Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 182 - Thanksgiving Vibes!

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

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Hey! Don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey! Hey, everybody. Welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I am Tom Papa, and my dear friend is Kira Soltanovich.

Every time it's a surprise. How are you going to say Soltonovich? I say it the same way all the time. Not really. Really? We're going to put together a compilation video of you saying Soltonovich. Soltanovich. Soltanovich. Soltanovich. Soltanovich. I think I nail it. Pretty much. You do. Come on. Amazing.

Please. What do you have to say? Nothing. Papa. Zero. Whamp-wamp. Two, so the same backwards and forwards. It's Thanksgiving week. How exciting. I know.

This is very exciting. I stop eating now. What? To make space. What? No. Oh. I'm going to eat.

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Hey, with the holidays. We are on Thanksgiving week. Very exciting. I can't believe I'm even here. Thank God we're pre-referred. recording because there's no way. My daughters will be back. I will be, I've, I will be picking up the 20 pound turkey from a undisclosed location. And yeah, this is, this is the hardest meal to make of the year. You make all of it? All of it. Yeah. My wife does pies. Oh. And all that kind of stuff.

Oh, that's helpful. Very helpful. That's great. It's a whole other category. But then what do people bring? People want to bring something. People do want to bring something. Yeah. I usually have Aaron Foley and her family.

They usually bring a sweet potato concoction of some sort. Yeah. These are all the things that you're not going to eat, right? All the sides. No. You're just being face in the bird. I cheated a little bit last night. You did?

I did. I made another version of a. meat pizza. Oh, the meat pizza's back. It turned out fantastic. Really? So much better than the first one. I made two.

And my husband and I inhaled them. The kids were not interested. We inhaled them, but there's the sauce. Yeah. Tomato sauce. And I felt it. You did. I felt it.

But you know what? It was worth it. It was so good. Just that little bit. That's all it takes. I had several slices. It was delicious. But man, oh, man.

Yeah, but I felt it. That tomato, because I get like a really amazing pizza sauce, you know. Yeah. You make it or you? No, I just get, it's R-A-O's. Have you ever seen their brand? I'm sorry, what did you say? I don't know how to pronounce it, so I'm spelling it.

I'm sure it's some sort of rar. Soltanovich. Hey, Soltonovich. It feels like a gutteral. in the supermarket and you say it you say to yourself let me get some that's the sound i make during labor let me get row row row i don't know how to pronounce it that's why i spell it how do you say it's reos okay that's fine it was a you know the story behind i do not okay good uh this was an italian restaurant on the upper east side called reos and it's been there forever tiny place

maybe 10 tables and legendary spot it's very difficult to get a reservation there you've got to be very fancy swanky in New York De Niro Scorsese kind of level stuff and I've never even been in I never even tried to get in

should be on the wish list I guess anyway they opened up places in Vegas they've expanded then they started this sauce. The sauce was a little side business, and it exploded. Exploded. It's everywhere.

Yeah. And a big company bought it, but they keep the ingredients and the recipe the same. No sugar added, which is pretty amazing for a bottled jarred sauce. That's why I got it. And it's so good. The quality is so insane. You can taste the quality. And they have this little jar.

It's not very big. And it's pizza sauce. And it's perfect. And it has a little spice to it. And I just drenched it in mozzarella. And for people who need to be reminded, because we talked about this a couple weeks ago, this is a pizza with a meat crust. A meat crust.

Not meat on the crust. No. The whole crust is meat. I used ground chicken this time. And in it I added ground up pork rinds. What? Yeah. I love how we're blaming the sauce for the problem.

No. It was the sauce for sure. Yeah. And it created this thin crust. It doesn't taste like meat at all. I added some Italian spices, salt pepper. Right. And it's incredible.

It's so good. I can't wait for it. for you to bring it. I will bring you some when you bring me some chili. Anyways, so I felt it right away, but for me, I was like, you know what? This was my cheat. It was worth it. I did feel it.

Yeah. I'm fine today. Yeah. So good. So good. It's kind of crazy that my wife has this similar stomach issues that you've had. You know what's, so here's the thing with Cynthia. Can I tell you?

I know this would never happen. Yeah. She, okay, go ahead. If she tried to eliminate everything like I have and eat. I know it would never happen. I know I'm saying like disgusting dirty words right now. Yeah. But if she ate a meat-based diet, I would put money on it.

And I will really put money on it, truly, that she would immediately start to feel better. Yeah, it's a possibility. And for a vegetarian, that's probably the worst thing you could ever hear. 100% I know I know I know it is frustrating because you try and eliminate things from your diet and you can't figure out what is the thing that's bugging you and what's causing the problems and and then you kind so you never really have a grip you never really really know you never really really know everything yeah way back when and I'm sorry to get into this on Thanksgiving week but Way back when we did a thing where we cut out, Mary Lou Henner had a book.

And we cut out, followed her advice to see what was the things we were abusing in our diet. And you cut out alcohol, meat, sugar, and dairy products. And first of all, you lose weight pretty quickly. Yeah. And you also see what are the things that you crave, like sugar was not a problem for me. No, no part of it. alcohol, whatever. Meat, yeah, it's not that big a deal.

I could go without it. Dairy products. Cheese in everything. And at that time, milk and my coffee, it was just like ice cream wasn't really a big thing. It's more of a sweet. But cheese, cheese, cheese. And I realized that was the thing.

and the byproduct of this little experiment was my allergies all went away. My nasal problem was gone. Gone. A whole lifetime of avoiding cats and musty basements and allergies floating in this from trees, seasonal. All of it. Just completely confused as a child up until this time, which was in my mid-20s. and it was what I was eating. It was in the cheese.

And when I stopped it, it stopped. And I think I told you this on a recent podcast, but I love cheese so much that I'm like, oh, what's the big deal? But all this travel, this heavy travel this year, I kept having these nasal headaches. And I'm like, well, why, you idiot? You're eating cheese again.

You're eating cheese all the time. And I cut it out just for a week and flying no problem, no issue. It really is still, which is such a bummer because I really do love it. I know. But when you feel better, you're like, okay, here are the two options I have. Feel like garbage or breathe. And this is why we have the holidays. Because if you are kind of taking care of yourself and doing whatever you got to do,

and then Thanksgiving rolls around, you can completely lose your mind for a day and then maybe a little bit after. And you enjoy the hell out of it and you really went nuts and then you go back to your life. Yeah. As long as you can do that.

That is the, yeah, it's not a trigger to... I did the holidays last year, so I've already gone through the holidays once. And I was fine. Eating? Eating the way I'm eating now. Oh, you mean for the holiday? Yeah, I wasn't, I wasn't like, well, just one little nibble.

Well, just a little bit of this. You know, I was totally, but I also enjoy, like, everybody enjoying themselves. Yeah. Like, I'm not like a sourpuss sitting there. Like, I wish I could. Yeah, I'm just like, oh, my gosh, here, let me get you some more. You know, I'm helping people. I still love.

Yeah. I love the way food brings everyone together. But I just hated the way I felt afterwards. But I still love it all. I'll gladly, you know, sit there making the memory. mashed potatoes. Yeah. My husband insists on us doing it by hand, like just sitting there.

Like, everybody has to have a turn. No. You know, everyone. He does do that rice thing once in a while, you know, that ricer. You know where you put it in and it really makes it creamy. Yeah. But, I mean, I'm still all for the whole. Still all into it.

Look forward to the, it's really the people. It's really sitting around. Who's coming this year? We usually invite some neighbors. We, we, we, massively overcook. Yeah. It's a problem.

Like, we visually don't know how to look at, if we see five bags of potatoes, we're like, that should be enough. No, that is five times too many bags. You know, it's so much food all the time. Also, I am going to take my kids to the Laugh Factory this year. We haven't done it the last few years. How do you do that?

Because the Laugh Factory feeds the homeless every Thanksgiving. and Christmas. And comedians can go and serve. Yes. And help out and volunteer. Great thing. It's right in the middle of Thanksgiving. Remember, I told you, we eat at 12, or like between 12 and 2 p.m.

12 and 2 p.m. Yeah. So we're done. And then when the meal's over, your neighbors just leave? Well, last year we didn't do it because people didn't leave. Right. And last year was the first year back since COVID. So I was on the schedule and I apologized profusely.

I don't want to kick our guests out. Right. Yeah, it's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. But the other years before that, you know, people knew like, okay, we're going to head home now. We're, you know, we're going to go take a nap. Yeah. And then we would head down like around six.

Around six? So it's a nighttime thing? Yeah, I go like six. There's a seven o'clock feeding. Oh. And I started my 12-year-old at 5. At five. At five, he started helping.

Look, I like to think of myself as a giving person, charitable person. Sure, sometimes. Someone who sees the better angels in mankind more often than not. And I think that I'm helpful. May all be just hype in my own head because Thanksgiving comes around, and I want to go to the Laugh Factory and help the people. But by the time the meal is over and we've had our last piece of pie, I'm pretty drunk.

Yeah. I am pretty. Yes. Much like when I got to get up off the couch to go pee, it's, I got to steady myself. Yeah. Yeah, you should definitely not be drunk because the people coming in are drunk. Right. Yeah.

You should be staying. stable. So I write a check and send it to someone. That's great. That works too. And just I'm trying to teach my kids something here. So really I'm doing it to be like

let's schlep on down to Hollywood and appreciate, you know, what we have and help people in the process. And I taught my children, let's appreciate what we have by staying here and eating and drinking all of it. Let's watch some And then we watch the Polar Express.

Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. Yeah. Night before, planes, trains, and automobiles. Interesting. Okay. Great comedy. It's a great movie.

All about Thanksgiving, getting home for Thanksgiving. That's appropriate for kids, right? Yes. Yeah. There's nothing that would be inappropriate. One, the rant at the rental count. when he, Steve Martin is abandoned and he doesn't have a car and he has to slush back through the snow and the, he lets that rental counter person have it with a bunch of F-bombs. Oh.

That's as risque as the film gets. Okay. I think it's definitely okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then on Thanksgiving Day, it's the, parade where we all yell that we're going to see Santa for the first time. It's going to be the real Santa. And we look at him and we say, oh, my God, it is the real Santa this time.

Twelve more weeks of winter. And then football is thrown on throughout the day, but it's not like a heavy sit down. Everyone's watching. It's just kind of in the background. And then that night is Polar Express, the weirdly animated Tom Hanks. Yeah. I've never seen that. You've never seen it.

No. But it's before they figured out how to make the eyes less creepy. The eyes and their body movements are a little. Yeah. But the music's fun and it's just trippy. Once the kids watch it when they were little, so that's their thing. Can I pitch you something? Yes, please.

Okay. You might have already seen this or I might have already pitched it to you. There is a great movie. And it takes place most of the movie, takes place exactly when you and I were probably going through puberty. Okay. It's called 8-bit Christmas. Eight-bit Christmas.

I'm telling you right now, if you do not like this movie, we never have to speak again. Will my family like it? I laughed out loud. Will the kids like it? So your daughters will like it because I'm sure you and Cynthia have spoken about the 80s, a million times, right? I'm sure they know about 1987. I'm sure they know about all of that, right? I personally thought it was just a very cute family movie.

All right. And, of course, you know, you'll love it for the nostalgia. Right. All right. Eight bit Christmas. Four ounce Christmas. Got it. You can Google the 80s, Joey, and then you'll know about the 80s, and you can watch it and like it.

Yeah. Yeah, I think that movie came out when I was like 25 years old. I came out like two years ago or something. What year were you born? 96. Oh, stop talking. Stop talking. But I like the movie.

1996. Isn't it cute? Yeah, yeah. It's very fun. You liked it? Yeah, it's like a kid wants a Nintendo, right? Yes. No spoilers.

That's it. All right, all right. All right, I'll watch it. It's fun. That's a good one. It's sweet. Yeah. It's fun.

I like our traditions, but maybe we can put that one in. I think you can. It's a long weekend. You can shoe horn it in. How, oh, yeah. Are you doing math in your head? Yeah, I was doing how great is the, I mean, you love the turkey, but how great is the sandwich after the turkey?

The sandwich, even on just white bread with turkey and mayonnaise and stuff. The leftovers are amazing. Amazing balls. And then you don't want to look at them ever again. Yeah. Like it gets to a couple days where you're just like, like, why the hell am I holding on to this cranberry sauce? I know.

Get out of my fridge. You know what kind of made leftovers difficult for us was my parents came to visit one year and they're very helpful. But my mother was going through a, everything in Ziploc, bags phase. Yeah. So you're scooping. My in-laws do that.

Yeah. Mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, stuffing, everything in Ziploc bags. And now you got what looks like leftovers from a surgery. That should be brought out to the, this is where we dispose of the human waste. What's wrong with the Tupperware box? It's much more appealing. They bring, they bring out. the big huge, the freezer ones.

Yeah, the two gallon squishy bags. Oh, why is that nauseating? It's because you're looking at the food as if it's getting a mammogram. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, it's no longer in food shape. No, it's now in... Just colors.

It's like, this will be shit and we're going to let you see what it looks like. It's gross. I don't like it. All the juices on the bottom in a corner. Practically, I get it. It makes sense. It saves space. You're throwing it all in the thing, but very unappealing.

And how do you scoop it out? You're with your hands. Oh, no. Your handy hands. I thought maybe it was an East Coast thing because my in-laws are from Queens. Maybe it is. I don't know. I mean, they are East Coast people.

But something about, this is the sound of all your leftovers. Right? Yeah. No, it's gross. It's horrible. We as a family, have this weird tradition where the day after Thanksgiving, we go off to this resort that we like and we stay there for a night or two.

Where? I'm not telling you. Oh. And then we come back on Sunday. And then it's when the tree goes up. Write it down. Write it down? Yeah.

All right. Are you scared I'm going to show up? A great truth. I would love it if you showed up. up. It's a great tradition. The kids we did it since the kids were little. It's great and starts and they're just

like shopping there and then you feel like you're moving into. It feels Christmasy. Yeah. Okay. And the girls are, even though they're in college they're going to look forward to it. Yeah. Okay. Oh, okay. All right.

I'm going to write down where I wanted to go. But I don't know if this is possible. I love how I can't say Ooh I wouldn't go there No, too cold No I have no idea I've never been A friend of mine just went and loved it And they went just for the day

I've never been Me neither Yeah and it's close I feel like that's a whole area you probably could mention It's an area and we're not really necessarily going So I wrote down Catalina Right I've never been in all the years I've lived in Los Angeles Wow

It's a boat ride so you got to be be okay with that. I think I'd be okay, but I can see one of my kids just yakking all over the place. Yeah, it's a short boat ride, though. It's not bad. My friends literally just went there last weekend for their anniversary, and they had a great time, and they just went down, did it, and came back. Same day. Same day.

Yeah. I would want to stay. I'd want to stay. There's, I don't know if you know this about Catalina Island, wild buffalo. Really? Just roaming around. Still. Yeah.

Well, yeah. That makes sense. Also, there's little turny streets. Turney streets? Yeah. Okay. And that you walk on. And there's this legend, I don't know if it's true,

that there are man-sized hermit crabs that a lot of times families will go, and the ones that choose to stay often will return to the ferry. and be one person short. And legend has it that if you can't find your family member, yeah. It's a good chance they were eaten by a man-sized hermit crab. Do you ever have a hermit crab when you were a kid? I mean, yes, I know what they are, but.

You give them little peanut butter. I feel like you're putting it in there. Pitching me a movie right now. No, just telling you what I've heard. No. Yeah. That's real? Come on.

Yeah. Have fun. I don't know about you. I plan a trip. I plan a vacation. And then the minute we get there, I'm like, this was a mistake. In what regard? I don't know what happens to my kids' brains as we walk into a hotel room.

We pass the threshold and they lose their goddamn minds. Isn't that why you do it? But they just, like it takes all the fun. out because now we're managing two lunatics. Oh, you'll let them rip. What can they do? A lot. What?

First of all, shush. What? Let them go. It's too much noise. See, we're not fancy. I don't have the budget to get like a two-bedroom suite. And when we have gotten them, we're all in together. They're still in like...

The two-bedroom suite, by the way, is a mistake. Why? There's something much more fun about being all jumbled together. Everyone has their own rooms at home. You're not sleeping with your kids. They got their own stuff. There's something fun on the road, all being jammed in a room together. It's fun.

It's annoying to everybody. You're annoyed by them. They're annoyed by listening to you snore at night. It's messy. but the experience is better. It's better. You're all together. You're having laughs.

You're watching dumb TV. You're watching 8 bit. Oh, it's such a good movie. I really. That's a lot of fun. And that's why I get excited about planning something, like let's do something fun. And then it always turns into, why the hell am I spending thousands of dollars? I could yell at them at home for free.

I love it. I, one of the funniest moments when they were little was watching my daughters pretending that they knew it. They were acting like grownups in the hotel. And my daughter took out the Bible and picked up the phone and was ordering room service. That's awesome. That is awesome. I'm sure a heresy on some level, but. Yes.

Hilarious. I will say the few times that my husband has talked me into, I don't know if he drugged me beforehand, but to go to Disneyland, we will go and stay the night before. California Big Adventure? Sure. The California and the hotel? The Disney, like, you know, the, yeah.

The hotel's right there. Yeah, yeah. So you go the night before so that you wake up to what he calls, and this makes my skin crawl, the rope drop. Ooh. He wants to be their like first thing in the morning. So you got to go the night before. Yeah.

Right? Or you're not going to wake up at five. No, you got to go the night before. Even that is early. Yeah. So we have, and it is fun in the sense. Oh, God, I hate that. But it is fun in that sense because we're getting up to go to Disney.

And, you know, it's like you get your backpacks full of, you know, all your snacks and the water bottles and the. Yeah, that's fun. That part is fun. Yeah. It's good. And look, my kids are now, they're not kids. They're grown women and they still want to keep their tradition going. I love that.

I love it. That's going to be fun. Yeah. They're going to want you to spend so much money. It's expensive. They're going to want to shop. It's expensive. You think kids at like the gift shop at Disneyland's expense?

It's not even, it's the meals and the. The meals. Yeah. Yeah. All that stuff. It's just, they just abuse you. Any place you go where any place that caters to a family, they know they've got you. Yeah.

On every level. Chucky cheese. All of it. Up to a trip to Europe, whatever. If you are moving a family, they know that you're just going to throw a credit card and be like, I'll deal with the ramifications of this later. I've got to get through this with these people and have some kind of a good time. Yeah.

And then it's going to be beautiful probably because it's always like blazing hot. Yeah, sometimes. The day after Thanksgiving, it's always like, well, it's 90, guys. Sorry, we're all sweating. I know. There have been plenty of times in L.A. where we've been at the pool. Oh, yes. But then at night it gets cold.

And then it's freezing. And then you're like, ah, we go to the place and do the thing. My kids, our tradition after New Year's is we go to the beach. Uh-huh. So like January 1st or second one of those gray. And then they have those burns and we take our boogie boards and we go down the sandy hills. Oh. And they are in their bathing suits.

I'm shivering. I am freezing cold and they're in their bathing suits because I don't know what kind of fire burns inside of children. Pure energy. I mean, I am an entire goose bump. My whole body just churns into a. a big goose bump to protect myself. And they're frolicing in 40 degree water. I don't know how cold it is.

But that's our New Year's. That's a good one. Because it's beautiful. That's why people move to Los Angeles. They see the Rose Bowl and they're sitting there shivering. Yeah. In, you know, Minneapolis. And they're like, it's sunny in California on January, whatever, third.

It is a delightful thing to be on the road, be in St. Paul. Minnesota, where you freeze your butt off, and then fly home after getting that experience and then fly home to L.A. and then take the trash out with no shoes on. Yes. And you're like, that's. It is pretty special. I know. That's why our taxes are crazy and this state is nuts. I know. Do you think they'll fix the state? I hope so. I honestly, I, this is the part about being an adult. I hate the most. What? Because when you're even in your early 20s. You're unaware.

You know that there's problems, but you're like, but whatever. We're having fun. We're going to a concert, whatever, right? And then as you get older and you, you know, and then you have kids, and then you have maybe one property, maybe several properties. And now you're like, oh, you know, I'm concerned. You're aware and concerned. I pay so much.

Nevada, there's no. sales tax? You find out different states that have like no taxes at all. Yeah. Now is this just because of your mortality and you're starting to age and you're starting to you naturally are more vulnerable and thinking about the end and all that other kind of seriously? Like why not just act like the 20 year old version of you and just enjoy yourself and never

see the news? Like are you, or are you a mature adult and it's up to us to vote people in and out and fix things? It is. We have to be the grownups. It is up to us. Okay. Because when you are 20 and you're able to vote, that's amazing, that's great. You usually only vote because of some, this is not every youngster, but some social justice cause.

Right. That you're like, I'm going to be the social. Social Justice Warrior for this. Yeah, I'm fighting for them. And then you're fighting for completely different things once you have kids. And, you know, I pay property taxes on two different properties. The worst water I've ever had. I know.

This water, it tastes like someone wrung out an armpit. It's like when you were a kid and you're like, oh, there's nothing to drink. I'll just drink from this hose. And this is worse. Yeah. No, this is like a hotel that is condemned, but you're staying in it because it's all you. you can afford, and then you had a drink from the tap. What are the odds that Abraham Lincoln is poisoning us?

I mean, it would make sense if you think about it. I don't know what arsenic tastes like, but. But he has to poison us slowly or else it'll look too obvious. You know, so it's slow. Sorry to interrupt. Anyways, so it's tax season. I'm sure you're paying your property taxes. Okay, so I paid the house that I live in, and then my other one,

and then we're just not going to eat. So expensive. And then when you get older, because when you're 20, you're probably not taking care of an elderly parent. Right. I mean, you might be, but. And children at the same time. And children at the same time.

So then, and then, you know, my mom's, the house she lives in, the care house she lives in. Yeah. It's called a board and care, whatever. Then they, like, November 1st rolls around, and it is a barrow. of texts, when are you coming with the money? Oh, God.

I've never been late. I've never, there's never been a problem. I always pay you. But every month they act like, you better have the money. Every month. And so. So then, yeah, you get all bearing down.

And then, and then you do see like some jackass politicians say some bullshit. And you're like, motherfucker, I will, I will give you this dirty Joey water. if you don't do something about our situation. What about this campaign? Okay. Would it be effective or would it just be a fart in the wind to go around, as you do, just in your normal day? You don't have to look for this stuff. You see a tent outside of your grocery store.

You see the burnt-down florist that a homeless person with gasoline lit on fire. you see all these things that are wrong with our little village of Los Angeles and just take a picture of them or a video and just show the burnt out florist and say, where is our mayor? 100%. That's the campaign is where is our mayor? Hashtag, yes. Would it, you think it would catch?

I think so. I feel like it might. People love. Because it really is this kind of. feeling of like things are going, things are wrong in the place that they were not wrong before. And people are not being helped. People that are paying big taxes are having to live this frantic, paranoid way of existence. And I never, ever see the mayor's face.

I never see her coming out and saying what we're working on. And this is the plan and this is the thing. It's just things are decaying. Someone has the office and you never see them. It's like a bad marriage where you know, look, we should go to therapy or something. Like we need to do something to save this. But both people in the marriage just turn their backs to each other at night and just maybe some miracle will happen tomorrow. Yeah.

It's like, no, no, you have to admit. Like, hey. Something's wrong. Yes. And if they don't, we have to divorce our politicians. You know? I know. I don't.

I think they voted for the wrong one. 100%. I mean, look, it's definitely a big giant sprawl. I get it. It's a challenge. L.A.'s too big. It should be broken up. Like, Beverly Hills is its own thing.

But Beverly Hills does have its own mayor. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. They should all, like Santa Monica should. Yeah. It shouldn't be the one person for Korea town and Santa Monica. and Brentwood. Right.

I get that, but it's your job to lead. You don't have to have even all the answers, but you do have to show up on the nightly news and say, I hear you, I see it too, we're going to fix it. And then don't do anything. But as long as you do that, you inspire other people to do it. And then we withhold sex from the mayor until they fix this. Did I misunderstand the analogy?

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Thank you, Nuts.com. I didn't mean to get to political. It's really just a way of life. It really is. It's just a way of life. And we got to warm up because people will be talking about it this Thanksgiving. Oh, for sure. That's my one moment of like,

I tense up because, you know, everyone has. Everyone's got their complaints. I know so many people that denounced family members when the big orange bad man got into office. Yeah. I have family members that voted for, I have family members of all for everybody. Sure.

I'm not going to say you're out. You're not my family anymore. No. Because guess what? That person is out in four years. Now it's like, oh, are we still related now? It doesn't make any sense to reject someone. Unless they can't shut up about it.

Well, that's different. That's the rule. But they can still be your. second cousin, don't invite them then. We love them, but we're not going to talk about that. We don't invite them anymore because they show up in a full body outfit. It's a MAGA hat as a full onesie. Looking for a fight. That's different. That's different. Yeah. The provocation. But yes, the holidays, because you're getting people together that we don't see each other. Yeah, and something's going to slip and you got to let it roll. You got to let it roll. Somebody says something about

Look, we're going to be at Thanksgiving. Abraham Lincoln's going to be there. There'll probably be some relative. It's going to be like, what's with this guy? And he's going to make some kind of, I don't even know what it will be, but he'll say something. Are we going to stand up and say, you don't say that about four ounce? No, you just say, ah, and you hope that four ounce doesn't hear it. Right?

Well, I think Joey's going to be too busy filling Ziploc bags full of leftovers. So to really even hear anyone say anything bad about him. Disgusting. Now that I know how he leaves a party. Well, dude. He makes out like a bandit. A couple weeks ago when he left for Halloween, he, I don't know if you remember this, he left with all of my leftovers. That's what I'm saying.

He backs his car up to your house. house. I mean, I feel, you know, I like that, especially the poorest among us, can take some. No, I don't, I don't mean that as an insult. He's a young up-and-comer. My niece is the same way. She's a student. You know, you give her a thing of cornbread. They act like you just gave them a five-course meal for the next week. Listen, can I tell you a story? Because you and I love to feed people. Yes. Okay.

So my mom turned 80 two years ago. Okay. And she was not in a place to really have like a huge celebration. But I asked her best friends in the whole world. You know, I want to celebrate. It's 80. It's big. Yeah.

You know, she was definitely on her way down. Not as declassed. as she is now. Yeah. I said, come fly out to Los Angeles. We're going to cook you an amazing meal. We'll have a beautiful, you know,

celebration at my house. Yeah. And it was going to be about 10 people. That's enough. That's enough. Yeah. She won't last very long. She'll have to lie down after a while.

So we'll make it short and sweet. You can literally fly in that morning from San Francisco. and you can fly out that night. Right. Okay. So this is really actually a terrible story, but all of her friends, yeah, friends and some family members and everybody was on board. I confirmed everyone. I went to a special fish market, not just a grocery store, to a special fish monger.

and I got the most amazing Chilean sea bass. Nice. Okay, Mike knows how to cook it like, like, what's the? Emeril. Yes, like one of those famousy dudes. Yep. Who's the guy with the French laundry? He has that cookbook.

That dude. Right. Charlie Poutine. Okay, I don't know. Anyways, we buy the best side dishes and veg and all the, I mean, beautiful. I bought all these gorgeous flowers, okay? I wanted to do the flower arrangements the night before. Okay.

That way I'm not stressed out that morning. Okay. Nobody showed up. Not one? So three of her best friends called the night before. The night before. Late. Oh, sorry.

We made a flight for the wrong day. Oh. Bullshit. And by the way, if you did, you're all loaded. I know you're all loaded. I know you're all loaded. Then you just book a flight that night for the next day. Then some other family members, they said,

did you know it's the Super Bowl on that Sunday that you, like that morning of, they were like, did you know it's the Super Bowl today? And the Super Bowl was in Los Angeles two years ago. On the day, it was on Super Bowl Sunday? It was. But guess why we did it on Super Bowl Sunday? Why? Because those people asked me to.

They were like, that's what works for us. Right. And then they canceled. Oof. And then I felt awkward for the other people that were driving up from Los Angeles. And so I just told them because it was awkward. It's awkward now at this point. Now, six people.

I just said, hey, guys. Oh, wait. How many were on their way? Six people. My husband, myself. You know, so a total 10. Uh-huh. Yeah.

So I canceled the last two. No, it would have been weird. Really? Yeah. So the last one, sorry, one person I go, you know what? She's not feeling up to it. And they're like, oh, we understand. But now we have all this food.

Right. So I put an APB out. Right. To everybody. Almost. Okay, not you. But everyone else come to my house. And our neighbors came and some friends and some people drove up.

Nice. We had about 10, 12 people. people. Mm-hmm. And we had a feast. That's good. So it's a happy ending. Was your mom there?

No. Oh. Why didn't you bring her alone? Because she would have been upset. Oh. She would have been upset that no one showed up. I did not tell her. Does she listen to this podcast?

She doesn't open her eyes. She doesn't. Was she popular with this group? These were her best friends in the whole world. Really? And they all flaked out on her. Oof. At the end.

At the end. Awful, terrible. That's terrible. Terrible. Yeah. And if they do hear this, good. I'm glad. That's terrible.

I know. I know. So, but, so I didn't tell her that all your friends just flaked out on you. Yeah, you just said, it's not your birthday. Oh, my God. We did that already. Remember the party? Well, at that age, in her condition.

Yeah. You'd believe it. You do. Oh. How many people are coming? Twelve. Day? 12. Yeah. That's good. That's all we can see. That's about us. We have about the same. It's too small. Joey, are you bringing someone? Are you coming solo?

Probably, probably go solo. My brother might be in town if you want to be in. You don't like him, though. I like him. I like him. His brother doesn't like Joey. No, hosting him can be a challenge. Which is what you're asking me to do. To host my brother? Oh, at Thanksgiving. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's more. the him living in the space where things you like couldn't expect to possibly go wrong are suddenly inconveniencing you i feel like a dinner he's he's a perfectly fine guest okay how old is he he's uh 25 and what's his occupation army army he can come yeah come in fatigues though so everyone yeah everyone feels good are you making your world famous pepperoni bread i i am yep

I'm going to get the good dough. I'm going to take my time with it. I'm excited. All right, good. Well, this is very exciting. We, you know, it's kind of difficult. But I think we're going to have to move in this direction. And then you could always drive me home.

What? I feel like we need to drink more on the podcast. Like it's the Thanksgiving week. Okay. We should be toasting. breaking it open and uh this bottle of wine has been at our podcast now for since we got into the studio which is a long time now oh wow and we should be drinking it a bottle should not stick around that long in a podcast about breaking bread you agree joey yeah all uh all d d for us what's d d

mean designated driver old man get with it boomer we didn't call it that we called it driving home yeah simpler times joey we wish everybody a happy thanksgiving enjoy yourselves make something great celebrate with your families or not just hang with your friends you know what hugs someone you disagree with no let's not get crazy yeah you can do that go to the laugh factory you know it Good advice. Go to the Laugh Factory or your comparable place and help people out. Yeah.

If you can stay sober enough. If you care enough about people to stay sober during Thanksgiving, you should go help them. I will say my kid has the best memories of handing out pumpkin pie at the Laugh Factory to all those people. Really? Yeah. That sounds really sweet. It's very sweet. FaceTime me while you're there.

Okay. All right. That's it. Thank you, nuts.com. Thank you all. We'll see you soon.