Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 20 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

Today I host my comedy brother, Greg Fitzsimmons. We go deep into the world of Irish holidays and transcend into the world of Transcendental Meditation. Greg is an amazing comedian, friend and podcaster. Check him out at gregfitzsimmons.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, it's how we go Hey It's time for Breaking Bread with Papa Hey Don't you know It's also a show Hey Hey

Hey Everybody Welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa I'm Tom Papa It's so nice to be with you It really is I appreciate you listening

I appreciate you watching If you're watching this on YouTube Make sure you subscribe to the podcast If you are in the mood to make beautiful comments, only compliments, make those as well on the YouTube. Wherever you're listening to your podcast, if you can give us a nice ranking, as many stars as they let you give, you should totally do that. It helps to spread the word for this podcast,

which is really my goal, is to keep spreading the word and telling these great stories and sharing with everybody and the more that you guys participate, the better. And thank you for the comments and the likes and stuff so far. I get a lot of comments about people cooking while they're listening to this podcast, and that makes me very happy, probably more than any other activity. Today we have a great one with Greg Fitzsimmons. Such a great guy, such a funny comedian. I knew Greg in New York when I very first started comedy.

He was a little ahead of me. And he was just so cutting and so funny. And he always seemed like he was in with all the cool comics. And I just wanted to be around him any way that I could. But in the early days, it's like going to high school. You don't just walk in and pick out the cool kids and get to hang with them. You literally have to play it cool and let prove yourself and maybe fight a bully or two. And after a while, they kind of let you in.

And it's in no exaggeration to say that when I've gotten to this point in my career and people like Greg, I can truly call a good friend. It's not an exaggeration to say that it is one of the most meaningful parts of a career in comedy. To know that when I'm out and running around, I can call this great mind, this hilarious, thoughtful, guy or girl who has just been an inspiration to me in comedy and that we are now friends and they'll take my call or let me talk about wherever I am and the gig that I'm on and that they've been there before and it's just it's a human contact that is a truly a special thing that I don't take lightly at all. I love Greg Fitzsimmons and we will break bread with him right now. Enjoy yourself.

Good to see you, buddy. Good to see you. I'm so sorry, but every time I put, are we recording the podcast? Yeah. But every time I listen to 95.5 in Los Angeles, there's a guy Greg, Greg G something. Do you know what I'm talking about? You've told me about him. He's like your, he's like your corny smug alter.

ego. He's like, you know how all of us when we look in the mirror we have body dysmorphia? Like, he would be who you would hear yourself sounding like. What's he like? Like a little swarmy? No, it's not, that's the best part, is that he has none of your personality. But his voice, tone, timing, rhythm, he must be from your fucking town and maybe check ancestor DNA because you're the same guy physically. Physically, just physically. Just your sound physically and your tone. And I'm, I really, I'm remiss because I was going to record him this week knowing we were doing this podcast and I was going to play clips for you.

But I'm going to send them to you. If I send them to you, do you promise you'll play them on a future podcast of yours? Absolutely. I'll bring you back on and do it. Okay. Because I have one for you. Oh. Because I have on the Peloton, which is the only place I've been exercising during this whole quar.

The kids call it the quar. Right. During the choir, I have a Peloton bike in the house. The pell. The pell. And love the pell. The only problem with the pell is that there's a lot of teachers that are partying on the bike. Really?

And getting in touch with you. Yeah. And you're with me and a little sexual innuendo and a lot of stuff I'm not into. And there's this one guy named Matt Wilpers who is just a athlete. He's just a white dorky athlete. And he's like the guy that you just played football with in high school. Right. And he's just like upbeat, great, awesome.

but he sounds like you. Right. So when he talks about, like, when he, especially when he breaks out of his coaching and you're in the middle of a five-minute thing and he just starts talking about bands or something, you're like, I'm listening to Fitzsimmons right now.

Do you want me to start coaching you on the Peloton? I can do it. You can cut off that membership right now. Tom, push it. Push it, baby. You got it in you. I think, I know you too well. Yeah.

And I know that you would start off motivating me. And then you would quickly get me to quit the Pelot Time. Tom, this isn't doing anything. Tom, what are you trying to prove? Stop. Just go make some bread. You know, you spent a lot of money on this bike. You thought it would encourage you.

You thought that would put the gun to your head. But let's like, we all know how this is going to end. I know. You would not be good. I mean, I work so hard on that thing just to stay the same. Like if I wasn't, I literally hit like a mile, a year streak that I've done it every week for a year. No shit. Yeah.

What do you mean every week? How many times a week? At least once. Wow. Yeah. And it's a big achievement. I should probably, when you think about it, be like 20 pounds lighter. And while I've lost weight during Laquire, I definitely am not, the ratio is gone now between,

how hard I work and how much I lose. It's all food. It really is. I mean, you even talk to great trainers and they'll tell you, look, I don't know what to tell you, man. Just cut out the bread. They always say the same thing. Cut out the bread. I know.

And listen, I wanted to sit down with you in my studio and do this, which will do when things get a little more righteous. Yeah. But just because we're remote doesn't mean that you're. you're not getting bread. I will, I have to go on the road this week, and when I come back, I will be delivering bread to your house. Really? Yes, that's what you get for doing the podcast. You're going to drive to Venice Beach and drop off a level of bread at my house. A hundred percent, and it will happen next week. Do I get to request a certain type of bread? Or is that not done? You can go ahead. Like, what do you mean?

I like it, like just an Irish soda bread. That's all. I'm kidding No, that's sourdell My wife loves sourdell So if you make I think that's your standard, right? That's my standard But do you want it with

You can have it plain The plain country loaf You could have the olive loaf If you like olives That sounds nice That's really nice Yeah Um

Or Yeah, those two Or I could do a rye, but... I like rye, but I think the olive sounds nice. That sounds moist. It is. Yes, it actually lasts you all week long because it is so moist. Yeah.

When I picture you growing up and eating with your family and stuff, I see, I picture a lot of white. I see potatoes. I see white bread. I see maybe pasta but with no red sauce. I see an Irish plain white affair. Collyflower, pork chops, white pork chops. No, it was extremely white. And, you know, I wouldn't even say bread because my mother, my mother was such a bad cook.

She was so, I shouldn't say she was a bad cook. She was, her mother was an alcoholic. and my mom was one of six, and so the mother just wanted everyone out of the kitchen so she could drink in peace. Right. So my mom never learned how to cook anything, literally anything.

Then she gets pregnant at 22, moves from her father's house, in with my father, who's also an alcoholic, and she has to begin cooking for a son, and then another son who comes 12 months later. And so, like, Her connection to cooking was,

I'm being forced to do this thing against my will with no training. And with, so she would just, should we get like pork chops? Take the salafane off the wrapper, put it in a pan, turn on the heat, open up some canned vegetables, put it in a pot, turn up the heat, and serve it. Like that was it. There were no seasonings. There was no salad. There was no bread.

There was no dessert. Like, that was it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. You know, that generation, even if they, there are, of course, there's people that love to cook and whatever. But even the ones that did love to cook, that was a different, like, every single meal. You know how people freaked out during this quarantine where they were like, I have to cook every meal?

Yeah. It was like a big, like, even if you love cooking, you're like, we'll order out four times a week. Yeah, yeah. And then we'll make, we'll make some really kick-ass stuff three days. a week. They had to feed, and they all had big families. They just had to crank stuff out. Yeah. Three meals a day for this family. So it was a lot of prepared stuff that you could just crank out easily and just literally give this family calories. Yeah. And so bread was definitely there

to like supplant whatever else was made, especially if you didn't have a lot of money. And the Irish, that's why there's so many different Irish stews because you just like, you know, on a good week, the stew has a lot of lamb in it or has a lot of beef in it. In a bad week, it's got a lot of fucking celery. It's got cabbage. You know, every country's broke area eats cabbage.

Cabbage is the worldwide shit food for poor people. You're right. And it's very gassy. Doesn't make you feel good. No. Doesn't taste great. No, but it grows easy. It's a fucking stubborn vegetable.

Yeah. It's the last thing eaten by the locusts or dried out by the famines. So what would happen during a holiday? What was Christmas like? It was that times four because her siblings were as bad as she was. So we would always go to the Bronx. I was born in the Bronx. and we'd go to my grandfather's house.

And my cousins all lived in Long Island and New York City. And so we would all go to the Bronx with my uncle from Long Island, Uncle Paul. He was a great old guy and alcoholic. And he had a giant styrofoam cooler held together with electric tape. And they would make a turkey in the morning. And then they would put it into the cooler and put it in the back of his Ford LTT, drive it to my grandfather's house, and then stick it in the oven at like 178 degrees, where it would sit from 11 a.m. until 5 p.m. when everybody finally started eating.

In the meantime, everybody's just drinking their faces off. And then finally, like, we would pull this bird out. It had no moisture left in it. Oh, God. And just, yeah, white mashed potatoes. white cauliflower, white macaroni and cheese, yeah, uh, yams.

Yeah, and everyone, watching all the adults just banging into the furniture. Yeah. Against the walls. And then we would be just as drunk because we would go down to that. We would steal something and go down to the basement. Then me and my cousins would all get annihilated. I starting at the ages of like 11, 11, 12. Really?

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I don't know where we learned it. Yeah, I know. Well, this is why, and I say this, I've said this to you before, and I say it everywhere I go. Whenever the subject comes up and you come up as a subject or the cycle of life, the cycle of bad behavior or good behavior comes up, I always talk about why you are one of my heroes, because you are literally the first. first person I met that consciously decided that I'm going to stop a cycle of abuse and

alcoholism in my family and I'm going to draw the line and I'm going to be the guy that decides this goes no further in our line and I'm going to switch and I'm going to raise my kids in a different way and I'm not going to do what those people I'm not going to fall into the pattern that everyone did because it's such whenever you see people that are hurting it's usually they're caught in that pattern that was thrust on them. And you are very unique, very special that you were aware enough to just cap that off and start new. Yeah, well, thanks, man. I appreciate that. It's inspiring. It really is. Although, well, yeah, and it took a lot of work, but it felt like, yeah, it felt crazy to continue. You know, the definition of insanity is

repeating the same behavior, expecting different results. But we'll see if my kids don't break the cycle back in the other direction at this point. Well, that's on them. They might be shitty people, but you're great. Right, right. I opened the door for them. I can't make them walk through it. No, it was, and, you know, a lot of my cousins have, not a lot.

A couple of my cousins have also gotten sober, but most are continuing. continuing the family tradition. Keeping it going. There's something to be said for tradition. Yeah, there is. Hey, I would, there's a part of me that would be a little bit bummed if everybody got sober because Christmas is so much fun. You know, Christmas, Easter, like, whenever we get together, they are just the greatest

collection of people. They all have bigger than life personalities. They're all like super caring, funny storytellers. And the night goes on. It just keeps going, you know? And I don't know. I like being a fly on the wall. That Irish storyteller thing is so real.

It's like people that don't even think about show business, don't even think about writing books, can just fire off the best stories in the world from that culture. It's just a talent. Yeah, I really think my Aunt Dolores, who's my mother's sister, is as funny as any comedian. I'm sure it's the same with you in your personal life. You probably know one or two people that are as funny as Seinfeld or Brian Regan or anybody else.

Like my aunt can tell a – she tells the shit out of a story. She will talk about picking up – there was this guy, there was this older guy in her neighborhood who she used to take out once in a while because he was so old. And she – you know, they really walked the walk of Catholic. also. They really do lives of service. They all, you know, one aunt worked with hospice for 30 years. And, you know, they, just, my mother's always, she worked with, volunteered in women's prisons for like 30 years. And just bringing the drugs in. Wow. And, uh, and so my aunt would bring this guy out to dinner. And she, and she tells this story. And a story that would take anybody else three minutes.

she can drag 30 minutes out of it and have you laughing the whole time. And she brings him to this restaurant and then he goes and he shits himself in the restaurant. And it's just, and that's where the story starts. And the 30 minutes is her getting him into the car and back home again. So fucking funny. Oh, my God. It's such a, it's such a, it's Jews and the Irish have a great. have a great oral history.

I don't know, I guess, I guess, you know, a couple centuries of suffering can add to it. A couple centuries, yeah, at least. I mean, the British occupied Ireland for a thousand years, and the Jews have been roaming around since, what, 3,000 years ago? Right. So, yeah, so I think it is that. I think it's partly that because when you're,

subjugated and wandering you know you you don't have as much written material and so you do have these oral histories you're telling the family stories and as you tell them they get better and it becomes a prized thing to be the person around the fire that that makes people laugh or keeps them interested and yeah and so yeah I think when you when you were that kid like in that environment were you at all able to be funny at a young age in that group? Oh yeah, totally. Oh, you go, yeah.

Yeah, I think because my, you know, my father was in the business. He was in radio. And so he was like, he was officially the guy at Thanksgiving and Christmas that was kind of leading the charge with funny stories and the ball breaking. Everybody's shitting on everybody the whole time. And so it was that kind of spirit. and I think that among my cousins, like, I was, maybe not the funniest, but I was up there, even at a young age. And then I can just remember, like, we would have these talent shows, we'd have these family reunions.

Because this is all on my mother's side, by the way. My father's side was nobody. My father had his brother who died without any kids, and my father, for some reason, had, like, no cousins. I don't know what happened to the Fitzsimmons side, but I never met another Fitzsimmons in my life. Wow. Except my uncle, who was a Skid Row Bowery bum, like lived in a welfare motel in the Bowery in my whole life.

Whoa. And that was the end of the Fitzsimmons line. And so my mother's side was the McCarthy's, and they would have these get-togethers. And one year we'd go to the Poconos, and one year we'd go to Connecticut, and one year we'd go to the Catsgills, and everybody would come from,

we had cousins in D.C., and some would even come in from Ireland, and we'd have these big, massive, like, 100, 150-person get-togethers. We'd do it like every three or four years. And there would be a talent show. And so we'd everybody get drunk and have dinner, and then we would have, you know,

be like a hotel, and we'd get like a banquet room and we'd make a, we'd have a talent show, and I started emceeing at a pretty young age. I started introducing everybody. else at a pretty young age. A little suit. Little red suit, little, little velour suit. Yeah, yeah, I think there's pictures.

Was it you stepping out or was it your father asking you to do it? No, he was telling me to do it. Look, I'm in the family business, Tom. I mean, thank God. Thank God there was something to go into. It's like he showed me that like you can do this and actually raise a family. Yeah, amazing. Yeah.

That's an unusual thing. thing. A lot of comics had to kind of find their own way. Yeah. Because everybody was straight. Everybody just had a job. Right. You know, you didn't have a clue. Did you have to convince your parents that this is something you could do? No. They knew I could do it because I was hosting a talent show and I was the only one in the show in my family. I would put on the jacket, introduce myself and then come out as a different character. Who were the characters?

I did a, I had a bunch of different stuff, but I had a good run as Gilda Radner. Any, any character that Gilda Radner was doing I was trying to do. And then, and then like, and then some Steve Martin stuff. But Gilda Radner, like with Rosanna-Danna, you know, that thing. That was probably the peak of my childhood living room performances. Yeah. when I would do that stuff. And did you collect comedy albums?

Is that where you got the material? I did. Yeah, I would run into comedy albums. I wasn't collecting them yet. My mother had, like, Lily Tomlin. Uh-huh. And I saw, I saw, that's funny you say that, because I saw an album for S&L before I saw S&L.

I think of my grandparents' house, they had that S&L album. Right, I remember that. Yeah. Yeah, and I saw that and then got turned on to the show a little bit later because I was still young. But my parents, so they thought I was funny and they thought I could do it, but they were also like, get a degree and get your act together for when this dream fizzles out, you'll be able to sell insurance. Right, right. You know.

Yeah. It wasn't that other thing. So then you, so were you throwing jokes in? Do you remember, like, how old were you when you were hosting? I was probably like, you know, 11 or 12, and I would do Steve Martin routines. I would do George Carlin routines. Nice. Bill Cosby, I did the whole dentist bit.

You did? And I did this really obscure Steve Martin routine, which was on an album that nobody has. He had this one album called, I think it was called The Two Steve Martins. Yeah, yeah. And it was, one side was just banjo music. Right. And it's like a flag? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And the other side was like him doing these very, like, set pieces. They weren't, I don't even know that there was an audience for a lot of it. Some of it was just like him recording himself. And one of them was this bit that was called What I Believe. Uh-huh. And in the background is this music that's very American.

It's very, you know, swelling and you see a flag blowing. And he says, what I believe, I believe in rainbows and fairy tales and Uncle Dennis who waves his penis. And I believe in nine out of the Ten Commandments. And I believe that every American should be allowed in our country, provided they speak our native language, Apache. and it just goes on and on it's just these one-liners with this music playing behind it and and uh yeah so i did that i remember doing that a lot and you probably did that without the music no no i had the music i put the music on not that particular music but i found some corny music and then it was just a lot of crowd work it was a lot of you know making fun of the relatives because that's what my dad did

yeah yeah it's so funny yeah it's amazing that's a great that's a great that's amazing that's a great. That's so good because you're actually doing bits. Like you're on stage holding a microphone having like real structure, like stroke structure coming out of your face. Yeah, I always say I was never the class clown. I was the class comedian. Like I wanted to be a comedian from the time I was nine years old. I remember there was a, I was a really bad athlete growing up and and so, but I played every sport. Love sports. Still play sports. Never any good. And so I was on a swim team, and the main thing that held me back was that I didn't float. Uh-huh.

I was, like, anorexic. I was just skin and bones, and I'd go in the water and I'd get nervous, and then, you know, being nervous in the water makes you sink, and then having no body fat. And so they put me on this swim team, and there was an award ceremony, and it was a kind swim team. So everybody got a plaque, no matter how bad you did in the meat, you got to. got a plaque. So I remember at the time at the time I think I was 11 and I got

an award for breaststroke fourth place in the nine and under category. Yeah. I lost the three nine-year-olds. And so I get up there and they go to hand me the plaque and Mr. D was the swim coach and I

took the plaque and then I took the microphone out of his hand and I just started, I started thanking everybody. I started, I thanked Jimmy Carter because he was the president at the time. And, uh, I, I, I, I mentioned Bruce Jenner. I remember I did like a whole, like, fake speech. And I killed. Uh, that's so great. I think that's the first time I did stand up into a microphone. That's amazing. God. I didn't tell like a joke joke, uh, like, like, until I was like in college and I was at a wedding for my cousin. And I did a Larry Miller joke.

You know, like the rehearsal dinner, you have the rehearsal dinner the night before and everybody goes around and gives a little speech about the bride and groom. And it came to me and I had this joke locked and loaded. And it was, so like my cousin's really attractive. guy and I said, you know, Jimmy's getting married. It's kind of surprising because he attracts women like cheap metal to a magnet, which is a Larry Miller line. That's good. And I was so through, I couldn't go to sleep that night because I had the line in my head all day and then popped it out and it killed. Yeah. And I saw the power of what a joke was, like a really premeditated joke.

Right. Holy cow, that was a different thing than like you're saying, like, just running around being the class clown and just, which I was, just kind of making people laugh with fart jokes and being loud. Right. I think that power, because everybody experiences it, but some of us gravitate to it. Like, everybody gets a laugh at some point, and most people get a big laugh at some point. but the feeling of being the center of attention isn't appealing to them or they don't get the same connection to the joy of the laugh that other people do. But if you are susceptible to it and comfortable with being the center of attention, your life

kind of changes. Yeah. A hundred percent at a very early age. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You just put you on this path and you're like, well, I'm going to live here. for sure.

Yeah. And I could see it with like my cousins. You know, I'd play sports with my cousins and they all played lacrosse. And I remember like, I'd play for half an hour and I was like, I was fun. That's great. Now let's go fuck around. Let's go. And they were like, no, we're going to play for eight more hours.

Like this is what we love. You know how you got that big laugh? Like when I get a goal, like that's the feeling I get when you get a laugh. Right. And so there's those kids. We all knew those kids. growing up that were just, they played every fucking sport. They were, they call it like in hockey,

call them rink rats. They're the kids that won't leave the rink. Yeah. Were you able to use your comedy power for girls? Yeah. Again, like sports, I wasn't very good at it, but I played all the time. And I think I really like,

I think I was funnier when I was around girls that were like my level. Like I wasn't able to make really hot girls laugh and break down the barrier. But girls that were like in my league, I enjoyed having fun with them and laughing with them. And I think that helped my cause a lot. Right.

Yeah. But you know, there's some guys that will just walk up to hot, you know, Dennis Gubbins. You know Dennis Gubbins. No. Like he's just a guy who's a comedian, but he'll walk up to the most beautiful, girl at the party and make her laugh and he'll hook up yeah yeah that wasn't my thing either no

yeah but i was yeah do you think that was intimidation or do you think it was you just knew that they weren't going to be as funny back i think that's a part of it yeah i think i i didn't want to be with somebody i was performing for i wanted to be with a girl that had a few pounds on her that knew had a chuckle. And could throw back. Yeah. Could throw jokes back at you. Yeah.

A girl you could make fun of for being fat, she makes fun of me for being skinny. And then we go finger each other in the parking lot behind the bar. You know, like a lot of the girls that I had sex with were actually just like drinking buddies. They were good friends that at the end of the night you hooked up with, you know? Right. Because you're both drunk and didn't work out with everybody else. Yeah, right. Who was the first girl you slept with?

First girl I slept with was, I won't say her name, but it was, we were definitely drinking buddies. And my friend Pete, sneaky Pete, he was my best friend. And we had a bet. We'd been friends since we were little. And so once we, like, hit puberty, we made this bet that whoever loses his virginity first gets 20 bucks from the other guy. How old is this? Are you betting? Probably like 14 when we make the bet.

Uh-huh. And so 14 goes by, nobody's collecting money. 15 goes by, nobody's collecting. And then all of a sudden, like, I turned 16, and he tells me, I just slept with Karen. And I was like, Karen, everybody slept with Karen. That's going to be your first, like, Karen? Yeah. And so we had made a clause in the contrary.

track six months earlier that the other guy could cancel the bed out by having sex within one month of when the first guy had sex. So now I had my marching orders. Now I had to go out and he had cheapen himself. And so I go out and I'm sitting on the corner with my buddy Johnny Trouble, we're sitting on the benches, which is where you sat when you were a teenager and you'd hoped that somebody would drive by who had a car that would pick you up because you had money for beer or you had ID or like there was there was an exchange. barter system. Yeah.

So this girl pulls up and her name was Mary Blood. I'll say her real name because it's just perfect. Yeah. I love these names. Sneaky Pete. Sneaky Pete, Johnny Trouble, Mary Blood. And she's got a, she's got like a 76 firebird. It's like a badass car.

Yeah. Sky blue. And me and Johnny Trouble get into the car. And with Mary Blood is Karen, the one who, who Sneaky Pete lost his virginity to. So now we go off and we buy some rum and we go to the power lines, which is, you know, if you grow up in the suburbs, you know that if you find the power lines,

there's always going to be a track underneath them. There's going to be a muddy road so they can service the power lines. So we go to the power lines and we pull off under there, and there's a light rain, and we're drunk on rum. And so we get out of the car, and Johnny Trouble and Mary Burrubble, and Mary Blood start having sex on the trunk of her car. And now me and Karen go to the hood of the car and pull her pants down. I pull my pants down like around my ankles. I'm like slipping in the

mud because around like a slight uphill and it's muddy out. And feet on the ground. Feet on the ground, pants around the ankles. And I had sex with Karen. it was like a bad Bruce Springsteen song and then I told sneaky Pete the next day I was like bets off I had sex and I was like and he was like who'd you have sex? And I go

oh this girl Janine she's like from the next town over like I didn't have the heart to tell him that I lost my journey to the woman that he lost the virginity to and the bed was canceled and and now Pete's gay sneaky Pete's gay Sneaky Pete's gay Yeah

What's the connection? I don't know that there was It's just this kind of a weird ending to the story He didn't He didn't question the The girl from out of town story The oldest lie in the book Didn't question it

Well he was a good friend Sneaky Pete Sninky Pete trusted you Well And I trusted that he wasn't gay I mean all the years So we had sleepovers And skinny dip together

and all that. There was a lot of trust going my direction too. Is this where he got the name sneaky? No,

he never hit on me. It's so weird. I look back on that. We were, we traveled around Europe together for like six months, backpacked around

after high school. Right. Slept in fucking ditches together and, you know. Yeah, yeah. So weird. But, uh...

You weren't his type. Wasn't my type. I had three of my, closest friends, Sneaky Pete, came out later. Kevin Meaney, who was one of my best friends in the world, came out years after I knew him. Right. And then there's another comedian that I'm friends with, that you know who's gay, who came out, sort of came out years after I knew him, many years after I knew him. Right. And I just think, I have no gayer whatsoever. ever.

Meany? When you were that close with Meany? No. I knew Meaty since I was a little kid because he was a, my dad belonged to a golf course in White Plains and Kevin was a waiter. And so when I was a little kid at the pool, I'd be like, Kevin, get me a Coke. And he'd be like, his fucking Fitzsimmons kid. And so like, and then I got to know him when I got older when he was a comedian.

And then he became like my mentor. And then we became like super close friends. God was he great. God, was he funny. The best. Oh my God, just so funny. But he was one of those guys that when he came out, like you didn't think he was gay. Like it wasn't like, oh, yeah, of course he was.

But then the more you just sat and thought about his act, you were like, what were we stupid? The voice. Singing up there, the voices. Yeah. January. And then, and also he went to culinary school. He was on Broadway and drag. Like all these.

things were out there. But also, in our defense, married. Married. Right? So it was like, you know, there's a lot of guys that are somewhat effeminate in comedy. Yeah. That are straight. So it's not, it wasn't that, it wasn't that crazy.

And the other one was another comedian. Yeah. I don't want, I'm not going to probe, but I think from New York, right in the New York days, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no real gay dar. But it's hard to have gaydar. It's hard to have gaydar.

Because then there's other guys who, or it's like kind of the opposite stereotype. And when they come out, you're like, whoa, he's more masculine than I am. Right. It's like, it's all the old tropes is how you're trying to figure it out. Right. No. Right. I remember there was a gay waiter at the comedy cellar.

And this was like 98. and I made some comment he was out and I made some dumb comment to him we were talking about this and that all just joking around and I said something about being more manly like you know something like oh yeah like if Teddy was more manly and he just like looked me dead in the eye and was like I'm more man than you'll ever be and I was like oh yeah point taken yeah like my New Jersey suburb way of thinking about gay guys is they're girly. Right. No, no, no, no, no.

You know, and it was, but you were just, we grew up in a time when it was just whatever you saw in a movie was like your relation to understanding any culture. Well, I got, I got, I wouldn't say beaten up, but I think technically he won the fight against the gay guy. And this guy was gay in eighth grade. and we weren't fighting because he was gay we were fighting about something else but he grabbed me by my bangs and he fucking whipped me around I have to this day I don't know

can you see the scar? Not really There's a scar right here from that when I did have hair there was a piece of hair missing from a fight in eighth grade Jeez Louise Yeah so that that

That made me think about how tough gay guys can be. Good, yeah. Well, he was a tough black kid, and he was from the projects. Like, in the town I grew up in, there was projects, and there was, like, a lot of cousins. Right. If you fucked with one guy, you were fucking with, like, a dozen guys. And this guy had a lot of cousins, and so it was kind of stupid that I was fighting him in the first place. But then I realized, oh, no, Keith can actually kick my ass, too.

Now I have no better Yeah that was like Man it was such like a dark Not a dark time but not an enlightened time No When we were when we were children Like when like As we are all at this age quickly

Respecting people and learning the rules of like Hearing from different groups who really were in the shadows forever It's like you really got to cut our generation some slack when they screw up pronouns or they don't get it all because they don't realize young kids don't realize how far we had to come right right like honestly like how like racist and misogynist just in our lifetime no somebody was pointing this out the other day um that there was a game when we were kids that was literally called smear the queer And it wasn't gay bashing.

You didn't go after gay people, but that was the name of the game. Yeah. You know, and to be gay and to hear things like that just said matter-of-factly and flippantly. By everybody. Yeah. Everybody.

Yeah. So insane. Insane. I know. I know. To say and do. And not just like your dumb friends at the playground. Like it was in movies.

It was in songs. Right. It was, you know. Every song from the 80s was just about how hot women were. Right, right. She's got legs and just, I mean, everything was just purely just man on. And, you know, it's kind of innocent in some regards, but in other times, you have to give you a little bit of pause.

Right. You know? Yeah, and the idea of gay people being evil elements in films. I remember somebody wrote an article about like the history of femme fatals and murderers in films and how often they were lesbians.

Like most of the time they were lesbians. Real? Yeah. Remember basic instinct? She ends up being with a woman at the end and she was only playing, yeah. But yeah, but you think of the music videos. Yeah, they were very like very

dire straits that little faggots got his own jet airplane yeah I mean like yeah yeah it was just such a part and you're just a kid in there you're not you're not

you know aware of anything you're just digesting all the cool songs and the cool verbs and the movies and whatever it was like you know I think in a way I'm trying to say is we've come a long way well I think we've come a long way and I don't think it's

just we've come a long way for somebody else's edification, I think that if I had grown up in a culture that was not homophobic, I think I would be a much more evolved person myself because I don't think I would have braced against trying to be manlier than I really was my whole life.

I think I probably would have honored my creative side more. I think I would have been more vulnerable, probably. and so I think across the board people benefit from this kind of awakening. Yeah, but it was, it's, it was, I mean, look, when I was hosting the marriage ref, which was in 2010, and social media was just like starting to pop off, a lot of the comments were I think he's gay. About you? Yeah, about me. It was like, and I would like think about it and be like, I'm not. Yeah.

I didn't really care. was like, there was a little bit of me, like, what part do they think is gay? And like in 2010, like, why would that even be a subject or a thing? Right. But, you know, it is. I, you would have to, I don't think a kid even growing up today with how, how open things are compared to when we were growing up, I still don't think it's open to the point where they're going to be completely free. Well, it's also geographic. I mean, I'm sure there's, there's places where it's not 20, 2020 yet. No.

Even in this country. Yeah, they hit 1950 and they went, yeah, let's stay here for a few more decades. We're good. Yeah, we're good with 1950. But I see my kids' friends, you know, I see a lot of their friends are gay, and a lot of them had two dads or two moms. And it was all very normalized. But yeah, but I don't think it's that way everywhere. No, no.

So when you grow up in this, in this wonderbread culinary wasteland, now you're a guy living near the beach in California, and you've got kids who are probably know more about food than you did even now. Right? Like, is it different? Are holidays different with your family? Have you, have you, have you, learned and involved and was your wife,

did she bring stuff to it? Yeah. Is food a bigger part? Or do you, like, because you didn't grow up with it, you just kind of go along for the ride. I go along for the ride. And she's,

she's definitely, I think she's upper west side of Manhattan. And so very Jewish, like even though she's half Jewish, she culturally is very Jewish and going to Zabars and getting good chicken and, you know,

like, I think there's a, there's a respect and an emotional connection to food for Jewish people. And so it's wasted on me. Like, if it's anything fancy, like I like to take her to nice restaurants because she likes to go.

I can't stand nice restaurants. I'm just like, can we get the food and get out of here? But she enjoys, like, a tasting menu and, like, a place where they bring you, like, you know, little plates. Yep. Stretching it out. Yeah. And I'm always like, wait a minute,

like I went to Jelina in Venice, which is like, it's all little plates. And I'm like, but the little plate's $17. Like if it's a little, shouldn't the price be smaller since you're getting a lot of them? Yeah. Sir, we have a line out front.

If you don't enjoy your food, you can go. Take your Irish ass out of you. No, but our Thanksgiving, we do Thanksgiving out here. and it's, you know, some of our friends, our California friends. So there's a gluten-free option for everything

because a couple of kids are gluten, whatever. Yeah, intolerant. Yeah. Yeah. I'm dealing with a little of that. I'm dealing with a Californication in my own house where I, all my girls are vegetarians. And, you know, Cynthia was.

It has been forever and then converted our children without my say-so. Really? Well, yeah, she just let it be known, you know, how great animals are and connected the dots for them at a very young age. And I don't live that way at all. And I like to cook. I cook a lot. And so, you know, just take that part off the menu. Like, I'm not making it forever.

If we're making spaghetti and meatballs, I'm making a couple meatballs, putting them to the side and making sure everything's separate for them. Yeah. And now they've just declared they're both not eating cheese either. Really? So you had this vegetarian thing where, okay, but we can get away with nachos or I could make a lasagna with vegetables and all that cheese. So now meat's gone.

And then cheese is gone. And I'm just sitting there with a spatula and an apron on. I've got to get some friends. Yeah. Like, and it's, I think a big part of it is not in a bad way, but being in California and being more thoughtful about what you're eating and what's really healthy and what's really not healthy and ethical reasons for doing it. Is the cheese for ethical reasons or for health reasons?

that's more health that's more health but always nibbling at the edges of veganism always always just right around that in that they make visits to that neighborhood every once in a while has their weight are they able to keep weight on

oh they're so fat I mean so sloppy all of them but they're not like rail thin or anything no they're in shape they're in shapes yeah they all look good yeah so how do you get Do you consciously think about how to get protein into their diets?

Hey, not really. It's too hard. I mean, cheese was the big part of it. And I'll, you know, make stir fry with tofu and that kind of thing, which is great. I love eating it too, but, you know, that's once in a while. Yeah. Then you're just faced with what, you know, veggie dogs and that's all, like, processed stuff in it. Right.

And then you've got, you know, veggie burgers. and then there's like, you know, other ways, like, you have to really pack on a lot of green leafy vegetables. Yeah. Be really conscious of that stuff. And they're not really fans of that either. Yeah. Wow. You know what I mean?

Yeah. So you grow up in a culture that ate anything. We were just Italian garbage disposals. Yeah. It was just like, you know, meat, meat, meat, whatever. And I literally, yeah, I just, I'm like an Italian. cook for one. That's so hard.

Yeah. But Italians, like, I remember eating at my friend Frank Moretti's house for the first time. And they were, they were, you know, there was a anti-pasta. There was a salad. There was pizza. And I was like, I ate the pizza. I'm like, that was great dinner. Thanks, Mrs. Moretti.

And she's looking to me like, I'm crazy. The shrimp scampi didn't come out yet. The sausages didn't come out. It just kept coming. The pasta, yeah. Was it like that when you were growing up? Like multiple courses? Yep, yep.

They would just sit at the table for hours and just keep bringing it out. And it was like the pasta would definitely be the encore. And then it was like, no, we didn't, that's, then you get to the meats. Yeah. Then we go into the seafood and the meats and all the rest of it. Wow. And so I walk into an Italian deli where it's just hanging meats and cheeses and it just floods. I cannot stop.

Yeah. Like, I, it's impossible for me to stop eating all of it. And I buy it. I buy all of it. And I bring it back home and I'm like, and they're like, we don't even want an anchovy in that sauce. Yeah, yeah. You know?

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny. Like, if you have that stuff in your, whatever it is you were growing up with, it's kind of where it just gets established. Right. You know?

It's just, that's it. Like, you are never going to turn into a guy that's like, let me sit in this restaurant and learn what wines go with this food and all the rest of that stuff. Yeah. It's just, you know, it's like learning a language as a kid. Well, it's that and even more so. I think it's an emotional connection. I think for Italians, there's such a, like, you know, they're always trying to feed you.

It's their way of showing generosity. and when you share a meal, it's like a, you know, like it's why we love watching Italians in movies have meals together. Yeah, it's really true. Yeah, I mean, the Goodfellas scene when he's slicing the garlic with the razor blade. Yeah. It's just like, you could watch just that scene in a loop for two hours. Or in the Godfather when they're all hold up after the, after the,

the son gets killed. Yeah. And they're hidden out and they're making, he's making sausage and peppers. And it didn't matter what they had to use. Like they, it was like, I'd never seen men cook.

Like where I grew up, men didn't go near the kitchen. Right, right. It was seen as effeminate. Yeah. Did your father cook? No. No.

No, no. No, he didn't cook at all. I don't think I only know of a couple meals that he's made he never made I don't think a single meal where he was like here family yeah I made dinner tonight right it'd be something like I he'd go grill something or something but yeah to add on to all the other stuff my mother was doing right right are both sides Italian both sides yeah and my one grandfather was German oh okay yeah I keep having fantasies of going to Germany I think since the pandemic because they're like one of the places that has it together. Right. I'm fantasizing about those kind of places, Norway, going to Copenhagen, the Netherlands, Germany, places that have their act together. Yeah. You know?

I just, there's something so clean about it. I know. God. Yeah. It just feels like it feels like there has to be this magic place where people will hug again. and shake hands again. And we're like, when you see somebody, you don't have all these counter instincts flood you

of what not to do. Like, I just... Yeah. Ugh. I know. It's exhausting. I shook someone's hand. I think I might have told you this.

I shook someone's hand. My brother-in-law's hand. When we were leaving, we dropped my daughter off at school and we were coming back west. And I said goodbye to him and he put his hand out. And I was like, and did it. It was like sleeping was.

someone without a condom when you're dating. I was like, this is the new making out. Yeah, yeah, right, right. We're edgy. A handshake. Yeah. I know. Right. It's exhausting. I know. And I feel bad for like my mom, because my mom lives alone and, you know, she's a hugger. She has friends that she hugs and she needs that. You know, there's all these studies about how you need physical contact, you need hugging. Yeah. And she doesn't get any of that. And she can't come out and visit. visit us so she can get it. So yeah, it's sad. I know. It's hard. It's really hard. It goes against our instinct so much. I was trying to articulate that on stage that it's like I've been hold up with my wife who I've been with over 20 years and love more than anybody. But I found like I need

strangers almost as much. Like I need to just smile and make people laugh at the grocery store and hug somebody like a business person that you're doing a thing with. Yeah. Like, I need all those people. Right. Just as much. Yeah. It's pretty, we're pretty weird.

No, that night when you did that show that you asked me to come do, the joy of performing was almost as good as the joy of seeing the comedians backstage. Yeah. And, you know, and just being able to connect to people that you're used to seeing at, you know, like when we go out at night, it's like, you know, you've done your podcast or whatever all day. You have dinner with your family. And it's like, okay, now I'm going to the store or I'm going to wherever and I'm going to seek comedians. And like, you just come alive. And that's how I felt.

I was like, saw the Sclar brothers and saw you. And who else was there? Lori Kilmartin, and each interaction felt like, oh, I forgot how important this was to me. I know. Everybody was lingering in the parking lot after. Yeah. Like, people didn't want to leave. Right. They were just, I know, it's so important.

I'm really getting, like, I drove the same route to go pick up my daughter as I would take to the comedy store. And I haven't gone to the comedy store since early March. And, you know, I would bust out, you know, leave the house at nine, a little before, and go up, do this route, go to the comedy store, stand in front of people, do the thing, hang out with you after for like another half hour, and then go home. It's just only a short amount of time, but so alive and public. And I'm driving the same route to pick my daughter up at the same time, like nine o'clock. And I was like, ooh, out late tonight. I got to get back. Yeah.

I can't believe she's staying out this late, 9 o'clock. It's like changing this. You know what I mean? I don't like it. It's like I'm going to be like in a cardigan sweater like turning the lights out at 8. Well, because the thing is, is we are that guy. You and I are middle-aged, straight white guys with kids. And the only thing that made us not boring was that we went out at night and told jokes to people in nightclubs that were drinking and we were cursing and saying crazy shit.

And you take that out, we're just like every other schmo in the Midwest right now. It's true. It really is true. It's not good. No. That's why I'm getting on a plane tomorrow. Where are you going? I'm going on the mahegan sun.

In Connecticut? Uh-huh. Are you changing flights to Springfield and having the car drive you? No. I'm going direct to Newark. because I have a, I'm going to go see my eye doctor in New York and then I'm going to go do the show and then I'm going to just drive back two hours and fly direct from Newark back. That's good. So you're going to rent a car when you get to Newark?

Yeah, yeah. I've done like, I've done like three. Really? This will be my third. Really? How many nights are you doing? Two. Wow.

Yeah. Oh, talk about feeling great. It feels good, huh? Oh. Yeah. just being alone yeah just you your bag your backpack walking onto that plane five hours by yourself to write or do whatever like just that alone head yep you know which everyone's craving my daughter's craving and my wife is you know my wife just said she was going out the other day and i almost asked

her where she was going and purposely didn't because she didn't want to say uh-huh she didn't want to be accountable. She didn't want to say, make plans for coming. She had to just go be a person. Right. Right. And we all need that. And we need it more than other people. Yeah, we're so used to concentrates where you get concentrated feedback on stage. We concentrate it alone time. Yeah. And travel. Like I drive past LAX and I swear to God, there's like a part of me that's like a little kid at a candy store like, oh my God, bumped up, bumped up to business class. Anything's possible on that wonderful building. It's really true.

Yeah. And it's not like I go on the road and drink or fuck around. No. Mm-mm. Just lay on that bed by yourself like spread eagle. Right. Just not moving for a minute. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah. It's really a special thing that I'm definitely missing. Is your struggle, do you have a struggle? after the show, whether you eat or not? No. I don't eat. I don't eat after the show.

Food doesn't mean anything to me. It really doesn't. What a gift. Yeah. I mean, I know. I see Jeff Ross is the same way. Jeff Ross, when he gets offstage, needs to find a great place to eat. Not just a place, but it's got to be a great place.

Yeah. Yeah. And my thing when I get off is trying not to go to a place. Oh. As soon as I'm off stage, then the devil is now wrestling with me and saying, I know it's midnight, but let's go eat a ton of whatever. And my heart and my love handles are like, we're not doing it. And then that battle goes on until someone wins. Yeah.

And does that depend on who you're traveling with? Do you bring people on the road with you that'll want to hang out after the show? Yeah, yeah. It depends. Yeah, like if it's if it's if I bring like a couple people that I work with and want to hang with, then I'll then I'll do it. I just try to I try not to do it all the time. Yeah. You know, because then it's also, you know, it's an energy thing.

Right. You know, you go out and do these shows and you want it's all about the shows and the show being great. And then it's like if I stay up and just eat a big meal and roll in it too, then my sleep's messed up for the, then the whole thing leads up to not a great show at seven. the next day. Yeah. Right. Right? You got to conserve your energy at this point.

It's hard to explain that to people when they know that you're only working for an hour night, that it really does take a lot of manipulating the other, you're, you know, like if I exercise, got to do it at the right time. It can either help the show or it can hurt the show. How hard do I exercise? You know, how much carbs am I eating before the show? How much coffee? Like, I have to nail my caffeine intake.

I know. I know. Oh, I love caffeine. I was listening to David Lynch on YouTube yesterday. He was talking all about Transcendental Meditation and stuff. And then he said something like, yeah, you do this and you go and you transcend and you meditate and that and drink coffee. And my ears perked up. I was like, all I want is someone to give me more permission to drink more coffee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's great. So TM and coffee go well together. Yeah, apparently. Because I took the TM class in L.A. And that was the thing that said is don't show. There's like a four-day training course.

Yeah, yeah. With Goodman? Oh, is that who? Goodman? Santa Monica? No, it was the one in Beverly Hills. Uh-huh. Santa Monica's great, though.

Yeah. And I remember them saying don't drink coffee before you meditate. and I've always stuck to that. Like I always get up and I immediately meditate and then I have my coffee. Right. Yeah. I play around with it. Sometimes I'll do coffee and then do it.

Yeah. And sometimes, sometimes it is better, I think. I go deeper if I don't have it. Yeah. Right. If you splash some water, maybe a shower and then do it. Yeah. That's the perfect time.

Yeah. I find it like if I don't get it. it done first thing in the morning and then I have my coffee then I just wait and like I'll do it now like after this podcast I'll wait till late afternoon. And that gets me from the transition from like hitting the wall after working all day and actually stealing an extra couple hours with that I can be productive. It's the best. Yeah. It's the best. It's being able to do it twice a day is the is the sweet spot. You feel a big difference when you do it twice? Oh, God, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The interesting thing, how long you've been doing it? Probably like six years.

Yeah, that's about me. And it is pretty profound how much things change in your life. The amount of patience that you have, the amount of just creative clarity, all that stuff, right? I mean, it's really a game changer. The thing about Lynch, which I'm wrestling. with, and I know we're going to wrap up in a minute, but he talks all about going to transcending and going to the unified field, like proven in physics of another plane of existence. And then when you go into, when you dip into that and you transcend, you find bliss.

And he's always talking about finding this bliss, this pure joy. And I know what he means when you're out of it, that, that you are happier. Your life is less stressful. You have a greater appreciation. You are happier, essentially, throughout your life from doing this practice all the time. You don't even know how it happens.

It just happens. But the way he talks is like you dip into this transcendent plane and you experiencing bliss. And I don't really have that. You know what I mean? At least not as not how, I'm translating what bliss, the definition of bliss is. I've never come out of it like, wow. I don't know that, I mean, it was always explained to me that the bliss is really just literally

your head goes under for a few seconds. It's not for eight of the 20 minutes you're meditating, you're in bliss. It's literally like physiologically, your brain waves only change for a few seconds. and that's what they consider the bliss and that you can actually pull from that and energy that stays with you the rest of the day. Even if you only hit that period two or three times during your meditation, you know, a three or five second little...

Yeah, yeah. Other energy level, yeah. That makes sense. That makes more sense. You know that feeling where your eyes kind of roll back and time, you don't know how much time just went by and you suddenly go like, oh, that's why I meditate. That was like a little orgasm.

That was deep. Deep. And do you have the thing where whatever happens, whether you're not going deep, whatever happens, your eyes seem to pop open at 20 minutes? No. Pretty consistently. No?

No. I have a timer on. Do you use a timer? I know you're not supposed to. The purest say don't use a timer. Yeah, I was taught not to have a timer. Yeah, I have such a bad timer. sense of time that if I don't have a time run, I'll go for eight minutes or I'll go for 30. I don't know.

That's interesting because I do have the advantage of always being in tune with time. From the time I was a kid, like I knew what time it was. I knew when I had to be home. Yeah. I was always in tune to time. Right. So I know that's an advantage. But it's amazing to me that I could be in a completely another state of mind or place, not even be aware. I might even have dozed off and my eyes pop open and look at the phone and it's 20 minutes. Yeah, right. It's scary. Yeah. I love when you talk to, uh, to, you know, when I talk to the people at the TM place, I'm like, but the other day I meditated and I fell asleep and they're always like, well, you, you must been tired. Like there's no, well, what you need to do is more, it's like, it's

pretty straightforward. Like, but I was thinking about, um, I was thinking a lot about my daughter's not doing well at school. Well, then I guess you need to think about your daughter's not doing well at school. I guess there's some energy there. Yeah. Yeah. There's no mistake. You can't make a mistake.

And you don't have to drag yourself and beat yourself up and refocus. Right. Yeah, that acceptance is so freeing. And I forgot that because I'd never gone back. You know, like when you do the TM, what do they call it, the Institute, the TM Institute? Yeah. Once you go, it's more expensive than it should be, but I guess it's a, sliding scale, but you know, you pay a lot of money, but then they say to you, you can come

unlimited for the rest of your life, knowing that 95% of people are never going to come back. Right. So then finally, after like six years or whatever, about a month ago, I called up, and with the pandemic, I was having, I was having trouble, you know, staying, you know, staying settled. Yeah. And so I got on a Zoom call with this guy and this other woman, and it reminded me that, yeah, that the thoughts are to be observed, not pushed away. And I kind of, over the years, had kind of gotten so focused on getting into my mantra

that I forgot that, like, oh, no, like, he said it's like a washing machine and the thoughts are in there and they need to be, you know, shaken up a little bit and cleaned out. Yeah, ringing out your nervous system. Yeah, right. I went back once. I just, I made an appointment, went in, sat with him, just. just kind of talked about the process and what I'm doing and stuff like that. And it did.

It reset. Yeah. It reset stuff. It's good to talk about it because it is such a profound, strange thing that you can't. It's like being a comedian. You all the only other people who do it understand what the hell you're talking about. Right, right. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. And it's something that it's so individual. And then they talk about going to retreats. And I always like, God, who would do that? But now I'm at the point where I think I'd like to do a yoga retreat. treat at some point. Go for three or four days and just do some workshops and some yoga and some hikes and whatever. When Lynch was talking on this video, he was talking about how things change

the group, the group mentality, that that if everybody were to meditate what it would do to the world, because if there's more people like you walking around who are a little more loving and less stressed and whatever, like that has a profound effect on the world. And he was saying like, you know, that's why group meditation is that like you can feel it you're dealing with energy we're all tapping into the same energy he said you know we all carry so much energy with us like if you walk into a room where there's been an argument it could all be over and you walk in you feel it right this was it just happened here right right right he said same way on the other end yeah that made me think like yeah maybe maybe going and sitting with other people wouldn't maybe it'd be a trip I don't know

it would be? Well, I remember first taking the course and sitting there with four or five other people. I never went as deep as those sessions when I first started where there was other people sitting there meditating with me. Yeah. Interesting. But I mean, I know the results, because I know his whole thing is about bringing TM into public schools. And they do it. They do mindfulness at my kids' school. It's a public school, but there's some program that started bringing it in. And they say that the statistics on how kids do on testing every, every analytic of progress for students changes when they start meditating in school. It's amazing, like you almost regret, it's almost like starting comedy later than you

wanted to. It's like, oh, if I had started meditating when I was 17, oh, man, all those fraught times running out of energy, being mentally fried, fixes all. that. Right. Obsessing, obsessing about the same things all time. Oh, I never would have gotten that bad tattoo and I was 19 if I... Well, listen, when I come back after I, after I wear my mask in quarantine, when I come home, I will bake you bread and I will drive it to your house as a thank you for doing it. That's amazing. Thank you. I really look forward to it. All right. Olives. That would be great. Olive sourdough.

Oh, it's olives, herbs, herbs de provence, lemon zest, walnuts if you want. Sure, walnuts. All right, we'll throw it all in. All right. You're the best, Greg. All right, man, have a good trip. Stay safe. Okay, see you.

Okay, see ya.