Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 201 - Beth Stelling

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

Tom Papa sits down with Beth Stelling to explore the nuances of comedy, from early influences and defining moments in their careers to the intricate process of crafting a joke. They delve into Beth's journey in the comedy scene, her approach to stand-up, and her reflections on the evolution of her comedic voice. The conversation offers a deep dive into the challenges and triumphs of a life dedicated to making people laugh.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- About Beth:  Beth Stelling is a trailblazing stand-up comedian and writer who kickstarted her career in Chicago, quickly becoming a local favorite and earning the title "Best Stand-up Comedian in Chicago" by The Chicago Reader in 2010. Her journey in improv and stand-up led to her involvement in the acclaimed show Five Lesbians Eating a Quiche. After moving to Los Angeles, Beth made a name for herself with appearances on CONAN, Comedy Central’s @midnight, and Jimmy Kimmel Live, among others. She has released several critically acclaimed specials, including “Boner Appétit to You” and “Girl Daddy,” produced by Conan O’Brien and Team Coco, with her most recent Netflix special, "If You Didn’t Want Me Then," receiving high praise. Beyond stand-up, Beth’s diverse talents extend to writing for television and film, with credits on notable shows like I Love You America, The Last O.G., and Rick and Morty, as well as acting roles in series such as Rutherford Falls and Red Oaks.   About Tom:  Tom Papa, a celebrated stand-up comedian with over 20 years in the industry, has made significant strides in film, television, radio, podcasts, and live performances. Notably, he's a regular on "The Joe Rogan Experience" and various late-night TV shows. Papa's literary skills are evident in his books “We’re All In This Together” and "You’re Doing Great!: And Other Reasons To Stay Alive," a collection of essays, and "Your Dad Stole My Rake: And Other Family Dilemmas," a comedic look at family life. His latest stand-up specials are “Tom Papa: What A Day!” and "Tom Papa: You’re Doing Great!" on Netflix.   Beyond comedy, Papa's engagements extend to hosting "What A Joke With Papa And Fortune" on SiriusXM and appearing on NPR's "Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me." His love for baking led to hosting the Food Network series "Baked." As an actor, he's worked with notable figures like Rob Zombie and Steven Soderbergh and has appeared in several films and TV shows, including the HBO film "Behind the Candelabra." Additionally, Papa has contributed as a writer to projects like "Bee Movie" and various TV series. Residing in Los Angeles with his family, Papa continues to balance his professional life with personal interests like baking.   Get in touch with or go see Tom live on stage!   Radio, Podcasts and more: https://linktr.ee/tompapa/ Website - http://tompapa.com/ Instagram -  https://www.instagram.com/tompapa Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/tompapa Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/comediantompapa   #TomPapa #breakingbreadwithTomPapa Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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We have cheers before. I don't know if you cheers. I don't know what the etiquette is with espresso. I don't think there's any pros or cons to it. There's no bad luck like there is with... Yeah, with booze. Okay. Right?

Yeah, you're not supposed to... You're not supposed to cheers with water. Yeah, that's right. That's bad luck. And there's always someone with water at the table. Yeah, I wonder if I've done it. I think it's so ingrained in me that I haven't. I just keep my water to myself.

You don't... I don't do it. I drink occasionally. I'm not a big party animal. Were you ever? Not really. I mean, like, okay, I say that and then sometimes I've been reminded by a few college friends of sometimes. And I was like, well, I did.

I guess I forgot those. And I do remember Chicago early days because late night bars, all the stand-up shows were in bars. I do have like a photo of me on a bar standing doing a full extension, like which is the beer Your arm has to be full extended and you're pouring to me. It's like I. Like a funnel? Just you take a beer can and just pour it in your mouth up here on high. I've never seen that.

It's called the full extension. I was wet from lips to lips, you know? I just drip right down. But there's a photo of that that I guess I'm proud of, you know. So yeah, I definitely used to drink. Yeah. But I'm thankful. It was never a problem.

Right. Never turned into. um that had to deal with that yeah i will say even in college days i was always doing that i'd rather get ice cream and it wasn't a calorie thing like if i'm choosing my calories like no yeah it they felt synonymous which is so funny because you know when our friend like a friend of our steps drinking booze they show up with a little candy or sucker so yeah but i didn't really put that together yeah i just was my first visit to the dentist i had six cavities i've just always loved sugar. And that was more appealing to me than a beer. Because I literally today was thinking,

I baked you bread. I baked you this bread. I'm honored. It's beautiful. It's a really a good one. Yeah, I absolutely can wait. You can really tell that how much you like the person and look forward to seeing them by how the bread comes out. Should I just leave it B for now and I open it later? You can look at it now if you want. Yeah, this will be a little ASMR for the focus. We also, I've never done this before, but we have a new toaster oven. If you feel hungry, hungry during it. You could always cut it and I'll toast it for you. The question is, do we have butter? We do.

Okay, just check. Yeah. How's it look? It looks beautiful. Mm-hmm. And I only recently, because a little video, I'm trying to think about what I saw it. I'm probably answering. Uh-huh.

Realize how you do a little cut at the top. It is an actual cut. Yeah, with a little shh. It looks beautiful. It's like the, it's not burned, obviously. So good job on that. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

There is a method that it kind of looks burnt. Some people in the bread world feel like that's when the real flavor comes out. It's just lightly burnt, but I have a hard time getting there. It looks like it's in a great spot, not underdone, not over done. I can't wait. I'm so thankful I'm not on the road this week because this is a full week of bread for me at home. Yeah, that's great. Like I'm going to eat this for breakfast every next, the rest of the week.

So thank you. You're very welcome. But while I was thinking about it, I was baking your bread, I was like, should I bring her something else to eat? And I was thinking candy. Well, I should have brought you candy. You weren't wrong. I wasn't wrong. That's weird.

But also, this is my other little vice. I'm a coffee candy person. Yeah. I managed, after my time in the bagel biz, I was in the bagel industry for a long time, then I moved to cafes. And I managed one in Chicago. And then out here, my first job was Intelligentsia Coffee. So that was like an actual schooling situation Where it became like a trade

Now they've been bought by pizza And it's kind of a different story over there Right oh really they are But we had a store educator at the time named Percy And I wasn't allowed to touch milk for like eight months I was doing dishes Did you learn a lot? I learned how to pour latte art and rosettes

And cappuccinos and wow Yeah And had a bowl espresso And my palate was definitely like refined and I do cuppings in the morning. Wow. And put the flavor profile

and all the coffees. Really? Oh, that's amazing. I'm actually happy because I have maintained, like, or I should say, retained some of that education. Yeah. What is,

what do you drink? How do you do it at home? This week I have been doing, go get them tigers, Columbia coffee. Pour over at home? I actually just do it. drip. I will speak to that point. We did pour over at Intelligentsia. We never did batch brew

there. It's all by, you know, handmade. And I don't even know how long years after leaving there. I didn't make coffee at home because I was like, oh, I'll mess it up. I'll get it wrong. Really? I didn't, I couldn't afford a scale or right. A grinder or. I haven't even attempted to think of an analogy. Like that would work with that when you get home and you're like, yeah, I can't do I can't do this. I don't have all the proper tools. Right. And it's like, well, people literally crush up beans that have been in a can for like 17 years.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Just take a swing. On the streets in Mexico. Yeah. So now I'm over that. I'm a little less freshness. I have, I grind it at home.

Good. But I do a drip. And sometimes I'll do a pour over. Right. Right. Or. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm the only one that drinks coffee at my house. So I do a. poured over is just a single cup. The girls don't? The girls do, they kind of come in and out. Yeah, I mean, I don't know when I started drinking coffee, but. Yeah, it was about high school. It's funny, I just sent them a video. They're now in college, so they're not there. That's what I was

thinking. I was like, I knew they were like later high school, but I don't think I drank coffee in high school. Yeah, this generation starts at like junior high, the marketing of it and it's so available. But I had a, what's her name, Susie Ormond? Yeah. Right? She had a, there was a clip of her on Instagram. And my, like, my daughter, when I leave the house, all of a sudden I always see, like, a delivery guy bringing one thing of Starbucks. No. Or Alfred's, like, up to the thing.

Is that on your credit card? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She totally. Noddy girl. Yeah. They completely abuse.

But I sent them a thing that said, she's like, she was on Morning Joe. and the interviewer said to her, you never have a Starbucks. You never, no. Why would I spend money on Starbucks? And she's like, because it's great. Do you realize if you don't go to Starbucks and you keep that money, and at 25 years old you put $100 in an average index fund at $25,

I mean a 25 years old, $100 a month. When you're 65, you will have a million dollars. So I don't go to Starbucks. I've never had Starbucks. I'm not going to. That is a waste. Young people, it's a waste. So I sent that to my daughters.

And they're like, how about we save $100? Yeah, I know. They're like, what if we save $100 but also go to Starbucks? God, where could you? How about you pay for the Starbucks? Do you really get a haircut? And give me $100. Do you need classes?

Yeah. You can skip some of your things. It was, I think, I think you have to have coffee in your life, though, for sure. Yeah. I mean, there's no way. I very much lately, I've known it for a long time, but I will say, maybe it was as recently as this week. Yeah.

It kind of was like, I did it a lot is what I'm saying. And it sounds like I'm about to do some sort of big reveal. It's just that, like, I was in Philly doing helium. And it's like, in my hotel. fridge. I had maybe, it's like I would go out for the day, get coffee, drink it, get one more to go, drink that while I'm walking, not finish it really, and then get another one and put it in the fridge because I might want it before the show. Cold? So sometimes cold, sometimes hot. Right. I got, my drinks are black coffee. Yeah, me too. Um, sometimes I'll do an allay,

but with just like a little, like more like a topper, a steamed milk topper with whole milk. Right. And a quartado or a cap. that's nice. So those are my... What kind of milk? Whole. Whole milk. Yeah.

Those are my rotation, but like I just noticed it a lot. It's certainly, what am I trying to say? It's more of like an event or a little treat or a ritual than me actually like chugging it. And it's wasteful. And when I left the hotel on Sunday, I had a full ice latte, which is, I sometimes I'll randomly do that when I clearly don't want it, but I'm just there to buy something. And you don't want to be in the hotel getting ready for your show and think, and not

being able to get it. Yeah, I don't know. And especially because the good places usually close around four or sometimes seven. But I'm just, I can tell you where all the good places are, like for good coffee in whatever city, there's a club. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's the biggest thing.

My whole hotel choice is based on where the coffee, if I can walk to coffee. Yeah. I don't mind leaving it out on my desk and then just drinking it cold much later. I'll do that too. Yeah. Even this morning I made it for myself. And as I was like finishing up some notes on something, I just added to you ice que. Uh-huh.

Ice up. Because it's already gone room temp. Yeah. Starting to get cold. Uh-huh. I'm going to add two ice cubes and sip on it. It's an addiction, right? I would imagine so.

I mean, when you go through the airport. I think if you measured how much I actually drank of each thing. Right. I don't feel through the room. I'm not like, I'm not vibrating. Yeah. Right. And that is why I think it's wasteful and therefore, yeah, maybe leaning towards addiction

or just some sort of like unnecessary. very rich role where absolutely could be saving money 100%. Or you could just be treating yourself well and feeling good and secure and happy for a minute. But there's nothing wrong with that. Right, totally. So when you went into the coffee world, did you start to look back on your bagel days as that was like blue collar living? I definitely smelled a different type of way when I left. When I left the bagel shop, we were a steamed bagel shop.

Have you ever been to one of those? Yeah, where the windows are all wet. Some people don't like it because they're like the sandwiches is wet or mushy or whatever. But I mean, I love it. I love all different kinds of bagels. Yeah. But I would leave there smelling like I didn't even know how to describe a wet dog or something. So leaving the cafe smelling like coffee was a welcome.

Yeah. But also, intelligentsia was sort of particularly back then when I moved in 2011, was a little more highbrow. And if you stumbled in there and you said $5. I mean, so many times I got the question, why is that $5? And when you're making, I forget what I made honestly. I don't want to exaggerate. I think it was in the eight range. Eight to 12?

Or is 12 what it is now? Per hour? Yeah, like minimum wage. Joey, what do you make? Eight, eight an hour? Seven? But it was lowish. Yeah.

Every two weeks I'm getting a paycheck for $300. That was a huge wake-up call for my move here. Uh-huh. But, you know, when somebody's like, why is that $5 for a cup, I'm over here being like, that's how I want to make, you know? Right, yeah, exactly. I would, I realize, like somebody was rude to me as I was leaving the Philly Hotel. It was a barista who was on his phone behind the counter and no one was in there.

And I couldn't get out of the hotel door. And he's like, instead of being helpful, walking around the counter or like just maybe changing it up on repeat, he just kept going, push it and open it, push it, then press. Push it and press it at the same time. Push it and press it at the same time. Push it and press it at the same time. And I was like, maybe if you say it the same way one more time, I'll get it. And so when he came over, I go, I understand you're frustrated. Good for you.

I'm sorry. Good for you. It's fine. But it's like in that exchange, it bothered me. I thought about it over and over and over and over and what I could have said that was better because what I said was pretty good. That is good. But I thought of what I could do better.

And all I could also think was, this is karma for a time. I looked at somebody who asked me why it was five bucks. And I was like, it's direct trade coffee. You were that person for a... It's from the farmer to the main, to the cop. I mean, it wasn't like I was so proud to be part of the company. It was just really like... The repetition.

It costs a lot because a human picked it, not a machine. You know? I don't think customer service should be hourly. I think it should be how many times you say, hi, can I help you? And once you ding, once you clock like 220, you're like, I'm out, y'all. You can just tap out, go to the back. Yeah, because it is maddening. But stars would come into there, like definitely celebs.

People I, it was a theme that I would later appreciate them, meaning I wasn't a fan at the time of them coming in, and then later I would watch or know their stuff and be like, oh my gosh, that was cool. That's cool. I serve coffee. So you came here in 2011? Mm-hmm.

Oh. From Chicago, right? Yes. 2011 yep interesting yeah sometimes i'm like how do we keep track of all the numbers i know yeah doing the math is always that's my motto don't do the math don't do the math don't do the math but i always had the impression that you were uh you came out of the ground in los angeles just sprouted yeah ohs chicago yeah move put all my stuff and my mom's old o2 mercury sable nice the sable just let you She was turning 60 and she was buying herself a new car, a Honda CRV.

And her dad had given her that, stable-toothed tiger. And so she said, I'd like to give it to you. And I said, thank you so much. And at the time, things were probably a little tense between us. And I was probably less grateful than I could have been. I mean, I said thank you and stuff. We were just like, I was like, get me out of here. Put all my stuff in the car.

And I drove cross-country with my best friend. I mean, I had saved up the most amount of money. I never made and I can't believe I moved out with what I moved out with. It's crazy. I don't, I never want to be the grandma that's like, I mean, I know. Back in the day. Yeah, that's like, I moved out here with $10 in a shoe stringer. I don't know what that would be.

But I do, I think it was like $1,200. Yeah. And you were like, oh, this, this will do. I am set. Yeah. And I was like, I don't even have to worry about getting a job right away. Right. Cut two.

I got a job. The second day I arrived. Uh-huh. And I was like, a little mad about it. Yeah. Which sounds bad. just mean like I was like, oh, I thought I had some fun first. Yeah.

Then my first paycheck is $120. And I'm like, we got to get another job. We need another job. This isn't going to work. Yeah. And I was lucky to crash with friends for like the first two months. I'm like looking back at that. Yeah.

Who would I ever let stay on my couch for a month? Can't think of anybody. Now, why is like, so what's happened to us? Yeah. That, that young, broke. I know person who could live on $10 a night. Yeah. Making it whatever club and then like just crashing and like what happens.

Is it just become too tiring or do we we have perspective or you taste what not living that way is? Right. Like what is it? But that's a slow process. I didn't jump into being like. Yeah. There's so many different ways to handle that because the first time you get an influx of money, you might be the person you like scrolled away.

It might be the person who splurges, but really that means like a pair of shoes or you blow it all. Yeah. You're the person that blows it all. Right. And you're the person that blows it all? No, no, I'm not. I'm squirrel away. Yeah.

Yeah. Or buy a pair of shoes. And sneakers. But yeah, where did that go? I mean, I always say I know too much. There's that. Like I never, I don't like being jaded, but sometimes that is real. And I think that is actually a product of tempering expectations.

Mm-hmm. So the jadedness comes from, I'm on Conan for the first time, I go to Ye Rustic with my friends and, and I say the bartender, or my friend does like, hey, my friend's on Conan, can we put it on? And they go, no. And I was like, okay, that's how it is here, you know? Right. Or the first time I'm near a celebrity or writing on something where they're there.

And I'm just like, I'm the person who's like, don't say anything. Yeah. Or even being in the same green room, I remember at Meltdown with, like Bobcat brought Robin Williams. And Robben Williams was one of my heroes, movie. be wise. I wasn't a stand-up kid. And it's like I didn't say anything to him. Right. You know?

Yeah. And I was just like, I don't want to bother. But so I guess it's just sort of tamping down for survival. Yeah. Protection. And now I have less of like, how cool is it? And it is that you asked me to be on your podcast. Right.

That I'm here. Yeah. And I get to be talking to a microphone. Yeah. You're giving me the gift of sharing your fans with me. Right. I always am appreciative of that. Yeah.

Yeah. But it's just sort of like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't let myself get as excited. I don't believe it's real. Yeah, it's interesting. And sometimes I need to pinch myself and go. Yeah, but you're right.

But wait a minute. Look what I'm doing. Look who I'm with, all that kind of stuff. My wife would always say to me, are you excited about tonight's show? Yeah. I'm, like, excited. I'm dreading it. Yeah.

No. I know. That is the weird part, too. Yeah. The funny thing is my mom would sometimes, and this bothered me to the point where I said something. Uh-huh. She's like, oh, do you have to do a show? And I was like, that's why I'm here.

You know, like, it was the opposite. Yeah. Because I'm so tired because I worked with three jobs that day because I have to go out at night. Yeah. And the nighttime scary, you know, and I'm like, don't, what do I have to do a show? That's my job. Yeah. Hi, I roll.

Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. Like the perspective of it all kind of changes. Like you're scrambling and scrambling and scrambling and scrambling. And then you get kind of, it's kind of, there's a safety too. Like you get into a way of living where it's like, okay, this is good. So I don't, like, thinking back, I can kind of compare it to when I had a motorcycle.

And I would ride all the time and it was like, it was safe. Every day that I don't get on a motorcycle, it seems more and more insane. Yeah. It's like, you just going to go through traffic on this crazy bike. And, like, my daughter's going to graduate college and go to New York. And I'm like, how's she going to do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did it.

I lived on a bagel a night. Yeah. I lived on three bagels a day. But now that I'm cushy in. When you work in the shop, you eat company cheese. Yeah. But then you get that security and you're like, the idea of looking at her is like being on a motorcycle. Yeah.

Right? No, I think that's the perfect example because. Like, I'm sure you have too. Like I don't make a habit of it. But here and there, I've talked to students, either USC or even some from my alma mater. And, you know, times have changed so drastically. I have a very different approach to what I say to them. You know, I'm not the scared, straight person.

I'm also the very aware that's like there could be an app called Dingell that comes out tomorrow and I'm opening for you. You know? Right. So it's like I tell them all that. And I go, I can tell you what I did, but it doesn't even apply to you. Yeah. I just like me reading Carol Burnett's book, which I loved one more time, or whatever, any comics book I've read. Yeah. I'm trying to think of another one that sticks out to me.

Jane Lynch, it's like I could see how she did it. But then what? Yeah. I'm going to go here and do that. No. So if anything, it's like I love reading comics autobiography. It's just kind of my favorite. but you have to go,

everybody's story's different. That's the takeaway. Yeah, the roadmap's different. But the anxiety and the performance of it. There was this great book. Do you ever see that book? I think it's just called Comedians. It's just black and white.

It's pretty, like, it's this shape. This is getting bigger by the second. It's big. It's like a big, and it's. Who books that? Robin Williams is on the cover. and it's these black and white shots of the comic and then their little sidebars of like

how they prepare and like all this kind of stuff it's beautiful book. Wow. It was so meaningful to me as I got it before I was a comedian and it's just beautiful. Looking through it, I just changed carpet in my office so I had to move all my books out and I was leafing through it.

Three quarters of them are gone now. Wow. Yeah. Like as, I wasn't past. I wasn't sure if it was like just left. No, no. They, yeah, they'd have passed.

And, but there is that thing to your point of like, they're all different. Jerry Lewis, uh, Jackie Mason, Lily Tomlin. And their paths could not be more different. Yeah. Completely different. But there's this undercurrent that you so identify with just as a comedian. Like it doesn't matter that you didn't go play in the cat skills. and do, and the borsh belt and do all this kind of stuff,

you still have a little Jackie Mason in you. That's cool. It's so weird. It took me so long to even call myself a comic. I think that was part of it too. And there's so many different types of us, especially now. Yeah. But there's comics who are out the gates, here's my car, and I'm a comedian, and they've done two open mics.

Yeah. And there's me who's like, I was on Conan, but I don't know, should I say I do it professionally? Because I'm still a cafe worker and, you know, and it's like, that's annoying in its own way, too. Both are annoying. Both are annoying, but I'm worried that. I was more that way. I know,

but it was like, yeah. It's annoying. Did you dog your any comics or you're not that person in that book? In that book? No, it was all of them. Yeah. It was all of them. And here's the other, this is me being jaded.

I'm like, who wants to hear my process? You know what I mean? And yet I'll have moments on shows with young kids because I am the kid's sister of three girls. So I have this kid's sister mentality. And there's still comics I love and I look up to and I get to be around them. Like I said. that's not lost in me. I'm like,

this is cool. Yeah. I still try to remain calm, but I'm like, this is cool. Yeah. Well, sometimes when I show up to a random show,

I've agreed to, through a random email, yeah. Some of those young comics are like, you're my favorite comic. I know. And I'm like, who are you talking to?

Right. I know. Yeah. It's a weird thing. It's a weird to kind of take stock of it. Yeah. Right. Exactly.

And then you're just like a fifth year, senior, So good. Thank you. I, you know, I do this serious XM show, which you were on right when it came out. And we digest a lot of specials. Yeah. A lot of specials.

I don't know how you do it. It is cool, but it's... You don't get through most of them. I mean, same. As a comic, like, the reality is. Like, sometimes... Yeah. Well, taste, there's no argument.

But also, just to get through it. And then there's others that you turn on and it just before you know it's... you've gone through the whole thing. It was such a delight. And that's what yours was. It was so good. Thank you. That means a lot to me.

I hope you got your, I'm sure, I don't even have to ask. I know the response from you just knocking around and running into people. There was no doubt. Thank you. It wasn't a maybe. Thank you. It was really great. Thank you.

Yeah. I mean, yours are amazing too. I think we, it's true. Like, you know, I love your style. I love the details you use. So many great descriptors. Like, you know, there's something that you can probably, I don't know, I don't know if we're necessarily similar.

Sometimes I have a hard time saying what I am. Yeah, of course. Like, you know, somebody's like, what do you do? I'm like, I don't know, watch it and tell me. The worst is when you do an interview and they're like, so you're promoting your thing in Denver and they're like, so what can, what can fans expect on Friday? I know. I know.

I never know the answer. I mean, in fact, I used to cling to things from ages ago. One time somebody was said I was like Stephen Wright or something. This is like back like 2000, you know, seven. But anyway, I don't know. It seems like maybe we have things that we probably like about each other's too. Yeah, yeah. For that way we like work or talk.

Yeah. Put something together. Right. Well, phrased. Because I'm still precious about my material. And I'm not saying it's so great. And I'm not the person who's like, you listen to my album front to back. You can't skip tracks.

You better sit there. Yeah, yeah. I'm not like precious in that way. it's, you know, in the cheesy way of saying it's like a special special. Like I've prepared this for you. I worked hard on it and it has a, you know, something I've put together for you to present now.

Not to be like choked up and clipped and be like, please like me. Oh, I know. It's a tough part. But that is hard. I feel like I like, I'm old school in that way. And that I would like to keep making specials. Yeah.

That are an hour. Yeah. Sometimes I'm like, I'll click through somebody else's and I'm like, well, that flew by. And it flew by because it wasn't an hour. It was 36 minutes. And I'm like, did they get paid the same? Or what's happening here? I know.

Exactly. I thought we were working hard. I'm confused and I will stop soon. I'd love to stop soon, but I won't. I know. There is that element for sure. But there's, there's, here's the thing that has been on my mind because I'm going to do my next one in the summer. Awesome.

And you did one. One show. You did one show. Yes. Risky business. Yeah, but there's something so cool about. I mean, why not one show? Yeah.

Like, why do you got to do two shows? Yeah, I felt a little like, you know, roller coaster, like, white knuckling it. Yeah. But I also, you know, I ended up cutting out at least 15 minutes. And part of that was at the beginning. So it's sort of like, I don't, not because I've looked super nervous, but I was like, me, let's get in. Like, you see the very, very beginning.

things jokes and I cut out a little chunk and then I get back into it. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Just because nerves, it read like nerves for you seeing yourself. I, it was more actually. I just didn't think that material was ready. Uh-huh. So I cut two chunks that I feel like I could work on and get better.

The first chunk I haven't worked on and I dropped. Right. That's a tell. And the second chunk is, I've been doing this thing lately where, because I do have a new hour now and on the road early show I end on this landlord story of mine that's like 15 minutes and sometimes I go how did I do that back in the day I can't imagine like telling if to do this right yeah and then a late show I end on the chunk I cut from from the special uh-huh which um is basically about porn right somebody's yeah dating somebody with that right it's uh a man freaked out on me in

Philly on Saturday. And I only got the information later. That's a whole other thing, but it's fine. What? It was just sort of like, I don't, somebody messaged me on Instagram was like, I wasn't in the crowd. I said, oh, I couldn't even hear, because it was such at the tail end, like the closer. Your closing.

Yeah, late show Saturday. A guy's yelling. Yelling. Yeah, yelling. But I couldn't hear. And I was actually kind of like, screw this guy. I'm just going to, I'm so close to the end of the joke. Yeah.

I'll just kind of finish it, finish the show. It was so close. And then I go, was, is that guy who was yelling still here? no sound from him and some girl goes yeah so I'm like okay was he yelling at her were they in a fight I don't know what's going on and then I said something like okay what was that about and then nothing still nothing so it's just interesting

just yelling in the middle of your yeah he wanted it like sort of interrupt and stuff but it's like if you listen to the joke and let me finish like yeah anyway the person online said that he was yelling about me being anti-male Oh, God. Yeah, that's what she... I don't know if it was a man. I don't know the gender of the person who told me

because it's just a handle. But they said that person was yelling about you being anti-male. I'm like, I have so many amazing men in my crowd that are laughing with me and I love men. Yeah. It just makes me be like... What place do you have to be to be yelling out? Well, I think that's...

You're anti. Yeah, and I'm sure... Oh, something agreed. It just goes to show where I'm sort of like, cool. So, and she said it was an older white gentleman who she just described, again, I don't know if it was a she or he who was telling me this online. It happened earlier today. Yeah. The point is, it was an older white guy angry about you being anti-male. And I said, interesting, because when I addressed him to speak about it at the end and gave him the chance, he didn't want to say anything. He just want to kind of interrupt me. Right. And it's like, okay, well, I gave you the chance to have it, even though this isn't a conversation. You paid for me to entertain you. But I also think back to all the decades where, wives sat next to their husbands while they got called battle axes and ball and chain and for decades. Yeah. So I think maybe take a joke if you if you can handle it. Well, you're so like you act like

everybody else is so sensitive and a snowflake and yet. Yeah. It's just a joke. It is such a part of the culture now. It's bizarre. Yeah. And I'm just like obviously I'm going to be somewhat defensive because it's my material and I don't ever come from like, I'm not saying ever. I've written things out of frustration and probably malice. Sure. But this particular thing is coming from my own experience. And I'm sharing it. And a lot of people are in the audience relating.

And I'm trying to, as a comic, as I've grown and learned. And when I see other comics, I believe to be doing it not how I think they should, which is, if you and I are going to sit here and we're writing jokes about this wine bottle, one of us better turn it. Right. Toward us. Right. What if it doesn't say wine on the front and it's maple syrup?

Like, right? Like, look, walk all the way around the subject. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm just sort of like, I promise you, I'm thinking of you when I'm writing it. Right. Right. I promise. It is so, it is such a bizarre thing to be yelling out.

Like you're in it. Like you're, you being anti-male was when you walked up and when he bought the ticket and saw your name. Yeah. He was, what did you show you about? Like, you know what I mean? Like that, you didn't gin that up. No. In the last couple of minutes of your set.

No. This guy is carrying that into the, like, why did you come? Like, why are you here? This is all about, I just had an eye exam with this new eye doctor. He's like, he took me the other side at the end. Because I have this condition on my eye and I'm like really looking for answers. Yeah. And he took me to the side and I thought he was going to give me some cornea tip or something.

And he's like, winter comedian is going to be able to just say what they will about their heritage. It was so fun. Like when you make fun of Jewish people and they make fun of Italian people, they make fun of black people and they make fun of Puerto Rican people, it was a celebration. We all celebrated each other. When's it coming back?

I don't know. When can I see out of my eye? I should be like, get out your iPhone and scroll to 27. It's actually March 19th. So it's going to be a couple years. We're getting there. We're getting an eye on the calendar. And I'd like to keep an eye as well if you fix my eyes.

Was it a white guy, doctor who was saying it? Yeah, he was an older white guy. Yeah. And I think that's the interesting thing. It's sort of like, no, you know, I get how there can be some frustration, right? I'm not over here saying that there hasn't been any change and it's business as usual. And white men are, you know, not dealing with any sort of pushback. Right.

But I'm also thinking, too, it is an invitation to go, oh, interesting. Like, I didn't, I don't really had to step outside myself as much. So why is it easy for me to hear all these jokes about all these different cultures that we're celebrating? Yeah. Why is it easier for me to hear it? Or why is there nothing off the table for me to joke about? Is it because nothing's personally harmed me? Right.

So I can joke about anything? Yeah, yeah. You know, whatever. Well, Lestays, joke, I can tell that. Yeah. It's like, okay, well, could you still tell it in the same way if you were molested? Like, and again, telling a molest, sorry to make it about molestation.

Yeah. But telling that isn't a requirement you need to have survived it. Right. But again, it's sort of walking around it. It's going to walk around it once or twice. Yeah. You know, before your, because otherwise you're doing first thought joke. And that's not what I, what I would want to pay to see.

Right. Because I could get that online or from my co-worker or from a child. Not someone I've paid to entertain me. I know. That happened to me with language when people were like, why don't you swear that much? Like, you always get that asked, like, why don't you curse? Are you a clean comic?

And it really, I picture her little face. I was walking through Washington Square Park as a young comic. And there was this nine-year-old girl, maybe eight-year-old girl going, fuck this, fuck that, fuck this, fuck this, fuck this. And I'm like, all right, if we're at the point in the culture where that word, that badass word is coming out of the mouth of a third grader, why should it be in my act? My act should be a more special place than just to say it for the sake of saying it. That's what she's doing. Yeah.

You know what I mean? In context, whatever. Right. But, yeah, there should be something thoughtful about all of it is the point. Yeah. I hear that. Yeah. And no, that makes perfect sense.

Yeah. I feel like somebody, maybe it was, because my mom went early days, was like, or what would she say, Bob, Newhart didn't need to cuss. You know, if I did cuss early in my career. Yeah. And in my head, I kept being like, I wonder, I don't know, I'm sure he cusses in his daily life, mom. But yeah, I think it was probably Regan or something that said there's so many other words in the, in the dictionary. Why?

That's why, yeah, that's why, like, you have great terms. a phrase in your in your act that's why I love words I love reading I love like anything that you it's an interesting way to speak yeah we were talking about like two things my daughter studied in Paris one semester and she learned after being immersed in it they don't have fun with their language she said it's beautiful and there's but they don't have the in the American language and it and it really lends itself to humor. We have so many turns of phrase that are like just a kerfuffle or a boondoggle or I mean, there's so many things, a ways of saying everything. It really is pretty remarkable.

It's, there's something just so great about it. Yeah. That we don't, that other languages don't have it. It's like, well, yeah, there are so many other words for all this stuff. Right. Why not populate? And make up your own fun stuff or like, you know, I don't know. Whenever there is something that I've said that people will repeat to me or whatever it was. I'm always like, I don't know if it's pride or proudness, feeling proud. But I'm like, that's so cool. Yeah. I mean, yes, there's repeating a joke, but like just the way I said something or a term.

Yeah, yeah, I love that. Just make something up. And I also think, too, like, obviously nowadays the internet is so vast. You'll sometimes question, like, did I make that up? Or, I don't know, like, you think I thought I've made something up. Right. Maybe I didn't. I don't know.

I've been disappointed by that. The smallest one I ever remember was just like, I thought I thought of feral godmother. But then I googled it and it's like somebody's Etsy store. And I was like, Marais. Oh, really? Yeah. That's funny.

But there's a lot of phrases. And I don't know if we're going to start losing it because I was saying, oh, I was watching a movie or something. And someone said, I'm going to need this on the double. I was like, I haven't heard that in a long. Like, I haven't heard that on the double. Yeah. And there's, and my wife's pointed out, like, there's a lot of that that's, she uses a lot of them from her parents.

Like, funny little phrases. Yeah, my grandma would say, like, busier than a feather merchant and a hen house. Right. Yeah. It's like, I hope that the digitization of everything doesn't diminish. Yeah. We are definitely losing that. It's morphing and changing because they'll be, like, this is a silly example.

I remember. I dated a younger guy for. a couple years. It was a comedian just because I refused to be happy. And. A dark comedian? Do you want a fake cigarette? I mean a real cigarette, but do you want to just pretend we're smoking? Yeah, I love cigarettes. I do too. Do you smoke them?

They're so good. Yeah. I love a Capri, the tiny thin ones. Oh yeah. That's a good one. Yeah, I mean. Oh, you seem so much smarter right now. Thank you. Sexio, too. Who is this comedian? Was the, you know, without a name. Younger. Younger. And, and honestly, we had so much fun together.

Lots of great times. But I think I had a joke that was like, I'm ha-ha, he's more L-O-L. And many other things he taught me, like memes. And I think the joke was like, and I taught him how to have sober sex. But one of the things that I even thought of in this realm was small, S-M-O-L.

It's like, again, I'm probably going to explain it wrong. But there's just like little different ways of saying things in turns of phrase that are like, oh, it means cute, I think. And you're like, oh, a small, like a small kitten or whatever. Right, right. And it's like cute. But that to me is like the transition in this internet.

There's like interlil language. There's slang, of course, too. There's always been, what am I trying to say? Can't think of it. Just the letters are representing the, why can't I think. An acronym? Thank you. Yeah, there's always been that, I guess.

Yeah. Of course. But I think that's even more. Oh, yeah. Oh, because, for example, today, when the person replied, it was a OWG. O-W-G. Old white guy. Oh.

I had to Google it. I had to Google it. Yeah, I have to Google those all the time. Yeah. Quickly without my daughter seeing me. Yeah, because they're both in college. Both in college. But that kind of does keep you connected.

Oh, yeah. I just found out that Dairy Girls is cool. Yes. Yeah. I wasn't sure. Like, someone suggested. and I was like, I don't know. Because, you know, as an O-W-G, I know, it took me as long as good as well.

As an O-W-G, I don't want to just jump into Dairy Girls without knowing that I'm in a good territory. So I checked in and they're like, yeah, we endorse it. Stamp of approval. I have been lately asking young kids like what they're watching because it is interesting to me. Yeah. I think I talked to a freshman maybe. Maybe she was in seventh grade on Sunday. They're walking through the park in Philly and Rittenhouse Square.

I was with my friend having bagels. And whatever, somebody walked by they knew, we ended up talking to her and her mom. She was in seventh grade, but I asked her what she watched. She gave me some interesting answers, and it was in the Netflix realm. Whereas before when I was home in Ohio,

I was shooting that special, I visited my high school, and we were trying to get some B-roll, and I asked, I think seventh or eighth graders, what they watch. First of all, I mean, I'm like, I'm not scary. Maybe they're just all shy. They were like,

I'm just sort of like, I'm doing everything I can here to be endearing. But their answer was essentially sort of like some anime answers and more in the realm of YouTube and I guess TikTok. Some of them said, oh, I don't watch TikTok. I was like, okay. Yeah. It is an interesting thing. There is this, I mean, it's really why comedy doesn't have real good shelf life. Yeah.

It's so of the moment. Some holds up. Like that's the cool part. I'm trying to think. Some, but it's. I'm trying to think of a really old one I watched recently, and I'm not going to think of it. As a film or a stand-up? It was a stand-up.

And I remember, and I'm so stupid that I can't remember who it was. But I was like, okay, this is not holding up. And then another person, so I was like, I'm impressed. It's still. Yeah. Still works. Yeah. But there is definitely, I mean, my kids, they're, you know, 20.

Yeah. We'll average it out, the two of them. And there's a different pace. There's a different thing. They're thinking different things. Like I could hear the joke that they're telling each other. And there's, it's informed by their life up until that point. Yeah.

That we're not a part of. Like there's, it's a, there's a shorthand. Right. There's, and I can hear it and know why it's funny, but not feel it the same way that they do. And when they share it with my nieces and nephews. Yeah. It's interesting. I know.

Yeah. I know. I'm like, is this the whole, like, am I, are we having the Elvis rock and roll moment here? Like kids stay away from that garbage. Or is the world like, like it's always happening. Every new generation, everything, thing new from, from vinyl to CDs to, you know, digital. Or will it eventually just be so far off the axis? And it'll just, yeah.

Because I'm not like, yeah, I don't know. It makes me wonder because he's. I wasn't, like I mentioned earlier, I didn't watch a ton of stand up before I started. Or I wasn't like a student of it. I love funny movies. And then when I started, I really didn't watch it because I was terrified of like stealing somebody's persona or jokes. It wasn't until four years ago or something. I watched Richard Pryor for the first time.

It was the Netflix one that put up the 1979 in Long Beach. But that I was so, it was actually, I'm so glad I watched it. It's not that I didn't respect him before. And I know he had plenty of personal struggles. things that were tough in his personal life. Yeah. Wasn't an angel. But I was like, oh, I get it.

Like, I see why he's considered one of the grades. Yeah, yeah. And the other interesting thing was just like not a lot of change. You know, he was talking about police brutality, which is interesting. And my other takeaway from it, sorry, not like he asked, was there is a, our joke in it, a rape joke. And it's not from the perspective of a rape. rapist, which is sort of the twist.

Because nowadays, so many comics are like, well, why can't I do it? It's like, well, why are you thinking like a rapist? You know, like, I'm not over here telling jokes about how I hide the bodies and lie. You know, if I ask my persona or something and I'm dressed up in, I don't know, a cape, sure. But that's the interesting part, this idea of like the subject matter, the perspective you're telling it from, and what's off limits and why or why they're being. like edge lord about it right right did you so what are you saying though were you bump by it but no no i was just like i was like yeah you can tell a rape joke as long as it's not like right from the perspective of a rapist right right why you so hell bent on telling rape jokes yeah and then secondarily

from the perspective of you doing it and having us not not question you a little right yeah or being surprised that there's any joke yeah it's like okay why you thinking like that i mean i guess you share with us your perverse thoughts. Yeah. I watched that documentary on Netflix about, it's like the greatest night of music and pop history. I heard that's good. Yeah, it's really good.

We Are the World. And putting it together, there was an award show, and then they all went off and recorded that in one night, you know, with all these great artists. And the two things about the eldest moment of they, first of all, getting that level of artists. They were all legendary. You know, like Ray Charles, Bob Dylan, Lionel, Ritchie, Michael Jackson, Cindy Lopper,

Dionne Warwick. It was just like, oh, my God, I mean, giants. And then they release it, and they play it on radio stations all around the world at once. And then they have these giant concerts with these just huge. And two things, two questions for you. Do we have the giants to put that together if we have a cause that, like, do we have the giants around anymore that can pull that off? Like, who's the list of the great current artists? And two, are we so fragmented now that only a segment of the population would be into listening to the, because we're so siloed now.

Yeah. Right? Like everybody's like, what used to be music is now music and television and film and comedy. they're so segmented and you could have someone huge like Sebastian and nobody else knows who he is. Yeah. Like it's the only time to live,

we live in a weird time where you have to ask, are they famous? Right. That's true. Right? Yeah, okay. And also I've heard that about a comic, it doesn't really matter who,

but a very popular comic. Someone said their fans aren't stand-up comedy fans. They're fans of that person. Right. So that's another interesting take on the same thing that you're saying. I'm like, do we have the giants? Do we have the giants? If we're,

there's a famine going on in, in Hawaii. We're going to have a big fundraiser. I mean, who's gonna, who are we going to bring into the room? I think it's, it's more relative now.

I guess I'm having trouble answering. Taylor Swift will be there. Taylor, Beyonce. We have like, we have those big, Olivia Rodrigo. But I'm also like, there's also someone named,

I don't want to get it wrong, but like Madison Beer, I think, who has like 13 million. followers. Yeah. Like it was sometimes on Spotify, they'll give you a list. I was like, oh, who's this?

And I look, I was like, oh, this is. I think there was a song on the playlist. I was, oh, that's fun. Yeah. But again, it's like there's so many of those. Right. Someone I don't know who has 13, 20, 50 million followers. 200 million.

Bad bunny, right, Joe? Oh, so many. Bad bunny. Do you know bad bunny? I have heard of it, but to be honest with you, I can't, I don't, I'm sure I've enjoyed, but I can't say. Gigantic. And so many people don't know who people.

Ben money is. So, yes. So crazy. Okay. So in so many ways, like the gatekeeper was fired. Mm-hmm. And there's, everybody's just running in. Yeah.

You can just over the walls. Run up onto the stage and take the mic. Yep. Yeah. So I guess, yeah, it's just one of those things where I'm like, I think it would just be so relative. Yeah, I don't, I don't know. Well, the way you're- Because think about the Super Bowl when it was, it was, it was, uh, sure and all the.

Some people were like, who are these old people? Right. And it's like, it's usher and ludicrous. Yeah. You know? What's interesting, just having you go through it is that the talent's still there. But the way we're digesting it, we don't digest it all together because of the gatekeepers. Yeah.

Like we all knew who Ray Charles was because they deemed Ray Charles as the one for this time. Yeah. Now it's like what you're saying. Yeah. It's like there's all this great stuff, but we all aren't. And it's, we're not, we're not holding the same menu. They still are the claw in a lot of ways. Or at least they can try to be.

Like they pick, they pluck up the person. They put them through hair and makeup and wardrobe. Yeah. And then they give them a show. So it's like that still happens. Yeah. And I'm like who. And there's also pay to play.

Like, well, there's paid awards, of course. And then there's like, there's the person who's paying. There's the person, there's, sorry. there's a person who's paying six grand a month or something for PR. Right. And there's the person that works for, that worked for them. Yeah. And we know who they are.

And then there's a person who paid that and we don't know who they are. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't want to be that person and be 18 grand porter. Yeah. Because it is a minimum of three months, you know? Yeah. And the reason I remember this is because we don't need to get in the details of it. I'm sure you've experienced similar things, but it was like I had lots of people involved in a past special,

plenty of power players. And they're asking me to hire PR. And I'm going, you guys are? Aren't you going to do it? I need to do it. Aren't you going to do it? I was just sort of like, okay, wow.

Yeah. I thought that's how I knew it was like a minimum of that. And I didn't end up doing it. I think they charged me like a lawyer, like 50 bucks for a phone call. It's right. And then another friend of mine went with them later, who we don't know. Yeah. And who's successful in our own ways, of course, and talented.

But when I was supposed to do something with them, they were like, oh, they think that you don't like them. That company, I was like, I don't love them. Right. I think it's insane to pay that much money. I mean, when you don't come from money, it's tough to wipe your butt with it.

Oh, 100%. A hundred percent. And then to not see results. Yeah. It's just mad. And then you're like, and then you're bitter. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. I had a book come out. My most recent book, I have three. and it came out and it was the writer's strike so there was a lot of all the shows shut down that I wanted to run around and talk about my book but just like this is news to you but like scraping and just trying to get everything and go where you can and try to push this thing for months and I did all of it and then had a book signing at Barnes & Noble and walked in and did not see my book.

I'm like, why is it, where is my book not, like, at the entrance? Like, we're having a book signing with me and Rain Wilson tonight. Yeah. Like, why isn't my book there? And I was listening to David Sedaris, talk about it. And he's like, he had a young author on. He's like, this young, very talented, he's just great.

But the publishing company isn't paying to have their book put in the front of the thing. And so, like, all of this press and all of this press and all. all this heart, blood, sweat, and tears to do all the right things to get it. What does that matter if your publisher isn't producing your book and paying off all of these places to highlight it and make it look like it's the book? I know. It's frustrating. It's such garbage.

Right. And the person who paid for the PR and it worked for them isn't like, and just saying, I didn't do this alone. Yeah. It wasn't miraculous. But even paying. Like, it's amazing. I'm here.

But even paying for the PR, you pay for the PR, you pay for the PR, and it's, PR and there's another component of just having the physical book show up in all these places. So he paid for all this PR and have people call up and go, I was just at the thing, at the Barnes and Nobles in Clifton and they don't have your book. They didn't have it at all. That's crazy. Yeah. I can't believe they didn't have it at all.

At all. And that was at the book signing? No. No, there they did. That was here. That was here in L.A. Okay, good. Yeah.

But that's insane. Yes, it is. It's frustrating. I know. I think there's a little more gratitude being spread around by folks. I'm not saying people never did it, but there was always that sort of I'm the star, director, creator, writer, you're welcome, you know? And now I think, and I could be wrong. It seems like more people are like, I couldn't have done this without this, this, this, this.

Right, right. Because even at Oscars old days, it was like, and I like to think, I'm my wife and this. And then they say like four names that we can assume were like their agents. And I know, good night. But now people are very much like, the crew and this. So I think that's a positive shift. And I think it's a shift I've noticed. But it used to be part of the superhero mentality.

And I'm the star. And I did this on my own. And here I am. Right. How would you be? If you get your Oscar. Mm-hmm. I don't think you're thinking that many people.

No, I'm going to go. I'd like to thank Tom Papa for putting this Oscar into existence. And then I'm going to get out of cigarette at a free. That would be cool. Just smoke it until they play. That's funny. Just think one person and then just smoke. Why is she saying anything?

Until the music plays. I like that. And then I'll look at the camera. I'm available for hire. And then march off. Yeah, what would you say? I would say, I don't know. I would love, there's no way to do it.

But I was thinking like, what was Paul Giamatti going to say? Oh, did he not win? He didn't win. He won the Golden Globe. He was great. So he was great. I did. Yeah.

Because I have a weird eye too. Oh, well, now. But I was thinking like, What do you got going on in there? What's weird about it? A little. I have this. Flurry vision?

Caracotonus, where it's like a thinning of your cornea. Fine. And at a certain point, some fluid rushed in. And so I have like a little smudge on my, on this eye. Okay. Like a little. And is it affecting your vision? No, they, they, I'm kind of a, um, anomaly.

A miracle. Mm-hmm. They keep saying, well, the last eye doctor was called someone, come take a look at this, was what he said to his assistant. You got to see this. And then this guy was saying kind of the same thing. He's like, I can't believe you see so well with that on your eye. But the smudge ended up is just off of what you really need to see through off your pupil.

So that's positive. So that's positive. But yeah, that's frustrating. I've had a couple of little skin things happen to me where it's just, it used to, it bothered me initially. And I'm just sort of like, well, and that's on me forever now. Like on the tops of my feet, I have almost like, they, they, they, go in and out, but they're sort of like patchy. Kind of looks like a rash or whatever, but it's just, anyway, it's called like granular

annuloma. And apparently, like, I guess it's like onset after maybe a virus. So COVID. Right. And afterwards it kind of showed up. Oh, interesting. One of my feel like a teammate's, um, was being really annoying for a while and was like, yeah, ring, worm.

And I'm like, I've been to the doctor. I've been to three. Stop saying that. It's very like, um, taking me back to one of my teammates. How did it go? How did the field hockey go? I supported you. I bought the jersey.

Thank you. And you're the best. You're amazing. I was so inspired. Thank you. I couldn't believe you were. That was the national. The Pan Am Continental Cup in Argentina in December.

Right. And we got silver to Argentina. Nice. The home country. I hate Argentina. They're good. They're very good. They are good.

Was it close? We beat them once in the tournament. They beat us in the end. Yeah. But they are very good. How'd you play? Trade jerseys. I will say, I want to give myself a B plus.

All right. Yeah. Because that was in the middle of, I couldn't believe you were going off to play. I know. You were in the middle of your life. I know. And you're like, I'm going to the Pan Am. I know.

And the World Cup is coming up in October in Cape Town, South Africa. And I just trained with my master's team. They all came to the Philly show. because they're all East Coasters. Oh, cool. So my coach came, my coach is a bunch of my teammates. We trained together on Saturday morning. I did like a Turo car rental thingy.

Yeah. Drove to Collegeville, PA, trained with them. Whoa. There was like goats up on a field. And then drove back. They came to my show that night, Saturday early. She had this crazy heckler that, like, ruined the show. And not ruined the show.

It was like, that was amazing. Oh, you don't want that. You're in the bat. You know, they were very similar. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was more like when a doctor, brings their kid to work and instead of like a routine exam it's like open heart surgery and they're like whoa that's not how this normally goes right um yeah i had a neighbor that came to one of those kind of shows

yeah and on the way home he was like is it like that every night thankfully no so you went off and practiced with the team and then drove back and then did the show too geez louise how strong are you you always been really strong i'm getting back like i will say this speaking my little sugar thing. I am kind of black and white. My, my, it's almost like I'm getting in shape and I'm fit or like, let's let go, baby. I kind of need like a little dangling carrot, you know, which is playing field hockey. So, but just like, you know, you can't prepare for late night television except for being

on late night television. Right. How are you going to get reps in late night television? So it's sort of just like, it's a back comparison, I suppose, but like, I'm going to out when I'm playing the game. And yet I need to do more. And I did to train for Pan Ams. I'm running outside of it.

I'm training. I'm lifting. And on the road, I'm on a freaking hotel treadmill. Right. So I did what I needed to do to not embarrass myself in our country. But then I let go. I was like, I was in the holidays.

I was in hibernation. Yeah. But I will say this training this last weekend was a, and for some of my teammates too, it was a wake-up call, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are your teammates? I mean, this isn't like people are making a lot.

living off of field hockey. No, I mean, we were paying. Yeah, we're paying. Yeah. Like, or through you and other friends. You're supported by my t-shirt purchase. Exactly. And we were. And we truly were. Like, yeah. We were one of the only teams that got extra help like that. Oh, that's great. So, um, so everyone was so grateful. Yeah. Like everyone. For my t-shirt? Well, for you, everybody was specifically kind of thinking you. Did, uh, did there, what's, so what's next? So, uh, tryouts are May the

World Cup, Fourth and Fifth for the World Cup. Are you going to go to the Olympics? I don't, that's the part where I go, I don't get it, because here's the thing. Sometimes people are like, oh, you're the women's, um, U.S. field hockey team. It's like, well, we're the master's team. Like, if I were on the U.S. women's team, I'd be like 19 and just out of Duke, you know? But we're 35, it's the women's 35 and up team. Got it. You have to be in the 35 to 40 range.

And then there's another team that's 40 to 45, 45 to 50. Really? Yeah. And it's the master's program. So we go to all these terms of repress of the U.S. And it's like a continuous. of the sport for people who are decrepit. Decrepid but skilled.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Wow, that's amazing. So people who still want to play the game, but aren't, you know, you don't have to be 19. There's plenty of talented players on the team that are older than that. Right.

On the U.S. women's team. Right. Do you ever see them play? I watch on my phone. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Like I fall.

some of them. Right. They're cool. I mean, the game changed so much from when I started. I mean, when I got back into it in L.A., like, I had grown up playing on grass with a wooden stick. I'm like a witch, you know. So it was like, when I showed up, I was like a relic, they're like, whoa, can we look

at your stick? What are they using? It's like plastic stick. It's composite, like Kevlar. There is oftentimes a wood base still, like wrapped in Kevlar or whatever. I don't even know. to be honest with you. You're showing up with like leather cleats.

Yeah, yeah. A mouth card that's an old orange. I'm just like, it was fun to get started, but then it made me realize how much has changed and even just playing on turf. I played in high school and then a little club in college, but not much. Is it much faster on turf?

Oh my gosh, yes. And there's no like bumps or gophers popping up. Right. Whatever. But I was basically going off of basics. And it's cool how well my coach did teach me in high school for it to go. Because I'm really one of the only folks on the team that didn't play in college. Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah. I just get really low. That's your plan? That's your technique. That is like kind of one of my trademarks. It is? So you have good knees?

I don't know about that. Sometimes they sound like plastic bags when I'm going upstairs, crunching. That's funny. I always think that my ankles sound like, like, tinnies. can'ts. You know how there's shorts that have like writing on the butt? Yeah. You should get some that say just married.

Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. So you've got to, so when is the South Africa thing? October. Early October. So you've got time. That's the thing. I still, it's like, I still have to, I definitely have time. Tryouts are in May.

Yeah. You make sacrifices. Like, I mean, the Netflix is a joke fest. third. That's my show Friday at the cemetery. Right. It's like, okay, well, tryouts are Saturday and Sunday. If I'm going to get to Richmond, Virginia, I'm flying all day Saturday.

Whoa. I go right. I only do the Sunday morning training or try out. Right. And then I fly back Sunday night. Jeez. And I'm paying for my hotel and my flight. I mean, I have points, so I'm going to use points, but.

But still. I even wrote where I said, hey, could I, I could get a recommendation for my coach because I just trained with her. So, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not saying she wouldn't know, if I kept in touch and sent videos or whatever. Yeah.

But she could maybe write me a recommendation. She's just like, I need to go to trial. But I could not make it. But if I do make it, I need to keep training, get ready. For October. And then probably raise more money and make you buy another shirt. How many players on a team?

How many slots? We travel with 13, but that's two dropped out because of one got shingles last minute, dash. And we got to get that vaccine. Couldn't come. and then one other person. I can't remember, I feel badly,

but also couldn't come. So we were down to, you were. The older team had 15 they traveled with. But, I mean, think about it. You know how expensive flights are these days? Yeah, yeah, I know. So it's like, you know, you want to use your points or upgrade system or your status is ideal.

But, you know, if you're springing for a long flight and, you know how it goes, you don't want to be so crunched up back there. Yeah. I don't even want to know. I'm guessing thousands of thousands of dollars if I were to not fly coach. Yeah. To Cape Town.

To Cape Town. I can't. I mean, my first Australia tour, I must have been 26 and I flew coach. Yeah. And I slept. No drugs. I know. I know.

You know. I think I was on the aisle. I know. I watched these young people get on flights and they're heading to the back and like they're like, I can tell on this last flight, they just were looking at what their seat was. they're on the plane and it's like what number are we and it's like they're so new to travel yeah i'm like i have investigated yeah the entire plane i did research i know where i'm going but they're just so they could sit back there fine and be ready to go i know it could wreck your week yeah have you ever

purchased compression socks no but i live with someone who does Being so jet lagged and flying. Like, I don't know. Part of me goes, when we were getting together and training this weekend, I'm like, are we doing it? Are we all? I was like, I said I go because you're going. Yeah.

It was very much like, I thought we're doing this together. That's impressive. That is really impressive. We'll see if I even. Yeah, keep me posting. Yeah, that'll be so cool. I'm going to play tonight. You are?

Yeah. How often do you play in town? If I choose hockey over stand-up, three nights or three times a week. Three times a week. If I say yes to a show, it goes down from there. Right. Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday. How do you feel about doing shows in town?

I like it. Sometimes, I mean, certain places are hit or miss for me. And I think that's good for me as a comic. It is good. It's humbling. Yeah. It's good to play in front of people that don't like you. There's plenty of times where I'll be at the store and be like, this is not my people.

And there are other times where I'm booked on a show that people kind of probably expect more of my brand of comedy and they have a great time and I have a great time. Yeah. Yeah. There is that thing. And it's, you know, you can get used to just being with your people. Right. That's not great either.

No. And I, and you can feel the difference. Yeah. And it doesn't feel good, but it's good for girls and it's good to check in and be like, okay, well, this, I'm, I definitely do feel like I don't need to hit with everybody. Yeah. Sometimes I, that's true. There is the, the greater question of, if I'm massively popular, am I still good?

but also that's not a knock to people who are playing stadiums and are massive. You can be great still and be doing that. Sure. Yeah. My question isn't real, but there is like that little feeling of like, do I want to appeal to everybody? Yeah. I don't want to be so niche. I can't sell tickets.

But I also don't know if I need to appeal to everybody. Well, that's what's weird about it is it's really, if you're being honest about what you want to write about and talk about. the other end of it really is out of your control. Yes. It's like you happen to be someone that appeals to a larger group. That's just the way it fell. Yeah. And that group changes.

It's really, if you're just being honest to what you are. Yeah. It's kind of like you can't all of a sudden then become like a marketing executive about it. No. Right. I think that we have business people in our industry. Oh, 100%. That lean business over comedy for sure.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, and it works. Yeah. And I think that's like, sometimes I'm like, ugh, I should take a page out of their book. And other times I'm like, oh, I don't. You don't have it in you. Yeah.

No. But I always, I mean, another thing I constantly am saying is, you know. With a cigarette or without? With. Your words are a magnet, you know? Mm-hmm. So don't be surprised what you have come towards you. What do you mean?

Like, if I'm putting out this type of, material that is I don't know right what I'm trying to give a good example then don't be surprised what shows up in your audience yeah yeah like there was that I remember there was a time

when there was a very popular radio show in New York and people wanted to do it the Opie and Anthony show right and people really it was great they had a lot of great comics on it was a good thing to go do and then a couple people that popped off of it it was all of a sudden the audience was like whoa wait these eyes this isn't who i really play to it was like a bit of a broie kind of a you know group that would show up right that thing

that is interesting yeah even like doing something like america's got talent yeah or whatever you know older example would be bob sagging when people go see him they're so shocked he's cussing yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah sex stuff because they're like wait aren't you america's dad right um yeah So, yeah, like, that is interesting, like, what you attract or what people perceive you to be or what you're going to do. Yeah, and especially when you're starting out, like, I know that some people, you can tell, like, all of a sudden there's this right-wing, successful comedy division that didn't exist before, and people can go on Gutfeld and Fox and do these kind of things. And you see these comics who, they never talked, like, they were actually the opposite. Yeah. And now they're really preaching because they got a little success.

Right. And it's the first success they get in their career. So they keep throwing red meat that way. Right. And then you're like, wait a minute. I knew you. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. When you weren't believing in those things. Yeah. Yeah. That is obviously a weird moment. Even seeing somebody change how they talk. Or like, you know, all of a sudden, wait.

Are you from New York all of a sudden? You know, like, oh, what's all of a sudden? Yeah. I mean, I need to be doing that. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen that. It is, it's interesting.

Whatever. I remember people being so, like, saying how there's, there were certain country music artists that decided to go pop or otherwise, you know, like, started a certain way or started in Christian music. Yeah. Like, I guess I'll be a pop star. Yeah. Who's that comic that started out sounding like, like, it was a kind of a joke that he

was doing, um, country songs? And he had, like, a character. and now he's like legit. Oh, really? Yeah. Do you remember him, Joe? No. He was a, he started out telling, singing songs, and it was kind of like tongue and cheek,

like country songs, but like, like, like kind of funny, like kind of mocking it. But he got so good at it that now he's like a legit, he used to show up and like make, kind of like, like, like, Sasha Baron Cohen would, like show up and kind of piss people off. But now he's like a legit country. guy. Not Larry the cable guy. Yeah.

Larry the cable guy with a guitar. Not Rodney Carrington. Was his name like the country guy? No. I feel like there was a story about that person at Montreal a couple of years ago. That they kind of got in trouble. Oh, that guy who got in trouble, right. I don't know his name.

Yeah. It's called like Country King, Steve or something. Yeah. And he went out and pissed everybody off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that guy.

Oh, I'm spacing. He was on my podcast way back in the day. The Countryman? Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe just for fun, because you have so much energy, you could do a character. You could be a different kind of character also. You could have best telling, but you could also be. Barth Starling.

Yes. And she's very into swishy pants and jumpsuits that you would work out in. Yeah. And where's her hair up? And her mouth is never closed Yeah, high bun right here for sure I really I used to do a character that would kind of like

Back in Chicago days Of all the jokes I could never tell myself Because they were just like kind of dumb Yeah And I would do it on nights at our show on Sunday That's funny That's funny Like we did that in New York

Yeah something like What do I do at a party What do I do that when I want to leave a party or something. The joke is essentially, take a dump in your dishwasher, flip it up, and put it to heavy duty. Why didn't my brain even think of that?

I think there was a Seahalis, Cialis joke in there at one point. Sealas Pussy. It's funny. Sealas Pussy. Because it was all dark, it was all like dirty stuff I wouldn't do. Right, exactly.

We had that in New York when I was starting. It was me and Kyle Dunning. and John Bush, and it was jokes that we would never tell, like stupid, dirty jokes. And we would write, it only lasts for a little while, but we would write together. And then one of us would have to go up as Charlie McGarnacle and tell those jokes. That's so fun. Did you check the notebook? Yeah.

You could take the notebook up. Yeah. That's very fun. It was fun. The audience didn't think so, but we had a good time. Gosh, I do love that moment with comics. I've had that a couple of times. Yeah.

We like, I think it was probably a comedy festival, a bunch of comics, just had to write jokes, put him in a hat, and the host was reading them. Uh-huh. And we're nearly barfing. You know, tears are streaming to our face. We're laughing so hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What are you doing? Yeah. But there were, everybody seemed to write a joke about keeping a boner. Or not being able to keep a boner. They were all just erection jokes over and over. And the guy reading it, it's like, from first person. Yeah. So we're dying laughing,

and this guy on stage is talking about not being able to keep a boner. There's just something so deep in all of us that's just so sophomoric. Yes, of course. It's the fun, juvenile, childlike behavior. Yeah. In that realm, the guy at the bagel shop when I was, did that character, he was like, you should do a joke about, about, you know,

I just love that setup. You should do a joke about. Yeah, yeah. It was about like how cool ranch Doritos, but where do all the horses from the Dork Ranch hang out? It's killing over there. It is working. The Joe's like it.

What? Ben Hoffman, Wheeler Walker, Jr. Yes, Wheeler Walker Jr. Okay, I have heard of him, but he had the Ben Hoffman show, I think, on Comedy Central for a minute. Right.

And the only sketch I remember was about texting driving and he crashed. Uh-huh. And then he was talking about, he was texting about tiddies when he crashed. Right. And so, like, I think like a computer

has to speak for him now and it's like reading the text and it was like, can I see your tiddies? It's funny. It's funny. And he started doing this Wheeler Walker as kind of like, and he came to do my podcast and he said,

can you just address me as Wheeler, not as. Walker? What's his name? Ben Hoffman. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I'll do it. And he was just starting it out.

But now he's like selling legit. Wow. I didn't know what he was up to. I know Sean O'Connor, I feel like, wrote on that Ben Hoffman show, I think. Right. Which is how I was even introduced to him. Right. Yeah.

So it's not, yeah. So I like this new character. What was the name of your character? Barth. Starling. Barth Starling. Barth. Barth.

There's got to be like, I don't, I don't. I can't think of any other jokes. I would also do like a Shakira voice behind a Shakira poster. You'd bring the poster out? Yeah. I would just stand behind it. Something's happening in my throat.

It's the cigarettes. You think? Yeah. I'm sorry to do it to you. They're already killing. What do you think you're going to put on the bread when you, when will you do it? We'll be tomorrow morning breakfast or will you attack it tonight? It's going to be tomorrow morning breakfast.

That's the best. I got a nice bread knife. I'm going to slice it. Good. I usually start actually. It's tough because it's like hard to waste the little end guy. I know. And when you cut it, sometimes do you ever feel like it looks like a little bunny?

Yes. Just check it. Yeah, when it gets that little, yeah. So cute. Yeah, it's profile. Yeah. So I'll cut off the end a little. That'll be tough to not eat, I guess.

I'll try to eat it, but I'll ripping it. Yeah. I usually cut that into a little slice. and I eat one and give one to the dog. Okay, smart. Yeah. And then, yeah, I guess I'll work. It'll be, I'll probably have at least two, but since it's on the small end, I might have three.

I love the way you're thinking. And then I'm going to do butter on probably, definitely one, maybe two. And then butter and jam on the third. Ooh, nice. What kind of jam? I've got a bunch of jams in there right now. I've got peach, rhubarb, strawberry. I think that's it.

I threw away two. I looked at a couple expiration dates yesterday in the fridge. I was like, I am my mother. My mom had some ketchup from like 1940. I was like, mom, those dates don't mean anything. And by the way, she's probably right. It's got so many like preservatives.

Do you cook? No. No. Did she cook? Not ever. No. No. She was, you know, she definitely tried here and there.

Uh-huh. She was a teacher and three girls. Yeah. She would do like spaghetti nests. She always made me Yummy Rice Krispies Oh yeah For dessert

Sometimes we do a lot of dessert for dinner Like waffles with frozen vanilla yogurt and strawberries Oh that's good Um Taco Bell Racks Nice Wendy's

Solid Yeah it's funny like what you learn later Because she would never She was never like complaining or anything But there would be times where she was like Yeah sometimes I just had like I forget if it was like 13 or 17 bucks to make it to Friday To the paycheck

Right So it's like, you know, you could go to Taco Bell and get. Yeah. Yeah, I know. That's, yeah, it's a very funny thing when you look back of like the generations before us and how they cooked. And because it's so crafty now and people are so into whatever. But then you look, it's like, no, they had to feed four people three times a day. Whatever worked.

Yeah. Whatever you could stretch out, whatever worked. Yeah. And I would usually make my own lunch. I'm trying to remember what I do. P.B and J. A lot of PB and J. Yeah.

I was salami and cheese. Yum. At the bagel shop I would take salami and then I would put cream cheese down the center and fold it up and eat like a little taco tequito thing. Oh, that's the best. It's so good. That's so good. I had a joke in one of my acts and it's not really a joke. It's really a thing that the end game for me is when everything falls apart that I'm going to get a bagel shop at the beach.

Yeah, I love that. Did I see that in your special? One of them, yeah. Do you say that? Oh, yeah, on the boardwalk or something? Yeah, down at the Jersey shore. Yeah, not a good beach. Yeah.

And just a place where you go make the bagels and then be clock out at noon. Yeah. And then just walk on the beach with your wife and dog and then go back to the bagel shop. That's been a dream of mine, too, to open a bagel shop. I don't know why I always say my hometown, but I want a bagel shop with really good coffee. Yeah, that's key. Yeah. Do you think you'll go back?

Like a little salmon? I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. It's interesting. Because I'm like, I'm not married. I'm dating somebody who I really like. Yeah.

But it's still like newish. Uh-huh. I mean, I don't know. It'll be. I know. Yeah. A year in July. A year?

Well, in July. In July. Yeah. Yeah, it's March. Yeah. Do you run out of things to talk about? Things to talk about. Do you lose interest?

Easily or with him? With men. I don't know That's a tough I guess in the past I have been more And I have a joke about this Where it's like I love you

And I'm like I must do You know Whereas I'm choosing the person Right So I do feel like I chose this person And that's nice Yeah So if anything

It's more like I'm not questioning it But it's more like Is he like me As much as I like him Right He shows me He likes me

And cares about me But yeah I'm more like That's this scarier thing is to be like, I'm, the scarier thing is to choose. Right. Which is why I never did it. Right.

I just dated like a cat brings you roadkill. And instead of being like, ew, I'm like, I'll cook it up right now. Right. You know. Yeah. Um, whatever came to me type. Mm-hmm. And, um, but yeah, I don't know what the future holds.

Like, he has, he has children. Uh-huh. Um, from a previous marriage. Uh-huh. How old? 10 and eight. Mm-hmm. And I don't, I just didn't have.

a plan in this room. My plan was to make a living being funny. Right. Mission accomplished. Yeah. And now my body is for sure barking. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Like, I'm not saying I'm dying to have a child, but it's interesting that my body is doing things. It's telling you. So, so, so, so the fact that that's happening is very, you don't want to gaslight yourself. Yeah. You know? Right. Because it's, it's, the body is incredible. Yeah. I started adding a couple about a couple of these notions. to this current hour, which is like, and I'm about to be, not graphic, but descriptive, which is like when you're ovulating, I have this, it's a longer bit, but the point is, when you're ovulating, it's like, you're hornier, your boobs are bigger.

And then I go, you're discharged. I go, stay it again, discharge. Is, stickier because it's like trying to get jizz. You know, I'm like, the body is literally, wants it. Yeah. So you have these things where you're just sort of like, he's fixed. This is a lot of details. So it's not like that is like, oops, what might happen.

Right. Interesting. But like I just, it's one of those things where I'm like, my body is doing things. The window will close. Yeah, right. And just like I love animals and pets, I don't have one. Right. And I would have to arrange some care for them while I'm gone a lot.

Yeah. So I don't know. It's a huge thing. Yeah, just you go, I could go. you could ask me, do you want kids? Tough to answer. I could ask you, should I have kids? Tough to answer.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. It's sort of, I don't, same thing for marriage where you go. Yeah. That's like not just an answer. It's a commitment for very, very, very long time. I've been saying that in my act recently that because now I've gone through this whole

array of doing the whole thing and now they're leaving. They're on their way out. And so I went through this whole thing. And I'm like, I can't tell. you how to live your life. You can't even tell you how to, you don't make these decisions. I ended up in this position because I just got tired of eating pizza by myself. I got tired and I saw someone, I was, do you want any pizza with me? Yeah. I haven't eaten pizza by myself. And then you end up in this life just because you were sad eating pizza by yourself.

Yeah, it feels nice to have a buddy that you're attracted to that, you know, to go through things with and I'm happy in that. So I don't necessarily feel like I need more. Right. But it's there. It's a thought. No one's like asking intensely. I never had a mom that was like, where are the grandkids?

Yeah. Right, right. My sisters also kind of handled that. It took care of that. But okay, let's take that complicated other humans out of it. Mm-hmm. Is there any drive to you that feels like you should return back to from whence you came? I think similarly to the difficulty of those other.

Mm-hmm. questions, it seems like a great idea. And I think the reality of it would feel very different. Great point. Because it's like I love visiting home. I have a respect for my home. My sisters and my mom live in my hometown. Yeah.

I love being there. Would be very different experience if I had my own home because I'm still staying at my mom. Sometimes I've actually gotten an Airbnb just to have, because after a while there are things that come up where you just go, actually do, I am an adult. And I'm like my own space. Yeah. You know, I've even rented a car when I probably, my mom would have had. happily picked me up, but it's nice to have some autonomy.

So, yeah, if I had a place, that might be different. The thought is very romantic. Yeah, the thought is romantic. I have a lot of good times there still. I love being there. I love my grocery there. There is definitely feels more simple. Yeah.

To just pull into a grocery store. Yeah. Go in, get what you need, and then go home. And be able to make a left-hand turn out of the parking lot. Yeah. And not have somebody flick you off or cut you off or yelling. Yeah. or make you feel like you're the worst human on the planet

because you didn't like my plane. Yeah. So, yeah, I think there's a total of appeal. I know. And, not to mention, I could afford it there to buy a home. Mm-hmm. I read a thing. Oh, man, what was it in?

Your diary? No, it was a book I was reading recently. But anyway, he was talking about, we are oh it's my friend lillian lillian king's father wrote this book and he walked from dc to new york okay he just he was just going to make this little journey and kind of learn about the country and that kind of thing and anyway it's a great book but he was talking about uh anywhere people and somewhere people anywhere anywhere people can live anywhere and can keep moving can get with the job takes them to Chicago and it takes them to do to Los Angeles and it takes them to New York and something

brings you to South Africa and you're and they're comfortable and those are anywhere people and then there's somewhere people where they live somewhere and that is their place I guess aren't we anywhere people we're more we're yeah we're anywhere people yeah yeah you little Ohio and me little New Jersey shouldn't be sitting in Los Angeles right now faking if we If we weren't anywhere people. But there is, but there is the romantic thing of being a somewhere person. I do have that drive of like, maybe the bagel shop, maybe when I run out of gas, I'll become somewhere people.

And will that somewhere be where I started? Right. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. It would be, it would be romantic to have it be at the, next to my first shop, it was an ice cream shop. And there's like a, it's a realtors now. And I always want to be like, just let me have this and open a bagel shop.

Yeah. I think that whenever I walked by. Yeah. Come on, realtor. Well, I don't want to project or anything, but there may be an opportunity for us to go into business together. That's true. We have the same dream.

We do. We could run the bagel shop. And I don't need it to be steamed bagels just for the record. Okay. I'm open. But we would be grandfathered in and with open arms to that. It's not really even a franchise. It's my, it's, I know the guys, but they would help us out.

Oh, really? But again, it's not any pressure for me whatsoever. It's more of a family situation. Oh, really? They're not my real family, but I love them. All right. They could be helpful. Yeah.

But that's if we want to do steamed. And I don't know if we want that. Yeah, I know. It has to really fit into our life and make our life better. And if smelling like a wet dog is not really a part of it. Also, I'm going to get so involved. It's going to be hard. You're going to walk away at noon.

And I'm going to be like, I've got to count the beans. Yeah, you'll be perfecting. the salami cream cheese tacos. Yeah, I'm going to hand you one before you go on a walk. Let me go like this. He's always enjoying himself. I'm in here toiling away. Is there any place that people can find out where you're performing and see this new

hour? Yes. That's making angry old OW. cheese. Yes, Bethstelling.com. And it's like spelling, but with a tea as in turkey. Not sterling or starling or. spelling but it's telling you've said that a couple times that's that's that's that's

that's spelling dot that's that's you being the uh the guy at the hotel yeah yeah i got a couple more tour dates this spring i was going to kind of take the summer off oh good that's that's nice and i was thinking about filming a new special too but yeah yeah yeah and juneish because i feel like i have a new hour that i like that would be cool yeah yeah i have to i have a call after this about my special And I kind of want to just say, can we just do one? What's wrong with doing one? Yeah. Why do they want you to, basically they're saying, they're going to be like we want to get more out of you.

We're going to shoot two tonight in one night. Yeah. How about we just do one packed and then let them after we're at a taping? Yeah. I'm going to fix some things. Yes. Why not? I'm with you on that, obviously.

Yours was so good. Thank you. And it's like that element probably had some. something to do with it. Definitely. Yeah. This is it. Let's roll.

It's pretty cool. Because usually it's, everyone's always like, I think. We got it. Yeah, everybody's always like, we got to have fun the second one. Right. And then use all the second one. Right. Yeah.

I don't know. Some people use the first. I'm trying to remember on my past ones and I don't. I don't either. But, yeah. Comedy Central when they were putting together, putting us in the little machine. Yeah. You got one take.

Yeah, you're right. Showed up. That's right. Yeah. We weren't doing two. I mean, there's people who do many, many, many, many, many, many. I know. It's pretty wild.

I mean, look, I'm not saying, I'm necessarily judging you. You got the money to do it. But there's so many, I don't know, there's just so, there's too much to have to do it. Yeah, right, exactly. I've been doing this constantly around the country for two years. And now you get to see what it is. Do you repeat a city with a hour sometimes as it's growing or no? Not really.

Well, I don't think I do either. scared. Yeah, you know, I did go recently. I was someplace, not the same venue, but the same town. And they had seen it, seen me, but so much had changed within that. It was still the fresh thing, but so much had changed. That makes sense. Yeah. I never find out really because once I start asking them, they're like, why? Did you see the new stuff? They're like, I can't remember what I had for lunch. Yeah, right? We see you every time. We don't care. I definitely get a little too worried about it. Yeah. Because I'm always like, I won't return unless I have a new hour. I just want to see it again.

And they glaze over. Yeah. Well, I hope you enjoy your bread. I'm going to love it. All right. Thank you. Thank you. For having me.

You're the best. We got it, Joe. We got it. We got it.