Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 344 - Dan Ahdoot

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

Dan Ahdoot joins Tom Papa to talk about the accidental making of his new comedy special, Yes, I Am Falafel Phil, and the challenge of keeping proven material alive. They also get into wine snobbery, a spectacular dinner with Ralph Macchio, Broadway disappointments, New York food lines, and the pleasures that no sleep score can measure. Dan's book UNDERCOOKED is out now. His special YES, I AM FALAFEL PHIL is out now. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 00:00 Dan Ahdoot Can't Play the Hits Like Musicians 00:37 Dan Ahdoot Returns With Wine 05:52 Gen Z, Drinking, and Longevity 10:05 QR Codes and Lost Etiquette 15:43 Leaving Los Angeles for New York 23:19 The Mocktail Scam 26:10 Favorite Bottles and Wine Cheat Codes 32:05 Dinner With Ralph Macchio 37:47 The Broadway Show They Hated 42:01 An Accidental Comedy Special 44:35 Building the Next Stand-Up Hour 52:13 TikTok Takes Over New York Food 55:19 Steakhouses and Cigar Culture 1:01:39 Why Weed Shrinks Your World 1:04:23 The Perfect Martini 1:07:25 Dan Ahdoot Studies Wine 1:10:03 A Janitor With a Deed 1:12:44 Bread and Sourdough Cookies 1:15:30 Where to Watch the Special Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The musicians, I feel, have it so much easier where it's like, just play the old stuff. I know. Just give it to me. The amount of times, like, it's the opposite for comments. It's like, hey, you did the same thing that I saw that set last week. It's like, it was last week, man. I'm still like working this out. And I, yeah, you know, it's a puzzle that we will never really know the answer to.

You know, if you were to go back out and after your special comes out and you did 80% of the stuff was still in the special with the audience, hate you and never come back? Or would they be like, yeah, he's working it out and moving forward? You know, we have no idea. It's breaking bread. Thanks for coming in. You were one of the only people that was here in the before times, you know? I was here in the before times.

I know. I'm going to light a candle for you. I mean, this is absolutely, this is Patreon money, what's going on here. Explain to the crew what this was because they weren't here. Oh, it was like, it was just like a table and we were sitting across from each other and I think there was what I mean it wasn't this fancy no we came in we it was facing this way yeah it was just a corporate table it is this table actually oh really yeah which we dressed up yeah and uh I feel like I'm at carbone yeah that's exactly it it was great yeah and uh yeah it was the very

early days of being in this building at all yeah and and uh and you came in because you were doing cobra kai no I think I was promoting my book it was your book yeah it was my book yeah it was my undercooked. You can still get it on Amazon. Why don't we have a copy of it in our stack then? Yeah, I'm not sure. Oh, there it is. It's right behind you. It is. Yeah. Oh, yeah, there we go. That's awesome. Nice. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, so I was here doing that. And you were so, you might have been the only person who brought me on their show who actually, like, read my book. Well, you can tell right away when people are bullshitting their way through the interview. Right. Okay, so what was... I had my friend

who was like a pretty famous journalist. I had her like do the Q&A at my book party. And second question, I was like, oh, she hasn't read the book. Oh no. Oh, no.

Yeah, exactly. That's a bummer. She's like, what's it the most exciting thing about writing a book? I'm like, oh, come on. That's the worst. No, because it's, you know,

I think part of it is also that I write, so you understand, you know, And you also, when you have people on, you want to see what they're writing. Yeah, yeah. And that's a much harder lift. This assignment for today was much easier. 45 minutes.

You just send me a special. I got a sneak preview to the special. Yeah. And what's it called? Yes, I am falafel Phil. Yes, I am falafel phil. Yeah. I don't think I got up to that joke, actually.

Oh, really? Yeah. It's the last line of the special. Oh, it is. Yeah. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. Because I got through most of it and just in running around.

and it's hilarious. Oh, thank you. It's so funny, and we'll get into it all, but I love the mix of food stuff, because you and I really connected on eating and the right ways to eat and all that kind of stuff, and you were so nice to show up, and I'm holding this up because I assume that future guests

are going to see this. Some people bring wine. Oh, you don't bring 2018 Brunello when you come on the show? This is so sweet. Oh, that's weird. Yeah, this is really... No, well, listen, I know that you'll appreciate it,

and there's very few comics who appreciate the finer thing. But that's how we bonded for sure. I think our love of food is... You can tell. It's like game-recognized game. Right. When someone else has that same obsession and insanity around it. Like, you had a bit in one of your specials where you're like,

I know what I have to do to lose weight. I have to eat less. I have to drink less. I don't want to. I was like, yeah, that's how I feel. It's like, I know exactly what I have to do. Yeah. But I don't ever want to stop.

I know. It really is, there's like this line. In my mind, there is the, there's like what you should be doing, you know, and then there's all these influences in your life. And like, my parents or my grandparents and like, you know, this Italian family and all this stuff. And then it ends over here with Jim Harrison, who is this great writer. He's a legendary writer that not a lot of.

people know, an American writer. And he wrote tons of books. He wrote Legends of the Fall. He did all this amazing stuff. But he also wrote tons about food for Esquire predominantly. And he carved books out of those called A Really Big Lunch. And there's another one, a collection of essays of the way this guy would eat and drink. But it was all like great French wine, great Italian wine Mario Battali would like come to his cabin in the woods and cook for him Like he really just

First he'd probably get a little grabby in it Yeah Yeah I think Harrison was safe One eye and kind of grizzled I think I saw him He was a guest on Bourdain's show I think Bourdain goes to his house once Yes that's right

He had like a mason jar full of like a deer stock Yeah Or something like that Wild Wild and he's like like a spirit animal for me for eating and drinking all the finer things, but the way I found out about it was his obituary at like 72. Oh, wow. And it wasn't a healthy 10 years before that. Yeah. So it's like as much as I want to live like that, I also can't live like that. You know what I

mean? You got to dial it back. I don't want to walk around with the gout. I understand. And, you know, the hot word these days is longevity. Longevity. Longivity. And longevity and fun. don't go well together. What do you think this whole new drinking thing where drinking is really falling off a cliff, especially with young people.

I mean, young people, what's funny about young people is like they don't want to drink anymore, but they just want to micro dose. They just want to microdose everything, just a little bit. These two guys are probably on a little bit of mushrooms right now

just to take the edge off. So like, they're just constantly like low dose drugging themselves. Yeah. And whereas you and I are like, I'm sober most of the day. Right. And then at night I'm going to have some drinks. That's right. I don't, you know, I'm not high all the time. I backload. It's not front loading. It's backloading. Whereas there's just like a constant IV drip of drugs. Yeah. And you know what's going to happen? I was trying to, I was trying to write about this the other day. I didn't lead anywhere, but it's a good point for now. Is that you can do all that stuff, but drugs runs out. Drugs, weed, whatever like mellow kind of funny. you have, it starts to lose its luster.

And then what's waiting for you at the end of it? More stress in your life and booze. Yeah. Booze is going to be the thing that they're all going to have to, they're going to be like, you know what? Wee makes me feel weird now. Yeah. It does.

And you're going to be like, but a gin and tonic kind of does the trick. Yeah. We've been waiting for you. We've been waiting for you, Gen Z. I really think it's going to bounce back because of that. I really do. Yeah. life is not going to let up.

I feel like, look, I think that they, I think culturally they're different than us, though. I do think that they don't, like, the Gen Z's, I guess it's more thoughtful, but it's like, they'll also, like, do cocaine. It's like, something about alcohol really rubs them the wrong way. I don't know why, what happened. Yeah. But, yeah, like, wine, like, it's a good question. Wineries are pulling their grapes out of the ground.

I know. I was just in Sonoma. Yeah. And there were some vineyards where they were literally vines pulled out and stacked. Yeah. Because it's cheaper to do that than bottle a bunch of stuff that they don't think they're going to be able to sell this year. It's crazy. Crazy.

No deals, by the way. I was like, I'm here. I know. I'm here for the fire sale. I'm still waiting for the prices to go down. Nothing. They had it yet. They had a break.

But yeah, I think it is, it's weird. It's like almost like a self-inflicted prohibition is going on. Yeah. I, you know, look, a lot of it is social media. You know, they point out the things and it could be true. But there was a couple doctors that were like, no, drinking is going to be the new smoking. We're going to look at it and like, how did we ever do that? Yeah.

No. Well, here's what the problem is with all those things. Because I see these studies where they're always like, any amount of alcohol is bad for you. Anything is bad for you. Well, fine. Okay, if we're just looking scientifically, biologically on my body. But the amount of fun that I have when I'm drinking and the camaraderie with friends that I have when I'm drinking and the enjoyment that I have from drinking far outweighs, I think, anything that it's going to do to my liver. I mean, I'm not drinking insane amounts, but it's like the joy that I get opening a nice bottle of wine with a friend. Amen.

I mean, ain't, you know, ain't no zone two cardio going to do that for me. No, right, exactly. No. And just completely relax and let all that stress go. Yeah. You're running around with an aura ring and an Apple Watch and freaking out about your sugar levels. You're going to have a heart attack at 50. Absolutely.

I mean, that's the thing. I do think people are over, there's too much data. Yeah. Like we're over-dataifying ourselves. Like, people have the fucking glucose monitor on their tricep. Why? What are you? Like, you work in marketing.

You're not like a triathlete. Why are you doing this? Yeah, what are you trying to achieve? What are you doing? And their sleep score. They're so obsessed with their sleep score. Oh, one glass of wine and kept my sleep score. Shut up with your dumb sleep score.

I know. Like, what... Live your life. What test are you trying to pass? Live your life. Have a shitty night to sleep and have a great bottle of wine. What was the joke you had? It was, oh, it was about...

And it was funny, because I tracked it. As the comedy police, I... You started going into a joke. about having QR codes in a restaurant where you got to order now with your phone. Yeah. You got to scan and do the whole thing and the thing, which I hate. I completely, I have a whole debate with my daughter about one of our favorite places that went that way after COVID.

And your bit is talking, you start railing against it. And the comedy police was like, yeah, this is a little bit. And then you said, it means we're old. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was so relieved that you comedically were like, I know this is an old man bitching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's still, I'm still right. Right, right, right.

I think it's like, I say like QR codes are the worst thing to come out of, because it forces you to have your phone out at the dinner table. And I, for one, think the phone has no place at the dinner table. Who's with me? And they're like, woo. And I say, yeah, old people. It's really so true. It is so true. I mean, but I'm an etiquette nerd, man.

I know. I'm an etiquette nerd, and it's like, I wish I weren't. Yeah. Because people are such trash now, and it's so hard to find. I know. You know? This is why I crave and watch Turner Classic movies all the time. Okay.

Because their etiquette and their manners are found in scripts. It's found in the way that they say hello and goodbye and good night and hang with it. I mean, I know it's film. I know not the whole world was living. that way. But there were enough where the reflection in the art was the culture. Yeah. And, you know, there's all different levels, but there was manners. There was real etiquette and the way when a woman walks up to the table, what you do when you say goodbye, like all of those things, excusing yourself. I love it. It's just, it's so, if you follow the rules, your life is so

much more calm. Don't have to, I know it's corny, but just follow the rules that people have figured out for thousands of years and you'll be, you'll go through stress free. The number of times you'll get in the car and go, oh, I shouldn't have said that will be so fewer than making it up as you go. I agree with you. And also, I feel like you will stand out from the rest of the trash that is in the world. You will go on dates and these women will be like, who is this man? Man. I know. And it's just like little things to do because chivalry's dead.

No one is polite anymore. Yeah. So you just do like a little tiny gesture. It's amazing. Oh, let me stand up when she comes to the table or, you know. Open the door. Paying the bill. A lot of these guys aren't paying the bill.

I know. I mean, it's like these little things will just separate you from the, I mean, you and I should start. We should be like the non-toxic Andrew Tates, teaching the men. How to live their lives. I know. You know what? Let's not launch it now because I'm dressed like a five-year-old boy. I'm starting to think we should have done these in suits.

Well, what's funny is I'm usually dressed nicer. You're usually dressed nicer. Yeah. The weather in L.A., I don't quite know what to do with it. It's Armageddon right now. It's killing me right now. It's 102. Yeah.

It really is. And it's not letting up at night, which is very unusual out here. Yeah. It's hard to be stiley here. Is that why you move? It's very hard to be. That's the main reason I moved back to New York. I need layers, baby.

I need... Yeah. I will say it's striking to come back to L.A. One of the things you really notice is how poorly dressed everyone is. I know. Like guys at restaurants and they're flip-flops. Oh, the worst.

Oh, my God. But, you know, it's getting to a point where you almost can't fault them. I know. Because it's so hot. That's the problem. What are you going to wear a three-piece suit out here and just melt? Yeah.

I know. I have all these great hats. Yeah. That I wear in New York in the fall. On here, you don't. Out of here? I want to get a big straw hat. I literally.

was, I literally was driving home yesterday and there was gardeners, you know, and they had those big straw hats. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, this is starting to make sense. I think it's time. By the way, I love how you faulted me for doing an old guy bit and then you're like, you know what, I like, I like, turner craft classic movies. Oh, completely. I like to sit back and watch some carry grants. No, completely. No, but, but, no, I'm, I'll, I'll defend that to the, to the death. Uh, so much better. Um, but comedically, to be able to be able to, but, um, but comedically, to be able to call yourself out on like, you know, because it's a rant that I would have like with my daughter. Like we literally fight about that and to hear the self-awareness of it. It was like, and that's

what a lot of this special is, by the way. It's, you're really, really funny. And I didn't see you do stand-up in a while. I know. Yeah. Yeah, and forever. I mean, it was, you know, and I don't know if I've told you this, but you were the first, I was working at Comedy Central 25 years ago. Right. Like, it was my first job out of college. And we were, you know, and we were. You know, You'd always get free tickets to go see the specials and stuff. And I went to the taping of your Comedy Central Presents. Oh, wow. It's not wild?

That is wild. Was that your, that might have been your first special. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I think I had done a late night spot or two. But that was my first, yeah, half hour. I remember walking out. I was outside and you had walked out of the back door and you were like looking for your family or something.

And I looked at you and I was like, man, one day I'm going to get that guy wine. He's going to bake me bread. He's going to bake me bread. one day that man will cook for me so what do you do when you come back now you were here yeah you have new york roots you've always been a long island kid yeah uh but last we spoke you were out here doing your thing yeah i was here for 15 years what was the what what what what happened um honestly was it a great choice i think it was a great choice i am i'm i'm kind of over l a as an east coaster yeah and also like all my families on the east coast

And I feel like after COVID, we don't really have to be in L.A. anymore for work. Yeah. You know, everything that I do is writing or stand-up, which can be done anywhere. Pitching shows can be done. Is everything all done on Zoom now? Yeah. So I was like, I don't know. Why am I here anymore?

And also, like, this is going to sound crazy, but one of the things that bothers me about L.A. is the perfect weather. Because every day feels a little bit like Groundhog's Day. Yeah. You don't get that. There was a, oh, and I was in Sonoma. And again, it's not L.A. Northern California, which is, this is why it's better, you do feel more of the change.

And like every morning we woke up, it was cold and foggy until like 10. And it was so good for our souls. Yeah. It was my daughters and my wife. And we all just felt so much better. Everyone else was like skittering around like, but if you come from L.A., it's like, ah. It's like a balm for yourself.

It really is. It's like a nice rainy two days. Yeah. I know. By the way, that's also good for the grapes. You want to have that chill at night. Right. And then the warm during the day.

Yeah. That's why Sonoma's so good. So good. Did you have a lot of good wine there? No. No? Not really. Okay.

Sorry, I'm just trying to make conversation. No, no. It was, yeah, because I want to go back and, like, I've never really done that properly, like a full wine trip. This was my wife's birthday. So we were doing lots of other activities and spa and, you know, she was with the kids. and I really snuck in a couple tastings in a couple places,

and they weren't even that great, but the, like, the view is just, they, those places, they just have it all dialed in, you know, the mesquite, and when the sun's coming, and, you know, what to serve with it, and they just, they just have it, that's all they do. It's so good. They're just going to make this experience beautiful. And the wine I got was like, okay.

Yeah. Yeah, it's all, just smoking mirrors, and, like, yeah, it's fine. Totally. Yeah. I bought six bottles knowing it wasn't great. Well, at least you know you have a good palate that you can't be swayed by that stuff. Yeah, that's true. There's a lot of swaying in the wine world, I think. Oh, man, yeah. We went to, Sonoma is Pino and Chardonnay is like the big things over there.

And my girls are like a little more into, a little more into white, but not Chardonnay. and that's a big Chardonnay area and they were like this one's made with steel and this one's in the oak and they weren't buying it. They're like, it's still Chardonnay. You know, I understand

I'd like to have a talk with your daughters because Chardonnay, especially California and Chardonnay, has such an awful reputation because in the 90s in the early 2000s even, I mean a lot of them do now, they were so overly oaked

and there was so much malolactic fermentation which basically creates that buttery, mouth feel. That makes them so syrupy and gloopy that is kind of, I get what they're saying. But white burgundy is all Chardonnay. And white burgundy is like some of the most like, you know, linear sort of mineral-y, mineral-forward, beautiful, light crisp white wines. Chardonnay is a shape-shifter. Like, it really depending on where they grow it, it'll, it can take on, you know, it's like a little

chameleon. So yeah. And also there's place now people in California especially are starting to make their wines a little more restrained and not so much like of that buttery mouth feel. Yeah. You know, there's that that California rep across the board of a, and nice Giumati by the way and sideways in your special. That was really funny. That was so in the weeds. I was like whoever gets that's going to love it. 90% of the people won't get it. So good. We rewatched it while we were up there just for fun just because just to get the wine thing. Man, does that hold up? Yeah. Such a good movie. Oh, it's so good.

I saw it recently too, actually. Yeah. It's such. It's so good. I used it for inspiration. I wrote the movie version of my book, which we're trying to sell now. Oh, yeah. But like, you know, it's kind of similar vibes. But that was like, I love when people can take a movie, like a topic like wine that is like, yeah. One percent of the world's population cares about wine. But to be able to take that. and make it a universal thing. Right.

It's so difficult and they did it so perfectly. So great. Yeah. Just, yeah, and just in choice moments, you know, of describing when they're on the date and they both are saying the things they love about wine. Yeah. And they're just so captivating, both of them. Yeah.

And you're just like, you're in. You just want to start drinking immediately. But back to the California thing, you know, Jim Harrison, like, loves these bandoles and these things from France. And he would always talk about the big, thick house paint of California Cabernets. That's so funny. When they tried to get so big and so, everything was so muscular. And you really start to like, the same way they, Giamatti railing against Merlot, you know,

it really sticks with you. And the way he talked about Cabernet, that really stuck with me. Yeah. And, uh, but, you know, that is a generalization like you're saying with the Chardonnay. It's like, you know, now that movie's 25 years old, you know, things change year to year with these. Absolutely. And I also feel like it's okay to like the big brocabs, as I like to call them. Yeah. Like, because there's a time and a place for them. If I'm at a steakhouse and I have a huge steak, I want that lacquer. Yeah. Right. I want that lacquer on my tongue. Like, it's just like.

That maple cereal. I don't, it doesn't always have to be one way or the other. Like, I think there's merits of all, there's merits of the light reds, there's merits of the huge reds. I like them all. And I feel like there is this thing where, um, it's like, I don't know, it's like, uh, people feel like they have to, it's, it's almost like a pretentious thing of like, oh, I don't drink American wines. I don't, I don't like, it's like, okay. It's such a generalization. Yeah. Yeah. We make, we make amazing wines. I always say I'm very maggot when it comes to American wine. I try so hard. I try so hard. to promote American wine and like, like, Oregon is like, Oregon wines are like my favorite.

And every time I go to like a bunch of pretentious wine friends and it's like, bring a burgundy, I'll always bring like something from Oregon and cover it and see if they can. Oh, really? And it passes usually. Yeah. They won't know. Really? Yeah.

What is your favorite up there? Like the Willamette Valley? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The Willamette Valley. I mean, their pinos there are so great.

I love the wines from Soter, S-O-T-E-R. bio dynamic, organic, all that, all the buzzwords, but it doesn't taste like a foot. Right, like a clay pot. Yeah, no, I mean, they're everything up. The Antiquatera is one that I really love up there. They're awesome. I mean, their words are great.

Also, the thing that Gen Z brought into the world that I hate almost as much as the QR code menu, it's a part of the menu that is now devoted to something called a mocktail. Yeah. Mocktails. No fun. It's the biggest scam. Yeah, they're also $25 bucks.

$25 for juice. It's juice. It's fucking juice. They're charging $25 with a straight face. They put it in a coop. They're putting orange juice and a coop. I know. A little piece of tarragon?

Yeah. Here you go, $25. Oh, my God. The profit margins on the mocktails. I was trying to do a joke about it the other night. I said, there's a lot of people out there who are saying that they're not drinking anymore, that drinking is so bad for you that they're not drinking anymore. And I call these people the friendless.

Because no one wants to be around you. Oh, my God. Well, it's also the preachiness of when they stop drinking. And I'll say this, I'm guilty of this because I do dry January. And when I do it, my God. You tell everybody. It's all you're going to hear from me. Oh, I'm on day 30.

I'm ready to start. I'm like, I will take people through the whole month. I'm so annoying. It's so, it's rough. It's rough. It is rough, especially, I mean, yeah, I feel like, how often do you drink? You know, I drink more when I'm home. When I'm on the road, I'll skip a lot because it's tiring, you know, and you've got to get up the next morning, go to the next place.

Yeah. So when I'm home, which I have been for a couple of weeks, I would say about three or four days out of the seven, I'll have something. Yeah. And, you know, even just like, you know, a glass of wine with dinner. Yeah. I have to count that. A lot of days I don't count it. A lot of days I'll be like, wow, I didn't drink at all this week.

Yeah. Oh, except for wine with every meal. But that's not really drinking. That doesn't count. I didn't put anything in a shaker. hydrating. Yeah. What about heart alcohol?

I think the older I get, the harder my body is at taking it, man. And I try to fight through it because I love a nagroney. Yeah. And I love a martini. Yeah. But I'm really going to pay for it the next day. Yeah. Which is a bummer because I love them.

But I think wine, I can drink as much wine as I want and I'll be fine the next day. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. That's great. It also gives me the best buzz. You know, a lot of people are like, red wine makes me tired. Not me.

Yeah. Not me. It revs me up. Wow. That is unusual. I know. But I also think that it depends on the wine or drinking. If you're having those big syrupy ones, yes. Yeah. Because those are like Coca-Cola. So what is a bottle that you, if you're home and just hanging out and having dinner and whatever, what's like a bottle? What's your go-to?

Well, I'll tell you, last night, I had a bottle of Obon Clima, which is from Santa Barbara County. You know what? I want to get one of these for. your daughter because this is a chardonnay from sanibre barbara county okay 13.5% alcohol so low in the alcohol it's very very made in like a light structured way beautiful 23 bucks a bottle really yeah oh that's nice it's really good um how often do you go white over red

uh i'll probably do red more um i do red more brunello is my favorite i think yeah grape that there is i mean it's just i don't know It's the bouquet. It's just like this potpourri sort of smells a little bit like grandma's closet, but in a good way. I love it. It's just like, I don't know, I just love it so, so much. But that's again, it's like, it's kind of a fancy wine.

Like I wouldn't, my daily drinker would probably be like a gamet or something, like light, fruity, fun. Yeah. I had friends over the other night and opened up a bottle of telegram, you know, It's a French telegraph. Oh, Vie de laitlegrap, like a shot's of nifty pop? Yeah. Yeah. I love those.

The best. So good. Yeah. And that's even mustier than Grandma's closet. That's like the bottom of a sea cave filled with old cigar boxes. And a leather jacket. Yeah. Yeah.

And, man, I opened that up. Dave Hill was over and fortune, and we had this nice little meal. And so I opened. that one and it was just like, you know, lifted everybody. Killer. And then the next one was a bandol, which is just a little rougher. It's like you don't kind of drink it on its own. It's like supposed to be had, you're supposed to have it with meat. Yeah. It really does something completely different. And I could tell the ones who weren't just eating the pasta and stuff, they were kind of going a little slower on that. And then fortunate brought over a California cab. And she kind of like got rid of

the Bandol, and once I had opened her bottle, and she went with that. But man, such a great way to do it. Whatever you've got, if you're thoughtful about it and have, like, you're tuned in on each of them. It was so cool to see what each one, how each one tasted, but also what it did to the table and what it did to people. You know, it was really, it was like the first one was just your best friend in the world. The second one was like, your friend from school, who, you if you met now, you probably wouldn't be friends with them. Right, right, right. And the other one was like a new person who was like, yeah, I think so, but by the end

of it, you're like, not really. You probably won't call them again. That's so funny. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like if anyone is in, if anyone feels lost in the weeds in this conversation, like the one piece of information that I like to tell people that's a very easy thing to take with you is like, the hotter the place that the wine is made, the more big and bold and and like sort of juicy and thick it's going to be.

Okay. Okay. So like that Vietelagraph is from the southern Rome. So south of France is hot as fuck. Right. Okay. Napa Valley is super hot. Right.

Oregon, less hot. Walla, walla, less hot. Right. You know, so it's like when you are looking for a wine, if you know where these regions are, like Bondo is south of France also. Yeah. But like Burgundy is north.

so it'll be a lighter wine. So it's kind of a good little cheap color. Yeah. Yeah. So has that work with Italy? Where's Brunello compared to the nebiole? Yeah. So Italy, the north, you have the San Giovese, the Borolos, and those are going to be a little more,

you know, they're very structured, they're delicate, but they're like really, they're pretty bold. But they're not like juice bombs. Right. But if you go to Sicily, you're getting juice bombed. Right. Like the Ednarosis there are fucking gross. I love them, but they're very like, you feel like it's a lot more juicy, whereas these are a little more like tuxedoed, you know? Right, right.

That makes sense. And then where is where's Barolo? Borolo is also in the north, it's in Piedmont. So that is, you know, those wines, those are like silent killers because they're very light in color. They smell very, like, dainty and rosy. They're even kind of light on the palate, but they're like all like 16% alcohol. And like you don't, it's like a Long Island ice tea. You don't realize you're going to get hammered.

But they're also, they're also pretty complex. Yes. That's what I like that. I like them because it's like that's their big bold. Like that's their version of our Napa cab. And there it's like a little more poetic, right? Right. It's like it's a way more feminine, but it's also like a really structured huge.

Not to make this about gender. It's like a they them. It's the they them of wine. No, but it's true. Like those are, those are the ones where it's almost like doing something different every sip. Yeah. You know, it's like there's like surprises in those wines. Yeah, they're pretty awesome.

I mean, those are like, I think Italian wines are just way more interesting because they're like also just spicier. I just like get this spice from them that I really like. They're never like one note. I'm pretty good at like right away blind tasting to know. know if something's Italian. Like it's pretty, you can tell right away. It's got like a, it's got like a, uh, it's got a spice to it.

It's got a little spicy meatball to it. Did I ever tell you my story with Ralph Machio, our wine story? I don't remember. I don't know. If I said this on the pod last time, just take it out. But, you know, I started doing Cobra Kai. Right.

And he, he, I saw one day he starts following me on Instagram. And, you know, there's, two tiers of the actors. There's the fucking, those guys, and then we're all just, like, scattered about on set, you know? Yeah. And I see he follows me on Instagram, and then he starts liking some of my food stuff. And I'm like, oh, this guy's like a food nerd. And then I see him on set, and he starts talking to me about it.

Oh, you're a restaurant guy. I love restaurants. He's like, yeah, next time you're in New York, hit me up, we'll go out for dinner. I'm like, okay, Ralph Mancho wants to be friends with me. Cool. Yeah. So I, like, the next three times I get to New York, I text him. He's like, oh, I'm not, I'm out of town, that's not.

I'm like, okay, it was just like a Hollywood, like how you and I always say we should go have dinner. I know, we've been trying to have dinner for three years. I was telling Caleb that it's turned into our bit now. We're going to have dinner. We're never going to have dinner. We will in New York. That's when it'll happen. Oh, this is how you know.

Oh, now this is a real good one. He got me a little bit on that one. No, completely. I guarantee you. Well done, my friend. When we're in New York, it's going to happen. Okay. So, anyway, I hit him up once and he's like, yeah, let's do it.

Meet me at this steakhouse in Huntington at 6 p.m. I'm like, holy cow, great. That morning he sends me a picture of like an 05 sasekaya, which is like, Sasakaya is like Italy's most celebrated, expensive wine. Oh, God. Okay. It's like a $1,500,000 bottle wine.

Jeez. From where? From, uh, Tuscany. It's a super Tuscan, so it's a Bordeaux blend that I think is, uh, Cabernet San Gé-OVizze and Cabernet Franc or something. thing. Jeez. But it's like a killer wine.

Right. And he's like, tonight we're going to dine like kings. I'm like, holy cow. Because he knows, macho. Yeah, macho. It's great.

So I get to the restaurant early, okay? Yeah. And I do a move. I go to the host. I give them my credit card. I'm like, I'm paying for this dinner no matter what. And he's like, this is Mr. Machio's favorite restaurant. He's going to take a, I'm like, you have no idea the wine this guy's bringing me.

So Machio walks into the restaurant. And it's like Long Island Jesus just like entered the building. People go crazy. Like they can't. Like, they can't. Like, they have to run up to him. Yeah. And the manager takes us to the best table on the water and this and that.

Machio's got this, like, leather wine valise bag thing, and he takes the wine out, and the Somme comes over, opens it with, like, the special, like, takes it out, pours it. We all take a sip, completely corked. No. Ruined wine. Really? What year was it? It was an 05.

Jeez. And he was like, oh, my God, man. I'm so embarrassed. I'm like, why? Who cares? This happens with wine. Don't remember. No, no, no.

I told you I was going to, we're going to dine like king. We're going to drink like kings. I got this. Frank, bring the expensive wine list. Oh, no. And I'm like, oh, no. You've got your card over there. Your card starts shaking.

Yeah, he's like, and he's just literally like, so what have you been drinking lately? What are you into? I'm like, beer's cool. Beer's awesome. Dry July. Dry July. And he's like, I've been loving Napa cabs lately. I'm like, oh, God.

That's screwed. And he's just like looking at this as he's like, what about this one? It's like $1,200. I'm like, yeah. I don't know. It's probably too young. okay, what about this? It's like another one that's like $2,000.

Oh, my God. Eventually he orders one and like, and he wants to just go crazy. He's like, I'm going to show you Long Island food is better than New York food. Get the crab legs, get the caviar supplement, the this, and he just goes nuts. Oh, no. And the bill comes and it's like a mortgage payment. Oh, my God. And he's like, what are you doing?

I'm like, I got this, man. It's all good. He's like, what do you mean you got this? I was like, it's my pleasure. And he's like, this flash goes over his face. He's like, oh, my God, you saw the picture of the wine. I sent you. So you came and gave the credit card.

I was like, yeah, maybe that's what happened. And he's like, that's going to be my move from now on. He's like, I'm going to call that the machio. You just got machioed. It was so funny. That's when I realized. I think, um, wow. Yeah, he really is the villain in the karate kid.

I got to ask the obvious question. What? Did he let the card, did you pay? Yeah. You did. 100%. Wow. Yeah.

What am I going to say at that point? You got to. Can you chip in? No. Back to our mask. Yeah, back to manners. You've got to do it. And let me, I mean, look, the next time he took me out, he paid.

We have the funniest story that we tell. Yeah. And he's like, we've actually become like actual friends. Oh, yeah? Which is crazy. Makes perfect sense. I know, because he's a big food dinner. He's from Long Island.

Yeah. But yeah, every time, like, we go out to dinner once a month. We go to a little bit. Right, I get it. Yeah. We'll go, we're going to go out. Once a month. Ralph Machio can make time for me.

Okay? Really busy guy. Really busy guy. It's going to happen. That's going to be the name of our podcast we do together. It's going to happen. The Dan and Tom. Yeah, exactly.

Man, the reason I was excited about it from the L.A. side is that you knew a lot more about restaurants in L.A. than I do. Because truth be told, the reason why it was so difficult is being on the road and then coming back and being with my family. Yeah, of course. And so I don't get to go to a lot of the restaurants that you would go to. Right. You chose your daughters over me. Yeah. Thanks, man.

Thanks, man. But I'm really not as interested. In New York, when we're in New York. Well, I will take us to fantastic, like a fantastic. Have you been to Teresa? No. Dude. Teresi is the restaurant that, like, the Carbone guys, it's, like, their Michelin Star place.

Downtown? Downtown. It is my favorite restaurant in America right now. Really? Yeah. And I'm, like, friends with the owners, so we'll be taking care of everything. Yeah. Nice.

It'll be good. This will be good. last time we saw each other, we were seeing a play on Broadway. Yeah, I hated that play. Sunset Boulevard. Oh, the new interpretation of Sunset Boulevard. Holy cow, that I hate that shit. With a lot of video components.

First of all, there was no set. There was no set. All black, and they were just wearing T-shirts. I guess they were trying to do something cool and avant-garde. I paid $400 a ticket for that. I remember you saying that. I want a Cirque de Soleil type. I want colors.

I want switching sets. I want crazy, like, dance numbers. And it was just like a black box. Yeah. Yeah. It was like, people just standing in front of a camera. And I was like, what the hell? That was really weird.

I remember, I told you, I was like, dude, this is like, I always compared to a comedy. I'm always like, would this be more entertaining than a comedy show? Yeah. You go to a comedy club. You spent $40 a ticket, two drink minimum. You're out there, you know, 100 bucks. Yeah. Is that more entertaining?

Yeah. Than fucking this stupid show that I spent 400 bucks a ticket on? It was weird. And they shot a lot of video. They had video on the actors that was playing like up on the thing. I hated it. Yeah. Did you like it?

You can tell me the truth. No. I think because I think you and I were the only people in the theater who hated it. And wasn't Judd in front of us? Judd Apatat was there, yeah. Yeah. Was it like the opening? Why were we all there at the same night?

I don't know. It's like a comics get half off. Yeah. And we were all sitting one in front of the other. There was a buzz about the show. Huge. It was not cheap seats. So we left.

It was one of those where you leave trying to talk yourself into it. Right. Like, but she was good. And that was on. And then like two days later, you forget you were even there. Yeah. It was one of those. Oh, man.

And there's also, there's such an inside baseball thing to Broadway plays, I feel like. where it's like, there's this community that I just feel like I'm not on the inside of. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know. When you're paying that much money, I don't feel like there should be a barrier for entry of like knowing the whole history of everything. Yeah. Again, comedy show.

You're either going to laugh or you're not going to laugh. Right. You know? It doesn't matter what background you're from, what you know about comedy. If it's funny to you, it's funny to you. If it's not, it's not. The one legendary show that we saw as a family that everyone, still talks about is King Kong.

We saw King Kong. We were there, like in the holidays, there was nothing, like, just scrambling for a ticket. Like, what are we going to see? What's available? And we saw King Kong on Broadway. And this poor actress, this lead actress, was so dynamic and so great.

But the music was such garbage. Like, you couldn't, like, how dare you send people out into the street after a musical without a tune in their head? Like, there was no. nothing there. You're telling me that King Kong, the musical, didn't have any bangers.

It was so, all you needed was one, because the monkey was incredible. The monkey had like 12 people working it, and he came out and yelled in our face, and it felt like he was going to come and eat us. Give me one song, that's running for 20 years. Oh my God. Well,

what kind of voice did the monkey have? The monkey didn't sing. Now there's the issue. There's another one. Give me the singing monkey. You're not going to forget that. Yeah, at least could have made him sing on the way out. A lot of strobe lights, a lot of the monkey coming after you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big giant, like thing. And it was even like my kids were probably like, I don't know, 13 and 16 at the time. And even they walked out with a cigarette, like, well, that was shit. Oh, my God. By the way, how many people do you think are listening to this right now in their car just, yelling at the top of their lungs. It was a gorilla.

It's not a monkey. It's a fucking gorilla. It was a monkey. It was brutal. It was a chimp. So what is this special you declaring to us that you're going back on the road and going back at it? Or was it the culmination of just what you've been doing? It was a culmination of what I've been doing.

It was actually a really weird. way that it all came together. I was doing, it was like a, I had a show at the New York Comedy Festival and it was at the New York Comedy Club and it was a sold out show. And I brought my little, like, I was just going to record it on my iPhone. I love that. Just to like look at my footage just to have it. Yeah. And the club was like, oh, we have like five cameras that are just set up in the club. And if you want, we can just record that. And I was like, okay, cool. So the set ended up being really fun and there was like some crowd work and it's like very just like organic. I'm looking at, I look at the set after. And I was like, oh, I'll use this as like a tool to go

sell the special to somewhere. And I showed it to, do you know who Jay Carras is? No. He's a director. He does a lot of specials. And I showed it to him. I was like, yeah, I think I'm going to go and pitch this out as like, he's like, dude, this should be the special. It's just like organic. It's one set. It wasn't like shot multiple sets. Right. And it was just like, it almost feels like a jazz show. Like you can see like the waiters coming in and out and stuff like that. And I kind of, I saw the charm in that. And I was like, you know what, you're right. Like, I'm just going to keep it like this.

And it's not to a level of, I really felt like you would set it up to shoot it. No, I didn't even, I'm telling you, I just was doing a normal set. It wasn't even like doing a set for a special. That's so great. Yeah. So it ended up, I'm like very happy with the way that it came out. It just feels like very organic and relaxed. And really funny.

Thank you. That means a lot coming from you. Yeah. You're my favorite. You know that. It was, it's really funny. There's a lot of good stuff. I can't believe I didn't get to the last joke, though.

Oh, yeah. Well, you don't want to give it away. I played Falafel Phil when I was on the Disney channel. This was, I don't know, the guys here, I don't know if you guys watched kicking it on Disney. My sister watched that. Yeah. Yeah. Cool.

Was she older? Younger. Yeah. Right. Get her on FaceTime. I need this for my ego. But yeah, it was like this like, I was supposed to do one episode of this kid's show. Yeah.

And the character's name was Falafel Phil. And he had an accent like this and it was like very racist in hindsight. Oh, yeah. And it became like the breakout character of this show. And so it was like a funny thread of how I come to grips with all that. That's great. But yeah, I mean, you know, it's weird after this is kind of like I'm not like a special machine like you are. do you go through a pair after your specials come out how are you already starting to you're already

done with the next hour by the time this one comes out or yeah i'm usually i'm usually uh moving on but you know i'm also i'm not i'm not one of these who thinks uh i'm not doing anything from the last special for my first six months like i'm yeah yeah i still feel like it's my job to uh give them a good show on the Saturday night. Yeah. And if that means having to use my closer again, I'm going to do it and let them see it. What percentage would you say of your, when you're working on a new hour? What percentage of your sets are new and what percentage are old?

You know, it changes over time. But like when I first go back out and start doing it, I would say I probably have like 20 to 30 of it is going to be new. Okay. And then I'll have some of it will be old and some will be crowdwork. Yeah. And, you know, just kind of make it, you know, it's that weird math. You know, it also depends how big you get also.

You know, if, you know, if everybody sees your act, then, you know, you're going to need to freshen it up. But there's a lot of times people want to see a joke in the room that they just saw once on a special. Yeah. You know, there's those people. Yeah. And if you're not over exposed and really big, you know, not everybody has seen it. A portion of the audience hasn't even seen the material. Then, you know, the stuff later in the special, like the last 10 minutes, you know, not everybody gets to the end, you know, so you have that too.

Yeah. So, but I feel like pretty confident. If I could be like 20, 30 minutes of like good new stuff. Yeah. And I feel like I can go back out there. And do you feel like you stick to similar? Like, do you try to, do you have like buckets of topics that you're like, okay? Unfortunately.

Because I want to break new ground and go different places. But it all kind of, I just feel the gravity of the things I like to talk about. And it'll be a bunch of food and fat stuff. And it'll be a bunch of my family stuff. Yeah. And you know what I mean? Like, hey, if it ain't broke. And it just purely, it's, I'm always thinking, well,

I want to go in new directions. And then you're like, here I am talking about my dog again. But I love him so much. Yeah. I mean, it is a cross-section of what's going on in your life at the time. And what I want to talk about and how I'm living. And, you know, it's funny, though. I think it is funny that musicians, I feel, have it so much easier where it's like,

just play the old stuff. I know. Just give it to me. Like the amount of times, like, it's the opposite for comments. Like, hey, you did the same thing that I saw that set last week? It's like, it was last week, man.

I'm still like working this out. Yeah. And I, yeah, you know, it's a puzzle that we will never really know the answer to. You know, if you were to go back out and after your special comes out and you did 80% of the stuff

was still in the special with the audience, hate you and never come back? Or would they be like, yeah, he's working it out and moving forward? You know, we have no idea. I do think there's a fame thing. I think like if John Mulaney goes back on tour and everybody saw his special

and there's an exposure to somebody at that level of popularity that you really can't just be going out there. That's tough though. So then Malaney's going and just going from nothing, just trying all, like an hour of news stuff. What I've been thinking about recently because I'm kind of have my special

pretty much locked in. I've got another couple months. and my book, I just turned in my book. So I'm kind of free right now. Can you have dinner? No. Not that free. You just said you're free?

No, creatively free. No, like in my... I mean, if you saw my calendar, it doesn't look free. Okay, that's weird. Creatively. Right, right, right, right. Okay, okay. And, you know, Carlin would sit down and write it.

And like at the end, he was the little last part. of his career, he called himself a writer more than a comedian. And he would just go to work and write that next special. Yeah. And why not do that? Why not, I mean, I'm not saying I'm going to be George Carlin, but I could go to work every day. I'm not writing a book and I'm not writing this other stuff. Write that new act and really push it. I probably, by the time the special comes out, would be in pretty good shape. Yeah, like how, if you're not performing it and you're just sitting there and writing. Well,

how long, or is that just impossible? You'd have to perform it. Like at a certain point, when I have kind of had this notion, during COVID, I was like, I'm just going to keep writing.

But it became, there was a, there was a governor on it because without going out and trying it, you're not getting to the editing stage. Yeah. So it was like,

I can almost, you know, what's the point of continuing on when I don't even, when this stuff hasn't been refined or edited. So there is that part of it. Yeah. But I am going to go after it. I am going to write it as a thing. And if nothing else, it'll give me a backbone to work off of. Interesting. So you're just going to try to like write the, just, I like that. I think I'm going to follow your lead.

Yeah. I like the idea of that. Just do it. You're a writer. Because I do feel like there's something about like, just piecemeal, like, oh, this idea just came up. But if like you just sit down and you're like, let me just. Yeah, what's up right now? And just, and just see. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like just doing

like one long therapy session of like, I think it's Ray Bradbury had a thing up over his desk that said, don't think, just sit and go.

Yeah. Don't analyze, what's this going to be? Is this going to be funny? Is this going to be something? Is it going to, don't think. Just go.

Yeah. That's what I'm, that's my mantra right. Yeah. I will say there is something super cleansing about putting a special out and being like,

great, I'm done with that material. Yeah. Yeah, with any endeavor, right? It's like you get it out of your head. You carry it with you and you're working on it and thinking about it. And it really is a, when you no longer have to think about it, it's pretty great. You know what I think is so interesting is like there are some bits that like I'm so tired of doing.

I hate them. But like I know they destroy. But like one, that moment that I get tired of it, it doesn't matter if I'm, if I know the words, I know the cadence. I know what I could do to my sleep. I feel like the audience knows. They sense it when you're not 100% into a bit. Yeah. Like it's kind of cool.

But then it's those little things of do it faster, do it slower. Change the phrasing. How would you say this if it wasn't in that scripted mode anymore? Just give it a little bit of life. Yeah. Oh, interesting. So you don't. A little jush.

So you don't kill yourself in the dressing room. Oh my God. That is so true. Yeah. Food-wise in New York? Food-wise in New York? I feel like there is... Are you living in Manhattan? Yeah, in the West Village. Oh, wow.

Yeah, I ever heard of that? You and all of the... I heard it's all trust fund kids now. Yeah, yeah. It's all young girls. I'm the oldest, poorest person in the West Village. It is a lot of trust-fund kids, but it's still... You know, it's still just beautiful.

Yeah, it's the best. It's just so nice. A walk down West Fourth Street. Oh, come on. From the cellar up to sixth. It's just. It's so beautiful. Yeah.

I love it. I will say the food trends in New York. New York food has been taken over by TikTok. Mm-hmm. And there are just, it's like the lineification of food. It's crazy. There are lines everywhere. And there's this one place that's a Froyo place called Mika, M-Y-K-A.

I don't know what the fuck. People line up an hour and a half for this frozen yogurt. and I'm always walking by. I'm like, how good this could this be? Yeah. And I walked by the other day. There was no line. I was going to the gym.

I had my gym clothes on, but there was no line. I was like, I have to get, I just had breakfast. I was full. I was like, I have to have this. So I go in and I get the froyo, and you get to put these toppings on. Like there's a pistachio paste, and there's baklava. It's kind of, it's all Greek stuff. And I go sit in the park, and it was fine.

Fine. I don't get it. Yeah. There's something of these lines. Someone posted about it. Someone posted. And everybody else had to go get it. You got it.

You have to try this new Fralia from me. That's happened out here with Go Greek. Yeah, but does Go Greek have lines around? Yeah, when they first go and everybody starts sharing it. Yeah. And everyone goes nuts. Yeah. Pop-up bagels.

Pop-up bagels, people will go crazy for them. Right? Yeah. They're bringing one out here. And then there's restaurants. Like, there's all these, the TikTok famous restaurants, like For Charles and Orresh. Yeah. And these places where the celebrities go to.

And then people will line up three in the afternoon to put their name down to hopefully have a chance to go. I'm like, like, they're treating it like a Grateful Dead concert. I mean, it doesn't matter how good it is. I'm not standing in line. No, I'm not standing in line. I'll wait till it's over. The older I get, the more I'm like, I just want to go a place like, you know, it's like

the cheers song. everybody knows your name. When I was in college even, I would say to my friends, I was like going to clubs or whatever, I'm like, I want to go into a place that should have been closed down five years ago. Like there's one Irish guy left at the bar. Like all the music's old on the jukebox. The pool table's got scratches in it. Right. That's my sweet spot. There's like rat traps out. Yeah, smells like cleaning stuff. Yeah, those are my favorite. I feel like when I started out my food endeavors, though. I was the opposite.

I wanted these places. I wanted the place where they treat you like shit when you go inside. Have you dined with us before? No. Best steakhouse in New York? My favorite steakhouse in New York right now would probably be... I love Keens. Keens can do no wrong for me.

I really love Keene's. except we can't smoke there. It's the one bad thing. There's pipes. There's pipes all over. Just enticing you. It's this great steak place. They've got these clay pipes that everyone that came to the restaurant would smoke.

Yeah. And it's literally Babe Ruth. Yeah. It's like Ernest Hemingway. And they're all mounted. Yeah. And we walk in there in 2026 and just look at it and think they had fun back then. They had fun.

We can't smoke it. No. We can't smoke it because you know what that would do to our sleep score? Yeah. You're allowed to stuff yourself with beef and cream. Mutton chop. And fried potatoes. But don't smoke a pipe for three pups.

That's something I'm picking up in my old age is cigars. Yeah. I'm turning into a cigar guy. Welcome. Yeah? Are you there? Uh-huh. Oh, my God.

I love it so much. So good. But where do you smoke that in the West Village? at the park at the bleaker street that park on bleaker I sit out there really

yeah I sit out there while there's people around going like this wiping I'm like I'm in a park I'm allowed are you I think so

I don't think you are oh really I'm at this kids park smoking as is my right blowing it on kids on the slide so ho cigar bar Oh, you know I went there once.

It is a nice spot. There is a, there's something about cigar bars that's like, it's so bro-y, I'm okay with it. I think it was like. Depends on the time. Yeah.

You know, Saturday night, late, it's like gonna be a brofest. Yeah. To roll it, my favorite time to go is around six, seven o'clock. Okay. In warm weather,

and they open up all the windows. And there's traffic. right out front of all these people having to get through the Holland Tunnel. Okay. And you just sit there with a scotch and a cigar and just revel in the knowledge that you're not in traffic. That's the movie. On this day, things worked out. That is so funny.

And I get to be at peace while they're going through a nightmare to get to New Jersey. So funny. It's really, it makes it sweeter. And then there's that like bar and, oh, and then I went to my doctor. I just got all my blood work and stuff. And I was like, by the way, I like smoke like a cigar a week now. He's like, yeah, that's fine. I was like, oh, cool.

Yeah, one a week. Sweet. That's pretty good. Great. My father was on a tear where he was smoking like one a day. Uh-huh. And we were like, that's too much. And he was like, I don't care.

Yeah. But he's 80, so he can do what he wants. That's, I fill my dad's humidore up with cigars. You do? Yeah. He smokes. He's probably smoking one a day. Now he's 86.

And my mom is like, stop smoking these things. I'm like, mom, let him have, he has so much fun doing it. I know. What's it going to do? Take a three months off his life? Right, exactly. And it's one hour. He gets to enjoy himself for one hour.

He's 86. It's funny, there's so many times where I want to tell my parents, like, this is going to sound dark. But I want to just be like, you're going to be dead soon. Why are you? Like, my dad's like, I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm like, take sleeping pills. He's like, I don't want to get addicted. I'm like, for when?

What's it getting in the way of? Yeah, get addicted. Take his addicts every night. Yeah. It's going to be fine. What do you got? What do you got? Just give it to me.

Yeah. I was just in a, my daughter and I went to this shop, and then right next door was a cigar shop here in L.A. And I'm like, I've been wanting to go. Let me, you know, I'm low on stuff. And we go in, we're looking at through all the stuff. And I came out and I said to the guy, any Cubans, any cohabas? And the guy's like, oh, you know, they're hard to come by. And I'm like, yeah, I know.

Oh, we're going to do this song and dance. Right, exactly. And then he goes, you know, they're very expensive right now. And he's like looking at me and I'm with my daughter and he's like, you know, and he's sensing I don't know what I'm doing. And he goes, you know, there is. There's one box of 10 and it's $2,500. Jesus.

And I was like, oh, yeah, all right. And I just started paying it. And I stopped. And I'm like, did you say for 10? And he's like, yeah, very expensive right now. I'm like, you think I'm an asshole. Yeah. You're like, let me see if this is just a douchebag with money who knows nothing.

Oh, my God. I mean, even if 50 bucks a pop. which is expensive for a cigar and sometimes Cubans will be 40, 50 bucks. Yeah. A pop. 2,500. He really, I was like, I was so insulted. I just went through the transaction and I got into the, as soon as we left the shop, I said to my daughter, he thinks I'm a moron.

Oh my God. Yeah. Hey, he thinks you're way richer than, you know. He was just like, let me see. He's like, oh, maybe he's like a huge Tom Papa thing. He's like, I follow all this guy's work. He puts out a lot, he's very prolific. He's definitely worth tons of money.

I was so insulted. It's like, wow, you really think I'm a moron. That's crazy. I know. I put cigars in that same category of like, I know it's bad for me, but the joy it gives me and the social aspect of it, which is, that's why I'm okay with these, with, like, wine and cigars, like, things that are like a little more socially things than, like, weed or, like, or shrooms, like these things that kind of just make you inside your head?

Yeah. I don't know. I started saying that about weed when I started realizing I was funnier and better without weed. Like, in college, it's fun. And you have those moments when it's so big and laughy with all your friends. Yeah. And then it just starts shrinking your world.

It just brings everything in here. You don't want to pick up the phone. You don't want to call people. You just want to be high and be in here. And that's not, you can't live that way. As a comic, you need to be out here. Yeah. And I did, you know, just the way it reacted with me.

There's people who are brilliant on it, I'm sure. But it shrinks your world. 100%. And alcohol doesn't. Alcohol brings you out. It's, there's nothing bad about alcohol. If there's anything we learned today. What do you make of like a wheat shop being on every block in America now?

I don't think it's great. Yeah. I don't think. Something gross about them. Yeah. I don't know what, I can't put my finger on it, but something bothers me about it. I know. But it is like you walk by and there's like a couple of zombieed out people just like standing out front.

Yeah, and look, I'm all four. Like if, you know, you don't want to drink and you just want to get a little high or whatever people want to do, I'm totally down with. But there is something, look, not everybody loves hanging out with hippies. They smell weird. Yeah. They, oh, you have a great line in your special. about what are you talking about and you say it smells like

podcasts and home birth and home birth Oh yeah, hot yoga. Hot yoga classes smell like podcasts and home birth. Because yeah, because the yoga people aren't like deodorant people. Yeah, right. I don't use the deodorant. I don't like the chemicals in it.

I just rub some rosemary and turmeric under my arms. Right. And, you know, when you first show up, the hippies seem really cool. And then you don't want to be really hanging out with the hippies. And that's what weed chops are. It's a constant hippie hanging out in the middle of a, next to a foot locker.

I think it also has to do with our obsession with etiquette. I think the etiquette around drinking is so much more sophisticated than the etiquette around weed. Yeah. But you can have a hand-blown Murano glass bong. Yeah. It's still a bong. Yeah. It's still kind of gross.

Yeah, you're right. You know. You're right. I know. The weed people are going to be angry with us. I'm sorry, guys. We love you all. We love you all.

But there is something, yeah, something. But you're disgusting. And stay away from us. Don't make eye contact with us. Yeah. And hey, look, you know, here's your future. Look at those liquor stores that aren't great. You know, those are skanky.

Yeah. You know, you go in there and get your scratch-offs and they've got bad wine. And the bulletproof glass. Yeah. Like, you know, that's, you know, that didn't work out great for them either. There's going to be levels. Do you drink hard stuff? A little bit.

Yeah. I drink martinis is my, like, the perfect discipline for. for me is if I can have one martini, straight up with olives, very dry. Gin or vodka? Vodka, kettle one. That's perfect, one. And then if during the meal you want some wine,

that's me really drinking. The problem is one martini, and as I'm seeing it go down, I'm getting so excited for the next martini. Yeah. to stop at one is really great. It's smart. The buzz is lasting.

It does everything it's supposed to do. It's perfect. I can't stop at one all the time. You know, there's something about the, I had two martinis the other night. And there's something about, and I like them bruised. So shaken to the point of like, I like the chips of ice. Yeah, yeah. And just that mouth feel is like,

It just feels like, it's like you're cold plunging. It really is. Taking a nice cold dip. They always do the job. Yeah. They always deliver. The temperature of it, I think, is what's so sexy about that. Because I do think, like, you know, we're at 98 degrees all day long.

That's a hot temperature for your body to be at. 98 degrees. You just need a little bit of shock the system. Yeah. The difference between a cold martini and one, if you're on like, if you are having two or three, and that, and you're not going as quick on that one, and you go for that warm sip of a martini, it's a total different experience.

It's awful. Martinis are probably the drink that I return the most. Gin or vodka? Jindricks. I know, it's really nice. Hendricks brews. I don't do good on gin, though. I get, like, headachey.

Really? Yeah. I mean, a negroni, man. That's like my, and that's syrupy. Yeah. And, but I can just a little gin, Kampari, sweet for a moose. You know the Kampari, the red color from Kampari? Mm-hmm.

Before 2005, it was all from the crushed exoskeleton of a beetle. What? Yeah. That was the red dye came from the crushed beetle, like, exoskeleton. What? Yeah. And then in 2005, like, all the vegans were like, stop killing the beetles. And so now it's like red dye 30 or the one that gives you cancer or whatever.

Oh. I know this is stupid, but I didn't realize that we were drinking a little rosé when we were up there, too. And I didn't realize that the rosé was just the skin of the grape. Yeah, I mean, so rosé can, but it can be the other way as well. It can be a mix of red and white as well. But most of it is like, yeah, they'll take the wine. They'll leave it on the skins for a little bit, and then they'll take it out. Yeah.

I just took my W-set-2 wine certification. So I basically have the education that most Somaliers have. Say that again, you did what? W-S-E-T. W-S-E-T. It's like the official wine, like credidation. Oh. Creditation?

Yeah. Is that a word? Credidation? Creditation. Creditation? Accredation. Accredation. Accredation.

Accredation. Hey, good thing we have two people here to not do research. I think it's a creditation? See, what the fuck do I. See, everyone's confident until you say it out loud. Yeah. Accreditated. Accreditation.

They were like accreditation, right? Right. One dation. Accredation? Accredation. Is it? So what you have to do to get it? I forgot what I was talking about.

It's like a month long, it's on the weekends for a month. Like eight to five drinking wines and studying wine regions. Really? Yeah, it's like a serious test. So yeah, that's why I'm like fresh with like, well, did you know that? Yeah. yeah. Well, that's pretty great. My wine knowledge. How much did it increase your knowledge? Tons. Tons. And can I tell you what, I wrote an article about it for, um, fine dining lovers, which is San Pellegrino's

food outlet. But, um, it made me way less of a pretentious drinker. Mm-hmm. Because I think you study all these different wines and you've basically realized that every wine has its merits. Like I used to be very like, oh, I would never drink pinocrigio. It's this. Or I would never. And it's like, no, every wine, like it's, it's a part of human culture. Yeah, yeah. And it's a part of a place. places, culture, so they all have their merits in their own little way. Mind you, like, there's still good wine and there's shit wine. Yeah. But, like, I'm way less dogmatic about, like, I only drink this or I only drink that.

Right. So it made me way less pretentious of a wine drinker. Yeah, very cool. Yeah. And who, like, who does this? There's a place called, here in L.A., there's a place called the Wine House. Have you ever been there? It's like, by the 405.

It closed. Did it? That big, like, cavernous place. Oh, it closed, huh? all right, I guess you can't learn it anymore. No, but there's a woman there. Her name is Monica Marin, and she's one of the best instructors

of the W set in the world. Oh, wow. And she happens to be in L.A. Well, let me just walk it back a little. There were two places there. One is closed. I think it was closing, so it probably did close.

I'm sure she's still teaching it. If you're in L.A. and you want to learn about wine, man, she's great. Right. And you did it here or you did it in New York? I did it here, yeah. You did it here. Oh.

Yeah. That's pretty great. Yeah, I learned to be a real wine snob. Yeah. Do you keep a lot of wine in the house, in the apartment? So I actually have my place in L.A. I still have it. Oh, you do?

Yeah, I just Airbnb it out. But I have a wine cellar under the house. Oh. It's locked. That the Airbnb people don't know about it. No. And so, like, I'll, like, sneak in on my, like, I just snuck into my own. There's a tenant there, and I just snuck into the backyard, went downstairs, and got this

were you. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's amazing. It's from the cellar. Oh, there's nothing better than a story with a bottle. Yeah, tiptoeing. Yeah, it's so great. John, what was the movie where, with, um, what's his name? When it's, he's an Airbnb and there's something hidden in the basement. Barbarian. Barbarian. Barbarian. Do you ever see that? No. You should watch it. Really? Yeah. Who's the filmmaker? Zach Craigor. I will tell you

This first It is This is a You think like you want to own property And like it's gonna be the best I have like a duplex And a triplex now And I Airbnb them all out

And I was This is a true story Today when I went to go get your wine I did text a guy I told him I'm coming And then he comes outside On the back He's like hey can you do me a favor

The garbage disposal Isn't really working I don't know what's wrong with it I'm like yeah yeah I got it So I'm like my comedy special just came out. I'm about to do Tom Papa's podcast. And now I'm like under the sink of this place.

Trying to clear out this like thing and this random guys who I don't know like on the floor. Yeah. My t-shirt that I was wearing, I had this white t-shirt on, got gunk on it. And I had to go run, grab another t-shirt to be on. So it's like my mom always says like having real estate, it's like you're a, you're a janitor with a deed. Yeah. You're right. It's like.

But if you can hang out of it. on. If you can hang on, then you look like a genius 20 years later. When you cash it all in. I'm not in that place yet. Now I'm in the... Did you know Judd Apatow before that? Yeah. Oh, you do. Okay. Got it. I didn't know if that was just like, hey, we're both on. Yeah, no, I knew Judd. And that's why I thought maybe it would be good. Yeah. Well, they got every celebrity to come to that show. Yeah, what had that happen? I don't know, man. Good PR. Boo. Boo. It was no King Kong. I'll tell you that. Oh. They just needed one song.

Me, King Kong, me jumping up in the state building. I could have written the song, man. I could have written it. It's so high up here. I didn't think this through. I'm scared of. Thank you for the wine. Enjoy your bread.

Thank you for the bread. Can you tell me about this? What is the sourdough from? What is the mother? This is the same, probably the same sourdough starter when you were here four years ago. Amazing. Still going.

I baked it this morning. Oh, my God. I shaped it all last night. I'm going to do a little ASMR for you guys. It's a central milling central milling flour. Okay. Beehive, which is their all-purpose.

And then Keith's best, which is their whole wheat. And yeah, straight ahead. You know, it's funny. New Haven pizza is having a moment because Dave Portnoye like kind of blew them up. Oh, yeah.

So everyone goes to New Haven and they're like, I don't know. Everyone says the pizza is supposed to be great, but it's not that great. And I went and they're still, they're still using like instant yeast for their bread, which is how everyone used to make pizza. But now everyone's doing the sour dough and the artisanal stuff. It's a lot easier to use instant. I know. And you can tell, though.

Yeah. Oh, I have something else for you. Caleb, do you have the cookies right there? This is the new venture. No way. Yeah, yeah. You're a cookie guy now? Yeah, my wife is going after the cookies.

No way. With a little sourdough in them. Come on. Yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah. Can I try it on it? Yeah, go for it.

Yeah, we wanted to keep a little of the sourdough thing. And rather than go with these giganto cookies that everybody has, we're going the opposite. We're going a little smaller. And what do you think? They're wonderful. I really like them. They're like a... You know what I like about them?

They feel like they're a cross between what I think was my favorite cookie growing up, which was the Entomins chocolate chip. Oh, yeah. And they're the size of the Entomons chocolate chip. That's right. I didn't even think of that. But they're that crossed with the Tates, those Tate cookies that are like super hard, the ones that are like made in the Hamptons or whatever.

Yeah, a little more crunch. Yeah, this is like, this is a perfect hybrid. You nailed it. Perfect hybrid. Because that's, Entemans was my favorite cookie. And I kept telling my wife the size that I want. It's probably what I was conjuring. It's the gold standard.

Yeah. In my opinion, nothing is better than an Entemans chocolate chicken. Oh, my God. Do they still make those boxes? I used to eat a whole box. When I was an athlete, like as a kid, I would eat a whole box. A whole box. By myself, like it was like, like it was just one bite.

Yeah, and look at us. We turned out fine. Yeah, we're fine. We're 30% cookie. Yeah, yeah. All right, good, enjoy this. I want you to know that when I came to L.A., I'm here for a week. I went to the supermarket the first day.

I didn't get bread because I was like, I'm going to get my beautiful loaves. So thank you very much. You're very welcome. And congrats on the special. I appreciate it. Where can people watch this? We'll list it. So it's basically anywhere.

I mean, it's on Amazon. It's on Apple. It's on YouTube. Vimeo. You can also listen to it. Spotify. Apple music. It's everywhere.

That's so great. Congratulations. It's really funny. It's like three bucks. It's cheap as fuck. Yeah. What the hell? It's three bucks.

I was like, at first I was like, this is great. It's so accessible. And then I was like, this is kind of insulting. You're like, I'm not going to make any money on this. That's all I'm worth is $3? At a time where everything's free. Yeah. Yeah.

Three bucks is pretty good. Yeah. Thanks and come back. And we'll definitely do dinner in New York. Because when I come, I stay in Soho, you're in the West Village. Oh, my God. I'm telling you. Out here, it would take five years.

Dinner, a cigar. We'll not do it all. Why is it on me, by the way? I really got it.