Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 336 - Jake Johnson

Episode Date: July 21, 2026

This week we invite Jake Johnson to the table! He brings a special guest, and chats all about writing, acting, and helping his mother travel from Chicago to Los Angeles. Enjoy! Our thanks to: IQ Bar! Text PAPA to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus FREE shipping. Message and data rates may apply. Sheath! Sheath. The underwear of legends. Go to https://www.sheath.com/PAPA and use code PAPA for 20% off. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You ever been to one of the Hollywood doctors to get insurance for a movie? Yeah. So my first one, I hadn't been to a doctor in probably five, six years. And I was kind of excited. Yeah. I was like, this movie's paying for me to see like a top Hollywood doctor. This is the same one that sees like George Clooney. This is the best doctor I'll ever go to and it's free.

So I was genuinely like, great. They're going to tune up this old jalopy. I'm going to be speeding down the road. and I'm talking to this woman and, you know, she does this stuff and then she goes, okay, now let's get into it. Do you drink? And I was like, oh, yeah. She goes how often?

I was like, these days, every day. And she goes, drugs, I was like, nah, just weed. She's like, how much? I'm like, a lot these days. And he goes, cigarettes. And I go, no, when I drink. They go, she goes, how's food? And I was like, I've been going sideways, being honest.

And she goes, I was exercise. And I go, I was playing basketball for a while, but I got to be honest, everything's slipping right now. And she goes, do you know where you are? And I go, a doctor's office. And she goes, to be insured for a movie. Do you want me to write all these answers? And I was like, oh my God, you're a fake Hollywood doctor.

And I was like, I thought I was getting the George Clooney doctor. I was like, oh, he goes to a different doctor. It's breaking bread. It's funny that you took your hat off because my first question. I was thinking when I'm way over here was going to be, what's it like to have hair? Well, unfortunately, I take hymns now because it was going the other direction. You do? I did.

What does hymns do? So supposedly it stimulates hair growth because I, after I directed a movie, it was the first time in my life I started losing hair based off of stress. Oh, yeah? And it was getting significant. Really? To the point where a DP said to me on Minks, a show I was shooting, Hey my man Do you want to look at this shot?

And it was from behind and I was like Whoa, that's from two weeks my man Really? That's how I found out that I was losing hair 20 years ago. What happened? I was in a bodega In New York. I was going to do a spot at the comic Strip and I was just at the register And the security camera And I was, I looked up and I saw this guy with a bald

And I was like, wait, it's moving like I'm moving Wait a second That bald guy's wearing my shirt It is shocking when things They're happening I know Yeah but then Yeah but at this point

It's um I'm not known for it You're like It would be weird for you to have my hair It was just It was at a point where I thought If this goes fast It's just going to be an embarrassing

18 months Right And then hopefully I land with some parts But it is going to be a really embarrassing Transition Yeah And all my buddies who I work with we all talk a lot of shit.

Uh-huh. So I was like, I'm going to get killed by Lamorn Morris. If Lamorne does press after I've fully balded, and I'm pretending like, what's the big deal, man? Like, literally, who cares? I'm a dead man. I'm sitting on a text that I got from a friend of mine who just got back from South Korea with new hair. Incredible. Yeah.

And he's, I said, I'm not getting new hair. Like, it's beyond, we're fine. It's insane. And he says, I'm telling you, it's not too late. And I was like, and he said me the text. Would you ever do it comedically? Comedically? Just to go get a full, before a tour, get a full set of hair.

Just like show up with bangs like here. Like my airline all of a sudden was here. But you know what I also feel that's the same as is testosterone and all these injectables men are doing right now? Yeah. There's a lot of guys that start working out. Yeah. Who are late 40s, early 50s. And then they get so strong.

Well, you're like, guys, it's insane. It is the same as going to Turkey and coming back with hair. I know. This isn't your body type, brother. Yeah, I'm always like, what are you training for? Nothing. Like, what are you? Fifth lead to seventh lead to Marvel movie?

It's fine if you're a little pudgyer. Right, exactly. The number one on call sheet is naturally strong. And then you're right. He or she did take it up a level. Yeah. You are comedic relief, my friend. That's right.

That's why there's costumes. Exactly. There's costumes. There's sleeves. You're kind of playing a bad guy. You don't need those muscles. You just don't. Congratulations on your mom being in Los Angeles.

Thank you. This is great. I saw you tell him the story on Kimmel that it almost didn't happen. My brother and I couldn't believe how hard of jokes my mother was hitting because that was not written. Really? Jimmy said, can we call her live? And I said, yes, but I want you to handle it. Now, I said, I have to tell her you're getting the call.

But there was no written jokes. There was no pre-interview. And I said to Jimmy, I was like, but this one's on you, man. Like, if I'm not asking my mom, because I'm not setting it up. Once she started, she had that whole bit about when you make friends, they drive slower. Well, I wouldn't say it's true. It's not a fact, Mom. It was a nightmare.

What was the nightmare? We drove by the hour, not by the mile. So if we'd be going, like, 80 miles, which I'd be like, okay, hurry, hurry, hurry. Yeah, get going. And then it would be like three hours, and he wanted to drive for six hours. He'd start going at 50, and I'd say, you know, there's a lot of car is fancy. You know, and he'd go, yeah, I know. And I'd be like, you know, I think that guy's doing 30.

I got a couple of texts from my mom throughout the trip. How's it going? I'm going to kill the practice. Because she was supposed to fly. She was supposed to fly. And had no ID and didn't realize you couldn't fly without ID. Well, no. You try.

Make that singular. I tried. This was not a wee thing, babe. I was not on your team on that one. You told her. I think you need a real ID and she goes, you know what? I got the $45 thing. And I went like, can you send me?

the info you have and just as your son I'll check. Yeah. She, that pissed her off. She took a quick screen grab that was at a weird angle and she goes, that's it. They ask questions. They ask questions, yeah. And the questions were like, have you ever gone to CNW Market? And I was like,

what the hell is CNW Market? What that is? There were two questions like that. I never heard of that. Yeah. And then the guy walks away and another guy comes and he goes, you failed. Oh, you fail. You're asking me things I don't know about it.

Well, that's how you fail. That's how you fail every test. That's a classic. If I use that excuse, Mom, it would have taken me even more years to get out of high school. You're not allowed to go, how could I fail? You're asking me questions. I don't know these answers. That is, in fact.

What is all this biology shit? I've never done any of this homework. How can I know these answers? How you fail? Ask me questions I know, and then I'll get a good grade. Yeah, what happened to me. That's true. No, I do hear what you're saying.

I happen to me with AT&T. They do ask a few questions these days where I'm like, you're trying to confuse me. A guy gave me his business card, an AT&T guy, with his own phone number on it. Great. And I call it once in a while just to see if it still works. Just to go, Peter.

What's up, my man? What's up, Tom? Not much, man. up to. Everything working? Yeah, everything's cool. That reminds me of a great. Sorry to be the guy who's quoting Instagram again, but there's that really funny thing where there people are calling father-in-laws or their dad just to say good night. Oh, it's so great. I love those. That just reminded me that Pete thing. It is such a great thing. If you just called him one day, just to say like, how you doing? Yeah. And you'd be like, good. All right, man. I hope you're

having a wonderful weekend. All right. are you okay I love when they call their dads to say I love you yeah I love you and good night Are you all right What's happening right now Tell me if you're being held hostage

Out of the blue intimacy Between men Is the craziest landscape on planet earth It really is It is when if somebody If you ever have a friend He gets a little sick Like has a health scare

Then all of a sudden you're like man That was close And they go like yeah And I love you man you're like what i mean you're like a lot happened i just got scared like i'm really grateful and i love you and you just have to go like oh all right hate hate this wednesday it is really weird hate what's happening between us but wait now women are known to be more open but can you say in that same scenario i just want you to know i love you or would that still be heavy no it's like a friend

A close friend. You can. Yeah. Yeah. You can say, I'm a stranger. Well, it's not. Mom. I say, you can say I love you to a stranger.

People are saying, I love you a lot more. I love you has caught on like appreciate you. Agreed. Right? Yes. Like friends to friends. Agreed. Like marginal friends.

Agreed. All right. Love you. In this town especially. Yeah. In the last couple of, since the pandemic. It's caught on like. A lot more during the hug goodbye.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, that's a strong word. Yeah. For our level of friendship, that seems strong. Yeah. But then you get to someone who you really love and it's hard to say it. Yeah.

Be casual, I love you is easier. Yeah, just as a throwaway. It really is like appreciate you or any of those that catch. It is changing a little bit. Yeah. It is getting, you know, thinking about it, I don't like to throw it around loosely. And I have been a little bit looser with it. Yeah.

And when you're a little bit more casual with it and with somebody casual and you say it and they don't respond, which has happened to me recently, it reminds you never to say it again because you go, I was out of control. What was I thinking? That was being like, hey man, all right, dude, we got to see each other again. Absolutely. All right, man. Well, love to the family. You too. All right, man, I love you.

And they go, all right, brother. And you go like, the hell did I just do there? Why did I do that? It is true. I hate that I didn't. I went too far. Then I want to text. I don't love you.

And then you're like, but now I'm becoming a crazy person. Just so you know I said it, but I didn't mean it. I just had, I had a doctor's appointment this morning and. I go. Good, the cholesterol's finally gone down. Nice. It was spiking. It was.

Yeah. Damn it. Because of what you eat. Yeah. You like to eat. Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't bake you bread. I, uh, I just got off the road.

Where were you? I was in North Carolina, Augusta, Spont, and I literally just didn't have time to feed the starter and get it going. So I went to tartine though and bought you bread. Incredible. It's so good. You've had tartine. Yes.

Yeah. This is amazing bread. Appreciate it. It's not going to help your doctor's not going to be happy. But what I had with her today and I realized and it's a weird thing, but I actually appreciated, she doesn't make a lot of eye contact. And in the past, I've thought, I wonder if we should be more locked in. and so I a lot of times look at her

while she's looking at the computer and looking around. Today I just let it rip and my eyes were in space and her eyes were darting around and I was like, it's actually lovely. That we're not connecting? We're just saying, we are,

her information is going right in my brain and I'm asking the right questions. We're allowed to look anywhere. It's AI. It's an AI relationship. It's not a human experience to go like, If you're looking here, and like when she'll talk,

she'll go like, okay, so your LDLs or, so the way you need to look at the LDLs, the LDLs are here, but your HDLs, and I'm following as if there's an audience watching us. Right, right. So I'm like, so the HDLs and the LDLs. But she's so smart. Yeah.

So today I just went like, taking it in. That's good. And I left and I was like, probably the best doctor's appointment I've had with her in years. It's funny. Loved it.

Because there's that thing as an entertainer. Yes. you're sensitive to what's around you. The show. And you feel, you see. And you always want to win them over. Yes. And you want to connect.

And for me, as a actor first, it's about that connection. Right. Whatever's happening out there, now it's you and me. That's right. And I'm like, oh, it's not you and me. It's your information. And I'm just paying to hear it. It's not natural.

It's not natural. Because your brain is like, I mean, I guarantee you, she's not talking with a friend right now saying, I didn't connect with that guy. Doesn't care. It doesn't register. I'll tell you what really tripped me out about this. And I don't know if it did for you too when you first start doing talk shows and you're talking to the talk show host. But they're also looking at something else.

And then they have the smile on their face. But they're going like this. And then while you're in the middle of the story and you're at like minute two of a four and a half minute story. They're going like this. And then they go. And I'm like, you're now communicating. with somebody, but it's a single on me, so nobody knows that. But everything in me wants to stop and go like, take a minute.

I don't care. You're a show. I'm a guest. Hello. But honestly, if you got to do something, I'll get back to this stupid story. And then you go to, you're like, oh, weird. This is a monologue next to this guy. Yes.

How do you like talk shows as a stand-up? I love them. You do? Yeah. I really love, yeah. I mean, I don't do them as often. It used to be like it was the thing like I'd get my act together and go and do it. And then, you know, do it a couple times a year and go to Conan, go to Colbert or whatever.

It's changing. Yeah. And now it's a lot more of these. Yes, which is nice, but it is different. And the audiences are much bigger and all that kind of stuff. So I miss it. I used to like them. They were fun.

Who was it was the distilling down of everything. Yeah, totally. Whether it was my stand-up or the panel. it was really getting down to, okay, these four minutes are gonna be dynamite. Right. And so you have your four minutes pretty planned out. Yeah.

You do. Because that's what you do, so it's a set. Yeah, and we're those kind of creatures. Like, I remember Chris Rock saying, talking about doing panel that he would treat, he treated the panel the same way he did his stand-up. And I was like, oh, it's so cool. Right.

Yeah, why would we go in with nothing? Right. But then you see people who go in with just a vague thing. And some people are great at it. Well, like that, that Kimmel, that whole thing was.

Yes. But that's so what's different is, is I don't go in with a full thing because I tried when I first, it's not what I do. Right. And so I was like, when I would first be doing press and I'd go do Letterman. Right.

I was so scared. Yeah. And I had like my, and it was in that little green room up there being like, okay, and then the lizard said. And I was like, I was like, I'm an act. So it's how about the fountain you're putting it?

Yes. And then he stops and you're like, oh, you're looking for me to do five to six minutes. Yeah. And my big change was, I think I was doing Seth Myers years ago where it was, I did the seventh inning stretch for a Cubs game. And I was very excited. I grew up a diehard fan. It was a really big moment. Yeah.

I went with my brother. I was really excited. Yeah. I over drank. Oh, no. But not out of anything besides anxiety and excitement and great seats. Yeah. They put you in like the second row where I was like, wow.

I was like, yes, I would like another Budweiser, dear friend. And by the seventh inning, it did get on top of me. And, you know, I was definitely sober. Yeah. But as I was like, you know, I also got to do the play-by-play with the radio guys, which was a dream. And then I get up there and they go like, go ahead. And there's a second delay. So you go like, all right, everybody.

And then you hear, right, everybody. And it really threw me. Oh, no. And I was like, literally wanted to be like, start over. turn that off can't do it and so I do the song at the best of my ability

and I think it's fine and I'm walking out and the booth guys were like killed it and all the PR people were like killed it and I was like great and I saw my brother

and he goes you're not a singer man and they knew it was bad and so the clip was bad it didn't turn out like it wasn't like the worst ever because it wasn't like over the top sloppy

you can go that part where it's just rowdy my voice sounded really bad I was kind of, I was in between yelling and singing. Yeah. I didn't make a strong enough choice. You know, it was like, if you were to judge the performance, you'd go, what was the performance?

What was your plan? Yeah. And the plan was, I thought I was going to do a great job and have a lot of energy. Yeah. And really, get everybody going. And everyone was, I was going to be in it. And then at the end, I was going to talk to the team. And afterwards, you're just like, that just happened for a minute.

Something happened for 60 seconds. But then I was going to talk about it on Seth and then show the clip. Right. And I was in the middle of the talking about it stage and in my head the voice went like, I'm done telling this story. And then I literally think I said to him, have you ever done one? What? A store.

Have you ever done a seventh in stretch? And that wasn't planned. And he just got involved. Uh-huh. And I left. I was like, that was the most fun I've ever had. These guys are so funny. And it was real.

And it was real. They're also, you think about like Kimmel, like, Seth, all these guys. they're all such good performers. Yeah. And they know exactly what has to be done over the next couple of minutes. So that was with my mom going in when he said. When you gave it to him. I was like,

so, and I had a whole different story I was going to tell. Yeah. And then his producer was like, because on the podcast I do that we're here to help one. Yeah. We had talked a lot about my mom moving out. And the segment producer is a fan of the show.

And so he goes, I just have to ask, what's going out with mom? Is she really in the car with Rick? Yeah. And I told him, and then he said, let's do this segment. And so that was so fun because there was a segment where I was on the couch and Jimmy Kimmel and my mom were talking. Yeah.

And I was just a fan. Just hanging out. I was like, this is paradise, man. If she could do all of them, I've never enjoyed this like this. It's so great. To be in L.A. too, for one minute and you're already killing it on Kimmel. I still have Rick to deal with. It's a little tense with Ray.

But have you been like it. it has the transition. It's a little different. Yeah, it's going to take a while. Yeah, it takes a long while. I've been here for like 15 years and I still don't get it. Yeah. When you talked earlier about how you were, when you were a kid, you were always talking to yourself.

Yeah. And your mom was like, oh boy. Do you still do it? I was alone in a beach house for like five days. and I mean It gets crazy I like songs and everything Right like nonstop

Just accents just whole things Not good accents Right no no but but Good enough for me And it's just you're not even planning You're not thinking it's just falling out What I think the thing that Sometimes people get wrong when they talk about our line of work

Is that We're just doing it for the people in the admiration The attention Right right right And you must have a hole that you needs a validation so bad. Uh-huh. I don't think it's that. Right.

I think I came out. I didn't shut up and I'm not going to shut up until I'm in the coffin. And sometimes people like it and other times they'll go like, shut up. And this is a great job for that. So like the voices, the fun, comedic rhythms. Right. If somebody else is being funny, I loved a lot. Right.

I just can't have a day without something. I get so bored so easily. Right. So if I'm home alone, I'm not just like, oh, I'm just enjoying a Wednesday. If I was at a beach house. Yeah. I like that breeze in the view of the ocean for eight seconds. Then what?

And if nobody's around, we're going to make up a game. And things are going to be going on. Yeah. That it would be better if other people were around. It'd be better if, like, really funny, fun people were there. And then it'd be really great if there was an audience because then it really connects the whole circle of it. Yep.

But if not, it's still going to happen. No, it's going to go down. It's going to go for better or for worse. I was in a car with my uncle. I was in my 20s. We're going to see, we're going from New York to Nashville for my cousin's wedding. And I thought it was a great, I thought we had a great time. Oh, no.

And we got there, the rest of the family was there. And they said to my uncle, so how was it driving down with Tom? He goes, well, you know, you talk for about a half hour. And then the voices start showing up. I feel like I drove down here with six people. I was like, I thought they were, I thought they were, I thought they were, I was doing bits. I thought we were doing back and forth.

I thought we had a really nice, lovely time. I felt very bonded and connected. When did you know you wanted to do stand-up? Was it an always thing for you? Like a seventh grade thing. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. I was the same. Yes. But this could be a job. That was it. Right.

That was exactly it. And you knew it was stand-up more than ensemble, more than it was like... Yeah, yeah. Was there somebody you saw where you're like, that... It was two comedy albums in a week. It was George Carlin's Class Clown and Steve Martin's Let's Get Small at two different friends home. You just said.

And I was like, this is a job. Like, you can keep doing this? You can just do this. Totally. And then I just, you know, started digesting everything. Yes. That was it. Yeah.

That it was a job. How about you? About the same. but sitcoms. Yeah. It was, our house was Roseanne. It was cheers.

Right. It was certain shows. And then it was, it took me too long looking back to realize that I didn't know the difference. Right. But I was like, wait, Sam Malone is a guy named Ted Danson?

What do you mean? Yeah. What does this mean? These are not just them. Yeah. I was like, well, they're phenomenal.

Everybody in that bar is an actor? Yeah. that's nothing. That is nuts. And that it was a sound stage and that half of it is an audience. I was like, man, I know that part. Yeah. I feel like I've been in it.

I've hung out with them. When Norm comes in, I get excited. Yeah. When Frazier comes from the back, I'm like, what is he up to now? And I was like, the idea that those were people that went to work. Yeah. And that's what they did. Yeah.

Was for me, I don't know how that could happen, but that's a dream. And then in high school, when plays started, it was the beginning of doing plays and going, oh, and then, you know, years of doing shows and traveling and figuring out what the thing is. Right. You know, 10 years on stages. Yeah. Of just failing. Right. Try doing the voices.

Right. Because it was sketch at first. It was, why don't we do all these voices in one show? Right. And then the audience going, because we hate it. Because it's not entertaining. Giving you the same reaction your mom just gave. here we go again but being in front of 80 people being like hello everybody and be in my head

going like this who was this was this a witch this one needs to be workshop did you like but in high school you're doing scripted stuff high school yes so then you start doing sketch stuff was it because of we can just put this up or is it because you just want to try a different muscle so high school was they did a comedy play at my high school that was sketch based so I'd done some play plays but then when I did that yeah I got a lot of credit for and then around I think my senior year or maybe freshman year of college uh mr. show VHS's started circulated and because S&L was already done for us right my group by that time I loved it at 12 but by the time I was in high school I wasn't that wasn't the goal yeah and then when I saw Mr. show and it had that more of like a punk rock feeling

towards it, but it was so funny. Yeah. And the acting was so good. Was there kids in the hall at the same time? I saw, we, I liked kids in the hall, but I didn't love it. Right. But I thought it was very funny. Yeah.

But I wasn't, when I saw Mr. Show, I was like, I want to be in Mr. Show. Right. And when I moved to L.A., we went to the bars. We went to like the Rustic Inn, which is we knew they hung out at. You're right. I was like, my group was like, we want to just do. All of our sketch shows use his, their way of transitions. Mm-hmm.

Oh, so good. I just like... Have you seen the new documentary? No, but I really wanted it. Yeah, I just saw them talking about it on the Today Show. Yeah, by the way, I saw that clip. That clip is so fun.

Not the pillow? Yeah. Totally. But that for me was, it was that. And I wanted to do that. And then I had a group where we traveled the country. We did, you know, early UCB in New York, did all the fringe festivals.

Right. And then slowly, as we got older, just everybody started going to different areas. of the country. Oh, okay. And then I chose L.A. Was the group firing off? Like, were you guys good?

Were you tight? We were tight. I honestly, I think the material was really strong. Yeah. But we never found the audience. But we are all still good buds and we'll get together. We, like, my buddy Oliver and I is just back in New York doing the maximum pleasure guaranteed show in New York.

And he and I read old sketches. Uh-huh. And we're like, it needs a rewrite, but it's pretty funny. Really? I was like, look, this part's weak. Yeah. But then we would get in a groove, we'd be like, that's pretty good. So our show was never fully realized.

We needed a producer. Right. Yeah, yeah. Like we needed an outside voice. We could have used a director. Yeah. But I think the work was still really strong. Oh, that's great.

How many years you do that? On and off for about 10. Wow. Yeah. But never got, couldn't get commercial agents, could never fill a theater. Right, right. It was just like years of missing. Yeah.

And then other groups hitting where you would share the stage with them. Like our show would go and then at like 830 like these two other guys would go all nice people We would watch everybody's show and then you'd be like they just got a deal right and we're better and we can't even get commercial agents And it was that for so long that we couldn't figure it out and that group then dismantled right and was like Yeah, and then you you were out here when I didn't No, then I came out here alone. Oh, then you came out alone? Yes.

So you were all New York at that time? I was all New York at that time, yeah. Then I came out here and then lived in a building with the actor Eric Edelstein, who I met there. He's in the boroughs now, which is great actor, super funny guy. And he and I said, what have we put on a two-man show together? And we used some of the old sketches that I had done in the past with the Midwesterners group.

Yeah. I was like, let's just also, but rewrite it and make it us. and a guy named Jeremy Connor, who ended up being co-creator of drunk history, came and watched one of our shows where there was five people in the audience. Right. And he said,

Jason Ritter and I would like to finance a pilot presentation of it, and they gave us $2,500. Jeremy directed it, and we sold that to NBC. And then got agents who I'm still with. Right. And then met this whole world,

wrote a script for NBC, then started getting auditions, and started the acting game from that. Wow. Now, did you feel pretty comfortable starting to audition for stuff at that point? No. It was learning curve. Yeah, true. I was not comedically bad.

I was truly bad for a long time. I had to take acting classes when I got out here acting in front of the camera. Right. Because it was so different from stage work. Yeah. That it would be you and I talking the camera was here. And I'm like, I can't make eye contact with this man. Because that's my audience.

And I'm the biggest hack in town. And every hacky instinct, it would be like, yeah, this is pretty good while I'm listening, but should I do this? And I was like, dude, you're genuinely dog shit. And so I had to fully start rebuilding. Yeah. And go, oh, I'm also not playing for the back of the, because the fun thing about doing stage work, I probably, I don't know if it's the same as stand-up. It is. But you do hear that one person not laughing, and I will change.

Yeah, exactly. It becomes a game. Yeah, you're working to get all the. the energy in the room. Yes. And then sometimes you get that fun thing for maybe you do a show and you'd be like, they hate us. I don't know why.

Yeah. But now I'm going to make them hate us so much. Right. Like you, for some reason, you've decided you don't like this. You don't like our sketch. You came all the way out. You don't like it. You're trapped for 40 minutes, asshole.

It's going to get a lot worse. It's going to get. You're going to hate me. And I realized all those old muscles. Yeah. Do not apply to this game. Yeah. And that was a huge learning.

curve of going like it's all different right it's just doing the material and also not trusting the room if the crew's all laughing sometimes that's not right right so everybody loving it in the room yeah that wasn't the original goal of the scene the way the director talked about it therefore we won the moment but we lost the war right what is what what is what we're trying to accomplish and it was like everything got quieter it really became about this was that hard for you from someone that was their whole life playing to win the room? Like was that a difficult thing? It was a big adjustment.

Yeah. To like get small. Yeah. Or to get whatever the thing wanted and not make it all. It was the, it's when, and I say this out of love, but it's when this became a job. Because I'm like, well, I know how I would do it. Right. And it took me a long time on jobs.

I would always go, I hear your direction in a lot of ways. But there's also this version. to then realize I'm not hired for that. Right. I'm hired to bring me to this and to do it this way, to the best of my ability. Right. And I was like, and that took an embarrassing long time to say, I am not here as the co-creator, co-writer. On this job, I'm just here to play this part.

That is the writer, that is the director, those are the producers, that's the studio. Right. I'm not also them. And now a word from our sponsors. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack hydration and coffee sponsor. IQ Bar, protein bars, IQ Mix, hydration mixes, and IQ Joe mushroom coffees are the delicious, low sugar, brain and body fuel you need to win your day. The ultimate sampler pack is a great way to try all IQ bar products and flavors. You get nine IQ bars, eight IQ mix sticks, and four IQ Joe.

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of figuring all that out before New Girl shows up? I was figuring out during New Girl. During New Girl. That was part of the- That was a big part of it. Because you got the role and then learning it,

learning at corpse speed. Well, also, because I got it. And Liz Maryweather, who was the showrunner, was young and creative and collaborative. Right. And likes you improvising. Right. Wants you to have freedom.

Oh, that's nice. Really nice. But she's also talented enough to know what's working and what's not working. Right. And then for me, and then I would go off and I'd do a movie. And some directors are great and some aren't. And you start going like, well, I got to study the ship no matter what. Yeah.

And then you start going. well, what's the line? And for me at New Girl, it was, when are you allowed to say, what about this? And when is it better not to? And I really didn't fully learn it until after that job. Oh, really? Yeah, it was like, you know, I tried my hardest there, but that was the, I refer to that job was like my first wife. Right. Made all the mistakes. You're like, yeah, you learned a lot. Yeah. I always love the first wife, but I've changed a lot in my new merit. Right. Because you're like, some of that behavior was crazy. crazy. And mind you, we were all crazy because we were young. But you can't behave that going

on a Thanksgiving dinner. But a lot of that was, I don't get it. This is how I should do it. Right, right. Because this is how I do it. This is, I know this works. Right. I've been on those stages. Yeah. It doesn't work when I do this. Right. And then if I did it and it wouldn't feel right if I was in a scene with Max or Lamorne or Zoe and it wasn't hitting the way I thought it should be hitting it. I could see in their eyes, them kind of being like, you know, you're not making me laugh. Right. And you can.

Right. And we all were fans of each other. But sometimes you're doing something that's not, you know, they have a plan. And it's okay if it feels bad right now. And I didn't know how to accept that. That was a huge adjustment. Oh, yeah. For them to go like, we're really happy.

Uh-huh. And me be like, it was kind of dog shit. Right. It's like, I know, but when you cut it together, it's going to work. Yeah. I didn't know how to do that for a long. We'd like to thank the good people at Butcher Box for sponsoring today. program. It's time to grill. It's time to get outside, get the grill going, get some friends over,

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At that point, did your, did your mom finally accept your craziness? Have you ever accepted the craziness? I accepted it when he was about three. When he was three. Yeah. Yeah, you just thought. Well, he wasn't a sleeper. Right.

And my other two got up at six in the horning. So I would tell him he could stay up and watch television, but he had to hold on to my foot. When I go on my foot, I would know it. And he would watch old rhythms of Saturday Night Live. And just, yeah. And when John Belucci died, he almost had an nervous right down. Whoa. Really?

And you were young then? So these are just, I don't remember these. These are the family stories. Right. He would go to nursery school and say, I'm very sad. John Volucci's died. Oh. Oh, that's so great.

You know who he knew who Jan Balucci was. That's amazing. So we grew up outside of Chicago, so Second City was huge. Yeah. So that legacy of Balushi, of Farley, of Tina Fey, of the whole dream. And my brother, Dan did improv, is that 15-year-old? Right. John Balucci and Roseanne, Roseanne, whatever.

Gilda Radner. That was the group that he watched. Right. It was a really small group and he really felt that he was part of that group. I kept saying when John Belucci was really older now, but he left me, Jean Baloochie left me. Oh, that's so great. Oh, man. Blues brothers.

Oh, yeah, great stuff. Great. My parents, you said at dinner parties, have me come out and do Rosanna-Danna. Did you? That I would do those monologues. Incredible. She was great.

Yeah, God. They were so. Yeah. It's a great era. I know. I mean, the force. Yeah. It's a chambilushi.

I was like, who? I said Parents would say I heard that Jake lost someone Jake lost someone but I can't tell you because that would make me look bad to be something at one of class

But my mom and I have always been buds Even like in terms of the accepting their craziness At a certain point when I think my siblings moved out of the house, we did have just a different relationship. Oh, yeah. It was very encouraging. It was, you know, go for it. Right, right. There was certain stuff I was never good at. So certain parts of schooling, it was like, it's not going to work in this field. Right, right. So there was a limited field that I had a fighting chance on. Yeah. And it did feel like, yeah, this game was a chance. Right. And there was no plan B. There was no plan B. Yeah. I mean, look, there would have been,

it would have been probably something with, you know, being a general contractor of some sort, something where you're talking and selling a lot and part of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this was always plan A. Right. That's so great. I saw the clip on the...

The movie, the dink. Yeah, the movie. Yes. Maximum pleasure guaranteed is the series on Apple with Tatiana Maslani, who's excellent. And then there's a movie on Apple, July 24th. So it's confusingly close. Gotcha, got you.

you. That's nice. Unthinkably different tones. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Comedically different tones. Right. Maximum pleasure guaranteed is a thriller about a woman going through divorce. I play her ex-husband Carl. We're in a really nasty custody battle.

It's all fighting. And it's just, you know, we're bad. And she's going through like, there's killers and there's blackmail. And her performance is like unthinkable. David Gordon Green directed the pilot. The writing's so good. It's so rich. Yeah.

And then the dink came because a dear friend of mine, Sean Clement. who's one of the funniest writers I know, Clemens with a tea, his last name, he said, we were having lunch and he goes, what are you looking to do? And I was like, I don't know, man, how about you? And this was pre the presidential election

a couple years back. And I go, sure our country's going to be so crazy. And he's like, it's going to be so gross. I'm so bored already of it all. And I was like, I want to make something that has like big set pieces that's really fun that feels good and it's just fun. And he goes,

what do you think about pickleball? And I go, Absolutely nothing. And he goes, then I got the movie for you, brother. And Ben Stiller was attached to produce. And I read it and I was like, I don't care about pickleball or tennis. But these jokes are so good, man. That's just that scene.

Yes, with Mary Steenberg. Oh, my God. And you're so arrogant with your tennis. Yes. And you can't tell me anything about this stupid game. It's so funny. So I got to tell you, man, the movie. So again, you know, part of the prices I've had to do a lot of pickleball stuff, I don't care about

people. I haven't played since. I think it's a good game. Like, it's fun. Yeah, people enjoy it. People love it. Great. But I am not here to sell pickleball.

I'm a bad pickleball salesman. The movie is really funny. Yeah. Just that scene. Andy Roddick's in the movie. Oh, yeah. Ed Harris is in the movie. Get to do scenes with Ed.

And Ed Harris is in a comedy. Yeah. I don't think he's ever been in one. Yeah. He is so funny in it because he's playing it as Ed Harris in an intense drama. Like, we're doing scenes where my character is named Dussie. I go by the hammer. I'm wearing, like, ridiculous clothes.

So I'm showing up on set doing bits. Yeah. With Len and Parham super funny people everywhere. And then I'm in like a two-person scene with Ed. And I'm like, hey, man, how are? He's like, good. Let's do this. If he would forget a line, it's as if he's doing Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross.

But I'm also improvising sometimes. So it'd be like, he'd be like, Dusty, I don't know what to, God damn it! Lime! And I'd be like, I've never felt this level of intensity for something as stupid as this movie. And I say that loving the movie. So it's like he adds a level of intensity.

Yeah. But if we got a different actor, we don't have, so the movie has enough where you're like, I love it. I think it's going to be a really fun one. It's going to be good. Josh Rangbump directed it. It's very rare when you see just one clip

and you're like, I have to see more of this. Yeah, like, this is going to be stupid fun. It's a really fun one. Yeah. I think I was just, I was also coming off of a conversation with my cousin who is pickleball obsessed. Yes, people go crazy for it. Obsessed. Yeah.

And she was never an athlete, but she is now. That's who gets upset. And she broke, she broke her elbow playing. And I was trying to like retell the story. We were trying to like do the math of, so you broke your elbow and you came to my house. And, but you played pickleball the next week? And she goes, well, I never told you. She said, Southern accent.

I never told you, I, the elbow didn't stop me. She was playing in a sling, still playing pickleball, which says a lot about pickleball. Well, here's what I do need to say this about pickleball. Yeah. Because part of the fun and the easy way to shit talk it is that what's fun and Ed Harris' character's whole point of view is anything that's this easy to start is not a positive thing. Like, you shouldn't be able to day one be playing. Right.

And one of the things that I did have a shitty attitude about it of like, I shouldn't be able to play pretty well in jeans. Like, this feels stupid to me. Yeah. There's levels to that game. There is. Yeah. There was a couple of pros who were there.

And we would play with them. They would make sure certain things, like as my character gets better, they wanted it to look right. Yeah. When you play with them, you're like, no. So for some reason, their level is not talked about. Right. That ball is flying around at a speed and everything is perfectly hit.

Yeah. Where you go like, you're not winning points. It goes to the same as anything else. Right. It's like people going to the YMCA and playing basketball against a bunch of like heavyset dads and being like, oh, this is so hard. you're like yeah do you see that guy Wemby

play against him right it's the same as that really anybody can play you can start and be playing that same day yeah but when you really play there are people that I would be in games there would be three pros in me and I'd be like this is

humiliating really yes that's great yeah and I was like and for some reason that doesn't transfer over to the way pickle balls talked about no you're like Oh, but it's in that community. It's always old people pulling hamstrings.

Yes, and still playing. Right. And then playing against somebody who's never played, and the young guy being like, because the whole premise of the movie is a guy who's an old tennis bro. Ed Harris was my coach. I get hurt, but I want to play tennis again

to win the tennis club thing for my dad or whatever. And the doctor, Ben Stiller says, the fastest way back is to be playing, but without as much impact. so you can play pickleball. Got it. And then I go and I play a bunch of a group of older women. Right.

It's like 70 year old woman Mary Sr. And they beat me and talk shit to me. Yeah. And the truth is, is that is a reality of pickleball. So that happened to Sean. That was the whole point of the thing. He was playing in Beverly Hills. And then Justin Long, my buddy and I were texting and he's like,

heard you did a pickleball movie. I love to play. Let's go. Justin is the real dusty. He went to a court. It was all these older people. They all know him so well. None of them know him as an actor.

They're all just like, Justin, how's the cat? And he's like, still meowing. And I'm like, what fucking world do you live in? His whole alter ego. And everybody knew him. And he had like inside jokes with everybody. He was sweet.

And then we started playing. And it was Justin and I versed. I'm not kidding, two 75 year old Asian ladies. When the game, and I had been doing the movie and training with real professionals. Yeah. I was looking at Justin like, this ain't for me, brother. Like, I'm going to murder these women. One of them was very beatable.

She had bad hips and bad knees. And early on I was like, dink over here, move you to your left, Carol, you're done. This other woman got into a groove where she was not only whipping our ass but talking shit. And it started firing me up in a way that I haven't gotten fired up in a long time where she would do a hit and she'd be like, what was the matter?

You didn't want to get that? one. And I would literally get to the point. I'm like, I need you to cool it. You are really affecting me. And then I talked to Sean and he's like, dude, that's the game. Some of these older women had been holding in this shit talk for so long and now they got you and they are mean about it. This is all like shit they wanted to say to their husbands and their children. And for sport, like they just kept losing but they're like, I'm better than him. These ladies are getting nasty out there. It's great.

And she's Mary Seamer, and she's such a great, her voice talking shit is so funny. She is also, and I tease her about it, but she's so nice to be around that I think her talent gets overlooked. Yeah. Because people, you go, you work with her, ever go, she's the best right now. She's also incredibly talented. Oh, yeah. But she's so genuinely nice that when she would go on set, the hundred people who were there, you're right.

everybody changes. And then I would say that to her. And she would be like, no, no, that's always. But I was there when she left and it was just me. Right. And it's almost like, you know, like when somebody walks in the room and everybody's sweet. And then they leave and everybody's real. I was like, there's something about when you enter a space.

Yeah. Even I would be like, coffee sucks. Mary's here like, hey. How you doing? Me, I'm doing great. I get to drink delicious coffee, Mary. Are you still? you always seem like you're you're a creator as well yeah are you are you where's your head like now

well the podcast has taken a lot of the fun of that in a good way yeah yeah it's it feels like the old sketch show like the midwesterners because we get to make that we're constantly we're doing two episodes a week oh really yeah that we're having a lot of fun on our patreon which is a really small community yeah but we got like more releasing videos we're really there's no outside voices which is nice right but in terms of the writing and directing doing self-reliance beat me up in a way i didn't expect uh and it humbled me in terms of how hard it was what do you mean going from always being somebody who's also the writer and putting on the that's what i was just used to doing yeah and then when i had all the seats and i was the writer i was the director i was the star i was one of the producers i missed

my talented peers so much yeah i missed him having a director who I think is great walking over and going, you know what I was thinking? Right. Why don't you guys try the scene like this or having a writer go? You know, the scene yesterday was really great, but it changes today. I think we need to add this. And you read it and go like, oh, that's so smart. So I have really taken to, I really love producing so I can be part of like the whole vision

of it and the development. Then I want to be in it. Right. But I love having like great writers who that's their main job and what they've been doing for 30 years. And then directors who like when I directed and they would say like, we have another scout where we have to scout a location again. I'd be like, it's a fucking restaurant. Send me a photo. And I'd have my being like, well, you should be there, right?

And I'd be like, no, I know. I know. But then I would talk to true directors. And they love it. They'd be like, I love sky. Yeah, that's the thing. it's not your true nature. I don't love it.

Those guys are just... They love that. They'll get on a plane and go to Wisconsin just to go look at that restaurant. And then they look in there and I would lock in the room and I'd go,

it's beautiful. Right. What are what are we talking about? The DB goes, I think we could shoot from here and there. I go, yeah, it's called coverage. And I literally, I just had a bunch. And then there would be an actor

who would go like, can I ask a question about the script? And I'd be like, you can. I don't care what you have to say. And I was like, oh, but great writers are in it. And then I was like, I got so much to worry about right now, my man.

I hear you. You can talk to me, but like, we're truly wasting both of our time. And I have found sense of like, oh, it's becoming a way more natural role. Do the podcast with my buddies, have a ton of fun, do whatever we want. But I don't think I'm going to be directing for a while. This is the first time I don't have like my dream show that I'm pitching about like a car dealership in 1985. Yeah, yeah. And if I were to do that, I would want showrunners and writers,

somebody else to direct the pilot. Like cable guy that I'm doing with Damon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damon and I, after Let's Be Cops, we've written and gotten sold so many things and gotten so close. And then there's always something that happens in development. And the thing dies.

Yeah. This one came to us. We liked the idea. We developed the idea for six months, seven months. Then the writers wrote a draft that was awesome. Now we're getting a director to come on board, and I'm like, yes, this is how it should go. Right, right.

are you uh i mean that one kind of happened that way yeah but the the thing of like not having the show thing that we really want to push yeah is that because of where you're at or is it where everything's at um i have no idea yeah i don't know if it's partly getting older yeah um and i was trying to think the same thing because yeah part of it is getting older somewhat but also the game changes yeah that that that that machine that's humming and you're just just like looking in that, all right, I'm jumping in again. But also, that thing is. We were talking talk shows earlier.

Right. So we're also doing this right now. Right. And these do reach, and it changes. Yeah. So I go like, all right, I'm really missing something. Well, the truth is with the podcast, we're here to help. We do so much stuff.

Yeah. And it's a call in show. People call in and then we'll like heighten ideas. Yeah. So just to give an example of like one that trips me out a lot, a woman called in because she said her husband eats too much popcorn and it leaves colonels run. We like really dumb premises.

And then we pitch to the best of our ability, but the idea is if you were at a bar with two of your uncles and they had too much cocktails and they were trying to help you. So we are trying, but we're not saying ever like, just talk to them. What ended up coming from that call was that her husband eats too much popcorn

because he's going through dialysis because he was going through cancer and then he's going to need a kidney transplant. So I think it was the second follow-up that we finally realized what was going on. Right. Then we started as a gag being like, well, what if we did a game

and tried to find you a kidney? Then we did. And a bunch of people started writing in saying like, no joke, I would donate a kidney. So then we had six people coming in that the woman Whitney, who was the wife of the guy going through it, was vetting all the people.

Then at that point, she goes, there's a lot of people from this community willing to donate kidneys. She goes, but what I'm finding out in doing the research is that it takes some money for them to, like, live during this procedure. So she was like, I might create a foundation. I was like, do it, make a little tag. We'll put it at the end of every episode. We'll do fundraisers and sell merch through the show.

Come on a lot. So now we're creating a foundation for kidneys that's truly all just started off as a bit. Off of popcorn. I did another thing on that show where I was talking about just killing time. that when I got older, my dream was to grow a ponytail and open up a chimp sanctuary. Not real. Just bullshit. I got contacted by a lot of people being like, hey, man, that's kind of lame because we have a chip sanctuary and we need money.

And I was like, yeah, and then they would send me photos of all these chimps. And then I was like, actually, what if we just started raising money for chimps? We then started selling hats. I adopted chimps with Jake and Gareth, giving the money. And so it's scratching that itch of our job. of our job is how do we make all this stuff into the tone of our show. Right. Our show's comedy.

Yeah. It's always going to be for laugh. Yeah, yeah. But the name, which we didn't even think about is we're here to hell. Right. So if you're living the premise, you have to do it. And for us, the game is, well, it's all the bits. Yeah.

And so I'm doing that. I'm having so much fun. And then I think, all right, now I can write a movie, develop it, go to a studio, do the development. Right. And I'm like, but I'm scratching that itch and other words. ways. So it just changes. Yeah, it's interesting. And I don't know if it's that. I also don't know if as you get older. Yeah. It's just different. Well, you also know where your time is, yes. You know, going to be best spent. Yes. And it's your, your love is stand-up. Is that right?

Yeah. You just love it. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a lot of stand-ups say that. And I think it's so neat that even no matter what else happens. Right. It always comes back to that. Yeah. Yeah. You go off an act or write books or whatever. But, but it's always that. And it's funny because, again, like the way things evolve and change, you know, it was always kind of like this little blue collar existence in show business. And then as everything started to crumble, all of a sudden, people are like, what's this stand-up?

That looks pretty great. These guys are still working. It's had an amazing decade. Yeah. Yeah, it's been pretty wild. Back to your cholesterol. Yeah. What do you love to eat?

Like, what's the thing that you love to eat in your house that you know you shouldn't be? Well, I'm a guy whose weight goes up and down a lot. And so when I'm really just relaxing, I would like to be eating it all times. Constant snack. I'm the same. It's so delicious. I mean, it's the best drug in the world. Cheese?

Yeah. Not so much. Yeah. Are you a big cheese and bread guy? Yeah, I love cheese. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Cheese and I are really close. So cheese to me feels very adult and healthy. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, but that's how it feels like. It's adult. Yes, but not healthy. But that feels like, wow, you have many. Like, I'm at the level of like, Oreo cookie ice cream.

Straight up junk food? I am making this the summer. The summer of ice cream sandwiches if you want to join. Oh, I love the summer of ice cream sandwich. I mean, we don't even have to talk the rest of the summer. but I'll just know that you're out there actively saying yes to ice cream sandwiches after like all summer long. You know what I'm actually? I had my first one the other day at a gas station.

I'm like, this is the summer of ice cream sandwiches. You would have enjoyed your road trip a lot more if you stopped for ice cream sandwiches along the way. We tried. You tried. The summer of ice cream sandwich is incredible. Join. I got to say I can't. Why?

Because I'm starting a TV show at the end of August and I don't want to be Marlon Brando and a chocolate now. How much you have to lose? I don't have to lose anything. I just don't want to get, if I have, I have a very addictive personality. Okay. Taking after my daddy. But if I have one, my summer of ice cream sandwiches will be plural a day.

Plural a day. It'll go very quickly, I'll go, Tom was right. This was a great ice cream sandwich. And I go, what I'm going to do on weekends? Then I'd get like eight. Yeah. The first day I would go like, one ain't enough. Get out of here with two.

But now that I've had three, I should probably finish the box. Yeah. It really just start to open things up. I had a whole debate with my friend. I'm like, do Chip Witches count? Do the little taco ones count? Yeah, yeah. Anything you can hold as a sandwiched?

I mean, I really got into it for the traditional sticking to your fingers, the chocolate sticking here. With ice cream in the middle? Yeah, come on. Come on. Come on. And there is a real joy getting it from like a very dirty gas station. Of course.

And just like sliding open the thing. How many seasons has this been in here? It's the beauty of a freezer, Don. They can live forever, brother. There's a funny thing now they're saying like, there's this big thing where, now these parents are mad where they're like,

this is ice cream. It's not ice cream. These need to be called cold treats. Oh, God. Because the ice cream doesn't melt. I go, call it whatever you want, just give it to me. Oh, I don't get to call it an ice cream.

cream cookie. I have to call it a cold tree cookie. It's a fucking cold tree cookie. It still just disappeared into my face. What I'm doing right now, the big change is for the first time I'm doing a meal delivery thing. Oh, you are. I'm trying it. You are. I'm on week two. Really? No, I'm falling off. Today we went off just got Chinese food. What did your doctor say about that? You know, honest to God, I didn't bring it up. And I don't know why. Because she wasn't looking at you.

Yeah. And I keep secrets from doctors. Yeah, lie to doctors. Do you get in shape for your physicals? No. No. I did for years. You would try to get at your best. I would try like, I would cancel because I wasn't at my old weight.

And I was like trying to get to fool him. And I would like hydrate and stuff. Yeah. Because I, you know, he's going to be disappointed. It's not like going to an eye doctor and they're just like, that's just your eyes. There's no prepping. You go to a physical and they're like, this ain't good. You've been horrible.

You acted a bad way. This is disgusting. I told you to do a bunch of things and you did none of them. I got one of a story for that where you ever been to one of the Hollywood doctors to get insurance for a movie? Yeah. So my first one, I hadn't been to a doctor in probably five, six years. And I was kind of excited. Yeah.

I was like, this movie's paying for me to see like a top Hollywood doctor. This is the same one that sees like George Clooney. This is the best doctor I'll ever go to and it's free. Yeah. So I was genuinely. only like great they're gonna tune up this old jalopy like i'm gonna be speeding down the road and i'm talking to this woman and you know she does this stuff and then she goes okay now let's get into it uh do you drink and i was like oh yeah she goes how often i was like these days every day and she goes uh drugs i was

like nah just weed she's like how much i'm like a lot these days he goes cigarettes and i go when I drink. They go, she goes, how's food? And I was like, I've been going sideways, I've been being honest.

And you go, I was exercise. And I go, I was playing basketball for a while, but I got to be honest, everything's slipping right now. And she goes, do you know where you are?

And I go, a doctor's office. And she goes, to be insured for a movie. Do you want me to write all these answers? And I was like, oh my God, you're a fake.

You a doctor. And I was like, I thought I was getting the George, Clooney doctor. I was like, oh, he goes to a different doctor? So I was like, I'm so sorry. She goes, do you drink? And I was like, I don't like the taste. We, no, not for me. It makes me feel anxious. And she's like, that's so funny. And that's when I was like, oh, the Hollywood that's fake and phony. And I was like, there was a bunch of those things that happened early where I was like, I didn't know this is how it was. That's crazy. And then that person later was like, we have

to draw blood. I'm like, at the fake hospital? You better have it with like a plastic needle. Well, you obviously enjoy a lot of things because you can't pin down what snacks or what kind of restaurants. It seems to all of it. I love Italian. I love pizza. I love fries. I love diner food.

Really, since I've been in L.A., Mexican food has taken over my life. Vietnamese is a huge one for me. But also, Thai town, you get like those noodles. I'm like, so I do like change. Right, right. But I like, I mean. Yeah, that's good. I'm an eater.

Yeah. Most things in front of me, if I go someplace and they do the family style, there's not a plate I'm pushing away. Right. I'm not going like this. I don't know. I always say the hard part when you're in those situations is like I don't have an off switch. Same. I say I stop because I know it's socially unacceptable.

Same. And that's why I hate family style. Right. I also hate doing this in family style. Tom, do you mind? Whatever those things are. You're passing it back over here. Yeah.

You're trying to talk. Right. And I'm going to eat. It's in a facetail, but you can't get it all the fruit. Do you ever get to the point where you're like, I'm not going to ask, is anyone going to take the last bite? I'm just going to do it because no one's going to do it. It's bold.

Especially with sweets. Right. The worst thing about family style is when like the dessert's coming, somebody goes like, have you guys tried the chocolate peanut butter? It's really great. There's two scoops for the whole table. It's not a full helping, brother. You have one?

If my spoon goes, we're done with chocolate and peanut butter. So wait, you're doing the thing in August. So I'm doing, at the end of August, the show got picked that. It's called Sunset P.I. It'll be on NBC. It's a P.I. Show, Dan Gore and Luke de Trejee wrote it. They did the Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

Oh, yeah. Super funny dudes. Some of the funniest, like the pilot was one of the funniest scripts I've ever read. Really? Yes. Oh, that's great. I'm really genuinely excited for that one. But I just, honestly, those guys, we become buddies, so we tease each other pretty quickly,

which is a dynamic I like. Yeah. If I come in 15 pounds fatter. and I say, Tom said it was ice cream cookie summer. That moment when the executives at Table Read episode two go like, all right, now bring out, Mickey, wild error my character and I walk in and it's boom,

Bob, hot, whoa. And I'm like, everybody, this is my last ice cream sandwich in the summer. I don't think it's going to be a cool vibe. The vibe won't be excited. Do you still have to put yourself on tape for things? or are you friends with your offer? Well, I don't like to, I'm trying to always shoot in L.A. Right.

Because my kids are here and I don't want to be traveling too much for that. So I have a theory about auditioning and that is you can't beg to go to a party and then complain about the music. Uh-huh. And I have certain, like I like being collaborative. I like being in the discussion, at least for my character. I like knowing when we're shooting. I don't like when you don't have any control of your schedule.

Yeah. And they're like, we were going to shoot on Wednesday, but now we're going to hold you for nine months. Right. I don't want that job. Yeah. I want to be, I want to know what's going on. But so I realize if I'm auditioning and then I fight and I get the job and they give it to me and then I go like, so I would really like it to be in L.A. I'd like to have the schedule.

And it's like, why did you beg to be here? Right, right. If I'm offered or I create it with people. Right. Then I'm in those discussion, there's never conflict. Smart. So it took a while to go like, why are people getting mad at me? And I think I'm saying basic stuff.

Right. And it was, oh, because they thought I fought to get here. Right. And I just thought that's what actors did. Yeah, yeah. So now if I'm asked to audition, I'll have to have a discussion first of like, what are all the things? Yep. And then if it's these all work, you're just not sure.

I'm happy to show you the tone. Right, right. Because if I'm not right, I don't want to be in it. Yeah. But I don't do like cold audition tapes and things. I'd rather not get the job. That's good. That's really smart.

Yeah. I'm going to use that because I hate doing this. I hate it's also it's like, what am I doing? Yeah, you're like, no one's going to see this. Why am I doing this?

Because you know so many times from just being in production and doing stuff. You know right away. Yeah, they're already talking to somebody about doing this. Somebody's got an offer and they also know the look. Right. And they go like, we're looking for somebody who's like six foot four and blonde.

And I'm like, Jay Johnson, five, 10, hairyish. And not what you're looking for. page one of 11. Yeah.

Pass. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. This was really fun. Really fun. You're really great. I just love watching all your stuff. And it was really so nice just to see that stupid clip come up and be like, oh, pickleball.

Yeah. Yeah. You're always doing really just fun stupid stuff. Thanks, fun. And nice meeting your mom. Yeah. I hope this whole adventure works out. It will.

It will. It's weird, but it is really fun. You've got to embrace the good parts of it. It's really, uh... Yeah, I'm trying. Yeah, it'll take time. I know. Whenever my mom comes and we're like, you take her to dinner and stuff and you just see her

kind of like looking around. She's like, these people are weird. I don't think the people are weird as much as the whole environment is different. Yeah, yeah. It's like you're on hills all the time. Yeah. Totally. I know.

And all that sunshine and perfect. I haven't seen much of that. Oh, really? And what did you think of the house today? Your house? Where you live? She goes like this. She goes, this house is out to get me.

Then the other thing that happened today that was very funny. The house is a cave. It's a cave. It's a cave. Yeah, she doesn't like it. you're going to sell it. Oh, it's a beautiful house in those feelings. She's stuck in the cave.

I told her I was going to put a sign that said, jail cell warden, Jake Johnson. Didn't make one, Eve Johnson. We were, we called a place today, like whatever we called, the garbage sanitation to pick up that bag. When I first got here,

I thought they came to pick up the container of my stuff. And I hear this noise, and I'm like, Oh, they're picking up the container. It's the garbage. So I ran out for the second can. I said, I'm so sorry.

Probably not how it happened. They didn't care if I was sorry. Maybe they'll pick it up. So they did come the next day. And then he left me like four notes. You left too much garbage. Oh, jeez. You don't get these container tags.

We're not going to pick it up. Oh boy. Getting in trouble already. And we called the place this morning and I'm going to do an impression of you. She goes, hello, yeah, we need to get these tags. And the lady goes, okay. And then you could tell you she was doing a little bit like the typing stuff in. And my mom goes, I need to know where we get the tags.

And the lady goes, okay, just give me a second. And my mom goes. And I went, no way. You totally all on. And then afterwards she goes, what did I do that? was so crazy. I was like, the woman just said, okay, you're already at this. It was at an exaggeration at all. Just like the driver. It was, I'm not kidding. Hi, can we get some bags? Sure. We need some bags. Okay. Yeah, it's going to take a while. It's going to take it.