Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 256 - Chelsea Handler

Episode Date: March 25, 2025

This week the infamous Chelsea Handler joins us at the table. We get to break bread with Chelsea just minutes after she received the news that her new book hit NYT #1 best seller! She also shares about her new special, always knowing she'd be famous, and learning how to control her reactions. Can't get enough? Subscribe to Breaking Bread With Tom Papa's new Patreon to watch the extended episode, plus more bonus content! Chelsea Handler is a comedian, television host, six-time New York Times best-selling author and advocate. Check out her new Netflix special, The Feeling and her new book, I'll Have What She's Having, both available now!  0:00:00 Intro 0:01:00 Welcome & #1 NYT best selling book 0:02:11 Therapy, grit, and anger 0:08:00 Don't resist reality 0:09:09 Chelsea's special: The Feeling 0:11:05 Stardom and New Jersey 0:15:00 Disappointing parents 0:19:15 Jersey Shore and Martha's Vineyard 0:20:40 Letter to children: how to behave 0:26:11 New Jersey highschool 0:27:18 Writing, European tour 0:29:25 Jo Koy Relationship 0:32:25 Parties 0:35:00 Relationships & Being a free spirit 0:36:00 Bread 0:37:00 Ozempic 0:38:50 Drinking 0:41:30 Fame beginnings 0:44:25 Writing this book for women 0:48:05 Men on confident women & Daily Show 0:53:00 Destructive gossip & microaggressions 0:55:45 Pausing before reacting 0:56:45 Mallorca and vacationing 1:00:47 Thank you's 1:01:59 Patreon  Tom Papa is a celebrated stand-up comedian with over 20 years in the industry. Watch Tom's new special "Home Free" out NOW on Netflix! Radio, Podcasts and more: https://linktr.ee/tompapa/ Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/BreakingBreadWithTomPapa Website - http://tompapa.com/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/tompapa Tiktok - https://www.tiktok.com/@tompapa Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/comediantompapa Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/tompapa #tompapa #breakingbread #comedy #standup #standupcomedy #bread #chelseahandler #netflix Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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But after so many years and understanding how everyone else is and how so many people struggle with their confidence and with their self-assuredness, I realized I do have something that people need more of. Right. And that is belief in myself. I do believe in myself. You have to. In order to get anyone to believe in you, you got to believe in you. Yeah. And I wanted to extend that to, like I've been doing that in my life for many years.

I'm always a fucking great friend. I will always pick you up and patch you up and put you back together. Right. But I wanted to do that on a bigger level and like, and just demonstrate what real sisterhood is. Right. You know. It's weird that I read the book and identified with it and didn't realize it was written for women. It's breaking bread.

So good to see you. Congratulations right off the bat. Thank you. New York Times bestseller. Number one. Number one. Come on. I mean, I'm pretty, I just came here from that.

Thank you, Tompapa. Yeah. I just found out 10 minutes ago, so I'm still, I'm still soaking it in, but I'm very, very, very excited and grateful that I, yes. It's so great. I mean, I don't have to hold it up because it's already one, but it's really good. Thank you. It's really good.

I haven't read all of it, but I read most of it. Thank you. Yeah. You're a really good writer. Thank you. Yeah, really smooth. Thank you. It's very cool.

There's a lot I want to get to on it. I think the biggest thing, you seem to be in this really, like, good space. And you talk about it being, you know, going to therapy, has got me to this place and being confident, going this award show and being able to be cool and just kind of knowing what you are and kind of knock it out of the park and sleep well. And I was wondering, though, how much of it is therapy and how much of it is experience of, like, getting to this point where you've kind of done it all and you've been in these spaces. Did it take that much work for therapy? Or do you think you kind of would have gotten there? I mean, it's hard to separate, but. Yeah, it's hard to separate.

Let me know if he's in anyone's way. He usually will just chill out after a minute. You can do whatever. It's hard to separate. No, I mean, therapy was a pretty integral part of me. becoming more mature, more self-aware, a little bit softer, not so harsh, not so angry. Like, it was kind of a nice gift of self-awareness. You know what I mean?

Experience definitely obviously plays a huge role, but I would say one, like the two, the combo platter of the two, of the therapy and the experience and having highs in your career, having lows in your career and your personal life, all of those things. after you go through a couple of real tumbles, you start to understand that you're going to be okay no matter what happens. Right, right. And you start to understand, oh, I'm more resilient than I had given myself credit for. And then you start to see how much more resilient everyone else can be

if they really tap into their inner resiliency and really actually pay attention to all the different phases of your life and be respectful to yourself about it. Yeah. It's interesting, though, because when you're young and starting and hungry and scrapping, there almost needs to be this kind of frantic energy. Like, you almost have to be a little more abrasive and a little more, you know what I mean? And then you kind of get used to it, but I think I don't think you can show up with the calm and be successful. No, and then there's no arc anyway.

So who cares? You know what I mean? Yeah, that's a boring story. If you start like that, you're like, oh, this guy is fucking, you know, or this woman. But I think what is interesting is the evolution of a person. What is interesting is you're absolutely right. Without that hustle, without that grit, without that edge in the beginning, who's going to take notice of you in the first place? Especially in our line of business, which is stand-up comedy, you know?

Yeah. You have to have the edge to stand out to get noticed. Yeah. So I think, you know, there's that saying, and I think Oprah says it a lot. And I never understood what the fuck she was talking about. But she would say about something, this works, everything works for you until it stops working for you. So that kind of attitude that I had when I started out in my 20s and took through my 30s when I had lots of success. And, you know, I was doing Chelsea lately.

I've written a bunch of books. I was always touring. All of that, that bravado and that toughness, worked for me. It worked. It got me noticed. It made people pay attention to me. I was respected. Yeah.

And then there became a time around when I was 40 where it wasn't working for me anymore. It kind of became too angry, too edgy, and too hostile. And I was insecure, like for the first time in my life when I started doing my, not my Netflix documentaries, when I started doing my Netflix talk show, it just nothing felt right. Like I wasn't in my body or grounded in the way that I had been before and I didn't have that confidence. Interesting. because it's after success. Yes.

So everything that had been working my whole life stopped working. And then I had to go to an outside source. I was like, well, I'm going to need to talk to somebody about this anger issue that I have because I'm starting to be really abrasive. People are starting to give me feedback that is, you know, calling me out on that. And I'm also not feeling so confident and secure. It's amazing. So.

It is a strange thing how... I think it's called a midlife crisis, you know what I mean? Yeah, and it is. Yeah. And I think it's, I think you're kind of making, giving it a little clarity because you have to kind of, it's, you kind of have to like shed this old skin to become this new thing. And becoming new is like you're taking all the things that worked, all that scaffolding, and you're just knocking it down. But you're already successful and your audience all. already expect something from you.

And now you have to like kind of emerge. It's kind of, that's terrifying. It is. And I think that's the thing about like therapy. You go to therapy. You learn all of these things. Then you leave therapy, hopefully, at some point. You know what I mean?

I wasn't going to stay forever. I was like, let's get this wrapped up. You know what's our goal here? What's my problem? Tell me. And then, you know, making sure I'm not, am I a narcissist? Like, I was one of my first questions. He's like, usually narcissists typically aren't looking.

for feedback. So that's good. And then and then so when I got out of therapy, then you absorb everything, right? You have to absorb everything you've learned about yourself and your behavior and why you do the things you did and why you react certain ways in certain situations. And then you have to apply everything to your new life without losing the parts of you that are good and that are helpful and you know, helpful. And you want to get rid of the stuff that's hurtful to others and to yourself, but you want to hold on to the parts of you that are good. So it's a very confusing back and forth, two steps forward, one step back process. Especially while you're in the public eye and developing shows and doing your act and writing your books. And you've already been

successful. You've already, you're like, well, that old version didn't be right. Yeah. Yeah. But you have to, I think the most important, like, sentence that I've ever read, and this was like from a self-help book, from like Eckhart Tolle or Toll, I'm not even sure how you say his name, was the biggest disservice you'll ever do to yourself is resisting reality. Like when things change, go with it. Don't resist it. Don't hold on to the past. If a relationship's ending, let it go.

Right. Don't hold on tightly to people because they're going to get even further away from you. Yeah. Don't hold on tightly to things. It's, you know, like you have to accept change when it's coming and I was changing and I didn't like it. and the resisting of that change just let it to go on for longer than it needed to. Like if I had accepted it earlier on, I could have gone through the whole thing and, you know, probably less time.

But because of me resisting the reality that I was changing and holding on to that older version of me, I think I prolonged my experience. And, you know, that's fine because now everything's great and I'm happy. But for people who are listening, who are going through some sort of change and they're confused about it. it is so important to just embrace it and be like, all right, my husband just left me. That sucks. I'm heartbroken, but now it's time to figure out what I'm going to do and accept the fact that he's not in this relationship anymore, you know, that kind of thing. Did, uh, I saw your special too, by the way. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And it's great. It's very funny. Thank you. And it's interesting as you're, as you're talking, I'm thinking, you know, the book is one thing, but watching your stand up,

you are the same entity. You have the same firepower. You have like the same stuff. But there is a, there's a little joy in this one. And I think talking about your childhood and I'm Jersey by the way. Yes. Look what Jeff Ross got me for my birthday.

A little gold plate of jersey necklace. Nice. Yeah. And it was, there was a sweetness to it. Like you have your edge and you, and there's really cool in-depth stories and stuff like that. But there's also,

there's a little bit of a sweetness. I think maybe because you're talking about your childhood and things like that. But yeah, there's just a, I guess what I'm trying to say is without knowing that you went through this transformation, you have everything that made you a great comic is still totally present.

But there's a little whimsy to it. Well, I think people get scared. You know how comics, when they're like fat and lose a lot of weight? They're like, shit, am I still going to be funny? Right. Like you kind of go to therapy and you're like, well, I don't want to get soft.

You know, I need the edge for my comedy. I would argue it now that I've been through it, the softness is in addition to your comedy because there's a contrast now. It's not just one. You're not beating one drum. You're beating a couple different drums. Yeah. And it's actually more of like a symphony, if you will, of, it's a multi-faceted person

and a multi, like a multi, nobody's one thing, one dimensional, right? Right. So I would argue like you get better at everything when you get better at being yourself. Yeah. And you've been, it's your craft. You've gotten really good at your craft. Thank you. Thank you. I was saying to my wife last night, because she's a fan and we were watching your special. And I said, I don't remember Chelsea ever not being famous.

Like I don't, I don't remember you coming up and you were just always, in my mind, you were always a star. did you have, how long did it take before you felt like, oh, I've kind of gotten here? And where were you doing that that I didn't see it? It's so funny you say that because it takes me right back to my childhood where I believed I was a star. Like way before I had any success, I just believed that that was my lifestyle. Like I was like, wait, where are the famous people? Because I have to be part of that group. When you walk through first class, when you talk about going through first class and you're like, oh, these are my people.

This is my group. Why am I sitting in coach? Like, mom, what's your plan? Like I have a different set of ideas about my future. Totally. It totally made sense. When I watched that, it really made sense in my mind of who you are now. Yeah.

It was like you were hustling. You had jobs. You were creating businesses. All is like an eight-year-old. Yes. And you had this vision in your mind. But I mean, no, I obviously do. It took me a while to become, you know, successful in this business.

And as you well know, it requires hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle. Yeah. And I'm from New Jersey, so I can do that. You know what I mean? Not that people from Wisconsin can't do it, but there is a saltiness that comes with being from New Jersey. Yeah. That allows you to, you're not as, there's not as much shame. Right.

You kind of are like my opinions, I don't care if you agree with them. They're my opinions and I'm pretty confident about them. Yeah. There's not as much kind of, you know, second year, just kind of a louder person from New Jersey. It's really true. And so when people used to describe me as loud or crap, You know, I'd always be like, I'd always flinch a little, like, that's not me. That's the state I'm from, you know.

Everyone there is that way. They bakes me like that. When you go back, I know you shot the special there, but when you go back just to, like, if you go to the Jersey Shore, you go to, it's like that distance and then returning, you're like, oh, this is insane. I grew up in this. These people, everyone here has balls. Everybody has balls.

Everybody's yelling. Everybody, it's just everyone. It was so funny. Last week, I did a book signing. I was in New Jersey. and this girl, there was this group of girls that I just always wanted to be friends with growing up in high school. And I had been friends with them and then I got like cut from the group. And then I always was like thinking of them years later, like I wonder how that impacted me.

It was like my first time I got dropped from a group, right? Like middle schoolish before high school. And it never, I never got that sting away. Like I always, it still comes up today like even, you know, as an adult woman, even though I know better, you know, like that feeling. you kind of can't get rid of it. And like three of those girls were at my book signing in New Jersey. And it's like it's such a story about life. You know, like not that it's not that you have to become rich and famous to get that full circle moment.

But it was like I had finally forgotten about those people. And then there they were reminding me that they've been paying attention to my career this whole time. And I forgot about them. Yeah. And they weren't carrying any, they weren't carrying. I know what was I. It's not like I'm sitting there waving my book around being like, hey, bitches, look at me. You fucking cunts.

I'm a six time, seven time. New York Times bestselling other. Ha ha. No, because I was like, I love you. I'm so happy you're here. You know, I'm so happy to see you. So I just, that's one of those moments in life where I was like, oh, God, you know, everything just comes around. Yeah.

Yeah. It is pretty remarkable. But it doesn't come around with you as far as, as far as family. I mean, it's very, it's a lot. of you being this little boss grown up killing it at eight kind of made sense to me like you were looking at this family like oh listen I'm not going to do all this and talking about Thanksgiving stuff like that it was uh it made sense to me of oh I've done the family and it wasn't that great I think I'm going to go explore another another life well I just thought my family was quite

disappointing you know why was your dad disappointing he was a used car dealer and like you know he would change his outfit like every three days. He would come to school, pick me up in some like used gold. The year would be like 1985 and the Camaro would be like 1964. And like one car door would open and one wouldn't. So I'd have to come around the car, get in his side, get over my dad's lap and then climb into the passenger seat. Like humiliations, you know. Was he a bad guy though?

He was a sheister. He was a shyster. He wasn't a murderer. Uh-huh. But he was a sheister. Uh-huh. like lied a lot. He was like always, he was racist and not in a actively racist way.

Like, you know, but he would be like, oh, this guy's from so-and-soy. I can't try. I'm not going to show him a car. They're never going to spend this kind of money, you know. And it was just, he wouldn't, he was cheap. Uh-huh. And he just wasn't like. What about to you, though?

He was, we had a very turbulent relationship after my brother died because my dad really really fell apart at the seams. And I was pissed at him because I had already lost my brother. And then here was this other man in my life that became useless. Right. And I was like, oh my God, two men that lied to me now. Right. And I'm only nine.

Like, what's left? So that kind of shaped my relationship with authority, with men, with everything. But then we worked, once I moved to L.A. when I was 19, and I drove across country, which is another chapter in the book when I picked up that Cokehead in Harlem. I once I got away from my family I was able to come back and really I just needed a break we all needed a break and now you know and then it's so intense it was and then you know and then I was close to my dad again we reunited we didn't we just came back together like it was just too fractious growing up I was always like no you can't tell me what to do and he's like I'm definitely going to tell you what to do and I'm like you know like no one's going to tell me what to do right and he was like who the fuck are you And I'm like, who the fuck are you? It sounds like you were very different from the other kids, though. It sounds like, and you were the youngest, right?

So it sounds like, it sounds like, well, you have the saintly ones. And it seems like you, as a dad, when a kid shows up who's unlike the others who are easier, it's like, you don't know how to deal with it. No, they didn't know what to do. And I think my mom, like, I definitely think I contributed to my mother, like, dying early. Like, I'm not joking. Really? She just put them... She sounded so sweet.

She was. My mom was an angel. She was like... She was European and she was quiet and demure and elegant. You know, all the things that I've never been. And she... And I just put them through hell. Like, I just was so bad as a teenager.

I was pregnant. I was mad. My dad, I was mad at my brother for dying but had no avenue to discuss that. So I really put my mom through hell. I mean, my dad used to say to my mom, like something. is wrong with her. Something is wrong with her. And my mom's like, she's nothing's wrong with her. She just needs to shake it out. Like she's got a lot of anger and she needs to grow up. And once she grows up and matures, she'll be okay, Seymour. And my dad would be like, I don't trust her.

I don't trust her. Seymour is so funny too. I know. Yeah. It is terrifying. It's a, it's a heart, because you just have to, you have to realize these kids are that they're just baked. They show up and They are what they are. And if it makes you uncomfortable, it's, there's no changing it, there's no breaking it, there's no bending it, you just have to kind of try and keep it safe. Yeah. And it can be scary. Yeah, for sure.

Which is why I don't have any because I don't, I'm like, if I had a child and she pulled half the shit that I pulled on my parents, I'm going to be fucking going crazy. Yeah. So, you know, that was, that was interesting. It is interesting that it makes perfect sense of like, no, Why would I rebuild any version of that? Yeah. The difficult part of it.

Like my karma alone, it's like I don't want to deal with that in this lifetime, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's very interesting. How long did you stay in Jersey till 19? 19 is, I went to like. To go to Jersey Shua? No, we went to Martha's Vineyard in the summertime.

Oh, right. I did date this guy named Brett who lived in the Jersey Shore. And I went down there when I was like, I think I was 17. I'm sure I lied about my age at that time and told him I was 21. Yeah. I mean, I was telling people I was 21. when I was like 14. So I would go down on the shore with her.

And then I think he found out that I was 17 and he got icked out and was like, no, you're too young for me. But that was the only time I spent in Belmar, New Jersey. Right. But every other summer I'd go to the vineyard with my family, which makes us sound wealthy. We weren't wealthy. I know.

There's a lot of moments in your story where it sounds like you're pretty well off. Yeah, because I think in my mind I believed I was. Like, I was like, oh, I will be. Right. So it kind of like Martha's Vineyard made sense, but not in the capacity we were there. Right. Yeah. No, yeah. Martha's Vineyard isn't completely bougie. No, not at all.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's great up there, though. Yeah, my dad bought 10 acres of land in the year I was born, which was 1975 for $35,000. Wow. And we sold that like a couple of years before he died for about $8 million. Go Seymour. Yeah. Wow. And then I had to split that with my brothers and sisters. I didn't want to sell it because it was such a beautiful piece of property. Yeah.

But they, you know, are they want. wanted the money and I was like, okay. Yeah, you know. You guys, they wanted it. Right. Yeah. You don't have children, but what you write in your book to the children in your life, your nieces and nephews, about going on vacation is one of the, I want to like, I want to just hand it out to everyone in my life. Well, I have a bunch of nieces and nephews. I want to hand this to anyone under 20 or under 25.

It's so well written about how to behave in someone else's house. I mean, every moment, every, this is why you're a great writer. As each paragraph was like, you were, I was soaking, like a sponge, you're like, yeah, and, yeah, and, and, and you nailed each and. And there's like, you know, I don't know how many times I said, when you drink someone else's alcohol, you must replace it. If you finish a picture of margaritas, you must replace it. You must be willing to make a new picture of, or alcohol was a major theme in that letter.

And stop being shitty to your moms. Yeah, and look everybody in the eye. Look everybody in the eye and say, please and thank you at every opportunity that you get to anybody who is doing anything for you. And you had a good way of each, at the end of each one, you would be like, and this is right or something. I forget your phrasing. But you'd be like, and this is the way it's supposed to be. This is the way it's going to be right now. And this is not a request.

It is a requirement. A requirement. Yes. Oh, just telling everybody. And it's just so, it's, it's completely right. It's completely right. But as a parent, it's very difficult to tell your shitty kids to act that way. Yeah, my brothers and-

You have a power. Yeah, but my brothers and sisters were very like, you know, I was like, by the way, this letters to you guys too, because these are your fucking kids. So I know it's about the kids, but you're the one who are enabling this behavior. As was I, you know, by taking them on all these vacations and being and spoiling them, which is exactly what I want to do. I want to be that aunt. Yeah, exactly.

I've got the edibles. I've got the money. Let's go. Have a great time. But don't treat people like garbage. You create monsters. Yes. Yeah.

Right. It was very nice. Thank you. It was really well done. Thank you. We have a beach house at the Jersey Shore. Oh, which part? And Long Beach Island.

Oh, okay. And we have a couple times a year where everybody just joins up. And it's like some people have to read this. Some people that show up need to be schooled a little bit on. Yeah. Yeah. I love the team up part too. If you're going to clean.

Yeah, go get a friend and we'll clean out the dishwasher. You and your cousin, you guys be the ones. But my nephew's like, I remember at one point he goes after the letter. And one of my nephews was like, who's just like, you never clean out the dishwasher. I go, excuse me? And then right away, they're like, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, don't say that. I'm like, this is financed by me, okay? I'm not cleaning out dishwashers either.

I'm not the fucking kid. Right, exactly. Oh, it was so perfect. It really was like. That letter circulated around. before I put it in this new book, that letter circulated because I had sent it to my, I sent it to a couple people to get feedback on it.

And it was either my agent or manager was like, this letter's amazing. Can I send this to a couple people? And I said, absolutely. And then like four or five months went by, and someone sent that letter to me. And the name had been taken off, obviously, when my manager had sent it out.

So then I got my own letter sent to me saying, this seems like it would be a great letter to send to your family. And I'm like, I wrote that fucking letter. That's amazing. That's amazing. So funny. It's so funny. It's really, it's perfect.

It really is like, oh, it's like a manifesto. Oh, thank you, Tom. Thank you. Thank you. On everybody's fridge. Why your kid's so shitty? I don't know. They're not.

They're not really. They're just, it's our training. It's our problem. It's not their fault. It's all the parents. Like, I have some nieces and nephews that are so, like, they were at my house. I did a, like, kids-only vacation last summer in Majorca. Oh, that's fun.

And I took all the kids, and two of my brothers inserted themselves onto this trip because, you know, they wanted to be without their wives. So they came on this trip, but my niece, my brothers left early, and, like, two of my nephews had to, like, go to the airport in Majorca and then change planes. And this is, these are two college kids. Yeah. And it was, like, you were dealing with a six-month-old and an eight-month-old. the directions that my brother left for these two grown boys was so humiliating.

I was like, are you guys seriously don't know how to go through a fucking airport? Right. Are you that remedial? Yeah. Like, is that how coddled you've been your whole life? So what you've done to them. Yeah, I was like taking a bus across country when I was 13. Yeah.

I mean, I wouldn't be able to catch one now if you fucking paid me. But, you know, I had the skills to when I needed it. But that's because your parents didn't pay as much attention. Yes. Right. Right. They were, they were. You were just banging around on your banana seat.

Masturbating. Masturbating on your banana seat. I've been masturbating on my bicycle. We'd like to thank the good people at Quince for sponsoring today's program. If you spend a lot of time cooking at home, it's time to elevate your game. When your cookware actually feels good to use and is thoughtfully made and looks beautiful on your counter, it just makes the whole experience better. That's what I've really liked about Quince.

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Yeah, no, he went to my high school, Jason Alexander. Oh, that's right. He's on the Hall of Fame at my high school, and I'm not because I had an abortion and I talked about it publicly. Can you believe that? For real? Was it a religious school? Oh, excuse me. No, Jason's...

No, it wasn't a religious school. And Jason Alexander was the father of the baby that I was pregnant with. And so, and that he's on the board of the Hall of Fame, and I'm not. That's so weird. I am in New Jersey Hall of Fame, though. You are? Yes. John Bon Jovi. Oh, well, you'll get there. You'll get there.

When you arrive in Newark and you see that... I'm going to refer... I'm going to put a referral in. Please do. John Bon Jovi inducted me to that one. So that was better than being on my high school Wall of Fame or Hall of Fame or whatever the hell it's called. That is better. Right.

He's older, of course. But he went to my high school. And Dana Bash. Oh, I love Dana Bash. Yeah, they both went to my high school in Northern New Jersey. Oh, okay. What part? Bergen County, Bobville.

Yeah, yeah. That's not that far for me. Yeah, no. Yeah, no. Yeah. I love Jersey. Yeah. And I think as a kid in realizing that, did you have this moment where you realized

New Jersey was like everyone's punchline. Oh, yeah. You were like, well, every show I'm watching, people are shitting on New Jersey. And I, and I mean, you're from a really nice part of New Jersey, too.

Like, it was very verdant and beautiful and, like, suburban. I didn't know why people hated New Jersey so much. And then the Jersey Shore came out. Yeah. And I was like, oh. I get it.

I didn't know about this part of New Jersey. But it kind of made me laugh. It was like, it made me a little self-deprecating. It was like, oh, I get it. You've got to be able to laugh at yourself. Yeah, yeah. If you're going to live in this place.

How's your writing now? My stand-up writing? Yeah. Well, my stand- I know it's a weird, it's kind of an insulting question as we're sitting here with your book and your special.

No, it's not. You can ask me anything. This last special, you know, you tape your special and you burn your material. Yeah. But this last special, I had so much material that I just kept, I was like, okay, cut, cut, cut,

save this for the next set. Save this for the next hour. Cut, cut. And this year I'm going to do a European tour. I have a Vegas residency. So I do that like once a month. at the Cosmo. And then I'm doing a Europe tour.

So I just had so much material left over from that show that I didn't use. So I just kept putting that together. And now I have another hour. And I think you'd probably agree with this. When you start getting in the rhythm of doing these specials and these hours, it doesn't take that much to come up with a new hour as long as you're living a life. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

As long as you have new experiences and something's going on. Right. Yeah. Do you feel like, but it's interesting because like I was saying, this special, you kind of go back to the past a lot. I mean, there's stuff that's current for sure, but it's also stories from. Yeah, from my childhood. Yeah, absolutely. Like I think I wanted to delve into that just because I've written about it in my books. There's so much crossover with me with my stand-up in my books because it's just two different mediums and ways to tell a story. You know, in a book, you can really see. set the scene and it would describe every character and the dialogue is back and forth. And in stand up, you're really going for the jokes and the funniest parts of the story rather than getting into the nitty gritty of it all. So I enjoy both of those aspects and like the difference in that.

But I think I wanted to go back to my younger self because I'm just in a period of time. Like I just turned 50 years old. Like this is a very reflective period of my time, of my life. Yeah. You know, like I, and this book came about, this book originally came about when I was dating Joe Coy. Right. The editor asked me like, you know, it was such a public relationship.

It really was. And everyone was so cute about us. And, you know, we were so public. I never bought it. That's what Nikki said to me once. She's like, did you guys do that for ticket sales? I'm like, who's ticket sales? Mine?

Joe's selling out arena. So it's not an insult to me. Right. But, no, I wouldn't. Did you love him? Of course, I did. He's so sweet. He is so sweet.

Why didn't it work out? It's just not. It was not going to work out. Two very different ideas about how to go through life. Oh, yeah? Yeah, just very different. You know, he came into my life at a time where I was questioning everything, kind of what we were talking about earlier,

where I wasn't sure about my footing and I wasn't sure what I wanted to be doing or if what I was doing mattered. And I was feeling very kind of, insecure for the first time in my life as like a 40 year old woman. And so when he came around, he was a great reminder of who I am because of all of the time I spent with him and all of the people whose careers got launched off of Chelsea lately. And, you know, I never really identified with that in a way that I was like, not just not taking credit, but being prideful of like, wow, look what you did for all these people. Look how open you were to all of the things that certain

people have to be forced to be open to. You know what I mean? We put the D in DEI. Like, we were like, let's do it. And if you're a misfit, if you're an underdog, you're on the show. And it was so natural. And natural, because that's exactly who I am. And so he came along at a time of my life and really reminded me about the person that I truly am.

And I had kind of fallen off my own track a little bit. So I think there was a real bonding in that. That's great. And he was lovely to be around. He adored me. And I felt great. And I really did want it to work out. So the book came about when, you know, an editor was like,

it's just so crazy to see you this happy and so loving and being so demonstrative publicly. Like, we think you should write a book about falling in love. You know, and then we broke up. And I was like, oh, whoopsie, dude. What's this book going to be about? I'm like, and then she's like, what about breaking up? I'm like, no, I'm not writing a breakup book.

Like, that's so the opposite of the vibe I'm trying to put out there. Right, exactly. But it was a great breakup in the sense that I was able to handle that breakup with him in a way that I hadn't been able to handle breakups before. Where I was mature. I didn't drag him through the mud. I didn't say anything negative about him publicly. I won't. Yeah.

One funny joke in the special. Yeah, one funny joke in the special. And then another joke at the Critics Choice Awards just because I followed him up after the Golden Globes. And I had to stand up for writers. Right. And I would have said that about anybody who had made a joke about writers. I don't remember the joke. Well, he said something, he blamed the writers at Golden Globes for when he wasn't doing well.

He said, oh, the writers wrote that. The writers wrote that. Yeah. So then I did the critics choice like a week later. And when I got a huge laugh, I was like, thank you. My writers wrote that. Good one. But we have to defend our writers, as you will know.

Good job on this one. You had so many great jokes in that one. Oh, thank you. Yeah, a lot. It was like, boom, boom. It was like, I don't think there was a miss. Oh, thanks. Yeah.

It was powerful. Do you think I should go to parties more? It's a great question because I feel I've felt the way that you feel by asking that question. I understand what you mean because it's kind of a pain in the ass. But I don't think it's necessary, but I do think it's worthwhile. Yeah. I've warmed up to that idea. Instead of rebuffing that, I'm like, yeah, let's go and have a good time.

Yeah. And it is always a good time. And it's good to remind people that you're around, that you're fun, whatever you've got to do to remind me. people. That's what I kind of feel. And I don't like networking in that, you know, so to speak. Like, I don't like it like the term networking. I find that my vagina clenches when people talk about shit like that.

Mine too. Right. We've always had very similar vaginas. It's true. And so I don't like that, but there is something, there is something to be said for showing your face. Yeah. Reminding people that you're around. My wife realized after the Oscars that, just on Instagram that a lot of our friends were at parties

and posting things. And you had a beautiful shot at Vanity. Thank you. It was, and she was like, how do they, how do all these people do this? And I'm like, well, you know, they're publicist. And you know, they, she's like, yeah, so you have, like, what? I'm like, I don't think about it. She goes, we watched the Oscars.

I said, yeah, but I don't think, let's do something after the Oscars. I think, let's go to bed now. Yeah. And she's like, you should probably be poking your head out of the house once in a while. I'm like, all right. Yeah. Maybe. But yeah, you can easily make that happen. You just tell people you want to go to some parties and then you'll get those invites. I just, I get the hard part is telling them that I want to when I don't. Right, right. Yeah, exactly. Or set yourself, you set your wife up with somebody famous who will go to the parties. And that'll motivate me to go. Yeah. Yeah, seeing her with Bradley Cooper, I'll be like, oh, wait a minute. Yeah, but you did have great jokes on that. That was really good. And I think Joe Coyle liked the joke and the special. It was funny.

Oh, yeah. It was such a little. Oh, right, right, right. Oh, the new joke. Oh, I forgot about it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, right. That was the first, yes, I have a little joke in the new special about it.

A little joke about his little part. Yeah. But it's fun. It's funny. It's like a light thing. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. How long was the relationship?

Like 10 or 11 months. Right. It wasn't a year. Is that a long? That's long for you? That's pretty much my timeline. I just also got out of a relationship that was about the same. No, this one was shorter than 10 months.

But I'm not a, that's just not me. I jam. I'm a very independent woman. We all know this. Like anyone who knows me knows how I feel about not commitment. It's not that I'm a commitment phob. It's that I'm a life, I want life, adventures, experiences. And I'm just always going to be free, like a free spirit like that.

Yeah. Like you're not going to nail me down. Yeah. When I fantasize about us being together as someone that's in relationships all the time, and I see someone that's not in a relationship. I'm like, I wonder if there's any way to crack that code, but there's no way. To crack the code, can I have some of this bread? I'm getting hungry.

Sure. Is it real bread or is this a prop? I know you said we baked it, but I didn't really believe you. What? I just found that hard to believe. Is this a sourdough starter kit that you learned about during COVID? You know, you calling it a kit? It kind of makes me seem like it's a cute thing that somebody gave me.

Do we have any butter or anything or just bread? I don't think, do we have any? Or do I just pour vodka on it? Is that? I have vodka. I like this part. I like this. Do you like that part?

Yeah, I'm going to make a mess, but I'm going to eat it because I'm a little hungry. I'm very happy about this loaf of bread because I'm cooking things a little darker, which makes the crispy a little caramel. Can you make pizza? I can. Yeah, I like it when it's crispy like this too. Yeah. This is a...

Seems like it's going to be hard to chew. Well, you took the worst part. Mm. Nothing better than hearing people chew. Mm-hmm. They love it on podcast. Mm-hmm. This is so good.

ESM-R? ASM-R? ASMR. We used that butter, but that was a while ago. Yeah. Well, you're dairy free now, aren't you? Is butter dairy? Mm-hmm.

Oh. Butter is dairy. I've been eating like a vegan for two weeks. Really? Mm-hmm. Are you farting a lot? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And I'm always like, what costs that? I'm not sure what the whole vegan plan is, but it's not. Right. No. I just wanted to drop some weight and just kind of clean up a little bit. Just go on his humpick. Everybody looks like terrible on that.

Their faces go away. Really? Mm-hmm. Don't you notice that? Well, I notice when people get too thin, but you don't have to go too crazy with it. You know, some people go overboard. You can just do a little bit and just curbs your appetite. Oh, yeah?

You don't have to go lose 20 pounds. Yeah, I was on it for months before my infection. Oh, yeah? And it just kind of like made me not eat a mini bar when I got home. home. You know what I mean? I know. Like, it didn't make me not eat. Right. I just made me stop eating when I was full. And that's a wonderful exercise. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of times I eat out of just boredom or just because I walk by the kitchen. Mm-hmm. And see the refrigerator. Mm-hmm. So I just wanted to, but I was, what my my thinking was, I'm going to do Ozempic without the Ozempic and just not eat. Mm-hmm. It doesn't

really work that way. No, it doesn't. No, but they have sublingual Zempic also. Are you fat? Let me see your body. Like, do you have weight to lose? I'll stand up. Oh, no, you're in great shape. Where's your, where do you, what do you have a little bit of a love handle situation going on? Yeah, no, I think you're very fit and strong. Yeah, you look good.

You don't have a big belly or anything. You're fine. I just want to be healthy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. I want to be healthy too. Yeah. I mean, mostly. You know what I mean?

Mostly. I'm not going to not drink alcohol or smoke pot, but I mean. When you're home, and it's the end of the day, and you haven't taken drugs. Is that bread good? Is that all right? Yeah, that's good. Thank you.

Do you make cocktails for yourself? Not really. I don't really drink alone at my house. You don't? No, it's more of like a social thing. I mean, I love drinking, but I don't go home and bring. I have a thing about cocktails in bedrooms. Like, I find that to be a big ick.

Yeah, that's a big problem. And so, like, I don't really, like, you know, when you go home at night and I once had this guy bring a cocktail into the bedroom, and I was like, it was such an ick. I was like, first of all, the night's over. We're about to fuck now. And you have a cocktail? Yeah. Like gross.

Like condensation on it on the end table? Just gross. Like, we're bad, it's bad. The night's over. You don't keep drinking, you know? It is icky. Yeah. I do like a martini at home, though, just by myself.

Well, that's nice. Yeah. If I could make a martini, maybe I would have one at home, but I can't really even make one. Oh, you can? Now, I'm pretty bad in the kitchen. Really? Any domestic activity is just, it's better. that I don't even go near it.

Even a cocktail. Well, I can make a cocktail. I'll have a gin and soda. That's my drink. So I'll have a gin and soda. Maybe I'll have one tonight because I found out I'm number one in the New York Times list. You know, that's what we're celebrating.

But normally, if I'm not going out, I won't drink. You won't drink if you're going out. If I'm not going out. If I'm not going out. I'm staying home. Tonight's an in-night. Right. I would normally not have it.

But maybe I'll smoke a joint instead. You know what I mean? Right. Yeah, yeah. I like the cocktail. at end of the day kind of 1950s style. I like that. You know what I mean?

Mad Men. Yeah, Mad Men. I have a cocktail. Right. If I'm not doing a spot. If I have a spot at night, then I won't do it. Oh, you never drink and go on stage? No.

Yeah, I usually have a cocktail before I go on stage. You do? Yeah, I need to get it up. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. Like, sometimes I need to, especially if I'm traveling, I need to, like, it gives me a little pep. Uh-huh. I need to, like, be up.

I mean, I do it without it, you know, if I don't want to drink that day. or something, but I just find, not more, not three, one, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I guess, I don't know. Anything other than just me, I feel a little, like even too much caffeine.

It's like a little bit like, wait, this isn't really Oh, I see. Who we are, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. What about the, you wouldn't microdose and go on? I'm sure I have. Because that sounds, seems like less intrusive than the, No, I don't do that.

Booze. Oh, no? Boos and I are very in sympatico. Like I know exactly what to drink, how much to drink. I know what to stop drinking, for the most part. You know what I mean? I've had a couple of instances where I probably could have stopped drinking a little sooner. But for the most part, overall, over the course of my 50-year life, I have a pretty good handle on it.

Right. Can we go back to the question just because personally I really want to know? About Joe Coy's penis? Yeah. How small? No. It was... I want to say on the record that Joe Coy does not have a small penis.

Even though... Can I just make a guess? slightly above average. Yeah. Perfectly fine. And now I'm going to be good with him for the rest of my life. What I love about Jo Koi, if I may. Yes, you may.

When he takes a shine to you and see something that you're doing, he's such a great champion. He really is a good champion. He's happy to see you doing something and wants everybody else to kind of know it. Very infectious. Yeah. That's, we need more of that. Yeah.

Absolutely. I really like that. Back to my question. In my mind, you've always been famous. You showed up as a comedian and you left New Jersey and you were just Chelsea. What was the period of the struggle and where was it? Or was it? Or was, am I right that you were always famous?

No, I wasn't. I was, I mean, there's a story in the book about Montreal Comedy Festival. That was probably my first brush with stardom, and I blew it. I blew it at the Montreal Comedy Festival. It bombed so badly. And then 72 hours later, I had a development deal with NBC because I went back to L.A., did a spot at Luna Park. And Grace Wu, who was the only executive who hadn't been at my bomb, was there, gave me a development deal for $100,000. So that was a pretty epic moment and a pretty good kind of example of how things can turn around so quickly in your life.

You know what I mean? Just when you think you're done, there is a rainbow coming your way. And it might be two days. It might be two weeks. And it might be two months, but it's coming. That's the way the world is. And that's the way life is. But as far as being famous, I mean, I became, I think I did a bunch.

I did girls behaving badly. Then I did the Chelsea Handler show, which didn't successful on E. Then they gave me Chelsea lately. And then I had my second book come out. I had written my horizontal life, which was my first book. I wasn't very well known then And then with Chelsea lately And then my second book

It was kind of just like a perfect storm Of popularity And that's when everyone started to know who I was So that's when I was like 30 Was that vodka? Was that? Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea?

Yeah. And then Chelsea, Chelsea, Bang Bang were two big books That I wrote at that time And so that's 2007-eight-ish? I would have been 32-ish Right 32 to 36.

I was on that show for seven years, I think. Everything is seven with me. Oh, yeah? Seven, yeah. Seven year itch. Right. Seven years, I was wrapped. I didn't want to do that anymore.

This is my seventh book. Wow. Seven, seven. Poor in February 25th. Two and five is seven. Nice. Do you still like writing the books? Do you like the process of writing it?

I loved writing this book because I felt like I was writing it for women, like for all women. Uh-huh. Like so many people ask me all the time about my confidence and about my fearlessness. And I've never considered myself to be a fearless or a super confident person. But after so many years and understanding how everyone else is and how so many people struggle with their confidence and with their self-assuredness, I realized I do have something that people need more of. Right. And that is belief in myself. I do believe in myself.

You have to. In order to get anyone to believe in you, you got to believe in you. Yeah. And I wanted to extend that to, like I've been doing that in my life for many years. I'm always a fucking great friend. I will always pick you up and patch you up and put you back together. Right. But I wanted to do that on a bigger level and like, and just demonstrate what real sisterhood is.

Right. You know. It's weird that I read the book and identified with it and didn't realize it was written for women. Well, no, I mean, it's written for everyone, obviously. But it's for, I'm a woman, you know. And that's who I relate to the most. But of course, it's, you know, it's for everyone's daughter and everyone's sister. And it's for anyone who doesn't feel seen, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. You have to see yourself to be seen. Yeah. And so now at this age, I finally understand what people are talking about when they say, oh, how are you so why don't you give a shit? Or why are you so how did you get your confidence? It's like, I don't know. I honestly was born this way.

But now I would like to share some stories to help you get it too. Yeah. I mean, because that is what's very. very interesting about both the book and the special of the stories of when you're little, like you do have this confidence. You knew at eight years old that you were, you had it. And it's, it's, it's, you, it's, you, it's surprising to hear that you lost it a little bit and then it had to, like, kind of refine it, but it's definitely hardwired. Yeah. Yeah. But that's blind confidence, because when you're unbesmerched and you're

eight, you know, the world hasn't done their number on you yet. Yeah. So you don't even know that things are going to be rough or tough or hard or you're going to have emotional times and highs and lows. You're just going with whatever your personality is. Yeah. So it's like to capture the essence of who you are and kind of as a child, before all the shit happens, there is a period of time where you truly are you. Yeah. And that's kind of what you want to take through your whole life and adulthood, right? You want to go through life being that.

Yeah. Keeping that going. But it's got to be, I mean, it's somewhat upsetting and it's kind of, I kind of don't know how you do it. The bigger you get, the stronger you get, the more vitriol, it seems, you get from places, from a lot of these guys on right-wing television shows and shit like that. it's are you just in a solid place? Like when people come at me for whatever

and they're like, your bread looks burnt. I'm like, uh, but like you've, like it's all the things you're talking about about being strong and and mindful of yourself and your own strength,

that's one thing. But then also to have it, at the same time, have people shooting arrows at you while you're doing that. That's a whole different level of the game. Is it natural to you? Do you find it troubling? I've been, that's been the way it's been since.

Yeah, I mean, I'm threatening to a lot of men that don't want women to be independent. Yeah. And I'm annoying to a lot of men who don't like opinionated women. Like, I get that. And it doesn't bother me at all. It freaks them out. It edits so many people from my life. You know what I mean?

I don't have to waste my time with those kinds of people because they can't handle me. Right. And they think I'm too much or too loud or whatever they think. Yeah. That's not my problem. Like, I'm not worried about it. I don't care if I'm being blasted on Fox News or whatever. Like, that's not, that's not where my light is.

Did you have to learn to cope with it or it was always just a natural instinct of, go screw yourself? As a general rule, if a man is telling me what to do, I'm not that interested. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But I do have, I've definitely had my feelings hurt by being rejected or not being accepted by a group of people that are not straight white men that are older and Republican or whatever. You know, I definitely have had my feelings hurt when it comes to, you know, being not included in things where you're like, I've earned the right to be here. Yeah. And why is this all men and this isn't me?

But not to the point where I would ever let it run me. Yeah. I don't let things run me. I take it in. It's impressive. And I'm like, oh, that sucks. And that person doesn't respect me as a comic or that person doesn't think I, you know, should have this job. Like, you know, I was up for the Daily Show and I thought for sure I had it.

And I didn't get it. And then I heard all of this stuff, what was going on behind the scenes about me. And so many people were cock blocking me. That's what I heard. Oh, really? And I was like, oh, oh, I had no idea. All these people had such strong feelings about me. Like, I thought it was such an obvious gig for me, you know, like, no-brainer.

I could do this with my eyes closed, and I did it for a week. I, you know, auditioned kind of. And I was like, oh, it's mine. And I was being led to believe that it was mine. Oh, really? And then when I found out what was going on behind the scenes, I just kind of had this attitude of like, okay, what I'm going to do is I'm going to meet with every single person that cock blocked me just to make sure that they know what kind of person I am,

just so I'm not holding on to this anymore. And that's what I did. How did they take that when you showed up? Well, they didn't know why. They didn't know I knew what they had done and said about me, but I did. But I was just, I'd go to drinks with this person and drinks with that person. Not with the agenda of getting the job. I had let it go.

Yeah. But I just wanted to make sure that they knew who they were talking shit about. Oh, good for you. Yeah. Who were they talking shit about the perceived notion of you or? Just that. You don't give it to her. She's too, you know, like a firebrand or a light.

or I don't know the word like I'm too in the news all the time like you know I'm too much of like I'm you out there like I'm not you know or that I'm too crass or I don't know what the feedback was it was just that a lot of men yeah a lot of men didn't want that me to have that job yeah interesting yeah so you know with stuff like that that job which I'm sorry to interrupt but everything you just described about being like a lightning rod and all that stuff is it's what you want out of a host of the Daily show. Totally. But yeah.

So that didn't, like, that felt ick. Executives? A lot. Or writers or... Anybody involves. Really? So I... But then I handled it with, like, the way that I want to handle things.

Like, I'm not going to be mad at you. I'm going to show you that actually I'm totally competent, capable, and worthwhile. And I no longer I'm interested, but don't talk about me again. Like, you don't have nothing to say. you're wrong. Good for you. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that seems like a lot more to deal with than somebody just popping off on Fox News about you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that was like, oh, we really, like, yeah, not a, just so disappointing, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah. But again, I don't let that run me. Like, I let go of that opportunity that I thought was mine,

which it wasn't. Yeah. I let go of that as quickly as I, as soon as I learned it, I was like, oh, it's not happening. Okay. Let's move on to the next thing. Right. Yeah. It's interesting. You don't want to harbor resentment towards people who don't even know you. Yeah. I'm surprised you found out. I mean, a lot of times you don't get a gig and then you just, you're left for the rest of time to like just imagine what it was. For some reason, everyone tells me everything at some point. Oh, really? Yes. So I find out everything. I mean, I do. I've heard so many things about people and who've said things about me, friends of friends, you know. And I don't know why people. tell me these things either, quite frankly. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe they're just trying to like, you know, show me some loyalty or something.

Yeah. I just, I was just reading a thing about gossip and how that gossip is so deadly. And people kind of like, you know, make a habit out of it or they just relish in it. And that it actually is so destructive because you could actually kill someone with it. Yeah. Yeah. And it's the lowest, it's the lowest form of communication. While it can be fun, also can't be your main character. Right. That's well put. I like that in your book when you talk about the guy directing you off of the sidewalk.

Oh, yeah. Like telling you where to walk, like as she's going through. Telling me, I need to feed my meter. I was like, oh, really? Have you ever told a man that he needed to feed his meter and then ushered him to the sidewalk? Like, can you imagine? And then he called me sexist when I pointed out that he was being sexist. I mean, it was ridiculous.

But again, that was another moment where it's like, I don't fly off the handle anymore. That was me like years ago. Like I don't get angry in the way that I'm going to go off on someone. Like I look at every opportunity as a way to level myself up. Like, okay, how will do I want to deal with that guy in a way that's generous, kind, patient? And also use it as a teaching moment because clearly this guy doesn't understand the bullshit that women are putting up with every single day. And while what he did was in a major infraction, it was a mild thing.

Some of people might even think it was a nice thing to do. It was a microaggression. And when you add all those microaggressions up a day by day by day, it turns into a big macroaggression. You're right. And then you're like, I really would appreciate not having men tell me to feed my meter. I'd rather get the ticket.

Right. I just love him. What do you think you put his hand on your back and brought you back on the sidewalk? Yeah, yeah. And just reading that, I'm just like, no, don't do that to Chelsea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right. I mean, did he have no idea who he was out with?

Yeah. I mean, when I was younger, when I would go off, you know, and it was all, I mean, I would just, if you set me off, I mean, my brothers and sisters would be like, oh, fuck, here she goes. You know, like if someone did something or I didn't like something or someone treated something, somebody with disrespect. Yeah. Like my sisters would always be like, don't, don't. It's not worth it. I'm like, it is worth it. It's worth it.

This person needs to know that they acted like an asshole, you know? But now my attitude is, yes, this person needs to know. they acted like an asshole, but we're not going to call them an asshole, and I'm not going to yell at them. And I'm going to be so smiley and kind that their head is going to spin by the time I leave, because they're going to be like, what just happened? And is that a reaction now that is just your natural reflex? Or do you have to take a breath, think about it, and then act that way? Sometimes I do have to take a breath.

But mostly it's my natural instinct now is if I have a strong reaction to something, like if I get news I don't like, or if I get something, frustrating that I like I'm if I'm frustrated with something I know now to just take a minute like don't react and don't type angrily right do do do do like on your phone you know don't be like that yeah just take a minute and then sometimes you know you you actually don't even ever need to respond like so many times we're so caught up in it I know that if you do sleep on it or you do give it a few hours you're like oh I don't even give a shit about that why did I write that email. Yeah.

And so I don't want to write emails like that anymore. Right. You know? What about responding on social media to all of the, uh, I never do that insane news? I don't. I don't respond to that. Oh, that's good. No.

Yeah. There's a lot of, uh, bait for that. I write a lot of things in my head about it. You do. Yeah. I would imagine. Yeah. But it doesn't.

I don't. I mean, I think those are called thoughts. Oh, wow. That's amazing. Why my Yorka? Why not Big Bear or Oxnard? some place where you can get to. It's not hard to be closer to the outlets.

Yeah. Just write down the 101. How long does it take to get to Mallorca? A long time. I like to get out of town when I get out of town. It's about a 12-hour excursion. You fly from here to somewhere, either Germany or Spain, and then you go to Majorca.

I went there for a girlfriend's a 40th, and I fell in love with the place. And there was a beautiful dilapidated seaside villa that was smacked. in the center of this port, looking out into the Mediterranean. And I looked at the view from the ground. And I was like, this house is fucking for sale. Wow. And I climbed over it. It was like literally the roof was caved in.

The artwork was still on the walls. It was the most spectacular. The deck, the terrace to my house in myorka is like, it's so ridiculous in size and grandeur. It's so beautiful. And you're just sitting there. And there's two lighthouses that border as it feeds. It's a little harbor of bay and it feeds out into the Mediterranean.

And I just looked at that view and I'm like, this is the view I want for writing my next book. This is the view that I want to invite people to see. And this is where I want to sit and have cocktails like when I get older. Oh, that's so great. Yeah. And it was for sale. It was just sitting there. People weren't going after it.

It had just deserted. It was so weird. And then my business manager was like, you cannot buy a house in Spain. This is ridiculous. The Spanish economy is terrible. and I was like, I'm going to do it. And then I did it. And the Spanish economy went through the roof the next year.

Not through the roof, but it improved greatly. And now that whole port that I live in has been built up. And all the hotels are nicer. All the houses are nicer. And so that property value is majorly increased. And it's one of the happiest places in the world for me. So, good for you. Once again, not listening to a man's advice worked in my favor.

It seems like, yeah, if you can just live your life, just do the opposite, what all these people tell you, you're in great shape. Yeah, that's basically what I've been doing. So, yeah. You had a moment in the book where you, I think it was talking about the, maybe it was about this place. Yeah, I talk about my work a lot. Yeah, but, but you were talking about how you finally realized after this long career that when you're out on tour for months at a time that you're giving up so much of your. yourself that you finally you realize that you can completely shut it down and kind of refill the tank in a way. It was put better than that. But I, it really stuck with me because it

went on tour for 30 years. Right. Without a break. Yeah. And it was like, oh, yeah, you're allowed to take breaks. Yeah. That's amazing. Absolutely. And also the breaks feed the comedy. Yeah. You know, you're getting life experiences. That's going to end up in all of your work anyway. So I'm a big break taker. I'll take three months off, you know, and just go with ski for three months. Oh, that's so great. So, like, that's exactly, I don't, I mean, I am a hard worker. Obviously, I wouldn't, you know, and I wouldn't want to be anything else, but, but I think the vacations are just as important as the work. Yeah. Who do you vacation with, or do you like to go by yourself when you're going to write your book and you go to my orica? No, I'm always with a group of people. I'm with my family or I'm with my girlfriends. I invite different groups of people. I rarely vacation alone. Like I've never even, I've been in my house of my orca alone like three times.

Oh, wow. So I would probably like to do that, you know, like spend some time alone. This year I'm there for one week. So I think I'll keep it. I'll keep, I always say I'll do this and then I never do it. I end up inviting like 10 people. I'm like, come. It's amazing. But this year I think I've, since it's been such a like, you know, a big year, I'm going to probably take that week and just chill out. Yeah. Just be by yourself. Yeah. Oh, it's going to be so nice. Yeah.

I've always been an admirer of yours. Well, likewise. I've always thought you were a really, really nice guy, Tom. Oh, thank you. I mean, obviously very funny, but very nice guy. And then when you and Fortune were working together, I was reminded of what a nice guy you are. Oh, thank you. Yeah.

And some of these male comics are pretty disgusting, so I just want to, you know, give you an extra set of kudos. Thank you. To say, thanks for not being a rapist. That's good. Um, sexist? The bar is so low. I know. It's really so low.

But you are one of the good ones. Well, I thank you so much for doing this. This was really nice. And thanks for the bread without the butter. Yeah, I'm sorry. We'll do butter next time. That's okay. I think I brought some butter in the car.

You're only the second comedian that's, uh, or guest that's eating the bread while we're here. Really? Yeah. It's kind of hard to eat because it's such a mess. I know. But it's, uh, look at that. Isn't that beautiful?

Oh, so soft and lovely. It must be great right out of the oven. Yeah, it really is. Maybe you'll get that sometime. Congratulations on the book. Congratulations on the special. Thank you, Tom Papa. And you're the best.

Thank you so much. We got it, kids. Thank you for listening. If you want to hear the extended version of this interview, go to patreon.com slash breaking bread with Tom Papa. We have a new Patreon. It's a great way to support our podcast. And you get extended.

reviews, you're going to have bonus stuff, all that good stuff, lots of treats. Go over to patreon.com slash breaking bread with Tom Poppa. Enjoy. See you next week.