Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 190 - Brad Williams

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

The hilarious Brad Williams joins the table as the first guest of the new year!    Thank you to the good people at Factor Meals! Factor’s delicious ready to eat meal delivery takes the stress out of meal planning. Head to https://www.factormeals.com/papa50 and use code ‘Papa50’ to get 50% off.    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, don't you know? Hey, don't you know, it's also a show. Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I am Tom Papa. Thank you for joining us. We have a great show for you today. Kira's not here, but Brad Williams is very funny comedian. It has a new special called Starfish that is streaming right now on Veeps. He's hilarious.

you know him, you love him, and he's our guest today at the table, which is slowly evolving. Can't wait for you to see all of the great things. It's happening slower than I thought it was going to. I thought we'd be done by the time Brad came in, but he's none the wiser. He thinks this is how it's always going to be. You're going to enjoy it. We'd like to thank the good people at Factor. Factor Meals.com.

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That's code Papa 50 at factor meals.com slash. Papa 50 to get 50% off. A good service. Get your eating dialed in. Make it easy. Take the guesswork out of it. Factor meals. Thank you for coming on board today's program. So we have today, Brad Williams, who's a very funny comedian. I always love seeing Brad. He's one of the guys out in L.A. When I walk into a club and I see him, I get a nice sense of belonging and joy when I run into little Brad. I don't mean to call him Little because he's a dwarf. I just mean like Little.

Like he's my friend, like Little Joey, like Little Brad. He's so damn funny. He's really smart comic and he will be our guest here at the table. The table is, it's coming along. We've got some big things. We're clearing some stuff out. We're under construction here at the Breaking Bread table. I can't wait for it to be up and functional.

I'm literally dreaming about it in the middle of the night. I am, which is probably the only time you should be dreaming. But I really truly am excited for everything that's going to be happening. Because there's a lot of other things that we can do here, Joey, we can bring in the food that we're baking and cooking and we can bring in other people. You were eating pizza here at the, at the tutorial last night. I think I'm just very excited about it. After our record yesterday, I went home. And it's one of those moments where as someone that's cooking and hosting people, I was very proud of

because we just had my niece come by, returned to school at USC, and it's just a Monday, and what are you going to do for me? I'm just coming over. Joey, when I say, I might have made the best meatballs of my life last night on just a random Monday.

No recipe, no need. I know exactly what's to be done. You get the ground beef, you get the ground pork, you have your parsley, you have your pecorino, grated pecorino, you have your eggs, you have your bread, and just bam. The way that other people, Joey, would maybe make toast or a bowl of cereal, I'm making gorgeous meatballs in rigatoni for my beloved niece. Go ahead, give me some credit. That's impressive.

Thank you. On a regular Monday, that's quite the accomplishment. That would be, to mere mortals, that would be a weekend project. We're beyond that, Joey. And that's what I want to share with our guests, and that's what I want to share with our listeners. That's why I'm so excited to get our Tritoria open. This is going to be very exciting. Before you know it, Joey, there's going to be people dining in here while we're doing the podcast.

Oh, yeah. Are you excited to go on the road? Very excited, yeah. Are you getting nervous that you have to travel? No, no. You're good? Good, yeah. It's gotten a lot easier to fall asleep before flights when you're flying more.

That's good. We've been early out. We do. We even early out this one. But I'm very excited. It's the first. I can't, it doesn't feel like I had a vacation. Like I definitely am less stressed in my head, but it doesn't feel like, I don't feel like as energetic, like,

reboot let's go as I would have expected. Because I think because they yank the tooth out of my mouth and I'm hopped up on codeine. I think maybe that's clouding the issue a little bit. That'll do it. All right, enough of this stuff. Let's bring in Brad Williams. He's a great comedian.

You're going to enjoy him and make sure you check out his new special Starfish, which is streaming on VEP. Veep is the new streaming service created by Live Nation. They do a lot of concerts and stuff. stuff and now they're getting into comedy and they should we do a lot of live nation dates around the country and brads is one of the first specials on vip very funny and even his older specials he's he's got a lot of stuff that people that have been very well received throughout the years please welcome brad williams so you don't drink coffee at all not at all really you can make

the stunts your growth joke if you want it's fine a lot of other people have but no i don't drink coffee at all. My wife is one of those people where if she wakes up, she's the do not talk to me. Yeah. She woke up this morning at about 4.30 in the morning, went downstairs, did a bunch of stuff before I got up, and she had had two coffees by the time I got down there. She was delightful. It was amazing. I got downstairs. I'm like, I want to wake up to this woman every day. She had my breakfast ready. She was smiling. Oh, it was awesome. She has her own thing?

Yeah, she's got the whole set up. I don't know. You never messed with it? No. I'm an easy drunk, you know, my nickname is two beer, Brad. And that's very accurate. Two beers and I'm not driving. Absolutely not.

And it's the same way with coffee. If I have a coffee, well, the ceilings are getting polished that day. Diet Coke? I don't really drink soda that much, too. I drink tea? You're very healthy. No, I, dwarves him. I'm still not healthy.

Well, you've got the built-in thing. Yeah, I'm sure this is doing it. But your habits are healthy. I'm trying. What you all are? What's your thing? Sweets. Sweet.

I love desserts. We were talking about this with my daughters the other night. Yeah. And my wife is big-time sugar. Yeah. Big-time sugar. Red velvet cake, I'm all over that. I will wreck.

When I walk by the cheesecake factory Because we're always on the road And that's where you eat Because it's everywhere They have the case And they're just showing all the cakes And when I pass that red velvet cheesecake To me it's like

That's when All right Like if you ever go to a friend's house And they've got the garage And they've got like the Playboy poster Up in the garage And you're supposed to act like You're not staring at the Playboy poster

but you are staring. That's me and that red velvet cheesecake where I'm just like, you mother, oh, I will, I'll do horrible things to that cheesecake. I have never had that. Oh, it's everything. Is that crazy that you could have an addiction that I've never even come across it?

Yeah. I mean, you eat sugar though, right? Or you want to the no sugar people. No, I don't have like a, I don't have like a real crazy sweet tooth. Yeah. And it's interesting. We were talking about it during the holidays.

I'm really into, like, cookies are my baked good of, like, choice. And, like, I'll go forever, not eating anything. Yeah. And then, like, at Christmas, my family, my girls make the Christmas cookies. Yeah. And you have one, and then you have two. And then you can't stop. Then it's like, you just, the sugar wants more sugar.

Yes. And you just keep going. Yes. But then once I'm out of it, I'm out of it. That's good that you're able to stop. I feel I'm there, too. Yeah. If I can say like, hey, you went nuts.

You had a buttercake last week. So maybe this week cool it a little bit. Or, you know, take a walk or do some time on the rowing machine and then you can have a cookie. I can tell my wife is big time sugar. Yeah. And she'll be like, you know, dial it in. Yeah. And then she starts going back.

And then it just hits a max load where she's just a little, a little. down, a little moody, a little something. And I'm like, what's up with her today? And then I'm like, oh, wait a minute. It's the sugar. And then you realize, oh, we went on a run. You've had a week of thing. It's the come down after the Coke weekend.

When we first started living with each other, we got Easter candy from our family. And, you know, we were adults, but they still gave us this chocolate bunny and this kind of thing. And my wife was getting, like, a week later, was like, who's? Pretty moody. Yeah. Pretty like, what's up with her? And I came into the kitchen and I saw her scraping shards of Easter bunny into a bowl of peanut butter.

Oh, wow. First thing in the morning. Oh, wow. In her pajamas. Okay. All right. Give me the bunny. Yeah.

Go sit on the couch. That's like, that's like the sugar version of your like, no, there's still some weed in this bowl. Like you smoke the bowl three times There's still some good stuff in here And like you're you're just packing whatever you can Now if if someone ever sits down from you or you meet or you meet someone And they say oh I have no vices Do you trust that person?

Because I don't I I know you're saying Yeah But there's a wrinkle to it Okay In that they may not be aware Of a different thing

vice. Gotcha. You know what I mean? Okay. Like they may be like, no, man, I'm cool. Like, I don't have sugar and I don't really eat chips and I'm not really that kind of a person. I mean, I watch porn eight hours a day, but that's not a vice. Everybody does that.

Exactly. Right. Yeah. And it's really, it really is kind of a human nature thing when you don't, you, every once in a while, I don't know how you get your head there. Yeah. But every once in a while, you got to kind of take stock. Yeah.

And be like, all right, what am I really up to? Yes. We're all flawed. Yeah. You always have something going on. It doesn't have to be something really even like that devilish. It's not like nefarious, but it's just, there's all. Something.

Yeah. There's always that. Always. When the new iPhone updated and started telling you your weekly report. Uh-huh. Do you have this engaged on your? your phone? I do. Yeah. I'm really good at ignoring it. That's a sobering moment. It's so weird. It's the only thing on my phone I don't spend time on. Yes. Everything else. There's always that like,

ooh, I get a text notification on Sunday or whatever it is. And I go, oh, oh, well, I should get better at that. Ignore. And then you're like, oh, I'm down 20% this week. Good for me. Yeah. Yeah. Eight hours to six hour. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have, are you a look at the phone as soon as you wake up guy? Yeah. Because I want to like know it's always check Twitter, check Instagram, see what's going

on on in the news. Because I'm like, I'm obsessed with the pop culture stuff because I feel like it's my job. So I have to know what's going on. And I never, I saw this one time where I always want to be aware of what's going on in the news because there's a comedian who's a mutual friend of ours who I guess he didn't check Twitter and there was like a horrific mass shooting and then while that's going on

you see his tweet of like hey everybody these are my shows coming up come see me in the and part of one of the cities was the city and he's like I'm coming to you know Sandy Hook or whatever the heck and it's like no I like text him like Delete that tweet right now.

That's brutal. I always want to be kind of just aware. Enough. Like, you know how you take the temperature of the room? Like, take the temperature of the country. Yeah, I know. Or Twitter of the moment. Yeah, I mean, I go through periods,

especially when my kids were little. We didn't have, like, the news on. Yeah. We didn't have, like, the CNN constant drumbeat of bad news. Right. And it was good. It was healthy for it. us. Yeah, you're like, well, I got to get my bad news somewhere. Oh, hey, Twitter.

Well, that's the thing. It was like, and then I'll be, I'm like, I'm not going to engage. I don't need to be updated all the time. But there is a thing of feeling a little out of the loop. Yeah. I do that. Yeah. I just want to know what's going on. My wife does not. And then, but she doesn't at all. No, she's not, she's not even on it. Not even on it. Yeah. So is her, is she just happier? yeah she's less the world is coming to an end yeah she'll come to me like two weeks after something happened and she'll be like did you know and i'll be like yes i've gone through the nine stages of grief while all all already remember last thursday when i was in a really bad that was that that's why she's like so you don't come in with the reports and uh i've tried and then because part of me i want to converse with my wife and then yeah part of me I want to run bits like I like I want to like hey is this a thing I can find a joke about and then it's some sometimes she lets me go and then sometimes it's just like no let's get the kid to

school like that's the most important thing it is hard to like when you're in a relationship to be synced up of how much you're going to be in or out of the news like I'll be on the downside of like no I'm just not engaging I'm not looking I'm going to give myself a mental break yeah and then my wife walks into my office, did you hear? You're like, oh no. Wolf blitzers, but. Yeah. And the thing is, it's never good. It's never like, no.

Did you hear? All the debt's been paid off. We're good. There's peace on earth. Oh, my God. You know, that thing that's going on in the Middle East? They're like, you know, what are we doing? And we just, and we just hashed it out.

That's never going to be the answer. No. Did you hear what happened with so-and-so? They donated a ton of money to charity. Like, it's never that. But there has to be a way that future generations will learn to manage this. Because we're the first generations that are being inundated with horrible news, 24 hours of debt. I mean, it's no other but no other generation had to.

You got your news in a little, in a little burst. It was five o'clock. You turned on the news. You're like, wow, that's bad. Or maybe in the newspaper in the morning. Yeah. And as a kid living in that house. You didn't have to, you didn't, you just walked through and the dad's watching that.

And then you walked to the other room. Yeah. We had decades of not knowing anything. Yeah. Which was healthy. Very good. Very good. So how do you think people are going to figure out a way to manage it?

I think the needle is going to, like the pendulum overcorrects. Like we were born without this thing. Yeah. We got this thing. Yeah. And now we're like, ah, this is. thing. But even though we recognize it's bad.

Yeah. But the next generation, our kids, they will have known from day one. Oh, this is a bad thing. This is bad. So hopefully they look at it from day one the same way, you know, like other things are taught as being bad. Like in school, hopefully they're saying, hey, don't spend so much time on the phone. It's, it's, it's unhealthy for you.

I hope. I have 18 and 21 year olds. Okay. And I was talking to 18 the other day, and I said, I know you don't have any New Year's resolutions, but I would say one should be less phone time. Yeah. For all of us. Yeah.

Because we're never aware of how much we're really on it. Yeah. It could always be less is probably better for whatever level you're at. Yeah. And she got real defensive and it was like, I'm only on it for this and I'm only on it for that. And I was like, and she was protesting so much. that I was like, yeah, this looks like I'm right. My point being, she's very aware of what it does and the toxicity of it.

But you're still on TikTok. That thing is still drawing you in with makeup videos and dog videos and other things and then the other stuff seeps around it. Yeah, I don't know if we're, I guess my point is I don't know if even being aware of it, even the next generation, if you're, if we're ever going to be stronger than it. Yeah, so I'm one of the last comedians. I'm not on it. I'm not on TikTok.

I don't have a profile. You don't. If you see a clip from me, it's not from me. It's somebody else, which is great. Advertise my shit, fine. But people will do this thing where I go, oh, I'm not on TikTok, and they'll respond like, oh, my God, you have to get on TikTok. And I'm like, why?

And they go, well, I mean, I open up my phone. I open up TikTok, and then all of a sudden I look up in three hours has just gone by. I'm like, that's a horrible way to describe this. What kind of ad is that? Yeah, this is not an advertisement that makes you want to do this. It's the same reason I've never done cocaine. I'm worried I'm going to like it. Yeah.

And then I'll not, and now I'm a cocaine guy or now I'm a TikTok guy. I know. I know a lot of people get their news from TikTok. Yeah. And to me that sounds bad just because it's like, Like, oh, news organizations with journalists and libel laws and all that, fuck them. We're going to Fred. Fred knows what's up.

Yeah. Fred, Fred, he's tuned in. And then he knows what's really happening. And people are making blanket statements about certain things. And you just have to accept it as truth because you'll be watching a TikTok video and say, like, well, we all know chocolate kills you. You're like, wait, what?

Like, we do? I miss that announcement. I'm using that because it's kind of a neutral announcement, you know, but like... But no, it's funny, like my daughter's generation, they all of a sudden all got spooked by tsunamis

at the same time. And then they all got spooked by restless leg at the same time. Oh. And then they all got spooked by, because it was trending. And now they're all spooked by Stanley Cups. Stanley Cups. Oh my God.

People are going to war. Oh, I felt so good about it. I knew more about the Stanley Cups thing than my daughters did. Oh, I felt so old because everyone just kept saying Stanley Cup. I'm like, hey, we're finally getting into hockey. All right. We're all doing it. Hey, how about those Oilers?

You know, and everyone's like, no, no, no, the Stanley Cup. I'm like, that's what I'm talking about. Well, this is why you should be on TikTok because you never know what's going to pop and how something's going to explode. You never know. I'm really popular. A cup. A freaking cup.

Yeah. You heard the origin story of it, right? I don't know the origin story. I don't know the origin story. You don't know the smoldering car? I know the origin story of Batman. That's about it. I don't know the origin story.

There was a car and it was on fire. Okay. And the girl recorded her car just melted and smolded. Yeah. And the only thing that survived in the cup holder was the Stanley Cup. and the ice inside of it had not melted. Oh, wow. So this is this great story.

Everyone's like, oh, man. And we got into it and became popular. Everyone's like, I'm probably going to be in a smoldering car. And at that point, I might want a cold beverage. If I come in, I see my car is decimated. If I'm dying in an inferno, I want my last sip. Yeah, I want a frosty beverage. Go Stanley Cup.

Yeah, now I've seen that story where the, um, where the Alaska Airlines flight, where the door flew off. The Boeing 737 max 9. Yes. And now... I say it over and over again, Brad, because when you're booking your flights, look at the details. And don't get on the Boeing 737 max 9.

Book another flight. Fun in New York on Sunday. Hopefully it's not on that. But then apparently some iPhone was sucked out, and then they found the iPhone. Still working. Really? Fell from 30,000 feet or whatever it was. Still working.

By the way, screen not cracked. What the fuck are we doing to our screens, Tom? You know, I jump out of my car. I say jump because I have an SUV. So I have to jump out of my car. Right. And I jump out of my car and my iPhone screen is cracked. This thing falls from half a mile.

Amazing. It's good. Probably. landed on a bird's nest. Yeah. Only if it could have been recording. Oh my God. It would have been sweet.

Yeah, it's like that one video where some dog got a GoPro and just started running around with it. It's great. I watched that video. That video puts me to sleep. That's a happy video. So you're not on TikTok but Instagram. Obsessed with Instagram. Obsessed with Twitter.

Yeah. Not so much Facebook. I haven't seen a Twitter feed in six years. Good for you. So you're probably happier. That's my TikTok for you. Oh, back to what we were saying about they don't have an addiction.

Yeah, like, I'm not into Twitter. But Instagram. Instagram. Yeah. I'm all about it. Do you ever try to fool your own algorithm? What do you mean?

Because when you go to like something? Yeah, because when you go to the search pages, most of mine are interviews with pro wrestlers, pro athletes, you know, sports clips. Yeah. And, and,

in a bunch of tits. Just a mountain of tits. And sometimes I, I look at the screen, I'm like, that's,

that's too much tit. And then I try to fool it. If my wife picks up this phone, I got to put it to me. Yeah. So I'm like, let's search Neil deGrasse Tyson. And just,

let's search other great, great thinkers of our time. It works quickly. Yeah. And then it goes, oh, you like Malcolm Gladwell? Here's 20,000 Malcolm Gladwell.

Well videos. You hear that phone? Malcolm Gladwell. And then no tits. No tits. Oh, crap. I said tits. But, yeah, that's going to be, yeah, so sometimes I try to fool my algorithm.

Yeah, I do that too. Or if you ever, if you ever, this happens on YouTube also, if you ever hate click on something. Oh. Something you don't like. Don't do that. And then they start feeding you it. Yeah. A comedian or a rock star, something.

Yeah. And then all of a sudden. and they think you're into whatever. I like that your first hate click was a comedian. Yeah, some horrible comic. You're like, what is he doing? Of course. We're just watching some successful,

richer than us comic going, what the hell? What are you got that I don't got? This guy doing. Yeah. Why are people listening to this? Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot of my hate clicks too.

Are you getting good response off of your special? Yeah, so far so good. The new special is Starfish. It's streaming on VEPS, VEPS, which for a lot of people is a brand new thing. You don't have to subscribe. That's the thing. People go like, oh, I don't want to subscribe. I'm already on Paramount Plus and Peacock.

You know, I wasn't on Peacock, but an NFL playoff game is on there. So, crap, now I'm on Peacock. So you don't have to subscribe. You go there. There's a bunch of concerts by, like, you know, really cool bands. Because this was Live Nation's new streaming service. Yes. And they started with music.

Yeah, so it's like... And now they've comedy. Yes, they got like Alicia Keys and Imagine Dragons and like Billy Idol. Like there's some really great concerts. I've watched a couple of them. Yeah. And now they're starting to do comedy specials. So they got like me, David Cross, Catherine Ryan, Reggie Watts.

Nice. So, yeah, it's a good lineup. And the people that have watched it like it. One thing that is cool about this is as you watch it, there's like a forever chat going on. from people that have watched it so you can go back and see what people have said. Good or bad?

Oh, really? That might be... Is that an option or that just comes up? I don't know if that's an option when I watched it. I did a watch along. So I had people watching with me. Whoa.

Which was very fun. Was it fun? Yeah, it was very fun. Was it nerve-wracking going into it? Very nerve-wracking because I'm like, you know, my cue rating isn't 100%. Yeah. There might be someone that goes like,

Oh, Brad's going to be on this chat. This is finally my time to tell him to fuck off and stop doing dwarf jokes, hack. You know, like, I get it. So I was a little nervous about it. I don't think that doing dwarf jokes could ever be hack until there's an army of dwarf comics. That's the thing. It's like, it's your turf. Whenever I hear people say that, like, and it's probably the number one criticism of me.

Oh, please. Which is like you do, you know, you talk about being a dwarf. and that's your act. It's like, well, it's not the full thing, but, well, yeah, I'm going to talk about it. Yeah. No one else is doing it. Like, oh, man. I know when you go on Netflix, every week, it's another dwarf comedian.

Oh, there's just so many dwarf comedians. So many. I get it. You're small. Yeah. There's three, okay? There's me. There's Tanya Lee Davis and there's Nick Novicki.

And I'm sure. I'm sure one is mad at me right now. But, like, There's other coming up, but there's three, okay? We're allowed to have three. You can do it to the day you die. That, and it's like, I don't know what life is like as a six-foot-two man. I don't know how to write jokes from that perspective.

Hey, have you ever walked into a room and just had nobody notice you? Nope. It's like John Panette. Yeah. Are you supposed to not talk about eating at a buffet? Yes. Is that hacky? That's what he did.

That's ridiculous. Are all my jokes about that? Absolutely not. I have a, the joke I'm the most proud of in this Veepe special, it's called Starfish, is a joke I did about the Bud Light controversy. And I'm most proud of that because A, nothing to do with dwarfism. And then B, man, did I have to fine tune that bit? Yeah, tricky.

Man, did I? There was, and this is why they say don't record during the show. When I was figuring that bit out There were some clips of me Trial and Air that I don't want other people to see Of course There is one line I even had That I said it

And the laugh I got It was a laugh It was a strong laugh Wasn't the laugh I wanted For the wrong reason Yeah Have you ever had a joke Oh yeah

Where like you say something You're just like Oh that's tapping into something I don't want to tap into Exactly You're like, they're laughing for the wrong reason. It's amazing that you can hear it. You literally can hear the, there's like a, what's the right word?

There's a purpose or like a nastiness to it. For me, there was, it's not just a joyful laugh. Yes, for me when I said it and the audience laughed, the laugh came with a tinge, a dusting. Yeah. A salt bay of anger and just a finally, finally. And I'm like, no, I don't want to be that dude. So I try.

I want people to watch my show and at the end of it go, I don't know how he votes. Right. It was funny. Yeah. I enjoyed myself. I have no idea how he leans. And that's fine. Because I don't know how I lean.

Right. You give me an issue, I might lean a certain way or another issue. I lean a different way. I had a joke about the president. Mm-hmm. And it was so interesting. I never really do it. Do jokes about politics or politicians.

Yeah. But it was in the moment. It was just kind of related to something else. Yeah. And I would say something about Biden, and I'd get the laugh sometimes that you didn't want to get. And they were like, yeah, let's go. Yeah, you're like, it's time. And then the next line is a compliment to him for doing the best he can

and getting us out of the trouble that we were in. Yeah. And then those guys are like, what, what? And then the other side starts laughing with intent. And it became this, it was, it was kind of fun to do just to see those reactions. And just see it switch. And kind of where you are. Yeah.

Like people go, he's our guy. He's not our guy. He is our guy. Like, in the course of two minutes. Yeah. They were like, oh, finally. Yeah. So I ended up just dropping it because of timeliness,

but also, truth be told, because it was like, ugh, I don't like either of these reactions, really. Yeah. Yeah, I try to just go by what's funny. And I think if you watch the new special and you see the Bud Light bit, you'll see it, you'll laugh at it. And my goal is that hopefully, no matter what side of whatever that you're on, you go, yeah, you go, yeah,

he's our guy. Right. Like on both sides. Yeah. That's the absolute goal where you, where you have no idea and no matter what you just have fun with it. And your material, whatever side they're on. Yeah.

Which, by the way, should not be the thing that identifies us and the audience at all. No. It's not, they usually, it wasn't forever. You don't lead with your party. You lead with where you live, what you are. Yeah. You know, that kind of thing. Get started on your resolutions with Factor.

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Yeah. And I'm half. Yeah. This is a great joke. Thank you. And, but talk to me because when you talk about Chinese food, do you know more about what really good Chinese food is than I do now? I don't know your level.

I was your level before you got married, I would say. Yes, my level being like, Penn Express, good stuff, right? That's their sponsor. General Charles chicken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, I have a little bit more so much so that. I went to Calgary, Alberta, Canada, the haven of Chinese food. No.

But I took a great comic named Tom Tran, and he has a lot of family out there, and they were all taking me out to some authentic food, and I knew a lot of it. And I had had it already. So I was very proud of myself. Nice. Like what? Can you...

Okay, so the main one, and I talk about this in the special, this is my favorite thing in the world, and I'll probably pronounce it wrong, so I apologize in advance. Okay. Shaolin Bao, which is a dumpling that is filled with hot soup. Ooh. And it is so goddamn good.

Really? This is the best thing. When you pop it, does all the soup come out? So there's two ways. You can just eat the whole thing and just have that flavor, explosion or what you can do, and I do this sometimes, poke a little hole in it, and then you suck out the soup, and then you eat the dumpling. I hope that you were taught this, and this wasn't just your white guy attempted.

No, I was taught this. I was taught this. What is he doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not supposed to do that? Yeah, it's like the movie K-Pax where he starts eating the banana in the peel. Yeah, reference Kevin Spacey. That'll get you good on the Q-Based.

rating Brad. Anyway, moving on. But yes. So I probably have a little bit more, but some of the stuff I don't remember the name of, but I can see a picture of it and go, that's good. Right. Like, oh, so, have you? Savory pancakes, like, but they're not like buttermilk pancakes.

They're like chive, very thin pancakes. Soak them in, like, oyster sauce. Fuck out of here, Tom. It's so good. Does your wife cook it? She cooks everything. But yeah, yeah, it's funny. She doesn't really go too much.

She doesn't cook too much Chinese food, but we just know the good spots to go, or she knows the good spots to go. General rule of thumb, and I think this is for every sort of ethnicity, every culture type of food. You have to see people of that culture eating there. Right. And hopefully cooking it in the back. But, yeah.

You know, every culture. Yeah, you just want to see. see, like, if I'm going to get Ethiopian food, I don't want, I, I don't want Chad. I want the guy from Chad. So, you know, I want that guy there eating the food. Yeah. You know, so, yeah, so that's just the general rule of thumb. But, man, like, in the last few years, I've been married six years, known my wife for eight.

Yeah, really on an app. Oh, yeah? Yeah, that's, we met on an app that's designed. for people trying to have three ways. What? And we got our clip, everybody. Yeah, yeah. I was too.

It's an app just for three ways. It's an app for alternative lifestyle type relationships. So is that mostly couples looking for a third or three individuals looking to just randomly all the above? Yeah, yeah. Maybe you can think of time. Yeah, whatever you got that, you know, they got. I was on there because at the time I was doing a radio show and we were doing a bit because I didn't know anyone in the city of San Francisco and where I was doing the radio show.

So we were doing a bit where I would go on dating apps to find friends, which now is a thing. People go on, there's a, Bumble has like a friend mode where it's like, I just want to go on a coffee date with someone and talk, Sports Bumble. Like, they got that now. But I was, I was way ahead of this curve. So I was on there just trying to, we were doing this bit and a, and a listener called in and said, you should try this app. Now the app is called Field, F-E-E-E-L-D.

And my wife was on there because, as she described, a guy just broke her heart and she was getting some revenge. And I'm like, oh, wow. Great. Good for you. I was revenge. You were the revenge. Yeah.

Revenge. this is what revenge looks like. So yeah, that's why we were on there and then we matched and I don't know, you'll probably be obligated to say this because no doubt your wife watches every one of these. Yes, she does. But we both, on the very first date,

we both had the same feeling, which was, oh, crap, we were on this date for a good time and now this is something. Chemistry. Yeah. Right away. Damn it. Like, and we were both,

we were both literally upset about it. Yeah. Because we're like, this is, no. Like, it's almost one of those scenes where, like,

you see the Grim Reaper coming from someone. They're like, it's not my time yet. Like, that's what, that's what we were both having the same feeling of like,

I thought I had a few more years of being single and out there and doing my thing. And then nope. It's kind of her ultimate revenge, though, isn't it? I always thought to myself,

just imagine. Like, I'm a revenge lay. Yeah. That's, how bad was that guy? How bad was that previous dude? I think it's great. In bed.

I think it's great because usually the revenge is just all inhibitions out the window. Yeah. You're going for what you just, you just total freedom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Go for a blast. That's amazing. Yeah. Well, because for a while, I had a little bit of the good luck Chuck syndrome,

uh, referenced this. cinematic classic where women would be with me and then the next dude would be the husband. Yeah, I had an impressive list, like over 10 of women that were just like, yeah, you, and then the next guy, boom. So I was like the last get out of wild and then they settled down. So that's what I figured would happen in this case. Did you have anything, any interactions on that app? before your wife? No.

That was the first one. First one. Oh. And she tells me that I was the first one. The first one is well. Yeah, that's what she tells you. I don't know. I don't care.

It's fine. And that's still an app that people still. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, there's people. I don't know if you're, you do meet and greets at the shows. Yeah, I signed my books at the end of the show. Yeah.

Oh, you get it. Your book. I get it. You're very successful, Tom. Well, I write a lot. I get people coming. up like three people will come up and I'll be like oh who's the third wheel on the date they go none of us we're a thruple I'm just like that's a thing yeah that's a thing and then there's

even a term for four it's called it's called a quad really yeah you know what these kids it might be a thing yeah I'm gonna say and I know this is general oh you're gonna think I'm right you're gonna piss off the thruple community and there's a thing but it's not for long So you don't see it as a Hugh Hefner, you have a harem. I don't think it's a lot of happy endings. I mean, it might be. Well, of the traditional sense. It's happy endings, but not the happy ending.

Yeah, I just don't. It's people are complicated. Yeah. It's hard enough with one. Yeah, envy and all these things. And you start to age and all this kind of stuff. Yeah. I mean, God bless you, if you can, pull it off, and it's what you're into.

But I would say the numbers or the odds are, probably against. Yes. Don't you think? I would think or else we'd all be doing it. It's that... Great point. It wouldn't be an oddity.

Yeah. It's that thing of like... Now, don't get me wrong. My wife and I like watching cult documentaries. And it seems like every cult documentary, the leader has this thought of like, hey, me and all of you, but all serving me. When you watch these cult documentaries, don't you come away every day? time thinking how easy is it to start a cult?

Every time. Right? Every time I go, oh, it's not that hard. That and when the people doing it are like bat shit insane, you're like, and you pulled it off? Yeah. Well, there's so many times where I go, damn my morals. Like, oh my God, I watch every gangster movie and I'm like, I could do that if not for the stupid guilt. Yeah, you know

I always translate it back to stand up And it's like Well, they got all these people Like, why can I do that with my How do I do with my fans? Yeah Whenever I hear of like They cheated millions of dollars out of people

It's like, what mailing list did they develop? And what can I, how can I develop that list? How can I sell out arenas? I talked to hundreds, sometimes thousands of people In a weekend. Like, why don't we just tell everyone to give me 10 bucks. Yeah, right.

On top of the money, they already gave me to be there. And then all of a sudden... It's fascinating, you know? What is it in the people that makes them amenable to it? Like, show up to this guy Don. Yeah. One of the things I've noticed about watching on the cult documentaries is that every... No leader of the cult says, I might be wrong.

Mm-hmm. Certainty. Certainty. Right. It's absolute certainty. It is, I am, I got the answer. Right. This is the way.

There's no way I'm wrong. I've done the research. I'm correct. And someone goes, but this thing happened and that doesn't line up with your, don't care. I'm right. I'm the one. Yes. That's one thing I see in every cult leader is the absolute certainty that they are correct.

And that is one of the reasons I am not a caller. I know, neither. Because I, because almost everything I say, I go, maybe. Dude, comics, young comics will ask me for advice.

Yeah. And, and, and, and, and, and, and,

and, and, how long is it? 20. Nice. 20 years. So they, they,

they go like, oh, you've been 20 years. You know, you're successful, whatever. What's some advice? And I always do the same thing.

I always tell them, my advice, and then at the end of it, I go, but I would have told Stephen Wright to hurry it the fuck up. So, what do I know? Yeah. I would have told Mitch Hedberg, be more autobiographical. Like, I would have said that. Yeah.

So. But if you were the cult leader, even despite Stephen's success, you would still think, he did fine, but he would have been a little bit better. But he would have been better. He did okay. he's a legend, but did he ever play Madison Square Garden? He would have if he would have just listened to me. So, yeah, that's why I'm not a cult.

I mean, of many reasons, I'm not a cult leader, but I think the main one is that I know I'm wrong all the time. Yeah. Every time I read something and go, ha, that, yeah. And then I go out and tell people, yeah. And then I get all the messages to go, no. Oh, damn it. Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, I have that sometimes. It's the last person you spoke to syndrome. It's like, this is the guy we have to vote for. Yeah, I see what you're saying. Thousand percent. And then you walk over and no, this is the guy. We go, oh, yeah, yeah, great point. A thousand percent.

But that also means that you're open, you have an open mind. Yeah. That's why you're creative also. Because I see, you know, I always wonder, my dad would say this all the time. and I think it's a good piece of advice for the world. And that is, remember that your normal is not someone else's normal. And so when someone comes at you and they got an opinion that's different than yours, they didn't arrive at that opinion specifically to be malicious towards you.

They arrived at it through culture, through parents, through friends, through media influences, through various other things that got them to that point. So, responding by, well, fuck you,

you're an idiot. And my wife has this great phrase that she learned from her uncle, which is an asshole never thanks you for calling them an asshole. And I love that too, because you've never been like, hey, you're fucking moron.

And the other person goes, ah, you're right. You got a point. Unless you say it's us Yeah Yeah And which gets on to be like Yeah you're probably right

Yeah I see what you're saying So yeah So it's like I always try to No matter what perspective you got I try to go like Okay now why is that

And why did you get there And it's like I try to watch Marvel movies And go okay Why is the villain doing this And with And with Thanos or whatever The snap

And get half the pot I'm like I get it it. I get it. Not saying I would do it. Just saying, I get it. Sometimes I'm driving around this city going,

this would be a whole lot better if like six million people moved away. Yeah, they never think they're doing a bad thing. No. It's doing the right thing. Yeah. It's always that. So I always try to think like, okay, why do they have this? Yeah.

And I try to write, when I'm writing jokes, I try to think, okay. Someone who disagrees with this. Yeah. Why? Yeah. And then I try to answer that in the joke. Right, right. So to be, just so you, I think the greatest example of that personally was the,

was the Jim Jeffrey's gun bit. Because the Jim Jeffrey's gun bit was just like he went through everything and said, okay, I know certain people disagree with me. You're saying this right now. Right. Well, and then he would answer that. Now is it completely infallible? Probably not.

But he did a good job. Yeah, right, exactly. Yeah, you say the thing that they're going to look up as the opposition. Did you get along with your dad? Immensely. Yeah. Is he still around? He is not.

We lost him two years ago. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But here's one thing I say to when people go, like, oh, that really stinks. I go, yeah, it does. It hurts. Two things, though. One, if you're, if someone close to you passes away and you feel pain,

that is a reminder that that person was good and, and how lucky you were to have them in your life. And what a positive, what a positive influence they had on you. If my dad passed away and I feel nothing. Yeah. Oh, that's a bad. Yeah, that's a bad childhood. So I was very lucky and also very lucky in that.

My dad saw both of his kids get married. Both of his kids have kids. Both of his kids buy homes. My sister is a partner in a very large accounting firm. She's doing all right. You saw his son have multiple comedy specials. And my, no matter how good this new special is, Starfish, that you can now get on Veeps, the special daddy issues to me will always be my favorite.

That was my second one. And the reason why is because on stage, he was in the audience. I got to tell him everything. Yeah. And there is a moment where I'm doing the bit in the end about him getting skin cancer and then beating skin cancer where it didn't look like he was. And I knew my dad was in the audience. And I kept saying, don't look at him.

Don't do not look at him. But then I looked at him. and I started crying and then I stopped my act and I just started talking to him and essentially telling him all the things I wanted to tell him. Oh, man. And I'm so glad I had that moment. Wow.

I'm thankful. I can't watch it again. Did you keep that part in? Yeah. That part's in there. And then the camera... And you aren't planning that. No.

It just came out. Just came out. Whoa. And that special is streaming on Amazon Prime if you want to watch that. How did you? Are we able to... And we only had one take. this wasn't a two-show night.

Right. Because this was back before. Now I could sell some tickets. And for the special Starfish on Veeps, we had two shows where we could mix and match. But this was like we had one shot. I barely got this theater full. So it was like, but to me that moment was way more important

than anything I could do in a special. Man, it's so crazy because you, you plan for your special and you have all your jokes and you know the roadmap and by the time you're shooting, it's pretty locked in and you know what's up. Yeah. And then to surprise even yourself and have something else into the room.

Always something else. And the cameraman, I wish I knew his or her name, but they got a shot of him, like raising a fist in the air going like, yeah. Whoa. And I'm just like, that's it. That's it. That's it.

That's amazing. You know what I mean? Oh, how did you get through it? I'm trying not to cry right now. Yeah. It's kind of hard for me right now. But yeah, it's one of those things where I just kept, it's sober.

Like, you have that moment and it's definitely, you could see that I'm welling up. Yeah. But then at the same time, there's 1,200 people in a room and a jib where I go, ah, okay. Right, right. Job. Do the job.

Yeah, it was tough. In a way, it's like, in a way, do you think it was, it would have been more difficult to just say that across the kitchen table? Way more difficult. Right. Because I know who my dad was and he was, he was one of those old school dads would be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, like, don't make, don't make me cry.

Yeah, like, I remember the last time I said, I love you to him, I said, I love you. And this is when he was sick. And I said, I love you. And he goes right back at you, pal. Like, you can't say the words back. Yeah, yeah. Which I don't blame him. I'm not bitter.

But like, it's just like that's what we was. So I need a stage to where I can just say it. Yeah. And he has to listen. Yes. So that's, that's why it had to happen there and it had to happen that way. Right. Yeah.

So if you watch that special, that speech is improvised. That's amazing. And it's completely in the moment. That's amazing. Yeah. So did it, uh, did his, your daughter is now five? She'll be turning four as of this recording in a week. and a half. Okay. So four.

So he passed when she was two. Yep. Did it have a shift for you or you probably had it already kind of locked in, but what? You being a dad. Oh. I already, like

I always wanted to be a dad. I think I'd be I thought I'd be good at it. A, I had a great father that could work as a roadmap both for what to do, but also a few things that would change. Sure. But I think we're like that with all our parents, no matter how much we love them.

But yes, it was definitely like, yeah, I wanted to have a kid, and I was so happy that, like, I have a framed photo of them in a, it's in the same bed sleeping, and it's great. It's great. Yeah. You like being a dad? Love it. Yeah. I love it because we talk about the phone and the distractions and everything. Man, nothing makes you realize what's truly important.

Like, do I care what Aaron Rogers and Jimmy Kimmel are saying about each other? Maybe before, I may have. I don't give a shit. I don't care. I know. Did it affect my kid? Yeah. No?

Fine. I know. That's it. Like, that's, all, all I care about is stuff that affects her. I care more about that punk that's in her class that's, that's saying some shit. And, and their parent is doing the whole, like, oh, kids. And I'm like, no, I'm going to choke slam your kid. Like, I'm going to take your kid into a McDonald's play place because I'm still allowed in there.

I'm going to wreck your kid. If there's ever a school bounce house, I'm hopping in there with your kid. I'm going to double bounce the fuck out of your little brain. at. Yeah, I'm more worried about that. And so it's that perspective. It's that living outside yourself. And when I'm on the road, I don't have a reason to get off the phone or stop playing

the game or stop watching Sports Center for the 20th time until the show hits. Right. But when I'm home, I have a reason. Yeah. I have a reason to put that down. Yeah. You're not even turning it on. Yeah.

Yeah. Are you doing the dad flight? home? Or to the dad flights, just so I know. The dad flight is first flight out, even if you perform late Saturday, you're taking the 6 a.m. I tried. I was doing that anyway. Yeah.

When I was not a dad, I was always getting first flight home because I wanted to get home. Yeah. But now I'm realizing that if I do that, especially if I do the two shows on Saturday night, and I get literally two hours of sleep or less. I'm not dead when I get home I'm so wrecked I immediately just go up to the room and sleep anyway whereas if I take the 10 a.m. or the 11 a.m. or whatever

yeah I get home. Give yourself a shot. Yeah, I can give myself a shot of like coming home being like, cool. I can help. I can do stuff. I can be engaged. So that's me personally.

It's funny because I was always the dad flight home. And I would I wouldn't really crash until the next day. Oh, wow. I would enter the house and be able to go, but it was the next day that would kind of kill me. But anyway, that was just my routine. I just got into it.

I got obsessed with and just kept doing it. And now that my kids are older and they're at school, it's so funny to be, I still do it. You still do the dad flight? I still do the dad flight. Why? I don't know the idea of getting up. I don't need to have breakfast here.

I'm done. My shows are done. We spent it some time together. There's, I don't need an omelet in Baltimore. It's just, I get, the most depressing thought for me is when I'm on stage, the second show has not started yet. And I look at my clock and I go, if I went to sleep right now, I still would not get the right amount of sleep.

I know. And I still have to do another show and another meet and greet. and then come down and then get to the room and then settle up and the whole thing. And it's just like that thought was so depressing for me. That was just like, give me the new flight. I don't care. Now, and it used to be like, well, you want to sleep on the plane. Now it's like I got downloadable apps.

I got live TV. I'm good. I can be awake on a plane. When you said games, if you're not putting it, down the game. What games do you play? Oh my god. There's a couple. Are these mobile games? Yeah, these mobile games. Like, Toy Blast. That's a good one.

It's a good mind. Write that down, Jelly. Toy Blast. We're going on tour this weekend. One game called like 1-010 or something like that. It's just, it's basically like a version. It's basically Tetris. But yeah, I'm just obsessed. It sucks. It's You want to talk about Sobering thoughts Yeah

Is when Your your kid It is like Like Because my daughter I've been on the couch And I've been playing one of these games And then

My daughter will like Look at my wife And be like Daddy's busy I'll be like Mm But I'm not Not really

I'm not I'm pretending to work I can't Tell her that I've I can't hang out with her because I got to shoot a zombie that doesn't exist. Like, I can't do that. So that I put, that's the moment where I go, okay, and I put the phone down. Yeah.

And then I go and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, which is great. It's amazing. It's so much better once they, once they, once they become people. That's how I felt. I felt. I felt the same way when I was, yeah. I was, like, this is cute. I mean, you love every stage, of course. Yeah.

But I knew I was going to hit my sweet spot when we could sit in a diner together. Oh, and just go over some stuff. Which happens when they're really little. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your daughter's age. Yeah. But just that thing of, like, being able to sit there, I knew that was going to be hilarious. Yeah.

And just now her face lights up when you say something like, yeah, and we can go get ice cream. And she goes, and you're just like, oh, I want to be around people that faces light up when you say, ice cream. It's so much better. I know. Oh, around so great. Around so many other people, you have to come up with a plan for peace and meeting and how are we going to improve performance on the fourth quarter.

And then with a kid, you're just like ice cream. They're like, you're the best. You're the best. Oh. It's so sweet. So is she going to preschool? Yeah. She's going pre-school?

Is that, so that's, is that new? Yes, relatively. But what's cool is the preschool is walking distance from my house. Oh, that's beautiful. So I can walk her. The problem is that a, I need to write a joke about this, a safety precaution of the preschool works against me. So they have like a ton of gates where the locks are real high.

Oh, no. So some, like, because one time, my wife was just so tired. I'm like, hey, I'll walk her to school. No problem. I got her. You know, you rest. So I'm walking. The first gate was open.

So I'm like, sweet. And then I ain't get in there. And then that one shut. And then the next one was high. And I'm like, oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah. It's the Star Wars scene where they're in the trash compactor.

I'm just like, oh, no. I got kids on one side, kids on the other. So, yeah, I did a call for help or whatever. It's funny. But yeah, yeah, so that's a security system for the kids, but it ends up being a, that is a funny joke. It also keeps Brad out. I had that the first time with the- That's so funny.

I'm sorry to jump it, but- Yeah, no, jump in. That is kind of funny of area for a joke of you going to the school and saying, you know, I understand what you want to keep bad people out and, you know, so it's up high, but I can't reach it. And they're like, we know. Right. why do you think we installed the locks? We saw your special. Exactly.

We saw the Bud Light bit. You're quite problematic. They got me. Ah! Yeah, it is a moment like that where stuff like that. How much of life is obstacles like that? Oh, man. So there's obstacles I even realize, like, okay, the gate thing, that's something that was new.

Yeah. Right. I never thought of before. Yeah, I'm 40, and I just got to that part where I'm like, oh. But like the things that people don't think about is like, okay, so when you check into a hotel room, the shower, if it's going like up, I'm fucked. Right. Because I'm just like, oh, man, like the top of my head just like, I like climbed the back wall and just, oh, okay, got some. So I've developed, like, when, I don't know how much.

how much you've thought, like, how you're going to die. I know I'm going to die by climbing up on a bathtub and trying to adjust the showerhead to aim down. That's how I'm dying. I'm going to be up there and be reaching all of a sudden. That the maid didn't do the last wipe down. There will be a little puddle that I didn't see. And then, whoa.

And then just like, Brad Williams found. dead in a bathtub. It happens that often. Yeah. Yeah. Almost all the time. I'm too damn proud to call down to the front desk and be like, can you change the shower head?

Right. You just, because it's so dehumanizing and demasculating when the guy just walks in and goes, right? Is that all? Yeah. Yeah. But you, you know, so you take it that you're the king. Yes, thank you.

And while you're here. Because sometimes the front desk will put me in one of the handicapped hotel rooms. And they do it because they see me and they're like, hey, I'm just getting a handicapped. Yeah, and then I get really insulted. But then I walk in there and go, this is nice though. I'll tell you, I have the same thing for some reason. My app for Marriott.

Yeah. I can't get it changed for some reason. So they think I want the handicapped. have accessible room. And at first I was like, oh, come on. Yeah. And you know what? I don't mind to handle in the shower.

It's nice. I don't mind having everything kind of low. It's nice. I'm like, this is sweet. This is pretty great. All the rooms like this. You walk into the shower. There's no ledge that you can trip on.

I know. None of that. I know. It's good. The shower head's adjustable. You can be like, I want to wash my ass. Boom. Yeah.

All the help we can get. Oh. And yeah, a little bar to hold. hold on to, hey man, we're getting older, bending over, dropping the soap. I don't know about you. See, clearly. There's a, at the comedy seller, I don't know when the last time you were there, but at the Village Underground, they have a, there's like a pretty precarious little step off the

corner of the stage to go down. Yeah. And it's dark and it's black steps. And because Keith Robinson had a stroke, yeah. They put a little handle there, like almost like a little railing. Right. literally just so Keith can get offstage easily. Yeah.

I think I'm more grateful than he is. Because with my glasses, I can't see like steps right below. Right. It would dark. Yeah. I'm like, you need to find it. Yeah. I love that.

Oh, sometimes stuff like that happens. Like, you want to be mad. You're like, this makes it so much. It's so convenient. It's so great. So, yeah, I'll be there next week. So I will. I will look for the Keith Roberts and the handle.

Yeah. And then I will probably use it. So are you in the gathering up new material thing, or you shot this a bit ago? So I shot it in July. Oh, okay. And then, as you know, once you shoot a special, you're like, that's when the work begins. Yeah. Because now you're like, oh, I need, because you don't want to tour with stuff that you just saw.

Right. So, yeah, it was a bunch of throwing shit at the wall. Yeah. Thankfully, a couple of things have. have have have stuck thank god for the montgomery alabama doc fight video uh which i saw on twitter while being obsessed and i wrote you know nice little chunk about that nice uh which is going good one which is going very well very good um but yes uh uh so it's a new hour then so if you see me on tour i'm going to like this tour man 20 24 is going to be a lot yeah 20 buy tickets see me now

2025, I'm not going out that much. I'm taking a break. I'm looking at it like, Jesus Christ. Isn't it crazy? I haven't even announced the international dates yet. Oh, my God. Are you going to do that? That's cool.

Europe and Australia are coming. Yeah. And, yeah, a few countries in Europe that I've never been to. We're going to be announcing like Amsterdam and Norway and stuff like that. So I'm, yeah. That's so great. I'm excited. Don't get me wrong.

Yeah, yeah. But then I'm just like, oh, that's going to be a lot. I know. I know my wife saw a post come up with my tour dates and they were just scrolling. And she said, I should just turned it off. She was like a jeezing. Yeah. I totally get it.

It's, you know, I never want to be the guy. Like, whenever that Forbes list comes out of like top 10 comedians and how much they made or whatever. I always look at that list and I see the amounts of money and I go, give me. one year, you'll never see me again. Not for that I wouldn't work. That was that Steve Martin bit. Remember that's, I don't know if it was a album. Yeah.

It wouldn't even get really big. One show. Goodbye. Goodbye. Yes. Joe Coy kind of did that. He did 20 dates. Yeah.

And still made the top 10 list. Wow. I don't want to be number, I don't want to be in the top 10. I want to be number 11. Right. I don't want anyone to know how much money I've made. I want to make all the money, but I have nobody know.

I don't need that. I don't need that. Yeah. the cousins. I don't need people online being like, well, is you know, $35 million a year funny? Like, I don't need that shit. Yeah. I just want to do my thing.

But yeah, if I have one of those years, all right, you better move to L.A. to see me because I'll just go up at the comedy store and that's it. Yeah. I might take a casino for fun. You know, I'll go to, I'll do a date in Hawaii just so my daughter can go to the Disney resort out there. That's it. That's it. I baked you with this bread. What do we got?

It came out. morning. That's for you and your family. We will all enjoy it. It's a good one. Not everyone gets great ones. Oh, is this a sourdough? Yes.

Oh. You know, my wife's from San Francisco, so she's a sourdough officianta. All right, all right. Okay, so you're the breadmaster. Yes, sir. It's funny, we call my... And you send me a picture of bread. Yep, because my wife made some.

So, yes, so we're excited. Is there a... way, I always ask the person, is there a way this should be consumed? This just came out, so it's going to, the flavor's actually going to get deeper over the next day. Oh, good.

A nice, good, serrated knife. Good, we got one of those. And then I mean, there's lots of different things you can put on, there's different ways you can go. Nothing beats for me just lightly toasted with butter. That's it. Because then you can it's not overpowering the bread.

That's so you can taste the bread and actually get it. Good. And then whatever you love to throw on it, just throw on it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I absolutely will. My daughter's nickname is Carb Monster. When we have the dumplings, she takes the skin off the dumpling,

leaves the middle and just eats the skin. Good for her. And she's like, all right. We know what you know what your vice is. Like, I mean, she doesn't have an ounce of Italian in her, but it sounds like she should. It's amazing. A little pasta head. Yeah.

She's a straight carb monster. and she's going to love the heck out of this. So, like, there's another thing my wife has taught me because they talk about, like, love languages, like how does someone express, you know, their love and affection for you. Some people are physical, some people. Like, for me, it's like, I will joke with you. Because I want to make you laugh.

That's my thing, if I truly care about you. My wife is, they, you, she feeds you. Right. Like she's got that part. So if she loves you, she feeds you because she's like, yes, it's the most pure form of love. I want you to eat and live and continue existing. Yeah, exactly. So it's like this.

So whenever someone gives me food, I'm just like, ah, this is, which by the way, now that I've gone through a few life moments, big ones. Yeah. Of becoming apparent. Yeah. of immense intense grief. The best thing you can do, don't text the person, be like, thinking about you, send them fucking food.

Send them food. I know what you're trying to do. It is powerful. I know when you say, hey, think about you. I know it's with good intentions. I know it is. But now I feel obligated to respond. But you want to know what you don't have time to do

when you're a brand new parent or when you're just insanely grieving and depressed. You don't think about eating. So feed people. You don't even have to make it. Just send it. No, send the food. Get the food. Now we have the apps.

Yeah. It's go on the apps. You know the person's address. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Food. It inspired me because I have a buddy of mine's birthday is on Thursday. Okay. And I was like, we never, it's always a text.

And then I know we're going to have like the eight of us on this chain. Everyone's going to be like, happy birthday. I was like, I'd like to send them something about, how do you send? Go to a Jewish deli, send treats. Yeah. That's what you do. That's all you got to do. Okay, someone did that to me recently.

Yeah. Best Christmas gift we got. Yeah. Someone sent a chocolate bobka, and I'm like, I'll, fuck. I'm not Jewish. My wife's not Jewish. Holy crap, do they know how to bake? I know.

It's amazing. It's amazing. Had a rogola. Oh. Oh my God. Go to a Jewish telly. Send people food. You'll never go wrong.

You'll never go wrong. Good advice. Well, enjoy the Brad. Let me know how your family likes it. Thank you. I shall. Where's the socials that people can keep track of this endless tour of yours? Yes, the endless tour of mine is posted on Brad Williamscom.

All the tour dates, all the ticket links. More dates to come. Nice. Like I said, international dates will be announced soon. The Instagram, this is the one I'm mostly on. at Brad Williams comic. And the special is Starfish. It's on Veeps.

So go to Veeps.com and watch that. Very cool. You're the best. I always love coming into the club and seeing you. You know, I light up when I see you. Yeah, you saw me in New York a few weeks ago, and you're like, you're here. You're never here. I know.

It's great. It's wonderful. Oh, thanks for doing this, buddy. Thanks, Tom. Have a great year. There you have it, everybody. The great Brad Williams. I hope you enjoyed our conversation.

he's a good guy. Make sure you check out his new special Starfish that is streaming on VEEP. Joey, it's time to wrap up for the week and get out on the road. Can't wait. Let's do it, baby. So are these the dad flights that we've been taking home at 6 a.m. every week? That's a dad flight. That's a dad flight.

Okay. Yeah, and I know that you and the opening acts talk about it behind my back. Why are we going so early? That's why. Gotcha. Yeah. And our return, yeah, I don't think it's that early, but it's pretty early. Okay.

Yeah. We can manage. You don't have any other choice.