Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 5 - Joey Diaz

Episode Date: June 9, 2020

Take a Cuban-American comedian wrap him up in a northeastern Italian American neighborhood and you get the great Joey Diaz. The perfect food-loving man to break bread with! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's how we go. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey. Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. Today, we welcome the legendary Joey Diaz to the table. Now, look, Joey is a very funny comedian.

He's a great actor. We actually work together a couple of times. He's the host of the church of what's happening now, a very funny podcast because he is very funny. But more than all of that, Joey loves to eat. Whenever I am traveling around and want a suggestion of where to eat, I get in touch with Joey Diaz. This man, this lover of food, Cuban-born,

but wrapped up in so much northeast Italian heritage, that I feel like he's more Italian than a lot of my Italian family members. He knows what's what. He knows what to order. He knows where to order. And he has very strong opinions on what is good. If you're going to break bread with someone, this is a great place to start. Please enjoy the talented, mouth-watering Joey Diaz.

Ah, Joey. Joey, look at you. What a gentleman. You look great. It's lunchtime. It's Thursday. It's the week is over. You know what I'm saying? Yes, I know. Usually the week would be starting for us right now. This is our week. Isn't it weird? It's over. That's it. Week is over now. You feel like just a working guy. You're like, oh, weekends actually mean time off for me now. Yeah.

I leave you now. I go home. I hang with the daughter. I read two books. And then we come back to studio. And we do a podcast about science for her. Just to get her. You know what I'm saying?

We started before the fucking whole, uh, uh, pandemic. So this was, this kept the strongest. I give a 40 bucks a month. I give it a small 40.

10 bucks a podcast. We got fake sponsors. And, uh, she puts, she gives the mother 20. is a vig and 24 of his keep. That's amazing.

How old is she? Seven. I got a right, you know. Oh, that's amazing. Good for you. What's the name of it? What, the podcast, Science with Mercy. That's so great.

Oh, man, I know. It really is kind of a strange thing. It's like, yeah, to just be, and I have to say, are you feeling this as well where you have, Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, you want to go back to performing. As soon as they say it, we're going to be running out of the door. But it has been kind of a nice forced sabbatical in a way.

Kind of like, why shouldn't you hang with the family for a little bit? Listen, everybody needs to do this. It's time for you to get to know your wife again. It's time for you to get to know your kids again. I said from the beginning that there was going to be a civil lining to all this. And this is making friends stronger. you're going to find out who's not your fucking friend. Yeah.

And this is going to make, you know, this is going to let you know what you want to do and not want to do. Right. If you think I want to get on a plane and go somewhere, I'm not only going to do dick. And you figure out when Fauci comes up with a pill, because I don't like needles. So I'm not going for the vaccine for the needle. Okay? I don't like needles. And they usually give them to you in the arm, intramuscular, and that shit drives me fucking crazy.

I give blood. I've trained myself after 40. By the age of 46, I had the blood down. I don't have to faint. I bring Santana, Abraxas. I bring it on my iPod, and I look the other way. I make it put me in the room with windows. Right.

If there's no windows, I go down like a bad fucking habit. I just go down. So, and I got giving blood down. Every time I go, he tells me, hey, you're 50, you're due for a tetanus shot. You think I'm going to be jumping fences? Get away from me for the fucking tetanus shot. Fucking Delea guy that he set his arm hurt for three weeks, and he's skinny, and he's in health.

Can you imagine I got a tetanist shot? Fuck you. So I avoid all the... I haven't gotten a flu shot since I swam into Hudson. Once you're swimming the Hudson on the Puerto Rican side, you're good for life. That's all you need. You can get like a little vaccination on your arm, like a little crab bite you from the Hudson. That's your little vaccination mark and shit.

I'm done. I'm done. Fuck Fauci and his bullshit. something to that. There is something to growing up that way, East Coast, Hudson River. It's like you were exposed to so much stuff. You have to think, like, the way of, like, washing your hands, your whole life is just, it had to make people weaker at some point. You know, we fly. I knew our immune systems as comics, because planes, let's face it. And as you, let's let's let the people at home know. For the last 20 years I've been flying.

Yeah. And those planes are getting filthier and filthier and filthier. And it's not them. It's also the model of people that go on planes are getting filthier, rotten ass, no socks, flip-flops. People don't do their hair. When I first started flying in the fucking 70s, you flew with a suit on. You flew with a suit on. It was a big event for your family.

I remember going to Puerto Rico. Rico and like a fucking tuxedo on at the fucking airport, the Kennedy Airport. Everybody flew, you flew because you had style, you had class. Yeah. And now you get these guys with the guy with the guitar. He's sitting in 29B. You paid for a shit ticket. If you ain't Led Zeppel and leave your guitar at home or leave it in the fucking check

it, they're not going to break it. You're in some fucking Momo band. You know, we've just planes. So my immune system is big. good. I'm a little older. I'm worried about this from my daughter. I'm worried about this that I may have had it. I mean, I had everything. I had chlamydia and it went away. I must have had the herb along the line. I must have hepatitis C from smoking crack. That went away on its own. Yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I was, I got offered to do a gig and I would have to

fly there in June. And part of me thinks, are you kidding? Like, it's safer now than when we were doing it in March. Like, we were flying everywhere, meet and greets, hugging people, people coming up. And I mean, now it seems like it would be safer than

anything we did back then. I bought Mace for the shows. You come up to me for a fucking Hank shake or picture I'm macing you. Old school. Old school. The work gets out. He mace his motherfuckers. Don't wait by the back door because you ain't going to get shit either.

You're going to get Mace back there, too. So this time when you've been home with the family for more than you have in your entire adult life, what's the food situation? What's the cooking? What's going on? I've got to be honest with you. I've been with my wife for 20 years. I had a trainer from scratch.

Like, you know, adjust little things. When I met her, she used margin. You know, she's white. So you got to straighten them out sometimes. White people don't know. They don't know. They use, you know, instead of using Helmonds, mayonnaise, they use the miracle whip. White people are little confused.

You got to, like, steer them to the right direction. When you start dating a white chick, you got to start throwing things out. You know what I'm saying? Jelly for toast in the morning. That's not allowed. Why do we have jelly here? What is this? So I had to start from scratch up, my wife.

Right. But to do that, I had to turn her on. to my world of what I was talking about. Right. So I had to take out of the Cuban joints that rocked, you know, especially out here. It's tough. There's no really good Italian out here except, you know. So I tried to take it in places that understood what the fuck food I like to eat, you know.

What kind of flavor here, you know. I don't like what everybody likes. I don't like Mediterranean food. No. I do like Jimmy Wazir, the one on, on the vine, the chicken, but they give you hummus on the plate. I never take the hummus. I don't like Thai food.

You know, I'm an old school New Yorker. When I got to New York from Cuba, there's no Thai food. It was Chinese, all right? So I'm dedicated to the Chinese. That's it. They were first. Then, like in 76, a couple sushi places opened up, but they weren't really sushi places. There were Japanese steakhouses.

Fugee, Mount Fuji. I remember Mount Fuji. Mount Fuji was a chain in New Jersey. That's right. 1599, steak and a drink and a pineapple, and then you puke on your date. You know what I'm saying? Every time I think a girl there in high school, she ended up puking. Here I'm hoping she drinks.

You went in high school because they didn't card you. They didn't card you. They didn't give a fuck. So you took them to hot there. You figure she drinks a zombie. She's drinking my sperm. No. An hour later, she's crying.

The mother's picking her up. What did you give my daughter? None. She had a taste of a zombie. You took it around Fuji. You took it around Fuji. Didn't you? I took a amount of Fuji with the coupon.

When you were growing up East Coast, were you born there? Or did you came over when you were a kid? I came home when I was a kid. But my mother was a very big, big. The reason why she died at 48 was because she was a big eater on the run. She loved. She knew of the best. steak was in New York.

Right. I still remember going to Fire Island in the 70s to get clams on a afshel with her. Like, just off a fucking hunch. Like, she would say, fuck it. We're at a MEC game. We're halfway there. Let's go.

And we would go to Fire Island and she turned me on how to put horseradish. I'd be like eight and she let me drink beer. Wow. Because if you ate the horseradish, I want you to taste it with the cocktails for us and shit. Oh, yeah. She used to take me to a Chinese

restaurant named Billy Hung. Billy Hung's was the best Chinese restaurant in New York, okay, by far. Where was it? It was like on the 30s or the 40s, big time, 60s, $33 for a lobster egg roll that would make your fucking hair stand up. A lobster egg roll that you never tasted anything like that. Oh, my God. And we spent so much money there when I was a kid and I first came from Cuba that they put a picture of my father up when he did. died. That's how much they liked my family.

Like, Sinoc's picture was there, like all these celebrities. And when my mother told him that my father died, they said, bring on a picture. We want to put a picture of him up. Wow. So for years, I was a Billy Hung guy. Wow. Do you remember Tad Steakhouse in New York City? Yeah, sure.

Remember those fucking dumps, 995? You got a steak. But if you taped the guy, a five at the fucking the steak guy, he'd give you the real steak. all the all the all the Australians got kangaroo meat and fucking whatever but if you were white and he gave the guy a fin and winked at him he'd pull you a nice tea bone from the bottom you got a baked potato you got a salad yeah got uh garlic bread yeah garlic bread and then you got the jello with the cubes there were jello cubes with some fucking whipped cream tremendous for dessert yeah when you see if you see uh movies about New York in the 70s. They were shot in New York. You always see a Tad Steakhouse sign in the background somewhere. Somewhere. And then when I lived in San Francisco in 85, they had a tads. Oh, really? I was in shock. Yeah, like in the tenderloin. It was. It's done now. It's done.

Now, was there cooking at home? Was your, was your mom, did she cook Cuban stuff when you were at my mom? Or you were pretty much out and about? When I was growing up, my mom cooked Cuban stuff. and there was stuff I tolerated like anything else. I got to like it as it went along. But when I was like six, I got into this, I would earn money at her bar.

She had a bar, and I could go there and pick up a 20 by cleaning toilets, stocking the beers. So there was nights where she would cook like red beans and I didn't like red beans. And my mother, her girlfriends,

and the fucking, my stepfather would be watching the news and also they'd be a, knock on the door. And they would look at each other. Also, I come out with, like, my little fucking faggy football pajamas on and shit. And I go, it's for me. And they go, who the fuck is not going to the door?

I would order chicken delight. Don't cook tonight, call chicken delight. I love chicken delight. The three piece with the crinkle cut fries, the jelly. I used to dip the French fries and the jelly. That's how retarded I was. And the bun that tastes like ass stapled, two dishes stapled. When I would eat the chicken delight, I could see my mom's soul break.

Because there was a rule in my house, no fast food. So I could only eat fast food when I went to Miami by my cousin's house. They would go for McDonald's. So I would stock up on my fast food consumption down there. But when I was in New York, there was no fast food. Chicken delight. There was no deli. There was no subway.

None of that shit. You had to go to the Italian guy and pick the cold cuts, and he didn't weigh the cold cuts. He looked at you, and if you weighed 300, he made you a fucking sandwich. Yeah, they didn't weigh cold cuts back then. And before every cold cut, they let your taste were sliced.

Like, they give you, as they're cutting, the guy would give you a thin slice of fucking prosciute. Everything he put on the sandwich, you get a slice of. That's old school, you know? the best. I know. I know. There was no, yeah, God. Man, we really kind of, when you're in New York, it's hard to find those places now. They're, there's, you know, they still have, like, an Arthur Avenue and a couple places downtown, but that used to be the dominant thing,

were those Italian delis and the Jewish delis, and they were just, they just operated in a different way. It was so, it was so tied to their heritage. They were only, like, one generation away from coming over. So it was so rooted in it. And now, I don't know, it just feels a little bit more like a shopping mall filled with, you know, even if a place is good,

it doesn't have the roots that it had back then. You know what, man? We've cleaned things up a little too much. See, in the 70s, we ate food, and the guy made it with his hands, and he just wiped his ass. He just wiped his ass. Nobody said nothing.

You get a food with a piece of hair in it, you ate it. You didn't have, excuse me. Mrs. Wade, there's a hair in my food. The guy would look at it, you didn't take it out right in front of you. All right, it's gone. Now what? Well, I wanted nothing. He had nothing.

You get nothing. His hair, no big deal. But now everybody's on the sanitation thing. You know, I used to hang out with the Lidizio's. Lidizio is a huge restaurant in Boulder. There were four brothers. They all got a federally indicted. They went to jail.

The most interesting Italian people I've ever met in my life. Leonardo, Antonio, Reimundo, all their restaurants were in points of interest. Boulder, San Francisco, New York, and Miami. They were all Coke distribution points, right? And they had restaurants. But the most famous one was Ramundo's in Miami. Like, if you go in the 70s, you went to four. Florida, you got a table at Raymundo's.

That was the joint. So these motherfuckers, let me tell you what, these motherfuckers, that they refused to go to jail. They got sentenced. Then they had a bail hearing, and they all got on cruise ships and hired fucking captains and went around the world. They were loaded with money from selling Coke and the restaurants,

and they just ran around the world going to different ports. I know their children. I know Antonio. and the kids would have a teacher on the cruise ship. And they would only go to places where we didn't have deals for extradition. And they did that until they finally cut a deal from the ocean. All four brothers turned themselves in, cut a deal like for six years. And then I used to work at a car wash in Boulder when I was in a halfway house.

and I used to go home and there was his restaurant and Lodizio and it fucking had that New York smell to it He'll have him and bowl to Colorado and I'm like, what the fuck? So I would go in there and I would get the Arabiata. It was a nice

white-looking woman, very sweet, looked like your mom type. I go, can I get the Arabiana to go? And she'd look at me like to go, really? I got to go. And then I went in there like once a week to go And then one day. Why to go?

Why to go? I'll tell you why. Because I was in the halfway house. So she came to me when they had the car wash and I go, how you doing, Mrs. Elle? I'm going to take care of you. Don't worry about it. And I give her the ticket.

And she goes, can I ask you a personal question? How come you always take food to go? Because she was also a preacher. She had like a church thing. She was like one of those people that talked in a certain religion, like some Christian, whatever it is. Yeah. So I go, you want me to tell you why the truth?

I'm in the fucking halfway house. She goes, you are? She goes, which one? I go Boulder. And she goes, oh my God, my husband's on the way to Boulder. She goes, any day now, how is it there? How are the rules there? How are the, and I go, it's going to be fine.

You know, I'll let you know. And when they came in from work, and there's this little chubby Italian dude sitting there with fucking the mustache, the whole get him. And I look over and I go, are you Antonio? And he looked at me, he goes, who's asking? I go, no worries. And I got back in my car and I went to his wife and I go, he's at the fucking correction.

He's at the BCTC. Give me a plate. Give me a box of food. They loo rabbiata. We got wine in there, Pallagrino, bread, butter, knives. And I just walked it in. I'm Joey Diaz. I gave it to him.

He was like, what the fuck is? going on here. I'm friends of your wife. It's a long fucking story. And I became friends with them. And they have it's like going to Boulder, Colorado, and being in the Bronx. And this guy cooks anything. And he speaks

Spanish. He'll cook Cuban for you too. He's Italian. He'll cook Cuban. The name of the restaurant now is the Mediterranean. Right, right. But he still sells pizza. He's like 80. That's like a scene out of Goodfellas. Like you

walk in like the oh my god and after that i became as fuck and i could do what i want i could walk into the restaurant and tell the cooks to make what i want there's no tab there's no fucking tab like i became friends with his baker who i'm still dear friends with his baker his he had a baker that used to bake on monday nights and i used to do comedy in those days on tuesday nights I used to be a host. Right. I'd be a triple run night in Boulder. So I would have to have

five new minutes every Tuesday. Oh, yeah. So what I would do is I would make notes all week, and then on Monday nights, I would go to Ledizio and sit there and write while he baited, and he'd feed me all the mistakes. Oh.

What do you think about this rum? I'm a red-o cake. It needs more rum. Fuck! So I'd sit there just eating fucking mistakes all night. That's amazing. Fucking, you know, chocolate mooses, all those really good Italian desserts,

like fucking, um, Zambolian and fucking canoles. And so I would eat 10 of them at night. I wouldn't even sleep. Like, I wouldn't, I didn't even,

I used to do Coke six nights a week. The only night I didn't do Coke was Monday, because I was a man, because I'd be up all night, just eating desserts all night. But in those days, I was also swimming at 6.15 in the morning. I was lifting weights.

You know, you walk a lot. Boulder's a very, very, you know, when you look on Boulder's newspaper of things to do, it doesn't say Tom Papa's in town. It says midnight yoga class at Centaurian Park at midnight. And you go there, there'll be 60 people there. 60 idiots to do fucking yoga in front of a full moon. You know what I'm saying? But what are you going to do?

That's what people are into. I'm not mad at you. Boulder. It's bolder. It's so funny, Joe, because you have this Cuban heritage, but you're one of the most Italian people that I know. Like, there's, there's, you just have a, uh, an Italian essence, an Italian love of food. The first time that you and I really met and, uh, was when we were in,

involved in the Analyze that movie. Right. And it was all mobsters and Italians. And every time I see you, we always talk about where we're going to eat. And if we could possibly get back to the East Coast at the same time and go to Fairfield together. And you're always always have like a great restaurant to tell me about. Do you feel a real connection with the Italian people? Uh.

Remember years ago there was a bad expression going around, Wigger. Uh-huh. You know, and I'm not an Italian wannabe. What happened was when I went to Jersey, I was blessed with the gift of having Italian love shown to me. There's a lot of different ways of love. Italian love is a weird love. And I didn't put it all together. until I watch a Sinatra biography, part one and two on HBO.

That's great. I grew up with Hoboken Italians that moved on up to North Bergen. Got it. You know what I'm saying? They moved on up. But if you, there's something very interesting in that documentary that at one time, if you were Italian, you were not allowed above 9th Street. The Irish wouldn't allow you above 9th Street.

And that set a tone with me because now I understood the kids I grew up with. I'm Cuban, and I got Cuban balls. But I consider myself a Cuban with an Italian's heart, a Jew cup, and like fucking real Guinea fucking balls. Like, you know? Like, it's so, because they did so much for me. as a human being.

I've learned so many things from Italians. You know, I always want to be a brick mason. Who are the best brickmasons in the world? There's nobody better than fucking Italians. Right. And if you work with them, I think of those words three times a week.

The guy couldn't speak English, so he would just yell, Morta! Morta! Morta! It's mortar, you fuck. But he would say, Morta, mortar! Yeah. And when I worked at him, I used to watch how this guy ate, his culture.

He ate eight times a day. But there were very small Italian meals. He even brought a cup, a glass of wine with saran wrap. His wife would saran wrap before him. So at four, he would drink his little fucking wine for the last hour of work. I didn't know this guy personally. I took a job with him in 85. I had been around Italians all my life.

Right. But he really showed me the true culture of 8 o'clock. He had a Taylor Hammon egg with the rest of us. Right. But at 10, he would have four peppers and a piece of cheese. All right? And then at lunchtime, he would. have a little pasta, four ounces, four or five ounces of pasta with meat sauce and a stick of bread.

Right. And then at two o'clock, came out the salami, the prosciute, and another piece of cheese, and the cup of wine. And then he closed out before we left, he would eat something, some type of Italian cookies and a tin. He would take like three. I'm only about three of the cookies. Three cookies. They stay strong. You know, three cookies.

It was while doing brick work. Yeah, but I'm doing brickwork. I mean, you know, when my mother died, so many of the Italian kids reached out. Right. And they didn't just reach out like to say, hey, we're sorry about your mother. They asked me if I could move in with them.

How old were you? 16. Now, you know. I was the spick-fuck of the neighborhood, you know, but all these Italians invited me in because in their minds, and I know they didn't think this, Tom Papa, but in their psyche, they would look at me at my dead mother and it would blow their heads because what is the most popular word in Italian culture?

Mama. Mama. Yeah. You know. It's true. So they all took to me. Like, they protected me. It must have been devastated for you.

Yes. So subconsciously, you know, without even knowing, these fucking crazy Italians became my backbone. Right. They kept me alive. They fed me. They, you know, they made me laugh when I needed to laugh. Was it that kind of neighborhood where you would go in and out of their homes kind of a thing that opened? Yeah, listen, dog, I had a deal with a motherfucker

That I would let him ride my motorcycle if I went to his house on Wednesdays and ate spaghetti with him. And fucking the whole thing, okay? All right, that's how my deal started. I went to his house one day, and his parents owned a deli and hoboken. Uh-huh. And, you know, you go to somebody's house and the mom offer you Kool-Aid. You know what I'm saying? Like, when you go to a white kid's house, like, we have Kool-Aid grape, and you're like, oh.

When you went to this motherfucker's house, they would say, like, you want a sandwich. And then they would take out, they had a slicer in the fucking kitchen. And they would just whip up a sandwich for you. And, you know, like you had a fucking hoagie. Yeah. And God forbid you would. I have a whole story about this particular Italian family because I loved them dearly. Right.

And they took me in. But way before they took me in. I was torturing them. The food in their house was so fucking good. Her name was Anna Bender. God rest her soul. And his name was Jimmy Bender. God rest his soul.

Right. She was Sicilian. He was from Lutheran. Okay. But he was Italian. He grew up in fucking Hoboken around all the fucking Italian. So I would hang out with their son. And then we had a deal.

You know, I could come over on Wednesdays. if you ride my motorcycle, and they would have the big fucking container of polio in the middle of the table. The ricotta. And then they'd have the sauce, so they don't really give you the spaghetti with sauce on it, but then you'd put the extra meatballs and sausage.

And I remember eating, like, I would be eating, and they had three boys and a girl, and the parents would just watch me eat. And whenever I would look my head up, they'd go, good country America. So then, this is the best, Tom Papa. So Tom Papa, I knew they always had, the father was a great dude.

Yeah. He took me in when my mother died. But this is two years before they took me in. Uh-huh. At nights, let's say I'm talking about your father. Me and you're gumbas, and we hang out, and you know I go to your house and eat and hang out with you. I hang out with your brother, your sister cuts you,

my hair, you know, I mean, I was that tight with him. Yeah. So, I would see him out at like 12.30. I'd be hungry, right? And I'd see my buddy from the family, John, out. And I go, what's up, dog? And he'd give me a hug. What are you doing? Nothing. I go, what are you doing?

He didn't drink or do drugs, nothing. John was straight arrow. Right. He goes, I'm going to stay here. I'm going to try to fuck this chick. And I go, are you going to stay out late tonight? He goes, yeah. I'm not going to be. I go, all right, I'll call for you in the morning. Where do you think I would go. It'd be one in the morning and I would run to his house to see if I could see the father watching the TV, right? Yeah. And I would walk up the steps and I would knock on the

door real gently and Mr. Bender would open the door. Coco, what's going on? What's the problem? And I go, nothing. I want to see if John was on. He's like, no, John's not home. I don't know where that fucking lunatic went. And then it would take just a pause. And he would go, you're hungry and I go no but I'll eat with you this happened four nights a week because as soon as I got there

I would catch him you know you know when you're watching something and you're like I got two options I can either go to sleep or eat some and finish this that was my option I always caught him as he was thinking about falling asleep I would rather him

will you sleep in Mr. Bend the nah not at all I was just watching TV Come in, come in, you're hungry? And then he would hit me with. Nah, John's not home. I don't know where that fucking idiot is. And then he would look around. He would look around.

He'd go, you're hungry? Papa, and then I took it an extra mile. Then my mother died, and I moved in with him. Wow. Okay? They took me in as one of their own. They treated me like their own. They loved me.

I love them. This is the funniest thing I would do. on Sundays, about five, I'd be watching football. And I'm like, man, I'm fucking hungry. But they'd made like, you know, spaghetti and meatballs. Yeah. And we already ate already. And it'd be like, let's say, not five.

It'd be like maybe eight o'clock. Okay, and I knew a good movie was coming. Like, I was with him when John Lennon got shot. Uh-huh. Like, me and Mr. Bend were watching Monday Night Football. Even though he had three other boys, I would hang out a lot. with him. When I would come home at night, I would try to act straight and watch TV with him. But on Sunday nights, if I was bored and I was hungry, they didn't have caller idea in those days.

So I would call the local pizza place to Goodwin. And I go, how are you doing? This is Jimmy Bender. Bring me over a pie with extra cheese. And they'd go, right out of Mr. Bender, and hang off the phone. And I'd wait like 20 minutes all of a knock on the door. And I can hear Mr. Bender going, who the fuck is this? You know, like walking towards the door. And the guy would go, here go, Mr. Bender. What's this?

And the guy would go, the pizza you order. He goes, I didn't order no pizza. And he would go, yes, you did. And all of a sudden he'd go, hold on. Anna! Because the wife would be in the back room. He'd go, Anna, did you order a pie? And she'd go, why would I order a fucking pie?

I didn't order no pie. But the guy was so cool. I'd be standing there. He'd look at me. And then he'd go, how much would pie. Give me the fucking thing. And he'd just take the pie. So I would just order pies and he'd pay for

him. And then he would sit there the whole hour. What the fuck would send me a pie? I didn't touch the phone. I would sit there. I don't know. I don't know how it happened. So how long did you live with them? About 18 months.

Oh, yeah? 18 months. Then my life on a different direction. They asked me to leave. I still stayed as tired. as I could with them, I'm still tight with one of the brothers really, really tight.

Still in Jersey? Yeah, still in Jersey. Yeah. The one guy that I moved in to be tight with, it's one of those situations where you want to apologize, but it's not going to make a difference. Yeah.

Damage was done. There's a lot of people you'd go to the past and apologize to and they'd say, I understood what happened. Not with this. No. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, some things are too big. And I really wanted to go apologize to the mother. I was going to go there in the daytime when nobody was around and bring her flowers, but she ended up dying last year. Before the corridor. I was going to try to do it when I went back in May. Right, right, right. Yeah. Yeah.

But, you know, lives kind of take those turns and stuff. And if you had all of that history with them and all of that depth, it's like, you know, it's like that's what family is essentially. You know, there's people in your family who, you know, maybe you lose touch because of events and different things like that, but there's still, there's still a part of your family. There's no way, you know, good or bad. They're part of the history.

They're part of the fabric and you're part of them. And it's just the way it goes sometimes. You know, I feel really bad during the first part of this pandemic. I had like a nervous breakdown. I was talking to a friend of mine. told him that one night I'd found myself in the bathroom like shaking with the lights off. It was like three hours of hell. It was like an acid trip gone bad.

Really? And it was just, you know, I'd been in the house since March 2nd. And at night, my wife goes to bed at 9 o'clock. Right. So from 9 to 12, it's just me and these fucking four walls. Right. I don't want to watch TV. I don't want to watch fucking Ozarks.

I'm not watching Joe Exotic, all right? I'm not a fucking ass. I'm not watching none of that shit. And I'm going to the back and I write and I'm trying to put stuff together. And all of a sudden, you know, this is the first time, like I say, during this pandemic that people have had a chance to think. Yeah. A lot of people, you know, on the way here, I saw two U-Haul trucks. You know, a lot of people are rethinking their lives.

right now. Yeah, where to live, what to do. Is this what we're going to do? You know, I mean, how many jobs were lost alone in the entertainment business? I think my wife said 98,000 or something, you know, I mean, it's just, it's just so, I don't even know how we got to the subject

about this depressing subject. You had a strange, a strange night in the bathroom. Yeah, it was just, you know, sometimes you have to check on your skeletons, they check on you. But it wasn't skeletons that were bothering me. It was like me. I have a sister in Cuba, I don't talk to.

Uh-huh. And a couple of years ago, I called her, and I said, listen, let's just cut the charade. Yeah. Why don't I sponsor you, and you come over, and I can take it to Mom's Grave, I can take it to California, you can meet my daughter. Yeah. Fly you around. We'll go to New York, see the street. your mom used to fucking walk.

And she's like, nah, I don't want to go to the United States. So I kind of lost contact with her after that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My feelings got her. So it was things like that. Yeah. Dumb things like that that got to me that. How can I live my life and not even talk to my fucking sister?

Yeah. You know, I have a daughter I don't talk to. I have a 31-year-old daughter having had contact with in 25 years. How, how did something like this happen? Right, yeah. So it was just a lot of shit came up. Yeah. I was pushing my wife away during the pandemic because I read that people were going to start beating up their wives and kicking them and shit.

So I tried to avoid my wife. You thought it was just going to happen? I just thought. I go, I'm going to snap and throw out of window. And it just so happened at the opposite. We've become tired of during this. Oh, that's nice. I've loved them more than ever.

You know, I got to understand. understand my, you know, I always respected teachers, teachers are number one, you know. Why? Because at the end of the week, when you and I went to school in New York, when you and I were going to school at the end of the week, considering our parents' schedule, they spent more time than us than our parents did. Yeah, sure. When I was a kid, it was 7 to 3.30, and if you stayed to band practice or you played the flute, whatever the fucking did. But you're around, and they changed.

trusted you with them and what are you home? You get home at five, your father walks in at six, and you go to bed at 9, 9.30. They see you three hours. You're at school six or seven hours, so I've always had the utmost respect for fucking teachers, you know. Right. How do we get on this? Oh, I don't even know. This reef is too good, you know what I'm saying?

This is just too good. You know, look, when you, when you, I think that the, the isolation, especially as a comedian, it, it's kind of shifted and it makes you, you've taken a breath that you haven't taken a breath in 20 years. So, of course, the people around you, you start to value certain relationships more. And other ones, you know, like you say, like you start drifting down into the past and, you know, they all have their stories and their place. And you're just really rehat. You're reading the story of the last 20 years. 20 years, yeah. Yeah, for the first time.

But don't get me wrong, Tompapa. You know what I'm not a violin. Isolation does nothing for me. I'm an only child and I went to prison. I wiped my ass with this shit. You can put me on an island by myself. Bring me chicken cutlets. Not even parmesan.

Just nice deep fried chicken cutlets. Mashed potatoes, cream corn, a pound of weed. and Netflix, and you won't hear from me for two years. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. So if your wife is, some dumbbells. If your wife is a margarine miracle whip lineage, are you doing most of the cooking in the house during all this?

I don't touch a fucking piece of cooking. You don't? I put toast in the toaster at night if I get too high and put butter on it. I wait for you to give me a piece of bread. It's funny. You know what, man. For how much you love food, I'm surprised you haven't gotten into it. There's two things I adore more than comedy, and I've always been scared to dabble in it.

One is cooking. I know that in my heart, I would be one of the best chefs around. I believe that. I got all the characteristics. First of all, I'm a fat. If I see a skinny chef, I don't want to do business with you. That means you're cooking shit that ain't got no minerals in it. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. I want to see a chef that's two weeks from going to the 600 pound man. That's the motherfucker I want. Drinking vodka sweating on the spaghetti. That's a chef, okay? Not that good-looking guy, you know. Look at me. Get the fuck out of here.

You want a guy who's close to a heart attack or a stroke. You got time to do crunches. Yeah. If you got time to do crunches, you ain't no chef. Real chefs are eating They're trying shit In the afternoon

They're going to bars Anthony Bourdain Got rest of soul That guy was skinny as fuck I heard that motherfucker Could eat like a gorilla Yeah I heard he could eat like a gorilla

Somebody told me That bro he could eat like a gorilla Yeah Like three Joey Dia's meals And alcohol And not fucking burp Not even burp

I had two Sicilian Slices yesterday When I left here And I went I rode home. My wife was coming back from the beach with the baby. I wanted to do some type of exercise for the day. So with the two Sicilian slices in my stomach,

I got on my bicycle with the fucking face mask on, and I went for a ride. You're lucky I'm here. You're lucky I'm not in a view. You're not identifying my body. Let me tell you something. I sweat from every orifice. When I got home, I had to just lay there on the floor with my shirt off.

And then the helmet didn't come off because I'm a half a fag. I got a red helmet. I couldn't figure off how to rob take the helmet off. I started having anxiety, and I went to fucking take my shorts off, and the knock got caught. So I couldn't even take my dick out the piss. So by the time I took it out,

I couldn't even pull the skin back on the turtleneck. So it was flapping out like one of those 4th of July hoses. I pissed all over my pants. Then I finally got the fucking helmet off. You have no idea. People had no idea what my life consists of. I'm supposed to do a video. for CBS. I got to look

halfway hot. So my wife says, listen, you're not looking hot at all. You got to figure out your life. So I got a suntan, I shaved. You know, I put skin cream on. I go to fuck. This is only, this shit that can only happen to me. I go to Walgreens. I buy

the hair color for men. Oh, God. The whatever darker than whatever. I'm not looking for the mustache one or whatever. I don't want to color my pubies. I just want to cover my hair. So, because white comes through on the fucking Zoom real fast. So I fucking take the shit out.

I don't read nothing. So I take the shit out and I put it in my head. I come out of the shower and my head's completely white, right? Like I'm like, what the fuck just happened? So I look in the tube and there's a black tube and I go, oh, maybe that's a tube for you like little sideburns and shit. Oh, no. So I fucking, my wife comes out. She goes, are you retarded?

That tube, you're supposed to put it in the other tube and mix it. So I had to go back and I went and I mixed it and look what happened. Now I looked like Elvis. I didn't want it this dark. I just want like a little gray just to, you know what I'm saying? I got problems. Tom Papa, we all got problems. You should have stopped the two Sicilian slices.

Two Sicilian slices, 94 degrees. I decided to get on a mountain bike. I'm on the other side of no-ho praying that if I get home, I'm going to light this bike on fire. What is that? Just because I want to. a weight watcher points. You know, I'm on points.

You got to maintain your points everything. Oh, no. So I said, let me go for a little ride. I got a little ride, but after I had the worst fucking anjana. I didn't eat shit after that. No heartburn, no nothing. Oh, brutal. The only Italian food I don't eat is eggplant.

I don't like eggplant. Oh, you don't? And Baclo Robb. What about a nice eggplant parmesan? No, I take the cheese off and give you the eggplant. I'll pick the nice cheese off and give you the eggplant. I make a pretty mean eggplant parmesan. Very thinly sliced, very thin sauce cheese.

Just something about it, never liked it. When I first came from Cuba, my mom had a dry cleaner in the Bronx for a while. Oh, yeah. Off a Tremont Avenue. And it was, you know, the food, the pizza, the sandwiches, everything was great. I love you. Let me tell you what I like, but I feel guilty eating it. Veal Scalapini.

Oh, yeah. I know. If somebody cuts it just slyly thin, it melts. There ain't shit like real scallopini, but I get guilty. I know you feel guilty. I don't like broccoli.

I don't like none of that shit. But I like some wild. I used to go with my Italian buddies to Seaside Park. Oh, yeah. Before you cross the bridge in Thomas River, you get the fucking the crab cages

and you set them and then you go to the beach, you smoke pot, you get your dick sucked on the way back you pull the crab cages out and you get like 18 of those Jersey radioactive clabs. Let me tell you something. You go home, you get that sauce boiling,

you throw those crabs in there alive, you can hear them screaming in the sauce, you give it an hour or two that fucking it dissolves. The crab desoling. and the sauce, and it's a flavor you've never had before in your life. A little spicy seafood crab salad. Oh, boy, oh boy.

A gravy right now, my dick would get hard for two fucking days. I wouldn't even need Viagra. I tell you what dish changed my life as a Cuban. I'll tell you what dish, if I could get the ingredients, I would make it every day because I know I wouldn't get COVID. There's one dish that the Italians make that is the best dish in the world. for you. I lifted weights and I think I put on like 12 pounds of muscle eating this same dish every day and it's called pasta as well. And I don't like it fresh. I like for you to cook

it, put it in a freezer for a month, then give it to me when everything settles. And that's, that's stronger than Viagra. You could kill a crack call with dick. You could just dick somebody to death. Like the cops will come. We don't even understand what happened. What I had a quarter of Pasta Fuzul. This guy told me the Knicks sucked, and I just kept slapping him with my dick that he died. You know what I'm saying? I love Pasa Pazzoal.

It's really good. My grandmother used to make that. I love it. Yeah. Love it. I can eat it every day. Yeah. Every day I can eat it.

And then you go to Gelson's on Laurel Canyon. Yeah. Get that Pasa for Zool. You want to get that pasta for Zul. go home and get your M20 and shoot the whole place fucking down. This is fucking barbecue beans and a piece of lettuce from the back, you fuck. And they charge you 13 bucks for the fucking court. It costs $2 to make a whole thing a possible for Zool.

That's right. All you got is get is get the dogs to bring a porkbone home from somewhere. Jordan that fucking thing. What's that green you put in it? It's not a roguila. Escaro. Escaro. Escaro.

Once the escarole meets the beans. Forget it. Yeah. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Protein fucking.

The flu, nothing hits you. Nothing. Bullets bounce off you. It's one of those dishes that it's so simple that you know who's ever making it. You can tell how good of a cook they are. Because if they can make that simple, simple dish great, you know they know what they're doing. They know what they're doing. doing this.

Yeah. What was Steve Martin looking for? And what's the mom movie he made? Oh. My blue heaven. Arugula. Arugula. You mean to tell me you don't have arugula.

What was the place that you always say that if we're in New York at the same time, that you wanted to take me in Jersey, some Italian place? There's a place I've been going to this. I was 16. My loyalty is with them. They served me when I was young on Monday nights. It's called Rudy's. It's just a regular bar that you go into family run for the last 70 years. Right. And they're by far, that's the best colomar you ever going to have. Oh, really?

It's cornmeal and something else. Yeah. And they have it. They give you medium, sweet, or hot sauce. So I mixed the hot with the medium. I like the medium. And guess what I get there? When I get there, I don't pick out. No.

I get an order, a shrimp, I get a whole order of caramel with fried shrimp. Ooh. Extra done, extra burnt. And I get the pasta for zoo. I get a couple of the pasta for zoo. And I get the seafood salad, which is basically no points of weight. watches. It's just fucking big. It's just fucking big.

And it's schoonjili, you know, octopus, you know, it's the whole fucking thing with the fucking olive oil and garlic. It's tremendous. That's what I eat. I don't eat pasta there. I will never eat pasta there. No. Oh, interesting.

Oh, that's seafood salad, if it's done right. I make that on Christmas Eve. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm talking about. Chopped up with like the celery greens and garlic, oil. Real Italianly, really, with everything with the tentacles from the octopus. Oh, I throw that shit down like a motherfucker. And then there's another place that go to North Bergen.

Uh-huh. I like to say with the Sabrentinos, it's on 76, but by Hudson County Park, the best spaghetti and little meatballs I've ever had in my life. Oh, really? Little meatballs? This called spaghetti with little meatballs. Oh, my fucking God. And they mix like a little light, and they go up in there, like, with a cream.

Yeah. Oh, my God. I have a real pride in where I came from, the food. Yeah. The pizza, the Chinese food, the Italian food. I take Pino's Pizzeria when I was growing up. When I was a kid, I was scared to live in my house. when I was in the sixth grade

I thought my house was haunted so my mother made arrangements for me to stay in Union City on 26th and Central and on 22nd in Central there was a little Italian bakery and this guy made the skinny Italian breads

yeah the long tube ones you can't make a sandwich with the sticks you can only make a pepperoni sandwich with it like the pepperoni stick you know I would go every morning before school I would get a fucking

two of the sticks I would get a bag of Zeppelis a stick of hotel bar butter and a 64 ounce coke and I wouldn't go to school until I ate that whole stick of butter with the two pieces of bread

and the fucking the Zeppelis that was my breakfast This was on your way to school before school in the sixth grade I would eat a whole bag of Zepalis Oh my God. Oh my God.

What do you mean you thought your house was haunted? When I lived in North Perrigan, the house we moved into. I lived in the attic, and at night it was just, my mother had the bar at night. Right. And my stepfather was running his shit, so I would be up there by myself. And I would just hear things. And I could have sworn the house was haunted. Wow.

I just... Did you ever see anything? I saw it wasn't more as seeing as feeling uh-huh yeah yeah yeah and here's the weirdest thing

that that was when I was in the sixth grade so I was 12 I just got out of I went to Catholic school to the fifth grade so in the sixth grade I moved out for about a year I would stop at the house in the

afternoon just to get closed for the next day. Right. Take a shower. And I would go to 20, I would go to my mother's bar, hang out there, eat dinner, and then I would walk to 26th Street and there were a family and I'd hang out with them and we'd curse and yell and listen to Richard Pryor until midnight. But every morning I walked, me and the kid, would go get the same thing for breakfast. Hotel bar butter.

You get a whole stick like a diamond nose. days. Two pieces of bread, bag of Zeppelis, and a... Oh, my God. A fucking... This is the best. A 64-ounce Coke. That's so crazy.

That's diabetes. That's everything all in one shot. That's insane. That's insane. Clogged arteries, diabetes. Fucking, what happens to Italians when they get your feet gout? Gout. Gout.

Gout. That's everything. All those salty meats. All those salty meat. That's everything. All in one fucking bout. But that's how I was always enamored. You know, it's so weird how somebody says a racist remark around you, you know.

Especially, were you from New York or Boston? Jersey. Jersey. So you hear a couple of racist remarks they make around you when you were like 12 or 13. Yeah. And all of a sudden one day they're like, I'm going to a Nick game. I can't wait to go see this African-American plan. You're like, the other day, you know, so it's really weird how cultures sometimes unite through food.

Like my mother was a living example. She took an Irish neighbor and put a Cuban bar in there, and they ate Cuban food. Right. They came in there at lunchtime and ordered Cuban food. They loved it. For them, it was, you know,

for blue collar people, Cuban fooders, for fucking granola people. I love Thai Vietnamese. You know, oh, fuck yourself. We just fought them in a war. You know what I'm saying?

You want to go eat Vietnam food? You don't think they're mad? What's the matter with you? Was it, you know, you know, whenever we talk food together, which we do a lot,

it's always, it's always like leans towards the Italian stuff. but do you, was the Cuban a big part of it also? I mean, if your mom... Love Cuban food. Love my mom's food. Yeah. And here's a situation.

And I'm seeing it now with my daughter. You know, when you're a kid, you don't know. We make statements. Yuck, I would never eat that. Right. I would give a finger for five of my mother's meals right now. This one will be Picadillo, which is ground beef with potatoes and olives over white rice, I would give you this finger.

This finger would be calves brains, sliced thin, cooked like Italian chicken cutlets, sprinkle with lemon on top. You don't even know, I can tell you that chicken cutlets, eat them. You're like, these are the best chicken cutlets they've never had. Their calves brains jerk off. You know, people always say to me, you don't like hummus because I haven't eaten hummus since before your father even thought of fucking your mother in the ass. Before your father thought a fucking your mother in the ass,

I was already eating hummus, garbanzos, okay? Cubans eat garbanzos. We don't have times to smash them. That's for Arabs. We don't have time to sit in the tub and smash them. So we eat them whole, but Cubans make a dish called garbanzo frito, fried garbanzos that'll make your fucking, like hummus, you'll throw it away.

It's like garbonzo's and they cook it in a, in a, it's weird what they cook at it, but with chorizo and onions and peppers and you put it all with white rice. Oh, boy. Garbonzo fritos, I would give the middle finger for. And this one for her cognate-compa, number 25 on the Versailles menu, just bag of the beef with potatoes,

the way she did it. And I'm not even talking about the chicken friccasse. I'm not even talking about paella. Yeah. I'm not even talking about her bolice. Boliche is the Yankee pot roast. You take a pot roast, you bore out the middle, and you put a piece of Spanish sausage from Spain in the middle.

Then you tie it up and you cook it. And the flavor from the sauce. sausage goes into the meat. And when you slice that over the white rice. Oh, my God. And you get some fried, three fried bananas and a Heineken with a cold glass. Oh. What do you have to tell me that's more important than this?

Yeah. What is it that you got to tell me? You want to suck my dick? Anybody can suck my dick. I'm talking about right now, I'm, you understand? I'm trying to say, what do you want to tell me? I got a cold glass that's fucking frozen. with a Heineken and you want to come over here and talk to me about an audition of a movie you got in

2021 what are you going to talk to me about can you get that out here is there any place in l.A. that's good Cuban food not really there's not like a there's not a lot of Cuban they're all sixes it's like Chinese out here I'm not one of these guys is going to sit here and go you know I'm no bagels and you know those idiots from New York's drive you crazy. We don't get no fucking bagels. They got no fucking pizza. You're a crone man.

You're 30 years old with a Mickey Mouse shirt on. Get your fucking life together. Yeah. But the Cuban food's not here? I like El Cochinito. But let me tell you what I get in El Cochinito. See, every place you...

When I go to a restaurant in New York, the first time I throw a jab at you. I want to see what you're about. So I'm going to start off with something like. All right, if it's Chinese, let's go with the pork fried rice, egg drop soup, and an egg roll. Right. If you fuck that up, why go any further? Right.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. When you go into an Italian place, when I go, when I see somebody going to an Italian place the first time and he orders something that's far out there. Right. I go, how could you order that? Try this first and see if they pass the test. Yeah, try the Nyoki or the Escarol. Or the Escarol or whatever.

But in L.A., Los Angeles, I love living here, great city, the whole thing. But nobody has a complete Yankee lineup. Not everything is good. So if I go to El Cocinito, I know to get the pork chunks, get the pork chunks with the black beans and rice, and the fried bananas. Get some white sangria. If you order anything else, you're on your own. But they also have Cuban-style Chinese fried rice. Ooh.

Put you over the top. Really? Because they show, on the bottom of every Cuban menu, there's always Chinese rice. They always have something because the Chinese were a big part of the Cuban culture. It was the biggest Chinatown outside of China until 1959 when Fidel took over. So there's a big Chinese influence in Cuba. And especially in some of their menus and stuff. Right, right.

Oh, that's cool. So El Churito. El Cochinito. Oh, Cochinito. El Cochinito on sunset. Chinese, I'm a green apple guy up in the studio city. Yeah, that's a good spot. Tremendous French style for Les Mignon.

You know, here I am. Only in California. do you go to a Chinese restaurant they get French style filet mignon That's so true It's delicious But they got a great

garlic fried rice The Ulion fried rice is very good Having chickens very good The chicken dumplings Fried are good They're only a point weight watches Not the shumai But the shrimp thing

Like a shumai With shrimp is good but you're not going to get the shrimp and lobster sauce there. Right. You see what I'm saying to you? For Italian? This is why I really regret you and I not being in New York at the same time. And we've got to figure it out.

When this is all over and either I will fly, when I know you're shooting something or doing a show, I will fly and meet you. I want to go up to Art Avenue before. Yes, me too. That's why I want to go one last time. I didn't go this time. I didn't go to the time before, but I went the time before. That would be great. And I like walking around that neighborhood.

Yeah. That neighbor does something for me. It's good for my soul. We could do some real damage there. You know, I never went up to Brooklyn too much except to, what's the steakhouse? Peter Lugar. Peter Lugas. You know, I just went there this year with Ari.

I think I went twice with Arie. with Ari, we got the meat there, you gotta get the 445, you know, that's the only time they got open, but it's good because I don't want to eat meat at 9 o'clock at night. I know that's the thing.

The meat after the show is a big mistake. It's too much. It's too much at this age. You go back to the room. It's a bad law and order, and all of a sudden you're fucking having a heart attack. What the fuck is this shit? Right, exactly. It's so funny.

What are your plans? for the rest of the year. As of right now, what is Tom Popper's plan is until December? Is Tom Papa thinking of going out? Are you thinking of doing planes? Are you?

I think, yeah, I'm thinking of doing some planes. I think I'm going to, if the places are run the right way and I think that it's okay, I don't know how we'll have to see about long flights, but if I can hit stuff, you know, like an hour,

hour and a half and then go do a couple nights in like a Salt Lake City or in Arizona or you know Northern California I'll do some of those you know I've got stuff on the books through the fall but I don't know if uh you know I in my head I'm kind of content with just continuing and doing a much reduced schedule you know I don't want to keep my hopes up that I'm going to just go back to what I was doing before all this. I'm going to travel, but I think I'm just going to stay here. I think I'm just going to stay here. The baby likes me at home.

Yeah, yeah. On the weekends. I think I might be in Brayette next weekend. Oh, yeah? If they open up Ocean County, Orange County, I don't mean to be rude. I just want to give you a name of a restaurant. I want you to try. if you're down there.

Fucking tremendous. They delivered sandwiches here yesterday. Oh, yeah? Fucking tremendous. Uncle Paulie's deli. The guy's name. Uncle Paulies. I'm right.

Is John Bushemi. He's got Uncle Paulies on the edge of Billy Hills, and he's got Uncle Paulies, downtown L.A. This guy's just been calling people feeding sandwiches. He's doing. a hell of a job. This is the second time in six months that he's brought sandwiches up here. Oh yeah?

He brings the spicy Italian. The bread is on the money. Really? He brought fucking Steve Simone a chicken palm. He brought us four sandwiches. Chicken palm. Listen to what he brought. Listen to this combination. Eggplant palm

with bacclerob, whatever. Baclerob. Yeah, broccoli rob. A provolone cheese. Steve Simone said it was out of this fucking world Broccoli Rob on a sandwich I didn't even think about that until like two years ago and I had it in Philadelphia

and I forget the name of this sandwich place and they put broccoli rob on the sandwich it blew my mind I was like how are we not having this on every single sandwich isn't it amazing you live your whole life and get to this point and be like oh this has been out in the world this whole time I had no nobody told me what what happened do you have a time limit yeah we're going to wrap in a we're

gonna wrap in a bit no two minutes i just want to ask you one more question have you been cooking a lot at the house yeah i'm cooking a lot 90% yeah okay have you been ordering out at all yeah a little bit okay wherever you've been ordering from uh i get from tony's mexican grill tremendous they're great Tremendous. They're my favorite. My favorite. How great is the fruit cup? Oh.

At the end. Is that class? Is that class? With the little sauce? With the white sauce on. And you know, you can buy the container to go. I've got in there and bought two containers of fruit to go. And I've eaten them with the cream.

The best fruit in the world. It's a... Salmon tomorrow. Tomorrow's salmon. Friday for the Catholics. They respect you. That's right. So they make you salmon.

They're fucking tremendous. Oh. It's just a family run shop. It's in the valley. It's no frills. You know, probably, I don't know, 10 tables in there. The best Mexican food you'll find. Where else have you been eating from?

The best. I know you don't, you're not a big fan of the Mediterranean food. And I don't get it that often, but Carnival on Woodman is a Lebanese family runs this place. Amazing falafel, chicken kabbal. Bob's, their rice is amazing. Great place. Really great place. Italian deli place that we get from Domingos in Encin.

You know that place? That's where we go. Yeah. Yeah. The spicy Dom, the sandwich, the spicy Dom. Tremendous. Tremendous. Yeah, that makes the Yankee lineup.

I was going up there and getting the co-cuts, making the sandwiches at the house. at night, you know, but then you don't want to eat that many cold cuts either. After we could see, like, I don't eat that many cold cuts, so. Yeah, yeah. Because I fucking love salami. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's my addiction.

Salami. I've given up peanut butter. I've given up cocaine. I've given up dirty bitches. I've given up crack. I've given up everything. Salami, I can't find a support group for salami lovers. Joey, my nickname, my nickname as a child was Tommy Salami.

No. Yes. Because I hate so much A salami sandwiches, salami just at the refrigerator. Forget it. I still... I like Genoa. I like anything.

Any of it. When I first went to Colorado, I was so embarrassed. I've never told this. I'm telling you because you're Italian. And I need to apologize to every Italian for doing this. I love salami so much. much that I wanted to when I went to Colorado in 83

I went to I went that basalt and Aspen in 83 yeah there was ham cheese there was no mortadal up there you know what I'm saying like you weren't going to find this shit super sats there was no super sot up there there wasn't no gabagool

none of that shit so I had to actually buy until this day like it pains me in my heart like when I go to that when I die and I get judged St. Peter is going to talk to me about kidnapping and he's going to talk to me about robbing this one guy and maybe lying to a nun,

but he's going to go, what about that time you ate the Oskamaya, Genoa Salami. That is, real Italians don't eat Oskamaya. I used to have to cut it into pieces and mix it into a salad. And I would make believe I wasn't really eating it,

but I love salami that much. Yeah, that's okay. I think St. Peter's going to give you a pass. I'm sorry to Italian people. I love you. I let you down. But it was 34 years ago. And look, that was in Boulder, Colorado.

If you done that on Arthur Avenue, you'd have a problem. That's what I'm talking about. Joey, you're the best. Thank you very much for having me on. I'm going to have you multiple times. And when we're able to actually sit down and I can give you some bread and we can break open some wine and just enjoy ourselves, that's what I, That's what I'm going to know that life is back to normal.

I always loved you. I always loved you. I had a certain respect for you. But after that night on Komen, when you were like, have a piece of bread. What's it going to do to you? I was like,

I fucking love this motherfucker. Thank God for Thompson. Now, every time I see a piece of bread, fuck! Not the whole loaf, but just a little piece with butter and eat. It's not going to fucking kill you. Yeah, live your life.

So thank you for giving me some advice and for taking the stick out of my ass. I love you. My best of your family and your daughters and the cats and everybody. You too. I'll talk to you real soon. Thank you, brother. You're the best.