Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 98 - Jeff Ross

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

When my pal the Roastmaster General Jeff Ross comes to the table I had no choice but to break TWO loaves!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus It's time for Breaking Red with Papa Hey! Don't you know Hey, it's how we go. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey.

Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I am Tom Papa. Thank you so much for being here today. We have the amazing, legendary roastmaster general Jeff Ross on the program. I'm very excited. I've known him forever. When I started in New York, he was in New York. a couple of years ahead of me and I've just know him for so long and watched him through the clubs

and we shared a lot of the same history but I also on the other hand don't know a lot of things about Jeff Ross so it's going to be a great conversation and he's the first guest to get two loaves of bread and I'll explain why I want to thank the good people at Sunday lawn care for sponsoring today's show it's hard to imagine but spring is almost here it actually is here We're so close to feeling the soft grass under our feet, but first we need to get our lawn back, and thankfully Sunday lawn care gets your lawn growing and helps to keep it healthy all season long. What's better than a nice lawn? Sunday is offering our listeners 20% off.

Full season plans start at just $129, and you get 20% off at checkout when you go visit get sunday.com slash bread 20. Bread 20. That's a fun code. Also like to thank the good people at BetterHelp. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp online therapy. They offer video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. See why over 2 million people have improved their lives with better help.

Listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash Papa, P-A-P-A. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P, BetterHelp.com slash Papa. I am so excited to sit down with Jeff Ross. He gets two breads. I'm not going to tell you why, but he's going to be very happy. He's a Jersey boy. He has a very funny way. For someone who's so classic comedy, he has kind of a strange way in.

that it was unconventional. And he's just so damn funny. The success that he has with the roasts is legendary. He's really opened up an entire side of comedy that just has grown immensely between Roast Battle, the Roast, the Comedy Central Roads, the historic roasts on Netflix. And now touring around with Dave Chappelle, bumping mics on Netflix, he's amazing. He is a comedy mainstay. Such a funny guy, such a sweet guy.

And you're going to love this conversation I have with the great Jeff Ross. Good to see you, buddy. Hey. Hi, Tom. I did some baking for you. I did some shopping for you. I heard the bread on Instagram. You did?

Oh, the crackling? That was your bread. I was wondering. You know, my production company is enough with the bread already. Is it really? Yeah, Productions Incorporated. Why did you go with enough with the bread already? It was a joke.

I used to do in my act, my early Letterman appearance. Right. It was a poem. It was a love poem from my dad to my mom. Your smile blooms like a bright summer flower. Right. Your hair flows down like a soft rain shower. Your eyes are like open seas, blue from coast to coast.

So how come your ass looks like a truck? Enough with the bread. I remember that. I can't believe I remember that. I know. I was impressed when you were doing it. I was like, how does he remember this? Then it was an answer one to make it fair. Yeah.

Then my mom went one back to my dad. It was called, put a shirt on. You're scaring the children. That's right. Those problems were so great. Thanks. I love that you were doing those. That was a long time ago.

That was my early stand-up. Yeah. That was a long time ago. We'll get back to it. Let me just introduce you to what you've got so far. So this is the bread. baked you. You can take a look at it if you want. And then I have a part two. If you feel this, it's warm. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, baby. So this one is straight white bread. Can I look? Yeah,

country white bread. Um, nothing fancy about it, but it's, it'll be good. Can I pull it out? Yeah, go ahead. You have my consent to pull it out. Looks good. How about that? Looks really good. Beautiful, right? Elon Musk is trying to go to that planet And then this one This is a different kind of a bread You can feel that Yeah, it's nice and warm

Like I would put salami on this And just eat the whole thing as a sandwich Yeah, you could It weighs like 40 pounds It's pretty, yeah It's pretty nice You made that one or you made that? I made both of them

I made both But that one I made last night That was the one you saw on Instagram Crackling And then this baby I broke out It's a little flatter than I like But this will have a deeper flavor because this is like a malted wheat. This is called a country brown.

And this will have a little bit more flavor to it. That one will be great toasting it, making sandwiches, doing whatever you want. Thank you. So then also, because we're both from Jersey, I stopped the Italian deli on the way over. I got you some Parmesan and it's a salami. And then I didn't know if you're going to be wanting to go savory or maybe canolis. This is amazing. Yeah, so this is all for you.

I did text you should I come hungry and you did say, I said, of course. I said naturally. You could always, yeah. I love it. So what is the crackling noise exactly? So the crackling noise is when it comes out of the oven at 450 degrees and it's done baking. It's, and it hits the cold air of the kitchen, the cooler air of the kitchen. So you're hearing the crust, just like.

coagulating. Yeah. A little quagulating. I haven't heard that word in a long time. Yeah. It's probably,

I always use that word when I'm thinking about pizza and cheese. Uh-huh. I believe pizza is better five minutes later. You pull it out of the oven. Right.

It's so fast the cheese runs off and hasn't solidified. That's right. Is that proper use of coagulating? It hasn't coagulated. It hasn't like, yeah, exactly.

Okay. Yeah. We grew up not far. from each other in New Jersey. Where are you from? I'm from Bergen County from Park Ridge, Wilco Flake, Montvale, that whole area. Monveil. Yeah. I was in love with somebody from Montvale. You were? Yep. Maybe I knew her. Same age, pretty much. Pretty much. Maybe you didn't know her. Yeah. Anna. Oh, she was hot. She was great. She's still hot. Hi, Anna.

How did you meet a girl from Montfeld? College. Oh, it was later. Yeah. Right. Would you go to school? Boston University. Broadcasting in film, minor in political science.

Nice. It was a good education. Yeah, that's a good thing. Did you like New Jersey? I do. I quote your joke all the time. Which one? I tell everybody.

Oh, it makes me happy. I just did it. I was at a corporate gig. And someone asked where I grew up. And I was like, I grew up in like in North Jersey and I lived in New York and the whole like New York, New Jersey thing. And I always say, this was just Saturday night, literally new people I just met. And I said Jeff Ross, my buddy Jeff Ross has the best joke about, about New Jersey. Where are you from?

New York. What part, New Jersey? I do, I'm telling you, Jeff, all this. time. This makes me so happy. All the time. Yeah. And I quote you every time. Good delivery. Thank you. New Jersey. I'm New Jersey. Because I feel it. I know it. Yeah. Where are you from? New York. Oh, where in New York? They're always so excited. Yeah. What part? New Jersey. It's a lot of posture in that joke. Deflated. So brutal. That's pretty great. I'm from Newark. Yeah. And then we eventually moved to Union.

Right. And we wound up in Springfield. And in Springfield. On Royal Terrace. Right. Okay. 38 Ronald Terrace. Oh, yeah. That was a good spot. It was a good house. Yeah. Still there.

Is it? Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have said that. My cousins live around the corner, so I visited on holidays and family parties and stuff. We do a lap around Ronald Terrace. Yeah, that's cool. Does the house look smaller? I don't know. It seems about the same.

I moved out right when I was an open micer, right in the beginning of my comedy career. Okay. After school? Yeah. I lived there a few more years. As my relatives were dying. Right. I just started, you know, living there.

Right. And eventually sold it. And I found it. I went by last, I went by in September. My cousin Corinne passed away. And I went, we just sort of like the guys took a lap. Me and my cousins took a lap around the neighborhood. Uh-huh.

And the guy did remember me leaving the note. I found a note. It's like, hey, I hope you have a good life here. We had a good life here. Oh, really? The guy I sold it to still lives there. Really? Oh, that's great.

Kind of a bittersweet memory. Yeah, yeah. Tabotchniks, that was a good deli down there on Springfield. Right. Is that where your dad passed? No, my dad died in New Jersey, in that house, I guess, yeah. It wasn't that house? Well, he had a cerebral hemorrhage in that house and died at the hospital a few blocks away.

But, yeah, that was our town. That was our spot. You were young, right? You were a kid. I was a teenager. Yeah. Yeah. So you didn't start stand up until you went up to school and came back.

And came back and started a couple years after that. I got a late start. Right. Yeah, I was about the same. It was after school. Where'd you go? I went to Ryder College in New Jersey. And studied?

Communications. But they had theater. I went there because they didn't have a football program. I played football through high school. I didn't want to play anymore. What position? Fullback? Really?

Yeah. Huh. And I didn't want to play anymore. I was done. Yeah. I played from like first grade to senior year. I was like, all right. I stopped senior year.

Yeah. I played right through my junior year. Realized I wasn't going to start. Uh-huh. We had the best center in the state. Oh, really? So I was like going to be the punt center again. And I was just like, yeah.

Food, women. Right, exactly. Rock and roll. I know. Yeah. as it was over, it was just like fun city. Yeah. I got a guitar.

I started wearing moccasins. Mockisons are a good name for a roast guy's shoes. Are those your moccasins? Those are your moccasins. I mock people in them. Right. I got to think about how to work moccasins into the roast. Yeah.

Mocasins are good. It was, yeah, it was just over. So there was theater at that college, so I just went into that. But I wanted stand-up, but my parents wanted me to go to school. You did plays and stuff? All the plays. I did all of it. I just lived down in the theater.

That was it. Yeah, it wasn't my major, but I got all the roles and just lived it. And that's when I realized, oh, I can live this life. When I stopped going to parties and started like just going to rehearsal and going home by myself to learn my lines, I was like, I remember being at the Wawa, getting a sandwich after. rehearsal and having no desire to go to the party I was supposed to meet my friends at and the theater was more important to me. I was like, it was like a shift.

Like, oh yeah, this is, you're going to be a bit of an outsider if you're going to live this life. And I really like it. Like, this will be good. I could see doing this. Huh? Yeah. Yeah.

And no one pushed you that way. You saw it yourself. Yeah, no one. Amazing. No. I remember when I was at college, Brian McFadden was, he had gone. to Ryder and he was headlining catch in Princeton.

Remember that club? Of course, my first road gig. Oh, is it really? Yeah. And they did an article on him and I was like someone from Ryder became a comedian. And I was like, oh, wow, this is, all right, this can happen. I was totally finding it myself. Have you ever told

Brian McFadden that story? I don't remember. I probably did early early on. Brian's a funny guy and impressionist out of New York. Yeah. I haven't seen him in a long time. No. I haven't seen him in a bit. So where was your first spot then?

Was it in the city? I took a class in the city taught by Lee Frank. Right. And my pal Mark Chapin, my college buddy was the one who said, hey, I just took this class. I think you'd be good at it. Stand up? I thought it was a writing class. I was sort of confused.

And I go, I said, why would you think I'd be good at this? He gave me some ridiculous example of me being funny, making them laugh once. And the joke didn't make no sense. He was like, we were walking around Ronald Terrace during like a break from college. My college buddies was with me. And there was some, I don't even know what the joke was. Some Don of Knots was the punchline.

Like, my neighbor had a boat, and he was showing us a knot that he was making. Whatever I said. He was the Don of Knots. Like a Mafia joke? And that was the joke. I don't even know. He looked like Don Nauts, maybe in an ascot.

I don't know what. it was. I'll have to ask my buddy Mark, but he was the one who said, you've got to try this class. It's near the train station, near the bus station, and Port Authority. I was just some, I was trying to start a production company in New York. I did start a

production company, video production. Oh, really? My college buddy, Brian. Uh-huh. And my heart wasn't in it. We weren't really hitting. We wasn't really making it. And as a hobby, as a relief, release, a creative outlet, I took this comedy stand-up

class. I know. 10 classes, 10 Tuesdays. And on the Monday, before the last class, I went to an open mic at ye old triple in. Oh, man. I remember sitting in there. Really?

Yeah. 54th Street. I sat in there before I did stand up just because I heard it. And like, I'd never been to a comedy club and I was like, I can get up. And I was like buzzing like the, like, I could just be, I'm like one step away from getting on stage there. Because they gave you like three minutes, right? They gave you a very, it was very quick.

Somewhere I have a little micro cassette of my set. You do. And I was telling catering stories. Uh-huh. I didn't really have an act. Right. It sounded like Richard Lewis. I looked like Andrew Dice Clay.

I was 23. Yeah. It's so great. And I just sort of got through it. But my jokes didn't really work or my stories weren't that funny. They didn't really get laughs. But I got heckled by some sailors. in their white uniforms.

It was Fleet Week. Oh, wow. And I got, I kind of like handled it well. Uh-huh. And a chick came up to me like, you're funny and like walked away. And I was like, oh, my God. All my problems are solved. I don't know.

I was a fat loser living in New Jersey with my grandfather. Right. Like, I had no game at all, no life, no social. I was just. Yeah. So it really saved me in so many ways. Oh, my God. That's amazing.

Yeah. I distinctly remember a girl coming up at my first, my first bringer show at Stand Up New York. And remember that pizza place that was on the corner? And I was in the pizza place. Right next to Stand Up New York. Right next to 78th Street or 79th Street. 78th Street right next to it on the corner.

And it's like a Dwayne Reed or something now. And yeah, it was a pizza place right there on Broadway. And I'd done the Open, the Bringer show. and I was in there eating a slice with my buddy and a girl came up to the glass and banged on the thing and was like, you're so funny. Wow.

And it was like that stranger like in your story. It was like it meant everything. Some stranger went out of their way to come up and say, oh my God. Right. And you turned around and David Brenner was sitting behind you.

Whomp, wamp, wamp, Wow. That's beautiful. He used to have a joke like that. That's why it made a thing. He was one of his famous bits, David Brenner, a great comic in the 70s and 80s, I guess I didn't really know him, but I'd see him.

Yeah. And he'd pop in a catch on the other side of the other side. He had a joke, you know, a joke version of what happened to you. Right. Some crazy old lady was like, you're so funny. Then she looked at the guy next to me. You're so funny. And then she looked at the lady on the other side.

You're so funny. So before you took the class and your friend is like your friend, this is great, by the way, because I've known you pretty intimately for so long and don't know the answers to these questions. I love this. This is great. Why don't we eat? Do I get to eat any of that? You could eat everything.

You could eat. I would save the bread. Okay. I would go canolae, cheese or salami. Yeah, that's all yours. All right. And if you want to rip apart the bread to buy all means. I want to taste it with the.

You do? Yeah, a little bit. Aaron, do we have a serrated knife? we do would you mind rather than just tear at it like raccoons I'll cut it for you you have a good knife at home

yeah all right good I mean yeah it's well versed you know I have a thing where even on stage when people are eating in front of me

yeah I get you know how like some comics will be distracted if someone's not laughing someone's got a provocative outfit you know you're staring at someone's you know

cleave it. Me, if they're eating in front of me, I have a hard time doing my act. There's been times where I've eaten people's mozzarella sticks right off their plate at the comedy cellar. Sometimes they offer it to you, like, do you want some? I'm just like, yeah, but I

can't right now. Yeah. If I'm doing 20 minutes, I'll pass. But if I'm doing an hour, I might just eat someone's, you know, French fries. Right, exactly. Yeah, I'm going to cut this one. That white one's going to be better toasted. This one's going to have a really flavor though. Oh, I can't wait. Thank you. You're welcome. That's perfect. Yeah, that's perfect.

Mm, nice light and spongy. Oh, yes. Right? Oh, yes. Come on now. Come on, Tom. Come on now. You're an artist. I do it, I can't believe how long I've been doing it every single week. How long? Probably six years, seven years. Making bread. Yeah. Before the podcast. Before the podcast, before the pandemic. just been constantly just been doing this for so long now, I can't believe it. How much work this goes into a loaf of bread like that? Like two and a half days.

Days? Yeah. What? Yeah. Yeah. It's the opposite of comedy. Instant gratification. I thought of a joke. I'm going to go out tonight and do it. I know, but there's something also

very comedy-esque about it in that you're going to fail, you're going to try things, it's going to screw up. Like, it's humbling also. That's the connection with time. To get it right, like when Seinfeld would say, turn my head to the left, no laugh.

Turn my head to the right, big laugh. Yeah. Right, exactly. So great. Yeah, all that kind of silly stuff. So, yeah, I've been doing it for a long time. And I was like, I have like, you know, I like make it all the time and just like bring it to comedians.

It's really kind of crazy. I catch myself every once in a while, like, what are you doing? But I just really love doing it. Dear neighbors, they must stop by and pretend that they're just stopping by, right? Yeah, I'm like the weird guy in the neighborhood. I say to my one neighbor on the other side, whenever I bake too much, because I always bake it, regardless of what,

I'm not thinking of who's getting it all the time. And sometimes I'll end up with like, you know, two or three loaves that, and I just tell my neighbor, I text my neighbor, to the street. and he knows that that means we're going to meet on the street and I'm going to give him something that I've baked. Oh, that is so good. Oh, good. I'm glad you like it.

Wow, with the cheese and the pepperoni? That is, that's, that's, you're right, the flavor. That's heaven. Well done, pal. I'm glad you like it. It's also cool when you know who you're baking it for, like knowing, like, so I start this, today we're recording this on Tuesday. So when I got home from the road on Sunday, I started,

feeding the sourdough starter to get it ready to then start making the bread on Monday to know that I'm going to see you on Tuesday. It's so good just on its own. Yeah, it's pretty good. And it'll last for a while. And this one, you're going to toast and put butter on it. Like how long will it last? This will be like three, four days.

Really? Yeah. And the toasted one? Same. Yeah. And all you have to do is just throw a towel over it. And you'll be like a dish towel or. When you nuke it or, I mean, toast.

No. Like when it's sitting. Yeah, when it's just, when you have it at home. Just to keep it the air. Just keep it fresh. Yeah, if you keep it out, it'll shorten the amount of time. But you don't want to, like, cover it in, like, plastic or anything like that because then it's too much.

It needs a little air. A little, like, dish towel. Yeah, exactly. Or just keep it in the bag. That would work, too. I'm going to, this is so good. Yeah. Folks, if you get a chance, come on this podcast.

If you have any, if you have time, if you can find it your schedule, become friends with Tom pop up for 25 years and then get on the podcast and eat some of this bread. It's really true. I really, I'm trying to figure out like, how could I get bread to more people? But I'll, yeah, I'll try and kind of figure that out. Like that would be your merch? Yeah, like, it could be like a side hustle. Because people ask about it all the time. I post about it more than I do anything else. It's like comedy and bread. Right.

Yeah. Like, if I can. could sell it to people. It would be pretty great, it would be pretty great, but I don't know how you do it. Hmm. I know some. Poppins, Poppins, Poppah's, Poppah's, Poppah's, Brad. A bakery would be the logical. I know. That would be. A podcast bakery. Podcast bakery. I haven't seen that. Yeah. What was the podcast, what was the pop-up you had in Studio City? Exactly. You could do something like that. It was Christmas, the Christmas before the pandemic. Right. And got to. together with some friends who had an empty storefront on Ventura.

I forget what it was, though. My girlfriend, like, painted the windows. My buddy Kai supplied a bunch of art, and we made Roastmasters' Comedy and Art Gallery. Oh. And Bill Burr did a pop-up show. A bunch of comics came through. Seth Green and I did something together at night. And during the day, I had a big throne on stage, and people would come in with their

kids, their dogs, their mama. And they would sit there and comics would go on or I would roast them. It was like a photo op thing. And we sold all kinds of fun roasty merch, like two soon shirts and stuff like that. And coffee. I made my own blend. Oh, that I remember. I remember that part.

Yeah, yeah. And it was a big business for a couple of days like Christmas. That's great. What a good idea. I'll have to do that again. The pandemic, obviously, I didn't. haven't done it since then, but... Yeah.

Because we packed them in. I mean, it was... That's great. It was really fun. I could totally see you doing a bakery version of that. Yeah, that would be great. You know, if I do roasting, it makes sense coffee. Yeah, right, exactly.

Bread. Yeah. And you could shoot the pot, you could record the podcast at the bakery. And do it right there at the bakery. I'm investing in this. This is pretty good. I never thought of putting the podcast into the bakery. You know, let's get our rich friends on the phone.

How can we make this bakery happen? Yeah, it'll be a destination. You don't even need a hot location. People would come to wherever. Yeah. And I don't have to be the guy in there at three in the morning. I can get a baker and have him do it. Well, you'd have to, or her, but you, but you'd have to, it would have to be your recipe.

It would have to be your signature recipe. Yes, it'd have to be my sourdough starter. Yeah, obviously, Wolfgang Puck isn't like peeling carrots. You know, you don't have to quit comedy. The whole idea is that your fans go, maybe Tom will be there. Right, right. You do the podcast once a week, twice a week from there. Yeah, this would be great.

You'd have a real scene. That would be so great. You could even try a pop-up for the holidays. Right. Just do one for a month. Do a live show there. I like this idea. I love this idea.

I'm so glad you're here. All right, back to you. Yeah. Oh, um, so when you, when you, it's surprising to me that you weren't thinking comedy, um,

before this. No. Because you have such a classic persona. You have like the, the, the timeless comedian vibe, which is so cool. I was thinking about it on the way over here,

actually. You really have this, you, you, you have this timelessness to you, like the very classic, you know, you could, you could take a comedian, I could take you and plop you into the cat skills, or I could pop you into the show of shows and like all this classic comedy. And you would blend in perfectly. You have that timing, you've got that vibe. And yet, there's also this part of you that stays so relevant with a

very young audience. It's not like you're like outperforming to. 80-year-olds, your audience is actually younger than my audience in a lot of ways. And I wanted to ask you that. Like, how do you stay, how do you keep the young people coming? That's an interesting question. I don't analyze it. Whatever I do, I do instinctively. Uh-huh.

I have a theory, and I appreciate everything you said and thank you. I used to take it as an insult when people go, you're old school, because, you know, a long time ago, I didn't have the confidence. I didn't understand who I was. People go, oh, you remind me of the throwbacks. And I didn't know those guys. Right. I didn't, and those gals, I didn't know them.

So to me, and my friends later on became Buddy Hackett and Milton Burrell. And I knew them all. Shecky Green and these sorts of comics. So I get where it comes from, the Roasts and the Friars Club. But I was like, I see them more as kindred spirit. in my life rather than I'm emulating them. I feel like I am one of them. Yes, 100%.

Just in a different time. Totally. So I didn't think I was an influence by them. I just felt like some weird misfit toy that got thrown into another generation. Right. And maybe it's the Jewishness. Maybe it's the West Coastness. I mean, the East Coastness.

I never felt like it's funny that you didn't grow up like, studying them, learning them, you just were one of those guys. And it's like, yeah, it's kind of a, it's a little magic there, actually. It's kind of magical. I mean, because I didn't even connect that part because you, it did become friends with all those guys. And, but you were those guys before you even met them. I wasn't even into that kind of comedy. My parents were. I can remember hiding at the top of the stairs hearing my parents laughing at Buddy Hackett on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Right.

I vaguely remember like sticking my head into a showroom in the Catskills and hearing Mousie Lawrence for two minutes before I got kicked out. I am woman as you know, because I sit down when I go. But when I started buying albums and listening to comedy, to me, it was the rock and roll comics, Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin, Cheech and Chong, the Blues Brothers, Saturday Live. Right. I was into these rock and roll. comedy acts that played arenas.

Yeah, yeah. So it really was this sort of odd, happy accident, time machine warp thing that happened to me. Yeah. But to answer your question about keeping the audience younger, I think part of it is, and I always say this, I saw this with Jim Carrey, with Robin Williams, and even though I'm more, I'm not like them at all,

my style, I feel like comedians are ageless. You know, Robin Williams could make children laugh. Right. Jim Carrey could do a kids movie and an adult-themed serious drama. Yeah. And I always thought that that was the key to longevity. Mm-hmm. It was that your audience could grow with you.

Mm-hmm. And when I got opportunities to, like, hey, Justin Bieber wants to get roasted, I go, oh, perfect. Right. How do you be the elder statesman on that show without sounding old? Right. And I saw a lot of that. Like I saw a lot of old Friars guys start to sound old. Right. Even guys our age started to sound old. Right. Complaining about their mortgage, their kids. Like, oh, you know what? I got to remember not to do that. Yeah, I know. And talk about the things that everyone wants to talk about. Right. Not just curmudgeons. Right. Exactly. And I think somehow reading a lot. Yeah. listening to music that's not always just the Beatles. Right. And I do listen to the Beatles, but I'll all listen to Megan the Stallion too and Cardi B.

And keeping my influence, like artists have to keep, you know, the pandemic was great because it focused a lot of people on downloading new influences. You know, whatever you were doing during the pandemic. I feel like that should come out in your art now. Right. Better help. Everybody has problems. Everybody has things that they have on their mind. Everybody needs to be able to talk to somebody.

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You can get 20% off at checkout when you get sunday.com slash bread 20. That's 20% off custom plan. get sunday.com slash bread 20 i learned this in film school yeah people said to me why do you if you were in film school even back then 30 years ago in college you can't make films about making films you have to make films about astronomy and biology and geometry and like whatever history literature, you know, so you have to keep your influences going. Right. You can't, there's nothing worse than a comics comic who makes jokes about other comics. Right.

I get so frustrated by podcasts that are about other comics. Right. They're talking about other comics. Right. For their content, I'm like, boring. I'm like, you're never going to widen your audience. Yeah. Talk about the world and everything else.

Right. so much out there. Right, exactly. So I don't know. Part of it is just, yeah. I just, I do what's interesting to me. Yeah.

No, it's interesting. And you also, I think the roast part of it, it, you know, it's just, you know, like you said, you're never thinking about like, how am I going to reach this audience. It just kind of happens from what you do. And the roast thing, like even roast battle,

like, you know, that's, it's a late night thing at the comedy store, just like the cultivating of it. You know, it's a later night's thing. You know, young people are coming to it. It's not going to be something that, you know, the 8 o'clock crowd, you know,

who's got to get home to their kids, you know, or get up for work the next morning. Part of it is that I didn't succumb to that. Yeah. I never had kids. Right. So, you know, for better or worse, I was able to stay out late.

Yeah. And sort of cultivate that roast battle. community. Yeah. When did the roast thing start clicking? Was it just from doing one on Comedy Central

that in the early days? Well, I just want to finish this point because I heard today I heard John Stewart and Howard Stern talking about this. Like Howard was saying how he didn't want

anybody to succeed. Now he doesn't see it that way, but he wanted to be the only guy on the radio and he would get really, you know, he went to war over the ratings. He wanted to stay number one

and he wanted to kill off his community. competitors. Yeah. And it was toxic. I don't remember that. And obscene is what John Stewart called. And I made a decision not to be that way pretty early on.

Like it got to a point where everyone was calling you're the roast guy, the roast, but they can't do a roast without you. Then I started to see like, that's really a nice feeling. But it's also a trap. Right. Because then you start to be the funny guy on an unfunny show. And I'd been there. Those un-televised, they're only Friars Club, or people would bomb and people would go,

you were the best one, you were the best one. And I was like, that's not really a compliment if the show sucks. Right. Compared to what? So then I go, oh, you know what? I like when other comedians, newer comedians get discovered on the roast. And we know so many that that happened to.

Oh, yeah. But more importantly, I wrote a book. I wrote a book like a dozen years ago, how to bust balls, burning bridges. Right. And a lot of the interviewers, when I was promoting the books, said, why would you give away your secrets?

It was like a how-to on joke writing and roasting and how I would prepare, and here's the structure of some of these types of jokes and how to put on a good roast. It was like a recipe for a roast, you know, like get somebody who's a good sport, you know, a special a cake. And a lot of the interviewers said, why would you give away all your tricks of the trade? And I really thought about it because I was doing it instinctively and I said, you know what? I don't I'm not going to get toppled if I keep giving it away right I'll just be creating a bigger appreciation for all this yeah right exactly well I want young funny comics

of all shapes and sizes to get good at it yeah so that it's a culture and the whole form just rises up exactly yeah it's like it's like the Elon Musk thing about the electric cars it's like he wasn't going to try and hold everything in secret. It was let everybody make electric cars. Let's go. Let's all go. Right. Let's move into a new territory.

And now you're not just the guy who owns a company or the guy who like made electric cars happen. Right. It's much bigger legacy. Right. Exactly. So I really enjoy that part of it. Right.

And then eventually, you know, Julie Sebaugh wrote a roast battle book about the early days of roast battle. And you see how the roasts are the roast battles and the roasts are now in a countries. Wow. That's amazing. Everywhere I go, it doesn't matter if I'm in Europe. They know the roasts. Yeah. And I get emails from Russian roast battles and Mexican roast battles. And it's like, yeah. Yeah. That's so great. You know, you can never hold on to your little piece of land in show business. We all know that. Right. Everybody's jealous of somebody else. Right. Right now, Tom Cruise is going, that fucking George Clooney gets off. You know, like, there's no winning in show business. Not everybody's going to get the

Oscar. You have to enjoy the process, enjoy the community. You know, I always, another thing I try to tell myself is like shows, pilots, movies, scripts, it all comes and goes. It's our relationships that sustain us through our life, through our career. Yeah. You know, you meet somebody in the beginning and if they're a good person, you hold on to them. Right.

And when the chips are down, those are the people that'll pick you back up. Yeah. And when you're on top, those are the people. the people you can choose to work with. That's right. And that stuff is what's, I believe, given me some life and longevity and some happiness. Yeah, that's great.

When did you feel like you, when you, were you always at this zen about it? Like were you in the early days? No, no. When you weren't getting stuff? Well, you know, that's always the hard part is when we're not getting things. When I wasn't getting stuff, I would get, I would be driven.

Right. Not necessarily by jealousy, but by desperation. But once I started getting stuff, I had a little bit of that proprietary animal instinct, get out of my space. You know, was afraid to say yes to things. Because it's like you think you're only going to get offered something once. And I turned down things.

I wish I hadn't turned down, you know, hosting certain things. formats and stuff like that. I was like, oh, I'm an artist. I want to do my own thing. Oh, really? Yeah. Early on? Yeah. Wow. And I was like, oh, why was I so worried about all that? And I was... No, it's such a confusing time. Which deal to take and you're young and now you're getting some like heat. Right. And that stuff, I realized, oh, I could, I can't last like this. You know, I'd rather, I'd rather, very stress-filled. Yeah, it's a marathon, not a sprint. Right. And, and All those other people getting on that show and not me. Right.

I realize at a certain point, everybody funny makes it. Right. I said to Buddy Hackett once in this backyard a million years ago. He said, who is the funniest guy of your time, funniest person of your time? And he said, everybody funny had their time as the funniest person. Really? It was a project, a joke, a moment, a film, a TV show, an award, a said, a benefit, where everyone, you know, whatever the buzz was.

Uh-huh. And I got that. Right. It took a lot of pressure off. Yeah. Yeah. It takes the pressure off it, but also the pressure gets taken off when you're hearing those things and seeing those things after you start feeling a little more secure.

Mm-hmm. Early on, it's panic. Yeah. Like really early. Well, I couldn't believe I was a comedian. I couldn't even believe any of it was happening. Right. I made a promise to myself.

very early on. You know, when you experience loss as a kid like I did, it puts things in perspective pretty soon. Yeah. So I was like, wow, I get to stand on stage in a free country and say whatever I want for five minutes with all these open mics. It was like the most punk rock thing I thought I could do with my life.

Right. I wasn't going to be a singer and a guitar player like I dreamed of as a kid. Yeah. I was terrible. And I knew I was terrible pretty early on. Yeah. But suddenly, like, free speech.

I was a kid drawn, like, dead Kennedy's logos and swastikers on my notebooks as a kid, then going, oh, in any other country, I'd be arrested for this. You know, like, but in America, I could do it. So I said, when I finally got on stage that first time, I said, boy, I've been really hurt as a young man with loss. Yeah. If someone took this away, I can't let this get to a place where it hurts me.

Mm-hmm. Because I could really see myself getting addicted to this. attention. How? Like the rejection, the struggle of being a comedian. Mm-hmm. And then, um, like you were scared to get too close to it? Right.

So I made a promise to myself that if I did it once on television for five minutes, I wouldn't care if I ever did it again. Of course I would care, but I wouldn't let it crush me. I'd find some other fun thing or to do with my life. Right. or meaningful thing to do with my life. And was that a way to just protect yourself if it all went away? That was my suit of armor.

That was my suit of armor. Right, right. Yeah. I know I did it, but I'll be okay. That's why when the pandemic hit, I was like, okay, well, here's a test of that. Mm-hmm. And I was okay. Yeah.

I didn't miss it the way other people missed it. Yeah. I was okay. It was the only time that we would ever take a break. There was no other break. I'd taken another break here and there. and and and and just to read you know i would do other things i was producing and writing so i you know but yeah it was a good test of like i'm more than my act right i'm more than my name on a marquee

right yeah and i think that's important it is important i mean i have it from the family around like right you kind of reminded that every step of the way right as these people are growing in your house. Right. They need you. Right. They don't care. You got a new tag for your bread bit. Right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I remember very early putting, my wife putting on me on Conan or Letterman or something on TV and my daughter's jumping in front of the TV and dancing to us on the couch. Like, you're, no, we're the important ones. They're like doing their whole thing. It was like, yeah, they're right. They're right. It's beautiful. And I, I, I, I, I, have a very close family and I have very close friends and people who rely on me and you know

I like to think at times I'm everybody's rabbi my friends have told me that so yeah so there are things that that are yeah in a lot of ways more important than yeah show business yeah um uh bob was that way very much so he was uh and you were the first person i thought of when when when I heard the news. It was just, it was so devastating. And he connected to so many people. But, but you were the first one that I thought of. And thank you.

And, and you just saying that like, the people in your sphere think of you as the rabbi. People thought of him the same way. You guys had to. He was mine. Right. Right. Yeah. When I got, when I got down or had a question or had a, it was Bob.

Right. You know, his email was Bobby Daddy. Right. Call him Bobby Daddy. Right. Like this doctor doesn't know what he's talking about. Do you know another doctor? You know, like, are you on this medication?

Because he's trying to put me on this heart, this cholesterol, you know, and he knew. Right. And when some doctor sucked, he already knew that doctor sucked. Oh, really? Yeah. And he knew everything. Right. Those people are so valuable in your life.

Sometimes I feel a little bitter because Buddy Hackett was not for me, too. Was he really? died, you know, relatively young compared to some of his colleagues. And then it happened to me again with Bob. And I'm like, why don't I keep picking these guys that crap out early to be my best friends? It's like, I know. I know. I got to pick healthier friends.

This is really depressing. I know. But it really, Bob's death really helped coagulate a lot of the other relationships in my life. I spoke to three of Bob's death. dear friends today. We're checking in with each other more. Right. That's great. And we're a little more less guarded, I should say, a little more vulnerable, not in a bad way.

I feel older since Bob died two months ago. You do. I feel like my one layer, there's a layer of protection removed from me, from my life. It's very much, yeah, my father lost his father when he was young. and he always gravitated towards older men just subconsciously having those guys in your life gave you that perspective and he just he liked being around them I'm sure he got a lot of wisdom from them you know that that thing so it seems kind of natural that you had these

you had buddy you had Bob you know at some but at a certain point you kind of become that guy. You become that. Fascinating. Isn't it? A little circle of, yeah, it's really, as you say this, it occurs to me when I was in high school, my buddies would tease me that I acted old, like I was old in a young guy's body. Right. Now that I'm older, I feel young. Right. And I have friends that are the spectrum of young to old. Right. But, you know, if you want to think about comics from roast battle to 90-year-old comics that you check in to see how I'm doing. Right.

And, you know, I'm not sure why, but there's some wisdom from the old people and then there's some clarity from young people. Yeah. And I like it all. Yeah. Some perspective there. How did you become friends with Buddy Hackett? Because Buddy Hackett was one of the first guys.

Oh, this is a great story, actually. that I sat with my father and we watched us, like he had an early HBO special, I think it was. Oh, yeah. And I couldn't believe that this guy in a tux was, and he was like doing crowd work. And he was like, he rips apart that woman in the front. And he was just so funny and dirty at the same time,

but like dirty in a way that I wasn't getting in trouble being with my parents, like in watching it. Like they were all just loving the hell out of it. I was like, oh my God, this guy is something special. He I just saw his wife The other day Oh yeah

Yeah we had a nice talk I was roasting Steven Seagal at the Friars Club And I've told this story many times But the buddy part is It's fresh Uh huh Like

It was 1995 Maybe 96 What year did you start 89 89? I was doing stand up And doing okay.

But those roasts kick started a lot for me. At the Friars Rose like the early stuff. Yeah. And we're no one seeing it. You're just doing them live. A couple thousand people.

Yeah, but I mean like... Which was everyone in New York. Right. Like it was the first time I was really asked to do something other than Star Search that was not just comics, but there'd be other types of celebrities. Right. There'd be a boxer there.

There'd be a... Right. The mayor might be there. Howard Stern might be in the audience. Right. You know, Patty Hurst was there. So you had this interesting, like it was the elites of New York, the media. Right.

And back when that didn't have a negative connotation. Right. You know, Katie Kourke might be there. Marcus Stewart might be there. Right. And I met all these cool people. Right. Um, in Milton Burrell gave me this terrible introduction.

And then I went up and I, and Stephen Segal staring at me. He's in a, you can see he's not enjoying being roasted by all these amateurs. Right. It's like 1,700 people at the Hilton Hotel in New York. A lot of you don't know me. I have my one good suit on that I had one of my buddy's wedding. But I feel uniquely qualified to be here today because I'm also a shit. actor.

And I'm hitting, now I'm hitting. And I hit so hard that Milton Burl starts heckling me and Milton Burl starts heckling me. Oh, really? And Buddy starts defending me. And they start like kissing. So now I'm in this three-way improv at my first roast.

And afterwards, I'm back at the Friars Club having a drink with Buddy's holding court. And I say to them in front of a dozen comics, like, you know, for advice, how did I do? You know? Yeah. And stuff like that. And he's telling me, like, you know, giving me tips and that.

And he gives me his phone number. And he goes, well, you next time you're in L.A., give me a call. I held that piece of paper for a year. Really? Right? I even went to L.A. and didn't call him. I was too nervous. Uh-huh.

But eventually I did. Uh-huh. And he remembered? He remembered. Wow. I think I saw him one more time. And I said, I'm going to call you, I'm going to call you. And right before that roast is when I really met him.

It was in the elevator at the Friars Club. I was going upstairs to play poker with Greg Fitzsimmons, who was a member. His dad was a big shot there, Bob, radio guy. And the elevator door. opened up and buddy got on. And Mr. Hackett, oh my God, it's such an honor to meet you. If my parents were alive, they'd be so,

just like they'd have so much nach this that I'm meeting the great buddy Hackett. And I shake his hand and he shook my hand and he had a very sort of soft handshake to be squeezed. And he looked me in the eyes and he said, you know who hates farts the most? Midgets.

And I don't know whether I laugh or, What the fuck said? And the elevator door opens up, but he just waddles off. And I didn't see him again until that Steven Seagal roast. And then he defended me. And then, you know, maybe a year later, I finally had the guts to call him up. He invited me over to sit in his backyard. And he made me matzabri.

Really? Salami and matza and eggs and onions. And we became very close. People say, was he like a mentor, like a father figure? He was like my little brother. And I was like, he was a, like, he was a, He was a wild juvenile maniac who would pick me up, drive me to the valley, to some fried chicken place he liked, open his trunk, he'd have a briefcase that looked like he was doing a business deal, but it would have a bottle of booze and two glasses. Really?

And we'd eat fried chicken and drink booze out of the back of his car. Oh, my God. Or he'd pick me up and we would go to, you know, his country clubs or, you know, you know. He'd call me every morning. It was like my orange juice. Like it woke me up. You know, he would call you every morning? He'd leave an answering machine message if I didn't pick up.

And I have hundreds of them somewhere in storage of just him leaving jokes. And he would just call me up, you know, like a farmer walks into it and just, he'd have all these jokes. He would just try him out on me. And if I was doing a big roast, I would call him and I'd read my script to get his take on it. Right. And we were pals. He was my buddy. So that sounds like it was quite some time, like 10, 15 years?

Yeah, we had, I think he died in 03. So we had about 7, 8 years. That's amazing. Yeah, he died suddenly at his beach house in Malibu. How old was he? He's in his early 70s. Was he really? Something like that.

Wow, he's, yeah, he's one of those guys that you couldn't guess his age. Well, like I said, the comedians are ageless. He had this, you know, he was doing those Disney cartoons. Yeah. He loved to brag about all his money and had this amazing house on Whittier and Beverly Hills. Oh, really? Was it? Amazing.

Every time I drive by, I get a little steamy. Yeah. He was a really good guy. That's great. Guns, politics, like, women. Like, comedy was like number 10 on the things he was an expert on. Oh, really? He'd do about everything.

You know, he was just old rich guys. I could ask them about anything. Golf, I didn't play golf, but hearing him talk about playing golf with Frank Sinatra. You know, like one time Marilyn Monroe gave us all blow jobs. He never knew what was right. It was wrong in Syria. He was so funny. He didn't even care.

Yeah, God. And it was just so interesting. And it was, you know, we went to parties together and he got to know my friends, you know. So it was just the best. He's just the best. And he only wanted to help people. Right. And Sherry, his wife, they wanted to help animals.

They had an animal sanctuary. They did. She's still very involved in all that. Oh, that's amazing. Wonderful, wonderful guy. Did she corral him in a way? Like, whenever you hear these guys are like that. She tolerated him.

He was tough, man. I always wonder how those guys like, like, like make their way. You know what I mean? There are certain people who's just so reckless that you're like, how do they get of the meeting. How do they... He put them in the car. His love for show business,

his love for performing. Yeah. He was one of those guys. He was so famous. Don't forget, this is pre-internet, pre, you know, like, he'd walk into a restaurant. Let's just say the Friars Club in New York

or some Hollywood spot here, you know. And he'd just walk into the front. There's always a Mader D back then and always, you know. And, you know, when Buddy walked in and heads turned, right? He would just start talking to the whole room, which was amazing. It is amazing. He just had this unbelievable.

Yeah. And he didn't work hard. He could kill in first gear. Right. He could just start the joke halfway through. He didn't have to say hi. He just started. And it was amazing.

If you have time, you're ever feeling the blues folks. Yeah. YouTube buddy hack it on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. And these funny clips will come up. Jimmy Kimmel and Sal and those guys, they send me clips all the time, you know, whatever something new. Was he filled with joke jokes? Yeah, he was. He loved it.

Those guys were always told them stories. He called them stories. Yeah, right. Joke was like a one-liner. Right. Which he admired that I did. It would always give me, you know, pointers on that. And every now and then he would co-op one.

Right. Like, you know, he didn't like Jerry Lewis. So I had this joke about it. He said, so I was doing a joke, a roasting somebody, and I said, he's such a dick. He took Viagra and made him taller. And next thing I know, like, I'm at the, you know, country club and buddies just doing my joke about Jerry Lewis. I was honored. Yeah, of course.

I was like, all right, let Jerry be pissed at him, not me. It's pretty funny that we're sitting here in Los Angeles after all that time. You know what I mean? It was, New York was such a, because New York was such a. we're just, that was where we grew up, you know. Right. And there is this kind of, there is a funny thing that after all this time, we'd be sitting at a table and, in, it's 80 degrees outside of palm trees.

We made it. We made it. But if you said, hey, in 30 years, you and Jeff Ross will be in an empty studio eating bread that you made, we would assume we were poor. Right. Wow. are you eating bread? Why are you making bread?

What happened? But you know, life, man. La Chiam, folks. Yeah, absolutely. It's like, you know, it's not easy. Show business is hard. It's harder than it has to be.

There's a lot of ups and downs. Yeah. But I try to enjoy the process. I try to not let myself get too high or when things are good and get too low when things are bad. sometimes my manager would be like you guys you're not why aren't you happy this deal's great and I'll be like I'm thrilled but yeah I don't let myself go there because totally when you get edited out or the thing tanks I don't want to I don't want to jump off a roof right you know like I enjoy the day to day I enjoy you got to find a certain glee in bombing right or you're done you have to find you know yeah enjoy the process I have a big neon sign in my living room that says that. It does it really?

Yeah. Oh, that's great. Do you find that working the way that you work, you can do it on stage and just kind of like store it up in your head rather than sitting and writing stuff down and like working out jokes? I know if you have a roast coming up, you'll get specific about it. That's more of a targeted thing with an end date, like training for a big game. Like watching you and Atel go and do bumping mics. Right. It was, it was, like when you guys, you guys were starting to noodle around in the clubs before you brought that out.

Right. But at first I was like, really, Dave and Dave and Jeff up on stage at the same time? And then it made perfect sense. It made, like, it was, yeah, because that's how, that's where you're working. That's where he's working. It was like, and then put them both on stage at the same time. It was always, I like to have a plan that I can deviate from. Right.

And if I get off stage and I didn't stick to the plan, it means I killed. Uh-huh. It means I had enough happening in the moment. Right. And the crowd was hot or somebody was setting me up, whatever it was. Yeah. So I like to have a plan. The only time I'm nervous is when I don't know what's happening or I'm not prepared.

Right. And even then I've gotten better. Rickles would chide me about that. Uh-huh. And I've gotten better at trusting improv and going up with nothing. He would chide you about... He would tease me about over-preparing. About over-prepared.

And he would actually humiliate me about it. Really? A couple times. And I really, you know, he respected me, but we weren't necessarily close. Right. You know, like, we had times where we were close over the years, but, like, he always teased me that I was buddies guys. Oh, I'm not Buddy Hackett.

So, you know, he... And there was a little real truth to that. There was definitely some teeth to that. Yeah. And it was what it was. You know, I was friends with Buddy. Right. You know, Rickles lived another 15 years,

so the Rickles camp got Rickles a lot longer than the Buddy camp got Buddy. Right. And sadly, I was probably, it was just me and the Buddy game. It was just you. But, no, Buddy had a lot of, a lot of people.

that loved them. He really did. But I've learned over the years that I can trust my accelerator. Right. You know, I can just start talking. And if I know the subject, I don't have to craft it. Right. I'll find it. Right. And that rough draft will be enough. Isn't it amazing how long that takes, like to trust that? 30 years. It's crazy because... And it took getting pushed off the diving board by Rickles. Right. Yeah.

I mean, that thing of like, I have to remind myself sometimes like when you're going in, it's like, no, you know, you're funny. Like, you're, you've got, like, you have to keep reminding yourself. Like, you're, you have a lot of hours up here. Like, this is going to be... Here's a story I've never told. Here's a story I've never told. See how to tell us. I was very honored to be invited.

All right, I'll back it up even more. John Stamos is 50th birthday. Uh-huh. It's like, he says, I'm turning 50. A black tie thing at the Tower Barth, Sunset Tower Hotel. Right. Sagitt's going to host. I just want you and Rickles to speak.

Nice. I mean, I want an honor. Right. Yeah. And please roast me. John Stamos. That's what of the. Great ass.

easiest targets in the world. John Stavos is so handsome. His birthday candles blew him out. Blew him. A lot of easy, fun jokes. But I worked hard on it. And when it got to me, I had my three pages. And I, you know, you look down, you look at the joke and you look up and you say it and

you're doing it like a roast. Right. Like I'm prepared. Yeah. And then Rickles is, of course, after me. And we'd done a lot. You know, it was a certain point where you were nobody in Hollywood, unless you had Ross and Rickles at your birthday making fun of you.

So it happened. It already happened a few times where at different events, Don would go on right after me, and he would give me shit about being prepared. And he really laid into me that night about having my papers and prepared. And he just went up off the cuff and destroyed. And it was heartfelt and everyone burst in all applause. It was wonderful, but it really stuck in my craw, enough where even Stamos reached out.

He's like, hey, man, he does the same jokes all the time. Right, exactly. But you come in with fresh stuff, so don't take him personally. And I can't say any of that to Rickles, but, you know, afterwards, John was very cool about that. And he got it. That was a big thing for him to say to me because he really was very close with Don and Don was my idol. Right. So it hurts when they take a dig at you, which you kind of don't think of.

is really a dig, but more like, it's kind of making sense. Right. And in that, I probably could do it without the notes. Right. Even though I know that I scored really big, but I also worked days on it. Yeah. I mean, that's all new fresh stuff. While I was doing all this other stuff.

Yeah. So, right. Fast forward, you know, I guess three, three, four years later, and Don dies. Right. And I'm at the temple. Yeah. You know, his wife and daughter, and they invited me and they loved me, and I knew them well over the years. Yeah. But it was a weird thing. And even at, like, Buddy Hackett's funeral, Don sat next to me, and after my eulogy, gave me a nice tap on the knee.

Like, he respected me. Right. And everyone's up making these formal speeches about Don. Uh-huh. And then Tony O, his manager, his road manager, Yeah. He comes over to me, he's like, I'd like you to say something. It's like on five minutes, no notice. No notice.

Right, Judd Appetal's house standing in front of me. He didn't speak and no one, everyone around. But me, I'm getting the knot with no notice. Oh, boy. So now I have five or ten minutes to just think. Think, yeah. I don't want to, and my instinct is to go to my phone and start making notes in the notebook. Sure.

Or writing something down. Yeah. And then I just saw Don in my head, knowing, just talk. What the fuck you're doing? Yeah. Just talk. Who's more of an expert on Don Rickles than you than me? Right.

I'm yelling at myself. Right. And that's what I did. Yeah. I just talked about him. And it worked because it was fresh. It was from the heart. It wasn't scripted.

I didn't have an agenda. I wasn't trying to get anything off my chest. Right. I was just there to make people laugh and to honor my friend. Right. And an idol of mine. Right. And it went over really well.

I remember Judd kind of looking over back at me like, hmm, you know. We should all have someone talk about us when we die like that. Wow. Did you mention the notes? I probably did. Yeah. I probably did. I bet you did.

Or I would probably, you know, more off the cuff like. Like, you know, Don will be proud. I'm not using notes. You know, like that kind of thing. Yeah. But, you know, I talked about when I met him over the years. And I have a beautiful note from him from when I was a beginner from I performed at a tribute show to him as a young comic.

And he wrote me this beautiful note. Wow. You're a funny young guy with a big future, that kind of thing. It's hanging in my house. That's the best. But here's a good one, Milton Burrell's funeral. I had just been there at the same cemetery. few months earlier, you know, for Buddy Hackett's funeral.

Actually, I think, I forget the order. They died within a year or two of each other. Yeah. And I remembered, I guess it was Buddy's funeral. Mm-hmm. That I remembered there was this bathroom behind the, whatever you call it, you know, where the coffin is and the podiums. And I knew there was like a little...

The altar? I guess so. Yeah. There's a little family room. I remembered from Buddy's funeral where... A little powder room. Right. You know, not a public restaurant.

Yeah. Yeah. Now it's, I guess, Milton Burles funeral, which is long. Very long. Yeah. And I didn't speak, but I'm just sitting there. As a guest, Milton and I were good friends, and I was just still that young comic, you know. And the service ends, and everyone's heading out to the grave to, you know, put the casket in the, in the,

ground. Everyone rushes to the bathroom. There's a lot of old people there. They got to pee. You know, like, and I see the lines forming for the restroom before everyone goes out to the plot. But I know, I remember that there's this little family room. Right.

In the back. So I run back there. Like, fuck it. I'm not part of this family, but I know where that is and I'm going to go pee. Yeah. And I'm in there, Tom, maybe 45 seconds. Quick pee, wash my hands, right? And zip up and I open the door.

I'm not even in there a minute. Don Rickles is standing outside the door with his hands on his hips, like right out of CPO Sharky. But this look on this, this sour puss on his face, he looks at me as if I've been in there for two hours. He looks me up and down, sees it's me. And I've never really spoken to him at this point. I hardly know him. And this is how I knew I made it. Yeah.

He looks me up and down and he goes, what was there a dais in there? So I was like, yes, Rickles knows who I am and then I roast people. I've made it. It's the best. It was so great. It was so great.

He used to love to tease me about, you know, I like to dress up with the roast. Right. Right, right. He's like, he's like, why does that be roast Jewish Halloween for you? I once canceled a, this is my only Rickles story. I had a, I was supposed to go to Costa Rica with my family.

Right. And for vacation. And they call me from Just for Laughs and say, can you work with Rickles for two nights at Just for Laughs? Wow. And I was like, I told my family. Open for Rickles. Yeah. Wow.

And I, and I, they said, I told my family, I'll meet you in Costa Rica. And I went to Montreal. It was my, because he was getting older. I was like, this is my only chance. I never met him and just had two nights with him. And I was like, after the first night, I was like, when we came for the next one, I was like, Don, now that we're, this is our second night together, do you think when we get to L.A. will be friends.

Like, we'll hang out. Don't get carried away. Do you think you're going to watch my whole set tonight? Are you going to watch the whole thing? Are you going to stay in the back and watch my whole set? Please. So at the end of the night. At the end, the whole thing's over.

I love how you set him up. Yeah, I was just lobbing, loving, loving him in. And he brought me into his dressing room. His manager came to get me. He came to his dressing room, and he's in his little robe, and he's got his vodka. And he says, he took my hand, you know, like a grandfather, like when they don't let go your hand. And I'm, like, crouched down next to him. And he said, he said, Tom, I just want you to know, I watched your whole set.

All kidding aside, I watched your whole set. tonight. Have you ever considered a career in food delivery? You throw in some jokes once in a while so you don't kill yourself. I was like, I just floated to Costa Rica after it. And he knows you're going to tell that story forever. Forever. Forever. The best. The best.

What a badge of honor. Oh, my God. Yeah. And very rare to have a comic open for him. Oh, really? That's the just for last people did that. Yeah. He would never.

Oh, really? He always would have like a Sinatra in person. Or some like some girl singer. He would call me called girl singer, you know. Right. He was, yeah. He didn't like comics going on before. Oh, interesting.

That's interesting. Yeah. Thanks to those guys. Yeah. But just that little dose of that. Amazing. So good. So good.

Yeah. Yeah. So what are you going to do now? Are you going to go out on tour now that the pandemic's over and we're... I've been in it, man. Yeah. I'm a year ahead of everybody. Yeah.

I could... about it almost nine, ten months of not performing, I was out with Craig Robinson, Domera's birthday during the pandemic. He said, meet me at Dom's, we'll bring him something neat, it's his birthday. And afterwards, he says, follow me. So I get in my car, I follow him to some parking lot in North Hollywood.

And I'm like, I go out to a dark corner of this lot behind a tree. I'm peeing, and all of a sudden I hear my name. So he introduced me and we went up together as our Ross and Robinson. We did like a half an hour of just riffing. Yeah. And I just started doing all these quasi-legal parking lot shows for a few months. And then Chappelle was like, hey, come on out to Yellow Springs. Let's do some shows.

So I actually went out with Sagitt. I remember that. I actually went out with Sagitt and John Mayer. And that led to, you know, I got the bug. Yeah. And I started just doing everything I could do. Yeah. And wind up going around the country and to Europe with Dave.

Yeah. Oh, that was, what a treat. I remember watching that happen. I was. We just did a week in Paris recently. Really? Really? So cool.

Wow. What a great life, you know. I go, being a comedian, and you'll understand this because I know you have these adventures. Yeah. It's a backstage pass to the world. Right. If we had any other thing. You just wouldn't get that sort of access.

No way. That's what my wife and I always say. We end up in these crazy places with these crazy people and we just quietly say, thank you comedy. Exactly. Thanks, funny. Right? Yeah.

Thank you comedy. I would never have been here if it wasn't for that. Incredible. Yeah. I still appreciate it. I do still appreciate how lucky I am. Yeah. People go, do you get sick of being a type of.

cast as the roast guy, I go, I got the best fucking job in the world. I know. What he's talking about. For years, it was like, you're, yo, you're just going to be the roast guy? Yeah. Yeah. Stay in your lane. How about it's an eight lane highway?

We're going to run you over, you asshole. It's so good. And the last thing I'm going to ask you is, because I've watched you through the years, that your look has evolved. You've changed your look a bunch Because you had hair And then you had like big curly hair Then you had like the big mop

And then you went And now you're Now you're all dusted up and nice and bald Do you feel good bald Do you miss your hair? There was a few years there I've never told this story I'm very wispy as you see

I lost all my hair in a month What? Alopecia Wow No, no way. Even now, my eyebrows come and go. How? Depending on who knows.

And I've never talked about this. It took me years to even say it to myself. Right. I would lie, I'd just duck it, I'd fake it. You had no idea what was happening at the time? It took a few months to figure out. I thought I was sick. Uh-huh.

And it was really scary. It was coming off a breakup. I was stressed. Yeah. And I didn't know what was happening. And doctors couldn't figure it out. Oh, geez. But eventually I figured it out.

And Dr. Drew sent me to a specialist at Yale. Brett King, who helped me at least retain some of my facial hair and stuff like that. Wow. I still have hair on my body. I never had hair on my legs, neither was my sister. Right. I have a little bit here and there. Yeah.

So to answer your question, it was sort of, my life's been a bunch of happy accidents. And I considered the alopecia one of them. Right. Because right after that, I had the idea to go to a jail and do a show. Which was great. Thanks. The one with the, and then New Mexico? Before that one.

Before that one. I did Jeff Rossbrook's criminal. Right. Down in Brassas County, jail in Texas. Right. And then I started to walk in there and I go, man, the shaved head is working. Right. The mob would have looked like they would have hated me.

I would look like they're a lawyer. Right. But when I walked in looking like a skinhead, I think it gave me a little bit of a... Yeah. That little extra thing I needed so that they wouldn't. that would take me seriously. Amazing. It's so crazy.

I don't miss anything. I had so much taken away over the years, but I always, but new opportunities, new feelings, take that over. And I'm really try to think positive, stay positive. Yeah. And see everything from the bright side. Yeah. I have to.

The alternative is useless. It sucks. Useless. Now, I look like if Amazon sold a Jeff Bezos blowup doll. Yeah. It is what it is, man. It looks good. It really, you own it.

And it really looks great. But only if you, like, knew you from early on, like, there's been a couple different versions. It's like, you know. Yeah. It's life, man. The alternative is death. So I'm all in. All right.

Well, you were very inspiring. This was great, Jeff. This was really cool. I'm going to send you home with these breads, and you're going to take the canoles, because it's the 50th anniversary of the godfather. Leave the knife, take the canoes. Where are they from? They're from Monte Carlo, Pinocchio's in Burbank. I am going to devour those in the car on the way home, if there's traffic, if not, I'll wait until I get home.

You're the best. Thanks for the bread. And thanks for being such a good pal for so long. Absolutely. My pleasure. and make sure you'll give me some reviews as the bread. I want to know, keep me track. I got this great jam that I got in London.

I'm going to mix it with the bread. Yes. It's like you suggest. Yeah, text me and keep me, let me know how it's going down. Enough with the bread already. We didn't even talk about the poems. We got it, Aaron. That's our big show.

I'd like to thank our good friend, Jeff Ross, for being here. He's going home happy with canolis and two breads. And I get to go home filled with great. stories from a good friend and now I feel as you do even closer to the great Jeff Ross. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next time.