Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 267 - Michael Kosta

Episode Date: June 10, 2025

This week Michael Kosta joins us at the table! What could be better than a pro tennis player turned comedian?! Michael and Tom discuss the absurdity and beauty of living in big cities, eating trash standing up, why Butterfingers needs new publicity. Enjoy!  Check out Michael Kosta’s new book: Lucky Loser and catch him on The Daily Show!  For Last Bottle Wines: Use the code PAPA at checkout to get 10% off your next order. That’s lastbottlewines.com — code PAPA. Get 60% off the Magic Mind offer with our link and code https://www.magicmind.com/breakingbread60 & BREAKINGBREAD60 #magicmind #mentalwealth #mentalperformance --------------- 0:00:00 Intro 0:00:42 Patreon shout out 0:01:24 Baking bread 0:04:27 NYC is horrible for playing tennis  0:06:45 Western adoption of Yoga 0:07:50 Living in NYC vs LA 0:16:23 Having kids and hanging onto memories 0:20:13 Moral dilemmas on criminals  0:27:00 Rewriting covid 19 0:30:50 Do you like people? 0:33:00 What doe Jon Stewart smell like? 0:33:40 Last Bottle Wine Ad 0:35:27 Magic Mind Ad  0:38:22 Eating trash standing up 0:40:38 Tennis career  0:49:55 Finding balance in life 0:52:50 if you have a plan B you're in trouble 0:55:13 Uncomfortable moment - pickleball  0:58:53 Having conversations while washing dishes 1:00:53 Grandpa's probably dead 1:05:26 Butterfingers and added sugar 1:11:55 Teaching kids tennis  1:13:20 US Open and favorite jokes from book --------------- Tom Papa is a celebrated stand-up comedian with over 20 years in the industry. Watch Tom's new special "Home Free" out NOW on Netflix! Patreon - Patreon.com/BreakingBreadwithTomPapa Radio, Podcasts and more: https://linktr.ee/tompapa/ Website - http://tompapa.com/ Instagram -  https://www.instagram.com/tompapa Tiktok - https://www.tiktok.com/@tompapa Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/comediantompapa Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/tompapa #tompapa #breakingbread #comedy #standup #standupcomedy #bread #thedailyshow #michaelkosta Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Take the stress out of shopping and find coverage that fits your life on your terms. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. We've all been there. The watch party finally makes it out of the group chat and uh-oh, you volunteered to host. Suddenly you need snacks, drinks, dips, cups, and all the other party essentials. With Instacart, you can get all those groceries delivered in as fast as 60 minutes. No extra errands for you. One quick order for everyone. That way, everything shows up right on time, making hosting easy and like you had it planned all along. Download the Instacart app today and get no markups at select retailers. Fees and exclusions apply. Isn't it wild how often as a parent I eat old

food standing up. That still happen with like teenagers and stuff? No. No, because they'll finish their meal or they won't have a meal. Yeah. Yeah, no. And for some reason, it's not as appealing. Like, it's fun to see mac and cheese and chicken fingers.

Yeah. Yeah. I always, I always laughed at how when you're cleaning up and you're eating standing up, you're in the process of throwing it in the garbage. And you're like, it's in one second it's in the garbage, but it's actually going to go in my body instead. Well, I'm also like, she's got. got snod in her nose, wipe it.

And then I'm like so concerned with her germs. And then I just take her spoon and just like, it's breaking bread. Hey, kids, a great way to support the podcast is to join up for our Patreon. It's a great way to support the ongoing antics here, Breaking Bread. And also you get a lot of bonus material. You get extra episodes. You get extra material.

You get things going on on tour. It's a real fun experience and a really great. way to help us keep the lights on. Oh, and buy provolone. We got a fake provolone with Patreon money. Go over to patreon.com, look up Breaking Bread with Tom Papa, and join us, and we'll see you over there. I can't tell you what we're doing, but I'll meet you over there and we'll talk about it. I brought you some cookies. I was going to say, what is the big reveal

here? Normally I bake bread for people. Because I'm on the road. Right. I couldn't do that. Right. Actually, truth be told, it could have given you a day old one put in my, but how would you have felt if you, if I presented you bread, home baked bread, but you knew that it was in my carry on. Right. That it did that. No, I think this is better. Right. But I will say I truly love knowing that you bake bread. I mean, I love when comedy aside, I love knowing what comedians do. do otherwise or our passion about. Yeah, yeah. It really is interesting to me. It is a, and you really do bake bread, right? A long obsession. Yeah, okay, right. Yeah. Longer than you've been doing comedy? No. Okay. No, I've been doing comedy for 30 years and I've been doing bread for like 10, 11. What is it that you love about it? It isn't just eating bread. Every once in a while,

I catch myself and think, what is wrong with me? Why am I, why have I not stopped baking bread at a mad pace? Right. For just a decade. It's just great. I always cooked. And I just, there's something still, there's something still about when I'm in the process of doing it and then it's like actually baking.

And you walk down the hall. Yeah. you're going to do whatever next stage and the smell of baked fresh bread is in the house. Yeah. That's just, it just makes me very happy. I get a lot of those TikToks of people baking bread like under hot coals

for long periods of time. Right. Yeah. I don't know. But, but it's like a Russian thing. I don't know. But there is something magical about producing a loaf of bread.

It really. is. And it's insane how how important it's been to humanity for so long. Yeah. It's crazy. I remember like I went into a a water mill at one point. Yeah. On the road somewhere. Yeah. And it's like, what? This is how they used to, you know, it's on a creek and it spins the thing. And I was like, what is this used for making weapons? Like, like, you know, plowing the land. Right. And it's like, oh,

it's so they could break the wheat. Right. so they could bake bread. Yeah, that giant soap grinding down. And it's like, oh my God, I probably didn't, I didn't even know that we, that that, you know, so many things came together for me. It's weird. It's that there's something magical to it.

And like there's a bit of other stuff that's been around like eggs. Why aren't we all going crazy about eggs? Right. They've been popping out all as long, longer than bread. But people are like, yeah, it's eggs. Eggs. Expensive. Yeah.

What is your, what do you do? I mean, you know, maybe partially why that fascinates me is I always think like what is what is mine yeah what is my was tennis it was tennis and I still love the sport but I can't play you know I can't play like I used to and even in New York City is very tough to play tennis yeah I went running by the uh that's right running uh that's right down the river that has to go with bread if you're gonna eat and break this much bread you have to be doing some cardiovascular right exactly there are days when it's purely burning whatever carbs are in me yeah And there's, yeah, there's some tennis courts there. Where did you go? This is like if I'm downtown, like going from like canal north. I mean, I have and this, I want to say this on the record, but we are, right? We are recording, Danny.

Yeah. I have never been to a worse city than New York City for playing tennis. Really? I mean, no, there are such few courts so much. you have a very astute tennis population. They have a grand slam. Yeah. People have money here.

Yeah. They're used to leaving town to go summer somewhere where there's, you know, this is a big tennis city and there are no courts. And it sucks. And what's really frustrating as someone that actually used, you know, decent player is you'll wait in line for hours for a court and then the person in front of you doesn't really know how to play.

You know, and you're like, and you're thinking, well, that's, good they're playing. Yeah. But this also sucks that I'm on the same plane as this person for this short period of time. I love those moments when you try and give people grace in a past. Yeah. Good for them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, then they like serve like this. I'm like the grip is so wrong. You know, but so yeah. So you got them on the river a couple. Yeah. I mean, there's, you know, there are courts. There's eight million people though in Manhattan. And then I mean, oh, I've seen fist fights. You weren't here. There's always like, of course. There's always like a, um, a guy who teaches on the court. He's not supposed to. But it really is such a, it's a grind. It's a fight. I remember doing yoke when I lived, I lived here forever. Yeah. And it would go to yoga. And it's like, you know, it's all about just zen small.

It's people fighting over where their mats going to go. People like sticking each other thing. It was just like it was a hellscape. I mean, the Western interpretation or adoption of yoga is almost completely contrarian to yoga. Completely. Like the, I remember somehow the yoga, the yoga company in L.A. that was on Larchmont where I lived. I mean, the way that they automatic build my credit card was, it was.

It was, it was, it was ruthless. It was expensive. It was on the dot. It was at 12.1 a.m. And I was like, I remember saying, you know, to my friends, I'm like, this is completely not yoga. I feel like if I go to India, yoga is not going to be this. No, but I don't really know. I don't really know.

It'll be free. Yeah. Come if you can. Yeah. If you're allowed. Yeah. Yeah. This place is, uh, it's so, it's so cut through.

I mean, this basketball court over here when you get out of. Yeah. You know, it's fun. I was a few minutes. early and I just just watching that. Yeah. You can just watch that. Yeah, it's amazing. It's like someone's arguing, someone's competing. There was a father

helping a son with his jump shot. It's like all these beautiful things and terrible things are all in this little competitive arena. Yeah, yeah. It really is amazing. It really, I yeah, I've been talking about this on stage lately about craving, going to a small town. Yeah. And it's like, you just burn out in these cities.

But there's, but it is also beautiful on one hand. It's like amazing. Like when I was, I started getting nervous because I had Kevin Bacon on here. Yeah. And it was jackhammering. Like as soon as we said,

right, good morning, Kevin. Yeah. I was like, and I passed a couple of things like, jackhammering and sawing on the way here. And I started getting nervous

that we were going to have to endure that. But that's what, like it's nonstop. Like there's never, we're good. Yeah. We're like, okay,

we did it. Let's just hang. It's constant. Destruction rebuilding, destruction rebuilding. Yeah. We were out of town for the weekend. We drove in last night, very late to try to beat traffic, which we did. Good job to my family.

It actually worked. Yeah. And we get to Brooklyn. We get the kids asleep. And it's like drag racing in the street. Police sirens now going after the drag racers, which I'm like, there's no way they're getting the drag racer. It was absolute mayhem. And I'm from Michigan.

It doesn't bring me calm. No. Like some people's like, whoa, we're back. We're in the city. It's this, it doesn't do that to me. It makes me mad that I'm here. So I don't know how have you been here. I've been here for eight years. I was trying to think when I got hired on the daily show was eight, eight years ago. So that if it wasn't for the daily show, you're probably not here. I was in LA playing tennis three times a week. Yeah. Ride my motorcycle. Uh, living in Hancock Park, large Mont Village area. You know, uh, uh, I will say, as you know, in L.A. There's a lot of just sitting around. There's a lot of waiting. Yeah. And which now wait, now wait. Because this is the, this is.

Yeah. My wife wants to come back to New York. I'm like, it's pretty nice in L.A. Yeah. It's that part. There's a lot of sitting around and waiting. Yeah. Okay.

There's a lot of sitting around and waiting here. Yeah. But it's filled with anxiety to survive. You feel like you're not doing anymore. I agree with you. Right. I agree with you. You're just trying to deal with the jackhammers and drag racing.

The progress chart is the same. Right. Right. But one of them every day, like, you know, in a stock chart, it shows like volume on the day. Like the volume here is like huge day, small day, huge day, small day. Whereas in L.A., in my opinion, and obviously your guy who's been busy no matter where you've been. But it does feel like you make the same progress. Completely.

Yeah. But here it's like, I got six spots tonight. spots. The taxi driver and I got in a fight. And it fills you, I see, I see, yeah, you, you, you, you, you feel like maybe you're doing more here. You do. And when you go there, you feel guilty. Correct. Because you're sitting in the sun and not doing anything for an hour. There's like, you have to shed that constant pace of New York on your, on your psyche. I remember thinking often in L.A. And I felt like, you know, I was past at clubs. I was working. I felt like, what am I doing this week? It's like, oh, I have to send a letter this week. you know, it's like that, you know, like in New York, you do that. You go grocery shop, but you go to the gym.

You know, there, yeah. So, so, but from a tennis standpoint, L.A., you know, just court availability. Oh, yeah. So. Yeah, it's year round. It's delightful. Yeah. Yeah, that's another thing here.

You can only play outside for. You only play outside and inside. And inside, I remember my buddy lives in Connecticut. And I was in, I was in Manhattan working. And he's like, let's try to find a place to hit and make. Manhattan. Yeah. It is in the winter. And I was like, oh, the Midtown Athletic Club or whatever. And I Google it. It was like $385 an hour. What? I mean, I don't love tennis that much. And someone will be late. You know, so I used the book court. Someone's always late. I was like $11. I'm doing in my head. I'm doing my head. It's $11 in a minute. But, but, yeah. Oh, man. So would you? Yeah. I'm answering my own question for you in my head. But I was going to say, would you go back to L.A. If you had a, if you had a gig. Well, now I don't know.

You know, my kids are, my kids were raised here. There's, they're five and two. This is a, this is a great question that I don't know the answer to. The gig would lead you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, have you let the gig lead you?

My kids were the same age. Okay. When, when you, when, when, when, when we were back and forth. And, uh, we lived here on 10th Street. Yeah. Oh, wow. 21st Street. They were going to school.

Yeah. And we had something going on out there. So we had a house out there. So we'd go to school there for a little bit. And then... You really would get them out of schools. And then it would... And then it got to that point where they had school here,

then they had school there. And it was like, all right, these kids need consistent... Yeah. Consistency in friends. And... Which we need, too. But... But we...

Comics are so... Yeah. Yeah. And then it... the scales tip towards L.A. Okay. And it just seemed, yeah, I raised one New Yorker and one. Okay.

It's so funny, we literally have a physical manifestation of, in my daughters, of our debate over New York and L.A. One is in New York, Mouse. One's in L.A. mouse. Right. And they were like that from day one. We have this great video of my youngest daughter on the streets of, on the, on the, on, uh, 21st Street just standing on our steps. She's bundled up and she's doing a monologue.

She's like three. Right. And she's doing a monologue of why New York is so shitty. He's like, it smells. There's garbage. There's crazy people. You always have to put on three coats. And she's like literally going through a monologue.

And then my other daughter's like, L.A. is boring. There's no way. She just graduated. And she's like living in New York. Well, you're speaking to me. from the future then because I have five and two girls. Right. The one of them pops out of our house in Brooklyn. She speaks Spanish too because there's school. She talks to the neighbor. She someone walks by. She says, good morning. I like your hat. I mean, it's New York. The other one, which is more me,

everything hurts her. You know, everything. She sends like the truck goes by and it's like, dad, loud truck. And I'm like, yeah, I know. It bothered me too, actually. But I mean, and I'm just, I sense that she, I don't know if it's L.A. That, that she would, but I just sense like this is too much for her. Yeah, it's a lot. Right. That's similar. Similar.

So what do I do? What do I do? Nothing. Love them? Make more money? What do I do? Yeah, just love them. You got it.

Well, yeah. Well, you can pop out. We can pop out, which is nice. That's good. That's a huge thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's really big deal.

Which I always find is a funny New York personality trait that everyone's like, you can leave, right? Like, like, yeah, like, that's in extreme town if people are saying, look, it's very important that you leave this thing. Yeah, you can't, right. You can't stay a full year. You've got to get out of here. Yeah. Yeah, because I know people like, you know, in your building, whatever, who never left. Yeah. And who, I know. They get, they change. Yeah. They become a twitchy different thing. Yeah. So my, so your advice to me with my, because I'm, I'm many years earlier than you, I can't, I can't adjust their personality. right? No, they're set. They're set. The earth has figured that out or God or whatever.

They showed up like that way. Yeah, no, they are who they are. You're just managing this. Correct. Yeah. But it's, there's no real answer because now my kids are older and one's like, I'm going L.A. And the other one's like, I'm staying in New York. Really? My wife and I are like, where are we going to live? Yeah. And, but we're always back and forth our whole life. So I guess we'll just continue that. But it would be nice if we were all like kind of somewhat five and two is so great. They're so delightful. They're very, it's a handful. As you know, moments, a lot of moments that I question my sanity.

And then they do a thing and you're like, oh, man, I'm so in love with this little thing. Yeah. It's, yeah. I have no memory of it, but I remember it being nice. Yeah. The memory stuff is tough like going like, okay, so the two-year-old, we may have to change beds for her now. when do we do that with the five-year-old and I have no I mean zero

recollection that's that's on purpose so we make more kids is that your wife probably has it right she probably yeah but even I think sometimes I'm like you're so full shit right now you're saying this with confidence but I don't think you really know yeah it's they're so

it's just like this fire hose of experience and you really can't keep track my iPhone is the only thing really has the memories super helpful yeah yeah of just giving me some kind of... Someone I work with created email addresses for their children at a very young age, right? Which sounds terrible to me,

but she emails these addresses funny things they did or said. And then when they have access to the email. And I thought that was interesting. Yeah. You know, I don't know if I would want to read everything I did at age four. Yeah.

But I like the idea of like documenting it. Yeah. Because you forget right away. I know. I'll even watch a joke I did about my daughter from a year ago. And I'm like, oh, I totally forgot that that even existed. Yeah. What I really like to do, and it's, it sucks because they're kind of like all over the place because technology was changing.

And I'm not even sure, like, how I can, where they are where they're at. But I would interview them on their birthday. I like that. There's a HBO thing on a documentary. Is there? Is it yours? No. I would just sit and talk to them.

them and record it. Yeah, and be like, so what are you up to? I love that. Just hearing their voices. Like those voices that you're here in the house right now, which are so annoying are going to be like, you can hear those in 20 years and be like, oh, listen to her. Yeah, there's a great documentary about a father who interviews his daughter every day. Uh-huh. Excuse me. Every year on her birthday. And the breadth of, embarrassed to talk to the camera to, I hate you, Dad, don't make me do this. And it's beautiful. It's short film.

I forget what it's called. But yeah, that's a great idea. Yeah. I just saw one on Netflix about quilters. Did you see that one? I think it was dished to me. But isn't it wild how your home screen and my home screen are so incredibly different? I know.

It is weird. And I don't necessarily like that. I don't like it. We're all having these separate experiences. I know. Like I see my daughters. I'm like, where are my specials?

Exactly. Hello, Netflix? Yeah, I mean, that is strange that you would think Netflix would be aware. I always, when I go to Paramount Plus,

which is every day, I'm always like, why is it not feeding me daily show? Yeah. How does it not, or does it know I work there and I don't want to watch it? Just for myself.

Yeah. Just to like give me my own thing. The quilters in prison? That's wild. How do you, yeah, there were these guys who were like, really, like, did horrible things. Right. They never really said, but they were in for life. Other than quilting.

Yeah. And then now they're quilting and they give the quilts to foster kids. They, like, it's a program. That's great. And they make these beautiful, lovely things and they're very sensitive. And it was, it was beautiful. It was only 30 minutes long. I was going to say that.

It feels like it should be a four and a half minute video. Yeah. I'm always conflicted. And as a comic, you know, you hear about people who perform in prison sometimes and do that kind of thing. And I'm always conflicted by the, who am I making laugh? Right. What did they do? Like, you're seeing these guys and they're like, he's adorable, he's got this big beard, he's making a quilt, he's putting, he's doing things with colors.

You're like, oh, that's good. Have you done a prison show? And then you're like, what did he say? Why did he? It's like, and then you see pictures of it. of them and they're like little babies right in the beginning of their life yeah and they're just seeing a little hopeful thing yeah and they had this period this five-year uh-oh period where something really horrible happened and then there's still just human beings there's still that baby but you know

there's such a kind of similar to uh you um watching the guys play tennis and you're like oh good for them oh son of a bitch i i feel like for many years, we just saw them as criminals. And then maybe because then we started to showcase more of their humanity. Right. But I wonder if we've taken it too far. I wonder if maybe, because I, you know, I just read this book on the death penalty. And like halfway through the book, I'm like, I really like this guy.

And then I'm like, wait, he killed people who have, it's like someone's son and brother and destroyed brutally destroyed and like there that there's a kid there without a dad who's now screwed up and like yeah and I'm like wait a sec maybe we're painting this you know I don't know as a balance yeah didn't isn't Dexter one of the first ones where we're like but we but we understand why he's doing this right yeah I don't know if that but he's a nice serial killer yeah so clean he cleans up after uh it's a good yeah like because I used to watch uh not watch but that Johnny Cash album from Fallson or something

Yeah. And it's like legendary. Yeah. And he's just like, you know, talking to these, you know,

I'm just like you. And it's like, ah. And I know like, Jesus would say forgive them. Yeah. You know? But I guess I'm not Jesus.

This is what it is. That's a, that's a good discussion. It's really tricky. It's a good discussion. And. Yeah, because you can't discount

the suffering of like, Like there's other people that are out there that are. And they also are doing a cool thing in prison quilting for them. I mean, therapists would say it's all a part of the complete picture. I literally was thinking. I can't stop thinking about it. It was 30 minutes long. That's an effective piece of art.

It was. It really was. And I woke up today just thinking, if only they had quilted earlier. Right. Right. Exactly. That would exactly. Only in high school.

And there's- When it brought them to a quilting class, none of the bad things would have happened. And I'm sure one of them thinks, strangely, if I didn't commit this heinous act, I wouldn't have been introduced to this thing that now helps others.

Yeah. Quilting. Also, couldn't they quilt like dangerous stuff? Like, like a knife? No, like a, like a rope or something. I don't know. To hang. I don't know.

I don't know enough about, they're getting needles. They get the rope. Well, that was the one. That was the thing. My daughter is really sad because, and she never watched, this is the sensitive one. Right. And she does really, like, she's usually watching like housewives or something.

And now she's, because it was 30 minutes and she just rolled into the room, I got her to watch this. Yeah. So unlike. Nice. Nice. Yeah, it was great. And, but there was this one guy, a little Freddy. And he was like 70 and he had a long, you know, wizard beard.

Yep. And he gets kicked out of the program because he took a razor. back to his cell because he wanted to keep working on some of the craft project, but you can't take a razor to your room. So he got kicked out and my daughter was so crushed.

She's like, oh, Freddy. Oh, Freddy. Why didn't he just put the razor back? Oh, so sad. That is like I said, they've painted humanity. They've painted these people as humans which is great, but then it's also a harsh

reality that you're not allowed, you're not allowed to be in charge of a thing that's sharp like this because you did a bad thing. Right. You did a really bad thing. It's tricky. Yeah, it is really tricky. I don't know. I wish, you know, you want to give people, you want to, you want to give people a pass and understand. And, you know, even on small things like your tennis or like fighting on the courts or like trying to like, you know, move up and board a plane and you see these people jockeying in front of you. You want, there is a, constant earthly balance of trying to give them a pass and let it be and elbowing them and saying you're in group six. Well, and also like sticking up and fighting for yourself is important.

Right. Right. So this is the balance too. Yeah. I do think it helps to, to, I feel like I had, you know, a lot of the, the boxes were checked needed in my life to create like a solid person, like parents that loved me and two parents and like dad was employed and we had a house. Right. So I tend to think like, well, I don't know how I would end up if I was in a situation that this person was in. Right. But that's giving him enough credit that the asshole who's trying to board in group one who's really in group six maybe had a bad childhood. Maybe he had a great childhood.

And therefore he deserves me to confront them. Yeah. So it's hard to know. But I do think all of us in the whole world would be helpful to go like, we don't know. know what they have, what they've seen or what they've been through. Yeah. But also, F that too. Yeah, that's too, right. That's why there's rules. Yeah, exactly, because somebody will always take advantage and, yeah, exactly. That's why there's laws and things, social contracts, and because people don't know how to act. Nobody really knows how to act regardless of where they

came from. And COVID made that so much worse, right? Yeah. I contact's down, reckless driving's up. Yeah. It's, that's kind of tapered. No, no one was ever, no one was ever charting eye contact. But I swear to God, I go to businesses now and I can't get anybody just look me in the eye.

Is there weird? I don't know. Yeah, it is. There's something wrong in my eyes or something? They were a little weird. So that one on my right, your left. Yeah.

Kind of doing its own thing. Yeah, the driving thing is completely bonkers. How people are rewriting. what happened. Yeah. I just was listening to a very prominent podcast. And they're just like, yeah, well, we were right the whole time.

Right. It's like, what about the millions of people who died? What about that? No vaccines didn't work. What about all the old people who didn't take it in are dead and the old people who took it and survived? Like, it's just they, everybody just paints their own story of what happened. it bothers me that people say things with so much confidence

when that isn't the case I mean obviously this goes all the way up to our current administration but what it's okay to say that was a difficult complicated time some things were right some things were wrong no yeah like no it's maybe maybe don't know when downloads that podcast nobody nobody right exactly right yeah it's not that's not that exciting

to be like you know what it was weird and we didn't see it coming and everyone did their best and did it in different ways. And these leaders were just faced with, I'm going to shut this down. I'm going to keep this open. Best shot. Like the creation of that vaccine

in such a short period of time was, in my opinion, a scientific marvel. Also, the pharmaceuticals made hundreds of billions of dollars. What's talk about both of that? Right. I don't know. You can't.

You know, let's talk about the, the, the, the prisoner's heinous crime and also the beautiful quilt that he made. Right. Yeah. No, there's no subtlety. And I think that that's that that lashing out, they have a very, there's a lot of people and I understand it that could not,

did not want to, they're very uneasy sitting with the idea that this just happened. Yeah. Rather than, no, that person did it. Yeah. Like they need the certifications. of no, there was a, somebody must have done this. Yeah.

And it was for a reason because the reality of that, no, this thing happened and it was out of everyone's control. Yeah. It's too terrifying. Yeah. And you can act like big macho and whatever. Yeah. But it's, you were scared.

Well, I think this is the birth of conspiracy is where we are scared. Uh, it is complicated. And a very simple, easy. conclusion is it's easier to wrap our head around. Right. You know, it's like, and I do, you said the word scared, which I love. I think all of this anxiety, conspiracy, I think it comes from fear. And that's okay, everybody.

I'm scared too. That's right. All listeners, I'm scared too. I don't know the answer. No, exactly. But either does this person that you're listening to who's saying it with certainty. Yeah. Yeah, there's just this.

Yeah, they could just say it and put it. And I get it. It makes you feel better. It makes you feel like, okay, I've, I've figured it out. Yeah. I've got, I've got control over the- I can move on now to the things I've got to do because we know that that was whatever it was. Yeah. Yeah. The reality is no one's in charge. Yeah.

You hear some of these conspiracies and you're like, that is incredibly elaborate. You think the government knows how to pull all that off? I don't know. How many people have to be involved to make this, to make this a thing? Like, get to know your local, elected official. They're not exceptional at all. They, you know, they're not like the people in the government are just like you guys. They're, I mean, they're leaking. They're putting the wrong person on a group text just like we do. Yeah. Can I ask you a question? Yes, please. Do you like people? Um, that's, that answer has evolved over time. I, I think I, I think most people are good people.

That's not what you asked. I understand. And I give almost everybody the benefit of the doubt. But I find my natural instinct isn't to reach out to people. But I always feel good when I do. So I don't know how to answer your question. When you get in an elevator. I talk to them.

Yeah. Yeah. And I usually am happy with the interaction. And they usually, nine times out of 10 like that you talk to them. I think so. And it might even be as simple as like, ooh, it's cold.

Right. You know, like something dumb like that. Yeah. How was your trip? Yeah. You know, and my daughter will say, dad, can you not talk to the people this time? You know? And I'm like, oh, I didn't realize I did, but that's what my dad did. Right. Exactly. You know, so. And that's okay. You're supposed to do that. But that could just be Midwest in me.

Yeah, no, that's human. That's human. So that means I like people. Yeah. You have a very. had your humanity driven out of you. Okay, good. This is good, actually. This is helpful, so I like people. Yeah. And what's going to be, what I'm really just delighting in is your daughter's horror over that outgoing personality of yours is just going to increase. I'm sure. When they're like teenagers, like early teens, they, you saying things is just going to make them. Terrible.

Oh, my God, Dad, why? Especially when you're bombing with the public when you're out there doing, Right. Which does happen. It does happen. Constantly. God, there was a birthday party I went to recently. And I was in charge of both kids and I went to the party. And I was trying to connect with these parents. And I biked home and I was like, I bombed. I mean, I just did not. No one thought it was funny. Nobody even liked me. I mean, it was like that was a bomb social situation. Yeah. They were not into me at all. Yeah. What does John Stewart smell like? Oh, yeah. I don't know what he smells like. He doesn't smell bad.

He is a man of habit. He's usually kind of wears a similar outfit. He's got boots on, which I like. He's here to work. Yep. And very, I'm sure you've interacted with John many times. I don't know. But very, very respectful, kind, eye contact, friendly.

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60. That's breaking bread 60. You've had a fun life. You have this fun tennis career. That's right. And then you have comedy. Yep. So even though you're a grown-up with children and stuff, you're still a child in some regards.

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Um, I think mac and cheese always delivers. It always delivers. Yeah. You know, and also stop putting lobster in it. Stop with the truffle. Mac and cheese is delicious. and excellent and works in my house. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing better when the kids have left their, you know, when you're cleaning up and the mac and cheese is just hardened a little bit.

Yeah. You got a big clump of mac and cheese. Isn't it wild how often as a parent I eat old food standing up? You're like, it's like, I buy. So I, one of the things I love about New York is I bike my kids to school every day. You know, it's this big cargo bike and it's like parents everywhere biking their kids. I love this. And they, and they love it and it's great. Any other part of the country, you're in the car. Someone's arguing about what song is on. And I just love that we're like sharing this really simple mode of transportation

together. Yeah. But it requires physical ability. And so I can't like not eat and then take these kids to school. So I'm always just finishing what they didn't eat. And it's disgusting. It's terrible. Does that still happen with like teenagers?

No. No, because they'll finish their meal or they won't have a meal. Yeah. Yeah, no. And for some reason, it's not as appealing. Like, it's fun to see mac and cheese and chicken fingers. Yeah. Yeah. I always, I always laughed at how when you're cleaning up and you're eating standing up, you're in the process of throwing it in the garbage. And you're like, it's in one second it's in the garbage, but it's actually going to go in my body instead. Well, I'm also like, she's got snod in her nose, wipe it. And then, you know, I'm like so concerned with her germs. And then I just take her spoon and just like. And non-n-parents right now are like, what is wrong with you guys? But maybe you'll be there someday.

Yeah. It really is the best. Your tennis. That's right. At what age, and just for our listeners in case, in case, I don't say it in the intro, you're a professional tennis player. That's right. And the title of your book is Lucky Luser. That's right.

Because you were, you were, is it fair to say, just professional. Yeah, you know, yes. And you can use any description you want. I mean, I would say I, in the baseball terminology where there's single A, double A, triple A pro. I think pro, right? Yeah.

I would say I was in the double A range. Right. And I got a few at-bats in AAA. Right. And I almost got an at-bat in the majors, but I lost in AAA. So, yeah, that distinction is, is tricky. I will tell you this. No one in my position retires.

You quit. Right. Right. People who win grand slams retire. People who have money in the bank retire. Right. I quit. Period.

Yeah. Which is such a mind-bending place to be. Yes. because you're so good for so long. Right. When did you realize as a child, like, I can, I'm really good. Like, I'm beating everybody around me. Yeah.

I mean, I, you know, I described some of that in the book. Like my, we had so many trophies that my parents had to take out a storage unit. And that wasn't, that's not hyperbole. Like you just, it was like, I entered it and I won it. Yeah. And sometimes, sometimes, you know, you place. second or and then that kid that you lost to you would watch was like two in the country or what you know was like oh that that's a you know yeah so it wasn't until really high level of college and when i played

university of illinois we were number one in the country that i really met and connected with all these other little freaks of nature that were like ex you know i'm the best in the state of Washington or actually oh i'm the best the state of florida and it was like oh this is different level i played in michigan it's not you know traditionally an amazing tennis state, mostly because of weather. Right. But yeah, you just, you figure it out pretty early on that when's the first time you hold a racket? I first throw a racket at age four. And I remember I'd talk about it in the book was Costa family tennis. My family would take down to this little club and we would play tennis. And I remember all the other siblings like, seem so complicated to them.

You know, my dad would say, Christy, just serve it this way. And then I would just like, I would just serve it that way. And then Christy would take a year to figure that out. Right. So I had some ability for that. As you climb up, you realize ability is like 20%, 30%, you need work ethic, perseverance, dedication. Also a delusional aspect that we all need as comic, which is like you believe that you can do this thing when I think the universe is telling you you can't. Yeah, nonstop, delusional belief in yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Well, when I quit tennis, I made an inventory, and this is in the book, of what I had at the time in my tennis career, how many ATP points I had, how much money I had. And the biggest factor in why I quit was self-belief. I didn't have the self-belief at that point.

And that's- Had you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I had it. I had it. Right. Or I believed I had it. And then you, you travel the world competing at this level. And you see some Russian kid who has been playing tennis by, you know, tying a string between two trees on a dirt parking lot. And you go, you know, he wants it more than me. Right. 100%. Right. That's got to be a weird. How can you generalize how long a period that is? Because you've, you think you're, yeah. You've, you're best in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, right? You know. Yeah. I mean. And then, and then it starts to crack a little bit. It starts to crack. I mean, it. It starts to crack. I mean, it. you know, I would say I played full-time professionally two, two and a half years.

And after the first year when you really, and I played summers before that. So I have a lot of different pro tennis experience, but hardcore full-time two, two and a half years. After that first year, you should have an idea of where you stand. And I was in the 900s, thousands in the world. Right. And it was like, oh, some of these guys that I saw this year just have an, incredibly different level of weapon than what I have. Physically?

Yeah, I mean, yes, yeah, because you can't see the mental as much. Yeah. But I remember being on practice courts and I would be like, what is that giant sound I keep hearing? And then you go over and it's like this guy hitting a serve who a year later I'm watching in the round of 16 of the French Open, you know, and you're like, oh, he just goes straight up. In some ways it's like comedy and that like there are some open micers that are

just so good before you know it, you're watching their special. Yeah. You know, it does happen occasionally. Yeah. And there's a lot of sadness associated with realizing you're not going to make it. Yeah. I mean, your whole life has been, right? Your whole life. Yeah. Yeah. And I wasn't one of these kids that like every single thing was tennis. But as a young adult, it was, that was the case. You know, I had a nice balanced childhood to the detriment of my tennis. I'm sure. I didn't. I'm sure. I tell my parents all the time, why weren't you more assholes? Maybe I'd be better. Right. You know, watch Richard Williams. Why didn't you do that? Uh, but, um, do you think yeah, if that, if there, yeah, I think I would have been better and I would have been more messed up. So you think physically

you had, yeah, you had the bones. Yeah, I had the, but I think physically I was there. I did not have the technical, um, in my opinion, where I lacked. early on was technical and instruction. So I think there's physical. I think there's mental, which I think I probably had. I had the competitive spirit. But I didn't really figure out how to volley or come to net

or finish a point until I got to college. At that point, I was 19 years old. It's too late. It's too late. Yeah. No, there's past. Yeah.

So early. Yeah. So. But man, what a difficult spot because now, like, as a parent, you know, you see your kids.

And even if they have aptitude, yeah. You're like, are we really going to go all in and like drop everything in our life so we can get them like the instruction? Yeah. You really have to have something has to intervene where you really believe as much as your kid believes like that this is possible. Yeah. And that's a complicated, that's a complicated discussion amongst the family. I mean, even now with my five year old, I'm like, do we continue piano lessons?

I don't even know if she likes it. But then it's like, wait, she's five. She might get good at it and like it. Yeah. And, you know, I, yes, my parents did not remortgage the house so I could have a bigger forehand. But the parents that happens a lot. It does happen.

And parents that do that, that kid usually does have a bigger forehand. Like, for sure. Sure. But at what cost? How many siblings did you have? I'm the youngest of four. Four. And tremendous tennis career, collegiate.

you know, tennis player, University Illinois, Big Ten champion, four-time Big Ten champion. Went out to play pro tennis. But yeah, when we're really like looking at the difference, you know, yeah. If we would have spent all summer working on my forehand with a high-level technical coach,

that would have helped me. But I don't know. You know, then I also wouldn't be sitting here. Yeah. I don't know. Right, exactly. With a box of cookies. Yeah, I was going to add.

What are these? These are cookies. Oh, great. This is Vesuvio Bakery on Prince. Street. Okay, I was going to ask you, where do you get your bread? They're so good. Okay, great. They're really good. But I came in and I was like, I'm just going to give him a piece of bread. This is cookies like insane. My family will devour those. So thank you for that.

It's an interesting thing. We watched, how was the name of it? The movie about showgirls with, Was it the one that was nominated recently? It was really a dad moment. Yeah. Yeah, it was nominated. The Pamela Anderson one? And my wife was a dancer. She did like shows like that when she was young. And it's similar to an athlete.

It's like even in the best case scenario for a football player, you're done at a pretty young age. Yeah. I mean, the freaks can go like on Brady. Yeah. But I think the average career in NFL is like three years. Oh, yeah. And like 80% of them get diabetes after that.

You know, it's like what they're eating. and they're, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. And so it's like, even in the best case scenario of being an athlete, you know, you can, of course, make a lot of money and do whatever in the, in the, if you're super successful. But the path is like, watching these show girls. It was like, it's, it's coming to an end.

Yeah. You literally can't, don't, you're not a kid anymore. So it's, it's such a blessing that you found comedy that you actually, you actually, we're able to like you can ride this and you can be 70 and be writing your fifth book and really I mean yeah yeah yeah it's a blessing yeah it's a blessing in that I found something else you mean yeah yeah yeah I wholeheartedly agree with you and I think the the point the book is trying to make is all all of the things I learned in tennis set me up to be successful in this next thing.

Yeah. As long as I didn't just see my whole life as a defeated purpose, which can't happen to athletes. Sure. I didn't make it. I didn't win the thing. Right. And part of the reason that I was able to lose in tennis,

fail in tennis, be a loser in tennis, whatever you want to call it, and transition into comedy was because I had like balanced parents that were like, get the education. Now, it's also part of the reason why I didn't win a grand slam. So I don't know. it's like painting the quilter who killed a guy is a real person. It's like my good parents helped me understand that there's more to life than this thing. Right.

But also if they would have been more one dimensional, maybe I would have been a millionaire. Yeah. Yeah. But in the totality of a life. Correct. It's like it really gave you because, you know, we know a lot of people in comedy. Yeah. So funny.

Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. crazy, touched, funny. You can't make a phone call. No. Or can't organize their life. Or can't show up or can't figure out time changes.

It's like what? Well, and tennis is like, I mean, it was outrageous the amount of skill sets you would see that then would just couldn't get their life together. Right. That's very common. I'm curious what your answer is to this. But when young comics ask me for advice, I always just say, pick a path. Maybe it's TV. Maybe it's writing. Maybe it's performing. Pick a path and go hard at it.

Yeah. And know that you might do that path and you might, it might end. It might lead you to a different situation. Because that's kind of what is a piece, me. I'm going tennis. I'm going hard. It's all in. Oh my God. When I really have a moment, I realize all these things I've learned. I love comedy. I've always written comedy. I've always kept joke journals even at the age of eight. Yeah. So all those things I learned at this path are going to help me for this path. What do you tell comics?

or do you don't talk to Young Comics? Yeah, I don't really Our producer Danny over there was asking me some advice and I just told him to shut his face. Shut up, Danny. It's you

I First, the first thing which I don't really say actually, but you know whether you have to have the delusion and the love

is so intense that nothing like then nothing's going to stop you. Yeah. Like it literally, and it's not like this arduous I'm going to I'm going to fight through this

it literally is just this kind of quiet whimsy of I'm doing this like and it doesn't like if you have question about it of like and then I can do something they'll think about like if you have a plan B

then you're in trouble. Yeah right it's that like you really really truly truly need that to find your way in this weird business I I thought

and this is revealed in the book, but I thought that I loved tennis. And I believe that the realization I came to when I quit was that I loved playing tennis with my family. That's what I was kind of chasing. Right. And when I went to college, the Illinois team became a new family, which was as equally fun and intoxicating and competing together.

but as a little guy, the youngest of four, sitting on the back of my mom's bike or next to my dad's in his car, we would go to this club and we would play as a family. And I was like finally part of the group. And I love that. And so then being good at tennis was, you know, pat on the back and finally mom and dad

were paying attention to me because there's four kids. They weren't paying attention to anybody. Yeah. So when I was really faced with this crossroads of like, do you really want to keep going hard? with tennis and I realized what a lonely existence it is. It's very similar to road comedy.

Very similar. And I said, no, I don't want to keep doing it. I'm not like having fun playing tennis. I'm not playing tennis with anybody. I'm playing with me. That's it. And other people that are trying to humiliate me. Literally their job is to make me look stupid.

Where is everybody? Where are my friends? We do a thing on this program called an uncomfortable moment. Okay. And, you know, do I have to have it prepared? No. We're talking about your, about your journey and where you're at now.

And you seem very happy and well adjusted. Thank you. I guess, well, I'll just show it. We have researches just deep dive into what you've been up to lately. Okay. And I didn't think you would go this way. Yeah, that is an uncomfortable moment. You want to explain this?

I figured you would be. someone who would fight pickleball. Yeah. This is Photoshopped. Did somebody make this? Possibly. Okay. So this is me playing pickleball. Uh, and I have strong opinions on pickleball, but I will say, and I'll share, that's a picture of me playing pickleball. It looks like my face has been photoshopped on that. Yeah. I think it's pretty real. Nice legs. Uh, I'll, how about I can I share a quick tidbit? Please. Okay. So, we were in Scottsdale, my wife and I at this amazing resort just from celebrating her birthday. And there was pickleball courts and there was tennis courts. And I can't play tennis with my wife because we're such different levels.

It's just, it's not really fun. Yeah. But I was like, let's try both today. Right. So I was like, let's sign us up for an hour of pickleball signs up for an hour of tennis. We get to the pickleball first. Not only are we able to play. we're different levels of pickleball, but you can play.

Yeah. You just immediately can play. Then this other guy over there who's got Miller Light in his hand says, come over, play with us. So now we're playing doubles pickleball. We're meeting new people. We're talking. My wife and I are actually competing with and against. It's fun.

It's really fun. Yeah. Even though I don't have any respect for the game. Then our hours up and we go play tennis and we're playing tennis. And as I'm helping her and we're talking, these old people come over and they say, hey, you guys are talking too loud. Uh-huh. And it's like, that's, that's the difference in those two, two games.

Right. You know, right. I don't love the complexities of pickleball, if there are any. But it was a community. It was fun. And here we are. Yeah. Just having, having sweat and we're outside and a guy, we met a new guy.

Then he brought us invited to his house that night. And that tennis side, even though it is like, I'll steal this from Andre Agassi, tennis is the Mount Everest of racket sports. Uh-huh. it was it was you're being too loud you know you know it's stuffy and that is a problem for the sport and that is a huge lesson that tennis should try to learn from pickleball oh yeah anyways well everyone I know in my life who plays pickleball has been injured oh yeah that's very congealies elbows wrists I mean they're all you're bending down a lot yeah yeah yeah yeah they're all a wreck yeah

yeah they don't stop it is well it it is a it's it's it's a it's a it's a it's a huge testament to connection with humans. Right. And community. Right. Pickleball is a group activity. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. I guess. I know. It sounds stupid. It is stupid. When you talk about the guy with serving and that, that sound. Yeah. And then you hear pickleball. It kind of feels like, it kind of feels like Trump's military parade to me. It's like, like we got dandy somehow. It kind of feel, Pickleball is Trump's milk like it doesn't need that sound. Right. It can just exist on its own.

The military doesn't need a parade. It can be strong and powerful without the parade. Yeah. You mentioned in the book that tennis has a lot of good sounds to it. That's true. I think it's one of the best sounding sports. Yeah. Which I really liked.

There's all those beautiful sounds around tennis. What are your favorite sounds around the house? One of my more favorite audio experiences in my house is how my wife wants to talk to me when I'm washing dishes and I can hear nothing. Does this happen to everybody? I mean, why you know, you know, you know the existence that I have right now with noise. And I look at her and if she's washing dishes, I don't ask her stuff. This happens all the time. Yeah. And she'll go, but I told you about the birthday party. And I'm like, was I washing dishes?

And then you get in my head, I'll go, sometimes I'll be like, I'll hear the murmur. I don't you want my to God. And sometimes I pretend like I just don't hear any of it. And just keep doing it. Somebody you love and respect. You're just totally blocking out. I know. Because the other alternative is what? Yeah. And I can't hear. My wife does it also around, because we live in a house, rather than an apartment. And she'll be on another floor in the back corner and I'll be in the utility room off the garage. Do you want to watch me? It's like literally no chance. I know. So I that isn't a sound I love, but it's it's a it's a sound that exists. You know, I'm still at the point of the parent where my kids when I open the door scream with

excitement to see me. That's great. And that's great. That is really great. That is a truly wonderful thing to think. Yeah. there is anybody on this planet, even for a short period of time, that is excited I exist. Yeah, it is pretty great. That's nice. Yeah. And you don't have to replace it with a dog yet. Right.

Oh, your grandfather. Yeah. Thanks for reading it. Giving CPR to your grandfather. Yeah. Yeah. I was just in Chicago O'Hare watching them work on a guy. Really?

who had had a heart attack. And they, for like 25 minutes, they were trying to revive this guy. That's intense. It was intense. And it didn't look like they won. Was it paramedics doing it? Yeah.

I thought it was like a TSA meeting. There were so many people around, but they were kind of blocking what was how you just saw. That's given the TSA a lot of credit that they, that they have meetings. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't in Newark.

And so you had a resuscitating, with your grandfather. Yeah. It's, it's it's in the chapter titled Grandpa's probably dead but yeah I mean he had passed away in his sleep and when you call 911

they tell you they yeah they tell you to try to resuscitate which is is beautiful and wonderful and the calm demeanor that they have on the phone is I mean it's like air traffic controller stuff right you know it's like when Sullenberger's like we're landing in the Hudson and they're like

copy that landing in the Hudson. That's like, what? You know, she's like, put, put your hands on his heart, find his chest cavity, and they're walking you through it. We did not resuscitate him. I know when, through taking a CPR class,

now as an adult because of kids, you never stop resuscitating until paramedics show up. That's something. So that's something we all need to learn. Like never, because if there's ever a thin thread chance that they can survive,

it's you pressing on the heart. Right. So never stops. That's probably what you were experiencing, unless paramedics were doing it. They were, uh, it was paramedic. Wow. Amazing. And they were like going hard. And then when they, it's went off for such a long time.

And then they put him on the gurney, lifted it up. Yeah. And the person, the woman who was in charge said hold. And they were, they did. They stopped. They shocked him. And then back on him. And a guy, as they were wheeling him was still pumping.

Wow. I mean, they did not stop. I mean, that's mad, mad, mad respect to the paramedics. Yeah. That is wild. Yeah. That is wild. Yeah. I mean, I say this in the book. I'm very lucky with the hierarchy of deaths that have happened in my family. The old people have died ahead of the young people. Is that the way right to say? You know what I mean? Yeah. So this wasn't a tragic death, but giving my grandfather CPR with my father. Yeah. That's a memory I won't forget.

No. That's a memory I won't forget. And then was it when you kind of realized. it, right? I think he said something about your dad outside. Oh yeah. There was a moment where my mom was walking the dogs when her father passed. Right. And my dad immediately ran out to the front to intercept my mom so she saw the ambulance. And as a child, I was 18, seeing my dad break the news to my mom that her father was dead

is wild. And it was done with respect and kind and that, obviously, but it sticks with you. Oh, man, those are, they're so heavy. Yeah. What's coming to mind for you right now? Uh, had you seen your parents in a way like that, or do you think your kids have seen you like that? Uh, no, I was just thinking I didn't have that hierarchy. Right. I had lots of like young people, like early on and then older people. That, that is just absolutely terrifying. Yeah. It is terrifying. And I remember like showing up with the first old person funeral.

Like I had a couple of young. Right. Like friends kind of thing. And I remember showing up at the old person funeral like, what's the big deal? Dude. Old people funeral is fun. Yeah. Did you people get drunk?

It's like a accordion player. You know, it's like, no, that is the way it's supposed to be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'd love to have him around. But yeah. And he nailed it.

No. I, I completely. I completely agree and I don't say that with any, like, I am so terrified that that's going to change in my life. Because it's like, that's the way life is supposed to go. Yeah. And what a privilege to even experience that. And then you turn it on the news. You see like Gaza and you see it's just like, I can't even wrap my head around this shit.

No, I know. Snickers or Butterfinger. I love Butterfinger, but there is a whole thing you got to do with the teeth after. I mean, I, you know, I love Butterfinger. Social situation, you have something like a butterfinger in your teeth. Do you wait until you go to the restroom or do you just start digging? I'm probably one of those diggers. I did too.

I know. Big hold and like I just, I can't. Yeah. I don't want am I going to get up and walk away? I think Butterfingers could use some publicity help. I haven't seen a Butterfingers in a while. The people who don't, here's my thing. Yeah.

And, you know, this will probably. upset people more than any talk about Trump. The people who don't respect Butterfingers don't really know Butterfingers. Right. I like that. I agree with that. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, educate yourself. But I'm not sure if I could get a Butterfingers around the corner, could I?

Yes. I could. Yeah. 100%. They're there. Okay. Okay. For sure. For sure. Okay. And at this time of year in New York, they're going to be a little softer. Oh, yeah. For sure. Yeah. Are you raising your kids with sugar, with no sugar? Are you,

you're a healthy individual? I am, I'm a label reader. I'm a label reader. I think one of the biggest atrocities that's been done to this country is to trick people into thinking that yogurt is an ice cream.

I mean, I mean, what? Some of this yogurt is worse than ice cream. Like the, like, and by the way, if it says 22 grams of, added sugar and then you look up and it's like the serving is like a third of a cup it's like there's so much sugar in this stuff yeah so uh we're aware of sugar yeah my i'm a i love sugar yeah i'm an ice cream every every night guy oh really yeah every night um i think ben and jerry's crushes

i think any any of their flavors are great when i was performing at the vermont comedy club in burlington i went to the ben and jerry's and did a tour original what's what's wrong with me i'm like only guy there. It's amazing. And isn't it funny when you go do those kind of things and you're like, oh, there's going to be a line. I'm going to have to get there early. And you get there and you're the only one.

Only one there. Ben and Jerry's, by the way, is packed. But I was the only like solo man there. You know what I mean? First fight himself. But yeah, yeah, we, yeah, we pay attention to sugar. I try to go healthy. Favorite Ben and Jerry?

They told me that they're not. number one seller was Sherry Garcia. That was in the top three. And I think number two was the strawberry shortcake one. I was like, get that out of my face. My favorite Ben and Jerry's is milk and cookies. Miltry hands down.

Not even up for debate. What's your favorite? It's so funny. Just hearing milk and cookies, I can't I can't not hear Bernie Mac. Does he have a bit about it? He's got this insanely from the kings of comedy. Yeah.

You should look it up. It's one of the best stand-up at all time. He takes in his niece and nephew because his sister's like on drugs and how badass like the kids are and they kind of and the one girl's just like, milk and cookies. Even Bertie Mac imitating a little girl going

milk and cookies. Biennue at board of Via Rai. Embarked and profite. Embarque and celebrate. Rigolet. Publié. Savour. Admire. And profite.

Via Rae. The voice that we am. I mean, he is a feat to watch. YouTube. Always put a smile on my face. So powerful.

Yeah. So powerful. The, I just saw that this kombucha that we've been drinking for a year. Yeah, yeah, be careful. No idea. It was like 16 grams of added sugar. Yeah, no, that's crazy. Yeah. I mean, I make kombucha. You do? And I should make, I have it actually have a

kombucha pot. That's interesting. Yeah. Drinking kombucha and I should, that's a good idea. Yeah. No, but it's really fascinating. I mean, the, the, the symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast, that is the living, it's like bread, right? Saubrooke. Same shit. Same exact thing. In fact, you know what I read? I read that if you have kombucha and sourdough in the same kitchen, that they will cross-contaminate each other. Yeah. How the hell does that happen?

Yeah, it's in the air. They talk? Around yeast is in the air. Whoa. Yeah, I have two starters. Yeah. And I keep them separate because I don't want them to contaminate. That's so wild and amazing and makes me feel like we are just guests on this universe.

But it eats sugar. Right. The Scobie eats the sugar. So when you actually bottle your kombucha, it has very little sugar in it. Very little. It's been eaten by this thing. That's why there's the mother and it grows its little child or whatever they call. Same with sourdough bread.

Saladough bread is better for you because it breaks down its own sugars. It's living. Yeah. It's a living. There's a great sign as you drive on the highway across Williamsburg. And it just says, eat real food, bro. And I'm like, yeah. Eat like real stuff.

It's really simple. But yeah, the kombucha is a tricky. The yogurt, the kombucha company and the yogurt companies conspire. Yeah. There's a lot of added sugar. Yeah. And this is if we trust the labels. Is there a good label?

Yeah. Well, yes. You know what, yes. At a certain point, you have to say, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, you do. It's true. He's done studies and done something. Yeah.

Yeah. You're right. You're right. I'm not trust everything. I know, you're true. Not everything because it never ends. Is there a good kombucha that you is star? I think one of those synergy, a lot of the synergy has a lot of added, but there is a flavor that is only like four or five. Right.

And I think it's probably a shelving thing, right? Isn't it last long? I don't know. But I would just encourage anybody to buy their kombucha to look at the sugars. It's really important. I know. Yeah. I was, we were really like in show, we were at the beach the other day.

That's annoying. And we were just like, wait, what? You feel like you've been tricked. Yeah. You feel you've been tricked. Your whole life, they've been doing a con on you. I'm like, yeah, just thinking I'm doing good things for my gut and doing all right. Son of a bad.

I know. Did you put a tennis racket in your kid's hands? Unsuccessfully, I'm still holding out. I took my five-year-old to tennis court many times and she sits in the corner, grabs the leaves and forms like a circle where she pretends to hold court. It doesn't interest her. I'm more encouraged with the children. two-year-old. Right. I went downstairs the other day. She was casually tossing the ball against the wall. That's good. Yeah. I didn't make her do that. Yeah. That's good. So we'll see. Oh, interesting. I would love for them to play tennis.

Young people problem solving alone with no real stakes. It's not like life or death. It's just a sport. Yeah. I think is very beneficial. Right. But I don't think that, you know, I don't need them to, um, be at such a high level. Right. There's a lot of, there can be a lot of trauma associated with that type of, um, uh,

dedication to something competitive. Yeah. I mean, it's crazy that you watch some of the pros, like deal with mental stuff and like, it's, yeah. I mean,

you know, kids getting restraining orders out on their parents and stuff. Right. I mean, that's like not unheard of. Oh my God. It's crazy. Yeah. Uh,

my producer wanted me to ask you. this question. It was very important to him. Are you, and to be honest, oh, this is a good one. Because I know you've got a lot of people in your life. But are you or are you not a good contact to get us tickets to the U.S. Open? It sounds like it definitely came from the producer and not you, Tom. I'm trying to get more into tennis. Yeah. Well, I would say this. I can be helpful and I can give you some good advice, but I can't like I'm not the procure of tickets. Right. The first week of the U.S. Open, they need people in like the good seats.

Okay. It's the number one, um, spectator sport from attendance. If you add up the 14 days like in the country, period. Wow. I mean, so many people go. Really?

But if Tom Papa reaches out to the U.S. open or your people and says, uh, any tickets available for the first week would love to tweet about the, you're in a real. You're in. Now second week. No chance. Well, maybe, maybe Tom Papa could.

But Michael Costa can't. Yeah. And my producer, probably first week is no, not even, he's going to need me. He's probably going to need you. Right. He's probably going to need you. Right. But you can see some great tennis in the first round. Oh my God. The first week is amazing. You see up close, uh, go to court 12, go to court 13. You know, I'm sitting in the, sitting as close to you as this player who I've never heard of. I Google it. They're 12 in the world. You know, it's like amazing. So, the U.S. Open is the biggest problem with the U.S. Open is getting home.

Uh-huh. They have issues getting home. But if you can take the train, do the train, do the subway. Right. But it's a fantastic live event. And I believe the greatest sport that exists. Right. Well, that's great.

So sorry to your producer. It can be more helpful. Yeah. And I'm kind of glad you to help. Yeah. This was fantastic. Thanks, Tom. Appreciate it.

Yeah. This book is great. Thank you. I haven't gotten through all of it, but it's really, you're a good writer. Thank you. It's really fun to read. Thank you. Yeah, it's really great.

And I am trying to get more into tennis. I keep getting on the tennis channel. Yeah. And I really like Paulina. Yeah, Jasmine Paulina. Yeah. She looks like a lot of my cousins. She's tiny and great.

Yeah. Coming up in the book, Chapter 10, I lose very early in the Netherlands, and I have six days to kill and I visit a prostitute in Amsterdam. The Red Lights is. Yeah, right. Let's see, you have that to look forward to. I know. I almost jump to it just to see, is it?

It's incredibly embarrassing. And I couldn't, I was so nervous and, uh, I was carrying my rackets with me. I mean, it's just, it's a very silly story. I always share it because I want people, I want anybody, especially a young person to associate and understand that everybody has these incredibly embarrassing sexual encounters and it's okay. I like, I did. was the one line in it that I wrote down from the beginning of that chapter of, you said something like, prostitutes was never my thing.

I hope I wrote that on purpose. Yeah, it just makes me laugh. Like, there's other people. Oh, can I just mention one joke that I really love of yours? Yes. Because this is like a dad anxiety kind of a thing, I think. when you say that you're uh you've got a five o'clock you've got a five o'clock flight right coming up in two weeks yes and you're already nervous filled with anxiety about it I get the same you can connect yeah

yeah if if if it's an early flight with a rental car return oh god oh god those are those are like they take time I mean when I when I book those flights I'll sit on my couch and I'll go are we really doing this because it's like you know what this means. It's a nightmare. It's one of the worst things you can do in the world. I always love your joke that and I remember I remember watching you workshop it. Your wife should, she should be having an affair with the pool, pool guy. You should, everybody should have a pool person.

Was this, was this a bit? Yeah, it sounds familiar. Okay. But it's not connecting. No. I thought you had a bit. And maybe, maybe you, maybe you let it go. Yeah.

It was a bit about how. she should have a pool guy that she has sex with and you should have somebody and it's like I forget what it was but I remember watching it enjoying and connecting with it. Yeah.

There was a line you know, we married for 15 years. It's time for a girlfriend. Yeah, that type of thing. Like doesn't, like your stories, your jokes, she's heard them all now.

You've heard her three stories. Yeah, it's helping her out. Yeah, it's helping. You can do all the things she doesn't want to do. Yeah, right. Oh, you're the best. Thanks, Tom. Appreciate it. All right. I'll see you again.

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