Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 200 - Dulcé Sloan

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

Dulcé shares insights into the complexities of navigating spaces as a black woman, her experiences with racism from a young age, and the importance of asserting oneself. She also discusses her creative process, her work on "The Daily Show," and the nuances of comedy and representation. Highlighting her new book, "Hello, Friends! – Stories of Dating, Destiny, and Day Jobs." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------About DulcéDulcé Sloan, known for her six-year stint as a correspondent on Comedy Central’s "The Daily Show with Trevor Noah" and her role as a guest host, has made a mark in comedy with her Netflix special praised by The New York Times for its impactful set in under 15 minutes. Apart from her success on television, including voicing "Honeybee" in FOX’s "The Great North," Sloan has ventured into authorship with her new book and remains a celebrated figure in comedy, recognized by Rolling Stone as one of the comedians to know. She has a new book called: "Hello, Friends: Stories of Dating, Destiny, and Day Jobs." About Tom: Tom Papa, a celebrated stand-up comedian with over 20 years in the industry, has made significant strides in film, television, radio, podcasts, and live performances. Notably, he's a regular on "The Joe Rogan Experience" and various late-night TV shows. Papa's literary skills are evident in his books “We’re All In This Together” and "You’re Doing Great!: And Other Reasons To Stay Alive," a collection of essays, and "Your Dad Stole My Rake: And Other Family Dilemmas," a comedic look at family life. His latest stand-up specials are “Tom Papa: What A Day!” and "Tom Papa: You’re Doing Great!" on Netflix.Beyond comedy, Papa's engagements extend to hosting "What A Joke With Papa And Fortune" on SiriusXM and appearing on NPR's "Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me." His love for baking led to hosting the Food Network series "Baked." As an actor, he's worked with notable figures like Rob Zombie and Steven Soderbergh and has appeared in several films and TV shows, including the HBO film "Behind the Candelabra." Additionally, Papa has contributed as a writer to projects like "Bee Movie" and various TV series. Residing in Los Angeles with his family, Papa continues to balance his professional life with personal interests like baking.Get in touch with or go see Tom live on stage!Radio, Podcasts and more: https://linktr.ee/tompapa/Website - http://tompapa.com/Instagram -  https://www.instagram.com/tompapaTwitter - https://www.twitter.com/tompapaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/comediantompapa#TomPapa #breakingbreadwithTomPapa Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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also a show. Hey. Did you just call this the lasagna booth? Yeah. I love that. I was trying to say a booth in an Italian restaurant. A lasagna booth is great. That's all I could come up with.

Was I really a lasagna booth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's brand new. You're one of the first people. Yeah. You're one of the first. Custom made or somebody when I'm a business.

Damn. Yeah. We found a guy who just made this. And I thought when he was made. making it like it's going to take like six months. Yeah. A week and a half? Shut up.

Yeah. This guy in the valley who just makes them and makes them like for TV sets or whatever. And he just banged it out. What about the table? Table was here. I don't know. What do you feel about this? I feel like it should end here.

But this is kind of comfortable, right? I like how it goes because it goes past the camera. Right. What it is is that it feels like the audience is that. the other person on the other side of the table. If the table ends, yeah, yeah. Then it's like you're,

it's almost you're cutting them off. Right. But since the table continues, it's like, oh, sit down. Enjoy the time with us. That's what I was thinking when I developed it. I'm sure you did. I'm sure you did.

A nice long table. Yeah. I baked you bread. Oh, you brought me bread. Okay. You can bring this home. Wow. Yep.

It just came out of the oven. It's legit warm. Yeah, I know. It literally just came out. Damn, Papa. I know. Who loves you? Papa loves me, baby. This is so cool.

Yeah. I don't think I've ever had somebody baked me bread before. Oh, my God. Well, now you let me know how you like it. I definitely will. Toast it, put a little butter on it, however you roll. What's in here?

Cookies. Look, I cheese off. Blessings. Oh, okay. Which ones I've never had before? These look good. Oh, wow. What's this?

That is, I don't know. I didn't make, oh, that's perverted is what that is. Listen, this is either long titties or new testicles. We only have two options. Yeah, that is unfortunate in both regards. Absolutely. Thank you. These are cool.

Thank you for doing this. Last time we were with each other, we were in Chicago. Yeah. We were in Chicago. I go to. And I remember you were a host. I was like, oh, I was so excited. And I said the EP, I was like, hey, man,

where are you going to let me host this bitch? He said, when you ask me nicely. Which I think is a legitimate answer. I know. You come in, you come in, you really, you become the boss. A little bit. I don't know. You become the boss of any environment you go into.

I had to learn to do that. Did you? Yeah. This wasn't, this didn't just come natural. No, you have to learn to do that because a lot of times I'm uncomfortable or people like to make me uncomfortable. What do you mean? So when I come into a space, usually it's you have to deal with people. People seeing a black person becoming uncomfortable, right?

So then I have to deal with other people's discomfort. You see what you're seeing them become uncomfortable. And so then I get to, and then I have to deal with them being whatever microaggressions they have with me. being uncomfortable. So then what I decided to do is, oh, bitch, we all are going to be uncomfortable. Right. Because I'm going to take over this whole room. Right.

Because my energy is going to shift because I'm not going to walk in. I'm, I can't, I'm 40 years old. Right. So my whole life, I've been walking into places and having to do things to make white people comfortable about me being in that room. Even if it was a room I'm supposed to be in. Right. So now it's I walk in and I'm just like, what are we doing?

What's happening? Hi, y'all. So when, when you were, young in your first like going out into the world and running into that. Mm-hmm. Was it very clear like, oh, these people are expecting something from me? Like I have to. Well, here's the thing.

I have to diffuse. I have to control the energy of this. Like as a kid. Yes. How is that? You have to learn. You learn in school. Uh-huh.

Because you learn in school being in class that, you know, it's. You went to school mostly white kids, right? It depends on where we live. But it was either, it was only one time, like a few months, I went to predominantly black school. but mostly was either predominantly white or mixed. Okay. And so one of the first times that a black child experiences racism is from their teachers.

Mm-hmm. And so you have to then navigate, okay, well, you're not going to get me, write me up all the time. You're not going to do this to me. And so it's like, because there's times it's like, your parents can't fight for you all the time. So like a shitty teacher would just treat you more, more, more, they judge you more or discipline you, more. They're expecting you to be a problem more. Yeah. So like black girls get, black children get suspended from school at a higher rate than any other children. Right. And black girls get suspended at a higher rate than any other girls. So it's just like,

we're super disciplined. Did you get tipped off by your folks that that was the way it was going to go, or you just kind of, you just became aware of it? You just know. Just know. Early? How early? Oh, you're probably not in school yet. For real? They're really little. because you see people be aggressive with your parents. So this is a vibe when you go on the world. Like for instance. And just to give a very small example. Okay.

When I went to Edinburgh for the first time, French. Yeah. There was always people handing out flyers, right? Handing out flyers, hand out flyers. And I'd probably been there less than 24 hours. And as a black person, you're accustomed to white people taking you in when you enter a space. Right. Or even when you're walking down the street.

Yeah. And I noticed while I was there, none of these white people were passed. paying attention to me. Couldn't give a shit, right? And then there were these two girls handing out flyers, and they immediately get this thing. And they just, their whole body tenses up, and they're very aware of me.

And I knew immediately they were American. Immediately these were American white women. And so I go into whatever show I was at and come out and these girls try to hand me flowers. I was like, where were American? I was like, I know. She's like, wow. I said, because you were nervous when you saw me.

Well, y'all have a nice day. I hope your show goes as well as it can. So there's that. So even in, so they didn't realize, we're in another fucking country. Yeah. And you still were like, you think I'm going to steal your shit in Scotland? Are you crazy? Also, you obviously have no money because you could not afford to pay somebody to pan out your flyers.

Who robs broke people other than the government? Like, who are you talking to? Bitch, I'm on TV. Right. But you, God, it's got to be such a... It's exhausting. And then there's the... Thinking about it as a child. Yeah, as a kid.

And then there's the weird twofold thing of like the whole, me and my mom were talking about this morning where it's like being a black woman is that you're being feared but also look to for comfort at all times. Because you're afraid of me, but also there's a whole mammy complex around me. So it's just like the fact that any white woman at any time will tell me all of her business no matter where we are. And a target, especially not target. Because you can make it better.

Because I can make it better. Right. Once you're a black woman of a certain size. Oh. Oh. You have to help these bitches. You have to. Yeah.

You're like an angel. Mm-hmm. I'm a magical Negro. I work at any store that I'm in, no matter what I'm wearing. Right. I can be in a Target in a leopard print. Some white woman's going to ask me something. This is not the uniform of Target.

I don't know if you know that. Is that a positive part? Is it kind of like, because that seems. to be like a sign of reverence. It's a weird place to be. Yeah. Because it's like you're looking to me for help, but you're never looking to help me.

Mm-hmm. So white women's tears are respected, but white women's anger is not. That's why feminism hasn't worked. Because white men are like, because like Bill Burr made a great point. It's like, we took over the world and brought you with us. What are you mad about?

Right. We made you all the pinnacle of beauty. Your safety is woven into the fabric of society. What are you mad about? How dare you be mad at us? Right. On the up flip side, my tears are not respected, but my anger is. What do you mean respected?

As in if black women can't be victims of anything. Uh-huh. And also, there's other thing. We report domestic violence at a lower rate because we are burdened with the fact that if we report it, we will send a black man to jail. So there's that. Right. Then if anything happens, so like that girl who, there was a young lady who had a restraining order against her former partner.

Yeah. He shows up at her house. She shoots a gun into the air to get him to go away. She gets arrested and she goes to jail. Right. And she lived in a state where that was legal and she still had to serve and she still got some time. And she's protecting herself from someone who was on record. It's so complicated.

to think about multiple, it's like, it's like playing chess all the time. You're thinking about constant. Uh-huh. Whatever I do, whatever I do. Yeah. It's someone has something to say. Right. It's usually not good.

Or it's super supportive. But it's like. And then it's almost two, yeah. What are we? Are you over? What are we doing here? Yeah. So it's a weird space to live in.

I'm just like it's because you're seeing that like a lot of times it's especially like working in offices in Atlanta. And one day it was like, where do white women and black men work? Because in those offices it was black women, mostly black women. The higher up boss was a white man. Right. But you go high, like you get your seat. So all your C sweet dudes and then your next level down, white dudes. everybody else is black women. Black women and white men.

So white men hire up. Yeah. And then black women, so your managers, your supervisors, your general employees is black women. Right. So one day I was like, where to white women and black men? Where is everybody? Where do they work? Yeah.

Because I've been in multiple offices. Yeah. Where do they at? Because I did bilingual customer service. So there would be like people of like, I'd be there with other people who spoke Spanish, so people of a Latin background, mostly Mexican or El Salvadorian, but mostly Mexican. And we're on the same cause because I speak Spanish. Right.

So there's floor and then the other, and then Armando, and then everyone else is a black woman. And I'm just a black woman to speak Spanish. Right, right. Confusing everybody. Truly. Just being like, what shit? All right. Okay.

You picked up a scale. I was like, yeah. So when did you, when did you realize that you, can be the last airbender and take control of all of this energy on your own. Was that like later in school? It was, I started doing theater when I was kid. Uh-huh. So there's- First role?

I, third grade. Yeah. We had a very, you have to remember, it's, so I was a third grade. This was 1992, probably. So we had Thanksgiving play, and I was playing a Native American. Nice. His name was Sparkling Water. Ooh, nice.

And it was like there was, I don't even, I think there was one Mexican girl in class. Right. It was a Puerto Rican girl. And Marquel was her. And then the rest, and then all, everybody else, any child, I think there was a Korean kid playing. It was like, anyone who wasn't white was a Native American. Also, we were eight. So it was like, we, the play took place in class.

And then... That's good. Did you kill it? I think I had two lines. Yeah. Did you make the most of it? I think I just said something offensive. Or bowed or something or just held vegetables.

But then in middle school, I took a theater class. And then in high school is when I started doing like more plays. Right. So you're doing like musicals and plays and stuff. Yeah. Did you find power in that? Um, no. I found...

Are you thinking power? Are you just having fun? It just work. Yeah. It's work because I told my mom when I was six years old, I wanted to become an actor. So this was just on par with what I wanted to do because when we moved back to Miami, and I went to a magnet school and I auditioned for the theater department. And actually, I forgot the whole story by mom had to remind me.

And I was working on the book. Is this in the book, by the way? It is. This is in the book. Hello, Friends. Stories of Dating Destiny and Day Japs. Yes. I love the title.

Thank you. I wanted to call it. Don't call it a memoir. I'm only 39. But the publisher was like, let's not tell people what did not call it. Sounds, it's hilarious, but okay. And so I auditioned for the theater program at the magnet school, and the lady told me that I could run the lights.

Uh-huh. And my mother said, no. Yeah. And I was like, because I came home and excited. It's like, the lady said we could run around. And this is the other thing. My mother worked at the school. Oh.

Because they had like a community center. Yeah. This is right after Hurricane Andrews. So the school had gotten destroyed. And everything was just a series of trailers. So it was like kindergarten and the fifth and sixth grade was the whole school. My brother went to a completely different elementary school. Wow.

And so they had like a community center, quote unquote, with a computer lab. Yeah. And my mom said she walked in one day to print out a resume because she was looking for a job. And they were like, you know how to print a resume? She was like, yeah. So you know like Microsoft Word and stuff? Yeah. She was like, you want to just work here?

And so that's how my mom started working at my school. Oh, that's great. I don't even know if she printed the resume. They were just like, please sit down. We don't know how to help these old people. Okay, have a nice night. And so. That's great.

I don't know if my mother had met this teacher or what. But my mother was like, this is very, because she's like, this is racist. I know exactly what they're doing. I don't know if she talked to later or whether she didn't tell me all the back end, but she was like, you're supposed to be an actor. You ain't running no lights. Yeah. And my mother told me.

Yeah. So we moved back to Atlanta and I started going to school and we went back to suburbs. Then I started going to like a middle school. I had a good theater department. The high school had a good theater department. But it was having those moments where it's just like, but I've always had to stand up to teachers. There was always a teacher that had some fucking opinion. For most part, a lot.

Like I had, it wasn't all my teachers. Uh-huh. But the teacher that I had my biology class, my freshman year of high school. I was always going toe to toe to this woman. Always. Always what? Always going toe to toe to toe with this woman. Oh, really?

She loved to try to tell me to be, and I'm like 14. Who are you at 14? What kind of kid are you at 14? I am a kid who I started taking gifted classes when I was 10, right? Okay. The fifth grade, the school in Miami. So I know what's going on. Uh-huh.

But what's your personality? Oh, I have a big personality. But also it's, we moved, I went to five elementary schools in two states. So I had to figure out how to make friends with. That's hard. So I just get somewhere and be like, who are you? What's your name? But at the same time, everyone's kind of like inherently shy.

Yeah. Like, I don't know what's going on. You want to take the lay of the land. But it was also like, but I was also like a chubby girl. Uh-huh. So there was just like there's that aspect of it. Right. Oh, there's all these layers to it where it's like, I'm black, I'm a girl, I'm chubby.

We move a lot. Yeah. And so it's just like I have to figure out how to be comfortable as quickly as possible. Yeah. Because we could move. We can not move. And so, because I lived in, I lived in Miami, Oklahoma, Colorado, and Georgia. Yeah, Miami.

I was born, me and my mom were born in Miami in the same hospital, a room like above mine. Wow. My brother and my father were born in Oklahoma City. They split. We moved to Colorado. And then we moved to Georgia. And I did all of that before I started kindergarten. Jeez, Louise.

Yeah. Then we do kindergarten. But even in Georgia, I went to like three elementary schools. And then we went to two other schools in Miami. And then when I moved back, I was in middle school. So I went to two middle schools and then one high school. Wow. So your mom was just trying to find a spot to...

She was trying to do... Well, a lot of times in Atlanta, we didn't go to school or we lived. So Atlanta started... M to M to M to M to M. But you know M to M. No. So M to M to M is my minority to majority. Busting is what it was.

But it was self-employed busing. As in like we would use somebody else's address. Right. To go to school in another area. Oh, right. So my mother always made sure we went to good school. Right. And she said it's funny.

One of her cousins used to make fun of her. Because at one point we were like going to school actually in the area we lived in. And when she said one of her cousins was like, well, you put them white kids on the bus. referring to me and my brother because we weren't taking the bus. But yeah, my mother always made sure we went to a good school in the areas and then we would move in that area. Is your mom smart? My mother is very smart. Yeah.

She went to school. She always said she went to school to do Homer Simpson's job. So she went to school for like nuclear. Really? Wow. She went to Memphis State. Was she a good cook? She cooks very well.

Yeah. She, because she grew up in my mom. Miami, we would always eat like different types of, so we didn't eat like the typical, like, black southern food. Uh-huh. Because my mother would also make, like, Caribbean food, like Cuban food or Jamaican food stuff. Like, and we just had that regular at home. Oh, man. So my mother was making, like, curry chicken, curry goat.

Uh, Palau. We always have, like, like, like, Maduro's, like, plantains. Mm-hmm. Or, like, she'd make, like, tamarin balls. So it was just, it was very, like, a mix of, because my grandma. was from like middle Georgia. Okay.

A farm. My grandma was very country. Yeah. But my grandmother, her and her siblings moved to Miami in the 50s. And my mother said that my grandmother, so by the time I was born,

my grandma didn't have an accent. Oh, really? And so my mother said my grandmother would read the newspaper out loud to lose her southern accent. Really? Really? And now I have one.

It's very slight. The Atlanta accent is very different. Yeah. But I have, it's funny, my grandma works hard to get rid of her. Yeah. And then my mother, she grew up in Miami and all her teachers were New York Jews.

So she didn't have, my grandma didn't have an accent. All her teachers didn't. And your mom's talking like New York? She's not that bad. It's not bad. Because it's still a southern, it's still southern, but also it's like, we also live in Atlanta for most of her adult life. Right.

So she has a slight, we have a slight southern accent that can get kicked up when we need to. Right, right. Did you learn to cook from her? Can you cook? I did learn to cook from her because it was just me, her and my brother. from when I was, I mean, before kindergarten. Right. So I would cook.

By the time I was 10, me and my mom were making Thanksgiving. Yeah. So I'm cutting up collard greens. I'm making stuff. So I started to look because, like, by the time I got to high school, my mother would call me like, okay, take the meat out of the freezer. So me and my brother would cook dinner. Right. So it was like, when I had friends, like, I don't know how to cook.

I'm like, I don't know how to cook. I don't know what your parents are. Right, exactly. Like I got to make an egg. It's like, you can't cook chicken? You can't make chicken hot? Put it in a season it, put it in a pan, put foil on it. Throw that bitch in the hub.

Yeah. It's not, I promise. It's not rockin size. Also, everybody can make spaghetti. Yeah, of course. Everybody can make spaghetti. Yeah, but there's a difference between learning from someone who really knows what's going on because then it becomes almost like instinct.

Listen, we all know you drop the noodles in the pan. Put a noodle in the pot. Cook this ground meat. Open this jar. Boom. Spaghetti. Ain't nobody making the gravy. Ain't nobody got the whole family coming over stewing all these tomatoes. Yeah.

Open a jar. You open a box. You open a pack of ground meat. Right. And you're going about your good crazy life. No one's, no one's falling up herbs in the big. Right.

Exactly. I know. I was a kid. Maybe now people are doing like real like gourmet. Yeah. But. No, I know. There was,

I read an article once about someone who found their, they were desperately trying to find out their grandmother's recipes because they had such a great memory of like what their grandmother made. Yeah. And then she found like a book that had like the thing. It was all like you're saying like everybody now thinks like, well, what was in it? Like what, what herbs was she using? What was she doing?

And she was opening a box of, of Mamwich and throwing that in. And it was like, because you cooked every meal. There was no ordering out. There's no going to restaurants. It cooked everything. And you were exhausted. And you were working. So you just, whatever they had, you were just making.

And for the kids, her memory is, that was all gourmet. It's funny because it's like, I remember my grandma making, she would do, there's two ways, she would do chicken wings. And there's this, like, Cuban, like, a mojo, creo. And it's this big bottle. And it's like a marinade, but she would, like, cook chicken in that. But it was like, it's oil. and vinegar and then it's like bitter oranges

and then there's all these different seasons and the bottle's like this big. Yeah. And so you do peppers and onions. And so as a kid, that's how we cooked most of the meat. Right. It was in this Spanish, like this Cuban Caribbean. Yeah.

Marinated. I'm like I didn't know how else to make chicken. So it's like, because when I had like a barbecue for my 35th birthday out here in the hills, like I got an Airbnb. Uh-huh. And I flew in. And I was at somebody's, and it's just like, I just bought a bunch of pounds of chicken and a bunch of bell peppers and onions and a bunch of Ziploc bags. And I'm just in a kitchen, just getting ready for this barbecue because that's the only way that we cook.

But she would do wings like her recipe. She would do wings. And then she would do spaghetti, but with Italian dressing on it. And then just like put that in the pan. I was like the wishbone Italian dressing. Oh, man. It's just she'd do that. It's amazing.

It's, it was, because, like, I like a vinegary kind of thing. Yeah. And so these were like, the best, it was the best pasta. That's amazing. Because sometimes you're just like, yeah. Or like, remember my mom sometimes I would make just like, calling just butter noodles. And it was literally just pasta and butter and ground meat. And I remember as an adult, like one day in New York and I was just like, once I'm fucking.

And the thing is, I was making it. I was just like, I couldn't get the butter to stick the way my mom. Yep. And I was like, if I put any more butter in here, I'm going to lose a valve in my heart. My oil is fucked. So I'm just like, but I couldn't figure out. Yeah. It's the simplest thing.

Yeah. But I don't know how she, because I couldn't get the butter to stick the way she's to get the. It's like, because I called over the recipe. She's like, what do you mean? It's butter and brown beef. Yeah. You got too much water in it. Maybe or maybe she used the water from the pasta.

I don't know what this lady did. I know. I was like, Mama, I didn't get. She's like, girl, I don't know what to tell you. She's like, what do you mean recipe? Butter. I know. Get off my phone.

My mother tried to write down all the stuff that she made. And it's missing so many ingredients. It's missing so many, like, specifics. She's just like, I could tell you what to use. But I gave it to, like, a friend of mine, I had to make sauce. And she's like, yeah, but what do you do with all of it? And I asked my mother, and she's like, you make sauce. Facts.

We have a recipe book of different, like, a note. book of different, like, cakes and stuff. Uh-huh. And we make a red velvet cake. And it's so funny because it's just like, there's this whole, it's like this conversation is like, is red, because some people like, red velvet cake is just red chocolate cake. Yeah.

But we never put cocoa powder in our red velvet cake. Uh-huh. So my friend was like, what do you do it? I was like, well, we've got a piece of velvet that's been passed down from generation and generation. And you just shred a little bit off up in the cage. Bingo, bango, red velvet cake. But I mean, I remember making them as a kid.

And it's like, because you used like baking soda and vinegar as a leavening agent. And then it's just moistest, dense as cake. We do like three layers of it. And I was doing a joke about it during the pandemic where I was just like, I was like, oh, I missed this. And then my mother sent me the recipe. And first of all, it's a three layer cake. Yeah. I'm in lockdown.

It's just me. Yeah. I can't make a half a wedding cake. Then the recipe for the frosting is, I think it was two packages of Philadelphia cream cheese. And then bag of powdered sugar was the measurement. A bag. One bag. Like not cups.

Bag. And I said, I'm going to be that bitch from Willie Walker, who's the blueberry. You got to roll me out of my apartment. To squeeze me out. To squeeze this cake out of me. I cannot make this cake now. If I was going to give me the recipe, I was like, what? I said, it's just me.

She's like, no, you can't do that. You're trying to kill me? You're trying to kill me. I was like, you're supposed to divide this up. And then it's like there's pecans on it. Oh my God. So you put that on there to decorate it. It's a whole thing.

Sounds pretty good though. It's amazing. Yeah. But one person in lockdown? Yeah, no. You avoid COVID and then I have a stroke. Yes. Because the butter.

Can't make a phone call. Listen, I was like, I was trying to get out of here. But that one stick of butter. took me to fuck out. So when did you decide to write the book? Was it after the lockdown? How long you've been working on it? Well, my manager tricked me.

That's how the book happened. You didn't want to do it. Here's the thing. This man called me and was like, what if you wrote a book? And I was like, that sounds different. I don't think so. And he was like, well,

what if I just make, let me just have a meeting? Set up some calls, have a meeting. And I was like, have a meeting four meetings later. Uh-huh. So I am sold a book. He's like, now you've got to write a book.

I was like, son of a bitch. He tricked me. I was bamboozles. I was had. I was hoodwinked. So that's how the book came about. Uh-huh. The precipitating factors, me owing andscape a debt.

So basically they're like, we'll give you money, but you guys the book. And I'm like, all right, tomato, potato. Let's write a book. How long did it take? It takes like a year. That's not bad. So, um, did it come quickly? Like when you, once you started getting into the groove of it.

Well, yeah, because I was working on it with somebody who understood the process better. Uh-huh. Um, because I was talking about manager and I was like, what the hell am I supposed to do? I didn't know where to start from. So I called Michelle Boutot. And I was like, girl, how do I do this? Yeah. And she was like, well, the best thing to do, she said, start with stories that are too long to tell on stage.

Mm-hmm. And so that's where I started. Like things I was like, I've always wanted to tell this on stage. but you need too much context. Yeah. You need too much just backstory for it. Yeah. So that's how I started was stories that were too long and so on.

That's good advice. Yeah. It was amazing. Shout to Michelle Butow. Yeah. And so then I was like, well, people want to know about my childhood. People want to know about Daily Show. Because there's a chapter in the book called I am not a writer on the Daily Show.

Why is it called that? Because all of these fucking comics think I'm a writer on the Daily Show. Because all these comics think all the correspondence are writers on the daily show. The writers are the writers. Right. I'm not in the WGA. So when they went on strike, I was like, la la la la. And then SAG went on strike.

None of the correspondents are writers on the show. Right. Not a single one. Never been. How? Nope. And but it's just... So it's an even better gig than I thought.

Yeah. But you're always on call. Yeah. Always. Always on call. So I've been sitting in my office and done nothing for a week. And I've been sitting in my office and been in three sketches and I'd be on the show that week. Wow.

So you don't know. It's just somebody being like. Hey, we need you in makeup in 30 minutes. Yeah. Or we need you in makeup in 10 minutes. Really? Go down to La Toya. Get your outfit.

Go get your makeup done. Jeez. Yeah. That quick? Mm-hmm. They came up with that idea. Or, hey, you got to do Man on the Street, which is the worst thing ever. Yeah, that is.

Why would I want to talk to New Yorkers about anything. Joey over there said, what a great job you did on John's return. Yes, that was very fun. It sounds like you hit a home run. I didn't see it. Thank you. It was very interesting. I never met the man before.

Oh, no. And so everyone else, all the other correspondents are talking about the election and Ronnie it weren't some reason he's eating potato skins. And then it's just me going, yo, why are you here? It's basically what? So I'm kind of just because he was talking about like Trump and Biden and it's just like, yeah, all these white men want their job back. Like you give the job to anybody else.

That's perfect. Crazy. And he was like, are you? You talk about the candidates? You're talking about me. And I was like, I said what I said. That's great. So, yeah, it's basic.

And I was talking to Desi about it. I was like, I realize I'm the only one that could do that. Yeah, of course. Everyone else is like, hey, let's, the election, the election. I'm like, yo, yo, yo, what's he here for? Who let him back in the building? Ain't nobody else can do this job. Oh, okay.

And that's literally what all of black women's job is. Yeah. What's happening? What are we doing? Because one of my favorite things is that my friends like that I do is that if a comic is bombing, I just heard him and go, what's happening is all I say. I'm not just, I'm not saying I legitimately want to know. Yeah, exactly.

Real question. What is happening? Why am I here? Why are any of us here? Why are we experiencing this in this plane of existence? Yeah. Why am I here? these words. So if someone's bombing and I go, what's happening? I truly am asking a question.

I want to know what went wrong. Whose fault? Yeah. Which is, it's the thing that is most fun about being in a room with you is that. What? Just that. There's nothing, not one, every room is going to be slightly uncomfortable for some reason. Something's going to be happening. Yeah. Right. You know, in the waiting room for wait, wait, wait, don't think. tell me or something's going to happen. And most people will quietly go, well, that's kind of weird in their own head to be like, that's kind of strange that that guy's doing that. And you'll see it and you'll say out loud in front of everybody.

Why is he doing that? Like there's not going to be anything you're going to let slide. You know why? Because I know everyone else in the room is too afraid to say anything. But somebody needs to say. I don't think... Something. It's not that they're afraid.

I think you enjoy it. I think it's... I know everybody in that room could have made the choice to go. Yeah. What is happening? Right. But they made the choice not to,

for whatever reason. But if I go, but what that does is when they don't say something, the whole room gets tense. Right. Even it's a slight thing. It's everyone going,

okay, that's a weird thing, but I don't want to say anything. Yeah, yeah. Also, I'm with comics. Right. So comics always want to say something. something. If they see something, they want to say something. And so they're making a conscious decision to go against their instinct of going,

what the fuck is this? So what I'm doing is releasing the tension in the room. Yeah. Going. Now, I don't do it every time. Sometimes I'll wait for the person to leave. Yeah. And so when that person leaves, I'm just like, oh, saw that, right? And everybody goes, yes. But it's just to relieve the tension in a room. Yeah. Because I feel everybody tense up. So how are you when you're not with comics? Are you the same way? Yeah. Because there's always some shit happening.

My favorite thing is being in public is something wilds going on and making eye contact with another black person, especially another black woman. And we just go, girl, girl. And we had a 45 minute conversation in two words. Or it's like, girl, like, bitch, you see this? It's like, girl. Yes, I do. Because there's always a good too. Now let me ask you this.

Let me ask you this, white question. You, fun. Could I be on that elevator? I'm not Tom Papa. I'm just this guy. Guy. Yeah, I'm Bob, whoever. Could I be on it?

And could you read me? And we could have that same conversation with their eyes? I've had it with a lot of people. You'll pick that out. Yeah, where's something wild to happen. You'll look at somebody and go, I go. I mean, it's... And is that because you are throughout,

you're navigating your life this way? Mm-hmm. Do you feel like you have a good batting average and reading people? If I'm not trying to date them, yes. Right, just people on the street, the extras of your life. I'm trying to see his dick. I'm, fuck, I'm blind. I can't hear.

I know, I'm here, no, he would speak no evil because this man is evil. But if I'm not trying to date them, I see everything. But if I like them. But if you, yeah. I'm blindfold me and gag me. I am, I'm in the dark. I'm in the dark. You lose your superpower.

I lose my super power. You lose your superpower. Superman is, I'm telling you, I'm on Krypton. I have nothing. That's hilarious. If I like this man, I, skills out the fucking window. That's so funny. Listen, I'm a newborn cult.

Legs shaking. I'm Bambi on ice. I am screwed. What's the longest relationship you've been in? A year. A year? Well, here's the thing. No.

The longest relationship of ever. ever been in was eight years. Eight. Uh-huh. How'd you go from one to eight? Well, because the one-year relationship was where I had a title. Okay. Eight-year relationship, I did not.

Oh, you were, for eight years, you didn't have a title? But we went back and forth. Uh-huh. So in and out. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. And so I would date someone else and he'd be, I don't know, doing whatever. Right.

And then we'd pop back up and then he'd be gone because there was like him. Uh-huh. So basically I was in Atlanta Frankensteining men together. So I hung out with him and kept my car fixed and there was a dude who I just slept with. But that never, we never dated. Yeah. And then I had a homeboy who would like take me out. So those three men together were one boyfriend.

Right. And then I actually had like a boyfriend in between. And so, but the other was the longest. So the last boyfriend I had cheated on me. Uh-huh. That was the one year guy? Yeah. He cheated on you.

Yeah. How'd you find out? He told me. What? Repeatedly. What do you mean? He kept telling me. And every time the details changed.

So I was like, I've been doing standard for about four years and then he was an open micer. And so we started hanging out and I made the ultimate comic mistake of not seeing if he was funny before I let him see my boobs. Oh, no. Yeah. You let him see your boobs. And then you saw he wasn't that good. Wasn't that good. And so very upsetting.

That is very upsetting. But it was a very nice man. So I was like, you know, things get better. Uh-huh. And so eventually they do. And so the guy I went back and forth for years, because I went back and forth from 2007 until 2015. And...

It's a long run. All of my 20s. All of my 20s. Yes, Tom. I know the math. Right. And I said it's a long... Because I said then one day, I was like, you got my 20s.

You won't get my 30s, right? And so I had a used car, and so I was at my ex's house getting my brakes done because I could not afford to take them to the dealership he worked at. And because my car, when I say I needed my brakes done, I sound like a marching band. And also one time I went to press my brakes and I had to press all the way to the floor. And I was like, oh, I'm going to die tonight. So I take my car to him. And that is when my boyfriend cheated on me because he said he felt bad that. My ex could do something for him, do something for me.

He could not do. And I said, you have a theater degree. He is a mechanic. There's no way you could have done it because you literally don't have the skill. That's a bogus excuse. It was not a great excuse, but that was an excuse that I was given. And so it was with his ex. And he put it in your face.

Like, he told you flat out. He came to me while I was hosting an open mic. What? And I was in between comics and he told me. I don't like this guy one bit. Listen, it's fine. He's doing whatever he's doing. But no, no one likes it.

God bless. And then God bless. He's doing. the best with what he can. And then he, but also he would do stuff like, he was, he would try to isolate me from my friends. As in like, he tried to tell me like, oh, people don't really like you and da-da-da-da-da-da. And I was like, but you don't know this is something I'm insecure about. So I went to my friends, I was like, he's telling me this.

And I'm like, no, stop listening to him. He's a jackass. And I was like, gosh. Sounds like a weak little man. He was just taller, but it's not hard to be taller than me. I'm 5'4. And so. You're 5-4?

No, you're not. Nobody believes. me, I'm 5'4. That's amazing. Doctor's office will tell you. I think it's because I think it's because of my afro. Uh-uh. Or it's my personality, but no one believes I'm as short as I am.

But if a tall person stand next to me, because my brother's almost a foot taller than that. 5-4. Yeah. Nobody believes me. I'm in tiny league. No. You have a 5-9 spirit.

I want 10 toes down, Papa. So yeah. And then we'd be fine. And then you'd pop up and go, hey, well, remember I told you would happen like this? Well, it actually happened like this. And then a few weeks would go by and he'd go, well, I feel so bad. It actually happened like this. And I was like, why do you keep bring?

I was like, I forgave you. I understood. Why do you keep bringing this up? Yeah. And then eventually I was like, I can't deal with this anymore. Yeah. And then. He wasn't getting, he wasn't destroying you.

I guess that was what the campaign was. You kept on going and didn't seem. How dare I continue to live? Continue to take breath. Jeez. Right? And so I was like, uh-uh. And then he started popping up at my house.

What? He popped up at my homeboy's house. No. Yeah, I'd call it hops on him. What? He beat me to my house one time. I saw him at a show. Yeah.

And so I stayed in my homeboy's house after the show because we were out drinking and stuff. And so he knew my homeboy lived and he knew I was over there. He saw my car. He came knocking on my homeboy's door at three in the morning asking to talk to me. My home boy was like, go away. What? Guys are the worst. Yeah, these guys are the worst.

And so now. That thing is such. a weird thing. Uh-huh. And so now I'm hoping to get married. To him. Absolutely. Fuck not.

I don't even know where he's at. That's crazy. Uh-huh. Did he, how did you, how did you wrap? I called the cops on him. And that's scared. And usually when you call the cops on somebody. Yeah.

That'll do it. That'll do it. But he was just like, because I remember him getting upset with me, punching a wall. And I was like, well, I was like, but that's not going to help. All you do just hurt your hand. Jeez. Oh, yeah. I got him a job one time when a TV show I was working on.

Really? Yeah, this is the thing. This is the comic? Yeah, he was an actor too. It looks like Steve Harris. And so this is the thing. If you deal with me, I'm going to make your life better. I always am.

I'm only here to bless people. Right. And the worst thing I can do is leave you. Because dealing with my ex is the best thing I learned as like a woman, especially a black woman, especially dealing with a black man. Silence is the answer. because they're accustomed to their mothers yelling and caring

you know, just your mother yells. Right. Your mother yells. Yeah. And so it's when you're dealing with them and dealing with men in general, their cousin of some women getting upset,

da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You want to do this, do that? I get quiet. Uh-huh. And that I learned is scarier than anything to me. Right. Because it just go to that, I would go, okay.

Not used to it. Mm-mm. You want me to carry on. Mm-hmm. You want me to. get loud, you're going to be upset and I don't want to. Yeah, because that's a comfortable space for you to be in. Right, because then you know you're in full control because I am out of control.

Right. My ex-bizs have to have this conversation, long conversation about our relationship. And one day I went over his house and I was like, you give me ugly girl problems. I don't have to be here. Right. I'm only here because I want to be. Right. So either you act right or I'm gone.

Do you want to be here? Yeah. And he acted right for six months. There's such a weird thing. I mean, I guess it happens. I guess women do it too. I had a girlfriend that wouldn't leave at a certain point. But it's not aggressive.

Like that guy thing that they're still carrying on some weird relationship in their head. It's all done. You've moved on. And they're still play acting in their head and show up like you've been a part of the conversation for that whole time. It's like talking to your mom when she starts talking to you

when she's in the middle of a thought. Yeah, right. She's like, well, why did you understand? I was like, because I wasn't at the beginning of this conversation. Exactly. You were thinking about this. You were talking for 20 minutes in your head. And then you brought me in the middle of this conversation. So now I don't know why these tomatoes smell like this.

Yeah. But with mom, it's like, okay, it's whatever. But with guys, it's always a little bit of that danger involved. Yes, it's danger. And I think more men do not understand how much danger women are in on a regular basis. I know. Dealing with men is dangerous. It is dangerous.

I have two daughters. Yeah. I hope they have weapons. And I, you know, I'm always very conscious of, you know, you don't want to scare them, but at the same time, scare them. You have to let, you have to know, like, getting rid of a guy is not something you should just be casual. Like, you've got to, this is an endeavor. You have to back out slowly.

Yeah, and you've got to keep your eyes open at all time. Because you don't know what you're dealing with. And they'll pop up and all this other. Because I remember the back of the name was just like, I remember like when I was younger, it's like some guy if he was going on a date, he'd come and pick you up. And then it was like, as I got older, it was like, don't let them know where you live. Right. Let them know where you live.

You know, blocking on a phone is the best thing that ever got invented for anybody. Yeah. Because it was like, because so many times you would just have to change your numbers. Yeah. But it was just like if he knew where you worked or he knew where you lived, it was always an issue. it. Yeah. So I was just like, no, you can't know where I work.

You can't know what. And then for me, men finding out what I do for a living, they get so weird. It's got to, yeah, that's got to be. They get so weird because it's just like, one, we've told men that they're funny. Uh-huh. And so how dare I? And they're in charge. And they're in charge.

And I'm just like, listen, I'll let a man be in charge. Uh-huh. But here's a thing. These men are upset because it's like, oh, women don't want men to lead. That's not what happened. Too many women were led to their death and their detriment as a man led. So now women are to a place where it's just like, I don't have to lit an imbecile lead. I'm not being forced to get married.

I'm not getting forced into these positions. Yeah. So I'm not going to let this. It's not necessity. No, I'm not going to let this fucker lead me off a clip. Yeah, yeah. You want to lead? Then show me you can do it because I'm already doing what I'm doing.

Yeah. So I have no problem letting a man lead, but I'm not going to let any, just because you have testicles, lead me? So I have a whole family that I take care of. I am a business. So if you're going to lead, if you're going to be head of a household, then show me that I can trust you to make a decision about yourself and me and future children and my family. I have no problem letting a man lead. I have a problem with letting a man lead me to my destruction. That I have a problem.

Now, as you self-professed in the beginning, when you get your superpower gets diminished when you get around these people who are potential. Right. Can you see that list that you just went through clearly? Your gut wall. You can always, there's women's intuition is a thing for a reason. Yeah. And that's the thing you have to tell your daughters. If you don't feel safe, you're not.

Right. Always. Right. I might not think I'm a find out later. There's this guy I was talking to. He's been lying to me for five months. But once I found out the lie, I was like, I need space. And I haven't spoken to him since January 16th.

Really? Mm-hmm. Because my space was when I need space, I become nassal. Right. And he was lying for six months. For five months lying to me. Just because he needed attention. This is what we don't have said.

It's so exhausting. Oh, yeah. Men need attention. men need to feel needed. That's what this whole argument is. Women don't need us. Women don't need us. Of course we need you.

The trash goes out on Tuesday. Who's the perfect guy? Like what career would you? I would, honestly, it's one, I would love a retired athlete. Not about the CTEs. I'm not trying to be rude, but you know what concussion is a concussion. Yeah, it gets a little weird. We're talking about the long haul.

Just for the long term. There's any holes in that cranium? Man's brain looks like squishy than his MRI. I need to pack up my shit. He might forget me tomorrow. So it's, I wouldn't say so much of a profession, but a success. Right? Right, right.

And so it's, I don't want, I can't do potential. It has to be someone who's fully potenced. Yeah. And then there's like, I wasn't one person where you're just like, for you. I will figure this out. For anybody else. We can make this work. We can make this work for you.

Your grandfathered it. Yeah. But for any of the rest of these men, because it's a known fact that most divorces happen because of finances. Yeah. It's not you fell out of love, not because somebody cheated because of money. Yeah. And so we have to be, there's a term in,

I don't know if you're a practicing Christian at all. I am. Are you Catholic or Protestant? Catholic. Okay. I don't know if y'all do what we're doing. So there's a term called me. Probably a weirder version of it.

Oh, I just, you're smoke. There's a term that black Christians use called being equally yoked. Uh-huh. And so you and your partner are in similar situations. Mm-hmm. So they could understand what's happening. You understand? It's for so long women weren't.

Right. But that's what we taught was expected. Yeah. And so because the man was leading and providing or whatever, because this whole thing now, it's like the traditional wife and the traditional wife. Here's a thing. All these men are running around asking for traditional wives, but they're not trying to be traditional husbands. Right. If you want a traditional wife, you have to be a traditional husband, which means she does not work.

Right. She cannot be a traditional wife and then still going to work every day. You're doing this wrong. You lied to her. Right. You're asking her. You have to. provide. Right. If that's what you're looking for. If that's what you are looking for,

a traditional wife, then you, your money needs to be to a point where she does not work and your children are taking care of. Right. Because that's what you're supposed to be doing as a traditional husband. Right. She should never work because she takes care of the home. Yeah. So the concept of being equally yoked is just like, I'm very successful in a very difficult industry. Right. He needs to be successful in his industry. Yeah. Because no one resists. you more than a man who makes less money than you. Is that man who cheated on me also made less money than me? And I was just working in an office.

Right. And so it was just like, I want to go to the Renaissance there, but we couldn't go because he couldn't pay for it. Right. Yeah, that's tricky. You see what I'm saying? 100%. And so no one wants to act like men don't resent women from being successful.

That's what most of this argument is. So you have to control women in another way. It's just like, okay, well, let's reverse Roe v. Wade. now we have these women under duress again. Because it's always a thing of like, well, you know, men are always afraid. Well, this girl's trying to trap me with a baby. You cannot trap a man with a baby.

Yeah, exactly. You trap a woman with a baby. Yeah, it's pretty easy for the guy to get out of that one. It's pretty easy. He literally, we needed him for 2.5 seconds. Truly, scientifically. And so this, so for me, it's, there's ideas like, okay, I give you one, your grandfather, and the rest of you, jokers, it's,

you have to understand what I'm doing. Also, the idea of like, well, are you going to talk about me on stage? Sir, I promise you, you said nothing interesting. I promise you that. But it's like, there's a weird competition thing. Yeah. So that guy said to me when time he's like, I bet I'm funnier than most of your friends. I was like, my friends have specials.

Yeah. And last time I checked, you've never been on Netflix. So what are you talking about? Oh, it was very much being funny as an ego thing. They feel like it's a challenge sometimes. Also, I travel a lot for work. I'm going to South by Southwest on Friday. I'm going to be gone for a week.

Right, exactly. And so a lot of... It's got to get... It's got to be a weird thing because the more successful you get, the smaller the pool of guys that you're now able to choose from. I mean, it's definitely out there. But, like, you're upping. the guy's.

And then on top of that, I'm black and plus-sized. So you're sexy, you're saying? Yes, thank you so much. But when you look at dating apps, black women and Asian men have the least results on dating apps. I feel like we should just date each other

and make giant mathematically advanced basketball players. But, you know, what do I know about Korean men? Is that true? Black women and Asian men. Because black women are seen as aggressive. Asian men aren't seen as masculine, even though they're beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, so they have the worst results. So we have the worst results on dating ads.

Right. Especially black women. Interesting. I was on Match.com for like a couple months, and I would see people would pick every single race, every single race, but black. Really? This man was never going to meet a Pacific Islander. He has no idea what a Sephardic Jew is.

I know what it is. It's not black. It's not black. That's what he does now. You've never been to Bangladesh. You've never seen these women. You don't even know what they look like. I don't know what color they are.

That's what me and her are the same complexion. She's from Bangladesh. The same complexion. Her hair is just straight. Shut up. So is what in that. And so I kept getting just all of this just, you just get so much information. We're just like, what do you need apps for?

You're a star. Yeah. You're a TV star. Yeah, but what is, What's more intimidating to a man than a woman who was confident and successful? And someone who has the ability in his mind to embarrass him in public. But also the thing is like, I do stand up, so I'm smart. Yeah.

So these little stunts, the stunts? Yeah. Because listen, I've fallen for a couple of stunts. And some of them, listen, when I was younger, you could get me with a stunt. What do you mean? What's a stunt? Oh, a stunt is basically any type of nonsense shenanigans. that I can get up to.

Right. Just really trying to make you feel. Trying to fool you. Trying to fool you. Trying to put the wool over your eyes. And so it's like, sir, I'm a college graduate. Because here's the other thing I always bug me. It's like, I'm still pretty.

So it's like, that's what I don't get. Like, I've never understood. It's like, why are y'all playing in my face? Right. It's like you're trying to act like I'm unattractive because I'm a bigger person. We've all seen ugly skinny people. So what are we talking about now? Right.

But I really didn't have men say, oh, well, usually girls that are your size are nicer. And I was like, well, those girls must be ugly and not confident. What? Yeah. Men are bold. She's. Or you should be glad that someone's on the, like, go on internet. Go on internet.

Yeah. And see, first of all, we have to turn the comment section off on everything. Oh, come on. Yeah, exactly. All of them. Why do we need this? No, exactly. And so the number of times it's just like, plus size women especially are just bombarded with just.

Yeah. It's, well, why don't you do this and da-da-da-da-da-da. somebody was trying to say something ugly to me. Yeah. I'm one of my friends' Instagrams, and I was just like, you need to get your fans. Yeah.

Because if I say something, I'm going to kick off Instagram. Right, exactly. It's so cowardly, though. Yeah. But it is, that's, honestly,

that is a thing that I, like, we've talked about that before, you know, women aren't safe. And you're kind of unaware of that as a guy. But, and I got that.

But the one thing, the other thing that I didn't get, was how nasty men are to women online on comments of everything. It's like we all put out specials or put stuff out there in the media. And we all have to deal with some little shortcomings and some people not liking you and shitting on you. But there is a guarantee that if you're a woman putting it out, that you are going to get at least 25% of just, you're fat, you're ugly, you're a bitch, why are you talking?

And usually those men are poor. Oh, they're troglodytes. In character. 100%. In finances. In spirit. In spirit and everything. And so, like, a few years ago on New Year's Eve, I was on CNN, and Don, and I'm Don Lemon

asked when my New Year's resolution was, and I said, no more broke dick. And the number of men that borrowed their friend's cell phone to get mad at me. me on Twitter was amazing. Really? Yeah. First I was like, like, oh, she was drunk. I was solid as a fuck. I was sober as and stuff.

Because we were near a bar that didn't care that we were shooting. So we couldn't get a drink. So I couldn't drink if I wanted to. Down there was a minute and his own sad. She was having a great night. But so it was interesting because I said, no more broke dick. I said, but the hard part is broke dick is amazing because it has to be. I gave them a compliment.

but they didn't hear that. A bunch of men I don't know, felt like I rejected them. Oh, my God. And then, like, a year later, I'm at a bar with this guy that I'm dating or seeing, and this little ugly man comes up to me and him. The man that I'm with, tall, gorgeous.

This Hobbit comes up with his hobbit sidekick. So Bilbo and Negro Baggins come up fucking with me. And he starts talking about what I said. And I was just like, oh, yeah. was a fun thing. And he was like, yeah, you know, all these people. And it was like, at first it was like, fine. And then he started getting weird.

And he was just like, yeah, you know, all these girls were sharing it. And I was like, yeah, I said something on TV. And also it was the Vulture article. It went viral. Like, yeah. And he was like, yeah, you know, just really bothered me. I said, well, you could get your money up. That's an option.

You could not be in the situation. That's something you can do for yourself. And he's starting to get like aggressive with me and this dude that and what he's like, no man you're good you're cool don't worry about it and eventually and his friend starts to see him getting riled up

that dude at a certain point was like okay let us go and then we head to another show and the dude I was see he looked at me he was like

he was telling one of our other friends about it he was like this dude came up to her he said if I was not there she would have had a problem well legitimately just because he felt bad because I said something

yeah that's why I said I was like, well, you could just get your money up. You wouldn't feel bad if you made, it's like it's like I didn't, I wasn't, I felt like you were talking to me. I said, if you felt like I was talking to you, then I was talking to you. Yeah, that's what's so weird about it. It's like to deal with somebody saying something to your face one on one and you criticize somebody, like still you should be strong enough to weather that.

Yes. But when somebody's saying it out to the ether and you're pulling it out of the satellite feed and saying she's talking to me, that, It's really someone who needs to be adjusted. Right. Also, you felt like that you had any, first of all, you had to feel like, to feel like I was talking to you meant that you felt like you could be with me. Yeah.

Which is, because why would you feel like I was talking to you? Right. Because then there was a guy on Instagram who was just blowing up the daily shows, Instagram, like, she said this about broke, man. This is just very wild. And I'm just like, this guy who comes up and I'm just like, I didn't even know you liked women. Just from what his Instagram.

was showing me. I'm just like, I was like, this was giving very much like, I didn't know you were sleeping with it. I just looked at his Instagram and was like, sir, me saying something is the last thing you need to be worried about. Because I don't think anybody of any denomination background is really trying to sleep with you to start with. So you need to be less worried about me and less worried about the stringy just

what's happening. Cave dwelling overdone. Like just, I mean, dye your hair, live a life. but you're looking like Sherbert. So I just was very concerned, very confused. And he was just like blowing up the show's Instagram and then commenting on Trevor's page and on my page saying like, really like asking that I needed to be reprimanded. Oh my God. What I said.

And the show needed to give a response and they were being irresponsible. And it was like, it was. And eventually I was just like, I just reported him a spam. And that's the way you get rid of things. Yeah. Because if you're like this person is truly. disrespectful rude. Yeah.

Doesn't help. You report something as spam. Yeah. That can get something taken off of Instagram, much faster. Do you have the ability to, with your own stuff, to not engage, to just? I don't engage. What I do is if I see a comment that I don't like, I just delete it. Mm-hmm.

And then I blocked a person. Yeah. So easy. No, what I'm not going. First of all, you came to my internet looking for me. Right. I didn't come looking for you. I don't know who you are.

Right. So you felt like that you wanted to come into my space and say, something to me. Yeah. So I deleted it. Like that Cleopatra thing, like there was a joke. And so there was a Cleopatra TV show on Netflix and people were mad that Cleopatra was depicted by a black woman, being played by a black woman.

And so I made a joke on the show being like, all right, you take Cleopatra. We'll take Jesus, right? And people just started flooding my TikTok and was just like, you need to say something back about what you said. I'm like, I'm not saying a fucking thing to you. It was truly a joke. Yeah. Also, we all know Jesus is.

Middle Eastern. Stop it. So I at one point just started cutting my comments off. And then people were like, you need to be brave and respond to me. And that's the thing that makes me so mad because I want to go, who the fuck do you think you are? Yeah. I have to take time out of my abundantly

blessed Christian life to talk to you about a joke. That's what you think I should be doing with my time. And that they think that they're your boss. They like, they, Don't you have somewhere to be? Isn't there a child that you should be raising the wrong way?

Don't you have something better to do with your time? Yeah. And to come over to the trailer where I pay rent. Yeah. And fucking with me, no, you don't. Yeah. Because you watch television because we're entertainers. Yeah.

So you have your life and then you look to me for entertainment. Yeah, exactly. But I'm not beholden to you. Right. Because I said a joke. Yeah. I didn't say anything offensive. I didn't say anything.

hurtful. I didn't say anything that ends in an isom or a obia. So because I did not say anything truly disrespectful, I don't have to be brave and talk to you, you goofy bitch. Go back to you and your illegitimate, illiterate children and live your fucking life. Because the worst thing I could do was tell you about yourself. Because I had somebody, it's like, we did a thing on the show one time about like black women's equal payday, right? It's a day. Because black women make 59 cents on the dollar to a white man. Uh-huh. White women make 80 cents. So when they said, it's like, women make 80 cents on the dollar. No, white women make 80 cents. Black women make 59 cents. And every woman of color makes less than us, right?

For the most part, statistically. And so I said something on the show about it. And some man commented and, of course, said something about my weight. And then someone else chimed in. And I said, and I literally said back to him, you took time out of your day to find me on the internet to say something about my weight. That's what you did with your time today? And then he said back to me, well, I I would tell you why you're wrong. A black, black women's in your payday, but I'm going to have time. I said, oh, that's the real problem. Then why did you say what you said?

Yeah. He didn't have a response. And then some other woman said something to me. He's like, you're this and da-da-da-da, and she is the wrong yore. And so all I did was respond with asterisk and the correct your. Yeah. And then she goes, she said something ugly to me. And I said just, and all her comment back was the correct yore.

Yeah. And then she goes, L-O-L, I guess, auto-correct isn't always correct. So what are we doing now? That's the thing. Yeah, that response thing. I mean, I stopped looking at comments 15 years ago. As you should have, we should have him on to start with. But 90% of it was if you did respond and say like, hey, that was mean.

Then be like, L.O.L. Love your stuff. Just kidding. It's like, how could you be so venomous? Well, I said that thing. I think I was like on Twitter one time, or X, whatever the fuck is called now. And I was like. And I was saying that like talking about negative comments.

And then a man posted, well, if we say something nice and you don't respond. And then a black woman commented, then it wasn't about giving her a compliment. It was about getting attention. Yeah. So it was never about getting a, it was never about that. Yeah. So what I try to do is when I get good comments, I try to hard. It's like it's like, it's also another job.

Yeah. It's totally another job. But I try to comment and say stuff back to people like, thank you and da-da-da-da-da. But when people have truly negative things to say, I just delete it. I just, and I tell people all the time. You can just curate your own feed. Just turn. It's your Instagram.

Just delete it and block them. It's your social media. Just delete it and block them. Why go back and forth with somebody? Yeah. They're not coming to buy tickets. Right. They're not going to buy your merch.

All they're trying to do is steal your joy for the day. And if you can just go to someone, hey, I don't know what happened to you. you today. You could just go, because Amy Miller showed me the best thing, is men the very ugly, mean comments. Yeah. Right? And she said, all she does is just question what they said.

Uh-huh. You're da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Well, what makes you say that? Mm-hmm. And then she just whys them until they are exhausted. But there's also Marcella Aguayo and Solomon Giorgio, very good. Marcella's like, Marcella's like, oh, you want to be, let's go. And she's coming for next.

And she's great at it. Yeah, if you're good at it and enjoy it, that's one thing. Marcella is a bitch. And she takes it as a compliment. Right. She's an amazing comic, but she is a beautiful bitch. Right. Because if I ever, ever get a comment where I'm like,

yo, I'm texting Marcella and going, please show me how to defeat this person because I don't have the skill. Yeah, the instinct. I don't have the instinct. I don't have that thing in me where you can just like, it's not natural. Damn. You see what I'm saying?

Because everyone has different skills. Yeah, yeah. And she's an amazing comedian and she's a beautiful, sweet person. But she is a bitch. And I love her because you have to have these people in the world. Yeah, I know. She's the same way as me. Well, she'll just go, hey, what is this?

Like her specials out? Yeah. It's on HBO Max. It's amazing. Is it? But as much as I love Marcella as a comic, I love her as a person. Yeah. Because Marcella has the confidence.

Yeah. To be a bitch, you have to be confident. Oh, 100%. And I don't have that little, it's like I'm confident, but that little, yeah, no, there's that little thing. Just that little. But you need to just go, come here. Like, she's coming, like, next.

Yeah. She needs more shoes because she steps on next and self-esteem at all times. And I wish I had that part. Yeah. But. I don't know. I mean, yeah. Sometimes I wish I had it too.

It activates what I needed to. Right, right. For instance, when I said to the, just now, it's just like, listen, raise your illegitimate and get off my internet. Right. Because I don't know how you're messaging me on a pay as you go phone anyway. Don't you have to put some more quarters in your internet at your house? Yeah.

Or are you on the library of Wi-Fi watching your child struggle with their reading skills? The problem is you could be good at it, but it's also, what a waste of energy at times, you know? You live in your life and doing your thing. To develop it, I think. Sometimes it's like some people are born athletes. Yeah. And some people have to learn. And I would have.

And it's just like some people come out the womb. Bam. Soccer star. It's true. Volleyball phenom. That is true. Other people have to practice and practice and practice. Yeah.

And they never get as good. It never get as good. No. But someone has natural born talent. Exactly. It's like there's those comics that you see and you're just like. Yeah. Yeah.

They didn't have to learn anything. They didn't have to learn anything. But it's interesting. sometimes when people look at you as a comic, you're like, what do you mean? Yeah. What do you mean? This is always hard.

Yeah. Always impossible. Always vulnerable. The longer you do them. Yeah. Always vulnerable. Always. Most jobs, the longer you do it, it's easier it gets.

If I'm putting in windshields and Buicks by year 10, I'm not even thinking about it. Because this machine's holding it most of the time. Yeah. Come on. Bring me the class of 87. Yeah. Right? Stand up does not get easier,

the longer you do it. No. Especially if you're trying to keep creating. Yeah. And keep growing. Yeah. And you're always in a space of being vulnerable. Always.

Because if you're not, then it's, there's nothing worse than just seeing a comic go up on stage and you're just like, who the fuck is this? Yeah, just mailing it in. Listen, we've all mailed in. But when you see somebody become FedEx,

for years. Packages all day long. All you do, you are the U.S. Postal Center. Why are you not in all blue and roll in a basket down somebody straight? Because you want to see, because the thing that I do love about being a comic is that comics, unlike actors, there's more opportunities to perform as a comic. Right. And I think there's so many bad comics.

Yeah. And when comics see good comics, you're like, put him on everything. Everything. I'm calling everybody. That's the thing that I love about comics because it's just like, when someone's good, everyone's like, yo, have you heard of, have you heard of this person? Have you heard of Dehraise? Have you heard of Madison Shepherd?

Have you heard of these people? It spreads quick. It spells quick. Have you heard of Jessica Michelle Singleton? Have you heard of these people? Have you heard of Lace Larrabee? Oh my God, Lace is great. She was on this.

You got to see Lace. You got to see Lace. You got to see Lace. Yeah. but if someone's bad, you're like, can you give them? I don't even know the word, no oblo recommendation. No, I can't help. He's trash.

Get him off the state. Go with God. Oh, listen, go with God. Oh, could you imagine? Can you give them, hey, go with God. Go with God. Yo, let me tell you something. Sometimes some stuff is just so dismissive.

I know. But it's like, be blessed. Bless your heart. Yo, as a southerner, I get it. but go with God. Honestly. Listen. There was a thing.

It's like telling somebody to get the lily. Yeah. Have you heard this phrase? No. It's a fine seven phrase. Yeah. Telling someone to get the lily.

Yeah. Lily is what they put in the hands is dead people. Oh, right. She's just like, keep on, you're going to get the lily. And it's a very, that's a good one.

Or the phrase, what is it? Slow walking and flower bringing, something like that, slow singing and flower bringing. Uh-huh. We're just like, which got converted later into,

in front of a t-shirt. But go with God. Oh, that's my listen. Hey, hey, you know what? Go with God. Go with God. I don't want to argue. Go with God.

Oh, she likes me. Are you going to tell me how the bread comes, how the bread is? I'll tell you right now if you don't mind me chewing his pocket. Will you message me and show me your beautiful toast? Oh, yeah. Okay, this is, what is this, a sourdolo? Yep.

I don't know if my face is smaller the bag is very. The bag is big. But I've only seen these in stores. I know. I don't know. Like, you know how sometimes you're like, you can't make that at your house. Like Pop-Tart.

Yeah. You can't make those pounds and talk. I hope you like it. I made it for you. I'm excited. All right. Congratulations on the book. Thank you.

I will say people are calling it a memoir and I don't know how I feel about that. Because I'm like, it's all right. Is it really a memoir? Yeah. Yeah, so far. It's not wrapping the whole thing up, but it's great stories of you and...

Mumsy and dating and just being at the show. You're a very interesting person. You're very dynamic. You have a lot of charisma. And to be able to get a book and be able to dive a little in further than what we get to see on stage is a great thing. And it's a good accomplishment. People are going to love it. Thank you.

That's the thing because everyone's like, how are the sales doing? And I was like, I don't want to fucking think about it. Yeah, don't even worry about it. The great thing about books. They last. Yeah. And you go on the road and people come up and they've dog-eared it and they've got things and they want you to sign it. People have been bringing them to me on the road to sign.

That's, is that great? And I was like, somebody bought my little old book. Yeah. When you're off doing your thing, someone's reading your book and laughing and being moved and all that stuff. It's a great thing. It's a great accomplishment. It was really cool when I got to do CBS Morning. Gail King came in and talked to me.

Yeah. And she had dog. And she had these notes and she had sticky notes and all this other stuff. And I was like, Gail King, read this book. That's amazing. And I was like, I cannot believe that Gail King, read Lino, me. It's great. Read my book.

That's amazing. It's still, the thing that I'm always glad about is I think because I came up as a theater kid and I didn't start as a comic is because there's always this humbleness that you have to have in theater because you always have to be grateful that somebody showed up to see you try to live your dreams. Mm-hmm. And I feel the same. same way, especially with this book, because I'm just like, I would not think that anybody would be interested. Yeah. Because even it's so, because you give so much, you know, it takes a lot of, how do you say

Cajonis in Italian? Cajunas. Yes. Well, we're in the lasagna booth, so I figured it makes sense. Yeah, I actually don't know. How would you say balls in Italian? Like a slang term. Cajonese.

I bet it's close. I bet it's close. it's close. Gabel or some shit. New Jersey. No, but the book thing slows it down. It kind of takes this frantic posting, appearing, corresponding, all that stuff. And it's like those people that take the time

and read the thing. Yeah. It's more meaningful. It's interesting because it's just like, I didn't. You just don't know. You just, you just like, I don't know. Yeah. You don't think. And then it's like, you have your book signings and you're just like, well, eight people in Arlington, Virginia wanted me to sign your book, but then just like eight people wanted to come see me at a book sign. I know.

So you have to treat it like that. 100%. Yeah, the book signing thing is, and it's funny. And then the bookstore is like, we had eight people. And you're like, you used to your stand-up shows. You're like, okay, I guess this is good in the book world. Well, listen, I did a show in South Carolina, like two months. ago, the Thursday show had nine people.

And I was like, I'm going to say it to, I'm going to perform for these nine people. Yeah. A hundred percent. Did you find it? Cochleone. Cochleones. Cochleones. Cochleones.

So it's like Cojones. Okay. It's very close. Sometimes I'll see Italian. I'm just like, yeah, I get it. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

As long as you don't say my name in Italian, oh, it runs through me. I had a lady go, had to message me and say it. Or I thought someone would say to my face, do you know your name is spelled wrong? And I was like, do you know you're thinking of another language? Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me, Thomas. Let me know how the cookies are. Let me know how the bread is.

The cookies is good as shit. They're already good. Titty cookies. Titty cookies. Or cugglilore. We got it, Joe.