Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 100 : Smoking Crack While Pregnant

Episode Date: January 20, 2021

100 episodes of this.......

Boom. Let's do it. All right. Episode 100. 100. Holy shit. 100 episodes of this. Are you proud?

No, I am not. We have more episodes than we have listeners. Oh, that was... By a very large margin. That was true a long time ago. By episode six, it was... Yeah. Oh, God.

Looking back on it, what do you think? It's been a wild ride. It's funny how much my life... has changed but this podcast has remained the same really how is your life changed oh just like you know where i'm living in the people i hang out with and stuff like that yeah podcast has always been a constant the maro happens in this wild and crazy ride we caught it's just a ride man yeah just a ride yeah whatever happens this ride is always the podcast we did the first episode in my gaff it's the lorgan that i mean like you've changed remember that house yeah that party house yeah and now you're a different

party house yeah yeah yeah you're even wilder yeah yeah Yeah, like your place now, it's insane. They've increased the dosage of my medications. I'm wild enough. Yeah, I've been inside your house. People making dumplings. Yeah, yeah, there's dumplings going on downstairs. People wearing robes and shit.

Yeah. We were watching Brucey's prices, right? It's like Studio 54 in this gaff man. Yeah, man. I'll tell you, talking Studio 54, Brucey was living life. Oh, my God. Any time he's like beside a female contestant,

he just like has his hand around their waist right under their tits you know what I mean yeah and that was when the camera was on yeah he probably knew okay the camera they had to cut around so much every time there's an audience shot he just proper like a fucking motorboat them that's why they were cheering yeah we were watching that price is right for a bit yeah to get in the right mindset and the generation game and are you being served yes I was showing you and how are you being served and you were loving it? I was loving it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had to. You had a gun to my head.

Yeah, yeah. Enjoy it. Enjoy Mr. Humphreys. He's the camp one. Yeah, very camp. Could you pick up on that? Could you? I do. Oh, I did. Yeah, yeah. That's a dog whistle. Yeah, yeah. Nothing gets past me. I think that probably affected me, like, how young I was and how I was like, I loved this. You were a big fan of it, were as a kid? Loved it, loved it. What age? We're proper like start dancing

Like that's so weird Because I was too excited for it It's bizarre man Well those are kids who are like Listen to music and watching the footy Yeah I was like no Are you being served?

Yeah yeah Over and over again That's amazing I remember not really understanding the fact that like This was an old show Really? Yeah You were like

I thought this was contemporary And they made it just for UK TV gold Did you not watch any like you know Power Rangers or stuff That kids watch Yeah and I was like Where's Miss Miss Miss Mr. Humphreys.

Let's explain. Mr. Humphreys was the gay guy. Very cap. It was a sitcom, a BBC sitcom in like the 70s and maybe early 80s. It went for like nine years. And it was about like people working in the store and there's like somewhere upper class and somewhere lower class. They're working like a clothes shop. Yeah.

And they're always getting up into like, you know, because they're all working with trousers. Yeah. You know, a woman would be like, oh, lost me knickers. Oh, yeah. And he's like, oh, come on them. or like they're measuring the legs and the lad gets a boner and then pulls a gun

and he'd be like oh six inches oh you're gonna need some more measuring tape love yeah yeah yeah it was great so I've been watching that because I'm so lonely these days

also I watched the Australian version how'd that hold up not good everyone's very ugly oh okay everyone looks like to be out in the sun too long and I might I'll think half freeze is a puffter I don't like him

He comes near me I'm going to shove a didgerie do And he'd love it Yeah It's a didgerie down I also watch the American remake of Are You Being Served Wow

Not good This is like the office It went everywhere There's a Russian version There's so no Mr Humphreys Make my stomach turn Yeah the American version

Did an interesting choice Where they made the gay guy wacky He's not gay He's just wacky And he makes the old woman Cry in it Yeah And everyone feels uncomfortable

I like that Yeah It doesn't work Because he's like a good looking Big American guy Doesn't work Has to be like a gay British guy

With bad teeth That's when it works That's comedy Yeah Yeah Anyway look This is 100 episodes Episode 100

You didn't make Listen all the way to 100 To hear me talk about Are you being served No Yeah that's episode 99 shit This is 100 Come on

We're in triple digits Yeah Let's go big Let's go one The biggest Movies that everyone's seen Forest Gump Forest Gump

Forrest Gump, a life-changing experience Anyone can, if you watch it, it changes your life, it does, makes you appreciate life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it makes you realize you shouldn't have bullied that retarded child on the bus. Yeah. Into school every moment. Well, no, it built character for Forrest, so... That's true.

In fact, later on, because Forrest has braces for his legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the the kids throw rocks them so hard, it fixes him. Yeah, he learns how to run properly. So if you make a disabled kid run, it will fix them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the message. Okay. Okay. So, Forrest Gump, an instant

classic. Yeah, everyone loved. Wasn't it? Well, it's an adaptation. It was a book, wasn't it? A book, yeah, which they never mentioned the, in the Oscar speech, they never mentioned the writer. Good. So he was a bit peeved off by that. It wasn't a lot of Oscars, did it? Oh, yeah. Don't ask me what, because I've forgotten. Okay, it doesn't matter. So many. Look it up. Yeah. I'm not a fucking Wikipedia here. Dicopedia. That's you. No, this is 100, okay? No, none of that.

So, obviously, Tom Hanks played a role. Yes. Do you know, before they got Hanks, they were considering Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, and John Travolta. See, Bill Murray and Chevy Chase, I think, got to work because there's like a weird quirkiness. They're not too good looking. Yeah, Travolta, I think, would have, like, he would have played it too straight, you know? Ironically. Oh, God, look what I did there.

I'm free. but you know what I mean Like he would have tried to be real serious with it And also he'd just be like Oh my god, I'm a movita I can't do nothing It's crazy And also he'd just be too good looking

Where like You know he'd like look off in distance And people like Oh He's just a fucking really handsome guy You really pick up If you're really good looking Yeah

No one picks up you're retarded No absolutely not Yeah it's true That's why all those male models are like You know people just like Oh yeah he just Yeah he's like That's why you have all those

Bipolar Schizophrenous frenics who are models. That's a fact. But all those models, they could just be like, you know, putting a bit, trying to open the door with a piece of toast. And people are like, oh, he's just like, he's just wacky. Oh, it's so quirky. I love him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, we start off, okay. Forest Gump's sitting on the bench. Yes. Okay. And a, what do you call it, on a bird? A feather? A feather, yeah. I know he said a petal.

A feather is floating in the wind. And then we see forest. There's a black woman. woman sitting on the bench. And he starts talking to the black woman. She seems to have no interest in it. Yeah, yeah. She's, I don't know what this guy's game is, but I ain't fucking, because when is this

like the 60s? She probably thinks it's like some elaborate KKK plan. You know, put a retard here that's like honey trapping them, you know? No, I think this is the 80s. That's when racism was over. Oh, good. Yeah, okay. But yeah, she still had no interest in it and Gump's like, well, I was going to keep talking.

Yeah. I'm just going to harass this black woman. I'm going to keep talking and you're going to have to listen. Whether you like you're not. Whether you're like it or not. Reaganomics, bitch. It's a trickle down effect. We start off, a little forest.

He's a little crippled kid and he's a little slow. Yeah, he's got a little braces on his legs. Yeah, to fix him. He's got like scoliosis or something like that, okay? And he's got a mother. Scoliosis in his brain. Yeah. Yeah.

He's got a mother played by what's her name? Sally Field. Sally Field, yeah, yeah, yeah. The good mother. In fact, she's so good that the, The principal of the local school is like Forrest is too slow. Okay.

And she's like, is there anything I could do to Change your mind? Yeah, yeah. And the principal's like, whoa, I get a chance to fuck Sally Field. He ain't passing this up. Every man's dream. Oh, Mrs. Dodfire's wife.

Yes, please. Wait, my, because I rewatched this recently for the podcast, okay? I thought he was the one who was like, maybe there's something you can do. It's her. Yeah, she's the one who's, Because that's always the way, Brian.

Yeah, yeah, see, they try and trick you to make you think it's the men. But it's always the women with their waves. It's always the good southern gentleman getting tricked by the woman. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she's the one going like, maybe if you, you know. Yeah, how about a bit of forest hump? Yes, please. Put another retard in me.

Yeah, she was such a good mother. She wouldn't have been smoking crack while she would. was pregnant. Fucking queef out that fucking failed abortion. Yeah, that's right. It's episode 100, baby. Yeah. Cattin's letting loose.

You can't say nothing. Yeah. We made it to 100. So, they make money, apart from whoring yourself out. Right. They make money by letting out the houses in their big, um, their big house. Okay. Because they've got a big house because, uh...

Oh, so they rent out the rooms? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And Forrest, by the way, is named Forrest because there was a KKK, general called Forrest. Oh. And his mother named him after that to remind him that sometimes people make mistakes. Okay.

And he tells this to the black woman. This bench ain't long enough. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. So they've got a house. They've got no money now, but they think they used to have money. Right, right. The family used to have.

To be honest, it is like the gaff. It's like a big plantation looking house. Oh, yeah, yeah. They definitely had slaves. Oh, yeah, 100%. Are you sure you didn't run away from my house lady You luck by right for Mildyard So they rent out people

Okay And probably, let's be honest Mrs. Gump probably makes me extra Oh yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah Troy doesn't even charge That's right Okay, and one of the people that comes by

Elvis Presley Uh-huh Yeah, yeah How's it going, mama That little retard you got there He's a hell of a boy How much? How much?

How much? I want to teach him karate Oh, you want to meet my 14 year old wife Hey, man Yeah, so he's dancing with Forrest's braces does little dance Yeah, his little retard dance Yeah, yeah

And he's like, I like your little retard dance Hey, I like the way you move there, boy Yeah, okay And then he copies it Yeah, so Gump already Yeah, so Gump Forest Gump influences the Elvis Presley dance

Yeah, yeah, yeah Even his little kid, Gump is changing history But you know what that is That's like the filmmaker's way of saying See Elvis Presley didn't appropriate blues music from black people he learned it from a little white retard so ha ha it wasn't from black culture it

was retard culture same thing if you ask me no no no even episode 100 there's limits it's like tenure brian we've got tenure now oh you're right yeah we can't be fired yeah yeah we can now you're like i like that gump i like the original gump he was right that's right so um they're making money okay now it's time for gump to go to school okay and Gump gets on the school bus and all the kids is like, nope, you can't sit with us. No way. This seat taken.

Your leg braces make me sick. But then Gump sees the most beautiful girl in the world. A little white child. A little white girl. You know if you went missing, the media would go crazy. Can I be your friend, Jenny?

So this little white girl is called Jenny. And they become. the bestest of friends. They sure do. And they stick with them all the time. And sometimes she doesn't want to go home. Oh, really?

Yeah, they'll be hanging out and Gumpby, like, it's getting late. And she'd be like, no, I'd stay a little longer, Forrest. Okay. Because she's got a dad at home who likes to hug and kiss her. Oh, shit. For real?

Yeah, yeah. See, I only saw this film once quite a few years ago. And I didn't like it, so I didn't want to watch it again. So I don't remember that part. Watch it again. I think there's some bits that you'll like a lot. Yeah, I'm liking that.

Yeah, your kind will like that. Seems to me, Jenna, you're giving your diet mixed signals You wear that dress around a red-blooded male Is only gonna do one thing Yeah, licking that lollipop What's he supposed to do? Yeah, the dad's hugging and kissing her and her sisters Oh, Jesus

But then the police Oh God, A-Cab Here we go, Johnny Law Sticking his beak in Then the police get involved and take him away And she goes, lives with her mama Okay And her mama lives closer to Gump

So now he can spend more time with her Okay Now Oh and these The kids around the town Seem to hate Gump Okay Just because he's different

Sure They're always throwing rocks to them That's how it goes That's how it goes Age 10 they're throwing rocks of them Yeah Flash forward He's like

18 Yeah They're still throwing rocks They haven't stopped Bigger rocks The rocks have gotten bigger Yeah They haven't stopped

Okay I like it And as I mentioned earlier They throw the rocks them so hard The braces fall off And you can run real fast And yeah Like when they start chasing them

That's where they're like Run, Forest Run That's where it comes from So he's running away For these bullies again These bullies Like for years Have not stopped chasing after

Well there's very little to do back then I mean there was no internet You just had to bully a retard Yeah there's no porn So what's the next best thing As a guy who like I had a Have not had

He's still around special needs brother older than me but he was on the school bus who were on the same school bus mercilessly bullied by everyone all of the local children I tried to intervene I get slapped around so I just eventually stayed quiet and let it happen

and you know it was good character building for me his life's ruined reprimably forever and he had to be taken out of school and it was a huge strain on my parents possibly the reason my dad killed him was like but you know what apart from all that good character building were to throwing rocks still

no they weren't they were throwing verbal rocks with their mind cannons. Not the same. Not the same. They didn't try hard enough. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will destroy my family's life irreparably forever. And these

motherfuckers are my neighbours. I grew up with these cunts. They're still around. It's like how are you getting on James? Ah, not so good man. My life's ruined but how are you? Well done in the county game the other night there. Anyway. Went in a bit of a tangent there folks. Episode 100. There you go. Back to

forest gum this is yeah good I'm like James stop opening up stop being a queer this is why I'd be a bad therapist yeah

like pay me no we're talking about are you being served the Australian version was shit if you can believe such a thing now back to Gump

okay so they're throwing rocks at Gump and he's running okay he accidentally runs into the college football pitch

yeah okay and he runs faster than the players wow and then the coach is like goddamn

I want that little retard for my team. That's one fan retard if I do say so myself. Apparently that coach is based on a real guy. Really? Yeah, yeah. He used to scout the local retard talent. He's just drive around the Special Olympics. Catcalling all the mongoes.

With a van. He's negging them. Yeah. Okay, so he puts them on the football team. And they play for state. They're really, really good. Varsity. Yeah, yeah.

And all that stuff. No, at the same time, black students. What? Yeah, yeah. You'll joke? Yeah. I don't know, Jenny. Something don't feel right.

They try to go to school. Okay. And this is based on a real thing where... No, it's not. Don't drink the Kool-Aid O'Toole. That's not real. Believe in all the propaganda. What are you in Antifa, are you?

It's all C.G.I. They're this actor, the guy who played Gollum. Crisis actors. Malcolm X was a crisis actor All right, go on So they were trying to get in Trying to get black students in the school Okay

And the thing of like where they were saying Look, you have to have black students in your school Yeah People in the school were like Oh ha ha ha no way We have a second water fountain going to waste We need black students in this school And they had a protest

Okay And the thing where they stood in front of the school And we're like Can I intimidating the black students Yeah yeah yeah So, yeah, they were all, like, screaming obscenities and racial slurs. Well, the joke is, and I'm going to say the joke, okay? The joke in the movie is that they're like, there's coons trying to get in.

Okay. And Forrest's like, I don't like raccoons. Oh, I see. He's front. And Forrest tells this joke again to a black woman on the bench. She's like, looking around from the other bench. She's like, look, when will this bus get here? This awful man.

Yeah. I voted for de Blasio. this is what I get Okay So, and there was a Senator at the time called George Wallace Okay

And he was big in the segregation Okay And he was down there Atime being like Good work guys Stand in front Intimid those black students Right

Those pesky black students Trying to be doctors Right We gotta stop him Okay He there's assassination Attempt on him Okay

And after that He was confined to a wheelchair And you like this James Okay He let a black man Push him around His wheelchair Well well

Well yeah So he kind of learned his lesson He sure did And it's kind of like You know That kind of makes up For all the segregation Yeah

I hope he got left out In the sun And turn black Yeah Yeah Okay So Forrest thinks That they're protesting

Against raccoons But you see some black Women going into school Okay Yeah She drops her book Okay They got real footage

See this lot In the film They get real footage And they Substant Pose Super and Toes Super and Super-

Brian, this is episode 100. Will you fucking learn to speak already? You're returge. You're worse than my brother. You ruined my fucking life. You should have got bully as well. Should have been you.

Should have been you. Superimposed. They're superimposed. Much like Zellig, the Woody Allen film. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. The real life footage of black women going in, they put him in

and they have her drop in a book and he helps it up. Yeah, yeah. And it's kind of like the kindness of tards. Ah, yes. Beware the tards of farts. Much like dogs. They don't see color.

very good yeah okay so this is crazy shit's going on okay you know your racism and stuff like that you know first like I gotta go see Jenny

okay you're not gonna believe this shit Jenny so she's in a a girl school at the time so he goes over and he's waiting for outside her dorm

yeah he sees Jenny in a car and they seem to be she seems to be wrestling with a man oh I see Yeah, a bit of a wrestle in a car Yeah, yeah, yeah So Forrest goes crazy And takes the guy out of car

Mid, mid-fuck, all right? So he's stop hurting Jenny Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And he's like, well, you give me... No, worst, no, raccoons. Okay, see? Okay, yeah, drags the guy. And Jenny's like, God damn it,

You're cock-blocking me, Forres. Yeah, he was going to give me some good dick And you got in the way, you, gump. Listen to Carty B, you fucking prick. Yeah, but she's like Ah, you know what You're out in the rain I'll let you inside

Okay Of what The Gaff? No The car? Inside Oh No, no

Inside her dorm Oh okay Because it's raining He's got nowhere to go Oh Gump has not What happened to the guy He drives away

Like I didn't sign up for this Yeah I'm not into this kind of treason It's the real devil's trisome You got one of them involved Uh Jenny brings Gump into her dorm Okay

Drives him off Dries him off And takes off her sweater Because it's all wet Yeah Okay And touches, I think she touches his arm or something down

And then gump jizzes everywhere Yes Yeah And he goes Oh no He doesn't seem know what's going on Yeah Yeah yeah yeah

And Jenny's so Understand probably because of the experience With her dad But like She knows Yeah In her first rodeo Yeah yeah

She's used to this I've seen a few retarded cocks In my time Yeah She's like, oh, dare, dare. It's okay. It's natural.

She's pretty chill about the whole thing. And Gump isn't like, you're round two. He's like, oh. Clean it up. That's your fault, Janai. And there's a bit of comedy moment where, like, they have this big thing where she's like basically going like, it's okay, you jizzed.

Yeah. It's natural. And then we find out the roommate has been awake the whole time. It's like, ugh. Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

She was where she was. she's just in bed? Just in bed, yeah, we're eyes up and like, oh, nice. I didn't sign up

for this either. Probably strum on the box. This is her fetish. Like, yes. Yeah, big retard football player in my place.

Jizzing. Jizzing. He doesn't know what's going on. They said college would be a time for experimenting and boy, were they right. You live and learn,

you know. Broaden your horizons. Okay. So he goes back playing football. Right. And he wins wherever the fuck college championship they are

they have. Yeah, college ball. Yeah, college ball championships okay? Yes. And he goes to meet Kennedy. Ah, JFK. Yeah, JFK in the White House. Very good. And yeah. Really for winning a college football game? Yeah. No, not one.

The championship, like. Oh, is it like the NFL? No, there's like, basically, college football in America is like League 1. Okay. In the UK. Or maybe the champions, the championship game. Yeah, look, who cares?

Yeah, so he meets JFK. Yeah, the team get to go to the White House to beat JFK and his little joke where Gump goes in the bathroom there's a Marilyn Monroe picture. Oh! Yeah, signed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like that right on the snatch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ask not what your retards can do for you, just know that I fuck that broad in the ass. And then Gump is like, that nice man got shot. In his head. Yeah, yeah, and later on, his brother got shot. But that was in the hotel.

His head exploded like a big friday on the hot pavement. So, Gump. Wonderful imagery there can. Yeah, worthless, con. So Gump, now, okay, he's out of college. Yeah. What's a young strapping man going to do? Join the army.

NAM! Yeah. What's like, what's one of those famous Vietnam song? Give me Shelter by their own songs. Yeah, all those songs play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In this movie, they have no problem in, like, taking a song, being like, this has been used 100 times.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, basically, have you seen Apocalypse now and all the others? Well, here you go. They do, like, the Midnight Express walking, technique. They literally later on go, like, I'm walking here. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Midnight Cowboy. Oh, yeah. No, they do Midnight Express where Gump takes his tit out. Oh, Billy. Yeah. Okay, so he goes to war, okay?

Yes. And it starts off, it's fucking grand. Yeah, he's having the time of his life. Because he's good, he just takes orders. right the general's like what's your what's your job is like to do wherever you tell me yeah general's like god damn i love you gump yeah yeah okay you are the best god damn private i ever seen in my whole fucking life yeah yeah yeah and they also they say a few homophobic slurs oh yes oh yeah so he goes to war and it's great like yeah they're all like drinking beer

and they're like cooking shit does he do heroin with the rest of the truth no no they don't let him oh he tries it like this seat to take it he just eats the spoon I'm I doing it I feel like John Coltrane No what happens is He becomes friends of Bubba Yes Bubba Who was meant to be Dave Chappelle

That's right Yeah It's a very famous thing Everyone goes Like when you talk about that movie Like you know Chappelle was meant to be Bubba

Is he Now again I only saw it once Is he a big character In the movie Yeah he's a pivotal part Yeah Yeah

As we get into later on He's like a big thing He kind of helps Gump to realize at war is bad. Oh, okay. Yeah. Before Gump is like, I love this.

Yeah, yeah. Killing civilians. I always remember this. So we were watching this in the class one time. Yeah, but they put this on for you in school. Yeah, all the time. Not just me. Not just me to calm him down, you know?

It's just you in a room for eight hours playing Forrest Gump on a loop. How was school today, Brian? Brilliant. It was so good. It was pretty difficult. I couldn't keep. It separates the men from the boys I'll tell you that

This must be higher levels So fucking We were watching this in school And this Vietnam scene I remember like A lot of the students like Were really freaked out by this Okay

Yeah Because they probably never really seen war before Yeah I'd seen it You were uh yeah You were desensitized Yeah I know I'd already seen all those beheading videos So I was like used to it

But like when the shooting starts And this lot people were like Oh no! Like they were like proper freaked out. Okay. Because they were like, what, war is hell!

They start shooting at them. Right. And guess who gets shot? Bubba? Bobba, yeah. Well, actually, a lot of people get shot. And Gump,

because he's such an idiot doesn't realize that, like, I should just run away. He picks them all up and brings him to safety. Yes, I do remember that bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Even when Gary's niece, like, put me down, God damn. I want to die. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He brings him to the fucking hospital.

Right. And then, uh, fucking Gary Sneeze has got no legs. That's right. Yes. But Gump is fine He's got what you call There's a word for a million dollar shot

Where it's a shot that puts you out of war Wasn't in any way Disable, yeah or like Injury yeah Okay, right He gets shot in the buttocks Oh, I see Yeah, yeah

Perfect So he's grand He can just like Well everyone else is like just mutilated Yeah And like PTSD and their lives are over Yeah, he's just one around Having a great time playing ping pong

Yeah Yeah Yeah While everyone else has got no arms or legs he's just walking around playing ping just showing off and he's like you know the tent down

like why aren't you walking around and he's like I have no legs he doesn't understand you have a bad attitude Gary Sanis it's all in your mind yeah you need to read the secret

so he gets so good at ping pong that he becomes an international ping pong star of course yeah that they bring him the communist China yeah you know teach him a thing or two

about ping pong teach him about oh what's going down to destroy him yeah yeah from the inside and in fact they actually have a scene where like he's so good at ping pong the moon landing's happening on TV no one's paying attention

they're all watching him play ping pong what's better than moon landing some random guy playing pink with himself oh was it by himself yeah ping pong just against a wall wow that is a very unusual like why ping pong

I don't know I guess ping pong was really big then Was it? I don't think it was Probably not It's just a weird choice I think the joke in it is that it's ping pong Oh okay It's not basketball or something

It's like or baseball is it Or football No he did football already He's playing ping pong with Jing Chong That's my Bernard Manning Yeah Bernard Manning was there Yeah

That's part of it Oh fucking out look at this deaf bastard You know that would be like you know the way he meets famous historical people that'd be one where he meets Bernard Manning's like I just needs an angle

at far as like Bernard Madding's like oh it's just the intolerance in the world is just too much yeah my boy you should lane into a racist character

Bernard eureka you've got it fucking brilliant pal you're a jingish oh I look at these raccoons over here you fucking bastards so it's

he's so good at ping pong he gets invited on a dick habit Lenin is there John Lennon Who's this fucking daff bastard Yeah And there's some very bad

The rest of the film's okay With the like CGI in the lip The dubbing Yeah The Lennon thing looks really bad Okay Where I thought it was my problem

I thought like The thing The stream I was watching Had like gone out of sync Right But no it's really bad It's so lame Where they're like

You know In China They have no possessions And no religion Oh stuff And then it's like Oh write a song about that

and then Dick Cav was like imagine that yeah give us a fucking pen and pencil this is gold yeah it's it's as we go on there's a lot more

that like yeah it's just you get it historical it's fucking like let me just interject real quick this movie is fucking stupid it is stupid they push the limits

and annoying and just ugh I just hate it they turn everything up to 11 if it was just like he met like three famous Yeah, exactly. But, like, it just keeps going more and more and more.

But then people are like, it's so heartwarming and no, it's retarded. I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah. It really pushes, especially as it goes on, some of the things like, oh, God, just please cut that out. Yeah. It's just so, like, heavy-handed. And there's no subtlety to any of it.

And people are like, oh, look, he's in that time, and now he's in that time. Oh, yeah. I'm surprised there was going to be a scene actually with, uh, MLK Okay Where I think the dogs Are chasing after MLK Yeah

And then Gump can talk to dogs Of course Yeah yeah He doctor do little stuff Yeah yeah yeah And he goes like You know No chase after Whitey

Ah yeah No it wasn't that But I think he just like Stop the dog chasing after MLK and MLK And MNK is like You're all right Gump Yeah

Yeah You got style brother And then he's like Later on someone Kool that man That trouble maker with his opinions. Yeah. Oh, they do that with

Lenin as well. They're like, later on, someone shot that man. Yeah, yeah. They do with everyone. Yeah, seems like all these people far as Gump meets end up getting shot. Suspicious. Yes. He's done the ping pong. Yes. He's like a national celebrity. Yes, yes. But he's got no Jenny.

Where is Jenny? Oh, I forgot to mention, actually. When he was in the army, he was in the bunks, okay, and they're all passing around the magazine. Oh. To jerk off to. And Jenny's in it? Yeah, yeah. Playboy? Yeah, yeah, it's Playboy.

Nice. She posts with her, like, her, like, um, college uniform. Oh. Yeah, and she got kicked out of school. Okay. Cause of that. And then Gump goes to see her and she's doing, like, she's doing dances, new dances. Where?

In a gentleman's establishment. Ah, very good. Yeah, the batta bing. Yeah. The bad of bang. Hey, I got this hole in here. She was the bang of retime. But, like, a lot of people, she, like, still wants to cling on to, like, no, I'm an artist.

Oh, so she's new. But she's playing guitar Right So how many roads Must a man walk down She's like Janice Joplin Yeah

And the guys are like We don't care about the song Just show the tits She's like Excuse me sir I'm an artist I'm playing my song Well if my titties

Could stop the war Tomorrow is the president Yeah I'd put it in your mouth Right now So yeah Like again one of the guys Like show us your tits

And gumps me She like just Goes crazy beats the guy Half the death Sohar Samurai's backed Yeah And Jenny gets fired again Oh here we go

Yeah yeah And then fucking like Gump's like You know I'm going shipping out To Vietnam tomorrow Yeah Touch it She's like no

No Gump No We're friends Yeah you ain't never getting none of this I'm gonna hitchhike And suck off this trucker But we're friends Have fun in the war

Hope you meet a black man Yeah Who loves fucking shrimp Shrimp Yeah So Janice seems to be playing hard to get So he's out of war now

And he goes to Washington I think he meets that guy Who took over after Kenzie got shot Lyndon B Johnson Yeah yeah yeah Lyndon Johnson Okay And he shows his ass

Who? Gump? Gump, yeah Why? Because he's like I got shot And Johnson's like Where do you get shot

On the butt talks Do you want to see and he Yes, I do Yeah Pull them down In here Away from the cameras

Come on Yeah This guy's my level I've got your magic cream That'll heal the wound I'm gonna split you in half Okay So yeah

He pulls down his pants And shows him And he's like Yes Why can't the rest of the soldiers Be like You're well trained boy Yeah

So and now he's in Washington Just hanging around There's a big protest Oh Here we go Against the war The hippies And the Beak Knicks

coming in big hippies okay who supposedly like peace and love okay but the hippies okay

they're giving big speech and Abby Hoffman's there Abby Hoffman yeah she was he he Sasha Barra Cohen's character

oh in Chicago yeah that's who I'm thinking of isn't it I don't know is Abby Hoffman the drug guy I don't know

to be honest no it's Sasha Barre Cohen okay I thought of somebody else completely but anyway

right go on so Abby Hoffman Yeah I was going to look it up but I can't Whatever it doesn't matter Yeah

I'll be Hoffman Some fucking loud Some fucking hippie He doesn't appreciate war Okay He's giving it all that Okay And he gets Gump on stage

And uh Gump's like War People die He's like Giss under that Yeah Yeah

But then Jenny shows up Oh And she's like We've got Forest Forest Can you lend me 20 bucks

Forest I'm on the gear So she fucking sees him and then they have a big embrace Right in front of the Washington Monument Everyone cheers

Ah yeah Wait it's in like a Like that The water area Yeah the paddling pool So now Gump's like I'm gonna get pussy now Finally

I'm a fucking war hero I've met two presidents Yes I'm a ping pong championship Please give me some pussy Just fucking wank me off Like a horse Okay

You wear a glove Okay Dope turns out She's got a hippie boy friend he's always slapping around Yeah Yeah I guess he's got a commune out

In the desert Yeah yeah And he's always hanging out The Black Panthers Helter Skelter man So he's hanging out The Black Panthers Are like planning

Like what how You know Whatever they plan Okay I kind of don't know How to get representation On SNL Or whatever fuck

Okay How do I get a writing gig On the Patriot Act Okay so fucking her hippie boyfriend is slapping around okay

oh free love yeah slap and then fucking Forrest like again okay he's like don't hit Jenny and like

beat him up she's like Forrest you keep ruining it you keep defending me this is why I won't give you a pussy You keep stopping me

from getting beat by these abusive men Yeah you nerd Yeah So they spend some time together And Gump's like

Okay well you you marry me now and she's like no i'm gonna get on the bus for these hippies again goodbye okay and she you know and like she starts you know gets on and starts smoking you know smoking the doobie yeah yeah and drives away right and now gump's sad again meet lieutenant dan oh he's doing great he's in a wheelchair and he's smelly oh really yeah yeah oh yeah doesn't he like he's a homeless wheelchair man now and any money he makes he spends on hookers nice

Yeah and he gets Forrest to Hooker Yeah Yeah Is this first time banging? No he doesn't bang He doesn't bang

No no He beats her up Yeah Because he's like You're trying to touch me No means No you whore Yeah

So they spend New Year's Eve Fucking Hooker's like Touching him And he's like Please stop touching me Yeah And she's like

What's wrong With your friend And Gary Sneece Like Don't I think she calls him Like a retard He's like, don't call him a retard, you fucking bitch.

Get out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now it's just the two of them in the apartment. Just, uh, Gary's, he's got no legs, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's like a smelly wheelchair. PTSD, fucking, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So now it's just them on their own, okay? Okay. And they're like, what are we going to do? We're two fucking, you know, characters. My way, we can jerk each other off, but it's not guy because it's New Year's age. Because we're soldiers. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So, you know what to do? What? They decided to go fishing. Oh. Yeah. Just like Bubba always wanted. Was Bubba dead, yeah? Oh, yeah, I mentioned that.

Bubba got shot. You did he? Oh, yeah, you said he got shot. You didn't specify he died. Oh, you're right. And I didn't ask. You know what I did? I jumped to conclusions.

I assumed you knew and it was my fault. Yeah. It's the teacher's fault, you know? Yeah. Because the teacher blame his students? That's right. Yeah. No, he sleeps at him.

Yeah. Okay, so. So the retard and the hobo go fishing. Sounds like a riddle, doesn't it? And they've got a bag A retard and hobo Got a fishing They've got a bag of grain

They've got transported across a lake So obviously The retard will eat The wheelchair will eat The wheelchair will eat the fox Okay So they go fishing all right It's not working out

Not working out at all Oh, I forgot to mention the water gate thing Oh, right, okay This is a very quick thing It's why I forgot it After he meets the president He meets the president again at some stage He meets Nixon anyway

Then they put him in a hotel okay And he calls up because he sees There's lights in the And he's like, there's raccoons in there But yeah Yeah, so anyway Him and Gary Snee's go fishing Yeah

Don't catch nothing And Gary Sneess is like We just caught like Some threat Yeah we caught enough Fucking shrimp To like put in one can That's not to put food in the table

You know Yeah We can't start our shrimp business With this Sure But then I think Gump believes

Oh so He read the secret It's like He manifests it With positive affirmations He believes There's a big storm They're like

Oh shit We're going to sink they survive and the storm made all the shrimp appear yeah that's what happens it's like a snow globe yes you shake it

and then it starts raining shrimp all the shrimpies came up to the top yeah yeah yeah so then they catch them all and they get like real rich and they start the Bubba gum shrimp company

right okay yeah so they catch some shrimp and become billionaires yeah yeah yeah okay and I think they invest in some shit or something

so that it's just dumb like the whole thing is just silly it's very silly and I know you know you can make the argument oh suspension of disbelief blah blah blah well no it's fucking stupid

and if you like it you're stupid and I hate you oh no the joke is to get the shrimp money okay then they invest in a fruit company Apple oh yeah

oh here goes so now they're mega rich Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's a funny bit where they give the money to Bubba's mama. Right. And his mama feigns

because it's so much money. And before all Bubba's descendants had to work for the white bitch. Right. Yeah. They're always putting food out on the table for the white bitch. Right, right, right.

But now Bubba's mama got so much money, the white bitch put food on the table for her. Yeah, yeah. Here you go, Mrs. Baba. We have some crude detain. and vitamin water. Yeah. I ain't fucking with that shit, bitch.

Then she just farts on her face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take that, you fucking bitch. You crack her whore. Yeah. I got a whip now. So they become mega rich. Meanwhile, Jenny has just been doing

coke in Studio 54. Yeah. And banging, just getting the fucking railed by every man who comes along, who isn't Forrest. Yeah. That's how she decides who fucks her. It's like the 70s with disco.

Everyone's on roller skits and they're just like roller skating into her pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, whee-o-r-r-r-r-h-ha. Do you remember when's that September? Yeah. She saw coaked her at one stage. She's on the edge of the building.

She's like, well, I jump. Yeah. And she doesn't. Pussy. Yeah. Pussy, oh, bomb a clot. Bitch ain't got no fucking stone. Suik.

Sique. Ear me now, bossman, Biden. Shout out to chat. Thanks, my main man. Skinny, but... A fucking king. Yeah, man. We fuck with Chad Hanks.

That's the real deal right there. Fuck Tom Hanks and as far as go bullshit. Chad Hanks is the Shiznit. He should host the inauguration. He should, yeah. Yeah, so I just want to give a shout out to President Trump.

Big up my boss man, Biden. Yes. If you don't follow Chad Hanks on Instagram, you are failing at life. You're missing out. He's also on shameless. yeah yeah like it anyway back to this

retard yeah this I'm losing fucking all hope this is for 100 episodes this wasn't worth it at all oh come on I think we've made some very offensive remarks in this episode nah that'll do that'll keep the troglitites happy

anyway Jenny's all fucking she's she's sick of the coke now and she's been combed in so much she needs a break so she goes to live rent free and Gump's house well no see what happened was like she was doing so

so much coke and got so much jizz pumped into her that the coke and the jiz, the coke and the jizz crystallized and that's her crack cocaine was invented. Yeah. A lot of people don't realize that, but that's the truth. And then someone set fire to her and smoked it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Ira and Contra.

There you go. The CIA smuggled Jenny into the country. Freeway Rick fucked Jenny and invented crack. Now that Jenny's got her fill, I mean literally, okay? Yeah, yeah. She goes to like, oh, hey, Forrest, I'm going to stay yours now and eat all your food and not pay rent.

And Gump's like, this is great. Yeah, yeah. And she's still not touching it. Well, after a while, she's like, you know what? Kind of sick of this now. Wait, but have we found out that didn't something happen to Jenny? No, not yet. Not yet, okay.

She's like, let's bang now. Okay. So she gets on top of Gump and probably does some very, very, very, very, bad sex. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, very like a couple of trusts

and gumps like, blah, like, okay, then she's like, well, done now. That was that.

Yeah, and then she, was it worth it? I can't believe I waited 30 years for that shit. Fuck off, Jenny,

you dumb sky. I mean, she was like, that's the one thing I regret. Of all this shit. That's the I needed therapy.

You were my bottom. Yeah, so she bangs him once, okay, runs away. She's so ashamed of herself. She goes to come a nun.

Yeah, yeah. So she runs away and Gump is so sad now. You know what he does? He start running. Oh, yeah. Okay, remember this bit. He runs out the house.

Yeah. Down the street. Yeah. Into town, out of town. Yeah. Keep running. Running. Yeah.

And running. And running. Yeah. And he don't stop. And how long does he run for? Years. Is it actually years? No, I think it's like months

It's still fucking stupid though Yeah, yeah Like he, I said he runs non-stop Oh, he says that When I wanted Uh, when I slept, I slept So I think Now when I was a kid I taught he slept running

Okay I thought he went to I thought he did shit And it would fall down his jeans Yeah Okay And then you told that to your father And he beat you mercilessly

You fucking idiot Don't disrespect Gump Okay, so yeah So he would He just would run So he ran But then like people start noticing Like a cult

People start following the cult of Gump Yeah yeah yeah that's right actually Yeah yeah yeah People like start running after him And they're like you doing this for world peace Are you doing it For enlightenment For segregation

Yeah yeah Yeah you're trying to stop them You're trying to get rid of him Gump's like maybe Is he trying to save the raccoons Yeah He's like, I just want to run. But they, of course, like the Messiah figure.

Yeah, they interpret it to believe whatever they want to believe. Man, in the way, we're all running from capitalism, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he has a big follower, following now, okay? They're all chasing after him, okay? And some funny stuff happens. Like one guy asked him, like, I need a bumper sticker. And then Gump steps in some dog shit.

And he's like, hey, you stepped in some dog shit. And he says, it happens. And he's like, I got an idea and he creates the shit happens bumper sticker. Wow. Yeah. He becomes a very rich man, apparently. Really?

The shit happens bumper sticker? Yeah, yeah. We should try to invent a bumper sticker. Yeah. Queers happen. There. That'll... That would work. That probably would work.

Yeah, yeah. Become billionaire. Actually, I tell you what, in 2021, queer's happened. Queers happen. I love it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And I picture Mr. Humphreys. Ooh. Yeah. Queers happen. I like that a lot, actually. Yeah. Well, that's mine.

You can't have it. You don't get any of it. I become a billionaire. It's like, no, I never had a podcast of Brian. He's making it up. You're on all the big pod, all the queer eye guys love you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, I saw that.

I started crying. I changed my life. We do happen. We happen. That's what I did it for, guys, for you. Because I knew there was injustice in the world. It's like, what can I do? How can I use my privilege to change things for the better, you know?

How can I make it? make money after this. And then you just come in, everybody down! You have a gun. I'm not taking this anymore. Yeah. Okay.

Put the homophobia in the bag. Put the cocks in the bag. Yeah, queer has happened. Yeah, you roll the bag, you roll the jizz in the bag, and you run away with it. It's like,

instead of a dye pack, it's just jizz when it explodes. Like, yes. That's what I want to do. fucking um yeah everyone has to like think of a cause and make money off it anyway look queer's happen guys queer's happen yeah i love queer's happen it's great we're getting those t-shirts raccoons happen raccoons happen and queers happen and never the twain shall meet okay okay so yeah people are following them running and the next funny thing you thought that

was funny here's next funny thing another guy's like hey mr gump i need to make a t-shirt yeah And Gump's face is all muddy. Right. Because a truck drove by and put mud to his face. Right. Gump takes a t-shirt, puts the t-shirt on his face. And there's a... Pulls it back.

It's a perfect smiley face. Just... Silly. Silly. Silly, silly, silly, silly, silly. Yeah, that is the worst part of the movie. Yeah. But even as a kid, I remember I got up...

We were watching in class, okay? I got up and I shit myself. Yeah. And then wiped it with a t-shirt. and it's like, see? The emperor has the globe. Where's the smiley face? Where's Robert Zemeckis?

Yeah. Yeah, that's so dumb. Yeah. And then he creates the smiley face t-shirt. Have a nice day. And that man becomes a very rich person. Right. Yeah.

So eventually Gump gets tired of running. He just stops. Yeah. Everyone's like, he stopped. He stopped. What will he say? Mr. Gump, what next? Are we, should we drink to Kool-Aid?

Mr. Gump? Should I kill my whole family? And Gump's like, no, I'm going home. And he goes like, oh, well, I already killed my whole family. So, I'm that man also became a very rich man. I'm not sure why. Okay. Yeah, so Gump just goes home then. Yeah. And then he gets a letter from Jenny. Oh, okay. To meet up with her. Right. And that's why he's on the bench to start the film. So we've come to the... Oh, we've come to the start. Yeah, yeah. But, oh, but, oh, Wait, no, because it was to start, but then now it's like in the middle or not even, it's like not the middle or the end, but the middle of the end in the middle, yeah, brilliant. And I'm so simple, I'm always kind of like, what, we're at, we're just is uncharted territory now, lads. Yeah, we're going off the reservation, folks.

We don't know what's happening now, boys. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto. So he goes, um, oh, yeah. yeah he's like talking there's no woman the black woman ran away ages ago good yeah yeah yeah so there's no woman now he's like now i'm waiting uh on the the bus so i can go see jenny she lives here and old woman's like why you don't need a bus for that she's like a block away he's like and he runs jizzes again yeah yeah he runs straight he runs through jenny's wall he's so excited does he actually no no that'd be that'd be silly yeah yeah and it's perfectly logical and uh yeah yeah reasonable

He runs through the wall He's like Jenny And she's like Guess what Forrest I got a kid And it's called

Forest After it's daddy You been fucking Another guy called Forest Yeah Gump That's what happens In the film

Gump's like Really His daddy's also called Forest Okay Yeah And then she's like No it's yours

Bluh Yeah Yeah I never seen this bitch Before in my life Then he goes They hit to go on the Morrie Povitch

So, Forrest, you are not the dad, and he does the dance. Woo! Yeah. Yeah. So now he's got a kid. Right. He's like, no, we can marry and be happy. But guess what?

What? Jenny got cough. Oh, no. Jenny got cough and scabs. So I taught this with AIDS. Yeah. Everyone says it's AIDS, okay? Yeah.

The writer says it's hep C. Okay Doesn't make any sense Because she even says It's a new virus Yeah Maybe Like

It's Hep C in the book And the film Changes it to AIDS Maybe to update You'll make it more Hip with the Cool Kids Yeah Yeah

Hey Keyes You won't know Well about these AIDS And shit Because all the kids Watch be like Uh Hep C

What What This is my granny Is it Yeah Oh is this Fucking Oh

Did you get Well It's your Gramophone Did you Fucking old bitch Oh AIDS

man, it's cool. Yeah, that's where it's at. Yeah, it's cool, like Biggie Smalls. Oh, yeah. Hey, everybody, I'm here to say, AIDS is cool. It's the only way you get it up your rash injected in your arm. Who gives a fuck if you're doing societal arm? It's AIDS. Now, how does AIDS work? Because she is fucked Forest. Yeah. I always thought she got AIDS from Forest. Yes. Because when you bang a retard, you don't get retard. It just converts to AIDS. Yeah. Well, he spent a lot of time with Gary. He spent a lot of time with, a man with no legs

so you know it's good you could have went the other way with that and blamed Bubba but hey this is a high class show we're going that way

yeah yeah no no no no no we've learned our lessons we've learned our lessons we've evolved yeah yeah yeah yeah

so she must have banged forest before she got the AIDS and then would the son have AIDS does AIDS transport to children

it can happen but then I think it also doesn't happen well no see I always assumed that she got the AIDS after her because then didn't she go and fuck a bunch of Wall Street guys? You know, that's probably, hopefully that's what happened.

She had, the sun came out and then she got AIDS. Yeah, yeah. That's for the best. She got some NASDAQ Dow Jones in her pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking, a young gecko. Yeah. I fucked her in ass.

Um, does, could AIDS be transported through, like, breast milk? I think it's blood. Blood is the main way. Well, if I give my baby blood? Yeah. Yeah, probably then. Good, good to know. That's why, like, anal sex is always a big one

because there's a fair bit of wear and tear that goes on during that. If you raw dog up the ass. So, now she's dying, okay? Yes. Oh, his mother died as well, but he's a fuck. Whatever. Oh, Sally feels...

It's funny, Sally feels dying looks better. She'd probably offer to wank off the Undertaker as they were doing her up. Yeah, the Undertaker was like, I'm going to have to charge of this cough and she's like, is there something we can do to get this plot of land?

Yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, Jenny dies. Good. Yeah, so after she gets AIDS and her life's pretty much over

is like, okay, now I'll be with you, Forrest. Oh, boy, Jan I. So yeah,

fucking gumped up. Oh, we did an hour. Oh, good. Yeah. Oh, thank God.

Yeah. This has been a good one now. There's definitely been good stuff here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Queers happen, baby

Yeah, queer's happened We've changed the world Yeah, we've changed the world Okay, let's just finish He's up then Okay So his wife is dead The son is like

Oh, my, I got a dad now Yeah But he loved me Papa He a little different But he love me Okay And then he

He goes to school With the same Fucking bus driver A gun pad Oh shit And God damn man You ain't done shit

With your life I'm at three presidents and fuck the whore Why don't you do something You need to fucking change your outlook buddy So fucking smoke some DMT or something So Gump lives a happy life His son goes to school With his little half-retardids baby

And the college that used to go to De Let him mow the lawn Oh okay He likes to mose because he'd be so bored You know being a millionaire Yeah That he mose the lawn and he's content

Okay And then Listen, this is okay Yeah The you know the The leaf The petal The feather

The feather Yeah That went on the ground To start Yeah August the wind comes And blows it into the sky He goes

Do do do do Do do do Directed by Robert Zemeckis And then everyone The audience cries Because it's so beautiful Yeah This is transcendence

Right here Yeah It's reached it It sure is is. It sure is. Yeah, and that's the end of the film. Yeah, and it's like, it's like considered one of the best movies of all time.

And it's garbage. It's nonsense. It's stupid. We've gone over it before, but the sequel would have had, like, him, like, with O.J. in the limo. Oh, yeah. And him meeting Diana and all sorts of mad shit. Like, him getting involved

in Q8, I think, and fucking... Oklahoma bombing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All, like, lots of funny, wacky shit in the 9-11 happened and I think Tom Hanks is like nah I'll pass or to have a funny scene where like you know

Gump is in the Twin Towers yeah but he's got to go take his shit yeah and he comes back and like what happened oh no yeah so that's Forrest Gump that was episode 100 we did it well we got to end on something here

yeah yeah I feel like you know what I was thinking at the end though it kind of feels a bit like i am sam at the end where it's like him raising the son yeah but it's meant to be like heartfelt but in reality probably the government probably just take him away but no he's got money i suppose yeah doesn't matter how retarded you are when you got money you can do whatever you want see that's the problem i am sam look at donald trump oh oh oh what what yeah yes yes yeah that'd be the sequel so queers happen trumps don't happen and people would love

it people buy even more of that no instead of top trumps what about bottom trumps oh and the gay it has a game meaning as well yeah yeah yeah yeah oh god she's you really like you're I'm building an empire here fuck the podcast

I imagine a year from now this is going to be me on my own well I'm not jealous yeah yeah I'm just like riding around like a I don't know me and Elon Musk woo yeah going to Mars you're my best friend James

I love you. I love you too, Elon Musk. You ever seen I am Sam? No. It says Sean Penn. You know how it starts off, okay? No. So he gets a girl pregnant.

Sean Penn is severely mentally disabled, okay? He goes full retard. He's like the brain of a seven-year-old. Okay. He loves the Beatles and he likes, I don't know, I think like ice cream, okay? Okay. And he works in like a, like he has a minimum wage job. Right.

Where like he's always knocking things over. People are like, oh, we can't really. You know, you know, we can't really say much. It's a McDonald's. It's not like, you know. Yeah, we can't really hit him, you know. Yeah. But he gets this girl pregnant.

I think she was probably just drunk and she's like, oh, God, what did I do? So she has the baby. And he's like, and Sean Penn's like, oh, yeah, this is great. I love this. He looks so nice. Yeah. Oh, no, it's a she. It's she.

She's like, oh, little baby, you're going to be a happy family. She's like, yeah, yeah, right, right, right. They get out, they leave the hospital. She's like, hey, can you hold baby for a minute? She goes, taxi, taxi, taxi. She gets on taxi, drives away, and he's like, where's she coming back? Nice. Yeah, and I tell you, I am Sam.

He can't play ping pong. Is it good? No. Of course not. It's saccharine and it's, it feels very, it's like, it's almost something like, you know the way we can be mean about disabled people and it's grand. Yes. But when you make a film like that where it's so much like,

he's an angel and the mean old government are trying to take the kid away because he just wants to give her ice cream all time and the government won't let him. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like almost like an infantilized fucking like just. He's an angel. No, this child needs to be protected from this dangerous individual.

Where the child has to keep turning off the oven and stuff because he keeps leaving it on. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. He keeps trying to put his head in the microwave and she's like, Daddy, maybe don't. Yeah. And there's a bit in there where like he, um, he loves reading Dr. Seuss because that's his level.

Right. But she's got to read a book for school and he can't read it. Okay. And she's like... So he beats her with it? No, he gets frustrated and she has to go like,

no, that's a stupid book. Let's read Dr. Seuss again. Oh, okay. So she has to raise him. Yeah, yeah. That's horrific. That poor child. That's...

At least Jenny's dad fucking got shit done. Let me show you how the world works, Jenny. Here really start, you know? Yeah, yeah. Shake that money maker. So there we go.

That was episode 100. 100, baby. Well, thank you for sticking with this all these years. Has been years. It has been years. Oh, God. You excited you for 200? Let's make your predictions.

What will life be like for us in 200 if we make it to that? Yeah, who knows, man. Who knows? It's... Honestly, God, I think you are going to have an upswing. Really? Because I think you at this stage, like, as you're getting older

like you kind of cut down the drink and the weed and shit sure I think without even trying you'll just kind of like you'll do okay but I think me

because of my extreme narcissism I won't be able to accept the mundaneity of life and I'll be you always be like why aren't I a star already and I'll just fall into drugs and drink and shit

and I think I'm going to gain a lot of weight definitely and I'll get to that stage of people like we can't have two fat guys on a podcast that's just sad

That can't happen We got like an Abbott and Costello thing going here, you know Laurel and Hardy Yes, yes Yeah, Farley and Spade No, I think you're going to be the spade I think I'm going to get so big

Yeah You'll be the skinny one Wow, okay And it'll get to stage We're looking forward to that We can't record upstairs I have to like Run the microphone down

Out the window And you're just like Yeah, I like that I'm in the back of a truck Just on the back of a flat bed Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah And there's like, you have to get someone

To hose me down at the end Because I get too sweaty from talking And you have like a carer Who makes the notes for you Because like watching a film is too much work for you The neighbours are looking out And you're all protective You're like, whoa

And then I burn the house down At least this way He doesn't die in joke yeah fuck yeah I think yeah things won't go

well for me definitely but by 300 I'll level off yeah yeah everyone loves a good

comeback yeah 300 be me like be like I accepted my fate you know didn't get better

but I just accept for like yeah it's just you know what annoys me is just like

how we really you know this podcast really deserves a bigger audience than it has in terms of

content that's your mad narcissism there yeah well i i do think i'm happy where we are and i hope we never get more popular that's why i won't film it okay well i just would love to start earning money from it and you know quit my job that would be the dream yeah yeah oh you know yeah do what i'm going let's set up let's set up the camera okay uh in the between the each episode let's do it off air though yeah no no it's not they want on a hundred me just going like it's not worth This is dumb.

I smash it. You go full I am, Sam, on it. All right. Okay, right-handed. Thanks everyone for listening. Thank you for listening. This has been Forrest Gone. Episode 100.

Bye. Tell your friends, please.