Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 64 - Taylor Tomlinson

Episode Date: July 27, 2021

The hilarious and soulful Taylor Tomlinson joins me at the table and we grab a Quick Bite with the mighty Stavros Halkius! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, it's our goal. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey! Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. Thank you for joining us here at the table once again. Wouldn't it be nice if you could actually come to the table and eat some of this food?

Well, you will someday. Invite me. I'll come. We have a huge show for you today. a huge show. We've got Taylor Tomlinson, very, very funny comedian and a great person. And then we also grab a quick bite with Stavros Halkius, another very funny person. These are two emerging talents. Stavros worked with me on the road for a long time, and I haven't got a chance to talk to him really since a lot of the pandemic troubles.

So we're going to get a quick bite with him. It's going to be hilarious and great and catch him before he heads off to Greece. Oh, we have so much to talk about. Oh, July 30th, July 30th, which is, if you're listening to this in real time, it is this Friday. I will be at the Encore Theater at the Wynn, Casino, and Hotel in Las Vegas. It's a big show, very excited. We've been having such a great time out on tour already. We went to Phoenix.

we sold out stand-up live. Then we went to Salt Lake City. We cranked out shows there. Those were all sold out. So Phoenix and Salt Lake City, if you missed that on those shows, it's just a quick car ride. Everybody from L.A., anywhere that has, if you have a credit card, you can get to Las Vegas. Huge show. It's our first one at the win. It's supposed to be a great theater. I was talking to my bit buddy Nate Bargazzi and he loved it there and we're coming in right on his heels and we're going to have a great show this Friday that's July 30th if you're listening to this after go to tompapa dot com and look up the family reunion tour is officially kicked off and we've got dates everywhere we just added another one in new jersey on August 27th we're going to Cleveland we're going to

Grass Valley. We're going to Florida, Chicago, Atlanta. We're all over the place. It's officially back kids. We are now rocking and rolling and doing a ton of dates. And I can tell because my hip hurts a little from sitting on an airplane already. Hey, another big announcement. This is very cool. I have a great friend, Sarah Singer-Shiff. She is a good friend of mine and she was born in Toronto. and whenever we would discuss things, we always had a very funny conversation about everything from food to politics, whatever, because she would always drop her Canadian point of view

on my American point of view, or as I call it, the best point of view in the world. And she would call me out on my arrogance. And so we decided this would be a really cool thing to do. We have so many fans in Canada, Canada and with so many, of course, in the U.S. And it's such a funny relationship. It's such a good relationship, but there are differences.

We've really found it's kind of like siblings. And we just break each other down and ridicule each other, but all in good fun the way you would with somebody that you truly love. So we have a new podcast. It's coming out on August 4th that's next week called Stars, Stripes, and Maple Leaf. That's a pretty funny title right there. Star Stripes and Maple Leafs. It's going to be a real fun analysis of our relationship.

Get it wherever you get your podcast, wherever you're listening to this. You can, by this time, maybe in a couple days, you're going to be able to download it and get ready, and we'll crank that out next week. So Star Stripes and Maple Leafs, where we can just really take it to these Canadians because let's face it, their attitude is totally out of control. All right, everybody.

So we have a great show. Before we get into our conversation with Taylor Tomlinson, let me just make a quick note and pat myself on the back because I got back from shows in Salt Lake City where I had maybe four hours of sleep and then got on an early flight. I'd been very unusual for me to go from gig to gig to gig, but I went from Phoenix to New York where we did the live come to Papa show, and then we cruised into Salt Lake City.

So it was over a week of being on the road. Super great, super fun. But then I get into town early, and I have to host a huge dinner for, I think 15 people, some good friends, neighborhood friends of ours who, from our old neighborhood and we decided, have them over to the house. It was my job, of course, to cook the entire meal. And if my wife listens to this, she's going to be angry that I don't point out what she did. We throw good parties. But I do the cooking. She does a lot of the baking. She did a kick-ass job, but this isn't her podcast. So let me just show you what I did. I had to cook for all these people immediately as as I landed. It gets to a point where when you know exactly what you're going to cook and what you're going to do, you can't even send anyone to the grocery store for you. You know as you're

cruising through what you need exactly. And nobody else really can do it. So I had to land, go, gather up the things. Here is a key. And I know I talk about this from time to time, but it's really pays to get some dishes that you're just really good at. I have this, uh, rigatoni with this peppers and olive based tomato sauce. And I've dialed that in and I make it, you know, a couple times a month. It comes out like a baked ziti with grere cheese and parmesan. It's amazing. It's just pretty simple. I mean, it's not like, you know, we're not reinventing the wheel here. But the point is, if you're going to have 15 people come to your house, it's good to have a little bit of a knowledge of what you can do.

And this is one of those things. This seems like a daunting task. You have all these people coming, but you break out your classics. You break out that baked rigatoni, and then you break out your just roasted broccoli, which is very easy with some olive oil and a little parmesan, and you bake it up. It's super, super easy. A lemon pasta, which is a complete home run, but it's a little parmesan. everybody is super impressed. They don't know how you do it. It's the easiest thing in the world.

It's lemon zest, lemon juice and some cream and butter. Mix it up with your linguine. Done, but everybody thinks you're a magician. Again, you're not going to try it when 15 people are coming to your house because you've done it a bunch throughout the year. So simple. And then the home run, the real home run was meatballs. I wanted, you know, when you do these big Italian meals. You want them to kind of like, you want to pummel them into submission. So you bring out some stuff. You bring out some salad and some broccoli and all that fun of little stuff and some cheese and all that stuff in the beginning and a little bread. But then you bring out the pasta dish and then you double down on another pasta dish and then you pummel them into submission with meatballs. And I have dialed in a

meatball recipe based on the Reos recipe, which is, of course, that legendary restaurant out of New York. Tiny little spot, legendary, very hard to get into for years. And then it becomes this bigger thing that, you know, you've seen Reos sauce, you've seen it, they've got a spot in Las Vegas, and they're an empire now. And their recipe for meatballs is pretty simple. it for myself. I think there's uses veal and I cut veal out so like pork and chop meat. But the point being you break out this thing of 20 meatballs because a lot of people that don't eat meat. So 20 meatballs heaping with the sauce. It has its own sauce and you put that out.

It was a lot of work. I landed from my gigs and went to work and was in the kitchen all day long. But holy cow. What a success. Everybody, you just, again, you just watch the plates and you see it all disappear really quickly and people are begging you for the recipe for the meatball. You act like it's a top secret thing. You can pretty much get it anywhere. But you act like you can't give it to them, you tease it out. It's just a great experience.

But the whole message of this whole little monologue here is just pick some things and get good at them. Do them once in a while. Make them for yourself. make them for a couple of friends. And then when it's go time and it's time the holidays come rolling around or there's some reason to celebrate, you've got all your tools. And you don't even have to, this could be the only things you cook all year, literally. And you'll be a hero.

So it was great. It was a real success. The only, and the good benefit, if you bust ass and you go out and you work hard all week, by time you're done, I did some of the cleaning, but then I just, profess that I am going to pass out, which I was after some wine and all of that. By 10 o'clock, I was toast. And when I woke up at the morning, the kitchen was clean. A nice little treat. So yeah, you can always get out of cleaning. If the cooking's bad, you're going to have to clean. If the cooking's good, they're going to let you off the hook. But it was really great. A really cool

thing to do. And I recommend, I recommend that you do it too. All right, let's get to it. This is Taylor Tomlinson. She is a hilarious, hilarious comedian. I really, really love her. She had a great breakout special on Netflix called The Quarter Life Crisis, and it really resonated with a lot of people. She's young.

She's been doing stand-up since she was 16, so she's actually really experienced, even though she's in her 20s. she's kind of a veteran in some regard but more than that she's just a really interesting fun personality uh it was really nice to welcome her here to the table and uh and share some time with her she's great you're going to love her she also has a big tour coming out right now called the deal with it tour she's out there just banging it out and doing it doing it the right way and i really recommend you go see her she's so funny as you'll see her as you'll

see in this conversation that we had. She was, she really, we have to give her thanks for coming to the table to do this because she wasn't feeling that great. She was running around doing all of her own stuff and she really rallied and showed up for us. So we want to thank her for that. So enjoy this conversation with the very funny Taylor Tomlinson. So this is yours.

Thank you so much. I assume when you came up with this, you were like, what a great idea. And now you're like, what a burden. to have to bake bread for every guest? No, it's actually the, it's actually the opposite because I bake way more than we can eat. Oh, okay. So my wife and two daughters, and they're all like,

they don't, I can tell they're like, we should eat less bread. They don't want to say it out loud because that'd be like saying, we don't like you anymore. Right. We want less of your passion in our lives. So I keep tweaking it like I'll make something new that we'll suck them in. Yeah.

You know, like I'll make on an olive bread or I was making this Chiambela pastry and it's like, I kind of lure them in, but they're really like, you know, what are you doing? Are you trying to make us fat so no boys will stare at us anymore at the mall? I mean, I... What is your plan, old man? Good luck, by the way, in therapy, your daughter. So like, he just made us so much fresh baked bread. And it was really hard growing up in that environment because he would leave on the weekends and give us space and follow his dream and be an example of that.

And then he would come home and he'd just bake bread all the time for us. And they're like, okay, I think maybe it's you. Yeah. That would be great. That would be great. But I'm sure they're going to manufacture something else that'll be. So anyway, I make so much of it that it's like I'm now like the creepy guy in my neighborhood just showing up like, hey, especially during the pandemic when like no one wanted to see you. or be near you.

I just show up with food from my kitchen that I made with my hands. I can imagine how much of it just went into the garbage. So I make so much of it that it actually kind of fits. But the scheduling of it is definitely a thing. Like, I have to think like two days ahead of like when I have to show up with the bread. Wow. Yeah. It's pretty much it's, it's, I used to be a comedian.

Were you? this into it before the pandemic? Yeah, yeah. I learned how to do it like around six years ago. Okay. I started really getting into it. And then the pandemic hit and it was like when, when all of a sudden,

everybody else discovers the band that you've loved. Right. Since junior high. Like, have you heard sourdough? They're so good. And you're like, I fucking grew up with sourdough. What do you think you are? I was there in the beginning of sourdough.

Everyone likes the, them now, sure. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah. So, yeah, so I was into it. And then, and yeah, when Jake, Ellen Hall went on, on the Tonight Show and was like, telling him about sourdough, I was like, you shut your mouth. You don't get to be the face of sourdough.

Yeah, you're the face. You're the perfect face of everything else. Just leave the bread to the ugly people. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure that's how everybody who was, like, big into roller skating. before the pandemic felt where they're like, I've been in roller derby for 10 years

and now everybody's doing tricks at the park. Yeah. Yeah, we gave my daughter roller skates for Christmas. I was like, why? And the answer to all of it is, oh, it's popular on TikTok now. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay.

That's why. Yeah. Like even the Golden Girls are having a revival now from social media. Oh, it's from, is that from social media? Yeah. Wow. I know. It's pretty amazing. It is amazing.

Who, by the way, I have pressed play on a lot of their videos. More on Instagram, I think. But what a solid joke-filled show. I have not watched it. I'll be honest. I have a lot of friends who really like it. Man, oh, man. Just watch the clips on Instagram.

You know, you don't have to be like, because they'll just set it up and tag you with a great joke and then they're out. Two of them are at the table. One walks in. They do the thing, and they're gone. But the jokes are so solid. Oh, wow. So good. I gotta watch that.

Who would be the old men or old broads that you could do a show with now? Like who's the, who's like funny and older? I guess I don't, this is, well, this is a trap because if I call anyone older. Yeah. You know what I mean? Right. Who's older that you'd like to hang? Just say like, who's a veteran or something?

Who's got a lot of wrinkles on their face that can sling a joke or two? Who's been around a long day? time. Who are you surprised in a party game to find out that they're still alive? Well, I feel like there aren't, I mean, as far as like comedians who are like older, older, like I can't think of anybody in like their 70s. I can't think of anybody. No. I think maybe there might be some people in their 60s. It's amazing how few go the distance in comedy. Yeah. Like they'll get into some other, because it's so hard.

Yeah, it's so hard. It's so hard. Like just the physical part of it. Yeah. Just the moving around the country to go do this is a lot. Yeah. Yeah. And once your body starts protesting in whatever way, you're like, oh, how much longer is this going to get bad?

Is my back going to go out? Is it just not going to be a thing I can do? But I mean, you hope that you get successful in it. You almost have to become. famous to go the distance. Like you almost have to be like a legend. You have to be Joan Rivers. Yeah.

So that you can like travel comfortably. I remember in Ray, the Ray Charles, you know, with Jamie Fox. And he was renegotiating his contract. And he said, I just remember that this is the only scene

I remember from the whole thing. And they're talking about his ownership or rights and stuff. And he was like, private jet. He was like, that, that travel will wear you down.

And, I'm paraphrasing, but that was, I was just like, he's right. Like, I just started touring. I was like, he's right. Like, how long can you sit in the middle seat on United and do this? It literally is physically a difference. Oh, so different. I mean, during the pandemic, when I did fly, it was so much cheaper. So I was like, well, I'm going to fly first because in first, on Delta, there was no one next to you. Yeah. Which was basically a private plane. Right. And I was like, oh, this is so different. This is so complete. I don't think I'd ever been first class before that.

Oh, really? This is so different. Yeah, I'd been on like a private jet, but I'd never been on in first class. And I'm like, this is, I could do this. This would be fine every week. Yeah. No kidding. And then you just need your accountant to tell you that you're writing off half anyway.

Yeah. And then you're like, all right, I'll just, I have to. Yeah. It makes such a different. You're literally collapsing your skeleton in on itself. Yeah. For six hours. Yeah.

It's not, it's no way to live. It's no way to live. And I didn't commit to an airline early on because I was dumb and I'm just like, I'm going to fly whatever's cheapest. And I didn't really commit until the last couple years to Delta. And now I'm like, oh, this, I should have been doing this the whole time. This is so much better. Like, and everybody told me and I didn't listen.

For the first 15 years did not. Really? Yeah, I just wanted to, whatever's direct. Just get me there and get me home. I wasn't going to just go with American for three flights to get to these weird. places, you know. Yeah. I didn't do it for a long time. Then you do it. Then you get addicted. Then you're like checking your status 24 hours a day and really like getting motivated. Like I'll take an extra flight. So I'm going to be executive. Well, and that's just another reason to

spend more money. Yeah. I mean, it's a write off and I'll get to diamond faster. Right. Yeah. And then I'll be able to do it. Just have to think of excuses to take care of yourself. It's really sad. I know. Exactly. I know. Exactly. I know I ran into a friend. She was just like, I'm flying first class now. I've just decided. I'm like, do you have the money? No, but this is the way it's going to go. And I'll have to make sacrifices other ways, but I'm not doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Or at least like on long flights or something. That's kind of where I'm at. I'm like, okay, if it's going to be a really long travel day or it's like cross country or whatever or I have to wake up early, like, I also, something I've stopped doing is like, I'm like, okay, we don't take red eyes anymore. And I just fly in the day before. I'll spend the extra money on another hotel night because. Smart. But again, I don't have a family.

There's no stress. I know. But well, who should be taking that flight more? Well, if you have a family, you're like, I want to be home. I want to be home. I'm told, I hear. Word on the street is you want to be home as much as possible. Yeah.

So you'll take the 6 a.m. flight and I'm like, oh, I am not doing that anymore because it'll mess with my sleep and then. I know. You know that you're right. I mean, that's why I did it for so long. And now that my kids are, you know, a little older and they don't really know I'm gone. Right. I literally was coming back from Portland.

And I was like, why am I taking that 6 a.m. flight? And then heading to the airport, you know, the alarms off at 4 and going and doing that first flight. I used to call it the dad flight. Al Madrigal and I called it the dad flight. It was like, just get home before the kids are even up. And it really made sense for a long time. So I took the 1030, 11 o'clock flight. and it was a shit show.

Yeah. The place is packed. Everything's starting to go wrong. The flight coming in is delayed. This stuff never happens at 6 in the morning. I was like, you know what? Even if my family doesn't love me, I'm going to take that early flight just to avoid this nonsense.

Right. That's a good point. I mean, I would rather be busy. I say that, but then every once in a while, like, I think like a couple months ago, I had a flight out of JFK in like the late afternoon. Because I'm like, I'll sleep in, I'll take my time. And of course, it gets delayed until two in the morning when it's finally canceled.

Yeah. And you're just stuck there. And you already drove like two hours from whatever town I was in. And I'm like, okay, in this case, probably should have taken an earlier flight. But this doesn't happen often, right? Right. I know. I know.

I remember talking to Jeff Ross about it early on. And he was like, no, I take like the 2.30, 3 o'clock flight. And I was like, oh, you're living in a total different universe. Yeah. A totally different universe, a different place. Yeah, my buddy, Dustin Nickerson, who features for me, he's like, he's a dad and he's got three kids who are younger, they're young kids. And he always takes like the first flight out. Yeah. And he always asks, like, when are you, when are you flying out? And I'm like, when do you, at like noon?

I know when you're flying out at like six. And I'm like, this is what you get for being a good parent. Like you have to, you get no sleep. So like Saturday night, we're like back at the hotel like 1 a.m. And he's like, all right. I'm. I'm going to go sleep for three. Yeah. I'm like, all right. Like, I know. It's just hard.

It is hard. It is hard. But you're going to be touring a lot coming up this year. Yeah. Or like September, October. Yeah, I mean, I've been in clubs pretty much every weekend. Oh, you have? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is the first one home in a while. Oh, nice. And then, yeah, we've club weekends. I'm in. But like the official tour, like with your fancy poster now and everything. Yes, that's in September. September. That's like September.

we announced September, October, November, December dates, and then like it goes into next year, but we haven't announced those yet for whatever reason. Do you have a name for the tour? Deal with it. Deal with it. Nice. And the posters look great. Thank you.

It looks like you have a lot of great places. It's so funny to me that we're all launching these tours, which comedians never really did in mass. It would be like if you got really successful, there'd be like some tours. but we really just have been on tour. As long as you're a comedian, you're on tour. Like, it never ends. We're not like a band who's like, the summer tour. Yeah.

And it's so funny that we're all naming these tours and going out and releasing all our dates. Yeah. And then it's just going to keep going. Like, at what point do you change the name? Because we're not going to stop. There's going to be no break. I know now people, like, name their club tours. Like, working on it a little bit right now.

It's not done. Yeah. But then it'll be done later. and then that's a different tour. And I'm like, yeah, do we just go back and forth between the two? I just don't want to have to think of any more names. The worst. It's so hard.

It's so hard. What Sigora's, do you remember? I don't remember. Tom Segura, I think, had the best name. Oh, what was it? For this year? Yeah. Was it risque?

Because everybody's like, yeah, maybe. Because everybody's like coming up with these tour names. And I was just like, he always is good with these names. he's so much better at that. Yeah, I don't like coming up with names. Mine's called a family reunion tour. That's good. Yeah, because I felt like,

it's like, because it felt like we're all getting back together and I talk a lot about family. This is kind of like, as I'm saying it, I'm realizing this is like when you have to explain your tattoo. Right. Oh, I wasn't going to explain my tour name at all. I was just going to be like,

and here it's my mom in a heart. Right. Put it together. Whatever you want to take from that. Oh, yeah. Tom Segora, I'm coming everywhere. Oh, that's good. World tour. That's, that's on brand. That is. That's a good one.

I'm coming everywhere. It's good. Yeah, I think Whitney's is like the touch me tour because you can meet people finally. Right. Which makes sense. That's good. Yeah, I can't. But yeah, it is funny just everybody at the same time. I know. With their tour posters. And you could tell, like, everybody's like, oh, we're doing that now.

So, like, everybody starts. I know. When you get tagged in stuff, too, where people are like, I'm going to go see these two people in the same week. Yeah. Thank God people are so ready to go out and do stuff. Fortune and I just, someone called into the radio show and are like, you're both in St. Louis on such and such date. And we're like, oh. The same night?

Same night. Oh, my gosh. That's so funny. Yeah. It is pretty great. It is pretty, it really made me think to how many different audiences. like it's really segmented now. Yeah.

Like there are like it's not like this big wide net, you know? Yeah. There's so many but like there's going to be fans of your tour that won't know my name. Right. And the other way around. Yeah. Right. I mean it's a it's a weird like we're becoming like I don't know like playlists.

Yeah. Well I mean and that's I talk about TikTok too much now but like that's how TikTok. TikTok is where I'm like, I don't know who any of these TikTok stars are, but they have 10 million, they have like 50 million people following them. They're like very famous. And I'm like, I don't know who you are. I have no idea. It's nuts. That's how many people are out there. Yeah. It's so crazy. Yeah. We talked a little bit about TikTok. And my daughter's very unhappy that I'm on it. She's like, that was for us. You don't need you. How was your daughter again?

On TikTok 16. Oh yeah. So it really is for her. Yeah, they really are. Yeah. The key demographic. Yeah. They were like, don't.

And now that I have some numbers on it, they're like, maybe we should do something together. They're like, can you duet us? Dad, let us teach you a dance. Just like one dance. It'll be funny. We'll get the bread involved. Right, exactly. Yeah, we'll put it up.

Oh, man. Yeah, I can't imagine being a teenager with my parents on social media, like on cool social media. My parents are like on Facebook. Right. But, you know, so is everyone. Yeah, you're not running into that. Yeah. How would you feel if you're 16 and you post a hotter picture of you,

glaming it up, showing whatever, and then your grander. grandfather posted flames on it when he saw it. I'd be like, did my cousin take his phone? How do you know where the flames are? I'd be more weirded up by just the emot, knowing that you knew where emojis were. Those were ours. Those are for us. That's really what's happening.

My daughter posted a picture and the grandparents were like, whoa. That's what they post on the feed. That's so brutal. Oh my gosh. My stepmom used to do that on Facebook where she'd write like, I don't know why she likes ellipsies so much, but she'd be like, beautiful daughter dot, dot, dot, dot. And I'm like, this sounds so sarcastic on my profile picture. It's like a selfie. She's like, looking beautiful dot, dot, dot, dot.

I'm like, okay. I know. We had a big debate. Is she allowed to, are you allowed to block your grandmother? from the account? Oh, I think so. You think so? Oh, yeah.

I mean, my grandma has an Instagram with nothing on it. Right. And like, she just checks it. She's like, I just have one. I like checking in on what you guys are doing. And she's fun, but she's fun. Yeah. And then my parents, I think I, I think I might have restricted them.

I don't know if I blocked them or restricted them. They're hardly ever on it. So I'm like, it's fine. They don't use it. But I think I blocked them on Instagram. So I was just like, But it doesn't do anything. You just go to a browser.

But do they? Well, no, your parents don't. The old people don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They see that. They're like, what's happening? I'm thinking like an ex-girlfriend. That's what I'm doing.

You just go to a browser. I'm blocking me for it. It doesn't do anything. Right. No, no. You're talking about old people are like, there's no way they're going to figure out. They probably don't even know.

They're blocked. They're like, she doesn't post as much anymore. I know. I don't think they know it is. They have no idea. That was the debate. That was the debate. Will grandma know if she's blocked?

I don't think so. Probably not. Because they're considering it? Yeah. Yeah. Because there's a definite, there's a definite difference of opinion of what is happening. Oh. When a young girl posts a sexy shot of herself.

Right. my parents think that well the the whole world is going to come stalking her at her house right because she's the only one doing this right and the 16 year olds are like what's wrong with you what are you creeping about on our photos right everybody does this right you know what I mean yeah are they private accounts your daughter's no well yes, but they accept everybody. Oh. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Like, you know, a thousand. That's so stressful. Isn't it? Oh my gosh. And you can't do anything about it because they're too old, right? And I'm in the middle where I see each concern. Yeah.

I know that there's creepos. Yeah, you're like, you should see my DMs. As a performer who can clearly commit. Yeah. It's, you know, and I don't want to be the dad that judges his daughter. I don't want to shame them, which is part of their narrative and they're right, I think. And I knew that even before social media, I just knew I don't want to treat my kids. I don't want to make them feel bad about whatever they're discovering about being a woman. Right. You know, I'm there to protect and advise, be like, you know, but I didn't want it to be, you're wearing shorts, you're a war.

Right. You know what I mean? Which is, which was the way that, you know, girls of my generation were raised that way. Yeah. There was a lot of shame. But then they, I didn't anticipate that they were going to take it to this level where, um, they're like, even you with your cool, I'm not going to shame attitude. Hmm.

Let me push it. Let me, let me show you my, like a, a friend's, you. you know, like a friend of my daughter will post something. Uh-huh. And, you know, there's nothing left to the imagination. Right. And you're like, I don't need to see this. Right.

And they're like, girl power. Right. Yeah. It's complicated. Yeah, that's tough. I mean, as a, this is the kind of stuff that, like, makes me never want to be a parent. Mm-hmm. And hope I changed my mind about having children.

Yeah. Because it is so complicated. I mean, I feel like the, I feel like, you know, you can say like, hey, probably not a good idea to have a public account unless you're trying to be somebody. Like, unless you're trying to do that, it's maybe not necessary to have a public account. I mean, if my family had, if my siblings had public accounts, I'd be upset and they don't even post anything, like, you know, risque or anything.

I'm just like, there's too much information out there. Like, don't just accept, like, anybody. but I also don't know. Maybe they're trying to be internet personalities, in which case you have to be public. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. It's a fine line.

It's like, as you're saying it, I think that they made it private because we said it should be private, but then they're accepting, if you have over 1,200 people in your private account. Right, you probably don't know all those people. Yeah. How many do you really?

That's fair. No. But they're all, I mean, you know, I hate this excuse, but they're all doing it. It isn't. Yeah. And like when you look at the comments on on the posts of her friends or whatever,

it's nothing but support and love from all her friends. You know what I mean? Like they're all like supporting each other and you go girl. Yeah. That's nice. There's no like creepy ones. Yeah. My thing is like they're also very aware of like creepy girl guy stats.

You know, of like how many people. are harassed or what just basically the litany of what bad men behaviors are. Right. So they're like aware. They're not. Yeah. Yeah. And we just keep beating that drum. And they find that information out on their own also from social media actually. Yeah. And some of it's wrong and I let it live as wrong. Like she said, do you know that 99% of all women in the United States have been raped? 99%? 99% which is totally... Isn't it one in four? Isn't it one in four? It's totally inaccurate. Right.

But I went, yeah. You just sort of like, yes, I did. I know. Scary out there. Maybe put your thing on private. You know what I heard? 99% of girls who have their Instagrams on private have nothing but happiness in their lives are safe forever. This is what I heard.

Really? I'm just going to leave whatever misinformation that supports the. Because of you being aware and protecting yourself, I'm all for it. Well, having teenage daughter seems so scary. What were you like at 16? Oh, like severely depressed. Severely depressed? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like to the point where it would scare your parents? Yeah, I think my, I think my dad was like embarrassed. I think he was like embarrassed to have like a kid, let alone multiple with like men. mental health issues. Uh-huh. And so me asking for help was like, sort of like, felt like an attack on him. Uh-huh. And I'm like, I got to see somebody.

I'm, like, having these thoughts and these feelings and whatever. And I think he was scared that he, it was like, if he took me to a therapist, they'd be like, you're a bad parent or something. Right. So, you know, it was rough. It was a rough time. But I was not, I mean, I was in like mock trial and marching band and drama. Like I didn't do anything.

Right. Like ever. But, you know. But you were sad. That was very sad, yeah. So I don't know. Would you rather have someone partying or really sad? Yeah.

It's, you know. Neither. Right. I just kind of want someone cool. Is that too much fast? I wanted to be in the band, but I wanted to have a smile. Yeah. No, it's worrisome.

Like when your kids are, all teenagers are dark at some point. Yeah. And then you're just constantly, you're just aware and like, all right, how dark are we going? Right. Right. It's just like, okay, is this like dark, like teenage dark? Yeah.

You're going to listen to some moody music and just, you know, cry alone for a bit? Yeah. Or are you like, is this getting serious? Right. And yeah. And I remember even, I remember one point, one of them saying, making some comment, I forget what it was and just something like, I'm not depressed. I was like, oh, good to know. Because it doesn't look like joy right now, but okay.

Like I was like, okay, yeah, really, thank God. Yeah. Yeah. So did they give you help? Did they? I got into therapy adventure, but it had to get pretty scary to like get him there. Like I have a joke about it in my special about like telling my dad I had like suicidal thoughts and him just being like, go ahead and kill yourself because he thought I was being dramatic.

Oh no. For like, as far as you're like, how dark? are we getting? And I talked and how later on in life I was like, do you remember doing that? And he was like, oh yeah, I remember that? And I'm like, really? Like, here I am as an adult on like mood stabilizers where I'm like, remember when you told me that if I took antidepressants, I was weak?

Like, remember that? And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember. And I'm like, God, I talk to a girl because I do jokes about like medication and depression and all these things now on stage. And I asked people what they're on. And I talked to a girl who was on the same thing as me in, uh, I think I was in Denver, and she's just in the front. She looks great.

She's got a boyfriend with her. And I was like, how long have you been on it? And she was like, three years. I was like, how old are you? She's like, 25. And I was like, whew. Really wish I'd been on it since I was 22.

Probably wouldn't have ruined as much shit. I think I actually sat on stage. I was like, I'm having, like, I got to just have a minute, guys, because I'm realizing, oh, it could have been like this. I could have been joyful. I could have been like this. But the other side of it is you would have been. in the audience.

Oh, I know, right? Seriously. That's the thing. Yeah, that is the trick. Do you feel like that it, is that true? Is that kind of a thing? Like, do you think it would have changed your path if you had been able to fix yourself? I don't know.

It's hard to talk because I mean, the year that I started like going to therapy and shit got really bad was the same year I started doing stand up when I was 16. So it's like, you know, there's probably some, some degree. of truth and like, oh, you you know, really glommed on to this thing because it was like saving you in a way. But I also was like,

I had horrible stage fright and I didn't think I could do it as a job. So it took me like a few years to really be like, oh, no, I'm going to go for this and like take time off school and stuff. It sounds surprising that you had stage fright because you sound like kind of an artsy kid. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, it's so different.

It's so different to be like, First off, in a band, like there's no stage fright when you're playing in a band. Right, right. In a play. And in a play, you're doing somebody else's lines. Like, it's not you. It's just a character. You're nervous you're going to forget, but you're not like nervous.

Everyone's going to hate you. Right, right. So. Yeah, that's, what a weird thing because it kind of is public therapy for you at that age. Yes. Were you talking about things, real things? Or is it more just making them laugh? Well, I started in like churches and I was probably too sad even for that.

I made a lot of jokes about like being ugly that people didn't like. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, which I just thought I was like hideous and I was like, well, everyone can see. So I should just call it out and it'll be hilarious. And like some of it got too sad. And then I like lost a bunch of weight in like college and then it really didn't work anymore. But yeah, I mean there were definitely times like a really old terrible clip of me from a church where people kept going, aw, and I got really angry.

And I was like, you guys, this is the point. I'm like 18. I'm just like, you guys don't understand. It's like a singles ministry event. They're like, we just kind of came to meet somebody. And you're letting it out. Yeah, and I'm like, here's my bit about not going to prom. Is this anything?

That's funny. Were you poking around in regular clubs at the same time you were doing churches? Like, when did that happen? Not until I was 18 because I couldn't go up anywhere. Right. So, you know, the first whatever, year and a half or something, two years. Yeah. Nothing.

And then I turned 18 and I started doing some clubs in San Diego. Was there freedom in that? Yeah. I think once I started doing clubs, I mean, I was really squeaky clean up until I was like 22, 22 or 23. Yeah. And then at a certain point, I was like, oh, I can talk about different. things, these other places, not even like necessarily like sex jokes, just like darker material. Right.

And like mean or material, more honest material. And I can't do that in church. And I don't know if I'm a Christian and just like all this stuff to a point where I was like, oh, I can't do this anymore. I can't. Right. Like lie to people, basically. Because when you go in there, you're saying, yeah, you're like, I'm a Christian and I'm taking your money as a Christian. Right.

And this is my act everywhere, not just here. Right. And then there's that, yeah, that, I don't forget who that comic was who got in, he had some relationship stuff came out. John Christ, yeah. Yeah. And, and in, you know, in the secular world, it would be nothing really. Yeah.

I don't remember totally being like really heinous stuff, but it didn't matter because the world that he had built his career was a different set of rules. Yeah. And it was like, that's, you know, they, those parameters. are so, so tight. Yeah. You really have to be, if you're not that, and I'm sure not everybody is that, you're pretty, you know, you're going in there and pretending.

Yeah. You can't like drunkenly hook up with audience members who think you're going to marry them because you believe in God. Right. Like that's not going to, and then go pretend to be that person. Yeah. It's just they're not, Christians hate that. Christians aren't down with that.

They just do not like that at all. Yeah. How are your folks with you now? I know you block them on Instagram, but are they with now that you're more successful and like, did they kind of come around? I think they like that I'm successful. But they, you know, they didn't watch my special or anything. Oh, no? So, no.

I don't think they like, they don't like what I do, but they like that I'm good. at it is what I think is the case. Man, I wonder what the... Which is odd. It's like, we like how this looks, you know? Yeah. But we don't, you know. Yeah. It's interesting.

It's my career to my parents is like, I don't know. My career to them is like a boob job where they're like, it looks really great. But we don't support how you got this. What you've done. Yes. We don't appreciate like the nuts of and bowl. bolts of this. Yeah.

But yes, it does look very impressive. We like that our friends are like, you look great. It seems like, I mean, is that a heavy thing to carry? Like, no, like, whatever their judgment is. Like, do you have to, is that, is there a weight to that? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I have other stuff with my parents. So it's, you know, it's like one facet of it.

And there have been periods of my life where I would. was very much like, I'm good with it. It's fine. We just won't talk about it. It's all good. And then there were times that it was really painful and I was trying to talk about it. Yeah. You know, and, you know, it's parents are a pain in the ass. It's, yeah. You get a degree of acceptance. Like, like, you talk about like being like a kid, like, just having your own whatever biological things and you're like feeling sad and need to go talk to people, you know, just figure out your life. And now at this age, it's like a facet of that is actually those. Like your parents.

Like, you're still like carry, you know, I know people in my family whose parents are very old. And they're, you know, getting up there in age as the sons and daughters. And they're still like carrying the weight of what their parents think of them. Yeah. It's such a, it really, it's a profound amount of power that you have as a parent. And to do anything other than just lean in and be like, I love you, I love you, I love you. you discipline them, but it really should just come from that. Even if you don't believe it, just pretend.

Right. Really? Just pretend that you like the boob job and go with it because you're only creating trouble if you don't. Yeah, and it's, I'm fine. I've made peace with the fact that they like don't like my comedy because I'm like, you know what? If I saw two middle-aged white people walking out of my show because I said dick too many times, I probably wouldn't be that offended. I'd be like, yeah, I'm not your thing. Like, I'm not, we don't have the same taste and stuff. I don't even like the shows they like.

So, like, it's fine. It's not personal. I'm just not their cup of tea. It's, it's more so other stuff where you're like, really? You can't just like, you know, just get over yourself and like, be my parent, you know? Exactly. Really? Yeah.

Just take yourself out. That's a great way to put it. Just take you and your dumb self out of it. Yeah. I think the best parents are the ones who can like be. ego list or like at least put it aside. And if you have a problem with ego, I think it makes it really difficult to be a good present parent.

Right, right. Do you eat anything today? Did I what? Eat anything today? I did, yeah. What'd you have? I made, uh, I made zucchini and potato tacos with avocado.

Really? Yeah. Wow. I'm trying to see if I can do the vegan thing. You are? I'm trying, but. You are. I don't know.

How long have you been doing? doing it. I mean, just it's, I never do red meat and I don't do dairy really. And so like every once in a while I go through these phases, usually when something's medically wrong with me, I'm like, I guess I should probably try veganism, you know, because that's what all my vegan friends are like, you know, I stopped getting allergies. And I'm like, okay, well, it's going to fix everything. And that's something that pops up on TikTok all the time is these like chefs who are like, you know, grading, whatever. And they're like, I healed my autoimmune disease. And I'm like, I healed my autoimmune disease with leaves and things for my garden. And I'm like, that's great for you. I'm on a

southwest flight next week going to Kansas City or like wherever. Like I was in Appleton, Wisconsin last week. I'm like, how are you a vegan in Appleton, Wisconsin? Opening up a can of corn. There's no way. There's no way. So we're trying it. We're going to see. But I'm, it's just so hard. I'm trying to not do like every time I quit caffeine for a little bit, I'm like, this is definitely better. Like, I sleep better and I, you know, I just, I feel better and my anxiety is less. And then you just have, like, one day that you're like, I'll just have it before the show. And you're just right back in it. I know.

I really was walking around the house the other day. And I was like, like at seven at night, like, just crank. Like a little tense. I was like, oh, well, maybe I shouldn't have the two cups of coffee in the morning and then the espresso. Yeah. at three. Yeah. You know, you're just on edge.

It's like a bad like commercial from the 50s or something. You're just like, you're another cup of coffee. And it's like, it really, you're just in a mood. Yeah. And it literally came from that from the thing that I love. Yeah. Well, and if I now not having caffeine, I'll have a horrible splitting headache. But if I have too much, I'll also get a migraine.

So you're like, yeah. So I have to just hit the mark perfectly. I know. Every day. So I'm like, I should just not even mess with this probably. Yeah. Well, this bread is vegan friendly. Is it really?

Mm-hmm. Oh, nice. Look at that. There's nothing in that flower, water, salt, and yeast. Oh, my gosh. Okay, I'm so glad I was going to text a friend of mine maybe and be like, and now I don't have to. No, you don't have to. No, you don't have to text her beforehand.

Yeah. And I would have had been like bread redacted. Do you have the vegan, what's the vegan butter? Yes. What's the, the, yellow? Yes. Yes, the square. That's a good one.

I don't even know. They have a bunch of them. Yeah. It's really good, though. It's great. I know. Yeah. Yeah, no, you'll be fine.

Oh, that's amazing. I'm so excited. It's also good with cream cheese and sardines on it. Ooh. Cight Hill has a really good non-dairy cream cheese. If you live in L.A., it's really so fine. I know. Doing non-dairy options and stuff.

Yeah, 100%. We had a barbecue on the 4th of July, and it was like, Like, there's a hefty part of this cooler that's just veggie dogs and veggie burgers and all the rest of it. Yeah. Veganaze, great. Yeah. Really good. If you want to keep your Wisconsin roots of being someone that loves mayonnaise.

I just watched, there's a new documentary on Dick Gregory, a great comedian from the 50s and civil rights leader pretty much as a comic. And it's on Showtime. Oh, okay. I just talked with the filmmakers. and I didn't realize Dick Gregory went vegan. Oh. He was like really heavy and same story. Like cured everything.

I know. Hadn't been on a prescription. Him and his wife just from eating the right way. Yeah. That's like the answer to everything. And you're just like, but I don't want to. But I don't want to though. It's a hard.

But yes, so many people. I mean, Kelsey, Kelsey and Delaney both went vegan. Delaney went vegan first. Right. And then we were both kind of like, mm-hmm. And then Kelsey finally went vegan. And Kelsey's like, I mean, my allergies are so much better.

This is great. And I'm like, oh, like, I'm like, I'm already basically vegan except for eggs. Like, so why do I have to do that? Why don't have to go all the way? I don't even know if they cheat very often. They're like, Delaney never cheats. Really? I know that.

And I'm not sure Kelsey does either. Yeah. Which is impressive. The producer of my. radio show was vegan. And he's slowly like dropping things in. We had a chicken, we had a chicken sandwich contest where we always just talk about food so much and we brought in, we ordered like Popeye's Chick-fil-A Burger King and his vegan place. And he just quietly dropped it in, didn't call attention to it. And it was the best chicken sandwich. Popeyes, I think, edged it out. But everybody else was like,

no. This one is it. and he's slowly doing this to us. I know. Well, it's hard because even if you don't want to eat, like, super clean, you can still be vegan and, like, have everything you want. If you just want to do it for, like, moral reasons. Yeah. I know.

I don't have that. I don't have that either. I wish I did. Delaney has it for moral reasons. Yeah. And I think Kelsey and I were more, like, let me make our skin clearer. Will I be prettier? I mean, yeah, environment, for sure.

but also natural glow. All right, I want to make sure you get out of here on time because I know you've got some appointments to get to. But will you come back? I would love to come back. All right, cool. This is so nice. This is a lovely setup.

This is a lovely setup. This is like relaxing. I know. This felt like a break. Good, good. So many podcasts feel like an obligation and this was like. I know. We'll spread the word because I don't want it to be an obligation.

This is lovely. You tell me whoever I need to text. All right. And next time somebody tries to reschedule like I did. Yeah. And if you live around here, next time we should do it at the end of the day. Do you drink? I don't drink.

Oh, okay. Or drink coffee. But I could still, I would still eat bread at the end of the day. We could just eat a bunch of stuff. Yeah. All right, cool. That would be great. Are you kidding me?

We could eat a bunch of vegan places around here. Yeah. Eat a bunch of vegan taste test. That sounds fun. Yeah. We should include it. There should be, you know, I'm always talking about. everything that's so far from being a vegan.

Like guanchale to make to make Carbonara, which is literally like pig's cheeks. Oh my gosh. And it's like, yeah, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's welcome all. All right, well, thanks for being here. Thank you so much. Aaron, we're done.

Get on it. Okay. Now it's time for a quick bite with my good friend Stavros Halkius. This is an action pack show, jam packed. Stavros is a very funny comedian. I can't believe he makes me do this, but he is a host of a podcast called Comtown. I'm only going to say it once. It's very popular. He's very funny. It's just young guys being really funny. And he's a great stand-up comedian. He opened for me. I don't know even where we met, but I brought him on the road with me, and he always does a great job. And this was

the first time we spoke in quite some time. You'll find out why when you hear the comment conversation. He's on his way to Greece. He is Greek and he made me, after this phone call, want to pack my bags and go to Greece. I actually told my wife next summer, it is Sicily and Greece, and we're going to hook up with Stavros. You'll know when you hear it. His mom sends me Greek cookies every Christmas and he loves food. He loves comedy. He's perfect to check in with. My good friend, enjoy a quick bite with Stavros. Halkeos. Stavros.

Tommy. What's going on? I haven't seen you or heard of you in so long. I know. I feel like we, I feel like this is like when immigrants moved to the old country or from the old country. I feel like this pandemic has separated us by like an ocean in the 1800s. And we have fond memories.

I'm like, I remember my mom. I will see my brother again. Yeah. I will see my brother one more time before the sun sets. I will see my brother. Yeah. And I realized looking for your number that I think I had sent a thank you text to you for your mother's Greek Christmas cookies to the wrong number. The wrong number.

That's put that some poor woman in Baltimore has gotten thank you text. gotten like, you know, harassing messages from other comedians. And it's like, I've had friends of mine that are like, I told that number to, I told them to go fuck themselves because they thought I was ignoring them. I had friends of mine be like, oh, I had written you off as a friend. I had, they were like, I thought you just blew me off for three months. And I was like, no, man, I'm sorry. I changed my number.

I have a toxic fan base that got a hold of my cell phone number and I had to change it. Hilarious. Yeah. Well, I miss you, buddy, and I've been watching that you've been running around back doing shows and all that, and that's all great and grand, and your podcast is going amazing, and that's super cool, and I see your Instagram is still delightful as ever. That's right. But, more importantly, more importantly, I am calling you, as I am cooking a giant Italian meal for 12 people that are coming over, I have two different, two different. sauces and I've got a lemon pasta and I've got like a baked ziti kind of thing going on. What are you doing to me? It's going insane. But you are actually packing and going to grease. That's right. You're going to

just eat your face off. Oh, I can't wait. I'm about to live just like the peasant fisherman's dream of just like all day on the on the beach and then just walking to the restaurant that's literally with like plastic tables on the sand. I'm just going to tell him, bring me whatever you caught this morning. Oh my God. I'm just going to live 10 days. This is one of those vacations where I was like, I'm not making a plan. I'm not doing anything.

I have my buddy. My roommate is also a Greek. We're, you know, we're old friends. And so when we were, you know, we were totally broke. We used to go to Greece together because it was like, I'll stay with your family half the time. You'll stay with my family and we'll just not pay for anything. And this vacation materialized because his family just had like an empty house that his uncle wasn't going to be in for a month on like the beach, right?

Like in mainland Greece, you know, right on the coast about like an hour and a half from Athens. And I wasn't going to go because I was like, you know, I'm trying, you know, we've all been touring took a hit. So I figured I got to be on the road. I can't really miss any. And then he was like, I have a place for you to stay. just like and I was like you know what yeah I can wait I can do I can do one I can skip Magubi's joke house in August and I can go to I can go to Greece for for 10 days instead oh man I really was just feeling the other day that we should be doing more of that anyway and I

feel like the pandemic kind of kind of jostled us a little bit where for sure maybe we do live a little bit more like the Europeans and actually enjoy a summer oh dude absolutely That's the one thing, because I think stand-ups, I don't know how it happened that a bunch of people who didn't want real jobs started treating their fake art form as if it were the most serious thing in the world. But I feel like in the last like 10 years since I started doing, like, I've been doing stand-up, you know, 13 years. And I feel like most of it towards like in the beginning, you know, you're an open mic or it's fun. But I feel like once it got serious, there's like this hustle culture that somehow pervaded stand-up comedy of all things. I know. Where it was like, you can't take a night off. You can't do this. It's like, you can get, you know, absolutely fucked up right after you can stand up. And you

have to lay in bed for 11 hours until the next show. That's productivity. But God forbid, you take a day off and like take a hike and like see a friend or something. And so that's what, dude, I'm in the exact same way as you where I'm like, yeah, I'm really excited to do this tour. Because, you know, it's been a while. And I also, like, I was going to, I was going to record a half hour literally May 2020. So I had all this material that I want gone. And since then, and now it's like a year later, that material, it's like, I just have about, I'm going to, so I've decided I'm going to do an hour special at the end of this tour after I figured out exactly what I want to do. Because, you know, I've been doing set up so long and I never really, I have won five minutes set out on Comedy Central.

I never really recorded. Yeah, yeah. So I figure out. do that and then exactly what you're saying I kind of have this daydream of like disappearing into like the woods for like a month and just like hike and just like working on some

long term projects and also you know the pandemic it shows you how unhealthy our lifestyles are because I am most people struggled so hard and there were obviously things that were difficult for me too but my mental health was better in the pandemic

because it was like I was getting I was sleeping I was sleeping I had a normal human being sleep schedule. I wasn't like, you know, my dinner wasn't like whatever the bodega had at 2 a.m. after doing spots or like halal card or something like that. It was like I had, things were actually going well for me. How was? And I figured, why not?

Like, there's no reason I have to live like this constantly. Yeah, no, I know. I mean, I guarantee you whatever you record, whenever you do it, it's going to be so much better because you spent 10 days in Greece enjoying your life. I guarantee it you're going to be richer. What will you eat? Wouldn't you say like this guy just give me whatever you caught? Like what would make you the most happy in your little speedo walking back with your sandals?

You know it's a speedo. You know we got to get these milky white thighs golden brown. Absolutely. Don't you dare to wear boards. George. I have to know. Are you kidding me? It will chase me out of the country.

They'll revoke my dual citizenship. I, yes, I would love nothing more than to describe this meal to you. My absolute favorite one of those like, you know, seaside meals is, first of all, a Greek salad, just the classic tomatoes, you know, tomato, red onion, green pepper, cucumber, the best, highest quality olive oil, oregano. No, boy. what I love about the, like, eating in Greece, it's like the meal is simple. It's just everything is the absolute best version of it. Right. So it's like, I'm not, I'm not a, you know, we were on the road for years together.

Tommy, I'm not what you call a vegetables guy. No. I'm not. I think I saw it once. Yeah. There was one point where you sort of like forced me to eat a salad out of like general well-being. and but when I'm in Greece it's like these tomatoes you could eat these tomatoes like an apple you know

it's just like so flavorful and so incredible so it's just like every meal starts with one of those salads without question and then and and then my absolute favorite is just a fried calamari because oh yeah because and the way they fried is like super light pan fried it's not like deep fried the breading is like nothing you're mostly just tasting the and it's like the freshest just like it's a flavor of squid that I just straight up do not like if I go to a fish market and get like wild caught it tastes like maybe a third as good as like literally any restaurant that I go to like in Greece on the water. Oh my God. And then, you know, like a hand cut for a fry that like some old woman in all black that's been mourning her husband since the 70s still has to wear still has to wear like wool black in the summertime. cheese hand cut this potato and it's like it shouldn't it's the weirdest shape you've ever seen they're all but it's like

delicious and not to just the best and then uh zadziki of course is the best greek sauce that's just like greek yogurt olive oil garlic garlic sauce and then you know i would say i would say that is like the base meal for me and then it's like we can if we want to get crazy out a little bit you know maybe they might have like a lamb chop on special or a suvrily You're like some kind of, you know, other beef thing. And then, but that's the like, keep it light. You've been swimming. Right.

And then it's like, if you really want to go crazy, you can absolutely, like, the grilled meats, too, are the same way. Where I'm saying the quality is just out of control. Just in pain. Just like some goat that was buying that day, you can eat his chops that night. And it's like, you know, he just, you know, he just, you know, we're just. His wife is still producing milk for the family. And you're munching on his hind of course, uh, quarters. Oh my God.

I mean, it's just, that's what's the best where it's like. Yeah. And I will say my family, my family in Greece, you know, they're, you know, hysterical, just like, you know, eccentric Greek people. And it's like, you know, they're not, I had a realization when I started going as an adult, not with my family. I always thought Greek people are so rude. They're so vulgar.

So whatever. And then I met my friend's family. And I was like, oh, it's my family. It's not all Greek. It's not the culture that everyone's rude and calls me, you a little fat homo. Literally, that's what my aunt, when I went to see her, the first thing she says to me was like, greets me for the first time in like eight years. She's like, you want, you want meatballs, you fat homo? That's her hello, this little 4-11 also. be a Greek woman, by the way. She's not keeping it tight. Right.

That's how she greets me. That's so great. And so, but what I will give them credit for above all else, the thing that bonds our family is they know every place to eat. Like anywhere in Greece, it's insane. They're like, we'll be going on a random road trip, and they're like, no, we have to take this exit to get dinner here. They're like, oh, if we're going here 45 minutes away is the

best, you know, whatever they know, and so, you know, they might get a little annoying. They don't really understand what stand-up comedy is. They keep telling me to get a real job. Sure. They're completely unsupportive in every possible way. But you can, when the food hits and you're tuning them out, it's just Charlie Brown's teacher's voice and you're having the best, you're having the best octopus you've ever had in your life.

You're like, oh, my God. Makes it worth it. Man, this is really making me upset that I was calling the wrong night. number for a year. I could muscle my way into this trip. Oh, absolutely. We got to set up some, and that's the other thing. I was going to go, I had a, I had a England, London, I had a London, Dublin, and then I was

going to try and get Amsterdam. I was going to do like a European tour last year, too. And I'm going to, I'm going to be, I'm going to find a way to sneak grease in. I don't know how many people, you know, who cares. It doesn't matter. I'll do, I won't, but just a nice, getting some kind of European tour just for the experience would be worth it for sure. Everyone thinks I'm Greek anyway, so I'll open. That's right.

Absolutely. Yeah. And my mom thought you were Greek for years. I know. That's why I get the Christmas cookies. She was disappointed when I had to break it to her. She's like, oh. I did notice that the tin got a little smaller.

TIN got a little smaller when she realized it wasn't Pappas. It was Tom Papa, not Tom Pappas. It's hilarious. All right, buddy. We'll have a great, great trip. And let me know when you come back now that we've got our numbers back in sync. I'd love to. And I might be in L.A. actually, for a few days.

Oh, that'd be perfect. You come and sit and sit at the table and do the proper podcast. That'd be great. I would love to, yeah. This is my audition. This is my guest spot. I'm still doing podcast guest spots. Yeah, no, I think you passed.

Samarelle said, if I know. knew if I knew my spot on the podcast was called Quickbite, I wouldn't have done it. Yeah. How far our egos go, even on podcast? Even on podcasts. Even on podcasts. It's much easier to just do it over the phone. But hey, what the hell?

I'm headlining this podcast. Yeah, no, this is a dream. All right, buddy. All right, kids, that's the big show. Thank you to Taylor Tomlinson. Thank you to Stavros Halkius. all of you. Make sure you like and subscribe and do all that good stuff. Give us lots of stars. Tell your friends. You know, as I'm touring around, I get to talk to a lot of people and I can

feel the community for this podcast growing and it makes me very, very happy. So anything you can do to spread the word is great. And keep your food suggestions coming. I have a lot of people recommending a lot of things, which is going to be great to tell my doctor of why I have high diabetes. All right, you guys are the best. We'll see you next time.