Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Is Kira Soltanovich a gypsy, a witch, or a sorcerer? | Breaking Bread with Tom Papa #194

Episode Date: February 13, 2024

Tom and Kira chat about Kira’s vomiting from sublingual vitamins. Kira calls out Tom for witch-hating. Tom shares some hot fitness news and Kira tries wall sits. Kira talks about her new Krav Maga class. Tom explains how he never gets full. Tom and Kira talk about the Laugh Factory and comedians, and Kira tells a Keith Robinson story. Tom and Kira talk about comedians like Dave Chappelle aging and the popularity of comedians like Matt Rife. Tom discusses his hosting of the Pollstar Awards & Kira shares her hosting stories from an event in Cannes. Finally, they follow up on the previously posted dog people video. About Tom: Tom Papa, a celebrated stand-up comedian with over 20 years in the industry, has made significant strides in film, television, radio, podcasts, and live performances. Notably, he's a regular on "The Joe Rogan Experience" and various late-night TV shows. Papa's literary skills are evident in his books “We’re All In This Together” and "You’re Doing Great!: And Other Reasons To Stay Alive," a collection of essays, and "Your Dad Stole My Rake: And Other Family Dilemmas," a comedic look at family life. His latest stand-up specials are “Tom Papa: What A Day!” and "Tom Papa: You’re Doing Great!" on Netflix. Beyond comedy, Papa's engagements extend to hosting "What A Joke With Papa And Fortune" on SiriusXM and appearing on NPR's "Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me." His love for baking led to hosting the Food Network series "Baked." As an actor, he's worked with notable figures like Rob Zombie and Steven Soderbergh and has appeared in several films and TV shows, including the HBO film "Behind the Candelabra." Additionally, Papa has contributed as a writer to projects like "Bee Movie" and various TV series. Residing in Los Angeles with his family, Papa continues to balance his professional life with personal interests like baking. About Kira Kira Soltanovich is a multifaceted talent in the entertainment industry, with a career spanning nearly a decade as a correspondent on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," where she became known for the Phony Photo Booth segment, the show’s longest-running comedy piece without Jay Leno. Her collaboration with Leno continued in the reboot of the "You Bet Your Life" game show, now syndicated on FOX. Soltanovich has also made her mark with stand-up specials on Showtime and Amazon, titled "Here Comes Trouble" and "You Did This To Me," respectively, and has served as the sidekick to Donald Faison on Netflix's game show "Winsanity." Her recurring roles on FOX's "Punchline" and "The Drama," regular appearances on TruTV’s "How To Be A Grownup," and her work on the Facebook series "The Turndown" highlight her versatility as a comedian and actress. Beyond her television work, Kira has been a staple in the comedy scene, from her early days on "Girls Behaving Badly" to being featured on Comedy Central and winning the Big Sky Comedy Festival. Her comedy has also been celebrated at the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival in Montreal. A unique aspect of her career includes writing jokes for Joan Rivers and her origins from the former Soviet Union, adding depth to her comedic perspective. Currently, Kira is focusing on creating and producing her own talk show, "Let’s Get Sweat!," set in a sauna, and preparing to record a new comedy album. This journey from a Soviet emigrant to a celebrated figure in American comedy showcases her remarkable adaptability and creativity in the entertainment world.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey! But don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey! Hey! Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I'm here with my good pal Kira Soltonovich. It sounds like we're in church now.

Oh. We've got a great show for you today. We're going to catch up on a whole bunch of stuff. We'd like to thank the good people at Factor Meals. for sponsoring today's show. Factor's delicious, ready to eat meals make eating better every day easy. Wherever tomorrow takes you, be ready with pre-prepared, chef-crafted, and dietitian-approved meals delivered right? Let me guess. To your door!

To your door! Head to factormeals.com slash Papa 50 and use code Papa 50-50-50-50 to get 50% off. That's code Papa 50 at factormeals.com slash Papa 50 to get 50% off. You know, 50%. That's a lot. That's like half off. Yeah.

Right? Just about around. Thank you, Factor Meals. Good to see it here. It's nice to be back. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. I know. It really has been a long time.

It's been days. I know. I feel like the. podcast. Now, just to give you an update on the Tritoria, we have our big booth is kind of like the big lynchpin. It's kind of the main thing that's coming into our new set. And we have so much stuff. We've got wine. We've got espresso machines. We've got beautiful artwork. We've got so much waiting just around us, just waiting. And this booth is finally going to come in. Our restaurant Brombooth is going to be installed.

I would say, he said in about a week and a half, so I would think probably by July it'll be in. But it's very exciting. But I was thinking today, because we have just had Brad Williams and we've got David Cross coming up and a whole bunch of guests. But then we get to do these, and I like these because it's kind of like this is the family. And then once in a while you have people over. Well, this is the catch up. Right. So we can't really catch up when there's a guest.

It's about the guests. Exactly. Yeah. And then sometimes you have people come over. You got to make them feel good and do the things. Be good hosts. And then on the other days, we get to entertain and just have dinner with the family. That's what today is.

That's what today is. Do you hear a chipmunk? There's always some little critter stuck in the floorboards of this place. There's always an animal, getting strangled. How cute are those dogs next door? Those dogs are very sweet. Oh my God. I do want to eat their faces.

I want to eat their faces too. Yeah. One is a little like poodley thing. Yeah, like a doodle mix. I'm sort of, yeah. It's about the size of this wine bottle, literally. Yeah. And normally I see those dogs and I'm like, yeah, that dog.

I'm like, I think I could have seven of these. I love that dog because it has dark hair and then dark eyes. So you really can't see if it's. a face or a butt. Like, what's coming at me? Because it's all just so hairy and curly and labradootly, you know, like. And he's so happy. And he's very sweet.

What was that other one? It was like a fox. That other one was, yeah, that was like an Arctic wolf. Like a baby Arctic. So that lives in the snow. How's your espresso? We have new espresso here, breaking bread. Yeah.

It's very strong. It is? Yeah. I haven't had coffee yet today. Yeah. And I'll tell you why. Okay. It's a little, do you get grossed out easily?

Are you going to be freaked out? You know me. I love gross stories. So I gave my 13 year old some vitamins. Ew. But he's older now. So he takes, you know, it's not like these kiddie vitamins that are just coated in sugar and the shape of a star. And there's just 100% just garbage.

And then a little bit of zinc, you know? It's like my 13 year old now takes what I take. And they're sublingual. So you just put them under. your tongue and they dissolve. I like those. Yeah. They work really fast.

They go right into your bloodstream. I have B12 that way. Yes, I have my B12 that way. It's like all the little like, the little artery thing. Yeah, but it goes under your face. Yeah, and it absorbs right away. Oh.

So the eight year old says, oh, I want some of those. And I didn't even think. And I go here, that's fine. Gave her some zinc, vitamin D, vitamin C. Yeah. Get in the car. Let's go to school. The second we get in the car, I feel.

funny. Oh, she didn't eat? No, she had breakfast. Uh-huh. She had toast, apples, chicken sausages. Full, great, amazing breakfast, which ended up in my car. No. I don't know what happened. So just projectile. Oh, no. As you're driving? Yes, and I had just put my to-go coffee in my cup holder, we're driving to school, and that's when I sip it as we drive and we sing songs. Oh, no. And I immediately lost all interest in any kind of food or beverage. There's no way I'm going to drink. Did it land in your cup? No, but my 13-year-old lost his mind because he's in that teenage angst.

Like, everything is, you know, everything just bothers him. You say good morning wrong. He's like, oh, why did you say it like that? It's like, I can't even communicate with this kid. You met him just in December. I know, but it's kind of like when you meet people, like everyone I know, talks about their family. And they, it's like a horror show.

My mother's this way. My son's this way. And my kids are that way. Then you meet them and you're like, I don't see the problem. There's, I know. I get it. They're delightful. He was, of course, very bothered by this.

By the throw up. I immediately, I churn the car around. I head home. Yeah, of course. He's fine on time because he always gets to school 40 minutes early. This poor kid has to sit and wait. Because that's when carpool goes. Yeah.

It's like, you know, know, we just got to do the two drop-offs. So he's fine on time. So I go, we're going home. So I make a big you turn head home. I have a power wash that I just spray everything in my car, just shampoo. I'm cleaning it immediately. Was it a lot? I take her. I go, get naked. Get in the garage. Immediately naked. I'm fine. I didn't get it on me. Yeah. Just all of it off. Just all of it off, off, all of it. I hose her down like an animal. She runs into the house.

I go, brush your teeth immediately. Swish water. Is she feeling okay at this point? Yeah, she's great. She's like, I feel so much better. Oh, great, but now we're all just on the verge. And your car's going to smell like it forever. It's, that's it.

I'm selling it. I'm burning it for the insurance money. Yeah, I'm just going to set it to flames. So she goes and so now I'm like juggling and I go. I'm looking at her. So I go, all right, I'm looking at you. I'm not going to cancel my podcasts. You're fine.

Because I was like, I got to cancel the whole day. I don't know. Is she going to shit her pants next? I don't know what's going to happen. Isn't it funny to think that our destiny was related to some little girl throwing up somewhere in a minivan? It's beautiful. Like that it possibly could have changed our day, our week, our podcast schedule.

Your lives, all the choices you would have made for the rest of your life. because you gave her the wrong vitamins. I did, and I feel terrible. You think it was the vitamins? For sure. Yeah. It was for sure. It was for sure.

Why? What's? Because they're really strong. Anything sublingual. You do all of those are sublingual? Because I don't like taking a bunch of pills. I just hate it. And I won't do it.

But these I can do fast. And I'm like, great. I did my vitamins. I'm done for the day. Now here's something I think of, I think of you often. And I think of you most when I am in my pantry, breaking out my vitamins. And they're all gummy.

The zinc is a gummy. The multivitamin is a gummy. The B12 is a gummy. The D is a gummy. And I hear your voice going, Gummies. They've got filled with shit. Yeah.

But are they really? Yeah. What? Well, I mean, they are. What? What do you think a gummy is made? What do you think? In a factory?

Ferry comes along and like scoops up all the vitamins. Well, how do you think your bilinguals are made? Not bilingual, sublinguals. They don't speak French. They're literally just a powder. They are just the vitamin, the essence of the vitamin. That's why it was too much for her. So what do you think is in the gummy?

Caribouba wax, whatever it's called, Kenanuba wax. What's the stuff that's in gummy worms? Do you really think it's that bad, honestly? Yeah. Why? And by the way, you know, whatever pot. You were on. That lovely host.

Right. Tagged me on a post. Didn't say anything. But I clicked on. I was like, oh, what's this? And I see your face. And I go, oh, something nice is going to be said about me. Yeah, always.

The host, I'm sure a lovely person, thinks I'm a witch. Because we talk about this kind of stuff. So we can't talk about this anymore. Wait, wait, wait, what are you talking about? He's like, well, Kira's your co-host. he he's like she she's your co-host now and i don't know she's a little weird with all her and maybe she's a witch and you were like yeah she is well i only say that because that is what you call yourself okay so you know people of certain ethnicities can call themselves those things gypsies right

and then you're not allowed to if you're not one do you understand do you say the difference no yeah that only pertains to no black people yes and Jews, Joe, we can make fun of ourselves. Correct. And you cannot. I can make fun of Jewish people. Absolutely not. 100%.

No. Not this. Nah, there's a level. It's like a red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple kind of thermometer. I think Jewish people, much like Irish people, Italians, Polish, are all grandfathered in. to the ribbing and sense of humor. At a certain level. Yeah.

But. I think we're, I think we're all at a, have, we're all a certain point where you're allowed to make fun of each other. Again, to a certain degree. Not in the orange and red zones.

Yellow is even a little, oh, you're pushing it. Anyways, witches, you know, my people, witches.

You keep saying witches, but I think, I think what you, you self, you're self-proclaimed. A gypsy. A gypsy and a sorcerer. What podcast was this?

I don't know, but he tagged me and he didn't say anything and I was like, really, like, really? What was it? Why don't you loop me in so I can defend the gypsy slash witch race? I don't think you, I think you're being silly. Oh, like a witch would be? Like a witch would be. Yeah, typical witch. I think that you, you're so witchy.

I think that you liked it and you like being called a witch because you are filled with potions. I am. Bilingual vitamins and all the rest of it. Yes. But you don't understand it's, you know, it's a sensitive. We couldn't start this podcast because you were asking a stranger in the building, a thousand questions about your sorcery and banya sticks. That's different.

That's saunas and steam rooms. That's not, I mean. But anyways, I just want to be respectful. for being a quarter Dracula and half a witch, a witch wizard gypsy. That's all I'm asking. I don't think it's asking too much. All right, but I think that we do.

I think you are our resident sorcerer. What would you like to be called? I would like that, but I want it, you know, I'm just saying when you're out in public on a podcast. Okay. Okay, I just want the certain level of respect that a quarter Dracula commands. Okay.

Are you following this show? Do you know how we're supposed to act? I'm actually making notes and I'm going to look it up later to determine what is acceptable and not acceptable. Thank you. That is the respectable way to treat my people and my ancestors that I'm descended from. Anyways, this is my first coffee in the day and it's very strong and I'm almost a little drunk. It's good.

It's really like going right to my brunicles. When I was driving here, I was like, I think. think I might drink on this podcast. Alcohol? Yeah. Oh, that much stress in your life? What's happening? No, it's actually the opposite. I've had a lot of stressful things I had to knock off my list. Oh, and you did it. And they're all done. And coming to see you is a little bit of a celebration. And I was like, I should be bringing like pastries or something. And I was like, no, she'll probably bring someone. She brings the coffee. And now there's none, I'm thinking maybe a glass of wine would be nice. Hey, get me David's coffee order tomorrow, and I will.

I'll be the coffee fairy. Oh, yeah? Yeah, for sure. That's fantastic. Abraham Lincoln, make a note to reach out to David Crosses people, see if he would like coffee tomorrow. Okay. I asked you if you had been extra pelotoning, and you said, oh, I'll tell you, I'll tell you on the. I've been pretty good with the pelotoning, and I was good on the road.

I actually did it a couple of times, and yeah, I've been good. But there's new news in the fitness front. I don't know if you're aware of this. This is hot news for everybody. Okay. And it's going to sound encouraging, and then it's going to, then you're going to get suspicious, and then you're going to realize it's actually harder than you think it's going to be. Okay.

There was a report this week from health people.org that said one of the greatest things, one of the best exercises you can do for your cardiovascular health, lowering your blood pressure, is wall sits. They said this is great news for people that don't have time to Peloton or run or go to the gym or lift weights. Okay. But want to be healthy. Because I think it's like 15, it can't be 15 hours. 15 hours?

No, no, no, no. Of cardiovascular of what you're supposed to do cardiovascular. A week. A week. Okay. It's probably like, it's probably like three hours a week. Yeah. 15 minutes.

Yeah. One hour a day is what you hear at most. At most. Yeah. So maybe. I don't know why. Five hours? Five?

Maybe. Hmm. I don't think that's even high. Anyway, when you're in your hotel room, when you're done cleaning up a throw up, you can just lean against a wall and do a wall sits. Timing of the wall sits, it's, you have to do a set. You have to do this three times a week. And you do a wall sit for two minutes, rest for a minute, wall sit for two minutes,

rest for a minute, wall sit for two minutes, rest for a minute, wall sit for two minutes, two minutes, and that's a set, and you're done for the day. And then you do that three times a week. So five minutes of cardio a week. Yeah, this isn't even cardio. The reason that this is good, do you remember this? Yes. You do?

Yeah, what specific are you? Why is it good for you? Why is it so, why is it the greatest thing you can do for your cardiovascular health? Because it lowers blood pressure. Why? Because when you stay in that position, it builds, up tension and it does something to cause the blood vessels to expand and that's good. Okay, so I do know this.

Whenever you contract your muscles and hold them, which is what you're doing when you're doing a wall sit. Yeah. Is what I think you're talking about. It's contracting your muscles and holding them. Right. And it creates actually more blood flow. More blood flow.

Is that why yoga is good for your heart? Yes. Holding those poses. Right. Yeah. So this sounds like great news. Easy peasy. Wallsits.

My heart's going to be great. I did a wall sit. First part of the set for two minutes. I got to 45 seconds. Yes. That's what I'm saying this whole time. Two minutes is insane. That's insane.

You might as well say hold your breath for two minutes. Yeah. It's a lot. That's a lot. I don't know if we can get stronger. Joe did it on the radio. show. And first one, one minute. I think I did a little over a minute, maybe a minute 15. Minute 15. Yeah. It's impressive. It is impressive. And then he quickly went down in the next one.

Yeah, I think I went down to 45. And then like your daughter, he almost threw up. It's a lot. It's a lot. So do you want to try it and I'll time you? All right. Let's see. Can I lean on this wall? Yeah, you can lean on. Yeah, you can lean on. on it. How 90 degree angley do I have to... 90 degree. So this is not low enough. Start.

I got the stopwatch going. Start. Go. I'll go, Tom. I got it. Okay. All right. What do you want to talk about?

That's not really that low. This is low. I'm going to pee. You're going to pee. You keep talking. 10 seconds. Oh, that's... I think I'm done.

It's a podcast. I have to keep talking. This is horrible. And you're really in a comfortable... Wow. 20? Can I be done? Whenever you...

Get to 30. Come on, Kira. 30 to go. I'm going to try to break Tom's 45. Oh. Oh, my God, I'm literally, my spleen is shaking. You're at 30? What?

30? Yeah. Tell me what it's 46. Just go for a minute. You look so strong. You don't even look like you're sweating. No, my gallbladder is like this. It's turning inside out.

No, look at you. You're doing great. Forty-four, 45, 46, 47, 48. All right. At least on the champion. That is horrible. It's so crazy. You look like... Two minutes? You look cool as a cucumber. No. No. No. Two minutes.

That literally had childhood trauma come up. That's how horrible that was. I'm very proud of you, but I think you're supposed to go lower. All right. You know what? Right? I am. I'm proud of you. That was... You did better than I did, but you also cheated. No. I think you got to be down. No. Your legs are supposed to go straight out.

No, they're not going straight out. What are you talking about? They're supposed to go straight out. And then just defy gravity? No. Like your butt was here and it should be here. It's not a real wall. It has nothing to do with the wall you're leaving against.

Could have wallpaper. It could be paint. Yeah, that is hard on your... It's hard. But the quads, when you work the quads, it's like you're working your entire body somehow. I don't know how they've calculated that. Yeah. I mean, that's what the Peloton is.

It's all your legs. Yeah. But it's not that. It's not contracting it. I'm going to have nightmares. I thought I would be much better at it because I've been cycling for three, four years. Could I tell you what I'm doing now? Yes.

Taking Krav Maga. This is the woman, by the way, who said, don't call me a witch. Or a sorcerer. What's wrong with Krav Maga? Well, let's just recap where we are in the podcast so far. Okay. Feeding your daughter. Sublingual.

Sublinguals. Yes. And then, and now you're doing Krav Maga. And I'm just saying you're not the kind of gal. It's just like, hey, I went to the club. And I watched Taylor Swift in the Kansas City. I'm taking it because we're doing it as a family. Okay.

So my eight-year-old's taking the kids class, but my 13-year-old and I are doing it together. Now this is the Israeli martial arts. Yes. It's basically Israeli. They don't call it a martial art. They don't. It's not category. It's street fighting.

It's Israeli street fighting. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Holy cow. I am. There's a comic that's really into it. Mike Burton. Mike Burton.

He teaches. He's probably at like the most Krav level of Krav Maga. Yeah. He's fantastic. He was Krav Maga before it was Krav. Years. 20 plus years. But it's just hilarious.

It's a community class. Oh. And so it's every age. Cool. And there's like 70 year olds. How many people? Probably like 30. Wow.

But when I tell you, my thighs the next day were useless. I was like, if I only had a brain, like, I was like the scarecrow. I couldn't walk. How did you do in the class? From this little community Kravmagad class that's like so sweet and nice. I never heard Kravagat called Sweet and Nice. It is a sweet and nice class. It's at my synagogue.

Uh-huh. It's like a little, you know, a little room off the side of a synagogue. and it's just like these local, you know, people. It's all just the community get together and everyone. And then the next day couldn't walk. What were the kind of things you were doing? Squads. Kill you methods.

Oh, kill you methods. I'll kill you. Kicks and things. Just I'll like literally kill you on the spot. Give me one. Okay, choke me. Oh, geez. Finally.

You know, it's like someone comes at you and they choke you. Yeah. You know, you just, you learn how to get down and get their elbow and get them in the esophagus and then nuts, nuts, nuts. Does it seem like you learn something? Yes. That's what I'm saying. And I love it. You do.

But you cannot walk the next day. Well, you're just starting out. I know, but my God. Is this a long way to say why you couldn't go down lower? This is why I couldn't go down lower. Are you going to keep it up? Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Could you, could you? could you kill Abraham Lincoln right now? Oh my God. I could blink and, I mean, come on. How funny. How funny was the picture I sent you? Where was that?

We missed you. You wouldn't accept this gig. But we had a gig, we had a little tour in Florida. I know. We went Fort Myers, Fort Lauderdale, Key West. It's all right. I get it. We wanted you to be on it and you said no. Well, I didn't say no. Yes, you did.

You said, I'm not coming. I said, oops. My son is debuting as a vulture in the Wizard of Oz. Which, if anyone is a fan of the Wizard of Oz, there are no vultures. There are in the kids. He was flying. He was flying up in the air. Again, it was monkeys.

And the monkeys fly and the vultures fly. This whole production was just witches flying. Dorothy's flying when she's in the tornado. And I was horribly upset about it. Yeah. I really wanted to go. And now I have a feeling I'm never going back on the road with you again. We have to look at some dates.

You also said no to another one. No? Yes, you did. Because I'm going to Calispell, Montana. In March. In March. Well, yeah, I'm booked that whole week of March. I'm in Florida.

I love how it goes from no to, oh, well, but yeah. Well, yes. Yeah. Okay. But. Yeah. What else? Five dates.

Okay. You've said no to. All right. So I'm doing my best. Okay. So Factor is a sponsor today. We were, so we started out our little Florida tour and you were missed. And we went first meal.

We all get to Fort Myers. Stephen Rogers took your place. And Abraham Lincoln was doing the tour managing and merch on the trip. And we let's go get something to eat because we got time. time before the show. We went to a barbecue place. It's a very cool place. It's a chain.

And if anyone seems like, yeah, Tom, duh, that's been a thing forever. But it's, do you remember what it was called? Mission barbecue? Mission barbecue. Run by vets, four vets. Oh. They do a lot of, it's really a cool, very cool spot. I don't know how they work it if part of the money goes to helping vet groups,

but it's definitely honoring the troops. all the decor is like that, and this barbecue was amazing. Wow. And four ounce had about an espresso cup size of mac and cheese. And I had to send you the picture that once again we're on the road. And he has a sample size of mac and cheese. And then what you didn't see in the picture was he wrapped it up to go. No.

He couldn't finish. No. Joey. Completely embarrassing, I'm willing to admit. I will add, though, that I took a red eye in that night. So I ate something else, like an hour before that, needed to eat. Hadn't in 12-plus hours. So that was like, oh, and I should get a little extra thing.

Pretty embarrassing that I could not complete a $3 mac and cheese. It was like something you would have given your child. Like a Costco sample. A sampler. When you're walking around and they're like, do you want to a rye are mecking cheese? And then he takes a bite and says, can I have a box? Oh my God. So funny.

Well, God bless you. Like I've never, like if I had eaten before, if I had eaten before and then my pals were like, we're going to barbecue, I would, my problem wouldn't be how do I eat this? it would be how do I just not eat all of it? Like how do I not have two gigantic meals? Right. Like it's not a problem about getting it in. It's about I really shouldn't get it in. Sure.

Yeah. I should stop myself. You didn't get any meat? You're at a barbecue place? No. Yeah. That's a bad idea. Get meat at the barbecue place.

Who wants that? It was also the Mac itself was a little too heavy for what I was going for. But it was, I think, the lightest thing on the. menu. So. It was a little too heavy. It literally was a feather amount of mac and cheese. Well, hey, cheap date.

That's not bad. That's a good quality. He really can't eat on the road. But then he scrambles out at late at night and goes on McDonald's runs. Did you in Florida? No, I ate the Mac that night. I told me he wasn't allowed to go out for McDonald's because it was, you know, Florida has those sections.

where it's like just cars, it's just giant intersections, strip malls, like that part of it. And we even in an automobile took us 20 minutes to get to the other side of it. You know, you had to go and make U-turns. And I'm like, and I forbade him. Yeah.

I'm like, you're going, you can't die in Fort Myers. No. He'd be scampering the crust to go to Taco Bellin. Meow. And they just scrape you off and keep going in Florida. Did you finish the mac and cheese that night? I did, yeah, went back, finished it. Good boy.

It's good. My roommate actually on the subject yesterday asked me the question. So what do you do to stay so lean, which shocked me? I was like, I'm not doing anything. I'm just never been at. I'm normally asked, what's your problem or something, you know? I'm trying not to evaporate. So what's your medical diagnosis that doctors have given you?

Of why you have no stomach. Yeah. What kind of tapeworm do you have? You know, it's so hard for me to think of it because I don't get full. Ever? I stop eating because it's socially inappropriate. It's embarrassing? Yeah, because it's like, yeah.

Oh. I really don't get full. Like, I don't think there's. Yes, you do. Very few times when, like, I'll get full and be like, yeah, I think I'm good. but if you said you had to keep eating that, I would go, okay, and just keep eating it. I think that's like a, there's like a condition where they, it's like people that don't feel pain. Right.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know. I just, someone beat me over the head with a bat and I was fine. I could keep eating 100%. Interesting. Yeah. Do you want to know what I had for breakfast?

Please. A steak. Really? Yeah. It was incredible. How did you make it? Just because it was a little chilly outside of, and go to the grill.

Yeah. Just, you know, on the cast iron. Just, psh, yeah, done. House filled with steak smoke. We have an amazing thing in our house. Did I ever tell you about this? No.

It's upstairs. It's, you open up these vents. And it's an entire house filter. Like in the hallway. Yeah, in the hallway. And you press a button downstairs. No, I have to go upstairs. You've got to turn it on. Uh-huh.

And then you open some windows because what it does. Is it like an attic fan? It, I, yeah, I guess. I don't know, but it's not in the attic. That's what we had growing up was an attic fan. It pulls all the smoke out, pulls all the smoke out. Really? You can use it as air conditioning too, but not when it's hot outside because it pulls air from the open windows in.

Oh, the attic fan is the opposite. Oh. Yeah, so I turn that on when I cook anything in the cast iron and all the smoke just, So if I come to your house, could I smoke a cigar in there? Yeah. And it would just go out? What do you mean, go out? Like the smoke.

Well, yes. Like people don't like, Cynthia won't let me smoke a cigar in the house. In the house, yeah. Because it's going to make the house smell. Yeah. But in your house it wouldn't smell. I mean, I think if we opened up the windows and, yeah, you stood right there. Really?

Yes. That sounds pretty cool. Yeah. How big a steak? 16 ounces. Wow. But I probably won't eat for the rest of the day. I am so stuffed.

You won't eat tonight? Probably not. Wow. I got Krav Maga and then a set at the Laugh factory. You doing the Laugh factory? Yeah. I haven't been there in a while. It's great.

I just did a show on Monday, packed, sold out, not one scene. seat open. Really? Fantastic. When that room is packed, you know, just that upstairs is like right there. Like, even though they're upstairs, it's like a Coliseum feeling, you know, where they're like on top of you. When's the last time you saw Jamie Massada, the owner of them?

I saw him on Monday. He was there? Yeah. I haven't seen him in years. I know. Yeah. He's coming back out? Yeah.

For, you know, certain special occasions. I should tell them I'll only come when Jamie's there. And I'm sure Jamie would show up. I loved going there on the weekend. and then Dom Irera would be on the show as well, and we would open up a nice bottle of red wine. And I don't know if Jamie, and we'd hang out with Jamie. Yeah.

That was always nice. Yeah. Dom is still doing stand-up. Amazing. I know. Amazing. Yeah. I see him all the time.

Really? Comedy, magic, and laugh factory. Really? Yep. And improv. I saw him at the improv, too. Jeez. I know.

It's wild. I know. he's kind of shaky and... Yeah. Yeah. Still funny. Funny. And now he has to capture the audience in a different way because also he's a little

bit quieter on stage. Right. And he still kills, destroys. That's what is so incredible about his writing. It's the same thing with Keith Robinson in New York. He had a stroke and he's, you know, got the remnants of that. but it doesn't matter. Like you would think, oh, how are you going to do this?

How are you going to get this out? But their funny people are just funny in their bones. Their essence is so funny, and they find a way to communicate it. And Keith is funnier now than he's been at any time in his career. Yeah. He's that good. Can I tell you my Keith's story? Yes.

So we're at a little club. Hopefully it humiliates him. No. Damn. We were, humiliates me. Humiliates me. No, it doesn't. We were at a little club, and it was just this fun little night of stand-up.

It was like a little cafe. And I had met him in New York a year or two before, but he was out in L.A. Writing for Wanda. This was a long time ago. Yeah. And he used to go on the road with her a lot. Yeah. And so he all of a sudden moved to L.A.

And I'm sure he knew some people, but, you know, and it was like the first week of November or something. And I wrote him a note like we were in class from my notebook paper, you know, and I said, hey, I don't know if you remember me. We met in New York once, but welcome to L.A. You know, I heard you moved here. Do you have a place to go for Thanksgiving? And I folded it, and I wrote Keith on it, like in high school. And I said, pass this down. And he opened it and read it and looked up. And I was like, and so he's like, hold on. And then he wrote back. You know what I mean? thanks so much. Yeah, I'm good.

I have a place to go. And then he folded it up and sent it back to me through all the different comics. And then I wrote, I feel like you're just saying that because you think you would be imposing and you're not. And I want to invite you to my house. I don't want you to be alone for Thanksgiving. You know, I just like would not let it go. And he like read it and like, okay. He like writes back.

I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. I'm good and I was like and I looked at him and I took my pen and I was like I'm gonna keep writing he was like no more writing no more notes so he rejected me and my turkey as well he should

no he's the best he's so great he's so funny and what's cool the timing of it worked out because he had his stroke so he they put a little handle to get off the stage so he doesn't you know so it's easy for him

to hold on to because normally just go up those two steps, but it's dark and it's thing. And everybody acts like that's for Keith, but excuse me, I think I need it more than he does. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you're doing those wall sits. Yeah. I'm like so happy that there's something to hold to get off the stage. Yeah. No, but there is that thing. I mean, the same thing with Dom. Like they're just funny. It really is this lesson in what it is to be a funny person. But also, you know, I guess Dom could or someone like Dom and his position could probably be like, all right, you know what?

It's harder for me. I can't drive or whatever it is. I'm not saying that's his situation. But it just shows that when you do stand up and you're kind of like, this is what I do. This is who I am. Yeah. I mean, do you see yourself stopping? No.

it's such a funny thing to be in a position where you talk to people and they're talking about when they're going to retire and where they're going to retire. And it's like it's not even something that ever enters my mind. It's like, no. It's not that I'm deciding whether or not to eventually retire. Right. I just don't have in my mind that that's like one of the options. Yeah. My husband's so ready to retire.

I was just going to say, I wonder if our spouses would not like that. He's so ready. He's like, oh, God, I can't wait. And I'm like, I'm going to need them to put a ramp. Not like a little thing. I'm like, I'll roll up there. I know. Did you ever tell you about the HBO thing on Alzheimer's? No. This is kind of sad. Okay. Kind of inspiring, kind of depressing.

they did a thing and this guy was like a clown. I think he was like a kid's clown, like a party clown. He was a magician, a comedian, a clown. He was in Florida and he would go gig. You know, he wasn't a straight up stand-up like us,

but he had his gigs. Yeah. And he would go do his thing and he had his act. And he got Alzheimer's in his later years. And he can't really do the gigs anymore. But the machine in the, in his comic head was every day around three o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock, he'd be getting ready for the gig. And he'd be saying to his wife, okay, and he'd be putting together the set

list. Tonight, I think I'm going to try this. And she'd be like, okay, Herbie, all right. Yeah, it's going to be a good one tonight. What time are we going to leave? We've got to get the shows at seven, right? And he would go through all of the pre things that you do, getting his outfit, getting his bag, getting the set list, get it all ready. He'd be like, okay, I'm ready for the gig. I'll be back tonight and they go, okay, and they take him out to the living room and back into the bedroom and lay him down and he'd go to sleep. And he would never do the gig because there was no gig, but he had to do all the things to feel

like himself. He had to go through the ritual of getting ready for the gig. Yeah. It's great. It's sad. It's all the things I said. It is. Right?

So my mom was a pattern maker, dressmaker. She designed clothes. And when she first started to decline, she would take, like, pieces of material and start, like, organizing them. Like, as if, like, she's going to make a seam. She's going to make pleats. Feel the thing. Yeah. So that feels.

That rings true. Yeah. Which is, I think, ultimately, is a great thing. You are what you are. You've lost your. abilities, you've lost your thing, but you worked so long and hard at that craft that it became you, that you had, it is you. Yeah.

It is that thing. And, you know, you don't have the faculties to do it anymore. But what a great thing that your life was dedicated to this craft. But I will say it is sometimes hard to watch our comedy gurus, you know, walk a little slower. Yeah. Take a little time. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Because I remember certain people with just, you know, they were younger, so they had a little spring in their step. Yeah. There is, we're going through a thing now where in comedy before, there are more comedians aging and still doing it and they're still relevant. Right. Yeah. Because they would be like, consider like the baby boomers of comedy. Yeah. Because the 80s was the boom.

It was a boom. Where you had so many. But there wasn't the business to sustain. It's different now. Like you could have, like people have audiences. Like all the people that were older than me that are going out and selling and doing all these shows. That structure didn't exist before. It was just comedy clubs.

And then you would kind of age out of it and then it would stop. Or you'd go on to film and go into kind of. television. Yeah. But the pure stand-ups is not a lot of people, like if you look at, if you look at like Leno and Jerry, there's not a lot of their peers out there doing it. No. Right. Right. That's going to change when we're all their age. I see what you're saying. Right? There's going to be a whole bunch of them still doing it. I see what you're saying. Yeah. And it's a cool thing because there's a perspective that you get when you get older that is funny that really hasn't had a voice in a large way.

What's it going to be like is, like, is Chappelle going to, in his 60s and 70s still be doing the Hollywood Bowl? Right, yeah. Right? Because are his fans going to be in their 60s and 70s? Or that's always what's interesting to me. Yeah. I don't know.

Well, you know, Chappelle's different in a way. Like, he always attracts young people because he's always rebelling against stuff. That's right. They like, they, it's not like, you know, other comics who have their audience and they just go with them. Matt Rife is back on the road, touring.

He's sold out basically every weekend until, I don't know, May. Uh-huh. That's wild. Yeah. You know, that's... Well, he was doing that before, right? Right, but I'm saying he did that special. I'm sure it has to be all new jokes, right?

I mean, don't you think? Yeah, there was the big debate whether that special was going to help or hurt him. Hmm. I don't know. I don't know what help or hurt means nowadays. I feel like everyone's like, ah, there's a special and it's amazing and here it is, and it's in the round or whatever, you know what I mean? It's like, all the chairs that people sat on were jealous.

or something that's weird. And then I feel like there's so much in the world now. Nothing. You don't really hear anything about it anymore. Yeah. I did this. It's a very fragmented. It's crazy that I did this.

I hosted the Polestar Awards last night. That's right. It was this live. Polestar is an organization of all like live touring industry. You know, like everybody from who agents and managers and people who do tours for music. and comedy and the people that run the arenas and the theaters and the clubs and it's all under the same umbrella of live entertainment and they have an award show that they do every year and they hand out for the best tour and the best comedy tour and the best lighting company and it's kind of an

industry thing but it's show busy at the same time and doing the gig it was just one of those things which is just on everyone's mind in that business it's so crazy to me that you could have these acts that are selling arenas to those fans of that genre country music pop yeah uh DJs and my agent was saying he was to SOFI with his son to see a lenium does anyone here know elenium no no I do not Yeah, it's like an EDM group. Joey does. It's a DJ.

And he sold out two shows at SoFi. 60,000 people a pop. And just from this little sample, this is the way the world is now, someone can be so big that they can play 60,000 seed arenas. And the rest of the culture has no idea who they are. No, I thought it was a sublingual medication. Have you taken a lenium today? You know, it's good for your bowels.

Matt Rife has his audience and they're all, and he's kicking ass and he has his thing. And all these other people within comedy have never seen Matt Rife before. No. It's so vast. It's so gigantic. It's wild. It's wild. Now let me ask you a question.

Okay. You host this show. I did. Do you write a little monologue? It was horrible. Okay. I knew. when I accepted it, it wasn't going to be my most fun night ever.

Sure. Because these things never are. It went exactly as I thought it was going to in my head, which was I was going to put on a suit and tie. I was going to come out and intro the show while everybody is talking and everyone is drinking and no one's sitting in their seats. And I'm only to do five minutes. and at four minutes and 54 seconds, everyone's going to sit down and get quiet. And then I'm going to, after treading water and bombing

and trying to rally people without offending them as a substitute teacher, I'm then going to start bringing up the awards and handing out awards for the rest of the night and with no chance to be funny, really, other than like a little comment here or there. Just got to kind of be charming. Yeah, yeah.

And it's exactly what you're just exactly what. What happened? And so you prepared a little monologue. A little bit. A little bit. I had jokes, yeah. Okay. Last year, I hosted an award show for influencers around the world.

Right. Oh, I remember this. You went to Germany or something. A con. Right. Yes. So I'm doing it again this year. You are.

Yes. They asked you back. They asked me back. Wow. This was a good gig for you. This was a good gig. And you looked so beautiful. You were fancy and con.

They make you fancy. Yeah. Yeah, they sent me to a dress guy. There was a hair and makeup. Yeah, I remember that. Like magician. But here's why I ask, you can't really prepare. Because I wrote a monologue because I knew they wanted me to do some, you know, get everybody, get everybody warmed up.

I wrote it before I want to be prepared. And then I got there. and immediately threw all of it away. Yeah. Because then I get there and there, you know, there's a woman from China who has a hundred million followers on Instagram. And her English is okay. Yeah.

Speaking of Elon Musk, Elon Musk's mom is there. You know, there's people from India, from some countries I've never even heard of. Yeah. And not everyone, you know, and it's in France already. Mm-hmm. And I realized, what if I wrote jokes like I was going to be, be at flappers in Burbank. You know what I mean? It's like I had to, I sat ferociously. I'm in this big huge ball gown, hair and makeup, all the stuff, jewelry. And I'm sitting there like on the, like I found a

little cubby area and I just sat. I threw everything else away. And I have a feeling I'm going to do that again. Now, after having, after having done it. Yes. You could probably, you'll know what to do. Yeah. Then when you get there. Yeah, and there's all the stimulus of the situation. And that's, I kind of was in the same way of like, I'm not, I just, I had some jokes about, not like, I just, in general terms, was going to make a joke about how we're all in this beautiful theater and all these people that run shows and do things. We're on this beautiful theater, which is really beautiful, but it's also agonizing because no one here is making a dime tonight. watching the parking and not only you're not getting a piece of it and all that kind of stuff. This is a decent joke for that crowd. Yeah. And then I was going to talk about, this is a great night.

This is a really great night until it's not. Until they bring up your category and they give it to that asshole instead of you. And I'm going to do jokes about that. All good, all fine. I wasn't going to spend a ton of time doing it because I knew it was going to happen. I have these ideas for these jokes. And they're all talking. and they're all saying hello to their friends and blah blah blah blah blah and no one is paying attention

and it doesn't matter what I have. Yeah. I could do stuff from my act. I could do I could read off the cereal box. They're talking. So this is impossible. So you really just have to stand up there with a smile. Right.

And just be present and then start bringing up the awards and make a couple little jokes about the night as you're going along. Yes. That's all. really not, it's comedy adjacent. It is. It seems so stupid that they're flying you all the way to con to stand there and be charming and just be kind of pleasant. But the reality is, very few people can do it. Well, a lot of people cannot stand up there.

And I had to do, I had to improvise on the spot. Yeah. Which I'm not trying to pat myself on the back. But I had to do something that a lot of comics would have been like, oh, forget that. This is, I'm not. Yeah. Yeah. They're paying me a ton of money.

Yeah. But it's for a reason. I'm bringing a lot of years of experience to this. And you have to, you have to, you have to evaluate it in a different metric. You can't do it like, oh, I did I, like, when you're a comedian, you're like, did I kill tonight? Right. That's not the metric. No.

The metric is, was everybody happy? Did we keep the thing moving? That's right. Is everybody... An award show is like a book and you bound it. Right. So you're like the front cover and you get all the paper together, but you just kind of hold it together. And then you're at the end going, good night.

Congratulations to everybody. And one thing I did whenever there was a good looking guy, I was like, you know, I keep telling him, I'm married. I have kids. You know what I mean? It's not, you know what I mean? You're 30 years younger than me. Like, it's not going to work. Right.

And I just kept doing that. And then everyone just loved it because that's universal. Yeah, that's great. And that's all I could do was just pretend that a 20-year-old was interested. How long will you be there? You know, five days. It's not long. Can I come?

Yes. Sweet. I can, I can, oh yeah. Are you going to have a great steak while you're there? Oh, I had an amazing fish last year when I went. Really? It was this big. It was, I'm not exaggerating.

All by yourself in your room? No, I went to right on the plage right there. Right where the con hotel is. Right next door across the street. This amazing, you know, everyone sits on the street looking out onto the ocean, into the water. And this fish, they brought it on a plate bigger than me. And it was still a fish.

And I looked at the waiter and I go, sir, I'm so sorry. I'm American. I can't have it looking at me with mouth a gape. I just can't. Really? No. I think you thought you would enjoy that. I was forced to eat it that way as a kid.

That's why I have, like, you know. How much of that fish do you think Joey would have eaten? I don't know, Joey. What do you think? Like one little half a fin? Just the head. That is. I'd love to see that.

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I feel like when you get to go to those places like Khan and you get invited to these corporate kind of hosty kind of things. It's so, the funniest part to me is that you're alone. And it's like they put you up in a beautiful place in a suite that's bigger than your house. And your spouse is home with the kids. I know. Right? It's such a- And last year I told Mike, I go, maybe I'll bring you in the kids.

If they asked me back. Yeah. Which they asked me back last year as I was leaving to the airport. They're like, we want you back next year. And I was like, all right, all right. But then it comes around. Yeah. I can't pull them out of school.

I can't take my kids to the south of France when he has finals that week. You know what I mean? It's like the end of the school year, end of May. Mike, I can't pay for four plane tickets. I want to go in business. Now I have the rest of my family. It's like all this stuff, I go, none of this makes sense.

Yeah. And then also now that I know, I'm sitting writing. Like when I got there. Right. You're working. I was. I really was.

I had to go through the whole script with one of the producers. I really do have to do a lot. Yeah. And that's another reason why a lot of comics might, this would freak them out because you have to kind of put a producer hat on, which you have done a million times.

Yeah. But you have to be okay with sitting and doing that kind of mundane typing up a script and getting it on cards and all that. I know. I can't bring my kids. Yeah. I just can't. I don't. You know what I mean?

Yeah, no. You're working. You can't hear then like, are we going to the pool? That's right. Exactly. That's exactly it. And even on the way here. So my kids stayed home and I dropped her off at the mother-in-law's on the way here.

Right. Even on the way here, she almost cock-blocked. locked me again. Oh. Did a gymnastics move on the couch, jacked her head up. She's like, I have a pertussent. She called it a pertussin. I was like, it's concussion.

But, and then, so now I'm putting an ice pack on her head when we need to get in the car so I can drive you to grandmas so I can go have strong coffee with Tom. Don't fall asleep. Please. Let me check your eye. Are they dilated? Like, what's happening with your pupils? But that's what I'm saying, that kind of stuff.

Yeah. And then I would feel terrible. No, it's hard. It's, and they don't understand that even you're just like slight distraction is going to take away from the trial. There are some, right? Like you took your wife to Hawaii. And that worked out. Yeah.

But that's just you showing up being a comic. And it's different when you're just doing stand-up. Yeah. When you do these other gigs, like I have a couple that, you know, like last night it was, this wasn't stand-up. This was, you know, you're there to service that organization. Yeah. And, yeah, there's a lot of comedians that will not do that. or can't do that.

Or it's just in that moment that they might, and this is not a, not a knock on them, but they might just fall apart. And that's when they start, you know, just saying motherfucker for no reason. They just don't know what to do. I know.

One of the awards was the best comedy tour. Yeah. And some of our friends were nominated on Nate Bergatsy and Burke Kreischer and Dave Chappelle's tour won. And Chappelle came to, came out to accept it. And so I saw him backstage, you know, we're friends. And he came up and was like, he's in a sleeveless shirt, smoking a cigarette.

And I'm there in my suit with my card and the award. And it's like, he's like, how's this going? And I said, it's horrible. We already know the answer. Yeah. Exactly. Well, that's great that you're going back, though. Yeah.

I'm excited for you. I got my tickets. I feel like we should do the podcast from there. I mean, it's such a food-oriented place. I guess we have to. Like, what would it take for us to do it from Khan? Not too much. No, not much.

It sounds like Cura's going to cover our tickets if we're in coach. Right. You probably can get bumped up because of your miles. Yeah, that's true. Joey and I bring a suitcase and some microphones and cameras inside and we're good to go. I mean, it's not like Joey needs to eat. No, save money on that. Right?

Yeah. This would be exciting. Ten days? Let's do it. Five. Five days. I can only do five because I got to get back for other gigs. Right.

Yeah. I can't believe how you have all these gigs but won't go on the road with me. I would love to. I would love to. I know, but you just have better gigs. No. This is what happens. This is what happens.

Listen. It's a natural course. You bring some around. They open and then they get all these other offers and then eventually they leave the nest. All right. I wasn't going to say this, but you have now pushed me to my limit. Okay. I know you might not read comments, but I do.

And I'm not scared to because your fans are lovely and they all, I envision wear sensible shoes and very cozy sweaters. And the reason I was reading, and people message me. Oh, I owe someone a message back. I'm so sorry. I'm going to, there's a woman that message me. I'm looking at her right now about some of my witchy stuff. Oh, interesting.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I get a lot. Don't mention it, but that's what I'm known for. Well, I'm just saying she was respectful. Yes. Anyways, people were like, hey, what dates do you have with Tom? Yeah. And I can't respond to them except for the end of this month.

At the end of this month. Because we don't have anything past February 24th and 25th. Because you've turned down all of the things. Oh, one March. One show, one weekend, which was five shows. then can I tell you how many people responded may I before we wrap up yeah please the the dog licking your face making out with your dog can I tell you how hilarious the fans are did you initially because I was excited that's why we posted what are we talking about we thought

it was going to be a good one it was an Instagram post uh-huh about dogs oh that we did yes oh yeah Are you a dog person? Well, are you, would you tongue? Were people mad about it? Hilarious. Oh, really? The responses. I'm just going to read you a couple.

So funny that I'm literally like, we need to put these in a book. Let's, these people, some were like, you know, they were just like, oh, I love my dogs. I won't let them lick my face. Okay. Then you said. Yes. Yes, counselor. Your one dog, the pug maybe.

Yeah, Frank. Was tonguing Bella's ass? Bella, yeah. Tongue deep in Frank's butt. Okay, tongue deep in Frank's butt. And then someone replied, well, you know, Frank or Bella, can also smell where your tongue has been two, my friend. That just made me cry.

Oh, my God. People were like, totally agree. And then among the 80% don't care. This one, I got to find it. This is the one that killed me. I was just screaming, dying. Hold on. There was, oh, God, this is so gross.

Oh, I think I know what you're going to go. Yeah. Is it too gross? No, no, go for it. I'm so sorry. This woman, Annie, said her mom was on the phone and started screaming and freaking out because the big dog was outside. Pooping.

And the pug. Was eating it? Like soft serve. Like it was coming out. Oh. And that is a reason to never tongue your dog. Exactly. Never tongue your dog.

A hundred percent. So for the people that did respond, it's sure, why not? It's my animal. It's my family member. It's my baby. And that's what you've caught on tape. That's what like you've, she saw that happening. Exactly.

Who knows what's going on when you're not there? But boy, I got a kick out of those comments. Oh, that's so funny. Dying laughing. Well, here's a little update. Frank the Pug is now secretly using the litter box. We found a dog poop in the litter box. And then the other day, it was raining.

And he was like, no, I'm not going out there. And he just took off. And I was like, where did he go? And then I see him with his head popped and out from the litter box. He's either a genius or he's, no, it's not. It's a house? It's not a house. Okay, okay.

It has to be a house. Yeah. Because he's a boy. So when he pees, he's standing in the litter box, but he's peeing on the dryer. Is it ricocheting everywhere? Apparently, I haven't. Yeah. My wife's not that pleased.

But I think it's kind of innovative. If we can get one of the house ones, let him have a little house. Yeah, let me have a little house. At least he's in general terms. how he tried to, he pranked his, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, he pranked his roommate. Was it a roommate? Yeah, but it was, you know who it was? It was Richard Kind. Oh, Richard Kind. Yeah.

Oh, my God. I love Richard Kind. Richard Kind was worried that his cat was not using the rest, like, constipated. Yeah. He was really concerned. And George was cat sitting, if I'm remembering correctly. I think they lived together. Oh, they lived together. It was roommate. That's right, right. So he was like really concerned, and I'm sorry if I'm messing this story up. But anyways, it was a same. sense of like, hey, can you give him some medicine, right, or something. Anyways, the cat's not pooping.

And Richard was very upset. And he's out of town and George decides to poop in the litter box. So when Richard comes back, he sees this monstrous human and he's like, oh my God, Mr. Whiskers or whatever. He finally came out. Oh, my God. He lost his mind. But that, I will never.

forget that story. That is so fantastic. What a great prank. And then just pretending like you have no idea what happened. The biggest question is why is that less disgusting than the soft serve? George Clooney's cute. Yeah. He's cluny. He's pretty cute. He's pretty handsome. All right, we have to go, everybody. The show is over. It's so nice catching up with you. Go to tompapa.com. Look up all of the tour dates. We've got the big Netflix one, the Netflix festival one. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a second. Who does have a gig with me? I do.

In Los Angeles at the Ace Hotel. May 3rd. Part of the Netflix is a joke festival. Very excited. Mm-hmm. So who loves you? You do. Go to Tompapa.com.

I'm touring all over. I'm going up. Oh, you know, we're doing a little bread thing. The people from King Arthur Flower have invited us to stop by when we do New Hampshire. On the way from Portland, Maine to New Hampshire to Boston. So in that trip, they know big time bakers in town and they want me to come by. Thank you all for listening. Thank you to Factor Meals.com.

We'll see you next time.