Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 102 : Face/Off

Episode Date: February 3, 2021

Take his face........off

And you're on. Oh, I'm feeling hyped already. Yeah. Me and James were just talking about gay ears. Yeah, I was on for me. Well, no, because now I know. Because you said... Just cracked up in a can there.

Yeah. Of monster. But, no, you said, like, the gay ear. And I thought you meant, like, in terms of, like, a biological thing. Like, if the ear, is it like, if you have an earlobe, you're gay and you don't have an earlobe, you're straight or vice versa. Yeah. But you meant earrings. Yeah.

So the thing that... Which ear is it left or right? Oh, I wouldn't know. Okay. And that's got me in trouble before. Because I used to have... I had both my ears pierced. I had like two earrings in each ear.

Like the lobe, you know, had the little hoops and all. Like I was in a new metal band, you know? Yeah, you were pretty, well, be the term... Uh... Gay. I think that sums it up quite well, yes, I was. But like, back in the day, they had like a gay ear. Yeah.

say left. Okay, left, yeah. I would know because I'm so fucking alpha. Yeah, yeah, you wouldn't even know. It's not a big straight alpha male, okay? But that was back in day where you had to be a bit like on the DL with being gay.

Right, right, yeah. It's probably like that still in some places, but like, you know, you can walk around Dublin and just, you know, yeah, you know, be as free as you want, you know? Well, I mean, yeah, certain parts of Dublin. Yeah, there's definitely,

you're always going to come across one or two, probably more than one or two. Who look at me, just like, I'll call you, might, you know, come across a few yeah, naysayers, like, no, you might A few people who might talk, they do more than talk. They might violently

assault you with a brick. Actually, I take that back, yeah, it's actually still pretty like, you still have to keep it a little bit on the DL. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Plus, there's always, I mean, there's still the bleed of or from, like, Catholic repression, like the, like a lot of kids, a lot of young ones

now would be scared to tell their grandparents they're gay, and maybe even some parents, because their parents were still pretty old school, especially like rural Ireland you know what I mean? Oh yeah, there's still a lot of grannies and stuff like that that would be like oh my grandson's gay can we bring back like the workhouses

The mother and baby homes Yeah, but the mother and gay The mother and gay homes Yeah, yeah I think it's funny if like you know the way The church got angry over that War of a Whisper sketch Oh yeah, that terrible poorly written, poorly it looks like it was shot

on an iPhone probably was like And, like, that's the more offensive aspect of it. Like, who cares about the... Like, I think you and I both said, after it's like, at one point in our stand-up, we each had a variation of that same premise. Yeah, and I told us Bill Hicks. Yeah.

I started smoking. Yeah, I'm Lenny Bruce. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so, yeah, the church... Well, I told me funny if, like, the church was like, oh, we're not apologising now for the mother and baby thing. Tint for tat! Yeah, we're bringing it back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Yeah. That was so funny. You know, like, R.T. literally apologised for that. Straight away. One bishop was like, hmm, that, that isn't called for. It's a bit rude.

We're so sorry. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh shit, we can't even see that. Jesus fucking cum-sucking, cud-flap Christ on a cot bike. Help us, please. Oh, I bet that's offensive now. Who is it?

But yeah, like, the fucking head of R2 is basically on, like, underneath. being like, oh god We did a bad bad God Gonna blow up RTE Father I have forsaken you Please forgive me Yeah immediately like just Apologised

And pulled it from the RTE Player Not that many people It was in the It was air during their fucking New Year's Eve special Who the fuck is going on to RTE Player to watch a New Year's Eve special

Also is a bit weird Like the New Year's Special The RTE New Year's Special It's not going to be watched by the hip kids. No, no. It's going to be watched by old grannies.

So, of course, they're going to be a little bit upset by the accurate description of God being a racist, racist. Rapist. He's probably a racist.

No, no, no. He's not that now. Well, no, not just a rapist, pedophile, because Mary was 14 at the time of the immaculate conception. So he's an aunt.

He didn't ask consent. You know, it's problematic. He didn't even raise a kid that well. Hashtag cancel God. He just, he left it in. he came in and gave her some song and dance about like oh it was immaculate you know what happened he didn't even he didn't even like hit her up himself he sent one of

his boys around sent gabriel the angel yeah yeah yeah that would be like if I hey girl I'm just telling you right now my fucker busted a nut up in your pussy and you pregnant is a motherfucker that would be like oh gabriel you're fucking crazy man get out of here with your ear ring yeah with your gay ring yeah I know when you're playing on that I know what it means. It's more's cold, isn't it? Dog whistle. Were you scared?

See, you had both ears pierced. Yeah. Were you scared that, like, let's say you're walking in the street, okay? And somebody rips them off. Yeah, well, no, a guy rips off one ear. Rips off the right ear.

The full ear. Yeah. You're just left with the gay ear. Yeah, you're like, no, no, I'm deformed. I'm not gay. You're bleeding, okay? You're like, oh God,

this means I'm gay now. I'm the homopholes. Like, hey, look, Cadens got the gay ear. Let's get him. Yeah, yeah. Zykes Zykes

Ro? Yeah Fogun what an embarrassing day for RTE Yeah When isn't an embarrassing day

for RTE Jesus Christ Remember that Secret RTE producer Yeah They probably shot Oh yeah

Well there's another guy He was looking at Child porn Oh that guy Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Well he got done

He got I think he's doing jail time Or is he out He could be out Already Oh probably He's probably

The one Who commissioned that Sketch Probably just a slap On the wrist And he was like I'll get them back. I'll get back God himself.

Ah, yes. So, fuck our team. Why did they get Waterford Whispers do one sketch? It's very strange. I don't know. I actually like those guys. Oh, I like Waterford Whispers, too. I mean, I've met the guys who do it.

I've met one of them. Yeah. I, like, did a gig in The Crunch, and he, he's actually from Monaghan as well. Oh, really? And he, yeah. Kind of shows, like, what you can do? What he came up to me after? It's like, oh, I really, like, just said, what part of Monaghan are you from?

Yeah. And he's like, ugh. I knew there was something about you I didn't like. Yeah. Yeah, he's like, the next sketch, James Cadden's the rapist. Yeah, they do a sketch. James Caden raped the Virgin Mary. What?

And the bishop who got... He's like, love it. Keep up the good word, lads. Finally, punching up. I mean, could you be any more punching up than that? it's God, it's the creator of the universe, if you can't have a go at him, who can you?

When, when, like, how are you punching down at God? You know what I mean? No, God's got anxiety issues. He's got PTSD from the Holocaust still gives them the hebie-jeebies. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Quickly, move on, move on.

I was going to say, like, the fact that he got his boy to, um, get, um, get absolutely battered. No, to get her pregnant. it would be like if there was a girl I thought was hot Yeah, no, God got her pregnant, but he sent Gabriel to tell her that she's going to get pregnant.

Well, I was thinking, was she pregnant beforehand? I don't know. So I thought it would be like if there was a girl like, and I sent you over with a turkey baster might come. Yeah. And then you did the but it's technically still my kid, but you're the one who did the job. That's right. Who gets in trouble then? Not me.

I think the manufacturer of the turkey baster would have some questions to answer in that instance. Now, we know that our product is only being used for the purposes of injecting comb into unsuspecting women. We don't know why it's

happening. Yes, the apparatus it seems like it was made specifically for that purpose but it was not our intention. They released a statement, be like, we realize some of our products being used for basting turkeys and that is not. That is sick.

You people are deranged. Go, R.T. Apologize. We're going to get into some Nicholas Cage movies in a minute. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But I just want to say a big thank you to James for letting me in the house again. Oh, my pleasure. They're going to make me dinner later on. They are, yeah.

At the moment, they're downstairs, okay, in James' house. They're watching a French film and eating sausages. It's a French series, you buffoon. Le Bourgeoisie. I don't even know what that is. I'm like, a series of what? Yeah, it's some like, what's called Marianne? It's like a French horror series.

It's like a French witch or something. Yeah, yeah. And there's a naked old lady in it. Yeah, with her big saggy tit. Yeah. How old would you go, Brian? Real talk. Oh, yeah.

Give me up. Real talk, son. Yo, yeah. How old are you going on their pussy? Yeah. Let me hear. Let me hear. 70.

But it got it. yawn it got you got like snooze fest you can't just say the age you got it's like how the body be doing okay so describe it

have you seen the shining way worse than that I mean holy shit imagine that girl but dead for another 20 years that's my style how old is Susan Sarandon

because I still it depends on the body 100% man like no doubt Susan Sarandon right up till the day she dies while Tim Robbins watches Yeah, yeah

He probably, he strikes me as a cook. Having a wank on Jacob's ladder while he's peering in the window Dirty beggar Yeah, and then his dick makes him fall off the ladder The Shawwank Redemption Yes, we did it Yes, finally

Stop, that's it Never getting any better than that. Take the side night, we're done Good night and good luck Yeah Well, we'd fuck Susan Sarananin so if anybody can make that happen, please hit us up. Come on.

Come on, put the work in. Don't be a wanker. Don't be unsound. Yeah. Get me some pussy. Very specific A-lister old pussy. That's what we like. And they're like, we could get you Jennifer Lawrence.

No. I didn't ask for that, you fucking swine. Yeah, the hunger games. No. More like the hung her games when I killed her. No, that's not as good as the Shawwank Redemption That's it Now we take the sign of it

Yeah, yeah, yeah Oh yeah, actually big ups to our man Larry King Oh fuck, RIP, Larry King Continuing the man talk The last real one The ultimate man Divorced eight times from seven women Pimp

That is Jordan numbers right there He's not even the real king Who's the king? Well, his name's not king Oh His name's Ziegler Oh, well, he was right to change it Yeah

I wouldn't be a fan of him If I know Yeah, he got His name was Ziegler Here's the story, okay Oh His name was Ziegler And he got his first job in Miami

Right And he's like all excited Yeah Half hour before the show goes on air The boss calls him He was like Yeah, your name Ain't gonna fly

That ain't gonna fly down here In Miami People don't want to think of Jews And entertainment Yeah That will not fly It doesn't mix It never has

And never will I'll see to them that so so then uh larry was like oh shit i got 30 minutes think of a name yeah oh what he saw an ad in the paper for king liquor okay he was like that's what i'm going to call me larry king yes and perfect and then first i think over 60 years just kept going right until the end or he looked weird yeah oh man he looked so bad towards the end like was i think larry king you know not larry king lie what's the show that he did afterwards where he's like interview and was it like politicking or something

it was that YouTube thing yeah it was like a YouTube thing and it was also an RT and it was like a one on one where he's just talking to comedian cyberies but he's like full blown in a wheelchair just like decrepit like so tell me about the time that you

man his shoulders his shoulders through the end were so weird looking he was such a pinty unhealthy looking man and it looked like a Picasso drawing skin and bones man he was literally skin and bones he was like the grim reaper you know that's what women do to you yeah yeah that's what happens when you get fucking married eight times how much alimony was that motherfucker paying do you want

to go through his marriages not really but yeah okay oh yes you do okay okay he first married his high school sweetheart yeah mistake right there big time right out of the gate you're blowing it uh the union ended the following year yeah because her parents weren't into it They found out Ziegler was his name. You what? You fucking what. Get off. Okay, he is, uh, he didn't marry some other bitch.

His third wife was a Playboy bunny. Oh, sexy. Yeah. Who he met at the Playboy, one, the nightclub. At the Playboy mansion or? Uh, no, just a night. At the magazines, apparently the, apparently Playboy had some nice club, night clubs back in the day. Yeah, I could see that.

Yeah. Um, this is the one he remarried. Oh, really? Yeah. Nice So you got her When she was teen Tiddies

And then back again When she turned Milt Fitties Yeah Yeah That's how you do it That's the fun thing About being so old

Is you can literally Like You can get all the sides Of a woman Yeah Yeah Yes Get her at her

Peaks And troughs Yeah Yeah See at the best See it's the worst It's the worst It's pretty interesting

You know Swings and roundabouts Baby Okay His fifth teacher Was a mathematics teacher His fifth

wife you mean oh yeah yeah no his fifth teacher was a mathematics wife jesus a math teacher then he married a business woman okay and see he's marrying more like um like sharp astute women that was his mistake who knew who know exactly how to flee some you know what i mean like they're running a real operation apparently with the business woman they lived in two separate cities the entire marriage that's perfect yeah why even be married uh he then married an actress never marry an actress that's what they say Oh really?

Yeah Why's that? Just like How's that? Oh wait Yeah I was going to say High Maintenance

But yeah Hoor's Okay And then he married Another A singer actress Oh And he goes with her

And Divorce in 2010 Okay But then reconciled And then divorced Again in 2019 Fuck me Man

I heard a great quote From him Where he was like The show Never lets you down You know You know Women

friends family they'll all leave your health but the show will never let you down it'll never be replaced by peers Morgan that's like us on this podcast we're going to get replaced by peers Morgan because he's less problematic and more like sex appeal yeah he died of COVID yeah COVID yeah well that's what they say Jesus well a sad way that like such a great career and he die of such like a generic like but come on he was I mean he had like he had like multiple heart failures. He was fucking on the ropes for a long time. He had a heart attack a few years ago and he said he

considered suicide. Really? Yeah, he was just like, I can't. This is like a crime against nature, the fact I'm still alive. Really? Yeah. God is crying right now because my ugly body is still moving. Jesus. That's my word. It's not his. Yeah, yeah. But I will set that to him.

I'll lay it down street, hom. I'll articulate what you're feeling, Larry. I was watching some good Larry King clips. It's so funny how like He, like, one of his biggest moments was the NAFTA debate. NAFTA? Yeah. Okay.

NAFTA was like a thing that they were trying to pass. I think they did pass it where they're going to like make it easier to have trade between America and Mexico. Okay. And they had a NAFTA debate between like Al Gore, who was vice at the time and then like Nader, Ralph Nader. That was like the highest watch thing on TV. Really? Yeah. Why?

And so how like, oh, a debate against NAFTA is like. I've never even heard of it. Yeah. But like back time people were like, I'm going to tune into this. So that got him big And then the OJ thing Got him like super big Yeah

Because he was like He like interviewed All the players Like everyone Yeah yeah But he was like kind of the first one To do it He recognized

You know This is very salacious People want to hear About this stuff Yeah Apparently That was where like As soon as everyone

Left the court They'd go directly to Larry King Nice Yeah That was like They was like We'll get the court out of way And we can focus on Larry King

That's the really important thing That's where the real work happens Yeah He even had OJ when he got out Not when he was I think the day after The acquittal or whatever

Whatever, yeah Day after said he didn't do it Yeah He went straight on Larry King Nice So he was like a He was like a power of the furniture On the way for like a lot of Americans

He really was Yeah he was our Jerry Ryan You know And like he was He was good to having a laugh at himself Because he would do the roasts And they were like Ah you old skeleton

Kant You're gonna die soon fuck you yeah yeah you were on Epstein's Island how many times

you freak it's funny how are you not fucking dead yeah yeah please die just be dead already you big prick

yeah so yeah we're gonna pour one I'm gonna pour one out I'm gonna pour one out right on your carpet look respect I you know

I got love for Larry King you know he's good dude I don't know why I'm talking like this alright RIP man I don't give a shit what really no I like him or whatever

but you know what I just want to distance myself from that comment from when the horrible stories inevitably come out because nobody that's a real nice person gets divorced eight fucking times, you know what I mean? I know. It sounds like he just focused on the show and women couldn't handle that. Because women want so much Larry King, he's like, baby, you... Yeah. When you marry me, you marry the job.

You come in the King, you best not miss. It doesn't really work, but all right. Well, if he married them, they'd have his surname, so... Ha-ha, it does work. I'll tell you what, from one King to another. yeah let's go on the cage the big dog king cage

so we got two films talk about face off yes and uh con air con air yeah which you want to do first uh let's go face off first

let's get silly out of the out of the gate this is a very silly film very very fucking stupid it actually you know what as I get older like I always watched it me like ha face off

it's so dumb but I love it but as I get older I'm just like this is so fucking stupid that I just can't enjoy it I don't know I think I watched it like recently in a bad mood I was like stupid doesn't make any

fucking sense what the fuck is this shit I thought you're going to say as you get older the more you're like no I think you can do that and then you're trying to do it yourself just with a knife and the world is that what people say like the Trump and Biden did a face off scenario did it and it's actually Trump in the white house

no no not face off you're thinking of the shadow president theory oh what's that shadow president is what Trump really is. So Trump, it's all like Oceans 11th is all part of the plan. Yeah, he's a shadow president in the shadows even though he's on TV constantly and tweeting constantly

he's in the shadows. Yeah, see that that whole like, uh, it's a persona asshole thing. Right. That's just the person, like he said the persona that he projects out into the world. Actually he's like a criminal master, like Moriarty. Ah. Okay. Very good. And this is all the steal the jewels.

But yeah, so he faked the election to make it look like he lost. So he could go hang out in Florida. But I was on Gab recently, and apparently Gab is, like, racist Facebook. This is where the truth happens. Apparently, Trump has been talking to, like, the head of the military from Florida.

Okay. And he's getting all his ducks in a row. And let's just say, Biden better watch out. Oh, really? Yeah, Biden better watch out. Well, you know, I personally, I think, you know, you should respect the president, you know what I mean?

Scyk! Yeah, I know that'd be great if Trump just came for Biden And it's like, you and me, mano amano, strip to the waist, let's go. Apparently, Biden's very fit. Yeah, I could see that. He knows he rides his bike every day? No, sorry, he's Peloton. Oh, yeah, Peloton.

Peloton's like a fake bike. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like an exercise, got the screen and all. And there's security concerns because he leaves the camera on so the Chinese can watch him, and then they can learn his secrets. Look at the sweaty or the burden, pumping the brake. No, what? It went Indian there for a second.

Hello, I have. the Chinese minister How are you today? Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you want? Fuck you. How about that? Oh, I'm so fucking sorry. No, I'm not. Scyk!

Hear me now, Da Bambachlad, giving it up for a boss man by the dog. That's the Chinese man as well. Give it up for my main man, Xin Ping, Pau. Back to face all. Back to face all. So it's a very silly film, but what makes it work is that John Wu elevate in a way

and treats it like he's filming drama while people are getting their faces switched and there's like a prison in the

middle of the ocean with metal shoes See that's the thing with these kind of movies so you got like Face Off, Conair

you know The Rock you know which all came out in the space of three years all following each other so they're so huge and over the top

and ridiculous but everybody plays it as straight as they can for the most part obviously the actors maybe have a bit of fun but I mean just in terms of like the writing there's no dumb winking

to the camera. Yeah exactly yeah probably a lot of action films now is it's written by people who are like oh yeah I love diehards this is like a reference to that and we're actually like it's silly but we know it's silly so it's fun it doesn't make it fun no it doesn't because now it's all like you know like

Hobbs and show and stuff like that were like the rocks are basically like winking at the camera and being right oh how do I survived jumping off that building. I'm the rock. Yeah, yeah. It's a... Hey, I don't want to see that little...

Oh, that little fucking baldy motherfucker I'm gonna kick his ass. Hey, you, you little lymie son of a bitch. I was so fucking problem, you Hawaiian can't. Is that Phil Mitchell? Yes, it is. It's Phil Mitchell.

That's Hobbs and Shaw. With Phil Mitchell. He's on the crack. That's why you like the rock. It's like a crack rock. It's like a crack rock. I can smell what you're cooking, pal. What?

This, face off, was originally going to be Harrison Ford and Michael Douglas. Terrible, no. That's not fun. Would not have worked. They've dick in my face, God damn it. Harrison Ford, he's like, there's no, hasn't like a comedic. There's no fun in that. No, not at all.

He's like notoriously, like, a cranky old fucker. Imagine, like, it would be Harrison Ford trying to do a Michael Douglas. It would just come off weird. Yeah. Yeah, that would not be fun for. anyone involved. And they decided on Cage and Travolta, but Douglas still produced it. Oh, okay, interesting.

So let's just go through the film real quick, all right? Yeah, do it. Hit me. We start off. Travolta, who plays Archer. Archer. Sean Archer. He's on a, what do you call it, a roundy, roundy.

A carousel. A horse roundy. Yeah, a carousel. And he's, like, touching his son's face and, like, kissing him. He does that weird thing where he, like, drags his hat or, like, yeah. kind of drags his hand across his face but doesn't actually touch his face it's so weird and creepy

if I had a son and I did that in the park I would get arrested you would rightfully so even if it was my own son he'd be like that's weird we're gonna rest the sun as well you're both up to something yeah yeah well look at the

you haven't got earrings but we know what you're like yeah so he's doing the weird creepy hand across the face thing so Archer's having lots of way too much fun with his kid yeah yeah and then Did I ever told you about Zeno?

Oh, you're gonna, it's crazy. But Castor Troy is watching. Yes. And he's got a gun. Nicholas Cage is Castor Troy. He wants to assassinate Archer. Yeah. But the bullet goes through Archer into his son.

Yeah. And Archer does some very bad, like, well, Travolta. Yeah. He does some bad like, oh, oh, no. They kill my boy. I can't believe. Oh, my God. It's crazy.

What did you do? You watched this recently. You know, it's like, Travolta is really bad in the first. part is. Yeah, he is. Like, when he's playing, like, you know, when he's not being over the top Nicholas Cage, yeah, yeah, yeah.

To be honest, I really, like, don't like, you know, Travolta in it until he turns into fucking Nicklaus not to get too offensive here. Yeah. But I think what happens is when he gets to play Troy, he gets to release. Yeah, yeah.

That gay man. Yeah, that has been hiding. Because that is the thing when he's playing Nicholas Cage, he is kind of like this sassy gay. guy, you know, definitely his flamboyance comes out a bit more. He basically gets to play the Joker.

Yeah, yeah. But like, this is a gay guy. But I think he's great, though. He is, that's thing like, because that man inside him has been hidden away in the dark. For so long. And then a Chinese man released it for him. I fuck a girl in her vagina. Nobody cares, because it's all a part of the plan. But I suck

one little dick, and everybody loses their minds. Yeah. So, he's the, the Joker. We get it The choker I don't know What the fuck do you want For me

Oh too Do a Chinese voice Again Oh no Stop No stop No stop Oh no

Yeah So His son's dead Okay He's all fucking weird Yeah He got His son

He's a little Pussy He's one of those Little Generation X Pussies Who dies When a bullet

Goes into their chest Oh men's mental health Little Millennial Pry Kids back in the day Working Mines

And get Black lung and they'd be grand yeah yeah and then they go on and they you know write only fools and horses yeah yeah now they're all gender fluid and can't handle a bullet

yeah yeah if you said Del boy you'd get cancelled wouldn't you it have to be Del person hello Delve there's Delvey I don't know whatever what the fuck what you're talking about let's get back to you can't you

all right okay so Castor Troy is up no good again and we see him he's dressed as a priest I think he's robbed some like dynamite

or like a chemical weapon or something Yeah it's like a chemical bomb It's weird We know it's a bomb because there's a skull on it Yeah Yeah very very like secretive

But yeah He's dressed as a priest And there's a big choir And he just like goes up Behind one of the little choir girls Like oh yeah Oh let me feel like that ass And it's like

What is going on Why is he dressed as a priest Where are they meant to be i don't know it's not a church no it's just an airport yeah is it like an airport or like a mall or a conference set you have no idea where you are no i think it's an airport because then they like they have the chase at like the airport hangar and stuff it's like why is there a choir in the airport and why he dresses a priest also grouping a choir girl and nobody's batting an island well they're like he's a priest he has authorization yeah he has a little white collar oh somebody ringing there i'm getting a call

there. Is it important? Can we pause this? Yeah, we can. Yeah, can we pause this? Yeah, can we pause one second. Oh, it's a girl. Booty Cole. No, no, no. All right, so where were we? Okay. So yeah, because he's dressed like a priest. Everyone's just like, that he has. Let him at it. Yeah, he's a, which I, I forgot for a second. I kind of thought like he must be

working with that girl. No. No. And that girl is like into it. She loves it. Yeah, he's like. It makes her sing better. and he's doing like these immediately he is like he's taking it right up to 11 oh yeah like he's like just the facial expressions and the delivery of dialogue

is just so over the top like he immediately has it all the way up here it's kind of like Cage realized oh I've only got like a couple of scenes to actually be crazy because Travolta gets all the fun that's right so indie's like the five minutes I have

I've got to go extreme Yeah, I suppose that's true because they do say He's the craziest most evilest guy in the world And he's got a retard brother You better watch out I can relate But I also love the fact I also molest choir girls dressed as a priest

I don't quite get away with it though I don't have the same panache You don't have the chemical weapons to back it up They don't even let me in the church anymore I think it's funny how whenever he grabs an ass He doesn't just go like nice ass He's like proper like oh Yeah, because it's right at the same time as the song peak.

So it's like, hallelujah. And his face is like, he's just O face. As if he's coming right there. Yeah, it's great. So Cage finishes up molesting this girl. Yeah, and he's got some work to do. Yeah, he heads to the airport.

Yeah. And they've got a bomb now. And there's some stuff for him and his brother are like working together and they're going to blow up something. We don't know what, yeah. But his brother is a bit gammy because he wears glasses. So that means he's special. And he can't tie his shoelaces.

Can't tie his shoelaces. Even though he seems to have like extensive knowledge of like, you know, weapons manufacturing and whatnot. Just getting a tangent for a minute. Did you pick up a sexual thing between him and his brother? No, I didn't. Oh, ooh.

Uh-oh. The Roar Shack test. I got to call my therapist. You lied to me. Yeah. He made you watch face. I'll see. Look, they're brothers and they have sex.

And that's normal. Yeah. Why don't we pretend to be brothers? Yeah. You're the gammy one, obviously. I have to walk around with a limb. He's necklace cage. No, I didn't pick up a sexual, but now what's giving you a sexual vibe?

Oh, don't know. Your brain? No, there was a few times when they were talking about, like, you know, you look good and they'd, like, be very close to each other. Okay, yeah, I suppose there is a bit of kind of he fixes his shirt and dusts stuff. Well, I don't have a brother, so I just assume, like, oh, if you're talking to her, that's gay. Two men touching. From the same vagina. Yeah, yeah.

Two rogues don't make a right pal. So Cage is like full on a slime ball There's a secret agent on the plane And he's like, suck my tongue. Yeah, and he sticks his tongue out and she goes for it. She's secret agent, she gobbles it up, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Travolta is on the case. All the FBI are chasing after him.

Yeah, they're all chasing after Nicholas Cage in his private plane and he's like, yeah, so it's a big chase on the airplane runway and Sean Archer's crazy. He's like, come on, Archie. you can't play chicken with a jumbo jet just watch me oh my god I can fly one of those into my house

Archer gets in a helicopter and he's like fucking stopping him from like taking off and then the plane crashes and they apprehend yes they finally get after a big crazy shootout it goes all crazy big crazy shoot out I'm not going to describe that

and it kicks him into a wind tunnel yeah no he kicks him into a wind tunnel yeah he's knocked out now why do they do this where arch thinks he's dead right that seems unnecessary that little bit there that he thought he was dead and the FBI or whatever were actually secretly hiding him keeping him alive yeah yeah

I suppose they wanted people to think he was dead to be honest the thing about this film is if you pull one thread it unravels pretty fucking quickly if you start pointing out plot holes and logistics but anyway yeah well look so Travolta is like okay I caught him happy enough, even though I've got a

whore daughter back home. Yeah. Waring makeup. She's wearing makeup and has a piercing. Oh, she'll be a crack whore before I know it. Oh, disgusting. Yeah, yeah. And also a wife just giving me lip because I'm not paying attention to her. No, no.

Because I'm too busy hunting the fucking killer of her son, you lady. She's always giving it all that, and she's dressed like a librarian from the 40s. Yeah. Yeah. Well, my daughter's a whore, my wife is Joan Alden. I don't know what's worse. Yeah. So then the FBI come along,

CC Pounder, whatever name is. Is that her name? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And they're like, listen, Caster Tries Alive. We've got a wacky idea.

Yeah. Well, see, because he's planted a bomb in like... Somewhere in L.A. Somewhere in L.A. Yeah, find out where. And they need to find out where, yes. Sorry, yeah. We've got to repeat something because it's so complicated.

That's right. Yeah, we're like Chris Rock. You've got to repeat. They don't understand the premise. Yeah, okay. So, James, tell me what this wacky idea is. Okay, so this is like, they take him in, it's like, look, we have only got a fine out of time. We need to get this bomb.

We need to get it now. With technology, we're going to take your face off and put it on his face. Yeah, it's like, so you're telling me that, I don't even, can't even remember. But they're like, yeah, it's like, well, what the late? Just this doctor appears out of nowhere. Trevold is like, how's this evil possible? Well, Mr. DeVolte, with the latest technology, we can morph your face onto his face. They say a bunch of jargon to make it sound, scientific and intelligence, but it doesn't.

It's like, and yeah, using like a voice box. And also they change his body hair. They match his body hair with it. His body hair. And also minor adjustments with, like, his chin. And his love handles and stuff. And like, height disparity is negligible. It's like, no, it's not.

They're very different heights. I'm like, okay, nobody asks this question. What about the dick? They've got to know, like, what if one of them's packing a full hog and the other is like rocking a little mini dick? Do you know what I mean? Like, or, you know. Yeah.

They never addressed that. And I want that addressed. Which is sad. And I've listened to all the directors. What if the brother sees a dick and's like, that's different? That's not, you're not my brother. That tastes strange. Yeah, yeah.

Well, this is a bit of a tangent. There's a movie called Dave or something Dave where a guy, the president goes in a coma and have to get a different guy who looks like the president. Okay. And they don't tell his wife. Oh. And the joke is, it's Sigourney Weaver. Right.

And the joke is Sigourney Weaver's like, my husband's acting a little differently. I'm a bit concerned. Then she walks in the shower and sees his big hog. He's like, never mind. Yeah. Nice. That's, women don't care who you are. Yeah, they're only married to your cock.

They don't care about you as a person. That's a fact. It's true. Every sacrifice you've ever made is being ignored by a woman. Women are void. That's what they are. Women only want one thing and it's fucking disgusting. Yeah.

So we get to see the process of them changing the face, which is a cool thing. Yeah, I mean, and again, like this movie came out what? 97. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm sure it was very sophisticated for the time. But yeah, like there is a cool kind of shots of like the skin, the actual, it's like a mask of their face. Just floating in a jar of water. It's like, yes, we need to wash off all the science goo from your face. I'd love if that made it look way more realistic. We're just kind of ploying the face off.

Just like a fucking chisel and hammer. Oh, fucking hell. The doctor's small. fucking a fag just like whacking on and be like ah fuck sick he just got

a dirty rag that he's while cleaning his hands with this they're fucking Chris Moyal's on the radio

and there's like pictures of women with their tits out all over the surgery wall sure they're clinking

and clanking with his butt crack yeah yeah oh hard days work graft so they stick it on okay

and then they have him like he sees himself in the mirror and at first he sounds like Travolta but then they have all your recording him going like I love peaches

Peaches yeah they're peaches peaches yeah now he just has Nicholas Cage's voice yeah yeah and now he's free to continue the plan

but it's weird he looks himself in the mirror and he's like and he smashes the mirror and he's like fuck you fuck you fuck you

and all the doctors for turning them into the man man who killed his son. Actually, real quick, what's so funny, because this film is like, let's be honest, really fucking stupid and silly, but I think the fact that they open it

with a child being murdered is like they're trying to like attach all this sort of weight onto it, you know, make it more like, like that it's more emotional and it resonates more or whatever because they know how fucking stupid it is. It's pretty cheap as well, just kill the kids and start.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, and only one. I mean, double down at least. Have the kid. holding a puppy. What if it was twins? Now that would have been good. Oh and the bullet goes through Travolta, one, Zach and Cody. Yeah, exactly. It's like the magic bullet theory with JFK. It went through one, did a loop, came back and hit the other. And then went back into the gun. Yeah, yeah. And then they frame

on Lee Harvey Oswald for, I'm a patchy. Yeah, okay. So then they send them to a prison. Yes. Now you remember this? This is a cool, futuristic prison. Yeah. Which could be its own separate movie. The magnet prison? Yeah, yeah. I mean, the premise would probably wear a pretty thin. No, because I love magnets. Magnets and trains. Yeah, yeah. So it's a futuristic prison where they have metal magnet boots.

Metal boots and the floor is magnetic and they can like, you know, lock down any time they want. So they can basically, you know, make sure that your feet are like attached to the ground and you can't move or whatever the fuck. Yeah, yeah. So then he meets his, he meets, Archer meets the brother. Yeah. of Troy and the brother's kind of like hmm brother you're not as sexy as usual funny my lines don't burn

quite as hot in your presence dear brother what prey tale is causing that so Archer's got to do something you know yeah well like he kind of quizzes him first like what was my medication how long is my penis four and a half inches come on I suck that dick every day

I'm not going to forget something. You're so fucking paranoid. Remember when mom was sick and no one would suck your dick? Who did it? Every day I did it. I even taught the dog how to do it. Come on. I'm your brother for God's sake.

Well, brother, there's only one way to find out. Zip. Luckily, they don't have a magnet on this. All right. So then he's got, like, Archie's got to do something to prove that he's still wild. And he's a wild and crazy guy. He beats up Chris Bauer. Yeah.

well Chris Bauer attacks him Oh you're right And then like Neckless Kids Like beats the shit out of him With a lunch tray And then everyone's cheering And he's like yeah I'm Kester Troy

He's like crying And laughing at the same time It's so over the top It's amazing I'm Kester Troy It's great And the brother's like I love a man who can cry

That's my brother So then the brother reveals that the L.A. Convention center, it's going to get blown up with a chemical weapon. Yes. So, Archer's like, perfect, I can leave. Yeah. But,

previously, someone woke up, Troy. Oh, no. Describe what happens next. Okay, so Troy wakes up and it's like, and he's just like, you're just seeing like quick shots of basically

him without a face. Yeah, which is the best choice. Yeah, yeah, it was good. Yeah, you don't want to see a full-on one. And then he rings up a couple of cronies like, we've got some work to do. So basically they get the doctors that perform the surgery or whatever the fuck

and his cronies bring them around. So he makes them put John Travolta's face onto him. And then he kills them all and burns it all down. Erasing any trace of the, that the experiment even happened. Yeah, which you should have told more people. What do you mean? Oh, yeah, they should have.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They should have been, they should have let Margaret Cho know what the crack is. They're probably like, no, we won't let her in. She'd just talk. She'd use it in one of her stand-up routines and she'd let the cat out of the bag. Yeah, yeah. Year of the rat, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, the FBI is just her day job. She's working on five, you know. Trying to get in lettermen.

For I'm working in FBI. Yeah, that's not what she sounds like. No, I know. Yeah, I know. I have to be the downer being like, James. Um, that's not actually accurate. So he kills everyone And now Wrap your head around this Troy is now

Archer and Archer is Troy Oh my God Are you telling me They did a face swap Yeah So now this is going to So when I'm describing this I'm going to say Troy and Archer

Instead of saying Caj and Travolta Because it's going to get too confusing Okay Okay So now Troy is like I'm basically like in charge the FBI. Yeah, yeah.

And we're going to just let him rot in prison. Yes, yeah. And with his brother, he gets his brother to admit where it is. So now he's a national hero. Yeah, so he goes and disarms the bomb and he lets his brother out of prison and he leaves Sean Archer

in the prison to rot. Yeah. And, you know, Sean Archer's trying to tell the guards, look at me. Well, actually, you know, we should briefly mention that scene where, you know, Travolta and Cage meet,

but, you know, it's like a... read the paper yeah yeah yeah and he walks up to him oh wee you good looking you hat and he's really it's you know he's very over the top and it's great it is it's great it's like it's fun to see travolta be like yeah same he should really lean into it now yeah just be an old queen yeah being old queen it's like the it's more dignified than doing a movie by fred durst you know what i mean yeah we'll talk about that there on yeah that that was just a real boring. Like, I don't even want to do it for the podcast because it's so boring. Yeah, yeah. It wouldn't even get

much fun out of it. But look, back to this, okay? So, now, Archer's in prison. He's got to get out. Yes. I don't like this prison escape. I always thought it was dumb because, like, you know, everything else is cool. But this, like, so he finds out it's actually an oil rig. Right. Yeah, the prison's actually in the middle of the

ocean. Right. And there's helicopter shooting him. He jumps off into the ocean. Yeah. And then somehow managed to swim back to LA. Make it to shore. And they don't really say how. Now, like, did they really have to swim? Couldn't he have found

like a little dingy speedboat or something? Like that would, you know... They're in an oil rig and it's hard to like sneak to his helicopter's looking for him. It's hard to be all sneaky in the ocean

when there's nothing else around to hide under. I don't know, yeah. Well, look, it's dumb. He probably found a whale. How did he get out again? How did they cause, like, was it a riot or something?

He caused a riot. Right. And then he jumped out. Right. I probably like fucking found a dolphin. The dolphin was like, hop on me.

So anyway Oh and then we get a great scene where Troy goes to Archer's house Yes, yeah, he's driving through suburbia It's like, my God, look at this place, I'll never get a boner again Yeah Yeah, and he meets Joan Allen and he immediately wants a banger Oh yeah, that sweet, sweet Joan Allen, pussy He wants a banger like on the lawn, you like, come on, come on, come on, come on, really?

Yeah, I mean, look, I don't want to be like of a misogynist here, but like, you know, she looks like an old fucking troll, makes me sick to my fucking stomach. Now, that could be misconstrued as somewhat hedonistic. That's constructive criticism. See, she can

build on that now. Punching up. Yeah, learn to evolve. Anyway, so, yeah. Joan Allen is so powerful, like, it doesn't count as a punching down. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, she's one of the most powerful women in the whole year. But, yeah, so, like, immediately, you know, try

oh this is too confused I'm just saying Travolta Okay right So Travolta shows up But he's Nicklaus kid Oh this is difficult But anyway

He's so different now He's so like Well hey there good looking Whatcha got to cooking When really before he was like My son's dead And I want to kill myself I can't get hard anymore

Oh it's your fault Yeah yeah But now he's like Hey baby Let's shake a tail feather She's just like I got to work okay Yeah

You're being so weird today. And then he sees like, okay, I can't bang her. Who can I bang? And he sees his daughter. His teenage daughter. Who, by the way, played Lolita.

Yeah, in the Jeremy Irons version. That's right. So, like, you know, she's well versed. Yeah, yeah. But I like how he doesn't actually bang her in this. No, it's like a weird, suggestive, flirty creepiness, but he never

actually bangs her. Because he's probably like, I need to get to Joan Allen first. Yeah, yeah. Let's go it chronologically. Joan Allen is, they're my vegetables. And then I'll have some dessert. Yeah, and then there's some peaches. Yeah. Yeah, so like, he's like, and she's like, you know,

wearing a little fucking tight. She's in her underwear, like smoking a cigarette and whatever and he goes into the room. She goes to close the door, but he stops her. And like, he like reaches for a cigarette. Yeah. yeah you got something i want and he reaches down and obviously the camera pans down so you're just looking at her ass in the underwear and then he just picks up a cigarette from her chest of drawers or

whatever from her chest but yeah it's weird it's very like uh you're gonna see a lot of changes around here papa's got a brand new bag woo it's like oh well he's gay all right no worries then i'm safe that's all good yeah yeah yeah i kind of wish that uh they went a little bit like I wish he'd like bang the daughter yeah because I think deep down I think women kind of find that hot well they do say that

don't they all women edifice complex yeah yeah but they say it about men wanting to fuck their mothers too I fucked both my parents just to be sure and I tell you that Freud he was on to something boy

but not my brother he's the one that got away don't worry though I dressed as a girl to fuck my dad because you know no you cut a girl's face off that's right yeah yeah yeah yeah

but I do think girls like because it's so naughty I think girls like the idea of like someone dressing up like their dad and bang out the whole thing you know

called me daddy like yeah yeah nothing wrong with it but only if it's Travolta oh my dad

I'm your daddy oh my god um where are we now so Archer's broken out yeah and he wants to get back to save his family

from the evil castor Troy so he goes to a hip and happening party where they give him blue drank yeah it's weird it's like this blue caps so he goes to like

the old hideout of all of like Castor Troy's you know crumbums and cronies and like they're like hey same old castor Troy

you crazy man and like then they take they're like big blue capsules and they open them up and dip the powder or yeah tip the powder into a drink

and he downs the drink and then he's all monged out so I think it's like Is it meant to be, like, cat or a tranquilizer of some kind? Evil drugs that we're not cool enough to have. Oh, okay. Oh, for like the criminals? Yeah, these are the only drugs you get when you sell chemical weapons and stuff.

Right. The good shit, you know? We'll never get that good. Yeah, yeah. Unless we become president. But it's something to aim towards, so we get the really good stuff. It doesn't even seem to, like, fuck him up that much. It just makes him, like...

He's just all kind of monged out. It's like he's kind of yacked out a bit. but a bit more like psychedelic but monged out like heroin as well kind of like ketamine I guess I don't know yeah it'll be better if they skim

from fucking browned yeah he just like he wakes up three days he said uh I really buy it's just to stare at you didn't you say you wanted to do something Kester's like oh no I'm going to go get the champ

from the shops do you I want that end do you yeah he's just a yeah and um Archer also meet tries, well, bit on the side. Gina Gershawne.

Oh, they're they sexy. From show girls. One of my favorite films. Really? It's so good. Okay. Yeah, I'd recommend, we're going to watch that together someday.

Right. And we have to dress up like women. Because that's the law nowadays, isn't it? Del Boy. But yeah, so Gina Gershawn. Do you ever see, what's that one that's Matthew McConaughey? William Friedkin directed it. Fucking.

Oh, but like basically at one point he's got like, a chicken drumstick and he puts it down where his cock is. Oh, Killer Joe. Yes, Killer Joe. Yes, that's her. Yeah, that's her. And he's like, suck this. And she has to suck on his chicken bone.

Oh, I did that. Hey, Dad, I got a neat thing I want to show you. Hand me that chicken bone. Happy Father's Day. And he meets Gina Gershawne. And she's like real horny for him. She hates to admit it. Yeah, she's gagging for him

And also his son Yeah His little weird son Annoying creepy little Freak Definitely fucked up Yeah Yeah

He's like in a gaff With like Murderers all doing drugs And he's just like Playing with his Legos and shit He's completely oblivious to what's going on He's picking up with a loaded gun And Gina's like

I told you you stopped playing with guns Put that down now Come on Yeah no son of mine's gonna be a murderer He's constantly taking that blue shit Yeah Yeah And then

Fucking the FBI Or ever show up Because obviously Troy wants to kill Archer Because he's gonna ruin his shit You know So now he gets all the FBI

To go in and murder all of his old gang Because he don't care about nothing Yeah He's crazy Yeah he's all fucking out Doesn't the brother get killed Yeah her brother Oh no no you're right

His brother. Yeah, his brother, the gammy one. Yeah, the gammy one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure. He dies knows with gammy disease. Sean Archer kills him, like, so. Oh, wow, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus. Now it's personal. Yeah. Forget about the son. Now it's personal. It's funny because, like, he's lying there dead and then Troy, like, ties his shoelaces, and the FBI's like, what are you crying for, sir?

It's just cast, or what's his name? Something, the other, Troy. Yeah, something Troy. And then he bang, shoot him. Yeah, yeah. to be honest now I was drinking a few a few cans watching this and around here kind of it all starts

to give it dizzy you got all dizzy yeah all starts one pill makes you smaller well I'll tell you what happened when I tried to watch this film I was watching it downstairs but everyone was drinking and maybe there was a few you know whiz pills whopping around or whatever the kids say you know basically there were a list in substances

I'm just trying to watch the film everyone else is kind of getting more and more rowdy and then somebody brings up their mother and baby homes and then it turns into this big argument like when they're basically both saying the same thing but they were both at that stage of being so drunk and whatever else

that they were like, no, you're fucking listen me, fucking listen. And I'm just trying to watch face off guys. I've had a very hard week. I only asked for one thing and you had to ruin it on me. You're in the corner crying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like

trying to slice my face off with a butter knife. I'm going to be Nicholas Cage. That'll show you. But yeah, so... So, yeah, I started getting a dizzy around now. So, um, I think they go to a church for some reason. Oh, well, Joan Allen gets a DNA

sample. Oh, yeah. Fucking... Your man showed up. It's like, look, I know I look like this guy, but I'm actually your husband. What? You don't believe me? Oh, it's fucking typical you, isn't it? Yeah. You never fucking believe... You didn't believe me?

me about the garden shed planning permission debacle and you don't believe me now, you duplicitous cut. This is why our son's dead. Yeah, yeah. So, Joan Allen finds out. Yeah, she's like, oh, it's you whatever. And then

they go to a church and it's full of doves. Yeah, that was so, like, I think they're at a funeral of like some cop. Oh no, you know what it was? The big commissioner dude, like the head of the FBI. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Fucking cast your try, like

it's actually very weirdly done. Doesn't he kill him in the office? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, your man comes in and is giving out. He was like, that archer, that goddamn display you did, but he's already holding his chest as if he's just about to have a heart attack. Yeah, and he knows how to hit him in such a way that when a doctor examiner, when the doctorate examiner, like, it looks perfectly natural to me.

What's this fist-sized bruised on his chest? Oh, it's obviously just heart attack bruises. That's what you get sometimes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but it's so, he does it right there in the office. Doesn't even close the blinds. The office is full of people. And this is the FBI.

You think one of them would like, maybe in the peripheral of their vision, notice something a little funny going on. Even Margaret Cho would know it or something. Yeah, her peripheral vision is better than everyone else's. No, no, you did that. You put that in my brain. I know you were leaving me down the path. It was my fault bringing her up.

Yeah, yeah. I should know my lesson. You were like Hansel and Graham. battling me with little racist gumdrops. And I can be like, bad, bad. So I can look, walk. I've got to push you in the oven now. Oh, not the oven.

No, no, no. There's a bad connotation of that. Look, I've heard, please don't. Oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, this is my little game I play around my. Yeah, imagine there's a black guy there. Hmm? And you say something racist on my, James.

How could you? James. I'm so woke. Black Lives Matter. Please suck it. Yeah, yeah. So, they have the funeral and it's full of doves. And, yeah, everyone shows up, like, you know, like, it's like Travolta and Cage and a couple FBI dudes and something like the old gang or whatever.

And they've all like pointing guns on each other. It's like a big Mexican standoff thing. And then, well, let's just, we're near the end. Let's just fucking speed up a bit, okay, because it's just to us describe an action. Yeah, you're right. So then they have lots of faceoffs and gun fights. Yeah, it's kabloom, cabloom, yeah, yeah. There's a big chase on a speedboat, which is good.

Oh, the daughter used a knife that he gave. or earlier to use a hide from 70s shows. Yeah, Hyde from 70's shows tried to

rape the daughter and he's a rapist in real life allegedly. No, no, no, he's a rapist in real life

but he's raping the daughter in the film allegedly. Oh. Yeah, get it right. Also,

a lot of films back then, if there was a guy like trying to rape a girl, he'd be like, get out of here. Yeah,

you little rascal, go on. Yeah. Brock Turner changed all that. He really, ruined the game for a lot of us didn't he? You know, any time

I even go near a dumpster now, people are like, hey, what are you doing? So I got to be careful, you know? Again, I look walking. Oh, James. Even though you're like, you're anti-Brock Turner. Oh, yeah, I'm anti- Yes, I am.

Rich white kids getting away with rape. Yes, I am. Yeah. What about the middle class? Well, I mean, you know, it's, uh, we'll wait for the facts to come out well anyway let's come on hurry up it's only at the end here

yeah yeah uh fucking look yeah he catches him he kills him whatever fuck it uses a harpoon yeah it's dumb it's great though because like he's like die die

yeah it's so ridiculous and over the top yeah so the final scene yeah is the best okay so the family you're in the house Archer's family Travolta comes in the door

and it's him with his big dumb smile and his fucking chin dimple yeah yeah and they're like oh that's my dad and his four inch cock it's like yeah yeah

like Joan Allen's like can we do like just try this again yeah can we get like you know that black guy who died earlier I happen to have his dick

here in some ice is that still viable is it can we use CC Pounder's dick So DeVault is like Hey I'm back We're all going to be happy family again

I got a little surprise Yeah yeah As if he's like bringing home Like a new TV or something It's like Oh here's just a child Yeah Here's a child who is raised

By drug adult murdering psychopaths By terrorists And he watched his mother get shot in front of him Can we take him in I'm sure he won't have any emotional problems And the door's like oh yeah I'm going to feed him every day take it for walks

I've got a hamster wheel in the back it'll be great for him yeah you can just lick on a little pellet water bottle fuck it man and that's face off by John Wu yeah again

you know a lot of fun but very fucking stupid and kind of obviously I've seen it several times but when I was rewatching it there I was like god this is just so stupid that I can't even enjoy it anymore

maybe I think I'm getting older and more cynical or... I think the film isn't really intended for like the cynical type. Yeah, or probably not intended for multiple viewings either. Yeah. It's kind of like a one and done

thrill ride popcorn movie in the cinema and that's it, never watch it again. You know what it's like, it's like, um, if, like people, some people who are like really roller coaster fans. Yeah. And like, we, I go on a roller coaster a hundred times.

Yeah. Just to feel what it's really like. Yeah, that's not good. You shouldn't be watching it. Yeah. You shouldn't be watching face off like nine times It's not healthy No, it's not

You should be watching The Bachelor and East Enders episodes Yeah, like a healthy sane person Those have emotional issues Yeah, yeah Okay, so from one cinematic grade to another No, it's an hour

Oh is it? Yeah I thought we were doing con air Well, we can't, we can't now Oh, don't fucking say it like that Like, we can't now Because you, yeah, you made it It's a you

Yeah, you did You with your Margaret show impressions That took up 20 minutes We actually cut out 63 minutes of me You did her whole HBO special Word for word is actually kind of impressive Thank you, thank you

word for word but not the way she intended You did most fit the black voice Yes I did Well it was an artistic choice And I stand by it But I tell you what We'll come back And we will do

The motherfucking Conning That's what we're going to do next All right But we're at an hour It needs to be a good way to end Okay One final thing though

Right One final thing This could be fun Okay In 2019 They announced They have hired a writer To work on

The face-off reboot Oh wow Now They have not announced The two names Right If you could pick Two people

For the Let's say the 22 Right Now I told Some ideas Go on Now

Well probably happen is, it will be a female one. Sure. And it'll be someone like Margaret Robbie, Margot Robbie. Margot Robbie. And Tiffany Haddish. How are we going to make this work? Well, with the technology we have today, it's actually

quite simple. Margot Robbie. See, we diminish your credit score almost immediately. Of course, you'll be placed on several watch lists. We've got you a subscription to the BET network and the rest of takes care of itself sorry

yeah it'd be two like women probably like I know Margot Robbie and like Jennifer Lawrence or Brie Larson or so like two real big star

women yeah to do it they probably won't pick men but if they did who would you who would you pick

or you can pick women if you want if you want to be you know one of those I if I had to guess probably something like Reynolds

Gosling yeah oh no Reynolds yeah maybe Gosselin's a bit too, but no, what that at the same time. But, you see, I think they will try and get a serious, a kind of semi-serious actor, not just like...

But he's got, like, good comedic instincts as well. Like, the nice guys, he was very funny in. Oh, what about Statum, DiCaprio? Jason Statham, Leonor DiCaprio? Yeah, I don't say that. What about... I could see DiCaprio and Brad Pitt, you know? After their, like, once-upon-a-time in Hollywood bromance.

I think they're going to get someone a little bit younger. Okay. Well, you said, Statum. You said Statham and DiCaprio. Yeah, teen heart drops. Okay. I don't know, maybe...

Sack and Cody. The sweet life of Sack and Coding. They spend so much money to elaborately replace each other's face with the technology we can do it. I can't tell which is which. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah.

Well, who would you pick then? Pick the two names. No wrong answers. No wrong answers? Okay. Tom Hardy maybe I'll just go to name names LeBron James and Ken Jong

I think would be good Yeah I think because it's silly I would like What do you mean it's silly? What are you talking about? I would be deadly serious Ken John You always patronise me on this focus Obviously LeBron will have to work out

pretty hard to get to Okay no serious Okay who would be good No but I'm saying like You either have to go a real silly way Where it's like a DeVie O'Arnell thing You know Yeah

Or the joke is like, we look not like not and a blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you do like a serious thing where it's like... See, it'll probably be like fucking Tom Holland and fucking... You're right. And Timothy Shalemy. That's what they want, because they want franchise. That's why I was thinking like with Brad Pitt, they'll be like, he can't do seven films.

Right, yeah, yeah. But yeah, because what they'll do is like it's going to be a franchise. Right. And the technology is so good now, every movie to get a new face. or like Miles Teller and fucking Jack O'Connell He's kind of done now His Hollywood

He was like He kind of blew up real quick And then it was gone again Yeah Hollywood's fickle man Yeah it's a shame Because I really like Jack O'Connell Did you? Yeah

Of Start up Start up Yeah Fuck off It's great He's cook from skins I never watched it

Never started up I never started up Oh man it's great Anyway whatever I'll tell you what watched that Yeah But anyway Yeah

It probably will be like Tom Holland And Timothy Shalame Just two Generic white Skinny fucking pricks Yeah

Fuck you Fuck you Yeah More dad's Do you ever His dad does a tour Who's that Tom Holland

My son Spider Man Oh no he does He does yeah It's a one man show No He did the Roshin Are you serious

Yeah yeah I feel like You're making fun With me right now. I swear my fingers. Wow. Cross my soul. So he does a one man show my son the Spider-Man.

Yeah. Spider-son, is that what he calls it? I'll show you a poster real quick. Let me tell you, he were afraid of spiders growing up and now he's a bloody spider man. Oh, life's funny sometimes. But have you noticed all these immigrants coming into bloody UK? They're the real spiders.

I tell you, my spider senses tingling when I see them Oh yes Let me just Yeah No I believe you I believe you I believe you

I want to like Actually like Alright I'll just say more racist stuff To fill the dead air My sons Yeah I do Because I don't want to be all like

Oh I don't mean I was like But you know I don't And if you think I do Fuck off How about that Yeah I don't give a fuck

Pown Should be cams for people Who don't get it And there will be as long as if my application to Monaghan County Council goes through without a hitch Oh, you will rue the day, my friend

Yeah, yeah The great storm is coming The great reset Yeah, yeah Someday I'll be Prime Minister I can dress up with Mark With Cho all they want And you know, another thing that I'll say

Is like on the 100th episode I kind of lamented at the end It's like, oh, why aren't we You know, more popular? And I realize that may come across is a bit arrogant so I'll just rectify by saying I stand by it I think we should be the biggest podcast in the world I should have the power to drag you

and your entire family out onto the street and in the middle of the night shoot you in the face and fuck the corpses individually because I deserve it I'll be honest now I do have this kind of egotistical dream of years from now they're making a documentary about us and the guys in it are like yeah just like they change everything they revolutionized this shit. It's like, hey man, it's like crazy because like I was born in Wicklow, man.

I didn't think I could talk like this, but then I hear like James and he's like, oh man, he's really doing it, man. It's like if he could do it, I can do it, man. So like I projected my dreams and now look at me. I'm Carlos Mancia, man. It's crazy. Finally, there was somewhere in podcasts where people like me. I had never heard people like that on the airwaves who were from County Wexford But talk like this He's like wow man I've finally been representative

Yeah Okay let's end it Yeah let's end Wait what were you looking up Oh he's looking up Dominic Holland That's his name yeah He's um

Everybody goes cyberbully Dolminic Holland Until he kills himself He's a comedian Oh god That's pathetic Yeah That's so fucking pathetic

That poor fucker He started his comedy career In 1991 Oh that's sad Oh wait He was briefly managed By Eddie Isard oh god but like it's too late he'll never be bigger than his son he's always going to be in his

shot sun's shadow that's got to be a fucked up dynamic though right like imagine that put me in put make me spider man yeah you like comes up with a treatment you know i was thinking lads what about spider man's spider man's dad comes back from the grave and they get into all sorts of where you meet a whole range of wacky characters like Goudard the 7-11 clerk and spider rat or what about yo what it is dog this spider-man shit flat around billers and what that's the white people's shit right there I'm just thinking lads this could be an old new franchise all of itself Disney Plus needs content

I'd actually feel sick now Yeah Okay We'll end up there Thanks for watching We're going to be back We're conair Bye