Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 290 - Iliza Shlesinger

Episode Date: October 28, 2025

Iliza joins Tom to sample sourdough, and chat about touring, making art, and how she's no longer giving out free tickets to friends and family. -- Text PAPA to 64000 to get twenty percent off all IQBAR products, plus FREE shipping. Message and data rates may apply. Go to ButcherBox.com/PAPA to get this limited time offer and free shipping always. theperfectjean.nyc. Our listeners get 15% off your first order plus Free Shipping, Free Returns and Free Exchanges when you use code  PAPA15  at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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publiced, savouring, admire, and profite. Via Raille, the voice that we love. I think all art should start from a place

of I gotta get this out. I think when you start from like I wasn't writing like a Marvel movie. Yeah. You know, which can be creative, but those are, you're doing this to make money

and have a franchise and I wrote this because I had to, it was a cathartic thing that I had to get out much like good on paper and you start working on it. And so I did not, everything you make,

you hope to scale. see come to fruition. Yeah. But I wrote it because I needed to get something out and I had to tell the story, at least just to myself. And then enough people read it and enough people believed in it that we were able to do it. Because there's plenty of stuff that you write that people don't believe in. Yeah.

And this one just happened to work. Oh, that's great. But I did it for me first. And it's also a nice place to retreat to. Yeah. When the industry is so awful, you're like, well, I'll go into my document where I'm the queen. I can kill anyone I want. Yeah.

I can stuff my bra if I want. No one's going to know. So yeah, it's just like retaining the littlest bit of power. Yeah, that's great. It's breaking bread. Nice to see you. Nice to see you. Thanks for being here.

Thanks for having me. I know. I baked this for you this morning. Good, because I canceled last time and you were like, I grabbed you a store bought loaf. I know. And I was like, it'd better be fresh. This gave me the opportunity to actually bake for you. You really bake that?

Yeah, this morning. What kind of, is it sourdough? It's sourdough. It looks great. Yeah, right. Do we open it now? Open it. Do we turn it on now?

You can bring it home. I know your husband is a fancy chef. He's been on this Breaking Bread podcast. He has. Yeah, and he told me to say hi. He loves you. Yeah, he was great. I really liked him a lot.

My dad loves you. Oh, really? Yeah. That's nice. I feel like when I hear people are like, oh my God, my mom loves you. I'm like, what about you? What about the younger? What about the daughters?

You know what I get a lot when I'm, at shows, I'll have a lot of times couples will come up and the guy will go, you're her favorite. Okay. You know what? I'm glad it's not just like a misogynist quest against me. That makes me feel so much better. Yeah.

Because I'll get a lot of times like, I don't think you're funny, but my wife loves you. Or I dragged my husband here. I'm like, we don't need that part. And I have your money and I'm pretty sure you had a good time. The worst, they like you. And you're just like, what about you, you fucking loser? Yeah, exactly. I know.

What do you mean? Yeah, it's like, well, you're all right, but she's like, ugh. Do you get the, like, I don't like comedy, but you're funny? Yeah, sometimes. I get, yeah, there's been a handful on this tour, actually, that were, like, people will come up and say, I brought her, she's never been to a comedy. It's always she. She's never been.

In 2025, women still are like that. And I'm like, because it largely is men talking about men, but. That's true. I mean, there's plenty of women that do it, but it is, it's like stand-up comedy hasn't permeated women's lives in the way that it en masse has men's quite yet. Yeah, right.

By virtue of the fact that we both still hear that. You have like, you have like these iconic female comics who are doing it, but male comedy. It has not made its way. It has not steeped in. There's many layers. Like, and especially like for this age, like, if you're in.

in your 40s, like you probably grew up watching these. And you know, there's like, you know, like you could say Joan Rivers, but there's a lot more men that you grew up watching. So, and because they're talking about guy things, or you got brought there on a date. Yeah. But I think this newer generation of women will grow up watching it, but if you're my age,

around my age, there is a chance you did not grow up watching it in the way that your husband did. Yeah, exactly. We aim to change that. So what made you want to do it and do it the way that you do it? How do I do it? Which was. Loud.

No, to give, very aggressive. No, because you like, you, you talk about these issues really like head on in a very cool like way. Like it's not, you talk just the way you started with male and female comedians. Your act and your point of view is, no, I'm gonna call bullshit on a lot of this. And, but like if you grew up,

what was your influence? I don't know. I don't, first of all, is this a pillow? That's a provolone. Can I use this provolone as? Yeah, as a back thing. I was like, I better sit up straight. I wore white so we don't want to look mushy.

Put right there between the enjoying. Your Instagram abs are annoying. They're there. What can I say? Turns out dedication to a single sport pays off. That's all I got. People want answer. Maybe it's partly genetics,

but like, turns out if you do one sport, Or a lot, you'll get something out of it. It's impressive. I don't know. I didn't have, I didn't grow up watching stand-up. I grew up watching sketch. I grew up watching sitcoms. Just sort of piecing together in education, which is like, it's 9 o'clock, my mom's asleep.

What can I find on TV? Yeah. And the answer was like Martin. Right. You know, or like in living color. And I grew up watching a lot of sketch. And I did sketch. And I wrote my own sketches and I got to college.

And I was in a sketch troop. and then I was like, I bet I could just say these things. And so I just started doing it on my own. And it just became the way that it is. I just, my whole life, I've always been the kind of person. I've always been a comic because I've always thought like, wait, wait, something about what you're saying isn't right. Or just because you're the authority figure doesn't mean you're smart.

And that's what comics do. We kind of poke holes and stuff or we hold a mirror up. And so it just kind of became what it became. Yeah, you have, I mean, there's different styles of comedy. And you call bullshit. You really have this. Don't we all? Yes.

And you probably do it in a gentler way. That's what it is. It's not a pillow. It's not a pillow. No, we all call bullshit in the moment and like, well, we're very good at exposing, you know, what someone's really trying to say or what's really happening. Yeah. That kind of thing. But, yeah, yours is scarier.

It's, well, scarier to someone who's not prepared to hear it. Yeah. And I think men use that. because it's jarring to hear a woman speak with some bass in her voice. And I think- I'm talking only of being backstage with you. What happened?

What happened? I feel like I'm always bringing you up. Like backstage. Yeah, at the comedy store or something. I feel like it's never you bringing me up. I feel like it's, maybe I'm thinking of it. There's certain comics I'm always before and I'm always after.

Oh, that's funny, yeah, yeah. And there's some comics you're never, you're never. I'm always like with Sarah Tiana. Sarah's always like right before me. She's intense. She loves doing pushups. She's like a football person. She's so.

She came on my radio show and talked football. I couldn't keep up. Sarah. I don't know. Could not keep up. I seem like I'd be a football girl. I just, I gave it up. I'm from Texas and I got here when I met my husband.

I was like, well, if we have a boy, he'll play football. My husband was like, absolutely not. I was like, oh, I guess I'm done with that part of my personality. I guess I'm done caring, pretending to care about the cowboys. Yeah, I don't have to do that anymore. I don't have to do that anymore. I married an artist. You are, you are intimidating.

I'll say it, I'll say it. Backstage, we're friends. We always get along, we never do anything. We never have words or anything like that. No. But your presence is powerful. Really? Yes, 100%.

I always feel like the comedy, and we can talk about the comedy store, I appreciate that. Yeah. If you're like it wasn't a compliment. It was a compliment. I always feel like the comedy store has, it's like, there's so much weird energy.

Yeah, it's off kilter. It's off kilter. It's this weird, We'll say it's a family. It's a family of like a lot of drug addicts you don't know that well. But wouldn't you say, and you've been doing it longer than I,

wouldn't you say like there's a weird like juju? Yeah. There's a weird vibe and I think it's like a holdover from times past. And I'm not even talking about like, I almost said Italian, like gangsters who died there. It's more like bad comic energy

that kind of still hasn't dissipated totally. Yeah, there's always a little bit of a someone sneering at you from the back of the room in the dark. Yeah. You know what I mean? I feel like when I started there, it was such a bad vibe. Super, like intense, right? So this was like 20 years ago, which is wild to say.

Yeah. Insane, I know. And it was so negative, but I didn't know any better. So there was a power in like not knowing what you don't know. Yeah, yeah. But I remember how negative it was. And to this day, comics will be like, oh, it's a bad vibe. and I'm like, oh, I think it's just a more intense vibe now. Like, I don't, as an upperclassman now,

I don't feel nervous around comics, but I think people don't want to say hi in a green room because you're afraid the comic will be rude. Yeah, yeah, when you're coming up. Yeah, I think male comics imitate what they've seen from shittier male comics, and then female comics thinking, like, I'll be like that. I always try to break that.

If I see someone in my green room who I don't know, I'll walk up to them or I'll just say, hi, I'm Eliza, because I think when you're a woman, it looks like you look worse than if a guy doesn't say hi. Oh, interesting. And so I always just try to say hi, but I also like, if I walk in and it's a bunch of guys talking about like cars, like, I will wait outside. It smells like weed and vape juice and like, I don't care. That being said, it is a more, it's more joyful than it's ever been, I think that in our era. I think that's right. I think when Emily was booking it, I think it felt lighter and now that Rose is booking it, not to get like two inside baseball, but there is,

like, it's, I feel like things have, like, leveled up over the last few years and there's more comic. Yeah. There's more, there's like it's different. It's not just one type of comic any longer. What do you think it is? What do you think that is? I don't know. It got real. I, when it was really dark, when you were talking about 20 years ago, like, I would stay away from the place because it was just like, I don't, I didn't feel better when I left, you know, like it was... Because you don't, like, assault women as a hobby. Not as a hobby. Not as a hobby.

I'm a professional. I've worked hard. I paid my dues. But it was really, it was like kind of, and then I came back at a certain point, and it was just more fun. I think there was, I think it was the comics they were booking. And that started attracting certain audiences. They were expanding.

The comics were expanding. And it just became different voices and became more fun. I like how you're not naming names. You're like, it's just different. It's just different. Whoever, whoever was there or not there. It's just different. Yeah, but it was.

I mean, you know, it happened in New York clubs too. Like when it's, when crowds aren't showing up, then it seems like even darker, right? So there was a lot of times when there was very sparse at the store. I think it's just any business, like it ebbs and it flows. And I think the internet becoming a place for breeding comics is also, helped and podcasts and all of this. Yeah, yeah.

It's like Joe Roganification of the podcast industry in terms of that being a place where you can find comedy and things like that and people started coming. Because I've seen it, the attendance at all the clubs kind of wane and then come back. So I think it's just, I think it's just part of getting older is you just like remember when it wasn't great or when it was great or like when the summer, then when the AC wasn't working. Right. They all showed up anyway.

Yeah. And so yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you have a, but it's impressive. And back to saying it wasn't a compliment. It is a compliment because you, I've seen you when you come in and if people are trying to like change the lineup of the show or if people are like running or if it's running late and you've got shit to do and you've got a family, you got stuff to do. You don't call, you don't take it.

You're just like, you're very honest. Yeah, exactly. You came in a spot. I'm like, between the three of us, one of us sells tickets. Right. And so I think that one is the one that should have the spot they want. because that one has four other spots tonight. Right.

You can appreciate that if you've got, you know, you know, I don't just pick a spot for vanity. I pick it really out of exhaustion. So no one has to see me past 10.30 at night. I know. A sweet, sweet 8.30. Just want that early spot. I'll even open your room.

I don't care. Exactly. I'll devour your audience and go to bed. Right, exactly. And be in bed by the time of the third comics on. That's right. Mark and Marin, one time we were doing some fundraiser and we were like looking out of the crowd.

And I said, and I was like, I was like, we were like kind of gauging them. Yeah. And I was like, they're good. He goes, they'll good. They're good. You'll be fine. I was like, yeah, he goes, you'll do what you always do.

You'll talk, you'll talk through the laughs. You'll make your animal noises and you'll leave. Oh, he's the worst. He is the worst. I was just talking about Colin Quinn, how Colin's like one of those guys who just can see through bullshit, like really like with a laser. But Mark does it in the same way, but meaner. We'd like to thank the good people at Quinn's for sponsoring today's program.

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Exactly. That's what people don't get about comics. Like, I wouldn't bother making fun of you. Yeah. If I didn't like you, if I didn't think you could take it. If I don't like you, like I won't speak to you. Right, right. I can't make eye contact.

Like, I can't fake it. Yeah. I'll never be rude, but I, like, you won't hear from me. Yeah. Mom, no. We tell. There's a documentary, I think it just came out about Mark. Mm-hmm.

And he's backstage at the comedy store. And there's a comic on stage, and he's just like slumped over. That sounds right. And he's just like waiting. And, you know, he hates hearing, like, someone's killing out there or whatever. And he starts going, you hear him? You hear him? Oh, yeah.

Eh. But that's why he's good. That's why he's good. because he's polished and he's got it. And it's me. I'm on stage. And he goes, is this what the documentary is going to be? You catching me talking shit about people and I'm going to have to.

Like he doesn't have final cut. I'm going to come off like an asshole. He wants that. That's what gets him going. You walk in, he's just a pile of corduroy and turquoise and a beard. And patchy. Just shitting on everyone. Yeah, a little bit of cat hair.

And yet, love him so much. Yeah, but that's the thing. If once you're like, once you're grandfathered in, it just becomes enjoyable. It does because there's a history and there's a respect. Yeah. And like I've seen him work

and we were in a movie, like just, or any comic, not necessarily him, but just, I think it's about the respect of like I've seen you hustle. I've seen you build your, like I've watched this from afar. We had a comic, yeah, and then I think when,

I think it's the posturing that doesn't, that I don't like. I don't like it when comics come in and it's unearned. Somebody was doing something really loud backstage, and I snapped at him like his mother. And I was like, hey, no, there's a show. And he was like, okay, I'm sorry.

I'm like, I don't know what you think you're doing here. That's what I mean. That's Eliza. Come on now. Just be respectful. I know, but a lot of people would just be like, being loud. And you're just like, no, shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up. This is my fourth set in this room tonight. I don't have a show. I knew you were a hustler way back. You were doing something. I was at the Laugh Factory and you were filming something out on the street. God. And I could tell like it was just like a running gun kind of production and it was like a Friday night.

It was busy and you had and you were guiding whoever was shooting you and whatever. And it was like it seemed like a project that wasn't going to go. It wasn't going to go anywhere. Yeah. I think it was. But you were hustling. And I remember. watching that and being like, oh, yeah, nothing's going to stop.

You're like, oh, yeah, no one's going to watch this. You know what I think it was? I think it was like assets for a Netflix special, like to show like the making of like here's her out on a Friday night or like an interview. It wasn't like a show. I think it was before that. Really? I think it was earlier than that.

I also, I think audition for, you had a show. Isn't it with Seinfeld? Wasn't it like the marriage ref? Yes. That's right. You came in. I came in. Yeah, yeah.

It shouldn't have been. No concept of what marriage was or what it took. Right, yeah. It was like 26. 2010. Yeah. Yeah, it is weird to mark your career in like failed attempts. Oh, God, yeah.

Just, and any time you take, any event you go to, you just look at all the executives, like, I took a general with you. You said, no, you got fired. And I'm glad. Yeah. It is, it is wild. That is pretty amazing, isn't it? That's kind of the power of comedians is that when you, when you dive into other parts of the business

and deal with networks to deal with their, the thing I've learned is that if you're a good comic, you're going to outlast all of this. They're going to change jobs so many times. That's right. And that regime at NBC is going to be so different. It's changed six times in the time that you are a comic. And if you just take care of your comedy business,

you kind of call the shots. You definitely call the shots, no matter how small your fiefdom might be. Yeah. But it is a weird gear to switch to go from being a standup to, you know, a movie set, if you're not number one on the call sheet, to reading for something you walk in and they don't know your last name. Yeah.

Like you're like, last night I was a god. Like last night, somebody got mad that I said that once. Like, wow, she's got an ego. I'm like, someone tattooed my name on their arm. Like last night, I crushed. I murdered several thousand people. Yeah. And tonight they misspelled my name on my badge to get on the NBC lot.

And I didn't get the gig. And I had to park across the street. Yeah, because I'm too old to be the best friend. Yeah, it's humbling. You're right, exactly. It is humbling. I know. You get these, you know, you get these auditions once in a while.

You're like, this part sucks. This isn't. It's small. How about just call and ask me to do it? Just give it to me. Why are you making me go through this? Do you audition still? Yeah, once in a while.

You don't know. I get so tired of it, though. I don't really, I don't hustle it. I don't chase it, but if it comes to me and it seems like it's going to be a decent project, I'll do it. But it's never been something that I'm like adamantly going after. It's not your passion. Yeah.

Yeah, I read for a lot of stuff. Yeah. And I write my own stuff and I have a movie. I'm not supposed to talk about now, but a movie coming out. Nice. Well, whatever soon. That you made. I made it.

I wrote it. I did not direct it. I hired someone who knew a little bit more than me. Right. But it is that thing to. This is your second one? This is the second one that I've written. that you've done.

Yeah. What was the first one? It was called Good on Paper and it's on Netflix. Right. But I think to, I think people don't realize like the power of writing. Like sitting around and waiting for someone to write the perfect thing for you. Yeah. Sure happens and that happens for actors all the time.

But if you have a sense of, especially of comedy and you want it done your way, people want original ideas. So just write it. Yeah, exactly. Put that pen to paper if you still use that mode. That's why I didn't really go after the auditioning. part. It's like just write stuff, just create stuff. Are you creating something now?

Mm-hmm. What are you writing now? I can't really say, but yeah, no. But it's, yeah, it's a single camera comedy. Okay. Yeah. It's about a guy who has a friend who hangs out with him at the comedy store and she's really strong and opinionated.

But I bet if I read for it, I wouldn't get it. Yeah. I'm actually looking for an Eliza type. A type. Because she looks so young. She looks too young. to play this role. How many kids you got now?

How many kids you got? I have two. Two. Yeah, my husband calls it population neutral. There's two of us, there's two of them. Yeah, that's how we did it. How many kids, you have two kids? Yeah. But they're grown now. Are they in college or older?

Just out of college and one in college. Where they go to school? East Coast. You don't want to say. Yeah. But they, yeah, they're great. But looking at your kids when I see them pop up on Instagram. Yeah.

I just, I do crave that stage that you're in right now. It is so delicious. And even though I've never had older kids, I do realize from older parents telling me, like, enjoy it. Yeah. I took my daughter on, I take her on tour when I can. Yeah. Try not to do the East Coast because that's like a lot on your little body clock.

Yeah. A little body clock. A little body clock. Like, not sure why her nap isn't going well. Yeah. I was just her going to Texas and I'm taking her to Phoenix and Denver this weekend. And we train for it. Like I teach, you know,

I've taught her how to act on the plane, how to ask for juice, say hi to the pilot. Post 9-11, they're not like crazy about you going in the cockpit, but they let her. And how to carry her bag. I'm like, you're on the tour. Wow. And she handed at the, you know, I do VIP at the end, and if you pay for it, you get a poster. And she handed out, this kid handed out 150 posters. And she was loving it. Really? And then the answer is, she's three and a half. I pay her in fruit. It's the only current. It's like prison. Like she just want. snacks and it's great. That's amazing. My son's like 19 months old and gigantic. Oh my god. And it's just so delicious. It's so great. Three. Oh my God. I taught her. I teach her things. I'm like,

you don't want to overdo the bit. If you're laughing and your brother's crying, it's not funny. It might be funny, but you hurt him. Is she funny? I mean, everybody thinks their kid is funny. Yeah. Bug. There's a bug in here. You got it? Oh, finally. That's that green room intention. Good job. Not in this red room Intense She's funny She is

Everybody thinks what their kid says It's funny But you know There's a comic You know when it's kid funny Or like funny funny Totally And so it's just

It's nice to have her It is exhausting Yeah Existentially spiritually spiritually physically But it is so fun Yeah that's great Yeah

And does she What she do when you're on stage I don't know Just hangs in the green room People ask that They're like Well who's watching her As if I'm gonna be like

I don't know We just give her to a rip and hope it works out. My feature act, Hunter Hill, made a fort with her in Austin. It was very sweet. My tour manager, she'll sit side stage. Oh, yeah. And she'll color. Oh, yeah. Because she knows at the end she gets to run out. Right. So. Are you, are they starting to infiltrate your act? Are they gobbling up space in your act? Let me ask you this. How long, when did you start talking about your kids or about parenting? Day one. Day one. Yeah. Day one. Day one. Yeah. Day one. Day one. Yeah, it just happened.

And I knew it was happening. I had to put the brakes on it, so it wouldn't be the whole act. Right. But it was just my life. So I was talking about it. I think about that. Like it is all encompassing.

Oh, yeah. And I still am a comic, and I still am all of these, you know, we all contain multitudes, some more than others. But I, somebody, I read a comment, a huge mistake, when I had my daughter

and it was like, you're not going to talk about being a mom. are you? And I think that that is a specific type of hatred reserve for women, because whatever you do is like somehow wrong. And we don't have that ire reserve for men talking about their families and their kids, you know? And so I think that's like a baked in thing. So I try to make it always about the commentary on me being a parent versus like, and then my daughter called me a poopoo head. And it was so funny. Like it's less about them. It's like an indirect commentary. so that if you aren't a parent,

you can still be laughing at it. You try to be inclusive, but you are gonna have to speak about it. Yeah. So I try to be artful about it, but I also think what I will lose in people who don't have kids, I will hopefully gain in people who do have kids. Yeah, and you're not hacky.

So it's not gonna be, you're not gonna do like the hacky version of kids stuff that, you know. Like kids say the darkness thing. Yeah, the people have done or whatever. you just have to, you just keep it true to you. And it's gonna be Eliza's way of looking at parenting. Yeah, which I think, you know, anytime you sign up for a comic,

you're signing up to hear their point of view on everything. Right. And this idea that like somehow because you had kids, your point of view would cease to be and your essence ceases simply because you had kids is so unfair. Yeah. And so I'm having to have to be.

having a lot of fun, making fun of the idea of motherhood and people's issues with it. So I try to kind of like zoom out on the whole thing. Right, right. Versus just talking about like, I'm so tired and then he had a poopy diaper, like nobody cares. People really don't wanna hear about your kids, so I try to talk about my kids.

Yeah. But I also don't wanna hear about other people's kids. Yeah, so you haven't gotten at three, you haven't gotten the other parents yet. They're not, some of our best friends that we've developed as adults came through the kids for sure. We're getting there.

Yeah. We love her. She started at this school and the parents last year we all became very close. Oh cool. We've all done ecstasy together. Like we have the best time. They're so cool. And so that's who you, you know, you spend your time with.

Yeah. She's still young enough that it's not like you're having play dates. It hasn't consumed our lives. She plays soccer every Saturday for 40 minutes. I use the term playing very loosely. Yeah. And also I travel. So I only have time for, like if somebody wants to come with me

the comedy store we can hang out, but like I don't have a ton of like, yeah, parent time. Right, yeah. So how do you do the balance is Noah, who has been on the podcast, as I said, a great chef and author and does he, how do you do the tour balance? The answer is my husband does everything. That's good. The answer is I married someone who is totally cool with who I am and what I do and the fact that I do not put dishes in the dishwasher the right way. And he never gets mad at me. And has endless patience. And he, we have like a bit of a role reversal in our house.

And it just kind of is what it is. It's not like he's the girl and I'm the guy. But like I tour. I come back. And he also travels. So we just kind of naturally just share stuff. There's no keeping tabs. It's just.

Yeah. We each knew what the other one was when we married them in terms of like, I'm going to pay for all this. Right. And he's going to make sure that we don't die. Right. And it's kind of elegant. Yeah. And he's, he's confident enough in himself that he doesn't, you know.

Yeah. Because at the end of the day, he could break down and smoke a whole animal. Right. And I, like, am weird about making oatmeal. So it works. Does he do all the cooking? Yeah. Yeah.

Like, to a place where, to a point where I, I'm sure when I met him, I could cook, and now I'm this, like, injured. Like, you know, if you wear glasses for too long, your eyes kind of, like, go into your head. Like, you look different. Like, now I can't. Like, I'll walk into the kitchen. kitchen and I think he doesn't want me to touch his stuff so he'll just be like can I help you I'm like yeah I was just gonna he's like you could let me I'll just get it and and yeah and he fine are you

the cook yeah okay yeah and when I come in and it's like why are the bowls here why are they here well who put the balls over here no they go over here that's right and my mom comes to visit I'm like this is actually his office so we cannot move like there's like decorative things that I'd like to do but I just kind of leave it yeah yeah and I get to have the other 98% of the house Yeah, and get all your food. All the food. When we travel, he like finds, he has like a map. If you ever go almost anywhere, let us know.

Right. We'll give you his food map. Oh, really? And he like takes it upon himself to make sure that we're eating, it's not eating well, but eating like the right thing in the right place. Right. Because I will eat a bag of beef jerky over the toilet. Like I am an alley cat.

Like it doesn't mean when I don't travel with him, he'll be like, have you eaten today? And I'm like, no, he's like, that's not a good thing. I'm like, so I don't know. It's a he compliments my life. It's good. It's good that balance. I mean, it really, I remember listening to somebody talk about,

you know, like attacking the, the chores of the house in your life and you have to really be. And I was like, it just kind of happened for us. It kind of just kind of fell into, she does the laundry. I do the cooking.

She does the cat. and the dog. It does the cat. I watch TV and... I think to... There is that thing. It's like if you kind of respect each other, it just kind of happens.

You're not like, why am I doing this? Well, I think that's exactly right. I think you hit the nail on the head. I think it comes down to actually respecting each other. And I think when people hear that they balk at it, like, who's marbles of these, by the way? Who's worth? They're just for the table.

Oh, okay. I was just like, who in L.A. Did you smoke? No, I've never had a cigarette in my life. But I was just... They look random. And so I didn't know someone, Gen Z was like, let's bring it back.

I feel like it's just a cool thing. Let's bring unfiltered to the conversation when you just have one in your hand. I'll do it. I just did a movie where I had to smoke a bunch of herbal cigarettes in like 100 degree heat. Oh really? And it's just me struggling to look so cool

having never had a cigarette. I do it with baby carrots. You're holding it right. I know. I like this one too when you hold like that. That's very New York. That's very Italian. What?

What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What do you mean? I don't respect you. I give you space to do the laundry. I think it comes down to respect and knowing each other's strengths. Yes.

And weaknesses. What's your weakness? Everything that isn't stand-up comedy at 7.30 at night on a Saturday. Like, I'm not a good listener. No? I am impatient. Uh-huh. I always assume the worst.

But that's just from being in Hollywood. Are you talking about in my marriage? You didn't have that? No, just you as a person. Oh, there's that. I get bored easily. But I think a big bulk of comedy on the internet is playing into the stereotypes of like, watch my idiot husband do this. Or times I ask my husband, I don't relate to it because we just, if you really respect each other, you both just do the thing that you're good at.

And hopefully that is actually a marriage. Right. Right? Yeah, exactly. And you also hopefully have help. Yeah. And somebody else. Like we all sit here and act like it's a, you have a maid.

That comes once a week, hopefully of a nanny. We got to this place in our society where you're not allowed to say you have help because that makes you untethered to reality. Right. But I mean. Or just busy. Busy and that's what I choose to spend my money on. I don't own my own plane.

I don't buy $80,000 with a sneakers. Instead, I have a nanny and I have a maid who comes once a week, like a person. And it's all about what's your priority. I like a clean house. Yeah. And I can't handle my children on my own. You ever take two children of different ages to a playground? It will break you.

It is the hardest thing in the world. It really is. When I hear of people who have two boys, I'm like, forget it. There's an ashen this. I have these two like little gumdrop girls and we could just sit and we could read. We could play with like it wasn't monsters

who I had to go in the yard with and throw a ball for six. straight hours. It's so much energy. Having a son is like a human pinball going through, just banging off of stuff and places where your daughter would cry, your kids just like, and they're not, it's just him constantly going like this and just, she's like, are you okay? And he's just like, yeah. You're like, okay. Don't break it. Has having a daughter and a little son confirmed or changed your point of view on men and women? Because you're very good, you're very stute at calling it out.

Is it reinforced that you were right or is it showing you wrinkles that maybe you weren't aware of? I don't need reinforcement to know I'm right. That's one thing because we have science. I mean, they're so young, but, you know, there are things that little boys are drawn to that little girls aren't. Like he points out cars. Right.

points out planes a lot. I'm like, we get it, Sky Police. I see the airplane. And she likes the pink things and, you know. Yeah. And if one of them didn't, that would, but that's just they are naturally drawn to those things. And that's cool.

And she's the big sister. So, like, think she's getting away with stuff. And I'm like, I saw you take that from him. And now you're crying because he hit you. But I saw you because I was a mean big sister. So I know your game. You are. You are.

nice game. Not a mean big sister, but definitely. How many siblings? I have one full brother, and then I have two half siblings who are like 15 years younger than me. Okay. But I like, to this day, live to annoy my brother. And he does not put up with it anymore, which is a bummer because he's bigger than me. Is he funny?

Yeah. No. I don't know. I don't know that I would say that that's Ben's number one attribute, but he is a hustler. He's a marijuana grower, distributor. So he's like a tough Jew. Right. There's a couple of Jews that are like tough Jews and he's one of them.

And so. Where does he do this? Very, very far northern California. Oh, yeah. Like out there. Like with a gun and you're federally recognized plants and a crew. Wow. And we see him at Thanksgiving.

Oh, really? And the rest he's up in the woods? He is out there. Wow. Like hand tending to these plants. So if you need anything. Wow. He's got you.

Really? I don't smoke weed, which is a bummer. I know it is a bummer, isn't it? Because I don't know if you've done the shows at this story. We're like, they're like, you want weed? We've got, and I come home with bushels and bags. I do too. Yeah.

My closet is filled with weed. Filled with weed. Filled with weed. I never smoke. The amount of free weed and weird t-shirts. If you were into it, this would be such a great time to be alive. I think about that. How much fun it would be to go to even the store and pick out the strain.

Yeah. And have, you know. Your gummies and your vapes and your whole thing. Someone gave me, I think they're a potential sponsor. They gave me a blueberry pie vape. It sounds so scrumptious. I couldn't even get it to work. I was holding it down for five seconds.

You're supposed to tap it five times. Who has the time? I don't know. It's like a tomogachi. Well, that's the thing is once you have a family and once you have a career. You can't vape like you used to. You're just like, you know,

whatever I do tonight is going to have an effect for tomorrow. Tom, there's the story of my, like, I think about it. about this. Right? It's such a bummer. It's a bummer to get older. I know it's the privilege. But like we were talking about like a vacation and my husband's like, let's go and he named some part of some wine country. And I was like, you forget I cannot have more than a glass of white wine with soda in it. Like I can't. It's just not, I used to have like seven vodka sodas and you go out. And now it's like a cocktail if there's no sugar, maybe, but I need to

moisturize before I get in bed. I have to take. a preventative ibuprofen, just wrecking my liver. Yeah, just to be, just to feel kind of normal tomorrow. And like food's a big deal to you, but like it used to be we go out, we just eat a ton, I know, get fucked up. And now I'm like, can we eat at six? Because I'm going to stop at eight, like, you just don't. I remember opening my eyes in my mid 30s one day on the road.

And I didn't, we didn't go out the night before. And I opened my eyes and I was like, I don't have to be hung over. Mm. And then once you realize that like, you don't have to feel that way? Yep, I had the same thing. It was like, I'm making this job so much more difficult. Like, whatever you do is going to affect the show that night.

Whatever you do during the day, whatever you do the night before. Oh. It all has an effect on what's gonna happen on stage. So I, when I was about 22, went out drinking one night, got the flu. It was like New Year's Eve. I felt so bad because I was hung over with the flu.

Yeah. That I made a promise to myself that I was never going to drink if I had a show that day, meaning to this day, I will not drink. During the day or the night before? Like I won't have a drink at brunch, I would not have a drink before the show. If there's a show, no alcohol is consumed.

Exactly. And that's really, it's become more of a respect for the audience that bought the ticket. Like I don't know that you deserve, I actually think it's annoying when I see a comic. You're on stage for, They used to do seven minutes sets of the improv. They don't anymore.

But you're on stage for 15 minutes. You brought your beer. So a fraction of this performance is me watching. And it's not like a Ron White pause where it's built in. And even that, I'm sure, is like iced tea. Like, I'm just watching you drink. Like, you're that parched or you get off stage. I just don't subscribe to the idea that like, oh, that was a really hard 15 minutes.

I needed a drink. Like, treat it like a job. Yeah. Somebody chirps at me from the audience. I'm like, I am at work. Right. Like, this is a working. I'm just hanging out.

Yeah. I always hate when comics at the end of their set, like in the clubs at the end of their set, it was always like, all right, I got to get out of here. What do you mean you're going to get out of here? What do you mean? This is the best 15 minutes of your day. What do you mean you got to get out of here?

This is what you live. You were nervous all day for this. Yeah. I am a big, like, I run home. So it's not like I have, I got to like get out of here because I'm like winning an Oscar in 10 minutes. Like, I just got to get out of here. I don't want to be in the green room.

Yeah, I know. I just want to be home. You do. Yeah, you want to be home. Exactly. I've never been good at the hang, for better or for worse. Perhaps it's to my detriment, but I've never, I don't know, I think it's like a nervous thing. No, I think it's unique.

I think when you don't hang and do what everybody else is doing, you're kind of tending to what you want to do and when you're honoring whatever path you're on, how you're going to create and how you're going to do it and all. I think it's much better than just being like, I have to stay and have beers and sit here. wonder. I wonder I spent so much of my 20s and 30s. I would just leave. And the reason I would leave was intimidation, like just, especially being at a similar level to a lot of comics. Like, it just didn't feel like a true friendship as much as like a pissing contest. Not in a bad way, but just in a like, I don't want to do this. And I do think there is a power to the hang where you make friends and then maybe they get a show. They bring you on a sort. I understand that. The friendship part of it. And I also was like, I'm going to go on a date. Right. Like I believe

here, I have to take off the jeans that I wore on stage to go put on a skirt so I can go on a date and like meet someone. Yeah, yeah. So that was a lot of it was like I've got, I'm going to go find a boy. Right. My first date with my husband, I took him to a show and brought a change of clothes. Oh, really? I'm not going to wear jeans shorts on stage.

Not rednecks. And he came and that was it. So I don't know. Yeah. It is interesting, though. I'm finding it now. you know, you end up with your audience, your people who've followed your career, and you have like your own little army, you know, and it's, you know, my best friends are

comedians, but... Who's your best friend? I don't have a best friend. Top three. All my best friends have passed away, so I'm no longer in the best friend business. I thought you were going to say that, but then you actually said it. I did, yeah. All my friends are dead.

It's true. I had three best friends and they all died. Oh, my God. So I'm not in the best friend business anymore. At the same time they died? But I have lots of different friends. No. Different stages.

It wasn't one bus. High school, college comedy. They died in those times? Yeah. Or they're from those times? Both. Died in those times. Your friend from high school died?

Yes. Oh, that's awful. Yeah. He was my best friend. And then I had one in college. And then Greg Gerardo, you know, it was the last one. He was the host on my New Faces Showcase in like 2008. Wow.

And I would remember his desert joke. I'm sure you know it. A dessert. It's really hot here in the dessert. Don't fuck anyone along with. It's really hard with all these Sam monkeys. He was so funny. Yeah, he was great.

So I have friends, but I don't really have a best friend. Yeah, it's weird for a grown man to say they have a best friend. My neighbor talks about that. He's like, whenever he talks, we're friends. and whenever he brings up his best friend, it doesn't sit right with me for some reason. It'd be like, you know, and then Danny, he's my best friend. And I'm like, it sounds a little like, are you stupid?

Like my best friend. Like, it's like, it's what kids who don't have friends assume someone is their best friend. You're like, yeah, I'm nice to them, but they're like in a different class. Yeah. I have the same thing when people say that my mom is my best friend. I'm like, well, you've got to get better at making friends. That's who that is. Your mom shouldn't know everything.

So, yeah, okay. Yeah. But, you know, I feel like friendships are important, but I was on the road last weekend. Where'd you go? Last week, I had a run in Canada. And it was like St. John's and Moncton and Charlottetown and Fredericton. They're all like in the New Brunswick. Yeah, like up there.

And it was great, you know, all these beautiful little spots. And my opening act was with me, and he's probably 30. I don't know how old. I'm not good at ages. But he, when he's on the phone with his friends, his comedy single, when he's on the phone with his comedy friends, he is laughing. He's just laughing. He's having a good time.

He's having a good time. And he's just laughing with these guys. And then he'll hang up and they'll talk to the next one. And he's just, they're giggling. Yeah. They're just laughing. I don't have that anymore. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And I don't know if it's an age thing or if it's just a, you know, I'll laugh with my friends at certain times, but it's not that, it seemed to me like I just, I don't have that. You don't have excitement. You don't have the energy. Is that what it is?

That's so funny you said that I was sitting on the plane yesterday and these three guys got on who must have been 19, and they were giggling, probably making fun of someone and I was watching them and I was like, I hope they don't see me watching them and think I'm like into them although they probably wouldn't even notice me

because I had my daughter so I'm just like a blob with a child. A breeder. But it was so, it was just so innocent. Just like the little deliciousness of making fun of authority or making fun of someone who talked to you. There are some comics

who I'm not necessarily close friends with but I love it. I don't want to carry a conversation. I love it if a comic can just make me laugh. I have run into like Harlan Williams at the airport was just cracking me up one morning. Take no tower for some reason. Even though she'll say very little and I only see her events, it's just funny.

And some comics are not funny in conversation. Yeah. My friend Jody Miller is one, like she's like a comics comic, you know. And so it is always nice, especially if you get like a comic who's like a little darker than you and they just say the worst stuff and you're like, oh, yeah. Like it feels, you feel taking care of. Yeah. Yeah. Now I'm like thinking of all being said like when you when I hang like at the cellar and with comics and we are laughing all the time. Like it's very rare that it's just all serious. Like it's everyone is. I remember my father coming and being like this is, do you realize how lucky your job is? You just you go up and make people laugh and then you sit with your friends and they're all trying to make each other laugh because it's just it's just filled with laughter. And it's not that 19 year old giggly thing.

thing. Right. But it is still making each other laugh. Yeah. But it seemed different when I was watching my opening act being like a boy about it. He doesn't know what he doesn't know. And there's an excitement and life hasn't crushed him in very specific ways financially and spiritually. Right. Isn't it children? Yeah. And that's like its own thing. But I think that that's actually beautiful. And I think that joy is very sweet. And I mean, it's so. I'll tell you this. He smokes. weed. Maybe that's what it was. He was just fucking high.

He loves weed. He loves weed. That's why. Are you a meme sender? Nah, really. That is me at my core, aside from being a woman who stands up woman, at my core, I am a 17-year-old boy. And my meme history will reflect that. And if someone were to ever hack my phone and see what I send, you'd be like, oh, is she

like a weird right-wing leaning edge lord that, like, pose, like, what is that? Like, who I am is in direct opposition to what I find funny. Really? Oh, my God. And, like, it's just me. I'm like, who is immature enough in my phone to send this to? And anytime I go home and I say to my husband, I'm like, have you seen the meme? My husband's like, nope, because we don't have the same algorithm.

Because I'm an elegant man and you are a child. I'm like, but look, he was taking a shit. It's just me laying next to him in bed, just giggling. I have my one daughter who I'll send, like, the dumbest, meanest stuff. I will send her, like, peanut butter. So there is like, I have friends who I think are funny that have terrible internet senses of humor. Right.

And I'll call him out right now. Like Hunter Hill, who opens for me, he's one of my closest friends. I think he's a very good comic. Yeah. Hunter, I don't like the memes you send me. Why? What do they like? They make me guess second guess you.

They're just not, I'm like, I don't get it. I don't get why you sent this. Or I'll have like, a friend of my husband will send me something. I'll be like, I don't, this isn't good. Yeah. Like I am never, I am at my snobiest when I'm just. judging the meme that you sent me. Like, if it didn't come from shithead Steve or fuck Jerry, like, I don't want to see it.

And that's just how I feel. Or one of the cringe accounts, I feel like you're nodding along. You know the cringe ones where it's like, we dare you not to scroll? Do you know about these? No. It'll just be, I don't know where they pull them from. I don't know if it's TikTok, then it goes on Instagram or whatever. It'll just be regular people doing things unironically, like, singing to the camera

or like showing like, this is how I would hit on your girl. And it's always so cringy and horrible. And the delicious part is, it reminds me of early Internet because they're not doing it to be funny. Like, they're like, this will be sincere. I'll talk to the camera. And you're like, oh, no. Oh, no, you meant that wedding proposal.

Oh, no. And that's the Internet and its finest. Making fun of idiots who don't know any better. Lazzang sur-gillet, puissance-moined, for 10 minutes. We'd say that's their dojo. Pre-to-joo? Vive the pleasure with the Ojo.

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pay pay for example. Beyehhurtes SOT Those of like the video I'd take you out for a long walk. A long walk. Off of, into a forest.

Do you remember blind date? No. It was a thing in L.A. Blind date. Remember you, people going, it was like one of the first dating reality shows and then like little blurbs would pop up, like facts during it.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that, the little bubbles. These people weren't born. I say that like it's a flex. You're an avoid between young people and old time. I just toil in this obscurity. I'm just trying to like relate to both. Yeah, but I remember it.

And then we pop up, blip, what he's really thinking. You think you a pop-up video? Oh, maybe that's what it is. But anyway, but that is the internet. I'll send you some of those memes. All right, yeah. So just so, and they, you realize that those are the people who buy tickets. And so, you know, you can't laugh at them too hard.

Because they're in your audience. I just don't leave any. The best part is find it discussed a horrible meme. And then go to the comment section. That is where you find humanity at its finest and worst. is in the comment section of ripping apart a guy doing a breakdance routine in his backyard. And just watching everyone pile on.

Because everyone says the things that you can't say because you're a public figure. Yeah. Isn't it amazing how funny? Like I was thinking that the other day, someone put, forget what it was, someone put something up, how quick, like the world is a writer's room now.

And people are so funny. I think about that. They are so funny. Like when there was, He's actually giving me a sort of rope. There was like a, oh, there was an earthquake in New Jersey, like a year ago. And New Jersey doesn't have earthquakes, but it was an earthquake. And everybody was making a big deal out of it.

And, you know, compared to an earthquake out here, it was nothing. Right. Within 20 minutes, the writer's room that is the public was writing the funniest shit and memes. Like, it's just popping off. It's amazing. It is amazing. I think collectively we have a better sense of humor now or there's just an outlet to show how funny people are.

But when I see like a brilliant comment in the comment section, I do think it is a type of mental training. Like if you were writing a sitcom, you would start thinking in terms of like three beats per page. Yeah. And it's different than doing stand-up and it's different than writing a musical. Yeah.

And so I think people who tee off on that kind of stuff, you're looking, it's a certain way of writing and it can be mean because there's no accountability. Right. So as comics, like, If you and I were in a green room and somebody, if you wanted to say a cutting thing, maybe it's not your brand,

but if you wanted to say the meanest thing to someone, you could. That's a part, like a dark power that we wield that we use very sparingly and you can't really use. But it is a thing where, you know, I'm like, oh, I could actually say

the worst thing ever to this woman and make her feel like, but you wouldn't do it, but on the internet you can. And I also think when you see, oftentimes those comments, I'm like, that person probably thought about that for two hours.

Right. Now, they could have done it sporadically, but the question is, can you, replicate that. Can you duplicate that wittiness multiple times an hour? Right. So yes, it is funny and then I get intimidated. I'm like, but off the top of my head in speaking, I could come up with something as funny. Right, right, right. Not everybody is great at tweets, you know. Like it's its own muscle. Yeah, for sure. Like Dana Gould is really good at tweeting. Tweeting. Yeah, I don't know if it's on.

And that became a thing. But he's just so good with precision and the lines. Yeah. But you're You are right. Like even like the videos and stuff. Oh, because it's presented so quickly, there's a sense that it happens so quickly. Right. When a lot of times it's been a lot of care. Yeah.

Or that person is just used to roasting people with zero accountability that someone's going to go into their profile and be like, what about this? Like it's, it's these like, not unwashed masses, but like you have nothing to lose as like handbone 53 writing a comment. Yeah. Whereas you have a lot to lose if you were to be like, that bitch is so fat. Right. Yeah. Do you, what's it like in your, in your comedy orbit, comment-wise and stuff? Is it, has it changed? Is it always, is it pretty positive with your audience? Do you get people just as a woman that you have that aspect of it as guys shitting on you?

No, I think, I think being Jewish has not been people's favorite thing lately. Why are you still hanging on to that? I don't know. It turns out standing up for what you believe in is like not a popular thing to do. I think you kind of curate, I think you train your audience. You know you go to certain clubs and the crowds are great and they're trained to be a certain way. Yeah. I think the type of person you are, the energy you put out, the type of content, you usually get energy wise. You get that back. For the most part, I would say, and I can't say that I always read the comments and I do go long stretches of taking the internet off my phone for mental health reasons.

Right. I do think for the most part, it is a positive to tepid experience. Uh-huh. people are always gonna have something to say, if you say something quasi-political, they're gonna find it to be incendiary. And so that's a risk you take when you speak up for things you believe.

Yeah. But for the most part, you're always gonna have people that don't like that you pose with your shirt off. You're always gonna have, as you get older as a woman, people that are angry that you haven't completely withered into a disintegrated pumpkin. Like me with your abs. Yeah, I mean, there's-

But let me be clear, I'm only comparing them to my abs. Let's see them. It's one ab. It's one app. It's an abscess. It's a wound. I think it's a positive. And for the most part,

we're not getting any new information. Like the people who love you, write the nice things. And I don't know. I think the trick of the internet is to use it for what you need it for and don't rely on it to make you, to build you up.

Right, for validation and stuff. That's right. Yeah. It's nice when you post something, people like, you look great. Yeah. I had this, I'm always like above it and don't really care

and don't really read much of the comments. It's a pretty positive environment. I imagine yours is just pretty wholesome. Yeah, it's pretty good. You don't even curse. You get people who, you know, show up once in a while, but, oh, I forgot you were there. I forgot the dog was there. What happened?

Oh, did you move? Come here. No, I didn't move. Oh, yeah, it's on your side. It's so funny. We did. If anybody watching had no idea there was a dog under the table this whole time. She's like, I got something to say.

Oh, you're so pretty. Oh, so. You match. Was it because you were talking about comments? What happened? Do people not like your face on the internet? Do you get a lot of hate? Do you get a lot of blowback?

You're the best part about me. You want to sit here? What kind of dog is she? She's a Chinese dog. I bought her in a parking lot. She's something called a Chinese village dog mixed with the Tibetan Spaniel. Like she is from China.

Like a woman rescued a bunch of dogs in China. Broth in Raleigh, I was in a parking lot, right place, right time. I bought her for like $300. Really? I called my husband. I was like, we have a dog. Just,

in a parking lot? Yeah, and it happened to be right before COVID hit, and so, like, it was great to have her. Oh, that's perfect. But she's, she's gotten so much better. Oh, really? She has, like, a little scar. Like, people were not nicer,

and she's gotten, she got a little weird when we walked in, but she's sweet girl. Yeah, that's just because of John. He does that to everybody. It's the beard, you stood up. She didn't like that you stood up and greeted her. He moved, he breath.

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our listeners can get free protein in every box for a year, plus $20, off your first box when you go to butcherbox.com slash Papa. Go to butcherbox.com slash Papa to get this limited time offer and free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com slash p.a. Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you. You get great product and it's a great way to support the podcast. What's Halloween going to be like at your house? Well, my youngest is going to go as a little boy who goes to bed at 630. but I will probably for the hour he gets to be up before that

I'll do what I did with my daughter and you'll just be a French person and I'll draw mustache on you with my eyeliner because I'm not, because he's too big for her raccoon costume. My daughter wanted to be Michael Jackson and I was like, maybe if I don't ask her for a while if I ask because we love Michael Jackson our house.

And then the other day she said a princess and I was like, done. We'll use last year's Elsa costume. It's done. I live on a block that does it for the whole area. Oh, cool. So you, it's like federally, statewide mandated. You have to decorate. Yeah, yeah. I put on witch makeup and I heckle any kid who doesn't say happy Halloween or trick or treat or thank you. Like you and I remember who comes by. This is comics. This is a disease comedians. Have you know

Kira Soltonovich. She's a great comedian. Yeah. And same thing. The Block is crazy. Her husband goes nuts on the thing. And this year she has a camera coming out of a witch and she's in the house with a microphone. Oh my God. That's the way to do it. And she's just going to sit there and heckle everybody. And just shit on everyone. Because you could be doing something else. You could be like giving yourself a mud mask or something. Just what the hell do you? Who do you think you are? I get mad if I see because the big kids ruin it. And they come back around. I'm like, hey, Spider-Man. You already came by. A little fatty. out of here. Or I'll just, if the kids being rude, I'd just say I know their mom.

Yeah. They don't know. Like, I know your mother. Get out of here. No, you can't take three. I love when our kids were little. We lived in a similar neighborhood and my kids would just walk into people's homes. They thought that was the gig. That you could just, wow, everyone's like we can go up the sidewalk. They just let themselves in? And just walked, started walking into people's homes. I guess, I guess you can. Can I ask you some questions? Yeah. How cool was the 14-year-old you? I'm like trying to remember that far back. 14. 14.

Eighth grade. I guess I was pretty, I guess. Popular? No. Mean? But not lame. Not lame. Not like that's a weird space to be in where you're not one of the cool girls.

Yeah. You're friends with some, but you know you're not one of the losers. So you're in this like liminal space of like knowing how great it could be. Yeah. And knowing who you don't want to sit with. Right. But at 14, I also changed schools. Okay.

So I left the school district to go to a smaller private school. So whatever it was, it wasn't. How was that move? Great. It was good? Great. Yeah. And then you rolled.

Got to go to the right school for me and I had a great time. Oh, that's good. Yeah, it was great. I don't know. Why did you make the move? My, I am from Dallas, Texas and I went to. Was that another bug? I think it's the same one.

I got one, but I think he brought a friend to laugh with. We got to open the doors more often. I, I went to Plano schools. which is a massive, massive suburb of Dallas. And we went, my parents went to my dad and my, sorry, my mom, my stepdad went to the meeting in eighth grade to see if your girls wanted to play basketball at the big high school.

And, you know, you play sports your whole life. But like, I wasn't like, great. I was fine. And the coach was like, if I haven't seen your daughter in one of my clinics by now, she's not getting on the team. And my stepdad looked at my mom and we're like, we got to get her out of here. Like this is not.

And I went to a really nice college preparatory private school called Greenhill, and I spent my high school years there. Nice. And now I make a lot of money. It was good. That's awesome. Nobody feels great at 14. No one's like, I was crushing it.

I was so hot. I knew everything. You always have the boy you like and you don't feel pretty and whatever. Who was your first boyfriend? My first boyfriend? His name was Eric. And he had a Dodge Ram like 4 by 4 with a live. Kift kit.

Ooh. Pretty cool. Pretty cool stuff. How old were you? Probably 15. Really hard to step up in that in a prom dress. Yeah. But I did it.

I think he's a lawyer now. Oh, that's nice. I think so. Do you ever come to be to your shows? I've never, I've not talked to him since I was older than me. So he graduated. We have not spoken since. Who's the, who's the weirdest person from your past that showed up at a show?

I think I had a boyfriend in like middle school Just letting you ever know Like I did have But I think we're just saying about like older Weirdest person from my past? Yeah that's showed That showed up at a show I guess it's not weird

No I had a girl that showed up The other day in Dallas And I went to middle school with And I recognized her And I was like were you gonna say I was like Kara She was like it is me

And I was like Were you gonna say your name? She's like I wasn't going to And I'm like We were off the bus together Yeah Isn't ever weird It'll be people from

Yeah Like I did a semester see or people will come from college, but it's never, like, not you. Right, right, right. It's never, yeah. It's never weird. Right, right, right. Or it'll be people that think I remember them. Uh-huh. Do you ever get that? Like, comics will be like, we did that gig and you're like, do you know how many gigs I do? Yeah, I know, I don't remember you from Minneapolis. I always take it as like, they're telling me a story that I wasn't a part of. I'm like, oh, that sounds fun. Yeah. Oh, we, we were in Boston and I did that, oh, that sounds great. Was I great? Was I

funny? Yeah. I always just say nice to see you. because I can't handle people. She's her egos. Like, you don't remember. I'm like, nice to see you again. Trend. Trigg. Have you ever had a gambling or drinking problem?

No. Why? Is that why I was brought here today? Yeah, if we can bring out her family. I don't gamble because I hate losing money more than I enjoy winning it. Yeah, me too. I've never been good. And also, you never won probably.

I've never won big where it becomes like a, oh, I get it. it now. I always just lose quick and be like, this is stupid. Let's get something to eat. I spend the rest of the day. I'm like, how do I get back that $20? Like, how can I rationalize that I lost $20 so fast? Never a game, never a drinking problem. I will say during COVID, it was just like drinking a lot of orange wine and like facetiming our parents. Like you look back, you're like, we were drinking like a bottle and a half a wine a night. Everyone was drinking a lot. Yeah. And like better stuff because it was the only thing to spend money on. I felt so bad about that. Like people were dying and I'm like, make sure you go to the natural

wine store. Get the juicy one. I don't know. I know. Yeah. It's really falling off now. It's amazing how young people aren't drinking anymore. Yeah, I've heard about that. It's really like taking a nose dive. Yeah. They'll get it. They'll get the memo. Yeah. They'll get back up there. Once some struggles hit. Yeah. Why? Because you're busy doing fentanyl.

What was the funniest criticism of you on social media? You know what? It's funny that I usually don't have answers for these kinds of questions. Somebody once said, some random person who I don't know said, Eliza's brand is consistently off brand. And I was like, I like that. That's a compliment. Yeah, like the weird girl next door vibe. Like, keep him guessing. And I kind of like that. Yeah. You're like, if I can't book any of these roles as the hot chick, I may as well be slightly left of center or something. So you wrote your second, this is your second film that you've written. Yeah. For yourself. Yeah. And what's that process? You like it?

The writing of it? I love writing. I love writing movies. I think I like it better than writing TV. But I just actually like, I love writing dialogue. And I love that when you're in a document, you can be as big as big as you envision yourself to be. For as bad as this industry makes you feel like when you're in that document, you can write

your own fantasy, the hottest scene you want. You can write the funny, you can be, you can do whatever you want. Yeah, yeah. And no one's controlling that until you get to the notes process. But like, the people we teamed up with were so on. board and they went along with it. And this was the first script I wrote where we were, we were able to get people who were more talented than I am because of the script. And as someone who I don't consider myself a writer first, but having people validate me in that way. Yeah.

Was very new. Were you writing it solo? I wrote it by myself. Nice. You're talking to someone who was written maybe nine network pilots that have never gone. And so to get to make something like this, it just felt really special. Was that the switch? Was it, I'm done being in development, having things not go. I'm just gonna make a film. I was rejected quite recently from a major network for a pilot that we spent about a year on. So that was really painful.

This, I'd been writing for a few years, took a break, tried to get it made at one point. When you, if you see the movie, I couldn't have made this movie earlier. And so the fact that it happened now actually timed out perfectly. Oh, nice. Because there is, we have to do,

like there's an age discrepancy in the movie that wouldn't have made sense when I was younger. And so it's just, just like a love, I mean, I can't really talk about it, but I did. But was it, uh, was it, uh, was it an act of I'm going to control my destiny and get this made rather than be in development in television with that infant? I think all art should start from a place of, I got to get this out.

I think when you start from, like, I wasn't writing, um, like a Marvel movie. Yeah. You know, which can be creative, but those are, you're doing this to make money and have a franchise. And I wrote this because I had to, it was a cathartic thing that I had to get out much like go it on paper and you start working on it. And so I did not, everything you make, you hope to see come to fruition.

Yeah. But I wrote it because I needed to get something out. And I had to tell this story, at least just to myself. And then enough people read it that when that and enough people believed in it that we were able to do it. Because there's plenty of stuff that you write that people don't believe in. Yeah. And this one just happened to work. Oh, that's great.

But I did it for me first. And it's also a nice place to retreat to. Yeah. When the industry is so awful, you're like, well, I'll go, I'll go into my document where I'm the queen. I can kill anyone I want. I can stuff my bra if I want. No one's going to know. So yeah, it's just like retaining the littlest bit of power.

Yeah, that's great. Yeah. It's important. I mean, it really is a thing, you know, there's no, that's why the auditioning and the thing, it's like, I don't know. I'm just at the mercy of whatever. Yeah, exactly. I'd much rather be in control of my destiny. And it also reaffirms when you are on the other side.

Like, we auditioned a lot of people. Yeah. there were certain people we offered the roles to, but you want to say to actors, because like I've been on the other side and it feels so bad. And when people don't get part, sometimes you're like, it actually, you gave a great audition. Yeah. It just, this wasn't it, but you didn't do a bad job. Like, you wish you could give that feedback of like, by the way, we loved him. Yeah. And we just need someone a little bit older, you know, but like, you never get that feedback. That's the hardest part about this old, yeah, is that you never get feedback on anything.

The feedback is your agent should have never put you up for this. We were very specific that this person to be 53 and you're 19. So I don't know. I'm sorry, I wasted your time. Exactly. There are times when you get it and it says 53 and you're like, really? And they're like, yeah, no, they're looking at everything. No, they're not.

No, they're not. You're not going to blow them away and they're like, you know what? You look like you fought in World War II at 15 and 2026. Let's do it. Yeah. No. So right now, while you're waiting for that to come out and all that good stuff, you're touring great places.

Yeah, if this comes out next week, I'll stop my head, you can just go to Eliza.com. slash tour and I think. I love your new cover art. You're that it looks like a magazine. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. It looks really sharp. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I always do. Yeah, thank you. Um, you know, taking pictures for press stuff. It's just always. Yeah. But the layout and all of it, it just kind of like conveys like this is, it looks cool. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing this tour and it's going to wrap up in December. And then I think I'm going to take a little break. Oh yeah. Because like you, I've been on tour since the day I was born. Yeah. Yeah. How long a break? I don't know. I think I'm going to say I'll take a break and then I'll be like, we got to get me. I got to get back there. Then your agent calls and like, I know you're on a break, but how about this one? For lately, I've been like, let's you stand up as a way to see the world.

So like let's just get back to Asia or something. Yeah, yeah. Maybe make another movie. I don't know. I don't know. I think for the first time in my life, I actually don't know. Yeah. And that's got to be okay, right?

Yeah, absolutely is okay. Absolutely. I'm just like, what about my mortgages? But yes. They'll be fine. They'll be fine. They'll be fine. We can always sell one to pay for the other.

Yeah, no, that'll all work out. Sometimes it really is, I think your consciousness just asking for a break. It's just like, just let me catch my breath for a second. I just need a minute to wrap my mind. Before I give the answers, because as a comic you're supposed to be sort of like all-knowing, I need to wrap my mind around motherhood

before people ask me more questions about it. It's really good point. I don't have the answers. I was with, I did this little part on Chris Rock's film that he's working on. and we were talking backstage, just on set. And he said, he was talking about the touring and then he'll break away and go do a project and stuff.

And he goes, we are different people every four years. You are a different person. Why do you have to keep writing as you take a break and be like, now I can see clearly. And this is what I'm going to talk about because I'm this person now. I think it's also, you know, you look at someone like Chris Rock. You're like, yeah, go take a break in your $20 million house.

go take that break. And I think if you're still like very much in the hustle of it and still trying to claim what's yours, it's harder. But I've decided that it just can't be, you work your fingers to the bone, you get the flu every six weeks, and you are exhausted all the time.

Like there has to be, I also, for whatever this is worth, and this might be more of a woman thing, I'm really tired of talking about hard work as if that's some sort of qualifier, like that validates my existence. I think all women work hard, but there's this weird, like,

competitive, like, talking about, like, who works harder and, like, you text a friend, like, oh, I was just here and there. I don't care. I've done the work. So busy. I'm so busy. And you know what? I believe it. And I don't need to tell you the proof is in the pudding, but I also don't need, like, it's already been a step. That's the low risk when someone's like, you're a hard worker. You're like, did you say funny? No, you just said hard worker. Oh, you try so hard. I'm kind of done proving stuff. Yeah, yeah. So let everything just be where it is and pick it back out. But it's hard because you work. so hard and then you get more opportunities because of working so hard in your career.

And then work starts to define you. Yeah. And, but ultimately at the end of it, you realize, no, it's not really the thing that I can really identify with or that gives me joy. It's great and I love it and it's all that kind of stuff. but it's whether or not, wherever you're at is not the thing that's going to validate you as make you as a content human being.

Really? Like wouldn't you love to win an Emmy? Yeah. Wouldn't that like do it? I don't think so. Really? Mm-mm. Okay.

An Emmy? Maybe an Oscar. An Oscar. Yeah. Maybe an Oscar. I think. And I wonder how long it would last. There's that.

There's that. Right. Once you get it, because I think of all the places I wanted to get. And you never, when you get it, it's never quite how you want it. Yeah.

And you watch people getting stuff. But the fact that I still very much take pleasure in kissing my dog in the mouth and having a cup of coffee, I'm like while that is still, like, I don't care if I have a $30 million house. Yeah. I don't care. No. So while those feelings are still alive in me, I'd like to enjoy them. Like, I'd like to enjoy the fact that I actually don't.

I just want to not feel bad. I just want to not wake up with a voice that's like you're a piece of shit. listen to this techno song, go to work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want, I don't know. Yeah, but do you feel that way? Mm-hmm. You do.

Which one? The bad, feeling bad. Oh, yeah. I wake up thinking about deals that didn't go through years ago. Like, it is an illness. Yeah. I'm doing my best. Uh-huh.

I started taking jujitsu. Yeah. Today. Uh-huh. Today? That's where I came from. Oh, really? They taught me two things, and I immediately went home and I showed my husband.

I go, grab my wrist, watch this. And I couldn't break. free. I was like, what happened? We're going to take a few more classes. We're going to explore some other things that don't have to do with standard quality. Yeah. I know what you mean, though. There's times when you wake up and it's like you wake up feeling anxious, irritable, bad. Yeah. And you don't know what to hang, what practical thing to hang that feeling on. Oh, good. I'm not glad you feel that way, but I'm glad it's not me that I don't feel that way.

I think it's a natural thing, but I am conscious of it to the point where I'm not going to, I'm not going to live that way. What do you do? You know what I mean? What do you do? How do you decide that? And what do you do? I think right now it's just like a searching of things that are truly important, you know? And it's like, because we've done all these things.

Yeah. And you've had movies and you sell out places. And if you're, right, but that's the point. Those other things that you're going to chase, it's not going to be any different than going and selling. out this spot. That's a good point. Because then I'm like, what about an arena? Like, then I'd feel great. No, you're going to have the same.

Because it's not two arenas. Yeah, exactly. There's always something. There's always something. I got to think about that. Yeah. It's not, it's not, it's not, that is not the thing that's going to actually fulfill you and, and be the thing that's going to pay off in the end. Because it's fleeting and it goes away and then, then you want something else. Right. And then, that's not really, it's great and motivating and you should do it. It's your work and you're creating and pouring everything into it.

But it's not the thing that's going to make you wake up in the morning and go, I'm good. Was that? What is it? Jiu-jitsu. I was like, I'm hoping you know. Is it family? Yeah, I think it's family. I think I'm not sure exactly what it is, but it's outside of yourself.

Yeah, I could agree with that. It's outside. It's thinking about your husband or your kids or your kids. your wife or your ailing parent or whatever. It's putting the focus on that and how can I make that better? How can I help them rather than me, me, me, me, me. I think that's the key. You're like it's once a year serving Thanksgiving dinner at the laugh factory.

Thinking of others. It is. I really believe that it's when you get out of this, it's the constant thinking about me. You, me, that becomes unsatisfying. Because it's a big mess and it's bubbles up. and feels good and ate something weird and feels kind of shitty today and whatever.

But I can look at my friend who needs a call this week because their grandmother died. And that's where the focus is. It takes it off of you. I like that. Didn't you find having children did that a little that to you?

Yeah. Oh, it opens up your world in an incredible way. And it's funny because my daughter will be like, I don't want you to go to work. and I'll be like, do you want nice things? Like this thing in the movies where it's like, then my dad went to work.

I'm like, don't vilify the person who's making sure you have like a nice school to go to. Like I don't feel bad about that, but I do, because I always have time. I always have time for bullshit. I always have time for scrolling on the internet. I like that I have something that is all consuming. Yeah.

And you can contribute to them in a way that is not the same as a dog. Sorry, folks. Like my dog is not going to learn better. manners, but like getting to see my daughter or my son learn. Like it is incredibly gratifying and exhausting, but it's the only thing that's exhausting that you are obsessed with doing. Yeah. And so my joke on stage is like, when I'm away from them, my heart is broken. And when I'm with them, I'm like, oh, I need a break. Right. Exactly. But it's like a self-generating thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And look,

I admire your hustle. It's great. It's just there shouldn't be the negativity part of it because you've, you've achieved so much more than so many people. You're so sweet. It's the truth. You're really, you're killing it and you have been. And from that time I saw you hustling before I knew you outside the laugh factor. He was like, oh, this person's not going to be not going to be stopped. She's not going to be stopped.

She's not going to be stopped. There's nothing we can do. And I appreciate that. And thank you. And thanks for having me. And again, I'm sorry about last week. I feel really bad. I know no one knows that.

I really, this worked out perfectly because I would have gotten you some store bought bread and been like, I apologized. And I would have known. And I got home in time. And yeah, you and no, we were both going to... And hopefully the kids will like it. I'm going to eat this in the car on the way back. Like a raccoon.

I'm going to just be like, what bread? Like, he might know he's going to be like, why is there a whole drill bored into the bottom of this? I'll be like, I was... Hopefully you wouldn't notice. You're the best. Thanks for a cigarette. Thank you.

Thank you. We got it, kids. When you're kids. When you were little, you're having to negotiate, always in trying to negotiate, de chage, de cards of hockey, the bonhomes, the bracelets,

even of the collation. You know that each thing has a value, well, before to be able to have been in the things have

not really changed. Negoti to T.D. you can't to renewing with your instinct of negotiation. With,

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