Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 221 - Joel McHale Returns!

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

Joel McHale gets comfortable on this week's Breaking Bread on his way to shoot 'Animal Control!’ Tom apologizes for having to reschedule on him. They get into Joel’s insane lifting routine and waking up early. Joel dives into hosting vs acting. He shares that he collects weapons. And of course, we talk Godzilla. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- About Joel: Joel McHale is an American actor, comedian and television presenter. He is best known for hosting The Soup (2004–2015) and his role as Jeffrey "Jeff" Winger on the NBC sitcom Community (2009–2015). He has performed in the films Spider-Man 2 (2004), Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (2011), Ted (2012), and The Happytime Murders (2018). About Tom: Tom Papa, a celebrated stand-up comedian with over 20 years in the industry, has made significant strides in film, television, radio, podcasts, and live performances. Notably, he's a regular on "The Joe Rogan Experience" and various late-night TV shows. Papa's literary skills are evident in his books “We’re All In This Together” and "You’re Doing Great!: And Other Reasons To Stay Alive," a collection of essays, and "Your Dad Stole My Rake: And Other Family Dilemmas," a comedic look at family life. His latest stand-up specials are “Tom Papa: What A Day!” and "Tom Papa: You’re Doing Great!" on Netflix. Beyond comedy, Papa's engagements extend to hosting "What A Joke With Papa And Fortune" on SiriusXM and appearing on NPR's "Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me." His love for baking led to hosting the Food Network series "Baked." As an actor, he's worked with notable figures like Rob Zombie and Steven Soderbergh and has appeared in several films and TV shows, including the HBO film "Behind the Candelabra." Additionally, Papa has contributed as a writer to projects like "Bee Movie" and various TV series. Residing in Los Angeles with his family, Papa continues to balance his professional life with personal interests like baking. Get in touch with or go see Tom live on stage! Radio, Podcasts and more: https://linktr.ee/tompapa/ Website - http://tompapa.com/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/tompapa Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/tompapa Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/comediantompapa #TomPapa #breakingbreadwithTomPapa Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's good to see you buddy Sorry I had to cancel last Last week Wait wait don't tell me man Yeah it was pretty exciting That is you I was like there are as I said There are so many white people

That were probably Very excited to see you They were like Thank God you saved the show It was funny because I had to run up there To fill in And who dropped out Well Peter Sagle is the

host for 25 years. And I've guest hosted for him a couple of times. And last second they were in Seattle and last second he got COVID. So they called me, I was in the middle of my radio show at like 11 o'clock in the morning. And they're like, can you be in Seattle at seven for the show? And I was like, I don't know. Can I? You tell me.

And they were like, no, can you? I'm like, I'm free. But can you physically get me to Seattle? that time. I said, look, I'm tired. I travel all the time. It's got to be first class. Well, yeah. I said, or private. I'm sure that would get me there on time. And you're like, the wait, wait, don't tell me plaza cannot afford. Does it, they got you, they took Alaska, I assume. So I took Alaska and they were very apologetic. They, I could tell they just, they were in a jam. Yeah, I like, I just got to go do it. And it was coach middle seat on the way up.

Oh. Yeah, it was rough. People watch. Yeah. It was really rough. And, you know, I'm tired. Mm-hmm. But just in the scenario,

from Van Nuys to Seattle, private, one way, guess? 30? 48. At last minute, too. 48, yeah, last minute. 48.

And I was driving back with them to. That's a pretty good car. I was driving. A nice car. It's a real thing. That's a tuition. I was going back to the airport the next morning with the producer. And I'm like, let's just think about this. Physically, we accomplished it. I was here. I did the show. And it costs us $300. It could have been $48,000. One way. That's so disgusting. Oh, right. Or I think you're going to be like, that is so odd. It's disgusting that they didn't get you the jet.

It's so gross that they put me in the middle seat is what I'm trying to say. And flying back, did you fly back to Burbank? I flew back, no, to LAX. I know, you were really pushing Burbank. I loved it, by the way, canceling on you and being like, Joel, we're like two minutes from doing the podcast, but I got to run and you were like, cool. You could just tell someone else who's been traveling and doing this for their whole lives because immediately you were, are they flying your first class? Were you going to fly out of? Are you going from Burbank?

Are you going for it? It was totally. The game of like, can I make it and travel is, it's such a sickness. That is, you've, sometimes I wonder, I was like, I wonder if I've spent, when I die, when they add it all up, when God adds it all up, how much time I spent in an airport. Yeah. And, yeah, boy, that L.A. Do you look forward to flights when you, when you are busting away from the family?

No. Not at all. I used to. I used to be like, look at me, traveling because someone else needs me somewhere else. and you know I didn't travel as much so I thought it was pretty exotic which I completely if I fly somewhere exotic yeah like if I'm going overseas I'll be like well this is kind of fun yeah and uh but now it uh you know now it's like I just I love you know like I'm now that my boys are teenagers I'm like oh I have the last this is it we're getting close yeah so now

I'm very nostalgic that said I you know I like working. I love it. So I do it all the time. You work all the time. And so it's so I'm not like, and I understand. I mean, a lot of stuff shoots out of town. Yeah. So I go out of town. And I, so, I mean, when I'm there, I feel somewhat guilt because I'm like, sorry, I'll be over here. Yeah. And I go out to dinner again. And, uh, but, you know, we're working, but, uh, yeah. Once last time. It was weird when my daughters are now in college and one just graduated college. Dear God, you are old. So old.

And at the stage you're at now, like they're still at home, one left, right? Didn't one go? No, we got in 1960. They're home now. Okay. Yeah. At that age, a little younger, I would be like, I'd come home early. I'd be like, oh, it worked out.

And I get to come home a day early. And I'd be like, Dad's home. And they'd be like, yeah, but I'm going to a party. Well, I have this show. And it was like, oh. Oh, it actually, it already happened. I think they haven't gone to college, but they have a wrong life. They're being driven around and all that and doing their thing.

And yeah, no, it's. So, yeah, I guess I've done my job. Now I have, thank you for, I feel, I'm guilt for you. Yeah. Thank you. How often do you travel every weekend now, still? Not every weekend. But a lot.

I say like, yeah, a lot. I say two times a month. You ever got to the point? My wife would probably argue that point. She'd be like, what are you talking about? Yeah. It's two times minimum. You've been home in years.

Yeah. I mean, it's the nature of our silly business that is wonderful. But when you're home, you're really home. That's when I hear like, you're a great dad when you're home. I am? Okay. Great. I don't feel as bad.

What about all these dads that are home all the time? They must be incredible. Yeah, but they're really angry and they're beating their children. I thought we were going to cook the bread. No. Oh, I made this for you, and you get to bring it home. I'm going to bring it home. You were right.

Your video was absolutely correct. Oh, on my post on Instagram. I said, I said, I'm making this for Joel. Well, you made the first one. This is for Jim Jeffries. Yeah. Who I always wanted to meet. Oh, you could have met him.

He was just here a little while ago. A delight. Yeah, you guys would get along, actually. He's incredibly funny. Yeah. Not saying that you're not. Well, thank you. But.

But I was like, this is kind of weird baking bread for Joel because it has a carb in it. Yeah. And I only did four hours of exercise today. What did you do today? Lifted weights. Okay. And played tennis for two hours. Really?

Now, I, that doesn't happen every day. I mean, I lift weights every day. That has to happen. But, or some sort of exercise. But now with my kids. out of school and I'm going up back up to Vancouver in a week and a half. So I'm like, let's get this stuff in. Yeah.

So, yeah. So that was good. I lost a lot of water weight. I'm excited. That's good. Yeah. What did you do? You, Ryan?

I did nothing today. I ran yesterday. Why nothing today? Because I went radio show to podcast to podcast. Why don't you just wake up early? I was tired. I was tired. I'm Tom Pop.

I hate working out in the morning. So do I. I don't like it. I don't like it either. I like a cup of coffee a little bit, then I can work out. Cigar. Cigar. A Italian bread that's been in a box for three years.

I actually do have one of these at home. Yeah. For that we bought for Christmas. And my wife is like, I'm throwing it out. I'm like, no, it's still good. It's probably still good. It probably is. When does that expire?

That's a good question. I don't think that Panatone ever expired. It's a good thing you're Italian. July 22nd, 2020. 24. Oh, well, there you go. I could still eat it. I don't know why. Have you ever had that fresh out of the oven? Yeah. It's a different thing. It's a totally different thing. It's like a difference between a, well, that's store-bought cookie. In a box. Fresh-bank cookie. What's the cigarettes for? What are you doing? The cigarettes, I just like- Do you smoke indoors? I could, no. Well, we probably could light it. I don't know what the rules are here. But I just like, you like, you know, Joel. Mm-hmm. It's so nice to you to come by. Yeah, I can come. comfortable just by putting my hand down my pants.

Yeah, it really is, isn't it? You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, when do we get to do this? We never. It's been so long. Never. It's been so long.

It's just so comfortable. Right? Oh. How much, when you lift weights, is it at home? Yep. Early in the morning? I'd rather not. Like you, I don't like doing it in the morning.

But if you have to. I do. As opposed to not doing it. If I'm like, I don't have any time today. So I guess I will wake up early. Here's, oh, here's an insane. Not that, who fucking cares? We all care.

Because I will, I like staying up late. I love staying up late. How late? I like, last night, 1.30? That's late. But if I'm taking that early flight, I will sometimes get up and work out. Like, because if I know I'm getting that 6 a.m.

flight to New York, I'll be like, I'll sleep on the plane. but I know I want exercise when I get to New York, so I'll just wake up at 2.30 or 3. Or don't go to bed, you know, because I can't, because I'm a pretty late. But then I'll get up at workout from 3 or 4 and then hop in the car. No. Yeah.

Really? That's how obsessive I am. See, here's what I've, here's. How old are you? 71, 2. Portrait. How old is Tom? I think we're to the shame rage.

Are you guys still doing the podcast together? It's not a podcast. It's a radio show. You guys still doing the radio show together? Yes. Oh. We do. She's amazing.

Are you coming on it? Anytime. You still in that same building? Yeah, but we do it remote a lot. But wait a minute. Yes. Here's something. I'm going to reveal something.

We're both 52. Because you're my, you are a dear friend. And I'm always, and I'm always, I'm always inspired. I'm inspired by you. I'm inspired by you. Uh, not just in how much you work and how funny you are and you're always doing stuff, but I'm also, your regimen. My imposter syndrome is really kicking in. Your regimen, uh, you do take very good care of yourself. And I've been pretty good. And I drink a lot of wine. So I got to counteract it. I'm on the peloton, right? Yeah. And I come on. It's been great. I love the peloton. And I have a 250 week streak where at least once a week. I'm, I've been

doing it. Yeah. It's like four years, you know, of like. That's amazing. Amazing. But I started to realize that just because I've kept the streak alive and I've done it once a week and sometimes when I'm traveling, whatever, that it doesn't necessarily mean I'm in great shape.

Yeah. And like I went and did a hard workout and I was like surprisingly not strong. And I realize, oh, I'm not really pushing. myself. What do you mean not strong? In my workouts. Like I was, I was running, I was running three miles and I was, yeah, like I was really sluggish. I was really. Well, you're going to have days. Daily physiology is always unpredictable. Like some days you're like, oh, I got more energy today. True. I wonder why. I got another 50 minutes of sleep. I ate something good. Yeah, yeah. So, I did feel like maybe I'm not pushing myself. Like, you know, we were athletes when we were youngsters.

those workouts like when you were on a team. Oh my gosh. They were just like what I do as my workout is kind of the warm up of when I was an athlete. Yes. But think you look compared to some people in your high school. Yes. You are in the very top percentile as far as, oh, it's working well. Right.

I still got my shit together. You look great. Right. I obviously transplanted his hair. And so the consent, I think, I don't, I truly believe this. I'm sorry, Joey, Jimmy, whatever your name is. You have to listen to two old men go like, here's how you do it. I want to know.

That consistency, because I know so many people are like, they worked out for four months. And then they're like, oh, well, that's that. And then they come back eight months later. And I think that farmer strength, which is you hit it every day or you hit it. almost every day. And you might not appear to be in the, look in the greatest shape. Yeah.

But you're in, think about how much better shape that you are in just the 250 weeks in a row. Yeah. I know. I've never had that like month off, which is, that's a huge thing.

Yeah. So, yeah. So in, what I'm saying is, you're probably in better shape than you think. Mm-hmm.

And you... But it could be better. I think the key is operating at a caloric deficit. Because you can be in great shape and have and always have extra. I'm not saying you do. Because you posted that athletic shirt yesterday. That's right.

And as you said, I think he said, makes you an athlete. And I'm going to go full world's record here. Can I talk to you about your smoking habit? Why don't you go fuck yourself? Whoa. Hey. And you just fucking leave the free country. Leave me alone.

I mean. Don't you think smoking that many cigarettes at once is going to have some kind of adverse effect, regardless of you. I've got a great comeback for that. I'm Tom Papa. Is it the adverse effect? That's it. That's all I got. I don't talk like that.

Flavoran. Do you think Marlboro is happy about this? Probably. So I think your, I think, because you can see, like if you just don't eat as much as your output, you will always be. skinny. Can you flip that whole thing in your mouth? It's too long. Yeah. Like Adrian Samed did. I'm trying to get it in my nose. Grease 2, Joey, look it up.

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Okay. It's so close. Sorry. Son of a bitch. Anyway. You would get up, if you get up at two, at three to work out for an hour before you get on that, because it's wheels up at six. Yeah. No, I also, my, my sport is not waiting at the airport, is trying to cut it as close as possible.

Right. If I can avoid, if I can, if there's a world where I can just walk in while it's boarding. Yeah. because I travel pretty light unless I'm, you know, setting putting out a camp for saying somewhere for a while. But I can run onto that plane. I love being the last person on the plane. Oh, that is pretty good.

I've been doing the opposite lately where I've been going to the lounge first. Getting some food, a couple glasses of wine. You're half in the bag by the time you stumble on the plane. And you're like, I worked out. I got up at three. Son of a. Now, what is your, you live with a woman, right? I do.

I live with a woman. What does she think when you get up at three to go with weights? Doesn't even, doesn't even have no idea. She's fast asleep. Right. Doesn't care. Good for you. But she is really good at mocking me.

You'd be like, look at you. Or she'll often say that I'm crazy. Good for you. She'll be like, did you work out? He'll be like four in the morning. I'll be like, Yeah, and she'll be like, you're crazy. And then you sleep from New York.

Right. And it's not a good, like, because if I hear one more person tell me to drink water and sleep a lot, I'm going to, which is completely opposite things. Because I'm an old man. That's right. All you do is pee. If I drink past 6 p.m. I'm up all night. I'm going to buy a catheter.

Joey, give me a catheter. Come on, Joey. There goes. Get on it. And so, they're like, you know, I, I, I, I, cannot sleep for eight hours. I can't remember the last time I slept that long. No. What is it? Getting up. I can't, I would get it. I have to. All right. So without the flight, it's 130. You go to bed at 1.30 when are you getting up? Without the flight. Yeah, you're home.

Between, so like if my, one of my kids, I drive him to school this year. And Pat, but he has to be at school at 8 or 815. And we, I'll get up at, at, 745 or 750 and I'd be like let's go and we'll be there at 815. That's pretty great. But I don't like scheduling Zooms early and stuff like that. I would much rather, if I got a 10 o'clock, if I got a 10 o'clock zoom, that means I get my workout in. Right. And I know this sounds pretty gauche, but so that's you? How about you work out at night?

No, I usually work out right after the radio show, so noon. Does your wife work out? Yes. Does she work out more than you? No, we're pretty equal. But if I saw her, would I go? She's in better shape than you. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. She's a teacher, and she has been going to Pilates at 5.30 a.m. My wife does yoga every day. And does the, so. So they're hot. Let's just appreciate that. appreciate our hot water. Yeah, that we have spouses that take care of themselves.

Yeah. Thank God. But, you know, either way, I'd be with her. I keep saying I'd like you a little bit more if you were a little larger. You mean like muscle mass? No, like with fat. Yeah, I'm glad. You hate me. I don't care. Yeah, I'm actually finding a feel, like I'm trying to lose a few right now. So, because I was in Toronto. for a month on a baking show. You were? Crime scene kitchen on Fox. Crime scene kitchen?

Yes. Third season. Thanks for asking. Wow. Joey, look it up. You work so much. You mean, and then it doesn't,

don't worry, it doesn't conflict with House of Villains on E. Second season. Animal control. On Fox. God. The bear on FX. And then.

I can keep going. And then the roast, they do the, they do the, they do the, I'm Brady Roast, this giant Netflix live thing. Well, I didn't do that. You're the first, but you're the first face.

I can't believe this. Of course, Joel is the first face. As soon as they hit you, I was like, of course, Joel is. Well, I asked my 16 year old. I was like, do you want to go? I mean, I was like, do you want it? Because we got invited. I'm like, do you want to go?

And he was like, absolutely. Yeah. My other son doesn't care about sports. So I was like, okay. Well, we're going. And I was, I mean, I was like, So funny. I'm like,

Joel's everywhere. Yeah, I don't, yeah. Everywhere. I'm hosting an event this Saturday if you're interested.

What is it? I'll tell you all about it. When does this post? A couple weeks. Oh, then it's over. It's for Scientology, you know.

Yeah. How long have you been a Scientologist? I don't know. 70,000 years? Something like that? Sorry. I'm a dead man. And then you did New Year's?

Did New Year's with Canada? With Ken. I would love to do that again, Fox. Yeah. But I don't know how it would. I don't know how well it rated. How would you do, do you need? Would you work as much if you didn't have hair? Hmm.

I'd be more aerodynamic. I probably shave it all like that movie powder. And, uh, no, what would I? What is your philosophy in working? Always say yes. Say yes to everything. Agree to everything. I, Tom, I think, maybe I can't believe that somebody pays me to do what we do.

Sure, it's a lot of work and all that stuff and people, and I do get offended when people like think that people aren't working hard here. That's all we do. Yeah. And yeah, that's why they have to have, they had to put a law for the teamsters can't, you know, like work 25 hours in a row because they were driving off the road. Yeah. and fall from falling asleep. So I still can't believe I get to do what I thought, you know, was like my boyhood dream.

It was like, I'm going to, someone's going to pay me to act and tell jokes. When did you start thinking that was going to be your life? 2009 when I met you. The informant. Still waiting for the sequel, Soderberg. Come on, Stephen. Fuck. So, I stood on stage in Haddonfield, New Jersey.

and I did the a staged version of the Disney ride It's a small world This is out of public school How old? Second grade, first grade. Nice. And I remember just thinking

My parents were like, Who the heck is this? And I remember thinking like, this seems fun. And then in seventh grade, I was like, I want to read this. I always thought

this was like screwing around. Right. And like, oh, you got to do a lot of math stuff and spelling and all that shit. and then this was so much fun. And then I was like, maybe I can start doing this. And then sophomore year in high school, I was like, I'm going to really try.

And then I just did sports. You didn't do any theater when you were high school? No, I did a lot of theater. Oh, you did while you were doing sports? Yep. I did everything but school. Wow. I just cheated.

Do you know Ethan Sandler? No. Yeah. It's funny, very funny writer from Mercer Island, Washington, my hometown. And I thought maybe you would know him through certain. different circles. And he was in your theater department? Nope. Yeah, no, no, no. He was. Yeah, we did a lot of plays together. And then this guy named Dominic. That was hard to balance. Well, if you just ignored school, you had all sorts of

that freed up a third of the day. And they were just so happy to get guys that could really do something in theater. Um, well, it was, my high school was unique in that it, for whatever reason, those lines were pretty wonderfully blurred. Oh, yeah. And oh, that's good. Jocks were friends with the greasers and the soches. So everyone partied together. And by the, and it was really nice. By the end of high school, they were, everyone was all together. And I'm friends with a bunch of them still. That's great. That haven't, uh, uh, that, uh, that haven't succumbed to death. Right. Well, some of them die. But, uh, they all, you see them pretty often. Do you get together like, uh, for dinners and

that kind of thing? I, well, I work, I work a lot, so I don't really get up there as much as I want to. Right. Ironically, I'll be working in Vancouver. So you guys can come up and see me. Yeah, why? Amazing restaurants up there. Yeah, that's the last time I saw you.

I was up there performing. Oh, yeah. Stand up. Yep, at the, uh, just a last. And you were there filming with your buddy Tom Lennon and a bunch of other people. That was a really nice meetup. With Bruce Hills. Bruce Hills.

And you really up the wine game when you got there. Before you pulled in, we were just sitting around drinking some, like, I don't know, $20 bottles of whatever. And then you were like, this will not stand. No. And then you really upped it. Well, Canada also has, it's harder in Canada. It's not harder in Canada. They have very good wine selection, but their taxes on booze is pretty bananas.

Right. Like a $100 bottle there is about $50. bucks in the store here. For real? They have, because, you know, the restaurants double it. Then they pay for all their health care with booze and cigarettes. So you're like, okay, when in Rome. But then it's 30% off when you, you do feel like a big shot when you walk out of these.

Like you're like, oh, I'm going to get dinner. And then you're like, oh, it was a discount because of the exchange rate. Right. Sorry you have to hear all this. If you're up in Canada and you want to go to dinner, I will, I'll get it. Do you tour Canada a lot? Not that often. Have you been, I assume you've done the casinos throughout the land?

I've done some, some. Not like a proper tour, but like as things come up, I'll go up and do them, that kind of thing. When's your next date? This weekend. Where? Providence, Rhode Island. Okay. I'm shooting my Netflix special.

Oh, shit. In like a week and a half. Have you ever swore on stage? Yeah. Okay. Not a lot. I know, you're not, that's, you know, that's, you're, that's, your shows you, you know, can tell jokes with, I have to swear, that's all of you.

Have you been doing dates? No, I will start up back again in October a bit if I, uh, don't end up taking some other job. I'm taking a shooting in Moscow next December. No, I, we'll see. But I would like to get out there and, then, and do another hour. hosting or acting? What do you prefer on television? Why?

On television? Yeah. Not without cameras? Being yourself or being... I like it both. Yeah. Why do you have to make a choice? Because we have an offer for you.

Oh, where they can, they go into your brain and they turn off that, whatever. You think that you're a podcast right now, but you're not. This is it. This is not a podcast. Okay. Well, boy. This is a long. We became friends a long time.

We had hosting, stand up or acting. I was like, why, why do I? Why do I? I like them both. Yeah. I don't know which one I'm better at. I think hosting is easier. I like hosting.

I like to just show up and be able to wing it. Oh, well, yeah. It's pretty great. But I do enjoy acting. Did you do a lot of, you did a lot of acting? Because you had numerous, you had sitcom stuff going on. In the 90s? To the odds.

Early, thoughts. Yeah. You had your own show? Mm-hmm. For a second. No, I know what that's like. Yeah.

Was it called Papa? Come to Papa. Come to Papa. Yeah. CBS? NBC. Uh-huh. On the NBC.

Yeah. And then when we met on the informant, yes. It was a bunch of comedians doing straight acting. Yeah. And they put a bunch of comics on that one. That was a really good movie. It was a really good movie.

That was the coolest. That was so much fun. That was, that was, if that movie had had, like, for whatever reason, it'd been like, Mission Impossible and had, you know, or a franchise. It was just, even another one. It would have been great. Mark is even crazier. Mark was the main character. He was, he should have got an Oscar for that thing.

He was so good. He was remarkable. And it was cool. because And Melanie Linsky is his wife. Yeah, she was great. She's great in everything. There was the,

the, she's great in everything except for that one thing, which I won't say. You'll figure it out. You know, it wasn't a big budget movie, so they flew us to Decatur, Illinois,

and you don't get to go home. You got to go home in between. So there was a lot of hanging out when your scenes weren't on. And we just all kind of, it was like summer camp. Yeah. We were all just wait for,

we'd wait for Matt to finish. his day and then I'll meet up at the bar. That was great. That was really fun. That was one of the most fun experience. It was really great. I had a newborn at that point. Yeah, I did too. And my wife was like, how's it going?

I'm like, oh, Scott Bacchelah's really fun to hang out with Mad Damon's a dream. I'm in a movie. But Decatur, which was a lovely town, not a big nightlife. No. And when you're kind of in a weird way, because Decatur's not near a lot, because people don't No, rural Illinois is very rural. Yeah. It gets, and so it's not like you can, we just party at the convention center.

We just hung out at the hotel the whole time. That was great. And I remember. Me and Alan Habe would be like looking out the curtains. I think they're coming back. That was great. That was a fun time. It really was.

Greg Jacobs, wonderful man. Yeah. And then Scott Bacula went off in, and I guess after Candelabra, then he got the CSI universe. Yeah. He did CSI, New Orleans. Right. And I think he, and I visited him on set there one time. And he is one of the nicest people.

Such a cool guy. And talk about nonstop working since the day he stepped into Hollywood. Yeah. How's that new Quantum Leap doing? Have you watched it? I haven't. I refuse to because it doesn't have Scott Baculian. I think he was there for the first episode.

Oh, then I'll watch it. Okay, that was it. How about Godzilla minus one? I can't see it. I don't know where to watch it. It's out now. What? I thought it was coming.

Netflix, baby. It is for real? Yes, it just came out. What a transition. Huge. In topic. I'm so excited about it. I am very excited too.

I will put down fallout for a moment. It's really good. You've seen the whole thing? Yep. More than once? No, no, but my daughters are coming home tonight. So I'm going to watch it again. It won an Oscar.

I know. And then you couldn't stream it. Right. Because the other Godzilla movie was coming out. They didn't want it to interrupt. So then it did interrupt. But there weren't they separate? Godzilla X. King Kong.

Did you watch that? I did. And? It was fun. No, it wasn't. It was all right. Look at your face. It was okay.

No, it was great. One of the best times of my life. This is why they make movies. This is why they make movies. I went back and watched the original Godzilla. Matthew Broderick? 1954. How was that?

So good. Very cool. Very cool. I encourage all you young people, Joey, to go watch those movies because they're so fun and great. So great. The first one's heavy. So it's right after the nuclear attack in Japan and then Godzilla shows up.

And he's filled with nuclear energy and he's freaking everybody out. It's pretty heavy. This new one, though, this minus one. And it's not done with the problem with the one. I'm so into Godzilla right now. It's such a great title, too. I know. I don't know what it means, even after watching it.

It's... I don't either. They made it for $10 million. $10 million. This Godzilla X King Kong is all CGI. It's just too much. It's just too much computer shit coming at you. A lot of sound design.

This one, there's no, there's none of that. And they just made it like a regular, and it's so much better. It's so good. I love Cloverfield so much. Yes. I mean, made for, I mean, obviously, amazing sound design,

but that movie, that cat, like I showed my boys that a long time ago. And I was like, I wonder if this will make them look up from their iPads and they were

transfixed. Really? Yeah. All right. Yeah. Do you have a large enough TV to appreciate? I think so.

My wife said, this is the one we should have seen. I took, I made my wife go see Godzilla. King Kung in the theater. You're a good husband. And she... My wife would...

There's not much I could do on this planet to get her to go to a movie like that. We were in New York. It was raining. It was winter. It was romantic. It was like,

let's just come on. Let's go see it'll be fun. But we should have gotten high or had some wine before we went because we saw it straight and she came out with a lot of notes. Oh.

I still got to see Furiosa. Did you see that? No, I haven't. People are excited by it. I don't give a shit. The bus boy will get it. Great. Joey.

Don't you think Joey should be in a vest and he should come in like... Yes, this is... You got this whole set here. He just rolls in in a t-shirt. Like nothing's happening. He just like, mm-hmm. Get going nuts.com. How...

Gason. I mean, Camerere. Do you want... Yes. Yeah. Yay. Get the man in espresso. Nothing better than Bill Hater and, uh, uh, uh, excuse me, uh, you know, him.

Fred Armisen. Yes, for that wonderful sketch they did so many times. Ah. It was, uh, one of the, this one, then I'm like, oh, that, these people are talented. I know. Hater. Holy cow. Can you hurry it up?

I'm sorry about the service. Uh, why? I will take care of him. How often do you make it bread? I will take care of him. You'll kill him? I will take care of him. I will take care of him.

him. Are you going to shoot him like spider? He will not be a problem next time you come. This is very racist what you're doing. It's a good thing you're... Next time you've got Italian. Can you do that in German accent that whole thing? That's not a German accent. Ons kind, on times.

All right, make it a Japanese accent. Let's see what happens. Now, you love your Godzilla. Have you been on hot ones? No. You're by. I just saw the Conan one. Conan's very funny.

I couldn't believe it. He really made him be a little bit. It was one of the most extraordinary things I've ever seen. It was really good. I couldn't handle the first one. And he is drinking it. He really was like, I'm not coming here just to get through this. I was like, he's always been a hero of mine.

And I was like, God, my fuck. Holy crap. Yeah, it was a thing of beauty. He really went for it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it anything close to that. I know. You should do it like this, like hot ones, but just bring in people that don't eat a lot of bread.

People with celiac disease. Come on, eat it. Come on, you can do it. No. That is the thing. We have talked about that. I'm allergic to seeds. Well, raspberries are you.

I bake a lot of bread. I bake a lot of bread. How much of bread do you eat? A good amount. All right. Sourdough is good to eat. It's breaking down its own sugars. It has no added sugar to it.

It's just flower water, salt and yeast. I'd love a wheat. Yeah. Maybe, yeah. Give it to your family. No, I'm not. They'll like it. I'll just leave it.

I will bring it to them. They'll be so happy. We're having people over tonight. Now, I don't understand what you were saying about my wine open. I'll get you a better one. Well, this is just, you know, the... Do people come in here and drink? Once in a while.

Did Jim Jeffries? No, he's clean. sober. So am I. Are you? Well, as of last night at about one. Hey. Salud.

Salud. Salud. Do you have anything in there? Yes, a little bit. You have to drink if you... I will. Yeah, but you stuck the cigarette in there. I don't care.

I guess I wasn't late. I put my cigarettes in my coffee. You know, I always can't stand those machines and they make pretty damn good coffee. They do all right. Yeah. For what? In a pinch. Yes.

In a pinch. It's like. Even though I disagreed with Howard Trilts selling the Seattle Supersonics, I still go to Starbucks. You really haven't let that go. Oh, fuck, no, I never will. I will hold that grudge forever. And the kids on the, when I, in Mercer on in our first house called the mean kids

who would beat up my brothers and I. If I ever see them, they're dead. Do you still love Seattle? No, no, I hate it. If I... I love Seattle so much. Yes, I love it. If I go to Seattle this summer for a weekend

because I'm going to shoot a little thing. I'm not going to have sex with you. Could I... Would you have good suggestions of where to eat or where to stay? Yeah. You would? Yeah. They have a Marriott by the airport.

Mm-hmm. J-W? There is a cheesecake factory. Go on. And they have... They have these burgers up there. and they're like the king. No.

Yeah. Yes, I've got all sorts of recommendations. When you and the bear played the arrogant. Arrogent. Arrogent. You mean the hero? The guy that set the whole thing in motion? Without me?

Was that close to your heart? Do you have, are you a food snob? Yes. Nice. I am a total snob. So you will know. Now, and I say that, but I'm a snob about everything. That is true.

like your shirt. What do you mean? What are you doing? What? I figured this was... You're playing golf in 1935? I literally, when I put it on, I said to myself, when you're going bowling? What is Josh going to say about this?

What is Josh going to say about this? What is Joel going to say about this? You used to wear a bowler hat? No. Oh, thank God. No, it's cool. No, I'm a, I am, I like good things. Yes.

So I'm, I figure, you know, like, That's why you like my shirt. It's not a bad shirt. Penguin? Todd Snyder. No, yeah, Todd. Thank you, Todd. I have a coat.

So if I, yeah, I like, yeah. So if I'm going to eat like a steak. Yes. I'm not just going to get a crappy little steak. Right. It's going to be high quality and it's like ice cream. I was like, I don't want this, I don't want a non-fat version. I want the full fat of everything.

I'm not going to have it all the time. Yeah. But when you do. But when I do, yeah. I'm also a luxurious hoarder. I collect stupid things. Like what? Weapons.

What? Swords, knives. For real? Yeah. Wine. Where do you get the, what kind of swords? Samurai, Chinese. Right?

Like old? No. Like antique kind of stuff? Not really. I mean, those are hard to come by. I am insanely expensive. No, I just think they're neat. For a while it was just,

switch blades and out the front automatic knives because I was like, these are fully illegal, and I kind of like it. Oh yeah, I got a lot of those. Wow. Yeah, I'd bring you one, but now they're hard to get. Are they? Yeah. Why can't, why? You can't you go on the line? They're legal in California. Oh, so they won't ship him here?

You got to ship them to other states. No, and I had you buy, I bought, this is Conan, because if we dine, then I will buy, I'll, I'll bring him a weapon of something. sort. Because I'll instead of giving, even though I like wine,

I'll give people weapons as instead of like, if we go over to their house, I'm like, here's a bottle of wine. I'll be like, this is, these are brass knuckles.

Really? I do have a lot of brass knuckles, which are illegal. They're illegal too? Mm-hmm. All the fun stuff. Well, it's a weird, you want to hear a fun fact?

Yes, please. So switch blades and out the front automatic knives are illegal in California. Mm-hmm. But pocket knives. folding knives are fully legal and they can have springs in them.

Oh. And the reason why switch blades and out the front knives were illegal is because Latino folks carried those and the white man carried the pocket knives. So to this day, you can

have a pocket knife the length this long and open a blade as long as it's a pocket knife, you can have a sword length pocket knife. No. And walk around with it. I have pocket knives that are this big that are fold out into full on crazy weapons.

Have you ever had to use it? Yeah, almost every day. Just have to keep it going. You know, like it's a Peloton streak. The ones that go out the front, if you walk up to somebody and just put it on their side, will it go into them? No. No.

You might break skin, but they're not. You need to have like an explosive switch to, for them to, yeah, you can't go like. And tink, you're dead. So what's the advantage of that over the switchblade? They're about the same as far as, uh, well, switch blades, I usually have one button, then you have to fold back in. There's a lot of automatic knives that shoot out and shoot back. Oh.

They have double, a double spring action. You don't have to push it back in with your hand and cut yourself. Yeah, I have. No, because that would be a stupid design. Yeah. And be like, and here's your protective glove that comes with our knives. Just care, walk around with this glove on, Michael Jackson. Uh, where do you, when you're new.

around on your iPad, where do you find all of these weapons? Oh, well, there's a few companies that make them. I mean, they get made. America makes all sorts of weapons. You look at them like the way people look at real estate or like cabins and the wood. I slowed down a bit on buying, but I just, this week I did a deep dive into wrist rockets. What's a wrist rocket? That's a, yeah.

Like the slingshot thing? But you just looked like you made a Spider-Man motion. Isn't that what you do? No, it would be more like that. That's a wrist rocket? Well, wrist rockets, I mean, it's a slingshot, essentially, but they make really nice ones now. People hunt what them.

Really? And what's the projectile? Ballbearing. Ooh. And so, oh, I was saying I brought Conan a blowgun, and you can't get those here either. So I always like surprising him. How long is a blowgun?

Well, it breaks down. Uh-huh. It's about, it's a little longer than this wingspan. And it comes down in a couple of points. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's not like a, right. It's not like a telescope. And it's more like a pool queue. And you put a dart in it?

Yeah, you put a dart. Yeah, you make a noise. And then it flies out. They're surprisingly powerful. And my brother brought one back from Indonesia that was, is still is in, you know, it was handmade and it works great. Really? It's pretty astounding.

Anyway, I had to, you can buy them legally in Arizona. So I had my friend in Arizona. I was like, can you buy a few of these? A few. And then ship them to me. This is a crime. Thank you, FedEx. Thanks for not looking FedEx.

Actually, he might have carried that. I don't know if he did. Yeah, I emailed them. Not in the U.S. mail system. Did Conan like it? Yes, I think he's, I think he, yeah, I mean, I've given him a lot of knives over the years. And he's like, you're nuts. I'm like, yeah, it's just the thing.

So is this a long way of saying thanks but no thanks for the bread? Oh, I'm going to, I will try it tonight. I'm cooking steaks tonight. You are? Yes, so we, I will definitely have a little bit of it. Okay. But I'm on a, you know, like I'm on a hardcore diet. Because you have to lose two pounds?

No, I'm going to lose. 45. See, if I aim for 45 and lose 7, I'm like, oh, I'm doing great. No, I'm always like, you know, before I shoot, I have to, because the baking show I did, I eat like a pig. You do. I go for it. Ask anybody on the show. You really?

No spit buckets. No, I was like, if someone's going to put a dessert in front of me, I'm eating it. Great. So I usually, I gained like, each season I've gained eight or nine pounds. Whoa. Yeah, I eat a lot. Good for you. And then I lose it again.

And then you lose it. So I'll probably go back down. And you work out during that time when you're shooting? Yes. But your calories are just winning. The calories are too much for the amount of. Okay, so I'm going to shoot my special in two weeks. Yep.

You want to drop some weight? Yeah. You do? In two weeks. I'm kidding. Oh. Just to, you know, take the puff out. All right.

Well, maybe it's just to your face design because that's how I've always known. No, take the puff out. You look great. You know, just to not be... If you were shooting a special in two weeks. Okay. I would... Hyperbolic chamber, right?

Uh-huh. And then a lot of HGH, human growth hormone, a couple of horse tranquilizers. Got it, got it. Give me something I'm not doing. And then stop drinking water four days before the show. Four days before the show.

You'll be great. No, really. What should I do? Just eat no carbs. I should go all protein, low cow, high protein. You should go, yeah, you should go low carb. That will make the pound. You look pretty good.

You know, Joey. I know. You mean, I'm not a baby bird? I mean, you don't want to cut them out forever. And people like, my energy will go down. Yeah, he's, yeah. How old are you, Joey? 27.

Jeez. Remember those days? He's a huge fan of yours. He's freaking out right now. That's such bullshit. He is really freaking out. When we first started working together, you had been on my podcast in the other location.

Oh, yeah. And he thought, oh, my God, this is really true. He thought, oh, my God, this is going to be a great gig for me. Tom is friends with Joel. And that means if they're friends, he'll come to his Halloween party. He'll be around a lot. I'm going to actually, I'll be friends with Joel. Right.

And no. I haven't seen you since. And he's been so disappointed until today. We saw each other in Canada. Where were you? We had a great time. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm... The Halloween party waiting for you. Look, if I get a gig, if you get a gig, are you canceling the Halloween party? I never work on Halloween. What if you get paid? What if it's a huge offer? If it's like a big, like a movie or something like that? Yeah.

Or like a corporate gig where they're like, we're going to pay you. I wouldn't do it. I mean, now... You're going to turn out half a million dollars? I've never... You're going to turn that down? Half a million dollars? Yeah.

I'm not doing it. I'll fucking do it. Halloween's too important. I would skip every holiday, every birthday, funerals. Why would I take a gig for less money than I normally make on Halloween? Oh, one-upped. Well done.

Thank you. Oh, so cut carbs out. Okay. But you can eat, like, you don't have to go too crazy. Okay. Just, I would say, cut, just don't reach for the carb. Still have your wine.

Oh, yeah? Do the Matthew McConaughey diet. Which is what? It's basically called the Matthew McConae wine diet. Because when they asked him about how we got, lost all the weight for Dallas Byers Club. Yeah. And he was like, I just ain't a lot of fish and meat and vegetables and all the red wine I can drink.

And my hair grew back out of nowhere. And so, which he does say. But, yeah. So you don't have. have to go like starve yourself just i would say cut your caloric intake i don't know in half okay let's say you're having i don't know three or four thousand calories a day yeah probably i mean right i don't think so okay probably a little less all right so there's a great i actually like this app called lose it uh-huh and uh you it goes like you want to lose this much weight by this time great all right

here's what you have to do you type in every food they have all the brands and then it goes like great you ate this today oh you work out for an hour, and they'll give you another 500 calories to put towards the day. You stick to that, and you know, you have to go crazy. And it follows it. Okay. You're, look, I saw you in the athletic shirt. Wick dry.

Yeah. What is it? Wick away? What is it? I don't know who invented WIC. Yeah, I don't know. Somehow we all are like, yeah, I need that shirt. Somehow this is keeping sweat off my body.

Right, exactly. Yeah, I did three, three miles. How long does that take you? 30 minutes. All right. Not bad. I don't... How are the knees?

Good, but I think if I start going faster, then it would probably be a problem. But just do some knee stretches. That knees over the toe guy is, no joke. Knee over the toes? Yeah, just type him in, Joey. He just has, he's got some really interesting exercises that I was like, oh, these freaking work. Oh, yeah?

It's impressive. And what was the other one? Lose it app. This is great. And it's free. I can't. Free. Why aren't people paying me for these things that I'm saying out loud?

I don't know. Why do I have nuts.com behind me? They haven't advertised in weeks. Wait, are you serious? Yeah. Well, maybe they'll... I love them so much. And do they send you bags of nuts?

They do. Highly caloric, but also nutritional. If you're going to go for a snack, it's a very good choice. Right? But then you get out of that oil and roasting, but then a raw... How's your feeling about protein bars?

I don't eat them. Except for the Snickers, protein bar. I think they're good a meal replacement. Yeah. And I think they, I do think some of them work. Some of them are just candy bars. Yeah. But, but they, yeah, but you shouldn't eat just like anything. Yeah. You shouldn't eat them all the time. No, but like if you're traveling and you, you don't want to reach for like Pringles or something like that. Yeah. I think that's a good, I think it's really good. Right. And, you know, you, how many, how many nights in a hotel of you stayed and then you see that snack bar or the mini bar and you're like i'm gonna have that protein bar that pringles is mine i think people though i wonder how many we should see how many calories an hour of stand-up burns i guess it depends on the person it's got like 30 just barely a pulse barely once you get good you're like bad man they can slow his heart down yeah exactly just kind of i got this

And be like, it's going to be fine. How often do you write jokes? More calories on my way to the gig than end the gig. Running through the airport. Yeah. How many jokes? Do you write all the time? I write all the time.

I'm always working on it. That doesn't mean like I sit down and, you know, spend hours each day working on it. But I think writing is, you know, tending to it at any level. So some days I'll be, you know, really working on something. And now that my special is really tight. I'm just like looking at segways and kind of like noodling around. How many times are you going to do the special where, wherever you tape? Your tape me Rhode Island.

Do you do it four times and then they edit those together? I'm taping at DC at the Warner Theater. Nice. Sold out? Early show. Nice. Late show has enough. Tom Papa.

That's enough. Now it's like really tight. So I'll do two. I'll do two. I really feel like, why not just do one? Gaffigan went somewhere and did like six. That's a lot. It's a lot.

Good for him. I mean, yeah, you know, he can sell that really easily. But it's just for me, I don't know. I feel like it doesn't have to be perfect, you know. If you stand up. It doesn't have to be funny. It doesn't have to be funny. It doesn't even have to be funny.

Doesn't, you can be fat. And the fatter you are, probably the more people like you. They don't even need to go on stage. Why? You have to do that. Yeah. So, stupid. I could just stay home with my kids who aren't there anymore.

This is great. Will that make you sad if your kids eventually leave? Will you be, will you feel like I've done it? We're at that stage. Will you cry? I'll cry all the time. Yeah. Yeah.

You're a big crier? Yeah, I get emotional and weird things that you don't think. And then I'll be like, I'll start describing like, like, like a weekend five years ago with the family. And then I'll be like, anyway, I don't know what's happening. That was a great time of the water park.

And so, yeah, it's really true. Yeah, it gets, it's very strange when it hits. Yeah, it's like, what's like,

menopausal. Yeah, what's happening? Yeah, my 19 year old, I don't know when he's going to leave. We'll see. He's said he's going to let us know.

He's got his own plan. He's got his own plan. And, yeah. I don't, you know, sometimes when you think about, I don't know, the alternative, it's like, what if we lived, I don't know, so many countries in Europe, like, well, family just, everyone just stays. Stays together. And just stays and everyone's living on top of each other. Yeah.

I don't know. Are you, you sad? Are you happy? I was sad. When the first one went, it was such a milestone of like, oh, my God, the family's never going to be the same again. Yeah. And that was pretty, I cried a lot. when we dropped her off, I had to pull the car over because I couldn't drive because I was crying so much.

But then you get into the rhythm of it and you start to see like how often they come back and then you're excited to see them grow. And then when my second one went, I cried again, but I knew what to expect. And, you know, now she's home for like four months for the summer. Do you think you get to a point where you'd be like, you know, maybe you should. go out of town. Maybe a camp or something there? Yeah, this morning. This morning, because I love him to death and I love having them around,

but you kind of get used to your life of, you know, the house is clean and everything. You're just naked? And you were naked. And I came up this morning before my radio show and just shit everywhere. She made cookies late night and there's just like dough and there's just like all this stuff. And like, all right. If we're going to be roommates, be cool roommates.

Yeah, what the fuck is all this? Just be cool. Are you one of those guys that clean? I have to clean up the kitchen before I go up. If I, it is depressing if I come downstairs and be like, oh.

Oh. Yeah. I'll stay. What am I in college? Yeah. No, I can't. She said to me,

I took a picture of it and sent it to her because she had left early in the morning. And I said, this is what I, this is the start of my day and took a picture of all the shit. And she said, I'm sorry, I got tired. I'll just leave it.

I'll clean it tonight. Yeah, okay. Right. I'm going to leave it all day long. There's no way. I like things. I like, yeah, orderly. Yeah.

I'm a hoarder, but I do want that all very buttoned up. So all your swords and stuff are in my office. Just in a pile. Oh, really? They're not organized? No. They literally, I have them everywhere. Oh, really?

Closets. Yeah, it's not good. What is your favorite wine? Because you gave me a great bottle of wine. What did I give you? I came by your house. Oh, I brought bread to your house. You did.

During the pandemic. I probably gave. I drove to your house. I gave you some bread. I gave you a Spanish red, I believe, called Triga. Yes. It was really nice. So my favorite wine is called Vegas, Acelia, which is also Spanish.

Write it down. It's not cheap, but. Vegas Acelia? Yeah, I don't, it's not like I'm buying a lot of it. It's expensive, really expensive. but when I first drank it. Yeah. Because now with the way that especially European wine is,

I mean, California wine, the prices are bananas. Yeah. And the market's been, like burgundy's and Bordeaux are so expensive. And so this one, you can get it. I mean, I don't, I'm not, I'm not buying a lot of this,

but it costs sometimes between $2 and $500. Wow. A lot of money. Yeah. For a fucking bottle of wine. Worth it? When, because I've had some, some pretty expensive burgundy's and burdos and things like that and some that I didn't pay for.

But I was like, oh, this is so good. It is worth. I was like, I understand why this is expensive. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's also limited supply. I mean, the demand now is just through the charts. But is that why the prices are nuts? Mm-hmm.

Because so many people got into it. So many people got into it. Markets opened up that didn't exist. It was also a guy that committed a. huge amount of wine fraud and drove the, drove the prices through the roof and by buying it all. Really? And then knocking it off and making his own.

But he was so good at making his own that people couldn't tell the difference. Really? And that's why he was buying it. Of like expensive bordeaux and stuff? Wow. So he was buying these thousands and thousands and hundreds of them, millions of dollars worth of wine. And he could mix it and he could mix other wines and make it taste like.

And then you're, yeah, there's a whole. Wow. His name was Rudy. Write that down. Yeah. And he was Rudy. No, there's two guys. A German guy in the 70s who did the same thing.

Jeez. Yeah. So they would buy all the wine. He would buy all the wine. Then he would control that, you know, like, because like this, however, because this wine is pretty rare. Like whatever, whichever, you know, some crazy Bordeaux, he would buy it all. And then he would go to wine tastings with these bottles. And he first opened the.

good ones, let the super expert taste it, and then start pulling out these bottles that he had mixed, but he had them in the, you know, he had the, he had saved the bottles. What do you mean he had mixed? That he had taken other wine, put it into the, to empty bottles, brought it to these wine tastings, right? And he could fool the guys. He got in trouble. Yeah. Because I think it was a petrus. I'm going to get it wrong, Joe, you have to look at, he got, because he was, he was, he tried to sell. So he was making a lot of money on selling these knockoffs. But he tried to sell.

He was, he could make the labels. And he tried to sell this bottle of wine. And so the, the makers of this wine had heard about it and went to the auction. And we're like, that's a fake. We did not make wine then.

Whoa. We didn't exist. No. So he had to. So he got to go to jail. He did. Jeez. And now he,

Now he's out and he lives somewhere in Asia and he does like he does like wine tastings where he's like here's what the here's what a 76 Margo tastes like. Oh my God. I got that, I think I've got some of those facts wrong, but it was close enough, guys. No, no, no, don't check it. So the Vegas Sarcasia. Wow. Vegas, Asilia.

Isalia is what? What kind of wine is that? It's a blend. Uh-huh. It's a cab frank. And it's just so good. Really? It is so tasty.

Really? It is a cat frank. Look up as the Cobb Frank. I'm sure I'm not in trouble. I'm not. Okay. Are you out? You have a heart out?

No. I just want to make sure I'm not. Like, no one's going like, where the hell are you? Okay. Okay. Okay. This is a celebrity in action. That's how it works.

My friends. came in last night. We're eating in a restaurant across the street here. And we hadn't seen them in a while. They moved to Hawaii, and they came. And I was panicking. I parked here in the building. We need a code to the thing. So I'm trying to call my daughter to get the code for the building. I'd forgotten what it was. And Joey had the number. And my friends walk in from Hawaii, all Zen and left Hollywood. And I'm like, on the phone in the restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be right there. Like, they're like, oh, Tom. Yeah, right.

You're, how are you doing, Tom? Still, uh, douchey L.A. Still, wait, you went to the restaurant across the street from this building and you wanted to use the parking spot. To get back in, yeah, I parked in my building. Yeah, I mean, yeah. And then went across. And to get your car out at night, you need a code because there's no access. Okay.

Yeah. Where did you get your steak from that you're going to make tonight? McCall's meat and fish, Los Felis. They have two locations here in Santa Monica. Or I guess there's Los Felas in there. But they're opening up in Atwater. They're great. They are.

And you grill it? Cast iron on the range. I will, this tonight, I'll cook it in brown butter on the stove. Oh. And then finish it in the oven. Nice. Yeah, I think I'll do that. I was going to make brown butter rigatoni the other night.

And then my wife said she's off dairy. So what did you do? I opened a bottle of Reos sauce and poured it on the rigatoni. And she'll eat the rigatoni. She'll eat the rigatoni. And the sauce is fine. But not the, yeah, didn't want the butter. I'm sorry.

The Reos, yeah, there's. How's that rea? It's so good. It really is like legit. Have you been to Rails in New York? Never. Nah, yeah, me, either of I. I don't know anybody.

It's like a club now. Someone said it's like a club. It always was kind of a club, I think. Yeah, well, it was hard to get into, but now it's like officially. I think I know one person that can get in there. Yeah. Does it rhyme with. Robert De Niro.

Yeah, De Niro and I are hanging out. I guess, yeah, how come Seinfeld doesn't take in you there? I guess because he's got children of his own. Okay. He doesn't need to He doesn't need to entertain me anymore. Yeah, that would be a good one. I remember, boy, it's a while now.

Marriage ref. Yeah. Yeah. That was 12 years ago. Fuck. What the hell happened? I don't know. We just kept going and our kids are now.

Yeah, this is how it works. Yeah, it's how it goes. What will a grandpa, Joel McHelby? You'll be youthful and live a long time. Why are you... You're going to be all wrinkly with this great hair. Well, now, yeah. I moved it all around.

I don't know. I don't know. You'll have good hobbies. I think you'll be a good old guy. You'll be like, I'm not, I'm collecting this now. I'm collecting things from the 1980s. I'm collecting VHS tapes. Yeah.

I got the... Yeah, you'll have another hoarder thing going on. Got all of quantum leap. I don't. know. Are you having grandkids soon? No. See, if this podcast were in just any other, well, I'm not sure which state, but any other part of the state, we would. It would be called a grandpa podcast. No, we, uh, because were your parents, were your grandparents? Were your grandparents?

My parents were grandparents at my age. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They were, very young. How young? 50. When they became grandparents. Actually, earlier, I think my daughter, my sister said kids earlier. Yeah, I don't know. I don't even, I don't know if my kids will.

Makes me feel young if I don't have grandkids. Yeah. When I hear, like, comics say, like, I've got, I have a grandchild. I have to go see my granddaughter. What? I have to get, you're out, and I'm going to go hang out with a new friend. Yeah, I don't know what. Yeah, I mean, then I'm like, I'm sure when it's happening,

I'm going to be like, ah, it's not so bad. You enjoy Animal Control. It's a great cast. Thank you. It seems like it's, and when we got to hang out in Vancouver, there was a great cast. Some of the cast was there. It was like, this is fun.

It's pretty great. Yeah. I will say, and I love the animals. So, yeah, no, I was, I'm, I know how fortunate it, other situation it is. It really is. I mean, to have a comedy on network TV

is such a small target now. Yeah. I can't believe me. I was so great. Shocked when they asked me and when I, then it's still going. So I'm like,

all right. It's so great. It's so great. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's really fun. Did they just come to you with it,

the developers? They did. Wow. I mean, yeah, that doesn't happen very much for it. Yeah. I was like,

great. Yes. I'll do it. I'd love to. And we just read the first two scripts today for season three. Wow. Starting in a week and a half. In a week and a half.

And how long are you gone for then? August 17th. Really? Or August 20th. One of those. Right. Yeah. That's good.

Yeah. And it's Vancouver in the summer, which is pretty great. So great. You have a hop to those little islands. Yeah. We weren't any time. But, uh, yeah, that's right. People are like, you're going to get out on the water?

Well. Yeah. You work all week. And then. Yeah, and then I fly somewhere. Yeah. You know, you've had those days many times when you're shooting single camera outside. You know, there's long days.

Yeah. They're good long days, but, you know, you're getting to work at five or six. It's so great. And the sun's out forever in Vancouver in the summer. We shot there in the winter the last two seasons, which we were like, I'm going to lose daylight at four. Right. community having another life on streaming yeah i mean yeah i it did i mean it does and it did and uh it it

it felt like i don't know how long yeah no the pandemic was really changed things yeah people really wonderfully discovered it which i was not expecting you were so great on that thank you thanks for having me you're just hilarious and uh yeah no it was on a i didn't know what All these things, like you'd never know how it's all going to go. And, uh, but yeah, that was one of those things where we didn't receive any, a lot of attention when it was on. And then, how many seasons was it? Six.

Yeah. It got canceled after four. And then we came back for two. Right. Right. On a streamer. Right. So it was crazy.

It was great. It was great. It was like 113 episodes or something. It's amazing. It's so good. Another great cast. Yeah, fuck. God.

Too bad for Donald, his career. I know. I really feel for him. What happened to that guy? I think he's, I don't know, maybe singing. Maybe singing. Just, I know. The biggest super star.

Crazy. An artist. Yeah. What an artist. Yeah. Yeah, he, he, yeah, boy, he couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Yeah. Such a cool thing.

But it had to be really cool to be, I mean, because it was well received. I mean, it was, that's where Joey fell in love with you. And then we, but to have that come. We were nominated, I think we won a technical Emmy once. Oh, really? Not that that's the great measure. Yeah. But like, I remember Glee had 11 nominations, and it came out the same year.

And we had, we continuously had zero. So they had Glee put up a huge sign. They were like 11 Emmy Noms. And Dan had a sign built. that she was like zero. Like you're a keeping score. Yeah. And we, I didn't, we were kind of like, they always were threatening to go like, well, we'll see.

Right. And then we went to Comic-Con and we, I remember we filled this hall and I was like, oh, there's people are watching, these people are watching it. Maybe this is it. But they're watching. Yeah. It's crazy. This is crazy.

Do you watch Rick and Morty? I do. Do you see Dan's hitman? brain all over it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I created the show. And I'm in it, so thanks.

You are? Yeah, no, I play. I had a one-time character. Oh, you did? Yeah, but I would, but I'm like, oh, I made it. Thank you, Dan. Yeah, that is great.

Yeah. Have you been on it? Is he, no. You should. I know. He's got, he got, you got picked up for 80 or something. Did he really?

Yeah, this was a few years, a couple of years ago. He got picked up for, forever. God. Can you imagine? And then he's got one on Fox. What's the one on Fox? What is it called, Joey?

Dumopolis. Oh, right. The Acropolis, Popolis. Yeah. Sorry, Dan. I haven't eaten today. Is he one of those guys like you just feel the mind at work? His voice is, yeah, I mean, obviously it's Dan.

So he. I don't know. I've never met him. Yeah, I mean, his, I remember reading that community pilot going, oh man this is really good yeah maybe he'll take mercy on me and let me in it uh but it was yeah it was it was unique i remember thinking and then you know the way the community kind of ruled out it started out semi like grounded well like a like a network like oh they need to have these guys do that and then and then they you know then he pulled yeah took the reins off and

right flew into joey wanting a pint of my blood But yeah, no, it's weird now because it was nine years ago that it ended. Wow, yeah. Yeah. Right. That's how old I am there, kids. Oh, welcome back to the Grandpa Podcast. Welcome back to the weird one-couch restaurant.

Second story of an office building. It's not in an office building. Oh, welcome to the old country. Oh, those other tables are really filling up. I guess we're going to have to wrap up soon. Hey, why shouldn't Joey be in a vest? Yeah. I wish I could come over for the steak tonight, but I can.

Not invited. Joey's coming, though. Joe, you're in? He doesn't eat. Joey, what did you eat today other than bird seed? I ate a bagel this morning. I had a Osceago bagel. It was a whole bagel.

Halepenos are on it. Geez. Whoa. You can eat like that. And then just some snacks for lunch. An Asi, what is it? Asiago. Oh, Osiago.

That, I feel like we said. That's like the wine. That's like the wine you like. I think it's a character from Shakespeare. No, the, what is it? Asai bowls. Asai bowls. Yeah.

Still, still, I had one. And I was like, I just wish this was ice cream. Yeah, exactly. It's, I don't, what is it? It's a berry. It's a berry. Yeah. What is your favorite if you are going to cheat?

Oh, pasta, like a spaghetti carbonara. Oh, yeah. It's more savory for me. But even on my stupid diets, I will have a square of chocolate in the morning with my coffee. You will. Look at you. What? It's going fucking crazy.

What? Yeah. Crazy. That is crazy. I know. But I bet you're only doing it because it's going to help your workout. Yeah. And I just like it, I think it's a perfect combination.

It is a perfect combination. What's your cheat? I'm sorry, what did you cheat today? What did you eat today? Like a loaf of this? No, what did I eat today? All I had was a Starbucks egg bite. That's it?

Mm-hmm. Oh, all right. Yeah. You haven't eaten today other than that? Other than that. Oh, and I had some nuts. From nuts.com? Not sponsoring this podcast.

Not. Yeah, that's all I've eaten today. I'm coffee. Okay. Yeah. And a cigarette. And a cigarette. They say you're supposed to eat like a king in the morning.

That's all bullshit. Like a prince in the afternoon and a pauper at night. Who said that? King Ferdinand. I don't know. I saw it on Instagram. Franz Ferdinand? I saw it on Instagram that you're supposed to eat.

Ferdin who was shot eat more in the morning. He started World War I and had diet. Yeah. Then diet tips. Okay. No, that's just bullshit. It's bullshit? No, because not like your body, it's not like a, I don't know, a bag of marshmallows is worth less.

You're going to, just because you might burn the marshmallows during the day. It doesn't mean, like, if you have a bag of marshmallows for dinner and like, well, this is twice the calories because you'll be sleeping on part of this. Right, right. Your body is processing all this stuff. If you have a problem with, I can understand, like, don't go to bed super full because it's no fun. you're still digesting. You're getting a bad dream. But if you have a big huge dinner at 7 o'clock and go to bed at 11, I don't know.

Seems all right. I've never, yeah. Yeah. Just fewer calories. Oh, my stomach just jerked me. I don't know. Do you do that? Do you have a very tiny dinner?

No. No, Joey? I do the opposite. And that's why I think it might be something to it because I don't eat that much in the mornings. No, if you have like an acid reflux or something or some bad ingestion problems, then I wouldn't do it at night. The less I eat during the day, I lose my mind by dinner.

And I'm like, right, you're like, me deep. Yeah. Yeah, I understand that. Yeah. What will you eat tonight? I don't know. I've been thinking about it. This is the most Hollywood podcast.

I've been thinking about it. No, this is more food than Hollywood. All right. But I am trying to not eat some carbs as I roll towards the taping. I have some salmon in my freezer. Okay. if you cut down on, like your carbs, but then like a couple days before, definitely build them back in and get that, you know, that carb energy. That brain power?

Yeah. But don't drink water four days beforehand. Definitely. It's great advice. Have you seen the thing that Q Jackman was talking about when he does Wolverine? No. He's like, like, I don't recommend this. But I don't drink.

He basically doesn't drink water. And that's how the, that's how bodybuilders do it. You know, they're so cut down from not, there's not, there's no liquid in them. Oh my God. They're cramping up and all that. But that's what, you know, that's, that's that level. You want to look on, look like that. I don't know if I do.

I dare you. Give it a go. You watch my special. I have no shirt on. It's just ripped. The anti-crisher. I have my shirt off and totally ripped. That would be great.

I don't think people would like it as much as they like bird's belly. He's got a good, that, his, yeah, for that, for what he's doing. He's exactly, yeah, he looks great. Perfect. Funny, very nice man. Good luck with your summer of filming. Is this it? This is it?

Good luck on your special. Thank you. Thank you. I will, I'll make a sacrifice. Give me some wrecks. Give me some wrecks for Seattle. All right. Well, there's great...

Where should I stay in Seattle? For a fun weekend. Try it in at the market. Because it's right in Pike Place. It's great. It's right in the middle of everything. But what's it called? In at the market.

In at the market. Write that down. And Matt's in the market is a great restaurant. Okay. There's lots of great walking around there. Oh, that'd be cool. Yeah. All right.

Where else? Go to Dixburgers? Dicksburgers. That's, I think, is the best hamburger. Yeah. They were, you know, like now there's so many, you know, small business owners who make great hamburgers now. Like the heavy-handed is so good. But I think Dix, they've been doing it for 50, 60, 70 years.

And it's great. Hand-cut fries, all that stuff. Really? Have you been heavy-handed? No. Oh, it's great. Yeah. All right.

And for the win? For the win. The burger. place. They got multiple locations. Really good, too. Man. Here in L.

For someone who doesn't eat, you know a lot. Well, I can get their protein style. Oh. Everybody suffers some way. Jack Klugman. Jack Klugman says good night. He's been dead for what? 40 years.

Yeah, something like that. Dean Martin, dead for. Is he dead? Dean Martin? Is he? Yes. That guy? Alive.

This guy's still going. Yeah. I saw him at the gallery. He's a vampire. I saw him at the gallery. This is one of my parents' favorite singers of all time. Joey. The best.

Joey. Joey thought Pavarotti was a sitcom star. I guess it is because of the boat shape. Yeah, it's got a little boat. It could be Amsterdam. It could be Vegas. It's true. Well, this is very cool.

When you come back, though, we should hang out proper. I'd love to. Now that I know I get a weapon if we hang out. You will get a weapon. I got a really cool one knuckle, brass knuckle, which is basically a cigar holder too. That sounds perfect.

Well, thank you for the cigarettes and the bread. Yeah, thank you for coming. Joey? Let me know if your family enjoys the bread. No. Please. That's, of course. They're going to love it.

I will say we're going to have a little bit of it tonight, and then I'll probably cut up and freeze it because I, because then it preserves it. Why your family doesn't like bread either? No, but I don't think we'll get through that whole thing tonight. And there's nothing better than fresh bread, right? Oh, they're traveling with you? No, they just, we won't eat it all tonight.

It doesn't have to be tonight. It'll last for the week. Really? Mm-hmm. All right. Yeah, yeah. Then I won't cut it up. Just put a towel over it.

All right. Don't put it in plastic. Not in plastic. No. Doesn't it trap the moisture? Yeah, it ruins it. Well, doesn't the towel, What do you dip it in what like iodine beforehand?

No, just put a towel on it. And then have toast in the morning. What does a towel do? It keeps the air from coming on it and we can get stale. What kind of towel? Like a rally towel? Like after you work out, whatever towel you used to mop off. Work out with that.

Work out. Okay. Mop off, put it on there. Wait, does the towel need to be damp? No. Okay. No. Just toss it on the thing.

I learn something. Toast in the morning is really where it shines. Okay. That's when it's at its best. Well, I'm not eating toast these days, so. But I could have an egg. Maybe I have an egg on toast at night with the steak. Yeah. Ooh, now you're talking.

Gluttony. Love it. I've been going a while. What time is it? Oh, we got to go. I got to go pick my daughter up at the airport. Okay. So exciting.

Okay. You're the best. Just about to leave this hellhole. It's great having you. Um, thanks for always being so great. You're great. Here's what's cool about the Hollywood land. Most of the people are really wonderful.

Yeah. It's just 10% that are complete assholes. Good night, everybody. Good night. Goddilla. You take our picture before you go.