Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 192 - Should Dogs Be Using the Airplane Bathroom?

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

Tom sat next to a farty French Bulldog on a bathroom and they witness the cranky owner take the dog to use the airplane bathroom. This leads to the debate of what makes a “dog person” and how many people are OK with getting kissed on the lips by a dog Tom and Kira also discuss their recent cooking endeavors, including making challah and gluten-free lasagna. Kira recounts the chaos of volunteering at her child's school and how being in charge of a 'rock star cart', where students exchange earned points for prizes, isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. They they try to give Joey some health advice because they’re concerned about the impact of lifestyle choices. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Insurance isn't one-size-fits-all, and shopping for it shouldn't feel like squeezing into something that just doesn't fit. That's why drivers have enjoyed progressives' name-your-price tool for years. With the name-your-price tool, you tell them what you want to pay, and they show you options that fit your budget. Enough hunting for discounts, trying to calculate rates, and tinkering with coverages. Maybe you're picking out your very first policy. Or maybe you're just looking for something that works better for you and your family. Either way, they make it simple to see your options. No guesswork, no surprises.

Ready to see how easy and fun shopping for car insurance can be? Visit progressive.com and give the name your price tool a try. Take the stress out of shopping and find coverage that fits your life on your terms. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. It's something else here now. Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus.

It's the series Stephen King calls Scary as Hell Everything here is impossible But it's also real Sci-Fi Vision calls it the best show streaming right now We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch Saving those children is how we all go home

From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus It's time for Breaking Red with Papa Hey! Don't you know? Hey, it's our dog Hey, it's time for breaking bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey!

Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I am here with my pal Kyrs Holtanovitch. Dun-da-da-dan-dan-da-da-da-da. Good to see you. You too. We have a lot to go through today. We have a lot to catch up on, truth be told, we were going to have Louis Black on the program. today and he lost his voice, which has to happen with a lot of frequency.

Use it quite loudly on occasion, yes. So he will be coming up in the next couple of weeks. We're going to reschedule. But it's kind of good. He's not here because we have a lot to catch up on. We have a lot to do. We have a lot of stuff from the road. We have a lot to promote.

We have a lot to talk about. We have the Super Bowl coming up. I saw a recipe for potato skins I've got to talk about. I had a run in with a French pug on an airplane, which we have to talk about. You have a big time secret story that you want to share. We have a lot to get to. Go to tompapa.com and look up. We just released a bunch of new dates for the tour.

Kira and I are going to be performing in San Diego and Palm Desert. We also will be performing as part of the Netflix as a judge. joke festival on May 3rd at the theater at the Ace Hotel. It's a big one. I have a lot of seats to sell. So tell all your friends. We have to compete with Eddie Murphy and Jerry Seinfeld and maybe Jesus Christ. Yeah, I think Jesus has a night at the Hollywood Bowl. We have a lot coming on. A lot shows. So go to Tompapa.com and get all those tickets. This is going to be a little unusual, but well, these people are not a sponsor of today's program. They were a sponsor of a program not too long ago. And I just have to mention just because they deserve it. Wildgrains.com.

You know, we've had them on and I thought that they were such a great idea as someone who bakes a lot of bread and has a lot of fans constantly asking, how do I get your bread? And I say you don't because I think it's illegal to ship food to strangers. I don't think you'd be breaking any laws. I don't think you can. Really? I really don't. I think there's licensing and stuff and permits and and it's also costly. I can never wrap my head around how you would get, you'd have to be in business. Well, this wildgrains.com does that. They have this whole line of breads and croissants and all this stuff, and they ship, it's pre-baked.

So you get it and then you bake it for the last, it comes frozen, and then you bake it for the last 20 minutes. The reason I bring it up for free, my good friends at wild grains, is that they gave me a cranberry, a cranberry seeded loaf. It was like a chubby baguette. And the other night, you know, after the whirlwind of the kids going back to school, I finally got to the end of cleaning up the house. I realized when the holidays from when Thanksgiving kicks, it's a month-long party. Thanksgiving, try from Halloween. Yeah, good point.

Yeah. Stuff starts hitting the house, treats, people, all of it. So I was cleaning for like a week straight. And I got to the end and I cleaned out the refrigerator of all of, There was crab dip from Christmas Eve and there's just, you know, sauces. There was just, I got to the end of it. And then I was like, I don't have any food. And I got off the road and I was like, I haven't baked bread.

And I went into the refrigerator, the freezer rather, and there was this cranberry seeded loaf from wild grains that was in there. I was like, oh, let me, let me throw this in. See what the wild grain people are up to with this fancy loaf. So good. It was so good. I was so impressed not only that it was like hearty, healthy, cranberry seeds, good dough, but that it was that they were able to, like, this thing, they had shipped this to me a month ago. Yeah. And it's been in my freezer. And I'm just rummaging through and just pop it in. They're geniuses. Not only are they great at bread, but their whole system of getting it to you is just so impressive.

It's like when you take a time release medicine, you're like, how did they make it time release? How do they know that four hours later? So they must have, there's some wizardry going on. They know what they're doing. Yeah. There's definitely some bakers and some other smart people. And again, this is not, it's not anything but respect. This is not really, this is not an ad.

This is these wild grains people. They nailed it. And this was a really good product. And honestly, I hope my fawning over you gets you to send me more of it because it is really good stuff. So kudos. Yeah. Cudos.

Good. And you're making a hala? I'm making hala. I was a little late getting here right now because I'm seeing some friends tonight. And she has taken my hala. And she's been complimentary, but then also slipped me her grandmother's hala recipe. She's like, great job. Have you tried it this way?

And my hala's are. pretty decent. Yeah. But they come a little dense. They're a little dense. I like the, can you mess up Hala? Yeah, that's the thing.

You can't really mess up. I think, yeah, you can. You can? When you really want to dial it in. My daughter went to a Jewish preschool and they made Hala, three years old, four years old, every Friday. Yeah. You can't mess up Hala.

Come on. I know. It's pretty. But then again, they put sprinkles on them. They let them decorate. Joe, does your kid do this at their school? They let them decorate it like a crazy person would decorate. You know what I mean?

You can put gum drops and chocolate and sprinkle. They just pile on a bunch of... We did that with my wife. Menchies. We had the idea that when my kids were little, we were going to bake her birthday cake from scratch. And the kids were probably four and two. And we baked her this chocolate cake from scratch.

very thoughtful gift. And then we're thinking, we got to decorate it. How do we decorate it? My kids were like, I know. And they ran in and got the little Sesame Street bath toys. I was like, that's hilarious. Amazing. Great.

Let's put it on the cake. We put them on. And turns out bath toys are filled with bathwater. And it leaked all over the cake. And my wife had to pretend it wasn't gross while we ate it. The cake was stupid. appendice, but it was a cut one of those bath toys in half. No.

Do you know what diseases are living inside of those bath toys? I know. We never made the mistake again. Okay. It was bad. But it was from scratch, so we got points for that. So a halla, no, but I think there is exceptional. Like for me, I like the holla when you, when you peel a section off.

It's just like light and airy. Yeah. Mine has been a little dense. Yeah. So this one that I'm making. today is from this different cookbook and it uses a little sourdose starter also. And the whole intent from the sourdose start is to make it a little more hydrated. So it'll be a little lighter and airier.

So I'll keep you posted. And I'm going to give it to my friend tonight because I haven't seen her. That's very sweet. Yeah. How you been? You would have been proud of me last night. I made a gluten-free lasagna for my kids. Oh.

Wow. Yeah? So good. Really? I was impressed with myself. Gluten free noodles, were they... Gluten free noodles? Were they the ones that you just have to bake or you have to boil them first?

You can do either. They're pre-boiled? Yeah. I didn't know that was a thing. Uh-huh. Yeah. I know. It's very nerve-wracking.

Very weird. You think this is not going to work, but it does. One thing you just have to do, just make sure they're completely covered. Or you can, like, dip them a little bit. Or you can kind of even paint. some sauce on them before, you know, just to kind of make sure they, because the ones, a couple of the ones on top in the corner were completely raw, like crispy. Yeah.

Like, yeah, they were eating a piece of a plate. They got to be covered. Yeah. But I cover, but wow, the ricotta and the parmesan and the heavy cream and, oh, it was so good. Ricotta with some egg and some parsley. Two eggs, parsley. Nice. Yes.

There was a secret ingredient. Salt and pepper. Of course. In the meat, I did diced up some onions with garlic. Ooh, that's good. And then the mariner, but then I added some paste. That's good? Yeah.

A little heft. It was so good. It's a lot of work. Lizania's a lot of work. But man, is it good? And it lasts for a good. And they're like, we're starving. And they wanted snacks for, you know, because it takes an hour to cook, too.

So I'm like, absolutely no eating. The eight-year-old would come in and I would send her right back out. Our kitchen has a circle thing. I'm like, just keep walking. They were so starving. They were literally pounding the table. I finally took it out. I go, hold on.

We got to give it like a minute to cool down. You will literally just singe the entire esophagus. It's like, just give it a minute. They took three bites. I'm stuffed. What? Yeah. You will eat everything.

You will eat this whole casserole dish of lasagna that I just spent so long. You can freeze it. I have it in the fridge, but I mean, come on. How much is left? All of it. Freeze it. Take half and freeze it. Really?

For real. Even if I put it in the fridge last night, it's okay? Yeah, totally. Okay. Freeze it. Because it's so filling. It's so filling. And that's what I, the mistake I made at Christmas Eve.

I made four of them. Yeah. Two meatless and two meat. And we only got through two of them. And I just kept him in the fridge. like, oh, we're just going to eat it, but we were all so full of other stuff and we couldn't get through it. And then at the end, it was too late to freeze it.

And there's nothing worse than throwing away half a tray of lasagna because you just see the layers, all the work that you did, all that's work that you, time that you put in, I should have, I should have put in the freezer. All right. I will do it. Here's another tip. When you do freeze it, you really have to eat it within the first three to four. months. Oh, okay. That's easy. I broke one out when I had family visiting that was almost a year old.

Okay. And everybody pretended it was good. No. There was no way. It can be. No. No, it wasn't great. I mean, we leave stuff in the freezer. I don't know what's wrong, but immediately crusted over in ice. What are we doing wrong? I know. Wrong. I don't think that the crested over is actually that bad for it. If it's not long, term. Okay. But yeah, I have a similar problem. Well, I thought you'd be proud of me. I'm very proud of you. Very proud of you. One method that I used with the meat one was, and it actually sounds like a pain in the ass, but it actually works, is you make use the meat and make it into meatballs first. Make them into meatballs, have them simmer in sauce. Okay. And then cut them and put them in the lasagna.

Interesting. Yeah. There's a little bit more flavor in the meat. Okay. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I will take that note. Yeah, because you're frying them, you're then also letting them simmer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, this can't make much of a difference. Yeah, it's a difference. All right. You could also throw sausage in it. Yes, next time. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I was... Good for you. I was very like, I'm just going to follow the instructions. Nice. I'm not going to try to do anything fancy or put a flourish on it. Good for you. Whatever this recipe says. That's funny, because you making lasagna is like my making holla.

Exactly. Right? We're crossing our cultures. Yes, the gift of the magi. And it really, it's like I don't have a lifetime or a grandmother as the metric of whether this good or not. I have just when I've been in people's homes. You know what I mean? Like I don't have like lasagna.

I know. But you're going to know. You're going to know. When you try it, you'll know if your holla's good. Yeah. Yeah. You like your hollow. Like you want it like a croissant almost. Like almost flakyish. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Very exciting. So can I tell you where I just came from?

Yes, please. Listen, I'm truly traumatized. Some of my soul has left. my body. Oh my. I volunteered at my third grader school this morning. Okay. Because I have a lot of guilt for not, you know, just volunteering every moment I can. By the way, I didn't have the time to do it.

I have so many things piled up. Yeah. But at their school for good behavior, they are rewarded with rock star bucks. Okay. So they accumulate and save all these little rock star little tickets. Uh-huh. And then the rock star cart comes around school. Ving, Ving, ring, ring.

And they all come out and buy a little something on the rocks. It's very cute. Very nice. And I thought this will be so great. Truly horrific. What was your role? I was the rock star cart lady. Okay.

And when they find out you are coming, they are vultures. They are out for blood. Have you ever been chased down the hall? by 20 kindergartners, I was, I'm not exaggerating, running away from them and screaming, go back to your classroom. I'm not at your classroom yet. How big a card is this? It's like half the size of this table.

Okay. It has all these like little, you know, you can get stickers and eraser. Yeah. All the stuff that's going to end up in the garbage if it comes into my house. Because some of it's sticky and some of it's like a little thing, like a little slime. You know what I mean? and it collects all the pubs in the world. And it's just, but it's for them.

But the irony that they earn these rock star points for being good. And then when they spend them, they are evil. I had kids just scrunch up all these rocks like they were in their pockets, you know, and they just throw them up my face. What can I get for this? And I'm like, you're 11. Count them yourself. Like they just.

And then like little five years. old's and they, they're wet, they're wet. The little tickets and I have to sit there and they're like, have just this stickiness, perpetual, just stickiness all around their face and their little diseased hands and they're touching me. You know, what can I buy? I'm like, oh my God. By the end of the rock star cart, I was just throwing stuff at just, fine, here, just take

this and go. I don't care how many tickets you have. You didn't teach them the value of the buck? I could not wait to get out of there. Just kindergarteners? The whole school. The whole school. Up to six.

How much, how many Rock Starbucks were in a racer? Fifteen. Fifteen. You would think it's like $15,000. One kid was haggling with me. He's like, I'll give you 12. I go, dude, I don't know what to tell you. I didn't set the prices.

He's like, it's worth 12. I go, what grade are you? And he goes, I'm in third. I go, all right, I see a successful future, but I'm not. was like literally, no, I was like looking behind me. I'm like, all right, just go back to your club. I'm going to do this for you. You got to get out of here. You tell anybody. Like by the end of it, I was sweating. I sweat through this sweater completely. It was one of the most stressful times I've ever experienced. Volunteer. I think you've got to buck up. And I think you've got to,

you have an opportunity here. Dude, I'm never doing it again. Tell the kids. You got the rock starbucks. if you bring in some real cash, I may or may not have a secret stash of candy for you. And I may or may not know the spread for the Super Bowl. You know, what do you want? You want over under? What are you looking at? How long was this?

This was too long. Too long. I don't know. I started to get tunnel vision. It started to get dark. I don't know. I passed out halfway in between. Do you understand they're literally throwing things at me?

How does a kid get 15 rock starbucks? These kids had 70. And I had to count them. And they're digging around. One kid picked out 10 stickers. Didn't even have enough rock star tickets for one sticker. And she's like, I want all of these. And I go, sweetheart, you have none of these.

None of these are going home with you. Did you make anyone cry? I didn't. Here's what I did. I just gave kids. You just. I just was like, just take them. Just go.

Please, never look at me again. I'm never going to come to this school. You were a softie. They assaulted. me. Why didn't you make them, why didn't you give them the real lesson of money and that you need these bucks for this thing? I started off like that, Tom. That was my intention. We're going to go. We're going to learn. I'm going to show them, hey, you gave me 20 rock star bucks, but I have to give you these in return. Like, this is your change. You know, here's your balance. Put them somewhere safe by

the end of it. I was running. I was running with this cart. And the cart is made out of all these, like, cute decorations that were just on the floor. I was running so violently down the hallway, all the decorations. Did you run into your kids? I saw my daughter, yes. Yeah. Did she have any bucks? And I literally looked at her.

I was like, save mommy. Did she have bucks? I didn't even get it to her classroom. Do you understand? I left. I left earlier than I was supposed to. What is wrong with you? Do you look at my face.

My makeup is in my shoes. I was, this was the most horrible experience these kids. I had one kid in my face the entire time. I don't even know what classroom he belonged to. I go, your classroom left 20 minutes ago. He's like, I want this squishy. Like, they were like these squishy.

What was the prize thing? What was the big thing? Horrible. Horrible. I don't know who even came up with these prizes. The big one was you get to shadow the assistant principal. Oh, and make the rounds?

And like, like, yeah, I don't know. Be his wingman. What does an assistant principal do? What does she get coffee for the real principal? What are you talking about? You had to walk around. I'm with so-and-so. Yeah, and you're walking around.

I guess you're enforcing the rules. That's awful. One kid did get that. One kid, and he was all about it. Oh, yeah. I've been saving. I've been saving for a very long time. I want to be the assistant principal for a day.

This kid had power hungry eyes. He's going to go kick. ass. He's going to send a lot of people into jail. The different personalities was overwhelming. Have you, do you remember spending time with more than just two or three or four kids, but like in a high intense pressure situation? Yeah, there was one time when my daughter had a party and there was like 12 of them came to the apartment and one threw up. And I tossed water on it and left. That was the last time I was in a group. There was a teacher that walked by. and was laughing because I was just staying there

and I was like, you guys are breathing on me. What smells? Who is touching me? My wife is a fifth grade teacher. Yeah, so she knows. And she came home yesterday and said, you may want to stay away from me because they're all sick and they were all breathing on me.

And I finally, she's like finally down with report cards and she's at the end of the big workload. And she's really terrified that she's just going to be home with snot. Well, don't let her hug. Joey. I got tricked and fooled into that. I know. All right. So we called you when Joey and I were in Colorado Springs doing a show. I believe that was before Halloween. Yeah. And we called you desperately because I was in a too small of a rental car with Joey next to me, all stuffed up and coughing. And I'm driving and I'm driving and it's like, man, he's right next to me, and it's too cold to put the windows down.

So we called you and asked for some potions and you sent us to the Whole Foods, and we loaded them up with stuff. And it seemed like progress was made pretty quickly. It is, as of the taping of this, January 24th. And I came into the studio today and I was like, good morning. And Joey said, hello. Have you been hanging out at the rest of the rest of the first? Rockstar cart? It hasn't completely

left him for a long time. I don't know if this is a resurgence or if this is just what Joey is now. Joey, are you consistently really taking care of yourself? I've been trying to. No. There's no try.

There's no try. I think this month has been, I've been taking good care. Spending too much time at the Rockstar. Yeah, you're at the rock star cart. He sounds worse than he did even when I got here. Geez. It's just my nose.

It's just like a little... Just my nose. Something in my nose. Just my nose. Where all your breathing happens. No, biggie. It shouldn't be that long. All right.

Well, this is a new thing. This is a new thing. Is there such a thing as long flu? Long flu? Long Joey. I don't think he really takes that great of care of himself. I'm going to sit him down. I'm going to go through a protocol with him.

Yeah. It's consistency. I think he needs more than the treatment of his life. long flu. I think get in there and figure out what's going on with this lifestyle. I just found out he smokes more weed than I thought. Oh, well, I mean, look, I'm not trying to be a party pooper, but you're not making great choices, funnions, when you smoke a lot of weed.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's not good for your immune system. It lowers your defenses. Well, yeah, because you're probably going to also make poor choices, flaming hot Cheetos, when you're high. I love. You don't eat those.

Not those, but I am a salty guy that's definitely in the world of the snack that I would go for. My favorite part of being on the road is late at night. We're done with the show. We go back to our room. We all kind of have a feeling like we've done enough. Let's just go crash. We had to get up early and go to the next town, knowing that when Joey says goodbye. Within 20 minutes, he unloads all of his stuff and then sneaks out of his room and makes a solo run to whatever fast food is in walking distance.

And by walking distance, I say within a mile and a half. In a strange town. He's an adult. He's a big boy. He can do whatever he wants. I just love the idea when I'm, by the time I am just lying on my bed with my show clothes off, I know. he is now on the side of some road following the big arches. You need to get one of those apps that I have for my kid where you can just follow, like,

you know. Find my friends. Well, yeah. You just find Joey. I don't want to know. Well, maybe you should do it. You track Joey and keep track of his lifestyle. Because he shouldn't be sick this.

He shouldn't be sick this long. Well, we got to get you, you know what I'm going to say. We got to get him in a sauna, stat. You got to sweat it out. You got to detox it. Yeah. You know? It's lingering.

It's lingering. Yeah. My daughter had strep throat like three times through like the last year and a half. And this is the one in the dorms? Yeah. Yeah. And you know what they say? A lot of times it's your water bottles.

You're if you're not cleaning your environment, detoxing your body, there are, you're actually, reinfecting yourself. Yeah. And he, she was just, you know, thought everything was good and she was healthy. and then this water bottle it's not completely clean. You know, you're drinking it again and you're re-infecting yourself. Do you know what disinfects is vodka? Oh, yeah?

Yeah, if she put vodka in her water bottle, she would disaffected very well. That's a great tip for a college student. Drink that all throughout Philosophy 101. It was funny when my younger one came home and she was in my kitchen during the break and she was taking like something out of the dishwasher after, like, you know, when you just pop it as soon as it goes and it's still kind of steep. me and she's like, nothing in my dorm room has been this clean. You're just using tepid water from the bathroom sink to clean your wares.

Just thinking about how disgusting it was when we lived in the dorms. I know. I mean, I can't imagine we, we must have all had some sort of flesh eating bacteria and just didn't know it. I know. You just kept going. You just kept moving. I know. And the unsettling part is I think that's how Joey's still living.

lives. Joseph. There's too many Joe's in here. I'll get you settled. I'll get you taken care of. All right. You got to fix his lifestyle. Thanks, Kara.

He shouldn't be eating fast food. No. Just anecdotally of what I've picked up, he shouldn't be eating that much fast food. Probably shouldn't be smoking that much weed. But we're not his parents. No, but I'm just saying as a health. Sure.

I'm not trying to correct him. Yeah. I'm just trying to say, like, as a specimen. Sure. When we talk about health. I'm with you. And eating good things. You would think some of this podcast would, I mean, he did make a stromboli for, what was it, the Halloween party or the Thanksgiving?

Not particularly healthy, but, you know. No, but at least you're using, it's better than it's more healthy than going to Taco Bell on the side of the road in Boise. Yeah. Joey, Joey, you're going to shit your pants, sweat. You're going to do that. Do you know that's what my kid yells out the window when you? drive by a Taco Bell. She unrolls her window.

She goes, enjoy your diarrhea to all the people in the drive-through. All right. We got it. We're going to figure it out, Joey. Yeah. Thanks. I think in defense of my habits, I do. I am on meds that weaken my immune response.

Well, why are you on meds? Is it for the syphilis? Yeah, arthritis. Oh, arthritis. It's been on meds forever. Well, do you know why you have arthritis, Joey? Because they hit McDonald's? Yes.

Inflammation. 100%. You know what? It may not be the cause. He's been dealing with this since he was a kid. But inflammation is the huge thing from fast food. Yes. It's not helping.

It's not helping your arthritis. Yeah. First of all, why do you have kid arthritis? So they call it, I think it has a different name now even, but they call it juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. Okay. You get it when you're a kid, and when you become an adult, the name does not change. So it's still kid arthritis in name, but it's, you know, you've got adult symptoms now. So, um.

All right. We're going to get you on something I know exactly what to give you. Thank you. And it's going to help. Inflammation is the big thing, right? It's every disease is driven by inflammation of something. Mm-hmm. So coronary heart disease, it's inflammation.

of the arteries. You know, all the IBS, all the stuff, it's inflammation of your gut. All of it, all of it is inflammation. When I had my tooth pulled. Yes. And when I was healing, like the first week is like, it's pretty raw and you just,

you need protein and stuff. Like they're like, do all the things, right. When I had sugar in the form of like a dessert or a cookie kind of a thing, that sugar, then I felt pain. Like I wasn't in pain. The sugar causing the inflammation was, it was so subtle, but enough to, to clearly see when you have that sugar in your diet, your body's, you, you're inflamed.

Well, inflammation is your body's way of trying to protect itself too. It's saying, oh, no. You know, you get stung by a bee and your finger gets all big. inflamed. It's your body's protecting that area where there's poison. Right. And can you imagine your body, it's constantly like just swatting at, you know what I mean? Things coming in and oh God, here's some more Taco Bell. Ah, here's a cookie. Yeah, yeah. There's some cocaine. Interesting fact, I had the tooth infection for a while. It could happen in like October's when I felt it. And it wasn't painful, but it was swollen, like in your gum. And my, my ducin.

dentist, sent me to a specialist, but between my travel and the very exclusive dentist, which all doctors are very exclusive, I couldn't get in for four months. So it was just dealing with this mild, like, it would just kind of inflame and then not go down, but it didn't really hurt, but it was an infection and pretty big. I was so tired during that time, and I realized once it was gone, my body was just working overtime on this thing in your jaw. It's a pretty dominant thing. I was fatigued from that infection.

100%. Anything around your neck head because your vagus nerve also runs down here. And that sends signals to everything. What's your vagus nerve? The vagus nerve is very, very important in your body because it can actually calm you down during times of stress. But if it's stressed itself, it cannot. It runs all the way.

It's part of your nervous system? Yeah, yeah. But it's like even, you ever take a yoga class where they make you do that? Oh, at the beginning? That actually activates it too. Oh, yeah? So even humming and singing, you can even activate your vagus nerve. Yeah.

It's super important. So anytime there's any kind of thing going on, especially in the head, neck, eyes, nose, ears, like all of it. And it affects the biggest nerve and then. And it can make you like tired and yeah. Interesting. Feel run down and debilitated. Yeah. It was that it was I have had more energy just getting that thing out of it.

I'm so glad. I know. And now I'm going to get a new, a fake thing put in there. Ooh. And I'm thinking, why just go with a tooth? Don't limit yourself. You know what I mean? Yeah.

What are you going to get? Like an iPod? Something that makes a sound. Amazing. A tongue flick. I tell my jokes. And I'm like, and that's what my dad said. I don't see why not.

Whoop, whoop. Can you imagine how revolutionary that would be? I know. No one's done it. No one's done it. What would Cynthia say? Goodbye. I think so.

Yeah. So long. Mm-hmm. I had a run in with garlic the other night and sleep great. Oh. You want to hear my Frenchy story? Yeah. Okay.

I apologize to Joe because I talked about this on the radio, but I think it's worth repeating. Mm-hmm. The flight home, I had shows in, where was I? Long Island. before that Baltimore last weekend. Great shows. Fans of the podcast were there. Great people.

Beautiful time. And I'm flying back at 4 in the morning, 4 o'clock pickup. Right, Joey, it was a 5 o'clock pickup? No. Either way, too early. It was 5, I think. 5 o'clock? No, because we flew out it.

It was wheels up. Oh, right, wheels up at 7. Right, wheels up at 7. We left our little hotel rooms at 5. So Joey had just gotten back from Taco Bell. And we... Oh, boy. And we get on the flight.

Joey, actually, you haven't heard this, and we were on this plane with me. Yeah. Perfect. Joey doesn't have a lot of miles. But he got to board first because of my concierge key. He got to board first, which was very exciting. He really needs TSA pre. Oh, why don't you have TSA pre?

Yeah. I've just been using the clear, but it's clear that that's not enough to, uh, yeah, you know, he needs TSA pre because he's missing out. It's too much. Like I go through. I'm through in two seconds sitting in the lounge having coffee and he's another half hour. But, you know, you only have this amount of time. We really need you to get that appointment. Did you make the appointment? Um, no. Yeah, make the appointment. Yeah. We'll compensate you. It's a, it's a road necessity. So anyway, we go on the plane and we're ready to board. Joey and I are hanging out. We're going to be the first people on the plane and the first couple. And a woman comes up with a French bulldog and it's the big hit of the boarding area. You know, he's got this little face and smushy thing and the flight attendants. The gay people are playing with it. And isn't that cute?

And I get on board first with Abraham Lincoln. and we get on the plane and who comes and sits next to me, but the woman with the French bulldog, I'm like, adorable. And I said to the, I said to the woman is so cute. Does he like to travel? She looked at me like, um, yeah, we do it a lot.

Okay. Weird attitude at six in the morning. You know what I mean? And her dog is better than you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like why are you talking to us? Okay.

And then I, being my friendly self, I said, do you mind if I take a quick picture of them? Because my daughter will go nuts. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. So now I take a picture of this rude person's dog. But I'm still like, this is still cute.

My daughter's going to love to see this, what have you. She's rude, but the dog seems kind of nice. And we're getting ready to go. and all of a sudden, who, it's a big fart coming from this lady. I'm like, maybe that's why she's rude. Maybe she's filled with some weird stuff. I look across the aisle, there's a guy reading the Wall Street Journal. I'm like, eh, not that that guy can't fart,

but he seems like a guy that would probably bring it to the bathroom. Like, he seems kind of grown up. Yeah. I, we take off, smell it again. Oh, no. I put my recline. I realize, oh, no, this is not this rude woman. This is her dog.

Sure. That makes sense. I've soon found out from Joe Bolter and my wife that that's kind of the reputation of the French bulldog. Really? Yeah. So not just French people have a scent. Right. The bulldogs are compensating for that and want to be a part of the conversation.

They shoot it. out of their butts. When I tell you, this dog farted for six hours straight. Six hours straight. So, Joey, you feel like, oh, time's up in the fancy seat, and I'm back in 22B. I'm sure it smelled great back there compared to what I was dealing with. Early in the flight, she gets up and goes to the restroom, tells the dog, you stay, and she goes into the bathroom.

The dog stays. He's just looking at me like, then I, a little later in the flight, she gets up and uses the restroom and you stay, the dog stays. This thing is farting. I'm trying, I've slept a good amount, like four hours on this flight and I'm sleeping and, you know, but you wake up. Like every half hour you're like adjusting. There's noises, whatever you're flipping over. Every time I was conscious, a new waft of woof, like, really like aggressive, inner ass.

heat just floating. I'm putting the vents. I'm doing all the things. About an hour before landing, she gets up to use the restroom again, picks the dog up and takes the dog with her into the bathroom.

She has not done this the first two times. She now is picking up this fart monster and bringing it into the bathroom. Kira Sultanovich, why do you think she did that? Is the dog going to poop? Hmm. Did the dog poop?

Hmm. Well, did it? You don't know. I didn't go in. Are you assuming? I'm assuming it was something was coming out of some opening of this animal. There's no reason for her to, she's not like now we're going to go buddy. Right.

Come hang out with me. And she was in there a long time. I think, and I've never seen this and you travel a lot. I have never seen someone take their dog into the bathroom. No. No. You see a lot of dogs. It's like meet the parents where that cat was potty trained.

Right. Yes. I think she went in there. Mr. Jinks. Yeah. So why are you upset about that, though? Wouldn't that help maybe his toots, his problem? Sure.

Did it? Did it? Maybe. Maybe. Yeah. It still hit me upon landing. So, but if this is their reputation. you know, as smush as their faces, I guess their intestines are smushed.

They're just a whole accordion. They're a squished in accordion of all functions. Yeah. I'm upset about it because, yes, it's a solve to the situation that we were in. Yeah. But it makes me not want to support that situation that we are now in. Like, I know a lot of people that scam the service animal thing so they can fly with their friends. Oh, yeah, I would say 90%.

Right. Yes. You know the people that really need their dog there. Yes. Right. This person was aggressive. This person was, really? Yeah, we fly a lot.

Yeah. Okay. You know what? You and your attitude, you don't have, there's no needs here. This is a scam. You've got this animal on here just for funsies. Yeah. You don't like human beings.

This is your only friend probably in the world. Okay. Okay. And I like seeing animals. I like them being, I like, it's okay. But you know what? To be farting on me for $1,000 or whatever this flight costs. Right. Exactly. Not cool. Well, also she is denying that she smells it and not even saying anything like, I am so sorry. You know, I just want to let you know this breed, their butts are just awful. They're inhumane. Like this is horrible. and I'm really sorry. I don't know. A acknowledge it even. I think it's probably a defense.

Her rudeness is probably a defense mechanism of, I've been on this before. Yeah. And people like you complain when my dog starts farting, and I'm going to hit you first. Yeah. You know what I mean? So you know I'm not approachable.

Yes. Yes. Don't come talk to me and be like, oh, wow. Okay. I've heard about the French bowl. dogs, you know, farts. This thing, crop dusted me for six hours.

It's your expensive flights. This is early. I'm just trying to get home. I'm trying to. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I'm like, you know what? Then you know these, this same thing like with,

you go to hotels now and they smell a little like dog pee. Yeah. Because we're letting dogs just go to hotels now. Now, I'm fine with dogs on flights. I've been on many with cats as well, the little carrier and they're sitting there. Cats are usually so scared out of their goddamn minds. They're just, they're frozen.

Like, yeah. But what about people that are really highly allergic? I know. And now you're in this enclosed space. Yeah, I had a guy early on when we would fly with our cat, say, where are you on the plane? Because I'm really allergic to cats. And I couldn't fault them.

I'm like, dude, I married into this. I wouldn't be bringing this cat. Yeah. But it's a legit concern for sure. Yeah. And, but even I'm just on the basic level, like this thing's just lighten up this whole business class cabin. No one else said anything or looked at you weird. Nobody says anything because you're used to like a fart once in a while.

I mean, this is early in the morning with a bunch of middle age people and a bunch of jokes. Joey. Jack in the box, Joey's. Jack in the box, joys. Joey, you're so mean to you. He's such a good kid. He's such a good kid. Such a sweet kid. Yeah. We just need some zinc. You just need some zinc in your life. The only criticism we have of Joey is because we're trying to make him healthier. Yes. You know, like him lingering around with stuff. If it was anyone in my family, I'd be like, we've got to fix this. Cure this hepatitis now. Yes. I promise you. Exactly. I promise you. I was at a house recently.

Again, I love dogs too. Love dogs. Yeah. And this dog, I'm going to use your hand, was licking me like this. And it was cute for two hours straight. Yeah. Would not leave me alone and lick the same part of my hand. Because I was sitting like this, you know, just arms crossed.

Legs crossed my hands right here. And I kept moving. And I kept kind of trying to end up. And then I'd pet the dog to be like, okay, I'll show you a little bit of, But then you got to leave me alone. Would you not leave me alone to the point where I was like, I want to cut this dog's tongue. I was like, leave me. And I love, love them.

I know, but here's what my sister would say. Okay. You say you love them, but you're not really a dog person. Well, I'm not in the sense that we don't have dogs, but my husband is very allergic. He's very allergic. We left your house. Both my kids and my husband were like, like we left and they felt it.

I was fine. I do. And I have this dog on me. I'm petting him. I'm going, I love you, love you. You're such a look at your face. And then I'm like, now I want to have a conversation. That's where you're not a dog person.

That's where I'm not a dog person. Okay. I know, because I'm in the same spot. And I tell, I'm like, I used to not be, but now I am. And I really like these dogs as her dogs licking my head. face and then she watches me go to the sink and wash it off. She's like, yeah. But see, now-

Dog people will sit there and be like, you know what? Two hours of licking? Not enough. You licked my lips. I'm not even thinking about going to the bathroom and getting this off me. Those aren't dog people. It is. Crazy people.

They are. That is a huge difference. If you're tonguing a dog and you guys are making out and going to third base, you're the not normal one. I'm sorry. I agree with you, but they are the dog people. No, there's a difference. Farty McGee next to me on the plane is...

Mentally ill. No, she's mentally ill. And she's living in... That waft that I experienced, she's doing 24 hours a day. Horrible. Horrible. That's what dog... That's what real dog people are like.

But it's like saying you're religious. Like, oh, we're religious. We go to church and we... And then you're a crazy extremist who belongs to a cult where they're only allowed to wear the color lavender. Do you see what I'm saying? That's different. That's different. You can't see.

I'm going to fight you on this. I don't think you're right, though. I think when I watch people who have dogs, when I see the dog go to third bait, make out with them. Yeah. They just, so cute. And then they keep talking to you. Listen. There's a lot of those people who are not like psychotic people,

but they don't mind a little lick on the lips. Okay. They are. Joe, Joe and I are both, I think, at the same level of Jews, right? Like, we don't, we take her to leave it, right? Right. We're fine. We're fine, right?

But then you have the Hasidic Jews in Los Angeles. It's 112 and they're wearing a wool hat. and a wool jacket. They're not like, oh, well, they think, well, we're better Jews. No, you're the dog-licking Jews. You're the ones that let the dog tongue your face. It doesn't make you more. You've gone over the edge.

Doesn't make you better. Right. Do you know what I mean? No, I get it. I get what you're saying. It makes you just more extreme. Yeah. You can still be like,

Joe and I like, yeah, have a gila, sure. Okay, so let me, let me. Joe, I don't want to speak for you. No, I'm with you, yeah. Let me narrow it down. Okay. What percentage of dog owners are cool with their dog licking them on the lips? That is a great number that I do not know.

But I will tell you this. They are extremists. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What percentage of dog owners are extremists? What percentage of dog owners when the dog licks their lips doesn't get up and immediately go into the bathroom and wash it off? 20%. You think it's 20%? 20%.

I get, I would bet that dog owners who are cool with their dog licking their lips to the point where they don't even think I'm going to get up and go wash my face is probably at 80%. They will fight you right now. Listen, I have plenty of friends with dogs. If their dogs are like, right? They all, almost all at least make that face of like, okay, all right, all right. Mr. Pickles, it's enough. Okay. Which is the same equivalent to me.

Okay. They're not like, ah, yeah, yeah, they're not like, give it to me. This is so hot. And then they continue with the conversation and just talk to you. They might continue, but there's still that moment of like, all right, oh, my God, we got to brush your teeth more. Okay. There's still a moment of like, ooh, it's enough. But you and I get up almost immediately, go into the bathroom and splash some water on our face.

I have been tongued by many dogs. Yeah. And I at that moment don't feel like water will do anything. I feel like all of their dog disease has already just entered my system and is just circulating. And that water's not going to really do anything. I'll wipe it off. I'll be like, wow, that was, ooh, I think we're dating now. ha ha ha, ha, like...

I think of the 80% that I'm talking about, they all go, okay, enough with the kissy-kissies. But then they sit there and go about their day without ever thinking about getting it off. So your thing is you want them to wash it off. I'm thinking... And if they're not, they're extremists. Yes.

As a dog owner, I am, who is not in what we would call extreme. I, the dog licks my face. Within three minutes, I'm doing something. I'm getting a paper towel. I'm doing something to get it off of me. Yes. I'm saying, I'm saying 80% of dog owners won't even think about it.

Okay. They're cool with it. They think it's all right. Like I watch my dog, I watch my black lab, lick the ass of the pug. Like tongue deep. Oh God.

And then I clock that for the rest of the day. And when she comes over like, nice to see you. I'm like, no, no, no, no. I know where that. that tongue has been. Not happening. It's not happening. I know. The rest of my family is like, boosh, whiz, whiz, whiz, whiz. I can't do it. And I think my sister's right. I think I am not a quote unquote dog person. I love him. Of course. I hang with them. I walk them. I clean up after them. I give them treats. I do all of it. Yeah. But there's a something missing in my nature that is not

naturally. Okay. Lick my face and let it go. Answer this. Do they sleep in bed with you? No. Then you're not. Right.

When I leave, when I come back from the road, there is a extra blanket where I was normally sleeping. Yeah. Because when I leave, the dog sleeps there next to my wife. Yeah. So your wife is a dog person and you are a dog. lover. I'm a dog's second cousin.

You tolerate them. Acceptance. I will accept you. Yes. Accept her. Yes. Yeah. Because I've dated dog people where the dog sleeps in the bed.

Yes. And I've had to, okay. Okay, let me ask you that number. Let me ask you that number. Of dog owners, what percentage do you think sleep with their dogs? I think most. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. My wife cannot understand two things. She can't understand when the dog really wants to jump up and sleep in the bed. How do you say no? And when I'm eating a burger and both dogs are an inch from me just looking up at me like, are we going to get some? Are we going to get some? She doesn't understand how I can say, no, not now.

That would be difficult for me. not sharing because I know that they I share with them a lot but in a certain point I know like you've had enough today. Well, that's what the licking, this constant licking in the same spot like between the same knuckles

just this after a while. You know why? Because I'm not a dog person. Yes, exactly. Damn it. Exactly. I love all your dogs. I love dogs too.

But we don't love them like that. No, but also give me a little bit the space. So these people who let the dogs lick them in there in between their toes and sleep with them. Yeah. When they are in seat 9C next to Farty McGee, are they thinking, oh, you Frenchies, you're adorable. And when they see the woman take the dog into the bathroom, huh. They're like, what is it doing?

I know. What is it doing? What is it doing? That is it doing? We've had some real mysteries on the road this year. Yeah. When I found that wooden spatula under the fitted sheet in San Francisco. That one I think she still wins.

That one wins. When I went to the bathroom in Hawaii and watched a guy blasts snot rockets into the sink of the men's room, what is he doing? When this woman takes her dog into the bathroom, stays in there for 15 minutes, and then comes out, what the hell did she just do? A lot of mysteries out there. You know, the Throck Morton up in Mill Valley? Yeah. I was up there earlier this month. And they put you up in this beautiful hotel.

Just gorgeous. Have you been up there? I had never done it. There's like a creek. And some of the rooms are... Northern California. Yeah, like redwood tree right in front of your room. And it's outside.

The whole hotel is just this outside. Some of it's inside. But anyways, it's gorgeous. And it feels it's so... plush and you're like, oh, this is just for one night. You know, this should be like a week. But it's right across in the theater. And, you know, I'm on stage and there was like some doctor or lawyer and we were just joking around.

I was doing a little bit of crowd work. And I was like, oh boy, I'm going to need someone to walk me to my hotel after this. I'm in trouble, right? It's just a joke. Yeah. But then a weirdo shmirdo who probably shares ice cream cones with dogs is waiting. he's like, oh, I was going to walk you to your room. And I go, oh, no, that was a joke.

Thank you. You're so sweet. He's like, no, no, I'm going to. I go, it's fine. You're now the threat. Yeah. I need now someone to walk me, to protect me from you. Yeah.

Like the second you said that sentence. Yeah. And he got a little offended. I didn't say those words, but I was like, no, no, I'm fine. He goes, I just want to make sure. I'll feel better. I go, well, I would feel better. I told him this.

I would feel better if you. if you didn't. So we're good. And he's like, ha, ha, ha, you're a comedian. So nothing you say is real. Oh, no, what have I done? So I ended up hanging out anyway and talking and there's these guests, these people that always come

every time in town. They're fantastic. They come. I literally feel awful. I can't repeat any jokes. Like, I have to sit there and like, I made a whole new set list. I was so proud of myself.

I tried all these new jokes that were very, very raw and a little bit scary to do, but I just did them for these two couples. That's great. But they're hanging out. So I hung out and he's still outside. He's still outside. So I'm, there's no way I'm walking across the street. Yeah.

And I had to stand there and wait and it was very awkward. And then the theater's like, lights out and they're closing and they're locking up. And they're like, are you okay? And I was like, I think so. And this guy is still outside. So I walk across the street to the like reception area, which is, again, it's, this hotel is not normal. It's like this little door. And I knock on the door and I was like, oh, I have a question just to kind of.

And she's like, we're closed. I'm going to get murdered. Can I come inside? Please. And the guy is standing watching me from across the street. Yes, it's absolutely like the street is so tiny. You know, this Mill Valley, these little winding roads. And he's still there.

And I turned around and I looked at him and I go, it's time for you to go home. Oof. Yeah. He left. But if you've never, like, if you've never been in that, you know what I mean, situation, you have to like really just kind of conjure up this feeling of, I will have to hurt you now. Do you know what I still have in my purse? What? Those, um, those, uh, the knuckle sandwich that that guy made in Ohio. Oh, the brass knuckles? The wooded, the brass knuckles.

Yeah. I still have them. Really? I reached in. I had it like in my purse. Really? I don't know at this Yeah, I know. I go, why? So are you saying I should use the brass knuckles on the lady with the dog? You should have knocked that dog out with a one-two punch. I felt that the dog, it wasn't the dog at all. It was the You think it was the chick. And she just has the dog. You're taking a dog who's known for farts and putting it up in this pressure cabin. Yeah. And you do it all the time.

Can I say? Who's worse? Her or the guy in Mill Valley? For sure, her. Yeah, not the guy that just stood there with a crazy murderous look in his eyes. The other day I was in a parking lot. And one of the bookers from Flappers is standing next to my window. but I didn't see him.

And I'm backing out. And all of a sudden, he just appears. And I, and I rolled my window down. I go, oh, my God, you scared the hell out of me. He goes, really? I was just standing here in a dark parking lot at midnight by yourself. And I go, you've never been a woman in a dark parking lot ever. He goes, you're right.

I have not. I'm so sorry. That is a real thing. Yes. There are a lot of times when men don't do nothing twice about certain situations. that you have been on high alert for your entire adult life. Yes. Yeah.

There's a lot. I have actually, when I've been looking at my travels, when I think about going in the night before, there's been a little bit of a hesitation of, oh, I can go the night before, but I'm going to land at 11.30 at night. And this is a rental car situation. So now I'm walking through,

I'm taking the shuttle or the tram or the walk through the thing at midnight into the... It's not going to be a lot of people around at that time of night. It's... I've been calculating that recently. Like, no. I don't think I'm going to new city, new unknown city. Right. Where I'm roaming around lost as the first activity.

You know what I mean? I was in an Uber. Did I tell you the guy was praying the whole time? Praying out loud? Yeah. Oh, geez. Like, he was doing, like, kind of, like, you know, Father that art in heaven kind of pray. Like, I sounded familiar to me.

Uh-huh. He's doing the Catholic or the Christian prayers? The whole time. I don't know. I can't. I don't know the difference. Well, one could sound Arabic. One could be the Jewish guy with the thing on his head.

No, no, no. It's all in English. It's like Father, Mother Mary, Joseph. Uh-huh. I'll bring, please bring me peace, please bring me. And then repeating the same thing over and over again. Like doing the rosary. Sounded like it the whole time.

And after a while, I jokingly, again, sometimes as a comic, people don't know you're a comic, you sound like an asshole. Yeah. I was like, do you know something I don't know? Like, why are you praying as we're driving to Oakland Airport right now? That is the unsettling thing. Yeah. And he's like, I pray all the time.

And I go, well, maybe not at work. Or maybe not, maybe in your head. Yeah. Maybe not out loud. Out loud. I pray all the time, but it's not out loud in front of other people. You pray all the time? Not like constant 24 hours a day, but I pray all the time.

You do? Mm-hmm. Oh, God. Yeah, that's who I talk to. A boy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very private thing. Like, there's no, there's no, when I was at JF, Okay, before we got to the dog, there was eight to ten, a sedum, you know, how they pray before the flight?

Yeah. You see one or two, and they, you know, they've got the leather straps and somewhere the rubber box on the head and they wear the shawls. You know, you see it when you see ten all rocking and doing it, it's unsettling. Yes. It should be a, why is this, why is, why this public display thing? It's not making every, it's not making anyone else feel good. No. None of it is. No. No. I would feel weird if people also just started like getting on their hands and knees and praying like, please let us make it to Tampa. Anything unusual. Yes. There was a guy at the gate once who was just shadow boxing. No. This kid, he had a hoodie on and he's just shadow boxing.

Oh my God. This was like a red eye. flight. We're all getting ready to go. And the part of me that was thinking, like, if I was a man from the 50s, the 1950s, I'd go up to the shadow boxer and say, hey, you're making the women nervous. Yeah. Cut it out. And if he didn't stop, then you'd punch them for real. But in this all-accepting world that we try and live in, everyone's just like looking at each

other and rolling their eyes like, oh, that's a little weird, right? and you got and you no one stops the shadowboxer. You feel like you can't do anything anymore. And if you do, everyone pulls their phones out and you go viral for the wrong reason. Yeah. Yeah. Just keep praying, shadowboxing, yelling. We all, there's a, there's a farting.

There's a, farting with your dog. Like, there's a normality. We're just all together at this moment. Let's all just keep it in the normal frequency. Yes. No high frequency. No, just keep it in here. keep it in here so nobody else gets ruffled.

I agree with that completely. Yeah. What did he say when you said, do you know something I don't know? You just said I pray all the time. He was very upset with me. He was. He was very upset.

And boy, did I write a letter to Uber. Yeah. I wrote, I've never, ever. I just, I tip them at the end. And then they're always like, rate your driver. I'm like, five, five. I don't, you know what I mean? Like, it's, this is.

a person who's trying to make a living, you know, they're driving around the entire city. My God, they get sent to five different counties. Yeah. I never, I never have a problem. Yeah. This guy? Yeah. I don't think should be behind the wheel.

No. And if he is, there should be some warning. There should be a warning. Marcus is going to scare the hell out of you. I say spooky things out loud, the whole trip. The whole trip. Oh, God, Jesus, Mother Mary. Like, there is that thing of, like, do you like conversation?

Do you like to? That's right. Do you like music? Do you like the windows down? Do you like spooky conversation? Do you like me talking to Mother Mary the whole time out loud? Pray the whole time out loud. Like, and with desperation.

Right. Like any minute. And we went over a bridge. We were going over the Richmond Bridge. And I'm like, oh, God, this is where the prayers he realized. These prayers don't work. You know, I don't know what's going on in your head. Yeah, that's not good.

There's so much trust we put into. I know these strangers. The problem, though, with the Uber thing is I've had some times where the guy was, you know, doing something that wasn't cool. And just going like, you know what, I give everyone five stars. This guy's getting a three. And they don't let you submit it unless you give reasons why. Yeah. And then I'm always thinking, is this going to come back?

Does this come back to me? If you just put unsafe, that's all you have to put. Right. Didn't feel safe. That's it. I don't care if it smelled weird. Yeah, yeah. Or, oh, the seat was moved up too high.

Whatever. Like, they don't just did not feel safe, unsafe driver. Right, right, right. It's a lot of weirdness out there. I got marked down. You did? I did. I think I might have told you this.

I landed very late. I was going to a gig. I had to take the Uber. I landed in either Fort Lauderdale and going to Miami or one or the other. Whatever it was, I had to eat in the car. Uh-huh. And this was before my restricted eating, but whatever, I just picked up whatever at the airport. And I had to run into Uber.

It was just airport food. Yeah. It was, God forbid, Joey Jack and Box. It was just whatever they had at the airport. I had to pick it up. The flight was delayed. I had to get to my gig. I didn't have time to go to my hotel.

It was a horrible situation. Yeah. We've all been in those. I got in the car and the guy marked me down for bringing food and eating in his car. I get it. I'm sure some people are very, you know, but I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah. What?

He's like, yeah, I'm marking you down for that. He said it? Yes. He said it out loud. 100%. Wow. Usually, yeah. Usually it's like in secret.

Yeah. Oh, no. He told me. One guy told me when I got it and he said, you're, you're rated as a high tipper. Yeah. Okay. And I was like, all right. I can't stiff this.

This guy. I mean, you have to do your best. Yeah. It's like getting a hooker. I've heard you give the best blow jobs. Don't stiff me. I can't let this one down. All right.

I'll really give it my all. So I'm going to Chicago. One night, turn around, doing wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. And then coming back. And I'm home for the weekend. I'm very excited to just eat for football. And it's, yeah, I'm very excited. I've always wanted to put on a suit, no luggage, get on the plane, go, do your thing back and home.

Interesting. You can do that? I've never done it. But can you do it this one? I could do it. The bad thing is work. Like, I'm talking not even a backpack. Wait, you're going to come back the same day?

Next morning. Oh, no. You got to bring something. You got to bring some unders. Yeah. Fresh unders. Yeah. Not that I wear underwear, but I know that you should bring fresh underwear.

I'm sorry, say that again. Anyways, you should bring. I'm going to walk you to your room. Oh, my God. I'll wait. Oof. Yeah, you should bring something. I guess you can only do it.

it if you do the there in the morning back at night. Yeah, I've done that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, overnight. Because I'm going to write. I'm going to be on the plane for probably, you know, tomorrow will be very early, but it'll be, you know, for six hours, six to eight hours on the flight, you should be working, you should be writing, you should be doing something. For sure. So, it's nice to think about, though. Bring a little satchel with your, um, your laptop and some socks underwear t-shirt? Yeah, and just bring a little bag. A little something, yeah, just a tiny bag, no wheelie bag.

Yeah. Then you're, this is so boring, but then you're putting your backpack over here, then you're in your suit and you're throwing a, it's actually a springtime autumn thing anyway, because I'm going to have a coat. I've got to go to Chicago. Oh, yeah. It's going to be hellish.

And according to, but according to Joe Bolter, our trusty producer, he, uh, he says it's going to be like spring there this. weekend. Ooh. That's not what I said. First of all, I said that he probably won't get delayed. And I said it like that with that kind of confidence. He most likely probably won't be delayed and miss the gig.

Well, it's going to be. I didn't realize you were on Mike. Yeah. Oh, that's good. I would have talked to you more. I was talking to him. Yeah, I thought you were doing it wrong. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Tritoria update. Yes. Here at the breaking bread. We are in the middle of redesign. We've got some big movement this week. We got all of the old stuff leaving. We've got all of our equipment in place.

The last element is going to be when this table goes and our Tritoria booth comes in. Very excited. And just before we went on air, we got somewhat hopeful news. I wasn't very hopeful. It's a lot of questions. That quote, that number. You know what I'm learning? The hosts of the program really have no business in making any decisions on the set.

We're just like, we want to, we want it to look like a restaurant. And then they're like, okay, what are the dimensions? We're like, I want to sit in a restaurant. But we are very much. making progress. Yeah. Our espresso machine, this is, you came in very rudely today with your own coffee. And you were like, I have coffee.

I was like, oh, thank God you brought coffee. Because we're coffee buddies. And you were like, no, I got this hours ago. This, I wasn't, you weren't in my thoughts yet. I was like, well, whatever. And I was like, wait a minute. Here at the Tritoria, we have fresh espresso. Got me through the show.

Very exciting. So next step, booth. Yeah. Next step. What are we going to make him dress in? It will be like one of those red waiter jackets and a bow tie. Like what is it going to be when we say to Joe? When we say to Abraham Lincoln, can you bring me that croissant?

Right, right, right. Yeah, like a cool Italian apron type of. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like he's coming from the kitchen. And then Joe can be like a bookie. A bookie who just like sits in the side and like runs numbers from the booth next to us. seems like your people. Let me ask you this. This is more for our production meeting, but I was

thinking another fun thing to do. We always present our guests with fresh baked bread. We have the espresso maker. We have all this space now. What about a toaster? And they get their loaf of bread, of course, but we also give them a slice of buttered sourdough. Ooh, that's it down. That's really nice. I stop there. We get a pizza oven. Okay, okay, keep going. The Chitoria is really going to expand until it actually becomes a real place. These poor neighbors. That restaurant next to us, by the way, we could easily take them over and run the whole restaurant and then really give our guests something. And we don't have to worry about getting a booth in here. That's truly. That's right. We won't have to

come up the elevator. We have this tiny little door that we're like, we'll get it through. go to tompapa.com. Look up all the dates. Kira and I are running around. We're going to be doing a bunch of shows. We've got one in Vancouver. Maybe you'll be on that one. San Diego.

And we're going to Joe's family out in the Palm Desert, Palm Springs somewhere. All the dates are up there. We're going to, oh, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to Maine. And then I'm going to New Hampshire. And the people from King Arthur Flower said, you're going to pass us from Maine to New Hampshire, why don't you come by? And we'll give you a tour, we'll do whatever, just come hang out in the flower world. You know, I use King Arthur Flower.

We all do. Have a great week. We'll see you next time. Bye.