Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 189 - Papa Trattoria is Coming to Life

Episode Date: January 9, 2024

We talk Golden Globes, the Boeing plane, and break in the new studio. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey! Don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey! Welcome everybody to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I'm Tom Papa. I'm here with my good pal Kira Soltonovich. Happy New Year and all that stuff.

We have kind of a crazy show today. It's the, what would you call it? A soft opening? This is a limp opening. Oh, geez. It's a soft opening of our new restaurant. restaurant. Yes.

Right? Yeah. We said last week, and we let our listeners know that we have big things planned for them for this year. And we're doing a complete reset design. We are kind of transforming into a restaurant ourselves. The old set had a little bit of a restaurant. This one's going to be even more authentic. We actually have, but we don't have everything in yet.

Not yet. Things are being installed. A lot is happening. I was even here during the weekend. Things are being... If you can hear, I don't know if you can hear, but there's an espresso machine, a real espresso machines in the restaurant.

Our trusty producer, Joe Bolter, is making one right now. I literally feel like Oliver, like, please, sir. May I have another? We're calling at the soft opening because we did not want to... Rather than skip, we figure we might as well touch base and keep the ball rolling, but there's a lot of weird shit happening right now. Now we've got an espresso machine going.

Our set is, I would say, half complete. This is just the tip. Oh, my God. You keep saying soft opening. I'm sorry. There's also a dog across the way. Press it again. Oh, God.

Psychically, didn't I tell you, don't make me a coffee? I'm making you a coffee. And I knew it because it has exploded. It has exploded. Did it? Did you not get it in time? I didn't get it in time, but it's not a complete catastrophe. Nothing on the carpet, nothing on the ground.

Oh, my God. Here's the cup. Okay. I don't know if anyone heard that, but Joe said nothing on the carpet, nothing on the ground. Literally, when you have kids, that's what you hear. Yeah, it's okay. Every day. Nothing broke.

I'm still alive. I heard my 8-year-old cry out in pain, and my 13-year-old goes, she's fine. She's okay. And I go, no, no, no, I'm not taking your work. He knows what your concerns are. Wow, thank you, sir. Wow. Oh, my God.

It's beautiful. You know, we've been doing this podcast for 50 years. And every day, I'm like, how about an espresso? Oh, this is gorgeous. Joe, you can get us a paper towel from in there. Thank you, Joe. Back to the kitchen. We're like the bear, but in podcast form.

They won a lot of Golden Globes last night. They did. I watched it. It was very exciting. It was good. A lot of my favorites won. So that's always fun. You love Succession.

Okay. I love the first two seasons. So not that favorite one. No, no, no. I love the first two seasons. Tell me I'm wrong. I don't think I'm wrong. The first two seasons, amazing.

Yeah. Season, what it has four, right? Season three and four is just them, just every episode arguing who's the biggest douchebag. But season one and two were, I thought, fantastic. The performances were never not fantastic. 100%. The story was every single episode was,

I think Dad's getting ready to pass it on. Yes. Who's it going to be? Yes. That was pretty much it for. For all of season four. All of season four. The music was so cool.

They were all so great. The way it was shot, everything, that was just so beautifully shot. When they got the awards last night, everyone that came up and won for acting, you were like, deserved it, deserved it. deserved it. They were all so great.

The whole cast. Now, the one guy who was the lead son, the oldest son, he is the problematic method guy on the set. He was the guy that he does method and all the other actors were like, get over yourself. He wasn't there, right? There was some profiles where he was trying to be like Al Pacino and there was like all this kind of stuff.

I'm just passing on rumors that I've heard. He was not even there. Yeah. So I think he was the only one that didn't win. Oh, interesting. Yeah, of the actors nominated. So I looked up a clip the other day, and Ricky Jervais, for some reason, popped up. I have no idea why the algorithm shot me Ricky Jervais hosting the Golden Globes.

Okay. And he said something so hilarious. The audience laughed, but he said, for those of you that are going to win tonight, because you had the best performances or because your movie studios bought your Golden Globe for you. Congratulations in advance. Like it's so spot on.

Well, that's why they got canceled for a bit. That was part of that and the race stuff. Yeah. Well, Joe Coy, who's our pal. Yes, fellow comedian. I didn't even realize, like, we came in late, and I saw Joe Coy with a mic his hand and he was introducing some next thing like from the side and I was like oh that's my friend

and my daughter goes he's hosting I said no yeah he's just announcing whatever because no he's the host of the golden globes I was like what I was so out of the loop because it was you know Christmas week I just sat on my couch watch sports and ate brownies I had no idea that he was going to be hosting the whole thing it was just announced less than two weeks ago. Yeah. He had a short notice. Yeah. What a Hornet's Nest to go and try and do stand up in when nobody knows you.

I was talking about it on the radio this morning. It's such a strange... This is an example of... Let me just start off in case Joe's people needed to pass on a nice word to him because he's getting kind of beaten up in the press for this unknown comic bombing.

Not unknown. Not unknown. Well, this is my point. It's, he's huge. Massive sells out arenas. Sells out arenas, but the rest of the world doesn't know who he is. This is show business now. Like in the old days, if Jerry Lewis was hosting, everybody in the world knew him.

You couldn't be famous with one portion of humanity. Now, like, you know, I have people like Sebastian is selling out gigantic places. my fans don't even know who he is. Have you ever gone to a comedy club? And they're like, oh, and they're like, oh, last week we had this comic and it's some crazy like YouTube comic, you know, Flolly Lolly. And I've never heard of them. And then you click on, and they have five million followers.

And I have no idea who they are. This is the new structure of show business. How is Harrison Ford going to know? So here's the thing. If I was, you know, this is armchair quarterbacking. Is that what it's called? Yes. But can I get my compliment in quick?

Yes, get your compliment in. Because I want Joe Koi's people to know. Yeah. He stood up there in that most intimidating of places. And he threw the jokes that he had. And he got away with being professional and plowing through it. And the stuff in the press that says that he was, that he bombed and people were like booing was not accurate. It wasn't a great set in the circumstances,

but it is not equal to what they were saying. I think my point is he went in there as a comic of our ilk and did as professional a job as he could. I think that it did not go as poorly as people claim it went. Right. Like that he was misogyn. What are you talking about? Like he just said boobies.

Like who cares? It was not that misogynistic. It was so light and, you know, very gentle. These were actually gentle jokes. They really were. They really were. But that audience is not want to laugh at themselves. Here's what it is.

And if I, again, if I was on his team and I was in charge of giving him advice, I don't even know if he has someone like that. Maybe he doesn't care, you know, what does people say? But let's say he came to me and he goes, what should I do? here's what I would do. I would joke about the fact that they probably don't know him. Yes. I would do a couple up top, self-deprecating.

It was so exciting to be the 25th person asked to host the Golden Globes. I know it wasn't your first choice. You know what I mean? Like make fun of it. Nobody wanted this job because they know that it's impossible for this to go well. That's right. That would have been a great over. That would have been perfect.

Yeah, because now they're rooting for you. And then they also, you're acknowledging that they don't know who you are. He plays out to thousands and thousands and thousands of people. They chant his name. His audience is going to laugh at everything he says. That, I think, is part of the problem. I don't think he probably and his agent thought, everybody knows Joe Coy, if they're asking us, everybody.

You know what I mean? Like, I don't think that someone said, I know you just got off a private jet off after playing the Toronto Super Arena. Right, right. But most of these people are not going to know you. His agent is not going to say that. Absolutely not. Which is a disservice.

But that's why you need people in your close entourage. And this is no fault of Joe's if this doesn't exist for him. Yeah. Because most people don't have this, but someone that's going to look at them and go, Joe. This is the reality. Just do a couple self-deprecating jokes at the top.

And. Oh, we just wrote the, I mean, that, just saying. Yeah, just those, a few. I was the 10th person on the list because there's no way this is going to go well. I am so honored. Everyone else said no. That would have been brilliant. Yeah.

And then talk about how, you know, how really uncomfortable this is. Yeah. You know, just. And they were rooting for him. I mean, Merrill Streep was in there, like, doing stuff with them. I think they, I think they do. A portion was. I think they do.

They want to have a good time. They all want to win. But they're all also very nervous. Of course. Very precious. Don't mock. We are actors. And I think you can even say that before you start digging into it.

He just jumped right in, which you don't have much time, right? But even start being, I know you guys are nervous. This is a safe space. I don't want anyone to get triggered. Or, you know, the fun stuff. Also, yeah. Also, maybe maybe digging in and going after them is not the way to go at all.

There's a way to celebrate how, like Billy Crystal-esque. Sure, that's a great way. Yes. Without mocking them. Jervais kind of took it down this roasty lane. Well. That is pretty unique for Ricky. It's really only, only he can get away.

with it. They don't want to be roasted. Like you've done these corporate gigs where you get brought into like and there's some big guy, like an awards dinner for this guy and it's special. They don't, like I did one guy was like this big

business titan and he was turning 75. They did not want me. And I made some soft joke about him and his age or something and the audience just went, no, we are not here. to mock him. We're here to celebrate him.

Can I tell you what I do in those situations? Cry. If, let's say, you know, some VP of whatever says, oh, hey, it's Tom's. That's the boss. He's the CEO. Go after him. Go get him.

Here's what I do, almost every single time. Either I ignore the CEO completely. Or I talk about the guy or girl who said, hey, so-and-so wanted me to get you. Right. Let's talk about so-and-so. Right. And I just start, you know, going in on them.

I'm like like like, they must want a new job. They must not want to work here anymore. So I go in on them and then everyone, and then the boss is laughing, and then everyone's having a good time, and then it's fine. You know what I mean? But I hate going after, or they're like so-and-so's birthday. Or, you know, I even had a comic recently. I was at the improv and they were like, hey, my brother-in-law's in the front row.

I was like, you're a comic. Why are you even saying this to me? Yeah. Here's the problem. Comedians are inappropriate human beings. Yes. There is something wrong with an individual who walks into a party at the four seasons and gets on stage when all these other people have been getting dressed and planning this for weeks,

who gets on stage and starts ripping the thing to shreds. That's an inappropriate human being. and if you have a good sense of humor and the group is fun, it could be hilarious. Yeah. If it's a little tight and they really believe in this thing, that's why you've got to be careful, like when you do these corporate gigs and you can go in and mock this whole awards thing. This award means so much to these people. They've been waiting for it all year.

They've been working their ass off to get their sales numbers up so they could be invited to this retreat in Key West and be celebrated. You can't just go in. Guns blazing. You have to handle it with care. And I think that's kind of what happened last night. I think that it was a little too roasty, and they didn't know who he was,

and it wasn't, you didn't kiss ass enough. So I love Joe Coy. I've known him since we were doing open mics together decades ago. Yeah. The one thing I would just say, Joseph, don't throw your writers under the bus. Yeah. Just don't do that.

I know in the moment you were kind of probably a little nervous and just, I get it. A little nervous. I get it. A lot nervous. He was free falling with his shoot wasn't opening. You know, you okay. What do I do? What do I do?

And I get it, but you're a professional. He's done arenas. And I get that moment of like, oh, just throw the blame on someone else. Here's what you do. Hey, you know what? I signed off on these. Yeah. You know, I have no one to blame but myself.

I signed off on these jokes. What was I thinking? The writers warned me. They warn me, you guys. It's endearing again. It's endearing when McCarsen would be like, ooh, you didn't like that one. Yeah, exactly. You know, it was always on him.

It was always, oohie. And that's exactly what you do. I just, being someone who has written, not for that specific, huge type of show, but for smaller little things like that. Yeah. I mean, we pitched it. You say yes or no. Yeah.

If you say yes. Yeah. Now it's. That is the gig. Yeah. When I would watch Leno, when I would get to the Tonight Show, that's when I first learned what that job really was.

You come out for rehearsal, and they tell you where you're going to stand to do your stand-up spot, and they'd walk you around before people are in, and I'd see Jay sitting at the desk with these four writers, five writers around him, pitching him stuff, and he has to sit and go in the show, out of the show,

in the show, out of the show. So as much as all these people are working on stuff, it comes down to him because he's going to be the one saying it into the camera, in front of millions of people, it's up to him. He's the last judgment of whether or not this is funny or not. And that's on you.

It's on you. What would you have done in that situation? Let's say they call you. You're going to host the Golden Globes. I would have cried. Okay. After you're done crying. Yeah, if the people around you and convinced you, this is a good thing to do.

First of all, and I say this all the time, as soon as you say yes to hosting any of these awards, shows. As soon as you say yes, and they announce it, half of the world starts attacking you. It comes with it. Chris Rock, everybody. As soon as you say I'm in, they start attacking you for whatever they can attack you for. It's a no-win situation. All you can do is mildly survive. Until you get to like Kimmel level where now he's done it so many times, he's so good at it and he's part of the inside. As the unknown, though, as somebody of a joe coy ilk, I would have called the,

or anybody that I knew that was, like, anyone that gave me an iota of good comedy advice, I would have been calling everybody. Yeah. And asking for help, because I'd be, I'd call Jerry. Yeah. I'd call Gaffigan. Gaffigan's bit was funny, actually, last night.

Yeah, he did well. Yeah. I would, you know, you call the best and the brightest, and then Jerry's like, yeah, you know, you got to use this guy and this guy. And then the next call, they tell you, don't wear this. And then the next guy says, you've got to really, you got to get Jesse Joyce and. Jesse Joyce is the first name, the first name that jumped into my head. It's like, get the guys that other people have succeeded with. They are like the ticker tape.

Remember the oldie time ticker tape for Wall Street? You know what I mean? Like, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. And it just comes out like a, just a joke. Just a joke tape comes out of their mouth. They're just amazing at them. They've been writing the roasts forever. They've been doing it forever.

And they're better than you are. Yeah. They like, they're hiring me because I'm likable and I can stand up there and do it. Now give me the ammunition. Yeah. And, but it's, it's not easy because you start getting those jokes. I mean, he saw those jokes. He saw that Barbie joke.

And, you know, he's in that Leno position of, in or out. Yeah. It's tough. Especially when you're only two weeks in. And he's not a host. He's not a guy that hosts and does this stuff a lot. Right, right, right.

It's one of those horrible situations where you have to learn it and be great at it at the same time. There's something great about Amy Poehler and Tina Faye because they are, you know, attractive women. They're beautiful. They're wearing, like, the most expensive dress, like more than my whole house is worth. You know what I mean? Like they're just, but they are awkward. and silly, and they're like,

and they make fun, you know. And they're movie stars. They are. That's true. Well, Joe has movies. He had one movie and it kind of came and went. He wasn't. For sure.

Amy and Tina are made women. Yes, but if he came in, I think, with more of like an awkwardness, you know, hey, comedy's hard. You know, like a joke doesn't work. You're like, yeah, comedy is hard sometimes. I think that, you know, that's my only thing. But who am I? Yeah. I mean, any of those tricks that you have, like make Harrison Ford, your wingman and be like,

you tell the joke and, how are we doing, Harrison? And you can't give you like a little, okay, okay, next one. I can't believe I'm here. Oh, my God, there's Don Cheadle, you know, all that stuff. Tough situation, though. Yeah. And that he got through it in two weeks time was just amazing. Yeah.

It is a hard, tricky situation for, you. sure. Really tricky. The most devastating moment was when Taylor Swift put her hand out and went thumbs down. I mean, that was a Nero moment. That was a, oh, any kind of idea that maybe I'm surviving this has just been declared, I'm now being fed to the lions. I didn't see that moment.

You didn't see it? I did not see that. I saw when she took a sip of wine when he said, you know, the camera pans to. Well, that was, that was the moment. Oh, she did that? No, I'm saying metaphorically. Oh, okay. I thought she physically did that.

She did that. I mean, it was actually more cruel what she did. She just looked at them. Here's the thing. Also, just be nice to whoever's hosting also. They don't. They went over to Ryan Gosling and he was like, I know.

A lot of these guys do not have a sense. I always go back. to when Chris Rock was hosting, and he made a joke about Jude Law. And right after that, Sean Penn came out, and he said, before he got into his thing, he said, I just want to make, I just want to let Chris Rock know that Jude Law is one of the greatest actors of our generation. Oh, God. And then he maybe should consider what he says, blah, blah, blah. And it was like, there's a level of these celebrities actor types that don't have a sense of humor about themselves.

They think this is like holy or such important work. Yeah. They don't. And there's half that room is sitting there like that. Like, what are you going to do? You're going to make fun of me. But Fortune was telling me on the radio show that Taylor Swift had just been in this huge article of how she's sick and tired of the football bros attacking her for being at the games. It's like she made it known.

I am not into this anymore. and then Joe came out with a joke specifically about cutting to her. And she was just not. Maybe she can cry into her billions of dollars about it. I know. I mean, it's not cool, but it happened. Yeah, I get it. Bad timing.

Bad timing. And just, she could have laughed at it. You don't know. The best was when Ricky Jervais made fun of Steve Correll. Did you ever see that one? So he's talking about like, oh, you guys. think Steve Correll came up with that character. That was me.

I came up with the office. He's not as interesting as I am. And then Steve Carell's face, jokingly, is like super serious. And then he mouths, you know what I mean? I will kill you. It's just so perfect, you know what I mean? Because you know that he's in on the joke. And they could do stuff like that.

Yeah. They could, you know, they could play along. Merrill Streep did. I was laughing. It's a hell. It's a hell gig. It is. It's a hell gig.

I know. That's why we like to do our podcast from a half-finished set. And just stay in this comfort zone. Who's going to attack us? Who's going to attack us? The dog in the hallway might. I think the barking stopped. I think that dog is dead.

I think someone killed it. I think it died. I saw a guy from an office down the hall and he had a staple gun in his hand. What is happening on the third floor of this building? I got into the elevator. A woman can. came with a pass, you know, like a beep pass and a key and turned it and went to the third floor. What is happening on the third floor?

I don't know, but I was in the elevator one day and for some reason went up there and it opened. And they looked at me like, you're not supposed to be here. And then I had to go back down. It's frightening, I'm sure. Something is happening. And they have every parking spot here. Oh. I have one parking.

spot and I'm wedged between a concrete barrier and a pickup truck. My car hardly fits in it. And the rest of it, it's all empty for whatever's up there. I think they might be harvesting body parts. Yeah, that makes sense. Right? That makes sense. Because a plaque that says you have to be invited to the third floor.

Invited? Yeah. Joey was eyeballed by someone in the lobby who was looking for a liver. And they asked for Joey specifically. Were you skiing this weekend? I was. I saw, and I wasn't on my phone all that much, but I saw you in goggles. I was in goggles, yes.

I didn't know you skied. I don't. No, no, no. It's terrible. Let me just say to our listeners, if you are over 40, one of the things you shouldn't just get into trying is skiing. you are going to die. I've been skiing a million times. I'm still terrible.

It doesn't matter how many times I go and every time I go I take a lesson or I go with, you know, it doesn't matter. I put the boots on and I regret it immediately. Immediately. It's like, remember when you went horseback riding and you were like, why? The minute you get in the saddle,

you're like, this is horrible and now I'm stuck. And then you put those awkward frozen boots, you slam them against the ski, to get the ice off and you stick them in and you're in for hell hell my calves up in Tahoe went to Tahoe I took the kids so we took the kids they've never been skiing so we got the lessons we flew oh my god we flew because we do not want to drive more than 40 minutes with our children oh yeah they are horrible so nice so so we flew went at a car and it was beautiful and gorgeous and perfect and we had snowball fights and we went sledding and we stayed in my step

sister's cabin and it's gorgeous and awesome and amazing and then we went skiing oh geez satan sport it really is i know it takes place in snow but it is made for satan first of all it doesn't none of it makes sense like none of it like ergonomically you know what i mean like put on these boots and lean into them all your body wait this piece of plastic can take it. So you never fully, yes, of course we rent. Yeah, you never fully trust any of the equipment. And then my calves are just on fire, on fire, because I'm just the whole time like this.

Are you? Are your kids good and they're just smoking you? You know what, I will say. It was their first time. And we gave them a lesson. Shout out to Jorge. Jorge was our instructor. Was he amazing?

He was amazing because he's from Chile, which I knew that Chile. They had mountains, but holy cow, they have like, they're like a ski country. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's not Chile, it's Chile. And he taught our kids, and they were fantastic. Were they good? They were good.

Yeah, well, you know, kids are lower to the ground. I learned at 12. I was a kid, but I'm just not built for adrenaline. I don't like it. You know what I mean? That feeling of like, I could die. I don't like it. That's why I don't do drugs.

I don't like that feeling of like, oh, my God, this could be my last minute on earth. I hate it. And the intermediate hill was this. Yeah. They were like, we have a bunny slope or we have an intermediate. Did you fall a lot? I didn't fall one time. My husband did.

Oh, yeah. He got knocked out by the kids. The kids were like, I can't stop. Save me, Daddy. And they just plowed into him. He's in the snow. And they're like, oh, thanks for breaking my fall. And they just kept skiing.

Every time you get to the airport leaving those places, there's always people on crutches. Oh, yes, usually. It was so much fun. How many nights? Just three nights. Good for you. Just simple, quick, easy. But there was a storm.

There was a storm. So we did get stormed in one day. We tried, went outside, and Mother Nature was like, not today. And it was like a blizzard. Oh, really? It was wild. Is that cool? It was very cool.

We had snowball fights, but for like 30 seconds at a time. We had wind while you were away. Listen. We flew into that wind yesterday. We landed yesterday. I have never done as good of an acting job ever as I do on a plane with turbulence. The flight attendant, I had to hold her. I held her with my whole body.

She stopped in front of my seat and was like kind of holding on to the chairs. And then it went, it was like this. It was this. Whoa. It was like we were in a dryer, you know, just cling, cling, cling. And then so she's like, okay, I'm just going to stand right here. And I go, can I hold you? And I just held her.

It was the scariest turbulence. The wind yesterday was insane. It was insane. It was landed in that. My kids thought we were having an earthquake. It was so intense. Yeah. It was.

And then the eight-year-old was like, is this normal? I go, sure, is this normal? This is usually cost extra. I know when they look at you. Yeah. And then you have to. And I'm smiling at her. Meanwhile, I'm holding, like literally tearing the paint off of these armrests.

How about the door that popped off the... Jesus Christ. Joe, can you look up the exact... I think it's 737. It's a match. Alaska Max. And then the next day they're like... I want to have...

I want to clearly state what this plane is. It is the... It's Boeing. 7.5. 737 max 9 and if it sounds familiar it's because that was the one that crashed not once but twice what right it crashed also years ago years ago so they had this max it's the most popular plane that Boeing is released in the last 50 years for price to whatever for reasons this is the when it crashed, I believe, twice.

Allegedly. I don't think a plane can crash allegedly. The only time you're supposed to say, you've got to say allegedly whenever you're... So they had big problems and it crashed and they put so much money into it. They had to revamp it and I was on a plane a couple months ago and I see

Max in the little folder thing in the magazine thing. I was like, wait a minute. It's back. and they got it cleared and they put it back onto rotation, and it's out there in airlines, Alaska, and United uses it the most. And then the other day, its door pops off. Thankfully, nobody was just loose and went flying out.

But the seat flew out. The seat flew out. So. Yeah. And I look when I'm booking on those airlines, if I'm going to be on that plane. because I am not going to be on that plane. That's smart.

You should look it up. I'm going to do it, yeah. All of our listeners, when you are booking, it says details on your flight. Look at details, and it tells you how long you have for your connection and what kind of food you're going to have and what percentage of the time it's on schedule. It also tells you the plane that you will be on. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, but there's been fatalities and doors popping off of this.

This is a, give it 10 years of a clean record and then fly that plane. And they checked him in 24 hours. They're like, it looks good. Yeah, they're all good now. No, no. What? All of them? Come on.

I know. Stop. It's not good. It is not good. It's a plug. That's what it's called. It's called a plug. Because the door.

So it's not a real door. Right. But if they ever wanted to configure their plane differently, it's like Legos. They can kind of move the seats up and put some seats in. and they could create a door there. Oh, my God. So it's, but what? Yeah.

It should still be part of the plane. Yes. What are you doing with people? And the thing is the videos that I saw on like Twitter and whatever, no one's screaming. That's what's weird. I guess I don't know what I would react like in that situation, but. Probably there was no oxygen to scream.

The one guy woke up and he said the mask was just dangling in front of his face. He was like, well, what's this? Yeah. That's why they weren't screaming. They were all strapped in. Ask Sarah Tiana and April Macy. I think those were the girls on this trip about the time where they lost, I believe it was Sarah Tiana and April Macy.

They lost pressure. And the plane just went like this. Like an elevator that just drops 20 floors. And the masks came down and they were just crying. Like they were just crying. Yeah. Just sat. they're crying like this is it.

Of course. On your way to some stupid show. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. On your way back from the funny bones. Yeah. Oh, God. When they tell me that story, it's horrifying.

Horrifying. I mean, you've got to look, it's a, there was a Robert Downey. My daughter is not the greatest flyer. She's flown a ton, but she goes, she doesn't love it. Yeah. And I'm always like, it's not a big deal. Turbulance is a plane never crashed. She was, I'm turbulent.

This is all true. And then Robert Downey, and so, and then she saw the door pop off. She goes, did you see that? I'm like, thanks, TikTok. Yeah. I'm like, it's an unusual thing. And I said, truthfully, when I book your flights, I make sure you're not ever on that plane.

And it's the truth. I don't. We're not, my family is not going to go on that plane. I don't care if we take three flights to get someplace. We're not going on those. What is it, Joe? 737 Boeing, Max. 9.

Max 9. we're not going to do it. And so anyway, Robert Downey Jr. During the Golden Globes is on some commercial for an internet search, safety, security thing. And he's giving the bad odds. Your chance of being in a plane crash is one in 11 million. Those are pretty good odds. Yeah.

Unless you fly that plane, and then it's one out of every two flights. allegedly yeah it is very safe of course we know that we know the cars that we drive every day we're at more risk but it's

it doesn't matter because when you're driving and you're like oh no my you know someone cut me off and I have to like you know like veer into the side of the freight

you're still like this far away from the earth that's the difference so you can scrape and all your skin comes off. Yeah, so your skin comes off. Skin grows back. It's our version of the lizard tail.

Your skin will grow back. It's just that it's more spectacular. Yeah. Yeah. That's wild. Because they were, you know, the big, the big scare recently has been that the people that work in the control towers are overworked and there's only five of them. For every plane in the world.

Yeah. And they're like, there's been on some close calls and you guys didn't know about in Austin. And that's what happened in Japan when they were had that earthquake. And there was a military plane and a 300 people were on that flight. Oh, commercial flight? And got hit by another. Yeah, because of air traffic control stuff. Everyone survived.

Not one fatality. It's pretty great. Wow. But the thing that everyone keeps warning about is we need more people to work in these towers because these people are overworked, super stressed. It's actually a good paying job. So what's the problem? Why can't they find people?

$8 an hour. No. Yeah, which is pretty good in Austin. What? No. Yeah. It is not. No, the problem is.

It's a lot of training. A lot of training. Yeah. It takes a while. Like, we let all these pilots cash out during the pandemic. And because people weren't flying and then it came back quicker than they thought. And now they need more pilots, but you can't just, Joey can't just go get a, put a hat on and go to work tomorrow. Okay.

Have you guys watched the show, hijack? Oh. Oh. So good. Really? Yes. Whoa. Please. I don't know.

The coffee's kicking in. Anyone else's teeth sweating? This coffee. This coffee just... This is just what we needed. This coffee kicked me in my uterus. Can we talk about the coffee for a second? I have 50 seconds.

This is our dream. I know. Whenever we're on the road, it's coffee, coffee, coffee. It's our cocaine. It's our comedian cocaine. I know. It's really strong. And now that we have one in our place, this is pretty good.

It's good. Right? Yeah, and I drank it without cream. I'm such a big girl. Do you want us to get cream? No, because where are you going to keep it? We have a refrigerator. What?

Then yes. Do you? Yeah, I'll bring it. I'll bring it. I'll bring it. That's my job. That's my job. Here at Breaking Bread, we want this to be the ideal place for fun.

And I want you to have anything you want. Like if you ate cookies, I'd have cookies. If you had biscottie, I'd have biscotti. If you want coffee and cheese nuggets and meat sticks, I'll get those for you. This is, you are, this is fantastic. Okay. I love it. Good.

But I do have to go. I just realized. Already? I know. I'm so sad about it. All right. Well, I'm going to let you go. But I think we're going to continue.

Yeah. And, yeah. And it won't be as fun without me. Because we've only gone for how long? 36 minutes. Yeah, we've got to do more. Why do you have to leave? Children.

They cock block your whole career. Well, again, this is the soft opening. We started a little later because we were just moving some stuff around. Check your phone because you might be able to get some more things for our set, top secret things. And go get those kids. I got to go. All right.

Thank you. I love you. This was amazing. Thanks for being here. We'll be right back after this. Oh, finally, Kira got out of here. That was a lot. That was a lot. Love Kira. She just had to go pick up her kids. Again, we're here at the soft opening of the Breaking Bread podcast, new restaurant space. Next week, we have Brad Williams, very funny comedian. Then we've got Kyle Canane. Then we've got Lewis Black, those in the next three weeks. Very exciting. Hopefully we'll be up and running and have all of our espresso machines and everything going. One of my New Year's resolutions is to stop saying, um. I say um.

It's actually is an old habit that then came back. And I've just noticed myself doing it. Um's and ahs. I think um is the bigger problem at this moment so anyway I was watching who's the guy the lead in the bear uh Jeremy Alan White Alan White

Alan White Jeremy Alan White great actor he won for the bear at the Golden Globes and he was doing an um fest during his acceptance speech I um want to um an um and um and the great um

um it's tough I think it comes from not wanting silence because I if you travel around with me as Joey does when I'm backstage and stuff I'm not really into silence I like to hum

I like to sing little bits of songs right as we're backstage Yeah yeah stay occupied I kind of yeah I kind of I'm always doing that So anyway, when we're doing these broadcasts or when I'm talking even to my family, I don't like to be talking and then have to stop and have silence while I think. I like to fill it. And I think that's where the ums and the ahs come in. And watching him do it, I think is going to be something that's really going to break me.

I know this isn't a huge resolution. Like some people want to lose 50 pounds. Some people want to finally start helping the homeless or do other charity work. But I feel like mine as a broadcaster, this is probably more important. You know what I mean? This is good espresso, by the way. I'm only drinking the espresso, by the way, on one half of my face. I didn't want to bring it up when Kira was here because she,

tends to make it make your ailments seem like they're not important. Like when Joey, when you were sick, it's stopping a baby and hear the things and you're like, I have a cough and a sore throat and her reaction is always, no, you don't. I had a tooth pulled the other day since our last show. and that is not that is um um um i did it is there a way we could have like a like a like a siren or something or like a or like uh like one of those buzzers electric shock would be funnier definitely funnier if every time i say um like that would be definitely a lot more enjoyable i had a um uh dinner at my friend's house

with his dad as like an immigrant from Ireland. And every time I said like, he would just go, like, like, like. And he beat it out of me, basically. I mean, I think I, I don't think I say it that often. Yeah, you really need. Sometimes it's just being conscious of a behavior that makes you stop it. Someone just has to let you know. But I, I guess maybe I need someone to really humiliate me about it.

Maybe that's what it is. So I had a tooth pulled. It was a root canal that they take their nerves out of your roots and then they put a cap on it and you just live your life. And I guess after 10 years, the root gets brittle and it broke and it's caused an infection and they had to yank it out. And it was pretty much all over the map of if you look on the Internet and you talk to people,

people were like it's not a big deal and then other people were like whoa boy you're in for it kind of like having your wisdom teeth out i would say it's somewhere in between it's not having your wisdom teeth out but it also is not a small it's not a filling it's not a cleaning even by my mean dental hygienist who last time asked if i owned a toothbrush upon examination They had to cut my head open and pull this tooth. It has been my pal for 50 years. They just took it out and didn't give it back. I had a dream last night that I saw it on a table.

Is that weird? So I've been really loaded up on Motrin, and then they've got this thing that they only gave me five of, which was Tylenol with codeine. I didn't realize that was one of the, I guess, opioid kind of things that's really addictive. I guess people who like to get become drug addicts on pills. That's one of their choices.

They only gave me like five. I can see why it's addictive because I've taken three of them. And I took them at night. I wasn't drinking. Of course not smoking, not doing anything because of the hole in my head. You take that Tylenol with codeine at around 8 o'clock while you're watching a movie. it makes you feel pretty cozy. It's not like you're out of your mind,

but you just kind of feel like, hmm, someone's giving me a massage on my heart. And I have two left, and I'm literally planning out when I'm going to take the next ones. I'm definitely going to take them. This is the first day I'm not on Motrin. They also give me Motrin, like a high dose of that for the pain. It kind of still hurts,

but it's not terrible. But you can't eat, and I don't even know what's going on in there. I don't want to look. Joe, your parents have to go do this, don't they? Yes. It's months. Yeah. I think I have a dead guy's bone in my mouth.

Is there just a screw there? What's there? They put a screw in, they put bone in to shore up the space to give you extra bone, which I really am not even finding out completely because it kind of creeps me out. bone. What guy's face? What? I don't even know if it's from his face. It could be from a shin bone. I don't know where it came from, but it's in my mouth now. A leg bone, like a femur bone in your face. Oh, femur face? Oh, God. So they put that bone in there and then they let that your body adapt to it, and then they'll put a screw in. That's the next thing. And then they, then the other dentist comes in with the

fancy, hey, this looks like a tooth. Put that on top of it. Yeah, it's not great. But if you have Tylenolk, Coding, you'll get a couple of good days out of it. And tonight is the big college Super Bowl. The championship game is tonight. It's a good time to take them. I have to make dinner for my niece is coming over.

She goes to school here. She's a brilliant student. and she's coming over for dinner, I don't know what to make. I've got to figure this out. Maybe I could just bring her over here and give her an espresso. It kind of feels like this is going to be such a great space that maybe we need to name it. Welcome to Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. We're sponsored by Papa Tritoria.

Yeah, they'll be our sponsor. What's that? Papa Tritoria. Papa Tritoria. Maybe. What is it? There's a Tritoria and an Osteria. Oh.

One of them's fancier than the other one. The Osteria, I think, is the fancierier one, and the Tritoria is the more down and dirty one. This weekend I'm going to be in Charlotte, North Carolina. Going back on tour, the tour starts up. Joe, are you coming with me? Yeah, I'll be there. We're going to Charlotte, North Carolina.

going to go up to Nashville and then we're going to drive to Lexington, Kentucky. I found out, fun fact about Lexington, Kentucky, not a lot of people know Tompapa there. I'm not sure what they're famous for, but comedians from New Jersey, they're not, it's not one of their past times yet. I think it's the first time I've ever performed there. The Torreya is the rustic neighborhood restaurant. Okay. Nosterias are wine bars that have evolved to serve simple meals. Simple meals.

Well, it sounds like we're missing on a whole other level. So we've got Tritoria, which is just the down and dirty. Then you've got the Osteria, which is a wine bar that now is serving simple meals. So that when you go to Panzanella's fine Italian restaurant. Restaurante. A restaurante? Yeah. Oh, that's not, that doesn't sound that sexy.

Wait till you see the new artwork that's going to go in our tritorea. So what would we be? We would be kind of a tritoria. I think so. I think we're a tritoria. We're family. We're just to have some salamis and some breads and things like that. They're fresh, unassuming conventional local food.

Fresh, unassuming local food. Yeah, that's a. I would like to start giving people some taste test and reviews of fine bake goods that we find out in our travels. I don't know if we should do it in studio or outside of the studio. Or maybe it's a special offshoot when we do our Patreon thing. We could do that as well. So much to do. So much to get to.

I'm very excited about this booth idea. I wish it was already up and running. but at least we have a coffee maker. That's such a huge thing. Joey, do you drink coffee at all? Yeah, I probably like one or two cups a day. You do? Yeah.

Oh, this is exciting. I got one right here. I didn't know we would have an espresso maker already. Well, it's not for you. Okay. We don't have that many cups, Joey. We got four cups. We do?

Yeah, I got it. And you're going to clean him in the bathroom sink? Yeah. I saw a toothbrush next to that sink. Oh, we're definitely. Tritoria. Yeah, that toothbrush has been there for about a week, a week and a half.

Well, I'm excited about the tour. I'm very excited to get going and get out there, and we're going to have an announcement about the next special coming up very soon. Also, we have big participation in the Netflix as a joke festival. For our listeners, we should probably make this formal introduction. My radio show, What a Joke, with Papa and Fortune, which we have done for four years now, or we're going on our fourth year?

No, no, we've done four. Three and three quarters. My trusty producer from that, the great Joe Bolter, is now joined the Breaking Bread family and is now producing this podcast as well. So welcome, Joe. Thank you. Pleasure to be here.

Can people hear you when you talk? Probably not. No. We'll change that because we need to everybody. Everybody who's in this Tritoria should be on a mic. Yeah, yeah. Are you okay with that? Yeah.

I don't mean to start producing while you're producing. No, no. All good. But, yeah, we're going to have to get you your own little microphone and put you on your little tritoria as well. So, yeah, so we have big things coming up. And Joe and I are also part of the Netflix's joke comedy festival. Which is now the biggest festival in the world?

It has to be. It has to be. It's just gigantic. And I'm doing a show at the Ace Hotel, the theater at the Ace Hotel on May 3rd, and that's going to be a big one, and we're going to have to sell a lot of tickets for that. So I guess everyone who's listening, spread the word and tell your friends. We also have new merch coming out, a lot of exciting things. So this is our soft open here at the Papa Tritoria.

I don't know if that's really the name we'll come up with a name for sure it's hard because most of the things that we have at the Tritoria Kira can't eat which is a bit of a problem anything else that we need to tell the people

from a from a work in progress standpoint Joey did we cover it all I think we covered it we have fake candles fake candles fake glare to them too they kind of flicker on and off

and uh that's sexy yeah Joey's really selling these because that was his contribution to the set so far just the candles so we will be heading

of Charlotte North Carolina this Friday we will not be on one of those max nines we will be on a proper airplane so we definitely will be there and then we're going to go to Nashville on Saturday night and then Lexington, Kentucky on Sunday. Very rare that we do a Sunday show on the Tom Papporteur.

But the people of Lexington spoke, and we listen to all three of them. And we're going to go do the show on Sunday and come home on Monday. And then next Tuesday we'll have Brad Williams on the program here at Breaking Bread. And who knows? Maybe the set will be complete by then. Wishing you all well, right there, I did it. Do you hear it? I could have said um.

That was an um spot. I'm wishing you all well. Until next time? No, I didn't do it. Wishing you all well. I hope your resolutions are going well. Eat something good. I'm going to go make something for my,

what do you make for a college student who is poor and doesn't get a lot of home-cooked meals? I should probably make her pasta, even though my family went out for pasta last night. It's not about them. I should just make it for her. I know. Yeah, what are we doing? I'm not going to make her a stir fry.

That'd be depressing. You guys are the best. Love to all of you. We'll see you next time. Got it, Joey.