let's set this to Satan's taint. And they won't come around. I go, yeah, but not this Soviet. Ah, you guys thought you could get rid of me. There was something when we were recording the episode where. There was something else came out of you because you're playing basically a character. It's my mom. It's your mom.

Yeah. Yeah. And there is, it's so funny because it has your sense of humor, but in what you could have actually become of like this really tough Russian woman. It's such a funny show. People can see it on YouTube or your website. YouTube. I have another season coming out. Now I've put like some more like umf into it.

So it's like I'm making a bigger deal. Oh, yeah. September 8th. September. Eighth. Okay, perfect. Yeah, you can go to YouTube. My website, Kira Comedy will direct you. Right, right. If you don't know how to spell Soul Township. So how many of you done now? So we've done 12 episodes. Wow. Yeah. Josh Wolfe is coming up. So funny. Alonzo Bowden. Oh, nice. How did Alonzo, who's massive? Seven feet tall. He's a massive human being. He's gigantic.

And I sat on his lap for some of the episodes. So we got more than sweat. Oh boy. If you know what I mean. Now I'm jealous. Yeah. It was so much fun. Yeah. I mean, do you know Kelsey Cook?

You know Kelsey. Yes. Yeah. She's allergic to everything. Uh-huh. Everything in my sauna, she was allergic to. Oh, my God. This is going to be a nightmare.

Yeah. It's one of the funniest episodes. It is so we can't do anything. We couldn't even turn the sauna on. Why? She's just allergic to living. I don't know. I don't know.

But I was worried. I was like, how is this going to work? It is my favorite episode. Really? It truly is. Second to you. That's great. Well, thank you.

Of course. Of course. Of course. That's hilarious. That's such a weird thing bringing other people, especially L.A. people from all these different cultures into that environment. And sweating on each other. And I smelled Jamie Kaler's pits for like the entire episode. And I loved it.

I loved it. It's real to me. That's real life. I just smelled his pits the whole time. Just to kind of gauge how he's doing. Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm turning this off.

Sorry. Is your husband into this stuff? No, no. He's not. No. No. Because you have the stuff at your house. This is what addicts do.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. If you like meth, you're going to make a lab in your bathtub. Did your parents turn you on to this stuff? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my mom took me like when I was seven taking me. Oh, really? Teaching me how to do it. It is healthy. I remember you posted on Instagram something about telling people like your attitude was, okay, COVID's here. This is a thing that's going to attack our being our immune system. But don't be babies. You should be beefing up your immune system now. Don't cower. You should be getting stronger. And you've posted a couple different things. And one of them was about taking care of your skin.

taking care that that is your first line of defense you have to detox what about dry um brushing brushing sure yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah if you want to half acid yeah no that's great that's i just read about that someone was like you should be doing it and and then you go in the shower and hose off all your dead skin yeah yes but when you sauna you're literally ringing out like your organs. Oh, really? Yes. But you have to do it for a long time. What do you mean? You have to do it for, you know, you can't just go in for like five minutes. Like you're not at the YMCA where you're just like, I'm going to warm up a little bit. Like you have to sit there for 40 minutes. 40 minutes? Yes. I thought like 20 was the 20's fine. Go take a quick break. Have a sip of water. Go back in there,

you baby. I want it. I was keep telling my wife like, I'm telling you they don't, they're not big. You know, let's just put them, we can put it right here on the deck. You can do it. We can. You got it. Yeah. This bread show is successful. You'll be fine. Just get the fancy one. No, I mean, you keep hearing the benefits of it.

You and Rogan are right now like all over the... And then you jump into the pool, which is my version of a cold plunge. Right. But it does get pretty cold and you're golden. You know who else is this? Gabby Reese and Laird Hamilton. Yes. I love them.

I watch their YouTube shows. Yeah, yeah. I love that. They do that too. Yeah. I was in their sauna. Was it incredible? It was, but it felt very similar to when I did it with you, where I felt like they were worried about me and kind of just taking care of me.

They were like, yeah, now go in the shower. Okay, good. Now we'll do a podcast. Because you do feel responsible for people. It's scary. It can be scary. Yeah. But it's the best.

Why no vodka? Me? Yeah. Like personally? Yeah. Like, you know, you're. obviously your grandmother was into cooking all the real stuff. Yeah.

A big part of the Russian experience is drinking a lot of vodka. Yeah. My parents drink, never like scary, never like, oh my gosh, this is frightening. Yeah. I think I wanted control over situations because I would see a lot of Russians out of control. So my parents didn't believe in babysitters. Right. So if they went to a Russian party, I went to.

a Russian party. And when it was time for me to go to bed, they would put three chairs together and push it up against a wall. And I had to go to sleep. And that was very normal for me. Right. Very normal. Yeah. And so I was at every Russian party. Everything. Everything. Right. Like, you know, Voloja is retirement party. Let's go. And so I think I saw a lot of the debauchery. Uh-huh. And I was like, hmm. Yeah. Isn't that interesting? I'll just be back here, you know, making sure everyone's okay. And then that spilled into teenage years when I got my driver's license. I was on penis patrol.

Right. So I, all my friends, you know, there was boys and, you know, 16 year olds, right? And I'm like on patrol. Right. Because I was the only one not, you know, doing anything. Not doing, you know. Right. Not that I'm saying my friends were drunk at 16, but maybe they probably were.

They were. So I was driving everyone home. Were you told watch out for boys or that was instinct? Not really. No. Russians don't give a lot of warnings. They don't like sit down and like, we're going to help you through your life. They just kind of shove you out there in the middle of the Coliseum and then, you know.

Right. There wasn't a lot of guidance. But it's interesting because you have that upbringing coming home alone, dealing with school, doing all this stuff. like there's an independence to it that you kind of just figured it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Like you had, you had a sense like, no, I know what boys are about what they want. I know what drinking does to people. I know how to make my own food. Like, there's a real something to that. Yeah, I'm pretty badass. I didn't realize it until right now. Thank you, Dr. Papa. Yeah. Well, it's true, though. I mean, because we do so much for our children. Yeah. That there was a little worry,

they're not prepared. Right. And you have one that's living away from home. Yeah, she's in school now. How are you doing? Good. You feel okay. Yeah, I feel okay.

She's prepared. She's prepared. Okay. I would let her drink a little at home. Yeah. Because she wasn't going to a lot of like crazy parties before she went. So we wanted to just feel what that was. And, you know, I think she's prepared and she's smart.

The one thing I have to say that concerns me a little bit. it and it's not just my kids, it's my daughters, it's a generation of girls, is they feel rightly so, I'm a woman, I can do what I want. I can dress how I want. I can do what I want. It's your problem if you have a problem seeing my cleavage or seeing, you know, short skirts at school or any, like that whole generation has this real empowering sense of, I'm woman, I'm going to do it. Right. You deal with it. And. And, And my wife is like, yeah, but there are creeps out there. Right.

It's sure, it's that guy's problem. But it could be your problem if that guy decides to do something. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's a little bit of that disconnect from the real world sleazy factor. I think because there's still overlap. So I think like maybe their generation, the boys are like, well, whatever. I mean, this is what they want to wear.

So I guess that's what they're wearing. But there's an overlap from other generations. Yeah. still kind of looking at younger girls. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my only worry is that part of it. But as far as them being confident and out there and I think it's pretty good,

but they don't have the street sense that you had. No, our kids just aren't, they don't need it. No. It was a survival. Right. I needed to figure out how to get myself home by myself in the second grade. That's just my life. But luckily I had a lot of kids in my neighborhood.

I did have a key around my neck. But my mom, I don't think she was thinking through, also like put my address like in my clothes. It was like, hey, pedophiles, here's the key. Here's the address. If you want. It sticks a little. The lock, the second lock kind of you got to move it.

So that part maybe wasn't smart. But yeah, I had to. And we had to, we went to the park by ourselves, like my friend Sarah and Rachel Huffle. They were two sisters down the street. We had other kids that we'd all meet at the park. And we had our own, you know, like society. Yeah, you're a little gang. We figured it out.

Yeah. Yeah. Were there, with your grandmother being such a great cook and you had this little transplanted family and you're going to these Russian parties, there's obviously community there. Yeah. Was there a sense of celebration? at the holidays, even though there's like a colder culture, was there like, was there a celebratory?

Yeah, was there like Christmasy kind? I mean, you're Jewish, but was there was there Thanksgiving-y kind of New Year's? New Year's is the big Russian holiday. Right. Because religion was allowed, right? Communist. Sure. So New Year's is a big deal.

Yeah. Really, really big. And then we actually, my parents like to do a big Thanksgiving. Right. But it was Russian food. Right. It was like, yeah, they might have a turkey. We did have a turkey.

But there's all this like other like crazy looking Russian food along with it. So if I ever brought a friend over, they'd be like, I was hoping for yams. I'm like yams. You're not going to get yams, my friend. You're going to get a fish face. You're going to like it. And are you passing this down to your kids at all? Do you think your kids identify with being Russian?

So I tell them. they're Russian and my nine-year-old goes yeah yeah like he's like prove it yeah but when I speak to my parents in Russian they do kind of they're a little bit like aware now like right oh you could totally be talking about us which I am right so there they are yeah a little bit more like wait a minute yeah yeah but the five year old has no idea what's happening she's naked in our pool I'm not kidding you. It's her favorite thing. Yeah, of course, of course.

Good for her. Good for her. It's not far from how you live your life. It's really not. Dragging people into saunas. If I could be naked with Koreans every day in my life, I would be so happy. Well, you're the best. Thanks.

Do we have any gigs coming up? Maybe with you. I don't know. I'm doing a serious XM thing. Oh, yeah. September 9th. Oh, that's cool, right. So I think it's 10 a.m. Eastern time, September 9th on the She's So Funny channel.

Nice. Where I'm giving like tips and updates on homeschooling through this virus. Awesome. It's called A to Zoom. Perfect. Yeah. It's fun. Well, I hope you enjoy your bread.

I will. I'm going to box these pastries up because we couldn't eat them. Oh, my gosh. I'm glad that they were on point. I was a little worried. I said to my daughter when we got in the car, I'm like, Kira's going to rip me apart. This is Italian food. It is. But there's no peanuts, right? Because you know, I have a kid with a peanut allergy.

Probably not. Probably not. I think it's fine. You're the best. Thanks.