Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 250 - Chelsea Peretti

Episode Date: February 11, 2025

This week on Breaking Bread Chelsea Peretti joins Tom in the studio. They discuss all things comedy: being lonely on tour, the changing Hollywood landscape, and most importantly, smoking during writer's room breaks. Chelsea also shares about her experience directing her first movie, "First Time Female Director." If we're lucky, pretty soon Chelsea will cast Tom in something. Enjoy! Catch Chelsea's directorial debut "First Time Female Director" on the Roku Channel. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 0:00:00 Intro  0:02:10 Factor Ad 0:03:08 Toasting to Chelsea’s Movie 0:03:43 Directing & The Appeal of Control 0:05:42 Cringe Comedy & Brooklyn Nine-Nine 0:9:08 The Emotional Rollercoaster of Stand-Up 0:10:40 The Loneliness of Touring 0:12:13 Female vs Male Comedians 0:15:32 Bread Baking & Pandemic Trends 0:16:15 Hollywood’s Obsession with Weight 0:17:28 Good vs Evil & Lord of the Rings 0:21:51 Pottery 0:23:05 The Death of Traditional Writers' Rooms  0:34:21 The Changing Landscape of Casting 0:25:14 Los Angeles Losing Its Industry Appeal 0:25:56 Chelsea's Podcast & Writing 0:29:42 Technology's chokehold 0:34:08 Identity 0:35:52 Factor Ad 0:39:55 Food Growing Up 0:41:00 Thanksgiving Plans & Family Cooking Disputes 0:42:03 Uncomfortable Moments & Comedy Bit 0:45:49 Chelsea’s Movie First Time Female Director 0:47:55 Amy Poehler 0:49:08 The Challenge of Independent Film Financing  0:52:40 Role for Tom 0:54:15 Why Comedy Gets Snubbed at the Oscars 0:56:00 Cigarettes 1:01:00 Papa in Italy  1:04:05 Taste Test 1:05:40 Kids 1:10:00 The Future of Comedy, Hollywood’s Shift, and Status 1:13:00 Wrapping Up: Bread & Final Thoughts ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom Papa is a celebrated stand-up comedian with over 20 years in the industry. Watch Tom's new special "Home Free" out NOW on Netflix! Radio, Podcasts and more: https://linktr.ee/tompapa/ Website - http://tompapa.com/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/tompapa Tiktok - https://www.tiktok.com/@tompapa Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/comediantompapa Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/tompapa Eat smart with Factor. Get started at FACTORMEALS.com/papa50off and use code papa50off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. #tompapa #breakingbread #comedy #standup #standupcomedy #bread #chelseaperetti #brooklyn99 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Insurance isn't one-size-fits-all, and shopping for it shouldn't feel like squeezing into something that just doesn't fit. That's why drivers have enjoyed progressives' name-your-price tool for years. With the name-your-price tool, you tell them what you want to pay, and they show you options that fit your budget. Enough hunting for discounts, trying to calculate rates, and tinkering with coverages. Maybe you're picking out your very first policy. Or maybe you're just looking for something that works better for you and your family. Either way, they make it simple to see your options. No guesswork, no surprises.

Ready to see how easy and fun shopping for car insurance can be? Visit progressive.com and give the name your price tool a try. Take the stress out of shopping and find coverage that fits your life on your terms. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. There's something else here now. Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus.

It's the series Stephen King calls Scary as Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From Binge All Episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the big show.

Today we have a great conversation with Chelsea Peretti. So funny, so talented. You know her from Brooklyn 9-9. You know her from her new movie, which I'm very excited to talk to her about. First Time Female Director. It's always cool when somebody says I'm going to make a movie and they actually do it. So many people think they're going to make a movie and they maybe even say it out loud, but never actually pull it off, especially not a comedy.

but Chelsea did it. She actually made a very funny movie. It's really good. And she could just walk around being like, I made a movie. I a lot of times think that in my mind that I'm going to make a movie. There's still time, but it seems like a lot.

Where do you get the money? I never understand where you get the money. You just walk up to people and be like, I need $2 million because I think I'm funny. I don't know how that works. Well. Yeah, member, Jason Redmond was here and he got his money from like Elon Musk to make his first movie.

Yeah. He's got to know billionaires. You need to know billionaires. I know a couple. Well, I know one. All right, we'll figure it out. But anyway, this is a great conversation with Chelsea Peretti. So funny, so talented.

And I have to say, the bread I gave her was really good. I'm a little nervous because she said her husband, Jordan, baked bread for a while. And I could tell that she was impressed by his bread. So it's not like we're going into somebody who doesn't know. So hopefully she'll enjoy it. Maybe he's out of town and won't taste it. I'm not afraid. It's great bread.

It was really good bread. You sound afraid. I'm a little afraid. Enjoy my conversation with Chelsea Peretti. It's time for breaking bread with Papa. Hey! Don't you know? Hey, it's how we go.

Hey, it's time for breaking bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Today's program is brought to you by Factor. Ready to optimize your nutrition this year? Factor has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy. They're dietitian approved and ready to heat and eat in two minutes. So you can fuel, right, and feel great, no matter what life throws at you.

Eat Smart with Factor. Get started at FactorMeals.com slash Papa 50 off and use code Papa 50 off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. What a great way to support the podcast and get great meals. That's code Papa 50 off, P-A-P-A-50 off at FactorMeals.com slash Papa 50 off to get get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Thank you, Factor. A toast. A toast. To you. It's been a million years.

A zillion years. Oh, that's good. Bitter. Yeah, bitter. Bitter with fake caramel flavor. Yeah, mine's fake vanilla. It's really bad. A toast to you making a movie.

Thank you. Good job. Have you made a movie? I haven't. You seem like you've made a movie. I know, because I'm wearing a blazer. The blazer. I know.

It makes me want to like, get notes from your... I know, it's director vibes, right? Yeah. So your movie was really great. And... Thank you. You know Dave Hill?

Do you know Dave Hill in New York? Yeah. Funny comedian. He plays guitar and stuff. And he had an off-Broadway run. And he wanted to put the show together, and he asked if I would direct it. Yeah. And I said yes.

And there's something very cool about kind of walking in his... like, oh, I'm the director now and watching your movie. So it's one of those like waiting for Guffman things where if you are in the arts at all, it's too close and cringy. Yeah. Where you kind of like, you're laughing, but you're also hurting. I know. You know, it's like when it came out, people were calling it cringe comedy. And I didn't even know that's how cringe comedy was defined. I thought it was like, I don't know what. I thought cringe comedy. I thought it was like shock jock vibes or something.

Yeah. But cringe actually means you're cringing like, oh, this is so brutal, I can't take it. Yeah, like saying like AIDS jokes or something. Yeah,

I thought it was that, but it's not. It's like when you're empathizing and it's too excruciating what someone's experiencing or something is what I think it is. Right. Right.

Yeah, I mean, there is that thing of like, you are playing the director and you're also directing. But did you, Did you always kind of have... I always feel like I could direct

because I'm pretty bossy and I like telling people how to live. Right. I feel like you could direct. Yeah. Just off, yeah, your look. And I was going to wear my other glasses. You really would have thought. Why?

What are they? They're new glasses. And they're a little thicker. Yeah. And they look a little more like, this guy doesn't care. A little more eccentric. A little more eccentric.

Yeah. A little more art gallery. Yeah. But they're progressives and my eyes aren't used to. them so I just get headaches. So what made you think? What made you want to make a film? Honestly, like, I probably wasn't necessarily someone who's always like I want to direct. But I wrote a movie. I always wanted to write one. And I always felt my whole career like I needed to write for myself. And then I felt like it was more a fluke that I got on Brooklyn 9-9. You know,

it's like I never thought I'd be cast on a sitcom. I think like growing up, I didn't feel like anyone on a sitcom particularly looked like me. And I didn't really think like I would be on a sitcom. Right. But then that wound up happening. And so I think once I got off it, I was like, well, what's my voice and what do I have to say? And so I wrote this thing. But then I was encouraged to direct it by my agent at the time and Amy Puller who produced it.

Right. And so then I did. And I think like, it's funny. like I think the appeal of fame, I mean, when I was a kid, I wanted to be famous, you know, and that was just like I thought fame seemed cool, I guess. Yeah. But I think the older I get, the more that is appealing about fame is really just control. Like, you just want to be able to say something and anyone gives a shit.

You know, it's like, so I think like the appeal of directing was getting to say, here's how I want things. However, you really soon realize it's such a collaborative effort that. You know, that and that's what's beautiful about it is that you have all these department heads who are so keyed in and so knowledgeable in their particular areas. But, you know, I did feel to speak to your sense of like that you're bossy and you might like directing. I did feel sort of pleasantly surprised by, you know, I felt like I did have opinions and answers and solutions to problems. and I certainly learned a lot and there's a lot I would do differently if I make another movie.

But yeah, I felt like my personality went well with it. And I actually felt like I had like a pretty fun time. I think in part because it was like a smaller budget movie so I didn't have like, you know, I don't know. Real nervous people around you. Yeah, well, like in a way like I feel like as a comedian and someone who loves comedy and a purist in that way,

like I kind of hate when. and there's like A-listers who aren't funny in comedies, you know? Like, and so I don't know, I liked, I liked that I wasn't like with a huge budget, needing to put someone in who would be, you know. Marketable or. Yeah, and then also intimidating and, like, challenging or whatever. It was very homegrown. And so that part made it also feel really natural.

Yeah. It's funny, it's so funny, and we carry these things about ourselves because, when I saw you early, I was like, oh, she would be cast on a sitcom immediately. Really? Yeah. And then you think, like, there's no way, you know what I mean? We always have these things about ourselves. Yeah.

I know. I guess we all do. And I mean, I'm sure comedians more than anyone, we all think the world is against us, you know? Yeah. Or a lot of us. I don't know. You seem a bit more well adjusted than the average comedian. Yeah.

I mean, that's a very low bar. It's a very low bar. It really is. It's like, yeah, like I, my life is pretty together, you know, and I have like a family and did stuff and like I'm pretty grown up and even keeled that way. Yeah. But the stuff that we like not being able to be complimented or you get off stage and it's like, you feel like, well, that wasn't good enough.

And they'll tell you it was good enough. Okay, yeah. What percent of times do you feel, like do you largely get off stage and feel bad or do you largely get off stage and feel good. I usually get off and feel, that's a good question. I mean, it's both. I don't feel good for long. I'll usually feel good. Yeah. I'll usually feel like I'm working on something and I'll be like, oh, that worked or like we got there or, you know, and the reaction will be good. And by the time I get to the dressing room, it's pretty much evaporated. It is really weird about stand-up that you're in this massive, or maybe not massive, but you're in a room full of people.

Yeah. And you're, you know, in this huge collective and then you're just suddenly like in your dressing room alone. Or, you know, maybe you have people who came, but a lot of times you don't. And then you're back in your hotel and you're just like, it's so quiet, you know? Yeah. And it makes so much sense that so many comedians have like sex addiction and alcohol problems because how do you come down? off of the energy of that many people. Yeah, yeah.

It's like it increases the loneliness. Yeah. We'd like to thank the good people at Quince for sponsoring today's program. If you spend a lot of time cooking at home, it's time to elevate your game. When your cookware actually feels good to use and is thoughtfully made and looks beautiful on your counter,

it just makes the whole experience better. That's what I've really liked about Quince. They're cookware, knives, and things. tableware are elevated, but they're still super practical. Everything is made to last, designed to be seen, and honestly priced way more reasonably than you'd expect for that kind of quality. It just makes everyday cooking feel a little more special. Quince has a really solid kitchen lineup. Their stainless steel and ceramic nonstick cookware performs like the kind you'd find in a professional kitchen, and their Japanese Damascus steel knives make prep feel way easier and more precise.

having quince in my lineup. I've got these good ceramic frying pans and sauce pans. They're very cool. They're good in your hand and they clean easy, which is another very cool thing. The best part, everything at quince is priced way lower than you'd expect. 50 to 80% less than similar brands. Go get it right now. Refresh your every day with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com slash papa for free shipping on your order and 365-day return. Now available in Canada, too. That's Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E-D-com slash Papa, P-A-P-A, for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash Papa.

But we're all kind of built the same way, which I don't, not really sure what, I did this gig for the Michael J. Fox Foundation. He does it in New York all the time. They're supposed to be really corrupt from the top to the bottom. Yeah. Well, it's, you know, it comes from him, right? Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah, a horrible person.

And I came off and the set went, you know, went well, but I came off and Katie Couric was going on next to speak. She's funny. And she's hilarious. And I said, good job. And I said, was it okay? And she hit me, like pretty hard. Like a nice shot. She's actually, side note, supposed to be really violent as a person.

Yeah, and a quick right jab. Yeah. And she goes, you comedians, you're all the same. Yeah. I was like, oh, I'm not the only one. You're like, hey, Kirk, that's not helping. Yeah. Well, you news anchors.

Yeah. But yeah, we all kind of like carry that thing. Interesting. Yeah. I mean, I kind of like, I always feel like the standups that wind up, you know, going really far that they feel good after they get off stage, you know, and that it's kind of a high for them. And then I'm like, I could understand wanting to do. stand up constantly because it's a high.

Whereas for me, like, I often do feel shitty. Immediately. Yeah. Like, not always. Sometimes I really do have fun, but a lot of times I'm like, I don't know. I'm like, oh, I shouldn't have done this joke or I should have, I forgot to say this or this person wasn't listening. I mean, I remember, I forget.

I think it might have been the comedy store, but somewhere where I was like, oh, this person isn't laughing and whatever. And then I go to talk to them and they don't speak English. And I'm like, of course. Like, I'm projecting hatred, you know, that they hate. hate me and literally they don't speak the language. They're just trying to have a good night, you know? Yeah, I know.

You always, we think it's all about us and it's really not, even though they're watching you. Yeah. Yeah, it's a very strange thing. I talk about this with Fortune on our radio show all the time. And she says that guys. Which is crazy that Fortune died this morning. It's so horrible. Yeah, it's really tragic.

But, you know, she would want us to do this podcast. Yeah. She would want us to do it. I was like, do I cancel? No, not. She'd be like, no, no. She says guys get off the stage and always say they crushed. Yeah.

And the women get off the stage and feel, ah. Interesting. I don't know, though. I mean, I feel like Tiffany Haddish or someone like that. I feel like she probably feels really good on stage. Yeah, I don't think Eliza's coming off of. Yeah, questioning yourself. She's not in some sort of existential conundrum after she does a set.

Yeah, I think she feels great. And if she doesn't, somebody's to blame. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, Whitney. Yeah, she probably feels good.

Uh-huh. I don't know. Who knows what anyone feels? Yeah. I mean, I guess we all kind of feel it a little bit, but the, you really tap into all of this in the film. Yeah. It's really like that. Oh, I think towards the end, you said you say something about actors just being dumb or being stupid.

And it really is like, yeah. You're like, why hold them up or something? Yeah. They're just dumb people. I'm paraphrasing, but... I mean, I have a friend of mine. He's like... He makes documentaries and stuff.

But me and him will just send each other like actors doing like panels and back and forth because it's like, it is like... And I do think the older I get, the more I'm just like, I don't have the patience

or tolerance for this. Like I'm just like the vanity, the narcissism, the fucking like lack of... I don't know, just personal. And listen, I think Hollywood is so hard to escape any of those traps.

Like I was thinking in the shower before I came here how like having been on a network show for so long, I feel like if you do press and things like, don't you feel like you like hang out with a friend who's been doing a lot of press? You can tell because they kind of talk to you. Like I just feel like it's not good for the human brain, you know? And it's like I think like I started feeling like also podcast. It's like what's the upside? you're just going to say the wrong thing or this or that, you know, and it's like, I think I became so guarded for like the last, I don't know, five years, something like that where I'm like, you know, what's the point of sharing my feelings or thoughts on anything?

Because it's just going to, everything carries such a high price tag to do that. And now I'm just kind of like, I guess who gives a shit? I don't know. It's like. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I guess I'm like, well, I'm not on a network show. And like, I guess I can say whatever I want and who cares.

no one's paying me. But then when you do have a job offer and they go through all of your stuff, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. But then it's like I do feel like what I appreciate about podcasts now, it's like there's community in it and it's like kind of fun sitting and talking to you. And I haven't even seen you in a while. Yeah.

You know, it's like there's something that I appreciate about just like being in the company of funny people and like, you know. Fortune would have loved you saying that. Why? Because she doesn't think you're funny? No, just because when she was alive, she just had so much life. Oh, right, yeah. She's dead.

I forgot. So sad. Fortune. I baked you this bread just an hour ago. Did you really? Yeah. No way. Yeah.

It's probably still warm. If you want to touch it, it's yours. Wow. But yeah, during this morning. I hope you like it. So what happened? Did you start this in the pandemic? No.

I didn't. That must suck for you. Everybody. asked that. Yeah, because everyone started then. I mean, Jordan was making incredible breadloves. That incredible? There's no way, no.

It couldn't hold up to that. Thank you. Thank you. And he started during the pandemic? Yeah, and promptly. And what's he doing now? Yeah. Well, yeah, now he doesn't, he barely eats bread now.

Oh, really? Yeah. Hmm. Why doesn't everyone want to be so skinny? Well, you know, you get older, you might use sometimes. have health problems. Yeah, you got to kind of thin out. But also everyone is literally emaciated now in Hollywood.

It's done. Yeah. Yeah. I know. And it's everyone in my neighborhood. Yeah. It's now just eyeballs and elbows walking down the street. Yeah, it's like Day of the Dead every day.

It really is. And no one will cop to it either. You're like, are you on a Zempec? Yeah. No. Yeah. Just two eyeballs blinking out of the open sockets. Yeah. It's so, it's so weird. I really feel like we're right back, like, we're back in, like, so many things I feel like we had behind us, you know? It's like, I just feel like it's so weird that we're arguing for like women's bodily autonomy and at the same time women are jabbing themselves weekly to be like 30 pounds lighter than their natural weight. You know, it's like such a strange juxtaposition.

Yeah, I don't think we get, I don't think we get away from all of it. Yeah, I guess it's just all like an eternal struggle. You know, I don't even like movies where it's like good versus evil, you know, kind of thing. Like I'm always just like I object to that. I feel like there's more relativity to the world than that. But I really do feel like, oh, maybe we are like, I don't know. Maybe there are these evil and good forces that are just eternally at battle in all of civilization. I kind of believe that too.

Yeah. And a good place to kind of think about it is watching Lord of the Rings movies. which I'm not, it's not my, it's not my jam, but it was on twice. One time when I had a TV show that was being taken away and canceled. What was it? And I was, it was a sitcom called Come to Papa. And it, and I was like, oh yeah, the network is evil. And we're fighting good.

We're just trying to bring laughter. And whatever was happening, the hobbits going after the orcs or whatever it was happening. I was like, yeah, this totally frames the world exactly how I've been feeling for the last couple of months. Wow. And yeah, and recently, I was just like, yeah, there's... Just imagining you watching that and relating it to your life in Hollywood.

It's so sad. It was so sad. And it was even more sad because we all knew it was over. Yeah. And the showrunner and we just took some of the writers and went to the movies because there's no sense in taking notes or anything. We knew it was over. Yeah.

But we had to be there. So we just went to the movies. That's cool. It was kind of cool. Who was your showrunner? Greg Malins. Oh, I don't know him. He was friends.

Oh, I've heard of friends. Yeah. Wait, who played your wife on your sitcom? Jennifer Aspen. Oh, God, I guess I don't know anybody. Yeah, she was really great. That's cool. Yeah, she was cool.

But yeah, I think there's good and evil. Yeah. Yeah, it feels like it. Yeah. I mean, it could be kind of fuzzy, but. Yeah, I feel like it. Yeah, that's what I'm struggling with. Like, I think, like, on the one hand, I feel like we've gone too far where everyone's broken off into all these different factions and everyone thinks everyone's so stupid, you know?

And I feel like I do think it's like, well, I do, I mean, I don't know if this sounds conspiracy theory, but I feel like there's, like, online, you know, like foreign interference in which there's people trying. to sow discord amongst the left. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't go on TikTok a lot. Yeah, me neither. And but I have this, but they post my comedy on it. So I went to check it. Yeah. Yesterday, and usually I just check the profile and see the video and see if it's been posted, you know. And I was on it for a split second and just started to scroll. rolling. It was all hard right wing propaganda.

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I'm not on it, so I'm not sure why the algorithm was even feeding that. It can see into your soul. It saw your blazer. Well, that's evil. But it was so intense. I was like, holy cow. Blazers are inherently Republican. No. It depends how you wear it. If I had a, if I had a, if I had a start shirt with a Searsucker? Searsucker? Searsucker. Maybe not. I don't know. Maybe that's more kind of gay.

It depends on the body. If I wear it, I kind of feel like a used car salesman. You know? And they like get my hat back a little bit and sweaty. Yeah. Always have a handkerchief just to blot the sweat. Who do you think used cars salesmen say they feel like when they're trying to like malign some profession?

Yeah. I feel like a comic. I feel like one of them clowns. I feel like one of them clowns. Like a road comic in Kansas City. You're like, oh, okay, yeah. Sweaty, desperate. Yeah.

When you said you might want to make a film again, if I ever make a film again. Yeah. Well, who knows? I mean, I feel like at this point, I feel like anything could happen. You know, I'm very drawn to pottery.

You know, like there's part of me that's like, I would like to just live in Berkeley, go fully gray. You know, stop fighting the gray. Right. Just embrace it. Go live in Berkeley and just be a potter. Yeah. Yeah. But I guess I just don't know what's going on with this industry because, you know, we've had the pandemic and the strikes and productions are way down.

And it's just kind of like, where's it all headed? AI is marching over the horizon. Yeah. Yeah. I have a friend who is a showrunner sort, and he, we were talking about AI and he got something picked up. And, you know, the studios can't say use AI. It's like, you know, after the strike and all. But they can say, congratulations, your show has been picked up. You get to hire two writers.

Right. And they have a staff of nothing. It's crazy. So maybe we should see what this AI is about. How scary is that? Yeah. I mean, it's weird because I wrote, I mean, I moved here to write for Sarah Silverman. And that was like, I can't remember how many people.

It was kind of a small writer's room, which was like five or six people, I think. And like every writer's room I've been in has been like a group of people. And when I talk to writers now, because it's been a while and like they're all just like, oh, no, we're like on Zoom or we're this or we're that. And I'm like, this is crazy. Like, I don't know. I guess that's, is that how all old people feel? Or are we in a really crazy turbulent timeline? Because I feel like I'm seeing so many massive changes.

Big time. And people say that like, I don't know if it's like the industrial revolution or what it is. But it's like when they talk about like tech advancements and how it's like escalating it. You know, I forget the name for that. Do you remember? I don't. Joe? But like, you know, what may have taken?

a hundred years to transpire in terms of advancements now is taking like one year. Yeah. Multiplicit, now exponential growth. Yeah, but it's something else, but I can't remember it. Yeah, but it sounds cooler than that. Yeah. This is my fatal flaw, though. I always want to reference things, but I can't remember words for them.

But anyway, like, it seems crazy. Super fast. Yeah. At a breakneck speed. And especially in our little world, it's, uh, it's, uh, I have a friend, my daughter's friend got a job at a casting director, like a pretty, you know, good casting director. No one goes in the office.

Yeah. The whole casting, he's gone. The people that work for him are at home. The auditions are coming in over Zoom. Right. And nobody's, there's no human beings in casting, which is like. So about, like, the feel of the room. Yeah, and the person and the thing.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you look at like, well, do you have to be in Los Angeles? I know. I mean, even if you get a gig, then you're probably going to Canada. I know. Yeah, it's really... Yeah, it's very strange. It does make L.A. feel sort of beside the point.

And L.A. does feel sort of dead. Like, so many people left in the pandemic. And then I think as it's increasingly expensive and there's less and less work, there's going to be more and more people leaving. Yeah, it feels that way. Yeah. What a strange. I said I'd have coffee so I'd be more fun and look what happened. Well, if it was better coffee, we probably would have been happier.

We'd be in business. Yeah. No, but it is strange. But you're a creator. Yeah. You weren't going to get cast than anything. You didn't think. You're just going to make stuff for yourself.

Yeah. So do you think you still have, I mean, it's always hard after birthing a giant project, but you probably have more stuff you want to say beyond pottery. I do, yeah. I mean, I, listen, I, well, first of all, I've got my podcast, which I am re-ignited about because... What's the name of it? It's called Call Chelsea Peretti. And, you know, I started at, I think in 2014 or 2011, something, like a long time ago. And then I've had different times of lapsing and then I restarted it and now I'm going independent with my old producer. And I don't know. I just have been really like, I think. I think because I'm in the mood to be a bit more of an open book in a certain way, instead of being super, like, protective of my thoughts as I feel like I have been. I feel like it's been exciting.

That's cool. But I'm also writing with a UK person. She's coming in next week. Right. Hmm? What? Well, let me hold off on announcing it, but like I'm, I'm. I'm excitedly writing with someone that I think is really funny.

And so we'll see what happens with that, but we're trying to write a TV show. Right. And yeah, you're always going to make stuff. Yeah. And then a friend of mine has a script that I really like. So I'm thinking about trying to put that together and maybe try to direct it. Any roles for me in it? Maybe.

I don't always wear blazers. Where are you from? I could wear different things. New Jersey. Okay. And then New York. Yeah. And now here.

How come you don't say cockroach like Natasha Leo? Cockaroach. Oh, man. I didn't even recognize Natasha in your, the other Natasha in your film. I know how crazy. I love, I think Natasha, like I think has been sort of shortchanged by the roles that she's been given. And, you know, she was a hot girl and she was always given like hookers and strippers. And, you know, I just feel like she's so interested.

interesting and strange as a person. And I feel like she has like such an incredible, like, role ahead of her. But I loved seeing her as this Thimberley character in my movie. Like, I was trying to make it sort of like, you know, a Mel de Marcos adjacent or something. Yeah, but like a old waspy kind of version of it. Yeah.

She was really good. I was, and it took me, like, seeing her twice before I realized who it was. Yeah. Well, it was kind of funny. It's like, you know, when I was casting the movie, I'm like, no one is, like when you're casting, because this character was an older woman. And, you know, initially I was like, I really wanted to be an older woman and da-da-da. And then eventually I went with Natasha putting gray in her hair because there are so few women that let themselves age in Hollywood, you know, or men, really.

It's like a lot of people just dye their hair and get Botox and they kind of look eternally 45 until the day they die, you know. Yeah, who's going to play all the oldies? Yeah. So in a way, part of me just keeps doing, maybe I should. should just let myself age. You know, like, maybe I'd work like crazy. Yeah. Maybe not, though.

So when you look at me, do you think, wow, he's really brave? Yeah. That's what I was thinking when I walked in here. I was like, damn. Yeah. He's letting everything fall apart. He's not hanging on to any of it. You look pretty youthful.

I don't know how old you are, though. 54. Yeah, you look good. Yeah. You look to the crowd. I was thinking that the other night. It would be funny if our podcast had like one person audience. Oh yeah, like talk soup back in the day.

Yeah. Like a few people laughing. Yeah. He laughs. He laughs once in a while. Yeah. I feel like he's faking it. I've never heard Rachel laugh.

I'm a smiler. And I don't know who you brought. I'm a smiler. What are you, a Miley Cyrus, man? Why do you like pottery? You know what? First of all, it's funny because, you know, I am basically just like very mistrusting of technology and all these advancements. And so and but yet I'm a complete addict in my personality. So it's like I feel like tech has just had me an absolute fucking chokehold since, you know, I remember basically getting email in college. And like before that, I had a pager and I would write poetry at cafes and like wait for guys I had a crush on to pay. me and stuff. I mean, that was already like looking at your pager every second. So there's no way I had a chance with cell phones and smartphones and whatever. But so I just feel like it's, it's an obsession.

It's very hard for me to ever put it down even though I don't. Like I was thinking like last night, I'm like, I get in bed at like 10 a lot of times. And then I'll just sit on my phone until like 11 or 12. And it's like, what if I read a book every night for two hours? I'd know so much. Yeah. Or just be calm down. And I'd be calm down. And instead, I am just ritualistically, it's like a cigarette or something. You just grab for it without thinking. It's such poison. And I don't even feel like with all the algorithms,

I don't even think it's easy to game these systems for your own purposes anymore in a way. That's what I was trying to do with the TikTok. I was like what I searched bakeries. I'm trying to mess the, I'll get it off this right way and thing because it was so, all of a sudden Tucker Carlson's face. And I was like, why am I getting fed this? So I put in bakeries and I put in dogs. Yeah.

And I haven't been back on it. You got to check. Yeah. Here's a little thing. I was doing the same thing. And I like to read. Yeah. So because my vision's not great.

I got the Kindle and it feels, I'm reading a book, but it feels like I'm holding tech. Yeah. That's the thing about the Kindle that I've always like held off from. But it does feel like it's good for travel and this and that. and it's less shit in your house, but I just, there's like a lot, I don't, it doesn't appeal to me. I know, but if you're having the tech crossover.

Yeah, I don't know. But anyway, pottery, basically, anytime I cannot use my phone, I'm happy. Like escape rooms. I love escape rooms. Uh-huh. I love pottery. I love like, you know, like being out in nature.

But if I have my phone and I walk my dog, I'll look at my phone the whole walk, you know? Yeah. So it's like, I have to like, actively choose to leave my phone at home. So like, you know, there's a family camp that we go to and it's like you don't get cell reception for a week and it's like heaven. Wow.

Never am I, I've been twice and I'm never like, damn, I wish I had reception. And is it where that you go to the family camp by yourself? No, people like it because it's kind of like I can kind of be like, what do you call? There's a sports analogy. Is it like a pinch hitter where I can go in and like help whatever family. needs help, you know. Right. You just kind of walk around the outside. Yeah. I see who's... The fun aunt or aunt. I don't know how you say it. I like aunt. Yeah. I'm torn. My wife says aunt and she thinks she acts so much better than me when she does.

Aunt. Yeah. Aunt sounds weird and aunt to me. I feel like there should be a middle ground. Yeah. I grew up in the Bay Area. In the Bay Area. Yeah. But how do you say S-Y-R-U-P? S-Y-R-U-P? No, come on. Syrup. That's how my mom says it. Syrup. Serup. Serap.

Serap. Yeah. Like it's a you? Syrup. Yeah. Syrup. It's a Y. Yeah, but syrup.

Again, you should use the Kindle. Why? Does it pronounce words? Just say you're better with words. Does it pronounce them for you? It doesn't read to. No, I don't know. No, I don't think it does.

Syrup. Syrup. Syrup. And how do you say M-I-L-L-K? Milk. My mom says milk. A lot of times. Milk?

Milk. Milk. Didn't we get a voicemail about the pronunciation of milk? Did someone think we said it wrong? Well, yeah, Charlene says milk. Milk. And my toddler says milk. Milk.

There's something kind of foxy and charming about milk, but also, come on. What are we doing? Did you, was the, I know you're a mix of a lot of things, but was the Italian part, the best part? Well, you know, it's funny. I always identified more strongly with my Italian side growing up. And then that was in part because a lot of my Jewish side was estranged family, like they were all fighting about different things. And, well, in recent years, it's been an interesting journey with identifying with any part of being Jewish

because there's been a lot of vitriol and a lot of, you know, a lot of sentiments around Jews that I'm like, processing, I guess. Again, back to the stuff that we thought we had gotten beyond. Yeah. So I don't know. And then I think there's nothing that makes you realize your Jewishness than people generalizing about Jews. Yeah.

And you go, huh, I guess this does feel like it attacks me in a certain way, you know? Yeah, yeah. What was the food? Was it Italian? Or was it? Well, you know, yeah, like I didn't have a religion on either side. you know, and, you know, I had lock-khas and stuff, but I guess I just wasn't like, listen, everything's on a spectrum, even Jewishness.

Right. You know, it's like I wasn't, I wasn't, see, I don't even remember if it's bar mitzvahed or bot-mitsford, but I think it's, do girls get bought-mits-foot? Bought. Yeah, I wasn't bought-mitsfud, and I, but I did go to a Jewish community center for preschool. Mm-hmm. You know, I made a wine. out of raisins.

Oh, that's good. Okay. How was it? I think I was pretty good. Yeah. Was I allowed to try it? That seems weird. Yeah, it does seem weird.

And I've really taken out. We were all completely wasted. But so anyway, yeah, so I don't know. I think I like all sides. And it's also interesting, like, realizing all these Yiddish words that I just inherently know that I'm like, I guess a lot can just permeate, you know. Yeah. But I think, well, you know, also in these times, like, both sides are immigrants.

you know, it's like you go, I think that has a big impact on your identity as immigrant mentality. You know, it's like... Were they first generation? My grandfather's dad came from Italy. And so his first language was Italian, but I think he was born here. And my grandmother fled the Holocaust. She fled from Geneva when she was just about to finish high school. So, yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Was there Italian food around? Probably not. Let's keep talking about the Holocaust. No, I'm just kidding. You're like, back to the food. I told you I'm going to be more of an open book.

Are you ready to optimize your nutrition this year? Well, Factor has chef made gourmet meals that make eating well easy. They're dietitian approved, ready to heat and eat in two minutes. So you can fuel right and feel great. No matter what life. grows at you. Factor arrives fresh and fully prepared, perfect for any active, busy lifestyle. How about this? Lose up to eight pounds in eight weeks with Factor Keto Meals. Based on randomized controlled clinical trial with Factor Keto, results, of course, will vary depending on diet and exercise.

Here's something that I did. I asked for the vegan meals. How about that, Joe? Vegan meals, in your honor. Thank you. Now, am I a vegan? No. I am. Have I done it before? I have.

Okay. Wait, can I have one of these meals? You can have one of the meals. Thank you. Or you could just sign up the way that our listeners do. Well, how do I do that? Well, I'm not at that part yet. Okay.

I'm telling the nice little story about what I did. But when you get to that part, can I write down the code? Yes, you can. Thank you. Pop a 50 off. Okay. Look, when you want to change the way, look, whenever you kind of want to take your health into consideration of what you're eating,

it really is, I always say, just a matter of thoughtfulness and being kind of aware of what you're doing. And you kind of stop and think about what you're doing rather than just shove stuff in your face. So I was like, you know what? My wife is a vegetarian. Why not go for the vegan meals? Why not vegan it up? I don't have to do it all the time, but I'll get big bonus points for being like, look what I made for you, a vegan meal.

And I don't have to think about it. And that's kind of the greatest thing about factor is that you just say what you want. You want a calorie meal. Do you want a vegan meal? Do you want a keto meal? And they do it all for you. And you get this prepared meal. And then you don't have to think, is this vegan?

Is this going to be good vegan? It's all going to be great. It's all going to taste great. You're going to heat it up and eat it within two minutes. And all the work is done. And then also my wife's like, oh, my God, you made a vegan meal for me? you're so sweet but after 25 years of marriage you don't get anything extra that's all you got you just get 25 years of just oh yeah you thought about me thank you eat smart with factor

get started at factormeals.com slash papa 50 off and use the code popa 50 off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping did you write that down joe right down wow this is how you support the podcast and my body and your body. Whoa. That's code Papa 50 off at FactorMeals.com slash Papa 50 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Thank you Factor for making my wife like me. Food, listen.

My grandmother on my dad's side, who is the Italian obviously because my last name's Peretti, but people still ask me which side it is. But I'm like, hello, anyone home? This is how names work. Yeah, but my grandmother, she actually wasn't Italian, but my dad's dad was Italian, and so she taught him, she was taught all these Italian foods to keep him happy, I guess. Right. And she was an incredible, incredible cook. And so she would make, like, rabbit and polenta and bolognays and all these different amazing things that I loved.

No one could cook like her. And then she just quit one day. She was like, I've had it. And I was like, what? But now when I think about how much cooking this woman was doing, I mean, every holiday for so many people, she was cooking. It's like so much work. It's a lot of work. Yeah.

Did you catch any of that? Did you? I do like hosting and I like cooking. But I get sort of stressed when it's a huge group of people. Like, you know, I like cooking for a couple of friends. You know, that's my happier place. Are you hosting thanks? My brother is.

No. But he's like an amazing cook. Oh, yeah? Yeah. So that'll be good. Yeah. But, you know, they don't like a traditional meal, which sometimes I am just like, you know. Would it kill you?

Listen, I'm not on Ozmpic. You know what I mean? Like I like mashed potatoes, mac and cheese. I like to pile whole cranberry sauce onto my turkey. Not to say I endorse the spirit of Thanksgiving. but I do. I have grown accustomed to the food. Yeah.

I think we should just designate it like Indigenous People's Day and switch the, keep the holiday, but switch the, I guess people won't go for that, that won't go for anything. Yeah. No. I mean, our biggest holiday around here is Columbus Day, so Thanksgiving we're pretty, pretty at peace with. Yeah, you love Columbus.

He was such a visionary. He really was. He did amazing work. And so fearless in his exploration of land and sea. We have a thing on this program called an uncomfortable moment. Uh-oh. This isn't so bad, but we have our Cracker Jack staff do a little deep dive into our guests and what they're all about. And I know you don't like to do podcasts.

So this is different from your show with Fortune. Yeah. Do you think Fortune is going to be here? No, but weren't we doing that at one point? Like, I was supposed to do the one with you in Fortune at one point. Oh, you were? I think so. What happened?

It's probably my fault. I can't remember. So you do two different ones, one with you. Yeah, that's the radio show. That's on Sirius XM. And how did you wind up doing that show together? I got offered the show from Netflix. And they asked who would you like as a co-host?

Yeah. And I picked fortune. That's cool. Yeah. And I didn't really know her all that well, but every time I ran into her, she was just fun and bright and the light. And I was able to be funny with her. Yeah. And really like a handful of times.

So, yeah, I just called her one day. And she said, yes. That's cool. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Are you threatened by a handsome pod? Not really. Everyone's got their own things. This is our uncomfortable moment.

This isn't about you. When I said uncomfortable moment. I'm trying to preempt the uncomfortable. When I said uncomfortable, this isn't about you making me uncomfortable. This is about me making you uncomfortable. Got to try to take my power back. All right. Let's go.

Your film, first time female director. Yes. We did a deep dive. And I always thought, well, she's passionate. She knows what she wants artistically. and so it was just she that was her vision and that's what she was going to do and then we found this picture for first female dictator and was this the original uh idea for the film first time female dictator does she have furry hands what is this this is you you found this or you made this i don't know how the sausage is made but somebody sent it to my iPad there was this thing where what is his name there's some leader that's like a dictator. There was a false quote attributed to me.

Is that in there? Where they were saying I endorsed this dictator. Oh, for real? Philippines or something. Noriega? No. Wasn't Noriega like the 80s? Yeah.

I think it's more, it's someone else, but I can't remember who it is. But I had to be like, I didn't say this. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, this is pure coincidence because we just thought it was a funny wordplay. Yeah, that's funny. I do like your hands, though. Yeah, they look like, um,

Free bear hands. What is the film that I'm going to be in again? What is that one about? Well, I don't know. I don't know if you're the right geography for it. Whatever. You know, they call it acting because you can be things that you're not. Right.

In a way. Here's my thing. Like, when things need an accent, I'm like, I can't. can't do accents. Do you feel like you can? I think I can. Whoa! Once in a while I think I don't think I can do it. And then other times, I'm like, I think I can.

That's pretty good. That was pretty good, right? Yeah. Is it feel cool as it to say I've made a movie? It's got to feel pretty cool. It does. Yeah. It's almost like a, it's like a bit of a fever dream. You know, it's like, it is like really hard to make a movie. And I am reminded of that by friends of mine who are trying to do that and can't, you know. Yeah.

I didn't have, you know, the busiest reception, I'll say. But I feel like there's a lot to be proud of in it. And I feel like it's incredibly hard to do. And I didn't feel like it was that hard in a way. So I feel like, I don't know, I feel like it was an encouraging experience and that there's a great film to come. How long did you, from the start of I'm gonna do it, I'm just putting my do not disturb on.

Smart. Thank you. From the idea of like I'm gonna, I think I can make this into something to when it was all over. Well, I mean I started writing it before the pandemic. And then the pandemic kind of grounded everything. Yeah. And then I can't remember when it was sold. but, you know, it was drawn out because of that.

Right, right. But I have the worst sense of time. I want to say, like, it maybe was five years from, like, meeting to getting it out there, something like that. That's pretty good. That's the one part about making a film that always is daunting to me. I know. Because I get, like, I always want to do the next thing and do the next thing. And that you have to be in love with that thing and believe in that thing for a long period of time.

Well, that's what kind of held me back from. even attempting it for the longest time. And I think that, you know, I really do respond to positive encouragement. And I think in that sense, Amy Puller was a good producing match for me because she was just like, I love this idea. Write it. And I love this. Do it. You know, and it's like that helps me because I have very self-defeating voices.

But I'm also very determined. So it's like, you know, it just helps me to be aligned with someone who's encouraging. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is what a producer is supposed to do. Yeah, yeah. How did you become pals? Parks and Rec?

You know, I used to do the monologues in New York for ASCAT at UCB and stuff. And I did intern at SNL, but I think that was before her time. Right. I don't know. I think it was just from, like, comedy in UCB. And she was friends with, like, I don't know, was she friends with Showalter and all them? I thought she was. Right.

I don't know. We were just kind of around, but definitely UCB. Like, I used to do monologues and watch her do improv and thought she was so funny. Right. And then I wrote for Parks and Rec. And so I was around her in that world. So we just kind of always, she did my, I did a web series called All My Exes. And she was on that when I was in New York when I was doing stand-up in New York.

And then, I don't know, we just kind of always been in each other's matrix or something. And why are you enemies now? We're not. But. It's great that she helped push it to do it. You need pals. Yeah. And then like randomly, the people who financed the film Mar Vista, they hired this woman, Deanna, who as a producer and me and her really clicked.

So I did really luck out in that regard because some people have these horror stories where they're, you know, matched with someone and they don't work well together. And so I really did luck out in that. And me and Deanna are still kind of talking about things we would like to work on together. Does that mean that Marvis is the sole financier of this thing? Because whenever I hear people putting films together, one of the other things that stops me is you got to go find money from who, where? I know. A whole bunch of people in different places. Yeah, I think they were.

Yeah. Yeah. But you didn't have to do that part. Well, we were seeking financing for a while, you know, and then you don't have it until you have it. And they were the people who stepped up to finance it. Yeah. I always feel like you got to deal with like some like guy who's in oil but. Yeah.

He wants to throw some money into the film biz. Yeah. You didn't have to do that. I didn't. That's good. Yeah. But I mean, there's so many different ways people get movies made. But yeah, when there's millions of dollars at play, things can get weird.

Yeah. Fast. Yeah. So it's, it's daunting. that way. And also it's just interesting, like, I don't know where it's all headed. You know, it's like a lot of young people that you talk to are not really even watching movies. So it's... Yeah, I know. It is weird. I went to, I went to see Saturday night in the, uh, and we went to the movie theater to see it. And we were one of like six people in the whole jumboplex.

And that happens a lot. And you go, how is this working? And then think of all the theaters that have shut down in L.A. I mean, I still can't believe arc lights gone. Although, you're You have it here in Sherman Oaks. No. Really? Really? Oh, okay, but it's still here. It's still physically there, yeah.

But Arclight no more. Yeah, but I miss Arclight. Like, that was kind of like a main social thing. Yeah, it was cool. You go to movies there with your friends and stuff and it's just like. Yeah. And the ones I used to go to growing up in Berkeley on Shattuck are gone as well. We were so proud of ourselves.

Like, we're at the movies. You got to support movies on the way and I'm like telling my wife, you know, you can't just complain. that the movies are dying and not go to the movies. We're going to the movies. And there was like one other person in the theater with us and he sat like right behind us. And he's just. He shirked off on your blazer.

It sounded like it. Well, yeah. And you're like, ew, get out of here. It is like, I mean, yeah, it's like there is like, I don't know. But I think once it's ingrained in you from when you're young, like movies, you know, popcorn and movies, it's like got such. special feeling, but I think... Maybe another generation of kids that weren't...

We'll save it. They weren't part of the pandemic. Yeah. That will just maybe grow up a little more the way we grew up. Maybe. Maybe. I mean, people are going to make stuff, right? Yeah.

But, you know, it's like, I don't know. Like, I wonder what happens with the whole influencer thing and just like online content. You know, is that... Where does that all go? Is that enough? Where does it go from there? Right. I don't know.

Back to the movie that I'm going to be in. Yeah. What kind of role? Let me ask you this. Okay. Okay. Let me put my directing hat on for a second. Okay.

What kind of role would you like to play that you think you would crush that you don't think people expect? I think a friendly father-type character who has, who's up to something kind of evil. Yeah. Who's got, who's doing something. Now, see, if I'm your wife. and I hear this episode. I'm like, what the hell is going on? This is what I want to.

Oh, yeah, but like you want to do something where you have like kind of a dark side. Yeah, yeah, a little bit of that. I feel like every comedian kind of wants to do that. Like, just how like Robin Williams, Jim Carrey had that like dark side and they explored it and you're like, wow, they're so good at this.

Yeah, yeah. I don't have the thing that some comics have where they want to do something more important than comedy. You know what I mean? there's like that comedy doesn't get the respect. I'm trying to think if I have that. But I don't.

I mean, I think like lastingly comedy is my passion. I guess I just don't always know if it's stand up, you know? Yeah. But you, yeah, the hard part is, and the reason why it falls flat is funny people are funny people. Yeah. You're a funny person. You're just walking in, like just in your film or your shows. you just enter the room, you kind of lean in like, what is she up to?

Yeah. I know. I think that, but it would be fun to have some dark, sick director who's like, no, I know how to tap into that pathos, you know? Yeah. Would be fun. But, I mean, I genuinely could do comedy till the day I die and that would be fine with me, you know? Yeah. I think what's heartbreaking about comedy in terms of like Hollywood is just how it's like the bastard cousin of everything.

No one. Like, why aren't there Oscars for comedy? Yeah. I mean, and then you can name a hundred films that are the answer to that. Right. Exactly. All the earnest series. Like, I've been rewatching all these Jim Carrey movies and like they're fucking amazing and he's so funny and like so like even cute. We're like he's kind of cute like it's a big eyes and it's like little mouthy looks like so expressive and you know we've been watching them and cracking up and stuff but it is also like when you imagine him getting an oscar for it it's like i mean part of the oscars is just being so fucking up your own ass and so serious that it is hard to imagine comedy getting into that yeah it feels like the inappropriate kids like jumped into the yeah jumped over the wall but then like even for

tv like the comedy category always gets kind of like overrun with the virus of like dromedies or you The bear is best comedy. So I don't know. That part annoys me where I'm like, I wish comedy. And also just like how every actor thinks they can do comedy. I don't know. I know. I don't know.

But I guess here we are and every comedian thinks they can do drama. So maybe. Right. We just watched Being there the other night. I've seen that. With Peter Sellers. You've never seen it? I don't know.

Is that the heaven one? No, it's the politician one. Are you looking for a cigarette? No, but those do look amazing. Thank you. I haven't smoked in. You have and you want to hold it? Or will it trigger you?

I just like it as a prop. We don't light them up. God, fucking damn it. I'm sorry, do you want to give it back? I love cigarettes so much. You look good with it. You hold it. Can you believe this guy?

I'm a mother. I can't fucking kill myself, but God. I didn't actually ever, I did smoke Marlboro lights for a while, but they're not that good. Camel lights are better. parliaments I used to love. I love the recessed filter. God damn. Sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. If I fucking started smoking it, you know, I started smoking. As soon as I came here to write for Sarah Silverman, everyone was like smoking on their breaks from the writer's room. And I just immediately picked up a cigarette without a thought in my head. Do you know what I mean? How long did you smoke for?

Oh my God. Off and on from when I was like, you know, 13 to, you know, I don't know how old I was when I moved here, probably 30, 32, something like that. Wow, that's a good run. So, yeah, but. Yeah, I always like the idea. Sarah Silverman, your friend, said that when she was here, she said that she smokes one cigarette every morning. No, I know, this is the problem.

This is why I started smoking on that show because she makes it seem like, oh, it's a little treat. Yeah. It's like, bitch, it's not a treat for anyone about you. I don't know how. Yeah. Like, that is so wild. Like, can you imagine?

Well, I mean, I don't know what you're, relationship to addiction is, but for me, I'm like, a cigarette? Like, every now and again, what's the fucking point? Half the time you smoke a cigarette, it's not even good until you get to like your 10th cigarette and then somehow that's the most magical one, you know? Yeah, like, just, cigarettes were like such a fickle maiden, like you need like that cigarette with your coffee or the cigarette. If the wind is blowing too much, you can't enjoy it. If it is to that, but like sometimes you have that perfect pull on a cigarette and you see. see the little bright, you know, glowing ember, and then you blow out and you see the stream of

your smoke. This is so triggering. Oh, my God. I know. I've never smoked as a habit. Like I never, yeah. You're like Sarah. I, yeah. And, uh, but I will, when I'm tired, when I'm, like, on the road and trying to get to the next place, I literally see myself outside the theater before we go in for the soundtrack smoking a cigarette. Like I, you visualize it. I literally visualize just being like, it's like a stress relief or something. Yeah, it's just like identify it with just give me a minute to myself. No, if instead of that, you did 30 pushups. Yeah. You'd be ripped right now. I'd be ripped. That's like every podcast. And major people would be on my podcast. Yeah. Yeah. But no, I don't know. I mean, it is like, it's the perfect kind of little time filler for an anxious little moment, you know. And also just like,

I used to love that it gave me an excuse to just like, when we, would you just go sit outside on a step for 10 minutes and then go back inside? You wouldn't do it. Yeah, right, by yourself. Yeah, but it gives you like a reason to just sit outside for 10 minutes, you know? My other director friend other than you, Tarentino? Soderberg. Okay. And he would have a, before the day started when he's getting ready for the first shot, he would have a clove cigarette. I do like the smell, but they make you headache. Just for the habit of a, just for the moment alone. to kind of like settle in and okay we're going to work and this is going to be the first thing that we're going to do.

It's a smart way to not get addicted because I feel like you don't really want to like mainline clove cigarettes. No, it doesn't sound like good. It's too like dizzying and intense. Yeah. But I do love clove cooking with it. I'm like I kind of went on this tear of like why isn't there should be more clove, more nutmeg, more all the Christmas spices.

Yeah, cardamom. I love. Mm-hmm. My wife just made a pumpkin bread. Mm-hmm. And it had all of that in it. Mm-hmm. And she put it in the toaster to heat it up last night when I was coming up the stairs.

I was like, it's Christmas time. Yeah. It's just so soothing. And vanilla, I love vanilla. Yeah. I mean, I got to get into it baking again. Yeah, you should. But yeah, it's not in a lot of recipes here, so enjoy it well at last.

Does anyone ever sort of sit back like this? No. Can you see, Can you see Chels? Does this ruin the like sitting at the Italian? What is this supposed to be? Are you Italian? I am.

Oh, Papa? From Sicily. Oh, I just went to Sicily. You did? I've never been. Really? Yeah. That's crazy.

Did you like it? I did like it. It was really, really hot, as you may hear about Sicily in the summer. Yeah. But we did go on some boats. We, you know, and so we were jumping in and out of the water. And we walked around in Palermo. That's where we were.

There's a lot of papas in Palermo. Are there? You should go. Yeah, I really want to go. I bet there's some listening. In Palermo? Do you ever have, like, Sicilians reach out to you and be like, come? Once in a while.

Once and while. I'm going to look up something. be really cool. You should first of all sell that as a little travel thing or something. Like Papa goes back. Yeah. And you go try to meet as many Papa's as you can in Sicily. Mm-hmm. Are you texting your agent this idea right now? I am. Keep going. You better be. Keep going. So you go to Palermo. You meet every, it's called, what is it called? Papa of the Papa's. Mm-hmm. Papa comes home. Yeah. Papa's home. Yeah. And then you go meet all the Sicilian Papa's Papa's that your heart can handle.

And you bring one home to live with you. Oh, really? Like an older one? This is the biggest comedy movie star in... Sicily? In Italy. His name is Carlo Verdoni. Oh, he looks a lot like you.

And I got in a cab in Rome. And this young Roman cab jar was like... Oh, my... Verdone! Verdone! Verdoni is in my cab. Wow. Oh my God, it's Carlos Verdoni. And you know what I would have done immediately?

Bring me to the best pasta in the town. I just kept going, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not Verdoni. And then he called his father and had me get on the phone with him. Yeah. You're like, ha, chow. I'm like a chow, Bella. And he was, it took the whole ride in Rome.

In Rome. See, now Rome is the home of Carbonara and that is my favorite pasta. It's so good. God. Damn, it's good. God. Have you had it from Angelini? No.

So good. Really? So good. Can you make it? Carbonara might be my last meal if I were to be dying soon. I don't disagree with that. It's so fucking good. Yeah.

And I follow all these Roman places that specialize in it on Instagram just so I can see pictures of it all the time. Me too. You fucking yank and crank my... Mateo Lane. Mateo? Do you know Mateo? I don't know Mateo. Everyone talks about this, Mateo. Mateo's great. I don't have my phone. And he

loves it and makes it as well. Really? Yeah. Well, Mateo, hit me up. Yeah, it's really, yeah, that, no, that is a perfect dish. But you got to use guanchale. You can't really use... Although my mom would make it with bacon, and it was pretty fucking good also. Yeah, it's okay. But Italians are like so up, you know,

up in arms if you fuck with recipes. I will say similarly, if you put cream in it, you're dead to me. if you put peas in it. Yeah, no. No. No. No. No.

We do another thing on this program. We like the beautiful things like Carbonara and this beautiful bread that you're going to take home. I'm so excited. And I hope you to text me and give me a review on it. I hope you like it. I will. I don't. Do I?

Do we? We also eat things we find in the 7-Eleven that I've never eaten before. Oh, that's cool. And this is a new kind of skittal called a smooth. skittles. Oh, wow. That doesn't sound promising. Smoothies? Like, either we're doing smoothies or we're doing skittles. This is how I feel about burlesque. I'm like strip or be funny. I don't want the combo action. All right, let's see. They're pretty. Although I'm going to take all the oranges out because I can't with orange

flavor. What do you mean? I hate orange flavor candy. For real? Yeah. Orange anything? Amazing. They've done it again. See, contempt prior to investigation. These are amazing. Yeah, they're better than regular Skittles. Yeah. Why? I would say if it was like music, regular skittles are like,

and these are like, yeah, it's more lofty. They're more mellow. But you know what I want? Sour Skittles. Does that exist? That does. I bet it does.

Yeah. Look, you really took all the orange out. I don't like orange. I like orange. Is it orange flavor? Orange? Mm-hmm. Not orange?

That's like some East Coast shit. Orange? Orange. No. Orange? Orange. Orange. Orange, honey.

Orange flavored syrup. Get the orange cockroach. Orange flavored syrup. Orange aunts. New Jersey. You like being a mom? I do. Yeah.

Can you imagine if I said no. It'd be such like a letdown for my kid to hear this. later. You're like, I mean. Not really, no. I love it. How old? Seven.

Prime time. How old are your kids? 19 and 22. Holy shit. Yeah. So. I see pictures of seven on my phone. And do you fall apart?

It brings me to my knees. I fucking hate it. Like the old pictures when your phone shows you. I'm just like, time is flying past. Are yours out of the house? Was that like a devastating moment? Mm-hmm. I mean, that's like the whole stand-up thing.

Stand-up, loud, community, people, chaos, and then you're in your hotel room. I have to feel like empty nest feels like that. Yeah, yeah, it's a really, you're right. Your house is so fucking noisy and, like, chaotic when you have kids. Yeah. And then they're just gone and you're like looking at your spouse, like, all right, so let's dig back in.

Yeah, no one tells you really with any clarity. at the beginning of it that this is going to be the biggest project of your life. This is going to be making a film for 20 years. And it's going to end. You're not, and then what project are you working on next? I used to have a joke because, like, no one tells you how hard parenting is.

J.K., they do constantly. But it's also beautiful. Like, it's, I like them, I like adults. Yeah. I like it's pretty cool. And they come home for like four months at a time.

What are you doing now? You're getting into like some speak easies with you. I'm microdose more. Do you really? Everyone's into microdosing. Yeah. You're like, do you want to hold a microdose how you had me hold the cigarette? You're like, do you want to hold heroin, Chelsea?

You want to hold a drink? You seem like someone who battles addiction. Want to hold a drink and smell it? I'm like, what the hell kind of podcast is this? Have you ever just looked at Hinge? No. Can you imagine? Yeah, just take a browse through Hinge.

There's some hot guys in here, Chels. It's like, what the hell show is this? No, I mean, there's a little more freedom. Yeah. I feel like I'm going back to the guy I was before I pretended to be responsible. Right. Do you change your sleeping habit? Mm-mm.

No, that wrecks. That's like never going back. I mean, when I was a teenager, I literally dragged my mattress into a closet. And I slept in there because it was pitch black and I could sleep till like noon. Yeah. I couldn't sleep till noon if you paid me $300. I couldn't sleep till nine. 300?

That's the biggest amount I could come up with. It sounded really. The hell is wrong with me? Yeah, that is a lot. No, it wrecks you. That's what's weird. It's like they change you and then go. And then they're just left and tatters.

You're left with their friends' parents or your friends. Are you still friends? with their friends, parents? Wow, that's interesting. Yeah, there's like some that are like our closest friends. Really? That's cool. Yeah, because we ended up together for 12 years, you know?

Right. And no, the whole thing's cool, but yeah. Where are they in school? One's in school and one's a person in New York. That's the thing I caught myself. I was like, I don't want to be elitist. I'm like, where are they in school? Hey, schools got diminishing returns these days.

The real question is, can they build robots? Yeah. So they're in New York, you said? I didn't retain your answer. It's okay. You got Skittles going through your rim. The Twinkie defense, remember? Yeah.

The Scootys, Skittles. Hey, it's both plural. Smoothies Skittles. Smoothies Skittles. Come. Fucking. Sorry. That was really unnecessary.

Smoothies skittles, that is going to make me nuts. You can bring them home. It should be called smoothie. Skittles. Smoothies. Smoothies. Smoothies. You know a focus group

went over that for a long time. And they failed us. But hey, the American people are being failed left and right. What's new? Smoothies,

skittles. Smoothies. Now listen. Tom's, Papa's. When we're working on our movie together. Yeah.

Where you're a deranged monogamist. Now I might be directing you in something. I would love that. I'm available. Let's put it like that. I am avail.

Will you audition or you offer only? Depends on the script, I guess. Depends who's involved. Yeah, exactly. How much money will I get paid? No, but I really am trying to just be like, you know what? Be humble. Be humble.

Allow yourself to be a loser. Mm-hmm. You know, it's like so much of being creative is really, regenerating yourself, re-envisioning things, coming up with new ideas. Like, I think LA, everyone's obsessed with status. Everyone's obsessed with like, I just don't want to run my life that way.

That's why I'm here today. RBC Training Ground has discovered potential in over 20,000 Canadian athletes and county. Your story could be next. If you've got the drive, they'll help you find your path to the Olympics. Let's see what you've got to. Sign up for free at rBC training ground.ca.

Well, it was really nice having you. Enjoy your bread. And, no, I've been talking about that on stage a lot. Really? I want to go to a small town, live in a small town, that this place is sick. It is. It really shouldn't be like people will mortgage their whole life to get a nice car to feel important for 10 seconds at valet. Yeah.

In front of strangers. It's like a demented place. When I first moved here, my dad's wife had let me have her, car, but she's a bad driver, and the car was covered in dense. And I went to go do a show at UCB, and I went to the ballet, and the ballet waved me through. He's like, this is for valet. And I literally got tears in my eyes because I was just like, I'm driving this shit heap. He can't even conceive. I would have the cash to ballet, you know? It's brutal. But yeah, this town is just fucking whack. Yeah. I don't know. One time I went to the dermatologist, this is another ballet story.

but the guy brought me a Bentley afterwards. Like he just got confused and gave me the keys to a Bentley. And I was like, what if I just drove away? I just take up. Here's my ballet store. It was the first time I ever came to L.A. for Comedy Central Presents. And do you remember Lucian from the comic strip?

Yeah, but I didn't really know him. He was managing me. And we got to L.A. And we're going to do this TV taping. And we go into the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. and it's like, wow, this is gorgeous and I can't believe I made it to L.A. And the person at the front desk,

I said, no, no, no, you don't have a reservation here. And he had booked at the Wilshire Hotel, which was like a motel down the street. And we're like, oh, okay. So now we have to bring our luggage back outside and get our car from the valet. And Dom Deloise is standing there, waiting for his car.

And he's like, hello! He's just like big gregarious guy. And he knew you. No, he didn't know me at all. I was just like a kid, you know. Yeah. And but he was just being really effusive and friendly. And he goes and then so we're talking and the ballet comes up with the car and like this beautiful like Porsche or BMW.

And Dom Delewees goes, this is your car? And I'm like, no. And then this rented like you go, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Comes up. And I go, that's my car. And he looked at me like, oh, all right. I know, but it's like, you know, it's like you're telling this story and I'm like, what's so great about some piece of shit with a nice car?

You know? It's like the fact that you're feeling bad about yourself because you're not, I mean, this town is just so corrosive and shitty. It's like, wow, you should feel so good about yourself. You have an expensive car. Who cares? Yeah, exactly. I know. But that was my first entrance and it was like, oh, this is how this place works.

Yeah. This is how it runs up. And like, and even fashion, like New York, I feel like people dress so interesting and cool. You come here like, I need an expensive purse. I need an expensive pair of shoes. Like, you have to have these, like, status qualifiers. They all look the same. Everyone has, they're playing by the same rulebook.

And they don't even look good. Like, a lot of expensive shit is, like, objectively ugly. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. It's like almost part of it. Mm-hmm. I dare you to fucking say something. Like, these are so expensive, you know, it's like.

Yeah, you know what these costs. That's what this is built on. I don't know. I just town is just, I mean. Would you go back to New York? I don't know that I would want to live there like forever, but I think it would be fun to live there for a year again or something. Or do like three months. Yeah, like a stint in New York.

Like I've gone there a lot lately and like it is just like I love walking around. And like I just love how you can, how condensed it all is. Like LA is so spread out. So I mean, obviously this isn't very insightful, but I just love that you can walk down the block and like, do like 10 things on one block. I know, I know. It is cool that way. And you know what?

What? You look cool with a cigarette in that town. God damn it. Eating bread with a cigarette in New York. You know, I used to smoke. Do you remember Cafe Mogador? Did you ever go there? Mm-mm.

It was in the East Village, and they used to have a breakfast special that you get a fresh squeeze orange juice, cappuccino, eggs, potatoes, bacon, I think. And you could smoke in there. Really? Yeah. and I would just go have this incredible breakfast. Oh, my God. Imagine me licking every one of my fingers and then puffing out a perfect stream of smoke.

This was the life. I felt like a fat cat and I was fucking not making money. You know what I mean? Yeah. Listen. Yeah. Well, New York gives you that illusion like you're getting stuff done when you could have nothing going on. But just a great meal.

A great meal. And they have good food that's not expensive. You know, like just so many options for that. And like, well, I mean, I don't want to be, you know, I'm talent. So I don't want to pretend I'm the producer. Right. But maybe we shoot in New York. Yeah.

This is, this project is really ballooning. It really is. It's, I'm very excited about it. The untitled Tom Papa psychopath movie. People are very excited. My friend said that every time in L.A. when someone says they're excited, it means they're nervous. They're lying.

Yeah. We're very excited to have you. It's like, yeah. Very excited. You're a part of this. right if you just say yeah right very nervous you don't have feelings yeah right congratulations back at you it's really fantastic i love you're very funny i love you uh just watching you move i love you so much always so great when you're really the way you just walk in all of

your scenes in this film it's very much like your stand-up just the way you do a good lunge you got a good comedy lunge thank you well i loved you know i grew up loving as i said jim carrie um Martin Lawrence, you know, like there were people taking such big swings. You know, I love Lucy. I grew up watching that at my daycare, you know, my babysitter would put that on black and white, and I watched so much, I love Lucy. She was so funny physically. And I think then we comedy moved in like a more naturalistic direction and now it doesn't exist.

Yeah. And now it's gone. So it was a good run. Well, enjoy your bread. Thank you for this bread. I'm very excited. Yeah. And if you want to take the Skittles, I have another pack for you here.

That's all, hasn't been opened yet. I thought there was going to be more 7-Eleven things, but that was it. Oh, you think we should have more? Well, inflation, I get that it's hard to buy a bunch of stuff. Yeah, we're not, we're not handsome. Well, I do recommend future guests to sit in this way. It's more comfortable. How does it look on camera when you sit that way?

It's okay. Oh, boy, not good. Oh, God. That's, see, this is, as an actor, I really have no sense of, like, I'm always like, oh, that looks pretty shitty. Yeah, the director in you. would have understood not to go over. But he left me hanging, I guess. He said, it looks shitty, but we'll let her do it.

Anyway, thanks for having me. It was really great to see you. You too. And I'm excited for my bread. Can I use that bag? This is your bag. Thank you, Joe.