Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 322 - Orlando Leyba

Episode Date: May 5, 2026

We are so excited to have Orlando Leyba join Tom at the table! They chat about food, fun, LA, and Miami. Enjoy! Our thanks to: IQ Bar! Text PAPA to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus FREE shipping. Message and data rates may apply. Butcher Box! As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between free Sirloin Tips, Ground Beef or Chicken Wings in every box for LIFE, PLUS $20 off when you go to ButcherBox.com/papa Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My elementary school was next to a junior high school. And these idiots at some point during the week, they would always release the two schools at the same time. So you have all these little kids and all these junior high kids. I just came from the island. I don't speak English. I never picked it up. Really? So now, and then my goofy aunt got rest of her soul dresses me like if I'm still going to school in the islands.

So I'm with the light blue shirt button up. khaki pants and penny loafers, real penny loafers, my guy. Oh, it was probably cute, though. Yeah, but not what you wanted junior high kids. That's what it was. I showed up with victim. So every day, dude, I was getting chased. And you got to run in your penny loafers.

I would run in my penny loafers. That's not good. And then my cousin went to go, like, protect me. He was like 18 or something. He's in his fucking Bruce Lee era. So he's wearing the karate shoes with the pants. Tom Papa, he's wearing the pants and the karate shoes and he has the num chucks on God.

It's not a movie. It's not a movie. On God, this fool pulls out the num chucks to protect me. They fall apart. It's breaking bread. Thank you for being here. Thank you. How are your parents, by the way?

My parents are doing all right. Okay. Because last time I ran into you, you were like, oh, I'm dealing with my parents now. I think I'm moving in with them. We were in front of the OR. You were talking about. Because now you're, now you're their parents.

I've got it. I'm my mom's. They're my children now. Yeah, my mom is my child, man. I just, I put that Zoom. I put that, even though, you know, they're villains and whatnot. But I put that ring camera inside her, inside the house now. Oh, inside the house.

Yeah, I apologize. I asked her, though, because she's very independent, but I was just like, Mom, can, is it possible? Can I, can I put a. camera here and me and my brother sat down with her. And my brother lives 15 minutes away. This in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. What, you worried about her? Yeah, I am worried.

She's 77 now. She's sharp as attack. She's just a little bit too much independence. Like, she'll call my cousin and give my cousin the credit card and be like, buy me a plane ticket to DR. And my cousin will do it and be like, should I let Orlando or Gabby, that's my older brother, Gabby, no. She said, no, no, shut your mouth.

Just buy me the plane ticket. She's going around the- Yeah, she's going around the system. She's breaking protocol, dude. She's breaking the chain of command, bro. She knows you're going to say now. And she hops on an airplane from Fort Lauderdale airport straight to Santiago de la Caballero.

They hops in the car, has her driver over there. Some dude, I don't know who the dude is, but she goes, I have a driver. And the driver comes pick her up, and there she goes. And to the sticks. She's like, Santiago is beautiful. It's a city. electricity, power, police, hospitals.

She goes into the sticks where she's out there, buddy. It's the family farm. Oh, it is a family farm. Yeah, yeah. She's at the age where she gave up those rights. Stop it, stop it, stop it. I don't know. I kind of like what she's doing.

Because you want to be on that. And the thing is, I would do the same thing. 1,000 percent. Who is she with? She got workers and everything. Just like when she lands, she has like a whole system and then people come out because they know that they're going to make money. And it's like all the, this is really.

This is rule. Like, they're out there. There's people missing fingers and whatever it is. That's where she goes. It hangs out, bro. I like this. Tom scares the bejesus out of my. I know, and you've got to worry about your parents.

My father has a motorcycle. He's 80. Yeah. And he goes off on these trips, which he's done forever. But now he's 80. Yes. So it's like he goes off on it. I feel like the parent.

Like, no, you can't be riding a bike. And you gave up your bike. Yeah. You're nowhere near 80 and you're like, Dad, I gave up my life. Right. It's too dangerous. Because my reflexes and my eyesight. It's like, it's not even a trike.

He's not even riding in a track. No, I said to him, why don't you ride a tric? Like, you know, he has a couple friends that do it. And yeah, he's like, I'd rather die on two wheels than be seen on three. Have you ever seen a man on a trike? Like a grown man. And it's like a Harley trike. Yeah.

It's sad. I don't know. You can do it. No, I was, you could, yeah, you could do anything. you know, but it's sad. But it's sad. People are gonna be mocked. It's like, it's like watching a vegetarian eat.

It's sad. But like you could do it. Oh, I get it. But like, wow, man. Well, I love that you're here because I've just been a fan of yours for a long time. We would run into each other in LA, the improv or the store or whatever. And you always make me laugh. And I've told you that before.

And I just love that you're finally here. Oh, thank you. I came off the road last night late, so I didn't have time to get the bread to rise. I fed the starter. I was like, maybe I can get it done. Ran out of time. And then you walk in with gifts. So I think my instincts were right about you as a comic and as a person.

It's not a lot of people bring this stuff. And thank you for having me. I don't even know what I'm doing here, bro. Your last guest was Keenan Thompson, Jenny Sagreen on Kevin Neal. Like, what am I doing here? You're just as funny as all those people. Yeah, I know. What is this?

That's a potato ball filled with meat and happiness. That's just happiness. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like that. I ate already, so I'm not going to, and I want to make sure that the crew gets some. But this is how I get invited to stuff, by the way, because I know Orlando. And this is from a restaurant called Portos in Los Angeles.

It's like a Cuban-based restaurant. I was raised in Miami, Florida and stuff like that. friends of the Cuban people? I am one with the Cuban people. It's all the same thing. They just, everybody decided to get a flag. That's all that was. Let's get a flag.

You know what I'm saying? Cuban flag looks just like the Puerto Rican flag, bro. You know what I'm saying? They just change the colors around. They literally switch the colors around. But you were born in DR? No, born in Puerto Rico. You were born in Puerto Rico.

San Juan, here. Pia de la Wendito, nene. Shout out to Bad Bunny. And all the Puerto Rico. and Ida Rodriguez also. Ida Rodriguez, a comedian. She's my sister, Dominican background parents, born in Puerto Rico. Yeah, same thing. Same thing. Okay. Yeah. So what do you consider yourself? A human being, bro. That's it. That's it. That's it. There's no delineation. There's no, because I'm a vibe wherever I go. I hang out with white people and I go do ayahuasca in

the desert for three days with nothing but the whiteys. You know, I think I'm in the Illuminati. Low key, I don't even know yet, but I might be. I might be. I'll check the list. Check the list because I was there. They were all wearing white. I didn't. I wore a black Nike tracks suit. And then I do that. And then I ski.

And then I know how to dance a little bit. My baseball is natural. Never been like I'm the only one in my family who didn't play. But you put me on the softball field and it just, I don't know. It just happens. Yeah. And I threw a milkshake at a guy one time, car to car, from the driver's seat to his passenger window and it was the perfect pitch bro it was the that thing explode he cut me off i was

with my niece in the car it's a long story but that's how i let out my uh anger and even though it's a secondary emotion they had to come out and i threw yeah i threw the milkshake from macdonalds yo shout out to macdonald it was a solid milkshirt and it exploded on that infinity i was in a box chevi 89 tom pop up i'm telling you this thing uh he cut us off scared my knees scared my knees scared my I got worried. And then I got scared to... Then you went around them and threw the shake? Well, I had...

It was a police package, a box chevick, 89 Capri's classic with Posse Rear Inn. I had got it from the police auction. It was all black, murdered out. Nice. But it still had the little red light here in the headliner

so you could do your taxes. Anyway, no, no, not the actual light. It was like a light to read. But then you're kind of like undercover. They can't see a red light. Your car doesn't glow. And I was writing, cut us off, drove, chased them down, stepped on the gas.

He had an infinity. I had the 89 box. That engine kicked in. That car squatted, I caught up to him. I rolled down the window and threw the milkshake at him. My niece was eating a happy meal because he scared me. He scared her and then scared me. Well, yeah, you were in the right.

And then, you know, us as males and most people, when they get scared, especially guys, we don't, the switch that we like to, that we depend on. Every time we get scared, it's the anger switch. So I hit that anger switch. And then I caught up to him. I threw the milkshake. Perfect pitch. It exploded all over the car.

Took off. Took off. I had the same thing. I was crossing a street with my wife. And I was just telling me, we were out with another couple. And I was telling the guy, he was having some kind of issue. And I was telling him, giving him all this advice, you just have to relax. You just got to be cool.

don't let people make you crazy. I'm really giving them a lot of advice about how just to be chill and just get through life. And then my wife leave the restaurant and we're crossing the street and a guy goes 80 miles an hour. Yeah. Like we had time to cross and I had to pull her back because 80 miles an hour this guy just came down again. Scared, probably was the initial thing. Yeah. And I had leftover Mexican food in my hand and I threw it right into his windshield. and they landed perfect

you just got to be chill and landed perfect. That's when you know that's when you know you weren't wrong. Right, exactly. Because if you were wrong, God would step in

and they'll hit the door or it'll go over overshot the thing. Oh, and you do feel good. When it's justified. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because then that guy's got to go clean off.

You almost killed us driving down the street like that. There you go. So did you, you were in Puerto Rico? You were born in Puerto Rico? So you live there, go to school there. No, no, no, born in Puerto Rico. My mother's, uh, ends up, you know, legal stuff.

We end up back in DR in Dominican Republic. Okay. Divorced from my dad. So then, uh, blessing in disguise. I didn't know it was a blessing. So I grew up part of the time in Dominican Republic. Electricity is not dependable. Water runs out.

So I'm like showering out of buckets. And then the water comes randomly and we fill up these big oil drums with concrete. inside of them, we filled them up when the water shows up. Either I was adorable or they saw that I was American so they wouldn't hit me. I think that was it more. And so I remember like jumping in the

tank and being like, look, it's a swimming pool and stuff like it. Because I used to... Everybody, that's to drink, to cook, to shower. How long did you live there? I lived there off and on until the age of seven. So then

I would go to New York and be like in New York for a while. Who was in New York? My aunt, my mom's sister. I have 13 aunts and uncles. A lot of them have passed away. So since I was a citizen, a U.S. citizen, I could just travel. And back in the day, there was a tax that we used to get for being a U.S. citizen.

So they would get me out of there just in time before the tax. So I could only be in the country because I didn't have dual citizenship. Got it. And you don't want to be taxed. They didn't want to pay. It was cheaper just to buy me a plane ticket and get me a. So I would go live with my aunt. At the age of seven, it's the last time that that happens.

I end up in New York. I end up in the Bronx in the 80s. So everybody's LL, Cool J, the big, like everybody's hip-pop, can go, everything. I'm going, I think, PS-72. Here's the thing. My elementary school was next to a junior high school. And these idiots at some point during the week,

they would always release the two schools at the same time. So you have all these little kids and all these junior high kids. I just came from the island. I don't speak English. I never picked it up. Really? So now, and then my goofy aunt got rest of the soul, dresses me like if I'm still going to school in the island. So I'm with the light blue shirt button up, khaki pants and penny loafers, real penny loafers, my guy.

Oh, it's probably cute, though. Yeah, cute. Not what you wanted junior high kids. That's what it was. I showed up with victim. So every day, dude, I was getting chased. Every day. No, not every day.

Every time the junior high would let out. And you got to run in your penny loafers. I would run in my penny loafers. That's not good. And then my cousin went to go like protect me. He was a little bit older than me. He was already in that though. He was like 18 or something.

So he goes to protect me and he's in his fucking Bruce Lee era. So he's wearing the karate shoes with. the pants, Tom Papa, he's wearing the pants in the karate shoes, and he has the num chucks on God. It's not a movie. It's not a movie. On God, this fool pulls out the num chucks to protect me. They fall apart.

They fall apart. I ran. I didn't stand with my cousin. I ran back to the building. This is my chance. This is my chance. I go, let these junior high savages get him. So how long were you under threat?

I was under threat probably for one year. Then my mother was here also, but we were dealing with my youngest brother. He was sick. And my mom was dealing with that in Florida. What was wrong with him? His immune system never developed. Oh, no. So then we lost him.

And the day... When you were seven? Yeah. Seven going into eight. And then when we... How old was he? He was one year old. Edward.

Edward, Morel. He was... Rest in peace. Yeah, yeah. He's my little bro. And then so I flew, I remember we flew night and we landed in Miami and that was it. I stayed in Miami the whole time. My mom was like, well, you have one more son and you got, she was legally asking for my brothers

through immigration. She had asked for my brothers because they were Dominican. So I have two older brothers that are 10 years older than me. Okay. Yes. My mom thought she was done and then I showed up. And then you showed up. And I was an accident.

And my parents had gotten divorced. and then she remarried and got pregnant again with Edward. Okay. Yeah. So wait. So I have four brothers. So he passes. He passes.

And then you go to Miami. I stay. Like I. And who do you stay with in Miami? With my mom. Oh, with your mom. Your mom. But like my mom didn't speak for like a whole year because she just lost her kid.

And she dealt with it. How did you deal with that? You must have been confusing. I just dealt with it. I mean, to lose your brother and then your mom's. And then you got to watch what your mom's, how she's dealing with it. Yeah, yeah.

She's not talking. So I dealt with it with just making fun and like little act outs and just trying to make her laugh. Trying to lift her. Yeah, yeah. And about a year within a year, she came out of her. And she was still going to work. She was like a machine.

I love my mother. You know what I'm saying? But she's the old parents. No, I love you, no nothing. It was kind of like, here's a hot plate of food. Here are clean clothes. Here's a roof over your head. Yeah.

We never lived in a bad neighborhood. She always like, you know, my cousins and friends, they were always like, they would, like, I would go hang out in Alapada and stuff like that. And that's where, you know, that's how come I don't got to tour the Middle East when I do military tours. Right. Because I've already heard enough gunfire. What's Alapada? That's Alapada. That's a neighborhood in Miami, Florida.

Rough? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Really rough. Yeah. Yeah.

That's where that's. So, yeah, you don't have to go. I don't have to go. I don't got to go on journeys like that. Did you feel safe as a kid? I did. When you got there, when you're like in his just mom? No, no, I didn't feel safe because I had a shirity stepfather who like he tried to run game.

He was a very selfish human being. And I forgive him. He passed away. His name was Antonio. And I forgive him. All debts are paid when you cross over. But the problem with him was that he was, um, um, He was, like, really poor when he was a kid.

And he had brothers and sisters. And he used to have to fight for food with his brothers and sisters. And he was the youngest. His brother taught me that, told me the story. At what point after he passed or like when? No, before he passed. So I had forgave him way before. So you knew what he was about?

So was he there the whole run until you got out of there? So you grew? No, no. My mom eventually divorced them. Oh, she did? She figured out. Once my brothers came to town. that they were, my brothers were already like men, you know, they were like 18 and 19 in his

eyes. Then it was him and then my brothers and we were all kind of living together. And she, you got to choose about your boy. She wanted my mom to get rid of them. Your brothers were like his guys got to go. No, no. My brothers were cool. He's the one that was like, they have to go. Oh, they have to go. Yeah. These are grown men in here. But they're kids in the reality. They're not even, they're not even 20. Right. So your mom was like, no, no, no. No, my boys.

I've done all this sacrifice that I've done in my life is to get them here. My mom's a tough lady. Yeah, I was going to say, what was her work? She did electronics. She used to build like thermostats. And then after that, when I graduated high school and I went to college, she goes, I'm out of here. And she left Florida and moved to Freeport Long Island because she was now with her sisters.

And then she joined Hilton. So she was doing like housekeeping and then moved on to supervise and all of that stuff. Right. It's always a worker. Yeah. She's retired. She's happy, man. Well, and I got to say if she can get a free ticket from somebody and go back and...

She doesn't get a free ticket. She pays for her. Oh, she does? She just goes around us. There's no stopping her, though. For us not to tell her no. She buys a one way and then I... But I like to buy the tickets for her.

Because I buy her the ILC and I get her, I can't afford first class every time, but she always gets comfort right behind first class. Yeah. It's that ILC. A little more leg room. A little more leg room. She's a tiny woman, but she can walk over to the thing. I also get her wheelchairs.

Miami International has a long way to walk. You got to catch trains and everything. She could get confused. I have the little guy that gives her the usher that takes her to the airplane. She doesn't need it, but she needs it. Yeah, yeah. And every time that I do her travel, she thanks me. She goes, oh, my God.

Oh, that's good. Did she know when you were lifting her up when you were little and just trying to keep the peace? Did she know that you were funny? Did you make her laugh? Yeah. You could make her laugh. No, it's funny because she goes, I knew that you were special. And your grandma told me that you were special.

And that's why I made a conscious decision never to beat you. Because your grandmother told me he's going to be, he's going to reach high. that you can't even imagine. Really? Your grandpa saw. She saw it and she was like, but he's directly in the middle. He can either be real good and just a good human being that everybody and he helps people and he makes, like she saw it.

Right. Or he's going to be really bad. He's going to be. Don't ruin this. Yeah. He can be, he'll be the bad that bad people are scared of. And then I was just like, and I remember that sometimes. I have slid into the darkness that there is, I have a gear in me.

Sure. That is like, oh, you want to go? Let's go. She saw it. And she knew that. Yeah, but they're talking about someone who's like, I'm months old. My grandma's telling this to me and my mom, I'm breastfeeding. Yeah.

Do you have children? No, no kids. I have two kids. Yeah. And you do know who they are when you meet them. like in the hospital. Yeah. You like, oh, everything I see in my daughters,

I'm like before we left the hospital, it still holds to this day and they're in their 20s. Wow. I've never heard anybody. We show up kind of, yeah, you show up who you are. And it can be fostered, like that wisdom that she had. Yes. Of you can do something with this one,

but this one is going to be special that way or it's special that way. you know, it'll be really good at dark or he's going to be really good at light. My grandmother was a midwife. She was like, she was delivered. And she was like, and the native people of Dominican Republic before Christopher Columbus showed up with all the blankets are tainos. So Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, most of the Caribbean are taino, native people. And she descends from that, the long hair, you see the pictures.

In my prayer book, that's her picture in me holding hands. that I have. Oh, yeah. The thing. She would know prayers than not even the Catholic priest would know. Really? Or he didn't know, but it was like inside. Like obscure?

Yeah, obscure prayers. It's like, how does she know that she didn't read or write? And it was like, but she was just plugged in. She was talking about matching energies before people were talking about. And then like, I read the quote from Albert Einstein that that's all you got to do. everything's energy, you just got to match it. My grandmother was talking that. And she's ruled. This is rural country.

At one time, now you could get there with a car. But there was a time where it was either hiking, horseback, or a dirt bike, like a two-wheel dirt bike, no quad, no nothing, two-wheel dirt bike that you can move around the rocks and kind of like. Amazing. So your grandmother tips your mother off like that, guides her. And so she doesn't hit you. and she's, she knows what, like, be kind to, I'm going to raise him this way.

Yeah, I didn't, I didn't get, like, my brothers, they got it, man. Right. I love them. Yeah. And I got it. And you see the difference between us. Yeah. You know, now my brother, we lost my other brother.

I lost my second to oldest guy, Adis Mendi. I lost him to diabetes. Oh, no. And he just passed out and just medical didn't get to him fast enough because he was in D.R. So he passed out in the street. They didn't know he's slu. You know, it's just life. It's a journey.

How old? I think I'm his age now. He's like in his 40s. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, he passed away and now me and the oldest Gabby have gotten real close. Oh, yeah.

And I've broken him because my wife broke me in the sense of like I'm an I love you guy. I'm a hugging guy. Yeah. I wasn't none of that. My acts of service was acts of service. That's how I show love. Bring food. That's how I show you I love you.

But in your stand-up, that's a very funny. It's a really, you've got really good jokes about how you've changed and evolved into this really, a guy who cries or a guy like Sunday days. You're all softy now. Yeah, yeah. Sundays are all you should. How'd that happen? Her. Her.

So I married a woman whose mom and dad have been together. their whole lives. No real loss. They just lost for the first time they lost their grandmother. They lost their grandfather and they just lost their grandmother. This family has had,

yeah, they've had rough patches, but it's like mom and dad. I remember dating my wife and seeing my father-in-law come in and there's a truck driver. Right. But don't picture a drug driver. There's a guy who takes real good care,

clean nails and stuff like that. But he drove 18-wheeler had his own trucking company, He also became an accountant for shits and giggles. And then he can also, when I blew the engine on my Toyota Camry, he was like, we'll just order an engine from Japan and I'll install it by in the side of the house. And I was like, you'll do what? Yeah, man, we just pull it out with jumper cables, the old engine.

We push the car back and then we slide up. All right. Yeah. So he's that guy. I love my father-in-law, man. How did you meet her? I met her. We worked in recording studios.

I did like management, like before any. of this. This is in Miami. Yeah, in Miami. I did like the booking at a recording studio and rappers would come and rap and everything. And then she worked in advertising and they had their recording studio in the same place. Along with a famous producer called Salam Remy who did Amy Winehouse and he did Nas' his album and he did the score for the Fugis.

And Amy Whitehouse is the big albums of Amy Whitehouse? He produced all that. He was the music director. And who was he to you? This was... He was there also with us. He was that he had his studio there. I just, I love saying Salam because I drove him crazy.

Oh, really? Because I would come in with, you saw when I walk in here, there's a certain energy I have already. And he would like, what is happening? Who is this guy? And I love him the death. He's a sweetheart. And he had a big garbage can full of candy.

Like, but like the garbage can, like at a county fair garbage can with just, you would just. stick your hand in it. We should get that. Yeah. That's what we're missing. Candy.

Yeah. But it's a garbage can. It's like, I don't know how many gallons those things is because that's what makes it actually fun and funny at the same time. So we worked there and then I met her and then. Because she had a, she had a, I remember maybe it was a post or something. Like she was the one who kind of told you go do this, right? Yes, yes.

My wife was a singer. still sings right now. She's just in the advertising world. She's a great producer now. Her name is Vanessa Lozano. She thought I was depressed. I was one of my many jobs is like I had the satellite engineer. So I worked for CBS News, satellite engineer.

I'm a cameraman. I'm an editor. And I learned everything on the job. I could even fly in the helicopter and work the camera and do high speed chases. Really? You know, I learned everything in the job. It was still that era where you could go in ignorant. Yeah.

And they would teach you if you were willing to don't. donate your time. So on my off time, I would donate my time and do all these things. You were just into it. Yeah. Then I become the satellite engineer and then I look like a typical truck up. I have the cargo shorts, the hiking boots, and then the shirt and then a t-shirt. And I gained more weight. I would buzz cut like this hair. It would blast for me, bro. I would shave my head. Really?

And then I would go and then she goes, something's wrong with you. She signed us up for Just the Funny. It was an improv school. And she goes, we're going as a couple. We're doing this as a couple. And just the way that life works, the universe, the way that God, whatever you believe in, works it out, is directly across from when we live.

Literally cross the main road. We live in the back. So it's a block away. We're going. She walks me over on the first day of school. And she goes, okay, go. And then I go, where are you going? She goes, I lie to you.

I only signed you up. This is for you. I think you need this. And then that was it. Did that. What an angel. Yeah. The wonderful people are just the funny acting improv school.

The coach said, hey, we do the big thing. We do the big class. Everybody laughs and everything. He pulls me to the side. He goes, hey, listen, you could 1,000% go to like improv 102. But I would be doing you a disservice because I see clear as day that you're a stand-up. and you should go to do an open mic. Really?

Right off the bat. I was like, bad. And now I'm open. So wait a minute. Bring me back, though. When she says goodbye to you and go on in there by yourself. Yeah. You were making your mom laugh.

You had a little spark to you that was, you were using humor to get through your life. When she said, go in there and I'm taken off. Yes. Were you scared or was there a part of you that was like, this is in my wheelhouse? I've always been frugal. Yeah. So I was like, she already paid for it. So it was just the pay. Yeah, yeah. If maybe if it would have been that that I had to walk in and also pay. Nah, dog. Then you wouldn't have done it. I would have. But comedically, did you have a little bit like, I bet I can do this? Or were you just like, I have no idea. I just thought that it's like I'm this guy. I'm a storyteller. I bring people link. I want to, it's a vibe with me.

And then there's also the other side of me that's just quiet and people are like, why so I'm not quiet, you know? Because you're also, she's sending you in there. So I was in that quiet era. Right. Because she's descending you in there because she's sensing you're depressed. Yes, she's sensing that. Yeah, yeah.

She's, she. Were you feeling depressed? I can't remember if I was. I can't remember. Do you have depression now? No. No. But I've done therapy.

Thank you, comedy. Yeah. Yeah. But I've done. I still, I still, like, I'm very self-aware and I'm like always aware. Yeah. You know? But that's also like part of the whole living with my aunts and everything.

My mom, every time she would send me off, she was like, don't be in the way, make sure. And this is being drilled into me since I'm a little kid since I'm five, you know. Like don't be in the way. Be small, be small, be small. And I used to be like, and people would be like, hey, do you want something to eat? I'll be like, no, not really. and I would be hungry and I would be like, no, not really and stuff.

Because I did stay with one aunt one day and she had a boyfriend and I opened the fridge. And then not the same aunt. This was another aunt. She doesn't know this. And then her goofy boyfriend said, hey man, why are you always opening the fridge? And then I was just like, oh, my bad.

In Spanish, she's telling me, and I was, you're telling that to a little boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. At that age, I must have been like six. Jeez. And I just closed.

How much smaller can I be? And then after that, I became even more small. Right, right, right. So he says go do stand-up. Go do stand-up. You're a comic. And then less than a mile away from my house is Gladiator School. It's the Miami Improv, which is the 300-seater.

Yep. Tight. If they don't play, there's a cop always in front. Yeah. There's every show, there's a cop. There's two police officers and a police squad car paid by the Miami Imprope to be there, off-duty cops in full uniform. And this is called Gladiator School.

Right. You know? Yeah. The audiences are ready. Yeah. So I call up Tom. I call the box office. They said bring five friends.

We'll give you five minutes on stage. I brought five friends. They brought their love. ones. I did five minutes. I can't remember the five minutes. I blacked out, but they clapped, everybody laughed, and I wanted to come back. And again, came back again, did well again, came back again, bombed, went back home, licked my wounds, came back again, did it again. And then the blessing, I get pulled by the right group of comics. I almost went the wrong way. I almost went. I'm not going to name names on that side, but like the guys that originally

like pool me were the same guys that were just starting out with me. But then this other group pulled me, Forrest Shaw, you know, writer, now TV writer, has Dun Conan, opens up for Jim Jeffries, has a great show at the improv, Forrest Shaw, John Wynn, director of film, he's, he has tender at a college. He pulls, he also did stuff. standoff. Right. Dave Williamson that does all the barbecues and he's super comic. He has that festival than Nelson Gundo.

That's the guys that pull me in. Lisa Correjo, Italian, fucking super cook, super funny. They're an astronaut. These are the people who bring me in. And they like, they're like this. No, your part. No, no, no. No.

They protect them. Yeah. And then gone from them. Well, I have to say, that's why I'm 100%. correct. Yeah. Right? I don't know what you're referring to, but yeah.

It's your house. Yeah, yeah. No, you're special. There's a, there's a thing about you, you know. Oh, thank you, buddy. We don't, you know. Thank you. And I just was like, I have to get to know you more because you just, you know,

and we all see it. Like, you're going to do the same thing for a young comic when you're going to take somebody on the road. It's the same thing. When you see somebody and you could just tell that person has a whatever it is. whatever it is, that you just want more of it. Yes, it's my favorite thing to do now is to help. That all those guys saw it in you is just, you know.

I do, I've had the blessing to do humble brag. Thank you, Michael Cox. I've had the blessing of doing the Tonight Show five times. Thank you, Michael Cox. Yeah. Thank you, Jimmy Fallon. Thank you, Josh Sonderval. Thank you, Michael Cox.

That's my homie, that's my ace. His wife, Liz is super kind of me. They have beautiful twins. Even the kids, kids are awesome with me when I go visit. And now a word from our sponsors. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack, hydration, and coffee sponsor. IQ Bar Protein bars, IQ Mix, hydration mixes, and IQ Joe mushroom coffees are the delicious, low sugar, brain and body fuel you need to win your day. We love IQ bar.

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com slash Papa. Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you. It's a great way to stock up your freezer and support this podcast. And now back to the show. Michael Cox gives me the shot to do the tonight show. I do it the first time. I do the whole thing about how I don't do sports anymore. My new sports channel is HGTV. That's where I put my energy into. Jimmy Fallon Folls over laughing. I get invited back. I'm more. One of the comics, me, Mike Vecke on, and I don't know who else during COVID, we did in studio. So I flew myself to there. Michael gives me the shot. They give me the shot. They're like, because everybody was just sending in tapes. And I had tape mine in Harrison Ford's house in Venice Beach, the one with the lap pool. So they had that they were doing, Ahmed Ahmed was doing comedy shows there.

So with the lap pool dividing the office. audience and everything. I taped a great set with an audience. I'm there. And they were like, no, we're going live because Mike Vecion just did it, right, which is an amazing talent. Yeah, I love that. And then they tell me, Orlando, everybody loves you here. We're not going to cut your segment. Can you get to New York? And then stay and test and do everything. So I had to go quarantine, test, and then go on the tonight show. That one was hard. Do they have an audience? They had first responders. They had. They had. like 15 people.

Quest Love is in a riser. And then they were trying to pump sound there. Jimmy has, it was crazy. Me and Jimmy got real tight because it was just him and me. My wife wasn't there and everything. By the way, Fallon, the sweetest guy. The last one I did, number five, I was in the green room, in my dressing room, getting ready. My wife, Vanessa, is outside.

We're there early. Yeah. Fallon walks in with no handlers. He's by himself with street clothes. Vanessa's in the hallway, and I hear, Vanessa, and I was like, he knows my wife's name. What a sweetheart, man. That guy's a classic. That's so great.

Him, again, I say his name again, Michael Cox, who gave me the opportunity. How do you see you first? He saw me three years, man. Three years. Josh Underwall introduced me to Michael Cox. I officiated Josh Underval's first wedding. He got divorced. I officiated that wedding.

But me and Josh knew me from America's Got Talent. Okay. Like an audition that I did years ago, and he recognized my voice at a party for Michael Yo in Hollywood. You know, and we're looking at the W. So we're looking at the Hollywood sign. Yeah. So he introduces me to Michael Cox at the bar.

Michael Cox is still at Chelsea Handler. Uh-huh. And then he moves from Chelsea Handler. of getting the job, I think, and gives me a shot because he saw me. Because he knew. You're right. Yeah, yeah. And I did my HBO special. Everything was lined up. I had my, I had my front of the line moment in LA where it's like, here you go. You're at the front of the line. Take your shot. I took my shot. Some of it landed. Others didn't land. And then they say, okay, you got to go back to the back of the line. And I was like, I respect that. And I went back to the back of the line. And now I feel like I'm in the, like I'm

three quarters of the way back up. I just need one more quarter and I'll get to take another. shot. You know what I'm doing? I'm doing the free throw, the crop free throws. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I don't get too low or too high. That's right. I try to explain it to a lot of people. I know. You get your shot. You'll get your shot. Yeah. And as a comic, you control it. Because as a comic, you're always going to, you're not waiting for people to say yes. You just get better every night. Yeah. He's completely in your control. And everything, dude, it was like, I can't. Man, 2019 was beautiful time. It was like, the Tonight Show. Edwin Likona gives me an opportunity and I shoot.

Ida Rodriguez opens the door, introduces me, and Ben Gonzalez introduced me to Edwin Likona, he produces my HBO half hour. So it was like, holy shit. I'm with this caliber of HBO half hour. This is big. I actually brought back the half hour. HBO had done away with the half hour. So mine is officially the first half hour that went my special and did great numbers.

anything. So all these people, they all conspired to help me and move forward. The universe brought them all together and God to move me forward. So I have a responsibility now that that's what I do. Even though I don't feel like reach where I want to reach where I have my goals, but whenever there's a comic and I know that comic and people like Ian Lara or Ralph Barbosa, I become a bounty hunter. I start calling them. And And they're younger than me.

Yeah. So they're not used to, like, phone calls. Yeah. I'm just, Tom, I'm calling, calling, calling. And the phone's ringing. And it goes to a voicemont. And in the voice, man, I just say, hey, call me back. Right.

Call me back. Eventually they call me. And then I go, hey, Ian, Laura, you're about to do the Tonight Show. Here's what that day's going to be like. And I walk them from the anxiety of the morning to making sure that they accept the car service. Because even though if they don't need it, the next comic might need it. Yeah. And if you don't accept it.

then they say, well, maybe we don't have to give car service to the comedian. You know, that type of energy to, like, go out for a walk or get on the treadmill. Don't worry about your clothes. They're going to iron them for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's how as comics and stuff. And recently, I just found out that that's how the seal guys keep their quartersone down, their levels of stress down. It's not by meditating or sleeping or anything.

It's really about knowing we're going to do this, we're going to do this, then we're going to do this, and at this time we're doing this, and at this time we're doing this, and I think... That's what pilots do. It's all lists. Yeah, yeah. It's lists of... So, I know I function like that, and every comic I've done that for has called me back and

said, thank you. The minute that I got there and they took the clothes away from me, I knew that you were right 100%. Nice. Everything that you didn't leave me down the wrong. You have to have these conversations all the time, and I do with comedians who are 20 years older than I am, because you have to constantly relearn. You have to constantly relearn. Like, oh, if I write every day, then I'm going to get better and I'm going to do this.

All those little lessons, you have to, you can't just, you don't just know it and then you're good. You have to always re-unerth it and relearning. Drew Carey hit me up like that at the taping for the Price is Right. I'm obsessed with the Price is right. That's how I learned how to speak English. And I was at a taping. What do you mean? Wait, wait, wait, go back. What? That's how you learned English? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

From Price is right? Yeah, yeah, because you just watch it. So I get there, I get to school and they don't have an ESL program, English as a second language. They don't have that program. So they have to order that program. They got to do paperwork to bring someone into the school to teach me English. So meantime, I would do the Pledge of Allegiance and then we would watch Reading Rainbow. And then they would send me to the library and I would spend most of the day with the life.

librarian there, Mrs. Johnson. And then Mrs. Johnson would just watch the prices right. Because no one's in the library. And we would watch the prices right. By the way, what a brain screw that is, because I'm showering out of buckets and people are winning jacuzzis for $1. Do you understand me?

Right. Like this place, I'm never going back to D.R. Never good. I love it here. I love it here, man. I love D.R. too. It's such a beautiful country. Yeah.

But I'm a country. Yeah, I go back, but it's the countryside. I'm not a city guy. I'm not a big, I don't, I'm not a big city guy. No. And I'm also like not in the sense of I'm a calm dude. I just want to vibe out, you know, nature. I walk around barefooting a lot.

Do you go to different? I tour now. The first one that I, this is the first time that I'm out of the country where I did like Germany, Belgium. Oh, right. Germany, Belgium, where else? Netherlands. and some other bases.

But this was a military, but this was me being of service. They paid me, but it was still, it was an honor, man. Because then what just happened, I don't want to talk about it, but they started popping off. And then it hit me one day.

I wake up in my room. And I just got filled with gratitude. And I was just like, wow, man. Like, I get to leave. Oh, they sent you back? No, no. They didn't send me back,

but everybody got on high alert. kind of. And it hit me like, oh, I get to leave. I get to go home. And this 18, 20-year-old, 32-year-old. Right. You know, I met this kid. Cedric, he's like a boss.

His program is called boss. And I met Cedric, a wonderful human being. And he has to stay, Tom. If it goes left, not me. They put me in the C-17. I'm out of it. Yeah. Back to the States.

Yeah. He has to stay, dude. And then I'm like, wow. It becomes very real. It becomes very real. It becomes really real. And then you're like, it really means something. Thank you for your service.

Thank you, thank you for your service. Man, man. I know you're doing logistics, but thank you for your service, man. Yeah. Oh, that's great. Good for you to do those. That's a date. I've always wanted, Jeff Ross would do a lot of those.

Yeah. The USO stuff. Yeah. I want to do like a big one, like with big comics. Like on some U.S.O. Like just some old, let's live the Bob Hope dream for one tour. When we bring a band, we have dancers, we got, you know. 15,000 soldiers.

Yeah, yeah, we just like that. But during peacetime, you know, I just. Yeah, I know. And get them out. And it's hard because one of the things, we, one of the things, it's like us, like veteran comics that are going, but really what's needed is like really good younger comics because the demographic feels like they can connect with them more, the soldiers. Because they're soldiers that just stayed in their room and they're just in there playing

video games or calling back home. It's a different military, you know what I'm saying? So they got their own little apartments and everything. They're staying on base and off base. Hopefully they'll be. I stayed in a NATO base. That's where that was. Oh, really?

Yeah. So that was with like multiple. Oh, different. Yeah, really? Yeah, hopefully they'll be peace very soon. You don't have to worry about that. We've got to figure it out. We're too advanced for not to be peace, man.

I know, it's so crazy. It seems like we've gone back in time. How old are your kids? 20, 20-ish. Yeah, your kids are going to be the builders of the next one. And then our generation is going to be the guidance of like, yeah, you should build like that. And so we give them the foundation of how to be. build it and then they improve on like that foundation. Yeah, but we know that that didn't work

that. So we're going to do, we're also going to put this window here. You know, oh yeah, that makes sense having a window. Do you want to have kids? No. No, no, no. Why? Huh? Just not, not your thing. No, not my thing. I invested in like two of my, I got one nephew and one one niece. Yeah. Goddaughter. That's also a niece. That's good. I feel like they'll take care of us. Yeah. That's good. I got half. because one was becoming a vet, so that's like medical adjacent. So she could have gotten us drugs. But then her name is Brenda.

I love it at that. She's my goddaughter and also my niece on my wife's side. She's my niece. I've seen this kid. She's born. I've been around her. I love it. Then there's my niece.

Glennies. I'm happy because she's like a nurse nurse. And she's like a head nurse for babies. So she's in the hospital with the incubator. When the babies are like preemies and stuff. So she works at that level. And then I got my mom. my nephew Joshua, and he works at the Fed, so he deals with money.

Oh, geez. So I got, I invested, I didn't even see it in them, but I, me and my wife, we picked them out. Your cover. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're covered. Yeah, yeah, wanted to be a baseball player, we're like, nah, we're not going with that one right there. We can't, we can't put her.

Yeah, that's not going to help us at all. No, no, not at all. Is your wife a good cook? Good cook, yeah, yeah. I'm a good breakfast guy. You are? Yeah, yeah. What's your specialty?

I'm at your house. We have a sleepover. Maybe I had too much wine. Yeah. I wake up in the morning. You're like, oh, Tom's here. He knows how to bake. Yeah.

He's a good food guy. How do you show off? I show off with, I show up with Arepas, which is a Colombian thing. Venezuela is also doing it, which is like a dough. It has a little salt on it. You make like little flat. They kind of look like papuos, but they're harder. You actually get to bake them.

the outside becomes real like a hard crust, and then you slice them and they're open and you could turn them into little pockets. So then I go with my eggs. I go green onions and tomatoes, chopped up, really diced up, then cooked with butter, like real butter. Put that stir, put the eggs in,

put saute the onions and the tomatoes, then drop my scrambled eggs, scramble it in the pot, you know, on the fire, off the fire, on the fire, off the fire. make sure that they're real fluffy. I got that there, and then I get, I'll get like a, like a, a, a, a queso fresco, a queso de mano that kind of crumbles, like that.

And that's about it. Put that in that once they're done or in the middle? Yeah, yeah, you put it all together. Oh, just put it on top. Yeah, then I make you a good latte. I'm good almond, coconut milk or regular milk. Nice. I got the frost.

I got the coffee maker, the espresso. Nice. Real deal. Ground coffee. I don't like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, this is impressive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's my vibe. So then I'm like, you know what? I'm, I'm sober now. I've had breakfast. But I'm going to stick around and see what your wife does tonight. Yeah. What she makes for dinner.

Yeah. How does she show off? She'll show off probably. She has one date. I don't know the name of these plays, but she has this one plate where it's like little dice potatoes real thin. There's cheese involved. There's everything.

She bakes them. So you kind of like scoop those out. And then she's really good at pastas. And then like your chickens, your meats, everything. She's just good. I can't call it. Yeah. But she learned how to cook from her dad.

Again, my father-in-law, Miguel Lozano, Miguel Lozano's Colombian descent. My wife, connection to Tom Papa. My wife born in Passake, New Jersey. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah. So my father-in-law, Colombia, moves from Colombia. to Jersey, Stedos and Passaic.

He legally, everything legally. He's working at the Meadowlands, I think it is, and stuff like that. The Italians, yeah. Yeah, the Italians get forced. They run the water plant. They get forced. They get asked, hey, you have to hire a Hispanic, a Latino, and you have to hire a black man. You have to hire at the water treatment player.

Right. So then they go to the Catholic Church and they go, hey, give us your list of your Latino patrons. Your Latinos. So my, sure enough, they read the names and they see Miguel Angel Losano. Right. Miguel Angel Losano. They see him. They bring him in.

And they go, yo, you Italian? And then he goes. he goes, yeah, my grandfather from Milan. And they're like, cool, you're hired. You're in. Nothing knows nothing about nothing that has to do with water, maintenance, chemicals, testing, and everything. So my father-in-law learns how to work in the treating the water, and he learns how to be a cook. That's great.

So then your wife learned it from him. His best friend is Giuseppe, and he gave him a gun. I love that we have a Passake connection. Yeah, yeah, she was there. So did your wife live in Passaic as a kid? Yeah, yeah. She moved to Florida probably by the age of 12. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, nice. Yeah, she did that. She did beauty pageant. She was there. Oh, really? Yeah, she dated this kid from Poland. Yeah, when she was young.

She was young, and then her dad, they ended up having, like, the largest contract for, for, like, government. and cutting the grass and all the government buildings like this big, it turned out to be this big company. I said, look at that, baby. I mean, that would have been a good. Come up, bro. Yeah. She took a gamble on me.

Oh, it's amazing. So your comedy, is it staying positive at this point? It stays positive. It's gone negative sometimes, but it hurts. So I just choose to go, it hurts. It hurts. It hurts too much. The situation that we were having where we were,

where people that look like me are just being dragged through the street and like just put on random airplanes or just being held somewhere. Like this whole ice situation, like it was hurting me. It was really hurting. It was a nightmare. It was going to come out. But it was coming out in a place of anger. And to be honest with you, I'm not capable.

I am capable, but I don't have enough knowledge to like, other than the fact that like, hey, what you're doing is wrong. But I don't have, like, I don't have that knowledge like in Ida Rodriguez, where she can grab it, dissect it, and break it down and give it to you in small bites that are funny, but that make you think. And make you see it in a different way. Yes. Yeah. And my comedy is more like, it's more like, it's still. I'm still, there is a message to what I'm doing, which is like, buddy, I like the same things you like. We're all pretty much the same.

We all want the same things. The basic things, we all want them to say. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? No, yeah. But it's like, I love my apple pie and I love HGTV. Right. You know, but I also love Bad Bunny.

Right. Yeah, exactly. And I'm grateful for Bad Bunny. One of the main reasons, other than that Bad Bunny's album, David Tirang my photo is a, well, he didn't, he didn't do, he just, he tapped, he talked to the old school and said, that's what albums are missing, I believe, a lot of people's albums. There's no theme. There's, it doesn't, it doesn't, you're not telling me a whole story. Yeah.

Yeah, David Tirita on my photo tells a whole story if you understand it. And if you're from that culture, you understand the story. Yeah. You know, and the other thing is it comes out and all this. death is happening to human beings. And this album is telling you, like, this isn't, when you translate a lot of the stuff, it's like, this is not the way it's supposed to be. Right, exactly.

So as someone that belongs to that particular culture, I'm like, man, thank you so much. Yeah. Benito, thank you so much. Yeah. Just pray for peace. Just pray for peace. I do it every day. I say thank you for inlining people's mind and keep on opening their mind.

I say that. Yeah. Yeah. And I've gone old school now, man. Yeah. Yeah, I've gone old school. I started dropping down to my knees, man. I've gone old school.

That's where we're at. Yeah. Where I used to. I used to, but then I... Catholic? Catholic. But as soon as my mom was like, you want to keep going, I'm good. It was weird for me.

This whole me being a citizen and my family being just residents and me being a U.S. citizen really through kind of like a monkey wrench. But in my development, because I didn't, like my brother's first communion, all that stuff, they did it quick. I remember getting baptized and I had a watch on, you know what I'm saying? You know, I did it in New York. They threw the water. There's babies getting baptized. I'm looking at the time. Like, yo, what's happening here, bro? I got my white suit on. Are you going to get this way, bro? You know, I remember that, man. Yeah. So then I was out of it and I'm more like a spiritual thing. But then my grandmother left me certain prayers. She left me a prayer book. Yeah, what's that prayer book? I don't know the name of it. It's in Spanish. It's in Spanish. But was it Catholic origin? It's Catholic. Yeah, yeah. That's nice. Yeah, yeah. And then and then there's little prayers within that book. There's one prayer that automatically grasped me and I read it in Spanish. And it basically translates to thank you for giving me a healthy body

and for allowing me to maintain a healthy body. Thank you for giving me the bread of every day and allowing me to make the bread of every day. And then the one that captured me at the very end, it was like meant for us. You know, it says thank you for giving me a good sense of humor, which allows me to have an easier, life and share with others be able to share this life with others that's in the prayer that's within

the prayer you know it's a great great prayer book that I get no wonder you wanted to come here because normally there is bread I'm going to get you bread I feel terrible not don't worry about it's just a schedule thing no no but this allows me to come back yeah for sure I think because I I feel like we need you're you're in ace you're you're in ace you're I see you work uh the first time talk to me inside, I was so giddy. I was like, Tom Papa, talk to me. You know what I'm saying?

And I got really good friends in this industry, Patton Oswald. I call him my OG. He's a good friend. I tour with Pat. Jim Jeffries, good friends. You know, Gabriel Iglesi's great guy with me.

It's like all these people, man. I'm so grateful. That's what's great about the community. Jimmy Carr, dude, when Jimmy Carr Yeah. Pull me to the sign and said, hey, that joke that you just did? Yeah. I was just like, fucking Jimmy.

Yeah. Yeah. It happens for the reason. Bill Byrd talking me down from the ledge. I was really angry with some of the comics that I know that they're just running. Their material has changed because they have overheads, big overheads, large overheads. So those comedians started doing. certain material.

Because they knew there was an audience there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now we see them late night on a different network. And they were like the cutesy. Following the market. They followed the market. And that was, because again, I'm seeing human beings being dragged and human beings being shot.

And it's not about getting more followers on your Instagram. You know, it's. Yeah. And it's about a paycheck. I know. I know, but at a certain point. Yeah. So Bill, Bill Burr, I give him credit for that.

He's like, he was like, no, Orlando chill. Yeah. You don't need to go in 1997. Relax. Right. That was a different animal than 97. You know what I'm saying? So he goes, no, no need to go 97.

Right. He did that in the green room at the improv. And Louis Anderson, rest of soul, and looked at me my second year into comedy and said, you're a story. Teller. That premise set of punchline you're trying to do? Your story.

And Alonzo Bowden opening his laptop and showing me how he writes joke my first year into comedy. Oh, really? Yeah. And the Sebastian Manascoco, when he was still doing the clubs, I was his opening act in Florida. So we did the Miami, Hard Rock. Miami Improv, the Hard Rock, where you used to have the Fat Tuesdays on the side. And then the West Palm. So we would do all the way up to him starting to do theaters.

My father loves Alonzo. Yeah. My father, my father, like, with the motorcycle, and Alonzo's a big biker. Yes. And my father would go to Lake George in New York, where there was like a motorcycle rally every year. And Alonzo would do stand up at it because he's such a big biker. Yes.

And my father was like, who's this Alonzo guy? Yes. And I'm like, go say hello. And he's just, he's loved him ever since. Yeah, yeah. Alonso was like the OG. When I do the seller in Vegas, he comes out to see me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or we go have breakfast and everything. Because I wanted to start learning riding bike and one of the gifts that my wife gave me was writing lessons. Well, she gave me credit to the Harley Davidson over in Glendale. She gave me a gift card that would pay for the writing lessons. And then we got hit COVID, so they stopped doing the writing lessons. And I think it's now back. I even went back and they go, no, the credit's still active if you want to use it. But, and then Alonso told me, I said, I don't know Alonzo, should I go, because I really wanted to do it.

And then Alonzo said, actually, now would be a great age for you to start because you're not dumb. You're not going to take the risk that a-that sounds like Alonzo, by the way. Yeah, that a 25-year-old is going to take. You're going to be like there. Yeah. What did you do with your bike? I gave it to my nephew. I had two.

I sold one and gave my other one to my nephew. Okay. And what was it? Yamaha Varago. Okay. Yeah. They were both Varagoes. Yeah.

It was like a Harley. Yes, I know exactly who there. But dependable. It was great. And I did it for a long time. And my wife and I, when we first started dating. I love your clip. By the way, your clip, you've seen it, right?

Oh, the Burr-Crecher one? The one where I talk about riding a bike. Yeah, the closest thing to fly. Yeah, that clip. That clip gives every guy that's ever wanted to ride a bike, including myself, little goosebumps with it. Yeah. I know.

You know what's so funny about that? Like that, the whole motorcycle diary should have been just that based on that clip. It's so funny because I was on Bert's podcast and he was like, dude, just tell me what, and he goes, dude, tell me, we're going to go viral. Tell me about riding a motorcycle. Like, he knew my describing it would catch. He's so smart with that stuff. I'm a big fan of Bert. And I've always wanted to go on tour with him.

one of those tours. But I'm grateful because he also takes Dave Williamson, which is one of my real good friends on tour. Bert is tuned into something else. And the minute that he accepted it, it just opened the door for, he tuned his receiver to the right channel. That's a good way to put it.

So now he's able to like, so I could totally see we're about to go viral. Yeah. Because he feels it. He probably says. said it to you and got goosebumps right away because he knew it. Because it is pure art. Yeah.

It is art. It is like the perfect poem that you wrote without knowing you were writing it. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's so beautiful. If you've never seen it, go back and just Tom Papa talking about writing a motorcycle with Burke Kreischer. And that's also the end of it is why you shouldn't write it.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's when I stopped when I'm... And they copied it. They copied it by the motorcycle. the way. Yeah, you know who used it, right? No. You know, someone wrote it. Huh? Wrote it and they put it in a movie. What?

That clip. Someone wrote it and put it in a movie. It's a very successful movie. I saw the movie at the movie theater and I said, that's Tom Papa. What movie? F1. No. You're flying. It's like you're flying. You go perfect. Everything goes quiet and it's like you're flying. That is... That's in F1? That's in F1. Danielle, write down that we've got to sue F1 tomorrow. You haven't seen F1? No, I can only watch the first quarter of it. Oh, it's beautiful. Just go on a technical.

That's what's good about me. I don't really got to stick with the writing. I'm also like a technical guy, so I'm like, visually, this is beautiful. Right, I get that. So that's his whole thing. That's what he's really chasing. He's chasing the moment that you describe him Burke, but they made it about a race car. Right.

Well, Brad Pitt can have it. He can have it. Well, this was fantastic. I love you coming by. And you're going to come by. We're going to have to book you again because of the bread. Tom, more than that.

Thank you so much, man. Thank you. Yeah, this was really fun. You've had major guys. I don't see myself anywhere near that. I know that I'm not. I know who I am. So do I.

That's why you're here. Yeah. And thank. Thank you for that. You're the best. I'm here for you. Whenever you need me. All right.

Anything you want to plug? Do you want people to know? My album's out there right now. Streaming is called Say Yes. know. It's all about developing that tool of being, we don't got to say yes to everything. So the whole arch of it is a man who's reached that point where I'm good at saying yes to know. So that's an album. It's out on comedy records. It's also, I put it out video. It's like shot, my buddy Nick. He shot at Nick Martin. We were there. We captured the audio. We were

recording the audio for comedy records. And then we just grabbed the video and we put the video up on YouTube and there's 30 minutes of me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, teaching people how to say yes to know. That's awesome. Hey, Landau, man. Everybody look at me. Hey, Landau. Hey, Landau.

If you ever want to help me out, just share one of my videos. Right. That's all. Beautiful. All right. We got it, kids.