Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 50 - Wayne Federman

Episode Date: April 20, 2021

Bread and laughs with Wayne Federman who has an amazing new book The History of Stand-Up: From Mark Twain to Dave Chapelle! And a Quick Bite with the hilarious cold brew lovin' Erin Foley!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Insurance isn't one-size-fits-all, and shopping for it shouldn't feel like squeezing into something that just doesn't fit. That's why drivers have enjoyed progressives' name-your-price tool for years. With the name-your-price tool, you tell them what you want to pay, and they show you options that fit your budget. Enough hunting for discounts, trying to calculate rates, and tinkering with coverages. Maybe you're picking out your very first policy. Or maybe you're just looking for something that works better for you and your family. Either way, they make it simple to see your options. No guesswork, no surprises.

Ready to see how easy and fun shopping for car insurance can be? Visit progressive.com and give the name your price tool a try. Take the stress out of shopping and find coverage that fits your life on your terms. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. It's time for breaking bread with Papa. Hey! Don't you know?

Hey, it's our goal. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey! Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. Oh, oh, my voice is tired. You can hear it.

You can hear it. And it's a glorious thing because I just got back. from being on the road, you guys. I was doing stand-up comedy on the road. Yes, I went to Omaha, Nebraska, a great place called The Waiting Room, a great theater, rock club theater. So great, so perfect.

And we had two shows. It was a delight. I got on airplanes. I traveled. I got up early, all the same old habits from yesteryear, getting up at five in the morning after doing a show till midnight, being with a strange man in a car to the airport before the world is waking up, passing out, neck bobbing, flying, connecting flights,

because there's no flights anymore going anywhere. It was all so grand, it was all so glorious. So forgive me if my voice is just getting started. It was nice. I did an hour and a half each show and just kept on yapping away. So this is a good, comforting, tired voice that we've got today. Also, it is compounded by getting back and getting excited and eating and drinking on a Sunday. I went a little crazy. Didn't eat too much insanity, but I had this bottle of wine.

It's called Triga, which this is not an endorsement. This is just pure joy and love. There's certain times when you pop open a bottle of wine and the roof actually detaches from your house and shoots up into the ether and you are just all of a sudden, you and your family are just transported to a fantasy land of ease and joy and smiles.

And that's what that bottle of wine did. I got it from a friend, a good friend who has been on this program, the great Joel McHale, who when he was on told us that he was a wine snob. Actually, he just said snob. And we added wine to it. Specifically, this is the wine part of his snobbery. There's no such thing as wine. I mean, there is, if you don't know what you're talking about, but he knows what he's talking about,

and he gave me this beautiful bottle of wine when I dropped off bread at his house. And it's been a good month and a half before I was able to pop it open where my wife could participate. I couldn't do it all by myself. I didn't want to waste it. And holy cow, just so, just so perfect. It completely buttoned up the weekend of going out and doing shows and coming back and being in a good space, knowing that we have another great week of podcasts, knowing that we had another weekend. This coming weekend, I will be in Kansas City doing the comedy club, which is a newish place. And they've had some good acts go through who've been kind of inching their way back into live performing. And I will be there on Thursday, this Thursday through Saturday,

which is, where are we? somewhere in April. It's April 19th, 20th, or it's like the 25th, around there. I don't know when you listen to this podcast. I don't know when you catch up. I know you might be, this might be June for you. But this weekend, if you are staying up to date and you subscribe to the podcast, which you really should do, because you get them downloaded and you pop up, I do it with my favorite podcast. I will be there. I'm so excited to go. of Kansas City, I am going to eat steak again. I was in Omaha.

I went to a place called Sullivan's. Great classic steakhouse. It was everybody wearing masks on the way in, but then you're inside and you're eating inside. And I know for parts of the country, you're like, yeah, Tom, we've been doing that for a while. Not us in California, not us. So it's a little treat.

And I just went by myself. I had a nice meal, a beautiful steak, beautiful chopped salad. One martini, and it was just, I was just, woo, we're on the road. And I literally spent every waking moment just working on my act, just writing and rewriting and dozing off and then getting up and rewriting again,

and then bringing it to the stage. It was just purely like a stand-up comedy sauna. Not sauna. That would be dry and gross. Jakuzy. Yeah, a spa. I was just sitting in bubbles of comedy and enjoying myself. And it was really, really great.

And forgive me for going on about it, but this is a very exciting thing because it also indicates that we're crawling out of this. I'm so excited. We have a great show for you today. I don't want to waste much time because we've got Wayne Federman on, who is such a funny stand-up comedian.

I've loved him forever. And he has a great new book out called The History of Stand-Up Comedy from Mark Twain to Dave Chappelle. And we just had such a great time. I went to the studio, we recorded it, live and in person, gave him some bread, and he is just a delight. And he should be writing about stand-up comedy

because he loves stand-up comedy. And this book is great, and he is great, and he's just so silly and funny. We just had, we laughed the whole time, as you will see, in just a moment. Then we're going to grab a quick bite with my good friend Erin Foley, who's one of my favorite people on the planet and also a brilliant comedian and writer in her own right. We were going to plug in with her because I was in,

when I was in Omaha, the NCAA women's volleyball tournament was in town, as was, I think, the hockey tournament and something else. And Aaron is all about sports. And she has been a big advocate for women's sports since I've known her. And she was always, she's just been yelling at people nonstop. You don't understand the level of competition. Wake up. This is amazing stuff. You all should be watching basketball, volleyball, whatever it is. Soccer. And she's right. And the world is catching on. The world is slowly catching on of how badass these, these sports are. It's really a marketing thing. all it is, and they need people like Aaron out there telling people about it. And so I just want to check in with her and tell her that I saw the decal for volleyball in the, in the elevator there in

Omaha. It just made me think of her. So we're going to grab a quick bite with her. I'm going to give her a call when we're done with Wade and Federman. Okay, so let's not waste time because Wayne's is a big meaty one. So that sounds gross, but you know what I'm talking about. And, and, and, I feel like there was something else I needed to tell you guys. Are you doing okay? It's all about me this morning. How are you? I hope you're doing great.

I really do. I hope you're doing well. I'm very proud of you. As I travel around and I see people smuddling through and getting back on flights and doing all the stuff that they're doing, I cannot say with no irony and no sarcasm, I am proud of all of you. Okay. Enjoy my interview with Wayne Federman, and then we'll be back. I bake this for you.

It came out this morning. May I touch it? Yes, it's all yours. Whatever you want to do to it. I'm taking this home? You're taking that home. All right, I'm going to bake it up. It's mostly wheat, like one-tenth all-purpose.

Is that correct? Is that correct? All right stuff on the bottom? Yeah, it's flour on the bottom, so it doesn't stick when it's in the Dutch oven. And I bake this. I made it all. Is that where the Van Dutch T-shirts come from? Is that the same oven?

The same oven. And then this morning before my radio show, I woke up and baked it. So it would be as fresh as possible. Thank you so much. Thank you. I love it. Yeah. Even though I have to, because my numbers are high.

Really? My numbers are a little elevated. They're not high yet. They're elevated. I'm pre-dea-old. I've been pre-diabetic. Yeah. Oh, you're something else pre-high blood pressure.

Oh, geez. But I've been pre-high blood pressure, I think, since I was 25. Oh, yeah. I'm pre-diabetic. Pre-diabetic. How's that happen? I have a terrible diet. I was, before I came over here, I was, I, I eat a lot of fast food.

Where were you? Burger King. You don't recognize this, the King? No, I, I have not eaten fast food since 1989. What happened? You were just like, new decade, it's over? No, it was, uh, it was. it was actually a little before because it was during college it was

remember back when we were in school it was the McDonald's kerfuffle everyone was attacking McDonald's for their for their waste and yeah yeah they changed from the styrofoam to the right yep yeah they were still styrofoamy at that time and I was just like there was so much news about how bad fast food was that I just stopped and even when I was on the road I would just eat out of a gas station more rather than a McDonald's.

The mobile mart, you would eat there. I was a mobile mark connoisseur. I would get some, let me hear it. I would get some Fignutons, maybe some combos, some pretzel combos with the cheese stuffed in them. Would you get ever their hot dogs or hamburgers? Never.

I mean, not never. I'm sure at one point, but it was not a, I never went back if I did. Mm-hmm. Yeah, none of the hot doggy things. I love that. I love the mobile mart.

Hot dog and hamburger. Do you really? Especially the cheeseburger. I mean, they do a little bit about it. I don't want to do that, but it's true. It's true. I just love the idea of it. Where do they come from?

There's obviously not a grill in the back. Like, where are these? The scruntled employees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You took this out of the bag. Right. Oh, yeah, thing. And then puts the oil next to it.

And like, it's such a weird time. It's so great. I watch, I caught the end of five easy pieces last night. Oh, my God. So good. Which I've never seen. its entirety. Uh-huh.

And they're running all the Oscar noms and stuff through, through film and Jack Nicholson won for that, or was dominated for that. Yep. So I only caught the last scene when he's in the, like, it's like the Fargo, North Dakota mini-mart gas station. Like, and she goes to get coffee. He's so fed up with the girl he's with. Right.

And she goes off to get coffee and just see, and I'm like, I said out loud to myself, I haven't seen anything, but he's going to leave her at that mini-mart. And he goes into the bathroom and he comes out and they just, the capturing of the winter, the winter bleakness, the sound of the truck coming in and this big truck pulls up and blocks his car from when he comes out of the bathroom. And he, you know, the scene, he gets in with the trucker and leaves his girl who's there in the car. but it was really the caption because you know as a comedian you've been in that bleak minimar gas station thing we were touring leaving a girl yes i've done that any times the trick the twist with us is you're always trying to get the girl

right right right right from the mini mart just to please come with you because you're so lonely exactly it's a whole different yeah yeah no that movie is obviously i just love the pace of that movie Yeah, I haven't seen the rest of it. I saw him talking to his old man. Right. And then that scene. You know, it's about piano playing. It's about piano playing?

Those are the five easy pieces. Oh. You know, it's not about women. So just take your mind out of the gutter. It's not that. Yeah, I know you thought it was about like easy girls and stuff like now. I know you. Are you want to hear some turn of classic movie implanted trivia?

in my head about the Oscars? I love TCM. I love Oscar trivia. Okay, Jack Nicholson has the most Oscar Noms for an actor, a male actor. Right. How many do you think that would be? Oh, the number. All right.

11? Hmm. I think it's 12. 12, okay. Yeah. The all-time leader of nominations. Merrill. Yeah.

With. Oh. Is it 12? 20? It's like 29. 29? Yeah. Oh, my God. Is that crazy?

The difference between those two numbers? Yes. Yeah. I mean, it's not crazy. It's just an actual number. So it's some wild things. But it's like she's been nominated every year of her career practically. Yeah, that's quite impressive.

And she only has like three wins, right? Don't know that. Yeah, I think she has a very low number of wins. That's why. She's not that good. Anyone can get nominated. Yeah, anyone can nominate. Right.

Wow, and not that many wins. Yeah, but the bleakness of that on the road thing, I was just like, oh, they just, to let it sit like that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But you. I'm a movie buff, so go ahead. So you would go to the McDonald's and the Wendy's and the what-have-you and go. Love it, love it, yeah.

And you have been your whole career. Yeah. So that's one of the reasons I am pre-diabetic. But I try to watch, I try to, you know what I do? I don't eat the fries. I like trying not to have, because that's just pure carb loading. It's like I'm running a marathon or swimming the English channel or something. Put it vaseline on your body.

So why is, goggles? Why is the, what causes diabetes? Is it sugar? Yeah, elevated blood sugar. Elevated blood sugar. Yeah, and glucose. I believe. All I know is there's numbers.

I know. I'm trying to get in shape for my physical right now. You are, of course. It's like cleaning the house before the maid comes. Yeah, I'm not going in there. Like this guy. I'm going to get in shape. But luckily for me, I do exercise.

So that's been a great, yep, yeah. How many days a week do you pull into a fast food joint? It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. No, there's no judgment here. A week? Yeah. I'd say probably three.

Now, I read a study once that whenever we're asked a question and we all do it, we, we lie just a little bit. Right. Like if you ask me how much I weigh, I would say, I'm like 194, which means I'm really 198. Gotcha. And so when you say three, it usually looks like five. A little more, a little more. Like five. I don't think it's five days.

No, I don't think it's five, but it is. You're horrified that it's five, but it's five. actually five is a lie that's under also so your little psychology trick is way off it's actually eight i'm there twice one day and then once the rest of the week i'm guilty of that though i'm guilty of just shaving the numbers off just a little bit of course you know that's why people lie why to make themselves seem better than they are right yeah that's the main reason people lie what did that cost it was 200 bucks right right right it was only 220 Why didn't I say $220?

Right? Because you want to seem like you got the great deal. You got the great interest rate on your house. You got the thing. Yeah, exactly. The kid's doing great in school. Yeah. It's all about self.

Because I've been thinking a lot about this, which is this is something, like I always thought, like, why did I go into comedy? Right. What was the whole thing? And part of it is, to be completely honest, is like, I'd like the feeling of being a big shot. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I like it. I know.

get that too it seems like a like a narcissistic self-involved reasoned I mean it's one of the side effects of it but I like yeah kind of being a big shot and then I was hearing this guy I don't know his name but he was talking about that that's a human driving characteristic is he called it status that people are always trying to improve their status is part of humanity right so which is why capital is works because you're tapping into that drive. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why socialism and stuff doesn't really satisfy that human earth.

You actually have to tamp down. Look, I'm not Chomsky. I don't know why you're attacking me. You and your hippie, hippie socialist ideal. No, but I've always thought about that. It's like, this is a natural thing. It's the best way to, yeah. Yeah.

So I guess that's part of it. And so the lying, the lying part, back to your original question. before the bread was I think that's that's part of it is you're trying to increase your status a little bit with these lies right like that's the underlying evolutionary impulse Tom will think I'm a little better if I go three times if I say five times he's walking out of thinking a little less of me and Tom is you yes okay I just want to know who you were talking about I'm in your I'm being your brain okay I was playing the role of your brain okay I thought you were into movies. That's weird. It's weird how you didn't keep up. All right. I didn't quite understand what

that way. Okay. Right? Like that's yeah, of course. But I, I try to be, I try to live in some kind of honesty. I try to, but it's difficult. It's difficult at times. It is. And it's like, I was writing a thing the other day about, because I'm a minister, like I've married people. I can marry people. Of course, of course. And I was writing a thing about how I've never done confessions. Oh, that's great. And I'm always interested in like, they say like everybody, everybody sins. Right. So what are those sins?

And of course, you'd want a couple of murders in there to get you excited about it. But most of them were going to be like these dumb things of like, okay, so what, how do I sin? Like, what are my sins? And it probably boils down to most sins of most people. This is a little white lie. That kind of stuff. I don't know. I think people cheat on other people.

Right. I feel like, you know, where they flirt with somebody that they wouldn't want their spouse to know, that they wouldn't have done in front of their spouse. I'm sorry, is that a sin? Because I feel like I've been very flirty. I've been very flirty in this interview. Oh, Jesus. Hold on a second. Let me pour some of them.

But the lies are, yeah, like I try and be honest too. And I think it's. I try to. And I even to the point where if we have to. to cancel on somebody. Yes. If we have to cancel on somebody, here's a trick I've learned as a grown-up.

Just say you can't make it. You don't have to go into the excuse. The excuse and the dog threw up or someone's got a stomach ache or whatever that stuff is. You don't want that person to feel bad, make feel, hold you in a lower esteem, right? Right. Yeah.

Right. But I find that if you just tell people, I'm so sorry, can't make it. Right. They, unless it's like really tight friend, like family level of like, oh, come on, why? Most of them don't ask for details. Okay. So don't extend the lie.

Hold on. I'm going to write this down. Don't throw the lie out. I didn't know I was going to get tips. I didn't know what is going to get stats. Here's my tip. If I were to sum it up, I would say, don't lie unless they make you. Try and get out of it without a lie.

I hope to God you didn't break. this bread that the whole thing was that would be awesome that's so funny that's a comedy brain because I literally was thinking I can't wait for the opening to tell him and truth be told I didn't bake that bread I found this at Kelson's oh was that the truth no no okay okay I didn't all right the joke of the joke and now we're yeah no I don't get the fries that seems to me like the thing I wanted would want to get the most yeah they're very it's when you eat carbs it's like I I said before, it's like having a blanket on the inside. It's so comfortable. It's so comfortable. It's unbelievable. Oh, my God. I know. And I like see all the guys,

the Rock and the Chris Hemsworth. And you're talking about Chris Rock? Chris Rock. Yeah, yeah. All the guys that are in the gym are early posting. Oh yeah, he's buff. He's crazy. And it's always no carbs. Just, you know, just not eating carbs. And then once a month they have a cheat and they'll post the carbs that they ate. Right, right. And it's like, oh, boy. And it's like, no, I walk into my kitchen in the morning. And as soon as the coffee starts, I start thinking, how much butter am I going to put on the toast?

Because toast is just like, makes you feel warm. Okay, what do you do with the butter? Do you have the butter in or out of the refrigerator? Well, this is a big family controversy. Okay, okay. I hope it's not triggering you. We can move on to another thing. No, I'll, because I notice your hands starting to shake.

Yeah. Let's see the thing. Let me take a deep breath. I was always a, I was always an in the refrigerator guy. Until. And then. Oh, and then. Not until.

No, we'll get to until. Okay. And then I was on Martha Stewart's show. Okay. And any other credits you want to say in the middle of this story? Oh, we're just getting started. Okay. And then Chris Rock called.

And then, and because my wife was always on the counter. and I was in the fridge. It all comes down to how you were raised. And we were always fridge people, which I know there's problems, trying to cut that butter with the knife and clanking on the thing. Spread it onto toast?

Seems impossible. Seems impossible. Right. Keep going. So I throw in there, so Martha Stewart will end this fight once and for all. Yeah.

In or out. And she says, because my wife says to keep it out on the counter. and Martha Stewart stopped making the crepe or whatever she was making in the segment and went, oh no, don't leave it on the counter. And I was like, well, that ends the argument forever in front of a national audience, Martha Stewart, the queen of everything. She says that I was right, keep it in the fridge.

Right. I start baking bread about six years ago. Yeah. And they get really good at it. And there's nothing better than sourdough toast, which is really actually pretty good for you. It doesn't have a high glycemic content to it. It actually devours its own sugars. And I'm like, you know what?

Without making a big deal of it, and good thing my wife doesn't listen to this podcast. Right. She keeps the butter out. I'm no longer putting it back in. Is this ever going to be a bit? Is this going to be because it's actually a pretty funny premise? Is it? I would write it down.

Really? Yeah. I do because you do so much domestic stuff. And I think that's such a specific, like you'd rather be right but have the butter out than lose the marriage. It's what I'm hearing. Like, this is not the hill you're going to die. No.

Yeah, yeah. I quietly just, you know what? It's kind of nice. I'm in a relationship. Guess what? It's a give. It's a take. This is one of my gift parts.

And I have done a bit of a shallow diet. on the internet and they say like for up to like a week if you're using it actively there's nothing wrong with having it out right bacteria wise yeah yeah I'm in the refrigerator but again

it has to do with the you know the way I was brought up which is called the right way that's how I felt and you know there's also have a little patience and a little foresight and you know you're going to be cutting this toast

oh I see the night before 20 minutes before pull it out It's a little softer. You cut through it. Have you ever microwaved butter? So it's warm. Yes.

Always a disaster. Because it creates that hole in the top. Yeah. Yeah. And then you put it back in the fridge. Microwave technology is fascinating because it's like, obviously, one thing is on fire and the other thing is still frozen. And how is this? Yeah.

No plastic. No plastic. Definitely no aluminum foil. Things are just blasting off. Yeah. Yeah. It's just craziness. They're just absolute pandemonium.

If this meatballs frozen, the thing. Okay. How's it been going with your book? Pretty good. Thank you. Pretty good. Yeah, yeah. That's a lie, obviously.

That's a slight lie. It's whoo. No one's read it. Jesus. No, it is. It's pretty good. I mean, I'm very happy with it. And thank you for, I was on your show talking about it.

Yeah. Forgive me, the title again. It's called the history of stand-up from Mark Twain to Dave Chappelle. Right. So I do the whole. story of it. So great. Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to send you a copy. Is that cool? That would be great. I'd love it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I almost thought you might walk in with one. I did, but there is actually one in here, but I want to get you, this is the, okay,

this is going to be honesty. Let's do it, right? Let's do it. This is self-published book. Yeah. So, I mean, even though the publisher says, artist media, something. It's you. Yeah.

It's way. It's way. Right. So one of the, there's a lot of, there's a lot of, you. that I've since found out since publishing this, there's a lot of drawbacks to that. And there's also a bunch of positives. Yeah. A bunch of negative.

One of the negatives is you can't get a major paper to cover it because they won't do it. They won't do it. New York Times will not, if it's self-published. Yeah. How archaic. I know. You would think. I mean, they're on the net.

And they've got interns. They can screen the books and be like, this is legit. So that's been a little bit of a roadblock to kind of getting the whole word out. But on the positive side, because it is printed on demand. Right. Someone orders. And they print it. Or they print five and then they, you know, they'll have something like.

Right. So I can constantly update the book. So the earlier versions, there's some typos, there's some things, there's some things, missing things like that. So now I feel like it took like a week of like people would be, why is this, why are you spelling Ron Funches with two S's? Like you know this,

Jesus Christ. You know you have 1,700 facts right and then you're like, who cares? I know. It doesn't matter. Someone actually on one of my books sent a thing to my agent saying, heads up on some typos for when it goes to paperback. I'm like, right in the trash. Didn't even look at it.

You didn't even want to? No, don't care. I love it. I love it. Who cares? Who cares? I do. I do.

You do? Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. I want it. So, anyway, so I do have a copy here. I am going to order the book. No, no, no, no. No, because I know what this takes and I know what it does and I would love to participate.

I order all my friend's books. So. All right. Wow. Yeah. Did you just call me your friend? Hold on a second. Well, I haven't ordered it yet.

Oh, I see. I sold it. Let me pour that back in there. Funnel? Funnel? I love the subject. You do? I love the subject. What do you want to know? What do you want to know?

Well, I love the... I'm going to take out an earlier copy. I'm just going to take it out so you can... Yeah, do it. So we can make fun of it. We can make fun of it. What I really love is the Mark Twain... Yeah?

I love the Ken Burns documentary on Mark Twain. Yes. So good. And did I tell you that I visited his writing hut in Elmira, New York, at Elmira College, I think? No, no. They have, do you know about his hut? I don't know a lot about Twain. I just put him on the cover to sell books.

Okay. It's amazing. Wouldn't that be amazing? People like 50, 100 years from now are like, I just put Federman on the book because it moves. It moves. Yeah, got to move merchandise. That is a big name, Mark Twain. Right.

So in Elmira, there is his writing cottage that his sister-in-law built for him. Oh, okay. When he was living with the family and his family at their house in the summer, I think they wanted him out of the house. He's smoking 30 cigars a day. He's writing. Oh, my God. So they built him. It's an octagon-shaped writing hut. And it's so perfect.

It's all windows around it. Right. A fireplace, a little writing desk. He could smoke all the cigars he wants. He sat out there all day long and he would write. And they've moved this from that property to Elmira University or college. And it sits on the campus. Okay.

And I was doing a show around there and heading down to Pennsylvania. And I looked it up and I'm like, I can go visit it. And I was, this was like, in February of whatever year and I was like can we make reservations. We don't have that much time. I don't want to fight the crowds. I want to. Right.

There's no crowds. The mobs of Twain. The mobs of Twain people in Elmira in February. Okay, maybe I should have picked a different guy. Maybe he's not as popular as I thought about. Right. Exactly. So I.

Right. The new edition comes out. Right. Exactly. It's nice. From Will Rogers to. John Malaney. Right.

From Malini to Chappelle. And so anyway, I am really intrigued. I love the whole thing because he was really our first stand-up. Well, when you read the book, you can find out there's a guy before him that showed him how to do it. Oh, really? There's a guy. Artemis. Artemis Ward is his name.

Artemis Ward. And he's phenomenal. This guy's really interesting. Really? And I had not heard of him until, I don't know if you know the comic Rich Shiret. He was like all over him. So he told me about it. I was like, okay, what is this story?

And yeah, he was a writer, comedy writer on and a newspaper. They would, you know, his real name, believe it or not, is Charles Brown, like Charlie Brown. Well, first comic. And then we probably would have known him if he. Yeah, yeah. And so he, he was very popular writing these columns for newspapers, comedy columns, misspelled words, you know, 18th century kind of stuff. Sure.

And like Norm Crosby, I guess. So he, so one day he's, you know, part of his job is to cover like the entertainment beat. Guess who comes in town? The minstrel show. Guess what happens in the minstrel show? One of the comics in the minstrel show starts doing his bits from his newspaper articles. What the hell is happening? Yeah, I recognize this material.

I wrote it three weeks ago. before this got syndicated. And so that gave him the ideas. Like, maybe I could perform as Artemis. I created this character. Right. And that's... He's hearing the laughs.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So he was like, and there was a bunch of serious lectures at that time. That was the big part of Lycee movement. It was called.

Right. He's like, I'm going to do a comedy lecture. So he quits his job, moves to New York, publishes a book of his column. So he has a little, you know. Yeah. the word passive income happening right like even then wow and then starts and does this thing called stories about the baby and the whole bit the whole how he does hour and 20 the whole bit he never

mentions stories about the babies during old he always like gets to it and then does a diversion and then a diversion of the diversion and the thing that's great and people eat it up and guess who sees him samuel clemens is like oh my god i'm a funny guy i'm a writer and that's how the Samuel Clemens learned to be a comedian. Wow. Yeah. That's an amazing story. I know.

I know. I know. It's pretty wild. It's pretty wild. It's wild because there's so many things. Wild stuff. There's some elements that are like lifting material. Like that minstrel show comes through.

Yeah, yeah. They were desperate for laughs. They read this thing, not even thinking about, throw it up on stage. Yeah. Yeah. See what happens. Yeah. Yeah.

That's crazy. Little than they know the guy was in the crazy. like reviewing the show. Like, oh, wait a minute. That's so crazy. Yeah. So did he tour? Like, did he start going?

Not only does he tour. He's getting like up to a dollar a seat, sometimes even more. So you go to a 1,300 seat theater or opera house or something. That's a lot of money. In like 1890? No, this is 1862. Whoa. During Civil War times.

Whoa. So he's like making the equivalent of maybe 30 grand a night would be. Jeez. So it's, and okay, but this is the other interesting part to me about Mark Twain. So not only does he see him like, I can do this, Mark Twain ends up losing all his money on that printing press. Right. I call it his startup. His startup just, he lost all his money.

Yeah. And that's one of the reasons he toured. He was like, oh, Artemis can get a buck a person. I think I can. I'm more popular than that, dude. But anyway, Artemis goes to England. That's how popular this show is. Yeah.

puts it up over there and then dies a few months later of tuberculosis. Classic right on brand for an 1800s kind of person. Caught from the ship or something? I think he had it before he got to England, but it was so damp over there. Yeah. So he dies of, like I said, consumed by consumption. Jeez, and he dies. Dives, 32.

And Clemens is like, hey, bingo. I see. doing his old bits. Exactly. Start almost getting to the baby story. Right, right, right. The lane is wide open. Wow, that's amazing.

It's amazing that more people don't know of him. Artemis? Yeah. They do, but it's, they think of it more in the literature part than in the stand-up part. Oh, okay. And that's what Rich was like, no, you got to really. Right. Yeah.

So when you were doing research for the book and figuring stuff out, do people claim Artemis as the first stand-up? Some do. I don't. Right. I don't. You don't? No. Because you don't think tuberculosis is funny. No, I do think tuberculosis is funny. But I know. I think, because obviously you saw a comedian in that minstrel show. So somebody being funny in that show. Right. Right. Some racist. Some racist guy who was killing it in Blackface. So, yeah. And who knows, there might have been a guy, you know, some Jebidi-Dia.

dude, you know, who's making the pilgrims left. I don't know. Right. So. Yeah. But he, and the record jesters, right? I mean, there were. Of course.

Of course. But the idea of in America standing on stage with no minstrel show backing you up and just for an hour 20 going. Yeah. It's almost the definition of it. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And but this is pre-microphone.

There's no recordings of him. There's no recordings of Twain. Right. And then the next generation. Will Rogers and a guy named Bert Williams suddenly, they're in movies, they're on vaudeville stages, they're making records like they, so now we're getting a little closer to what we know as show business. Right. As opposed to just some weird lecture circuit. Are there recordings of Will Rogers? Oh, tons. Like doing stand-up? Like tons, yeah. Yeah. Tons. And what year was he?

Well, he kind of hits early. I mean, he, he came at, it's just fascinating. He came. He came came out of the Wild West show. There was something called, you know, like Andy O'Leodian. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. And he get your gun, that kind of thing. So he came out of that tradition. He's Cherokee. But he was a, he first built himself as the Cherokee kid,

but he became a roper and a cowboy, basically. And he just wanted to be in vaudeville. I'm going to do this roping act, and whenever something went wrong, you'd make a funny comment. People loved it. Uh-huh. Guess what?

More funny comments, less roping. Right. They'll eventually just carrying a rope. Yes. Just a prox. Lariat. You're a larriette? I don't know how to pronounce it.

So, yeah. And then he, I mean, he was so huge. He was not even, not even. Yeah. And anyone who ever does political comedy, that can be definitely traced directly to him. Right. Directly. So any of the SNL weekend guys.

Right. Amber Ruffin. He was. He's the first one to really do politics and make it like, oh, we can, laugh at that. He's the first comedian to do jokes in front of a president, about the president, with the president in the crowd. Really? Yeah, in Baltimore, it happened. Jeez. And he, what year was he? Like, that was the 20s? Yeah, basically, he kind of hit, I mean, it was everything. He had newspaper articles. So it's, it's interesting how these

technologies, like Ward and, and Twain also wrote articles and stuff and books, that became, like, more radio and or the stage so yeah so yeah will rogers had his newspaper column he had a bunch of you know he did film he did like 50 movies yeah and so so isn't that interesting it's that's another thing that hasn't changed really of tell me that you need like just the guy just doing stand-up hyphen yeah hyphen no question right oh no question you know there isn't really many stand-ups who just, there's Brian Regan and that's it. Right. Yeah, I think it's, I think it is. And even he does projects. And he started doing projects after he became famous though. Right. Right. Right. Like there was no Brian Regan

thing. Right. It was just stand-up. All right. And hammering on Letterman and stuff like that. Oh yeah. So good. So good. And I guess Sebastian is similar. He's in, he's in, he's now. He's in movies. But he started, but after he started saying, but after he started selling like he popped and then got movies right in the huge way i write about those you know do you know about his four nights at i mean four shows at madison square garden yeah friday saturday eight point two million dollars gross oh really yeah geez in the round four shows weekend gig that's just a weekend gig it's just a Thursday no no no I have to do sunday wow just Friday Saturday just Friday Saturday I'm not going to do a Sunday show eight million dollars

I mean, it's, it's incredible. That's incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he didn't have like the hit TV show. No, that's true. But I think most comedians hit as a comic and then hyphen out. And also, this is a little bit of boomer talk because, yeah, he didn't have a sitcom. Right.

But Facebook took his stuff and everybody saw it. There was other media where his stuff was able to spread. Yeah, we're in the internet. Look at what's happening here. There's cameras. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. This is a perfect example of it. Oh, God. Something that, I don't know, Lenny Bruce didn't have to do. It was podcasting. Right. Right. You know?

Yeah, yeah. So after this podcast and you make your deal for Mass and Square Garden, can I open for you? I love it. Just on one of the shows. Have you played Carnegie Hall? I have not. I was hoping you were going to lie. I was hoping that was going to bring up.

I have not. I have not. I have not. That's one of my goals. It's so, yeah, it's beautiful. I was backstage during Seinfeld and those guys when they did the 9-11 show with Cosby and all those guys. Right.

And I did not get to go on the stage, though. It's incredible. Yeah. I don't know why I want to play that room, but I just... It's magical. Yeah. I feel like comedians do really well in there. The coolest part because it's like, is that the, there's no wings.

Yeah. Like the door is part of the wall. Yeah. And it opens and you're on stage. Yeah. A lot of comics have done it in recent years because of the New York Comedy Festival. Correct. You'd always put somebody up.

Yeah. Yeah. So we'll do it one day. You and I. Pop and Fetterman, third of the crowd will be there. In blackface. Just to see if we get people talking. And the rest, free tickets, free tickets.

We just wanted it crowded. didn't care if we lost money on it. Yeah, no, that's a, that's a kind of a, any other dream venues for you? Dream venues. No. And you know what? It's interesting that you say that because I never really thought about it. Like there's, you know, there's any kind of old theaters I would love to play.

But I was talking with Joe Coy. Yes. And Joe Coy's vision in his head was all. always to play these big arena shows. The arena show. Like he would go and watch Kevin Hart. He saw Kevin Hart and saw what it could be. And in his head, this is a little manifestation.

That was his dream. Like he wanted that thing. And I was like, oh, I never really wanted that thing. Right. You know what I mean? Like maybe there is something to having the dream, maybe not the arena. Yeah, it's called a gold. A goal.

This is the first year. hearing about this? Yeah. I was just like, okay. It's just seeing what I'm coming. More people are coming. It's a thousand people tonight.

This is good. Okay. Yeah. It's a goal. Do you do that? Do you have like in your mind like, I mean, I do. Do you write them down in January and put them on your board?

No, I don't. I mean, in a way I do write them down. But my, it's just like my show business dreams are so. absolutely insanely big and absurd and delusional is almost the word I would use. Which is anybody's dream, though. But every time I like, like I book a commercial, I'm like, oh, this character and this commercial is going to be on a sitcom, I'm going to be a thing, and I'm going to be like the Azuzu guy. Sure.

Like, it's just, I immediately. I do all do, though. Oh, you do? Yeah, 100%. It's, what's the word for it? It's like you're a fantat. Yeah. It's not, I can't think of the word for it.

A fabulous. It's like, I'm an, yeah, like, I'm like, oh. But I think that's what, I mean, I don't think Kevin Hart creates Kevin Hart without thinking that way. Right, right. Really, I don't, I think that we all kind of have that thing. Yeah. So, yeah, yeah.

I mean, that would be one is definitely Carnegie, but I don't, I just not like on my list of like, I'm going to play Carnegie Hall this year. Right. Maybe I should. Yeah. Dial it in. Yeah. Maybe I should joke coy it.

I know. There is something too. There's something to those visions, those really stark. Well, I mean, I feel like younger comedians have that. They have their, and they call it like a bucket list or something like that. I just don't like that turn on. I was just so happy to be a comedian. I'll just be part of the team.

Just to be like, wow, I can't believe. I still, to this day, I'm like, Ray Romano knows me. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, and I went up after What's his face and I did really well. Yeah, yeah. I'm with you. That was such a with you.

That was such the dream. I didn't really think until this conversation that it was more than that. Is this an inflection point in your life? Term I'd never heard of until a year ago and now I use it every other day. Infliction point? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But it's, you know, there's that thing of, yeah, I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know how much of it is you really make happen like in that specific way. I feel like people do. I think people do manifest stuff with very determined work. I mean, it's a work situation. Yeah, yeah. But, I mean, you generate a lot of material. I do.

I mean, look, very successful. Right. And, uh, you have that new butter built. You're going to get it out. Who else makes bread like this? Nobody. Right. Nobody.

I didn't even want a big bread. I just put it on my vision board and the next thing you know, there's bread coming out of the oven. But I think that, um, it. It's interesting, like, just in the little stories that you're telling about the history of it. Like, that there was all these kind of, like, it's changed in a lot of ways, and in a lot of ways, it hasn't changed at all. That's the theme of the book. Is it really? Yes.

Yes, that is the theme of the book. Yes, we still have to do. But basically, the main, but it's, you know, we'll see what happens after it all comes back. But the main job descriptions remain the same, which is you're on stage, as I call it, in that terrifying to your full. moment of getting laughs. Right. So it's Bob Hope has that. Jack Benny has it.

Yeah. You have it. Right. An open micer has it. Right. Like it's all the same thing. Yeah. And is there anybody that became successful?

Yeah. And kept being successful who wasn't kick-ass funny. Oh. Well. Because there are people that come in... Yep, I know. And they can kind of like... They can get it.

They can get it. They can game it. They were in a big film. Yeah, yeah. And so they decided they were going to tour. Yeah, yeah. Or they grabbed onto something political and they were going to tour. But has there been anybody that continues to go along that path that's funny isn't the core?

I don't think so. I really don't think so. Because eventually people are going to stop coming to your show if it's just a tirade or just and an embarrassing hang. Yeah, just hang, but I think one of the things they try to be in the book is very not judgmental about comedians from different generations because comedy is for the people here now.

Yes. That's what it's for. 100%. The language, the thing, the references, all of it. So that's why it ages so quickly. Yeah. So it's, yeah. So even someone's super edgy.

Yeah. Like Lenny Bruce, sometimes people are like, like Patton's like I don't even quite is this funny is what yeah yeah I'm saying and I can understand that you have to kind of like readjust your thing even to connect with him yeah on a comedic level and I think a great example is Mortsall right that's a great example of like man I mean he was on the cover of time magazine he was making people huge huge in 90 in the 50s yeah laugh there's no doubt about it so it's not like kill oh he's not as good as you know whatever, Kennison or Carlin or, you know, one of my heroes or something like that. So I'm just like, if he achieved that and worked for all those years, that's what, you know, what do you think about that? What do I think about what? Like, not like the idea.

Why it ages out? Yeah, why it ages out. And does that scare you at all? Yeah. I mean, no, it doesn't scare me. But it surprises me. It surprises me because. Like we know, we can see as comedians, we can watch the Marks brothers or Laurel and Hardy and see.

And once in a while, you're caught, really caught and laugh. Right, right. I saw Laurel and Hardy. But it's not like the hangover. No. Yeah. Right, right. It's not hitting you.

You are watching it almost as a student. That's why I love your book. Like it's, you kind of, you do get surprised and there are some moments that will make anyone laugh who's not a student. Right, right. Like, you know, even at, um, you know, at the comedy seller, you know, they run the chaplain nonstop on the screen. Well, the thing in the, yeah, with the lion is incredible. And those things, like, I'll watch him in there for 20 years, and you'll see like during

the day when I would sneak in there and write or whatever, and you'd see a family and kids, like they were watching it and laughing. Like they're laughing at Chaplin, like they're laughing at this thing. So that... So physical, I think, is a little different than verbal. For sure. Yeah. For sure. And he's playing this clown, really. Right. Yeah, the tramp. Yeah. Yeah. And by tramp, I mean, he's loose and that he sleeps a lot. What a whore. What a whore. Actually, right? He kind of was. But it did surprise me. So anyway, I'm, like, I would always look, I would always, I would watch George Burns or I would watch, you know, with Gracie and you'd watch all these old comics. And I was just digesting it all.

And so I think, but then as I got older and I started, when I became a comedian and went along, I started to really observe that I was more student of comedy than the regular people. Yeah. Because people were starting to not know Sam Kinnison's name. Right. When I was standing at the laugh, I remember it distinctly. Right. And some comics my age, right.

A little younger, who were good, did not know Sam Kinnison. And I was like, oh, man, it doesn't last because he was in his moment just no one bigger. I mean, he just crushed. I mean a meteor. Meteor. Meteor. They crashed into comedy.

Right. Like, what has happened? This is insane. So insane. Yeah. And that people didn't know who he was any longer was like, oh, if he hadn't passed away, he would still be doing some form of it. And it's almost like you're keeping your legacy alive.

But some do. Some, I feel like Bill Hicks has an incredible afterlife. Does he? I think, well, maybe not. Maybe not. He's respected among comics. Right. Even when I listen to him,

to hear him go off on Britney Spears for like 15 minutes about her music or something. Right, right, right, right. You know, okay. We're getting close to Lenny Bruce's material. Right, right, right. And it's not to shit on him. I mean, he's so great. But like we're saying,

Like, there's so many elements of it that is cultural. Okay, what about Hedberg's afterlife? Headberg is going to be like Sam. Like, he has such great stuff. Comedian fans will always, comedy fans will always, the jokes distill, they're just, like, so pure. But he's going to all these great people. I mean, who in their, who, who, who in passing,

has elevated? Elevated or maintained or with the public? Well, I know. I feel like Carlin and Pryor still have it. Like, I feel like there's a lot of Carlin

YouTube clips that still like, still do big numbers. And the crazy thing on both sides. Like he has some conservatives. Yes. No, because he's anti-political correctness. Anti- to euphemisms.

He hated any kind of like. Oh, God. Yeah. The word speak. Oh, yeah, yeah. The environment. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. like his progressive kind of like social stuff so he truly just didn't give a shit so he just kind of I know so both sides could really he talked about that he said he said he could always smell it on a comedian when they had an agenda political agenda yeah and he was like I don't I'm just an observer I'm not trying to get you to be yeah vote a certain way yeah he didn't even vote he didn't stop voting in 1972 really yeah and so he's just I just think he's a fascinating mind my god i wish i would know the word but thank you for have you digested have you digested all of his interviews i'm sure over yes yeah yeah and there's even some stuff that he private interviews that i've

now privy to that's oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah out. So smart. So intelligent. Like, you probably would have ruined him if he graduated high school. He was an anti, you know, he's anti-authoritative. Yeah, everything from the church to the schools. And I, to tell you, some of his rants I don't agree with. But, man, the only time. He was really thinking. Oh, my God. He, I have a painting of him in my office. What? Yeah. And that's right. That's right. That's right. And, right. Yeah. He's, he's it. The only time... And Bob Saggett painted that?

Bob Saget... Well, a lot of people mistake it for Bob Saughey. Oh, that's not the Bob Sagitt, Carlin? Oh, okay. And the only time he lost me was that one, I think it was with the tombstones and stuff, when he didn't offer any hope. Because he was so good at ripping things apart.

And that one was so bleak that I always need a little bit of... It's going to be okay. I know. And he didn't give you that in that special. I was like, oh, no, no. No, it is hard. Sometimes it's hard to watch it. But look, I mean, it's ridiculous.

From 1959 to 2008, those are pretty good run. Yeah. And there were so many great ones. So anyway, back to the overarching question of, does it age? And like, it's like. No, my question is not, will comedians be remembered? I mean, who knows?

Who knows? You know, maybe that fan is the guy. You know, who knows? People latch in and all of a sudden, And there's a revival. Right, right. But I'm saying that as a rule, comedy is for the people now. Sebastian is for the people living today.

Yes. Not Richard Pryor. Not even though you can. No. You can appreciate it. You can put it on. I don't appreciate it. You have paintings in your house.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. But they're part of the, right. But as far as the impact of those belly laughs. Yeah. The people that were having belly laughs to Laurel and Hard. Right.

It was in that moment that we're laughing at people like Chappelle now. Right. Yeah. Because it's the dress. It's the cadence. It's the thing. It's just you're identifying with us and bringing it out. Yeah.

It's so in the moment. Yeah. It really is. So that was the thing. It didn't make me nervous when I knew, but I really realized if you really want to have a legacy. Oh, no. Yeah. You got to be a movie star.

That's a great point. You do. That's a great point. We're going to be talking about, you know, Woody. Jack Nicholson's performance in the beginning, you know, and still talk about, you know, Henry Fonda and all those. Films are so big.

I know, but what about your buddy, Jerry Seinfeld from Long Island? Like, I feel like his legacy as a sitcom, a sitcom star that for some reason is still, it's Lucy right it's our Lucy it's like that's going to be on well friends is I mean there's not like it's the only

sitcom no but that's at a level of devotion that's still generations are still being turned on to and has these bumps do you think it'll ever because you know do you think kids because I know kids love that show

and it's so and it's so adult in a weird way and it's a cynical you know it's a cynicism to the all thing that's just beautiful. Yeah, that's going to last forever. It's like Lucy. It's like Lucy. Yeah, so I'm saying it's not just movies.

Yeah. You're contradicting yourself. You did it. Take the bread back. You take the bread back. You take the bread and the book back. Oh, Jesus. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, he really, he's incredible. Oh, God. He's incredible. No, I know. I learned so much just from hanging around. Give me a couple things you learned from him that I'll learn from you. besides the writing every day that kind of thing yeah well beyond the writing every day

there's so many things he has on writing that I've learned from and we've kind of had a back and forth conversation about and it dialed in I'm listening I'm leaning in but the thing that he never really articulated but I just watched him do you gleaned I gleaned I gleaned you did some gleaning I was a gleaner yeah okay go ahead and I knew when I went in his orbit it was like let's glean from this guy, was that he never said, he's never done working on the joke. I love it. Which is so insane because he would have jokes that were so locked in.

Yeah. And so seemingly perfect. And he can improve it. And he still looks at it and will put it down in his pad. It's like the Stone's still rehearsing satisfaction. Right. It seems ridiculous. It seems ridiculous, but they do it.

Right. And they crush it. And it's always improving. Maybe only Mick Jagger knows that it's improving. Right. And Keith Richards. But maybe only Jerry does. But he will always.

And even just like the moving two lines and putting that line there after eight years, moving that line to that line and being like, I can't believe it. I finally did it. The puzzle is complete. Yeah. That that level of, I tend to blah. and put it all out. That's not true.

Get it really working and dial it in and distill it. But at a certain point, I'm done looking at it. Right. Until I gleaned from him and I was like, no, you know what? You can always be looking at it. And be honest with yourself because is that joke killing the way that it should? He doesn't tape and listen to himself, does he? No, I don't think so.

I remember him taping a couple times, but I don't think very rarely if he does. He can, he knows by that reaction he's getting. Yeah, I think so. Gosh. I think so. I think of him as like the mad scientist. Like, what is going on in that lab? I know.

Right? Yeah, exactly. What is going on in that lab, man? Yeah, purely unique in the, I always call him the comedy chiropractor. Have I told you that? No, I just go to the scientist. No, I call him the comedy chiropractor because if you ever feel kind of Wait, do you mean that he's unlicensed and kind of quackish?

He dropped out of med school. Couldn't get, couldn't be. Even podiatry was too far reach. You know, organic chemistry, he couldn't do it. That's the killer. That's the weeding out of course. He just, he, uh, if you ever feel out of sorts, and you have a chance to talk to him.

Yeah. You are adjusted. And you walk out of there feeling great about being a comedian. no matter what disappointments, frustrations, creatively, whatever. Just the pure, his love of being a comedian and how he truly to this day appreciates what it is to have a life to be a comedian and the grateful attitude he has about it makes you throw all of your cares away as meaningless and ego-driven.

And ego-driven and obnoxious because you are so lucky to be a comedian. That's awesome. That is probably the biggest gift I've gotten from him. And he has a private plane that he would take me to gigs. Oh, I see. Those are fun. The best gigs in the world, yeah. That is awesome.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, I just remember in that documentary comedian when at the thing with Orney, and he was like, I don't know if I want to be 60. And an airport, he's like, that's exactly what I want to be doing at 60. Yeah, right, exactly. He's a comic. Right.

He is a comic. That's right. That's the weirdest thing is that he was able for whatever, eight years to take that business trip to L.A. and create a sitcom. Yeah. I almost feel like it's sort of like, like, past, of income for, you know, I mean, you know, just something. Right. No, if he had not hit, I remember the guy at hilarities. I remember Nick at hilarity saying that before the show, Jerry was a star.

He was a millionaire. Back to the guys purely from stand-up. Yeah, yeah. If he hadn't had, if he had not developed that show, he still would have been one of the biggest comedians of all time. Of course, yeah, it was a machine. Yeah, he was that good. But the, uh, the workaround when I I'm just, I'm kind of obsessed with the guy. The work, because he was like a generation, like the class ahead of me. Yeah, yeah. So you're looking up to the seniors, you know, like a senior. Yeah, that's what I look up. Yeah.

When did you start? 47, 47. So. Right on the heels of Artemis. Yeah, I don't know if you know this, but I middled for Mark Twain. Yeah, it was good. Yeah. And he was very good, but he wouldn't share any of the bar food.

would not. It was like, you can order your own wings. I was like, okay, Mark. I know about an opener like that. Have you heard those stories like that? No, no, no. Literally. I literally heard a story.

I won't say who. My friend got a gig, work opening for this guy. It was exploding. And he just sat like with a fruit plate, a fruit and cheese plate and ate it in front of the opener and just like didn't even offer him. That hurts my heart.

And this is one of like our guys. Yeah. It was just like, oh. Maybe he's a germaphobe. That's the, I'm trying to put the best spin on it. I always do that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes it's just a jerk, okay.

Yeah, so, no, this has been a blast. This is so much fun. Now, how does this work time-wise? Are we close to the end? We're getting close to the end. Okay, just tell me, because I don't want to... We're getting close to the end. Yeah.

I feel like we've covered some good ground. I feel like we got some good food stuff in. Yeah, yeah. I feel like you're going to enjoy this bread, and you're going to send me a picture of the to- that you're eating. Okay. Will you appreciate it or will you be like,

it's good, but it's not Arby's. Arby's is incredible. America's roast beef, yes, sir. Yeah? That's what it was when I was a kid. I know they keep changing that. Is it still incredible? Yeah.

Give me your favorites. There isn't. It's like, what am I going to pick between Carlin and Pryor? You know, and Kindler, the big three. What are you asking? me to pick. So it's just like my babies.

They're all my babies. You roll into... I'll tell you the best fries are McDonald's. Everybody says. Yeah, the best food. Because they put sugar in Emerson. I don't know what they do, but it's incredible. Everybody says that.

Yeah. Even the people that are like, I don't eat fast food in and out in five guys. Yeah. But still, Aaron, who is the producer on the show, just, yeah, McDonald's fries. McDonald's fries. Yeah, yeah. So, um, I, Taco Bell. Yeah.

Love it. Love it. Love it. What do you get at the bell? Well, my new favorite is the chalupa, the bacon, um, what's it called? Bacon, chicken, bacon one. There's a new, there was a limited thing over, over COVID. Uh-huh.

That was incredible. Chicken bacon chalupa. The chalupa. The chalupa. It's really fun. Uh, yeah. Best burger. Well, it's, do you count five guys as a fast food?

burger? No. I'm going to say in and out and five guys are kind of their own. Right, right, right, right. The big guys that you see in the Jack Nicholson. Well, I love the Whopper, which is what I just had before this meeting. But I have to say, I think Wendy's, believe it or not, I think Wendy's burgers are incredible. Yeah.

Are better than McDonald's. Yeah, yeah. You're making me to rethink. No, no, no, no, don't. Believe me, you don't want to. You don't. You eat like this and you're just pre-diabetic. Do you ever get the desserts and fast forward?

Wait till I'm post that. Do you ever get the desserts, the little sundaes, the ice cream cups? Yes, at McDonald's only. I love their soft serve is incredible. Really? Whoever invented soft serve ice cream. That guy should get a Nobel Prize. I'm assuming it's a guy.

You like Dairy Queen? Yeah, yeah. Anything that swirls out of that machine? Seems impossible. Do you like the black and white? Yeah, I'll do that. Okay. Dipped?

Chocolate dip? I do, but it always, uh, yes, yeah. Too melty. It's too melty and I'm always worried. It's like, why is it not falling off in there? Well, isn't that Dairy Queen's thing? They, they, they, they, they're the blizzard, they did upside down to show you that it's not coming out. You know, uh, there, as far as shakes go, there was a place back east called Friendlies.

Ooh, I grew up on Friendlies. The frivol, did you ever have that? Oh, the frivol, the strawberry frivol. Okay, good. Now no one has just lost all your music. Yeah. Strawberry fribble and those little crinkle fries. Yeah, that was a pretty good. But again, it's not fast food, but I just remember that place is like, wow.

That was a great place. Pretty good. That was kind of like old timey you'd walk in, get a booth with your best gal. But I'll tell you what I have done is, I mean, I know this is like a frozen thing, but I've cut down on all the Coca-Cola. Like I used to drink it all the time and now. Uh-huh. Barely at all. Really?

Yeah. I've switched over to lemonade and then I dilute that like I'm a grandmother. Like a grandmother in Boca Raton. Like it's just, I might be drinking hot tea out of a glass. Like, it's like, who will I become? But I was just too. Yeah. I love Coke too much.

How many a day were you up to? Oh, I was at least a couple a day. A couple of day. I mean, I was in like the eight a day kind of thing. But I just love it. I just think it's the best beverage ever invented. It makes you feel good after. It's like, right?

Just shot with sugar and ready to go. And caffeine. Yeah. With the sugar and the caffeine. It's like, come on. They really know what they're doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, anyway, so that's been my, that's how I keep, well, that's why I'm still.

You always look good. You never, you never, you're always youthful and skinny and I always feel like, yeah, you're one of those guys. But inside the blood is pre. But inside just syrup. Just like, gooey. That's funny. Well, thank you so much for doing this. This really means a lot.

The history of stand-up from Mark Twain to Dave Chappelle. I can't wait to order. You're going to get a new version. You're going to get the updated version because this one is, there's a couple typos that are really easy. Will you be changing anything in the book after our conversation? Do you mean adding you to the book? Is that what you're saying?

Oh, I'm not in it? Oh, weird. Did not expect that curveball at the end. No. No, no, no. But who knows? You're locked in. You're proud of it.

You feel like you've done, there's not a part that you're like, I should have put Ralphie in it. Okay, let me just give you an example of a mistake that's eating up at me. Ready? Is like in this, I never even bothered to look at the index. Sure. So there's like, there's just mistakes on the index. That one's looking at the index. Like Nick DiPaolo.

Right. You know him, he's a friend of yours, right? it's Nick Di Paolo like his last name is Paolo as opposed to DePaolo's his last name, right? Right. Yeah. I mean...

So Nick's in the book. We want to thank Wayne for being here on the show. You've got a lot of stuff we've got to get to. Do you have a good serrated knife at home? Yeah. All right, good. Tell me how to cut it.

Tell me how to cut it. You're just going to start here and go work your way across. You probably get rid of that much. You throw it away. Throw it away. Give it to the dog, whatever you want to do. And then you're just going to work your way in.

It's incredible. And it came out this morning. Tomorrow is pretty much even better than today. Oh, I thought tomorrow it's over. No, you'll be good for several days. Do you refrigerate it? No. You put it with the butter?

You can either throw it a towel over it or just keep it in this bag. Wet towel? No. You know what? You go to Arby's. I'm going to give this to Aaron. I'll get the Arby's half-bounder. Arby's half-bander is incredible.

Thank you, Wayne. You're the best. Thank you so much for having me. All right. You're welcome. You're welcome. That's it. Goodbye.

That was the great Wayne Federman. I told you he's funny. Go get his book, The History of Stand Up Comedy, from Mark Twain to Dave Chappelle, a good read, a good guy, and we'll have him back for sure. And now

it's time. Let's get out the phone. Let's give a call to our good friend, Erin Foley. It's still Monday? Are you having coffee? I'm having my cold brew

that I make. It's my, you've been making the bread. I've been making the cold brew. Really? Yeah. Now, I'm like, I wouldn't say obsessed, but I would say very, very, very interested. How do you do it? You take beans, you put them in a...

Yeah, first it was the discovery of like what bean I like. You know, this is what happens when the world shuts down and you need some things to obsess over. Please, there's nothing more important in the world. But I came, I was, a couple of years before going just head first into the pandemic, I became very, I just was like I love cold brew. So then I was like, all right, I'm going to make my own. So then it was, yeah, whole beans, grind beans, and then figure out what bean you like best and then how many hours. So right now it's groundworks coffee, which I'm obsessed with, and 14 hours. then I leave it overnight.

I do 14 hours. Then I press it down. And then I put it in my glass jar. And then I do another day of waiting. And then it's amazing. Wow. This sounds very intriguing. Right.

How big a jar? Like how much are you yielding from that? Well, it's pretty potent. So I get like three morning coffees out of it. Oh, that's so great. But I only do, like, eight ounces. Eight ounces? So you don't miss the hotness?

You like the coldness? No, I don't really, I don't drink. I don't, you know, once in a lot, latte or something. But, like, this is year-round in the cold. I'll still drink cold brew. Oh, man. I am intrigued. I've been drinking verve coffee, which is,

so it's the same thing. I'm obsessed with these beans and I'm just like it's still like a bad commercial from the 80s where I grind it and I smell it oh it's going to be a wonderful day and like the sun

comes through the window I'm there in my robe oh it's it's an update on Folgers yeah which is still jingling around in my head

Still followed. I was thinking of you. I had to call you today because I was on the road. I was in Omaha, Nebraska, doing some shows. So exciting. And then I get into the elevator and I look down and there is a big decal for the NCAA women's volleyball tournament. Yes. And there were a whole bunch of people in.

it wasn't like a big and raucous because of course they didn't have crowds. They could only invite family and all the COVID kind of restrictions on it all. And everybody had to pod up in their in their schools and all that kind of stuff. But I immediately thought about you because I, as I was saying earlier on in the episode, you have been yelling at the world to pay attention to women's sports for so long. And it really does feel like. people are finally starting to catch on. Do you feel like that's true?

Because it seems to me like the enthusiasm is definitely increased. The enthusiasm has always been there. What has been lacking is coverage. Right. If it's not, if you build it, they will come. It's, you're already there. Someone put a camera on it

and put it on a television. Right. That's what it is. Right. I go to these UCLA softball games for years. The stadium is packed. Now, Holly Roe has, you know, ESPN is covering it, and Holly Rose on the sideline of the dugout, and suddenly the softball is the fastest growing collegiate sport.

So it's been there. The enthusiasm for women's sports has always been there, but now it's, you know, more marketable. Now, I mean, you know, it's so exciting. And the volleyball, which is obviously happening right now. Yeah. It's so, all of a sudden, you know, I remember performing at this club a couple. It's usually this tournament usually takes place in December.

And I remember performing at a club in like Glendale, Arizona or something. And I went to just have a drink after I had some friends that came to the show. and they had a couple, you know, games on, and I said, could you put the women's volleyball on? She puts it on for me. Like seven booths started, like, leaning in. And I was like, it's so exciting. Like, you know what you know what you?

It's just like the level is so, you just have to, you have to be aware because. Right, right. It's so good. It's so good. The athletes are so great. And I even, I had like this moment during the men's basketball. tournament this year where a good buddy of mine who's just a sports fanatic and he's always like giving me the you know the the end and outs and stuff of like like the Yankees are tanking right now

and I'm like what is happening he gives me all the breakdown and and he was he was going off in this text chain about why everybody has to watch women's basketball and one guy was like no I don't think so it's not as good and he's like no dude you don't get it. He said women's basketball plays horizontally more than vertically because of the style of play and it's actually the original way the basketball should be played. It's, it's intelligent, you've got to watch it. And he was like schooling everybody. I was like, oh yeah, this is, this train has left the station. If these dudes are all on board after all this time, they're finally paying attention. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, that's what it is. It's not like

Everybody, like, you're never going to win an argument of people saying, like, if you just take basketball, like, men's basketball, so exciting. They're just, they're slam dunk in and they're doing that. Yeah, it's totally exciting. It's totally fun to watch. This is, this is, if you want that, then watch that. Right, right. If you also just want to watch phenomenal female athletes playing their game, then watch their game. You know what I mean?

I get so sick of that, like, argument. you're like, that's not an argument. That's an observation. Right. Exactly. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, dunking is super fun to watch. There's also, you know, a gazillion other parts of the game that are beautiful to watch and exciting.

Yeah. And ultimately, it's the drama. It's the drama. That's what's so great about sports. It's like there is a clock going. There is going to be someone's going to be pulling their hair out at the end and other people are going to be euphoric. And how we get there and it's just so dramatic and it doesn't matter. I mean, look, I have been at, I have been at 10-year-old girl basketball games where people were throwing chairs and screaming their heads off because it's still a game.

Like it didn't. It's still a game. It's so funny. And also, I don't know, you know, it's the story. the stories are super captivating because there's and it makes you know collegiate events men and women just sometimes just I think more exciting than the pros because this could be it you know and for women this was it but now there are more and more opportunities for women so the competition is better like if you just take if you just take March Madness usually in the women's game for the last let's say 10 15 years you could pencil in for number ones. There was rarely an upset. Now there's more and more upsets because there's more and more competition.

Yeah, it's just going to get better and better and better. So great. Well, thanks for spending some time with me this morning. I know you're busy, and I'm definitely going to, I'm going to be calling you and asking cold brew questions because I am a hot coffee person, but too many people that I love and respect are into cold brew. I've got to at least give it a shot. Just mix it up.

We're starting to get to some treacherous L.A. weather where it's like 77, 78. You know, you might get a little hot under the collar and be some cold brew. You're the best. All right. I love you. And you've got to come on the regular podcast. You've got to come and be the guest in the studio. I'm on standby.

All right. Great. Have a great day. We'll do it after. We'll do it after I fell at the cold brew. Okay, I'll do it. Okay, bye, though. That's it, kids.

I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. Breaking Bread is a great passion of mine, and I hope that you are enjoying it. Make sure you subscribe. Make sure you tell your friends. Make sure you give us reviews. We've been ticking up slowly in the reviews. So if you can add some more, that would be very helpful. It helps to spread the word.

Eat something great. Do something great. Enjoy your lives. We'll see you next week.