Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 321 - Dan Docimo

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

Happy Thursday! We're so happy to welcome Dan Docimo to the table. They talk with Tom talk about being funny in school, comedy writing, and Catholicism. We think they're hilarious, and we know you will too. Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, everybody. Welcome to the show. Today, we have a rising star comedian, I believe. They're very funny. They come out of the New York scene by way of Chicago. Yeah, you knew a lot of their friends. Very funny. I simply just saw Dan on Instagram and they had such great jokes. I was like, can we just reach out? Because I feel like the podcast, as you know, we want to give voices that a lot of people maybe don't really know yet that I find very funny. And let's give them a little bit of a platform. Dan is on tour. You can go to their social media and find all the stuff. We'll post it. But it's really nice when you find someone unique and that just really just makes you laugh.

It doesn't get any better than that. So enjoy what I'm sure is going to be an introduction to the great comedy of Dan D'Ocemo. I really enjoy the conversation and welcome them back anytime. Enjoy. It's breaking bread. Well, thanks for being here. It's nice to meet you. Yeah, thanks for having me.

Yeah. Nice to meet you too. Yeah. You're very funny. Thank you. It's the only reason you're here. So are you. I thought it was because I was cute.

Well, that's just extra. It's never because I'm cute. That might get you into some rooms. It hasn't. No? But we'll see. You know, you never know. No, you're very funny.

And I was just like, I just wanted to meet you. So I baked you bread. Thank you. This came out last night. We'll give it to you in a bag. Sweet. Yeah. Do you like bread?

I do. Good. Nice. Yeah. Where do you stand up mostly? You're here? You live here? No, I live in New York.

You do? Yeah. Oh, so we just lucked out to get you here? Kind of. Oh, nice. I don't know. I mean, I kind of know you were in New York. I don't know why I pictured you here.

I don't know why you did either. Where do you play in New York? Sesh. Sesh. It's an amazing room. The Largo of the East Coast? Yeah, absolutely. It's the Ivy League of China.

Chinatown is what they call it. No, it's an awesome room. I just moved to New York like less than a year ago. So, yeah, I kind of have to like go on the road if I want somebody to pay me more than like 20 bucks to do a spot. So yeah, it's basically like SESH and then like a little thing here, a little thing there. And then still working on like the rest of the club scene there. Right. Oh, that's great.

How do you like New York? Where do you live in Brooklyn? Bedstai? Bushwick. One of the places that used to be scary and now is cool kids. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, it can still be scary if you're like me. Right. And you just find... What's the scariest part? You just find things to be scared about.

Just the general fear without even leaving your apartment? The first of the month is pretty scary. Are you poor? No, I'm like pretend poor. That's good. Yeah. Yeah.

You got some support. Mm-hmm. that's good yeah and then hopefully i mean i'm trying to like i'm experimenting with trying to sell tickets and so hopefully i'll be just fine yeah pretty soon that's a thing that you here's the good news is it never stops that is good news i was talking to uh jeffrey asmus about it uh actually because i was like i've never i've never had to like market a tour yeah so i was like here's my plan what are you thinking he said uh i mean it's a pretty good plan you just have to do it all the time for the rest of your life yeah and i was like pretty much it and he said uh selling tickets is going to

give us all ulcers one day was this it's a thing i mean it never you always have to you always have to beat the drum and it's yeah it's relentless like we'll get through a weekend i'll get through a weekend and be done and be like okay they sold well and whatever and then before i'm even on the plane and hey, can you post a video about the next thing? Like, can I just have two days of feeling like everything's all right? Yeah. Constantly chasing tickets. Yeah.

It's still, like, kind of fun because I'm new to it. Yeah. But I'm not excited to not be new to it in a way. Yeah. Well, the thing is you're always going out of reach. It's always whatever the thing is that's going to make you have to, then you'll, you'll sell this and then you'll want. that and then you get that and then you want to sell that and uh but yeah it'll happen it just happens

yeah so i don't know it's kind of uh it's interesting i hope it uh works it'll work you're very funny well thank you yeah you've got you've got uh you're very funny and adorable uh but i i i just got i just found you on social media and just your jokes and everything about it and was like oh yeah this is yeah it's it's it's all going to happen yeah yeah that's yeah no i have like i'm pretty confident that it will yeah yeah yeah yeah uh how are you about uh about using social media and all that stuff um i was like really resistant to it uh for a long time uh my manager who I got from one of those auditions. I think it was Netflix as a joke auditions in Chicago.

Didn't get Netflix as a joke. Right. My manager had another client there. She asked him how it went. And he was like, well, there was someone there that kind of buried the whole show. So, and she said, who was that? And he happened to think that it was me. Nice.

So she, like, DMs me one day. And this is, I have no following whatsoever. I like feature every once in a while at Zanies. And that's basically like my, I hosted a late night Thursday open mic, Beerbelly Open Mike in Chicago, if you're ever in the market. And basically she just said, hey, do you have a manager, blah, blah, blah. I said, no, you can do it if you want. And then she was the one who was like, you got to start posting.

You have to post. And I was like, but I don't want to. I think social media is bad. it. And then it took her like a year to get me to, okay, I'm the worst client. And then I finally did it and started working really well. And I was like, oh, she's right. It's like, I don't know why I thought that I was going to be right. Yeah. I don't know what my plan was. Well, you kind, yeah, you kind of, I mean, in the perfect world, people just show up and be like, they're really great. Because it's comedy.

Yeah. Like, people would just show up because they'd go, oh, a comedy show. Yeah. And they would never have heard of me, but there'd be 600 of them. Right, exactly. Because they love comedy so much. Yeah. So you started in Chicago.

I started in South Bend, Indiana. South Bend. Mm-hmm. Did you go to Notre Dame? Yeah. Oh, Irish. Yeah. How was that?

It was fine. It seemed cool. Yeah, I was in the Glee Club that ruled. Yeah. And that's where I like started. Baritone? Bass. Base.

Yeah. Nice. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Yeah. And like that's, I did my first couple sets in Pittsburgh after my senior year of high school. Oh. That's where you grew up? Yeah.

Okay. And this one host got all like mad at me because I was like, I wasn't supposed to be there because the kitchen had closed and it was a bar and I wasn't 21. And I just remember being like, it's not my job to keep me out of this building. Like, why would I know? I don't know the bar rules. I am a minor. You know? Yeah.

So, like, I'm the person who deserves to, I'm the only non-criminal in this building right now. Right. I just wandered in. I don't know what your problem is. Were you funny in high school? I liked to think so. Yeah. I, you know, my hit rate was probably pretty, uh, who did you hang with in high school?

Also a bunch of choir people and band people, theater kids and stuff. So, yeah. Dungeons and Dragons crowd? Um, video game crowd? Probably like, they're probably into Dungeons Dragons at this point. A lot of gamers, especially in the band. Yeah. And then I was also on the lacrosse team. Oh, yeah?

Which was a little bit of like a safari for me socially. What do you mean? I was like there to observe. It was kind of like they've accepted me as one of their own. But I'm from the outside. No, and I still like I still talk to some of those people every once in a while. Like one of my old lacrosse teammates was just at this show I did in Pittsburgh. Nice.

Hey, how are you? Man, I grew up in New Jersey. and when I was coming up, lacrosse was really not well known. It wasn't really that popular sport. It was like in Long Island, I think they'd had it and like in a couple other states, but it wasn't like what it is now by any means.

And I remember my friend got a lacrosse stick. And I was like, oh, this is cool. Yeah, let's mess around with this. And after like two failed attempts at throwing and catching, we were like, yeah, lacrosse sucks, man. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. I was a goalie, and I was not very good at all.

I did not have an illustrious career. I played kindergarten through senior year of high school. You did, the whole way. Yeah, and I was. Goal the whole time? Yeah. And I never quite. You must have been pretty good.

I was okay. I was like serviceable. I actually like, yeah, but I was not, I was not great. I maybe could have walked on in college because I was left-handed. So I could have walked on and been the eighth-string goalie that they only, like, shoot on in practice when they're about to play a team with a left-handed goalie. So they could just sign up to be, like, hurt basically in practice,

and then hopefully get all the cool athlete gear. But I was like, I mean, compared to anyone who actually can, like, see a field in college, I was terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Did you, when you were done, like, did you, you knew you were done at the end of your season senior year? Yeah, I had, uh, I had this one, like, assistant coach who asked me one time, like, he was like, do you have anyone coming to watch you? And I was like, what do you mean? He's like, oh, like, from schools. And I said, oh, I'm going to Notre Dame and he goes, don't play lacrosse. He was like, you know, because he was like, you know, because he was like, like,

I don't know, some local like D3 program might be able to help you like get in. And I was like, no, I don't. Thank you, coach. I'm done with lacrosse. And he was basically like, good. I was hoping you were good at something. Yeah. I played football my whole from kindergarten to senior year.

Yeah. When it was over, it was like, that's enough. Yeah. It's good. It's good. Yeah. I did not. I would film a couple of.

lacrosse games in college. And I was not like, man, I wish I was... How much better were they when, like, when you would... Man, I wish I was getting hit right now. At 100 miles an hour. Can you get hit as the goalie? Are you allowed to? Yeah. Oh, it's your...

Oh, oh, like checked? Yeah. You don't get checked very much at all unless you're asking for it. Right. But, like, you get hit with lacrosse balls. Right. Because they're all throwing the back to. Ideally.

get hit with lacrosse balls. Some people can actually catch it with a stick, which is... Really? Mystery to me. No, so I'd be, like, covered in bruises all the time. Really? Yeah, like, one time a teacher, like, pulled me aside and, like, asked me if I was... And I said, no, I'm the freshman goalie on the lacrosse team.

He said, oh, get out of here, you're little shit. He thought you were in trouble. Yeah, he thought I was, you know. And, yeah. being abused. Right. And I was like, no, I'm just on the lacrosse team. I was like, oh, and I was like, but I'll still, you know, I mean, but if you want to be

extra nice to me, that'd be fine. Yeah, give me special treatment. Yeah, that'd be okay. I'd like to come and talk about it. Right. Instead of going to biology. Mm-hmm. So when do you start writing jokes?

I wrote my first joke, I think, when I was like in second grade. Really? Yeah, I was like obsessed with humor. You were. My whole life. What hit you early? What was? We would like, on long drives, we would listen to stand up a lot in the car.

Oh, yeah. Like Jim Gaffigan and like Brian Regan and stuff. Oh, nice. And then I stole my older brother's Mitch Headberg CD when I was like eight years old. And I think it's probably like the first time I'd ever heard somebody swear, like casually. Yeah. So it just blew my mind. I was like, you can do that?

And it was like, I don't know, it was like this thing I wasn't supposed to have. Yeah. And I like, I read a whole bunch of far side cartoons. Oh, man. That was like. So good. Yeah. They're awesome.

So just like sit around reading far side cartoons, watching like Monty Python and the Marx Brothers and listening to a bunch of stand up. It's great. And, yeah, I was a weird kid. You have a one site unlocks. Like, once you find that, it's just, this whole thing opens up. Was there anyone your family that kind of led you or you just found it? Oh, yeah.

My whole family is like comedy fans. Oh, yeah? And they're all funny. Yeah? And I'm just the youngest one. Like, so I happen to be the funniest just because I had to like keep up with all these like older people at a young age. So when I was in second grade, I was cracking jokes at like a fifth or sixth. grade level.

Nice. Just to be like, uh, yeah. And my brother actually did stand up before I did. Uh, and he was really good. And part of me was like,

I'm way funnier than that guy. And now, and now he's like a, he's a college professor and I do this. So. Jokes on you. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it really is. Every once in, he's like, you know, I do sometimes think about what if I had stuck with it? I'm like, you're fine.

You're doing just fine. Yeah. Are they, is he into coming to watch you? Yeah, he actually, like the first time I, the first time I headlined Zanis in Chicago, which was like, you know, just huge. It was so cool. Yeah. And he was, oh, I can't make it.

I wish I could be there, blah, blah, blah. And then he, like, surprised me by showing up. Oh, nice. It was really cute. Yeah. So you have a close family. Yeah. Yeah.

That's great. And they're all very funny. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Yeah, someone just asked me about the same question. Like, you know, who's funny when you were growing up in your family and who's funny now? And I was like, yeah, you know, this one uncle, my grandfather was a great storyteller. You know, my mother was funny.

But my nephew, Russell, I think, is funnier than all of us. Yeah. Like, yeah, he's just so funny. Yeah. And I can tell the other nephews are like, well, Uncle Tom does stand up. I think you should do stand up. Yeah. Because Russell kicks ass.

Yeah. I know growing up I used to look at my brother and be like, how can someone be that funny? Yeah. You know, like he was just the funniest person in the world. And now he's like, he's still pretty funny. Yeah. Would you do little sketch stuff or was there, was there, you? YouTube stuff when you were coming, like at what point?

I never did anything like that. Anytime I could get away with like being funny in a school project or something. Right. I would absolutely go that route. Yeah. You know, as opposed to like having to do it sincerely. So like any presentation I had to do, it was always like kind of funny. Right.

Or at least it was trying to be. Yeah, yeah. And stuff like that. And then if I ever, you know, if anyone was unwise enough to, let me like speak at an event. You kind of funny. Yeah. You know.

But never actually like was like, like producing anything on any sort of. Yeah. Consistent level. Yeah. It's so funny. Like you telling. I mean, it's, it is such an odd thing when you think about it that like, say the teachers that are like, you know, we're going to do this project or something. Like not knowing that what your.

really thinking. Yeah. Right. Right. They have no idea when that you're just, your brain is just, oh, how can I, like this little deviant. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

You know what I mean? Nothing to do with like what they were trying to get us to learn. Yeah. Just have your own agenda. Yeah. My friend Jake and I, for one of them, are this like, uh, some social sciences class. And we were, the project was about like propaganda. And we just filmed a bunch of.

bunch of campaign commercials. Didn't read a single thing about anything. Just made five or six sketches and turned them in and got, I don't know, a B or something. Right. Yeah, now's our chance. Yeah. Were you Class Clown? Yeah, I mean, there was some stiff competition, but I was up there, you know?

Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Were you voted Class Clown? Did they have that in the yearbook? I don't know. Probably not. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, it's such a popularity contest. Yeah. It doesn't mean shit unless you win it. But I don't know. Probably not. Yeah. The other day I was like, my high school doesn't even do reunions. And then I was like, oh, wait.

They just don't tell me. That's crazy. Oh, that's terrible. I know. That's okay. Do you have more friends from high school or college? Probably college. Yeah.

Yeah. I didn't keep in touch with like that many people from high school. I mean, there's a lot of people from high school that I would still say are my friends. Yeah. Realistically, I haven't talked to maybe since high school. Yeah. Yeah. You know, but I do still love them all.

I'm just terrible at like, you know, I. I have no object permanence. Yeah. So you start stand up in Chicago or South Bend, really. And then you decide Chicago's the first stop. Yeah. So after I graduated, I went to Chicago and just started hitting like four open mics at night. Yeah.

And just banging my head against the wall. And then COVID shut everything. The first show I ever got booked on was canceled because of COVID. Really? So that was like, yeah. Well, actually, technically the second show I ever got booked on. But it was the first, like, show worth doing that I ever got booked on. And basically it was, I don't know what day of the week it was or something, but it was that week.

Right. And then they were like, sorry, everything's got to close for a year and a half. So I was like, oh, who would, why would they do this to me? This has had this pandemic is happening to me. And then. So, yeah, it was like a year. and a half doing weird Zoom comedy or whatever you could figure out to do outdoors. Yeah.

And then when things opened up again in like April 2021, in Chicago, it was kind of funny because at first there was like one mic on each night of the week. And so it would just be the entire scene would show up to this one place. And sometimes it'd be like an hour. It'd be like in the suburbs. Yeah. And, you know, there's like 50-person list at this, like, suburbs open mic. It was a weird time for everybody.

Comedians were so impressive to me during all of that. It was like just, you know, shows on rooftops, shows in parks, shows whatever. Yeah. Just to do it. Right. It really was impressive. Yeah. And I've always been, I'm not a good, like, producer.

Uh-huh. but I've been lucky enough to be friends with good producers the whole time I've been doing comedy and so like I was doing, we did a show in South Bend out of the loading dock of a whiskey distillery where people would be sitting just in the parking lot in like folding chairs.

Yeah. It would be like grilling on like a portable charcoal grill. It's like everyone's, you know, B.Y.O. And we would just, this stage is the loading dock of this whiskey distillery. and you're talking out into the parking lot. So great. And then after the show, we'd, like, chase each other around with Roman candles and stuff like that. Just, you know, having some good old-fashioned Indiana fun.

Yeah. And, yeah, it was just like, you know, it really is a cool community. It really is. Yeah. It really is. I just had, you know, Lunell. You know, Lunell? I don't think so.

It was a veteran comic. She was in Borat and all this stuff. and she's just really just funny. And, you know, I don't know how old she is now, like maybe early 60s, whatever. And just she's so seasoned. Her whole life has been comedy. Like nothing comes out of her that isn't funny or like, you know, irreverent or just left of scent.

Like I was just so, I interviewed her a bunch of times that, you know, we run into each other the time but just just her as an example of what a comedian is like this person who at a young age decides I'm gonna go and and just don't go down this separate path and then stay on that separate path your whole life yeah is such a unique special thing uh yeah I don't know anyone else who did it right yeah or at least I don't know anyone else like from my hometown who did it I'm gonna eat some of this you like olive oil? I do. I like this saw. I designed that. You did? Yeah, that's my bread product. I'm going to tell you, go one more slice. Oh, yeah. Because you got the heel, but it's going to be a little chewy for radio. You're going to get frustrated. We had that the other day. And it made me self-conscious that they didn't like it, but they just didn't want to chew loudly.

Yeah, and that cutting board. This is a company called Nambay. Yeah. And they're like, Tom, you do bread. There you go. There's napkins over there if you want. My dad would nerd out about this. He's a big woodworker. Oh, he is?

Yeah. This looks like something that he would like make. Yeah, it's acacia wood. They do all, even these. Look at that, dad. That's what the Ark of the Covenant was made out of. Acacia? Yeah, I don't know why I know that.

Yeah. But I happened to know that. Because you went to Notre Dame. Yeah, my uncle played football at Notre Dame. So I always kept an eye on it when I was in high school and that kind of thing. And of course, it's just a national thing. It did seem like a very cool place to go to school. Yeah, it definitely was.

Yeah. Did your family go there? Yeah, my mom went there. My brother went there. A few of my cousins went there. A lot of my uncles went there. Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah, a whole bunch of people in my family went there. So it was kind of like, yeah, when it was time to figure out where to go to college, it was like, well, I'm going to apply there. And then if I get in, I'll go. And that was like as much thought as I put into where to go to college, basically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was a, it's so funny.

I have two kids and they're like 21 and 23, and their process of college was so different from exactly I did the same as you. It was just like, I'll just go here. We'd like to thank the good people at tompapa.com. Oh, what a great organization. They are really good people. It's really nice when you can do an ad for someone

who you really truly love. We love all the people at tompapa.com. My tour is just expanded. We added a whole bunch of new dates. We're going all the way through the end of the year. We just released a whole bunch of dates. Some of the big highlights. We've got Atlantic City two shows at the Borgata in Atlantic City in July.

We have the big Netflix is a joke festival on May 5th. I'm doing a big show at the Ebell Theater as part of the festival on the 5th. And also big news. who's October 24th, Paramount Theater, Denver, two shows recording my next Netflix special. New Netflix special, you can be there for the recording, and then there's a whole bunch of other dates as part of the Grateful Dead tour at tompapa.com. We'd also like to let you know about our Patreon. Our Patreon for Breaking Bread is available. We have extra content. You get ad-free, episodes. It's a great way to support the podcast. So head over to Patreon, Breaking Bread with Tom

Papa at Patreon, and you'll get some of the inside scoop, some of the extra bonus stuff, and support our podcast all at the same time. Thank you, everybody, who's a part of that. I always said if this podcast gets really big that we hire a server, like a 70-year-old man in like a vest. Like a fine dining guy. Yeah, just, yeah, whatever you need. That would be so cool. Just have a guy like just hang out and do you want a martini? Yeah. Chester, do you mind? Chester is good. Why aren't butlers? What happened to butlers? Like, I actually was thinking about that like recently. Yeah. You know? You want one? I don't know if I want one, but it's kind of, it feels like nobody has any. I know. Where'd they go? Like, even like Mark Zuckerberg is never like

my butler. Yeah. Like, I don't know. Yeah. It seems like it's a fine occupation, you know, somebody wants to be in the butler business. And we've been watching the Gilded Age on HBO, which is all about that kind of like affluent New York life. I'm not really enjoying it, I got to say. It's just a lot of, I'm rich and want to stay rich. It's like, all right, why do I care? But I do like how they live. And they have a whole crew.

They hang in the basement. And they, you know, they cook and they gossip about the owners and stuff. But there's a valet who just dresses you. Takes care of your clothes, lays it out, gets it already. And then there's the butler who does butler things. And then some servers, you know, depends on the wealth of the family. I see you doing very well. so I would aim high that you have more than a butler.

Maybe a crew. Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You know? And I think, yeah, and I was like, can you get a butler? I was going to look online. For like a company or something that does them. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, there's like those. I feel like they've been replaced by technology, maybe. What do you mean? Well, I just think maybe everybody who would have a butler now has like, house that's also a computer. Yeah, but you still need someone to load the dishes. True.

You know? Like take care of your correspondence. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of that. You probably, I mean, I don't want to be judgy. But I'm guessing when you want to send an email, I'm guessing you type it yourself. Yeah, for the most part, unless it's to someone that I'm afraid of. Then you cut out little letters.

And then I'll tell my, ask my manager, can you ask this person if you? Right. But when you get the Butler thing, you also get a, I don't know the term for it, but you'd have like a person that, like a stenographer who would write for you. You'd be like, take this down. Take a letter. We will not be coming to the dinner. We are otherwise engaged.

Send that out. And you could still do that with email. Dictative but not read. Here's the problem, though. And maybe this is the problem. How would you feel in your current living environment having a man just standing there waiting for your commands? In my apartment right now? In whatever your apartment is in New York City.

My roommate's cat feels a little bit like a butler because he's one of those like tuxedo. Yeah. Isn't that really a tuxedo? Or a white patch? He more just looks like a cow. Black and white cat. But yeah, I live with another comic Olivia Carter, who's hilarious. And there's not very much space for another person to, like, be there.

Just standing. It would be standing behind you. I think we'd have a bigger place before we got a butler. Yeah. It would be kind of funny to hire a butler in our current apartment. Yeah. I think it'd be great. He's like, do you want me to do it?

Just shut up. Not now. No, we'll let you know. Just stay in there. Yeah. He just standing, waiting. Do they have, do you think they have Butler names?

Do you think it's like, my name is Chris, but I have to be like... No. Chester for the... Chester. Right, or like Alfred. I name my car Chester. Yeah?

Because it's a Tesla that drives itself. and I know it's problematic, but it's the greatest car on planet Earth. And I don't see great. So this car drives for me. It literally does all the driving. I just, this is how I drive. I just have my hands like this.

I'm not being funny. Stop laughing. I was thinking on the way of the comedy store last night. I'm like, it's almost like comics can't keep up with the joke. Like, the jokes can't keep up with what's happening to us.

Like, the changes are coming so fast and furious. And I was, and it didn't come into a joke, but just the thought in my head was, guys, everyone's talking about what the future's going to be and there's going to be,

you know, they're going to take over the robot. The cars are driving themselves. The cars are now, they're driving themselves. They don't even need us in the car. And they can drive, Waymo is just driving around,

town. Yeah. It's happened. It's happened. So anyway, I can't see. I can't see. So I let the car just take it. And I was like, wow, this is great. This is like having a driver. So I named him Chester. Yeah. Yeah. You ever sit in the backseat? No. To the store. That's what I want. And they said by they. That's probably illegal, right? Elon says it's illegal. Yeah. Because there are a couple moments where you have to take it over. Right. I've had it now for like three months. There's a couple moments where you come into a parking garage and it does something weird.

But I mean, it's a much better driving than I am. Like it sees everything. It's insane. On my way to the radio show this morning, I was going down Sycamore. And it's pretty chill. It's morning. And I'm coming down towards the parking garage. and the car jerked to the left.

I was like, that's weird. And there was a guy coming out, a pedestrian, in between all the parked cars, who just, like, was coming out into traffic. I did not see him. I did not know he was coming, but Chester did. Well, good looking out, Chester. Chester saved that man's life.

My car's name is Carl, because it's a car. It's actually Carl Jr. Because I thought that was funnier than Carl. That's pretty good. And then, yeah, the last person I told that to was like, is it because it's a car? And I said, yeah. And they were like, okay. I was like, your life sucks.

If that's like how you go through the world. Like, this is just whimsical and fun. Yeah, you judge it. If you don't like that my car's name is Carl, it's like, you probably don't like pancakes. Yeah, right. Exactly. Sunrises. Puppies.

Yeah. The sound of children's laughter. Yeah. What's wrong with you? Just come on. That is, that's for everybody. Well, maybe, I'm just back to your apartment. I think it would be, here's the thing, you either have to go, you have to go little or old for your butler in your current situation.

Yeah. Like a little person, wouldn't take up much space in your apartment. Right. That would work. Or someone old and frail who would just, again, not. take up much space and we just kind of sit in the corner, not off. Like having somebody, like a real prime time butler. Yeah. 5-11. Right. It's not going to work for you now. Yeah. 5-11, 220. Yeah. I'm staring at your roommate. Yeah. No, you don't need that.

But I bet, I wonder, we should go online and look it up. Are there Butler services? I mean, there are for like parties you can hire one for a party yeah but wouldn't that guy want a full-time gig right like yeah because butler just like live in your house don't they yeah which is what it how do you have like a personal life if you're a butler yeah or just yourself with the butler there yeah like my wife and i are like you know feel i'm sure that's i bet that's part of like the butler code because they just they just they just just don't. They're like, I have no eyes and ears except for taking requests. And they keep it quiet. And other than that, they're like, you know, I don't care who comes through the sex tunnel. It's true, at least on the Gilded Age. And then they go downstairs and

when all of the other staff is gossipy, like, oh, did you see so-and-so was smooching with so-and-so? And then the butler is the one who always steps in, now, now, our opinion is not important on that matter. Right. You need that guy. Yeah. To keep the rest of the staff in line. The code of silence. Yeah. Maybe that's why there's no more butlers anymore. It's just because there's no more freaking standards anymore.

Nobody could keep their stupid mouth shut anymore. Keep your trap shut. They just don't make them like they used to. No, they don't. It really is a shame. Yeah. What would you rather have a butler or a chef? Oh.

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Do Butler's not cook? I don't think so. Okay. I don't think so. I think they'd be good with snacks. Probably a chef because I would feel better about having a chef because odds are the chef likes cooking. So it's like, hey, you want to go do your thing?

Like you want to go do your thing right now? You want to go, yeah, you want to go make me some awesome food and like take pride in it? as opposed to the butler, which is just like, hey, I made a mess again. Hey, I spilled a bunch of stuff again, and my bathroom is atrocious. And you have to, and that's not anyone's, like, that's not anyone's passion. Nobody's like, tatted up guy Fierry hair. Like, I make toilets sparkle.

Yeah, you're right. And then the chef would be busy. They're always busy. They're either prepping, cleaning, cooking. Yeah. The butler in downtime is just staring. Yeah, I do like, they just have a station, probably like a Roomba. Just go back to their spot and they stand on it.

Yeah. Just wait. I have no idea. Yeah. It would be cool. Take them on the road with you. A road, but. that would be interesting.

Right. Because that... Well, you're going to leave them at home when you're on the road? I don't know. No. I don't know. I do know. And you're going to bring them with you.

Well, what's my cat supposed to do with the butler gone? You know? Because it's my cat's butler, too. Yeah. Lisa can't make her own food. Poor Lisa. She can't do anything. She can't even read.

Who did the cooking when you were a child in this nice house filled with comedy fans? My dad. Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm. Your dad, into woodworking and cooking. Yeah. Solid dad. And fishing.

And fishing. I'm getting into fishing, too. Fishing is a lot of fun. But yeah, my dad's like an incredible cook. My mom says she can't cook. And I think it's kind of weaponized incompetence where you just go, no, but you're so good at it. And I like, I can't do it.

It's like, you know, one of the smartest people I've ever met. I think you can figure it out. She's like, you know, oh, I don't. I can't. I just can't. What kind of cooking was your father? A lot of Italian food. Are you Italian?

Mm-hmm. Well, half. He's Italian. Got it. What was your mom's side? Irish. Irish. Oh, good combo.

Yeah, it's working out. But yeah, so a whole lot of like escrow and beans and stuff. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Good garlic bread? Really good regular bread. Oh, yeah?

Like this? Yeah, I told him I was doing this and I was like, I'm going to go on this podcast and be like, this is way better than the bread my dad makes. He says, you better not say that. I said, I'm going to. I said, what's it worth to you? And he wouldn't quote me a number. So, yeah, this bread is better.

Yes. Take that dad. No, he's amazing at it, though. Yeah. Yeah. And then my mom claims to only be able to make fish and meatloaf, which are the two things that she ever made. Meatloaf is solid.

Yeah, I'm like, meatloaf's kind of hard, right, to make? Not really, but... No? Okay. No, never mind. Maybe she really, maybe she was right that. Maybe there really is something to that, like, don't let me cook anything. Yeah.

No, I like meatloaf, cold meatloaf the next day. Yeah. On white bread with ketchup? Yeah. Ooh. That's deadly. I haven't had that in a long time. No, I haven't had meatlo.

And my grandmother would make it the one grandmother on my mother's side who was not a good cook. Uh-huh. but mean meatloaf. Made meatloaf. Okay. So it's possible. Yeah. Sounds similar.

It's probably one of the more approachable loaves. The meat loaf? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Easier than a bread loaf. Yeah. Yeah. You just mush a bunch of meat and some spices and...

Yeah. I've tried to make bread a couple of times. I've not figured it out. Did you pick up any of the cooking skills? Yeah. I'm like, I'm a decent... cook. I'm nowhere near like as good as my dad is, but I can do it. Yeah, yeah. Uh, you know, and every once in a while I like, find some weird recipe I've never heard of before and try it.

And it usually like turns out pretty well. Yeah. So it's like, you know, I like get how to do it. Right. Uh, you're probably not set up. Which I think is like what you need. You have to get how to do it and then like, yeah, basic. Google how to like make something and then. Yeah. But, but there are, You know, because he taught us like, this is how you do, this is how you do stuff. Here's how you do kitchen stuff. And so now I can read a recipe and go, oh, I do this to this. Right. And I thought that was kind of like universal, but I've lived with a few people who like, you know, they don't have like the same, I don't know, training, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, just osmosis. Oh, I didn't, I didn't realize that, yeah, you don't know how to do that unless someone told you. Yeah, completely foreign. Yeah. The whole thing is completely. Right. Yeah. And so I can cook, but I don't have like a signature.

Right. Yeah. You know. That'll come later. Right. Yeah. Like people hope their relatives die, so I bring it to their house. Where's a, where's, where's, where's, uh, Sesh?

Uh, it is, where is it? Brooklyn? This is how bad I am at, uh, no, it's in Manhattan. It's like Chinatown. Oh, yeah. I think. Don't even quote me on that. And it's a good one.

55 Christy Street. That's a great one. Yeah. Yeah. That's a really awesome room. A lot of my most popular clips have been from there. Ah. And yeah, when it's like, when it's full, it's just a complete slaughterhouse.

It rules. Yeah. That's great. It's the easiest. Sometimes it is the easiest thing in the world. Have you made any inroads or are you? interested in the club scene in Manhattan? Interested, yeah.

Inroads, eh. Yeah. You know, I know a lot of people that are at all the clubs and I'm on the year-long waiting list at New York Comedy Club. And I got a couple of wrecks for the seller and waiting to hear back and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. I'm just kind of, I'm mostly focused on like, let's do these road dates and figure out. Like, everything else is, you know, waiting for someone who,

isn't me to email me. Right. At this point, like, I did the thing I could do. Right. I did everything. And so, yes, but also I'm not, like, actively worried about it right now. I'm more worried about Eugene, Oregon. Right.

Yeah. Getting the people from Eugene. Eugene, Oregon is keeping me up at night right now. What kind of fishing was your dad into? Oh, we catch like Mahi Mahi and then we always say we're going for tuna, but we haven't really like dedicated a tuna trip yet. But this is the year. Last year was also the year, but it turns out this is the year. Right.

So. Yeah, but more like in the sea, not like fly fishing. Yeah. My dad and my brother fly fished when I was like really little, but I was too little to, get it. Yeah. So I was just sitting there with a bobber while they fly fished. And then they haven't fly fished since I went.

I think they discovered like, this sucks. Yeah. I think my dad and my brother learned together that fly fishing is just not their favorite thing. And then didn't even bother to teach me out of it. They're like, you're not going to like it. Yeah, we're not doing it. So we surfcast, that kind of thing?

Yeah, we do that. And then we have a boat. And so we'll go like, we'll go like 70 miles into the ocean. Oh, really? Yeah, we're crazy people. Really? How big a boat? 32.

Wow. Mm-hmm. Jeez. That's serious. So, yeah, it is. Seventy miles out? It's fun. Is it?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. You feel a little bad for the fish. Mm-hmm. Sometimes you don't. Actually, most of the time it's pretty guilt-free in terms of how much we catch. You're like, if anything, we're conservationists.

We're not arming anybody. We're here. We're protecting the fish from better fisher people. Like, well, you're lucky we took this spot because somebody else might have caught you. Well, I love fishing in the Atlantic Ocean. But, you know, here's the thing. I don't do great on boats anymore. No?

No. I think from flying so much. through my career. I think it's an inner ear kind of a thing. I get a little nauseous out on the seas. Yeah. So I'm surfcasting from the ocean's edge. I catch nothing. Yeah. Nothing. But I love it. I love just doing it. I love getting my lures. I love getting my bait. I love standing out there early in the morning. Yeah. I love all of it. Yeah. But never come home with a friend. Yeah. And I feel like the boat, the people go on boats is a better hit rate. Yeah. Yeah, probably.

Yeah. 70 miles is far on a boat. Well. What's that? Take five days to get out there? We usually, we're usually more like 35. 70s where tuna are. Yeah. Oh, that's why. And so it's, this is the year. This is the year that we're going 70 miles.

Oh, good luck. And then on our way out there, we're going to stop 30 miles out and catch something else. Come back. Come back and talk about next time. Go, damn it. We did that thing again that we do every year. But yeah. That's great.

It takes a while. Let's see. 30 miles usually, I don't know, depending on how the weather is. It'll take like an hour or. an hour and a half. Right. And then, yeah, 70 would take a while. Do, who's the captain of the boat?

Your dad? Yeah, but I usually drive. Oh, you do? Mm-hmm. Oh, that's cool. But we, I mean, we, like, split the labor pretty evenly. Yeah. But, like, he's in charge.

I don't want to be responsible for this. I'll drive it. Right. I'll absolutely drive it. But he's telling everybody Yeah. Yeah. Tie that off.

I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just kind of there. And I like doing it. Yeah. But like he's the one that's like, this is where we're going and what we're trying to catch. Someone needs to plan it. Right.

Right. He'll say the name of a fish and I can't even picture it. I'm sure it's got gills in the mouth. Do you have your own pole? But, uh, well, we just kind of have a boat full of poles. Right.

And so it's not like this one's mine. It's usually like whoever's not driving the boat is in charge of reeling in the fish. Yeah. Because we like troll. Oh, you do. Jeez. This is real stuff. Yeah.

And again, I can't stress enough that I don't know what I'm doing. Right. But it's cool to have a dad who knows exactly what he's doing. And then I get to kind of take the picture with it. Yeah, exactly. What's the biggest fish you ever held up? up? It was probably about 1,300 pounds.

What? No. I just, yeah. Yeah, that was a good day. No, I don't know. Some length. Nice. I'm just asking us I've never seen a fish.

Yeah. They're extinct now. They've been extinct for like a couple of years. Yeah. In my opinion. Mm-hmm. But they were here. Yeah.

I completely buy that story. Yeah. Yeah. I just feel like it's the odds of standing at the ocean's edge and taking my little invisible line and throwing it in there that I'm going to get a fish out of that giant ocean. No. It makes more sense to not catch a fish. Yeah. Because also, I mean, what are you doing?

If you're a fish, what are you doing at the beach? Yeah. Why are you coming up close? Yeah. Yeah. You would think it be. You would think that'd be like us going. I want to go where there's the least air.

Yeah. I'm tired of all this air. I need more legs. I need more human legs walking around and under the water. I don't know. I have no clue. Yeah. Well, your dad sounds like a cool guy.

He's fine. Are you still a Catholic? I'm not. No. No. But I know a lot of them. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, Notre Dame. Yeah. It's a big thing. But I'm, I don't know. I still, I'll still be like, yeah, he's all right, whatever. Right. I'm not very into it. Yeah, yeah.

Personally. Right. Yeah. Yeah. The Chicago Pope. The Chicago Pope. That's true. Yeah.

We were kind of jazz about that. Yeah. It's pretty cool. But then I don't think he was in Chicago for very long, it turns out. Oh, no. Just born there. I think he went to Villanova. But we claim him.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Sweet. Wow. And now he's making the president look foolish. Yeah. It was so much fun with, uh, J.D. Vance was like, the Pope should shut up. Like, JD Vance just was like, the Pope.

I might want to shut the hell up about the Bible. Maybe he should stick to like his area of expertise. Stay in your lane, Pope. Let me and Donald Trump handle the theology. That was such a weird statement. I feel like he just keeps making these asinine statements with any. It's fun to watch because he doesn't know that he doesn't have a future. No.

You know what I mean? Like, if he, if, like, everybody knows this isn't going to last for that guy. And he's just like burning bridges as he's going along because he thinks it's going to last. I, um, if it were self-aware, it would be the most genius piece of performance art. Right. That anyone had ever conceived. But instead, it's like, no, he's just like that. Which makes it, I don't know.

Puzzling. It maybe makes it better I don't know if it makes it more or less funny Yeah But historians are going to debate that for It is He's just such an interesting Like character

What's it like to be that guy? Yeah You know? J.D. Vance Yeah What's it like to be his butler? Oof. Oof.

So wish you are. She constantly changed. What he likes? Mm-hmm. Yeah. No real dedication to anything in the house. Yeah, exactly. Just as the wind goes, I would hate being his butler.

Mm-hmm. It wouldn't be too much. Get this armoire out of here. I hate armoires, and I always have. I know I bought it yesterday. They did a report on this guy had his brain all wired up and everything, and they did tests on him. And then they took his cell phone away for three months.

And his brain activity was 10 years younger than when he was on his phone all the time. 10 years difference of how healthy his brain was. And they're saying, so this is remarkable, of course, so whatever you can do to use this less would be good, even if you don't completely go cold turkey. Anything you do is going to be better. Yeah.

And the two things where you can go black and white on your phone, where you make it all black and white. So it's crummy. You do that? Yeah. Does it work? No. No. Well, I still look at it all the time.

The weird thing, though, is the real world is more colorful when you turn your phone on black and white because the colors are like oversaturated. Right. And so it's meant to make you like, no, this is more real than life. Right. And so then if you turn your phone to black and white, like actual colors will get more. And then when you turn the colors back on in your phone, it's like gross. Oh, interesting. Oh, gosh.

Do you think you use it less because? No. No, I don't think so. I don't think I'm addicted to the colors. Right. I don't think the colors are like, it's not doing it. The colors are not the problem. It's all the, you know, fun stuff on there.

Yeah, I know. Well, that's the other part is they say you can go flip phone, go flip phone and just, you know, take all the other stuff off. and just use it for communication. Yeah. How are you going to get through an airport? How are you going to Uber home from Sesh? Yeah. You know, like there's certain things.

Right. Or, yeah, I need Google Maps to get basically anywhere. Right. Yeah. You're going to drop into Eugene, Oregon, and find your way to the hotel by yourself. And there's too many different ways for people to get in touch with you. where you can't, like if you have a flip phone,

but what happens when someone, you know, DMs me on Instagram to call me a slur? That's how we became friends. Yeah, exactly. Except for the slur part. I'm sure it's coming. Give it time. No, but, yeah, it's, uh...

Yeah, I don't... I mean, 10 years' difference, though, it was pretty... Well, we would just all have to give them up at the exact same time. You can't be the first person to go flip phone or else. You'll just, we will, we will trample you on our way into the future. I'm stopping here. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. No, and you've got to sell tickets now. So there's no way you can drop out and go flip phone and not do social media. Even though I'm not, I'm not good at social media. like, I don't know. I just don't know what to do on there because I don't do very much crowd work so I don't have an evergreen source

of like stuff to post. Right. So I already feel kind of weird because like, you know, I do shows and like you've heard some of this stuff before because it's how I got you to this show. Right. It's how you found out about me

is that I burned like some of the best stuff I've ever written so that I could get your attention so that I could get you into this room so I could tell you the same shit again. And I'm sorry that that's how it works. I didn't choose for that to be how it works. I wanted to be you show up in a room and you don't even know who I am. Yeah.

But, yeah. Unfortunately, that's not the case. No. No. But it's all right. I get to see it live. Yeah. You know.

And there's enough stuff that I haven't burned. Yeah. But then it's like, and I don't know what to. Because now I, you know, I have a decent, like. following and I don't know how do I like what else do you give them other than material how do I engage them I kind of want to just you know I keep telling them to join my email list they're all tired of that I'm like well as soon as you all do it I can stop that's like what they don't get yeah well you know yeah maybe fish tips fish tips maybe you do a little fishing thing true no I know but then it's

like I don't I don't want to do that I just want to tell jokes that's why I got it to like I know it's weird. I know it sounds weird. It's totally weird. I know it sounds weird, but I started doing stand-up to do stand-up. Yeah. That is so weird. Which is the reason that no one has started it in the last 10 years.

It's all. Yeah. No, I just want to get a writing job somewhere or I want to be, I don't know. Yeah. Do you? Do you want to write on a show or that kind of thing? No, but no. No.

Well, hang on. Maybe. Don't not ask me to do it. If you're thinking about it, but, like, I don't know, mainly I just want to do. Be a stand-up. Stand-up. There's nothing wrong with that. And, like, I don't want to make a bunch of content that has nothing to do with that.

Yeah. And it's unfortunate because, you know, it's fine. It's really fine. Some people are, you know, have it worse. Yeah. There's people that are probably a little bit, you know, in a tougher spot. You're good enough. that it's going to break through, you're not going to have to do fish tips.

Well, fish tips is just a fun phrase. It is good. Fish tips. I'm telling you. That actually, all right. I would, I mean, I don't want to tell you how to live your life. Yeah. But if you're thrown down fish on.

Fish tips, I'll move to L.A. This will be our new thing. Yeah, fish tips. We just use another corner of the studio. Fish tips. Yeah. and just green screen it. Yeah, just us on a lake.

Yeah. And change it each time. Right. We're like all around the world. And then you take epicax so that you vomit and it looks real. I wouldn't need to just rock my chair a little bit. Yeah. I'll be pretty nauseous.

Yeah, we'll just project a line doing this on the other wall. Yeah. I think this would be pretty good. Yeah. John, does it have legs? Oh, I think he's got legs. Right? It's a winner.

Yeah. There's gold in them hills. I know. I think it would be good. He wouldn't lie. No. I've known him for like... He's a Philly kid.

I've known him for like an hour. So what are you going to do when you're here in L.A.? Well, I saw a couple of like friends yesterday. Nice. And then I saw one friend yesterday. I'm trying to make it sound cooler than it is. By one friend. Yeah.

I saw one... I saw basically that person that can stand it when I'm around. I saw him And I got tons of friends And then today I did Almost nothing I went to a antique mall Oh yeah

That's good That's a good spot Didn't get anything No I was trying to do the math on this They had a $585 Gunball machine And it was mechanical And it's made for pennies

So it's a one cent gumball machine. Nice. You know, as soon as I sell, I think, 58,500 gumballs, I'm in the black again. But then I realized that you have to, I don't have the gumballs yet. Oh, yeah. So I, and so. Right. You know, I'm looking at going back for it, but I have to crunch the numbers.

It'd be pretty good. Yeah, I mean, gumbulls are. are coming back, I think. I think so. Big time. And so are pennies. Everybody's got pennies on them and wants scumballs. And this thing is just this opportunity, really.

It's all about passive income. Yeah, exactly. I like the way you're thinking. Yeah, and then later today I go to the airport and I fly back. Oh, really? I'm taking the red eye back to New York. Oh, wow. Yeah, I asked around a little bit about like doing

spots in LA but couldn't get anything that would kind of justify like staying longer. Right. Yeah. I'll just go back to where I get spots. I came for the bread. Good. It's good. I think it was, you know, I'm sure I could fit in your carry-on.

Oh, yeah. Right? Yeah. I appreciate that you're letting your dad know. that my bread's so much better. Well, I mean, you know, oh boy. This is ruined whatever the next holiday is. Fourth of July is going to suck.

Oh, Fourth of July. Are we still doing that? Are we still pretending that was a good idea? Let's make the United States government. It 250 years. Yeah. Boy, it's what a... 250, baby.

250. 250 out of probably 252. If we're being realistic, we're almost... We're in the home stretch of America. Yeah, that's why we've got to do it. How many more are you going to have? Yeah, exactly. The Fourth of July is becoming desperate.

Yeah. Well, I think, yeah, we could still do it. And look, if your dad wants to share bread recipes, I'm down. Yeah. It doesn't have to be a competition. I don't know if you, it's not easy to get his from him. Oh, really? Yeah.

You would have to like MK. Ultra him or something. Oh, really? Yeah. It's, you know. Procriatory. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I get that. I understand. So you're going to go out on tour. You're going to go where else you go and Eugene? So I'm going San Francisco, Eugene, Seattle, Portland. Nice. And that's a good trip. Brea and Oxnard. Oh, nice. In California.

Oh, that's good. So go get tickets. Yeah, go get tickets. But yeah. Where do people follow you? On Instagram at Dandosimo. It's probably the best place. And then I'm on PunchUp where you can sign up for my email list and see all my tour dates and fun stuff like that.

Nice. Yeah, I love Punch Up. Yeah? I don't know Punch Up. Oh, they're great. It's like a ticketing platform slash network for, so it's where my email list is and all that stuff. This is kind of inside baseball, but it rules. Yeah.

That's great. Yeah, they're extremely helpful. Oh, that's really good. Mm-hmm. And when are you going to record something? Do you feel like... Oh, I just did a don't tell. Oh, you did?

Like, I don't know, a week and a half ago. Nice. When was it? Yeah, like two weeks ago. So that's coming out, I think, sometime in June. Nice. If you're already a fan of mine, it's probably a bunch of stuff you've heard. Because I figured why not just re-burn the stuff?

stuff I burned. Yeah. You know? Come on. Don't you, don't you like, don't you like your favorite comedians hearing it again and again? Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Right? When you were in your car as a young kid, right. Listen to a. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'll listen to albums that I can recite. Yeah, yeah. And so you wonder what the point is, but then it's still awesome. Yeah, it's the best. But nobody likes it as much as I do, you know? Yeah.

If the people buying tickets liked it as much as I did, they would be on tour. They would have dedicated their entire life to it. Instead, they have like whole other jobs they got to think about. Yeah. Yeah. But no, I think, I love it. I love my friends, you know, most popular jokes. I can hear it every day.

I really could. There's nothing, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's not that guttural, you know, laugh of being surprised the first time. Right. It's still great. Yeah. I just love it.

So I wouldn't feel guilty about who cares. Yeah. Somebody saw one joke. Well, who cares? That's not our job. Thank God. Right? Do you write a lot?

Yeah, but most of it's just like terrible nonsense. Yeah, that's right. And so it's kind of hard to, and I don't like write a lot. Like I just walk around and talk to myself. Yeah. And then if anything, you know, fun pops up, I'll jot it down. Right. Even most of that stuff is, like, really dumb.

Of course. That's what writing is. And so, yeah, it's just kind of like, you'll go like three weeks and be like, I didn't write anything. It's like, well, actually, I wrote a lot. I wrote a couple hours, but they are unwatchable. Yeah, but no one's going to like it. I wrote a couple of unwatchable hours of I could bomb for four hours based on what I wrote

in the last two weeks. Yeah. But it's not the, yeah. So. Well, you're very funny. Thank you. And I, you know, it's always exciting when you see somebody that just makes you laugh that you never heard of before. And you're going to do great things and come back anytime.

Thank you. Yeah, for sure. Thanks so much. And thanks for the bread. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. And, you know, again, sorry to your father.

Dad, yours is better, I promise. I'm just so non-confrontational. If he were in the room, I'd say his is better, but you're in the room. Right, I get it. I understand that. Yeah. So, yeah, his is terrible. Yeah.

I'll take it. No, it's awesome. It's really awesome. All right. Well, thanks for being here. Yeah, thank you. All right, we got it, kids.