Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 279 - Robby Hoffman

Episode Date: August 26, 2025

Today on Breaking Bread Robby Hoffman joins us at the table! Would it kill her to have a moment?! She talks through the journey of growing up on welfare to creating her own HBO show! She also shares her opinions on they/them pronouns. Stay til the end to hear how her pedophile girlfriend and her go so lost they thought they might die. Enjoy! Check out Robby's podcast Too Far exclusively on Patreon. Also catch her on tour - RobbyHoffman.com.  Go to Mood.com and use code PAPA at checkout for 20% off your first order.  Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at www.monarchmoney.com/PAPA. Right now, ButcherBox is offering our listeners $20 off their first box and free protein for a year. Go to ButcherBox.com/papa to get this limited time offer and free shipping always.  ---------------- 0:00:00 Intro 0:00:14 Tour Shoutout - TomPapa.Com 0:01:06 Patreon Shoutout  0:01:39 Welcome and digging into bread 0:04:18 Robbie's having a moment  0:06:22 Growing up poor and having money now 0:08:45 Meeting Kristen Stewart  0:10:30 Growing up on welfare and one of 10 kids 0:15:26 Leaving NY to Montreal in the night  0:22:00 Reading the Koran, Bible, and Torah  0:24:09 Mother's strength, opinion of doctors  0:33:00 Monarch Money Ad  0:35:35 Mood Ad 0:38:38 Butcher Box Ad  0:41:01 Government cutting resources for the poor 0:48:46 Emmy's outfit, marriage, no kids 0:52:18 Cat and dog - pets are not kids 0:54:27 They/them pronouns are not seamless  1:00:50 Comfortable in own skin 1:04:03 Uncomfortable moment  1:05:13 Dating a pedophile and getting lost in a near death snow storm  1:12:30 Both cities and countries are horrifying  1:13:10 Acting with Steve Carrell, Hacks, Untitled own project 1:14:20 Robby in her old age ---------------- Tom Papa is a celebrated stand-up comedian with over 20 years in the industry. Watch Tom's new special "Home Free" out NOW on Netflix! Patreon.com - Patreon.com/BreakingBreadwithTomPapa  Radio, Podcasts and more: https://linktr.ee/tompapa/ Website - http://tompapa.com/ Instagram -  https://www.instagram.com/tompapa Tiktok - https://www.tiktok.com/@tompapa Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/comediantompapa Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/tompapa #tompapa #breakingbread #comedy #standup #standupcomedy #bread #robbyhoffman Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Insurance isn't one-size-fits-all, and shopping for it shouldn't feel like squeezing into something that just doesn't fit. That's why drivers have enjoyed progressives' name-your-price tool for years. With the name-your-price tool, you tell them what you want to pay, and they show you options that fit your budget. Enough hunting for discounts, trying to calculate rates, and tinkering with coverages. Maybe you're picking out your very first policy. Or maybe you're just looking for something that works better for you and your family. Either way, they make it simple to see your options. No guesswork, no surprises.

Ready to see how easy and fun shopping for car insurance can be? Visit progressive.com and give the name your price tool a try. Take the stress out of shopping and find coverage that fits your life on your terms. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Lazzang sur-joled, puissance-moyerned for 15 minutes. We're like that's their dojo Pre-a-to-Jew?

Vive it's pleasure with the Ojo The casino in-line that's the most Resson to show of casino in direct. Profite of 50 tours gratu on Big Basneza

without exigance of and with the payments instantane. Hey, I've gained. Woo-hoo! Sentire the pleasure Play-Ojo 18-8 and plus,

1,000 depot 10-tour-gues 50-tourgues on Ontario. 50% per DePas Bonanza. DePosmineineam of 10% DeCuee

It's not for everyone. Yeah. By the way, I'm wearing what happened to me very well. It is a bizarre person to be, but I think I was the right person to be this person. Are you comfortable?

Very. It's breaking bread. Hey kids, I'm out on tour and going pretty heavy this fall, winter, pretty much straight through until next June. We just announced a whole bunch of new dates. We're going to San Francisco, NJPack, Philadelphia. We're going to just a whole bunch of places. We're going to Austin, Texas.

is on. We're going a whole run in Florida. We've got some Canadian dates. There's no chance that you don't live near where I am coming. So go to tompapa.com. Look up the new tour. Also, our new, our new bread products, I have this new line of bread products. Tompapa and Nambay, this beautiful, beautiful designer. We have a whole bunch of bread products that's coming out. That'll be on tompapa.com as well. So head over there and I'll see you on the road. Also, also, also, anyone who hasn't joined our Patreon, join our Patreon. It's a great place to get extra bonus content, a great way to support us here at the podcast.

We need one more person. We need one more person. We can't afford them. And we need you to pay for it. It's a great place and it's a great way to round out the community. So go to patreon.com and look up our podcast and join us. It's a fun way to be a part of the community. And you guys are the best.

Nice to see you. Nice to meet you. Nice to see you. I think we've met briefly, did we? Briefly. I don't know. We don't really know each other at all. And I have to say, I was a little intimidated.

I'm like, she's so funny. And I hope I don't blow it. And I was really thinking about it when I was baking you bread this morning. I'm like, don't give her a lame loaf. Well, when do we get into the bread? Is it a segment? You can take it home. We take it home.

We don't get a piece now. You could. We have a knife? It's your bread and whatever you want to do. We have a knife. We have olive oil. Okay. We'll just do it for traditions.

Look at you. Look at you. Unbelievable guys. Look at this. Beautiful. Tear it with your mitts. Do you want? You don't even eat olive oil.

Right? It's warm. Nice to meet you. That is unbelievable. When did you, were you COVID baking? When did this happen? Before COVID. Before it was cool.

I got into sourdough. A writer friend of mine taught me about it, and I haven't stopped. I baked nonstop. That's kind of a sickness. That's unbelievable. You're married? Is she happy? She's happy.

that is the big thing being able to fill the house with the smell of baked bread all the time Oh my God Yeah how can you be mad at me You can't You can't I baked you bread

This is the first time that's happened to me In my whole life For real? No way Yeah Oh wow Really Mm-hmm

I thought you'd have bread growing up Yeah we had bread Nobody said This is yours It was Fight Fight over your My mother bought rye bread

all the time and we made Hala, but we made it. Mm-hmm. It wasn't like... Right. Somebody. Yeah, and gave it to. I've been practicing Hala, and I'm getting pretty good at it. The shaping's a little.

It always kind of like... Yeah, the braid always kind of like fails at the end. But it's getting lighter and fluffier inside. This is maybe the best bread I've had, too. Thank you. That means a lot. Like, do you sell it to stores, bakeries? Mm-mm.

No. I'm trying to figure out how to monetize it. I do with bread products coming out, like different knives and cutting boards and stuff. Unbelievable. I had no idea. Congratulations. You're having a,

you're having a great year. Would it kill me to have a moment? Yeah, it's nice. I can't have a moment? I can't have a fucking moment. Excuse me. I saw moody shots in New York Times. Can you imagine?

It's so cool. I styled myself. It's so nice. Worth pointing out because now that I go to these things, they get some of these things I go to, they're not paid, but they give you a styling budget. I said, can I have the money? I'm wearing my own clothes.

It's like they're dangling. There is money. Right. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, we have $1,500 for stylists, but it's like, why are you paying them when I'm going to style myself? I know you have $1,500 now. It's such like a weird.

Yeah, right. Well, we don't have money for that. Well, the 1500 isn't going anywhere. You had 1500. Give it to me. And then I said, okay, well, can I use my given name and write you a styling invoice? Like, it's not a lie. I do style myself.

When you're, you know, whatever the hell I am, I'm not just like necessarily, you know, going into the gap. What's interesting about your style, though, if I may. Yeah. is it seems so natural. It seems like you've always looked like that. Exactly. The thing with me always is finding the size because I tend to wear men's

and I'm small even for a woman. So it's, you know, I basically, my style is informed by whatever fits. It's funny. You know what I mean? So that's where it's ended. I don't like have any affinity to anything I wear, but it's like, oh, it was boys and it fit me.

Right. Like, so it's not that hard to style me. Yeah. I can be particular. I do do, you know, vintage. I don't like to, I like high end, but not spending. So I buy everything used. Right.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because I've seen you, you talk about growing up poor. Yeah. And I was wondering, what does that do when you start to make money? And you're making it in Hollywood. like what does that do to your head? Like are you still frugal?

Are you, you don't want to spend your money on? Well, I'd love to sell out sooner rather than later if possible. But the horrendous situation I'm in is like, I would love to forget the past and just, you know, live. But I'm wondering if my ways and my past are here to haunt me forever. Because I would love to just, you know, I think. it's it's twofold you know there's a very fun aspect to it in that if somebody like me makes it

god willing and gets you know bottles models cars you name it like everybody would be happy for me yeah like if somebody saw me driving down the block and a green lambo i like to joke like they'd be thrilled for robbie you know versus like friends i have who grew up you know westwood the whole thing Yeah. They have to drive a Prius. You know, and it's a horrendous car. I don't know if you've been in the Prius. They're terrible.

They have gone out of their way to make it so boring inside. Like, you know, so, but they have to, that's the suffering that they have to do now. It's not much, it barely, but they do have to be in the Prius. They can't be in the Green Lambo versus, like, you know, a Kendrick gets big and he's in the Saline, you know, Canadian tuxedo. We're like, fucking go. You know, so I think that's the fun part of it. But the hard part of that is like, could I, should I? You know, it's right.

So I'm at, you know, and I joke with my wife all the time that she also comes from nothing that we, you know, like we learned. I don't know where I heard this growing up, but it's like the wealth, wealth whispers. Uh-huh. Like I'm screaming. If I'm wearing anything. You want everyone to know. Like this I got, you know. $7 at the Goodwill, but it has a little hit.

I find that very effective. That's very effective. I am screaming. Whatever money, you know, my whole family's the same. Like I, you know, I was once warning. I met Kristen Stewart a couple times years ago. I wouldn't say we're friends though. You know, I would be friends.

But we were acquaintances at one point. Yeah. And this was years ago, and she said something to the effect of like, oh, yeah, if we, at the time, I don't know, I said, she said something like, oh, I would come to your wedding if you ever got married or something. I don't know how it came up. I said, no, no, no, you could never be invited to my wedding because you'd never survive my brothers. Like, it's like, it's not even personal, but like someone like my brother Schmo will walk up to somebody like Kristen's sort of saying, so how much you make a movie and something like that? Like something like Twilight, what does that go for? Yeah, he's totally curious.

He doesn't mean anything bad. He's like something like Twilight, what does that go for? And the more cool you play it, if you go, well, I do very well, or the whole wedding, the best way out of that is to say 20 million U.S. Day. Okay, that's what I figured. That ends. If you could just deal with that, you know, because otherwise, it's like somebody, you know, I went to school in Boston.

don't give me Boston If you went to Harvard Just immediately say I went to Harvard We could at least The conversation ends Hopefully they walk away Or we could talk about

Like it's not The more you cry And play it So that's how Did your You're one of ten siblings Yeah I'm one of ten I have nine siblings

Right And did they all make their way? Yeah A lot of us did, you know, thank God very well. I think it's a testament to my mother. I mean, we grew up on welfare, but my mother is one of the smartest people. Both my parents are incredibly smart, but like the kind of like idiot savants almost or, you know, just. Like autism smart.

Yeah, like autism smart. And the thing about it is my mother was spread thin. obviously, but she was a very subtle, she was exactly the parent we needed. I think subconsciously or accidentally more so, like she wasn't going to be there a lot. Yeah. You know, she was, first of all, she wasn't going to be involved in our lives, you know, decision-making a lot. Yeah. So she just inherently did it by example.

For instance, she went back to school when we were younger. She took one evening class a week. my grandfather encouraged her to have one evening away where he would come over and watch us. And my mother took the metro, the subway, went downtown, and went to her class and came back. Wow. And she did that every week. We always know, oh, maha school, Mahas school. Occasionally years later, like some 20-year-old, you know, she's going to school with 21-year-olds. She was getting an undergrad.

Like, would come to the house like, hey, I have a project with Constance. And I'm like, ma, somebody's here for you. And it's like, you know, something. girl in her class she's in a group project with and there was a hum of my mother going to school but then one day

and it's the year I was graduating university my mother was graduating one day she was just and Mao's graduate we're like what the bitches we never even considered but it was like over 12 years she had taken one class consistently

amazing on like Wednesday nights through the summer and after 12 years was suddenly, it felt sudden, it felt like, my, I just assumed it was like. So you just do that forever. Yeah. So, but that's sort of tenacity. Yeah. Thinking back now, that's sort of like on welfare with 10 kids.

My great Uncle Eddie, may he rest in peace downstairs and was amazing. She just was graduating. So she became the example. We just saw the perseverance. I think. And that said, even though she was spread thin, wasn't going to be there a lot in many decision-making ways or things like that. My mother was home every single day, which is a luxury now considering what people have.

It's like, you know, I never worried, where's my mother? The bitch is in the kitchen. You know, you wake up in the morning. She's in the kitchen. She's just doing nine loads of laundry a day. She cooked every day because, you know, as a kid, I wanted probably. processed foods. I wanted, you know, mac and cheese or McDonald's or things like this. Yeah. But my mother, you know, made fries. Right. She made everything. And as a kid,

I wanted to store up. But now I sew, like, actually, we ate well. Because it's cheaper to buy a huge bag of potato. She'll make them herself and spends, you know, $4 on a bag of fries, for instance. Yeah. So she just, that was like beyond full time. So what was her job? No, she was a homemaker. I mean, she had 10 kids. But she was by her, so how did she? We were on welfare. Oh.

Yeah, no, no, we were fully on welfare. Got it, got it, got it. She was cooking, cleaning, you know, stretching it. She also... Ten kids on welfare. I know, it's not a lot. And was this in Montreal? Yeah, this was in New York.

Yeah, this was in Montreal already. Well, New York, I don't, we probably were on welfare, too. I don't know how the finances worked then. Yeah, yeah. But as I got older, I started to realize, oh, this isn't good. Like this is not, ma, this is like at 10, by 10, 12 years old, I was like, I got to get out. This is, this ain't it. Oh, really?

You're aware that young and age. Well, first of all, you're like, yeah, I was really, I mean, I should, you know, we lived in a duplex. I shared a room with multiple siblings. Yeah. You know, we had holes in the wall, roach. I mean, we were really bad, but also it was like doubly as I got older and even into comedy older. then I started getting mad like you know because you hear all about Jews

and how you know and they've done very well and I'm like how do you even get born Jewish and poor anymore like I actually never heard of it happening I was like wait like she went so sad like she really fumbled the bag like when you hear about it it's like it's almost you know what I mean I'm like anyway look it's like I'm like how did that

like we were so close what are we Irish yeah literally it's like we were in New York okay sounds okay pretty good Jewish with poor like what has gone like where did you it was like literally but why did she why did she go with her all the kids on her own to montreal like what was that thought we were born really um we were born really religious and orthodox jewish community in new york and my mother um that community wasn't working for her oh okay anymore i come from my parent my mother was badly abused and she somehow this is

again, an example thing, where my mother with whatever brain cells she had after birthing 10 kids, natural. I mean, just picture the biggest vagina you can imagine. Okay. In 12 years. Yeah. No twins. And, and, you know, taking abuse and, and, and, and, and, but still making, making, making

sure we were all the kids. sheltered, you know. So she makes that move? Is it like in the middle of the night kind of a thing? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

It was a very organized. Who helped her? My grandfather, my late grandfather, who's incredible. Her father always, my mom's like a daddy's girl. And it's the sweetest thing about her. I find it very precious when I think about her with her father. And my grandfather, who was truly the greatest guy. along with my great Uncle Eddie, his brother.

But yeah, he always stayed close to her. She had joined this religious fanatic group when she was a teenager. What was the group? The Orthodox Jewish group. Just a like a subsect of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a Hasidic community. And she joined it at a pretty fanatic phase of it. I think it's like everything, things have ebbed and flowed.

They had a leader alive at the time. Anyway, he died in the late 90s. This is like all. But it was like a very, I think they had a lot of people coming to it at that point. Yeah. And my mother was part of kind of that wave. Right. And her parents who were secular Jews, you know, middle class working Jews doing well.

Right. My grandfather was a butcher, you know, just like not religious. And were they in Montreal? They were in Montreal. But my mother moved to New York to join this group. Right. and they kind of, you know, they lost her in many ways to it. It's like a cult.

Yeah, it's a cult. Yeah. And, but he would always keep tabs or find excuses to try and be in New York and check on her. Even though the vibe of it was very much like he wasn't like he was on the outside. Yeah, yeah. We had some visits with him and we adored him because he was the most likable man on the planet Earth. Yeah. What'd you call him?

Zaddy. Zaddy. Yeah. And but he kept tabs and eventually he showed up one day and my mother was really not in a good place and he just, you know, said, you look, you look tired. And she said, I am. And he said, let's go home. Wow. And he said, let's go home.

And she said, okay. And he had paperwork. He immigrated all of us to Canada. Wow. He was able to do all of that, 10 kids, the middle of. of the year we moved February. And I remember landing in Canada. Really?

Yeah, my great Uncle Eddie, his brother, picked us up in a van, rented like this big white van. Yeah. And my mother describes it now that she just felt like such a loser, even though she was such a winner to do something so difficult to want a better life for her kids. She, that she landed in the U.S., in Canada home, she felt like a failed. you're returning to her father. She had no money in her in her purse because my, you know, in those communities, it's,

she had just papers. And yeah, and we moved in. We were supposed to temporarily move in with my great uncle Eddie who just went to, like, Walmart, bought beds, bought whatever. Wow. And we ended up living there forever. Did they come looking? Oh, yeah.

There was a lot that we were. we weren't a part of, but my, we, we forego, you know, because I think we got really lucky in some of those communities, especially even more fanatic ones. I know to a lot of people, the community I came from seems as fanat, but there even is, there's always more. Even more. Okay. It's like infinity once you get into those, you could do a little bit more. They, you know, the children belong to the community. But because we were Canadian by birth, I'm a dual citizen, the Canadian. The Canadian, government doesn't fuck with cult you know they're like we don't care these are 10 canadian kids in peril yeah you're not getting them and so they live you know this you'll have to do an international which becomes a lot more difficult if we were only american um and my mother hadn't been

Canadian I don't I don't know what what that looks like I haven't heard of another family of a mother getting all tender for kids it's yeah it's like a movie yeah and so we all when people ask the family split by I said I had all of my siblings. We all did it together, which is unusual. Most times you have somebody getting out of community, they did it themselves when they were older. Or one had a brother who got out and they met the other brother somewhere. But we really started a new life together in Canada.

And this was all the same father? Yeah, same mother, same father. And is he still around? He is. We have no relationship. Yeah, yeah. The Hasidic community is such a puzzle. I grew up in North Jersey.

Right. there we go. And they just, it's amazing how they're like all of a sudden just spreading and taking over this whole town and then this community takes over this whole town and they just keep growing. Right, 10 kids of pop. Yeah. And they come in and they take over the council so they can make their own laws and then they change everything and the kids don't have to go to school and all it's, it's such a mysterious. I didn't realize that it was since World War II. I thought the way they dress and everything, I was like, oh, they must have been here before Jesus.

No, I think it's in late 1800s probably. I think it was Eastern. The way they dress as Eastern European of that time. So I don't know how it, yeah, I always wondered like how it solidified that look, you know, because it's also like the Bible's and stuff like that. Like, I just read the Quran for the first time, but I read the New Testament.

You know, I had only read the Torah, the Old Testament. And then I decided to know what the other two major works in the world. We're just, as, you know, most things are based on these three very influential books. And then through all of them, what I read and what I realized is like, why stop there? Like, we haven't had a new Bible? Like, why is the latest Bible still, you know, 2,000 years old? It's like, yeah, okay, so Scientology, they got one in. Yeah.

I actually respect them that they got one in. And it's thick. It's a big book. No, they did it. They did it. You're totally right. Yeah. Maybe I'll have to read the diionetics next.

I started and I couldn't get into it. You did? They got you? No, just the book. No, they got it. I'd be more successful if I had stayed in. And I just was like, well, this is kind of cool and had that volcano on the cover. and I just gave it to my nephew.

I'm like, think about it. Give it to read. No, that's insane. That is insane. See what's up with these people. Yeah. Book of Mormon, I guess. That was another stab at it.

Not as impressive. It was a little thinner. And then the big Bible. A lot of bread in the Bible. I know. And this is like biblical. What did you find reading the Quran? Yeah.

With all of these, I think, if I was a dude, Yeah. I'm in. Sure. Yeah. Like all of these, I'm like, let's go. Yeah, I know. But as soon as it's like, oh, it has to be me in this thing.

I don't want to fight. No, I'm not raising a sword. I don't. I can barely, this was the most I could do. What's amazing about this, one of the, one of the things that it's amazing about your mom, which I always find so moving, is when people,

like when you tell the story, it's this huge thing, and her going to school is a huge thing, and kind of like what you're saying in the beginning, how you're always, you know, you're loud, you're like, look at what I've done, the quietness, the stillness that they do it, the dignity of the, just doing it.

My mother is the most Canadian sweet. She had 10 of the most American, kids you could have screaming at her, they, all of it. Yeah. And my mother just, my little sisterhood says it best, she's the definition of one foot in front of the other. Yeah. It's impressive.

Yeah. And they don't ask for accolades. They're not like, look at me. She's nothing. She doesn't, yeah, no. I mean, she's like the opposite beyond. I remember when, you know, regret I have my mother, you know, she loves music and she's an incredible musician and she always wanted to work more.

You know, I remember being a kid and she was going to maybe apply to Tim Hortons, which is like Starbucks in Canada. And but I would say better. Yeah. I'm a Timmy Hose. I'm a Timmy Hose guy. But I was so embarrassed because I'm like, Ma, you can't work. She was going to work at the one right by our subway stop or Metro, but it's like so many kids from school. I'm like they're going to like after school got like an ice cap, which is like an ice coffee drink there.

And I feel that she just wanted to do more, but she could never get, you know, like the hiring was so difficult. Yeah. You know, but then she was able, another amazing tenacity, she was able to start teaching privately and get more students that way as we were getting older. And so I remember she would like have her guitar on her back and be waiting for the bus. and a friend, a rich friend that I had at school, the father was a periodontist who worked not, his office building would have to go through our neighborhood on his way to the rich neighborhood home. And he would see my mother at the bus stop in the dead of winter. We're talking minus 25 in Montreal with the, you know, with the guitar on her back.

And he'd say, let me give you a ride. I know where you're going because they would be rich kids. obviously getting lessons. Yeah. Let me and she said, no, no, I'm, she never, you know, and he would say, I saw your mother again, she refused to take her eye and my mother would be like, he's a doctor. He's a doctor. He's, I'm like, ma, he has to go home too.

Yeah. But her reverence for doctors was just like, like, he could never like me, like, you know, she's just. Yeah. Even as a kid, when we went to the doctor once a year because you had to have a clean Bella health for school or whatever Your shots or I don't even remember the paperwork But I remember one time we went to the doctor

Me and three of my brothers Monacham Schmull and Schneier My three older one year, two years older respectively And we're sitting on like the doctor bench And we're all in our underwear You know just like he's letting it He's doing the knee thing

He's doing the ear thing like you know We're all like kind of cool Just sitting in our underwear And he's going down the line and he's going to, you know, my brother Schmulley looks healthy, hearty, doing great, seems like, you know. Then he goes to my brother Monacham. You know, he's a little on the smaller side. We'd love to see a little more meat on his bones.

Nothing, nothing to worry about just the kind of thing. Make sure he's finishing his plate. That sort of thing. You know, then he gets to me. Rifko looks fine. She's within the range. Okay, kids, have a great year. I'll see you next year.

He leaves the office And my mother's writer We're like Get dress, get dress We're like Okay And she's pulling my brother Monacham

Me must have been nine I don't know She's pulling his pants Like this She's like you don't weigh enough You don't weigh enough Embarrassing me in front of the doctor Like I don't food

You know Because in her head She's feeding She was making more food than I knew of anyone We were poor But we always had She was making a stew She was chopping this

Like she was really like Yeah, trying. So to her, it's like such a bad look in front of a doctor that she doesn't, and like, it's his fault. Like, he has anything to do with what the hell he weighs. So then my mother started implementing like more of a piece system. Like she was like, give me two more pieces. I'm like, I just gave you my two pieces. He's got to eat his pieces because I'm telling you, I finished my pieces.

Were you the funniest? Everybody was funny. Everybody. A lot of people were funny. My mother is also the funniest. Oh, really? So my mother goes, well, what are you laughing? We laughed at my mother with her and together.

Why is that funny? Because everything you do is funny, mom. Like everything she did was funny. Yeah. And we all just enjoyed, including her, laughing at her. Yeah. Did she have wit or is it just? Incredible.

Yeah. I mean, and also she was just the culture, like that's another thing about like growing up poor, you know, in an urban setting. versus rural. I'm just like so lucky because I was I was literally like marinating, simmering like in culture and in particular my mother loved movies. Yeah. Always was renting videos. She loved reading and music. My mother had hundreds of records. Right. Was constantly at garage sales is the kind of person that goes through those and finds a great record, puts it on.

You know, and yeah, we just, we, you know, I was surrounded by so much art and different things. I grew up on, you know, Spike Lee and Lori Allen and just, yeah, tons of music. Amazing. It sounds a little bit. Do you ever read Harpo speaks? Why have I heard that? It's Harpo, one of the Marks Brothers. It's a great book.

It's really great. And the Marks brothers grew up very poor. poor and in the in New York and the way you're talking it's it's kind of similar to their story you know they're like all of them were funny the ones who we never even met were the funniest yeah and it was just in that Jewish culture that storytelling that poor but then they they realize it and leave really early and go out and do their thing it's very it's and he's always harpo as opposed to groucho was so popular. It was all like, this is going to be great.

We're going to do great. Yeah. Yeah. I have a positivity about me too in a way that people don't. Like, it's a juxtaposition that people think like, oh, but it's like for me to complain is to enjoy. Right. Like it's really not a negative thing. Like I think people read it sometimes as negative.

But I'm like, yeah, like I'd love to go on the boat. I do think it's going to be very sunny. You know what? It's just like, this is these aren't. Yeah. It's a part of enjoying it. Right. I don't know.

So do you think that watching her gave you the kind of quiet work ethic? Because like you start out writing and... Yeah, I don't know. I just think a lot of us, I think we, nobody is hungry. You know, like we were very hungry. Yeah. And I don't mean that, you know. Yeah.

Like the doctor said. Yeah. Like that mean doctor. Yeah. No, and the doctor was so nice, but you were like, get up, embarrassing me. The whole bus ride home. We were, like, hitting him. You embarrassed him, the doctor.

Like, we're all blaming him for what the hell he laid. We don't know. I like the story, though, because I thought you were going to say they then got to you and you were really skinny. I thought you were going to be the littlest of them. I actually was fine. No, that's funny. He was, and we were, like, hitting him on the bus.

You don't weigh enough, you idiot. Because if it has anything to do with him. Like, you would just get a reading back, oh, you're 87 pounds. terrific. I don't know what this means. I'd a tent, you know, should I be, I don't know, should I be 90, should I be 70? Like, you just don't know what the hell, wait. I'm just me. Yeah, and he got up there, you know, and it's little.

I'm like, oh, and then every year after we're like, he's not going to win it off. Poor guy. You know, like, and he was just the skinny, and he's to this day, tall, skinny, yeah. We'd like to thank the good people at Monarch Money for. sponsoring today's program. Monarch money is a great tool. If you ever have anything in your life that deals with money, you need Monarch Money. It's hard to keep track of everything. You've got your accounts, you've got your insurance, you've got your investments, you've got things that you

open up for your kids. There's a lot of it and it's kind of spreads. And before you know it, you lose track of stuff. People ask you, do you have... have these documents? Do you have this idea of what your interest rate is? You know what you're saving. And, you know, a lot of times you don't because it's a lot to keep track of. And that's where the good people at Monarch come in. You'll feel organized and confident with your finances with Monarch money. It's an all-on-one personal finance tool that brings your entire financial life together in one clean interface on your laptop or your phone. And right now, for our listeners, Monarch is offering 50% off your first year.

It's built for people with very busy lives. If you've been organizing your finances, Monarch is really for you. It does all of the heavy lifting. It links your accounts in minutes. It gives you clear data visuals, smart categorization of your spending, and real control over your money. I mean, there's a lot of times when you start organizing, you realize you could be making more money. You could be not wasting as much money when you're more organized. Monarch isn't just another finance app.

It's a tool real professionals and experts actually love. It's named the best budgeting app of 2025 by the Wall Street Journal. Forbes rated it as its best app for couples, named in CNBC's top fine tech companies in the world, and passionate Reddit community of over 34,000 users that shape how the product is developed. It's really pretty great. I mean, efficiency and organization,

who has that in every aspect of their lives. And a lot of times it's the things that you don't understand. And you look at people and you're like, how do they have their act together? Sometimes you need help. And if you don't know people in the finance world, now you do. So don't let financial opportunity slip through the cracks. Use the code pop-up p-a-pa-pa at monarchmoney.com in your browser.

We'd like to thank the good people at Quince for sponsoring today's program. If you spend a lot of time cooking at home, it's time to elevate your game. When your cookware actually feels good to use and is thoughtfully made and looks beautiful on your counter, it just makes the whole experience better. That's what I've really liked about quince. Their cookware, knives, and tableware are elevated, but they're still super practical. Everything is made to last, designed to be seen and honestly priced way more reasonably than you'd expect for that kind of quality. It just makes everyday cooking feel a little more special.

Quince has a really solid kitchen lineup. Their stainless steel and ceramic nonstick cookware performs like the kind you'd find in a professional kitchen. And their Japanese Damascus steel knives make prep feel way easier and more precise. I love having quince in my lineup. I've got these good ceramic frying pans and sauce pans. They're very cool. They're good in your hand and they clean easy, which is another very cool thing. The best part, everything at Quince is priced way lower than you'd expect, 50 to 80% less than similar brands. Go get it right now. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com slash Papa for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash Papa, P-A-P-A,

for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash Papa. We're half off your first year. That's 50% off your first year at monarchmoney.com with the code, Papa. We'd like to thank the good people at mood.com for sponsoring today's program. How's your life? How's your life? Is everything perfect? Are you sleeping great?

Do you have zero stress? Do you have a perfect appetite? Do you have no? No worries, no problems, nothing to contend with. Well, then you don't need this. But if you're a normal human being and you have something going on in your life that could probably do a little better, mood.com steps in. Mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100% federally legal THC blends.

They'll deliver them discreetly right to your doorstep. and you can get 20% off your first order at mood.com promo code Papa, P-A-P-A. I went on the website. I encourage you to do the same because you kind of just, it's all broken down by these different categories of what you need. If there's a little sleepy time, if you need a, you want something that's going to give you some activity and some energy with no hangover.

it's really a pretty exciting, exciting site to be able to pinpoint. And I've always said this, you know, when I grew up when THC was not legal, and then I came into adulthood, and now it's legal, and I'm always craving something specific. Like, what is the right one that would be right for me? It's not going to make me feel hungover. It's not going to make me feel too out of my mind, that kind of thing. And this seems to be a, a. great solve for that.

How about their epic euphoria gummies? Perfect for those days when nothing's going on. When nothing's going right. And you just need to hit the reset button on your crappy mood. Oh, that sounds nice. Or they're sleepy time gummies that make you sleep in 15 minutes flat with no groginess when you wake up. That sounds pretty good.

What makes these different is how they're paired. THC and other cabinoids with herbs and adaptogen. you're just not going to find gummies like this in a dispensary or anywhere for that matter. And they have gummies for literally everything, immune support, menopause relief, PMS symptoms, mental clarity, sexual arousal. They're all grown on family-owned farms, no pesticides, no BS, and they can ship to most states in the U.S. Best of all, not only does mood stand behind everything with an industry-leading 100-day satisfaction guarantee,

But, as I mentioned, listeners get 20% off their first order with the code, Papa. So head to mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional gummies, and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with. And remember, to use the promo code, Papa, at checkout, to save 20% off your first order. Put your box for sponsoring today's program. Does your freezer look like a crime scene? A lot of frozen things with fuzz on them and like freezer burn and weird Ziploc things that you said you were going to get to.

And then you never did. And now you can't even identify what it is that you have. Then you need Butcherbox. Clean out that old stuff and spend some time at Bookcherbox.com. It delivers top quality responsibly sourced proteins right to your door. No more mystery meats. no sketchy sourcing, just better options at your fingertips. There's nothing better than knowing that you have a freezer full of great stuff from Butcherbox.

They deliver better meat and seafood straight to your door, including 100% grass-fed beef, free-range organic chicken, pork-raised crate-free, and wild-caught seafood. All Butcherbox proteins are sourced from partners who meet strict animal welfare and sustainability standards. That's good. That's the only way you should be buying it. any of this stuff. That means no antibiotics or added hormones ever. Whether you're feeding a growing family or trying to eat clean without the stress, Butcher Box offers curated and fully customizable plans that fit your schedule and your preferences. It really is a cool thing. I've had

I've had chicken cutlets in there. I had these amazing ribs. I actually had a dream about the ribs that I forgot barbecue sauce and I had them defrosting for the next day. And Thankfully, I did have it. But it is really so nice to know that you've got this stuff. And then you're excited about it, so you actually use it. And then you keep an eye on it and when you're going to get to it. And also, if you have dogs, they get happy because they see you going to the grill. And they know they're going to get something on the back end.

Right now, Butcher Box is offering our listeners $20 off their first box and free protein for a year. go to butcherbox.com slash papa to get this limited time offer and free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com slash papa. Don't forget to use our link so that you know that we sent you. It's a great way to support the podcast and get some great stuff for you and your family to eat. Let me ask you this. You're smart. Thank you.

You know how the world works. When, uh, what do you? you think the real thought is behind the government now like cutting snap, like cutting the things that benefit the poorest of the poor that these families like my sister runs a non-profit in New Jersey

feeding people in like the inner cities and it's like those like what do you think the thinking is behind them? It's just a a grab bag. It's just now it's like you know we're at the end It's kind of like a company having to squeeze profits. Like how much more, how much cheaper could Walmart make things, for instance? Not that much cheaper.

So where are they going to cut? Wages, this, salaries, whatever. You know, they're going to try and get those prices down, down, down, down. Right. To be as competitive, profitable as possible. The government, this is such a long thing. I know. But since the government stopped working for the people and started working for companies,

for corporations, the government isn't of the people by. the people for the people. It is still of the people, our tax dollars, but it's for the corporation. With lobbyism, you know, which is, you know, private companies or even publicly traded companies have representation in the government, and they lobby to that government to get money, which is only raised by the poor, by people. Right. When I say the poor, the people, because compared to that, we, everybody is the poor. but buy people. And that money goes back to companies.

So it's just as a double dip. We're collecting taxes from private citizens. It's not going back to citizens who need it. It's going to companies. They have to justify this lobby gave this much in donations, so we owe them this. They have to. So it's just there isn't a reason but to pay their corporate,

you know, what to pay corporate. It's really a money grab. It's not even like they don't care. they don't even think about it. It's not even a care. It's not even close to a care. So, you know, to me, I think the government has long just been another bloated company. Right.

And it works as a company. It does not work as a government. And the way it's going now, it's like there are even, there's no pretense of hiding it. No, exactly. That the administration is now making deals with like Navidia and getting. 15% of their property like it's no exactly so that but but but it never was you know I would say that I'm probably I'm not the first person to say this but I don't know how to attribute but it but I've always thought this too it's like the credit the thank you um no but it's like Republicans

aren't hiding it you know the difference of Democrats and Republicans for a large part there's other smaller differences is that like Democrats were faking it at least right but Republicans are are not, are just saying it. So both are horrible. For me, it's never been about red versus blue, but rich versus poor. Yeah. And that's just long been the case. Yeah. I was not alive when the government worked for the people. I've only been born into a corporate government structure. So I really don't know. To me, it's another company that's just trying to take some. I will say, we, you know, in Canada, we did get welfare. Yeah.

And also, you know, probably not as much as it should be. But for people who say like, oh, it's like the freeloar or whatever. Yeah. Which maybe there's a small percentage of that. Who cares? Kids like me who have no, then asked to be born, nothing. Right. And my family has done so well.

Yeah. I've more than paid back the welfare stipend you guys gave me. Right, right. More. Right. And so has every single one of my family. Yeah. And we were so grateful.

But those programs, it's, yeah, it's just they're barely. Yeah, but they're like, they're so, they don't even have to be lifeline. They could be robust and they could help people and really create bridges. But, yeah, the government just doesn't work for the people. Yeah. It is a company working with other companies. And its main focus is to take your money and give it to companies. Yeah.

It collects and it divvies back to the companies, which is the people it serves. It doesn't serve the people. It serves its lobbies. And then beyond that, I mean, you know, everybody can call you conspiracy or whatever. Beyond that, I think it's theatrics. The government is also like a theatrical thing, a distraction from world powers working with each other in ways that I'm not privy to. but, you know, the Epstein things, all these, you know, large super PACs. All to keep us focused on.

I just think there's a lot beyond government. Like, government is a theatrics that keeps us distracted by these issues. Right. You know, so we're here. But really behind that, they're just running it like a company. Right. And on top of that, they're going to let us squabble about those things. Right.

And then they're making huge arms deals and things that I can't even. conceptualized really. So to me it's felt theatrical. It's been theatrical. Do you think it's sustainable? Do you think that at a certain point, when there's enough Walmart people that are not being paid, that they stormwalk?

No, I'm saying it's not sustainable because you can't be profits. Suddenly it'll bubble crash again. Bubble crash again. I mean, I've never grown up in a good time. Somebody my age, when I was graduating university, we had a recession. We were in a recession. Right.

after 2008, like for the next five years, like anybody graduating, there was like, I knew people who like, you know, like smart people who got into law school and stuff who didn't have jobs. Yeah. You know, and then, you know, it started like 9-11, the recession. Then there was like, I mean, then there was like Trump. Then there was like COVID. COVID. Then it's like another crash. The housing, like.

Yeah. Now, it was like wars. Now we're in three wars. Like, I just have never known a good time. A good time. Yeah, it's true. So I just try and create it here. All I know is like, well, you know.

I think it was only between 1990 and 94. That was it. Well, okay. You know, and I was very poor back then. We were very poor back then. It's when it seemed like it was okay. It's odd because I feel like. like I get like when everybody was having like good time in the 90s we were poor and it

and now like whenever there's like like in COVID I sold my first show right and it's like it's this weird thing where it's like I can't enjoy with everyone else like I'm I'm having a bit of a moment I'm excited and you go oh yeah the things are pretty good yeah it's like you know yeah it's just such a weird like yeah like when the whole world's doing great we're like why can't we have McDonald's? Right. You know, and now in the whole world, I'm like, I can find something to wear the Emmys. What are you going to wear the Emmys?

Don't even. It's just a sister. What are you going to do? I'm fine. I don't know. You know, you're in hacks and you're wearing this business suit, which is you look good in a suit. It's fine. I don't like to look too much like a lesbian, but then it's like few people look more like a lesbian than I do.

Like I also struggle too. So, but I'm like, uh, so. What are you thinking? I know you're thinking. Black, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know if I think it. Nobody's there to look at me.

You can do one of those dresses where your leg sticks out. Yeah, exactly. The good news is when you're married to someone like my wife, I don't have to do much. Right. Yeah. Let her do the bling and you do it. Yeah, let them look at her. I'm looking at her.

What's the difference? How's your? your marriage going. Incredible. Yeah. You're in love. Beyond. That's great. So happy. I never thought really like, yeah. It's just amazing. How did you meet? We met outside. Yeah. Yeah. Who approached who? Her friend approached me about my stand-up and then I saw she was in a group with them and I was like, never mind you. What is this? Yeah. It's very nice. Do you want kids? No. Yeah. Oh my God. No, after that conversation. No, she's my baby.

I bet some of your siblings have kids. Yeah, we both, but a lot don't. Yeah. A lot of my siblings actually don't have kids. Yeah. Yeah, we both have tumultuous childhoods, and we want to just give ourselves the childhoods. We never, we never, you know, as grown-ups, we don't, you know. Oh, that's interesting.

It's like we want to just give ourselves the lives that are little selves that we wanted to give them. Wow. That's really sweet. Yeah. That's amazing. So you're like going to Disney? No, no, no, but we're not child life at the same time. And by the way, you know, to the Disney adults, I mean, my little sister says,

if you're a grown up into Disney, there's some things you keep to yourself. You know, you can have a private life. We don't want to know, you know. But yeah, no, I'm just saying it's like the kind of love and care. Like, you know, I've talked about this a bit, but even like when I see myself as a kid, Like my whole thing has been, because a lot of growing up the way I grew up, in addition to, you know, my mother was self-raising. Right. Especially you move out at 17.

Right. You move out, you know. So I've gotten very good at the self-parental. You know, I've never done drugs. Yeah. Even though, like, I knew if I had two parents, they would say, don't do that. Right. So I would try and do that at 17, you know, and I really instilled those things in me.

Wow. I said, you can't have anything else wrong. Right. Now you're doing gay. No, you're not doing that. drugs if you're doing gay. It's one of the other. How many challenges you want? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like one of the other. How hard do you want to make this game? Yeah, like, so, so exactly. So things like that. But I always hear my little self in me like, you know, little Robbie and I'm like, you know,

hey, I'm trying to get you there as soon as I can. I see what you want. I know you want out. I know you want this, that the other. I am doing what I can. You're not old. You don't understand what I'm up against. There's nepoes. There's billionaires. It is a whole landscape. You have no fucking clue what I'm dealing with out here. But I'm trying to get you there as soon as humanly possible. That's really nice. And get you everything that you ever wanted. And Gabby and I do that for each other and just, yeah, just give ourselves like the warmth and the comfort and love that we want. Yeah. That's amazing. Would you get a pet? We have two pets. What do you got? I have a cat who I love. Yeah. And Gabby has a dog. technically we both have

but it's Gab's dog and it's my cat right what's the cat's name her name is numb numb yeah I don't know how it came of that I just I have so many different nicknames for her the dog terrifies her

amazing oh really yeah because he's huge and fluffy it's a fairy friendly and she's like no I don't want to be assaulted right now leave me alone

like she likes to cuddle and gentle and he's like, yeah. And by the way, pets aren't kids. Also, the thing is it's like, oh, you don't have kids, you have pets. That's like saying like, oh, you don't have kids. Did you have dinner? Like, to me, it's like, I don't like, I know that some people are like, oh, my dog is my thing. It's my baby.

It's not a baby. Shut up. Yeah. They're very different things. I would never even purport to understand what it's like to have a child, let alone, birth, the child, let alone. It's just, it's another, it's not even close. Yeah. So it's not even worth doing that. No, you're right. Yeah. Yeah. It's not even like a kid. It's a deep love. It's a love. But it's not, it's not a, it's not a love that, uh, your love for your pet, you can kind

of control. Yeah. The thing with a kid is completely you're just a victim of it. You're just, it's just happening and you see, I can't even understand that. Yeah. Because, because, because it's, because you have to know to know. Yeah. Okay. A pet, I know now. I know it's not close. And I'm obsessed with my cat, anybody who knows me.

Like I am singing night and day to her. Yeah. Like with my whole heart. Right. I sing like my whole, like serenating. Are you a good singer? You know what Gab thinks I'm actually an okay singer? Oh, yeah?

Yeah. That's cool. I'm not a good singer, though. I wouldn't say I sing, but for a very, for singing in the car, for singing. I'm not bad. Right. That's amazing.

I was, I think the only time we met is at the comedy store. And I brought you up. And I got nervous about the pronouns. And I was, because I, you know, you don't want to mess it up, especially if you're meeting somebody new and you haven't, you don't know which way they go. so I avoided it. Good. And I just used Robbie.

Yeah, that's fine. You know, it was a real flop. They then. And they tried it. It was a, yeah. No, it was a flop. It didn't cash. I said it was easy.

It's not easy. And it wasn't, it wasn't seamless. Like they keep saying it seemed. It wasn't seamless. If it was seamless, it would have happened. Like, it wasn't seamless. Just call it what it is. It's like vegan.

I said this to sell it, vegan didn't have. It was a big lift. It's too expensive for people. It's inaccessible. And it's a flop. Okay, and produce itself is very expensive. We have so many issues to tackle before vegan become, okay? They them.

Okay, these were mostly rich kids who went to Wesleyan, who had good lives and this and that, and they needed something to wrong. People like me, we got roped into it. You were dragged it. And then it was even worse. It became this thing where people were worried, like, when I used to walk in the big, hey, Robbie, whatever. Yeah.

Now it's like, people like, what are your pronouns? It's like, you know what? I'd rather not talk. I don't know. You know, it's like, why am I now confronting? Like, obviously something's off. Obviously something's weird. Like, why do you have to go right?

Why are we leading with this? Yeah, it's like, oh, do you have a big dick or a small dick? I'd rather not. I just got here. Yeah, it's just, it's this weird thing where it like forces people who are like, and first of all, and I have to, like, and I never did the day then, but it's like, am I so proud she? No, I don't like the word.

It's like, what, yeah, I'm a lady. Like, I don't want to. I also don't want to do that. Right. Like just, you know what? If it, I do think, okay, if you really want to do the they, them, okay, then it has to be on you. You have to tell people, well, by the way, I'm they them. Right.

If you can try and do it. I know it's not seamless. And it's got, but it can't come. It can't be the whole world, you know, has to now change how they greet. If that happens naturally how you change how you greet, like sometimes we went into saying sup. We went into, you know, like, sup wasn't like you need to say sup. Yeah. You know, what's up or whatever?

It's like, like, if it naturally comes about sure. But the, but the implementation of it was, was, you didn't roll it out. You can't, you can't declare you have a new nickname. Yeah, no, you botch, exactly. I'm T-Pops now. You botched the roll-up. You botched the rollout. If it happened organically, yeah.

Great. Yeah. But language has to change over. time kind of a, you know, from the to, I hear you, yes, we've had some natural changes. This one is a big one. Appreciate you. And it wasn't coming from the greatest people. It was coming from a lot of the same.

That said, if you're some, you know, and I've met real they them's and they're going, it's brutal. By the way, they didn't ask real they them's, what we would have gone. I wouldn't have gone with the plural. Right. Like we didn't have a summit. Nobody said, oh, these are some options we're thinking for people who are in between or something.

They just like, poke it upon themselves. They, them. And I'm like, I get it. Can be used in a singular sense. If you hit somebody in a car, you didn't see who hit you, you'd be like, they hit me. Right. I get it. But it's not most senses.

It's not used that way. Yeah. Yes, it can be. But that's like a million things. Yeah. It didn't work. I mean, there was, but there was the, like, when I was bringing you up, I was like, I think you're hilarious.

I want to be respectful. Of course. So I was like, I don't want to blow it. Of course, but here's the thing. Let's say you blew it. But like giving pause for a minute was like, I get that. Like you're respecting other people. Yes, I agree.

Right. But. But let's say you did blow it. It's like we're acting that being offended is the worst thing in the world now. Let's say you hurt my feelings. Okay. I should live in a world where my feelings are never hurt. Like, what are we talking about?

Yeah. Like, let's say you accidentally hurt somebody's feelings. Sorry, I hurt your feelings. It's like, we're going to be happy, sad, mad, frustrated, all of the things. But people who act like, and that was offensive. Okay, you got offended. You're not in Gaza. Like, there's a lot worse.

Like, it's like crazy that this is like, you know, that being offended is the worst. No, it means you feel something great. It means you live in a very comfortable situation. Yeah, and it's just like, I don't know. say somebody hurt my feelings. I have no problem saying, by the way, that hurt my feelings. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Yeah. I try to be better. It's like, what happened to like go back to kindergarten? Go up to him. I'm sorry, Matthew, I kicked you because I wanted to play with the stethoscope and you had it. I should have waited my turn.

Yeah. And I'll try and weigh my turn next time. And Matthew goes, oh, it's okay. You can have it now. Fantastic. Great. We're all friends. Great. It's nice to hear. It's true. Yeah, it has to evolve. Language has to naturally evolve. I'm naturally who I am. Yeah.

That's the thing. It's like I wasn't trying, you know, I had a therapist once who said, wouldn't you feel more comfortable if you wore female clothes or if you, if you chose like, you know, more feminine presenting. So you wouldn't always like walk in being. And I said, but I don't choose. Like literally when I see the uniclo, I see the men section and the women's section. my head just naturally gravitates,

oh, they have new brown cords in. I wonder if they have my size. I just, I'm not choosing my taste. Yeah, yeah. It's really just what I like. It almost just, I like what I like. Yeah, well, that's what I mean, that's why your comedy's so great.

It's very authentic. Just like, this is what's happened. This isn't an act. Yeah, and it's not for everyone. By the way, I'm wearing what happened to me very well. Right. It is a bizarre person to be. but I think I was the right person to be this person.

Are you comfortable? Very. That's good. Randomly, I'm very. Like, it's the thing is, I also, and that's not to say, and I'm joking and I always do all of this. And, you know, in, you know, ingest and gist. Yeah. But, yeah, I never needed anybody else to really be comfortable about, I'm always like, if I'm good with me, I'm good.

I don't need to be understood. I don't need. It's like, well, you know, people just want to be heard or something like that. Yeah. If you're listening to me, you're hearing me. That's phenomenal, obviously. Right. But I don't.

Yeah, I've never like, if you don't understand me, okay, okay. I don't understand space. There's a lot of things I don't understand. I don't have to come get you. You know, it's like, I don't know. I just don't need. I just need, yeah, I have always felt like, well, what if what if I'm right everything like even when I was gay with God I was like I think God

kind of fucks with me like I think he likes me like like my better or like I actually think like we just kick it like I don't think it's like I don't think it's like I've never felt like God has like I've been like if this is a God I feel like we kind of get along like he just likes me he's like yeah it's not the best thing you're gay but what can we do like you know he's kind of like it's other people who had but I've never felt like I had this huge like I I was wrong. Right. I always felt like this feels right and natural.

Whatever feels organic is kind of what I'm going with. Well, I hope this isn't uncomfortable because we do a thing called an uncomfortable moment here. Right. And we put together... And my last thing on the they-them. Yeah. I also think for some people, maybe they-them language is like the most important thing. To me, language is like, as long as I get to be me, like to me, like some people will be in a dress and will be they-them.

And that's the most important thing that even though I'm wearing a dress, I'm still somewhere in the middle. I get that. But for me, I'm like, I just want to wear, be, do what I want. Language is like the last, like the she, her. Right, right. Like, that's like, getting rid of my tits was way up on my list. Right. Like, that was like my first thing.

Like, just like, I don't really, like, words felt a lot more changeable or not that important because they're just like, like, words are actually assigned. Right. You know, it's like dudes, you know, back when they took like, when language was started. I have to imagine that like dudes got dibs and all the the cool words right like they're like we'll take dick cock and I'm like they left us with pussy

and vulva I'm like I never would have chose those ones it's like we would have we were picking both it's like you got dick we'll take cock you take okay I'm not taking vulva if I take vulva you got to take okay you you got balls you know

it was like the weirdest like it was just an assignment of what to call the thing. So words, I didn't really, they're like, you know, in a way they're right that they're assigned the words, but in a way it's like, that's why it's like matters at least to me. It's not to me a fact necessarily. Right, right. No, that makes sense. But if words is the most important thing to you, yeah, well, you flop the rollout. Like I said, this is a little uncomfortable. It's not terribly uncomfortable. You don't get uncomfortable. This is, we fed AI what we thought like just to take a synopsis of what you've been up to during this great year and where your future is.

No, no, no. This is you in the future. No, this is, by the way. It thinks if you continue pickleball, you're going to. By the way, it doesn't know that it's so in the future I get a boob job job. I put the tits back on. Your boobs are back. Wait, the boobs are back. And your hair's, longer. And my hair is in a full ponytail. I just want you to know this is what AI thinks could happen to you. And I would never pick the hot pink sneakers. Like the hot pink shoe But that's it I'm ripped as hell

Yeah, you're pretty This is you know This is this is L.A. too long Yeah, I got a workout Looking at this now I've come around AI is trying to tell me something It's trying to give you some clues

No because I'm like skinny but lumpy Like I'm like lucky skinny Like I don't do anything No it's like it's like when an eight year old boy is skinny It's like there's nothing there There's no substance that's the way I am Can I ask you a question? Yes.

Have you ever gotten so lost that you thought you might die? Yes. What happened? This is one of my worst members. I can't believe you asked me this. I don't know when I was thinking about this. But I had, I dated a pedophile when I was 19. Uh-huh.

She was 34. Yeah. Okay. Now my sister knew she was a pedophile, obviously. No, my sister was like, I thought she was impressive. She owned her own juice. end. Like, you know, like a jamba juice in the mall.

Uh-huh. That's impressive. Right? I thought, well, that's excellent. Right? Like, she's got her own business. She's making money. You know, I'm in school.

My sister's like, you're going to, because I've gotten into this good school, I got into Miguel, she's like, you're going to surpass her. You're very smart. She's, there's something wrong with her that she wants to be with a 19-year-old. Meanwhile, she's like picking me up from school. I'm like, oh, yeah, my class is at 2.30. She's like, there. I'm like, guys, I got to go.

She's here. You know, I was like, it's just in the cafeteria. Like, guys, so I got to go. She's here and they're like, what a weirdo. But we did a Christmas. And her family lived, I want to say, three and a half hours north of Montreal. Christmas around Montreal, it's like minus 40. Okay, so there's driving notices and not driving notices.

You have to drive with chains. Yeah. Or, you know, some roads are cleared, some aren't. So we were going to beat this storm. We start driving. And we're like a half hour from the house, and we're going through northern Quebec. Just really pitch, pitch black, just the brights on, no lights. And we go up a hill, and we start slipping.

We can't get up it. The car stops. We have no chains. She had a bag of salt in the car in the back. She starts like doing the salt. This is when I like became mask. I realized, oh, I have to be the dyke in a relationship going forward. Right.

Because this dyke didn't get it done. Like I was still like sitting back in the girl like at this point. But I'm like, oh no, if we're going lesbian, we're going all the way at this point. You're going to have to like just depend on you yourself and you. Like that's what this is going to be. be. Yeah. You know. And she put the salt and it, it, nothing. And we were no service on the phones. Yeah. Literally middle wilderness, Quebec. Nothing road. No one coming. It's Christmas Eve. Nobody coming, nobody going. Oh, geez. Everybody who's living in the middle of nowhere is already. And she comes back into the car. I'm thinking like, okay, she's going to try again. She keeps trying.

trying. I've moved zero. We turn off the heat. We turn on it. We probably have without heat in the car an hour. I don't know. Yeah. Not even, probably. Yeah. And I go, she goes,

we have to walk. We're going to have to start walking. So I'm like, you know, you could freeze to death. So we put on all of our layers. We didn't have snow pants because we weren't expecting. So we remember layering up. And all we, had for food was the wine that we were bringing to the family. So I don't know, we put that in our

coats just as an emergency, like to have something nutrition. I don't even know. And I don't know. She takes her first step off the road and the snow goes to your, like to your thigh. You're just, Oh, no. You need snow shoes in this. Obviously, we have no snow shoes. She starts walking. And it's only then when we start walking that I'm like, oh, we could like literally die. Yeah.

But I wasn't, if I was her age, 34 at this now, like I would know that. But I was, like, she must have known we are near death. Yeah. And I'm 19. Like, of course she's got it. Yeah. Right? And we're in the dead.

and we see a light. And I'm like, oh my God, there's a light, there's a house. Yeah. We go to this house. I don't know. We were walking maybe 10 minutes. And we look up in the house. And it's just a man in his underwear, boxers, whatever, old man, who sees us and shoes us away.

It doesn't let us in his house. What? Okay. But by this point, we notice there's like another, okay, we're in a somewhat residential. Like there's farms here There's a couple more homes So we walk to the This man doesn't

Doesn't even not worried That we're outside his home He lived in like I want to say His house was probably the size of this Like a shack Maybe maybe off grid Like a stove oven type of situation And he's got the heat going

He's in his you know He's got a fire We walk to the other one And this is like almost made me straight again We go to the house We go to the other house the other house, beautiful house this time. This house was like out of a movie Christmas and whatever. And this whole thing was literally a movie. Yeah. And we get to the door and it's this amazing

French family. Everybody's French there. And we tell them what happened. My ex was French. And they right away spring into action. This woman, this, this couple, they were probably like in their 60s. They're like Gerson de Tartre, Jean-Michel, like everybody, these three strapping men, I want to say enormous men. Christmas dinner was just had. You can see everything. There's like gifts still. Sweeters. They get up. They're all in French. They have a tractor.

They have a this. They're going to pull the car out. Like it's a Christmas mural. The mother is taking off our boots, which our feet were frozen. This point, she's putting them in hot water. like we had to like de-thaw our feet. Amazing. And I was like, I just lavin. I was like, I just have this wine.

And I was like, they refused to take the wine. They tractored up the car, drove it all the way the half hour. To your destination? To the destination. No. And drove Christmas Eve. And they had their kids like they had then all those those guys' kids. And they were watching and they were like, come.

And it was really a Christmas miracle. And they were, they were incredible. And there was no way to notify the family when we got, like, they were like, oh, my God, you missed it. Because it was no phones, like no service up there. Jeez. So, yeah, I actually, we were fully saved. How long did you stay with her after that?

It was, it was not long. It was not long. Yeah. Are you a city mouse? Like, what's scarier to you, a cabin in the woods or a dark alley in a city? Both are horrifying for different reasons. You know, it's like when people ask me, it's the difference of New York and L.A., you know, New York's a dump. L.A.'s a shithole.

I mean, where else you're going to live, though? It's like, I don't, they're both horrible. Scary is scary. Like, I just have to, you know, you pivot which scary I'm in. Yeah, yeah. I don't like a bear. I don't like a wolf. And I don't like to be raped.

So I don't, I'm in no mood for either. You have, you're working with Steve Corral. I know. I worked with him on a failed TV show once. Oh, wow. He's such a great guy. He is a really good guy. What are you playing?

I play his, uh, I, I don't know. I play a character. You're not sure yet. No, I've been shooting the whole time, but, um, I don't know if I can give the name. I don't know what I'm allowed to say. Right, right, right. and, you know, on bottom of the totem pole. Well, congratulations.

Thank you so much. No, it's been phenomenal. It was the kind of thing again where it's supposed to be one episode, and now I think we shot seven. Wow, that's great. Yeah, so really, really unbelievable. That's cool. And you're working on, you're developing your own thing over there.

This is all HBO? I know, randomly. That's so great. It's funny because, you know, when the hacks thing came out, they put the article together like, oh, hacks, and I'm working on it inside. I just had sold unentiled before the hacks that. Oh, nice. So it's like perfect timing that, like, credit to HBO, they took a little bit, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. They actually hadn't really known about all the hacks stuff. Wow. We sold it independently. So that gives me more. Had they maybe done it the other way, I would feel a little bit something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But actually, I like knowing that they just liked good.

Yeah, yeah. And that's what they were going with. When you see yourself, like, 20 years from now, Are you, where are you? Are you doing stand-up? Are you on a show? Are you doing movies? I'm doing everything.

Anything that they'll give you? I'm, I'm, hopefully the palisades is rebuilt. I'd love that green limbo. You know, I'd love to, like, vacation on one of those places that has, like, like, your hotel room is, like, on stilts on the water. Right. Yeah. You just look down at fish? I don't know.

But something like that. Yeah. You know, just, just, yeah. Do you think you'll be a good old person? And hopefully God willing, healthy. Will you be a good old person? A good 80 year old? I mean, I've been 73 for a while.

Like, I'm the kind of person. It is like a trans person, like, feels like once I get all the surgeries and, you know, and they, you know, feel like, you know, after their transition is finally complete or close to They feel like what they look in the mirror matches who they are inside. Like I feel like I'll turn 97 and look at them at finally I'm home. You know, like everything inside matches the body and my programs on in the other room. Yeah. You know.

Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah. Well, this was really nice. I hope you had a good time. Wonderful time. Blown away by the bread. Good. I'm looking forward to hearing how you treated it when you got home.

I'm literally going to. This will be done by tomorrow. It's that good. That's good. Like I could live on this and a piece of cheese. That's my Montreal show. Yeah, I know. It is beautiful.

On that, thank you so much. My podcast, Too far is Patreon only. Too far? Yeah, New York Times calls it addictive, but given it's too far nature, we have been demonetized on YouTube.

So we are Patreon only. Oh, really? We are still going and bigger than ever. That's okay. That's no problem. That's nice. That's no problem. All right.

We should join up. Thank you so much for having. Yeah, this is really nice giving to spend some time with you. Yeah. We got it, kids.