Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 181 - Mike Finoia

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

Hide your butts. Mike Finoia is here and he has a new special! Watch it here: (13) Mike Finoia | Don't Let Me Down (Full Comedy Special) - YouTube   Thank you to our sponsor TodayTix! The best value on tickets to Broadway and beyond. Take $20 off your first purchase at https://www.todaytix.com/papa and use the code 'PAPA.' Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey! Don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey! Hey, everybody. Welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Pop. I'm here with my pal Kira Sultanovitch. We have an amazing show for you today.

We have Mike Fanoia coming all the way from New York City to join us. He's got a new special streaming out there in the world. What's the name of it again? Don't let me down. Don't let me down. So good. Mike's a great guy. great comic and you're going to really enjoy today's episode, despite what Kira is going to try and do.

We'd like to thank the people at Today Ticks. Today Ticks. Thank you for sponsoring today's show. There's nothing like a live show, says two people that do nothing but live shows. And if you've ever been to one of my shows, you know that seeing clips from a show online really doesn't compare to the feeling of the energy in the room, especially with all the naked parts. If you've got a date with someone special coming up or guests coming in from out of town, you're going to take them to see live theater. Go to todayticks.com slash papa and use promo code Papa to get $20 off your first todayticks purchase. That's promo code Papa at todayticks.tX.com slash Papa for an additional $20 off your first ticket purchase. Todayticks.com slash Papa. Mike Finnoi is a great guy

He's a good soul He is a very funny comedian I've known him from New York for a long time And do you know him? Have you met him? I've never met him His face does look familiar But I've never met him He you're gonna like him

I don't think you'll fight But there's a good chance because of me Yeah Yeah I'll start it I'll start some problem Big news. I don't, it's kind of one of those things where you feel like you don't really have to tell people,

but you probably should just remind them that, I mean, it's on the calendar, it's probably in the news. It's one of these things that, well, let's just get to it. It's my birthday week. What? Yeah. You've never mentioned that your birthday is coming up. Yeah. I don't like to brag.

I don't like to call too much attention. to it. It's just an important day. And that will be November 10th. Where will I be November 10th? You ask. I will be flying home from Phoenix where I was just doing a show

and we'll be doing a show in Thousand Oaks, California. On my birthday? A little fun fact about yours truly. I like to, ever since it became a comedian, I like to work on my birthday. It's something special.

I can't believe I get to be a comedian. I can't believe that I'm lucky enough to do this. And it's a great celebration, and it bodes well for the coming year. Wow, I've never thought of it that way. I like that. Yeah. Okay. Doesn't mean I can't celebrate in and around it.

So anybody that wants to send gifts, Abraham Lincoln will post an address of where you can send those gifts. If you want to come to the shows in Thousand Oaks or in Phoenix or any of the other places we have coming up, we're going, actually, we will be going to... Kansas, St. Louis? Kansas City and St. Louis. That'll be our last shows before Thanksgiving. Yeah.

Very exciting. Are we flying at the same time? I don't know. I'm catching a lot of 2 a.m. flights. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I'll do those with you. I know there are a couple that we are flying in together.

Okay. Yeah. I'll bust out early. When that shows over, the St. Louis shows over. That'll be the end of, I think, what was the busiest two months of my career. Wow. So I'm going to be really happy to get home. You're going to be thrilled.

I'm flying home that morning on the 19th and going immediately to the Little Mermaid. Why? My daughter is flounder. Oh, that's right. So I fly out of St. Louis at 5 a.m. I land L.A.X at 9 a.m. Is she enjoying it?

She's good. She's really good. I've taught her timing. I know you gave her, you, I mean, we don't want to. She doesn't listen to this, right? She does. She does? Yeah, she listens to every podcast I'm on.

Oh, well, your mom was responsible for you getting that. role. I gave the director a hand job. Oh, geez, I hope she's not listening. No, I helped her with her audition. You did. You gave her a little timing, a little read. Yeah. And it's probably got her the job. Yes. It's good. Not that the kid didn't have it in her. No, she has it. She's got it, but you pushed it over. You nudged it. Nudged it. You nudged it. Mike Fanoia, don't let me down. I'm excited to talk to him because I also want to talk to him about some food stuff. He is Italian and I wasn't able to, I didn't have time to bake him bread because of my laziness. You know, I can only do so much. I know. That's what a lazy person says. I can only do so much.

I got to watch the world series. I've got to sit here and do nothing for a while. Yeah. No, he's a great guy and, you know, is that your phone? It is. Interrupting our podcast. It's my dad, pop. It's pop. Is he coming for Thanksgiving?

Yes. Is he coming for my birthday? Absolutely. Nice. How are you going to celebrate my birthday? I think I'm going to be, I think I have a gig to celebrate your birthday. Good for you. This is how the year is going to start for me too.

I like that. Yeah. That's good. Joey, what kind of pressure is on you knowing that you're essentially boss's birthday's coming up? Yeah, that's almost a world of pressure on me, I think. The whole birthday resting on my shoulders, perhaps. I don't know. So you've already started planning, right?

The big surprise? Yeah, you know, cupcake, candle. That sort of deal. He thinks you're seven. He thinks he's funny. Yeah. Ridiculous. Let's jump right in.

He's coming all the way from California, from New York to California. Let's get Mike Fanoia in here and have a swell time. Please welcome Mike Fanoia. Don't let me down. Is his special? It is streaming on the YouTube's right now. Please enjoy Mike Fanoia. Thanks for being here, Mike.

Thank you for having me. This is amazing. I truly thought there's no way you were going to make it. Which part of the trip? The flight, the drive. Driving from LAX here. Well, when you know somebody in the New York orbit and you are like, and we would do shows together on the East Coast and it's all things New York area,

there's certain people when you think Los Angeles, you think they're going to come to L.A. and burst into flame. You'll give me time. Like, you just mentioned Dave Attell. Like, At L.A., like at night, sliding into the comedy store, maybe. Walking around. Canter's Deli, maybe.

75 degrees. Dave Aetel with his fur hat, walking around, no. And for some reason, I kind of see you in the same vein. Oh, God. Well, thanks. How do you like being in L.A.? It's strange. See?

Yeah, it's surreal. I was here. before the pandemic for a week and I liked it but I also I liked it I liked it I'm going to San Fran from here which I'm very excited about I'm more a San Fran guy

that's where this kid came from yeah but it's not the same city but I'm glad you're excited you know it's still fun it's still good it's got nice history that I love the literature and the the beatniks and the caroac and all that sure grateful dead that's my

exactly and there are a lot North Beach, Big Surst. I wish I could kind of head up. I wish I could drive. If I could have done this trip planning differently, I would have taken a day. Yeah. It's slowly driven from L.A. to Sam Fran.

But. You have a special to promote. Yes, I do. So you can't be doing that. No, I got to work, work, work, work. Yeah. And you will see a lot of almost dead. Not grateful dead, but almost dead.

On the streets of San Francisco. Yeah. So it'll be kind of the same. I know. I'm excited slash. terrified to see. I mean, even driving here, like driving up from the airport. Yeah.

Yesterday I drove through suburban Los Angeles trick-or-treating, which was another interesting. Yeah. That threw a tiny little monkey wrench in the drive. It was even slower than it could have been, I think. It is weird. L.A. Halloween is a horrible traffic day in L.A. because people have to move from their neighborhoods to places they can trick-or-treat. It really is a heavy dose.

They come to our neighborhood. Yeah. And I put a cone up on the end of our cul-de-sac, and someone drove over it. Wow. And it just all the way down the cul-de-sac. Either they didn't care or they didn't see it. I mean, it could have been a kid. They're humiliated.

Nobody doesn't. I mean, nobody cares. And so then we like pulled it out from under their car. And they're like, oh, why was that there? Because we don't want people driving. on our street tonight. So we put out two more and it helped. It did.

Yeah. Our neighborhood was pretty, was popping off. How was your party? I am sorry to do this in front of you, but I have to apologize to cure. I'm sorry, but not only did I not

have enough chili left to bring you any, I, the host of the party, the maker of the chili, did not get any chili. Oh, no. The whole thing was devoured by these animals who came to our Halloween party. And I got nothing.

And there's nothing left over. Joey, you met our trusty producer, Abraham Lincoln, is his real name. Four ounce. Or four ounce. We're not allowed to. I know, I heard. Yeah, we had a cease and desist from Joey's attorney.

I figured I could get one in. He went home with a bag full of stuff. What? Cornbread. Cheesecake. Chili. Joseph. Chicken.

Wow. I got nothing. Before I came here, I'm like, wouldn't it be perfect to have one little piece of chicken before I go see Mike? Nothing. That's the mark of a phenomenal host, though, Tom. Yeah. It is. I know that.

That's a stressful thing when you're a mother hen and you have a party. and you love what you're providing, but you're like, when do I make a plate for myself? When do I dive in? Maybe it's that Italian upbringing thing where it's like take care of everybody else first. Yeah, and there is a quiet, calm, and pride in that. You're like, well, I didn't get any, but it's kind of okay.

Did we get a dog? My, um, my... I have a gift for you. For who? You. Oh, Tom. Here's your bread. Oh.

Thank you. I did not get to bake it because I was at Halloween. But this is Lodge Bread, who is one of our favorite bread bakers in all of Los Angeles. Thank you so much. And I know you're on the road. And a loaf of bread is kind of, but you good? I'm so happy. All right, good.

I'm very happy. And I brought you an iPhone 12. Oh. I didn't know we were exchanging games. How many gigs? Seven. And you brought Tom. And you brought me this beautiful book.

Thank you so much. Italian short stories. A hefty book. It is. It definitely is a hefty book. But it's got a lot of great stories by a lot of folks with a lot of vowels. Italo Calvino is one of my favorite authors. And someone turned me on to him like 15 years ago.

And amazing. And that it's listed is just fantastic. I was shopping for a job. John Prine songbook. Oh. We bonded on prime. We drove during a, we had a pretty, our first drive together. Yeah.

It was pretty harrowing. Remember we drove in the snow from Scranton, Pennsylvania to Manhattan? Yes. It was, uh, you were driving. Yes. Because, uh, I can't see. It was really harrowing. It was because you had to go over a mountain and they're like, it's going to snow tonight.

It's one of those. when you do the gig and they're like, you might want to get out of here immediately. We're like, oh, shitballs. And what was that gig? That was like a, like a, that hall was like insane. It was very strange. Yes, it was like in Scranton, PA.

Yeah. And it was this, the theater was only a part of this, like, giant, like a block. Like when they used to build a block into like a library. And it had a whole bunch of really cool. stuff. It was like Illuminati stuff. It really, yeah, Mason stuff. Mason. Mason stuff. Yeah. Nice theater.

We had fun. Yeah. Haunted. Haunted for sure. One of the doors kept closing right in front of us. Yeah. That seems cool. It's so fascinating. It's so fascinating when you go to all these theaters around the country and all the stories of what they were.

Yeah, exactly. I was at one in Louisiana and I said this place feels a little inhabited. And they said, yeah, this was where, I guess, when a big, an earlier pandemic back in, like, the turn of the century, they kept the sick people up in the theater until they died, which is when they brought them down into the basement. Oh. And I'm like, okay, yeah, I could feel that for sure. So it's really wild to see all the different. But that place was for sure haunted.

Oh, my God. Yeah. There's a, you ever play that one in Tarrytown? Oh, the Territown, the theater there? Yeah. I haven't, but I've been there. The Something Hall, Tarrytown Music Hall or something, that place is legit haunted. And a girl that was there did a documentary on it for college.

And I found all this out after. I was waiting for them to do, we signed books and stuff at the end of the show. And while they were figuring all that out, I went up and just wanted to check out the balcony. And I came around the corner and I was going to go to the end of the show. edge of the balcony like it kind of went along the sides towards the stage and I came around and I made a right and it was like boom don't walk down here it was just like this just like no no and I was like oh that is weird feeling and I went back down and then I found out oh yeah that balcony that's corner this documentary this filmmaker the whole thing I was like holy shit it was very

real, but not as scary as our ride home that night. No. It was, what time of year was that, that we were in February or March, perhaps? That sounds like what my agent does. It was spicy. And, but we had a, you know, I love to drive, and I don't mind it being from, like, New England, and I'm used to it.

But the conversation was what kept us going, because if it was, like, a quiet, if you just sat there on your phone or. Not at all. I'd be like white knuckling, kind of like, so do you like stuff? Like, I got to talk. Talk you through it. And then as we got closer to New York, that sleet turned more into rain. To rain.

It's just kind of like a dirty ride from there. Scranton, Pennsylvania, Stroudsburg, where I'll be performing soon, Allentown, all these places seem like you should be back in New York in a half an hour, and they all take like three hours. My God, I know. It takes double the time to get back than it did to get there. Yeah. It really does have that weird. feeling.

And it's just those 80s just like a straight highway with like 18 wheelers just blowing by you. There's no lights. They really just don't care. No. But you were a champ.

Thank you. Yeah. Well, you were a great friend and co-pilot. Yeah, I was terrified. Yeah. Were you? I know, that must be tough.

It is weird. I'm also a control freak in the sense of driving. Yeah. Some people go you drive and they don't know me and I'm kind of like, all right, cool.

Yeah. There's no way I was going to let you drive. But I'm amazed by people that are that, like, hand someone the reins? Well, I also tour with Kira, and I'll never let her drive, and Joey, and I've never let him drive. Okay. So it really says a lot about someone.

You, Tom, you. Yeah, because I'm an amazing driver. You have said that. I was in the Teamsters. Oh, anyone else in here? A Teamsters? Oh, no? Just me?

I don't think they say is anyone else? A teamsters. Yeah, a teamsters, because you haven't been in it. A teamstress? A teamstress. What do you mean? I was in the Teamsters. Why?

Because I drove a double-decker bus. The San Diego Zoo. And I know if you've been. They're basically the same as the ones in London. While you were in college? 40 feet long. Yep, 18 feet high. And you've got to get a special license.

Did you have a hat? I did. I did. Of course I did. A little pith helmet. And did you also have the microphone in front of you? And I did the tour. And I got in trouble all the time.

As you were, because I would do bits. And they were like, please don't anthropomorphize the animals. They hated it when I gave them voices and said what they were thinking. And I was doing the tour. And, you know, you always see like a rhino pissing. Like it's a given. It's going to happen. And they piss like 35 miles an hour.

And so if there was a family right next to the rhino exhibit, and there's really not much space, it's like right there. And the rhino turns itself around with its ass facing the family. I would know. And I would tell people, hey, hey, guys, you're going to get a show right now. You can either be part of it or you can step to your right and watch it. Up to you, but you have about 20 seconds. And then he would see they're like try to gather toddlers.

And sometimes they didn't make it. And the rhino just pissed like a fire hose, like 35 miles an hour. And I would get in trouble. Why are they outside of the bus at this point? Oh, no, no. There's also a walking pedestrian area. And the bus just makes its way down the little weaving road. But people are walking, you know, throughout the...

You've never been to the San Diego Zoo? I have been to the San Diego Zoo. Of course you have. I have no memory of it. You have kids. I remember a panda. Yes, very famously, we do have pandas now. Yeah.

But yeah, I would get busted all the time. You said we, are you still, is it like a forever thing? What do you mean? You said we still have a panda. Yeah, we still do. We have the pandas. Well, it's a big deal for California. We don't have pandas.

Yeah, I didn't know if you were still associated with the zoo. Oh, yes. I still have a membership. I guess once a team stress. Always a team stress. You know, I went to the meetings. I was like this kid. You know, and I went to the meetings to vote for president of our local, of our local chapter.

And they were like, who brought their granddaughter? And I was like, I'm here to vote. So when we go to Cedar Falls and have to get up to St. Paul, Minnesota, you're saying you would like to drive. I can drive, Tom, but I know that you're a control friend. I'm not. Mike just told you the real mate. Yeah, but he has a penis. What does that have to?

I don't know. Maybe you're scared of a woman. Do you use your penis to steer? If it's a standard. Yeah. There's cruise control. I don't know. Maybe it's a chick thing.

I don't know. I don't know what's going on in that bearded head of yours. I think that you don't want to drive. I will drive. It doesn't sound like it. And I will show you some skills. Some Midwestern skills. That sounds like a potentially snowy, icy drive.

No. It could go to St. Paul. Yeah. No. I didn't even check the weather. Lake effects. Nah. It's going to be, yeah.

How are you with snow? I'm terrible in the sand ego. No, not in the San Diego. But I did, I did drive in Utah once and I got stuck on top of a hill. I might have told you this story. Got stuck? Yes, because it started to snow. I was at a corporate event.

Beautiful, gorgeous, you know, this like event space on top of a mountain. And then it's done. But while we were all inside, it had snowed like 20 feet. Oh, my gosh. something crazy. And now I'm in this rental, and now I have to head straight to the airport. And I get in and I realize, what the hell am I doing? I have no business.

And my car starts to slide down the hill. And I try to superman it. You know, I get out and I try to superman it. And I'm just yelling. And I can't believe I yelled this. It's so embarrassing. I yelled, local. I need a local.

I need a local. And this is like, big Mormon comes running out. And he helps me. gets in and he stopped it with his penis. I'm literally, he stopped it with his penis. See? And then they revoked my team stress license after that. But that does scare me.

Sliding down a hill into other cars? No, that's terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Well, we'll, uh, we'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. I don't know what the weather's going to be. I don't want to emasculate you.

I'll let you drive. Don't try and gender bender me. I'm happy to not drive. I'm happy, especially at night. My vision's not that great. Why have you been driving at night? Well, it's not terrible, but it's more relaxing. I don't have to focus.

I could just hang out. Yeah, I'll drive. Very true. Good. Get high, hang out. What? Crank some tunes. Crank some tunes.

We don't listen to music. We did. Well, we do. Oh. We chatted about the tunes and the folks that wrote those songs. That's right. We had a really good time. We had a good time.

All right, Jack Kerouac. Relax. All right. All right. And when we were on that, you were actually getting ready to shoot you're special. That's right. You found a space. I did. In Connecticut. That's right. In a very

cool theater space. Yes. And you were getting ready to go. And I said don't do it. It's going to turn out horrible. You did. And it was a test. Because I wanted to see if you really wanted it or not. And you went through with it. I somehow knew it was a test. And it was good. And the special is called Don't Let Me Down. Yes. And it is streaming right now. Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah, I found a theater fairfield theater company, little 200-seat black box theater. And I went to a bunch of really cool concerts there. I saw Jonathan Richmond from the Modern Lovers there. I saw Zappa play Zappa there. And I just loved the room. And when I moved to Southern Connecticut during the pandemic, I was looking for a room to do some new material. Just somewhere to not be in New York and do like a long set. And I went to these folks and I said, would it be cool if I did a new material show?

and I expected maybe 10, 15 people, and about 100 people showed up. Wow. Because they have members. It's like a member-funded theater. They sent me the footage, and they were like, it was like Netflix quality footage. So I ran right back in and said,

can I please record a special here? Yeah. So I set it up for May and just ran around, did the set. Perfect. And it came out great. I'm really happy with it. That's really good. Yeah.

Congratulations. Thank you. Is it an hour? It's an hour in one minute. What? Yes. The one is pretty amazing. Yeah, that one is pretty great.

Big closer. Yeah. And it's no big frilly beginning. It kind of starts with me right on stage. And I did it all. So I kind of got like, you know, what it's like to produce a special, to edit, to pick the music, to go through all the camera angles and things to that. It's quite a bit of work. It is a lot of work.

Yeah. It didn't distract from you doing the set. No, it was funny To the, all the way to the, we had a nice, like, a couple days before to go look around And look at the lights and all of that Choose the rug. I'm the very big, the rug is my favorite part of the special.

Yeah. It's a beautiful rug. It is. And you know where that comes from? What? Your love of the Grateful Dead. You're right. You're right.

Because they always had rugs like nice ornate rugs. I know. Yes. It really makes for a very nice look. I didn't even think about that. You didn't? I thought about Neil Young playing an acoustic guitar on that. But you're right, it was The Grateful Dead.

Yeah. It's always about The Grateful Dead. I know. I love them. Now, I don't know where this is going to go because we both love The Grateful Dead. Kira grew up in San Francisco, and I don't even have to ask. She doesn't like The Grateful Dead. And I can imagine that she probably, as a young punk, before she was a teamster,

probably mocking hippies on the street and maybe throwing things at them. Am I right or wrong? I loved hippies. We loved hippies. First of all, we still had teachers, hippie teachers. They were like leftover. You know, we had one Vietnam War veteran who just had PTSD, like terrible, awful. Like he would just, everybody get down.

They would just scream at us out of nowhere. And we thought it was earthquake drills. No, it was just memories. Just memories coming. back. So of course I love, yes, of course Grateful Dead. Yes. Yes, all of that. You like to do? I'm not like a lunatic that goes to every single concert and follows them around the world like some of my friends did. I mean, I still have. And then those people grew up to be

fish people who just follow fish all around the world and go to every single. That's where I kind of landed. That's where you are now. Because Jerry died when I was 15. Yeah. And I took my mom's credit card and I ordered tickets to the Grateful Dead September 95. And the tickets came in the mail. Oh, Michael, she yelled. And I go, here's the cash. Uncle Bill already said he's going to bring us. It's cool.

And she's like, okay, you can go. I was so excited. And then August 9th, 95, he dies. So I never got the chance to see. Brutal. So that December, I saw fish for the first time, and then I spent the rest of my adult life. Right.

Way too many times. That's a natural progression. Yeah. But, you know, it's the thing of, like, I don't love crowds anymore. And, like, if I like, go in a comment. concerts I like to sit behind the stage where I can like watch the band play and watch the fans watch the band and stuff like that. Interesting. It's almost like a comic. You know when they want a comic to go enjoy the show?

Yeah. You know, they're like, oh, we have a seat for you and it's like some bar mitzvah table right at the front of the thing. And I go, I just got to ask that today. I will watch from behind, like I'll watch, but I'll be like in the back or on the side or I don't want to be a part of the show. Not at all. Yeah. Not at all. I love. watching people watch. And the light show is so great at those shows. So it's nice to see it all kind of light up and people go crazy. And I get to just kind of hang in the back. How many fish shows have you seen?

What? Wait. Maybe 30 or 40, something like that. Whoa. Does your wife? My wife knows. She knows. She knows.

She knows. She knows. Yes, no, this was prior to her. I mean, I've brought her to a bunch. She's seen maybe like 20 or 30. Oh, my God. But she does it only for. she doesn't love it.

Yeah. She really doesn't love it. But she loves me. Yes, exactly. Someone's got to get us to the great. Are you on drugs? Right. Do you, what are you doing?

What's your favorite? Are you like an acid guy? What at a show? Like in your prime at a show. Right. Oh, golly. In my prime at a show, it was, you know, any type of like psychedelic mushrooms, LSD, ecstasy.

These are why these shows, these bands are beloved. Right. They really, they have mastered the art of, like, fomo, like, fear of missing out. Like, they do this thing of, like, they only play, they have their select group of songs that they only play, like, here and there. And it's, like, collecting trading cards. Like, you go to show after show after show, but you need to get that one song. That's genius.

They never played the same set list ever. They don't even play the same songs the same. So, like, they almost do crowd work. Like in a crowd works joke, like, where are you from is like the lyrics to the core and the chorus. And then what follows is an improvisational. You never know what someone's going to say, right? When you say, where are you from? Right.

So we have to roll with it. They do the same thing. So it's extremely interesting. And I don't go as often as I used to. I used to be one of those like can't miss a show. Well, yeah. Because we're growing up in Connecticut and they were a New England band. Right.

I could drive an hour and. and see them three nights in Worcester, two nights in Providence, three nights in Albany, four nights at the garden. Oh, man. Festivals. That makes my mind that just, I start to shake inside.

Why? I just have, that doesn't have that inside of me. Yeah. It doesn't appeal to me at all. Well, that was my instinct when I asked you about the Grateful Dead in the first place. Right, but I don't, I mean, we listen to all the, all the get-high albums,

you know, pink floor. Pink Floyd, the wall, you know, everything, right? But I don't want to go to a concert at all. At all. Even one night. My husband took me to go see Rush. Okay. Okay.

This is before smartphones or else I probably would have been scrolling. I sat and I was like, I did this for you. I knew that one song. I knew that one song, right? That one song. I know that one song. And then I got, yeah, I know one song. and then I sat down for the rest of it.

And I did it for him. I did it for him. He's like, oh, watch this drum solo. And I go, okay. I'll go. I'll go. But of course, I've been to many, many concerts, but I don't have that feeling of like,

I got to go again. Yeah. But if you had mushrooms, you would have liked it and gone again. But if I had mushrooms, I could go to Ralph's and also have a good time. That's our grocery store here. You know what I mean?

I could just go to Target and like totally just. My wife came with me to see Dead and Company at the Hollywood Bowl. And I did see Jerry Garcia. That was my whole run was him. So anything after that was like, this is a really good tribute band. John Mayer is an amazing musician, a great soul. He's done great work. It's just not Jerry Garcia.

There's a big giant whole. in that band and it's missing. So the band isn't even and then, and they're all older and we go to see Deaden Company and my wife does what you did and was like coming along to support me and I'm going back like Frank the

Tank back to my glory days. And same thing. The band was tepid. The crowd was older and some young people trying to capture what they didn't grow up with.

And my wife was, wife trying to stand and then sitting down and I'm like we don't sit during Franklin's tower you're moving away from her going what's her but she was right also yeah like going through the filter of my analyzing the band and being like this isn't really it and then seeing her sit I literally in this I never would have done this in my prime I was like should we go before the encore and get the car and get out of here. And we left. That's a sign of things have changed.

That's a sign of age. I do that with age of me, the band, the scene, Jerry dead, the whole thing. It's past. It's exactly, it's gone. You know, it's interesting that I did that with my wife a couple times with fish at MSG, especially, because when you go to a concert at Madison Square Garden, you take an escalator up. People forget, Madison Square Garden is on, like, the top floor of Penn Station. So you go all the way up to the top, but they turn the escalators off on the way down.

So you have to walk down the escalators with all of these people that are like, you know. Why would they turn the escalators off? I don't know, probably because they only go in one direction. Oh, I see. Okay. So we would leave because she hates crowds to just as much as I. But I would say the thing that has kept me going to concerts is it's kept me in touch with friends that normally I would have not, kept touch like high school friends yeah we dust off that old group text when fish announces some

shows and we go together yeah get it we get dinner and get a couple drinks and you know have a good time that right there is the difference too that's it like we're gonna get dinner before the show that's free gaming right like when you're young and seeing them you're like a bag of fritos that's mushrooms and let's go. Yeah, lunchable. I'm going to have the salmon. Yeah, I mean, when you go. How's your 401K?

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You know, we went a couple times to go box seats, right, at Staples Center. And now, what are we going to go sit amongst the commoners? Unless, you know what I mean? Like, we're going to, the nosebleeds. Yeah. And then we went and saw, you know, the Kings play up in the nosebleeds once. And my husband and I are like, mm-hmm. Yeah, I know.

You can't. Like, it's a different experience. What did they do with the Hollywood Bowl before screens? Like, what did they? The screens. People, I remember. You just sat way back there and watched this little tiny. Binoculars, that's right.

We had binoculars. Wow. I can imagine that. When you're on mushrooms and all of a sudden you're, these two things, I could see God, you know. I saw a nightmare before Christmas with the orchestra the other night. And it was, we were in good seats. We weren't even, we were less than halfway from the stage. And they were small.

Yeah. If it wasn't for those screens, I mean, and we were close. I treated my dad to Andrea Bocelli for his birthday. And we, you know, I got expensive seats up front with the tables where you eat beforehand and the serve, you know, all of it. And if you're sitting with two schmucks, You are, they're like on your lap. Yeah. They're like sitting.

Poor people in a box. We're literally like under my armpit was this little old, you know, and we're so squished in there and I go, this was too grand. Like, what? I know. I know. But still worth it. scrolling going, I did this for you. I did it for you.

I did it for you. It is. It is. I have an interesting, um, my, my, I brought my wife to Bruce Springsteen at Giant Stadium recently. Actually, it was the last show before he. canceled the rest of his dates. I'd never seen him. Everybody says you gotta go see Bruce.

You gotta see Paul McCartney. There's a couple, handful of folks that, and I had a blast, but it was like the people around me brought the worst out in me. The worst. Where I was getting protective of her.

There was a woman that every song Bruce sang was for her. Oh, God. And she's elbowing my wife. Oh, God. And my wife's extremely polite. She's tiny, but she's also very polite.

Yeah. Where I'm like, you know, kind of giving the lady looks and the people behind us are talking, sharing pictures of their kids. And I'm giving them like a- The worst. Like, why are you here? People are the worst. Why are you talking at a show? And then the people next to me were hammered. And it was just this thing.

And it brought the worst out in me. Now, I'm the guy policing everybody. And I thought the guy next to me was on my team. And then he gets loud and obnoxious. And I'm like, you treat her. Yeah. And she's looking at me going, can you just have fun? And I'm like, no.

No. I just can't, but I go to concerts incessantly, and I hate the whole experience. I don't understand. What are you doing? I'm just me. I'm deaded. I have this conversation with somebody. Oh, with, yeah, with my buddy, Chris Voth, Joey, when we were in Colorado.

And I was talking about being out, and I'm like, is it the, am I like, is it the, am I, like, a cratchety old man, like yelling, like, annoyed with everybody around me in those situations. But there is also a sensitivity to comedians. Like, you're constantly observing all of this shit at a different level than the guy scrolling and showing pictures of their kids. Exactly. They're not thinking for a second there's something wrong. Right.

You're clocking all of it. Yeah. You're clocking all of it and classifying it and putting it in his place. And you're not wrong. You're observing and you're correct of these animals that are ruining the experience. It's hard. I think it's actually, it's not an old guy thing. I think it's a comedy thing.

It might be a comedy thing. At my special, I also produced it myself. And there were some amazing fans that came out that just have supported me throughout the years. They came out while I'm on stage, have all these cameras. We're paying all the crew. Everything's happening now. I'm only doing one show.

And these chicks. Get up and start taking selfies with me in the background. Like, we're seeing Kira's her special. And they mean well. They're there to support me. But I'm like, in the middle? You bitches, I will murder you. Like, they get out of their booth.

They all were sitting in a booth. And they start taking pictures. Yeah. And they're doing it with love. But I'm like, you don't understand what went into this. They don't understand. Sit your asses down. And I had to say it.

it nicely to them, but firmly. Yeah. Like, I, I, I, I joked. I'm sure I said something ridiculous. Like, I'll give you $100 to sit down right now. Like, please, I'm begging you. But, you, again, you're watching it as a comic, like, well, that's not, this guy's not paying attention.

This person's being, why are you eating right now? You know, like, you're watching it all. It's brutal. It's like, we can't relax. No, you can't. No. You can't. And you start to judge yourself then.

And then you're, are you the bad, even at this nightmare before Christmas thing, there was no one next to me and then second half someone moved up in the seats and is now sitting next to me and he's a middle-aged guy coughing into the air not even a thought

not as if he lived on this planet his entire life and now at 60 has never heard cover your mouth when you cough not once and he's just blah out into my face

and now I'm in a situation where like now do I say something. Now it's on me. Now he's going to think I'm an asshole. Now I'm doing this whole scenario. And they're all up on stage. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun dun. Yeah. And you're 30% there and

70% here. And it's just impossible to enjoy anything. I had a very I really can't enjoy a single thing. My dog just did a commercial. His dog's a star. My dog did a commercial. And

we went to the shoot. It was a pharmaceutical commercial sheet you know when the person takes the drug and it works they finally take their dog for a walk that he apparently been neglected since this medicine's been invented yeah and the set was um a living room that turns into a park so he gets up walks my pup she go they go this way there's a um trainer set up on the other end going come here charlie come here and she beautifully just prances over and i'm standing in video village watching it all proudest like like padd I'm having a blast. And then they bring in, that worked with the stand-in, and then they brought in the actual actor.

And he started to yank the leash a little bit, a little bit too rigid. And that's my girl. I don't have kids. That's my baby. And this is why I can't have kids, because I'd go viral for, like, punching an umpire or something. He pulled a little too tight, and I go, cut. Oh, my God. No.

No. came out. Oh my God. And the director turns and looks at me and he goes, you don't say cut. He goes, and I go, can I please just show him how to walk her? Like, I promise I'll save us all a lot of time. You are a stage mom. Totally what. I mean, it was ridiculous. I was just missing the many backful of treats. He goes, yeah, go, go ahead, go ahead. Wow. And I go, I go, give me the leash. And I kind of, you know, and I go, all you got to do is just flick of the wrist, just guide her. She'll come with you. I promise. I go, here, let me show you. And I, you. And I, you, you know, You know, sit on the couch.

I go, and they're like, action. I did it. You should have yelled action, too. I did the perfect thing. She did it great. And the director's like, that was great. And I go, you know, I could just do the commercial. And they go, okay, let's set up and whatever.

And they sent someone over. And they were like, if you don't mind, you know, we have like a whole like crafty setup. And please feel free to get yourself some food. And I'm like getting kicked off. Get this guy out of here. And I don't want to ruin my girl's career. So I was like, yeah, I'll go. I'll just go.

I had to watch from my. a distance, but I couldn't not say something. I know. It was just a thing of 100%. So if you're next to the guy in the Hollywood Bowl and he's coughing, would you? It happened to me on the plane on the way here. And I have to, I kind of make, I, I'm an eye contact kind of with like a disappointed little bit of a denier.

A little bit. I do a little side, cock of the head. And I shuffle and make it visibly clear that he's making me uncomfortable. Right next to you? Directly next to me. Sneased probably five or six times before we even took off. But into his hand, which I feel just funnels it. I mean, we all know the elbow.

Yeah. We all know the elbow. Yeah. And I was actually, like if he does one more, I was going to give him like a napkin or something and just be like, come on, let's do the right thing. Right. But you didn't get there. That's a nice passive aggressive move.

I've done that. low-risk vigilante. I didn't do it. No, because I gave him one more and he didn't do it. And he also had his shoes off on the flight. He could have sneezed into the shoe. That would have been better. Oh, that would have been great.

Yeah. And I was surrounded by a lot of interesting people on this flight. And it's an international flight. Or not an international. I'm sorry, coast-to-coast flight. And so it's pretty long. This isn't a little puddle jump. JFK to LAX.

Yeah. I'm, the guy across the aisle has Fox News on. The guy next to me has CNN. It's all horrible. Yeah. I'm like, I'm watching, what was I? Sports. No, I was watching, uh,

Fish. Rudy. Oh. Rudy. And I want to watch, like, you know, like, if there were cartoons, I want to watch cartoons. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. I watched Harry Potter.

Yeah. Just anything to keep, why are we watching? I had a joke in my act about that a while years ago about, if I ran the airport, I would not have news at the gate, just scaring the shit out of everybody. Oh, my God. I mean, and the speaker, like, telitubbies. I would have teletubbies on every screen and just let everybody chill.

Yeah. We don't have to have this in our face. Or who's the Ross guy that paints little? Bob Ross. Yeah, Bob Ross. That would be wonderful. Painting, sweet little trees. He's like, you know.

And here's just a pretty little emergency landing. Now this is not a COVID thing This is just a germ thing I don't think there's anything wrong Now that you're saying it I think this is the time of year Toss a mask in your bag And if you're next to one of these horrible monstrosities

That are just spewing their shit all over you Throw it on And not catch what this asshole has Rather than try and correct his behavior Yeah You know what I mean? I not have a mask in your bag just for the disgusting people.

It is getting to that point. And you're right, it goes pre-pandemic for me, too. Like, I've always been a germy, germophobia kind of guy. And I don't understand why we don't bring our own microphones to shows. Like billiard players bring their own cue. Oh, yeah. Bring your own mic? Bring your own mic.

Or at least wipe it down with a disinfectant. Don't you kind of think that maybe that's the last thing that gets washed? Oh, those don't. You can smell it. It's gross. Those don't get washed. And then once in a while we'll touch your lip. And then can you even finish the rest of your set?

You're like, ah. I think your lips just going to fall off. I've had it bang my teeth. Yeah, the teeth. Oh, it's awful. I'm just fan of, I'm sorry. I'm caught on my mask thing. I think that I'm going to draw on the mask before I leave the house.

I'm going to write, I'm wearing, it's too many words. You can help me edit it down. I don't want to be thought of as the guy who Joey just coughed. I don't want to be thought of as the guy who's like scared of COVID still. So. Joseph. Joseph. He's been holding that confidence.

He's been holding that cough. He's been holding that in. At least you can see him. For an hour. I want to write on it. I'm wearing this mask because you're disgusting. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what I mean? This is because you don't cover your mouth. What about YOU? Why OU? The no smoking thing through it. No, you. Because that's like, you're gross.

I mean, it's at least gets the point across that I hate you and you're ruining everything for me. Yeah, it's your behavior. It's you not being, it's you coughing into the air is making me have to wear a mask. Yeah. It's a lot of words. A t-shirt? Yeah, you're not for. me.

You're not for me. Sounds like a weird dating show. How about surrounded by animals? Yeah. Surrounded by... You're all savages. You're all... Now you're fighting everyone.

You're all savages. It is just absolutely disgusting. An interesting thing too, where there was a... The girl sitting directly in front of me I was sitting next to in the lounge waiting to leave. And we were... I was sitting in eating. and she was on a Zoom call. I mean, just the whole, the whole, like, lounge was in on her zone call.

Because it was just circle back and deep dives and, you know, synergy. Lots of pins got put in a lot of things. The devil was in the details of a lot of stuff. And then she sits in front of me. And look, I'm all for you lounging. I'm all for you reclining a seat. But, I mean, all the way back when you know that there's, like, someone in front of you, I still think is kind of rude.

I'm sorry. Yeah. I have a hard time. I would rather be uncomfortable than know I'm making someone else. A hundred percent. What airline has seats that go all the way back? I mean, it was Delta and it was fantastic. It was really,

really comfortable. Yeah, it was comfort plus, but it was in the ones that have like the Delta one that now has like the cubicles. Have you seen those? Yeah. I looked like, you know. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're in first.

You're in business. Comfort plus. What the hell is a comfort plus? This sounds like diapers. It's top economy. It's one behind first class. But you're in your own cubicle? No, that's first class.

Oh, okay, okay, okay. I was one behind that. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, got you. I was middle upper class for this flight. Middle upper class. I was called the sack, but not, you know. His dad's a doctor, but just first generation wealth. Podiatrist.

Yeah. It's Bitcoin. Not a search. But she was way back. Like, I mean, these seats go way back. And I was in the last row of that. So I kind of couldn't. It was just immediately set back to the point of like,

I had to kind of get out of my seat to get anything from under it. And it was just uncomfortable. Yeah. It's the worst. And I kind of wanted her to know. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. When I got up a couple times, I maybe elbowed the seat.

Now in that one, I feel like it's not that confrontational because. But it was circle back girl. So it was already. Oh, it was a same circle back. followed her from the... We all kind of did. And then we ended up at the same rental car place here. She's just a test from God.

Yeah, she was a test. I have no problem, and I do it on both ends. I have no problem saying, I just need to open my laptop and do a little work. Can you bring your seat up just a little bit just so I can open my laptop? That's great. Like that kind of thing. And people don't take offense because it's not them that's disgusting. It's just...

Or if I'm in the... the other way and I need to sleep or whatever ask them do you mind if I come back that's a very simple that's just that's all we need and then what if they say no I don't huh all right there you go yeah but then you let them live in that have you had a kid more comfortable yeah right let them live in the in the let out their their post game show yeah I have to believe we all have that critic yeah 100% like wow I just didn't let that guy put his seat back an inch. Do you say something to the kid kicking your chair? No. I kind of, well, JFK to LAX. Yeah. It's a tough one. I kind of, I had to mentally divorce myself from feelings of

being kicked in the chair, the guy, the old people getting up and like using your chair as support and you're like going back and forth and out of a dead sleep. There's just, we're sardines, It's rough. If you fight that, if you get into your mind that you're going to fight that, you're going to fight the whole way. I had a very God, another God test, and it was a pretty long flight. An old man behind me was like changing the channel. Like literally open-com slapping, reprimanding the screen. When it wouldn't change to what he wanted.

And he didn't realize my head was the other. other side of the, and I'm going like this, and, you know, and it's, it's before we even took off. Yeah. So I turn and I go, hello. And he's like, what? What? Just a grump. Just a grump.

Oh, God. And I go, here, let me show you how the TV works because you're slapping it and it's actually hitting me. I'm not hitting you. I go, what do you think's on the other side of the screen? It's my head. I go, so let me show you. And I got up.

It's like talking a moron. It really was. I got up and I showed him. I'm like, all you need is just a little press. It reacts well to just. just a little, and I sit down and the woman next to me goes, I would have been viral by now. She goes, if he was hitting my head, she goes,

I was going to get up and do and tell him. And I was just like, I guess that's how we have to, you got to pop the balloon and go, hey, you're being a idiot right now. Right. Let me show you how not to be. Yeah. And I think that's kind of maybe what. And it diffused him?

He, yeah, I think he. To some degree. I got, there was a couple haymakers that I got, But otherwise, you know, it minimized it. It meant no one's perfect. You're out there in the world and you have to correct all everyone's behavior. You should get violations and then you're not allowed out anymore. I agree with that.

You're not. I agree with that. I had 40-year-old women trick-or-treating last night. Oh, no. No kids. No kids. No kids. Go get a nephew.

You know what I mean? If you don't have your. 11. Find someone. Get a ice candy. Go home. But go get like a boys and girls club and say I'll be your big brother,

big sister for tonight. So many adults trick or treating. And they just walk up like I'll give you 20 bucks. Right. Go get this. That's how much this bag of candy costs. Like save this for the kids with an attitude. Really?

Not in a costume. They're just literally coming off of. their, you know, shift at like FedEx. You know, like, slim that, like, oh, McKinco's delivery. No, that's your job. You came from work. You just delivered here yesterday. You don't mean, it's like,

you delivered this candy. You don't, I mean, you work at Quiznos. That's why you're wearing that. And then you're coming for, you know, free candy. I just don't understand that. And so they'd come up and I would make a joke. And I'd be like, what are you dressed up? Yeah, yeah, just give me the snickers.

Like, this chick was like, just give me the snickers. And then my daughter was on my lap and she was, you know, handing out candy, right? She's eight. And the woman was like, yeah, keep it coming. To my eight-year-old. And then she just dug her hand in. Oh, my God. She was like, Joey with your chili.

Just took it all. And I mean, I'm fine with it, but because my kid was there, my kid was like, was she with a kid or just an adult? And I go, that's just, I guess. He goes, sweetheart, sometimes there are douchebags that walk amongst us and ruin Halloween. God. Listen, if you're an adult, just find a kid to bring with you so we don't think you're just a dick. All right. Let's bring this back in because we're allowing these people now into our podcast. It's true.

These monsters. It's now November. we are heading into first off, national holiday, my birthday. Then Thanksgiving. We celebrate Tom's birthday at my head. I get, it's a bank holiday here. And then Thanksgiving.

And then into the Christmas season. Do you host Thanksgiving? I have. What's up this year? This year, it's small. It's with my mother, my mother-in-law. and my wife, nice and small. And the dog.

And my pup and little Charlie Bear and any friend she wants to have over from the industry. How is your dog doing? From the industry. How's your dog doing with the sag strike? Can I tell you? We keep her blissfully ignorant. Yeah. Her agent takes care of most of it.

You know dogs get a day rate? Do you know even the dog from Frasier, Eddie? They get a day rate. You don't get, I had to sign papers that if this becomes like a super, Super Bowl commercial. Right. No residuals. It's a one-time payment.

What? And it's by half day, full day. Because this dog works. I mean, she is. This dog works. Why wouldn't? Books way more than all of us. Wow.

I've actually slipped my one sheet resume, you know, to her agent and was like, if you ever get into the people business, I can really use them. And her agent was like, well, do you like smelling ass? She said, we'll circle back. We'll circle back. So will you make turkey? My wife makes. a phenomenal bird.

And she started making bread, Tom. She did. And it's really, really, it's good. Sourdough? She makes a, we call it sandwich bread. Okay. And it's like a chabada. And she makes a really incredible cinnamon walnut bread.

Ooh. I'm such a bread nut. You know, my family owned a bakery in New Haven. I think we talked about this. Yes, yes. Atfacela's bread. And old. staple in New Haven.

Tell me again, because I need to hear things three times. And when I was a kid, I used to go on the deliveries with my uncle. Right. And I used to jump in the back. And you know, the elbows or the butts at the end of the Italian breads? Yeah. I would jump back there and unwrap it and rip off the butts and eat the bread. And he started getting complaints from the delis and grocery stores.

Then he figured out it was me. You know, my people, that's good luck if you get the elbow. Oh, yeah. Or the butt. Yeah. Then I'm going to live to 400 because I ate all the butts. And he goes, before we left for a delivery one morning, he goes, you know, we have to wait. The police are coming.

And I said, why? And he said, someone's been stealing the ends of the bread. We're going to find out who it. And I started, I was like fighting back tears. And I go, it just smells so good. And I do admit. He goes, I know it with you, you dummy. The hell are you eating the bread for it.

I give you so. I would go home with loaves, of course. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I've always been addicted. But she makes the bread. So a cinnamon walnut. And it comes out of like in a loaf pan. Yes, like a nice round.

I don't know the verbiage time, but it's a round bread. A boole. So in the middle you have nice long slices. Right. Which is difficult for a toaster. So you have to cut them in half and then toast them. I would prefer a toaster oven, but we don't have one. Yeah, I like the toaster too, and I have that bread.

And I know what you're saying. or you can flip it and just do it again. I'm a big fan of she makes a rye bread. She does. She's excellent. She's really, yeah. She's getting into it. That's really great.

I've been on the road way too much. I have in my fantasy, this is the time I was going to be making pumper-nickel breads and rye breads coming into the season. Yeah, I haven't had a chance. It's a nice nut-brown ale season back home, you know. It's nice. Yeah, I like the seasons. I lived in Colorado for a while and I couldn't take the... Yeah.

Colorado seasons, don't they? New England's kind of... Right now, New York, it's got that sort of gross, raw smelling of rotten leaves. And I love that stuff. It's so great. Sounds amazing. Yeah, it really is. You break down the winter hat.

Yeah, I was going to ask, because you're very... East Coast. You're New Jersey. Yeah. And I, you know, you mentioned I'm in that Attell ilk that... Yeah. Do you ever miss, like, do you, would you come back if we would have you? If we would have you?

Like, there's a committee deciding. We're about to make an offer, time. We want to. Yeah, I don't, yeah. Short answer, yes, I would. Yeah. I definitely, after being out here, have become very wimpy with cold weather. Oh.

I, my stamina for the winter is really laughable. It's just, I have no, it was 50, I think, when we woke up the other day. And I had on the biggest sweater you've ever seen. And slippers. Remember that breeze and Lincoln, Nebraska that we ran into? Yeah. And we were both like, oh. It was insane.

Should we catch? I had a massive jacket on. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So I don't, so like. The cold. I always, it's a difficult period for everybody go from January 1st to March 31st.

Baseball season essentially. Yeah, it is a bleak time. It is. But, you know, I wouldn't have to be there all the time. I do miss it, though. I miss the seasons. I miss the people. Yeah.

But I do love L.A. But we're also kind of bound between, between my wife and I. It's like L.A. or Manhattan, like New York City. Right. Those are, like, whenever we're like, well, how about just a little outside in New Jersey and she'll be like, oh, I don't want to go back to that. So it's like those two places. And, yeah, I don't know. It really is going to come down to where the kids go.

Yeah. It's so insane that my entire adult life has been this conversation. It has literally been the bad 1980s comic New York and L.A. are different. It's been my whole life. We literally have never settled in a place and be. like this is good we're going to ride this right it's always you think we'll go back you think we'll go back the other way literally yeah it's on it's great because they're both great places but yeah i don't know well i'll have me though oh well we're going to give all

tom's river we were just going to give it to you oh really that's sweet that's nice yeah it's by the beach and yeah you get all of it and it's tom papa's river i'm petitioning for that I would do it. No pressure, but then you have to take care of the actual river. Let me check with someone and get back to you. Would you be okay if I was in New York? Yeah. You would?

Of course. You wouldn't miss me from... No, I very rarely think about you. All right, I'm on my way. It's a Christmas miracle. So little Thanksgiving. Little Thanksgiving, my wife... Your wife is.

on point. She puts orange and lemon slices inside the skin of the turkey. Holy cow. Before she she's magical. That is dynamite and rosemary and like I mean that's a nice juicy so I'm not gonna get in the way of that

you know. I'll do whatever she needs to have. You're her sous chef. Yes and then last year we went we got a cabin in the woods for Christmas. Whoa. With my sister and her family and me and my wife and it was amazing. What woods? We were on the Rhode Island, Connecticut border, not too far from like Mohegan Sun, mystic, that area up there. Little house right on a pond that kind of would end out going into like Long Island Sound.

Rocky driveway up to the, you know, smoke coming out of the chimney, woodburned and we just cooked and, oh, it was just perfect. How long? Two days. Oh, my God. Two days, three nights. So Christmas, the 23rd, we went up and then we left. The morning of the 26th. Oh, that's so perfect.

Ideal. And we ate everything we had, we drank everything we had, and then we just packed up and went home. Man, this is what L.A. has done to me. I literally, my hobby now, other than baking bread, is going on my iPad and looking at cabins in the woods because I'm so indicted with human beings. Yeah. And traffic. And I literally just stare at what you just painted and dream of it. No, I like the tree houses.

That's my version of that. Now you're gone too far. There's some pretty beautiful treehouses that they're building. Really? There's a guy treehouse masters. Like, lux. I mean, it's high quality, like, custom-built, gorgeous treehouses in like the woods of Oregon. Really?

And it's just you're up there above the people. Like, they have to get to you. So, yeah, it's luxury. No, I see you doing it. I can see Mike being into this. Oh, God. Please do not. Tell him.

I saw that tree house show once. Yeah. And he walked in the room and I was like, change the channel. Like, quick, quick, quick, quick. It was like he caught me watching porn or something. I was like, oh, nothing, nothing. I didn't do anything. I wasn't, just unplug the TV.

Like, he would, yeah, he would do that. I could see you enjoy that with your kids. Yeah. A couple days? But you mean, like live in one? For a couple days. Like a hotel? Like a hotel?

Oh, it's a thing. thing. Oh, like a whole category on Airbnb. Oh, I would do that. I think they call that like eco travel. Yeah, that kind of thing. Yeah, I would do that. Yeah, like I've done where you go to Pat, like the Patagonia Travel Bureau website.

And then there are these like eco, like you live like in a sphere. Have you seen those? Yes. Yes. I would do that for sure. A friend of mine did in Costa Rica. Yes. And he said that monkeys, there was like screaming like the nature.

Oh. nature's not quiet of where they built the tree house was they were like yelling at each other like this is ours this is ours yeah

there was no telling them to shut up but yeah I would love to do the further away from civilization yeah the better I have been terrifying my wife by taking this fantasy and saying just for a year

he's like what a year I'm like we live in a cat haven't far away from everybody for a year and write and fish. And she's like, well, nice knowing you. Now, how long do you think you could go personally alone? You pack up the car with supplies. You find that cabin. Wood is provided.

You can start fires. There's a fishing rod, all that stuff. Yeah. A desk for writing. Three hours. In all reality. Right? About three? Three and a half? I'd like to say a month, but it's probably two weeks.

Two weeks is, yeah, right? You're being generous. Do I have Wi-Fi or no Wi-Fi? No Wi-Fi. No Wi-Fi. Two weeks. Do you want to give another answer? What if you had like an hour of Wi-Fi a day? So you could check emails.

If it's a 20-minute drive to town, okay. There's no town. There is no, no, no, there is a coffee shop there. There's a gas station. There's a gas station. There's one of those men's prisons where they have the most heinous people. No, you can go and you can get a little Wi-Fi if you need it. You go get your supplies and then go back up.

I could do a summer that way. Yeah, yeah. A summer. Right. Okay. You know? I think I could do that for sure. Yeah.

You could also go to Martha's Vineyard. it's a lot of people especially we're talking isolation here but why do you need to be isolated because peace of mind peace of mind and just being alone the thing is this is when all the intrusive thoughts come in

but what if they're already there oh no they are there we're just letting them loose yeah this is where you go here guys yeah go frolic I don't know it feels like it's too like you're Like, I need people.

You're scared of you. I'm scared of me. I'm scared of what I'm capable of. Yeah. No, because I, you know, it's not, it's not like I'm scared in the woods because that's where murders happen, which statistically they do. Let's just be honest. In the woods. Not really.

Well, for chicks, it's different for you guys. Again, penises. But I need, like, I feel nervous when I'm driving to a gig that's out in scratch your armpit, Arkansas. Yeah. And, you know, I haven't seen a, like, civilization in a long time. Like, I need people. Right. Because then I'm like, we're all cool, right?

Everybody, like, everything's good. But if you're by yourself, that's it. Like, you're just vanish. Yeah, my wife is exactly the way you are. And we went to visit my sister who has this new property that's, like, pretty isolated. But literally within 10 minute drive of a town. Yeah. And we went to.

my sisters and we checked out her new place and we hung out in the woods and my wife went literally within one conversation went from why don't we have land we should get land they have like we need land like this how long are we going to be out here i've got to get to town get me all i could never live here in a million years in one conversation yeah she went from i couldn't be out here to I have to get to the town, which is like to a gas station and a post office and a thing. Like, that's the town. And until she was there, she couldn't breathe. I felt that way in New Jersey.

My old manager lived in New Jersey, not too far of a drive, but far enough. Yeah. But she lived off of a country road, no lights. But when I first got there, I landed, I got there, and I landed in Newark. She goes, when you have gigs in Manhattan, you stay with me. Don't spend money on a hotel. It's close enough to drive into. So I would do that to save money.

And I got there the first time and I was like, this is gorgeous. These trees, it's beautiful. It's off these roads that are just isolated, but the smell. Oh, my God. And I would drive up her driveway. Again, gravelly driveway. Drive up. This cottage, but it's.

like spacious and oh my gosh your backyard okay go drive into the city go do my gigs come back at midnight get me the fuck out of here there's no lights there's no lights and this is flip phone times so no flashlight just a little flip phone blue light and i'm driving and you got to walk from where the driveway is it felt like a mile. It felt like a mile just avoiding bears and rapists. In New Jersey. Well, I mean, it's New Jersey. And I'm walking up these, stumbling up these stairs because I can't get the footing right

because I'm so scared. Someone's behind me. And I'm getting up the stairs. And then, of course, the keys. Click, glick, clag, clag, clag, clag, clag. And then I drop. And I'm like, oh, this is where they, you know, I fought, like, just for sure, just a knife in my back. And then I get in, and her house is.

all dark because they're like been asleep for hours and I'm in there and every sound, hoo-hoo, no, like every sound. God damn it, get me out of here. This is where you live. Yeah. I was exactly like Cynthia. Yeah. Love this.

The trees. Is that a squirrel? To, oh my God, the trees. The trees are alive. I don't know what it costs. And that's how, but I still wanted to save money so I still stayed there for like two, three more nights. but it's horrifying to me that people live that way.

You look out your window and it's darkness? Yeah, it's wild. This is literally like Montclair. F that noise. We went to, my wife and I spent our wedding anniversary in, it was like peak foliage in Vermont. Yeah. And we got an Airbnb in the middle of Green Mountain National Forest.

Beautiful. I mean, a dirt road off a dirt road, off a dirt road. The GPS shut off. And I knew that was going to happen. So I had like printed out directions like a dinosaur. Like what is this, 96? So we're driving up, we get to the house, and we get in, and there's no cell phone service, but you can FaceTime because of Wi-Fi. So there's this kind of, and I hate FaceTime.

So I'm like, how much do we really want to check in on our dog and so on and so forth? But we got there, and while we were unpacking the car, you can hear cracking and snapping of branches. Okay, I'm done. It turned out, like, bear all around us. I mean, I talked to the guy who we rented, as a friend of ours. Yeah. And we went to his brewery the next day. And he was like, yeah, there's bears all over the place.

And that changed things, you know. And the minute I realized no cell phone service, that made me nervous for a second. Yeah, but then you break through the other side of that. And that's the beauty of survival, I guess. Being a human being. The sun's going to come up tomorrow and, you know, it'll be okay. If my wife tries to kill me, I can FaceTime running. That would be hilarious if you FaceTime 9-1-1.

Oh, my God. You could just look at my face right now. I love it, but yeah, it's New York for me always. The special is don't let me down. It is streaming everywhere. People can get this. I don't know. How can I get them this code?

I don't think I can. Show it to your camera. Hold it up to your camera. Oh, I want. I wonder. I wonder. Yeah. They can go to my YouTube channel.

They can go to your YouTube channel. YouTube.com slash at Mike Finoya, M-I-K-E. Winter stripper is going to have this code. Oh, sorry. Oh, good. There's more. Jesus, that was a long. It was a lot of vowels.

Winter stripper's going to have this QR code just on the small of their back, like one of those tramp stamps. And then that's how you pay. They have it, though. Yeah, how are you going to make it rain? I mean. Just throw cell phones at their heads. Just show them, like, to have their cell phone.

Ling, link, link, ding, link, link. You're out on tour? Yes. You're going around. com for all my dates. Yeah, I'm going to Sam Fran tomorrow to go to do Cobbs. Beautiful. Cleveland.

Laredes? Yep. Houston. When are you in Cleveland? Thanksgiving weekend. Nice. Yeah. So a bunch of dates coming up.

And then New York, a bunch. Yeah, it's just busy, busy. How are you going to use the bread when you're in your hotel? room. I'm going to eat the elbow. Yeah. What I'm going to do is I'm going to go down to the restaurant and ask for butter and a knife. Nice.

And I'm going to heat the butter somehow. Uh-huh. Do you put salt on bread? Salt is in bread. But do you put it on bread? No. No. Sometimes you can salt the olive oil a little bit.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. If you dip it in the olive oil, throw a little. but sometimes just I can't wait salted butter assaulted butter

yeah I wish I had time to have baked it myself for you well maybe one time we can we'll do it we'll do it for sure I love you and I'm a huge fan of you and I'm glad we're friends absolutely 100%

and I'm so glad that we survived that night leaving Scranton or this whole special wouldn't have happened you're right and then this interview wouldn't have happened yeah so and then we never were good driving you were a teamstress

I was Yeah, and let's see if you can protect me this weekend. Just keep driving. That's going to be the new podcast. Driving Tom. That's fun. It's called Calling All Comics. All right, enough with that.

It's a new idea for a podcast. You won't let up. I will not. No. Thank you so much. Thank you. We got it, Joey. There you have it, everybody.

The great Mike Fanoia. Go check out his special. Don't let me down. Kira and I will be. in Kansas City. Stake country. I'm excited. All stakes all the time.

St. Louis the next night. I think there's some tickets still available. You can get in and see us there and bring us lots of treats because it's Thanksgiving week. We're going into Thanksgiving right after that. It's very exciting. Thank you all for listening.

We'll see you next time.