Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 226 - Sam Morril

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

Watch Sam Morril’s special “You’ve Changed” out now on Amazon Prime! Sam Morril joins Breaking Bread with Winnie the pug. Sam and Tom talk about their dreams of moving to Florida to solve mysteries and rock Hawaiian shirts. Sam hates Top Gun and wonders why Glen Powell is in every movie now.? The pair talk Star Wars, College Sports, and Sam’s secret past as a furry… Sam reflects on growing up in a bodega and his love for the Godfather. The two comics swap stories about the Comedy Cellar and surviving plane crashes. For a limited time, kids eat FREE! Go to HelloFresh.com/PAPAKIDS to unlock this exclusive offer. One free kids’ meal per box for two months while subscription is active. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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How cool is that? One free kids meal per box for two months while subscription is active. that's free kids meals just by going to hellofresh.com slash papa kids. Hello Fresh, America's number one meal kit. I like to start the podcast off with a toast. All right. And so I bought you a little blue Gatorade. My dad just got a colonoscopy.

So we were like picking out Gatorade flavors. He's like, they're all disgusting. I thought he'd like grape because he drinks wine. That was horrible. Worse than a colonoscopy. Cheers. Thanks for being here. congratulations on your special.

Thanks, ma'am. Back to the drawing board. Yeah, I know. I know. It is fine, but it's interesting. I was just talking to, you know Tommy Tiernan? I know who he is. The Irish comedian.

Great guy. I've been watching him for years. Like a real, like, an artist, you know? You know, like... I saw him in Ireland and he was, like, murdering. Yeah, it's just, like, a different kind of cat. And he was saying an interesting thing. I'm in the same spot of like right back to what's this next act going to be.

And he said at this stage in his career, he thinks he's now in a phase of not watching other comedians. Get away from comedy in order to create the next thing. Get away from comedy. Go off into the woods and just do your own. Not another one's comedian. Not literally the woods, but like often your own where you just do your own little off thing. How long do you think I would last in the woods? I have no fucking life skills.

No, I hear what he's saying. I get it. I see, like, Ari Shafir is a friend of mine. He'll, like, go to, like, go to another country. I just picture him, like, building hush with, like, like, little African kids. He's probably doing drugs. But, you know, he just gets away and he's off the grid and he, like, leaves a phone sometimes. Yeah.

I'm like, what? Yeah. I need to take time off, but I also, like, I ran an, new stuff like in a long set here last night in the fat black and oh yeah and i'm like all right i got i got some stuff those are great because you know how the the process of like you got like i got like i got 41 and then you're like i got 23 right and they're like i got 32 and then you're like i got 18 you just keep cutting shit i know and then uh i do feel like i got some stuff to like noodle it though that's good like a little base it's hard to do it in the 15 minute sets i know like i know i'd see

like colin or louie do that and i was like that's not how i i can't operate like that's not how i i can't operate like I need an hour to just throw shit at the wall and just you know be like some of these are going to suck right but some are going to be like surprisingly like decent and they're like all right they're with me it's cool yeah yeah yeah because you're not thinking about it in terms of like a theme or anything you're just trying to there's there's a bit of a thing get material there's a bit of a theme being online but I never think of comedy and and I I always thought it was cool that someone like Colin Quinn will be like here's the history of the world like that that is awesome but it's right yeah but I'm sure that I'm sure that's

sure that wasn't how he wrote and he trained himself to write that way so i wonder if he starts off with the theme or you just get a bunch of funny stuff and then it starts to work itself into something because like i can never i can never at the end it kind of is saying something you have been your stuff i feel like you one of your specials on netflix was like was like kind of positive like it's like you're doing great you're doing great you know it's like almost like if a ted talk had a shitload a punchline. Right. You know what I mean?

Yeah. What it felt like was like, wow, I feel like you're a comic I watch. I like, I feel good after. Like you're uniquely positive for stand-up. Uh-huh. Yeah, it is true. I've been told I'm kind of positive. Yeah, I would say so.

Maybe not as much in my act because it's like you just go with whatever floats in your head. But I think in life I'm like somewhat positive. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny because when I first met you, uh, your exterior doesn't say like, bright and sunny. I can't help my eyebrows. But your perspective, yeah.

Put me those eyebrows with those eyebrows. I didn't want Disney villain eyebrows. Just like a, like, you know. Yeah. No, but it's, I mean, your thing is just, it's great. It's called, by the way,

it's called you've changed and it's on Prime right now so people can go to watch it. I'm happy with how it turned out. It was like, definitely, I probably could have taped it a little sooner and I'm glad I waited and I just let it up on clubs

and I was like, let me just tighten this. Yeah. You really end up hating it. and you're so grateful for that shooting date to come. It was, I'm glad with it. I'm way happy with this one. You can only really compare yourself to yourself.

Yeah, exactly. And I'm way happy with this one than my last one. Yeah. Oh, really? I just like the material better. I just think it's like, it felt more fleshed out. Like I got to, I waited a little longer to tape it. That's how long?

Two years? Not two years exactly, but like 18 months or something. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. It is amazing how it's changed, like that there were guys that just had an act for their whole career. I know.

It's such a different beast. I wanna say I'm jealous, but I'm not. Because I do, the struggle is, I bet those guys were bigger dicks. Because you're killing all the time. That does something your ego. Whereas we do kind of have to, we have to suffer a little bit when we're building

and there's something that like keeps you humble when you're just like up there like, you know, you're like, is this something like that? energy is much, there's much more humility there than like, it's another fucking hot set. Right, exactly. I'm great again. Great again. And there was guys where a lot of them were on drugs.

And it's probably because they didn't have to work, you know? Yeah. You're just kind of like there with a lot of free time on your hands. We're all so much healthier than that. And we still like, we'll still have a drink and stuff. But like, there's comics back then who I'm like, they must have just like, they got paid in Coke probably. And we're, and meanwhile, we're like, we're like waking up. We're trying to write jokes.

It really changed. Like, I think a bunch of guys, I mean, Louis was like the first to just be like, Carlin before him. Carl and then Louis of this generation. Yeah. And then, like, guys like you were turning around super quick. You know, Norden, Colin.

Yeah. I tell actually we'll wait a little longer. Yeah. He'll write it as quick as anyone. Gaffigan. It's like one a year. Gaffigan, you're right. Gaffigan's going quicker than everybody, I think, right now.

He's quick. He's won a year. He's on a year. He's on a, yeah, he is quick. I know. It's, uh, I feel like he's not talked about enough for how quick and good he is. Yeah, I know. It's like the New York Times finally wrote about him.

And like the headline was something like it's, it's time to acknowledge, you know. It was like, dude, this guy's been great for 30 years. It's you. Right. You're like, it's time someone said something. I'm like, it could have been you. I know. Yeah, where were you 15 years ago?

Yeah. He was always great. Yeah, he's funny. Uh, thank you. for bringing Winnie, by the way. Winnie's pretty cool. So delightful. Yeah, she's a...

How old is this pug? She's 17. She's an old bird. 17. Yeah, she's a rude little bitch. I love her. And this is your girlfriend's dog? Yeah, yeah.

I can't have a dog myself. Right. I mean, you have a family, so kind of you can leave and someone can do... Someone will be there. I can't. Although I brought her on the road before. You have?

Yeah, you look like a real douchebag with that travel case. I look... I'm so not L.A. and I look very L.A. when she's in the when she's in the little Yeah, well it's pink

which is kind of weird. I didn't pick it out. That'd be cool though. Is it? I thought about bringing Frank on, Frank is my pug. And I've thought about bringing him on the road. But it seems like a lot of,

he's still feisty. He's only like five. She's so old, dude. She doesn't do shit. I mean, the big thing with her is like, she's not feisty,

but sometimes she'll like stand for too long and I'm like anxious. And then she finally like laid down like there we'd be. What do you mean if it stands? She's just like looking around. She's like too curious. She's not a friendly animal though, which is funny.

I mean, she snaps. She's a street dog. They found her on the street. So I have to, I have to like guard her. I don't put her on a leash because what that she's not like she's going to get away. You don't put her on a leash? What about when you go outside the water? I just guard her.

I just make sure no one gets close. I got, yeah, I've had a few altercations with people. But like, what do you mean? well you know they'll like let their dog it'll be a big dog and when he talks shit she's a tough little bitch so she'll a big dog walk by and she'll start barking at them

and a lot of times they back down which is hilarious because she's 10 pounds but the other uh occasionally they'll bite back and I'm like no you gotta fucking I gotta get in the middle I I do not want although that is how she probably should go out like old age shouldn't take her she should be going out like fucking Russell Crow and Gladiator

Did Michelle say that she had more energy when she was young? Is this an old thing or is just a witty thing? No, I think she's just... Yeah, she had more energy when she was young. She's old old. I mean, but I don't think she was ever like a giddy. Right. Most pugs are really friendly.

She's got a little chihuahua on her. Chihuahua was her fucking twat. Yeah, they really are. They're not nice animals. I ran into one in the lobby this morning. They're just... Yeah, just mean. I was just like, where are you going?

I go to this gym and the guy who runs a gym is like this, you know, really big jack guy and he just walks around with his little chihuahua and the chihuahua is not in the leash and it just walks behind him and the dog's cocky too they're cocky and they're not they're like for no reason it is that little person complex totally this fucking big and they talk it's like her they talk shit but they're so and they the biting what is with the biting the pug biting no the chihuahua oh the chihuahua biting it's like non-stop my my dogs bites me like he wants to he wants wants to play. Like there's like, he gets like a, if I'm gone for a while, he'll come be like, and like really like do like the fake bites on me. And I caught him the other day. I was like,

this is why I love this dog. Its teeth are messed up. Its jaws messed up. Its eyes are messed up. His feet are messed up. Like there's nothing perfect about a pug. Yeah. It's like some reason though everything being wrong makes them cute. Like they have nothing going for them. Like they have like the weird face and the nose is pushed in and the eyes are crooked, you're right. Like four teeth. When she bites you, it's hilarious. I know, and they all go in different directions.

You know what they all? It's kind of like the way Steve Bouchemy is so weird looking that he's like almost handsome. That's like how bugs are. They're like, they're so, they're like so weird that they're adorable. Yeah. But when you go on the road, do you like, does it mess with your rhythm? Like you gotta go make sure he walks, she walks.

I mean, she's just, she's not going. on like hikes. Right. She just put her down, peas, she doesn't do much. Yeah. A little,

I have ADD, so occasionally like, if she's getting annoyed by something, I can't eat. Can you eat in front of your dog? When they're watching me? Yeah. Yeah,

but it's, it's annoying. It's a, it's a test of wills. Yeah. And I always give in. Yeah. I would give her some chocolate.

They always want food. Yeah, I was kidding. I don't give her chocolate. But, chocolate. I always give her a little. Toblearon

No, but she's You know, she's fucking cool, man Yeah I don't And you like being in a hotel With Winnie? When you go to the show

Do you bring her to the show? It's rare, But like, Yeah I'll probably have her with me in Miami this weekend. Oh really? Yeah,

it'll be funny. I mean, she's so not a Miami dog. It's like these look like fucking garbage dog. They look like they just crawled out of a dumpster and looked around.

They don't look like he's like sheep. I think that's God, I hate Miami. I mean, like, I don't hate it, but it's like, I don't... Were you playing in Miami? I'm doing the improv. I'm doing a few nights there just to... Cool.

Just to try to build back up. I've never been at that one. Yeah, it's, I mean, if you like audiences showing up 30 minutes laden on cocaine, you love it. It's, uh, fine. It's never been a great comedy town. Because they're, like, not real people. You go to Orlando, they have, like, real jobs, so they can, like, relate to stuff,

but then you go to Miami, they're all, like, butt influencers and, like, you know, they have, like, no... they have no like you know they're ripped they have no yeah they don't they have no reality that you relate to they're in their own movie

they have their own thing going on they're the center of it all and if you if you're too tan you're not gonna get the joke no if you're too tan or too rich yeah or yeah that's why that's why naples is my least favorite right naples is the least

it's a bad combo of vapid and rich because they're like why do I want to listen to your horrible life you're up there telling your stories about what you're dealing with. They're like, I don't care. I don't care. But then you're also like, but then why did you come?

That's the weird part. They still come and they're just like mad and you're like, all right, sorry. Yeah, Florida is like the ultimate toss up. You're like, do we get the coolest crowd ever or the worst human being? Like you just don't like Tampa crowds for some reason are just like always awesome. Yeah, Tampa's good. Clearwater's good. There's like some, there's like a level of trashy in Tampa that's like kind of like

like fun. They're like, we're like a good, they're like, we're fun. We're good time. Yeah. I always pictured like, if I didn't do comedy, I'd be like a boat detective in like Tampa. You know, just like rocking a Hawaiian shirt, like trying to like solve like some Milf's murder mystery case. My husband's missing.

You try to bang her. It's like, it'd be, you're mixing drinks in the car. Yeah, I wouldn't be doing a beer in a car. I'd be doing like a fucking old fashioned. Yeah. Going in. You got some leaves. Dump a little Marasino terry in there.

He just solved crimes by luck. We need more of those back. I know. Those were great. Like, I love Columbo because he would just like, something about the PI or the detective who's always like, they're like,

this guy's dumb. And then at the end, that turnaround, there's one more thing that's bothered me. I love that. Peter Falk ruled. I just can't get this out of my mind. I'm a simple man.

I don't know what it is. Every time they think they got him. Every time some rich, dumb bitch would just be like, would be like, well, I guess that's it. Colombo, he's like, yeah, I guess so. And then three feet, he turns around. There's one more. And she's like, fuck. We'd like to thank the good people at Quince for sponsoring today's program. If you spend a lot of time cooking at home, it's time to elevate your game. When your cookware actually

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Quince.com slash Papa. It is great. And for some reason in Florida with the wine shirt really makes it perfect. Yeah. Just kind of drifting around. You go to your little teaky bar where everyone knows you. Yeah, have a fucking, just drinking rum straight, like a tray. any adult who's drinking rum has like fucked up his life i feel like right i feel like like rum is for

like kids maybe if you live in like the caribbean or something but if you're like an american he's like drunk on rum you're like kind of a bag of shit yeah yeah something yeah 100% you yeah you're like trying you don't like the life that you're in and you're trying desperately to get into another one exactly yeah can you rock a hawaiian shirt yeah i could do it yeah yeah as long certain kinds how about you i guess you in a Hawaiian shirt uh it depends on it depends if i'm if i'm in a fat phase or a thinner phase. The fatter phase isn't like fat enough. You know, it's not like Stavros

where you can like really just enjoy the thing. A fat guy in Hawaiian shirt looks fun. Looks great, looks fun and like pop a couple extra buttons. Yeah. And thin is works good too. But in between, it looks like a guy who's trying to have fun. You're right. Like it's a put on.

Yeah. But the thin is kind of like, I'm just, you know, I'm out for the fucking, I'm looking to solve a case. You look kind of like a fun Hawaiian shirt guy, but yeah, you're right, the middle is like... Middles, in-between's not that great. It's like a guy with hair who rocks a Kangel hat. It's like a waist.

You're like, why are you rocking that shit? That's for like a Sam Jackson. Right, yeah. I remember when I was first starting my career, I had an agent who said, you really got to make a choice. Are you going to go fat guy? Are you going to go like a little...

and lose weight and get in shape? Because the in-between is like, people don't know what to do with that. And it's such a dumb thing to say, but I really carried it for like 10 years. Damn, that is, it's a weird thing to say. I guess you could say that to a man. You really can't say that to a woman, right? Not now.

Back then you could. Back then you could. Yeah, Schumer has like stories about that. Oh, yeah. I remember the owner of a comedy club said to my wife, he was watching his girlfriend on stage and was like, yeah, the most important thing is, are you fuckable or not? That's what the audience wants to know. What a cliche. Are you fuckable?

Jesus Christ. I mean, the jokes are, you know, it's important to some degree, but are you fuckable. She's like alone. My wife's like alone in this, like, booth with this guy. But that's the way they talk back then. Yeah. There's no. Are you fuckable?

Yeah. Jesus Christ. I know, exactly. One on one with a female comedian. By the way, that's not, that doesn't matter. Are you fuckable? Ralphie Mae was not a second. symbol.

Most comedians are not. God rest of soul, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's all are you funny or not? Who gives the shit? No, I know. But yeah, I've heard people talk like that.

Yeah. Are you fine? You've heard that because if you're the kind of chubby guy, it doesn't really work because you're like, although you kind of can be like the friend in the rom-com, but that's not even like a thing anymore. They don't even make movies anymore. I know.

Every movie's like just like some kid from the CW. who has like 40 million followers who I've never heard of and they're like this is this is all we make anymore it's just they could just be like made up like I swear to God dude Glenn Powell

I did not he's in like every movie now it just has to star Glenn Powell Right Like I didn't Is he? Are you serious? Yeah

He's in like every fucking movie now Is he? You know he's in like Do you know him Mike? He doesn't know him either Yeah Oh I can't believe you don't know He's in like every movie

It sounds familiar I'm gonna look him up I swear I got this guy became famous like overnight he could be like an industry plant oh yeah i've seen this guy but he became famous like that right it was like oh okay he's in top gun and then it was just like every movie has to star like like every article be like Glenn Powell's favorite and i'm like who is this fucking guy but now he's like the hottest guy in in hollywood top gun maverick yeah that was that's the big one yeah which by the way was it even am i going to lose people was it even that good

get out get out out. I love how they're writing it. They're like, let's not offend anybody. Let's call the bad guy the enemy. I know. And not even like a, yeah, no flag. Can you even be like, no, they're, they're the bad guy.

Yeah. Have you gotten the enemy? We got to crush overseas too. Yeah. That was really lame. Yeah, like, we worried about losing the Russian market. Make it like a guy's name. Like Steve.

Steve is fucking bad or something. It's the enemy. But they couldn't do that because then it would be a name. like Boris and they'd be like two fucking Russians. There is that thing though, like you could just do, you could just remake Top Gun. I mean, they had all the same beats.

Star Wars did the same thing. All the same beats of how to take down the Death Star. And you're just playing it for a new generation. Like the older generation, like, it's the same as it was. And they're not making it for you. They're going to press the same buttons on those people. I saw the first Star Wars that came back out and I never saw one of the new ones after that.

I was like, fuck this shit. It's the same movie. Yeah. No. But there's a new generation of kids. kids who they're going to press their buttons the same way. And here's your Maverick. You know what the problem with that one was?

They made Luke kind of a bitch for the first two movies. In the original Star Wars, he was like, you know, he was like, Obi-1 gets killed. And he's like, no. Like, he can't do shit. And in the first new movie, the girl is just kicking like the best Jedi's ass immediately. And I was like, you should got to earn it a little, you know? Yeah. I feel like this, I feel like with the Star Wars movies the same way I feel about NCAA.

basketball. It's like, I'm not into it, but man, I really wish I was because you always have something to watch. I know what I mean? Like, if you're a Star Wars fan, you're pretty set. I don't care about college sports. It's too shortly. Especially now that they're like one and done. I know. Yeah. Like if it's March Madness, I'll watch. But yeah, it's there's no, I like pro sports because these players have to like redefine who they are as they get older. Like it was cool. I got like Kobe like lose some of his explosiveness. And he's like, now I got to have grade footwork or like mid-range like they have to end there's drama with trades right yeah in in college it's just like yeah here here's a few games i don't also i grew up in a big city and we're oh northeast

people are always just don't go give a shit about about college yeah we just don't no it's because you got the great pro sports i mean there's like exceptions it's like syracuse there's some stuff but yeah billanova when they're hot saint johns was good when i was a kid but it for the we're not it's not like it's not like in Texas or like no it's the only game in town or like you know Tennessee or we're like oh shit how happy you would be a Knicks fan now I'm fucking happy dude this is a really good time for you I love them so much I I went to so many games last year I i jalen brunson has just like turned my life around you know it's sad how much this makes me because like I've had people be like at the end of the day I realize it's not that important I'm like what are you a fucking loser

it's everything don't you hear lebron say that oh my god that drives me crazy It's just basketball. It's every, like, oh, it's just the thing that you, like, don't have a donut for, like, you don't eat. You're, you're, like, an adult man who, like, probably doesn't eat bread. Like, yeah, he does. He eats carbs. He has to burn shit. But, like, you know what I mean?

Like, he's in, like, sleeping in, like, a cryo chamber or some shit. I know. It's just basketball. Oh, just the thing that made you a billionaire. I know. And that your kids are into now. And you know you want to catch Jordan. Yeah.

You know, like, You won't. He won't. Yeah. How far away is he? He's got four. Jordan had six. He's not winning. I don't think he's winning one more, honestly. Yeah. But it's cool as hell watching him light it up for USA. Uh-huh.

Oh my God. Yeah. He's fucking pushing 40. And he's just beating up on Serbian dudes who unfortunately all look like me. But he's just... They were sneaky good. They're good. But the scary one was in the exhibition game.

They almost lost to South Sudan. Oh, yeah, Sudan. That's what I meant. That was the really good. That was where... Yeah. He's like, were they trying? Problem, I mean, they didn't miss Sudan.

But, I mean, dude, Team USA's, we've got Kevin Durant off the bench. That's the most insane thing I have ever seen. He's still in, he didn't miss a shot yesterday. I know. It was beautiful. I love him. So good. So I guess the Knicks are your Star Wars.

Yeah, I'm not, I'm not a huge, like, Star Wars guy or, I mean, I've watched the originals, like, anyone has. But, like, yeah, I, Jalen Brunson's fucking awesome. Yeah. love those dudes i love all of them yeah it's such a good thing hard don a o g randall like i'm i'm so bummed hardenstein left because that was like one of my guys i loved him uh-huh we were at a playoff game that they won and it was like you know i'm next to my brother christie stefano's on the other side of me with his buddy tommy the cop who's like a fucking mental case he's like 300 pounds of pure muscle he's like every time there's a big play like high-fives you're like i think like he broke my hand

the fucking monster. And then Brunson comes over after a huge play. It was such a crazy game because it was like the game Brunson went down. Did we just go to the worst game of all time? Like Brunson's out. And then somehow he comes back and we're like, oh my God, he goes off.

He leads us to victory. After a big and like, fuck you, Anne one play. He runs over. Like, and Tommy the cop tries to high five. I'm like, he's going to fucking injure him. This is crazy. Then after another big play, Hardinstein like makes a huge play.

I knew him a little bit, not well, but like I, you know, runs over, just like DM'd with him a couple times. I'm a huge fan and he's like, he sees me, he runs over to high five me after a play. And I'm like, you know, childhood me. I'm like, high five to Stephano and his goon friend get in front of me and try to grab me. He's like, oh, and he's like, points. And I was like, all right. And, uh, great. But then after I'm with the Stefanos side of the garden, we're going nuts. Yeah. And Harnstein DMs me. I tried to high five you, but some dumbass was in front of you. And I just showed to Chris. I go, you're the dumbass. cost me a playoff high five from Hardinstein,

but he left, he went to OKC. Oh, that's terrible. They paid him so much money. Yeah. That's what I also hate. Just let us match. Who gives this shit? Yeah.

Has the ownership, like, change their focus? Like, why are they good now? Because it was just a good GM. Yeah. Leon Rose is just a fucking beast. Yeah. He's just,

he was ahead of CIA and he's just like, he's making it happen. Every movie's made has been awesome. And like the Brunson move, which all these, like, punits were like, oh, terrible. overpay by the Knicks has suddenly turned into the best contract in the NBA.

And he just took a $113 million pay cut to stay, just to be like, because I want us to build a really, which is no athlete has in no athlete. Who leaves $113 million more money than we'll see in our life on the table? Whoa. And to just be like, no, I just want to, he, because he understands how important it is to be like a New York legend and like that this shit makes you immortal. Yeah. People still talk about Joe DiMaggio.

Oh, yeah. You know, it's like, no, Mark Messier. I mean, you're, you're gods. You win one for the Knicks, you're, it's insane. Oh my God, it'll be, they'll go insane. Yeah. Jeter, like, no, that's it. Your life is, you're just, yeah.

And he studied Jeter. He's smart. He studied how Jeter was a leader. Oh, yeah. And then, and like how he, you know, how he behaved. Yeah. Composed himself and like, oh, dude, he's. You have a good hookup for tickets?

You know, I try not to over-ask because I could easily, over-assed because yeah, I'm obsessed. You try and do it on your own? What do you mean? Like you try and get tickets on your own and not from the organization. I've done both.

Yeah. Sometimes it's like, it's a really hot game and I'm just like, I'm not going to get tickets. So, yeah, game seven I bought and it was like, you know, it was so much money to just watch them lose. Yeah.

You're thinking about that as you're watching them. You're like, well, this is the worst thing I've seen all year. And I paid for it. But that's the risk you take with sports. And it sucked, but also the whole team was injured. So what are you going to do? I know.

It just kind of like, yeah. It never, that never happens. Yeah. From shopping, planning, prepping, to actually getting everyone to enjoy what you're making for family dinners can be very stressful. Hello Fresh gets it. They make it easy by delivering fresh ingredients and picky eaters approved recipes right to your door each week.

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America's number one meal kit. Try them. Get the free stuff. Your life will be so much better. This is a thing I do here in our podcast. I call it an uncomfortable moment. Uh-oh. When our researchers...

This is like a picture of my dick or something? When our researchers do a little deep dive on you. Yeah. So you and Mark Norman have this bodega cat, a very successful... served at the comedy cell. Yeah, very good. Is it a bourbon or a whiskey? It's a rye.

It's a rye. It currently is sold out. It's currently, yeah. But we'll be back, I believe, August 22nd with it. So it'll be here again. It's in the old fashions at the comedy cell. It's so cool. I have a bottle at home. It's good.

And I was told that in the beginning that you came up with the name for bodega cat because you guys, New Yorkers, bodegas, the weird cat that hangs around in the shelves. Yeah, I love those. And it made sense. but apparently my researcher wanted me to ask you are you two really furries? Is that what bodega cat? Is that the secret meaning of bodega cat?

God damn it. I didn't think this was going to. You want to explain this photo? Sometimes we dress up in weird costumes and butt fuck each other. Well, I didn't think anyone was going to find out. I'm glad you're very honest about it right off the bat. Yeah, it's, I didn't tell them.

What is the, what is the dressing up of animal? that makes you want to fuck each other. I think eustiality is not okay. But this is like, you know, it's like right there. I don't know what animal.

Is Mark a panda here? It looks like he's a kind of like a possum maybe. And I'm like a blue coyote. Blue coyote, but with cat ears. Yeah, that's kind of fun. I don't know why we both have bows on her hair.

And I have a Knicks hat on. I'll dress as a furry, but I got to wrap the Knicks. Yeah. Well, thank you for being honest with that. No problem. I hope this wasn't too uncomfortable. No, I should be open about it. I just got a whiff of Winnie and it's, it smells the same as Frank.

Not good? No, it's almost like, it's almost like a little Frito smell. You know what I mean? They smell like Frito. Hugs smell like Frito. That's so fucking true. They really do. Yeah. It's funny giving her a little, giving her a little bath and just watching her like, because they're so mushed up. You see how skinny they are.

Yeah. They look all fat because of all the extra skin. They all look like dogs that did too much Ozempic or something and now have like flaps. Like Al Roker. Yeah. They all look like Al Roker dogs. They've lost all that weight. There's all this extra skin.

So funny. So now you're going to go down to Florida. You're going to start your detective business. Yeah. Do some shows. Dude, it is so satisfying when you get those first few nuggets and you're like, but it sucks when you write, like, right now I have like a seven minute of Holocaust chunk and I'm like, it's pretty funny, but it's also like, oh man, I wish this wasn't the first thing that's like

really solid in the new chunk. Because now you have to, because now I'm like trying to force myself to write like lighter. Uh-huh. And they're all like fun Nazi jokes. You know, they're pretty funny. Yeah. But it's hard. You have to like force you off to write lighter. And that's like, that's just not how it works. You know, when you're going for light, just dark shit pops in your head. So now it's like the next one was like a bit about a vacuum glide. Yeah. Which is, you know what that is? No. I only know. what it is because they wanted to sponsor our podcast, but it's a $1,000 dick-sucking device. And we were like, no, we're good.

A thousand dollars? I know. It's supposed to be, like, amazing. And we said, no. And then they said, we'll send you one. And we said, sure. And we got there, and they only sent one. So we're like, oh.

Did you flip a coin? No, we just, it's still wrapped. Oh, really? Yeah, we didn't know what to do. So I was like, I started just looking up that stuff. And it was, like, funny to me. but there's something cool there's something very smart actually

about taking a device like that and just putting a big price tag on it and you're like oh it must be good yeah well did you come right yeah I mean I was reading message boards and people there's like a community for this because I was curious and there's people like it's like I've had sex

with a lot of machines this is the best like people who have experienced with this they have hilarious the other names were like like the trembleer They have like names and you're like, all right. And then, yeah, it's a huge, like, it's a huge thing. I guess it's a huge world. Jeez.

But it's like- That's where it's all going. I mean, AI is going to be, I mean, sex is going to be the main driver like it is with anything. I mean, they're going to look at us, like, jacking off with our hand. Like, what do you omission? You know, it's like, we're becoming that. But it's like, you think about that. Even if you masturbate too much, it's like not healthy.

Yeah. Then if you, you know, if you're using this too much and it's like, amazing. That's also, you're going to wean off humans. Well, there's going to be, yeah, but once they get in your head, like if they can talk to you and mentally affect you. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're not going to, you're not going to try and meet someone new.

Remember that movie Her? Yeah. Phoenix is like that, but with coming. Yeah. It's over. Yeah. That was such a weird to like just be in love. That's how hot Scarlet Johansson is, by the way, that like just her voice are like,

that's pretty hot. Well, did you hear that they had a Scarlet, Johansson voice. They asked her, can we use your voice on chat GPT? I think it was. And she said no. And then they kind of did it anyway. So she has a huge lawsuit. They just use her name in like a Marvel movie or something. They get the Black Widow. It's Black Widow voice. It's just a Black Widow voice. But apparently it's like the most popular one. Like her voice alone is just perfect. God, sad. Like, you know, everyone thinks this stuff's going to make you more. But this is, but this like talking to your friend is actually where you don't feel lonely,

but then you go on your phone and it's this quick rush, but you feel so lonely. Yeah. The next generation, dude, it's bad. I know. It's going to be so isolating. I had a friend that got too into porn like when we were in college and it was just like,

you know. That's too young. Like you have like popping it into a VCR like the most rudimentary like, it was even before YouTube. And that became a problem. And he couldn't function in society. Like he couldn't talk. to girls. He couldn't, he was, he didn't want to be at parties, just want to get back home and

do that. And now these kids like at seventh grade have it in their pocket. Yeah, if you have a vacuum glide at home, you want to go to dinner? No, that's cool. I got the vacuum glide. You don't, you're fine. Yeah. What's the end game for everybody? Well, that's the, that's the other thing, too. It's like, if you just, by the way, porn VHS is, that's so funny too, because like, that's really, like, that's before my time. I had some DVDs. I'm on my dad found him. He was. so fucking mad at me because I, we'd go to this corner bodega store and this like old Indian guy with a lazy eye.

He thought it was funny that we were in like seventh grade trying to buy porn. So he would just give us free porn because he thought it was hilarious. Right. And then I just had all this kinds of porn. So I had like fat porn, milk porn. And my dad found it like, what the fuck is this? And I'm just like, the Indian guy, I don't know. Like you had nothing for him.

I was like, he gave us free porn. Of course I watched it. You know? Was your dad really strict? No, I think he was just like, what the fuck? I think he was like, this is disgusting. I don't even know why he was rummaging through my shit. That was usually like more of a mom. My mom was like outlaw all my weed.

She was like, she was, the funny thing is she outlawed so much of my weed that she had like enough in her closet. I'm like, you'd go down for a long time for this shit, mom. Oh, really? Yeah, because she would just like find weed and then just hide it. But then like you find out where she hides and you're like, I'm going to grab it back, I think, you know. How old? I was too young to have that much weed. You were?

Yeah. Friends always had weed. Yeah. Back then it was bad. Now I went like what age? Like 14? Probably yeah. Yeah.

First time, you're the best thing is you're just some fucking dealer's house. They're like 40. You know, I just had my bar mitzvah. I'm watching him play Tony Hawk. You know, it's like, remember that video? That was like the ultimate like drug dealer video game. You're like, check me out spray painting this thing. That was such a burnout game.

Yeah. I love that. And then, yeah, I loved weed. And now I hate it. It's so weird. Really? Do you smoke? Very rarely.

I want to. Like, I can't believe I used to smoke. And then when comedy, when I started getting better at comedy, I stopped. It just wasn't making me funny anymore. It was actually hurting. Your comedy is so not pothead comedy. Your comedy is structured and, like, thought out. Yeah.

You don't see a lot of potheads with like the, but um, bump, they don't write like that. No, they don't. Except maybe like Hedberg. Yeah. But he kind of like, it didn't seem like it was at. structured but no it was exactly yeah i know it was very structured but most but most people who are structured like i couldn't picture being like like i don't know like seinfeld being a pothead comic right yeah it doesn't

it doesn't add up someone someone who has like structured yeah i mean i really enjoyed it for a long time but then i just got it was no good like i wasn't funny on it anymore and it was making me lazy and but now that it's available everywhere and you can just it's legal i want to be able to like go back and not have to sneak around but it's It's just, I'm not good on it. But the sneaking around was the fun part. It was like, it's almost like you get why people like affairs. You're like, man, all this sneaking around.

It's pretty cool. And then they're like, do you want, do you want to just have sex? And you're like, no. Right. I liked that it. It was wrong. Yeah. But that's, uh, yeah.

You legalize pedophilia. Maybe they're going to stop. Maybe. Maybe they're going to be like, I'm done. Yeah. Um, no. Take the taboo off. But no, I don't like, um, the feeling of, I'm in my head.

I'm paranoid. I like, I'm like, oh, I'm that classic, like, oh, I bet this guy doesn't like me. And with weed, I don't care. When did you stop? I mean, with alcohol, I don't care. Right. When did I stop?

I mean, I can't remember the last time I did it. Usually it's by accident. You're just drunk and someone hands you when. You think it's a cigarette and it's not. I'll do a cigarette drunk. But, like, yeah. Yeah, it's been a few years. Yeah.

Were you a comedian still smoking? No. I mean, well, I have. Yeah, but I mean like regularly, like, no, no. I needed to be disciplined. And weed is like the enemy of structure and discipline. It also is a weird percent. Like, you have to be, you have to read the room and be in control of the room and the vibe and what's happening in the moment.

And I see so many guys when they do get high, they're in their own reality. And the guy doesn't go well and they come off like, I killed. Exactly. Well, you see him and they're just kind of chilling. and you're like, I wanted at least at that point in my career to like have a sense of urgency with a standup to be like, bam, bam, like killing. Yeah.

And those guys were always like, oh, right. Like they'd like hanging, like, too. I'm like, that's the energy of like someone who should be like hosting a party, not like putting on a show. Yeah, exactly. I can't picture any like great entertainer who, and like, look, I've seen people who got too drunk on stage too. I've been one of those people.

I saw Post Malone do a show a couple weeks ago and he was clearly drunk, but it was a good show. Right. It's like some people. I saw him. I've never seen them live. I just happened to be in Nashville doing this podcast called Bustin with the Boys. And then they were like, do you want to see Post Malone with this later?

And I was like, I got nothing to do. Yeah. John McKeever, all those Philly guys. Yeah. I mean, classic Joe DeRosa. Like you're just trying to, Shane, they're just such drinkers. Yeah. I was hung over from the flight in, you know.

And then that, you know, that day, I'm like, I told them, I'm like, we're not drinking. We're like, we're not drinking. Let's make a pack, not drink. The second, one of them goes away, Will Compton and I hold, we're just holding Bud Lights and he looks at us and we're like, it's cold. It's a cold beer.

It's hard to say no. Then that turns, problem is once you do one, that's when the guy's like, like Shane, Joe, the classic alcoholics see you. And they're like vultures. They just start circling and they just put their claws in you and they're just like, that beer looks light, dude.

And you're like, it's not a see-through beer. I bet it's lying. You're like, all right, I'll do one more. And they're like, all right. And then they're like monitor. They're making sure everyone else is getting as fucked up as that so they don't feel as bad about it. It's like a video game.

You're just like trying to dodge them. You just have to, you just have to Irish exit people. You just got to, for your own safe. For your own safe. Because guess what? They never care. Right. They don't remember.

They're hurting too bad the next day. They're just like, like, oh, was he there? They don't know. Yeah. I didn't realize DeRosa was that way, too. Oh, DeRosa's a booze bag. really. Joe like, I feel like he's the only person who looks forward to funerals

so he can gather around people and be like, we should do a shot to remember. You can't turn down the funeral shot. Maybe we're just out. You turn down the shot. It's for Kenny. We've done six. Kenny's dead.

He really does that. He loves that shit. It's so funny. One time I was trying to leave and I was trying to leave the stand one. I was trying to get out of there. And I don't work there much. So I was like, I'm like, fuck the row.

So let me just try to get away from him. He grabs me like, dude, it's good to see. I'm like, good to see you too, dude. And then he grabs a round of shots before I can say no. And he goes, to you play in the Madison Square Garden Theater. And I was like, I don't want. And he's like, what a toast for you? You're going to turn down?

I was like, all right. What does it turn into? Fucking eight, 10 drinks later. I'm just like, fuck you, Joe. Fuck you. Hammer. One more time for the government. One more of the government.

the two, you're going to turn down a toast for you? That's fine. No, just, no, have a water while we all salute you. It's dirty business. I still haven't been into a sandwich shop. It's good sandwich. That's what I hear. I mean, you know, a good sandwich. Yeah. You're the bread guy. Yeah. I heard it's really good bread. Amazing sandwich. Yeah. Joey roses. Yeah, I should go during this trip. Yeah, Joe is so fun. So how was Post Malone? It was a good show. It was awesome. I don't know. He's kind of become like countryish. Yeah, he's kind of all over. It's cool. It's like, it's not a genre of music I really know.

Yeah. But he brought out Blake Shelton. I've never seen him. He was awesome. Right. He did like one or two songs with him. I was like, man, these are good. Then he brought out a woman I didn't know who she was, but they did Jackson, Johnny Cash.

I was like, this is awesome. He was like bringing out special guests. It was so fun. He's such his own thing. Yeah. He seems like a cool guy. Yeah. I went to see AJR, the band at MSG, their buddies in mine and have a lot of hits right now.

I've never seen more production. in the show. It blew me the fuck. Really? I couldn't, I didn't understand how they were doing some of the shit they were doing. They were like floating. Oh, really? He'd be singing while he'd be like floating with like crazy graphics. It looked like he was like falling. It was insane. Everything

they did was just insane. Yeah, these shows are so good. And then I literally go out, I'm like, I guess I'll do another hoodie tonight. I know. So I try to, that's why I wore suit in the last one. I'm like, all right, it's time to like, I like the UOWaka suit occasionally. You kind of step it up. I do a little.

bit. But it's so funny. It doesn't matter how big you try and make it. When you ever I see shots on Instagram of someone on a stage or like everybody takes a picture from the side on stage and it's just, it looks so small. I know. It looks just like it just seems, I mean, maybe it's different when you're watching with the light on, the spotlight and it feels a little bit more. But it seems so tinny and tight. It's just a guy walks from the side, babbles and walks off to the side again. Totally. No, it's, I realized that when I did AGT,

I was on America's Got Talent like 10 years ago. I remember just realizing like everyone's like, they're like getting their outfits, they're doing their stretches for their dance. I'm literally like, I can get drunk right now and it won't make a difference with how I do. You know? It's such a ruse.

Yeah. But everyone else looks at it like it's a magic trip because they can't. They're not funny. Because we look at it. it is like it's just a mic and they're like all all they need is a mic. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's what we realized during COVID

when we show is in the park. I'm like, it ain't good but all we need is a mic. Yeah, it's still just the thing. I mean, it feels bigger when you're walking out and you're getting ready to do it. But just something about, but it's almost like theater. It's like you ever see theater like clips of theater. It never works. On New York one or something. Yeah, it doesn't

work. But you know live. That's why Broadway's so cool because if you see a good musical or something, but that's why yeah, a lot of the movies don't really. even if they're done well they kind of don't always work right exactly got because like the choreography the choreography yeah yeah and like what they do and like the training that goes into that a lot of it's like what you're you're blown away by that right just the music and it's energy there is an energy you're not photographing the energy you're not cat you know like you'd go and you

crush in a theater it's like or in a club it's just like there's an energy that everyone acknowledges like feels a picture isn't going to capture that i'm such a big movie guy i love like i love like i love like i like the godfather of course i feel like i feel like there's a new generation of guys that the godfather's no longer important to not always is a movie important i love the fucking book yeah the gun take the canoli uh-huh about the making of it yeah i love that book i I love any, like, behind the scenes, like, 60s or 70 showbiz type of. Yeah. Because it was so seedy and the mob was involved.

Mario Puso was like, like, got like a $400,000 advance on that book. And somehow, like, blew it all in Vegas. That's right. I'm like, you're just a fat dude in sweatpants gambling away the biggest advance of all time. Like, somehow the making of that story was even crazier than the book. And then, like, all the characters. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I think the Godfather's one of the coolest things. It's very cool, but there is definitely a generation. I was talking to Andrew Schultz about it. And Stephen Rogers was saying it too, that it's like it doesn't resonate the same way. And he doesn't like it. He was, yeah, he was kind of like, I don't, yeah, he was saying it's not as, it doesn't have that place like that older guys have. Maybe Andrew feels that way about like Goodfellers or something. Maybe it's like, yeah, maybe.

I feel like mob movies were like the New Western for a while. So I feel like there was... Goodfellers growing up was definitely bigger for us than Godfather, just because my brother was in Goodfellas. Yeah. And then, you know, to me, Sopranos was like the top of the mountain. My God. But, yeah, I do feel like mob movies for us was like what the Western was for like our grandparents.

Totally. That's a great way to put it. Because, yeah, there was something about masculinity. There was something about honor. There was... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is a bummer because it's just like, they're fun movies, but they're just not nearly as good.

Yeah. It doesn't have that thing like that, that you identify yourself to the culture of it. Yeah, you're not like, there's not like a John Ford or like, like, Scorsese equivalent to like, you know. Yeah. It's too. Even if they're fun. Yeah, but it's too much effects and stuff. It's not like you're dealing with these real human beings.

Yeah. I think, uh, did you watch the new one, like the latest Scorsese one with Pesci and De Niro when they're old guys? Oh, the Irishman? The Irishman. Yeah, it was good. Mm-hmm. I didn't love the latest, the flower. Moon one.

I didn't see it. No, but the Irishman was good. Man, Pesci's so good. I know. Just fucking getting old. That scene was just getting old, eating bread and prison. This is like the saddest shit I've ever seen. Yeah.

It was so, yeah, like the third, like, it was almost like three acts and it was like the third act was like incredible, I thought, were they're old. Yeah. Because the first act with De Niro is beating the shit out of the guy. I'm kind of like, I mean, stomping on them. The same. You couldn't get CGI for this. Exactly, you can't balance.

And then some of the lines at the beginning, like I used to, like I paint houses, which means I murder people. Like, we know what it means. He's like explaining the, that's what I, they say I paint houses. We're like, now we get it. But I love, I was watching like Scorsese shorts.

And I like, because I just like like to get in the nitty gritty these like old school filmmakers. And like, yeah. So bad, dude. Oh, really? Scorsese, but they're like, maybe they were like, I think it got him stuff because he was like, but the one with his parents is kind of interesting

because they're just, yeah, I like that one. That was cool, but the one with like the shaving where he's just bleeding everywhere, the guy just keeps shaving and there's blood spilling everywhere. I was like, apparently it was like a Vietnam protest, but I was like, I don't get it. Yeah. I might be too dumb to get it.

Yeah. But, no, I love Scorsese, man. He's made like so many of the best things ever. What did you think of, uh, King of New York Kings of New York King of New York? King of Comedy? No not King Comedy. The one with Daniel Day Lewis

Oh, Gangs in New York. Gangs in New York. It was good. It was weird because you There were so many parts of it that threw me out of it that it looked like a set. Yeah. But then it would completely draw you back in just because of

Daniel Day Lewis. Yeah, he was scary as far. Exactly. He's awesome. Yeah, no, it was a cool one. I like any, like, New York history type thing, too. It's just fun. Yeah. When you were growing up, was your mom a big cook? A cook?

Yeah. Who was the cook in the house? My mom is a good cook, but I wouldn't say that was, like, her thing. But she is a very good cook. Yeah. You realize your mom's a good cook when, like, I realize I never learned to cook. I just was around my mom, and I can kind of cook. Uh-huh.

You know, I realized that during COVID because the girl was dating was like, you're, like, a pretty good cook. And I was just like, oh, I never making it. Because I was always out, so I would just grab a slice of pizza. You know, I was a rap somewhere. Like, I wasn't, like, really cooking for myself that much. I'm going to be meal prep. But, like, during COVID, I guess I realized, oh, I guess I can cook.

Right. I know how to do this. You must be decent, but. Yeah. What can you cook? What do you cook? I make the, you know, during COVID, I was making bulk stuff. Like, you know, like chili.

Right. But, like, good chili. A lot of veggies. Nice. You know, some turkey meat in there or beef, whatever. Nice. You know, all kinds of pastas. chicken and whatever.

You got skills. Yeah, I'll do simple stuff. No, I'm not particularly good, but I think she was such a bad cook. That she was like, you're fucking good. Oh, really? But I never like learned. I never like, now you don't really have to. You can just throw a YouTube video on.

I know, and it's amazing. It's, it's kind of funny that that, like, people still buy cookbooks. But I'm like, you can just Google anything. I'm not trying to destroy the cookbook business here. Just social media. Like, you could see some, like, really quick things on Instagram or something. you're like, this is actually good. Some of them are awesome.

Yeah. They're just like, I don't know why my algorithm is so heavy of just dudes eating sandwiches in their color. I hate it. It makes me so annoyed. But that's one, you get a lot of like, people cooking are really fun. I love the ones of like old Italian grandma. Yeah, the nanas.

Those are my favorite. Those are the best. Because that recipe, like, that's what I love about good food is like, oh, this shit was like your mothers. So this is so old. Yeah, I love that too. They're just like, they're, they're, hands are all like claws and they're still like heavy breasts just rolling yeah not still just

banging out the dough i'm not a great my mom is not a she but she's my mom's very artsy i mean she's an artist so she's very uh into like she's probably why i love movies so much is because she was always showing me like good shit when i was a kid like oh really oh my god the first movie i watched was probably the red balloon the french french french i'm like this is what i'm watching it's like a two-year-old yeah but then she'd show me you know stuff I would, you know, gravitate towards myself. But she was, the first comedies I'm watching her, like, Laurel and Hardy March of the Wooden Soldier.

Right. I was, other kids are watching Ninja Turtles. And I'm like, we're just going to watch Laurel and Hardy is the best. But she got me, she really got me into comedy without. Wow. On my first Broadway show I ever saw was Tommy. I mean, it was the who. Right.

So she was like, she was giving me to stuff. She'd be like, I think he'll like this when, at least appreciate it when he's older. Oh. So, yeah, dude. We were like. That's great. So it's like premeditated. It's pretty crazy.

And then, yeah, I'm thinking all the stuff she's shown me as a kid. And then, you know, the stuff you watch it. You go through phases where you, like, rebel, so you just watch bad shit. Yeah. Why do you watch that? But then, yeah, but then you end up coming back to, like, your roots. And I love, like, you know, like, dude, I was doing all this press for this special. Maybe the cool thing I did was going inside the Criterion Clause and getting to, like, pick out their DVD.

Oh, you did? You got to do that? Yeah. I was like, this is crazy. I grabbed a bunch of, I mean, just looking at me. I'm so cool. I still like just the feel of like the DVD box. I know.

I know. It's the best. What was your favorite movie that you picked? I picked five. I picked a few I hadn't seen and a few and a couple I had. I got, um. Were you nervous to go in there and, like, have, have street cred? Like, you want them to respect you?

Yeah. You know what I mean? They were like kind of, they gave me the Scorsesey Schwarz thing, which I'd never seen. I was just curious. What else did I get? Sweet Smell of Success, which I've seen before. I just was like, that's kind of a cool one. Yeah. And then thief, which I've seen before.

Nice. It's just a badass movie. Yeah. It's nice to see a Jew fucking shit up. A Jewish jewel thief. Yeah. Just messing dudes up and shooting them. And then what else? Clute, I'd never seen that, so I grabbed that. That was really good. Jane Fonda and Donald Sutherland

really cool. I never saw that. Like that paranoia age of film where every movie is like, you know, it's like the conversation where it's like everyone, someone's, someone's listening. Body snatchers. Yeah. The conversation is a great movie. That's a great movie. That's like the best one of those.

And then it was one other, uh, fuck. I don't know. It might have been like old that jazz or something. I got something like that. But I just watch and I love that. Yeah. Oh, it's so good. Do you want to act more?

No, only in stuff I make. I don't want to go in auditions. Yeah. I'm not like, like, if someone off. me a part and it was like awesome but yeah i don't want to be in just being a i don't want to take time off stand up just to be in a thing that i don't care about yeah but if but if it's like yeah i'm writing a thing with mike lawrence and oh yeah and mike is fucking awesome to work with i gave him his first writing job told me he did he loves you i love him so much he's a beast he's incredibly autistic so

when i bomb a joke for him it's like like you feel in your bone i'm like wow that was a that was a pretty heavy bomb. He's so good. We struck out on so many pitch meetings with it. It's crazy. We had Sandler's company behind us. I thought we'd sell it somewhere. But then we'd down to Peacock.

You're like, let's just make it ourselves. But oh my God, he made the same joke in every pitch where he's like, we got some great notes from our Uber driver. He used to be an exec. So everyone, they were like, ha, ha, ha. And then, like, since then two of the execs we pitched to have been fired. Oh, really? A lot of truth to that joke.

Yeah, close to the bone. But we're writing in a time. I think it's great. Yeah. That'll be cool. And then I'm working on a thing with Norman that I love. Oh, cool. That we wrote.

It's the best way to do it, especially now. We'll either make it or we don't, but I don't want to take time off doing what I love, stand up to make stuff that I don't love. Yeah. I've got to love it. Yeah. That's great. This is too fun of life. And it's not just fun, but like even the nights, I just pop into the cellar.

Like, if I see you, you're in town. If I see, you know, any of my friends at the club, I'm like happy. I know. I know. It's such a lucky thing. I literally was thinking of that last night. I was with Dave Hill. We were having dinner.

And I was like, it's so nice to know that you have the option in this giant city to just walk in to the comedy cellar. It's like a tree house that we get to go and just visit. You don't have to stay or you can stay all night. But you have that place in this big, giant, fierce beast of a city that you can actually have like a little playground for yourself. Absolutely. it's what a blessing it's it's cool as hell and it i don't the problem is i don't want to take nights off i'll run into people who are like you got to take night and i'm going to force myself just to do yeah once in i'll go to a thing i'm like man i'm glad i did that that like gave me an idea or it gave me like

it's good to like just mix it up i feel like it's bad for your brain if you're like what i feel like i'm going to be in my deathbed and it's just going to be a bunch of memories at the olive tree or at the comedy seller downstairs i'm just going to be it's just here yeah i know there is a part of that You got to get off the wheel a little bit. Yeah. But, you know, every time you take off, like, I'm going to have some time off in August. And it's like, you know. The whole time you're on vacation or whatever, you're going to be thinking like,

fuck, it's going to hurt to come back. I know. Because those first few sets are bumpy. I know, really bumpy. I know. But there is something probably good to reset. Are you ready for our taste test? Yeah, what are we doing?

We do a lot of, this is, we do a lot of, if we were in L.A., I would give you bread, which I gave you bread last time. Yeah. that I bake myself, but I'm on the road, so I can't do it. Yeah. And I think it's awesome when you post those. I like when you, you'll play like just like Perry Como or something. You'll just be like, just mushing together.

Did you see that Perry Como thing, by the way? No. Forgot what, which steakhouse it was, maybe Gallagher's one of them. They had to like put next to his picture in the steakhouse. This man is not Jeffrey Epstein. No. Someone's complaining, I guess. Someone's like, why is Jeffrey Epstein?

Like, clearly we're not. celebrating Jeffrey Epstein or how they just update the photo or something I don't know I think it looks that much like that maybe when he was young no he's gray I think that's a real but like yeah

hilarious well we're into like the finer things in life and eating good stuff but I also like you know blue Gatorade and other stuff and when I see when I see something odd this is the 14 year 14 year old in us so I saw this

This is back when we're getting high as 14-year-olds. This is a blazing buffalo and ranch Dorito. Actually sounds pretty good. I know. So it's like a chicken wing kind of type. I'm excited about it. Are you a ranch or blue cheese chicken wing guy? Blue cheese.

Me too. Yeah. I don't mess with ranch. Oh. It's not bad. At first, I wasn't getting it. Yeah. I think it's going to take it.

I don't think it would be my go-to, but it's pretty good, actually. It doesn't really taste like Buffalo. I'm honestly not a huge derives. guy. Yeah. I don't dislike them. I know that they're like classics, but I think if like you were like what, what are your chips, kettle cooked like, you know, like salt and vinegar.

Me too. Or like sour cream and onion or something. Oh, she just woke up. Look who woke up. Winnie knows we're eating. Look at the tongue. Look at the tongue. Yeah, I'm not going to, I'm not going to give this too high a rating.

It's whatever. It's fine. It's whatever. Dude, they're getting carried away with this shit. But then every once in a while, every once in a while, one of the weird ones, I'll roll the dice. Like, if you're drunk and you're like, you're like, pickle. And you're like, that was good. You know, I had a pizza pringle.

Tastes like a pretty good slice. Not bad. In a pringle. I would never try it, but it does not. You know what the other one is not bad either is the pepperoncini kettle cooked was surprised. Oh, really? Oh, that sounds good. But it's hard because you're already getting something unhealthy.

So you're like, I kind of want it to be something I know is going to be. scratching that itch. Yeah, exactly. I know. It's like when you get bad fries and you're just like, why am I doing this myself? I know exactly. I feel like shit for like a bad fry. I know. But I love yeah, like if you, or if you get like

even original man. Even class, I'm fine with just sometimes like a classic what? You know what the best potato chip ever is though? Okay, hit me. Ruffles all dressed, the Canadians. Oh yeah? I'm going, I'm giving it to Canada, dude. For real? I think they're the, it's

like everything on it. They're unreal. It's like a fucking punch in the face, but a good one. It's like, that one, I actually think their ketchup chips are pretty fucking good. I know. I've had those. I've never had all dressed though. All dress is even better. Really? Ruffles are slept on. Yeah. I know. It's true. I went back. We had little ruffles that my wife had for her class and she just brought them home and I was like got a little mini bag. I was like, oh yeah. I remember this. It was like seeing an old girlfriend or something. She still got it too. She's still got it too. She's still got it. Well, this will try a...

I'm going to give that maybe a 4 out of 10. Oh, man, that's... Yeah, maybe like a 3, 3, 5. Yeah. It's not awful, but it's just like whatever. It was pretty disappointing. They're just getting... Oreos, too.

You see the shit they're doing. You're like, just fucking... How about the cheese at people? Yeah, they're getting pretty cocky. They've like... Now they're not even just doing flavor stuff. They're messing with, like, the structure. It's blown out.

I know. Fat, fat cheese? It's like, enough. I had the cheese at it. Taco Bell, they matched those two together. That looked actually kind of good, though. It wasn't good. It wasn't good.

No. Yeah, I guess not. I guess it's got to be like a more like tortilla chip type thing than a. Yeah. It was like exciting just to the, you're like, oh, you two got together? It's like two of your old friends finally hook up. That's so true. Do you ever go to like Omaha?

You ever do like, I mean, I've done the funny bone there a million times. They'll like sample the new thing. Yeah. Because I think their thought process is like, well, it's the most American city. Like it's a great example. Like Peoria. Yeah. Yeah. Columbus.

Exactly. So it'll do, if it does well there, they're like, it'll make it to them. It's like their tryout. Right. I was like, man, that's why it's so good to work out jokes at that fucking club. Right. Yeah. That's really smart.

Yeah. That's really smart. Man, I saw last night on Discovery, they showed a, like a storm show. Like, you know, they do the storm chasing kind of shows. But because people have so much technology now on their phones and there's cameras everywhere. Yeah. I saw stuff I never saw before tornadoes.

They were just showing like Cedar Rapids and they were just showing like this storm coming through. And everybody in the town who had gotten it on their phones watching like roofs fly off. It was intense. I was watching a thing once on the, uh, just local news. there was some horrible storm and some guy, two people lost their homes. They just interviewed him back to back. And one guy was like,

we lost everything. We lost everything. He was just like losing it. And then they got another guy. He's like, yeah, you know, we lost their home.

But that's mother nature. You know, I'm like, that's the news. Just two different people dealing with. Just one guy's cool. And the other guys are like having a meltdown. By the way,

I'd be the first guy, for sure. That was the kind of cool thing about this show, is that you were seeing real people's response when they're hiding under a bridge or they're in the bottom of this warehouse, the way they're trying to figure it out and how they're coping with it.

One woman, one Mexican woman was just screaming Hail Mary's, the full prayer, just repeating, repeating, repeating, repeat. Pretty on brand. And then at the end said, she did it, she saved me. There were a couple, they were just like, we're dying, we're totally dying, we're dying, we're dying. That's how I would be. You got to get, by the way, you got to get that person out of the group.

That guy, that guy ain't helping you. The we're dying guy. Yeah. Yeah, that guy's not going to be good in a crisis. That's most comedians. We're like going to be negative, I think. Yeah, and not that excited about it. Like, not overly worried about it.

Yeah. We had a time on a plane once where it seemed like it was getting sketchy for a minute. What were you on? Was it like a bunch of comics or not? No, it was just, I was with my family. And like an engine went out on a jet blue flight and like it got rocky. and people were like screaming and my wife turned to me

and I was just like yeah, this is about how I figures. Fuck. And she said, that's like, you really carries that that's how I react in a crisis like, yeah, I saw it coming.

That's fucking hilarious. Isn't it? We, Gary and I, I remember, we did Rochester, New York who I tour with. And I saw Norden the night before Jim Norton goes, you flying or driving?

I said, oh, I gotta fly. And he's like, I hate those planes. And I was like, yeah, they are small. That next day, we get in the flight, on the ass plane. And Gary and I booked together, but some woman was just like, no, I'm sitting. Like, I booked here and we're like,

now, I mean, it's right, we showed her right here. And she said, this is where I am. And we're like, I just looked at him on like, it's a 40-minute flight. Who cares? Yeah. So they're behind me. I'm sitting in front.

And it's just like the worst turbulence I've ever, like a little plane, like shaking so bad. Right. At the point that, like, I, like, look back to Gary and we're like, like this. And then the woman who wouldn't give me the seat is just going, ah! And that was like the only satisfaction we got that we're like, well, at least she's suffering right now. We hate her. She caused the turbulence.

Dude, it was so bad. And they just top gunned it. He just went like, boom, just right back up. Because he couldn't land. It was too windy. And he didn't say anything. And I was like, are we about to get, like, German wings? Is he going to, like, kill us?

right now. We're like panicking. But then like 10 minutes later, once he got another angle, he was like, sorry about that. It was too windy to land. I had to go for it. I was like, go for it. I had to go for it. But the guy who picked us up was like, dude, I saw a plane top gun on it. I was like, that was us. Holy shit.

That was crazy. I was like, yeah, that's insane. The flight stuff is like, you know people who have to drug themselves to fly have never been that way. No. No. No. It is, you see some of those videos, like the people like falling up into the overhead. I'm like, I don't know how that happened. I know.

And, you know, I used to, when I was younger starting to travel, I was like, what are these people drinking like Bloody Mary's at 6 a.m. It's fear. It's fear. They're like, this sucks. I'm going to get hammered and get on this plane and get to where, get to Dayton. I totally get it. I don't know if dating up at 9 a.m.

Yeah, exactly. Then deal with your stuff, but you're alive. You're alive. Dude, I mean, look, there's something so rewarding about an air cocktail. Yeah, I know. And especially like a Bloody Mary. There's something about, like, the thickness of that juice when you're airborne. It just hits you so, I mean.

It's so perfect. I do feel like, I don't really drink when I am going to a gig. Yeah. Why would I? I'm not going a day drink. I'm away to a gig. Yeah. But, like, on the rare time, I'm going somewhere, like, maybe I could get there

night early or something. It is kind of fun to, like, go down. Right. Especially, I love those little pre-made RTD. like old fashioned. You just ask for a cube. You just dump it over. You're like, man, this is kind of an air cocktail.

You really, you get happy immediately. You're like, oh, this is what it's for. You throw in a movie, you get emotional. I was going to Australia. Yeah. And I was, I'd never seen the movie Prisoners. And I threw it on. I was like, first of all, this is the most depressing movie of all time.

But I was also wine drunk and had a muscle relaxer in me. So I was like, so fucked up. I'm getting like so upset. It's the best. It's a good flick. a dream. Yeah. But oh my God.

That's the only good thing about the Australia flight is like, you're just like, well, none of this is real. I can just misbehave and get fucking lit. And then you just pass out.

It's great. I know. And all the warnings are like, the worst thing you can do on a flight is drink. Like, don't drink alcohol. Why? It's the worst thing you can do

because it dehydrates you and it'll mess up your ability to recover in the new time zone and all that kind of stuff. But it's the struggle is pales in comparison to the joy that it brings you on a long fight when you have no show that night.

It's so true. And also just like, I just need something to look forward to. Yeah. It's almost like just knowing the hotel you're gonna, you're gonna like it. You're traveling. I need something to be like... I know. I did the bad hotels forever. I don't want to go back. I know. I want to be pumped

to go to work. And I'm not even like boogey in that way. I just want a good... I just want to hear the guy farting next to me through the wall. How about that? I remember I was on a flight with Phil Hanley once, and we weren't sitting together, and I was kind of like bummed that we were like, I was like, oh, we kind of want to catch up. And we were across, and the guy next to me smelled so fucking bad.

So I was like, let me try this. So I walked over to the guy and I was like, hey, do you mind switching to see something? It's just my really good friend. The guy's like, yeah, sure. And as he walks over, he sits next to the smelly guy, and he just looks back to me. There's nothing he can say. You can't be like, this guy smells. He had to just take the L.

and I was just like, wow, I'm an asshole. That is a perfect con. I felt like, I love those old, like, con movies like David, like David, like, Spanish prisoner or something, or like, uh, games, those are like so fun. Yeah, it's just like,

you got me, but I respect it. He kind of had to. I do love, that is the best part of flying with. He also boarded early because he had like, he was like, he was like, I have a bad neck. I'm like, this is like elderly people. You don't get to do that shit. You just smell like shit

No, I think Phil has like a bad neck or something. Oh, Phil does. It's funny. Well, thank you for doing this. It's really great. Your special's so great. I just wanted to make sure that people got the word out. It is you've changed on Prime.

It's just what you do best. You too, man. Packed with jokes and really great. And thanks for bringing Winnie. I told you, she's fun. She doesn't do anything. She just lays there. Yeah, this is so perfect.

I can't wait. so my dog gets a little more geriatric. He'll just chill out like that. Like he'll hang, but he'll also have bursts of energy. Yeah, she doesn't do much. I kind of love it. It's the best.

Well, thanks, man. I'll see you soon. See you soon.