Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 253 - Harland Williams

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

This week on Breaking Bread Harland Williams joins us in the studio. We reveal his two biggest claim to fames: starting the John Deere trend and being the king of Canada. He shares about growing up, getting sent to boarding school, and realizing he was on his own in this life. Tom and Harland also share an open dialogue about the current political climate. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 0:00:00 Intro 0:03:00 Resturants, Musso & Franks 3:00 0:07:14 Being mocked as a kid 7:14 0:14:23 Boarding school 0:21:10 Realizing he's on his own 0:25:13 Dating Scene 0:26:00 Catholic School 0:29:10 Meeting Harland when he moved to LA 0:30:15 John Deere trend & Ashton Kutcher 0:35:00 Religion growing up 0:38:08 Canada assimilation 0:50:57 Uncomfortable Moment 0:56:25 Elon Musk 1:05:40 Media & politics 1:18:20 Jan 6th 1:22:13 Bird Flu 1:27:30 International Comedy 1:30:20 Beirut 1:33:32 Bread & Goodbyes ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom Papa is a celebrated stand-up comedian with over 20 years in the industry. Watch Tom's new special "Home Free" out NOW on Netflix! Radio, Podcasts and more: https://linktr.ee/tompapa/ Website - http://tompapa.com/ Instagram -  https://www.instagram.com/tompapa Tiktok - https://www.tiktok.com/@tompapa Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/comediantompapa Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/tompapa #tompapa #breakingbread #comedy #standup #standupcomedy #bread #johndeere Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's the series Stephen King calls Scary as Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From Binge All Episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Today we have the great Harlan Williams.

You know Harlan Williams. about every movie, about every other movie ever made. He's so funny. He's a great stand-up comedian. He really is an original. He's coming back on the program for a great conversation. You're really going to love it. He's so funny and interesting.

And I have to say, this conversation took some wild turns. We actually talked about stuff I was not anticipating talking about with my former Canadian U.S. citizen. Is he have dual citizenship? I think he's got both. I don't know. He might be, he's also somehow close to Siam. It's a very interesting conversation.

He's really, really funny. I love spending time with him. And he's a good friend. And it was really nice to kind of open up and take it into some new exciting directions. So let's jump right into it. Enjoy my conversation with Harlan Williams. It's time for breaking bread with Papa.

Hey! Don't you know? Hey! It's how we go. Hey. It's time for breaking bread with Papa. Hey! Don't you know?

Hey! It's also a show. Hey! We were in a boarding school. We went out. We never on the weekends, they let us go into town. Yeah. You know, the boarding school boys could go into town.

We have to sign out. We get to go for an hour or two and we could go, you know, buy stuff, chocolate bars or whatever. Uh-huh. So we'd go in and cause trouble. And one day we were beside the railroad tracks and we lit a fire. And there's literally like the side of the railroad tracks is off all the dry grass and everything. And David Mulberry, the idiot, pulls out a cigarette. And instead of just using a match, he sticks his face in the fire to light his smoke.

And I'm just like, Mulberry. And his eyebrow just like, he looked like the human torch from the Fantastic Four. Like, just like singed eyebrows. And I'm like, you know, there's other ways to light a cigarette dip wad. Hi, Harlan. Isn't that funny? You always catch you mid-sip. It's like when you're at a restaurant and the waiter's like,

so how's that meal and you're right in the middle of a huge bite? And it's like, you saw me. You could have come over when I was just sitting there, but I think you waited for me to take that bite so you could go, how's that and I, you know. I love when there's food in my mouth when they come in. and asked that because we're in restaurants so often that I get tired of the, hey, how's it all going?

Hey, you're enjoying it? Hey, is everything tasting great? And if I have food in my mouth, I don't have to participate. I just, hmm. Yeah, you do the, it's all faces. And then they're gone. Yeah. It's much faster than a verbal response.

Smart. Yeah, it's pretty good. See, this is why you're a restaurant eater and I'm not. Why? How long have you been boycotting restaurants? No, that's wrong. I do go to restaurants a lot. Oh.

I just got so caught up in passion in what you said that I overstepped my boundaries. Look at this. And hi, by the way. You said hi and I didn't even say hi. So hi. Nice to see you, Harlan. Nice to see you. Love being with you.

Check this out. This was on Hollywood Boulevard, this Italian kitchen. Okay. It's a menu. Oh, look inside. Oh, wow. I found out the antique mall. Oh, wow.

Isn't that the coolest? Hollywood? Yeah. Have you been to Muso and Franks? Yes. You want to go? Oh, I love it. Are you taking me?

Was that an invite? Is that a date? I will take you. Whoa. Yep. I come to do a podcast and I get a date? Just be forewarned. I do not put out on the first date.

Well, I was thinking more of just eating. Good. I'm not looking for intimacy. Yeah, I don't party on Fun Street. Moose on Franks. Yeah. I think it's the oldest restaurant in Hollywood. It's over 100 years old.

I know. Lobster steak. Do you drink? A little bit here and there, rarely. Would we have martinis there? I doubt it, but I'd have a lobster. Why wouldn't you have the martini? I'd order one just because of the ambiance.

I'd probably take one sip and then not. drink it. That's all right. I don't drink that kind of stuff. What do you drink? Not a lot. I haven't had most alcohols. Like I haven't had rye. I think you had whiskey for the first time two years ago. Right. That's smart. Like all these, I don't, yeah, yeah, I don't, I never drank really. And Muso and Franks, they make the martini. Pour it in your little glass. And then they leave the shaker in ice. I, because there's a little extra. They leave it there so you can serve yourself as you go along.

Shaker. It's so classy. Do you think people with Parkinson's like martinis? Love them? Probably can't. Probably evens it all out. Probably have no choice, really. Shaken or stirred.

Shaken. I mean, not to make fun of Parkinson's, but if you, lived in a household with someone who had it. And a lot of times people are like, oh, poor parking. Oh, they're done. You know what I mean? But if we looked at it from a practical point of view and, you know, have a little fun with it. Yeah.

If you were a martini person and there was someone in the house that's, you know, and you liked a martini every day at happy hour and you go, hey, grandma. And she, you know, and maybe she feels. you know, hey, finally. I'm not a burden. I'm contributing and we're having a little fun. I mean, yeah, they're finally someone notices that I'm important and useful. Yeah, and I also feel like if we look for the upside to that, it's like we live in California,

which is earthquake country. Yes. And when there's an earthquake, you've been in them, I've been in them. It's like someone kicked open an ant's nest. Yeah. The shaking starts. People are running around. like when you're kicking ant nest open.

And in that moment of panic, what do you want more than someone who's calm and collect? Right. And if you're in the middle of an earthquake and Granny's got the park and you look over, she's probably the only one standing still. Because everything else is shaking. And so it counters and there's this calm collective force.

Yeah. So I think we've got to look for the upside to it and also have fun with it. it's a tragic disease and, you know, I think we've got to laugh at everything. Not in a mean, cruel way, but just make light of it. No, absolutely. Did you ever have anything wrong with you when you were a kid? Just my face. Is that what kids would make fun of? My ears, my ears. They stick out a little bit now, but they stuck out a lot when I was a kid. I got called Alfred E. Newman. I got called Mr. Spock. That's good. Well, not really, but. Oh, it hurt?

Well, yeah, when you're a kid, you're not attuned to cruelty or mean it. It's something you have to learn. Yeah. So you're just a kid. It's like, hey, there's a kid. I'm a kid. Hey, kid, and you play. Yeah.

And then one day all of a sudden in the schoolyard, somebody goes, hey, Alfred E. Newman, Mr. Spock. And you're like, wait, what? Why you be mean to me? It's like a new thing, right? It's like everything in life. You have to experience it. So, yeah. But it also, you know, I always say stuff like that toughens you.

It, it makes, it hardens your shell and it prepares you for life. And nowadays it seems like parents are like, you can't do anything to damage a kid. And what they're, what they're not realizing is that kid's building is armor for life. Right, exactly. But the weird thing is you get mocked when you're young. Everyone gets mocked. and you build it up and you're like, it toughens you.

But then at a certain age, like after the college years, no one really mocks you. Like nobody walks around in your normal day and like comes up behind you. I had a thing in my act, no one comes up behind you in the supermarket and says,

nice waddle, fat ass. You know what I mean? As a grown up. Not to your face. But they are, I think everyone does it kind. Did you see Carol? Oh, my God.

What a jumbo shrimp ass. What happened to her? Yeah. I think there's a lot of it. We've just become more discreet. It's just not to your face anymore. And delicate. Yeah.

Right. And friends, even friends, will do it to each other. I had a friend just today. Well, friends, yeah. I had a friend today text me about another friend and make kind of a jab at his sexuality. And I was kind of like, I didn't respond to it because I was like, okay, that's it. But it's so. It still happens.

It's just not to your face anymore. It's just not to your face. I think it's, but that's, I don't think it's vindictive or malicious. I think it's just how we're wired. It's the same way we love sex. We love, we love speed, we love violence. We love all of us, oh God, but look at, we all watch John Wick. We all love, watch the UFC.

We all love to see a fight between Blake Lively and someone else on TikTok. We love it. It's like we're wired for it. Yeah. You can't really blame us. I got made fun of, I guess, when I was younger, when I went through a fat stage. Like how fat? Like, like, not gigantic fat, enough to be like that at that time.

You were the kid? There were fatter ones because there were kids making fun of me and then I would be like, you deflect it on. I'm like, what the hell? Why are they saying that about me? And then I'd be like, does anyone notice Don? Yeah.

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Quince.com slash Papa. How's that guy? And then bounce off a Don and look at Carol. Yeah. I remember one time I got in a fight with a guy who was more athletic and he called me fat. and he was more athletic. This was like third grade. And we started tussling in the school yard. And he threw me on the ground.

And then he like, he like pinned me down. And my defense was as I was down there about to try and offend off some fisticuffs. I just started yelling how badly his balls smelled. I was like, he was on me. And I just started going and there's other kids watching and cheering. Were you tussling? or are you engaged in a sex act? This was tussling, but...

And I saw you going like this, which also isn't really fighting. It's more like tugging on balls, I think. The Trump rally? Yeah. No, this was... So my defense in third grade was, oh, his balls stink. And I humiliated from underneath. Yeah.

It's like a jiu-jitsu move. And I got him off me just from humiliating him from below. See, I would have thought because kids are so clever. Mm-hmm. that back when we were kids, anything related to gayness was like huge. Huge. No one was gay. You couldn't say gay. So if you did anything. An attack, yeah.

Yeah. So for you to, I would think at least at my school, if you said, ooh, his balls stink. Right. It wouldn't have been about him. Now we're going, oh, you're the guy that sniffs balls. You're the fatty that sniffs ball me. Well, it's not like I was sitting around in the cafeteria with an espresso going, Has anyone checked out Scott? His balls really smelled. No, they were on me.

Everyone was watching. But that's what I mean. If I was a kid and I saw that, I would have called you Tommy Ball Sniffer. Wow, you were much meaner than the kids that I grew up with. There's layers to this cruelty. But we're just wired that way, man. Anybody that made a mistake early on was screwed for the rest of the years. Right.

Because a fight is a fight. A fight is common, right? Right. You could go in the school yard and see a fight every thing. third day. Yeah. But when you see a fight where the kid on the bottom yells, hey, his balls stink, that's fresh, that's new, that's exciting.

So you're going to become Tommy Ball Sniffer. I don't know what kind of school you went to, but you should have been, you know, Tommy Ball Sniffer. And I might call you that for the rest of my life now. See, it's still continuing. It's still happening. Damn it. I'm going to text people later.

What is wrong with you? I, uh, it was a girl behind me, uh, peed. at her desk on her books that were stored under her seat. That was rough. Then we had another kid who, uh, during the weekend, blew all of his facial hair off, his eyebrows and stuff with his rocket set.

Oh, wow. And it had to come in on Monday with no eyebrows. And he was screwed for the rest of high school. Yeah. You know, anything that, any mistake you made during the weekend, you were, you had a guy. There was a guy named David Mulberry.

in my school. And we were in a boarding school. We went out, we, ever on the weekends, they'd let us go into town. Yeah. You know, the boarding school boys could go into town. We'd have to sign out. We get to go for an hour or two,

and we could go, you know, buy stuff, chocolate bars or whatever. Uh-huh. So we'd go in and cause trouble. And one day we were beside the railroad tracks and we lit a fire. And there's literally like the side of the railroad tracks is on all the dry grass and everything.

And David Mulberry, the idiot, pulls out a cigarette Instead of just using a match, he sticks his face in the fire to light his smoke. And I'm just like, Mulberry, and his eyebrow just like, he looked like the human torch from the Fantastic Four, like, just like singed eyebrows. And I'm like, you know, there's other ways to light a cigarette dip wad. Oh, Mulberry. I didn't realize you went to boarding school.

Well, no, you do. Talk about talking about a hierarchy and a pecking order of cruelty. And violence. Yeah, no parents around you with them all the time. Like 200 boys from grade six up to grade 13, which they had in Canada. Right. And, you know, a couple of dozen teachers overseeing it. And, you know, you're talking testosterone, puberty.

God. Coming into your own, into your, you know, your formative years as a teenager and then a young adult. And so it was like, you know, it was like being on the Discovery Channel. And when you see Prides of Lions or Packs of Hyenas where they're sorting out the pecking order. Jeez. And a lot of it was resolved with violence and intimidation. Yeah. So it was a tough place to go to school.

And I remember I started when I was about, you know, this high. I think I was 12. Uh-huh. And our boarding school was out in the country, and it was attached to the, it was run by Quakers, and they owned two dairy farms. And I never loved milk as a kid, but we would get our milk from the dairy farms. And it was the, you know, the nice, the best milk I'd ever tasted. So every meal, I was like having five, six glass, I would just pound it. And literally from the first year, I was there three years.

And by the end, I was like almost. the height I am now. Wow. And so the guys that hammered on me in year one, by the time I got to third year, I had outgrown a lot of them, and then I was able to like hammer them back. Who's Alfred E. Newman now? Yeah, it was really, it was really bizarre. Well, Alfred E. Newman's stuff was younger when I was still in like public. Public school before I went to boarding school. Oh, okay. But in boarding school, yeah, it was quite the hierarchy. How did you end up in boarding school? Were your parents just done with you? I think they were.

Their story was they wanted me to get a better education, but I think it was more about they thought that I was probably problematic because I was a little bit defiant. And I was the only boy and a family of four girls. Right. And I, you know, my dad was a politician. And I think, you know, I got into a little trouble in the neighborhood. Nothing that would send me to juvie.

but I think it was enough that my dad was like, mm, could be a liability. And A, B, I don't want to deal with it. Right. And I became sort of, I was able to, at a young age, I was very sort of, I would talk back. I would challenge.

And for some reason, I had a pretty articulate vocabulary, and I think it sort of surprised my parents. You know, I'd be having talks with them at 11, 12 years old. And they go, well, why can't I stay out? What's the difference if I stay up between, and 10, and they go, well, because you got out of sleep. And then I'd throw it terms of, well, I'm a realist.

I don't, like, I don't even know where a lot of the words came from. I would just start sounding like, you know, William F. Buckley Jr. And they were like, well, and I think that my dad was just like, let's get him a better education. That's just exhausting. As a parent, you're like, I can't keep up. He won't stop. He just won't stop. So one day he just put me in the car and we're going for a drive.

And I was like, oh, it's kind of like those, that old bugs, bunny cartoon where I think Elmer Fudd took his dog out into the end of the road and threw him out and the dog just kept coming back. But we just went to this place like this big building with pillars and it was like way north. And I go, what the hell is this? He goes, this is a boarding school. And I go, okay. And he goes, you're going here. Like no conversation, just boom. And I almost ran away from home. My first thought was like, I'm running away. And I hung in there. And I hung in there. And they just dropped you off. They didn't just drop me off.

They took me up. My dad went up to meet with the headmasters. And that's what they're called. And then when you went home? On the way home, he said, I go, why did we go there? He goes, you're going here. And I, like, I had no choice. Just boom.

And then, and then cut to, I think it was like a month of whatever before school started. And then I was gone. Jeez, that must have been hard. It was. It's not like they're, it's not like, hey, we found. a great place for you. Yeah. You're gonna have a good,

you can make friends, there's archery. Nothing. Just you're going here. Well, it was the opposite. The conversation would have been,

we're stripping you away from all your friends in the neighborhood in your school. We're stripping away from your family. Like basically my whole world was here.

Yeah. And they just went without any conversation, nothing. Did you like roll up on mom in a quiet moment and be like, what's the guy talking about? No, because my mom was sort of

compliant. She was, she was just the quiet one. My dad was sort of like, my dad sort of laid down the rules and she just sort of went along. And were your sisters like, where are you going? No, there wasn't even, I was just gone. I was just gone. There was no talk to anyone or anything. It was just gone. And you got to imagine that that's a pretty common story with all the other kids that are there in the boarding school. So they're probably a little, everyone's a little like, Yeah, I couldn't tell. I'm going to punch someone in the face. I think some of them were, yeah, some of them were, I don't know if they had the same experience as me,

but I think some of them were there because it took a little money to go there. So I think some of the kids were like, oh, daddy sent me to boarding school. So I got the sense some kids it was like sort of a privilege. Yeah. And then I got the sense that a few kids were like sort of baddies and sort of were sent there. But when your kid, you don't really ask the stories, you just go, oh, here I am. You want to. Now, you being smart, obviously, articulate.

Well, you're able to, like, fend off your parents and do all that kind of stuff. And now you're on your own. Did you, at a certain point, get, like, this is pretty cool. I like being out on my own. Or did you never settle in? I got to the point where they had a system there where if you got A's, you got to go home on the weekend. Uh-huh. If you didn't get A's, you had to stay at the boarding school,

and you had to study on Saturday and Sunday. So it was like a seven day. So first year, I just flew, A's every weekend. Right. And then I went home and I was still confused. I was like, why did you send me here? But my dad wasn't the type of guy that would ever have a conversation. And then one day when he was driving me back up on a Sunday night,

two of my little sisters came along. Uh-huh. And we're in the backseat teasing, you know, like you do with your sisters. And my dad wasn't patient with that. Yeah. And we got to the boarding stool. We got out and I hopped out. He hopped out.

And he goes, if you ever tease your sister again, you're not coming home. This guy is rough. And so I just, a switch just went, I'm on my own. Wow. I'm on my own for the rest of my life. Wow. And after that, every weekend I purposely fail. my weeks, so I never had to go home.

Really? So for the next two years, I bombed my weekly assessment. I would screw up every test, so I didn't have to go home. And I just went, I'm on my own. Man, oh, man. It was like, yeah, it was. That guy's rough. He was, I don't think he realized what he was doing, though.

I don't think it was malicious. He was just, like, stoic, you know? He probably had a similar kind of bringing it away. He had a very privileged. His father was the vice president of Coldgate Palmolov, and they lived in the rich part of town with a butler and everything. Jeez. He was very, yeah, wealthy privilege. So I don't know what went on with them, but I just, you know, I just learned.

And to this day, I think it's what has made me a strong person, a survivor, especially in a tough town like Hollywood. Who, boy. Where I just went at 12 years old, I just went, I'm on my own. own in this world. Right. And then cut to the hyenas that I'm living with. Yeah. And so that in a way, he might have done me a huge favor and maybe not. I don't know. You can never know the answer, but it was, it was, it was pretty intense. I mean, when you hear the stories of people from generations before us who are successful and they like go on to build like whatever, you know, built the railroads or a lot of those stories are left home at 12 and never went back.

You know? And they were just had to grow up really quickly and just do it. There's there is a value to that. I mean, you think about the way the kids are raised now. Oh, God. Yeah. At 28, you're still being treated like with too much love and compassion and staying around the house. Yeah, which isn't a, you know, you can never have too much love, but but yeah, you know what I mean? Like it's a totally you it sounds on its face like it's cruel, but ultimately you probably you probably, you probably makes you a survivor. Oh, yeah. It definitely did.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. He was rough. He was, but again, I don't think he, he blueprinted it. I don't think he sat down. And to this day, he's still stoic and you can't get through to him. So, you know, I even confronted him when I got older and it was just, it was just the walls

are still there. And I don't know if something happened to him as a kid or, but it's, you ever try and tickle him? only when we're in the sponge bath together. Man, that is rough. Yeah, it was pretty intense. And it was, you know, like I said, I was, I was really aware of things as a kid. So I sort of knew psychologically. I think I was a little bit somehow, I knew.

I just went, this is all mental, this is psychological, this is, and this is the move. And I just went click. And here we were. go. Right. I'm on my own. Wow. Yeah. What was the dating scene like if you're all with all these dudes in school the whole time? Oh, there wasn't any. It was all boys boarding school. So every now and then, they'd have a dance for the, you know, and, and it was mostly for the older grades because I was there, I was sent there for grade seven, eight, and nine. So I think it was the grade nine. So I think it was the grade nine's up that only got the dances.

So for the first two years, we didn't get the dance. But I loved the girl, so I would sneak in. I was clever, man. I would manipulate the system. And so I would sneak out of, the younger kids were in a separate building. And then when I hit ninth grade, I went in the main building. But I would sneak over. I would sneak into the dance, slow dance with the girls.

Nice. Drove you nuts. So what happened after ninth? After ninth? Yeah. So then I left boarding school. I said I wanted out. I had enough.

And then I came home and I went to Catholic school. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. So you came, you said you had enough? Yeah, I wanted out. And then I went to Catholic. And the old man was cool with you coming home?

I think at this point, my mom sort of got in them fray. Uh-huh. Because she sort of spearheaded the, let's bring the boy home. And like I could tell she was sort of. And she told me later in life that she didn't love that that happened. I think she was sort of behind getting me back. Got it. And then the only caveat to that was I just wanted,

so I had three years of separation from all my friends. Mm-hmm. And going back to the gay references. Right. When you're with all your buddies in public school, and all of a sudden you're the guy, hey, he's going to an all-boys school. Uh-huh.

Gay boy. You know what I mean? Right. So there was that kind of thing hanging over it that, that, you know, freaked me out. Thanks, pop. Yeah. But then, so I was separated for three years, but now I was like, oh, great, now I can come back and, you know, get re-immersed with my friends. Assimulate with my friends back in high school, public school.

And my mom goes, hey, welcome back. You can go to public school with all your friends. but I'd really like it if you went to Catholic school. And I was like, and you're a kid, I'm still like, what's going on here? Yeah. And so I was like, screw that. You guys sent me away for three years.

Yeah. I'm going back with my friends. And then she goes, well, you know, your cousin Mary Pat's going to the Catholic school. And my cousin Mary Pat was my best friend at the time because we were so close as cousins. I went, okay, I'll go to Catholic school. and now I'm in a suit, I have to wear a suit and tie. And I actually got there and I missed the boarding school.

Whoa. Because the boarding school, you got to remember, it was out in the country. I think it was on like 800 acres, two dairy farms. Yeah. So when I wasn't in class, I was down working the farm.

I was on the farm constantly. I watched them milk the cows. I watched them give birth. I watched them sizzle the horns. I watched them shoot the sick cows. Yeah, yeah. I was just there all the kids. the time. I love the farm. And now you're in Catholic school and a suit in the town. Yeah, and you're

walking out in the hall and the principal and all the teachers, like, where's your tie? Put your tie on. Like it was really like anal. And I was like, it was really like constricting. So I almost missed the boarding school a lot. I feel like I had more freedom there, even though because I had to live at the boarding school, I felt like I had no freedom. Right. Oh, that's rough. It was weird. Yeah. That makes sense, though, with all of the farming and stuff, because when we first met, when I first came out here, I was, you had a truck. You had, you were like, I'd be like, in most comedians, you'd be like, so what's going on? And they'd be like, oh, I have this audition coming up. And I'm going on the road.

And I'd ask you what was going on. You're like, oh, I just moved some boulders today. I'm moving from one side of the yard to the other and got some mulch coming tomorrow. And I was like, he's not kidding. I know. I love all that stuff. Yeah. It's great. Yeah. I think I started the John Deer trend. Yeah. Because I loved farming stuff. There's a kid at boarding school. I think I actually started the baseball hat trend. So there's this kid at boarding school, this guy named Bert. Uh-huh. And he had a deviated septum. And he had like a really flat nose and a curled up lip. And he almost looked like a deliverance kit. And I'm always sort of attracted to the odd balls and the under. underdogs, right?

Yeah, me too. So this guy had a weird, like, blonde hair and like a dumb and dumber haircut and a flat face and little blue eyes. And, you know, because it was a boarding school, I had roommates who were from China, right from China, from China, from Bermuda, from Jamaica. We had a real eclectic group. Yeah. And this kid was from like a farm somewhere.

And so he was there, and this was pre-baseball hats. When I was a kid, remember in our school, no one wore a baseball hat. I know. And so this kid showed up one day, and he had like a baseball hat because he was a farm kid. And it said pride on it, which is a seed company for farmers, pride seeds. And he goes, hey, you know, we became buddies. He go, hey, you want my hat? Like, he gave me his hat.

And I said, no one wears a hat. And so I said, yeah, okay. And then I love that it was a farm thing and there was seeds. Dude, I put that thing on. and I wore it and wore it. I would sleep in it. Wow. And so I became one of the first guys around in Toronto in my city that wore a baseball

happen because it wasn't about being stylish or hip-hop because that stuff didn't exist. It's because I like the farmer connection. I'm a seed farmer, you know? I'm going to grow a crop. And so it's cool. And so I wore this thing and I wore it everywhere. And so I was like farming stuff. So cut to L.A.

I love tractors and stuff. So I found like a place out in the country when I was on a road trip with a John Deere hat. Right. And so I started wearing my John Deer hat all over Hollywood. And then there was a beat when I was buddies with Ashton Couture and I'd go up to his house and play tennis and stuff. And he's from like Wisconsin or Oklahoma or something.

Yeah. And he saw my John Deer hat. And then he went and did that show punked. Uh-huh. and he was wearing the John Deere hat, and then John Deere hats became a thing, and then I stopped wearing mine because everyone was wearing them. You started the trend? So I think I sort of started the John Deer trend inadvertently through Ashton.

I'd have to verify that with him, but I think that's how it happened, because he loved that I had a John Deer hat. Yeah, yeah. And the baseball hat, yeah, it was so funny because no one had a hat. And I remember I went to a play once. My mother took me and Mary Pat to a play at the library. Went to see Bye Bye Birdie. My mother hated it that I always.

She goes, take that hat off. You're going to go bald. And I'm like, I'm 12 years old. Yeah. Big thick hair. I would sleep with it on my face and at dinner. Take your hat off at the table. It's amazing.

So when they were in the play at Bye Bye Birdie, the lights go down. And my mother said, you take that hat off. So I took it off and I'm sitting there. The lights go down. As soon as the lights go down, I put the hat on. on and there's that little like 30 second before the actors walk out where it's just dark. Yeah. And my mother was in the bed.

She goes, Harlan, take off that hat. She just knew I put it on. Me and my cousin just howled. Amazing. Yeah. Anyways, I got off on a ramble about hats. Sorry. No, I like it.

It's very cool. It's true, though, because people really didn't, it became much later that people were wearing hats around. Oh, dude. Like now it's like so common place. It's as common as shoes and pants. But when I was a kid and I had that hat, it was such a foreign thing that almost everywhere I went, kids would grab it and run away with it because it was such an unusual thing. Wherever I went at school, everywhere I went, kids would go, what the hell is you wear?

And the thing was, oh, grab it and run with it. And it was such a thing. And I remember no one wore the damn things. Yeah. Pretty weird. You know, yeah, you had your usual specs at, like, baseball players and, like, actual farmers. Right, exactly.

But civilians, like, people in the city and stuff, no one wore baseball hats. If you can look at old pictures, you'll see, like, in the early, you know, the late 60s, early 70s, no one had it. Nobody, nobody. It's weird to think, isn't it? Yeah, it's weird. Did, uh, did, uh, the Catholic thing, were you raised Catholic before you went to that school? So here's what's wacky. Everything's wacky. It's cool. I've never heard any of this from you.

I know. I have so many silly stories. My mom and dad, my father was Anglican, my mother was Catholic. Right. So my dad was pretty strong with his religion and they almost didn't get married because of the differences. I think my dad actually had to sort of concede, which was a big thing for him, was what my mother told me. but he never went to church with her even though she wanted him to. And they made an agreement. They said, if we have boys, they go to Anglican church with dad. If we have girls, they go to Catholic church with mom. So they never went to the same church.

So when I was the only boy, so every Sunday I went to Anglican church with my dad. And then all of a sudden I get home from boarding school and my mom sends me to Catholic school. Right. And I just, I was too young to really question. question it, so I just went. And then I think I was about 38 or 39. One day me and my mom were just talking. It came up about Catholic school. And I go, by the way, why did you send me to Catholic school if I'm Anglican? And my mom goes, oh, no, you're Catholic. You were baptized a Catholic. And I said, I'm 38 and I'm just finding out now that I'm a Catholic. Like just a weird, like not good

communication in my family. I might be a girl for all I know. I just, I don't know what I am. I might not even be a Williams. I might be like one of the Hornsby's kids from down the street. Since you whisked you away and got you baptized, even though it was Anglican with dad, all the rest of it. Yeah, so I don't know Anglican. Anglicans, I mean, it's, I guess it's, I don't know it that well either. I just know I had to go and sit there and tolerate dad. Yeah, like, plotting. I think it's a, it's a, it's a, a branch of Catholicism or Christianity. Yeah. It's just one of the many under sort of the same umbrella.

Right. But I don't know the layers of it because I, to be honest, I didn't care. I mean, I believe in God and I don't so much, I didn't so much love the idea of, I'm a nature guy, so the idea that God lives in this man-made structure that humans built, that God didn't build, humans built it. God created the trees and the ocean. So to me, that's my church.

Right. And that's not an out because, oh, he doesn't want. I just found organized religion. It was too controlled and too manipulative in ways and had a good message, but also a bad message and guilt. Well, especially in the schools and stuff. It was so, like, abused for power and kids were just, you know, just squashed under it. Yeah, it really kind of made it confusing. I do appreciate it that it's, you know, it sort of set guidelines for let's be good. Yeah. But then it also set a lot of guidelines for, you know, can't have sex until you're married and this and that. Yeah, yeah.

So anyways. So I didn't hate it. I just, I would just go because my dad made me. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd have to look up Anglican.

I don't really know it. I was raised Catholic. Are you sure? Better ask your mom, just to make sure. I was 38. You're Jewish. You're Muslim Hindu Jewish. You're a little granola bar of faith.

I saw you on, I don't know it was your podcast or maybe it was Jamie's podcast. Jamie Kennedy's podcast. And I guess it went viral because you were talking about. politics and you were talking about that you know your political views because if if you were into Trump that you know it was like you had a hard time being able to like be open about it around Hollywood I didn't have a hard time you didn't have a hard time people have a hard time hearing you say anything about whatever yeah and I wasn't Jamie asked me about politics and I just answered and yeah yeah um and that's

It's totally cool. What was your reaction with all of the Canada stuff? Because I was watching the Canada. I was watching Canada-US hockey the other day in the tournament they've got going on, which is really cool. And it really broke my heart that the Canadians are booing the national anthem because we were such close, close friends,

almost like we were one country, like cousins, really. And to see that it's kind of riled up like this animosity, I was one how are you interpreting it well it's it's sad because yeah I'm Canadian and you don't like to see somebody boo someone else's you know nationality because that at the base of nationality is extreme pride yeah and and so I think that's what's at the root of the booing is you you have someone like Donald Trump who's saying hey we're going to assimilate you're going to become the 50th state yeah and so anyone who's who's got national pride, that's sort of an affront and could possibly be insulting.

And so I think it's a natural reaction. Yeah. And, you know, it's just one way to lash back and say, hey, what's your reaction? Well, I think there's a lot of emotion involved. So as a Canadian, I'm like Canadian and American now, but I'm Canadian first. I think like anyone, you know, what state were you born in? New Jersey. So even though you're American, you're probably a New Jersey guy at heart.

Oh, yeah, 100%. Like, we, home is where the heart is. So if you're from Bermuda or from China, like, you can live anywhere else, but you're always going to, your birthplace, it's wired into us. Yeah, yeah. So I think the pride side of Canadians is like, screw you. Yeah, what are you doing? No, we're Canadian, but then I say, and this is as a Canadian,

I'm very proud to be a Canadian. That's my first inclination as Canadian. But when you peel away all the emotion from it, and you go, well, what's the practicality of this kind of idea? Well, it's almost like if you owned a house and it was 3,000 square feet, and some guy came along and said, hey, why don't we add 400,000 more feet for free?

give you a security perimeter and lower your payments, would you say no? You know what I mean? And so if you look at it from a practical point of view, it sort of makes sense if you eradicate the border. There's no more that nutty border stuff. All the taxes and the economy assimilate. So Canada, who's not the most powerful economy in the world and the United States is. So now they become one. And also has the most powerful military in the world. So now you have the most powerful military in the world. And I think what really sort of bends people the most is our history, our culture. You know, we got, but our culture is, I don't think that would ever go away. It's not like they're going to erase the history books.

No, but it would be tough to, I mean, just even the French-speaking parts to the other parts. Like that's, right, that hasn't never gone away. Right. And I'm French Canadian too, half French Canadian. And I always say to people when they ask me this question, the spiciest part of doing a deal like that would be the Quebecwa, the French people. Because they're, Canadians are prideful, but I think the French Canadians are even more prideful because they're, you know, they're an anomaly in a sea of English-speaking provinces.

But all that rhetoric peeled away. I, as a Canadian, it's like, I'm not dead set against it. Really? Yeah, because culturally, we're really close. Very close. We share the same music, the same fashion, the same entertainment. Like, we're really, really close. And yeah, we have our, you know, the Canadian hosers and the French toast and the log roll.

And like, but that's sort of folklore. That's sort of from the old days. Nostalgia, yeah. And everything sort of has to move forward in the world. And if you look at east and west Germany, you know, at some point that wall came down and they re-assimilated. And I think someday North Korea and South Korea will be one again. And so here we are. We have this imaginary border.

We're very similar. Yeah. And I think Canadians now, and I don't want to speak on behalf of all Canadians, this is my, there might be Canadians watching me. Are you traitor? We hate you. But this isn't for our generation. It's going to be passionate for people in our generation. Right.

But if we do assimilate, if we do become part of America, then the generations that aren't born yet aren't going to have all this emotion. And they're going to go, oh, we're American. And, oh, look at the history book. Wow, we used to be our own country. But can you imagine? Yeah. We had all this land. And we only had 43 million people.

And America had 400 million people. And can you believe we survived up there alone all those years? Just that little strip on the top? Yeah, like most people don't know this, but 90% of all Canadians live within 100 miles of the American border. And so, like I said, I think if you strip away all of it and just look at for practical reasons, economy, military, security, you know, taxes. Yeah. It probably makes sense. And it's not like there is a part that seems like it would be making, it would be giving you guys a lot of grief.

Like there's the, there's the, there's the, all the stuff you're listed. but there's also Canada now like you don't need the greatest military that there is because you're very peaceful and you get along with the world and it's very kind of nice and you don't have a real like gun problem and your health care is sweet and it's kind of like it all is kind of like working and I feel like you can come to the party but you know when you hang with the cool kids there's also you know there's a lot of problems with with it like you seem very peaceful right now. And it's like to bring you into our fold is like it's, it's, I don't know if you, I don't know if you'd lose some of that. Well, you, you would. And that's inevitable. But we're losing

that anyway. So American culture bleeds, it doesn't recognize borders. So guns and violence and and, and culture and everything else, it's, it's, you know, it's an invisible wall up there. So all of it goes in. And yes, we have our own gun laws. But if someone really, wants a gun in Canada, they can get it. Yeah. We still have crime. We still have the mafia. We still have drugs. We still have prostitution. We still have everything that's here. Yeah. And so, you know, our political system is different, but not so different. Up there, we have parliament and we have three major political parties. But, you know, I think an assimilation would be.

I don't know. It almost seems it could be logical. Right. And as a Canadian, I'm not, I'm not that dead set against it because I think there's, if you really want to be pragmatic, excuse me, pragmatic about it, if you really want to break it down by numbers and what the advantages are versus the disadvantages, if you're being honest. Right, yeah. I think there's way more advantages to doing it. Right. Unless you're Canadian. Oh, we don't want to give up that old po-dunk.

We love syrup. flag and log rolling and you know and i think i think they would still i would assume they'd still let you keep the flag in some way maybe we'd have to fly under the or it would be the united states of america's canadian territory or something right yeah just because you you become one doesn't mean you have to strip the entire identity like the communist party it's like now you are russia you cannot have any you know I think, I would think that America would be sensitive and smart enough to say, hey, yeah, you're one of us, but, you know, it's like the way New Orleans, Louisiana is its own state, but look at the culture there. Right. Look at the Texas culture.

Look at New York culture. Like, I think, I think America and Canada would be sensitive to preserving a sense of identity, and especially in Quebec, the French part. Why does he want to do it? Why is he even proposing it? Like, what does America get? Well, there's subsidizing. You guys, you're paying money to subsidize Canada and its military. Wait, what?

Yeah, you're paying trillions of dollars, billions of dollars a year to protect Canada and with trading and all kinds of stuff. So America is sort of giving an allowance to the kid that's not mature yet. And I hate to say that because, again, I'm Canadian, but it's true. The same way America's handing money out all over the world. And Trump's finally coming in and going, why are we doing this? What are we getting back? Right. You know, and as far as Canada's military, yeah, they're all peaceful and no one wants to hurt them until the day someone does.

Right. It's like any fight or a divorce or your wife loves you until the day she doesn't. And then it's horrible divorce. You're thinking about the Irish? Yeah. Yeah, but Canada is very vulnerable. You know, they're the second largest country in the world next to, you know, Russia. Right.

And we really, you know, we don't have, we have a military, but let's be honest. Yeah. If the states or Russia or China wanted to roll over Canada, I think it would probably happen in about three days, if not sooner. And I'm a Canadian. I don't want to say that, but we only have, you know, I don't know, 60 fighter jets. I think we have four battleships. I'm not even joking.

I don't think we have a submarine. And we've got a few tanks. And we only have so many troops. We don't have a submarine. I know. We don't even have our own submarines. I know. Well, there's a joke in Canada that they're like, send in the canoes, you know. So, and in a way that's been a source of, in a way, for me personally, that was sort of a bit of a, that hurt my pride a bit that, you know, because you're proud.

And it's like, if you're really honest, you go, man, if someone really wanted this place, they could just take it. Now, excuse my naivete, but what are the polls at with this idea? Well, I don't know, but I said to a buddy of mine the other day, I said I'd be fascinated to see if they held a legitimate vote in Canada if people could strip away the emotions. I wonder. I almost wonder if Canada, most people would say, hell yeah, let's do it. It's almost like, it's almost like Beverly Hills, and I'm not calling Canada a ghetto, but Canada is a lower, it's a smaller thing. I'm not even going to say that, but it's almost like the big. guy, you know, inviting the little guy to the party, even though we're bigger geographically. So I really wonder if they did a vote. Yeah. And I watch these Canadian politicians, you know, going, it'll be a cold day in hell before we become the... Yeah. And I can almost hear it and see it in their faces where they're kind of like, we don't really mean this. Like I can see a little,

like, they're almost like veiled threats. Interesting. So I don't know. We are so close. We do. We do a thing on this program called an uncomfortable moment, and I think the timing of it is right. I have to borrow your thing, Rach, because I forgot mine. Thank you. Just so you know, I've been uncomfortable ever since we started talking about my boarding school, so. Yeah. I thank you for sharing that. That was really great. Can you make it lighter? What is she a fairy? She's really magic. Make it lighter. Make it lighter. Make it lighter, fairy person. You know, in one regard, I was kind of surprised by your, not surprised, but it was interesting to hear your views on this subjects. Oh yeah, yeah. And we did some research and I guess based on this, I maybe wouldn't

be that surprise. I don't know if this is official or this is something that you put together. Again, this isn't us doing anything to manipulate the graphic at all, but do you want to explain this? The king, that's me, the king of Canada. Do you have some idea that if we were to merge, that you would kind of be the king of this territory? Or what are you doing? I would definitely become the king. Yeah.

I think that looks more like jiffy pop on my head, to be honest. But like some kind of really fancy, maybe the gay version of jiffy pop, like fancy pop. Fancy pop. Something's up. But I would definitely be the king of Canada. You would? But see, I'm sort of a common sense guy.

So I would probably go, hey, let's sit down and talk. talk about this and I would want to preserve as much of the Canada as I could. And, um, and, uh, you know, and yeah, yeah, you can't lose that. Yeah. Because it is, I mean, as much as there are a lot of things that are very similar, just as an American going to Canada all these years, you know as soon as you get through security, you're in a different spot. You're in a different, it definitely has its, it's, it's thing.

It's, it's not America. Well, look at the. old map of America at the beginning where chunks of it were Mexico. Right. And the, the, the, the east hadn't assimilated with the West and the middle wasn't even, they weren't even defined states yet. Right. So look at that as we sit here today and, and we sit there and go, oh, how weird was that? Can you imagine? That doesn't make sense. And now you look, everything's collectively combined and you go, yeah, this is it. But see, we're that future generation that didn't live in that, So it's just totally accepted.

And a future generations of Canadians and Americans are born into that one thing. They're just going to look back and go, oh, that was the way it was in history. I think we forget that everything moves on. I know. You know, it's funny when I'm Italian-American. And when I was looking at the history of Italy, you know, when I was traveling there, it was like, oh, shit, this wasn't always Italy. Yeah. This was, this only became Italy at whatever year.

that was. 73. Yeah. Like before that, it was just different areas and things were, and then they carved it out and decided,

no, this is Italy. I'm like, it must have been that since the beginning of time. Well, think of it. We bought, America bought Alaska from Russia for

$3 million or something ridiculous. That huge chunk of land. They just acquired, they purchased it. Yeah. So you sit here and go, well,

it's not that ridiculous what Trump is saying. Right. And Greenland's just floating out. Tell me Greenland wouldn't benefit from being like this kind of barren island to becoming, you know, the 52nd state. Like, they have everything to win those guys. You know what I mean? They're probably right. Hey, can we go ahead of Canada, please? You know? So, and if me and you were to come back 800,000 years from now, I bet you everything else. But, you know, Japan might be part of Italy for all we

No, like it's... Or the whole thing could just be China. It could. That's possible. And don't forget, the planet's always evolving. So remember, there were, you know, China and North America or the Titanic plates were joined together. The world over millions of years, land is separated and moved. So if we came back, like, nothing stays the same.

So for people to get in such an uproar, I kind of have the position of... It's sort of exciting. It's like civilization is on the move. Now, if America was communist and wanted to enslave people, it's the freest place in the world. Right. It's not like communist North Korea wants to take Canada. Right. It's the freest, most open, wealthiest society in the world.

It's not that bad. It's not like, you know, so I think if people, I'm not trying to tell Canadians what to do. Right. My opinions is my opinion, but I don't know that it's the world. idea in the world. Well, it's interesting, like, because the other conflict is Russia and Ukraine. Right. Right. And they want to make Ukraine Russia. And Ukraine is saying, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Because this isn't a, this isn't a friendly, hey, you're going to be a part of us and we're going to all be friends. Well, that's by, that's because they're doing it by force, too. Whereas, whereas here it would be a

diplomatic agreement, which is important to recognize. And I've got to say something else, you need big thinkers to come a and move the needle. And like Elon Musk is an example who I got into this with my dad about three weeks ago. He's 96. And he goes, well, I don't like this wholly a must of wasting money going to Mars. And he goes, why would we go to Mars? And I said, well, dad, do you have insurance on your house? And he goes, yeah.

And I go, why do you have insurance? And he goes, well, in case, you know, it burns down. Or I go, well, what if a meteor hits planet Earth? there's a plague or some kind of virus that drops humanity, this is it. Elon's creating an insurance plan where we're going to colonize a place. If this one little planet in the vast, endless galaxy goes down, well, humanity has a chance to keep going because we've got a safe place. And so...

And your dad sent you back to school. My dad sent me personally. You're going back to that burn. Board and school, you little bastard. I didn't send you there. So what I'm saying is you need these big out-of-the-box thinkers. I mean, I think they think so big and broadly that a lot of people see it as a threat or they get confused by it. Or to be honest, Tom, I think a lot of people are manipulated into thinking it's a threat. But what they don't realize is here's a guy that's probably, you know, looking for a plan B and escape door in case this planet goes down.

And by the way, the sun is moving towards Earth incrementally. That's a scientific fact. And it's not going to happen today, but in hundreds of millions of years, the sun's going to burn Earth to a crisp. Right. And then who's going to be on Mars going, thank God Elon thought of an evacuation plan. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that guy way back then. Elon Musk who designed the rockets and made the blueprints for the colonies. Like, you know, we need these people.

Let me ask you another question because it's very anxiety-inducing because there's so much change afoot and everything is, and you seem to be up on the positive change of what these people are offering. When you watch Elon, everybody's panicked because he's going into the IRS getting everybody's social security data or going into these places and he says that he's rooting out fraud but other people are saying no he's he's not he's uh he's just firing federal workers and trying to trim it all out what do you think his ultimate goal is do you think take mars out of it just what he's doing with the government uh is it a height of

as some people say is it a is it really rooting out fat to make this thing new and more effective in his business acumen mm-hmm what is that what is at foot well look at you got the richest man on planet earth who's running 20 10 20 different companies Kevin Hart Kevin Hart yeah um Elon who's got the boring company underground He's got Tesla cars on the terrestrial plane. He's got the army of terrestrial robots that he's about to unleash. He's got Skylink in the air. He's got SpaceX sending rockets to the moon, trying to colonize Mars.

He's got Neurilink where he's, we're already seeing him tap into people's brain waves and brain patterns. He's got X, which is one of the biggest powerful. communication platforms on the planet. Here's a guy that if you ever thought an alien invasion was happening from within. I mean, and now he's standing right over the president's shoulder. And he's got all the money. Do you think a guy like him has time to dwell on this? I think he's a guy, as you see by Mars, by the electric car, he's a solution guy.

He wants to make life better for humanity. He's trying to, he's not doing stuff that's evil. he's trying to create, you know, his robots are to help old people in their homes, to help humans have a better, easier life. Yeah, like people are walking from Norrinks. Right. He's a forward thinker. He's getting people that are in wheelchairs that can't even speak.

Their brains can now type on a computer. I mean, the guys, he's trying to advance humanity. Right. One of the things that we see and for some reason, certain sanctions of the country are fighting it, this guy who has a lot more better things to do is coming in and saying, hey, I want to trim the fat out of the American economic system. He's coming in. He's finding concrete evidence, receipts, transactions, bank notes, bank papers,

where hundreds and trillions of dollars of waste is happening and continues to happen. And he's going, we don't need that, we don't need that, we don't need that, we don't want to do. So do you have an accountant? Yes. Okay. So what if your accountant came to you and said, hey Tom, your wife spent $10,000 of that last year on her nails.

Uh, whore! It looks like, you know what I mean? Like, like, it looks like somebody's been sending money to a German pastry company. Like, or if you ran a company and you found all these things that, that were wasteful, you'd be like, hell yeah, get it out, get out. So we own the government. We run the government. And if you're willing to look away from all the propaganda and all the people that want to push back and you just look at a guy who's being very transparent, by the way.

Every day they're in the White House going, hey, here's what we found. Here's what we did. We're getting rid of this. We're getting rid of. Yeah. So let's say you cut 3,000 jobs here, 4,000. Yeah, it's sad that someone loses their job. But in a country of 400 million people, 3,000 jobs, you cut them and it saves. everyone else. Trillion dollars. A hundred million dollars. I mean, it sounds like it's long overdue to me. I know.

It's like you're in this. It feels good, to be honest, that someone's taken the bloody time to do it. And Trump, who's a businessman who spent his whole career on a high level reshaping the skyline of New York,

which is not an easy environment to get stuff done. You got two real genius guys are just saying, let's get America back, let's get the books back in line. Anyone who's got a problem with that? I'm not going to call them stupid, but I'm very confused if you're objecting to someone coming in and cleaning out the finances, because don't forget, they're your finances. Right.

They're helping us clean up our finances. We're paying for that. Well, I hope you're right, because I was a huge Elon fan. I have a 2015 Tesla, like one of the first Teslas. And it was all the stuff you were saying of, wow, this guy is really changing. Like, this guy is. And I remember being in the ocean. I was swimming with my nephew.

And he was in college at the time. And he was like, that guy is trouble. I'm like, how can you say that? He's the only one who actually solved this electric car thing. It's amazing. He's like, no man. And he was like really against him. And I'm like watching all the stuff that's happening now.

And I do not understand it. Like, I don't understand exactly what. is what he's doing, you know, like... It's not that complicated. He's cleaning house. They're cleaning the books. But the news, the constant drumbeat is this man is, the richest man in the world,

is getting more money, and he's taking it from old grandmothers on Social Security. Right? That's the story. You just said it, the news. You just said it yourself. The news is saying, the news is saying. But yet he's standing there in the Oval Office today in front of the news, holding up receipts,

telling every one of us step by step. That's what I love about Trump, very meticulous at being very open and talking about what they're doing step by step, whereas most administrations, Republican and Democratic, work in the shadows. You never saw Bush. You never saw Obama.

You never saw Clinton. Like, yeah, stuff would happen. But this guy's sitting in his desk every day going, here's what we got, here's what we found. I mean, would you rather trust the smartest, richest guy in the world doing this stuff or some civil servant from Cleveland who eats corn beef at lunch and says, yeah, we're going to. Well, I hope you're right because, I mean, that is the thing.

It's like, I keep thinking, well, if the people that are saying that he's evil are right, what is he after? Like, who's saying he's evil? What's their agenda? What's the ultimate thing that they're after? That we'd be after. Don't forget, there's a lot of people who want to say he's evil because they're the beneficiaries of the stagnation, right?

They're the ones that don't want to see someone come in and clean it all out. Because they're going to lose, and they're going to get caught, and they might even go to jail. But it sounds like, with all due respect, you're a little bit, from where I sit, listening to the manipulation of the media. Because for you to be a champion of Elon, and admire him to now be going, oh, what's this guy doing? And when you go, well, he's saving you hundreds of billions of dollars, that's what he's doing.

And you're going, oh, not that you're doing that. No, you're right. You're questioning. But I think that's the result of very clever brainwashing and manipulation in this country, which I hope they clean that out too. So everything is just people can have their own opinions and make their own judgments without being coerced into thinking the way certain entities want people to think. There's this other guy who's on the daily

today in the New York Times, who's been with Trump for a long time, who is the guy who's behind the tariffs. And he was an economist, and he'd been saying forever that China is making things a lot cheaper, and it's affecting all of the

workers in the U.S., and that's why all the jobs have left, and all these people in Ohio and Pennsylvania are on their ass. It's because you've allowed this country in China to manipulate the markets and trade unfairly and create all these and it sucked all the manufacturing out of our country and these are really in trouble and this guy has been saying put 25% tariffs on China and get our jobs back and he's been beating this drum for 30 years and he is now a part of

the administration's plan and he's making it happen and the reporters are like trying to to suss it out because all the economists are saying it's going to be terrible for the country. If you put these, everything's going to be more expensive with all of these tariffs. And this guy who's, it's been his whole work for 30 years is like, trust me, it's not going to go the way you're saying it's going to go. People are going to get their jobs back in America. I'm telling you this is the way it's going to go, but it's so contrarian to what everybody's been, again, the drum beat, the drum beat, the drum beat, that there is this, there is this thing of for myself personally. Let's see. Let's see. Is Elon going to correct all this? And we're going to, as he says,

save a trillion dollars in our budget and actually get that crazy skyrocketing budget thing that goes in the Union Square Park. Is that going to actually stop? Is this guy right? Our job's going to come and all my friends when I tour in Ohio and all these people that are pissed on. and have literally no work, are they going to get their jobs back? What's the harm in seeing which way it's going to go? Exactly. And like you said, if production comes back to America, well, they're going to need people to fulfill that production. Right. All the factory jobs, a big segment of the population relied on, which are gone, and they're not going to be, like, becoming coders now. They need to work. I think you sort of have to put your face.

faith in track records, too. If you look at Trump and the industry he built from a young man up, the guy's been very successful. And I always get people, oh, well, they went into bankruptcy three times. Well, you know, bankruptcy is part of the tax code. It's a legal thing that guys who are high rollers and make high investments. They use it to help protect themselves when they run into trouble so they can go forward to make future investments. It's not like they're not cheating the system. And people use bankruptcy to help them get out of a hole and build back and create more jobs and more industry for people. But you look at this guy and, you know, people are going to watch us and go, oh, you don't know what you're talking out. Let me ask you this.

How many times has Trump been right? Not only before he was a politician, if you watch old interviews with him, he was talking about Iran and, you know, going into the Middle East for the Iran. war and Iraq and, you know, he said, don't do it, don't go in there. But then look at the four years he did. How many things that he did he do that were actually right? You know, biggest tax cuts in the history of America, fuel independence, all kinds of things. Look at the things that he's said that he's been right on versus what he's been wrong. And people try to put up smoke screens because they're haters, but, and I'm not a Republican or a Democrat, just so we're clear, I like people who get results for us. That's why I like Trump. If Obama was doing what

Trump was doing or Hillary or I'd be like, go Hillary, go. I'm not, I don't have any allegiance to a party. And remember, I'm Canadian, so I'm sort of watching this through a third prism too. You know, I don't have a horse in the race. I just want results. I want to see people benefit from the were voting for. It's the cruelty that I really start to but what's the cruelty? Is it cruelty or did the the media say there was cruelty? Well, just watching like young women dealing with their rights being stripped away and not being able to take care of themselves. That's real. That's real. That's real and that's

big. But it's not the only thing. That's the thing. No, it's not the only thing, but I'm saying like the cruelty like what are the what are the elements that make me bristle. It's It's when you are being cruel. When you are, you know, there's people that are getting, that, and I know it's a byproduct of the efforts, but there's people that are good people that are seeking like asylum from Iran and stuff. They're going to caught up in this, in the migration stuff, who, you know, people who are suffering.

Like if you were, if you were someone, if we were born, if we were born in South America, right. you were in such desperate straits that you would walk carrying your children to go get a better place. That's how messed up your life is. Like that's that's that's that's your unfortunate circumstance. Remember you're talking to a guy that went through the system. I went through a lot to become an American citizen. I had to put everything I had on the line to do it right. I had to take every penny I had and come over that border. I had to wait years, decades to get a green card. I had to take everything I own and take

the risk, but I did it right. And I did it legally. And I got to tell you, to see people just dancing over the border and getting all this free stuff, I look at myself and I go, what a chump. Why did I do all that? Why did I spend almost everything I have to do it the right way? I could have just wandered in and got a, you know, free health care and free educate. Like, and of course I'm compassionate to all people. Yeah. But America can't be the campground for everyone on the planet. And believe me, there's a lot of other wealthy countries that could take them too.

Yeah. And I just say this, man. I love all people, whether it's an immigrant from Mexico or from Canada. I have friends from Canada that snuck down and I wasn't happy about them. You know, there's days I was like, I'm going to call, you know, but because you're compassionate. Yeah. But you also got to go when the people who live here have to carry the burden and it impacts the society you're trying to create and maintain and make good and whole. It's tough, man.

And I don't know how much of... Laws are laws. Like, okay, so if you don't want to have the law, then get rid of the law and say everyone come in. But if there are laws, I think... I always go to this. Would you want, you probably live in a nice neighborhood. Would you want four families of unknown Russians, unknown Mexicans, unknown Canadians, unknown Chinese surrounding your house?

Where you didn't know who anybody was? Or would you be honest? No. So why are we doing it? It's easy to say it, but it's dangerous. If they were all Armenian, I'd be into it. Armenia, yeah. They cook, they can cook.

And their parties. Their parties are amazing. So it's really difficult to talk about other human beings and saying we can't. But it's like you're a father. You have rules in your house. If they're not obeyed, then it's just chaos and it's anarchy. And it seems all fair and fun and you feel good about it. But essentially the system starts to break down and it can't support that.

So if you're going to start enforcing it and enforce it, I have a hard time with people that have been here for a long time. and so you don't enforce the law and now we're going to decide to do it and holy shit, this guy's been here for 15 years and whatever. Yeah, I hate that. I don't like that either. That's heart-wrenching, but you got to remember, you go, well, who let the guard down and let that happen?

You got to remember there's a source for that. It's not like the party that's in charge today said, hey, they came in 15 years, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, it's been both parties. Somebody let that happen, and now there's, person that's been here 20, 30, 15 years has to pay for it because the people that let the wall go down allowed it. And in a way, if you follow the trail back, who's responsible? As opposed to the people that said, hey, you're not allowed in here. We want you, but do it the

right way. The way I did it and so many other people. Yeah. It sucks because you're talking about human beings. I know. And it's really hard because, you know, some people are born in life in Somalia with flies on their eyes and they get one meal a day and some people are born the king of Siam. Right. And there'll always be these. Is that a, you very learned about the world. Is Siam a real place?

Yes, it's just south of Bakersfield. It is? Yeah. And it has a king. Yeah, and a great casino and two cracker barrels. Two? Two. Two.

Oh, holy shit. One at the south of Siam and one at the north. I had no idea it was a real place. And they're working on a central one. Do you play there? Do you do shows there? They won't let me in because I'm an illegal Canadian. I mean, I'm Canadian. But it's, you know, it's great that we can talk about this and people get very impassioned and flared.

But I think that's better than people not voicing what they think or believe. Right. Because a lot of people won't even speak out loud about stuff. And I think that's even more dangerous. Oh, I guarantee. you, we're going to post this episode and there's going to be people attacking, you know, all sides. Oh, yeah.

Just because we're figuring things out and having a conversation with no agenda. But that's sort of the fun of it. Right. You know what I mean? You know, anyone watching, I love it if you disagree and even you hate. Yeah. But don't do this thing where you go, well, I'm never going to listen to Tom Popper again or I'm never going to watch Harlan again because of what they said.

Because they had a conversation. It's part of it. what we are and who we are, but it doesn't mean if you go see us on stage and we do an hour show and we make you laugh. It's two separate things, but all of us are entitled to our voices, our opinions, our ideals, our morals, all of it. And so I think it's really great. And yeah, disagree all you want. That's beautiful. I can tell just by talking to you, you're probably a little more liberal leaning. Correct me if I'm wrong. Yeah, I've voted for, all parties, but I think my

sensibilities. What do you mean all parties? I voted Republican. I voted independent. I voted for Perrault. Oh, you did? I voted for Obama. I'm guessing you voted for Kamala. I got to go. Yeah. I'm kidding. I did. You know what? You know what really for me? Honestly, the the the deal breaker for me was uh for this election was January 6th. For me, doing that, the first president and not,

I always took so much pride in it didn't, because I voted on all sides, and really just love the country so much, and when that happened on January 6th and what he did to get in the way of that process for the first time. But did he, Tom? Yes. Have you really flipped over all the rocks?

Pretty much. Have you seen the tweets where he said no violence, no? Yeah, after the fact. Did you see that no... Why are you even standing there on January 6th? Like, no weapons were used in it that the security forces ushered people in. Be honest, does that really... If you look at it, does that really look like a violent insurrection to you?

Or does it look like a bunch of rowdy people? It was... If they were more... If they were more skilled, it would have been a lot more violent. It was definitely people that were, like, caught in the moment and like, holy shit, we're on the inside. But there were people died. There were people hiding in their offices.

We died. Why are you even having that speech on January 6th? Why are you there? Well, let's not forget. Whose responsibility was it to bring in security? Trump asked for, I think, 20,000 security from the... And Nancy Pelosi didn't authorize it. Yeah, but they're also...

And that's her job as Speaker of the House. Yeah, but you're not thinking. But that's what I'm saying. No one in America thought that that would be needed. Well, I think some did. And if you look at the pattern of how they tried to take that man down over and over and over and fake impeachments, the Russiagate stuff, all the stuff, the phone calls to Zelensky, all that stuff. And you see a pattern. I don't have the answers, but I would say I can tell by listening to you and don't be insulted.

I think you've been maybe manipulated. And again, I'm not a Trump or I just feel like you're you're checkboxing a lot of the talking points that I hear about it. But I think if you really sat down. And you're coming back at me with all. I'm watching the check marks of that argument. Yeah. But my whole thing is why are you there making that speech on that day? That's not, it's always been we're passing it on.

We're going to the next guy. It sucks. there's been shit that happened in every election there's no reason to be there giving a speech on that day and the shit that followed and who called in who and all that stuff, whatever you can have those arguments

but you shouldn't have been there on January 6th doing it. Are you really that incensed? That one really bothered me. Why? I'm curious. What made you time? Oh my God. This man is tyrant. It's the only place on earth that has had that foundation from its founding.

And when the guy loses, the guy leaves. And the next guy comes in. And that's what keeps this country. That's what keeps this country together. He did leave. Why are you there? Peacefully, he left. I know.

Harlan, why are you there? Why are you there on that day? He was stirring shit up. It's going to be wild. It's going to be wild, right? It was his tweet. And it's like that really, bothered me because as even I know it's naivete maybe but since I was a little child for me even

watching like people like pissed off at each other during the bush elections and it was like oh and and go with Al Gore and having to just all right the court said it that's it we're done yeah this is the first time we had that element and just to my core it was very upsetting are you worried about the bird flu because you're an outdoorsman Yeah. And you, it's, I was in Chicago, I was doing a thing in Chicago. Everyone in there was talking about the bird flu

because they're finding all these birds and dead on the, along around the lake, and then people are starting to worry that's going to jump. You're a doctor. Should we worry about the bird flu? I think we've had it before. I think it's been around.

Uh-huh. I worry, now I worry about flus and things like that, being used as chess pieces. You know what I mean? To scare people? To scare people. To influence things. Yeah.

You know, we live in a funky, weird world. I did a movie called Wag the Dog with Dustin Hoffman and Robert De Niro. Right. Came out in the 90s.

I remember that. Yeah. And it was about two political parties. And again, I have no horse in the race. You made that movie? I'm a results guy. Uh-huh.

Okay? So I'm not, I'm not Trump guy. I'm not Biden guy or Kamala. I don't care. I just want. I just want results. Okay.

I want what's right. This movie Wag the Dog was about a presidential race. Right. And a very clever PR team and entities within one side of the government pulling together their top, you know, strategists and chess players. Yeah. And they said, hey, we're not doing that well. Let's fabricate a war that doesn't exist.

Yeah. Let's go into a warehouse in Cleveland. Let's put up some green screens. Let's get some unknown actors and actresses. Let's have women running out with burning buildings and babies. And remember, did you see the movie? Yeah, I remember it. Yeah.

And the whole movie's about manipulating society, not just American society, but the whole world. They broadcast a war that didn't exist. And I remember De Niro, he was one of the top PR scam guys. and he goes, let's make sure we talk about the X-5-2000 jet fighter. And one of the military guy goes, we don't have an X-225 military jet fighter. And De Niro just goes, don't we? I think we do. And dude, this is kind of a nutty.

Yeah. And so the outcome of this movie was through this, you know, this fabricated war, their politician won the presidential race. Right. Now, this is a movie I was very close because I was in it, but I'm not saying anything. I just played. I had a small part in the movie where I was like getting dogs for the production.

I was a dog wrangling. But anyway, so there's a lot of forces of play in the world. Yeah. And a lot of it is smoke and mirrors. And I think based on our conversations, I think it's, you know, intuitive on everyone to kind of really sort of do their homework and don't take everything at surface value. Yeah. And like if I could defend myself in our conversation. Please.

And I'm not, I'm not trying to assault you. But I. But I, but it was, it's interesting because if you go back through our conversation, I, I, I'm like, yeah, let's see what Elon's going to do. Let me see what's happening there. Why is cutting, why is stopping the debt a bad thing? Like, why is, you know what I mean? Yeah.

And trying to figure it out. And the Canada thing, it was like, yeah, these are all great points. And so my, what I'm trying to say is, if you've got to be open, you got to be open. And my bringing up January 6 is the one thing. where I'm not like, yeah, Carlin, you make sense. Yeah. That doesn't all of a sudden make me a naive liberal who's just digested all of that stuff. No.

That, for me, as a real practical thing of being informed and being open, that one to me is a problem. And I think if you're true to the open dialogue, my, one stance on that one thing should not then make me part of the camp that doesn't listen to all the sides. No, no, I didn't, I'm not implying that. I think you're just saying it out loud. No, all I'm saying is I can see your passion. Yeah.

And that's what's great that I respect that passion and I respect your point of view, to be honest. Well, I'm also an actor. And I have. Wait. Me too. This was all bullshit. I pride. Dude.

Dude, I literally... On the drive of over here, I'm like... Yeah. Like, how are we going to play it? Yeah, I'm a full-on communist, dude. Oh, my God. I love North Korea. 100%.

I have a summer home on Lake Munggau, Haigga, Hungagawa. Dude, plumb sauce me up. Plum sauce me down. Do you do comedy internationally? Do you ever go places? Sometimes there's a place on Sunta... The IHOP as a stage, and on Sunday nights, they do, they do an open mic at the IHop. So, sort of international house?

International house of pancakes, yeah. Whoa. I love doing, I love doing stand-up and you can smell the buttermilk. Oh, it's really nice. It is so nice. My sister has a house in New York State that's new, and she has land. She's land, and they have maple trees. And they've got all the stuff, and they're going to start tapping trees.

Taping trees, yeah. maple syrup just drips out. It's a cool process. So cool. Then they boil it. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. I've been out in Canada.

We used to go out and go through the maple sugar trails. And they'd have some of them they'd actually have pancake, like pancake Tuesdays or whatever. And they'd have a big skillet and make pancakes and then give us like the fresh syrup. Oh, amazing. See, this is why we can't become America. Oh, no. We can't lose that. Or we could take it.

Yeah. There's that, what's the place where they, it's a lake, not a lake, it's like a river that freezes. Oh, in Ottawa, the whole, the whole river, I believe. So beautiful. Yeah, it freezes it. It's on the border between Quebec and Ontario. Yeah. And you can actually, people skate to work and play hockey. Skate the whole thing.

Oh, yeah. It gets cold up there, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. So nice. Yeah. I don't do too much international stand-up. I remember you told me a few years back you went to Dubai. And I was just, I think.

I think I was supposed to go with you. And Beirut. Yeah, you went to Dubai, and I was asked to go on that, and I always regretted it. And I remember you said you went, and I was like, oh, I should have gone. It was, yeah, it was a life moment for sure. Again, the stories of the world, you grow up thinking like Beirut, oh, my God is such a horrible thing. And the explosions and the embassy and all of this, you know, you grow up just seeing a place through the lens of our news. and then when we were there,

it was this moment where it was just kind of just seeing young people so excited to be talking to other people from another country. I did it too, the Beirut gig. You did the Beirut?

Yeah. Good Lord. Well, do you, I think you might have done at the same place I did it where it were sort of downtown and this sort of old sort of brick building it looked like a warehouse

with a brick wall. They just put out like those white plastic chairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And cut to this, I think you, you did it the year after me. I did it the first year. Okay. And then I think, correct me if I'm wrong, but right after you did it, that's where that huge explosion happened and blew up the whole harbor.

That came before, because there was a monument there. So I did it before that happened. So that happened, like literally months after, and that bomb was almost like nuclear and scale and obliterated the whole area. Can I tell you a quick story about that? Tell me a long story. I'm going to have some apple juice. I was with Whitney Cummings. We were on the gig together. Okay. And we went down to that area. She just wanted to buy some, you know, ashes. Some jewelry and some stuff and wanted to go like a little shop to like find some unique things. And we go down past where there's this, where that center of town where the bomb went off. And it was car bomb. So all of the hotels and buildings around us, you can,

could, they were still standing, but they were Swiss cheese. You could see through to the ocean from, and it was like, oh my God. It wasn't a car bomb. This, well, this one was. Maybe we're mixing up bombs. I'm talking about the bomb where there's a warehouse. They'd stored explosives. That was after. Gaboom. So you were after me. Okay. That was after. This was from Syria, carbone from Syria. I get all my bombs mixed up. It's a lot in the Middle East. A lot of bombs. Anyway, we're at this little shop And we're looking through this Swiss cheese Hotels and it's just like

You feel the impact of what this must The terror of like this bomb So anyway, we go into this little shop And she's right off of that And Whitney's talking to the guy And she's buying some beads and stuff And he says, so where are you from? And she said, we're from Los Angeles

And this guy's shop is where the car bomb is and he goes, Los Angeles, oh, no, I could never live there. Earthquakes. Oh, ha, ha, ha. And it was a real moment of your fear is the unknown. Yeah. It's the unknown. Yeah.

Our thinking of, our thinking, thank you, Rachel, our thinking of, of, like, what Beirut is is the most terrifying thing in the world. He's thinking where you live in L.A. is the most terrifying thing in the world. But the reality is you just kind of deal with what you're dealt. Yeah. Yeah. Every place has its own pitfalls and, you know. Yeah.

It's the unknown. Yeah. It's good to get out there and go to these places because it's kind of like. As long as you don't get blowed up real good. He got blown up real good. No, but yeah, you're right. That was the one because it was kind of mysterious. That wasn't an act of terrorism ultimately, right?

No, it was. They were storing, for some reason, they were storing. all these bombs. But that being said, given the volatility of that region, it could have been contraband. It could have been, you know, illegal weapons. Yeah. And so whatever reason, someone, it just, boom. Yeah. Crazy. But what was scary is like, yeah, literally months before, a year before, whatever it was, we were in that spot doing stand-up. Amazing. It's so great. Thank you for doing this. I just got off the road yesterday, so I didn't bake you bread. Oh, wow.

But I brought you bread from my favorite bread place in L.A. from Lodgebread. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Last time you were here, you took the bread that I did make. Yeah. And you made it into a hat. Yeah. And abused it.

I know. And I really was like trying to make sure that I brought you a loaf of my bread so you could respect it, but I didn't have time. I didn't realize when I did your show last time that you were. I just thought your show was called, because I wasn't hip to all the podcasts. Right. All these comics have podcasts, and I didn't watch them. I didn't know about it. So when people would say, hey, come do my podcast.

I'll go sit down with a buddy. Yeah. So I didn't know about your immense passion for baking and making bread. So in the middle of the last part, when you handed me a loaf of bread, the comics I went, oh, a prop, and I put it on my head, and I punched it. Yeah. And I really violated your life. It's really horrible to watch.

So now I will take this home. It's actually almost like a therapeutic pillow. Yeah. And I shall sleep. I will warm it up in the oven for 20 minutes. And I will sleep like a little Pioneer Village baby. Nice. Be like a hot rock.

Beautiful. And then when I wake up, I shall slice it with your O.J. Simpson knife and make toast. All right. Thank you. And I'll bring you my bread at some point. Yeah. Thank you. All right.

You're the best, darling. Thank you. We got it, kids. kids.