Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 22 - David Koechner

Episode Date: October 6, 2020

Please welcome David Koechner, one of the funniest people alive and not just because he eats peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Insurance isn't one-size-fits-all, and shopping for it shouldn't feel like squeezing into something that just doesn't fit. That's why drivers have enjoyed progressives' name-your-price tool for years. With the name-your-price tool, you tell them what you want to pay, and they show you options that fit your budget. Enough hunting for discounts, trying to calculate rates, and tinkering with coverages. Maybe you're picking out your very first policy. Or maybe you're just looking for something that works better for you and your family. Either way, they make it simple to see your options. No guesswork, no surprises. Ready to see how easy and fun shopping for car insurance can be? Visit progressive.com and give the name your price tool a try. Take the stress out of shopping and find coverage that fits your life on your terms. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. sourdough. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa.

Hey, don't you know, it's also a show. Hey! Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I am Tom Papa. Thank you so much for being a part of our show today. We've got the great Dave Kekner on the program today. Thank you so much for listening. Make sure you subscribe. Make sure you subscribe on YouTube or wherever you get your podcast. If you can leave reviews, all of that stuff means a lot. This podcast is a real passion of mine and it is catching and people are enjoying it. And if you can help spread the word, it's always a good thing. Today we get to

sit down with Dave Kekner, who is just so damn funny. You know him from Anchorman, you know him from the office and a million other things. He constantly, constantly works. He comes from Second City and just has this, he's just one of those unique people. It's like if you're casting something and you're going to write something, you can put Dave Kekner in it because you just know exactly what you're getting. You're getting a huge comedy force. And more than that, he's just a great, great person. He's got a great Irish Catholic background that has led him into, kind of into the searching, not just in his life, but in his work. And it just all comes out. And you're going to love it. I gave him, I think what is possibly the best sourdough loaf I've made this year. It was,

I mean, I don't know how it's going to taste, but it was damn pretty. I hope he really enjoys it. And I hope you enjoy Dave Kekner. This is yours, by the way, which is why I didn't want to bring out a knife. I'm excited. Oh, I'm not. I bake this for you. I'm not eating it until later. Oh, yeah, and you're not going to eat until later. Well, I'll just be patient. I mean, well, you could do whatever you want with it. Okay. It's yours. I have a bag for it. I'm probably going to throw it at Al Madrigal. How beautiful is it, though? It's gorgeous. I think we should admire it.

Are we going to talk about it for a minute? If you'd like. Are we rolling? Yeah. Oh, great. What do I have here? This is a sourdough country loaf that I baked this morning. It came out of me.

Yes. Not quite warm, but it's fine, folks. Maybe underneath. It's still not warm underneath. It's fine, Tom. Your physics are off. So, but anyway, it's a country sourdough. Yes.

And what? And it's mostly a malted wheat flour and a little all-purpose flour. And it's going to be delicious. It is actually one of the best loaves looking lobes that I've made this year. And you're gifting it to me. And I'm giving it to you. Okay. That's very nice.

I like that. Yeah. I like that. I know. I'm very excited to see you. Thank you. Yeah. This is nice.

Thank you. You too. Yeah. I haven't seen you in quite some time. Probably haven't seen each other. I'm sure we were on a show. or something somewhere. But the last time you and I, oh, no, you know what, you go ahead.

And like Silver Lake, like that weird, that weird space, remember? It was like a rock club kind of thing. Yeah, it was empty. It was empty. There was nobody there. Do I have to, can I just do five? Yeah, who was that for? I don't know.

But it was almost like, I'd rather just do three minutes and go home. I said, okay, I know I came a long way, but I just really don't need this. Yeah. It was a weird one. That's one of those, you've got to be grateful that somebody has asked. That's what I. Absolutely. Happy to go see a cool part of town that I normally don't go to.

Would have been nice if there was an audience, but sometimes that doesn't happen. I did your show at Largo once. Yes. In the recent, whatever, the last two years. Three years? Mm-hmm. Three years, yeah. Yeah, and you did a very funny sketch with my wife, Cynthia, who talks about it to this day.

How funny you were, yeah. Oh. Because you guys were doing some, you were riffing on songs of songs. older love songs to today's love songs kind of a thing. And like the Lord lyrics today. And compared to like sitting under the apple tree and she just was, you know, so psyched that she got to do with you. I remember that part.

I'm pushing down on this chord. Aaron. It's fine. It's fine. Yes. Is most of your bread sourdoughs? They're all exclusively sourdows. Well, they are in that, a sourdough.

Sourdough starter, like the living yeast blob that lives in your refrigerator, that is a sourdough starter. Okay. So that's like active yeast, but that doesn't mean that it's going to have a sour taste to it. Okay. No, I know that. I've had sourdough bread before, Tom. Oh, really? Where?

In my mouth? Hmm. No, the grocer sells it. A lot of restaurants sell it. Not the same. Not the same. I've never had Papa dough. No, this is going to be something.

This is going to be very good. special. Are you a little angry that you can't call a restaurant ever? You can never open a restaurant and use your name because someone's taken it from you. Who, John? Yes. Well, John, right, John racist? Yeah.

John racist. I don't think, I think he kind of like left an opening for me. I feel like I come in there. The business has survived, especially now with this new exciting foldover pizza that they're trying to make you, your cholesterol high with. Foldover pizza? It's, I, I'm, I'm. glancingly familiar with something I've seen on the television screen about some Papa John new mistake.

Well, that's what this is an exciting time, and I know it's an exciting time for you, because football is back in some degree. Yes. Now, is this in real time? This isn't live. This is, uh, this will be up in a week. And so this will be post chief's dominance. Well, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Do you watch football? I do. Okay. Yeah. And who's your team? Uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, uh, the, uh, uh, the, uh, uh, uh, the, uh, uh,

New York Giants. Oh, that's tough, tough times right now. Yeah. So, real tough. We'll get to that in a second if you don't mind, because I'll just gloat. I won't gloat. You can. But I will say this, it's fun.

You know, and every, I hope every team gets this. Eventually, you know, what we're having was just a really fun couple of years. Now, were you a friend, a fan of this for your whole life? Of this sporting club? Of the sporting club for your whole life? Yes, since I was 10. Since you were 10. So, you know, I'm, I'm six years older.

than you. So the NFL, you know, maybe when you're a little, when you're coming to that kind of thing, it started to become a big deal. But before that, you know, football wasn't as big. Right. So at the age of 10 as I started watching the Chiefs, because I, my cousins were in town Christmas Day. Uh-huh. I think it was 1970. The longest game in history against the Chiefs and the, and the, the dolphins. Oh. Yeah. Longest game in history. Well, I think it's now been usurped by another one. Right. For a very long time, it was the longest football game. in history. I think three or four, forget how many overtimes. There were some cricket matches that were longer.

Okay, that's a different type of, that's a different type of, it's your show, you do whatever you want to me. No, I'm saying, you specified football. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm not that defensive. I was playing defensive for you. I love, if Bill Burr was here, he would scream because he screams, but also because I don't know my team well enough to remember the exact number of overtimes. This is, yeah, this is a problem, but I will support you. in that I'm a huge Giants fan.

Great. And I love them to death. I love them since I was a kid. If you started throwing stats at me, like the years that they did it, I'm sorry. I have material in my head. I have a life in my head. Thank you. Yeah.

Come on. You'd like to preserve room for your stand-in-offs. Yeah, exactly. But no, it was a great game. And just to have that, I think we're going to have a lot of good years with good health. Oh, my God. And it'll just keep going. And the way they're able to hold this.

most of the, you know, the club together. Yeah. It's just delicious. And what a classy guy, too. Yes, exactly. Oh, he's such a cool guy. And we've dismantled one of the best teams. That was fun to watch.

Yeah. But there's been a lot of great clubs this year. I love saying club. Football clubs. Anyway. Are you watching Ted Lasso? What is that? It's a new show on Apple Plus.

I don't have it. With, what's his name? from S&L not Will Forte Never heard of it The other one Not Will Forte The other one

Looks Forteish What Sadecas Jason Sadecas I just saw a commercial for that He plays a coach That goes over to England To coach soccer

Okay Very funny Really well done I don't have Apple TV I moved into a new townhouse With my oldest son and so that's not among the things I had installed. I guess I could.

This is what happens. Someone tells you, hey, this is a good show. And you're like, oh, great, I'm going to watch it. And you're like, oh, I don't just get this. I have to pay. I really, when I pressed purchase, I was like, someone's got to come in and add up all of the subscriptions I have going right now. It's got to be. You've got cable.

I've got direct TV. Direct TV. And has it gone down on? price or not? No. No. All the premiums, all the premium channels on there. Yeah. And then Hulu, Netflix, Apple, Disney, Disney Plus, HBO Max. And they just keep, yeah. We knew this was coming, though. We knew this was coming. Like, okay, I know they're going to get me this way, because we're all going to drop cable. Yeah. And so they've already figured out the next paradigm. I like saying words like that when they seem to fit. But what about the Kansas City Chiefs? How are you

going to watch the Chiefs if you have no cable? I've been lucky. Well, I know, I have cable. I know. I'm not one of those. That's the one, that's the reason I hang on to Direc TV for the NFL package. And the baseball package. I thought there would be, uh, another way you could just exclusively get that. I'm assuming some type of streaming service gives you that. That's the same price as what DirecTV was. And the price for the NFL is just like, come on. Is it still 150? I don't even look. Yeah. I just press renew on my phone. I know. And try not to look. I know. Because I want my effing games. It's true, though. I want my games. It's true, though. I want my games. games when I want my games. A hundred percent. Yes. And how happy are you that you're sitting there watching football now? Because I think this is why I asked the question at first because that's, I think, how you learned about Papa John's folding up pizza.

Probably. All of a sudden, right? All of these food things keep coming. You're like, I should get dominoes. I should get, why are not eating wings right now? Why don't I have some salty in me? Right. Yeah.

So that's where you grew up? You grew up in Kansas? I grew up in Missouri. I grew up in a very small town in Missouri, Tipton. It's nearly dead center of the state. If you've ever heard of the Lake of the Ozarks, and I know we have recently, because they're real bright down there not wearing masks. Half an hour north of that. Okay.

So nearly dead center. That's country, right? Very country. 2,000 people my whole life. Wow. And then in the year 2000, every 10 years is the census folks. And this is a census year. Go ahead and fill out those forms.

You can do it online. Or you can just keep getting called from a census taker. So just get it over with. Plus, remember, folks, they are trying to manipulate your ability to vote and how your taxes are spent. Because if you're not counted, then you don't count in terms of how your monies will be divided. So go ahead and do that. It takes five minutes. I did it last week.

All right. That's my public service announcement. But to answer your question. And then I was just talking, in the year 2000, the town of Tipton, always modulated about five, ten people every ten years. Swear to God. It went from 1,999, and then for the 1990 census, it jumped up to 2014, or 2014, something like that. Literally, only six or seven people. And then in the 2000 census, it jumped up to 3,600.

And I said to my dad, Cecil, what happened? Tipped and nearly doubled. And he said this, well, Dave, they move the city limits to include the prison. It's a true story. Really? federal dollars are allocated on headcount so they simply move the city limits to include the medium security prison, which is the largest employer in town. Whoa. Interesting.

One could argue that half the town is locked up. Thank you very much. That was an old stand-em-ups joke. Does that help or hurt the town when you get those additional people? I think prison hurts everybody. So in that philosophical regard, it, it, it, it. It is, it does provide work. It doesn't provide a good job.

You know, I would think because it's the biggest employer, you know, that's going to affect the, the, the mores and attitudes and just the, I'd say, the consciousness of that small town. And so, my understanding is that they don't, they're not a good employer. Like they don't offer great benefits. And then you have to work, obviously, someone's got to work Christmas, all that shit, you know. Yeah. Yeah. The consciousness of the talent, it's interesting thing because I've been, I meditate. I do Transcendental meditation. So do I, thank you. You do. Love it. Okay, this is great. Greg Fitzsimmons and I did it together. I was just talking to him about it recently. You did it together. Yes. Oh, he's got a story. He tells it better than I do.

Oh, really? Can I tell it real quick? Yeah, please, please. Greg Fitzsimmons, Boston comic, nice fellow. I love him so far. I love him so much. I just brought him bread the other night. I drove down to Venice. and dropped it off at his house. So I love that story because I love Greg Fitzsimmons and I love you. I love that you just take time to go, I'm going to see this friend because it's important. We don't, you know. It's made me do it. Like baking this bread and making, and I just go and especially during the pandemic, I was like, oh, this is how I can go see.

Perfect. Allie Wong or this is how I can go see all these people I used to see all the time. Nice. Go to Flannie from Largo or whatever and just go and see them for a second. Oh, that's great. great. Yeah, it is great. Um, but you were saying, Greg Fitzsimmons, yes. Oh, oh, I know we're, we're jumping around because we're talking about the consciousness of the town and we'll, we'll get back to the thing. Greg and I decided to do TM together. I forgot what the impetus was

or may, I think he asked me or something. So we did it. And we would go, you get your lessons, as you know. Yeah. Uh, if you told your audience how that works. I know. Okay. Well, you can, we can talk about that if you want to. But sure. So we're going to a house in Beverly Hills or in Hollywood somewhere there and there's just a nice pleasant little place. Is that where you do? Denny? In Hollywood? Yeah. He wasn't Hollywood when he moved to Santa Monica. No, it was a woman and then I went to Encino to finish. But anyway, the first couple times I did it in Beverly Hills, then I found out I could do it in Encino, which is closer and I finished there. But anyway, first couple times Greg and I go to do it, you know, it's a very cool process, right? You decided to go

for the first time together? Yeah, yeah. Who's idea was it? I don't know if mine or Greg's. Okay. I'll say mine because it's probably Greg's. But I want you also to be a little jealous of me that I did it with Greg. Anyway, um, so we go. And there's a third person in our little group, right? Uh, there's small groups of people. They teach transcendental meditation to folks.

And this kid was in his 20s. And he seemed to have allergies or something like that. And then, um, oh, I know what it was. So I did it twice with Tom. And then the third time, uh, no, Greg. The third time, the thing that I did miss was. that kid asked the instructor if he could do TM while doing Coke. Like, does it work doing Coke?

Greg tells the story better. But, and I think the kid was coked up every time that he did, we did the, you know, lessons. Yeah. And it's just kind of like, no, no, that's the reason. That's one of the reasons you do this so you don't do Colcane. You're right. Dumbass. I love how Coke is such a big part of his life.

He's thinking, how can I fit 20 minutes of this into that? We'd also think, well, if I'm doing Coke, then it only takes about 10 minutes to do my morning routine because I'm, it's twice as fast. You see, folks. So how long have you been doing it? I would say about six years. Nice. Yeah. Like I screwed around with other meditation for a long time, like, but off and on and just off of books and, you know, focusing on the breath and those different things. And then, and then I went, our pal, Jerry Suss.

Seinfeld heard me on Rogan talking about how tired I was. And I had been friends with Jerry for a long time and worked with him and stuff. And he's like, stand up, right? He's like, yeah, comedian, yeah.

And he said, I can't, I can't listen to you being exhausted. I have, when I know I have this superpowered to give you. Yes. And so he turned me on to it and set me up with the guy. And, yeah,

changed everything. Yeah. If you do it. changed everything. Yeah, I, I don't do it, but I'm glad. You don't do it? Well, I'm glad this came up. I, I am, uh, I lapse often.

You do. I'll do it for a week and then I'll stop, you know, so I'm like, then when it goes away, it's hard to pick it back up, but I'm glad this conversation happened for two reasons. It came up, oh, I just did this show with Kurt Menafee from Fox NFL Sunday, and he is a TM practitioner. Uh-huh. And so now this has come up twice in two weeks, so it also, I actually did it the next week. I started doing it. Yeah, yeah. But it does make a difference. Do you notice it? Do you notice

do you notice the difference when you're not doing it? Yeah. Right. Yeah, because you're just, you're, there's a malaise, there's an anxiousness, there's a, um, you're less, purposeful. You're kind of meandering. But this is, I'm not making this stuff up, folks. It's true. It's true. Yeah, you're, you can't handle things. Like, I mean, you're not a wreck, but little things that all of a sudden, bothering you again. And they shouldn't. And they shouldn't.

They shouldn't. No. Yeah. I haven't skipped. I skipped twice. Wow. You mean two days? Two days.

In six years. In six years. So do you do your 20 minutes in the morning and 20 at night? Yeah. I moved. I was just doing the afternoons for a pretty long time. Uh-huh. And then for like the last year and a half, two years really dedicated.

I get up early to do the morning one. That's perfect. And, uh, yeah. It's just, it's, um, it's really a, uh, game changer like he's right when he says it's a superpower because you can yeah you can feel it i know folks this might sound corny but you can feel the vibration it yeah and you know it's funny because when i was coming to see you i've it's been on my mind a lot lately uh and the reason i asked

the first question was because of the consciousness of the neighborhood of having the prison right right right uh but i was as i was driving here i was like i really want to talk about this stuff more because i'm diving into david lynch and i'm listening to unified theory and all of these different approaches of what we're trying to tap in. Why does this, I mean, because you do it and you meditate and then you slow, you don't know what's really happening. You're getting calm and what all this is, but all of a sudden, you just feel that you're different in life as you go along. And it's like, so I'm really curious of what are we tapping into that's making this change. I love that thought. I thought myself, thought, thought,

thought, thought. Yeah. I do too. I think about, I think about infinity. Uh-huh. You know, so to me, I'm assuming that's what I might be able to reach and be part of that plane, right? Yeah. Well, there's that crossover between physics and the spiritual pursuit of meditation. And they're saying, like, as they're trying to explain it, they're saying that you're tapping into this unified theory, like the vibration of the universe. Like, you're tapping in, you're just kind of visiting. that. You're allowing your brain to go seek that out. Get a scoop. Where it can't seek it out when we're

out here dealing with everything in our life and our dreams and work and all the rest of it. Right. But that part, I'm really starting to go down the rabbit hole of, okay, I don't really understand what unified theory is. I understand there's like, it unifies all of these general relativity and all this quantum physics and it's all like at the base of like the rhythm of the, of the universe and if we can kind of like go in there. I haven't heard the science. scientists. Way in. Way in. And say, okay, yeah, there is this thing of the unified theory, but you guys sitting over there Indian style or Native American style tapping into it. You know what I mean? I could see them being skeptics. So you're reading the book.

I'm not, what, Roth's book? Whatever this book, the unified theory. I've been just going through YouTube speeches. Oh, okay. I see. I see. Talks and stuff. I believe, you know, Einstein was a, I don't know if he was a practitioner, but he often you see a lot of his quotes. I assume they're hymns. I mean, you know, things are attributed to anybody these days. Comedian, right? Comedian.

Oh, that was good. Oh, that was so good. Played Kramer. He was Kramer. That was so good. But he often talks about metaphysics and, yeah, how all these things are connected, and matter and energy and how it's actually a, you know. Well, Unified Theory is his.

Oh, is it? Yeah. Oh. That's his. Well, that's. And everybody's been trying. to prove or disprove it ever since. Oh, well, he's the scientist.

Yeah. And, uh, but, but has he ever, I mean, I'm sure he never, there's no quotes about meditation from him. No, I don't know that. Yeah. I don't know if that was one of those things that were, was wide use. What year did TM become, well, I mean, obviously it's an old Hindu practice, correct? Yeah.

And but then the Maharishi was the one who really like brought it made it popular. Yeah. And that was like in the 50s on, right? So, uh, but it's interesting. So it's been on my mind a lot, and I've been really thinking about it and kind of searching a little bit. I don't get too hippie-dippy with it. The whole thing of like when Jerry turned me onto it was this is going to give you more hours in your day. You're going to be less stressed and you're going to be able to last longer on set or wherever you've got to do.

When you go out to do your shows at night, you're not going to be dragging. Right. And you just start doing it and like aspirin, you don't know why, but it worked. It was like, yeah, this is good. But lately I've just been like, so what is it? Why am I getting all this? So as I was driving here, I was like, it's too bad, like, I can't just talk about this stuff. I really want to talk about it, but Dave's not going to want to talk about the T.

I love it. I love it. Is that crazy? Okay. Now, whatever you want to think, folks, in terms of, you know, the things, the words like intention, all right? Right. So, but this is pretty clear it came up because you were intentional and it did just, I'm going to say it. It just manifests itself in the conversation.

That's right. You know, for all of our friends out there that are listening, you know, look, there's, any time there's a practice that's a bit out of the main or out of the norm, right, people want to, you know, assail it one way or the other. But I'm just going to invite you, folks, there's nothing mystical or no one's trying to do anything to you. This is probably the best meditation device out there. It's the only one that's studied scientifically to decrease your blood pressure. and help you out with anxiety.

Like, it's been tested. Like, the American Heart Association is saying this form of meditation is actually good for you. Well, I know that, you know, it's a very high profit margin business, the meditation business, not TM. TM's a thing that never tries to profit off of anything. They only charge for you to get the introductory lessons. Yeah. Then you're your own practitioner, as opposed to all these apps you sign up for subscriptions. They're all different.

All these people selling these books, telling you all the different ways to meditate, and then they'll take you through guided meditations, which to me is ironic, because when you're meditating, shut the, can I say, shut the fuck up. I'm trying to get into my mind. Why are you talking? Right. Why are you talking? You don't need a gong.

You don't need a music. In fact, that's the point. Yeah. It's you. So anyway, for anybody that's skeptical, just check it out. I'm sure you, I don't know, there's got to be a wave for everybody to get a hold of. Go to TM. Yeah, TM.org, I think, is where you can. I mean, we're lucky out here because there are places you can actually go to to do the lessons.

But look, it's like an exercise program for your mind and it works. And it works. And they don't look, as comedians, the thing we're adverse to more than anything are groups. Anybody wants you to become part of the group? Well, the only group most of them are in is. A, of course. Right. I thought you're going to say Scientology.

No, no. Well, yeah. No, A.A. or SAG. And the thing with TM is you go, and you have, like, these three or four days with the person, and they give you all the tricks of the trade and your mantra and all that stuff. And then they don't want to see you anymore. I know. And I'm like, I actually went to get like a reboot like a year ago.

And they were like, oh, nice to see you. It's like, could you imagine a church saying, I know. No, you don't have to come. Right. They're not at, they don't ask for, they don't ask for donations. No donations. They do have, you know, you get the emails. I do get the emails and I signed up.

I actually did listen to Bob Roth talk about, he gave a speech. They do these things online all the time. They're doing these Zoom conferences. It was free, right? Yeah. It was like Saturday morning, free. Nobody wants your money. They want you to be the best available self to you.

And they're using it for veterans, for PTSD. Of course, half for years. Yeah. Yeah. So I keep looping back, but when you say the prison in the, in your town, which is, there's 2,000 people in Tipton, the regular population, and 1,600 prisoners in a building outside, now in that town. Now, think about the effect, like you said, of the consciousness of that town.

Like, that really has an effect. And I've been curious about group meditation because people are saying, like, when you get together in a group, or imagine if, like, a whole team does it, or then a whole city does it. Like, you could all be chill. You could all be relaxed. Can you imagine? If, you know, like, you know, the Japanese or the Chinese will do these exercises together at work,

which is just remarkable. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. You know, why we don't do something simple like that is nearly insane. It really is. Well, everything's insane right now. But imagine if everybody in the country did meditation.

And whether you do TM or not, the only reason we're bringing it up, we're not pushing it, is because, oh, this works. Yeah, it just works. It really does. Yeah. But you're right.

What if that whole town did that? I know. But so I would have to think that the prison on the other side of it probably does have an effect on the town. You think the town was different since that? Well, just because most of your jobs are gone, all the, you know, there used to be, the major employers were, at one time, a billiard factory, and then they sold it to Spalding, and then Spalding just fucked it.

As a, my dad always said they just made it a tax right off, and it's true. Yeah. It was a burgeoning business. and then they just sold it apart. And so that was the biggest, you know, employer in town. So that hurt. And then there was smaller ones, pants factory, shoe factory, things like that. But those went away because all those jobs are gone.

So really, literally, it's the biggest employer in town is the prison. Is the prison. And I say the second largest employer, probably the nursing home. Yeah. So people who are tough places to go to work. They're dying or locked up. Oh, God. And then you come home and how was your day, honey?

Yeah. It wasn't a positive town to begin with. Yeah. This is a town that given a chance, I think, 30 years ago to increase the local sales tax by half a cent to fund a new grade school and high school said no. And since then that, they won't invest in themselves. So since then, that town has just shrunk in, you know, it has not grown. Like all the towns I used to play, we used to play sports against. Yeah.

We don't play them anymore because our town got small. And those towns, the ones that built new schools, all succeeded. Of course, of course. You still a family there? My brother lives there. 60 years of Kekner Manufacturing. Best turkey coops in the country. Oh, yeah, the turkey coops.

You remember. Yeah, that's right. Those are livestock trailers for turkeys, folks. They're not something you put in your backyard. That's the greatest. Well, you've got a good memory. Yeah, the turkey coops. I remember, yeah.

But yeah, it has to affect that. But anyway, I'm glad this came up again because this will put me back on the path to doing it every day. You should do it every day. My favorite part of Transcendental Meditation, TM, is the day your, I'm going to call him practitioner, gives you your mantra, which you're never supposed to tell anyone, and I never have, and I'm not going to ask you. And now you've never told your wife, I'm sure. And does she do it? No. Okay. That's my campaign right now. That my campaign is to get her to do it. I literally was telling her the other day at the table. You know, this is difficult times for all of us. A lot of stress. If you're only dealing with this up

here. If you're only dealing with the chaos of the news and the, and all the, and the pandemic and the election and all this stuff that's happening up here, if you're only living here, you're going to be freaked out. Yes. You know, there's no, there's no other, that's absolutely true. If you can dip below that two times a day and tap into something else and let that part of you grow, you're going to be able to handle this a lot of easier. And I really just, I'm begging her to do it. And I brought it up And she's like, when am I going to get three days to go and do it? I'm like, you don't have to do it in three days. Well, I'm sorry.

That shouldn't, I said your reaction immediately is here's the problem with that suggestion. No. When you're at the point where you say, okay, I'll give it a try. I'll make the call for you. I'm going to get you to go see Denny. And no, I did it three days over a couple of weeks, I think. Did you do it three days? Yeah, it wasn't in a row.

Yeah, yeah. So it's like, when are you going to have three days? it's an hour. It's not a full day. It's going to be literally two hours of your day three times. Exactly. And what trip are you canceling at this time? Like what big plan do we have? I'm sure you could do it over Zoom. Of course you could. Of course. Of course. Well, we're going to tie her up and make her do it. I'm going to make her do it. It's fine. Look, I get it. I love her to death, but she's a busy head. I could see like she may have a little hard time settling into it. But. Again, that superpower.

If you know that you can give it to someone. I think my daughter would be great. I think a 15-year-old daughter. Nice. She's very spiritual. She's always open to stuff. That's great. You know, she's always searching as like, yeah.

Like, she's open and willing and she would be great. Can you imagine getting this gift at 15? Oh, my God. Right? I wish I had it at any age earlier than when I had. I got it. Yes. Yeah, 100%.

That's awesome. Oh, it could have solved my. 20s. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't have this weird tattoo on my leg if I had been going. Do you? Yeah, I do have a funny one. On your leg? On my leg. Where on your leg? On my calf. On the back of your calf? On the back of your calf? It's so cowardly too.

It's on the side. It's on the side of a gnome, of a garden gnome. Okay. And how old are you? I've since improved it. Has your audience heard this story already? Yeah, some have, I guess. Yeah, I've talked about it. Do you want to talk about it? Now, no, you've already talked about it. We can't go, but we'll not talk about something. I got it off the wall. I just wanted a tattoo. Oh, was it you and buddies? You and some buddies? Me and some buddies. And I was just like, not drunk, but I was at that time. A little buzzed. Hi, most of the time. We just liked weed and the dead. And I just saw this thing of a gnome. And I was like,

that seems cool. I'll get that gnome. And he was watering a pot plant was the full image. And I was like, well, I'm not insane. Let's cut that part out. And I let this guy in Midtown, New Jersey, just freelance a walking stick in place of the pop plant. Oh, that's awesome. Wow. Yeah, it was bad. It was a bad decision. But, man, if you, you know, there is that other part of it, though, honestly.

You know this. When you're young and you show up at Second City and you're a little crazy and filled with a ton of energy and wild ideas and you're a little reckless, there's something good to that. Oh, yeah. as a comedic performer, right? There's, yeah, okay, so the, the, the, did the chaos inform my abilities to, uh, distill a lot of stuff down?

Mm-hmm. Yes, but what if I didn't have that chaos? I, I can't only think it could only be a positive. I would not have, uh, been less if I was doing it then. And in fact, I would have been better. Yeah. There's, there's, there's, it can only make you better. It can only make you better.

Because, yes, the recklessness. And, you know. yes, I was having a good time, but, you know, thankfully I don't have a child that's just, you know, come up to me in the last couple years going, by the way, you're my dad. Right. It wasn't completely, yeah. There were plenty of nights that were reckless and that way, too, so. Yeah. And I don't mean reckless, like, life-threatening recklessness, but the...

Oh, I do. What the... I do. No, but I know what you mean. Yeah. You know, testing your comfort level. Yeah. Yeah.

And just the... the naivete of, you know, living in a crummy apartment with your friends and, uh, but there were a lot of bad decisions made at the same time. I mean, there was, I was definitely, I don't know about you, but I was definitely balled up in, it would have solved a lot of the, the part of me that was balled up in the, what are the people thinking about me? What's the scene about? How do you get, how do you navigate and come friends? Living outside of yourself. Yes. Which is like why? Right. Because, you know, this is, you hear it all, all the time. you should be your own best friend.

Right. Right. Yeah. And no matter where you go, you can say to yourself, I like you, you got this. It's fine. Yeah. And then once you're outside of that place, now you're susceptible to so many things. Yeah.

That aren't going to be true. Yeah. Because, you know, if you're looking past yourself for truth, then now you're in a problem space and, you know, then open to whatever your anxiety that's always lurking. Did you have that as a young performer? Oh, of course. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Who were the intimidating people around when you were starting out? Well, Del Close was the teacher. Yeah. And so that was intimidating. He was amazing. How long did you work with him? Probably, well, you know, work with him probably three years of actually going to classes. But because you're still in that circle.

Yeah. The whole time I was in Chicago was nine years. So throughout that time, it's all part of what he had started. Yeah. And tended to. So that garden I was harvesting from. So, but as far as intimidating, yeah. I will just, now, I'm saying this in the highest regard, Dave Pasquazzi, we all revered

as the greatest ever. That was it. That was the king. Pasquazzi is the king. Still is in my mind. I mean, Pasquazzi is the king. Yeah. And so, but, you know, it wasn't intimidation for any other reason other than admiration.

Right. Just being around his greatness. But I will say the first time I was on the second city stage taking classes, I, I've never had, I've had, you know, panic moments, but it was really like I was very, very nervous because John Belushi had been on that stage. Sure. You know, that's all I could think about. Yeah, of course.

You know, like my mouth got dry, I think, something like that. And like, oh, so certainly not, not present. Right. Yeah, the ghosts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's a great thing because that's, that shows how much you, how much it meant to you. Yeah. Like, this wasn't just you just waltzing.

It was important. Yeah, right. Yeah. Right. You respected. Jack Helbig is writing a book about that time and show. Chicago because it was incredible. And it hasn't

happened, it had not happened before, and it probably hasn't happened since, where you had this confluence of talent that was there for that period of time that have gone on now to be huge media influence, I hate the word influencers, but you know, captains, let's say.

Huge, huge influencers of the culture. Yes, a comedic culture. Just happened to be a huge moment in time. Yeah. And Jack asked me about it, and I think it's this. So in 1975 Saturday Live came on. I was 13. And that's when I decided I was going to be on that show. Right. I didn't tell anyone in Tipton because dreams aren't to be had in towns like Tipton. Plus, I didn't know anything about it. This is before YouTube, before the internet.

It wasn't until I knew a lot of those people had come from Second City, but it wasn't until it was in college a couple years later that there were books like backstage at Saturday Night Live and the John Belushi book wired. Yeah. So then I started going, oh, that's where they can. came from. And that's when I started getting the idea, that's where I wanted to go. Because otherwise, I didn't know how a person ever became an actor. I was a polysci major. Right. You know, because I had no idea. Yeah. No one in your life. Yeah. If I had to do it over again, I'd do art history. Oh yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love history. Um, you ever read the book Rome about the art critic who wrote the art history of Rome? Oh, no. That sounds awesome. Oh, yeah. Have you been? Yeah. Yeah. Once. Do we need to wrap up any of the conversations we

started that we didn't go back to because I no okay we're good yeah past the Tipton uh yeah but but uh you've you've gone to Rome yes or no yes yes yeah uh did you just do Rome did all of Italy I did Rome I did uh Venice Florence and Tuscany by yourself you were married and you just married with the kids and I'm gonna go by myself honey yeah I told the wife and kids I know it's a dream of yours but I can only make this come true for one of us did you take the whole family yeah that's a whole family Yeah, it was a good one. We went for our 20th anniversary.

Oh, yeah? Our last one. And getting divorced, right? Yes, yes. It's fine. Sorry about that. No, I'm not. Well, no, of course I am.

You know, it's too bad that things happen like that. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, you have to make a recognition that this isn't working. Yeah. It's not healthy. And so for either one of us. Yeah. We've got to make the change.

We're in a pretty really good space right now. She and I. It was very acrimonious for a while. Most of it, then I realized most of that. that was all me. Oh, yeah. So it's interesting,

because I had this moment a couple of weeks ago. Uh-huh. One week we can have a go, I was like, what are you fighting, Dave? Mm-hmm. You don't have to fight.

Stop it. Right. Stop it. Yeah. That's what must have told me I need to come back to it because I was doing it within the next week.

And I swear you're, they're in bed and it's just, there's stuff flooding to you. Yeah. And it's really fucking good. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you know,

100%. There's things, I, things will come to you. Like, you'll get an, answer. Yes, for sure. And there's this weird detachment like, why fight, Dave? Like, why are we making this miserable? Yeah, don't. And I have the same thing with the news, with the culture, with the

election, with whatever. You should have, you can allow yourself to not live in this, in this fraught state. You stepped into the fraught, and then you stirred it with your foot. Stop it. You do it. You're I have to. Get out of it. I've been reading the Stoics lately. Or when I say reading, that means clearly I've subscribed or followed one or two of the things on Instagram. But it's delightful. I'm glad I did. Do you read the Stoics? I checked it out actually this year.

I was like just to see what it was about. Another thing I can't recommend highly enough. So just follow it on Instagram. There's several Stoic, whatever you call it, sites or accounts. Accounts, thank you, sir. But when they just talk about the simplicity. of Marcus Aurelius and what he basically distills down what stoicism is. And they do say it in this in this account, which is great.

It is an operating system. So when you think about your head folks and what your operating system is, and here's my belief, and I'll get to this, we'll get back to Rome. Yeah. You know, you do have to create your own operating system because what happens is you're born and then your mother and father have this operating systems. And the software they're running in their mind. my parents, their operating system was Catholicism.

That was it. That was their entire point of view. Their life view was absolute in that. That's all it was. So if you needed to check something against anything, the measure was that. Sure. Now, that was an operating system that didn't work for me. And so I made a determination that this is, I reject this.

At what point? Probably we had to go to church mass every morning in grade school. Right. That was tough. During Catholic school. Yes. So in that time, I was really exhausted by it. Yeah.

Because it wasn't filling me up. Right. And then it was just all shame and guilt and, yeah. And I'm just going to take quick sidebar. The word sin is actually a Greek word. You probably know this. And it's an archer's term. I didn't know that.

Yes. To sin, it means to miss the mark. Uh-huh. So then what do you do when you sin? You readjust. Now, in Catholicism, to sin. Sin is a horrible, shameful thing that can lead you to hell. Like, that's not the point.

You miss the mark. Try again. Right, exactly. Try again better. You were all flawed. Not there's nothing. There's not bad in you. Try again, you can get better.

Anyway, so operating systems, you know, really, we have to do our children. And I can't say that I did this because I didn't come to a lot of these ideas until later is our job as parents is to help them develop their own software system. by being seen and heard. That's our primary job. As parents, I see you, I hear you. Because even as humans now, that's the primary thing we want so bad. You and I more than most people because we're comic.

Right. But just that idea of how do you get your software, right? Yeah. And you can change it. You can boot it. You can create your own. And the Stoics, that's what they were. Yes.

So this goes back to the Greeks and Romans, the great thinkers. Yeah. I can't name of them all now. Marcus Aurelius was an emperor, and he was one of the main proponent, whatever. Right. Stoicism. Yes. One of the main users or whatever.

Right. Practitioners? Thank you, sir. I was going to say, Apostle. That wasn't the right one. Words are just trying to come down, but they're stuck in my gesture. My prostit, jester. But it's very simple.

Yeah. It's the one thing that made me think was never complain. Mm-hmm. So when we're talking about all the madness in the world, never complain to yourself or others. That's right. If you just eliminate that thing. Yeah.

Going back to the idea of who you're fighting. Uh-huh. You know, right. It starts with a complaint. You know, it starts with a fucking word I'm looking for. It starts with a grievance.

Yes, thank you, sir. That, you know, something like that. Something, yeah. It's against somebody else. Somebody has done something to you. Mm-hmm. No one's doing anything to you. Unless they actually physically are, and that does happen.

Yes, I'm not denying that. But most often, most of us are not being held at gunpoint nor kidnapped nor traded. And by the way, since we're talking about it, I just have to, my mind goes everywhere. You know that. But I've just, since it came across, go to children of the night.org because that is an organization I work with and they get trafficked girls off the streets. Girls from 11 to 18. Can you imagine that? So anyway.

Oh, my God. I thought you were going to give a shout out to Joe Montana. Oh, because it just happened. The kidnap? Yeah. Who came? Do you saw that? No, I haven't seen it.

I just read an article I haven't delved into it. Yeah, that somebody like came into his house in Malibu. To kidnap his granddaughter and ran upstairs with the baby. And then he went up. A baby? Yeah, like a kid. Yeah, I think it was a baby. Okay.

And he went up and, uh, him and his wife got the baby away from the person and got her arrested. Was just a nine-year-old woman? Crazy person? I guess so. They got in the house. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, that sounds like a great organization. That's crazy. But anyway, to go back to the complaints. To the complaints and the Marcus Aurelius and the Stoicism and TM, these things all fit in nicely together. Yeah, totally. I mean, the Stoics, like I started to read it and as an operating system, this is, you know, you always end up in these, they're all cool to read. And I was raised Catholic too, and that served a purpose also. And they all kind of had this thing. And then, but the reason that TM is like the one that's outlasting everything is because it's no, there's no dogma to it. Exactly. There's no, and there's none of that.

Can you just for a second tell people what dogma is and I don't, I'm not thinking that people aren't, are stupid, but. Yeah, but, well, the dogma is that the, the list of rules. The list of rules of what you have to do to be a part of us. The whole discussion that we're having about catholicism. If you're outside of this rule. Yeah. And you're not part of us. And there's none of that.

And it's funny with the Catholic thing. So I'm raised Catholic. Yes. And my daughter, whom I'm talking about, the younger one, she's pretty spiritual and searching. And we went to the Catholic Church a couple times.

And she was like, okay. And then, you know, it's a little weird. Like mom doesn't want to go and my older sister doesn't want to go and why. And I was like, well,

I don't take it that serious. I just like the smell of the incense. And it's just nice to sit for an hour. The old things from my, my child. Yeah, like all that kind of stuff. And, and, but, you know, I know there's problems with it. If you dive deep.

Oh, you don't have to dive very deep. You don't have to. So then we go to this Christian church, just like in the valley, like not that far. It's just, it's almost, I don't even know. I don't even know if it's Episcopal or, I think it's like non-denominational Christian. Maybe it's Church of Christ. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, which is they're less dogmatic.

They're just like, hey, let's talk about good things. Yeah. guitar, a guy Barry gets up and gives the sermon and everyone's just, no one's really and no fire, no brimstone, no hell, none of this. We got in the car

and she was like, I like that. And I was like, I didn't. She's like, why? I'm like, well, they didn't talk about hell. They didn't make me feel bad. Why would we go there? It's not for me, man. It's just not for me. It's not. Me neither.

I don't like man. made religions. I know. And so here's my comparable for what, if a religion is true, um, where, uh, what, how are the women treated in this religion? Yeah. Because all major religions, women are second class. You can't rise to the top.

So that negates its, it's, it's, it's truth from the beginning. From the beginning. This whole thing's a fucking lie. If you make women not part of it equally, then fuck you. How many, it's so funny. Look at these religions. Why would you be part of it? a religion, you won't let you go to the top.

Fuck you. It is so simple. This will be run by men. Yeah. Done. And we're going to continue to tell you what to do. It's so weird. That is so bizarre.

All major religions do that to women. Every single one. They're absolutely false. Judaism? Yes. Think about it. They have to go to a separate room. Right. Often in some of the more severe cases, they have to walk several steps behind the man.

Right. It's fucking stupid. Yeah. I hope I can curse on your podcast. Oh, geez, I guess you can. Well, you're obviously not religious. You're the first one. But, yeah, so to me, those aren't, those are non-starters.

Yeah. So this. So when you were growing up, when you were growing up Catholic, and you were one of how many kids? One of six. One of six. One of six. So big Catholic family. Oh, yeah.

German, English, Irish. Irish. Well, last name is Kekner is German. German. It's supposed to be pronounced Coet. Coet. Or Kirshner. I have 36 first cousins on my father's side. And so they all said Kekner. Nowhere in the English language does the OE make the short E sound. So we're saying it wrong.

Now, at what day did these hillbillies go, oh, we're going to say it like this. We're going to say it the wrong way. And I love that you become a celebrity. And so now the whole world is saying Kekner. And so at that point, I could have said, I could have either changed the spelling to K-E-C-K-N-E-R, or said it's K-K-N-E-R, or said it's K-K-N-E-R, to make it easy. But then I couldn't because I wasn't my own person, and I had 36 first cousins, what am I to do? Hey, you guys are saying it wrong. And then they would have said, fuck you, who's he think he is. I'm going to be the one. So, anyway.

So were they big? We're actually Irish Catholic. So I'll tell you how Catholic I am. My mother, one of 11 kids, out of those 11 children, Two priests and two nuns in one family. Whoa. That's how Catholic. Wow.

Yeah. The real deal. I would say it's severe. How were the holidays? Catholic. What do you mean? I mean, it was just... Were they filled with love and joy and food, or were they strict affairs?

Was it a fun house? Yeah, yeah. It was loud as chaos. Yeah. Yeah. But no, we weren't repressive. Yeah. But it was just, you know, unless you were just applying the normal, you know,

oppression of Catholicism. So, yes. Sure. We went to every... And we all carried that. Yeah. But you can still have a good time. Yeah.

But so less so. Right. Yeah. Was your dad really strict? Well, strict in what way? Yeah, because you're working. And you know, you're not allowed to curse. I say this.

My dad used to say, he'd say, the cloth of your pants in the croft area. He wouldn't say crotch. And I believe to this day, he's past, God bless him, Seeswell Keckner. I believe he thought that was a dirty word. Oh, yeah. He wouldn't say crotch, but it's also gotten me many less. We're right there in the Crawlth area. This is the best seasonal-kech impression in the world, folks, just so you're getting.

You're getting the best one. Well, hold on there, Dave. Anyway, but we were talking about the holidays. I'm also trying to get back to Rome if we needed to close that one out. We've got a lot of tabs open. No, no, that one I think we can leave open. When you said art history, that was the one real art history book that can kept me going. That's awesome. And it's called Rome. It's called Rome. Yeah. I'm just fascinated

with Michelangelo. Did you go to see the David? Yeah. Did you go to Florence? Yeah. My favorite talent, by the way. My God. I could have stayed there for a month. So great. And tell me if I'm wrong, but the thing that was amazing to me, I found it that sculptors made small models of the art, the piece they're going to do before they did the big one. Yeah. Except for Michelangelo. He just, he just started on the fucking rock. Amazing. The sculptors, from what I know folks, they all made small-scale models of the piece they were going to do. And then they would put these little nails in them as measuring markers. And then they would attend to the larger piece of marble.

This guy, Michelangelo, if there is a guy, did live through his hands. Because he didn't make models. He just started on this. Imagine the expense of this piece of marble. Think about the size of that piece of marble. I'll say, whoa, whoa, what are we going to do? You're not going to draw it out? No, I got it in my head.

No, you're thinking maybe a pencil or sketch. Now I got in my head. You sit there with a chisel. It's just about to go. Amazing. Incredible. It's insane. Sorry, tell me about the food in your big holidays.

In Tipton? Tell me about the average meal for the 10-year-old Dave Kirshner in Tipton. Just every day? Yeah, every day. I started every morning with a peanut butter and jelly peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich. Yes, I said peanut butter and mayonnaise. Apparently my grandmother on my mom's side, that's how she had her peanut butter sandwich, peanut butter mayonnaise. I've always loved it.

People reject it out of hand. Give it a try. It's got that nice tang, just that nice tanginess with it. I love it. It's one of my favorite. On white bread? As a child, not now. Sure.

Yeah. Yeah. White bread, peanut butter, mayonnaise. Yep. Oh, that sounds good. But typically we would have fried baloney sandwiches. A typical meal would be through the week you would have meatloaf, certainly one night of the week. Yeah.

Meatloaf, fried chicken. My mom made a great, great fried chicken. Really? Great fried chicken, great mashed potatoes and gravy. Lots of it made with the drippings from the chicken. Yes. A good gravy. A good gravy.

Yes. Here's the fun one during, so think of Lent, right? Yeah. Now, for us Catholics gang, on Fridays, you don't eat meat. Right. It's something you give up. I'm still, I'm still thinking it had to be tied to some economic thing. Economic for sure. Because for what reason was you know, oh, you can't eat meat on Fridays because you're sacrificing, you're giving something up for God. So one of my mother's Friday meals during Lent was those are 40 days before Easter gang, we would have tuna patties. So it would be tuna fish. Uh-huh. corn as one of the ingredients. Don't know why. And they were just fried. Fried patties. Fried patties? Like a crab cake. Yes. But with canned tuna fish. I love canned tuna fish. I just read a whole article about how the canned tuna fish business is tanking. Is it? Why? Yeah. Because I, well, there's these big companies kept buying each other. And then, and then there's a whole, apparently, this was shocking to me, that this whole generation

doesn't like tuna. No shit. They're not into. canned fish. The other thing, what was your mother's tuna fish salad recipe? Nothing fancy. Just,

straight up mayonnaise. Mayonnaise, tuna? My mom, put boiled eggs in there. Oh, chopped up, yeah,

I just more like, so we're adding a protein? We're adding a sulfury smell. We're adding a sulfury protein. Well, what's going on here? Yeah,

it's weird. But, you know, yeah, I don't. Ooh, fried chicken. My kids growing up, I didn't regularly

make them, tuna salad? No. You know? No. Every once in a while. My kids hate it. Chicken salad we'd have.

Yeah, chicken salad's good. What about egg salad? I never had it. Never? Now, how big was your... That's more of an East Coast thing, I think. Yeah. And not very popular.

I love it, though. Oh, my God. Among your less popular dishes. Egg salad. I want just egg. You know what I had before I came here today? Sardines. Wow.

Can of sardines. Wow. On bread like. this with cream cheese and capers. Gotta say awful. Lord in heaven. Well, you're from the east, right? Are you from New Jersey?

Yeah, New Jersey. Okay, so that's that. That's a terrible thing. It's not. It's so... Now, that's just something you should just know. Peanut butter and mayonnaise, there you go. Oh, I am going to try that for sure.

I will not try sardines. In fact, the other... You've never even tried them. No, I've had one. Yes, I've had one. You have. I do not like it. How do you know, Sam, I am?

I do not like it. Would you eat it on a boat? No. Would you eat it on a float? No. Would you eat it in a cam? No. I would eat it for your friendship.

If you said this, if you don't try a sardine in front of me, we won't be friends. Under those circumstances, I would say, okay, I'll try one. And I'll tell you in advance, I know I don't like it. So when you have your family, how many kids? Five. Five. Yeah. Every day.

Five kids every day. They don't go away. How old is the oldest? Charlie's 21. Margo's almost 19. Okay. Sergeant and Audrey are 14 and Eve is nine. That's nice.

That's a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot. That is a lot. I have two. I know. And one went to school. I envy.

It's pretty quiet. How bad. That's nice. Well, we have two houses now. So I've got my son, which I'm very happy about. And then now since I got this townhouse, they come over. I was renting a two bedroom for a long time and they'd never come over. I thought, oh, they hate me.

Right. But no, it was that too. Why, Dad, why would we go to your sad place? Oh. I thought, well, one of them will just stay every night probably. Yeah. No, that's not the way. They're like, God, they did not like it.

Really? They didn't, they like that about as much as I like sardine. Do you cook at all? Oh, I cook a lot. You do? I love cooking. I love cooking. I love cooking for them.

And they like your food? Yes. What's your, what's everything? What's the go-to? Well, uh, did they, did they, Did they ever have the peanut butter and mayonnaise? They probably have all at least had a bite of it by now. Yeah.

Yeah. But that one didn't stick. No. They're all strawberry jelly, except for Sergeant. I like grape jelly. Sergeant likes grape jelly, so I'm happy about it. I got one. Nice.

I like pastas. I make steak is a big one, of course. Grilled steak? Yeah. All meat varieties. A lot of meat? Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, less so now probably because I'm older and, you know, don't have as much.

Yeah. But a big breakfast person, I love making breakfast to order, you know, everything you want. That's good. But there's something great about that. Yeah. Isn't there? Yeah. I mean, because did your father cook?

No. My father never cooked. No. He would barbecue every once while. It was not, not his strong suit. Yeah. Yeah. There is a great thing, not to take anything away from the moms.

But there's something great about a dad that cooks, about a dad in there. Yeah. Serving it up. Yeah. Here you go, kids. On it. I just, it's... I did a lot of kitchens in my 20s.

I worked a lot of kitchens. I was a sous chef. They called Sue chef. You're just the one working that middle station. Right. So I learned a lot of stuff there. Or you're the associate, maybe whatever you are. What kind of a restaurant?

I worked a bunch of different ones, like a Mexican restaurant, and then I worked at some fancy place called Jones on Fourth or something. Not to be confused with any of these Jones out here. Jones on third. This was one in Columbia, Missouri. Of course, it's closed by now. But I learned a lot there. Yeah.

Yeah. So you're good. You've got skills. I get some few skills, yeah. That's good. I know my way around a kitchen. It's good. Yeah, yeah.

And I enjoy it. I love making stuff for my kids. I love it. It is the best. Their favorite bread is sourdough, the girls. Oh, yeah. And so I'll, you know, when I do it, I will, if I make a sandwich, I'm not just making a fucking sandwich. Right.

I'm going to butter it and grill it or, you know, put it on a griddle, right? So both sides are toasted. That's right. And then on the same griddle, I'll make whatever the meat ingredients is and then take it off and then serve it to them and then I'll watch them eat it briefly. Briefly. Briefly and they're just kind of like, and they just, they don't give me much. They'll just give me a thumbs up.

Right. Everyone don't know as well, I'd like to throw something new in there. They're like, oh, what is this? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You surprise them. Yeah, I love cooking for the kids.

Oh, that's great. Yeah. And do you cook at the... I do most of the cooking. Okay, you're the main cook. Yeah. And what's your dishes? A lot of Italian.

Nice. A lot of Italian. So Papa's Greek though, correct? No. Papa's Italian. Is it? P.A. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh, from Sicily. No, I've never been to Sicily. That's really weird that you're, you're from Sicily, and you went to that region of the country, and you're like, no, I'm not going to know where I'm from. I'm kidding, of course. I'm building it up for them.

I'm like, wait until they get. But apparently in Palermo, there was a mayor recently that was a Papa. Ah, nice. Yeah. Yeah. I do want to go. I do, that's on my next trip. I would love to do it.

I loved it. I love history. Yeah. And so I, we, hired our own personal guy. Yeah. Because I have so many questions and I just love it. I love it. Did you go to Rome? Yes. Was that your favorite or Florence? Florence. Florence was. Yeah. I liked Rome because it felt

very alive. Like it felt like this is still, they're still doing it. This is still like a city. Agreed. I did not know how many Roman pieces of architecture the Catholics just took over and destroyed basically. They would take these beautiful buildings and then build a church over it or in it or on it. And I'm like, would you please leave it the fuck alone? It's a beautiful building. You don't have to put a church on it. That's what's amazing about this book. And it's an art critic who's a, I'm basing on his name, but apparently I don't know much about the world.

But apparently he's like, he passed away, but he was one of like the preeminent art critics. And just that part of Rome of like just building on top. of everything. Yes. And there were several places. Like you could go in and here's the church and then here's the next church. And then you're down in like the in the bowels of like where started is almost like witchcraft, like pagan. It's, you know, you really need to spend for me a month at both of all these places.

I know. I'd love to spend a month in Rome. Yes. Just get an Airbnb and stay there for a month. Yes. Live there. Yes. Like just a taste of living there.

You and me. Let's go. Just you and me though. And we're going to tell your wife, we're going to go do some TM. We're working. But we have to do it in Rome. We could come up with a TV project. Yes, we could. Right?

We're doing it in Rome and we're going to go meet the Pope. Ooh. And talk, because that's why you can't go, honey. Because we're going to meet the Pope and only the men can meet him. Now, do you have it in you? Yes. Do you have it in you? Because I don't think I do.

As much as I could be like, nah, Catholicism and pass that TM, me, me, me. If the Pope walked in right now. Yeah. I would on a bended knee, yes. Take his, kiss his ring. I would do whatever is ceremoniously,

is ceremoniously expected. Yeah. But. There's something overwhelming about the buildup of that guy. Right. You know what I mean? I would hope I wouldn't Ketner him

and be way too familiar and way too loud. Hey, how you doing there? No, hey, come over here, Pope. Like, settle down. Yeah, that'd be very funny.

I would love to see that. You got any projects you're working? working on that I can see. Yep. I continue to recur on the Goldbergs. Nice. Bill Lewis. Then, of course, American Dad.

I voiced something on that with some fun in frequency and frequency. Bill Burr's show is coming back. F is for Family. I voice Bob Pogo on that. Just so funny, it's hard to get through the scripts and hard to do the reads when you're in the booth. just trying to get through it. It's so goddamn funny.

So good. Oh, what else? Let's see here. There's more stuff. America's Top Dog, I just co-hosted with Curt Meneffey. Oh, really? I don't know when that's coming out sometime next year. What is that?

It's a canine competition. Like a ninja warrior for dogs. Oh, really? Yeah, that's so great. They grow through these obstacles. Yeah. What else? I just did a movie called Doddian Soul.

It's not actually finished. We started in March, so we had to stop. Then I did it for a little. a week in August and then I have to go back to finish in December of all I mean just that's because of COVID COVID what a bitch you you work so much you work so much and you um you constantly I know creatively uh where you where your heads at and that you're you're very open you're very your your improv background is um dominant in your unparalleled thank you you said that uh where in this spiritual journey of yours, how do you hold the business of it? How do you hold the where

my next parts are coming? The natural show business anxieties that you have in this business that we all go through the ups and downs and getting jobs and not getting jobs and whatever. How do you, is there a, a Keckner, T. Yes, it is. What's the stoic, what you're saying? The operating system. Do you have an operating system? Yes. It's plentiful and it's always coming in. will never end. I have zero anxiety about work. I know it's on the way. That's my mindset. Right. It always is. Now, I will tell you a piece of TM that does happen. I told my son, I was going to make X amount of money in the next month. Uh-huh. And it happened. Recently? Yes. And it was a job, a series of a couple jobs. Right. And it, it surpassed the amount

I declared I was going to get. And why did you declare it? I just needed to. You just needed to, right? I just needed to. I just needed to also because he's an actor and I'm wanting him to you know know about hard work and know about you know just you got call your shot you decide what you're going to do you've got to do all of it so I don't ever worry about work I know it's always coming it's always plentiful and or like you if you don't have a job you make one right see the thing is I've never been unemployed because I started work for my dad when I was seven years old right I certainly didn't like it but I learned how to work so that's never an issue yeah so when I did have had my My fifth kid is when I started doing stand-up because I thought, I can never have a down month.

Right. So if I don't have a job, I just go do one. I can go do a show. And that's what you do, too. It's like you make your own job. And so I'm sure you're developing pride. This is one, right? Yeah.

No, yeah, I've got like seven jobs. Yep. Yeah. Last week I had three jobs. I swear to God, I loved it. I did the Goldbergs, I did an American dad, and then I did a thing for the NFL. The best. I love it when I have three different show-biz jobs.

So great. Now, other actors like, what are you doing for the NFL? I just did a bit on the Sunday morning show. With, what's his name? No, Rob isn't doing that anymore. He's not? But they'll still add a sketch. Right.

Yeah. He's a KC fan too, right? He's a KC guy. You have a cool, there's a cool KC contingency. Yes. So we do a charity for Children's Mercy Hospital. Right. And it's a thing started by Riggles, really.

It came from his mind. It's called Big Slick, which is a gambling term. And the original charity was a, a poker. But then there's so many really bad rules or hard ways to keep charity and poker together. Like those things shouldn't stay

together. That's gaming and charity like la. So we've separated out from that. So Paul runs from Kansas City as is Jason Sadecas and Eric Stone Street and Rob Brigal. Right. And I'm from Missouri, right? And so I've known all of these people. Yeah. And so now we'll

host this thing together. It's very cool. Very cool. So we bring in a bunch people. If we do it again this year, I'd like to extend an invitation to you right now. I think I'm busy. I think I'm busy, but I haven't told you when it is. But, oh, you didn't? No. I want to thank you for being on this podcast. It's on your birthday. Your birthday. Yes. Is my sister's birthday. And my grandmother's Charlotte's birthday. God rest. Dana Gould's and Dave Chappelle.

Ah. And, um, um, um, donna Cary. a comedy writer, showrunner, right, and your mother, no, your grandmother, and your grandmother, Nana. And tell us? Nana and my sister. And your sister, Kristen. August two, four. August, two, fours.

That's a good one. Yeah. November 10th. Okay, it's coming up. Can't wait. Yeah. Can't wait. Is that when the gig is?

Which gig? Oh. The one you offered me just a minute ago. No, no. It's okay. Work is coming. It's always going to come. Going to the chair.

I'll always get work. It's true. It's true. Are we almost out of time? We are. Okay. I want to make sure you can go pick up your daughter. Oh, I'm late.

You're late? It's a 4 o'clock appointment. That's fine. Okay. It's fine. Hey. Yeah. I appreciate you.

We manifested this. This was, we were supposed to do this. This was like, I'm going to get back to it and I'll be reporting into you. Yeah. Please do. And I would love it if me, you and Greg Fitzsimmons did it one time together. Like just on a couch. We all do 20 minutes.

So my favorite thing. And not laugh? Yes. No, we'll laugh before you. I love that everybody has their mantra. Yeah. A person. gives you their mantra, I don't know where they get it. Yeah, I know. I see, my guy meditated,

came over and delivered it to me. Yeah. And have you, if you thought to yourself, did I hear it right? Yeah, right. Or have I changed it over the years? Like, did I all of a sudden think it's this? Yes. Yes. I don't even know if you can talk about it at all. I don't know if you can say how many words it is or any of this or that. Yeah. I wouldn't even get into it. But anyway, so good. Lovely. You're the best. You are great. This is great. All good things to you.