Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 204 - Sarah Silverman

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

We welcome Sarah Silverman to the table where we explore the curious case of non-magnetic refrigerators, ponder the convenience of modern can designs, and much more.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I have that, that is, that is stuck to the side of our blender. It's the only place we could find it that was magnetic. Our refrigerator for some reason is not magnetic. I know, mine's not either. And our kids would have like accomplishments or just want some adoration and they would go and tape things to it. Aw. At least they know what the, that's how it, you know, that's the tradition. Yeah, that's where you're supposed to be.

Yeah, they go to their friend's house and they're like, wow, their parents really love them. Who decided let's not make refrigerators magnetic anymore? Yeah, the same people that decided let's not have electric can openers, right? What happened to the electric can? Why isn't it? Now I get it. You don't want another appliance that you can just keep in a drawer. But why isn't there a drawer level electric can opener by now?

Exactly. They were, yeah, they were everywhere. When you're a kid, you're a kid, they were all over the place. Yeah. Now I can't find one. Here's another question. Okay.

Why aren't all cans? Just the, yeah. Yeah. Just tab it. Like now sometimes you get a thing of olives. Oh, thank God. You just go boop, beep. I know.

That's why I buy those. Dog food, beep, boop. I just started, I changed my tuna because of that. Uh, you know, Chento, C-E-N-T-O, the Italian people that make the tomatoes. They also do tuna with a little flippy flip. People that make the tomatoes like from the bear with the, like, long, narrow tomatoes. No, no, that's the, oh, I forget their name. Yeah, those are the fancy ones.

Yeah, they must have skyrocketed after that show came on. It's so nice to see you. I baked you some bread. It's still, it's still warm. Are we going to eat it or, you know. No, you can bring it home. I'll bring it home, actually. Yeah.

There's nothing I love more than like warm bread and butter. Do you want to just look at it? I would like to look at it. All right. I'll show it to you. But I will say I just did David Chang's dinner time live. I saw that. I was jealous. I don't want to eat on television anymore.

That is a whole other look. I had not. Wow. I know. I just want to like hold this against like period cramps. We were just talking about that. But a huge trend, if you want to quit comedy. Yeah, I'm listening.

and have people still adore you. The trend is to eat things on camera and just have it drip on your face and be disgusting. Those accounts have millions of views. Yeah, I am not one of them. I can't, I don't like, like, I have a, I think Brad Pitt is a brilliant actor. He's so good. Yeah. But he's, he's an eating actor.

Uh-huh. And every movie he's eating because it's so natural and real. And I can't even, not only can I not hear it, I need to go like this. I can't see it. I have to just go like that and have someone tap me when it's over. I'm so sound sensitive. It's like it fills me with a rage I can't control. I have nothing to do with it.

So what do you think it's generational? Like why are people now into like Guy Fieri eating and licking his fingers? Yeah. I don't know. You know, people are fucked up. Do you want a cigarette? To not smoke? Yeah, you don't have to smoke it.

I don't smoke it. I've reached my limit. What do you mean? I have my one cigarette a day. I have exactly one cigarette. Same time? People I'm known for 30 years, don't even know. They're shocked.

Because I really only have one. I really have no desire for more than one. Really? And I just love it with coffee in the morning. Oh. I've always wanted to do this. How many times have I said this? And I said to a friend of mine,

I just want to do, like, what was a House of Cards? Kevin Spacey? Oh, I've heard of it. Yeah. He's from that showhouse of cards. Yeah, he was that guy. He's most known for that show house of cards. Yeah.

Something. Where has he been? England. England. He went to England. He and his wife at the end of each episode would open this little wooden box and they take out one cigarette. Yeah. And they'd have that cigarette. I was like, I want to do that. And my friend said, that's, that would be great. But that's not how cigarettes work. I mean, it isn't. It is for me for some reason. And I, listen, it will, the joke will be on me if I get, you know what. To cigarettes? No, lung cancer. because, you know, but it, and I smoke pot.

I'm trying to eat it more, but. Smoking, it's better. It's just as lighter. You kind of know what you're in for. Yeah. I don't like eating it and waiting to see what's going to happen. If I'm just home, I'll eat it. Right.

But yeah. Have you ever, you never smoked. I never smoked cigarettes. That's good. When I was a boy, I was walking with my pals on a street in New Jersey, and there was a lit cigarette. on the ground and I picked it up and went whoa it's lit and just inhaled and got so I didn't throw up it's so sick that's a mitzv that happened yeah from Hashem that happened thank you Hashem I'm just guessing

Joe is Jewish name Joseph yeah Joseph yeah yeah the big dad uh yeah and I never smoked because of that I like cigars. I don't know. Cigars. A cigar once in a while and weed. But I'm not as great on weed anymore. Yeah, you know what? I love weed.

And I will occasionally, I'll smoke it out and about, I get a party because they don't drink. I'll have weed. But I'm definitely, I'm not, it's not a guarantee that I'll be cool. Right. You know, I think I can get really dumb, you know.

Quiet? Do you get quiet? Sometimes, at my best self, I get quiet because I go, oh, wait, I don't have to say everything that comes to my mind. I do like a little thing inside myself. You're like, what if I didn't say everything that came to my mind? Oh, it's like almost like a relief. Right.

Just listen. Sometimes I say like a zinger, but I mess up my words. Mm-hmm. And it's just, it's like missing your two front teeth. I know. messing up a word in comedy. That's why, that's when I started to realize that weed was going to be a problem for me, I was, I smoked a lot, like end of high school into college,

and I was smoking all the time. And I went back to a party in my high school, and this guy, Chris, who was this, he was older than me, a couple years older than me, and he was Irish, and he was just a whole, hilarious. Just one of those, you know, like kind of, he wasn't Boston, but that kind of, pink-faced. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. Exactly. Using curses, like, better than everybody. And we used to riff all the time in high school at parties. We would just be the funny ones, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And I showed up at this party high. And he just ran circles around me.

I couldn't keep up. And I was like, yeah, and another funny thing. And he was looking at me like, like, what happened to Tom? and I just had in the back of my head, like, I can't, I'm not as funny high as I am straight. I did stand up high like the whole year I was 20. And I just got by, but I didn't like write a joke or I wasn't like good. I didn't discover anything. Yeah.

You know. Yeah. But there are so many comics that go on stage high and they're brilliant. Yeah. And they're totally sharp. and they're not mush mouth. Like I get mush, mush-mouth-y and stuff. Like, for me, stand-up and weed are like my two favorite things

that if they're together, they're the biggest nightmare. Yeah, that's so unfortunate. But it's nice after as a treat. I know. I always think about you that way, because you said that to me once, that when your work is done and you're done your stand-up, then you can have it. But even if you do it early in the day, it's not good if you have a, set that night. That's the thing is and as a stoner, it really like having a set, I'm shamed to say this.

It like ruins my day. But I don't usually smoke pot in the day, but it's like now I know I can't because I have a set tonight. Even if I'm not stoned anymore, I'm just cloudy. I'm not sharp. And so what's the point of doing stand-up if there isn't the chance I'll discover something or figure something out? When you say it ruins your day if you have a set that night, is it because you can't do the fun smoking things or just there's a little bit of dread like oh i have a set tonight i mean i don't usually smoke weed in the day anyway but right maybe in the late afternoon as i'm going to walk the dogs or something i would but it isn't just that it's i was just talking with i'm going to be real name dropy beth stelling alana johnston and mo welch who beth stelling we were hanging out oh my god

And, God, she's prolific. My God, oh, not me. But she, we were talking, I was, I, we were hanging out and we were kind of bringing up things because we're all comics like, hey, you know, I said, I need to, I don't know what's going on lately because when I have stand-up, I'm just, it's like a dark cloud over my head all day. And then I'm always glad. And I have a great time. And I love doing it. and it's my joy. But like this cloud over my head looming like, oh, I've got to prepare and I don't have anything new.

And I don't, you know, and it's silly. I know better than this. I feel like if someone came to me with this problem, I'd be like X, Y, and Z, you know. But it's just like I need to figure out how to just enjoy the day like any other day, put, you know, between four and five, I'm going to work on my set. You know, just have it in my schedule like anything else. and not fret. I know what you mean, though. I get up in the morning,

and the first thing as I'm walking into the bathroom, I'm thinking, what's today? And if I know I have a set that night, it's a much different head than if I don't have a set. And I'm just waking up. Like, I'm not even seeing clearly. But I know I've got, I have something waiting for me at the end

that if I should be prepared for, I don't want to just show up and go through the motions. and it's not like the dread like when you're very first starting remember when you very very first started i mean i lived for it it was like i never dreaded it i was like i'd eat shit every night and be like wow he did yeah so what do you think the shift is i think it i don't know i don't know but i don't like it and i need i need to really i want to change it right yeah do you when you're on the road, are you one of those comics that can, like, go on a tour of a museum and go see the sites and, like, try the, you know, big thing in town that is the thing in Madison, Wisconsin,

or whatever, you know. I'm so in awe. Like, Jeff Ross, he just, he lives every day, just does all the things. He doesn't want to miss a thing. And then he's, and he's stoned and he's, you know, just, like, living life. And then he gets on stage. and murders. With no notes,

I'm like... Yeah, I know. No, I'm not. It's such a talent. It's such a freedom. I know. Fortune has a little of that when we talk. Like, she'll roll in.

She can do things up until the show. Like, she'll go have dinner at five. And, like, sit in a restaurant and talk to a waiter and have a drink and then, like, she does things. I'm like, I have to shut it down. Me too. two o'clock, if I have a seven o'clock on the road, two, three o'clock in the room, getting my head straight, looking at my notes, maybe eat a little something, never at a restaurant.

I'm not going to go do that. If I get, if I'm not traveling on the day, then that's its own thing. Right. But like sometimes I like to get there the night before, and then I like to stay in bed. I'm not going to be sleeping the whole time, but basically in bed doing nothing until about four. Right. Then I get up, I shower, I eat something, I have coffee, my cigarette. Nice.

And then I, you know, then it's like, it feels like a work day, like where you get up and you get ready and you go to work and then you do it. And then you're, then I'm just like this. Then you're good. Yeah, yeah. And I don't like going out. I like to hang out backstage, have pot, you know, smoke, hang out with people say hello, whatever. and then I go back to my hotel. And then I'm up pretty late.

That's why I'll like drive to the next place after a show to just. So then I'm just there and in your thing. Yeah. I do wake up a little earlier. What time you fall asleep when you're in these situations? Whenever, you know, I find a law and order like marathon channel. And then, you know, sometimes I'm sleeping by one. Sometimes it's four.

Right. You know. I usually. I'll usually get up kind of early, like before noon, and I'll have coffee and stuff. But I think anything I do, any activity I do, this might be just psychotic. But I think that any activity I participate in during the day is going to take away from how good I'm going to be on stage. That's how I feel. Yeah.

And I don't think it's true, but that's my head too. Yeah, I know. I don't think it might not be true. It might be true, though. Sometimes I get tired out there. You know what I mean? I'm just tired. And then I'm on stage going,

it's not coming out. It's just a stamina thing, I think. It's just so interesting, too, how, like, an audience is a mob. Like, they all work as one. Like, they all laugh at the thing or no one laughs at the thing. Like, it's so interesting.

Yeah. I can't remember what my, that was coming, back to some point, but I don't remember what it is. About being tired and they're beating up on you maybe? Oh, well, just like after your first joke, you kind of have an idea if this is going to be fun or you're just going to be like, it's going to be like one step up from like practicing in front of the mirror. Yeah, constantly analyzing thinking the entire way. The worst I ever did was I did a casino and the, I had a special.

spotlight on me. And I don't like, some comics love being blinded. They don't want to see anybody. I like to see the first, you know, few rows a little bit. So I had no idea.

I just came out and was blinded. I did my first joke. It got almost pretty much nothing. Uh-huh. And then I just thought, oh my God, this is going to be the longest hour of my life. And I just,

you're, you know, there's no grace period where, where they're laughing and you think of the next thing. Yeah. It's just like, gulp.

I get through it. I eat a bowl of shit. And then the lights came up. And it was full. It was a full, silent crowd. I was like, huh? It was like extra. What was already humiliating was like, wow.

That is the sound of many people not laughing. All in agreement that I'm talking. Terrible. Casinos can be rough. Casinos are rough. But they're, you know, sent from heaven. Jerry Seinfeld one said to me that doing stand-up in Atlantic City was like shoveling wet snow.

Wait, shoveling wet snow? Very heavy. Oh, yeah. A lot of work. It's not like, oh, it's look at this beautiful. It's, whew. Yes. Yeah, because, you know, and then like what you thought was an hour is like 39 minutes.

What else is in the news? Your special was so good. Thank you. It was so good. I watch a lot of specials because of my radio thing. God, right. And yours just sailed. It was like a 15 minute experience in an hour.

It was just so, you're so good. always been so good. How do you, it's, like within, it's, it's a weird thing because we're, we're both in comedy, we're both do things. You're both, you always seem very natural. You always seem like you know yourself, that you're, the way you dress, the way you carry yourself,

the way you approach, Stan, it all seems to me from the outside to be very second nature. I mean, I think it is, but it's, don't we? We just, we get in the way of that. So I was just trying to like get out of the way of that. Like I, I had like a near, a thing with my throat where I was unconscious for, or they couldn't make me unconscious, but they just put me on like so much drugs. I was intubated. So it was like in an, almost like an induced coma, but my eyes were open, but I don't have any visual memories.

Jeez. But hearing back from my friends and family, I was. hilarious. And it's interesting when you get out of the way of yourself. I mean, I'm not saying it was clever. It was like, they gave me a pencil and paper,

and my hands were tied down because, like, when you wake up and you're intubated, your instinct is to pull this thing out of your throat. So I would realize I was, it was horrible. But anyway. Jeez. And I would write notes down, and I have no memory of it at all,

but my manager, Amy, he's kept all of the notes. And one, I guess there was a nurse in the room and I couldn't speak, but somehow conveyed to her, like, I have a very important, you know, question, like, you know, and I'm like, and I write down and I'm writing and writing, and I wrote, do you live with your mom and then a picture of a dick? You know, I mean, probably just getting out of the way of herself. And when you are, it's like pure gold.

I mean, I would never think to write that. Yeah. Yeah, but it does seem like that. I mean, I remember, I remember seeing you when I first showed up at Stand Up, New York, just as a doing Bringer, like I was just, I mean, just walked in, and you were on stage. And you're not very different from then. Really? Like, you see other, you see people, like, kind of figure things out and they almost become different people on stage.

And it's like, you know what I mean? Like, it's calculated. They're doing. You were just, you're pretty much the same entity. You're, there seems to be, you know, you've grown and all that kind of stuff. But, but. When I was younger, I, like, I saw old, like, evening at the improv or, like, I took, like, this video. Or, like, when I wrote at Surin'ite Live and, you know, the early 90s, the mid-90s.

And there's, like, someone sent a clip where, like, Cindy Crawford for MTV is doing some, like, behind the scenes of like the writers of S&L and I'm there she's talking to me and I'm Rory was just imitating it because we saw it and I'm like you know I'm not like the Harvard guys you know like the writers are from Harvard I said this like I don't know if it's an affect or if now is one or it's just like I don't know I was yeah yeah yeah when did you what how old were you the first time on stage? 17. 17.

In Boston. Stitches. It's stitches. Remember stitches? I don't remember stitches. I don't remember sticks. No. I remember Knicks.

I remember walking in and Wendy Leibman was on stage. Wow. And I remember the joke she did. Yeah? She said it was something about like someone. She said, oh, she said, someone told me I look like Ruth Buzzy. And then she goes, I don't know who that is.

Is she pretty? She was one of the first people I opened for. Oh my, I mean, she's such a game changer. I know. So powerful. No one is like her. She changed the format. Yeah.

So many people did that cadence. Yeah, after her. I remember seeing her first letterman. Like it was like a big deal. Yeah. For me. And it was just in this little package, like this little packages and just kapow.

It's just so dominant. This was so long ago that I remember her being on the computer checking her emails. And it was like new. It was new to like check an email backstage at Rascals. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. We really have lived through like the craziest changes.

Like when I wrote at Saturday Night Live, there were computers. but we not there. We wrote on those yellow legal pads and then handed it into a room of lady typists. Oh my God. I used to fax Colin jokes. Wow. Yeah. I used to fax them to them.

It's so insane. Do you think looking back that you navigated the competitive part of stand-up, the concern of others while you're this is kind of back to you seeming natural and getting out of the way of yourself uh there's also a tendency to get in the way of yourself from everyone else's perspective or from their opinions or where you stack up with people i mean i'm not going to say i'm void of any jealousy but i never really hung up on that stuff i mean yeah listen there's definitely stuff where it's like I have a harder time if I have free time watching comedy because it's just more stressful than like I love a thriller or a murdery something or like that

stuff is my joy because it's just like purely relaxing it's not your business but when I make myself watch comedy yeah which I feel like I need to do especially as you get older you have to you know what I mean like yeah like if I want if I didn't push myself to watch I think you should leave with Tim Robinson and I wouldn't have seen it and I wouldn't have been so, I mean, I find it totally inspiring. Have you watched that show? Oh, God, 100%.

Like, I don't know, I don't know, Tim. Yeah, me neither. To me, it is such a fucking gorgeous, tears, funny exploration of toxic masculinity. It's like the first move to like, towards like a real men's movement that isn't like promise keepers or something but like yeah you know like you know like you know like rory

my boyfriend who you know what's this a little dog on yeah we have a little dog on it all right let's focus well i mean rory said something so brilliant and just because it's his experience growing up in long island he's just like you know we're you know boys are raised to like not have any feelings No feeling is considered masculine other than rage. So like everything he felt, if it was heartbreak or sadness or vulnerability or shame or any of it, it just gets instantly converted into outward rage or outward blame. And I see that in so many men. And as a woman, like, I've been a part of definitely a part of that.

Yeah. And it's fucked up. It's really fucked up. But it's, that's why that is. why, back to what you're saying, of paying attention to comedy, because every once in a while someone shows up like that and they break down a wall and it's like, it's evolving and this is a moment where it's evolved. I mean, to be tears funny where you're just, I'm like, Rory and I are just pacing because it's so

brilliant and we're just laughing so hard and to be, to me, have such meaning attached to it. Like, wow, like he pulls the door the wrong way and he's embarrassed. So he makes it. I mean, it's like... I love when he's in his car. I think about it every time I get in a rental car on the road. And people are honking at him.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know. I'm not good at this. Because it's so over the top, but it's also like, right. Yeah. It's so true. I know. And then we went back and watched his show Detroiters with Sam Richardson.

Oh, yeah. It's two seasons of pure fucking joy. I still haven't seen that. You've seen that, Joe? Oh, it's... Really? It's, it will just make you happy. Yeah.

Judd had that too with his movies, like, about the, the emotions of men. Like, just watching his characters, like, really talk to each other. And, like, you know, I really, I really like you. I love you. You know, it was like, that was a big leap. How weird. 20, probably 20. 17, that that was odd that two friends could sit there and just say, just be truthful about how they can't think about each other, feel about each other.

I mean, our family, like, when I hear, like, my boyfriend talking to anyone in his family and they're just like, okay, I'll talk to you soon, you know, whenever it's like, oh my God, my family's like, I love you, I love you, too. Okay, I love you so much. I love you too. Okay, love you, too. You know, it's like, you feel guilty if you're not the last. one to say it. It just goes on for minutes. You know, like, what if they don't know? My wife says it at the end of every, at every conference, every phone call. Oh, like to like the sparklets guy. No. I hope not. No, but it's just like even if it's just, I'm going to, can you pick up

kitty litter on the way home? Yeah, I got it. Okay. Love you. Oh my God. Me too. Love you, love you, love you. And, and I don't do it. I, I, I just probably 75% of the time. But that 25% that I don't do it, I'm like, what's wrong with me? What does it take? God forbid, I mean, every time a comic kills themselves

or dies or drug overdose or however they die. I feel like the comedy community remembers to say, I love you to each other more. I know. And I just like, pretty much any comic I'm talking to, I love you.

Yeah, I know. It's, yeah, I love you. has become goodbye. Yeah, and you know what? I don't think it, I have no worry that it waters down the value or the meaning of I love you. Right, like you got to store them up. It puts more love out there.

Right. You don't have to hold on to it. Oh, I don't want to say goodbye every time because then it's like, what does goodbye mean? You know, like, yeah. It's always crazy when people don't say goodbye on TV. They just go get it done. And they just hang up. And the other end, even if he's an assassin, he's like, bye?

Hello? Yeah. You know what I was thinking about smoking? Because it's so human, like, how afraid we are of change, whatever the change is, and how we're, as humans, drawn to what's comfortable, way more than what we want. or we would want, like, my stepmother needed to be in a state of worry. Yeah. Like, she would always go towards that, even if I could explain to her that there was nothing

to worry about. Right. That's not comfortable for her. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's her state. But all those things. So we're so afraid of change and what we don't know. Mm-hmm.

That when smoking, I remember being at the Hollywood Improv when smoking became illegal inside. Yeah. You know? Yeah, it was weird. And. I don't, other than one cigarette, I don't smoke and I never smoke indoors. But I was so indignant about,

I was just like, that is crazy. How can there even be a comedy club without smoke in the air? That's insane. Like comedy's gonna go away now. You know, like it's so crazy as threatening it was to me

who isn't someone who smokes. Yeah. And is that funny? And now the idea of having smoke in a building. Could you ever imagine that? That's insane. Like you go to Europe and you're like, oh my God.

Do they still smoke inside there? I don't even know. Yeah. Yeah, I used to host at the cellar. And you'd be there from, it was one host for the whole night. You'd be there from 9 to 2.30. And with people smoking the entire time,

you come home and just throw your clothes out. Yeah, you just have to, you couldn't wear your clothes more than the one. It's, the last time that happened, because I used to play at Eddie Brill's apartment poker every Monday. And they still in the even, you know, would smoke inside. And it was like, the last time I was there, I came home, I took my clothes up.

I was like, wow, what a flash of a pass to have like just clothes that wreak of cigarette. Who was in that game? It was William. Williams. He was the heart of it. So I kind of like every once in while, I think they still play, but it goes off into entropy. And he would write a couple days later, he would write like an essay of like, all what happened that night and the hands and the music that was played and everything.

And it was so good. It was called the Hammondown. I never read that. I took it over. Oh, really? They really should publish them because there's so many of them over so many years and they're so funny and all the characters are so. Yeah. Who is the main people?

Eddie, William, J.R. Havlin, Vic Henley. Oh. You know, sometimes people would come like. Like, Louis would come here and there back in the day or, um, uh, oh, uh, Hank, uh, Hank Green, Hank Greenberg? What's wrong with me? Yeah, is that the same? Wow. He had a crazy laugh.

Oh, got with a little curly hair? He kind of was like comedy adjacent. Like, I think he, he worked at the Daily Show. Right. He booked, um, anyway, and he would book, oh, whatever, I'm going off. into the universe. Spiraling out into the universe. Yeah,

but I remember hearing about that game. I never went there. I loved all those guys, but I never went. Oh, my brother, my brother-in-law, my brother-in-law's brother.

Uh-huh. Who's called Cockman in that group. His name is Adam, Abramowitz. And I never remembered why they called him Cockman. I said, where did that come from? Like, I brought him once,

and he's played ever since for like 20 years. Right. And they reminded me that I was at the table and I was doing well. And then I got a phone call, which is not usually cool, but I had to take it. And he kept borrowing, you know, I'm like a sister-in-law. So he kept going, ooh, he kept being out and borrowing and borrowing and borrowing. And he never paid me back or something like in the chips. And I wasn't even aware of it, but they were like, so they started calling him Cockman.

We'll edit this out. This is, we're really. I like it. It was, yeah, you were, you were, there weren't that many women that were hanging with all of the guys. I grew up with poker. Yeah. Well, and I played, I mean, boy, Mondays back in the day in New York were the best days of my life. Because it was, in the day was softball.

And I used to play for the comic strip, but then I got, he never played me. Lucian never played me. I literally played for the state of New Hampshire. Like, softball is a woman's. Everyone would go like, do you brothers? Like, no, I have sisters. We're playing a woman's sport. It's like so odd.

And they do even, they do a slow, you know, we did fast pitch, but anyway. And he never played me, drove me crazy. And then Mike Ivy, who is like the coach of the improv team said, if you come play with us, because I never worked at the improv in New York.

Yeah. I'll play you every inning of every game. And I was like, okay. And I played every inning of every game. It was so fun. Amazing. We'd smoke weed. And then at the end, I'd walk across the park by way of the polar bears, the zoo,

get on the sixth train, come downtown, take a nap, and then it was time for poker. It was just the greatest. It really was a special time in New York. And sometimes we'd play till like nine in the morning and then get breakfast. Amazing. That is the coolest. How cool is it that the N. CAA women's final out drew outrew the men's final.

Finally. So, oh, what? Finally. Yeah. Yeah, it's so awesome. Yeah.

Caitlin Clark, she's like, she's that little thing changing the game. Like, you know, where. I know. I had this moment and it seemed like, it seemed kind of corny,

just being by myself walking my dog. But I was walking my dog and there was a, a young girl playing basketball alone in her driveway. And she was just like, like just wrapping it out, you know, just like trying these layups. And I was like,

that's, we know what she did last weekend. Yeah. And watching Caitlin Clark like signing autographs, and it's just a sea of these girls' bases. I know. So excited and peppered with boys. Yeah.

And, you know, it's funny because I was walking my dog a while ago. And I was like, you know, my number one, like most favorite thing to, like, extravagance is, like, if someone who has, like, floor seats gives me their floor seats at an NBA game, there's just nothing more exciting. Yeah. And then I was like, what are we doing?

Like, it's just as exciting if I can be on the floor seats of a WNBA game. Like, I should exclusively do that. You know, so. Yeah. And then I just bought two, they're affordable. Like, seats on the floor for a sparks game. Yeah. And Leslie Jones is way ahead of you.

She's like, she has. It's already there. Floor seats forever. Full Sparks gear. And it's so fun. It's a scrappier game. It's just a different, you know, slightly different game. And it's, it's, it's really fun.

It's so great. It's so intense. While we're on the dog thing, I was like, I got to ask Sarah, what, what's happening? Congratulations with your pet show. Oh. Being with Letterman. That's just so, it's so insanely great. So I have a red eye tonight to New York.

My dogs were aware of it when I saw them first thing this morning. I haven't packed. Oh. I haven't, you know, we did the radio show. I had no. But my dogs, what is it about us that the dogs read that we don't know we're giving off? Like, you know how your dog knows when you stand up from your desk. Either we're going out or you're leaving me.

Like they know. Yeah. Like what is the energy? that we give off that's slightly different, that dogs see that. Do you have the answer? No, I don't. I don't know.

I was hoping you knew. You start organizing things maybe. You stand up a little more briskly or I don't know. You didn't pat. I mean, the suitcase is a dead, you know, the second the suitcase comes out.

Oh God, forget it. Then they just collapsed. My dog, I left. Our kids are gone now. and Cynthia was packing up to go meet me and she said when she brought this

she had you know she brought the suitcase out and our lab was just collapsed on the floor was acting like her legs didn't work was just doing this whole horrible thing until she got in the car so brutal well who watches the dogs when you leave

do you take them somewhere no we have someone stay at the house that's what I do too yeah they just come and stay and you give them all of your money and pass codes. Yeah. I know. You have to find that person that you can just completely trust or a handful of them. Yeah.

And then just never go away for Christmas. I know. Yeah. Now that our kids are out, we're like, we could go back to New York for like months at a time if we want all the dogs. No, we can't. I know. Can't. And Roy won't talk about it.

I go, well, in a few years, he's like, because they're nine and all the, 11 to commemorate 9-11. Yeah. That's so nice. We didn't time it out. It should have been timed out. We should have gotten the dogs when they were, when the kids were younger. So it all kind of timed out.

Oh. I know. It's morbid. I know. It's horrible. I know. It's bad. It's a circle of life.

When you grew up, who cooked for you the most? I'm sensing your mom wasn't a She had When she wanted to cook She was a great cook She was She wasn't Sometimes she would make like

I mean I say great cook Roy says well you have a You know the The palette of a 10 year old She would make like shells Pasta shells with butter And like all this grated jack cheese Which I know is not

Nice Italian So good But we were And my dad's house, there would be six o'clock dinner. And my stepmom would like make something, you know. And sit down the family. Yeah, like sit down.

But in my mom's where I lived more most of the time, it was more like frozen lenders bagels and cream cheese up in your room. Right, right. Fend for yourself was what my mom called it. Fend for yourself. Fend for yourself. If you lived in a sit down home, which I did, fend for yourself friends, it was like,

you were going to camp or something. It was so cool and exciting. Right. It was like, what? We can just make nachos and sit in your room. It was like at eight at night. It was like freedom. It was so great.

Yeah, but I would eat at my best friend Kerry's house and I loved it because they had family dinner and they, it wasn't like in silence or it was just like nonstop belly laughs. Like, oh my God. Yeah, I know. But there was a lot of pressure, too, because then you'd get grilled by your parents and what you were doing. Oh, at the Fend for Yourself, Friends' house? No, at my house, you know, you'd sit there and your dad's looking at you across the thing and like, what'd you get on the test?

Oh, yeah. Fend for yourself, they never saw your grades. I never got what did you get on the test. No. I'm the youngest, so there's one page just. the cover page of a baby book of me like just just the baby the photo from being born and then all the pages are empty so my sisters have books yeah and i'm lucky and i think that's why youngest siblings are always comedic are you youngest sibling oldest well you just ruined the theory

yeah but my dad was dominant so i had to hustle maybe that's maybe that's the but usually you probably had to like take care of your siblings more yeah you had to go through everything first you have greater expectations right by the time you're they get to the youngest yeah they've given up i really love watching because because i have daughters watching the little little tidbits that i could gleam from your life and from your act and from social media and of you and your dad oh yeah yeah the best Yeah. And I was always trying to figure it out. I mean, it seemed like, it seemed like he treated you like a pal in some regard. I mean, he, listen, as a kid, he had a very not physical, but violent temper. Just you didn't know when he was going to lose his shit. Really?

It was terrifying. Like I hear about children of alcoholics and it sounds similar where it's just you don't know what the vibe is going to be when he gets home. And it's scary. But as we got older and he got older and got on Zoloft and chilled out. Yeah. He became like the most amazing man. Where'd that temper come from? He was always funny. He was.

Well, listen, he said something to my oldest sister, Susie. And it's true. He's like, I'm a much better parent than my dad was. And you'll be a much better parent than I was. But like, he grew up in just. Just the worst. He had, his father just beat the shit out of him every day. Just punched, punched, like, real, like, beat him up.

Jeez. And. Was he a drunk? No, he was just filled with rage. And he had a younger brother that was untouched. And my mother, same situation. She was, like, horribly abused by her mother and her little sister untouched. Took all the blows.

Which is all, you know, both of those. things are horrible. Yeah. How Michael Jackson, his father wouldn't get mad at him, but everyone else, and like, that just made him, you know. Yeah. God. I don't know why. And then the two of them end up together.

That's pretty crazy. Huh. What? Your mom and your dad end up together. They're both in the same. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And it doesn't make sense.

They're so, they were so different, but that must have been without words or knowing. Yeah. Kind of pulled them together. Yeah. Was your, was your. grandfather, your dad, did you ever meet him? Yeah. Yeah.

Did he, but he was... You saw a different guy? Totally different guy and he was mostly fully in dementia. Oh. But he would do the weirdest thing. Looking back, he would do this thing where he would pretend to have a coughing fit. And then he would open his hand and there'd be like loose M&Ms in it and would be like, oh, wow, look.

Looking back, it's just so gross. Was he an immigrant, your grandfather? No, I think he was born in America. He was like Boston. They're Boston Jews. Right. You know, kind of Boston Jews. Both my grandparents were actually born in America,

except for my mother's mother. Right. Born in Poland. God, there was, I mean, short temper, I think for that generation was just commonplace. I mean, it was just nobody knew. Nobody knew. Nobody could ask for help. Nobody.

It was just try and survive, get the shit kicked out of you out in the world and come home and blow. I mean, my dad, it's amazing how he turned out because his dad beat the shit out of him, hated him, like specifically him. God. His mother was so in love with her husband, his dad, that she just said nothing. She just let it happen. And so she didn't stick up for him. That's, oh, God, it would be horrible. And then they, so didn't want him around.

They sent him off to Lawrence Academy, some like, you know, churchy, not churchy, but like a, you know, boarding school. Yeah. And he was beat, he got the shit kicked out of him there. Jeez. It was just crazy. How, when did you learn all this? Pretty young.

My parents told us, like, they were. I think I knew about their whole life story. There was a point where I think I was nine and my dad was like, I have to see prostitutes because your mom is frigid. And I'd be like so mad at my mom for being frigid, whatever that meant. I was like so crazy. But he, you know, we did get so close. And he was agreed dead.

Like they got divorced and my sisters moved in with him and I stayed with my mom. And he would like come over every day to take a walk with me just to like catch. up. He never met, you know, unlike my mom never went to a single game. Like, I was an athlete. Yeah. My dad never missed a game. Right. And, uh, and then sometimes he would pick me up at like 6 a.m. Before school and we'd go to the YMCA and swim laps and then get an egg McMuffin and he dropped me off at school. And it was just, looking back, it's so special, you know. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, the idea of not being able to be around your child has got to be so intense. I just don't understand.

It's, God, it's insane. That he was able to keep that connection is. Yeah, I mean, they always lived like two minutes from each other, which is really great. Did they get cool with each other? Like, even just like the meetups like. Yeah, they hated each other's guts during their whole marriage

and then a really ugly divorce where they did everything wrong in terms of like what we know now and gambling with kids. Yeah. But at a certain point, they became like war buddy. like army pals. Right. And then they really were like brother and sister.

They both met the loves of their lives, you know. And then like my stepmother would send my dad to my mom's house to get his fingernails and his toenails clip. Because he didn't know how to do it himself. I mean, really men, especially at that time, had no skills. No skills. They don't know how to do the laundry. They don't know how to feed themselves. My dad could never feed himself.

He never knew how to feed himself. Unless he made like a chocolate shake. My mother still worries about my father. Like, how's he going to eat? Did you eat? Should I make you? Can I make you an egg? And I don't, because I don't think he really can.

No, he can't. He would only eat the egg yolks. My dad and my stepmother would literally a year ago. I remember my stepmother like boiling an egg. She takes the white off and throws it out and hands him the yolk, which of course is not the healthy part. But it's the only part he would eat. Yeah. Do you think that it gave you, how did it shape your, where you were going to go for your life?

I think watching them, like watching my dad change was amazing to see because you don't expect that to, that, you shouldn't expect that to ever happen, you know, but it really, really did. Yeah. You know, we just got so, we always were close, but we just got very close. but we just got very close. I can talk to him about anything. I loved his politics. Like, I really, even in the end, like, just, I wish he was around now because he just always talked sense.

Yeah. And had good T-shirts. And good T-shirts. I mean, he had a store. He ran the store that his dad, you know, took over his dad's store, which is, you know, loaded and stuff. But there was like a vestibule, you know, in. Manchester, New Hampshire, the weather it gets ice, you know, so you walk in

and there's like heat and then you walk in to the store and he would leave the first door open all winter long for homeless people to sleep in the vestibule. Always was very kind. Yeah. It always is, I'm always in awe of people that were in that kind of,

that kind of charity comes natural. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like some people spend up. Yeah. Some people have like a, a, whole lifetime to have to be like learn those lessons to be kind to people and other people it's just it's hardwired that they're just of course that's what you do yeah did it did the tumultuous unorthodox family life have an effect on your dating you're craving for family well i mean i remember being in kindergarten on julie blinkensop's driveway and she was talking about how i'm gonna

I grew up and I'm going to get married and I remember saying. And it's so wild looking back like, oh, why would you ever want to hate someone that much? Because all I knew. Yeah. I mean, it's so obvious now. It was like, I just, I just knew like you get married and then you fucking hate each other's guts. Right. Yeah.

So why am I going to race towards that? I don't remember them smiling at each other, nothing until years later. I mean, when my mom died, she was holding my dad and my stepmother's hands. Wow. Yeah. God, that's insane. It really is, you know. You get older, you realize nothing matters. Like, all the, any beef you're holding onto or whatever, like, who cares? Yeah.

What do you mean beef with other people? Yeah, like holding on to like anger about stuff or whatever. I know. I know. Yeah, people have grudges. A lot of Italian family members. Like, I'll never speak to him again. And they don't.

They just, they just completely shut it out. We're friends with a couple comics from a family of 10 siblings that are never speaking to each other. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. It's insane. Do you feel like ultimately, I know this is kind of corny, but you're, that helped you creatively? Like when you talk about you being natural and knowing yourself, like if you're sitting there at five going, no, no, no, I see what this path is. there's a confidence in that kid of like I'm I know where I'm going did ever tell you this this is um

you know you think you've heard every story about yourself when you were a little like yeah once you're you know whatever or your siblings have told you everything yeah i was at lago a few years ago and adam sandler who's our parents were friendly oh i didn't know him until we were adults but he knew my sister laura like from grade school and stuff and our parents were friends and um and his mom was my nursery school teacher. And she tells a story about me that I had never heard. And when he went on at Largo, he told it. And it was so wild to be like in my four years and hear a story about myself.

Yeah, weird. And he said she tells it all the time where she said, she was like scolding a little kid for swearing or something. And I must have been listening. And I like, went, those are at home words. But yeah, were you like, like in my family, I was like definitely the one that made everyone laugh. And that was like my job. And I feel like every comedian comedy is their means of survival of your, you know, we, everyone has survival skills that they form to get through childhood.

Yeah. And I would say 100% of comics for that it's being funny. Yeah. Oh, 100%. So then so much of what we learned. to get through childhood does no longer serve us our adulthood.

And we have to unlearn those things, but as comics you don't want to unlearn the things that made you funny. So there's so many comics who are fear, therapy, or getting well. And maybe they should because, you know, I'm probably less funny as I've had more therapy, but I'm happy here. Yeah.

I know. Did you watch the Steve Martin documentary? I've only seen the first half so far. I'm watching the second half today. Oh, my God. It's interesting. It's a very interesting journey of growing up in a certain way and what that does to your life and how it affected you creatively. Yeah.

The relationship with his father. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. It's intense. It's amazing that he's got so many pictures and footage and, you know, like. I know. I know.

It's like Bob Dylan. It's like, who was taking all of these shots the first week he got to New York? I just feel like so many greats are like, yeah, You should probably have a camera on. Yeah, you're going to want to film this. You don't even have an album yet. And they have all this footage on it. I was like Val Kilmer.

Remember that? Recently that. Yeah, that documentary. Because he had, when video cameras came out, he was like doing, you know, it was like in the middle of like top secret and all the stuff. And he was building everything. I had a moment. This is just in relation.

Steve Martin didn't have a family when he was rising and doing all of his stuff. stuff. And his great love was art and then comedy. And I remember the first time I did the Tonight show with Leno and I did the thing. And then during the break, he's talking to me. This the first time we're meeting really. And he's like, oh, it was really funny. You know, he's a great day to have you here. You got this show? Yeah, that's great. He said, are you married? Do you have kids? I said, yeah, I just got married a couple years ago. We just had her first daughter. he went, oh, and went back. I was like, what?

You know that he was doing the math in his head where he wanted to tell you like, oh, that's going to hold you back, you know, or whatever, but then he realized he's in front of all of America. No one can relate to that. Yeah, well, this was while the cameras were off. Oh. He was just talking, like, yeah, cameras are off.

And he was just like, oh, you get, oh, it's too bad. You almost have it. But you did it. made it work. You almost had it. Yeah, but, you know, everybody kind of makes, makes it work. It's such an interesting, it's such an interesting thing because comedy, regardless of whatever other relationships you have, there's also this great love, this comedy thing.

It's such a, it's such a deep, deep relationship that you have. Purely just you, just you and whatever your little brain is cooking up and doing these shows, but it is a dominant relationship, whether you have kids or you get married or you don't. It's, it's this giant thing that you have this love affair with that nobody else can really understand. Yeah. It's pretty heavy, especially if it's not funny. Yeah, I know.

Well, sorry, I was just like, it made me think about just, you know, we, we have, this need to get approval from strangers and like healing from that makes it you less like I have to stand up every night you know but then there's another part of you that goes but you need that drive or you won't be able to put you know it's like going to the gym you can't just do it once a month or you know you got to like always be doing it so it's it's hard like my boy you know my boyfriend is a comic too and he understands you know everything but like he's working you're a day job, you know, he writes for Kimmel, so he gets home at like 630. I don't want to be now heading out because I want to hang out with him.

But that's not him putting that on me and I need to like, you know. No, but you also, yeah, and you also want to be around. Quality of let. Yeah. Yeah. No, I was just listening. I was just listening to this guy speaking on this podcast and he was saying the. Just say it, Jordan Peterson.

Go on. It wasn't. It was Timothy Keller, Keller or something. He was a Christian preacher, and he moved to New York. David Brooks loved him. David Brooks was like, when he passed, David Brooks was like the lessons, the wisdom that this guy unearthed was really great. And it's very Christian, but very intellectual. Yeah, like Jesuit. Yeah. I love them. I know. They're cool. I love those. I learned it's Jesuit, it's not Jesuit. And he was talking about basically putting your love in God,

realizing that your relationships are all come and go. And if you purely can have a relationship with a God, this acceptance, this acceptance that you're craving and trying to get adoration from every, everybody in your life, all this stuff goes away. It's not that important. And he even says, and this one kind of struck me, he said, for people who get up and actually do the job of getting up in front of people and getting applause, and people will stand on their feet and give you a standing ovation at the end, the thing that the people that don't do that don't understand is that doesn't

last. When you stand up and you get a standing ovation and you're like, your friends are like, holy shit, like you blew that theater apart. And it really doesn't linger. Right. It doesn't last. And it was like, yes, this is a very, this is a really nice lesson that craving that is kind of petty. And I get all of that.

And to just be peaceful and do the right things and live a good life so you're right with God. Totally. And whatever that is, like in therapy itself. Right. You know, not to compare God and. But it's just the practice of accepting yourself, having grace with yourself, being kind to yourself, being as kind and forgiving to yourself as you are to any schmuck on the street. It's very hard.

Yeah. But when you do it, it isn't, I think people confuse that with like conceit or something. Right. The truth is if you're okay with yourself and you accept yourself, then you have space. for others. It's people who are constant self-deprecation that they might feel like it's modesty, but it's not. It's self-obsession. There isn't space for other things. Right, right. And it kind of struck me like, yeah, this is great advice, and I'm glad I'm hearing this. And it's like a good perspective, and I just like hearing it. I don't know if it would have been valuable when I was 25,

starting stand-up comedy and running as hard as you can. And trying your best to do, like, it doesn't really, I don't know if I would have been a stand-up comedian if I had followed those rules right out of the gate. Right. You know what I mean? Sometimes you need that ego for drive. Yeah, right, exactly. Remember when, um, if you already realize in your 20s that nothing matters. You're screwed. You're going to have a hard time getting your hour together. I know. I was thinking like, oh, this would be good for my daughters to hear. No, I don't think, maybe not right now. I don't think it would be good.

They're just going out into the world. They got to go do it. You've got to be kind of hungry. Be kind, but you've got to kind of hustle. Yeah. I love watching your work at Largo when you have nothing. I always tell this story of you one night at Largo and you had your, you were working through, like, discovering new stuff. And you had your, yeah, and you had your pad out and you were looking.

at it and you were and the set was like halfway through and you said to the audience just so you know I could be killing right now. I'm like, that's ego, but it's just like a certain point you're like meandering through and the audience there are such comedy fans. It's like almost impossible to let them down. They love the process. They're totally, I mean, that's why it's like good to go to the improv and go, oh, no, I can still eat total shit.

Yeah. I was at the improv not long ago and it was so bad. just went, can you laugh? Like, even just fake it just so I know if it's possible. And they gave me a big laugh and I went, oh, wow. Oh, boy. Yeah. But it's good.

But you're more fearless than most. You are more fearless than most. When I watch, you know, watch everybody work. And you, you, your ego, you, you're able to put your ego aside more than most. I still felt the need to go like, listen, I have strong material. Yeah. Doing that tonight would be, would not help me write more. Yeah, but I think most comedians say, oh, screw this.

And then here's some of my greatest hits for the last. It's so hard to not want to, like, there was this young comic on a show at Largo that I was just on somebody else's show. And he, it was his first time there. And it was like, you know, there were like heavy hitters in the wings kind of just like, oh, who's this? And he just, oh, and it was. Oh, and it was the Sclar Brothers show, right? So it was like, try new stuff and we're going to write tabs. Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah. And he was just like, I just want to do my best stuff. Like he was pretty vulnerable and like saying like, fucking, this is such high pressure. And it was really sweet. Yeah. Yeah. He was very funny. How, uh, have you, whenever you go through big changes, it's always, you're like, almost who am I on stage for a minute?

Yeah. Right? you're like, wait, this isn't the same person that wrote jokes five years ago. After all, your big changes over the last several years, do you, are you, do you kind of know where you're at? Or are you still in shift mode? Yeah, I feel like, you know, I mean, I'm working on like my next hour and it's, it's like, right now I just have like 20 minutes about my dad and my stepmom dying. and then like 15 minutes of, et cetera, like whatever, like random. Like, yeah, you ever notice flies or, you know, whatever?

And now I'm trying to figure out how to integrate them. My last tour was the first time that I didn't have my whole hour before going out on the road. I had like 35 minutes and I was like, wow, at the end of this tour, I'm shooting a one hour special. Wow. Well, I wonder what that's going to be. And how long was the tour? It was like Thursday through Sunday of two and a half months. Oh, wow.

And it happened. You know what I mean? It's so interesting now going, wow. By May, I will have finished this, you know, whatever it is. Like when we were doing stupid petrics, I remember thinking, wow, we have conceived of none of this. and by, you know, whatever, December 16th, we'll have shot it on. And instead of like getting completely paralyzed with fear, I just was like, this is going to happen.

Yeah. It's going to. And it did. Yeah. And it will feel like a blip, even though every day felt like a long, you know, like every minute was long. Yeah. That's what you, you know, Rory said this analogy I'd never heard about like,

because we were talking about how fast time goes and then we feel so. trite. We just sound like our parents when we would roll our eyes when they would say, oh, it's time goes so fast. But it's like, I guess there's an analogy of just the marble in the funnel. You know, it's like, when you're young, it's going around the widest part. And then we're at that like coil where it's like, bim, bib, b b b b b b b b b b b b b b m. Oh, no. No, I never heard that. That's insane. Like the second he said it, I was like, oh my God. Oh, man. I know. I just saw that a picture of my, I'm, my, My kids were really little, like three and five.

We're just all sitting in the yard together. And I was like, oh, man, well, that was a moment, like, that I barely remember. It's so crazy. Like, it's funny because I said something about this in a couple specials ago, but it's like when you have kids, like your kids are a measurement of time. You're like, oh, Billy was five, so it must have been, you know, 92 or whatever. Yeah. And when you are, don't have kids, it's just 9-11.

It's just like it's before or after 9-11. I just watched a tell special last night. Oh, I saw that it was, I was so happy to see him in a like, like, right when you open Netflix. Yeah, I know, I know. It's so cool. He even, like, calls out, let's talk about tech. And then, boom, five great jokes about that. And then let's talk about smoking.

And boom, five. Like, it's, it's so great to watch. Still, after all this time. Oh, my gosh. There's just no, no one better. No one better. He should just always have a special, like, every, because he's so prolific.

He writes so many jokes. Yeah, and it's 37 minutes, and he's like, this is what it is. Yeah. And it's more than enough. I love, I, I never, in England, if you don't do two hours, they, like, protest. It's just like, who want, I don't want,

I don't want two hours of anything. Anything. I know. But even if you kill, if it's a minute too long or a few minutes too long, that's what they remember. Yeah. Yeah, you feel it. It's such a cool thing to watch because he's, you know, he's so good at jokes. He's never really telling you, this is my life.

This is, you know, my whole thing is, this is where I'm at and all my relationships. He never tells you that, but you still know exactly who he is at the end of it. You know what I mean? Like there's just an essence of Dave. You know that he's, you know, he's kind of, does this great joke. I look like a guy that comes out of the fog with a lantern. But you just get the essence of this human being. It's so interesting.

Well, isn't there some, I don't know what this is, a parable or a, you know, a story, or maybe it was in an episode of a TV show or something. but it's a therapist and someone's, and the patient is, you know, has to go to therapy for some mandated thing. Yeah. Arms folded. And, you know,

they have the session or whatever. And the guy's like, oh, wasn't I supposed to talk about like my relationship with my mother? And the therapist is like, oh, you did. You know,

like it doesn't matter where you started or what you're talking about. Yeah, it's really true. Are you going to stay in this relationship? You think to the end? This is a long one for you. I'm thinking about it. This is, yeah.

You seem like very in love. This is a long one for you. You seem like you're in love. I am in love. I feel done, yeah. I feel done with Rory. I never, ever thought I would live with someone again. Yeah.

I had no desire to do that. I haven't done it in, you know, like 11 years or something. Yeah. And I remember having a boyfriend and he was complaining to me before Rory that, you know, he's like, we always stay at your place. You've never stayed at my place. It's not normal. And I have like those guilt pangs that would always come after a certain amount of time and a relationship.

And then finally I was just like, you know what? It is normal. It's just usually the other way around. Right. And he was like, oh, yeah. I kind of couldn't argue. Yeah. But I just, yeah, I mean, it's hard to give in and lose yourself and go all in.

And, you know, but. Yeah. Yeah, he's a great partner that, Rory. Yeah, it's cool. Is it weird that he works for Kimmel? I mean, isn't that crazy? It is crazy. But you seem to, from the outside, it seemed like you and.

You know, Jimmy puts it the best. It's like, we're like brothers. But, no, it's, it's really nice. It's nice to kind of only be peripheral, like to be back connected to that oral. Yeah. Peripherally is really lovely. Right. But, yeah, no, when we were first together, he did. didn't work there.

You know, he, and they did a, they both were at John Stewart's because Rory used to run the Daily Show with John Stewart. So they both were at John Stewart's, um, Mark Twain Awards and just hit it off. And then he got a call and the next Monday he was working there. Yeah. But he was like, is this, tell me if you have a problem with it. And it's like, I, I'm trying to think if I do, but I don't. Yeah.

And then I guest hosted the Daily Show a couple of times, which is run by Rory's ex-wife. Weird. Right. Gen plans. So it's nice. How did you like that? Did you think you could do that? I loved it.

I loved the experience. You know, it's so different from working on something that's weekly. I mean, obviously. And just like a talk show, too. You know, but it was just, it's so immediate. And, you know, good has to be good. Like, I remember when I hosted Saturday Night Live once, and Lauren said something that I always thought was funny,

but when I guest hosted The Daily Show really rang true in a positive way, which was he said, we're at the after party, which is very, you know, as you do. And Martin Short came, but he wasn't on the, and Lauren said, you know, Marty almost did a piece on update and I was like, oh my God, why didn't you do it? He was like, oh, I don't know. And Lauren spoke for him and he's like, you know, Marty's problem is he thinks things have to be perfect

when really they only have to be good. And I thought that was so funny, but then you go to The Daily Show and it's Jen Flans who runs the show. Yeah. Keeps you on. You have to stay on schedule. You cannot toil over one joke.

Right. So if we're working on one joke and going back and forth and honing and honing, which I could do forever. After a couple minutes, she's like, keep it, kill it, or move on. You know, and it's so exhilarating because you just got to go.

You have to make a show by, you know, 6 p.m. And you're working right up until the second. And it's really fun and exhilarating, but I don't know. I think I was like in the best place in my life to do it because I'm, I've got a good perspective. I'm the wisest I've ever been. I've got my shit.

together more than I ever have. But I also, I get very tired. Like, the idea of doing it four days a week. Yeah. Like, Trevor would go on the road on the weekend. I would need to be sleeping from Thursday night to Sunday. Yeah. It makes sense that John's only doing it Monday. It makes total sense. Yeah. Yeah. But, but you did, you, you, in a very real way, seemed very much built for it. Just your perspective and your bravery and you, you have a, you're going. going to, I think that's why they're having trouble. When John came back, it was like, oh, he's so good at this because he really believes it. Yeah.

He really truly, he's not just a funny person who kind of believes in and got some good lines and now we're going to put it out there. He truly, you can see it, his heart and soul is in it. And you carry the same thing with issues and stuff. You really, you seem, I don't know how you get to it so quickly, but. You distill it, believe it, and deliver it, and we're leaning in because of that. So I was like, I wonder if you would take that gig. Because it is built for you. It's, I know, it is, it's, yeah, I don't know.

Yeah. It's that horrible thing between, like, loving it and really feeling like I could do it and then, like, quality of life, like, I like several days off. Yeah. And you're doing it. And I like doing odd jobs, you know? Right, yeah. I love doing stand-up.

I like acting. I like speak to speak in my mind. And I like doing a fuck ton of nothing. Right. You know, like aggressively nothing. Can you do nothing? I can. You can.

I have reignited my love and I'm embarrassed about it of call of duty. Oh, really? And I just got a PlayStation. Yeah. Just because I want to. And, um. It started with the pandemic. I just, like, bought a PlayStation and a game.

Uh-huh. Head, that's how Roy and I met. Oh, really? Yeah, really. I didn't know that. We started playing Hall of Duty during the pandemic, like, and we killed Nazis together, 7.05. And then I thought, you know, whatever.

And then recently I'm back. I love it. Yeah. I love, um, killing. You know, I love this just pretend killing. It's the haptics. Like, it's satisfying when you, when you, you know, kill someone. I mean, of course, in real life, I mean, much like porn, what I'm into is not anything

I would want in real life. But I find it just, it's, the time just goes by. Like, just, you know, we just, sometimes we, I'll get them to play with me. And now I even know how to do it by myself, like I used to set up. And it's amazing. Is there a ethical problem with porn? Um, well, yeah, that's why my search words, like, have changed over the years, which I, you know, because it used to be like gangbangs and stuff. And then it really when my nieces got to be like adult age, I, and it shouldn't take that. That's like, you know, that's like when men are like, I have a daughter, so I care about women's rights. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. But, um, uh. Your nieces? Oh, so then I started now. I'm more into guys fucking like pocket pussies and stuff, but then like still talking really dominant, which is just so it does the trick, but it's also hilarious and a little bit heartbreaking. Rashida Jones did that documentary on porn. Oh, do you ever see it?

No, I remember hearing about that. It's supposed to be great, right? Yeah. It's tough to look at porn after. it. Oh, is it like these women are, I mean, a lot of women are the directors now and stuff like that. And there's stuff like, um, sweetheart video, which is lesbian porn. I, I watch like lesbian and gay porn too because I feel like, but I'm, uh, even though my kink was kind of like not, I, I, I got worried for the women. Right. So then I had to like change it. Yeah. But it's good. I like it. with these like silicone balls that they look really real,

other than they're so thin and they have huge tits. But it's good because then when like the men say these like dominating things, like, yeah, you whore, I'm going to come in you or whatever. No one's hurt. Right. Because there's not even a person there. She's just going to be put in the closet until next week. Yeah.

You said Hopefully dishwashed or rinsed in some way You said in When you're talking about the daily show thing You mentioned Wise Little pivot there Wise, yeah

No, it's kind of a pivot There's a wisdom There's a wisdom I'm not saying I'm wise But I'm the oldest I've ever been, you know And I think of you that way All the time

Even when you Are you younger. You have a, you have a wisdom. Your whole podcast is, it's your wisdom. It's so funny because I really enjoy doing it and I love the listeners and how the callers will call in after hearing other callers with help and ideas or play people, these people can call and they help each other and everything. But I do, sometimes I have a puff at night and I think about my podcast and I go, oh God. Like if it wasn't me, I'd probably be like, What the fuck?

They think they're fucking, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Like, what am I? I mean, I always am quick to say, like, listen, I'm talking out of my ass. This is just what I've pieced together over the years. You know, not a professional. But, but, uh, you're on point. I don't, I mean, I adore you.

But I think just as a listener, you would think, Joe, you don't adore Sarah, but don't you think the podcast is great, that she's wise? Yeah, exactly. I just started by hate watching, but now I'm not there. No, I mean, I can talk. Totally see the hate watching aspect. I don't, you know, I don't hear any of it because my friends love me and they say nice things. Right.

I don't read. I don't know if there's, you know, whatever, but I could totally see just finding it extremely cringy, but this is, I don't know. No, you're not preaching. You're, you have good advice. You really, you have a good way to sum things up. It's pretty much the same two things over and over again. What do you mean? Just like your number one job is you.

Job is your happiness. Right, right. And accepting yourself and all the things that I currently also struggle with. It's not like I've figured it out. Right. I definitely know, like, I have a pretty good idea with the right answer is, but I have just as hard a time. Yeah.

It's like writing jokes for other people is so much more pleasurable than writing jokes for yourself. Yeah. Isn't it amazing that it never stops? Like the, you have to relearn lessons, like minute to minute? It's interesting, like watching the Joan... Remember the Joan Rivers documentary? Yeah.

So brilliant. And there's so much amazing stuff in it, but there's so much I wish she had realized in her lifetime to make her own happiness better. Yeah. Like she brought happiness to so many people, but the angst that we can totally relate to. I wish she had, you know, like... Yeah. You know, but there, she said something that was so inspired.

inspiring to me. And she fucking hated it when people go, like, you're an icon or you're a legend because she's still in it. She's a comic. She's still writing every day. And so, of course, she has to just understand people mean it in the most wonderful way and just say, thank you. But it would make, she would go like, fuck you.

You know, like, but she said, like, she said she didn't feel like she really found her voice as a comic until she was in her 70s. And I find that so inspiring. Yeah. Because you have to always be growing and changing and figuring shit out. Or it's just you become some like caricature you made up one time in your 20s or something. But after watching like your father, do you think you can get there? Do you think like did he get there?

He changed and he evolved and he became this thing. Yeah. He did it. He still had blocks and things. But like, yeah, he was amazing. Yeah. I would trick him something. sometimes because he could still have fucked up things and everything.

He totally would have benefited so much from real therapy. And so I would say, oh, my friend Mark is like, he has such a block with this and this and with his relationship. And, you know, he should go to therapy. And he'd learn so. And my dad would be like, he would. He should totally. And I go, I'm talking about you, motherfucker. I'm talking about your relationship.

relationship with Janice and how it could be better and therapy would help you. And when I said it was somebody else, you agreed. And what would he say? What would he say? Oh, he got me. He always did like a little fake cry if we called him out on anything. He just going like, woo. That's great.

Well, this was very nice. Oh, my God, it was. Yeah. I like anything you want to know about me. No. No. Yeah, this has been a very self, uh, there's so much I want to know about you. What do you want?

I can give you. How much money do you have? I have so much money. You have two children. I do. They have left the nest. Mm-hmm. And now have you guys thought about downsizing?

It's too early. They're still coming back. Yeah. My daughter's coming back for four months for the summer. Like you can't convert a room yet. No. No. That cool rock and roll recording studio you always wanted.

You're going to get the band back together. The biggest thing is just walking around with no clothes on. Oh, yeah. You can just walk. Oh, I forgot something in the, I'll just walk over and get it before I get in the shower. That's good. You have a daughter and a son? No, you have two daughters.

Oh, right. So my dad, four daughters. Right. So, yeah, he was the only one because like when he was. wasn't there. We all were, could be in states of undress. Yeah.

The dad, yeah. No. There was, yeah, at a certain age, you're just like, all right, this is over. Adam Carolla has the best, um, um, like, take on, uh, everyone sees their dad's penis by accident when they're like two or three. And that is why everyone thinks their dad has a huge penis. And it's so true. I had the opposite once when I was down at the beach.

My parents, the whole family gets together at my parents' beach house. And we had all these nephews. They were all, you know, five or six at the time. And I just came out of the ocean and was in the shower, like the outdoor shower. And the kids were all like trying to peek underneath the thing. And I'm like, get out of here, leave me alone. And I came upstairs after with my towel on and my father said, the kids say that they saw your penis.

I was like, oh boy. They said it was kid-sized. It was cold. And we don't speak about it anymore, but I really feel like they all think that. They must all think you have just no penis. Yeah, they're all like 2530 now. Well, now they understand the grower. aspect.

Yeah, I hope so. Well, this is great. Now I do know everything. Now I want to know about you. Enjoy the bread. I'm really excited. I'm going to go home and just put better on it. Yeah, that's it.

A little toast tomorrow would be perfect. It's great. What kind of bread is this? That is a sourdough country loaf. Oh, a classic pandemic loaf. A whole wheat and, uh, all purpose. Oh my God. I'm going to eat this whole thing. I hope so. Have fun with it. Thank you. Sorry, that's a brown paper bag. And thanks for giving me, I'm permission to smoke one

cigarette today. Yeah. It's going to be cool. I mean, I can't guarantee it won't kill you, but that's what I'm doing. All right, Joe, we got it.