Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 264 - Atsuko Okatsuka

Episode Date: May 20, 2025

This week Atsuko Okatsuka joins us at the table! It's never a great sign when Ira Glass informs you that you have a story worth telling, which is exactly what happened to Atsuko. She discusses life in Japan, being kidnapped by her grandma and moving to the US. She also shares how she found out she wasn't married to her "husband." Enjoy! Check out Atsuko's upcoming special FATHER on Hulu June 13th. ------------ 0:00:00 Intro 0:00:42 Welcome and second time on podcast 0:01:43 Bread 0:03:00 Atsuko's new special "FATHER" 0:05:20 Japan 0:11:32 Downtown LA 0:14:42 Atsuko did not know she wasn't married for years 0:20:13 Special set design 0:21:39 Atsuko's relationship with her father 0:24:03 Ira Glass 0:26:32 Grandma kidnapping 0:30:40 Japanese 0:31:56 Taiwan to London pipeline 0:35:25 Bad smells 0:36:38 FACTOR Ad 0:38:30 Uncomfortable moment 0:46:00 Scars 0:48:33 Tracking the moon 0:51:10 Atsuko at 80 and finding friends 0:56:02 Celiac 0:58:28 Condiments and masseuses ------------ Tom Papa is a celebrated stand-up comedian with over 20 years in the industry. Watch Tom's new special "Home Free" out NOW on Netflix! Patreon - Patreon.com/BreakingBreadWithTomPapa Radio, Podcasts and more: https://linktr.ee/tompapa/ Website - http://tompapa.com/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/tompapa Tiktok - https://www.tiktok.com/@tompapa Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/comediantompapa Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/tompapa #tompapa #breakingbread #comedy #standup #standupcomedy #bread #atsuko #japan Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Veillie to play to play a fashion responsible. The conditions apply. I was trying to get Ryan my husband on my health insurance and then

the city of LA was like, sweetie, you guys aren't married. You're single. You are single. You guys are just boyfriend and girlfriend. You've been roommates this whole time. He has no rights to anything of yours and vice versa. How long are you living like that? Oh my gosh. Seven years. Wow. And you're not married. We were out there. I was like, I'm such a kid about everything. Like, I don't know how paperwork works. I was literally like, but I have a ring. But I'm wearing a wedding ring. We live, we sleep in the same bed. Yes. I say, this is my husband.

This is my husband all the time. In my jokes. It's been a lie. It's breaking bread. So nice to see you. Oh my God. Great to see you too. You came on this podcast, I think 25 years ago.

Yeah. Back in our old location. Yes. It was a long time ago. Yeah. Maybe before the pandemic or maybe right during. I actually don't know. It was before your special.

Oh, okay. Yeah, because you said 25 years. I kept adding years too. I was like, I think, I think I was, yeah, I think I was 19. Yeah, you were 19. You weren't even a comedian yet. You were thinking about being a comedian. Right, right. And I just had all these questions. How do I start, Tom? You were like, how do I transfer? How do I go from cheerleading to comedy? What sad is we're actually talking just two years ago then. Yeah. Yeah. Is it really? Yeah, but Allah has changed. When was your special? Wasn't it? I guess December 2020.

Also maybe like three years. Yeah, three years. But this was before, I don't know. Anyway, it's nicer to see you here. A lot has changed because last time I brought bread back home. And now my husband can't eat any wheat, any gluten at all. Really? Celiac.

Yeah. What a nerd. Is he? It's a bummer. I made this for you, though. I didn't make it really for him. I'll eat that whole love by myself. Thank you.

I made that for you this morning. Thank you. It might be still warm. And what is this kind? I'm not like a bread. Sourdough. Okay. We love.

Yeah. Yes. I think you'll be very happy. And then you brought me something. What is this? That's egg cake. Egg cake. Yeah.

I didn't make it. Someone else did. But it is someone of my people that did it. Oh, really? Yeah. So it's from our community to yours. That's beautiful. Yes.

What part of your community? Oh, the Japan part. Oh, nice. Yeah. It says, you know Hana, tamago cake. That tamago means egg.

Egg cake. Do we like egg cake? Is this like one of your favorites? I like egg cake. It's got like a little cream in the center. You could try it right now. Can I? It seems like,

yeah. It seems like it won't be too crunchy. I'm a yes and girl and I felt like that was a direction you were going because you were already opening it. Because I'm going after it like a raccoon. Totally. I'm like, you know what?

Should I be going after what you made then? Do you want one? Thank you. Oh. These are nice. I feel like. And your special, your special is amazing. Thank you.

Thank you for watching. It's really good. You're so sweet. Thank you. No, it's really good. It's effortless. You just go from subject to subject in this. And each one gets their due.

Like you really spend some time with these different beats of it. Oh, thank you. And it just kind of effortlessly glides. It was like the hour was over. I didn't even, didn't feel like an hour. Good job. Thank you. I really wanted to do this.

one right and better, you know, than the first one. Your first one was great. First one made you very popular. I got to tour this one more. So should I be eating like what? Wait, you always say, you really mean it when you say you made this for me? Yes, this morning. I'm not good at accepting gifts, so I always have to triple check.

Like, it's okay if this is just for the podcast. No, this was for you. Rachel, what happened last night? You were probably out until, I don't know, 3 a. I was hosting this. Netflix Young Comics event last night. Oh, yes. Yeah. So, so. How was that? I know of that. Yeah. The new faces, right? They're doing it annually now. It was great. But before, because I knew I was seeing you, before we left to go to the event, I had to make sure I mixed the dough. Wow. And get it ready to be rising. And then when I came home at midnight, I had to shape it, put it in the refrigerator. And that's what came out. Thank you so much. You're welcome. So you were on my mind all day yesterday. Double duty, triple duty. It was just for you. Making young comedians dreams comes true, comes true. Comes true. And also my, my bread dreams too. How is that egg kick?

It's good. Do you like it? Yeah. I do like it. I mean, you're kind of on the spot, but I'll have it with you. I didn't take another vibe because there's something in the center. Yeah. Surprise. It's really nice. Nice and light. Yeah, I love. Oh, this is really good. I love sharing. our cultures. Salvador is Italian? No. Oh.

But I made it. I mean, I love sharing cultures just in general, you know. Thank you for doing that. When you mentioned you went to Japan and you're special, I had like a little pang of envy. For some reason, Japan has been on my mind for the last year. We're trying to plot a trip to go there. Thank you for these. These are great.

Yes, of course, yeah. Wait, you have gone. I've never been to Japan. You haven't gone. Mm-mm. Yeah. Yeah. You, the inkling is to plan really hard for it, you know, especially the longer you don't go. Right.

Right. Yeah. And the more you age and then your families. You know what I mean? Yeah, you keep thinking of like all the stuff that you would enjoy and have to do. And the list keeps getting longer. Right. Right.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. So, you know, sometimes it's about, I'm not an organizer. No. So I just kind of dive into things. I'm, I've gotten better over the years as a lot of. You have to fail a lot, right? Miss that train, you know?

Yeah. Right? Or even miss that flight. Yeah. I've done that. Wow. And have to pay more, right? And then you're in this bad cycle of messing up.

I've never missed a flight. You've never? Incredible. Yeah. Yeah. I never missed a flight. I, uh... Do you know what happens when you do?

No. Well, um, you feel really bad. You feel like a loser. Mm-hmm. And you sit there and you go. oh God, you're judging yourself and then you quickly have to figure out a plan. Sometimes you had to be there on time for something.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. That's why you're going. But, you know, I've never missed like a show because of it. Yeah, yeah. Like I didn't, it's not like I, yeah. Yeah.

I got better at this before I started touring. Right, right. But it was like to see family or something. So then I couldn't do that important dinner with the whole family. Right. Right. Yeah. You have to like rebook.

on the spot and then like you have to pay extra you can't get a refund for the other tickets stand in lines yeah well i was in Hawaii and i was like i'm getting closer to Japan let's just go right we should just go yeah and then my wife wouldn't let me while you were there you said let's extend this and go another seven hours east yeah yeah because we're already halfway there yeah and how i mean hey okay getting wild that's That would have been very spontaneous. Very spontaneous. I know.

Because we're talking, you know, how many more days, Tom, in another country? I'm like, I don't know, man. I'm just going to Japan. It's a calling. Yes. And she's like, I've got to go to work. I was like, you're surfing? I don't know, man.

I probably brought it up because I wanted to seem like I was spontaneous, knowing that she. I know that you're an organizer. Yeah, knowing that she had a schedule. And I could be like, it was her fault. But I really do want to go to Japan desperately. And a couple of my friends who've been recently, they just, everybody loves Japan. Yeah, rarely do people come back and say, I never again.

Yeah, all those people. I don't even know. I've never met a person like that. That's why, so as you can see, it was very hard for me to actually even move to the states from Japan. Yeah. Because things do really work well there from the trains being on time. to, you know, just society, you know, yeah, being considerate of each other. And yeah, that's how my one friend described it.

He said, imagine having all the things that America has, but everybody is supporting each other and trying to live in harmony. Right. Individually, you're sad. Yeah. Individually. Why? Because you're thinking about everyone else.

Right. When you do that inherently, you're forgetting you. Right. So, I mean, you know. Right. So that's the only thing. Yeah, you're constantly thinking, are they okay? Yes, yeah.

And you're in uniform. You know, you can't really express yourself as much. So you don't want to stand out too much or be a weirdo. And if you are someone who likes something different than the society there, then it will be a hard place for you. And I am that kind of person a little. I do stand out a little bit there. Oh, you do? My family were just a little bit of, we're unconventional.

We're weirdos, you know. Yeah. Yeah, my parents were divorced from when I was a kid. That was kind of taboo back then. Oh, yeah. To have divorced parents in Japan when I was growing up. Right. To having a mentally ill mom, to her being Taiwanese, something as simple as that.

Right. It's enough to be you're the weirdos. Right. Yeah, because there was also like, you know, racism going on too. Did you feel it when you were a kid? I didn't because I could blend in with a name like Atska Okatska. Right. And not to be like we all, like, we all. look alike because that's not the case but how are you going to tell between a Japanese person and a Taiwanese person right yeah my mom and grandma are Taiwanese and uh you know their names are

you know different yeah and you they couldn't even rent an apartment because they weren't Japanese like blood really yeah you can't even rent an apartment yeah so there was a could they if they were men um I don't know I think it was also the Taiwanese thing you you had to be like a blood citizen or something like that. You know, so there are darker parts of there. Sure. They're everywhere, right. For sure, yeah.

But from the outside end, I mean, you know, the street, but hey, the streets are clean. I wonder if that's why they do that. That's what my other friend was saying, the thing that really blew them away, was that they had those fancy toto toilets in the public bathrooms. He's like, could you imagine that being in Washington's, square park. People would have just destroyed it and spray painted it. It would have been a nightmare.

But it's like you have this beautiful thing for the public and it works. Right. I think it's kind of like this like, you know, if you don't get to express yourself individually, they're like, hey, no gay rights. But have you seen our toilets? You know what I mean? That's how they, right? They have to be like, hello kitty.

Hello kitty. Isn't that great? You can't be you. But, you know, we have that. And so that's, you know, that's that society. So, you know, coming to the States, I mean, I was just in downtown L.A. last, yesterday. And I've been in L.A. since I was eight. Right.

But, you know, me and my husband, Ryan, were looking around like, man, you know, right? There's just like pee and pee on our shoes and then poopoo. And you're like, oh, dang. Yeah. You know, if we can collectively try to help, you know, clean up a little bit. I know. that's really been breaking my heart lately in LA is that no one's helping these people. It's just no one's helping these people.

Just on the streets and desperate and acting out. And it's not the perspective of make it go away. It's the perspective of why are we letting these people suffer right in front of our eyes? Yeah, totally. And everyone's like, oh, it smells like pee down there. And the streets, oh, these people. It's like, well, have you tried to use any of the restrooms while you've had to pee while walking around downtown? Right.

Nobody lets you pee. Yeah, right. They're like, did you buy a sandwich? I'm like, I just ate. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Well, okay, so there's no restrooms available. So, of course, I'm going to do it in the street.

Yeah. And I just think that if you are witnessing all of these people suffering, you can't help but feel somewhat responsible. Your part, you're involved. This is your place to live. And it's just like it's a, it's kind of like a sick feeling. It's not healthy for anybody. It's not healthy for people that are okay looking at it. It's not okay for the people who are really suffering.

Oh. It's like we need some leadership to like try and try. Just try something. Or at least like do the Japan thing, you know? Yeah. At least be like if you're going to, if LA's downtown LA is going to be like that. Yeah. There's got to be like a Pikachu every corner to try to be like, hey.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Distract you from the real issues going on. At least have that. We don't have that. But do you think it's purely distraction in Japan? Or do you think that they actually have some of that social problems? Oh, you mean like having the hello kitties?

Yeah. It's like all distraction. And there's really that much. It doesn't seem like on the surface. Well, it is a distraction for me. So like why do we scroll and look for dog videos, cute? dance videos or baby videos or whatever. It is a distraction, right?

Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Disneyland, I think Disneyland, what it is is a distraction. I think what we do is a distraction. For the sure, yeah. I mean, that's kind of our, you even say it in your special. It's like this is, your life is to try and cheer people up.

Right, right. Yeah. So, you know, I don't think it's not that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I want to say it's, I mean, and I think that's okay. That's very meaningful. Absolutely.

To create distractions. Yeah, you need it as long as the other people are going to work on the problems. Right. Yeah, see, and we're not those people. We're not because we're not, well, I'm not. Yeah, me neither. Maybe you are. Are you good at filling out forms?

I'm not good at that. Oh, my God. Me and Ryan didn't know we weren't married. Yes, that's so funny. We didn't know how to, we didn't know there was paperwork involved with the marriage part, I think. I have been, I have officiated like five or six ways. weddings. And there is that all of a sudden there's this responsibility at the end of the ceremony to make sure everything signed and you get it to town hall and make it official. Okay. So can you

say that again because our friend officiated us? So as an efficient, you, you fill out the paperwork. You fill it out. It's your job to make sure everybody signs. Everybody gets sealed. And then you have to either put it in the mail or bring it downtown. And file it so that they are officially married. And with my sisters, there was some kind of little hiccup, but it was my responsibility to fix it. Wow, interesting. Okay. I just wanted to hear that. Do you want to say their name out loud? Oh, he's a close friend. And I've texted him.

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Do you think he thought maybe you shouldn't be married? Here's the thing. I just know that night, we, because when we found out we weren't married, right? I was trying to get Ryan, my husband on my health insurance, and then the city of L.A. was like, sweetie. You guys aren't married. You're single. You are single. You guys are just boyfriend and girlfriend.

You've been roommates this whole time. He has no rights to anything of yours and vice versa. How long are you living like that? Oh my gosh. Seven years. Wow. And you're not married. We were out there.

I was like, I'm such a kid about everything. Like, I don't know how paperwork works. I was literally like, but I have a ring. But I'm wearing a wedding ring. We live. We sleep in the same bed. Yes. I say, this is my husband. This is my husband all the time. In my jokes. It's been a lie. Was there a part of you that thought, I can get out of here?

When you found out you weren't married? That was the out. Yeah. She was like winking at me, the LA lady. LA lady. You can do anything you want. I don't know the government titles. The LA, the lady of LA. Yeah, the lady of LA that does all the married things. She was winking at me through the phone. She was like, yeah. She was like, this is your chance. You just roommates. That's your friend. No, so I don't know. All I know is that, you know, when we realized we went through all the photos from our wedding, we were like, let's do this detective work.

What happened? And it's just like photos of me, Ryan, and our friend who officiated just getting progressively drunker and drunker and drunker, you know, in the photos. And then we were like, let's look for that paper, right? So we did find a piece of paper that we were both like bent over, over signing while he watch it while he's watching. Okay. So he's doing that part. That's the last, that's the last of that piece of paper we saw. And then he just walked away.

He must. Yeah, because then I texted him after I found out we weren't married, me and my husband. And I said, hey, funny story. Turns out we never turned in that paperwork after that wild wedding where we got drunk. And his first words were he just said, it's not my fault. Is it? And I was like, oh, well, I don't know. I didn't. Is it? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's absolutely his fault. It's his job. It's his job. Wow. Well, you know what? It was just $100 we had to pay to post-date it. Right. Isn't that wild? That's it. $100 because it happens so much.

Well, that's the thing. It's not a big deal. You just have to file it. Yeah. But this is why back to it why we can't solve the homeless problem in LA because we yeah there's going to be forms there's going to be meetings you're going to have to go to oh my gosh there's a lot of things that it's not really our strength right but isn't it also so funny though like it's also not our fault as humans in that as adults trying to like you know figure out this society of paperwork right Because also, like you said, it's also so silly. Or I said, it's just a hundred bucks to post date on marriage. And then they go, here's another piece of paper.

There's no reprimanding. You know what I mean? Yeah. Everything's made up. No, exactly. Or birth certificate being on paper to. Yeah. No, it's nonsense.

Why you're a part of a country or not? I think we could probably run for mayor together. Yeah. Like the two of us could do it. Yes. You know what I mean? And I, like, one of us. Double the brain.

Right, exactly. Like, I get tired and nap and then you take over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you doze off and then I take come in. Does it work if both of the brains are not good at the stuff? Is it just like now two brains not doing anything? I don't know. It would be fun, though.

It would be fun. It would be fun to be like, well, Tom's napping. So where do he leave things off? They're like, um, not much, actually. You start getting tired He was just Oh no What that's up

Sorry, hold on Yeah, no Yeah Your set is beautiful In the Who designed your set? The same person Oh yeah

Who designed the set From my last special Oh really? Gary Corden He did like Key and Peel And yeah It was inspired

Actually from Japan There's a lot of Japan Theme in my show That's kind of like Hidden It's beautiful. From Japan, a Japanese designer. Right.

And I don't know if you know the studio Jibli movies, like my neighbor Totoro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of, it's like a lot of... Huh? Ponyo? Yes, yeah. Yeah. So the nature, animated nature aspects of like Totoro, it's very green and very, like, there's,

the sky is very blue. Right. And there's, you know, when there's clouds. Yeah, it's just, I'm... Vibrant. Yeah, very vibrant. I took that from Totoro. Yeah, because there's the main piece on your set with the yellow background.

And then the way to do that other shot from the side and you're just in blue, it's such a nice, it was nice on the eyes to kind of break it up that way. Yeah. I wanted to give sort of a, you know, Totor is actually a movie about, you know, two sisters and their father moving to the countryside from Tokyo. Right. To be closer to their mother who is ill in a hospital there. And in this special, I mean, I called it father. Yeah. And I talk about reconnecting with my dad.

Yeah. Who is Japanese in Japan. And so, yeah, it felt right that I gave homage to that movie. Wow. Very cool. Very cool. That was that a, how meaningful of a trip was that, reuniting kind of with your father? I mean, there's some very funny stuff that comes off of it in the special.

Yeah. But is, was it a big moment for? you? It was because I always felt really sad and guilty and confused. I don't know all the feelings. I felt all kinds of feelings thinking, you know, oh, I think I was supposed to be living with my dad. I don't think it was his fault that I suddenly wasn't living with him. I was confused, you know, because I was like, I used to live with my dad and then suddenly my grandma took me on a two-month vacation to Los Angeles. Something doesn't add up. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. You know, in my head, I had painted this picture that my dad was the bad guy. Yeah. Did they never explain it to you? Like, did your grandmother never explain what was going on? No. Was it kind of like the kid thing of like they don't want to give you all the info?

Right. They didn't want to give me all the info. And I think, you know, and to be, it's kind of messed up and sad. But she was, there was these letters from my dad that I found years later, too, that she wasn't showing me. Oh, really? Yeah. So I just thought, oh, you know, we lost touch. Yeah. Me and my dad.

Wow. And because of immigration issues, I couldn't leave America to go see my dad in Japan if I wanted to come back. Right. Because I, yeah. Did you reach out to him at a certain age? I, he reached out to me when I was like 15, saying, I want to come. I have some time finally from work. He's an engineer.

He was, he's raising two kids on his own too. Right. Very busy already. He said, I have some time. I want to come to L.A. to see you. Oh, wow. And so that was already years of not being with each other, seven years. Wow.

So he did reach out. And then we did hang out. And he had been writing letters this whole time, but you never got them. I didn't get them. And then he eventually stopped writing too because if someone stops writing you back, then you go, well, I get the hint. So it was just very sad. He sounds like a good guy.

He was trying. Right. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. And then Ira Glass helped me figure it out. That was so funny. That was a very funny moment in the special.

You're like, if Ira Glass says, you have a story to tell, that's not a good thing. Right. Something went wrong. Oh, I'm an inspiration. Exactly. Exactly. I was like, hello? And this is?

He's like, it's Ira Glass. I was like, of course it is. Why can I have that beautiful, I don't know what's a. Happy boring life. What's that? I guess we don't know those stories because they don't get told. I'm like, what can't be like, and I can't think of an example? Yeah.

Why can't I be like Lily Depp? Is that her name? Johnny Depp's daughter, who's an actress? I don't know. Literally Rose Depp. Yeah, just to be happy and fine. Why can't I be? Haley Bieber.

That's Alex Baldwin's niece. What aspect of was Ira? was Ira intrigued with? Was it just the, because there's the immigration of it, there's the mental health of it? Mm-hmm. He was intrigued initially by the kidnapping aspect. Right.

You know, he's a journalist. So, right? He was like, out of curiosity, I'm just going to see if, you know, what your grandma did is technically kidnapped. You, right? If it constitutes as that. And then he did the research, like, with, you know,

state of California because she brought me to California, right, after Japan. And he says, so technically what she did is kidnapping if your father had full custody of you. So that's what you have to go figure out, go find out, when you go interview your dad in Japan. Right. If your dad did have full custody of you after your parents divorced, your grandma did kidnap you. And like, according to California law, you could still press charges. I said, what?

Which is so funny because... I said, no, so this is just 60 minutes now or whatever? Like, what is this? Yeah, that lovable lady in my videos is now. Yeah, I know. I said, my grandma, she has 17,000 followers on X. Yeah. She is an American sweetheart.

She is a lot of... You know what I mean? Yeah, she's a national treasure. She is a treasure to many. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. So, yeah, but I was...

So technically. So, I don't know this part of the story, though. When she did kidnap you, she brought along your mom at the same time. Right. Yeah. So she brought me and my mom. Because your mom wasn't really capable to figure out what was happening because of her issues.

Right. So your grandmother really was the one in charge. Yes. She was sort of like the mastermind or the planner. She's the caretaker for me and my mom. And why do you think she, did she not like your dad? Or was it just about getting you and your mom to America? Or was it against your father?

It wasn't necessarily against my father. It was, you know, a mix of things. My family, they don't talk to each other. Yeah. You know, when I see Italian families, Latin families, sometimes even other Asian families, and they're talking. All I have is like movies and TV shows to go off of. Sure. And I see them talking.

Yeah. I'm like, oh, my God. God, this is why it's a script, right? It's not, you know. It's pretty accurate, yeah. But it's incredible. Yeah, for the Italian part, yeah, for sure. I want my family to be like that.

Right. But we don't talk to each other about anything. So, you know, we just individually plot and then we lie to each other and make things happen. Right. And so that was my grandma, right? Right, right. She just never had a conversation with me, my mom, or my dad, you know. She just had her own idea.

Right. She goes, well, I have a son in Los Angeles. And she did talk to my uncle who was living in L.A. Hey, okay, so Atsko's mom's not doing well in Japan. My mom's schizophrenia was like, you know, pretty bad at that time. And she was like depressed and suicidal. Yeah. And so my grandma thought, well, you know, she's not a scientist either.

She's like us. Yeah. She said, well, it must be the location. We got to, Japan's not good for her. You know, she's not wrong. My mom had no friends there. And again, like, there was the xen. phobia. She was Taiwanese there. She couldn't, she wasn't working. She didn't, you know, she was very

alone my mom. Yeah. So she said, well, you know, America, I think isn't that where everyone goes for a better chance at everything? Yeah. Well, you know, have a son there. He has a garage that could fit the three of us. So she had planned that. Right. Privately. Privately. Yeah. And so it was out of like, you know, goodness. Yeah. Right. To try to. trying to save her daughter. To save, yeah, my mom and to try to get me to have a new beginning, right, that hopefully wasn't so sad. And, but to do that, you know, she couldn't tell me.

Because I would protest. I would be like, no, I don't want to do that. I don't know America. Right. I have no friends there. Why would I go? Yeah. I would say that.

Right. She's not wrong. And how old are you here? This is eight? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so, and then, you know, my dad would probably be like, yeah, I'd, I'd,

want to see Otsko, so yeah, do not move her forever. Right. So she's not wrong. We would have protested. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Ultimately? Ultimately.

Today? Uh-huh. Good move? Um. I mean, you lost those years with your dad, but for you and your... I would not be on this American life if it wasn't for this. Yeah. And this American life, which is NPR.

Isn't that getting defunded? Is it even... that's like the goal. I would not be on this American. I would not be on breaking bread. I would not be able to taste this sourdough if it wasn't for that. So yeah, ultimately,

you know, I don't think I would have found like my passion and my love that is comedy and my friends and comedy, which is my community. Yeah. If it weren't for that. So, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Pretty wild. But anytime someone someone, talks about Japan, oh, I, I'm excited to hear about it. I think, you know, I think about it fondly. I miss it so much. Sure. You know? So, yeah. Well, now that you're a big star, you can go back and forth. I can go back and forth. My Japanese are so bad. It's so bad now, though. That's the too bad part of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and it's not easy to

pick back up. I mean, you know, I feel like, not that I know, it's not that I know. It's not that I know. Italian or Spanish. But, you know, now that I'm English is like pretty much my best language. Yeah. These other more similar languages are easier for me to pick up. What language do you think that you don't speak that you know you'd really be good at? I think Spanish. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I can see that. You know. I think I'd be pretty good at German. Oh, yeah, right. German, because it's pretty similar too, right? Or the rules are pretty simple. I don't know anything about the rules. It's just a vibe.

It's a vibe. Yeah. I just kind of feel like I think I'd be good at that one. I think I could crack that. Yeah? Is there like a German food or movie or something that you like? No. No, but when I hear it, I'm just like, it can't be that hard.

Wow. You know what I mean? You heard it here first. It's just a little attitude. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. If you were ever to try and break a Guinness World Record, what would it be for? Oh, wow.

I think that, you know what, I've been really into traveling, you know, being able to tour with the show before I taped it internationally. And so I was going to countries I'd never been to. It was mostly Europe. I did my first ever Europe tour. Oh, wow. I didn't know anything about like Scandinavia. for example. And some of the routes were wild, where I was like, okay, I'm going to take this as a challenge.

One time, sorry, I want to, can I give, put my phone over there? I don't know how to, I'm not good at, I'm not good at technology. I don't actually know how to turn off the vibration. Okay, thank you so much. We'll have a tutorial after. I keep pressing buttons and I feel like it keeps getting louder or something. Or we can turn it off. Thank you.

Sorry. One of the routing that we did was I performed in Taiwan. And then the two days after I had a show in London. That was wild. That was a wild. Yeah. There's no direct. No, no direct flight.

No, how long is that take? That was like, I feel like four days passed. And I was like, I'm late to my show. Right? There's no way I made the show. Because it was so wild. We stopped in Dubai. That was where we transferred.

That's weird routing. What? Why are we now in the Middle East? I don't know how the world works. I said, what? I was just in London, right? People speaking the language. I understand, kind of.

I say that, but I have a hard time understanding British English. And then stopping in Dubai. Oh, hello. And then Taiwan, where I was born. It was like a full circle to do a show there. And so I kind of want to do that as a Guinness World Record. Like, what other wild, wild flights can I do between, you know what I mean? Yeah, like how long, yeah, maybe how long you can be on planes in a row.

I wonder what that is. Ooh. How many hours of nonstop flying? You know who flies a lot or like who has to be on airplanes the longest is New Zealand comedians. Oh, yeah. Oh, that place? Yeah.

New Zealand, you've ever been? No, I was supposed to go and then right the day of the COVID hit. Oh, I was on my way to New Zealand. You were? Yeah. Oh, impossible to get to that place. Oh my gosh. No direct flights.

Were they excited to see you in Taiwan? Yes. Yeah. It's like a homecoming. Really? Taiwan is extra newer to English than Japan and stand-up comedy too. Right. And to have someone from there, right?

Yeah. Have like. Success. In America and then come back and be like, I'm going to show you the craft and show you the show. Wow. That must be great. Yeah, it was really cool. That's really cool.

Especially, I think, at a time where they want to feel seen too, you know? Yeah. And I call like Taiwan a country and, you know, all these things. And so, yeah, it was, it was really cool. That's amazing. Yeah. It's going to be like when I go to Germany. Yes, they're going to be like, our sweetie is back.

And he's fluent. Can I ask you another question? Yes. What's your favorite bad smell? That's a really good question. Wow. Your favorite bad smell? There is a food called stinky tofu that is Taiwanese.

Oh, really? Yes, and it's fermented tofu. It's like so like, I think it's like aged, right? Kind of like stinky cheese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's with tofu. You can smell it maybe like half a mile away when it's being cooked. Really?

Yeah. Yeah, so I like that. It's home. Yeah. Right? There's other stinky foods, I'm sure, in other cultures. I guess cheese is the one that I can think of. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I like a real, like, gross cheese. You do? That smells like a zoo. It kind of smells like when you go through a zoo. What cheese is this? I don't know.

It's got like, like, like those like, not like blue cheese, like, where it's got that kind of, yeah, that kind of ammonia. The cage hasn't been cleaned in a while smell. Wow. You go to the zoo a lot? Yeah, once in a while. I had kids. I know.

I have no children, so yeah. It's up to me to go find these smells and have these experiences. Yeah. Make this your best season yet with nutritious. Two-minute meals from Factor. Eating well has never been this easy. Just heat up and enjoy, giving you more time to do what you want. Go outside instead of prepping and cooking indoors.

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uh, vegan meals, please, because they're always healthy and always, uh, delicious. And really, they come and you just have a stack in your refrigerator and you just drop you just come in you're like what am i going to eat and then you see those meals you're like oh thank god well i was traveling i had a long run on the road so i left them for my vegetarian wife yeah who does not like to cook yeah who every time i come home uh everything that was in the fridge has gone rotten yeah so i take off and she used them you just poke the plastic you stick it in the microwave within two minutes, then you peel it off, you put it back in for another minute. Within two minutes, you got this great meal of all the stuff that she loves.

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We're honest with our guests. And sometimes things are uncomfortable, but that's okay, especially among friends. Right. Of course. Your setup, the way you set things up, it's, yeah. Sorry, I'm already laughing. I'm not, yeah, it's hard for me to take that seriously, but maybe it will go dark. It will.

It depends on you. Jokes on me. Go. I guess it, yeah, I guess it depends. Okay. I mean, the way these go, some people, some people cry. Really? For the most part, sometimes they laugh.

Sometimes they cry. Sometimes they get angry. Okay. All right. Sometimes they walk out. This is just, you know, I've been a comedian for a long time, and you kind of grow, and evolve and I have a new direction that I've kind of going on. It just kind of happened naturally.

Okay. And I don't want you to think that I've been plotting this in any negative way, but I just want to clear it with you. Sure. Because I don't want you to be blindsided when I make this next step in my career and my brand. Okay. I'm so scared.

Ah! Oh! She's a beauty. She's an icon. She is, who is she? Who is she? This is a poet, this is an author. It's a poet author.

Yeah. Who also does comedy. Oh my gosh. So I know it's like kind of in your area, but not really, right? Wow. Yeah, this is, this is iconic. What do you think of the dark hair on you? I think it could be nice.

As long as I don't grow on my gray. gray beard out. I think it could work. You look like a cartoon character. I'm trying to picture who. Maybe a little minion? Maybe. You know, remember the Incredibles? Yes, the incredible. You're Edna. Edna. You're Edna Mode.

And she is an icon. She is. She's like a fashion stylist in that. Yeah. Wow. But now the thing that you said earlier, that this is, I thought that would be that your hair is pretty easy. It's always in the, but it's more difficult than I think.

It is, yeah, because, you know, you have to, you're hiding a lot, even though it's short. You're hiding your forehead. Uh-huh. You know, you're fighting, you're hiding imperfections. Really? Yeah, because every little piece is, it's a precision cut. Right. You cannot have a piece that's a little too long, you know, sticking up.

You will see it. Yeah. Right. It's not a messy, it's not a messy look. You know what I mean? Yeah. But when you dance, it always comes back. That's true. That's true. It's methodical.

Right. Methodical. Right? And yeah. So, yeah, it's kind of a burden. I do like, I have to say, there was a little relief in your special when you said that you'd like to grow your hair out, but it's your brand and you can't, you're stuck with it. Yes. We have to be honest with our fans, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to. Someone suggested that I get a wig of this haircut. And I can grow my hair out.

And do what you want. Right. And then when I'm on stage, I put that wig back on. Oh. You know? I think that's what Dolly Parton does. Oh, really? Dolly's, very few people have seen her real hair.

Yeah. Right? It's iconic. It's smart. You know, my daughters are in their 20s, and my wife is a girl also. Mm-hmm. And they taught me only recently that most of the people we see on TV don't have the real hair. Yeah, that's very true.

I thought everyone had their own hair. This whole time, Tom, we could have been sisters. We could have been, you could have been rocking that. This whole time, what are we doing, rocking our own hair? I thought I had limits. I thought this is all I could do. Comedians, we always think, oh, we have to be ourselves. Right?

It's true. Yeah, no, it's got to be true. It's got to be authentic. Like, we aren't a heightened version of ourselves already on stage. Why not? You know what I mean? Yeah, just change it. Play around.

Do you feel like you have to like keep your same glasses, color, everything? Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because I said to my, I said to Fortune on my radio show. Yeah. I was like, you know, talking about getting like eye surgery. Like what if I didn't need glasses, would that be okay? That is very vulnerable what you just did, show your eyes.

And she says, no, no, you have to wear them forever. Just like Fortune's hair is also kind of iconically, you know, what we know it too. Yeah. To be. Right, exactly. You have to be easy to draw. That's like to draw. Oh, to like a cartoon of you.

Yes. That's what iconic looks are, you know. So I'm stuck with glasses. Can I give you a secret? That's not a really secret because she talks about it in her latest show is Hannah Gatsby, right? Also known to wear glasses. Those are not, they have no lenses in them. She got LASIC.

She no longer needs it. But she has to keep. the glasses on because she feels like... Everyone knows her. Then it's like, who is this? Yeah. Without the glasses. Yeah.

Yeah. That's us. And then you feel like you'd be starting over if you like all of a sudden had a new look. Yeah. Do you think Dimitri Martin felt like I was coming for him when I, you know, because my hair wasn't always like this. He had the hair first.

He did. I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He had it for a long time. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. He's been doing it longer. Well. Yeah. You know. It was weird when you came out in your special with a skateboard and an easel and started drawing pictures. That was a little weird.

Hey, you know, that's true. Yeah. That's when he sent me a cease and desist. And I said, sweetie, hair can be patented. Has there ever been a comedian that completely changed their look? It's a good question. Oh, not that I can't think of it. I mean, even co-in.

Chappelle got mussely. sure, but that's just like... That's kind of just in shape. Yeah, but even he keeps his hair pretty short, right? Yeah. I mean, Bert will always have to take the shirt off. And he keeps the face and, you know, everything pretty similar. Yeah, Bert has to keep his shirt off.

Yeah, I think for the most part, we all... Comedians have to stick to their look more than... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think I'd be funny or fatter? Well, there's only one way to find out, you know.

Thanks for my... Sweetie, the thing is that's... It's easy to eat. Yeah, it's so easy to eat. It's easy to eat. So, you know, if you're really curious, yeah, that's not... It's harder to... I don't want to try and do it, though.

I'm not going to do it unless you think it will work. Like, a fat version of me is a fat version of me funnier than the current version. Tom, you'll always be funny. Tom, you're always funny. But you have to acknowledge it, so you have to write new jokes. Yeah, that's true. But that's fun, too.

Yeah, then I can do all my fat jokes. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Can I ask you a question? Yes. Do you have any scars? Oh, that's such an existential question. Physical. Physical.

Yes, I do, yeah. From what? I have a belly button piercing scar from when you were cool? Yeah, I was like. Ooh, I'm 16. Piercings aren't allowed. But there was this woman on Venice Beach who went by Mama San that would pierce anybody, any age. She didn't not care.

She was like, you got cash. Here's a needle right through wherever. Oh, really? Yeah. So I got my belly button through her, my nipple, my left nipple. Really? From her, same. Yeah, cartilages.

All of them didn't heal right. Oh, really? No, it's Mama's son. I never knew her real name. Never, never. But you kept going back to her. Yeah, because she was the only one that I knew of that would do it. It's illegal to pierce a minor without the parents.

Right. Yeah. Yeah, right. Right. So she was, yeah, she was out there. She didn't care. And none of them healed right. Mm-hmm.

I also wasn't good at caretaking, you know. If I'm not good at paperwork, why am I going to be good at wound caring? Yeah. No, my daughter got one in Airfielders or nose. Uh-huh. And, yeah, it's always a problem. It is? Yeah, it's always infected.

Oh, so it didn't heal right, too. Something happens, yeah. Yeah. In fact, I think during that time is when I, I think why I think vodka is how you heal wounds is I did use vodka for some of the wounds. Right. Like some, like, party, house party. Oh, really? Uh-huh.

Because it was like, it was hurting. And I was like, ooh, I think it's getting infected. So then I just took vodka. So you were an L.A. party kid in your teens? Not really. I went to like some parties in Santa Clarita because I had a boyfriend out there. Yeah. Yeah.

If that's cool. Is that cool? I don't think so. Yeah. Is Santa Clarita cool? No. No. They made a show.

Santa Clarita diets about it, right? I think in the shows about how boring it is. Right. So much so that the soccer moms are turning. into zombies or something. Oh, really? And they eat brain. I don't know.

Something like that. I never watched it. That sounds pretty fun. Yeah. But you weren't like the L.A. Yeah. No, I wasn't. I was, yeah.

I was mostly back with my mom and grandma in that garage. How is your mom doing? She is, you know, she is, um, here's the thing. Medicine has failed our family. So we, many family. So I am now like a woo-woo. I'm like a witch when it comes to, you know, I carry rocks. Oh, really?

I track the moon. This is the things you do, right? Yeah. When you're like, well, medicine. Nothing else is working. Yeah. And here's a fun fact. On full moons, people with schizophrenia, it does, you know, like trigger them.

It does. So, yeah, me and my husband, because his mom also has it. Right. We're able to prep for it now by tracking the moon. Isn't that wild? Really? So we go, okay, it's full moon coming up. We're both going to get a lot of calls from our moms tonight.

So we can prep for that. Hey. Really? Yeah. And it works like that every month? It does. Wow. And then also classic music is working for my mom.

So I turned that on for her when she's like hearing a ton of voices now. Yeah. It kind of calms her. Right. Yeah. Jeez. So we're doing that. So none of the prescription stuff ever worked and never found the right ones.

No, no, it's all these like music, you know, we're just running around like witches, just vibes. Just cheerleader vibes. Me just saying positive things. You go, mom, you go, girl. Hey, it's either that or, right? Yeah. Put more medicine in her. That'll just make her drowsy.

Right. You know? Yeah, yeah, it's hard. So that's where we're at. Yeah. Yeah, it's hard with two of them. Two moms like that is, that's a lot of work. Yeah.

It's like, but it is exciting to see what other holistic methods we could try. Yeah. Maybe a fortune teller. I don't know. You know what I mean? Yeah. Who knows? I know.

I wonder, I'm sure you've researched it all like crazy. I'm sure you've tried everything. Not, not everything. There's always new things like peptides. There's always new things on the market, right? Yeah, I know. Yeah. Yeah.

Keep getting all these potions and stuff. And it's like more rocks. Yeah. Someone said do the rocks? More rocks. One of my friends said, do the rocks work? They don't. It makes me, I'm strong.

I'm stronger physically. Right. What do you mean? Because, oh, from carrying the rocks. Yeah, it makes me stronger. But that's really all that does. Can I ask you a question? Yes.

What are you going to be like when you're 80? When I'm 80? What do you see yourself doing when you're 80? Oh my gosh. Don't you think we'll all be still performing at 80? Yeah. Yeah? Like wherever, whatever town we retired in.

Yeah. Even if it's just still L.A. or something, right? Just going to the store, going to the improv or, you know what I mean? Yeah. Or trying to put up. Or maybe you have a residency at your local bar. At a nursing home. Yes.

nursing home or your local bar. You know what I mean? Like a cabaret act. You're still doing your latest hour at 80, you know? But lower stakes, maybe you don't have to travel so much. You just do it on Wednesday nights. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

That's a nice thing. Yeah. I could see that. That's what I would be doing. Yeah. How is the friends thing going? Are you finding friends? Yes.

Yeah? What was hard was balancing, you know, because I am such a people. poliser. Sometimes, you know, I had to have moments where it's like, oh, my gosh, I wanted everyone to feel seen and I didn't want to reject anyone. Right. And I wanted to be accepted too. So I have these friends, some of them, like maybe are toxic and not even great, but I've kept them around. Oh, really? That's hard to really figure out. How to get rid of them, you mean? Yeah. How to tell them, hey, you're not so great for me. Oh, how do you do that? So that's, that's been the hard thing to figure out actually.

Can you say it out loud or you just kind of disappear? I guess you kind of ghost, but then, you know, maybe they don't notice. They don't know that it's because they're being toxic because you haven't said it. Right. Yeah. So that's been the next step in friendship, adult friendships that's been hard for me to figure out. Right. It's like, oh, how do I say, you know, that you make me feel not good and also the people around.

you generally not feel good. Yeah, but then you're taking on a project. Then you're like, right? Now you're, you know, now you have rocks for that person. Yeah, and then I think sometimes, and then there goes in my back. And so, yeah, I think sometimes it's about, you know, figuring out that balance. Some people realize, hey, I only need six friends. That's something I learned too.

Yeah. Right? How many friends do you have? I don't know aboard Via Raii Embarque Embarque and celebrate Rigolet

Publié Savouring Admire and Profite Viarai The Vois We're like

A handful A handful? Yeah Yeah Like people that I call And talk to Probably I don't know Five

Okay Yeah See I feel like That's already a lot Yeah To juggle And to to invest in.

Yeah, just to make phone calls. Yeah. It's not collectibles. It's humans, right? Right. So it's like, how many? I was out there being like, I want 50. What?

I can't remember that many names. Well, the hard thing, too, is I have, I mean, I have a lot of friends. Sure. But you don't, but it's, like, as an adult, you don't see them as often. You know, I mean, I have a lot of people I call friends. Right, right. But we'll see, you know, maybe once or twice a year. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah, and that's good. I mean, you have your own family too. Yeah. Right? Yeah, that takes up a lot of time. Being in the same place at the same time to schedule that is very difficult. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Like just trying to get in with the way that we work. Aparna, Nanchurla had a really funny joke about how in Oceans 8, Oceans 9, Oceans 10, Oceans 11, those movies. Yeah. The part that was hardest for her to get over was the fact that they could even get eight or nine or ten people to like be able to be free at the same time to pull off a whole ass heist. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's true. Okay. All of us agreed on the same plan. Right. We're all going to meet on Wednesday. Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay.

And then you're really going to be at the spot you said you would be at for this handoff. You know, do you know how hard it is to organize? No, I know. Three people for dinner. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. You need the friends.

I think you need some friends that are always ready to go. Uh-huh. Like, there's a bunch of friends and they're like, all right, let's go to dinner. Okay, I can do it on the 25th. Mm-hmm. Well, what do you mean the 25th? But you know, I'm a believer. I'm a big believer in Christ.

It's December 25th. That's the day you was born. I can't go. Right. You know that about me. Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations on the Pope.

that's very exciting for you. Thank you. It was a big day for our household. I can imagine. How is Ryan? How is things going there? Well, besides the celiac, right? Yeah, which is very disappointing. It was a big deal, actually. There was a lot of crying. We cried a lot when he was diagnosed. Sorry, you had to go through that. Oh, gosh, we didn't know what it was. Right. Yeah, I didn't know the difference. We didn't know the difference between gluten sensitivity to allergy to celiac, things like this. And what was his symptoms? Well, he, it got to a point where he couldn't, his throat closed up.

Oh, geez. So he couldn't like swallow. Whoa. Whether it was water or anything. That's a big symptom. Right. So it was just like clogged. He was like, oh, something is inflamed or something.

Yeah. I'm choking. I can barely breathe. Yikes. So that's what brought us going to, you know, that's what led it to us. doing an endoscopy, colonoscopy, which we also didn't know what endoscopy was. We're learning so many medical terms. I know all those new words.

That's when you know you're in trouble when you're learning all these new words. Yeah. So will this bread be okay to bring even in the house? Yeah. I'll just have to eat it like alone in the closet for maybe a week. Maybe we can put some Swedish fish on it. Oh, just to like what? Like change it up?

Yeah. No, no, this is very exciting. It's very gorgeous and beautiful. Yeah, I just eat it in the closet alone. So I'm not, like, rubbing it in his face. Right. I'll go live on Instagram while I'm doing it every time. Like, don't worry, I'll still talk about it so people know.

Okay, good. About you and your craft. Thank you. But I just wouldn't. I just wouldn't do it in front of Ryan. Right. Poor Ryan. Yeah.

It's a great ending to your special. I don't want to give it away. Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah, it was great. Oh, thank you. Yeah. of the sweetest.

Tom Papa. Tom Papa. Tom Papa, everyone. Tom. Do you want one more question before you go? Whichever. Huh? Whichever.

Yeah. Is it an intense one? It's going to be intense. Okay. Give me your most intense question. My most intense? Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Let me look. Of course, I started chewing when I said that. Go ahead. What are you eating? Oh, you still have your cake? Swedish face? All right, this is going to be intense. What's your favorite thing to put ketchup on?

I didn't know I was going to be put on the spot like that. Sorry, that's how we roll here. I don't really like ketchup. Me neither. I'm a ranch. I'm sorry, ask that question. No, no, I'm a ranch person. Yeah, you too, huh?

You too, huh? It's too, I think it's for babies. Sweet. Yeah, it's too sweet. Yeah, I think it's for babies. I shouldn't have asked that question. So stupid. Male or female masseuse.

Oh, wow. You know, honestly, I say whoever's the strongest. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You're the best. Congratulations on your special. Oh, my gosh.

Thank you for having it. And I'd like to be considered your friend. Yes, 100%. Are you kidding? I'm tweeting it. That's good. I'm going to post it everywhere. And anytime you want to go out to eat, just don't invite Ryan.

I would love that. All right. We know so many places with gloom-free options now. Right. All right. That's good. So let's go do that. All right.

And then if you do go to Japan, always let me know because we are always trying to go back now a few times a year. Oh, really? There's a good chance. There's always a little bit of an overlap. And that's always so fun to do that with fellow comedians. First trip to Japan. Mm-hmm. Cities or mountains?

I would say city. You have to see city first. You can do both, but you must also see city. Okay. Because their city, Japan cities are healing too. Okay. In a strange way. Really?

Mm-hmm. Can you explain that? Oh, just because the society is like, it just works so, like, well, like I was saying, that it's kind of fun to watch. Right. And it's very calming, actually. Right. Even if it's a busy city, you'll go, oh, wow, I'm not getting bumped into.

Or, you know, when I go up the escalators and down the escalators, there's like, you know, everyone goes to the right if you're not feeling like climbing. Everyone goes to the left if you are climbing. And so things like that that, I don't know, it's just you have to go watch the city to really know how the people living in the mountains work too. Right, right. Okay. Yeah. All right. Beautiful.

I'll let you know when I go. Of course, yes. Thanks for being here. Thank you for having me. We got a kids. When you were little, you've been braced in the affairs in course of recreat,

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