Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 1 : Suicide Priest

Episode Date: July 30, 2018

Cyber bullying an elderly priest and making him commit suicide....

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 With a bad man ting, bad man ting, do your bad man ting, with your bad man sing. Hello and welcome to the Cultural Appropriation Show. I thought it's singing at the start. Anyway, welcome to Brian and James Fuck Each Other. It's a new podcast that we've started. My name is Brian O'Toole and I'm joining with James Cadden. Hello. Nice to be here.
Starting point is 00:00:20 It is. Yeah, it's a new podcast. We start a podcast, so they'll respect us. Yes, finally. The industry will take notice. Maybe now you'll accept my friend. request, you dick. You know who you are. We went to school together and you won't look me in the face. You'll fuck me, but you won't look at me. Anyway, it's nice to be here. James,
Starting point is 00:00:41 we'll start off. Who are you? Well, my name is James Cadden. I'm from Monaghan. I'm a stand-up comedian, or at least aspiring. Open micer, is the correct time. Open micer. Oh, okay. Wow. We're going to just take our deck sides straight away. Open micer. Yes, I am. I'm a I'm a nothing. I acknowledge that. It's good to admit it. Well, it's good that you got off your chest. Well, oh, but yeah, after you forced me to say it. Anyway, the way it's going to work is...
Starting point is 00:01:12 I'll tell you about myself then. Go for it. My name's Brian. I am a comedian, I think, a stand-up comedian. I don't get paid for anything, but, you know, in my delusions I am. I'm from Carlo, and we're recording this in James' house, actually, in Black Rock. That's right. it's in my well it's uh the address is black rock but it's pretty it's more still
Starting point is 00:01:33 tell them where you live tell still organ one two three stilorgan road still organ we'll have stalorgan we'll have a big listener party it'll just be us we're in my bedroom right now how do you like it brian i like it yeah it's as about as clean as i could get it so you clean it from me you make your bed as well i know yeah case anything happened in case anything well it is called brian and james fuck each other so i think we should start off wait what have you done today i have done nothing today brian i was in bed until about two o'clock in the afternoon uh i think i may be clinically depressed but but you know in the fun way not like in a debby downer kind of way no i just i'm unemployed right now and uh so i i do i sleep a lot
Starting point is 00:02:18 of the time that's a bit depressing how's the job hunt going uh yeah it's going all right i've been email in different production companies i've got a few emails back and so hopefully they've talked about bringing me in for a meeting and stuff so we'll see it's a lot of balls up in the air right now so hopefully there'll be so dangled into my mouth soon and i can start my work in the industry this is hollywood that's right little hollywood uh i was actually at mass today oh really yeah congregation yeah like you go to mass ever i don't i mean i used to when i was younger and i used to be an altar boy and all that crack but i was i never i was never devout it never did anything for me Are you...
Starting point is 00:02:58 It's weird And they're an altarbite But I do go to mass every Every week Is it your choice to go? Do you... I live in my parents So like
Starting point is 00:03:05 So they... They don't force me But they go It's like more a communal I live in a village By the way in Carlo At Ballin if you're wondering And it's more like everyone just goes
Starting point is 00:03:16 They'd be talking about you if you didn't You know I'm starting to look forward to going now Because our priests I'll say Fader Weal He's not listening to this No I don't think he'll hear Father Wheeling from Carlo
Starting point is 00:03:24 Yeah yeah He's not from Carlo But I don't know where he's from actually heaven heaven yeah but yeah he's starting to get a bit mad
Starting point is 00:03:31 in the head now oh really I think the Alzheimer's sitting in a bit like so he's going a bit like he's going a bit weird he's gone very
Starting point is 00:03:37 passive aggressive with the congregation now where for instance like last week he was doing this kind of sermon and story thing and he was like
Starting point is 00:03:44 talking about how he didn't pick the parish I didn't pick it I don't want to be here the bishop basically saying like the bishop
Starting point is 00:03:52 told me go up and I said well you know you don't pick where you go but you where God sends you and I don't care if you all like me you all hate me you're basically in fuck the haters
Starting point is 00:04:03 in the way yeah a lot of references the referendum as well marriage referendum or the abortion one yeah he didn't like the marriage one either oh I didn't I know I didn't think he would yeah he's kind of hope I think he's hoping that the Pope's visit you go see the Pope I don't have any plans
Starting point is 00:04:20 but who knows I mean I'm in Dublin so maybe I'll go check it out take a bit of angel dust and go see him as appropriate well yeah I think he's hoping that the Pope's visit will like change our minds on the referendum and like all the feminists will um say like oh the Pope so nice let's let's not repeal the ape after all let's repeal the repeal. And you know what? Let's bring back the Magdalene Laundries as well. Fuck it. Let's do it. The Pope's so nice. He's got Nane Carter and Daniel O'Donnell there. Let's fucking do it. Yeah. Wonder would
Starting point is 00:04:49 pay. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe. I assume it would. Where is it happening? Phoenix Park. You could put it on your Edinburgh poster. Do you think Daniel Donald's going to do Edinburgh? If he's good enough. Yeah, we'll see. Maybe free fringe. Well, yeah, there's a... What is the saying nope to the Pope?
Starting point is 00:05:08 That's like a big... They're protesting and they're going to protest to the thumbs and stuff. I don't think they'll do much. It's kind of like that protest for Trump. It won't actually affect it, but it's... I think it's good to show... Like, it's down the record now
Starting point is 00:05:20 a lot of people protest against it. Yeah, that's true. Like, you know, the Iraq war. That still happened, but like... People protest against it. Yeah, but how many people genuinely protest or how many people are there just looking to get laage, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:05:34 I'm against imperialism and globalisation, baby. What about you? Oh, yeah, I think we shouldn't bomb Shepherds. Yeah, well, it's good to have that now. I think it's one of the biggest protests in London. Yeah, the Iraq war one. Surely Trump. Oh, maybe Iraq War beat it, but the one for Trump there is,
Starting point is 00:05:53 they had the big floating baby. Yeah, the balloon. They didn't really look too much like him. No, not at all, really. And I don't think Trump is going to look it down and think. Oh. I've been wrong the whole time. I shouldn't have grabbed it.
Starting point is 00:06:05 But anyway, Father Wheelon, I was saying, so that was last week he was being a passive aggressive. And this week, he proper... He started off some sermon, and he was like, is this the right one, is it? And no one would talk to him. And then he was like, is this the 14th Sunday?
Starting point is 00:06:20 I can't remember exactly. It was just the 14th Sunday, is it? And like, no one said anything. He's like, is it? And then, like, people kind of went, like, yeah, a bit, all right. And they started sermon, but everyone's kind of, like, kind of laughed themselves a bit. Yeah, yeah. And they're, like, more like, like, a substitute teacher to have shown him this guy.
Starting point is 00:06:37 And then he kept, like, going in and out of, like, loudness. So he'd be, like, anyway, and then Jesus said to the apostles and the gospel, like that. It's, like, weird tone changes. That's an old trick just to, like, get your attention and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Dips the voice up and down, up and down. die. I'm kind of wondering how long until he just, you know... He just does like a Michael Richards and starts screaming the N-word of people?
Starting point is 00:07:04 No, he's already done that. We're used to that, every Christmas. Prayers of the faithful. No, I'm just wondering how long it took. We used to have a priest before filling in from called Father Howard. And again, I'll say real name because they don't care. And he actually had a stroke during mass. On the altar? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember it was on a Sunday morning, because I used to go to mass
Starting point is 00:07:25 Saturday nights and then I found out that I started going Sunday mornings then to see it and then he had a stroke again but on the other time Saturday nights you missed it twice
Starting point is 00:07:37 yeah it was so annoyed like that's unfortunate and he proper like you know fell to the floor and he didn't speak in tongues or anything but like everybody thought he was just getting really into the sermon
Starting point is 00:07:46 yeah he's doing all that yeah that's pretty that's probably very offensive to people listening who's ever had a stroke I apologize. He's not listening. Who?
Starting point is 00:07:58 Either of them, I doubt. I really doubt that either priests who are both in their 80s are following our Facebook content. The stroke one, is he still alive? Well, you can call it life. God ain't being kind to that priest. It's the same life as a parsonic, just sort of sits there. Nobody likes it. They've done the last rights five times.
Starting point is 00:08:24 I hope you don't listen to this. So are you, you go to mass, that's very interesting now, like, you're what, 23? 23, yeah. That's very, that's very, like, not a lot of 23-year-olds are going to mass. Do you believe in God or anything like that? No. No? I'd like to believe.
Starting point is 00:08:38 It would be nice, wouldn't it? Literally, no part of me has any faith at all. No. So why do you go then, just? Um, you know, I think, I was going to say I go to see the people, but everyone I see there are, like, people from my primary school who are, like, really successful now. Oh, really? Because they've had God in their sight.
Starting point is 00:08:55 you know and a few people like I see people that make me depressed actually you're happy aren't you he went to Trinity and now you got a handsome boyfriend I don't like I definitely I don't go when I'm away and I don't miss it or anything I used to even like a few years ago I would say
Starting point is 00:09:13 like that's a good kind of mindfulness kind of thing but now no not so much you just don't get anything from even from a young age and I used to go like when do your communion oh Jesus like first class is that right I can't remember I remember after the communion then I stopped taking the host in my mouth
Starting point is 00:09:29 Oh my Okay I'm sorry Has this become a little bit confessional The host Is that what he made you call him Yes get ready for the host I'm too old for this Too old for this shit
Starting point is 00:09:43 I don't like how the host tastes No because I know some people They take it in their hands Yeah yeah And they're putting their mouth So even as a young kid I just started I told us real badass
Starting point is 00:09:51 Like just like my other people Like they steal car Hubcaps and things I used to do is put the host of my hand and then it's slide in my pocket. Oh. Yeah. But I used a special pair of jeans for masks, right? Yeah. And then I just kept loads of holes in my pocket.
Starting point is 00:10:05 And then I put my iPhone in there, my iPod, whatever you call it? Yeah. Put it in my pocket one time. And all the bits of body of Christ got stuck in the charger. So I couldn't charge my pods. That's a bit of like... So God came back for revenge. Jesus fucked your iPod.
Starting point is 00:10:19 A bit of karma, yeah. There you go. That's why I go to Mass. Do you believe now? So it's fair-based. That's where you go. I do think though A lot of those people
Starting point is 00:10:27 that go to Mass it's more just like they're not thinking of it like I'm going to go to hell it's more like a social like I'm going to see the butcher Yeah yeah And I think
Starting point is 00:10:36 kind of go back to what you said mindfulness There is sort of a meditative aspect of it But it's quite The fact that we all stand up Sit down and chant in unison It's quite It's almost like a cult of sorts really
Starting point is 00:10:47 Yeah it's not a fun cult It's just the most successful cult That's ever existed I look at Jim Jones And I get jealous because they all got lovely Kool-Aid And they got to go for a nice sleep
Starting point is 00:10:57 Yeah It wasn't actually Kool-Aid I don't think It was like some second-hand To add insult to injury It wasn't even It was like cheap Awesome aid
Starting point is 00:11:05 You always like corn flakes And like Yeah Flake corn Like choco pops I think it was like Refreshing cool liquid Like a cool drink
Starting point is 00:11:15 Why would you cheap out On a mass suicide Of all things Would you not put a bit of money Into it Have you watched much of the footage From that No I've never
Starting point is 00:11:23 I don't spend my time watching mass suicide I watch so much serial killer stuff and like cult stuff I love serial killer stuff like John Wayne Gacy So you watch the Wild Wild Wild Country No I've heard about that
Starting point is 00:11:38 You should definitely watch that That's our pick of the week Yeah That's our pick of the week Yeah Wild Wild Wild Country Really good yeah I think Rogan talked about it
Starting point is 00:11:49 In his podcast But we'll take it from here Joe Yes, wild, wild country. Yeah, I actually don't even want to tell anyone about it, because part of the fun of it is how wild it gets. Because it starts off, kind of like... It's up to the title. Yeah, kind of like, oh, they're cult in a small town,
Starting point is 00:12:05 and, you know, the small town people are like, we don't like those kind of people, he a brown fella, that kind of stuff. Okay. And they're really kind of intersex and all the... Yeah, yeah. It's sinful. Well, I think one guy kind of says,
Starting point is 00:12:17 I saw that cow, I saw Ashwitz, I never seen anything. I saw a guy. girl and she had her top off and I saw a nipples and I crashed At that way He saw a pair of tits and he thinks
Starting point is 00:12:31 That's worse than Daco I think he said it was worse than that I might be remembering it but like yeah Because it was like free love and all that Okay Well who knows how he feels about Maybe he's a bit of an anti-Semite Oh they actually show some orgies in it
Starting point is 00:12:44 Is that right? There's an orgy clip in it yeah When did this happen? When did it? Well what's great about it is As more and more documentaries Are done back when everyone was filming things.
Starting point is 00:12:53 Yeah. So there's loads of footage from the time. Okay. Yeah. So... Like the 70s, was it?
Starting point is 00:12:59 I think 70s or 80s, but like there's loads of footage because everyone was filming at the time. It was a big story as well. So like every now again you see Christopher Hitchens is doing the documentary about it.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Is that right? See young Hitchin. Hitchie? It's a good hitch. Yeah, yeah. Not like Pierre. Yeah, I recommend Wild Wild Country. Yeah, I'll check it on.
Starting point is 00:13:14 And it's funny, I watch some much that stuff and people were talking with Love Island recently and I was being real snobby about like, oh, you watch all the people, handsome people having sex and relationships. And the drama surrounding it all. You fools.
Starting point is 00:13:26 I've literally watched four documentaries in the week about fucking John Wayne Gacy. Not even like multiple different serial killers, just him. Just him. Well, he's very interesting because he's have that whole killer clown and he like killed the kid. Did he rape kids as well?
Starting point is 00:13:42 That's libelous. Oh yeah, I don't want John Wayne Gacy's people to come after me. Good artist. This is slander. Yeah, yeah. It's a good name of John Wayne Gist Being dragged through the muck You know Cliff Richards sued at BBC there
Starting point is 00:13:56 Yeah, because there was allegations against him For being a nonce, wasn't there? Yeah, I think they were raiding his house And the BBC reported it And that caused emotional damages Which... They didn't find anything when they raided Was he friends with like Jimmy Saville
Starting point is 00:14:11 And I think he hung out at Elam Grove You know what about Elm Grove, don't you? Elm Grove, was that the house where Like politicians brought their rent boys it fucked them. Wasn't it like even like some like different rival political parties could get together? It was like, you know, a safe space for politicians who like to molest underage boys.
Starting point is 00:14:32 Yeah. It's nice that they could put their political differences aside in the name of love. That's good. Only the Republicans and Democrats could do their safe. Maybe we get this damn gun control path. That's all I'm saying. Finally. It's bad time someone said it.
Starting point is 00:14:47 Yeah. But what are we talking about? Cliff Richards. yeah so yeah he said they reported that he was being investigated and you cause emotional damage and now he's suing them
Starting point is 00:14:56 well I think that's a bit absurd like obviously if a famous guy is getting investigated that's a newsworthy thing it's not libelous it was in the heat the moment because it was really like U-tree mania yeah yeah beetle mania
Starting point is 00:15:07 like everyone was talking about it you ever see a clip of Philip Schofield with David Cameron no and he's got this is real like he's got a list Philip Schofield has himself written a list of suspected
Starting point is 00:15:21 pedophiles, all right? Philip Schofield. Yeah, from Holly and Schofield, all right. And this morning show, wherever it is. And he just carries it around. He has it and interview with David Cameron. And he literally handses that David Cameron going,
Starting point is 00:15:32 look, this is a list on the internet I found of suspected pedophiles. What are you going to do about? And David Cameron's trying to be like, prime ministerial. Well, Philip, you know, there's dangers about this stuff. Like, he's like,
Starting point is 00:15:46 and David Cam's literally going to put the paper down when no one sees it. Yeah, yeah. What are you going to do about it? Jesus Christ. Well, fair play at a Schofield for trying to lift the lid and all the pitoes. I think he told us, like, you know, on the brass eye, the pito hunter. They need garnishment.
Starting point is 00:16:03 Yeah. Your first gig, let's say. What was your first gig? Oh, God, my first gig was... I know you've told me by zero interest in you, so I didn't... I didn't listen. That's fair enough, I get that, yeah. What was your first gig?
Starting point is 00:16:15 My first gig was Battle of the Axe, January. 2016. A lot of people start there. Yeah, yeah. It was very interesting night. I was so scared and I kept going to the bathroom. I must have pissed like 30 times. I get that loads, right? Is it like there's nothing really coming out? Exactly, yeah, it's just like tingling
Starting point is 00:16:32 in my dick. But, so I eventually they call me up, I go on stage and I do my first joke and it gets an alright kind of reception but I'm very, I'm still very nervous and like, so anyway, and shaky. And that
Starting point is 00:16:48 kind of is bad, but then the mic starts cutting out, like, and people can hear, they, like, they can hear me for the setup, but then the mic cuts out at the punchline, and it just kept happening and I eventually just said, fuck this, and walked off the stage, so it was quite the disaster. Did you get any kind of
Starting point is 00:17:04 applause at all? I tell you, uh, yeah, I got a bit of applause, and I got a few laughs and I think, I'm not sure, but I, it could be, and if I have this wrong, I apologize, I think it was Ronan Grace, who was MC in it, and he said, uh, it sounded like, Sorry about that, James.
Starting point is 00:17:19 It sounded like a good set, the bit that I could hear anyway. So he kind of, there was a little bit of positive reinforcement there. But then this woman, I'll not say her name, but you definitely know who she is. She's a comedian as well. She started heckling one of the comedians as he was making a joke about gay marriage, and it got very heated between the comedian on stage and then herself. And there was a lot of, then a lot of the crowds started getting involved. And I'm not messing.
Starting point is 00:17:45 and it was like a 10 minute free for all of just people screaming at each other and eventually Rodin Grace went up and had to take the guy off the stage and just saying look you're done for you know this you went over time anyway and there's no plan to finish in the set and even he kind of went to war with her a little bit
Starting point is 00:18:03 so yeah it was very I was just sitting there like oh my God thank God because then nobody remembered me fucking up you know what I mean it's good when a bigger fuck-up happens it distracts you. But that was my first ever gig and I've never seen
Starting point is 00:18:18 that level of heckling or pandemonium and I was like is this what every show is going to be like but yeah it was very interesting I was good learning experience
Starting point is 00:18:25 my second gig I had to follow Dave McSavich he just popped in for a set just surprisingly it was my second every time on stage I had to go on
Starting point is 00:18:34 directly after him and it actually went very well I just acknowledged the fact like here I'm a fucking nobody and you just saw McSavage and the crowd going to went with me on that
Starting point is 00:18:42 your underdog now yeah exactly so I kind of play it for that so that was a good experience too what about you what was your first gig or how I was a bit different I started up in a spirit store
Starting point is 00:18:52 in Dundalk yeah you know a really nice room upstairs yeah but when I started they were doing comedy downstairs kind of like beside the toilet yes I know that that area there like where the normally just have some guy with like a fiddle or something like that
Starting point is 00:19:05 it's not really like a good space for comedy no so I started off there and I proper remember I think I got there like fucking four hours in advance like it was proper to shake and like, yeah, not, like, couldn't handle it at all. I had no material at all, like, no, like, proper material. I had, like, back then I was really into, like, offensive jokes and, like, I really
Starting point is 00:19:24 want to be, like, you know, fuck the man, like, a really political kind of stuff. Kind of like Bill Hicks, anti-authoritarian. Yeah, I thought it was Bill Hicks. I thought it was the carrel of Bill Hicks. The reincarnation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so then I got up on stage, and, yeah, I think I started off with some Facebook, anti-Facebook stuff, and they got nothing. then I did a fingering joke
Starting point is 00:19:44 which got some kind of response but I think just because because a kid saying fingering yeah I looked really young at the time like really young and really like nervous and that so it's me saying like fingering like got a bit of response kind of like Napoleon Dynamite talking about fingering yeah yeah and then I ended
Starting point is 00:20:00 with like a really long monologue about how the CIA sold crack to black people back in America in the Contras right yeah that's true fucking freeware Well, I didn't have a joke about it, I just, I just said it, and then, like, waited for them, like, waiting for, like, they're like, whew! And they start burning money, like. You just kickstart the revolution. Every thing I know, it's a lie.
Starting point is 00:20:25 The Emperor has no clothes. Yeah, so we've got nothing, and then it's, like, good night, and I walked off, and, like, the MC had to, like, do, like, five minutes, like, kind of, like, getting back, because they were so disgusted by. Disgusted by you. But, like, yeah, but then, after that, I think a lot of people still, start off good their first gig and then go way down. Yeah, where we started way down and went lower. Yeah, but eventually things will level out.
Starting point is 00:20:53 Yeah, yeah, we hope. But yeah, I get what you're saying. A lot of people kind of do well the first time, especially though when somebody goes on stage like, okay, guys, this is his first ever gig. Crowds will be more, like, receptive. And, like, Irish crowds generally are very nice and, you know, warm and welcoming, maybe.
Starting point is 00:21:11 I thought, do I have that wrong? Yeah, you're right, actually. I'm just so used to doing, like, really shit rooms outside of Dublin, like out in the country more like. Yeah, yeah. Deliverance. Yeah, it's proper like that, and you're kind of like, you have to run from a car in case someone, like.
Starting point is 00:21:27 What would they're pitch for? Yeah, yeah. And then also, like, they're not there to see comedy. Because I've done a lot of shows where it's just like just beside a pub. Yeah. And, like, the football's there as well. Yes. I know.
Starting point is 00:21:40 Yeah, exactly what you mean. I did that in Edinburgh once We're literally You were in a smoking room To some old lads I'd say definitely The hardest Crowd of group of people
Starting point is 00:21:48 I found shows It's just old British guys Okay They don't take any shit at all Yeah They're just like Well do you remember Last year in Edinburgh
Starting point is 00:21:56 On the final night We got up And there was that Scottish guy Hickling the whole time And then at the end He came up to Sorry about that But you know
Starting point is 00:22:04 I was trying to help you With the heckling You know Yeah Yeah And we were like Get the fuck He looked like a sad
Starting point is 00:22:09 Pedophile Yeah like a pito but who doesn't enjoy it like here my heart's not in anymore I'm out of the game
Starting point is 00:22:19 yeah just doing it for the money now yeah I remember that that show that was her last show in Edinburgh last year and that was
Starting point is 00:22:27 a really bad ending my only show it was your only show it was everywhere and he fucked you you went over there all bright eyes and bushy tail
Starting point is 00:22:33 I've got to be a star I was like I'll bring you to the show tonight it'd be great and it was like that one old guy and then like remember the little science students as well yes I think they were like laughing at their own like science jokes
Starting point is 00:22:45 so they'd like say like potassium and they don't laugh I can't think any science jokes like no you know those kind of jokes here in like a secondary school it's like um why did the matter lose its antimatter because sodium or something that's not I don't think I don't think that's the joke
Starting point is 00:23:03 I didn't do science but that's kind of like it was that kind of in joke like that they'll laugh and you wouldn't know what you're talking about so it was a very sure gig. Do you remember at the end, I think I said I hope you all die? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:14 You know, I remember you on saying you were like, oh, my heart's not in this at all. Yeah. You were like him in the crowd. I normally keep it like together. Yeah, yeah. I said one of the few times I was like, I hope the audience dies.
Starting point is 00:23:25 But it was like horrifically bad. Like even, it was an anti-gig. You know what I mean? It just wasn't a gig. Like no atmosphere at all. Nobody wanted to be there. I get depressed you're thinking about it. Yeah, so do I.
Starting point is 00:23:37 I'm going back to bed, Brian. How did you lose your virginity to end up there? How did I lose my virginity? Yeah. Okay. There is a little bit of a story to this, actually. So I grew up in Monaghan. Like, it's a real shithole, and I was going out with this girl for a few months.
Starting point is 00:23:55 We had this place in the woods where we used to go and, like, I don't know, what's the term, make out? Oh, in America, like, you got the second base. Yeah, it was like, make out point or whatever. In the woods? Yeah, in the woods. Oh, sexy. behind a mental institution oh just like a woman like facing her way well there is no one around but it was a local drinking spot so we used to go there and kind of hand jobs and oral stuff all of the
Starting point is 00:24:20 building up so one night we're there we're getting into it and she asks do you have a condom which i didn't and i was like right i'm not going to let's go get some condoms but i had no money so i essentially went to the shop it was like 10 o'clock at night it was a little sweet shop called the bonbon that used to sell cigarettes the kids but uh it's gone oh it's not doing free advertise no no it's gone now but yeah so i went in there and tried to steal some condoms but it's a tiny shop it's smaller than this room and i'm just there stealing the condoms while he's looking at me and he's like what are you doing nothing and uh he threw me out of the shop and just then i saw my mother drive past so i chased her down the street and threw myself on the bonnet of her car when she came to her red line and she was like terrified oh my god
Starting point is 00:25:07 what's wrong? It's like, I need some money, please. So my mother gave me money for condoms so I could lose my virginity. God bless her. When I got back to the woods, right, this is true. I don't know, was it nerves or after all the running or whatever? I couldn't get hard. So it took me a while to get
Starting point is 00:25:23 That's never happened to me. And I was like, oh my God, am I gay? Is that what it is? Maybe I'm gay, and I didn't know this whole time. But, no, I eventually got hard. And as we were having sex, a thunderstorm was happening. So I lost my virginity during a thunderstorm
Starting point is 00:25:39 That must felt good, like it was, it was pretty awesome So yeah, that's the night, I was 16 It was good night It felt like God was watching He was coming on top of us I was like, yeah, get some Yeah, we had a treason of God We can call it God
Starting point is 00:25:54 Or maybe the angel tears We're lubricating us, I don't know That's a good little fun story It was, yeah And then I went out with that girl for like five years And we had lots of sex and I could never get hard No, I don't know
Starting point is 00:26:08 You'll have to brag I could Well no Just like in comparison To what my life is now I go through lots of dry spells So it's unfortunate You know
Starting point is 00:26:17 I lost mine now Because I was dating a girl I kind of You know that kind of age It's not like We're dating now It's not much less formal Yeah that's true
Starting point is 00:26:28 Well what age were you Or do you 16 I think Okay Yeah 16 actually because like and it didn't work out and we didn't really do it we didn't do anything at all like we didn't even have the woods to go to
Starting point is 00:26:39 so it didn't work out and it was a bit like oh geez what I'm going to do so I got a big fat prostitute oh wow yeah yeah she's what you call it a BBW big beautiful woman yeah that's she's quite large then you would say oh very large very very large yeah so I'm 16 got prostitute and my dad
Starting point is 00:27:00 actually called me halfway true I think he wanted to check with the cross or something like that. Did you answer? Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, my dad's, like, he's a strict, like, you can't, yeah. Brian, if you're with a prostitute, answer the phone.
Starting point is 00:27:12 The crops are more important. Yeah, yeah, so, yeah. What was, yeah, that's interesting now. And she was like, what age are you? And it was, like, 28. Instead of, like, say, like, it was, like, me and my friend in the trench coat. Yeah, wow. So that was like, 16, yeah, exactly, it was 16, yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:36 It was a weird experience. And where did you go? Did she have a place? Oh, she in a hotel, yeah. I can tell you name the, it's near the rowing club. In Carl? So to figure it out. If she's listening to this, thank you, madam, for taking it around.
Starting point is 00:27:52 She was very nice about it. That gave me a bit of confidence then, and then, like, yeah. And then I met regular women. Not that she was not a regular woman. Yeah, but a non-professional. Yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah and I wasn't professional so yeah well actually an interesting story
Starting point is 00:28:07 about this, we end it on this now I heard from a good source now that George Hook cheating his wife a lot with a big large prostitutes okay yeah that's like his thing and again we can say this because I doubt yeah I don't think George's got to listen imagine if George and my priest both listens
Starting point is 00:28:25 and the prostitute yeah and then like they all came after you yeah well and then like imagine if like George and the priest committed suicide I would a shame of it. And like in 13 reasons why, and would it blame me?
Starting point is 00:28:39 This is Sean. I hope the priest does it on the altar. He crucifies himself. And you don't know in my look, it'd be like on this Saturday. You miss the whole thing. Oh, no. Anyway,
Starting point is 00:28:55 should we end it there? Yeah, I think that's a good thing. And we tied it all up in myself, a ribbon. So we ended there. Thank you for this thing. this is our first podcast. We will be back next week with more shenanigans and fun and weird sexual stuff and allegations about people who won't get sued. I've been Brian O'Toole. This has been James Caden. And we have just fucked each other. Thank you for listening. Good night.

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