Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 36 - Nikki Glaser

Episode Date: January 12, 2021

The great Nikki Glazer has been spending time back home with her first chefs, her mom and dad. And it's time for a quick bite with Mike Birbiglia who seems to be eating everything he can. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey! sourdough. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know, it's also a show. Hey! Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I'm Tom Papa. So nice to have you along. Hope you're doing well in this glorious new year, where everything is brand new and everything is exactly the same. We have a great show for you today. We have the amazing Nikki Glazer, and we're going to take a quick bite with a very talented Mike Barbiglia, two of my good comedy friends, and we're going to have a great time with them.

And thank you so much for being here. I thank you for subscribing. Always tell your friends about that. Make sure you subscribe so you get them right away. Also, make sure you give us some nice stars and reviews whenever you can, wherever people are asking for it. That always helps us as well as we continue to grow the kids. community of comedy and food. We are going to have a good time. We thank you for all your

comments also. A lot of people have been writing in, especially since the holidays and showing me all of the bread that they've been baking and all of the crazy food attempts that they've had and their fails, which are always hilarious. I always appreciate that completely. So thank you for keeping them all coming in. I would have to say, before we get to Nikki, I'll tell you a little bit about what I've been eating and what I've been up to. First of all, very little change. As far as dialing back, taking the New Year's resolutions and the six pounds I gained through the holidays and trying to rectify that situation, it is not happened. It has not happened.

And I think because the times are so confusing and weird and I'm at home, what other joy, my mind? my friends, are you going to get out of life right now? You're not getting on a plane. You're not going to visit friends. You're not even, you're not even really going to the store here in L.A. They don't even want you to go out of your front walkway. So the idea that I'm going to not eat and not drink during this time is kind of insane. And listen, we also have this podcast to do where we celebrate food and fun and life. So it's almost my duty to keep up the pace. I will say, as I think I mentioned before, I did a little bit of a sugar overhaul went through. Any old cookies gone. Any kind of weird candies, red, green, gold candies still around. Eventually they got to be thrown out, because if they're not

thrown out, they're going in my fat face, and that's just at a certain point, unacceptable. You have to have some kind of dignity. There are some things that are still around. There's a panatone, that great Italian fruit cakey kind of a thing in a beautiful box. And it's sitting on the table in the dining room. And it's beautiful, but it's not getting eaten. But I can't throw it away. It's kind of very similar to the stack of National Geographic magazines that are in my office. Love them. Love knowing that they're there. They're beautiful. That color. They just nailed that beautiful yellow. They're just the way it's bound. The perfect size. Unlike any other magazine size, it's just too good to throw out, and I'm not reading a word of it. They come too quickly. And I'm, and I'm

And it's, I'm sure it's filled with great stuff. I'm sure it's filled with amazing photography. I'll skim that a little bit, but I'm not getting deep into it. They really don't need to be here, but they're too beautiful to throw out. And that's the Panatone. I got it at this beautiful Italian market, and it's sitting there. It's got this beautiful Victorian painting on it. Don't think I'm going to eat it, but I'm not throwing it out either. I just can't do it. I've been drinking beautiful wines. Decided that that's like my cookie solve.

It's like there's been years where I went dry January. This isn't one of those years. We've got, you know, possible coup attempts, and we've got crazy news, and then we've got the pandemic. I'm going to, I'm not going dry in January. but I also can't fire down martini's seven days a week. Red wine. I always think when I'm about to pop open the bottle, well, my doctor said drink red wine.

It's good for your heart. I don't know. We never talk quantity. But I'm continuing to do that. And I also have my good friend Bruce, Bruce Hills from the Montreal Comedy Festival. He's up in Montreal and he's living the same life that I am. So now we're starting to share what we're drinking. each night, showing each other bottles. So that's just a down payment in going and getting more wine

in the future. That's what you need. You need somebody along the way that's going to give you, hold your hand and share and turn you on to new things. And I've gone through some really great, great bottles. And then you run into a mediocre one and you're like, nah, I don't need to drink wine. I can take a break. I did make a red bean stew the other day. I was planning on it. I was going to do it. It was the day of the craziness in Washington. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to continue to make it. And even though the news was crazy and it was such a weird day, I had all the ingredients. I just had the idea in my head. I want a big thing of soup that we can make and then have around for the whole week. That sounded like a nice wintery.

January kind of thing to do. So I stuck with it. Not the best. It was okay. It was vegetarian. I live with all vegetarian, so I wanted to make it, I don't think changing meat would have done anything to it. It's just not the most exciting.

Here's the thing about soup and stews. People who are really good at it really praise it, really love it, really are into it. I could see that. I could see getting better at it. The reason that it has to stick around for three days or four days is because it's a lot of work. It is a lot of work. There's a lot of prep. Any of these meals where you're chopping onions, garlic, peppers, carrots, celery, just for your base, that's, I know, this isn't hard labor. But, you know, in the middle of the, of a week when you're taking everything out of the vegetable bin and going to town on it and preparing

it and getting it ready. But the people that are really good at it, really love it, you got to figure if they're doing it and they're so rewarded from it, it's worth exploring. And when you're at home, why not? So this was red beans stew. Red beans, which are not kidney beans. They're red beans. Red beans of rice down in the, uh, low.

Louisiana, one of their delicacies. Not a big thing here in California. There was one little bag on the shelf. That's the other problem with the soups. You're like, I'm going to make soup tonight. Okay, great. Red beans. Okay, good.

Soak for 12 hours, 24 hours. Okay. This is the hard part with any of this cooking. Whenever you were exploring, I was going to make something the other night, some kind of vegetarian thing. And they were like, okay, so start with a bunch of, of Bobbitt flowers. You're like, what, what?

I'm out already. I just wanted to make this little dish, and now you're throwing three things that you have to live in like a special market in the south of France. I'm out. But I got the red beans, soaked them. It's basically, it's like starting,

so frito is the way that you start a lot of Italian dishes and sauces. Like if you're starting a minestrone. You know, it's the base with olive oil and garlic. not a garlic, onion. And this is across all cultures. It's this base.

It's so frito in Italian. I forget the word in French. They use butter instead of olive oil, but it's onions. And then some carrots and some celery, maybe some peppers. And you cook that down. And it's just different techniques of whether you're going to cook it all the way down. so it evaporates into this tiny, it's chopped really small and gets just cooked and infused down in,

or if it's supposed to be big and chunky and stay alive in the dish, all these little subtleties. Red bean stew, yeah, pretty good. I always suspect that because I'm not using any kind of chicken broth or meat in it, that it's lacking. But I don't think that's it. Because there's a lot of misos and other broth-based soups that are still really good.

I'm ignorant to it, but learning, but learning. So this was pretty good, though. At the end of the day, it's basically a red bean stew with some carrots and peppers floating around in it. It's kind of hearty, kind of like one step back from a veggie chili, right? That's something good you want on the stove. Heat it up, had some egg noodles on the side,

pour that on top, a little dollop of yogurt. Mm-hmm. on the top, mix that all in, hearty, flavorful. And I'm really interested in going back to it today, because this was literally two hours of cooking, served it up, ate it. Mm-mm. Chili, soups, stews, any of those kind of things where you have all of these elements boiling into one dish.

It's usually the next day when it's had. its moment when all parts have settled in and they're not all anxious anymore. They're all excited. Everyone's trying to rush to the front and get attention. And then after a while, the party's kind of mellowed out and everybody's just chill and the carrots are kicked back and the peppers are relaxed and everybody just is happy to be in each other's company. That's when you eat it. And that's when it's going to be good. So when this is done, literally, when this podcast is over and I'm wrapped. I'm going to go in in the middle of the day. I'm going to eat it and try not to drink wine until later in the night. But another thing, be careful, though. Soups, stews. This is old people

stuff. Be careful. You don't want to be old soup person. Young people, you never hear a young person come into a room and say, you know, it'd be nice right now, some nice hot soup, a nice hot cup of soup. Maybe turn in early, read a little, read my National Geographic and get to bed by nine. Uh-uh. Soup can, you're walking around during this pandemic and your sweater rest making soups? Who, you might as well start picking out your plot. You better, you get a pipe and some slippers and start calling your wife mom. Be careful.

You got to keep it cool. You got to do, make soup the cool way. Get some Asian fusion recipes and jazz it up and put some good music on and just visit soup for a little bit and then get back to your regular cooking. This is not something you want to settle in and get too comfortable with. You're going to be this old dude, this old lady, just suck it on some soup and crackers. Be careful. Soup is, it's a trouble spot.

Nikki Glazer, she's amazing, super funny, super talented. In all the years that I've done, come to Popa Live, which is our live variety radio show that we do at the comedy seller. Excuse my printer in the background, if you can hear that. we would have, we have music, we have all these great bands, we have sketches, and then we have comedians come on and do sets. And we've been doing it for, man, it's got to be like eight years at this point. Always great shows, always great comedians, super talented. I mean, everyone that you know has been on these shows. And hands down, the best set that anyone ever had on come to Papa was Nikki Glazer. Nicky came in and just it was just one of those moments

where she just had this dynamite set and the crowd loved her and she was so smooth and so smart and so funny and this was probably a year and a half ago, two years ago, just she just looked and acted like a star and you're like, yeah, she's just coming into her into her prime. She's hitting, she's an artist that is hitting, firing on all cylinders. And I really miss having her around and seeing her in the clubs and being around because she's just, when you have that, a person that is in a groove like that and is so funny and such a good, hearted person, you just want to be around them more and more and more. So I'm really glad that she's coming on right now. She's been relocated from New York and L.A. and spending time in St. Louis, Missouri,

with her folks, hanging back with her parents. So I want to check that out. This will be a good time to check in with her and see how she grew up and what she ate and how she got along. It's got to be pretty funny for her to be everywhere on all these great shows. She's on this Netflix show now called The History of Swering. She's so funny. Her specials on Netflix as well. She appears on Howard Stern.

And then, boom, you're back home hanging with your folks, who I know she cares a lot about. But that's a shift. So it'll be good to get into it all, and I love her. And then we're going to take a quick bite after the end of Nikki. We'll take a quick bite and talk with our good friend Mike Berbiglia and see how he is dealing with the pandemic and his eating, because I know that he is a lover of food. We've had many nights at the comedy cellar eating bad food together.

So we're going to give him a quick call and see how he's doing. But for now, enjoy. Nikki Glazer. It's nice to see you. You too. I'm glad to do this. Yeah, me too. And I was thinking about it, because we've talked during the pandemic and stuff. And I was like, well, you've been at home for a while. You returned back home and you are back with your family where you ate as a child and all that stuff. But now I realized, and I'm reminded of the conversation, you've left home again. Yes, I have left home again. I am now in, I'm in, I'm home in St. Louis, but I live in my own apartment now.

Wow. Do you feel like, I'm a big girl. I moved out. Yeah. Do you feel like you'd left your, the nest again, like for the first time? Yes. It's really hard to do. I've done this now, I guess, after going to college was the first time.

I really did not have a good time doing that. I really freaked out before leaving. You did. And then again, I moved back home when I was like 25 because I was just broke and working the road and then I moved to New York after that and that time too I had like a real freak out about moving. I have some, I have a lot of anxiety about, um, about leaving my parents. And this time I'm like still, I still sleep at my parents' house because I don't have a, um, a bed frame yet. And I, I don't have a problem being a 36 year old who like sleeps at her parents' house,

but I will not be a 36 year old without a bed frame. So I'm still there. I'm like just here during the day. There's a part of me that my daughter just left for college in August for the first time. And it was brutal and didn't want her to go. But she does not seem to share the anxiety that you are sharing. That, like, she was pretty psyched to go. So what can I, what can I do to mess her up a little bit to make it that she'll stay home more. Well, I will say, though, that Tom, I didn't, I didn't let on that I was sad about leaving. So my parents wouldn't have known. They would have thought I was so excited to go because I picked a school that was far away. And I was, I was really excited about it. And I think I just looking back on it, all the things that

happened before I left. Like, that's when I first, I like got an eating disorder. Like all the And then the second time I was like just crying in restaurants like I there were things that I was doing. I was acting out in ways that I'm like, oh, you're just sad to leave mom and dad and you were just scared. And I still did it, but I really, I'm just someone who loves my parents and loves to feel safe. And, and I just, I hate saying goodbye. And that's just a thing for me in every aspect of my life. I just never liked. I just leave without saying goodbye. I, I, I, I, I, when I decided to go, I just get up and go. I don't have some kind of like, they call it the glazer exit because I, my friends do, because I just go, okay, I'm going to go. Like, there's, I don't understand people that are like, I think we'll leave in about five minutes and then like gives a warning. I'm very, I don't do that. I just go because it's so sad to say goodbye. Well, it's the worst thing I to do as a human being is to say goodbye because it's ultimately is going to be the ultimate goodbye, the final goodbye. And everything else is like, yeah, and everything else is just a smaller version of that.

I get the thing where when I'm getting ready for a goodbye, like for a trip or something like that, every action in that day leading up to it or a couple days leading up to it has like a movie importance to it. It's like putting the clothes in the drawer for the last time or right or loading or getting or going with the bag and going down the hallway and turning the light. Like all those things to me are like this could be it. This could be the last time I do it. I listen to, I listen to Sam Harris a lot and he talks about that a lot of, there will be a last time you do literally everything in your life.

And we don't, and, and his point was we should try to live even the most mundane moments, like how, how appreciate we are for just, you know, the last podcast I'll do over Zoom. There someday will be the last podcast I do over Zoom.

You know, that will be the end of an era. but I do feel that I really get into, I've been, I follow this subreddit, which I don't know if you're on Reddit, but I follow the subreddit called Last Images. And it's people's pictures, the last picture that was ever taken of them before they died. And it's either like celebrities or just some people in other, in people's lives of like they did like, you know, this was earlier in the evening and they died in a car accident later that night. And I'm just so fascinating, morbidly curious about these images. and I just obsess over them and think, you know, someday I will take my last picture. And I hope it's a good one because that, you know, you just hope it's one that you want everywhere.

And there's a last time for everything. And you're absolutely right. I think that's why goodbyes are so hard. I mean, everything comes back to being scared of dying. Yeah, it all totally. Now, when you were living at home, you're, are you, you have a sibling, don't you? Yeah, I have a sister who lives down the road. She has a whole family of her own.

And she was younger or older? Younger. Younger. So you're the oldest. Yeah. Wow. I know. Yeah, the math doesn't really work out.

It doesn't really add up. But your parents created this very loving place? Yeah. I mean, they, it's, there's definitely like a lot of fighting. Like the kind, a lot of arguing. I will say that they never say that they're fighting. It's always an argument or it's not discussing something. but I just realized that I grew up with people yelling at each other all the time and not like the worst things you could say, but sometimes.

And it just fills you with anxiety. And so I and I find that I have a lot of that in me too. And so but despite the yelling and despite the tension at times and everyone's character defects, I just have a good time with them. when they're high. No, when they are, uh, when they, when they are mellow and cool and,

and in a good mood, they're the greatest to be around. They're smart. They're funny. They're cool. They're, they're, they like the same things I do.

They like the same shows I do. So it was really an ideal situation. Is that a legit thing? It's when they're high is when they can relax. Um, I mean, when they do eat an edible, it's like,

it's, it's fun for me. I could always tell when they have, like sometimes they don't tell me that they're going to. And I'm like, You're being so nice and you're so like talkative and telling stories and they're just chiller. Yeah.

I once met my mom and was like, I think you should smoke pot all the time. And I'm not someone who advocates just chronic drug use. But I think she would be a way better person to hear that. There is that thing as a parent. I'm going through it because on the one hand, I don't do it because I want to hide it from kids that are in high school and, you know, don't want to be that example. But on the other hand, I'm a lot more fun and a lot nicer to everybody and I'm more affectionate with my wife. And it's like, you know, that's not, I guess I just got to get better at sneaking it because it does make me nicer.

It makes me nicer too. It makes me just a joy to be around. And I, but there's the, I struggle with the pot thing. I mean, I'm off it right now. I was off a month and then I had it a week ago and I couldn't sleep and I was just like, I should have done that. But the thing about pot and your parents, it's like it shouldn't take a drug to put you in a good mood. And then that makes you know, like my parents are great on it, but they're fucked up. I mean, like, you can't deny that they're drugged. And, you know, there's also like anti-de, it could be medicinal, you know.

Yeah. Like I wouldn't get mad if my parents were on like, Zoloft or something if it made them feel better. So it's tricky, but like that kind of glassy-eyed look, like you don't want your dad to always have that and always be like, there's sometimes it gets annoying that someone's too happy. And I even feel like I have to rein mine in a lot of times because it's not just to people that are like in reality and like things aren't this good.

Yeah, right. I know. I'll always have like, my daughter will give me like a suspicious side eye. Like, what do you? What's up? Why are you? What's going on? And that's not good either.

I don't know it right away. Yes. Like, why are you in such a good mood? It's almost like in sitcoms when the parents used to have sex and the kids would be like, why are you guys in a good mood? You know, like, they're all like joking and laughing. I always thought that sex made parents do that, but it's actually weed. It's edible.

Who was, who would, who is, who was, uh, who, tell me about the food in your house when you were growing up. What was who cooked? My mom, always my mom. Uh, such good meal. I grew up with a mom who made my lunches every day and made sure she hit every food group. I never understood it when I would go over to friends' houses.

You know, you just think that's the way it is everywhere. And I'd go over to friends' houses and they would just have like spaghetti. And there'd be no like salad and no bread. It's just like one dish. Like it would blow my mind. And so my mom was so good about always making every single meal. and I can't believe she did it.

And she continues to do it for my dad. Is she a good cook? She is. She's really good. What's her background? What's her ethnicity? She grew up Irish, just like from Cincinnati, 10 kids. Whoa.

Yeah. So she's always like, she claims though she doesn't enjoy cooking. She just like, it's her job because my dad works and my mom was a homemaker. So she just has kind of fallen into this position. but she takes a lot of pride in it and I think she does like it. But it does cause a lot of, I guess, tension in the house because she might, it's never, there's always something wrong with it. Oh, this chicken has so much fat in it.

Or there's like this, it's not, it's not hot enough. There's always some, like, complaint. Who's complaining? Your dad's complaining? Yes. And if I literally, Tom, if I, like, open a bag of. chips and like pour them for my dad on a plate he'll be like these are the best chips i've ever had like yeah i swear he complements anything i do but my mom like slave over the stove and like

he'll always have find something to to pick on about it's just this weird power dynamic that really uh annoys me and i try to get in the middle of it but um yeah yeah it's uh she yeah he's it's weird impressive yeah it's weird that's like that's another thing about the weed it actually can make you step back and look at how you're treating people and you realize why is everything a criticism that comes out of my mouth you know you get into those characters they're playing those roles forever but that's not nice if she's making all the food does he clean up no he doesn't my mom presents it so much and the thing is do you i hear this conversation once a month all right you know what fine you make dinner you make dinner i don't even

care anymore. And then my dad doesn't know how to make dinner. He knows how to make like one dish. He makes like a vegetarian chili and it's bad. And he's like, I would make dinner. You never love me. It's like the same fight. And it's like, God, when are we going to break this cycle of the same fight that's been happening since 1984? It's just it's like a warm jacket though. They like they just put themselves in that in that familiar old coat, even though it's got holes in it. And it's stupid and missing a zipper. Yeah. It's just like it always leads to the same place.

Neither of them ever do the thing that they're saying they're going to do. And it's just like, I just don't get it. But they're really, I don't know, they're, they love each other. They're like very, they're a good couple. They're very codependent at this point. They do everything together. And I think they have a good time. I mean, like, I've learned a lot living with them.

But food in my house was, yeah, it was. It was, we, we love to eat. And we all. What was like, what was Little Nicky when Little Nikki was like sad or if she was sick and or got a bad grade or something didn't go well? What would mom make to cheer you up? My favorite thing. And I told her this the other day because I go, you never make that anymore, but I still

obsess over it. It was bow tie pasta just with olive oil, capers, sundried tomatoes, uh, uh, mushrooms and clams. and it was so freaking good. And I got so fat in high school from that. I mean, I would, I could not stop eating it. I was, I really had a problem. And my parents had great food. I was not one of these kids that didn't have junk food around the house.

We always had cookies. We always had any kind of cereal we wanted. And we were just left to our devices to do whatever we wanted. And I got pretty pretty, as soon as I stopped doing sports and started like, like, you know, having a lot of feelings that I wasn't addressing. I just started eating and eating and eating. And it was a problem for a while. And then, and then I was like, okay, now I'm going to stop eating.

And then that was weird because, oh, because when you're trying to get away with an eating disorder in a house where like every meal is put in front of you and you're like, I am going going to go eat with a friend and like you don't have money so it doesn't make sense that you're going. So it was, it led to a lot of tension. But now I'm a vegan and I'm recovered from an eating disorder. So that's not an issue anymore. but the veganism thing really, it kind of divides my family now.

Like, I never eat. They make a meal for themselves. I make my meal for myself. It's hard, I know, especially when I see it with my mother, because she's so used to doing it for 40 years cooking a certain way. And nephews and daughter-in-laws and people show up, and they're like, no, we don't eat that. To the point where my wife, she's Italian, so she makes like a big tomato sauce, meat sauce.

And when my, when Cynthia came along, who was a vegetarian, and she was like, I don't eat meat. And my mother's looking at this giant sauce she's been making for three days. And she's like, well, I'll just skim off the top for you. Like no understanding of like why she couldn't eat that. But it really, it's, it's, I feel for your mom. I feel like there is. Yeah. They literally don't understand it.

And you'd have to, you end up having to make four different meals for. for four different people. Yeah, she gets so overwhelmed by, Nikki, what am I going to make you? So I've just said, I don't ever make me anything anymore. And which is kind of a shame. Like she's still like, we'll be like, hey, can I make some vegetables for you?

And I let her make some. But I just, and I have a hard time. My mom really likes discounts, including discount food. She goes to our local grocery store, Dearbergs, every morning to go in the, as my grandma had called, it the rotten food aisle, which is like all priced down food that is like ready to like start accruing different bacteria. And she goes there every morning and, um, and picks up like sushi

or whatever. Sometimes it's like a, like one time she got an octopus salad, like a, you know, like a squid salad. She's like, got this for $2.99, baby. And I'm like, mom, it's, it's, it's, if you're buying seafood at discount prices, that means it's been, don't buy meat at discount. That means the animal has been treated worse than any other animal. It's bad parts of the animal. It's just like it's the worst thing you can do. And she loves it. Oh, she loves a bargain.

Oh, that is so good. I love her that your grandmother calls it the rotten food aisle. Yep. It's so depressing. And my dad is always like, do you get this from the rotten food aisle? And she's like, no, I got it from Aldi. Okay. And then Aldi is a whole other thing.

He like hates things that come from Aldi, even though my mom's like, It's so much cheaper. It's the same E.J. And so it's always a battle in our house over like what, you know, you always buy the cheapest thing. And we have a lot of discount food. I have to say, when I first met Cynthia, I wasn't eating meat. I had eaten some like buffalo wings and the bone broke in my mouth.

And then I saw outside of Chinese restaurant stacks of meat. They were just bleeding in a New York sidewalk in August. And I was like, I'm going to take a break from this. So she always says I like, I started dating her under false pretenses because she was a vegetarian. She found this great guy who doesn't eat meat either. And then, but then I went back and I started eating meat. And it's literally because of the thing that you're saying of the splitting up of the family and not being able to, food was always the central thing that united us. Like even if you're, it's with like awkward family members, the one thing I walked into.

an Italian deli, which was all the food that I ate growing up. And I was like, I can't cut this part out of my life and sit with my father and have a meatball. Like, and that literally, to my wife's unhappiness, that that's what brought me back. It was the ritual of it with the family. Yeah. I mean, my dad will never stop trying to get me to eat Skyline Chili. They're from Cincinnati and they love Skyline Chili. And I grew up, I mean, if I, if I, if I, ever am on death row. That's my last meal for sure. Like I will have one last thing of Skylight chili with a big thing of cheese on top. Like I will totally go against my veganism. And that's the thing I miss the most. But he, and they, they get cans of that for Christmas.

I mean, they really savor it and they treat it like it's just gold. Same with A1 sauce. I grew up in a house that like really treated A1. If you would have asked me, I would have thought it was like, like Domperignon. Like, like the most expensive thing that you could possibly buy, like you had to get it on the black market or something. Like, I was under the impression. It was so expensive. And then, and they still are so stingy with that stuff. Whenever I pour it, my dad goes, oh, it's easy.

And I go, I bought this myself. It is, I'll chug it if I want to. I asked for A1 sauce for Easter one time when I was a kid because I wanted my own bottle to chug because I loved it so much. And so, yeah, they always, they always try to get me to go back on the skyline. And it's so hard because that was such a tradition. And yeah, that's a shame. It really is.

It does drive a wedge. I could see your dad. I could see your dad being like, remember we used to share this? Yeah. Oh, it's hard. That's a hard thing. But it's not a, it's a real thing also. It is like a, it's an intimate act when you eat with somebody, you know?

Yeah. And my dad kissed me on the lips until I was like 26. So we're intimate, you know? And I had to put a stop to that as well. So we used to do the lady in the tramp thing with the skyline now. Yeah, it is an intimate thing. I really, in my dad, I see him with my sister's kids and it's like just giving them sweets all the time, always giving them cookies. My dad is such a fun guy.

Like whenever my friends always say, oh, we loved going over to your house. You had all the best food. And whatever we would go anywhere with the glazers. And E.J. would stop. My dad's name is E.J. would stop to get gas. He would go in the gas station. come back and he would just throw tons of candy at us in the back seat. He was just, he's just so generous with sweets, always wants to have fun.

And so it's the fact that I don't really eat sugar anymore, I don't really, I'm not like a huge carb person. Like, it's just like, who was his daughter? But I recently started playing guitar and that has really brought me and my dad together in a way that like he has always wanted us to be together. Yeah. Now, in your defense, though, how much, how long have you been a vegan? Like four and a half years?

And how do you feel? I feel good. I mean, I was really wonky with my food for a really long time. When people used to be like, you're vegan, I'd be like, I don't really want to talk about it because I was just kind of still, I was doing this intermittent fasting thing, which is pretty much like adult anorexia. I was just trying to have an eating disorder as an adult and not get in trouble for it or get judged for it. So I was starving all day. I would begin eating at night and then it wouldn't stop. Like I would just wake up in the middle of night because I'm just like starving.

So the pandemic hit and I really got to look at my habits and I was like, what is going on here? Like you can't do this. This isn't like what Joe Rogan is advocating with certain people. Like this isn't intermittent fasting. This is you doing something really sneaky with food. So you can starve to have some control and to not be forced to eat things I don't want to. You know, like, so I actually like got help for it when I got into quarantine because I was like, I can't, I'm never going to have a husband if I'm like eating in bed all through the night. Like I got to make room in my bed.

I'm waking up with a bunch of rappers next to me and not the kind I want. So I, um, so I started eating three meals a day and it was really hard to do because, you know, we are just sold this lie of like, everyone knows breakfast is the most important meal, but everyone skips breakfast. Everyone who's on some kind of diet or wants to lose weight, everyone just skips breakfast. And I realize that the number one way to maintain or lose weight is to eat when you're hungry so that you don't overeat. The pench, if you starve, and that's what I live by now, if I ever don't eat when I'm hungry and try to starve, I always remember that that food I didn't eat will be doubled somewhere in my future.

So I am not avoiding it. I am actually, me starving is going to be. make me eat two times as much at least later on. So I have to eat three meals a day and it's, and now I'm eating like pretty good vegan food and I'm, you know, conscious of getting protein and it's not that hard. And I love, I love a salad. I love healthy food though. I really do. Me too. I know. Your body really does want it. It literally wants it. Like there's, you go through these periods, especially through the holidays where we just were eating just bread and cookies basically for two days in a and you're like, I need a carrot.

I literally need it like something green or orange, something to go inside. That's so funny that you say that about the fasting thing, though, because I tried it too because everybody was trying it. And come five o'clock, especially if I had a drink, I would just eat like crazy because I didn't eat all morning, went until two in the afternoon, like, oh, I'm doing great today, and then would lose my marbles at the end of the day. whole day you are not that pleasant to be around because you're hungry and you're thinking about how much you're going to eat. And then when you do start eating, you have, oh, you know, you starve one day and then the next day you can eat whatever you want.

You're out of control. You're checked out. It's not a good system. I really, I feel for anyone who's kind of caught in it because I was for a really long time. And you're just white knuck. Like, all you look forward to is eating because you're either. And then you make yourself sick. I would go to bed and I would feel like I wanted to throw. up every single time I ate because I couldn't stop because your body thinks it's starving, so you have to eat everything. And I couldn't have food in the house because if something was open, I'd have to finish the container and looking, like, you know, scooping it with my finger, eating like family-sized hummises with a spoon. And I'm like, I'm never going to have a family. What is this like party-sized things, not the least social thing I've ever done.

It's terrible. It's not good. Oh, man. So now that you've got your new place, but you're still staying at home a little bit. Is there a priority to the kitchen? Like, will you be cooking this stuff where you go out and get the stuff? I go out and get it. Yeah.

You know, I am not someone who spends a lot. I have like a business manager who once looked at my spending. And I was like, just be honest with me. I don't like to look at it. And he's like, all you don't, you're really cheap except food. Like, that's what you buy. And I just, I feel like I've worked hard enough to be like, that's the thing I spend money on. I get takeout.

And I don't go nuts. Like I get, I love Thai food. I would eat Thai for every, every meal. Have you ever had a papaya salad? No. Tom, do me a favor. It sounds like it's fruit. Like you're just going to be eating fruit.

It's so delicious. It does not smell like as good as it tastes. But if you go to a Thai restaurant, I dated a vegan guy and he got one one time and I tried it and that was the one thing of the relationship that I'm like, oh, I'm so glad I got that because I eat up a pie. I like two a day. Really? Yeah, like whenever I order I ever two.

Papaya salad is peanuts. It's made with green papaya, which is like more like a vegetable and carrots and green beans. And those who know are like nodding along, like they are so delicious. But I think they're like the forgotten. It's called Tom Sum, I think on the menu. But it is so damn good. I got to say I'm a little ignorant to the Thai stuff because the only tie I would get would be like Pad Sayu or Pad Thai and it would always be kind of greasy.

And so I just was like, maybe I just don't like Thai food. But everyone yells at me that I'm wrong. A Tom Yum soup, a Tom boss, like the curry, any kind of green curry. And Thai food is so clean and I would say not greasy unless you're going for a pad Thai, which I think is closer to like, you know, Yeah, and that's a little like heavier, but it's so light and I love a good summer roll. I love a good, yeah, I just love Thai food. It just feels clean and fresh. So are you limited because you're back in St. Louis?

You were in New York and L.A. where there's crazy food. What's it like there? Is it all right? It's pretty good. The neighborhood I'm in has great Thai restaurants, great Middle Eastern restaurants, Lebanese places that I'm going to try out, one of which I really know about. I, you know, I miss the cellar,

Babaginous and hummus and grape leaves and all of that stuff. Like, I love Middle Eastern and Thai are probably my favorite foods. And soup, you know, like that, what's the lentil soup? Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. So there's the protein, but I don't have a problem with tofu. I love it. Right.

Nikki. Tom. When are we getting the vaccine? When are we going to, when am I going to be in a club just seeing you walk through the hallway. When do you think? I hope August. Mm-hmm. I could see that. I mean, I'm getting my theater dates. Oh, no, this thing shut off. I hope you guys are recording. Yeah, I'm getting my theater dates and I've got like July is when they're kind of counting on, putting back at it. But who's to say? Seems like it might be early, right?

This thing's mutating, but I know the vaccine is supposed to knock. any kind of mutation out, but, oh, I don't know. Have you had it yet? No. No, I haven't either. Not that I know. I know. And at this point, I'm like, in the beginning, I was like, let me just get it and get it over with.

And now I'm like, I want to get it to the end without ever getting this thing. Yeah, we're so close. I know. I just got, I have a guitar teacher that I see. And we both wear a mask, but it's in a small room. And he just texted me. He has it. And I'm like, God damn.

I saw it four days ago, but I was wearing an N95 very tightly, so just, I hope, to God. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Man, oh, man. We were going so fast and furious. And we always were in the same orbit because we were always on the radio together. We were going through all this stuff was this very similar rhythm, the specials.

Everything was kind of at the same. So I know where exactly where your head's at. And I don't like it for either of us. That's looking good. I'm definitely like thinking of other things to start doing. Like thinking about a world in which stand-up is not going to be possible. I'm doing some Zoom show this weekend. And I haven't done stand-up for so long.

I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. Have you been doing those? No. Mike Barbiglia is telling me that I really should do it. He's like he's done like a, I guess like four or five at this point. And he's like, I'm telling you, like your audience comes out and they're actually, it's not the same, but it's better than nothing.

And he's really been pushing it. But I haven't pulled the trigger on it yet. Yeah, I saw him actually do a set on some charity thing we did. He killed. And it did make me go like, okay, now I kind of want to do it. But the nerves I have before it for how it's just, I don't think it's worth it. The anxiety of like, what am I even going to talk about? Yeah.

Just, yeah. it's so weird how quickly you forget how to do it or think you don't know how to do it. I mean, I probably be fine, but like, it really is like the gym. I mean, we'll get it back. There's muscle memory, but I think it's the same exact, you know, deterioration of skill that happens with the gym, the same timeline. Like two weeks, you're like, okay, feeling it, feeling it. And then a couple months and you're just like, you're jelly again.

Yeah, you're like, I'm just fat now. I'm just fat out of shape. Yes. But I love that we all are, except by Brueglia, I guess. Right, exactly. But yeah, but that thing is like, that's the other part of it is like, okay, so you're good at it and you get that. You don't get the physical reaction from the audience, so you don't really feel that. And it's not really the same skill that you're going to bring on to the stage. No, it isn't. It's just, but we might need to build this skill. With the age of pandemics that, you know, Fauci says we're, you know, headed towards. Did he say that?

Yeah, I think I think he said that. And, you know, when the polar ice caps melt, new things come out of those, that water. The old, like, weird viruses are going to start emerging because of climate change. And so I think it's going to be, we'll adapt. Yeah, yeah. But we had it good for so long. Like, thank God. we

I think yeah I don't know I think I think also the other the bright side of it

is that we are learning enough from it and that this vaccine came so quickly I think that we'll probably we might have to

live in test tubes and stuff but we're gonna get better at at dealing with it but either way I would say hopefully

hopefully this doesn't mean it'll be a bad sign when you're eating chili again then I'll know we're really screwed Yeah, I don't want to say goodbye. No.

All right. Well, let's not say goodbye. Let's just turn off our Zoom. All right. I thank you so much for being here, but this is not a goodbye. No, it's not. All right. No.

All right. This is so great. Yeah. Thanks, Tom. You're the best. You are. Hey, I have an idea. Let's give a call to our pal Mike Berbiglia.

Let's have a quick bite with Mike. see how he's doing. He's in New York City. He's super funny. He's got a great new book out. He's got the new one. His special on Netflix. He's always creating, always doing, he's doing so many live shows. So we talked about with Nikki. He's always got, he's always creating. And he's been doing these live Zoom shows, and he seems really into it. But as talent as he is, as much as great content that you can find on him. I want to find out what he's eating right now. Hey, Mike. Good. How are you? I'm fine. Happy New Year. Happy New Year to you. What happened? You have the sniffles? I had the sniffles and then I went into lockdown. I self-quarantine and now I don't have the sniffles anymore. I mean,

it's so crazy. It's a mess, Tom. Oh, man. Is this what life is for this? the next 20 years? Is this where it is? What are we doing? I think so. I think what we're living is retirement. I think that this is what old people do. They, like, small little events during the day become huge things.

Like, oh, the mail's here. And you get little chills and you put on a sweater and then you get a cold and you think you might be dead. It really, it really goes to show you that we really had a great. great. We really did. We really had it. We did not know what we had going there for a while. It'll be back.

We'll come back. It's got to come back. You will. Are you recording this for the show? Yeah. I'm recording right now. You're merging me into the thing. Okay, you merged me into this recording us.

Yes, exactly. Yeah. Okay, so I'll continue. Is the connection good enough that you can use it? Yeah, you sound great. Yeah, it's cool. It just sounds like. a phone call and it's just a good way to like touch base with some friends and see how they're

eating and how they're surviving and then just drop it into the pod. I can tell you a lot about eating because you and I at the comedy cellar, I think we struggle with the same vice is, the same eating. I would venture to say, I don't know exactly what you eat, but I would venture so you eat chicken wing at the phone thing. Absolutely. I eventually say you're eating just like a lot of like hummus, pita, fried food, et cetera. Exactly.

A lot of carbs. And I went the first eight months of quarantine without a scale. I scale was broken. And then I had this thing where I'm like, you know what? You know what? It's like, I may have gained a little. I met and I get on it and I'm not going to say what the number was it was like a lot more than I thought oh no it was basically back to very close to what I was at because as you know Tom it doesn't matter what you weigh right

right it doesn't matter it doesn't matter not important not important so many factors so many factors are going what matters Tom is health what matters is health and that and that and that and and it was not a healthy weight. I don't, don't give me the number, but how much, how much, how many more pounds than you'd want to be? I was, I was like, oh, I was up by 15 from where I wanted. 15, yeah, that seems to be the average. Is that right? Are you seeing that?

Yeah, I totally have. Would you call it the pandemic 15? Yeah, my friend says that's why they call it COVID-19. Oh, my God. It says, you know, it actually makes me feel bad. to hear that that's a common thing. Oh, 100%. Because I was just feeling awful, and I was like,

because, you know, I had type 2 diabetes a few years ago, and I lost a bunch of weight, changed my eating habits. I reversed it. And now, when I checked the scale, I'm like, oh, God, this is looking a lot like, this is looking a lot like what my weight was like when I had type 2 diabetes. Oh, no. And then I ordered a fingerprint kit, so I might finger prick myself. because I don't want to go to the doctor.

Oh, I know. I don't want to get checked for anything. I don't want to go near a CVS. Me neither. I don't want to go. I know. I mean, the whole thing is like a Romero film. I mean, I don't want to go anywhere.

I know. I don't want to do anything. No, forget about it. No haircuts. Jen gave me a haircut. Have you gotten a haircut? I did, yeah. Jen gave me a haircut.

And she, I feel like you can relate to this. We don't know how to cut hair. She made a haircut, and she just sliced into my ear, just a full slice. Oh, no. And you know my first thought was? I wasn't even surprised. I was like, I knew it was going to end at some point. It was going to come at some point.

Yeah, yeah. At some point she's going to come at me with scissors, and here we are. So I hope, hopefully, I'm sure it was a mix, but. Was it a joyful 15? Was it a fun 15? Or was it just a fraught 15? I think it's so hard to categorize. I mean, the way that I've thought about the last couple of years in general,

even before the pandemic, is like in adulthood, my take on the whole thing is nothing is anything until later. Like in other words, you don't know what anything is until like a couple years later. And then you go, oh yeah, I guess people liked that album I did. but they didn't like that other one. Right.

The one that I thought was so great at the time. They didn't love that one, but they liked your other one. Right. You just don't know. It's the same. You know, I love your book, for example. And like, you know, I don't know if other people do. I don't know if, like, we'll be seeing that book in five years and booksharst,

but we might, we might see more copies than we see now. Right. I might have diabetes. I might not. I know exactly. Yeah. Your book, by the way, I know it's your podcast, people are already on board for the book, but it's like if I haven't gotten a book, it's the only comedy book ever read that the feel-good comedy book.

Yours is pretty good, too, though. I mean, I try. Yeah, yours has a similar tone. Well, it arrived there at the end through hard-fought, hard-fought battles with being kind of a, you know, Someone who didn't want to engage in having a family. I think community. You're a little more searching. Yeah, it's weird.

It's weird. It's searching. It's weird because, like, comedians in our, like, there's a lot of scrutiny on comedy right now. Like, you can't talk about this. You can't talk about this. Can't talk about this? Like, I don't know, I don't know about you.

We're talking about comedians, but we're all, like, very dark souls. I know. Like, the things we think about are the things you're saying. don't talk about. It's like, don't talk about murder. Murder's my brother's my brother. I know. It's like,

it's like all of comedies become the uncomfortable conversation you had like, with friends of your kids, your kids, friends, parents at school. It's like, we don't engage in those conversations because those people don't want to hear what we have to say.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, no, that's, and I feel like that's, that's been the band of my distance since I started being a comedian.

Yeah. Never explained to someone like on a plane or a complete stranger that I am a comedian. Like I would just make up a thing. That's my job. Yeah. What do you do? I'm a temp. I'm a temp.

I do administrative work at Pfizer. You know what I mean? Sales. Yeah. Sales. It's like you don't want to see your comedian. They go, well, how come you're not funny now? And it's like, well, this is just going to be a joke later, but it's going to be about you.

You're right. you think I'm just having a nice time. I'm actually researching. Here's something I was writing this morning, which I was trying to figure out. I was writing about an addiction, a habit, or just something you like. And when you said buffalo wings, I had actually written about in terms of wings. Like I don't have like hardcore, like alcohol or drug stuff. Sure.

But food stuff I totally have. And I was trying to figure out. is like my love of chips or my love of buffalo wings, is that an addiction or is that just a habit or is it just something I really like which could become a problem? I think it's an addiction. I've seen you eat. I've seen those eyes as you stare at food and I think, and I've seen my own eyes. You and I think we both have a problem.

You think it's a full-blown addiction. addiction is a problem. Because it's not supposed to... Eating isn't supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be sustenance. You see people who are like really good shape, they're not like, oh, buffalo wings. They're like, I need the energy to run another 10 miles.

That is the difference. It really is like... I had a friend that said, why does every meal have to be a celebration? And I was like, well, because that's what's fun. He's like, yeah, But that's also what makes you fat. Right.

Yeah, yeah. No, I know. I know. But I get, yeah, but I. How are you, how are you, how are you, how are you holding up? Like, how old are your kids now? 18 and 15. Wow.

So that's, to me, that's like the hardest. Ouna's five and a half. Like, she's having a ball. She gets to hang out with her friends all day. And her parents are the coolest people in the world. Your kids are like, our dad's a loser. A dad's a loser tell him to stop talking to us. And now I'm with him 24 hours a day and he keeps telling me you have to wash my dishes.

Yeah, yeah. How is it going for you? How is it going? It's fine. It's fine. You know, we're just kind of muddling through it. It's okay. I feel like it's my job in the house to keep everybody entertained and up, you know?

Like keep because their disappointments are pretty profound. So I'm just trying to keep everything. kind of like we're going to get through it, just keep it light and we'll persevere kind of thing. But it's hard because your five-year-old doesn't have the added aspect of getting sick of you, getting in her car, driving off to who knows where, hanging with who knows who, coming back telling you, telling you, yes, everybody's safe and tested. And then you just sit there and look at them across the table, like, are you killing your mother right now? Oh, my God, of course. You think about how much you lied to your parents when you're 15. Yeah.

Oh, I know. I lied to my parents like it was drinking water. And yet, when you'll find this. When you get to that point, you're like, no, not my girl. You're right, right. Of course not. Of course not. Someone said to be a great analogy about a teenager just the other day.

They go around 12, 13 years old. They leave. They're gone. and they're replaced by identical clones of their former selves. I was like, oh, that's so brilliant. That's like exactly the good way to think about it. Yeah, and like you're the character in the movie that's like looking at the clone like, wait, that is Debbie, isn't it Debbie?

That's right. Oh, man. All right, so before I let you go, what are you planning on doing now? If you've, we got through the holidays, but you're still in pandemic mode. You're still ordering in a lot. Are you ordering in? Are you making your own food?

What's going to be the plan? You know, I'm just trying to do the thing we're just talking about, which is like stay in sustenance mode. Like for as many meals as possible, it's like, like turkey sandwich on whole wheat with like mustard and just be like, I don't need to enjoy food. I just don't need to enjoy it. And then every now and then just be like, you know what, I'm going to order some Thai food and this doesn't have to be for every meal.

I think, oh, my other trick is just stuff your face with fruit all the time. Really? Just have apples and pears and bananas just around. And like I know some people will go, no, there's sugar and fruit. It's like, no, no, no, no, you don't understand my plate. Yeah. You understand what we're dealing with here. If I don't eat that fruit, the shit I'm eating is like black market bad food.

It's true. The greatest part of the apple is that by the end of it, you're exhausted. You can't even chew anymore. So even if something good came along, you would just be like, I'm done. I just can't chew. I really do think stuff your face with apples is one of the best pieces of dieting advice you can take. Because I do think, like, and this is like an old expression that people say that I didn't invent, which is eating is all, you know, essentially like all of health is what you put in your mouth.

Right. You put it in your mouth, it's in your body. Right. And you have to think about it. So it's like if you just keep stuffing apples, like, that's just in your body. It should be fine. That should be the name of your next book, Stuff Your Face with Apples. Step Your Face with Apples.

I like that. Well, thanks, Mike. We'll have to do the, you'll have to come on and spend some more time on the podcast, but it was fun checking in with you. I can't wait. I can't wait. And, yeah, I hope you're talking soon. All right, buddy.

Take care. You soon. Bye. Okay, everybody, that's it. That's the big show. Thank you so much to Nikki Glazer and Mike Barbiglia. And to our friends at the Red Stew Factory. It's not a real place, but it's what I felt like I was working in for the last couple

days. Hope you guys are doing well. Continue eating and enjoying yourself. Thank you for being here. Make sure you subscribe. Make sure you give some stars. Tell your friends. Send your stuff. You're the best. We'll see you next time.