Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 73 - Ian Bagg

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

Tom is joined by one of his very first comedian pals, the mighty Canadian comedian Ian Bagg! They return to the days in New York when they were new comics living the life one diner at a time.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, it's how we go. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey. Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I'm Tom Papa. Thank you so much for being here at the table once again.

We have a great show for you today. This one is really special. This is my good friend Ian Bagg, hilarious comedian. He did a quick bite on an earlier episode. of our podcast. And I just love him so much. We've so much history. He was literally from the very beginning of me being a stand-up comic. And we lived around the corner from each other in New York on the Upper East Side. He's such a special guy. And we have such a great conversation. And you'll see all the history that comes out of it. And he grew up like way up northern Canada in this

tiny, tiny little place. And I think that really adds to. what makes him so special. He just has a different perspective on the world. He's such a great guy and he's such a great friend and, you know, but we kind of lost touch in the every day because of our busy lives. So it's so great to welcome him back and rekindle our friendship and share these amazing stories with you. It's going to be great. I'd like to thank the good people at Talkspace. Talk space, whether you need support through the end of the year or help starting the new year strong talk space online therapy can help you get matched with a licensed therapist at talkspace.com and you get $100 off your first month with the promo code Papa. We all need someone to talk to now and again.

We all need some help and some guidance and just to just to vent things out wherever you're at, whether even you're feeling healthy. Sometimes you just want to work through some problems. There's a great service. Talkspace. Go to talkspace.com. Get $100.00. off your first month with the promo code, Papa. Okay, so we had a, uh, on my way here, I baked bread for Ian, of course. When we were together in New York, we were eating bread, but then he lost a whole bunch of weight by not eating bread at all. And, uh, I went into this thinking, okay, he'll accept my bread as a gesture, but will he enjoy it? Will he just give it to his wife? What's going to happen. Where is he at? And I'll give you a little spoiler because we just wrapped the conversation.

He's back on bread. He's back on bread. And when you go back on bread, you're just enjoying your life a little bit more. And it was really nice. I got to make it, I came back from my shows in Boise and Spokane. Thank you for all you that came out to those theater shows. So great, so fun. Everyone was safe doing the right thing. We had such great laughs, two great theaters, the Egyptian in Boise and the Bing Crosby Theater in Spokane. And it was just tremendous time. And it's such a great thing doing this podcast because you know you're going to see your friend who's ever coming to join us at the table on whatever day, say Wednesday. And I fly in on Sunday. You've got to rally and get the bread fed, the sourdough starter fed, and get the whole process good. And get the whole process

going so you can time it out so you can have fresh bread for your friend and knowing yeah i know this sounds kind of corny but when you're making stuff just for yourself that's one thing but when you're making it for other people that's another thing and when you're making it for people that you really care about and you know uh will be grateful to get it or they've had your stuff before and they'll be looking forward to getting more of it there is a little you're putting a little bit more of a vibe into it, not intentionally, but you're just your mind and your preparation and everything that you're doing when you're preparing. And I'm sure you do this in your life with everything. I mean, even more than cooking. If you're just preparing your place

for somebody that's coming by or you just, there's a little more thoughtfulness going into all of it. So when I knew that Ian was going to be spending some time with us and that I was making these starting two days ago with him in mind. And you also don't want to screw it up. You also want to make sure that you don't blow it. So last night when I was putting it into the fridge for its final proofing, it's after you've created the dough and after you've shaped it and you put it in its little baskets and you put it into the fridge, I was writing in my office and I let it go a little too long. So I was nervous that this morning when I was baking it that maybe it wasn't going to succeed and there'd be nothing worse than coming in after seeing an old friend and be like,

I give bread to everybody and I blew it. I mean, psychologically, that would say something also, wouldn't it? But it turned out great. I was so happy to give it to him, and he was so happy to receive it. And we got to go down, talk about a lot of great things and go down memory lane a lot and talk about our early days in comedy and how we were making our way. Great guy, great conversation. He's a hilarious, hilarious.

hilarious comedian. Make sure you go to Ianbagg.com and look up all of his dates. He's also a host of The Sword and Scale Rewind podcast, a great podcast, which I'm going to go do in a couple of weeks. Just one of the just naturally funny human beings. He's just one of those guys that has always just got a childlike amusement and viewpoint on the world. world and he's just so fun to be around and as you'll see in this conversation. So enjoy, Ian Bagg. Thanks for being here, Ian. Thanks for having me, Tom. Thanks for doing the quick bite. Last time I talked to you, I was in an airport and called you. Was that in an airport? Yeah, I was in an

airport in Dallas. So there's the thing. This is called breaking bread. And you know, I've been baking a lot of bread and I made bread for you. There's a beautiful loaf of bread in here for you. But as I was making it, I was like, Ian, sometimes, you know, I've been baking a lot of bread. And I'm made bread for you. I'm But as I was making it, I was like, Ian sometimes swears off all bread. Sometimes. Not right now. Not right now. Okay.

I didn't know where you were at. Because you went hardcore for a while and lost a lot of weight. And then I said, let's put it all back on. That seems like the wiser decision. Yeah, it's way more fun in life. It really is. It's hard to find an equal, right? Yeah.

You're either, but I find when you try to be good, that's when everybody comes into your life and wants to do things. A hundred percent. Yeah. Let's go meet for lunch. Yeah. Just that. Just let's go meet for lunch or let's meet for a drink.

Yeah. Come on, try it. Let's do it. Yeah. All right. Everybody, yeah. You really have to swear off everything and everybody. You can't.

So you either have a social life or you don't have a social life. Right. That's how life is. Right. And if you gain weight easily, just the way it is. Just thinking about that, Brad. I can feel my butt cheeks growing right now. I'm going to show you what it looks like.

I'm proud of it. So I bake these sourdough loaves. This is a country loaf. This has got a... Oh, wow. Yeah, that's yours. Do you do that in a wood oven or a normal oven? I do it in a normal oven in a Dutch oven.

So it's those... That's when you hold your wife on it. When you hold your wife under the covers. It's a Dutch oven, so it's like this... It's like a pot with a lid. So you put that in when it's dough, and you spray it with water and put the lid on it. So you get steam. That's how you get the outside.

Is it tough to give it away? The bread? Yeah. No, because I make two at a time. Okay, okay, there it go. Because I would think it would be tough if you only made one to not know how it is. Right, exactly. I've been doing it long enough where I know what it is.

Like I know when I take, like the first step is it's in the Dutch oven in the oven. And after 20 minutes, you take the lid off and lower the temperature and then put it back in. and then after 15 minutes of that, then you take it out of the Dutch oven and put it in on its own. When I pull it out, I'll even go back. When I'm taking it from the basket where it's been proofing for like 12 hours,

when I take it the cover off of that and turn it upside down on the parchment paper, I know if it's going to be good or not. If it's together and it's like a little chubby ball, it's like, it's going to be great. If it starts to spread out quickly, you're like, uh-oh, this may not have shaped well, and it may end up flat. Can I ask you a weird question?

Yeah. When did parchment paper come into your life? I had, my aunt Josephine, Cynthia, my wife, Cynthia, is a really good, is a really good baker. Oh, really? She bakes like cookies and cakes and those kind of things. and she was talking about it with my Aunt Josephine, and my Aunt Josephine said something to the effect of,

a home isn't really a home unless it has parchment paper. Really? Like if you're baking, like if you have parchment paper, that means you're baking. Yeah, that means you know. Yeah, yeah, because I learned from my wife. We had a huge argument in a store about wax paper and parchment paper. Oh, really?

It is the same thing. And she's like, it is not. Yeah, so. Yeah, so it really, so, yeah, so parchment paper is, uh, is my thing now. So this came out great. Very classy. Yeah. And I was, but as, as soon as I did it, I was like, let me stop at the Italian market and get in some.

Oh, he went. Salami and cheeses in case he's going all. How about cheese and bread? That's, uh, that's insane right there. Cheese bread and wine. Oh, what kind of wine do you like? Bread. A lot of French wines.

Hmm. A lot of Italians, burros. This is a salami with truffle. How do you like that? That's expensive. You've really picked up. You're an old friend. You've picked up the paste.

So when we were talking about, on the QuickBite, when you called him, is that good? Yeah, and there's some Pellegrino for him. You grew up, just to remind our listeners, if they missed the QuickBite last time. You grew up. I grew up in three years. I love how you describe where you.

you grew up. You go to Vancouver and then drive to Prince George. 18 hours, no, 14 hours to Prince George. North. Just do north. Yeah. Take a, take a right at Prince George. Go another eight hours to Prince Rupert and then come back an hour and that's terrace. Because it's so small, you just fly through it, you know, like, oh. Right. It's so far. It's so up there. It sounds so great. You've been on those cruise ships before they go up to Alaska, right? But didn't you go? Didn't you go as a family? I went to Alaska.

Not on a cruise, though. Back in the day, right? Back in the day, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went to, um, right out of college, I went to Alaska and hike through Denali and stuff. And then hung out in Seward, which is like this big, like bay, like up there. Did you hang out in Ketchikan?

I don't know. Which is kind of long that panhandled. Okay. And that's where, no, I didn't. That's where I grew up. that area. Oh, okay. So Ketchikan was the closest American town to us.

Got it. Yeah. Got it. And what was your mom cooking for you when you were a little laugh? My mom was a horrible cook. She would try things and they would never turn out. She had all these dreams of grandeur and they would just never go. I remember the biggest one was she wanted to have a turkey for one Christmas,

but she wanted to make it easier because we're having people come over. She didn't want any bones in the turkey. Oh, no. So she had a debone, and it was just like, it was just a flat turkey. But it still had, she put left the legs in it, right? That was the funny part. So it was like this flat thing with legs on it, like, look like the front of an old motorbike. But she tried that.

And you all had to act like it was a, wow, this is wonderful, mom. A road killed turkey. Yeah, it was, we'd tease her about that. And my mom worked weird shift hours, too. She was a nurse. And sometimes she would, she would just get up and make us lunches that were so weird. My mom was from Australia originally. So she'd, she'd just throw baked beans onto bread.

Ooh, that doesn't sound bad. Not when you're, not when you're eight. You know what I mean? Right. Everybody else, you're like, dribble, dribble, right? That was like your sandwich at lunch. Yeah. And then she goes, it's an Australian recipe.

So we tell everybody was Australian and was like, and then you ask your grandfather, no. I never heard of that. Who'd put beans on bread? She's goofy. But funny enough, my grandfather was a baker. Oh, really? Yeah, they had bakeries and stuff like that.

Where? In north, a place called Cough's Harbor in New South Wales and in Australia. Ah. Wow. Was he still there when you were a kid? Yep. So you would visit? Yep.

And then they moved to Sydney. So when we would go to Sydney, and then my uncle took over the bakery and had the bakery up there. Oh, do you remember the bakery? Yeah, I remember this huge. So the house was at front. They had a shop that was the bakery. And then they had this huge bakery in the back. Wow.

Yeah, I'd go in there and there'd be guys working all night. Yeah. It was stupid because they'd make, you know, like the sweets and stuff. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. That was good. Yeah.

We were not off sugar at that point. Oh, God, as a kid, that it'd be amazing. So good. Just the smells alone. And I remember my cousins weren't, like, you should be very excited about this. And they weren't. Yeah. Because they grew up in it.

They don't even smell it anymore. And then my uncle sold the bakery and started a tomato farm. Wow. Which was weird to me because I'm pretty sure it was a pot farm. Like that. Oh, really? Yeah. What made you think that?

A lot of the tomatoes didn't have tomatoes on them. And looking back at just being that age, I'm like, oh, that was pot. Yeah. It was just stems. That's hilarious. Pick every fourth plant. But they were funny. He was, he became, uh, my, my uncle became a, uh, I don't know, alderman or something like that.

He's on the city government and he used to cause trouble all the time. Oh, really? Yeah, he, I know this is probably terrible and you shouldn't talk about it, but he was driving home one night from something, and there was a booze bus where they're checking everybody to breathe, and he just pulled into somebody's... House? Yeah, I said, I'm John Bertoli, I'm your alderman.

I want to talk to you about some things that had been going on. Sat down and talk with him, and then when those drugs drove away, got up and drove. That's pretty brilliant. Pretty smart, right? Yeah, that's great. Honey, I'm home. Yeah.

Did you go down there a lot? When I was a kid, I think we went four times. Okay. Yeah, it was so far because we had to get to Vancouver. That was the first job. There was two days. And then when we go from Vancouver, we had to get to Australia. Right.

Did you feel, like, at what point you're a little kid and you're just running around up there? At what point did you get out and realize, Oh, we live kind of off the beaten path. Probably when it was about 11. We went to Australia and I remember going, there's a lot more to the world than going to my grandparents in Canada, you know. It was the normal trip. Which was, yeah, not that far.

I remember that was the first time that a McDonald's registered to me. Because when we were in Vancouver, there was this McDonald's and I had a playland. And I remember driving, we were driving to the airport and seeing it. And I'm like, I wonder what goes on. Sounds like it's fantastic. It's a playland. Like, just being so, oh, my goodness.

You get food and you play. Because we didn't have McDonald's until I was 17, I think. What was the town? Like, how many, like, if you didn't have McDonald's, was there any place to eat? Yeah, we had a dairy queen, which is way better than McDonald's. Like, not. Yeah. But when your kid, it's just like, this is stupid dairy queen.

Right. Right. So, and then, uh, right. A and W was there. Uh-huh. Which is,

that's pretty good. Yeah. So we had two, we had two chain like fast food places. Right. And then everything else was kind of mom-a-pop. Right. So was there a lot,

there must have been a good number of people if they're putting a couple chains up there. Uh, 10,000 people. Uh-huh. So, but it's 10,000. And then as soon as you get five feet out the door, there's nobody for two hours. Right.

It's not like down here where it's 10,000, then another 10,000, then 50,000. Right. Does it feel at that? So before you're 11 and before you go see the world, does it feel like, oh, we live in the wilderness? No, just what it is. Just what it is, right?

Yeah. You don't know. You see things on TV and you don't understand why you don't get them. Because there was a lot of that. But we also got American TV. So when I was a kid, we got two Canadian television stations and three American television stations. Right.

Isn't that amazing? Yeah, I know. Five stations. Five stations, and we loved it. But we would see the American stations, and they would have stuff, like cereals. You'd see cereals. And then you'd go to the grocery store, no, we don't have that, you know. Right.

And then you'd find out they weren't even in Canada. It wasn't just because where you lived. Yeah. I remember trying grape nuts for the first time. I remember seeing grape nuts, a commercial for grape nuts. They did have a big campaign when we were kids. Yeah, and I was just like, it's going to be awesome. And then we get it.

I'm like, oh, no. It's just like, they lied. We got the seeds of the grapes. Is this the Canadian version of grape nuts? We've been ripped off. There is no grapes in this at all. It was just horrible. Oh, my God.

What did your father do? My dad was a heavy-duty mechanic for big equipment. Oh, yeah. So he worked for the Department of Highways, so he put, you know, all that stuff that builds roads. So in the, like, ice road truckers kind of stuff in the winters? Yeah, but we had no ice roads, but they were building roads. all over the place. And in the wintertime, it was to keep the snow off the highways.

Right. Right. But it wasn't like a freeway. It was two lane road. Right. I did a show last year or two years ago, the before times. Before times. In North Dakota, I was in Fargo.

And then I had to go to whatever city was west of that. Why not? By a couple hours. I don't know. I forget where it was. But we finished the show in Fargo. and they came to us backstage and they said, you've got to leave tonight.

Like, no, we've got a hotel. We're staying here in Fargo and then we're going to go in the morning. They're like, no, snow's coming through. And once the snow and the winds, and once that drifts over the two-lane highway, you may not cross for three days. So you're going to have to go right now.

I love that. I love that. You're tired? Doesn't matter. Go. Right, exactly. We just got in the car. Okay.

We got to go. That is crazy. Who was that? Who are you with on that one? I brought Paul Morrissey Nice He's from that kind of weather though Right

He's from Buffalo Yeah So he knows how to get through that Yeah It doesn't bother him so much I remember I went to Aspen for the comedy festival And they had a big snowstorm

Yeah And the improv people were there And they came to me They go Ian we're thinking about driving up Because the planes weren't Getting in We're thinking about driving Sorry we're thinking about driving up

But none of them drove in the snow Will you drive us I'm like all right hilarious just a big old four by four drive and I'm like mohrum

the showbiz LA people in the back we got there before everybody and they're like oh that was crazy that's so great so if your mom

was a bad cook when was the first time you got good food New York really Vancouver when the first moved to Vancouver

so not so you're like heading towards comedy yeah definitely definitely it wasn't It wasn't, yeah, so, yeah. What was dinner? What was dinner on a Ian Bagg High School night? We would have stew a lot.

It was easy to do. Cook for a long time, stay for the week. And I still, to this day, cannot eat roast beef or stew. Oh, really? And my wife loves roast beef. And I'm like, no. Because you just had so much of it? Yeah, and it was, I just hated it.

It wasn't good. I'm like, oh, we should have hamburgers sometimes. So I remember when I went to Vancouver was going out for Italian was big, big, you know. Right. Exciting. Different. Yeah. Yeah.

You must have been, yeah. Your first Italian restaurant had to have been mind blowing. It was. And then you look back on it and you go, oh, that wasn't even good. Right. Yeah. So. That was just somebody using tomatoes.

Yeah. Yeah. It was just some dude that never been. And then you go to Italy and you go to Italy and you go, oh, this is what they're talking about. Right. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's the best part about stand-up is we go to all these places and we get to try things.

And we get to go to places that most people that are just tourists don't get to go. No, exactly. Come hang out with the locals. Right. Yeah, exactly. And you're just like, oh, this is South Africa. So how much of you, is. How much of you are, is in comedy because of the comedy and how much is it because of the food?

That's funny. I'm in life for food. Yeah. It is just, everything about food is fantastic, right? Yeah. Oh, my God. Comedy is just, we're talking not too long ago, me and my friends. And I remember the first time I made Shannon Butler laugh. I was probably in the fourth grade.

And you're still fourth grade, so you're confused by girls. You don't know whether you like. them or hate them. And I just remember her laughing. I'm just like, oh, this is, this is awesome. Yeah, all right. A laugh means she likes me. Yeah, I'm going to be back tomorrow to see her giggle like that. Yeah. And then I remember the fifth grade making a bet, not a bet with myself, a deal with myself that I wasn't going to make anybody laugh. I was going to take school seriously. No. Yeah. And that lasted about two weeks. Because you had gone on such a run of just making people laugh in fourth grade. Yeah, causing all sorts of trouble. And I remember Ricky's story saying,

he goes, well, he goes, what's wrong with you this year? You're so quiet. You literally told yourself. Yeah. Now let's behave. We've got to behave. We got to do it. We're going to get through this. Right. Yeah. And then I was like, this is boring. I don't want this at all. Yeah. What's your name? Yeah. Hello, Shannon. Hey, I'm back. Ian's back. He's here. Yay. It is funny when you realize that you have the skill to be funny and actually, you actually can turn it on and off. Like that recognition is pretty profound when you look back at it.

It's crazy. Right. And I think most of the comics that I know and are friends with have all that talent. Right. Right. There is some paint by numbers out there, you know? But for the most part, the people that I really enjoy being around. of that ability to just make you laugh and pee your pants for no reason, just right?

Right, exactly. Yeah. But then there's also that telecom balance of, but then turn it off. Right. And be like a normal human, like the people that are on too much of just like, Oh, yeah, yeah. Throwing it all at you. Yeah.

While we're checking into the hotel. Yeah, this is an aggressive one on one. Yeah. Does it have to be loud, performative bits? No. It doesn't have to be loud. It just has to be between us. I remember we went to the White House during the Bush years.

Oh, really? For what? I was doing a show. Who's we? Reggie Steele. Reggie Stee opens up for me a lot. I was there at the DC Improv, and this guy came up to me afterwards, and he goes, do you want to go to the White House tomorrow?

And I'm like, yes, I do. We're going over the fence? I'm like, what's going on? Like, how are we doing it? It was like that, and it goes, do you really want to go? And I go, yes. Yeah, I do. And it goes, I'm, I work at the White House. I'm the Marine that it takes care of the president and I can get you in there. What? And I'm like, okay. And then he goes, I'll need your driver's license. And I'm like, huh. Right now? Right now. Okay. Do you want a credit card with that too?

So we took both of our, I just got a copy of our license numbers and put in a quick request for security. And the next day, we went to the White House. Whoa. So we hung out for a bit and then we got taken on a tour by a guy. How do you get to, how do you approach the White House? What do you mean? You go. Think about I were going to your house.

I would just pull into your driveway. Basically the same way, but we walked up. So there's that driveway that you walk out. I'm like, we're going to the White House. And they stop you and say. Yeah, yeah. Look at us and like, why are you guys here? You know, we've borrowed, we've had, I've borrowed clothes from the gap to where, you know,

that I'm going to take back right as soon as we're done the two. A tag on it. These are my going out pants. Basically, these are my one-day pants. So we went there and we were on the tour, but there was another family that came with us. Like my buddy, my friend that I've become friends with, we hung out with him and then he said, go with John and he's going to show you all around like the secret places. Wow. So we went with this, but I was like joking with Reggie and laughing.

And suddenly they had two teenage boys. and suddenly they were like part of our group because we were having so much fun. Oh, really? So it was like we were on a, on a class outing, you know, so it was great. They drifted back with the cool kids and left their parents. Look through this hole. Look through this hole. You can see a guy looking at us with a gun.

It's awesome. It really is hilarious. There's just definitely, I mean, it really is such a simple formula. It's don't take anything seriously. So when you're in it, the more serious a situation, can be, a funeral, a tour of the White House, an elevator that just broke down. You make a joke about it. You release that tension, but most of the world doesn't do that.

Most of the world's panic is fear and anger, and ours, for some unknown reason, is goofiness. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't care who you are, like, what kind of stand-up you do. You can be the darkest person in the world. If you don't enjoy it, like, if you're not enjoying it, you're not enjoying it, you bombing. Right. You know. Right. And if you can, if you're enjoying yourself, yeah,

with you. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Do you still really enjoy it? I love it. Yeah. Yeah. You? Yeah. Completely. I took off last, I took off yesterday, um, because I'd been traveling and then I came back. And I was like putting in my vails for the clubs this week. And I was like, I'm going to leave. That night I'm just going to have off. Uh-huh. I'm not going to, I'll just be around the house. And it was cool. Just. Just. hanging around in the house, but when I woke up in the morning, I was like, I can't go try that joke tonight. Right.

Do you do every night? Do you do when I'm home? I usually go Tuesday through Thursday. If I'm, and then usually on the road. I haven't gotten back to that yet. I'm only doing the comedy store in Largo. I want to just keep it simple. Remember, like, back when we started, it would just be the comic strip.

And then we'd go there every night. And then once in a while, someone would get a spot somewhere else. Right. But it was like, it was simple. It was like, you didn't have to think. You didn't have to think about where you're going, what you're doing, where you're parking. Just go to that club. And I'm just doing that.

Like, I'm just going. I just want to keep it simple. I think, I think that's a brilliant idea. Yeah. I think I'm still, well, I had COVID, so that took me out. And then. Yeah, what happened? Well, I was.

You were vaxed. I was, vaxed. faxed and then I was in Vancouver doing shows and I let my guard down. Does let your guard down mean make out with a local? Yeah, just like, just instantly. Just mad out. Just tongue deep in a pandemic with a stranger. No, it means just getting too close to people.

I knew it. Like, I actually went out for a beer. And for someone raising my head, I'm like, probably shouldn't be here. Right. And sure enough. And funny, my buddy, my buddy lives down here, but he also has a house up there where his family lives. He works down here. It works for a hockey team.

And he flew into Vancouver the same time as I did, came up to the show on the Saturday night, and we both got it. Oh, really? Yeah. So I know I got it at the, where I got it. Right, right. And how did you know that you got it? Well, I tested again because I was going to see my parents. Not because of any symptoms.

Not because of any symptoms. And I was negative. And I stayed with my parents for five days and I had to test again to come back to America. Right. I was negative. I had some sort of kind of like, I was just like woozy. And then I was going to Pittsburgh. And I was going to be inside a radio station for the whole week.

I was going to be at the radio station and do the stand-up at night. Oh, okay. I wanted to test and not be again because I was going to be around people. Right. And I tested positive. Didn't feel it. You weren't sick? This is just because I'm going to that radio station.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And when I look back on it, I was just off a bit. Uh-huh. Yeah. Felt just a little rundown. But also, this is our problem.

Yeah. You're traveling. You never feel 100% when you're going planes to planes to whatever. Have you done this yet? Have you? My new rule is I'm not taking the first flight out in the morning. I did that. It's so funny you say that.

Because for our listeners, it's been our habit for years. You take the first flight out. Yep, you're gone. You're gone. And then that means getting off stage, getting back to the hotel, laying down around 1 a.m. One or two. And then getting picked up to go to the airport at 4 or 5. Yep.

And it's not a good sleep. And it's not a good sleep. It's not a great sleep. It's every 15 minutes of my late. Yeah. Right. Exactly. And you wake up 10 minutes before you're,

alarm. And it's a ballbreaker. It's tough. But you're also home when you go to L.A. You're also home at like seven in the morning. Yeah, you're there. So I just said I was going to, after the pandemic, I'm like, let's go easy on ourselves. And let's, um, let's not do that. Let's take the 10 or 11. Mm-hmm. I did it one weekend. And the problem with doing it is that the great thing about doing it at 6 a.m. is the shit hasn't started yet. There's no problems at the airport. There's no whatever. So, but by 10 o'clock, the connecting flight is delayed. Everything starts happening. Things are delayed. I got delayed like three hours at 10 o'clock. And now, you got home, you got home in the middle of the afternoon. And I was like, nope, I'm going back.

Really? Okay. Yep. Because I, I went, instead of the first flight out, I'm eight or nine. Not bad. It's still early. It's still early, but you're getting a little bit of sleep. That's better. because I did one where it was Friday, Saturday. I took the early 5 a.m. flight out at the other side of the country, and I took the 5 a.m. flight back, and it just wrecked me. It does wreck you. You literally have to treat yourself like you're an athlete.

Yeah, you can. Yeah. You have to hydrate. You have to rest. You have to work out. You have to do all that stuff. And that's the thing, though, we always feel a little weird. Whatever, whatever way you do it.

You do it at eight, you do it at six. Traveling like that, and the time you get home, you feel a little weird. So who knows if you have COVID. I have a headache? Yeah, I've got a headache. Can't smell in there? That's normal. Did you lose your smell? I lost my smell. You did? Yeah. Was that weird? Is that how you knew?

Was, but no, I knew. So you're faxed and you get, and you lost your smell. Thank God was vaxed. Yeah. I was vaxed because I just had enough go on that I'm like, oh, I wonder how I was messed up I would have been. How would have been? How had not been vaxed? Sure. And then I also gave it to my father. You did? Yeah. Oh, how old is he? He's 84. So that was 11 days of me just like calling him.

Hi, Dad, how you doing? He's Vax 2. Yeah, he's Vax 2. And on day 7, he goes, you feel unguilty? I'm like, yes, Dad, I am. And your mom didn't get it? My mom didn't get it. Wow.

It's weird how it bounces. It's weird. It's such a weird virus. It doesn't make sense at all. Doesn't make sense. The symptoms don't make sense. People to people. The duration.

It's weird. It's such a weird one. And it went through me. Like, I had. I had problems, bouncing things around. I had problems with something in every part of my body, like during the 10 days. Really? Like it wasn't hardcore, but it was just like, this isn't right.

Right. Right. Your body's going to town against it. Yeah, it's just going, it's just, it's just, how long did you feel weird? Ten days. Full ten days. Full ten days. And then afterwards, it took a while for my smell to come back.

And then I had a little bit of memory problems. I was just like. What? Yeah. Memory problems. For about eight, nine days, I was, I was, I was. like slipping on words and just looking at things and knowing what it was and not being able to grab it.

Oh. Yeah. That's serious. It's panic. But then I called my doctor. I had a long time with my doctor. My doctor's like, everybody's having this. Really?

Just don't know how long it's going to last for. And when did, what came back your memory or your smell? Smell came back slowly. Mm-hmm. And it was funny because I was using a body wash to smell every day. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, I'm like, holy, I just reeks. Oh, really?

Yeah. That's great. Yeah. Oh, man, that's so weirdy. And that's, you really had it. Yeah, I, you probably got a pretty, you probably got a good, good dose of it. Probably, yeah, I just, I'm so, I'm so happy. At that weird bar.

The funny part is I got Johnson and Johnson, so it was only 74%, you know, so. Now I just heard today that Moderna's the one. I got Moderna. You got Moderna? You got Moderna? Yeah. Yeah, so fancy. I thought the Pfizer people were leading.

No, I knew Moderna was going to be number one. You did? Yeah. They're just, the way they did it. You're just like, oh, they're on the thing. They're coming out with a flu shot, booster shot combo. Oh, God, I love it. Isn't that good?

Pizza Hut. Comes with us, a 12-ounce soda. We'd like to thank our friends at Talk Space. You know, we've shifted how we work and learn, but sometimes it feels like the world is changing faster than we can keep up with it. There's been a lot of, I really do feel like the reason why we're, why you see people having a hard time in public places, on airplanes, with their families. We've all been through a lot.

We've all been through a lot in this last 15, 18, 19 months. How long has it been going? It's been a while. And you take normal life and you throw the whole experience of the pandemic on top of all of us, whether you've fared well or not, you had to try and keep it together. and sometimes you just need a release. You just need to talk to somebody, and that's where talk space comes in. The people around us make a huge impact on our lives, and life's pressures can cause those

relationships to change for better or for worse. And as our year ends and another holiday season comes up, for many of us, that means travel and family. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to discuss the stress that comes with traveling around, traveling and going to seeing all of our loved ones, give you a little perspective and make those relationships and those visits actually worthwhile. Rather than just jumping in blindly,

maybe talk to somebody and get a little perspective and go into it and not make only yourself healthier, but the whole relationship. It's a great thing to be able to talk to somebody. Talk space is ready to help and you start feeling better within, a single message. You can set goals with your TalkSpace therapist, develop techniques to cope in difficult times, and TalkSpace offers individual therapy, couples therapy, and medication prescription services. It is the number one online therapy platform. There are thousands of licensed

therapists available for you to match with across dozens of specialties, including anxiety, depression, relationships, and more. If you need a little support to help you through, get to Talk Space. They're here to help. Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code Papa. P-A-P-A. That's $100 off when you use the code Papa, p-A-pa-a at talkspace.com. Give them a call. Talk it out. See if it's for you. They're good people and it's nice to have a friend in this world. Thank you, TalkSpace. I bought this Faccia, by the way. As a last minute. Where'd you get at Ralph's? No, at the Italian deli. And it's not that great.

It was right next to the register. Do we judge it? Yeah, you can judge it. It's a little dry, right? It's dry. They don't do great breads there, which is so weird. They have everything else dialed in. Like, that bread is going to be so much better than that bread.

That bread, it's got me excited. Yeah. You know, you want me to cut? I'm going to cut you a little piece. I didn't know how it worked. I don't want you to. I usually just. send it home with people, but this just came out this morning. So it's, this isn't a great night.

There you go. Okay. I'm going to keep going. Keep going. And finger gone. I know. It just starts bleeding in the middle of the podcast. Can you cut that in half? I'm only doing this because I've never had like a lame bread on the table. And I want to have a comparison. Here you go. Look at those bubbles. Look at those little bubbles in there. That is a beautiful little piece of bread. What butter do you like to put on bread? Oh man, there's this French butter. And I know I'm our listeners are going to be angry, but why? Because I keep bringing it up and I keep forgetting the name. It's hard to get. It comes like in a wheel. Oh, this is good bread. Right? You don't even eat butter on this bread. No, you don't. But you toast this tomorrow and put butter on it,

you're going to be in heaven. That's good bread. Right? Good for you, Tom. You picked up quite the hobby. I know. This is way better than fishing. That's what I keep telling people, if you're going to get a hobby, it should be one that you can eat. Right? That's good bread. So how many ingredients are in this? Flower, water, salt, and yeast. That's it. Hmm. So the key, no soda. No soda. Nope. No, but the wheat flour is malted. Oh. That's where it is. You have a sensitive palate.

Yeah. So the thing that makes the bread different is your sourdough starter. That's your yeast. That's your active yeast. So you can feed that and manipulate the flavor of that, depending on what flour you're feeding your starter. So if you put in different types of flour, like some wheat and some all-purpose and change those ratios, you can get an earthier or.

more sour. You can let the starter get a little older. Like, if you should be using it like at noon and you let it go till even like eight, it starts to get a little more pungent. That's where you get that sourdose sour taste to it. And this won't really be that sour, but it'll give you a little aftertaste when you're done.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. This is better than a sour dead you'll get in San Francisco. I think I said sour dead, but sour bread. I love that thing that you use, the toasts, the outside is pretty crazy the way it... The crust. The machine, the baking... The Dutch oven.

Yeah, Dutch oven. You know, when you fart on your wife and bake bread. You know, what's the thing when you fart on your wife and bake bread? Yeah. That's a good crisp. So it all comes down to, like, using different kinds of flowers and trying to find the combination. Like, this is a country blend, so it has...

Some wheat, a touch of rye, and all purpose. So good. So you kind of like play. Where do you go to get your flowers? Do you go to a certain store? I import it from Utah. It comes in these 50-pound bags, and it costs more to ship it than it does to buy it. So you have to get booked there.

Get my van. It's central milling. That's then. They do it themselves in a small venue. Yeah, it's like they just do these flowers and they have a whole bunch of different kinds. So good in the middle. Right? Yeah, it's good stuff.

I interrupted your butter talk. Oh, man, I wish I could find it. Maybe I can find it on my phone. Can I pitch a vegetarian butter? Yes. Mickinos makes a butter that is a really good butter. People try it. Really?

Give it a try and then judge me. but I am like you. I like the French butters. You can save a little salt to it. I don't, my wife does this every so often she gets the unsalted butter. It makes me mad. That's good for baking if you're adding a lot of salt in the recipe.

It's funny. I just called up butter and I have a picture of it, but I don't have, it's out of its container. It comes on a plate. I should try and. find it though. They really make another thing I like to do. Maybe you'll like to do this because you're from up near the sea.

You take this bread, just toasted, lightly toasted, with cream cheese and sardines and capers. Interesting. Ooh, that's one of my favorite things in the world. Here's another fun garlic. Have you ever rolled it out to a pizza dough? Yes. You got to change it a little. bit. Like, you can use your sour-to-starter, but you use a different flour. Because you can tell by this

crispy, what it would be so good. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Soking up an oven. The real big thing, like, if I really start to lose my mind and I'm going, too late. If I've got to, it's true, six years later. If I start building a stone oven in the backyard. Oh. That would be the key. Why wouldn't you start that? Because I'm not sure. Do you live in the same place in the valley? No. Where are you now? Near there. But we bought another spot.

Well, we won't tell the people. Yeah. 6141. Why wouldn't you build it? Why wouldn't you build one? I'm not sure what the, I'm not sure. Well, there's two things. The government and my wife.

I'm not sure. Which is worse, though. My wife is more restrictive. She likes her yard. And there's. Yeah, but how big? You're not going to build a whole bakery. You're going to.

It wouldn't be huge, but it would. But it'd take up a little corner. She would be cool with it. I'm sure she would be cool with it. I have known her forever. She'd be fine with it. Yeah, she'd be okay. She looked at the back of your head all the way across America and then all the way back

across America. She'd be fine. Did we talk about this recently? No. I tell the story about when we met all the time because it was we met at the comic strip. It was me and you sitting there at the comic strip. And she came up to ask about being in our sketch group. The milk duds.

and she came up and we talked and there was just like this chemistry and as soon as she walked away you just turned to me and said what the hell just happened there is that right i can see that you don't remember that i tell it all the time you were like what the hell just happened there i was like i don't know but i don't know but i got to hit my sparks too and she's she's in the sketch crew she's in she's in uh do you remember that that thing that thing we made when I was dressed in a grass skirt. Yes. Why were you in a grass skirt?

We were doing a thing about New York and I was, I was your, you were, you were basically Steve Irwin and I was your trusty companion. Oh, and oh, outside the sketch group. Yeah, no, I was thinking about that the other day. I did a thing, I had an idea called Wild America, yeah, Wild America, where we were reading it. Like we were doing a nature documentary, but with human beings. Yes.

And we were watching like businessmen and stuff. And I was in a safari hat. And you were in a grass skirt. And we just ran around Manhattan. And not one person asked a question. Nope. Nobody cared. It was awesome.

I remember standing on a parking lot and binoculars and looking down and being filmed from, oh, it's so good. It was really fun. I wish we could. How did that not get made? I don't know. You know why? because it wasn't, it should have at the time it should have. Because we were just making stuff, and no one was making stuff back then.

It wasn't like now where everybody's got like high quality production. Yeah, I don't know. It had a funny voiceover. I don't think we even got a meeting off of it. How do we not get a meeting off of it? We just had bad agents maybe? I don't know. Somebody was in charge.

It's not too late. That concept actually would be better now that we're older. That'd be funny, us going to different countries and walking around and taking me and a grass skirt. We'd be walking on a fine line of a racist content at that point. If I'd just stay white, it doesn't, you know, it was just me. We didn't change my color or anything. No, exactly.

Oh, I'm so, there's, it's, I'm going through all these French butters, and it's hard to find it because they're doing like, Presidente Day butter and. I knew we lost you when you drove across country with her. You did? Yeah, I was like, it's over. Yeah. Things will never be the same. That's what I know.

Oh, there's your meganos butter. Yeah, there it is. Yeah, it's good. You've got to try it. All right. I will try that. And it's vegetarian. Miokos.

Miokos cultured vegan butter. Yeah, give it try. Yeah, I will try it. For the people. For the people. I just did the thing where I put the cheese on the crust. Mm-hmm. I don't know what the pizza would taste.

Look, I know. I know how this would be if it was a pizza pie. Oh, it's so good. No, that's true. I was trying to think back to what we were eating when you had that little tiny hallroom apartment. And you had that little shitty one over the garbage cans. And that was, life was good. It was good.

The best part about that was we were succeeding. Like people now, we look at it and I'm like, holy thank God, did okay and moved away from that. Yeah, yeah. At that point, we were making it. It is happening. Yeah. It is happening. It was happening because we were with a group of very funny people.

You knew they were all talented. You knew they were, like, if we just did the work, we would find our way. We were comedians. We were for the first time in our lives. We're comedians. I think three of us kind of broke way more, right? Yeah. Probably.

I think there was six of us that were in that group. But around, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you see that John Bush, he put up? pops up in Kyle's videos. He does my roundtable ever so often. He does?

Yeah, I still love him. He's just funny. He's so funny. Yeah. He just, he ended up in Iowa, though. I know, exactly. You're like, did you look at show business maps at all?

It doesn't say Des Moines anywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Wasn't he married? Didn't he go back? Yeah, I got married. Yeah. I love it.

Remember how I brought Kyle in? So funny. I know. So Lucian. Kyle Dunnigan. Yeah. Kyle, Lucian made me host and watch one of those audition nights. Right.

I remember this. And it was hell. And I just, first of all, I didn't. Watching all rookies come up and. But you have to give them advice. And I'm like, I don't want to give anybody advice. I don't even know what I'm doing. Why would I be telling them what to do, right?

Right, right. And then Kyle came on and I fucking just laugh the whole time. I just laughed the whole time. Yeah. And I'm like, you got to see this guy. He's got to see this guy. He was so funny. He's always been funny.

Always been funny. And always hot girls around them too. Oh my God. Yeah, it didn't make sense. You're just like, what? No. The list of beautiful women that Kyle's been with that are very well known, which we won't list here. Don't do it that.

We don't have enough time. I know. My favorite was he was, so he lived with Kelly Dixon and I for a little bit. Did he live with you first? With me first? Me first. Me first. And then he moved, yeah.

Because I think we were his first place in, in living. living out of the city or... Oh, when he moved to New York. Yeah. Right. So he... People are like, you live with Kyle Town? I said, funniest guy.

Worst roommate ever. But my favorite story was, uh, so this is the time we had one phone. Uh-huh. Right? Yeah. And it's the middle of day. It rings. Kyle picks it up.

He gets a little emotional. And it's getting weird. And then obviously he goes, Ian, it's for you. And I go over and I pick it up. And it's my mom. And she goes, first of all, you might want to make Kyle a cup of tea. And I'm like, what? And she goes, and second, your uncle Rick is dead. And I go good. And because I hated that guy. And she goes, that's what I was expecting. Getting all emotional and crying, I was confused. And then I figured out it was Kyle. She told the news to Kyle. But he had an Uncle Rick too. Oh, no. So he's asking all sorts of questions. Well, how did he die? Logging truck accident. What? Why was he at a logging truck? He was at work. He's in a

accountant. This doesn't make sense. You want to make Kyle a cup of tea. So good. So good. He's so funny. I'm so happy. So funny. His videos are so funny on Instagram. It's crazy. Stupid. Yeah. And it really was like, oh, he should be on SNL. Like we always thought, well, he's got, that's just a no-brainer. And now he's just doing it on his own and showing everybody this is. Yeah, he's just showing, so we moved in with me after. He moved in with you.

In that horrible room in the back with no sunlight. Yeah. And we had no, we had no sink. He moved with you because we were moving to, I was moving to L.A. and then Kelly was going to go to and then we were just giving up the apartment. Oh, okay. That's when he moved in with you. Got it, got it.

And you guys played guitar. Right, right. Yeah, I can't remember. Like, we would go out after we would go to like that bar up the street. But I don't remember what we ate. Like, I don't remember. You know, when we'd fancy eat, we'd go down the street. Do you remember that fancy restaurant that was,

Lucian would take us to it every so often? Uh-huh. It was probably about three blocks down, right on the corner of 77th. Mm-hmm. And I'm trying to remember. I remember it was a guy with a mustache, was the matre d. An Italian place? I want to say, was it Italian?

Right. I think it would have been a telling. We were poor. We were really poor. I mean, we were getting paid $5 a night a set doing late night at the strip, and you needed the money because that was your food for the next day.

And we'd go up and get the bagels. I remember getting the bagels on the corner because it gave you so much bacon. No, it was right on the corner of 89th. And they'd do a bacon egg and cheese, and they put so much bacon on it. You had two days with the bacon. Yeah, that it was like,

You put the rest on you. So much fun. We'd always go to diners, though. We'd always, I remember we'd always sit in diners. Always in diners. The diner on the corner of my street. And my street, 91 and 1, we'd sit in that one. Yep.

Or 90 and 1. 90 and 2, we'd sit there. Yeah, and then a little further down closer to the club. There was the one on the other side of 79th, I guess it was. Yes. And we would sit in that one. Yeah, diners were great. We'd kind of...

You'd try as you could get. Yeah. We'd float in probably a 20 block radius, I would say. Yeah. Yeah. You don't go further than that. And then did you, when did you, you ended up someplace else after the shitty apartment, the shady apartment, sorry. Yeah. Where did I go after that? No, from that I went with Cynthia. I went to Cynthia's. Oh, you did? Yeah. We, when we dated and decided to go cross country, it was in that shitty apartment with Kyle. And then we took, and then we got on the motorcycle and left.

I think that when we came back, we were like, I mean, you're right. When we, you did lose me when I did that. Because when I came back, we were like, well, I guess we have to move in together and get married because we spent five weeks on a motorcycle without fighting. Yeah. We had, we switched helmets over four times. Oh, really? Just back and forth.

You guys switching helmets. You wear mine. This is too big. Do you remember that I won't say her name, but I had a, there was another girl around who was not happy when I was not happy at all when I was with Cynthia and uh I went to put cynthia on the back of my motorcycle and drive from the comic strip down to her apartment and when we got to the apartment we realized that other girl had put gum in Cynthia's helmet no way and she had gum in her hair yeah I didn't I don't remember that we had to cut it out I remember

I remember you leaving us with her we were because we're she was she was kind of then we're like Oh, no. Now she's in our group. Like, why does that happen? Tom, this is unfair. I'm sorry. I was confused at the time. We know.

You were hit by lightning. I understand. It happens. Why do? What do it? It was a great time, though. And then we migrated to the cellar. The cellar.

Yeah. Remember when we were to write calling jokes? Yeah, that's right. We would get together. during the day. And we'd get checks every so often and write jokes to send to Colin. You brought me in on that. Yeah, I just remember, I just remember going, yeah, okay. Yeah, Colin was doing weekend update. I said, can I, can I bring my friend Tom? I remember saying that. And we'd sit and we'd write once a week and we'd just send these jokes and sometimes they would end up on. We'd fax them in, right? Yeah, but we didn't know they'd end up on because we were busy working. Right. And they never told us. We'd just get money every. so often. And you would watch that you would watch. And all of a sudden he would tell the joke.

And that's how you found out. If it was on TV, you got so excited. It was weird. It was weird that we didn't go. Is that a writing credit? Yeah. Oh, I used it as a writing credit. Oh, the first joke that was on, I was at the seller where they write your credits on the board out front of the club when you're appearing.

The first time I got a joke on Collins Weekend Update, the next night it was Tom Papa, writer for a Saturday Night Live. That's fuck. I love it. I was too dumb. I like Canada. You're from Canada. My favorite night at the at the cellar was somebody got me high

and I went on stage and I talked at a million miles an hour and did my 20 minutes set in five minutes. And Estee was just looking at me. What the hell? What is he doing? You got another 15. You keep going. I'm like, oh, okay.

We were so poor that it was... That's another place that I had to figure out getting from the comic strip on the Upper East Side to the seller for your next spot. And you had to be crafty about it because you couldn't afford a cab. You had to share it. You couldn't jump, yeah, there's no getting a cab and just going downtown. You had to figure somebody else out that was going down either Boston or, yeah. And if you got screwed and no one else was around, you would to hustle and take two trains and connect. And then hope that it goes, E is out of service or whatever.

Right. I think it was the E, right? Yeah. Yeah. Or you take the four or five. Or yeah, the four or five. And then run across. And then run across and get the other one.

Yeah. And running down those steps and just trying to get to that next spot. It was the best. It was the best. It was the best. Like so. So fun. I mean, think about all the people ahead of us that were at the comic strip at the time, too, that were just crushing.

I remember. I remember the first night I went on there because I came down from Canada because Lucian told me he'd put me on stage if I came down. And I took that as you should move to New York. So I came down on a train with $700 in my pocket, got off the train, had no place to stay. Oh, my God. Found a piece of paper with a youth hostel phone number on it. Called the youth hostel. It was paying $14 a night for the youth hostel.

Wow. Was calling Lucian, but hanging up. on the avail line because I didn't know that that's how you put it in. But I also didn't want to waste my quarter because that's how much money I had. So he finally picked it up. Is this the person that keeps hanging up? And I'm like, yes, it's Ian. It's Ian. It's Ian Bagg.

You told me that you put me on stage if I came down here. He goes, oh, yeah, yeah. I'll put you on tomorrow night. Come on down. Wow. So I went down and it was red Johnny and the round guy. Oh. That's what I remember.

Those guys would crush. I remember it ending on this thing that I'd never seen before. and I don't think I've ever seen since. The rap? Yeah, but just the energy. The energy. They just destroyed that place. And the crowd was just like...

Bonkers. It was like turbulence on a plane. It was just... They were... I know this didn't happen, but it seemed like the audience was doing cartwheels and flips and diving off tables.

They were jumping up and down. It was stupid. It was... And they loved them. Yeah. Oh, they were huge. Huge. And it was Ray Romano.

Um, who's the guy that did voices? Oh, I keep forgetting his name. Joe. Oh, uh, the Italian guy? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. John. Joe. Joe John. You know exactly who I'm talking. I do. Man, Rob, no, Rob Magnaughty. Rob Magnaughty. Rob Magnaud. Joe. John, Rob. Yeah. He would destroy too. They'd all destroy. And then I got the check spot. No, boy. And just went on and just had my ass handed to me like I'd never had handed hand it to me before. Yeah. And came off. And Lucian said, you've got it. You'll be fine. Come back tomorrow.

Wow. And I just remember, okay, I thought I was being sent home after that. Well, that's what you had. I mean, all those years was that, right? Right. Taking it in the face. Yeah. Being strong enough to come back.

Mm-hmm. After being devastated. Like, you really would not feel good until you got another set. Yeah. I had one time when I went up and did that. And Chris Rock was waiting in the booth. Like, there was a little booth off the comic strip where you could watch the axe. And then you'd walk down the...

Tiny little booth. Tiny little booth. Tiny little booth. It was a little booth. it was a coat closet and then you'd get onto the stage through that side door. And I was up on stage and I started bombing. It was late night set, check spot bombing to the point where I'm like, so where are you from? Like I just like, I didn't know. You mean my act? And I came off and I saw Chris sitting standing there and he was, I think he was just becoming Chris Rock like to that level.

And I just come off and I'm like, oh, I'm like all sweaty and condoing. fuse and I see this great comedian. I'm like, hey, are you going on next? And he looked at him and he went, I was gonna. Until you ruined the room. You thought you walked everybody. Oh, you know what? It was so humiliating. We were there when he blew up.

So he, yeah, because I remember Lucian sending, I had a college gig that I got and he sent me to talk to some club owner in, I think was Syracuse. And the guy, I remember, he goes, he was like kind of hammering me. And he goes, we had Chris Rock last week. And he is never going to be anyone. And I remember within six months, he was just the guy. The guy. Wow. That's what the club owner said.

Yeah, I remember. He's like, I'm never going to pay him more than $2,000 kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it all stuck in my head that you don't know who's going to be huge. No. That was what it said to me. You don't know. You don't know.

Don't say. But comics knew, you wouldn't know that he was going to be huge, but you knew he was going to be one of the guys. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. But there was nothing but rock stars walking through that place. It was devastating.

And we're all, they're like just scraping for spots in five bucks a night. And how learned so much. Yeah. Following them was what you, how you learned. Following a tell. Following Ray Romano, following all those guys that, you know, And they just threw you in to the shark tank. Do you remember doing all those graduation shows?

Oh my God. They were brutal. We do like from 11 o'clock at night till 5, 6 in the morning. Yeah. These kids would, after their proms, they would bust them in. Bus them in. A lot of times from the Bronx. From the Bronx, Long Island, yeah.

And they would come in and they don't want to be there. They got booze. Yeah, they just want to score with their girls and guys. And we were telling jokes about our part. apartments and like it was a bad and they would just they very rarely went well very rarely so you would wait all night long to go on at 2.35 to bomb three 35 yeah sometimes it was like but it was so much fun but it was so much fun because you'd never been out that late like going to do stand up it was like this is great and then you got to sleep in the next day you're like this is a fun lifestyle this is this is work

I don't know if it's the same. Like, I don't know if... For young comics? Yeah, I don't know. I think they're trying, too busy trying to build their name before their stand-up. So they're just social media and like, with us, we didn't... For some, though. I don't ever remember telling anybody my name, like, after a show.

No. You know. No, I know. Yeah, we weren't thinking about marketing at all. Hey, you were funny. Thanks. Oh, my God. Can I work?

Can I come back tomorrow? Yeah. Woohoo! The set went well, that joke worked. That was all you cared about. Yeah. It's all you cared about. You just twist it and turn it.

There was no access. There was no other. You just had to get as good as you could and get on one of the big shows or you, that was it. Or you just disappeared. Right. Now there's access. So it's like, do I want to stay up until 3.30 to do a spot? Or do I want to make a video and have a million people see it?

I think it's both. Yeah. Because we were making videos, but they were getting. seen by nobody on it. We just had them on a BCR tape and we're giving them to somebody. Yeah. Yeah. We just,

you just want to do it. You just want to, it's just like bacon bread. You just want to, you just want to do it. Yeah, that's it. It's all in the doing.

Yeah. It's the same as now, you know. What's up with comedy magic? I hope it's opening at some point. Are they going to open? I hear it's for sale. I don't know.

It's my, it's my home club. So when you say, yeah, that was where I'd go, you know, I'd go. That was your one spot.

Yeah, go there and then laugh factory in Long Beach sometimes and then you know Hollywood improv I need to start doing the the store I've I fell I didn't I just kind of fell out of there it wasn't fun going there for a long time yeah and I just like I'm not going here and then it became fun again it got really good now it's great it's really fun you should because then we could see each other that'd be good I know it's funny I think I talked to you about this as you kind of grab onto your dream, you see less and less of your friends. Yeah.

And it's, you have to, you have to really remember. Totally. Totally. And it's, you know, the good thing about being comics is we're really 15 years old. I'm peeing on the streets at all times. So there's a lot of, so really, but I think there's a lot of time, like, we could go back to doing all that stuff now. I think so.

Now that, like, you know, and also your life hits. You're, you know, we had two little kids and you're, you know, you know, doing all of that and you know your time is just you're lucky you get in a spot at night let alone you know going to the PTA meetings and whatever that stuff is. Can I ask you because Cynthia was a comic as well. Yeah. Was it tough for her to let it go? It was. It was natural because once our baby showed up she was like I'm just this is I just want to do this more than anything else. But then in New York when we were in New York she was able to go back. She started going back on stage.

Oh. Because she knew everybody from the cellar. Right. And the cellar was like in Missily at Gotham. And she was able to just, they were like, yeah, we know you're funny. We just welcome back. Here's a spot. And she would go up.

And it started to come back a little bit like the bug. Yeah, because it's like heroin. And it's easy. And then you could go do the thing and run back home. Right. And your two little toddlers are there. Right. And you're home by 10.

Mm-hmm. And when we came out to LA, the whole thing is different. She didn't have those home clubs. So she would have to go to like some coffee shop, Silver Lake to go on. And it was to all the extra work you have to do to get on stage as a young comic. You're not doing that when you've got a kids at home and want to do that part of it. You know what I mean?

So it was difficult, but she was such a great mom and was just so cool with them that. She's a great person. Yeah. And it just worked. Do you remember Christmas? Are you picking our out? up at Christmas. I just remember hanging over the front of the car. That's right. Where we're going, Mom and Dad?

That's the three of us. Yeah, that's right. I think that was when I first met her family. Yeah. Yeah. You want to your folks' house for Christmas. Yeah. And who are fantastic people. Yeah, they love you. And we just, we ended up back at the cellar. That's right. We went back. We drove into the, like the all of New Jersey. Whose car was? Wasn't her car? Going asleep? It was my grandmother's car. That's what? I was like, why? I was like, why? I was like, why? Why did we have a car? Right. How did we get a car?

But I love that moment. That was another thing of like being a young comic. You're like, oh, this is why being a comedian so cool? You would leave New Jersey. And everyone would be going to bed. It's like 9, 10 o'clock, and the streets are getting quiet and the lights are going off. And you just drive through these quiet streets. And then you get through the Lincoln Tunnel.

And it's the reverse. And everyone was waking up and everyone was getting ready to go out. And you'd park the car and go down to the cellar. And all your comedian friends were there. And it was like, oh, it felt so. Oh, right. It felt so natural that we shouldn't be going to bed. We should be going out and telling jokes.

Did you have a parking spot? Did you have like a parking structure that you'd park? I did at a certain point. I remember it's going to a parking structure. You know, you make your way up. Yeah. You're parking on the street and getting broken into and then you're. Yeah.

You weren't allowed to have anything in your car for a while. Couldn't have anything in your car. And then the first like garage I got was like on the west side where we used to play hockey. Like on the pier, like an outdoor spot in the winter on the river. That was my first, like, I could afford that. And then eventually, when I had my family, I had a minivan, like, in a proper garage, like, on 10th Street. Yeah. I question myself a lot whether I picked the right time to leave New York.

I left New York because I kept coming out here and the weather never changed. And I was closer to my family out here. That's why. And same time zone just to call them is a big deal. So that's why I ended up out in L. It was no, okay, everything's happening, let's go to L.A. It was just like, okay, maybe I should live here. Because it's, and it's funny with, you see guys moving to Texas right now, I'm like, I did not move to America for that.

Yeah. So it's, yeah. Even though I ended up buying a house on the east, and on the east coast, we have a house in Virginia. Really? Yeah. Why in Virginia? My wife is from there. And we just bought a summer house and her mom lives in it.

the rest of the year. That's great. Yeah, so it's kind of... That's nice. That's what my last comic standing money did, so... Oh, that's awesome. That's really good. Well, yeah, I mean, you know, life is just a giant tsunami.

Yeah. But we are young and vital enough. And now kind of have control over what we're doing. Are you confused? Are you confused how it went so quick? Yes, until, you know, it's that time thing. On the one hand, I can't believe it went so quick. Like it was the 9-11 20th anniversary.

Do you remember us talking about how 9-11 was going to be a 20-year war? Yeah. Oh, my God. We thought there were going to be attacks every day in New York. We're just like, it's going to be, what's going to be trouble for us? I know. It's never going to be the same. It was so that that was, that conversation was 20 years ago.

It was like insane. And it seems so fast. But then when you add up all the shit we've done, all the gigs, all the stuff, all the marriages, all the whatever. I mean, there's a lot of stuff like, there's a lot of stuff like piled up in there. It's like, yeah, that fills up 20 years. Yeah, I guess that does. Yeah. You know what I mean?

I just sometimes I just look and I go, oh, no, we're, it's, I've only been here a year. Right. Oh, yeah. You know, and then you're like, oh, it's been 15 years. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because I left 2001 just before 9-11. Oh, just before?

Yeah, the summer, the August of 2001. Right, right. LA is a different thing. A lot of people blamed me for it for a while. I think LA's different too. I think everyone miscalculates LA because they kind of don't embrace it right away. So like to say like, oh, I've been here 15 years is like, yeah, really? Right.

It feels like it should have been sex. Right. I love it. I love Los Angeles. I do too. I think it's, I love New York and I love Los Angeles. I think they're the best places ever. I get mad at New York.

I'm like, will somebody clean up? Right. And I get mad at LA. And stop this winter. Yeah. Can we just do more than a three-story building here in New York? I mean, in Los Angeles so we can be closer together. You know, so it's just got those things.

But I enjoy it. Yeah. It's a dream. Like for you, I don't know if it's as far of a dream because you were so close, you could see the lights. Right. The lights were imaginary where I was from. Right. So.

Right. And I, you know, I'm just so. see the Empire State Building from my desk as a boy. That must have. Did you just dream about living there? Oh, yeah. I would sit in my little desk and like through the trees and then in the distance was the Empire State Building. You could see it.

So I was always like, oh, I can't, what's going on in there? I can't wait to get in there. So for you to not have like, if you're looking out and seeing the Dairy Queen. Yeah. I just can't wait to get to the Dairy Queen. It's going to be fantastic. Well, you're the best, Dean. Thanks for making the trip up to do this.

Thanks for having me with your bread and your cheese. Yeah. Oh, I love it. And I really do feel sincerely that now that we're spit out of this crazy thing, and we're kind of like in a nice groove where we're at, we shouldn't hang more. Would you like to come to Long Beach for dinner? I'm busy. You got me.

He still got it. He still got it. We got it, Aaron. That's our big show. Thank you to Ian Bagg. Make sure you go to Ianbag. And look up all things, Ian. He's great.

The Sword and Scale Rewine podcast. Make sure you go to tompapa.com. The family reunion tour is up and it's rolling. I'm going off to the Fitzgerald in St. Paul, Minnesota. I'm going to Denver at the Comedy Works. This is all in October on a Friday and Saturday night. The Borgata in Atlantic City coming up at the end of October, the 23rd, I believe. and then we just keep the good times rolling all around the country all the way through, I think, March.

So go to tompapa.com, look all that stuff up. You guys are the best. We'll see you next time. Enjoy your life.