Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 103 : Con Air

Episode Date: February 11, 2021

We're gonna Con......Air.

and we're back just do another fucking episode I fucking hate this fucking hate this fucking hate you hate me and more importantly

I hate myself yeah I hate me and myself and I and Irene yeah one slow down oh now I'm back

I love myself now I'm already hard we're too too quick yeah say mention us in your song yeah we watched a little bit

of I'd never seen it before the black star video by David Bowie fucking I'm sorry self-indulgent pretentious shite I did not care for it at all Really? Really Yeah well that's one of my favourite albums

But it's good that we have different opinions You know I like like He like released It was released two days before he died Yeah So he was like obviously dying in cancer When he was shooting that music video

Yeah he knew he was dying He was like this is what I'm going to do I like the idea like the director's like Come on, David. Get out of your trailer. Oh, fucking Bowie's gone bulimic again. Look at him, his skin and bones. So unprofessional.

Get out here you. The director's like, come on, dance, boy, dance. Oh, he's so lazy in the targic. Oh, look at him. Makes me sick to look at him. We watched Dan. Dress up like a space freak again. That's when we loved you.

Yeah. We watched Dan and watched the trailer for King Kong versus Godzilla. Yes. because you put it on. Yeah, I did, yeah. You had no choice in there. No, I didn't. You really don't have a child.

When I show up, it's just like, I'm laying down the law. You're literally like a child with fucking, yeah, just, you just come in, give me the remote, we're watching this now. I'll be honest, if Rooney is, you're like, Harvey Price, you just come into the gaff and like, hey, give me the remote. If your roommate would say, I don't want to watch King Kong versus Godzilla, I would have thrown a real fit. Yeah. I would have got all blue.

You just want to like held your breath until you passed out. Just start choking myself. Like, this is why, this is your fault. So, you asked me to remind you to talk about are you being served? Yes, I did. So now I'm doing that because he wants to talk about are you being served some more. Yeah, I've been watching some more. Well, I'm not watching these tenders and a bachelor.

I've been watching. What is wrong with it? You're like, oh, man, this is really like... This is the only way some people... You're a rapid decline here, and it's bad. Oh, yeah, I'm loving it. Going down, swinging. It's nothing better than falling off the wagon, you know what I mean?

Not even drinking. I'm just sober. Oh, classic. Yeah, this is the sad. It's like, other people like just like go on, you know, they get like addicted to the coke and stuff like that and they slowly lose all their money and gambling, stuff like that. They look at me and you're like,

Jesus That lad's got it rough Yeah And there's no fucking meetings For you There's no

Are you being Served anonymous You know I just can't stop I got nothing left I'm a bloody animal Yeah Yeah

No it's just It's just funny watching Are You being served Because it's from such a different time Yeah Here's a fun fact They had the pilot

For are you being served In the can They were like I want to screen it after the Olympics Okay But then Munich happened

Oh Yeah So there was like Live news reports Yeah, remember the news reports of the people, the hostages and the people were in the masks? Yeah, yeah. So the BBC were like, Jesus.

This is crazy. The British public need something to calm him down. Bring on the queers. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And then they showed, are you being served pilot early? And they got even angrier. This is worse than the Jews.

Yeah, and what were they called Black September, wherever like that? Yeah, I think it was Black September. Yeah, they were like, time to go. You Kip save us. Yeah. Yeah, and it's, like, some of the jokes, it's insane, like... You just wouldn't get away with it these days?

Oh, the jokes are pure, like, they're going to rape someone. Really? Yeah, like Mr. Lucas, all the jokes about him are like, he's one of the guys, he's like a lovable character. Kind of like a working class guy? Yeah, like, he's always going like, oh, brought this girl to the pictures and I was driving her home, try to jump out the car. When you parked, no, mid, uh, while I was driving. I'm just trying to get a little touchy touch. She's trying to jump out the car.

Oh. Blue, Manel. What are you going to do next? time took the handle off oh my god and the crowd are like brilliant the crowd are like yes

that's what you do and there's a running joke that Mrs. Slocum the other one who's like my pussy oh yeah yeah she always wants to get raped oh really

yeah that's the running she's always like you know someone with the hot girl would be like oh I wouldn't go down that park there's all big man you'll jump on you and try and have their way with you against their wheel and she's like

where's this park She's smarter than the average bear I gotta bring my pussy Man they don't even like It's not even subtle with the pussy stuff Yeah It is like my pussy will get all wet And then someone will kick it

Yeah But so we're going to go on to Conair Conair Yeah it's a natural progression I thought we do One episode about Face Off and Conair We spent so much time on Face Off

Didn't get to Conair So now we're doing a whole other one on Conair. Yeah. Initial thoughts. When I say con air, so let's say, you know, those thing where I show you a blob and you go like, my mother's pussy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My mother's pussy.

I'm going to get all wet. Do you mean the cat? What? Fuck you on about, pal. So I mentioned con air to you. What do you think? Airplane, explosions, big muscles. That's all you need, baby.

It's the trifecta. That's all I want. Yeah, yeah. Like gay shit. I just want male muscles. Yeah. Get that pussy out of way. It's a lot of fun.

It's a lot of fun. Yeah. See, a lot of these like movies like face off, Conair the Rock, really, it's just going from set piece to set piece. But they're so well constructed and well executed. It's a real thrill ride. You really enjoy it. It's kind of like, you know, it's a popcorn flick, you know, it's style over substance, but it's done very well. So it's enjoyable.

You get invested, you know. it's just, uh... Yeah, this, especially Connair. I think Connair is kind of... No, the rock is probably the best one out of those three. The Rock is the one I've watched the least. Okay.

Just because, uh... No real reason. Just because, uh, I didn't get to it. Okay. I always taught... You know what I think it is? I always thought... Too cerebral.

Yeah, I was like... Does it make shit? I thought it was more serious. Because I heard... So I think someone told me what it's about the military and how they're like not treated right. Yeah, it does. That is kind of...

Dead Harris. thing so I think I heard that it was like oh that's like a drama I didn't realize it's an actual action thing no it's proper bolts to the wall action so I only watched it the first time when I was like 21 or something like that where these other two films watched when I was a kid

and I was like mm-hmm yeah oh daddy like yeah why couldn't you put the bunny rabbit back in the box I know what that means so Conair okay directed by Simon West

Simon West no one for Tomb Raider and Expendables too of course But really, this is a Brookheimer film He produced it And this is basically his film This is his vehicle

Yeah Now it's funny Is Cage had just won Oscar For leaving Las Vegas Yeah Yeah And he was like

Great I won the Oscar Yes I am now gonna make Three of the best action movies Of all time Just in a row Yeah

I've done the serious shite Okay That fucking Touchy-feely shit Where's the explosions And that Why is Richard Lewis In this

Okay And then he did three of great movies. Yeah, yeah. Back to back, okay? And he really was like, I'm going to put on muscle here, I'm going to prove I'm an action step.

And he proper, this is definitely him at his, like, beefiest, you know, muscle. He's in a tight tank top looking for it. He plays Cameron Poe in this film. And Cameron Poe, in any other reality,

should have been a kind of like American James Bond. Yeah. Where he's in, there's a new Cameron Paul film every three years, and every three years he gets up to another fucking shenanigan.

Jack Reacher Reacher or Ryan Which is it? There's both Are they the same one? No no They're two different Yeah so

Reacher is Lee Childs I think And it's like It's the Tom Cruise one It's just like I'm an ex-military guy And I go town to town Kind of like Cain you know And every time I go to a town

Of the incredible Hulk Yeah every time I go to a town I'm a hot white chick And then there's some crime going on And I'll have to stop the crime It's normally like a fucking Like a drug lord or like evil mayor or something like that

I'll stop the crime at the end I kissed the white girl and I leave and then women love that he doesn't even bang her and Jack Ryan then what's that he's a military guy and that's way more like it's written by what's his name

Rainbow Six come on James come on what's his name who the writer Tom Clancy yeah Tom Clancy yeah yeah so fucking you

see what he tried to do there is like oh I'll tell him catch out the troglodyte well ha ha you didn't fall from my heffalump trap so yeah his books is way more like military base and a lot of descriptions of like

the plane and the ship military losers like oh yeah they jizz over that type of plane is so much better than the other type of planes yeah and in that book series just going on a tangent okay it's it sounds retarded because in the book series Jack Ryan becomes president

okay but he still gets on missions oh of course yeah and then Jack Ryan. Mr. President, you can't go into North Korea armed with a ballpen knife and a snorkel. I got to do it for my country. Where, like, the secret service is like, okay, Mr. President, where is he?

And he's like, we have a fake mustache. I'm going to do the job myself. Those boys can't do it. I got to break into Sanchez's mansion. The only way I know how. Hello, I'm here to fix. Bye, Mr. Sanchez. Excuse me.

you're clearly the president of the United States. No, my name is Miguel. I'm glad you Obama was doing that. So he's the president, but he still does missions every now and again when the country needs him. Of course. And now his son, Jack Ryan Juncher. Jack Ryan Jr. goes on missions,

but sometimes Jack Ryan Jr. is like, I can't do it alone. Dead. Yeah. And now it's former president Jack Ryan and Jack Ryan Jr. Stopping the North Koreans and the tech, nanobots and stuff now. Right, okay. It's kind of like, just the...

So how many books has there been? Oh, I think it's like 40. Really? Yeah, yeah. Who the fuck? I mean, it's the same book over and over? It's old men. Okay. You ever heard of Clive Custler? No.

Oh, you're going to love this. Okay. This again, these are books that like old people get under the airport, especially in America. Right, okay. I get you. Yeah. Yeah. And it's for like people who love World War II documentary, stuff like that. Right, right. Clive Custler, Clive Custler, is a submarine detective.

A submarine detective? Yeah, yeah. So if there's a shipwreck, you get Clive Custler, and it's always like, oh, the ship sunk natural causes, oh, I don't think so.

We'll see about that. It was actually like fucking a drug smuggling thing or like just diamonds hidden in the shit. And it's always like a web of intrigue. Okay.

And it's always on a boat or a submarine. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes it's a yacht to change up a bit. So he's basically David Hasselhoff and Baywalk.

then. Yeah, yeah. Just all the crimes that's happening near the beach. Yeah. CJ, grab your tits and let's go.

And again, he just like 19 books in the series. Yeah, yeah. And all, old men just jerk off over it. No, but that shit.

Yeah, enough about that me going off of books. Yeah, con air. Let's get back. So what I meant is Cameron Paul

is like Indiana Jones. Yes. He should have been in a series. And what's great about in the film they treated like he's a fucking lead.

Everything he does with the music and everything, they're like, this is fucking Cameron Poe. Yeah, it's like guitars and it's all rock and roll. Now, they considered everyone for Cameron Poe before they got to Cage.

Really? Because Cage wasn't known for his action. So they were looking for like, you know, obvious, uh, Willis. Bruce Willis, yeah. Stallone. Swachanager. Swatchanegger.

Weirdly enough, two Baldwin's, not Alec. Oh, let me guess. Stephen and Billy? Yeah. Yes, nailed it. Say you, won me back over. Nailed it. Oh, come on. Now, if that doesn't get

me in the if-ders, I don't know what will. And the award. For most obscure Baldwin reference, goes to. It's presented by your Baldwin. Not Alec. Oh, yeah.

Okay, so, but eventually it's settled on Cage. Okay. Now, we'll just go into the film. Do it. Enough flapping about. Yeah, yeah. And let's just go straight in. Okay. Straight in, okay. So we start off with real footage from different wars

just to get you fucking your blood flowing. Yeah, yeah. Get you all dizzy. Big missiles and hard guns. Phallic imagery, yeah. Why don't missiles look like pussies? Apparently Kamala Harris is going to paint the tips of missiles pink in honor of women's rights.

I read that somewhere. Yeah. I don't know if it's true. I read it in a bathroom. They also had her number. I bet. I'm going to find. find out if that's true and I'll get back to you

I hope it is yeah I hope it is anyway go on yeah okay so we start off a footage of Kamala Harris killing people all right just get your fucking prick hair and then we go to

Cameron Paul yeah he's in the bar yeah he's hugging his wife he's just come home from war he's all dressed in military entire he's got a nine to five war job and he's just come home okay he's come home from killing dinks

yeah and his his wife or girlfriend the time, I think wife, okay? Wife, no, it's his wife. She's preggers, all right. Up the duff. Yeah, yeah.

She's gone all Juneau. Yeah, not like that. Not yet. Not yet. Give it time. Yeah, so now she's got a little baby inside her, okay? And he's like, oh, I got a little baby, I'm going to be a daddy. This is perfect.

He's doing a weird southern ice. No, I'm not even doing it, right. Apparently that was his choice. Yeah, it doesn't, it's kind of, uh, why, I don't know, just makes it a little cartoonish or something. It's not a good accent. No, I love it. Really?

That's what makes it work. Are you sure? Yeah. It's over the top. If he was playing a fucking, like, I know, like, if it's Philadelphia and he was doing that, you'd be like, hmm, okay. But it, it's a silly film anyway, so it works. Well, all right. It's just a little distracting.

No, I love it. All right. But maybe I'm so used to it. All right. I just think, like, that's what Cage really sounds like the rest of time he's acting. Yeah. So he's like a happy, okay? Then these bar jerks.

Yeah. Or like, oh, loser, soldier loser. Hey, why don't you give me a go on your wife there, soldier boy? Yeah. Yeah. It's because of you, we lost Vietnam, which is accurate. Yeah. Yeah.

So these assholes want to, like, want to, like, beat him up for no reason. Yeah. Which, you know, because soldiers are, like, the most persecuted. Yes, absolutely. More than blacks. Yeah. Yeah. And I think nowadays we would have had, like, Antifa or something.

something they would have made it like probably more yeah yeah because the thing is they're they kind of come across as like rednecks yeah they're rednecks who hate the army yeah that just doesn't track at all like yeah but i think it's because they want to bang his wife because she's like a you know whatever barmaid in the gaff like that they go to yeah yeah and a pregnant barmaid that's even hotter yeah yeah already one insider i'm cleared for runway yes so like they try in the car park they try and stab him yeah they put Pull out a knife, they stab him. He kills one because he's a weapon.

He is a lethal weapon. And now he goes to jail. In no world... For seven to ten years... Yeah. In no real world is a soldier, a decorated soldier going to get killed for preventing his pregnant wife from getting raped. Yeah, well, that's what happens when you vote Democrat. Yeah, this is what Kamala wants.

Yeah, yeah. You just got to sit there and let them rape your wife. Because they're... working class and if you try to stop them that's punching down that's using your privilege so he gets seven to ten years I think it's eight years that he does

okay and there's like a montage of him do you guys say I was so glad to receive your letter please tell your mama that I will be home as soon as I can yeah and we just as you mentioned the montage he does what I always like to think I'd do

in prison which he betters himself where he learns remember he learned Spanish He's doing push-ups and stuff like that. That doesn't come back into the film ever again. The fact that he sees it's just like, Donde Estably La Biblioteca. And it never comes. He never like speak Spanish to like a different convict.

Yeah, they could have put someone like the prisoner or like a prisoner who doesn't speak English and he has to get to him or something like that. It just never comes back. Like I just love, they should have done more at that montage. Him making like a clay pottery thing, you know? He learns origami. That's right, he did, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'd see, I would, in prison, I'd like to think that, like, oh, I get, like, mad tough. Let me tell you something, Brian. If you went to prison, I would be the origami. They would reenact that scene from ghost, you know? Oh, my love. But we're more screaming. And, like, my face is in the clay. Oh, yeah.

It would certainly toughen up. one part of your anatomy anyway but after you know tendirizing it quite severely for a long period of time but I assume calluses would form on your asshole I think if I got sent to prison everyone would be like this is Christmas

eight crazy nights who's going to get first go they treat me like a pinata okay so he's in prison learn or Spanish and origami he can soak any cock yeah he doesn't

he's being strong man okay and eventually they're like hey listen you're free to go yeah

we're gonna transport you home in this plane yes full of some crazy characters full of some wacky dudes

some of the baddest roughest toughest toughest crud lewd dudes you ever did see I'm gonna name it and then

you have to describe who they are okay first of all diamond dog diamond dog he's a black militant guy

leader of the black gorillas that's a bitch, isn't it? Yeah, so obviously a play on like fucking, what they call them, the Black Panthers? Yeah. But Black Gorillas, I mean, that's a bit... Someone had a little joy, had a little fun with that, yeah, yeah.

But like, yeah, so he's like a very militant, you know, he blew up an NRA convention. He's, you know, he's in there for murder, blah, blah, blah. So, but it's weird because they say he's the leader of the black guerrillas, but like his kind of ethics around race never really come into it. There is that one little kind of scene. between him and Cage Or he's like, he's like, yeah, I'm going to work with the white guy

for now. Yeah, it's like I can play the house, beep, you know. You can say it. Oh, can't? No, you can't. Yeah, well, too late. It's Christmas for Cadden. I'm quoting Ving Rames. Yeah, so it's Fing Rames. And anyway, yes, so he's like a blackmailing guy. But he's, you know, he doesn't

really come across like that too much, but as you say, sort of is just, you know, going along with the white, following the white man to freedom. Obviously not a student of history, but anyway. They mentioned that he's published a book that's very popular. Yes. And that Denzel's going to play him in the movie.

Yeah, even that, that's definitely a nod to Hurricane. And Malcolm X as well. Oh, yeah. The joke was that Denzel plays every famous black guy. Yeah, but Hurricane is like even more specific because like Hurricane, he like murdered someone and then there's

a whole big like, you know, he's innocent when really he wasn't innocent but Denzel kind of was in the movie and it was made to look like he was oppressed by the system. No way, you're saying he wasn't Bob, but Bob Dylan. Yeah. Well, Bob Dylan just wrote that song so he could say a word that I refuse to say on this podcast.

He wrote a whole song. He had been, he had just had that N-word written on his fridge. Yeah. Just with a magnet. It's like, one day, I'm going to write a song with Daddy needed you. Trust me, buddy. I'm going to do it, too. You always say, like, Bob Dylan went electric.

Bob Dylan went peep. Once you go black, you don't go back. So you're saying, I don't know much about the history of actual hurricane. No, I'm not sure if he was guilty of that particular crime, but I just knew he was like a very violent, aggressive guy, and there's a lot of evidence that he did commit the murders. Now, look, obviously cops in the 60s were racist as fuck. What? Imprisoning black people. I get all that, but just there's evidence that this guy was not the kind of innocent guy railroaded by the system. Wasn't he he was transporting across state lines, wasn't that he?

I don't even know. I think they got him for like transporting a white girl. yeah well whatever i don't know doesn't matter look we're getting so ving rames is diamond dog let's get back to yeah yeah ving rames uh diamond dog and bob dillan's written a song about him yeah uh several an entire concept album called ving rames you still owe me that money okay next we got uh johnny twenty three johnny twenty three ayios me oh baby should be 600 yeah danny trejo and he's called johnny twenty three because that's how many women he raped and he has a tattoo sleeve on his arm

comprising of hearts and he says I get a new heart for every one of my bitches and like yeah his name's A little problematic now You know in the post Me Too era one could maybe see

maybe this isn't right But he never grabbed a titty No Fair play to him Well he tried did try his best But yeah there's that line It'd be Johnny 600 if they knew the truth What's that mean

600 what? Yeah Wouldn't you like to know Yeah If you need to ask You're not ready for it Pal Yeah you wouldn't know

What they do Okay Then we meet Cyrus the virus Cyrus the virus Who apparently has killed More people In cancer

Yes Yeah that's a lot He's done it all Yeah And they mention like He's got it like Blowing shit up And he's like a mastermind

Yeah Criminal genius Like 39 years old And spent 25 of them incarcerated Do the Matt's there yeah that's a lot he was a little fucking terror yeah so yeah he that's john malcovich who is really like you know being very he's having a lot of fun yes yeah apparently wasn't fun on set oh really yeah he was

like what the fuck is this yeah because i think he came from more serious background oh absolutely yeah you can kind of because even like his delivery of the lines is like you know i thought he was having fun because his performance is pretty silly yeah because obviously the dialogue is silly it's a silly movie but yeah in the it's like what's the

weird choice he just made there it's like he's going for like this offbeat humor thing and okay

so you say he really didn't enjoy his time on set this is why it's not just me going like he probably

didn't like it oh I had a dream where he told me didn't like it I've been sifting through his garbage

and from the evidence I've pieced together yeah yeah apparently like they were changing the script a lot and he just

it was his first big budget movie where like the script isn't really important and he kind of like talking for him to get used to this idea

see that's the thing the movies like this it is all about the set pieces the big huge action sequences and you're going from one to the other

and that's where the money's getting spent and the money's getting made you know like so kind of like characters dialogue you know

develop plot all this stuff they're just silly little add-ons that just get you from explosion A to explosion B yeah that's the

gay upon it. Yeah, exactly. For the New York Times readers. Yeah, because they are all lipping. Keep them entertained. Giving it all that. Yep, yep, yep.

Oh, and also we have Dave Chappelle, who's in for arson. Yeah, yeah. And some petty crimes and stuff. And he's a crackhead. Well, you won't... They say... I don't think that's a crime, James. Well, okay, but no, he is like he's a junk.

Like, he admits he's a junkie. He's a, ah, you know. Anyway, yeah, but it's Chappelle. And he, apparently he made up basically all the lines. Really? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because even like his first line is like, he's getting checked. They look in his mouth and that warden guy's like, Dan, smells like somebody's shit in your mouth.

And Chappelle just goes, yeah, he told me he loved me. And it was just funny. And I was like, I like this guy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you knew before everyone else, you're like, this kid's going to be a star. It's going to be a star. And then that's when my aunt turned around to my mother is like,

I think James is on the spectrum. No four-year-old should talk like this. I'm telling you, Mom, he's going to be huge. he's the next prior wait and see he's a what so um they're all being transported on this plane yeah so apparently this is a common thing they transport criminals on planes for like parole hearings and uh okay you know medical stuff like that

or even transporting them to a new uh yeah mega prisons or cool prisons yeah exactly yeah or prisons out in the ocean with metal boots you know like that yeah yeah um now who's in charge this mission uh columnini is one And John Cusack. And John Cusack, yeah. So they're both in charge, kind of against each other in a way.

Yeah, it's like, don't get it. Yeah, it's, what is it? Like, so fucking John Cusack's kind of like runs the operation, but fucking. But it's Mee's guys. He has like, uh, he's got an undercover guy on the plane. Yeah, yeah. And he wants the guy you have a gun and Cusack's like,

no, you can't have a gun. You can have a gun on an ever plane. That's not safe. Yeah. Which day you might kill Johnny 23. Well, you're such as your fucking male. How's this fucking mad thing over here? I'm putting a fucking shout on the plane.

You're such as a fucking male. I'm not sure what you're saying, sir, but we have protocol here. Yeah, I belating batty and fucking moody, yeah. So, Meany's having great fun in this. Yes, he is. He has a cool car and he immediately parked in a disabled park. In a handicraft spot.

So we know he's the protagonist. He's the hero of the piece. Yeah, absolutely. And ever since I saw that, I've been parking the handicapped spot ever since. And I don't even drive. So it goes wrong for a number of reasons. So there's a bit of a dispute between the guys about what to do. Meaty sneaks a gun on.

He's got his secret agent on. And he puts a gun in his sock. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. One of those little sexy guns. Yeah, yeah. Well, all guns are sexy in a way. Yeah, but these are the little ones that women pull out of their tits in all the movies that I watch.

Titty go The plane takes off Yeah Fly fly away Things are going okay For like two seconds Oh what We get straight into the action

Now most films To be like a load of like Talking You think it's going to work Your accuracy dictates That we must follow bro Yon nobody's fucking around With that shit

There's no like Is the plan gonna work I don't know Will the plan work Let's find out Immediately Dave Shepel's like He's hidden Lighter Fluid

and a match in his mouth in a little string so he can take it out and enlighten the Native American on fire yeah there's a Native American on him and he just pours his lighter fluid

on flicks the match he's like oh he's potterily busted yeah well you know that's just how he says it's what he said it

what do you want for me that's how the Native American said it oh shit on my fire like a motherfucker so this is the distraction all right Native America was not in on this

no no by way chaos happens because the garris distracted, shit goes loose. I think Cyrus had like a... Yeah, both Cyrus and... Yeah, so Malcovic and Ving Rhames

both had like needles like stuck in their skin. So they must have put it in and let heal. Yeah, basically so you can do that. Like you can kind of pierce your skin with a needle and push it all the way in. So it's kind of on the kind of surface layer

of the epididimus. Any kids listening, you should do that. You want to be cool in school? Do that. So they were able to like basically pull the pin out and use it to unhook their, you know, their cuffs. Which, you know, this is a real state of the art, kind of a prison transportation system. And like, so the, all the guards, none of them thought maybe checked them for pins.

Oh, would that go up in the middle, metal detector? I, I guess not. If it didn't happen in Conair, then obviously not. Well, now I'm going to try it. When I'm going into Tesco I'm going to stick a little metal inside, just swallow a spoon and be like, hmm,

where's the Native American? Where's that engine? I got some fire water for you. Yeah. Yeah, so fucking, yeah. So it all kicks off. They get out of the cages. One guard immediately gets a fucking

something in the neck. His fucking Ving Rames, he like used the end of his fucking handcuffs to like stab the guy's neck. It's pretty awesome. Take that, Whitey. Yeah. Woo!

Yeah, when you're watching that with your granny, you're like, look, he's killing Whitey. Something that'll happen to you. I have a dream, Granny, that you're going to get what's coming to you, you old bitch.

Yeah. So it all goes wild, and they get into the cockpit. Yeah, so, hey, you better check it out. Okay. The criminals take over the plane. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a gun. The inmates are now running the asylum. him, Brian. Yeah. So what's funny is so like the gun goes off

and a couple guys get shot remember the guy with a bag in his head? Yeah, yeah, he gets shot. And Cameron Paul's watching he's just disappointed. He goes like, he shakes his head like,

hmm. I thought this would be a much nicer flight. I don't know, it slips into Bill Clinton too easy. Yeah. Ah, same thing. I'm on this airplane, man.

I knew Chappelle couldn't be trusted. Glad I wouldn't sitting next to him. So now, they've taken over the plane. It's like, welcome to Conair.

Woo! Now, that's the name of the movie. But they're convicts and they're in the air and convict is usually abbreviated

to the word con. So it's very clever. It works on many levels, very cerebral. You probably didn't get it on first go. No, I didn't know what's that.

No, makes no sense. So they've taken over now the security guy. Now, Cameron Paul was sitting easy. Yeah, he's just chilling.

Yeah. He's watching an in-flight movie It's grown-ups too And he's loving it He's like, let me finish this Yeah Yeah The deer just pissed on Adam Sandler

Sure is a pity They didn't get Rob Schneider back for the sequel But I think the cast do a good job Of keeping up the high jinx What you're talking about, Po? Well, no His friend, he has a friend

Yeah, he does Diabetic You should mention that That comes back there on He's got a diabetic friend And he hasn't had his insulin shot Yeah, yeah That's the ticking time bomb.

Yeah, yes. Diabetic time bomb, okay? Yeah, yeah. Now, the undercover guy is a gun, and he's like, time to save the day. Now, what do you think of this, James? So he takes up the gun. Cameron Paul is the guy being like, put it down. Put it down.

Why is Cameron Poe doing there? Because he even says it. It's like you're in a situation that you can't control. Basically, there's too many, like, of them and only one of him. There's no way he's going to be able to, like, get got. I think Cameron Poe at this stage Like let's just see where it takes us Yeah

They want us alive For as hostages Yeah Yeah But least most of us Uh let's just see what happens Yeah Chill out

That's the thing You don't want to go in All guns blazing You got to scope out The situation Figure out who are the players Who are the pawns So that

The undercover guy gets killed Straight away Yeah Okay And this kind of like Indears Cyrus to Paul Yeah

Yeah Because Paul Yeah tried to talk him down but it kind of looks like he was like manipulate Oh shit Remember the security guy

Has takes Chappelle hostage Yeah And Cyrus is like I don't care about that crackhead Yeah yeah And then afterwards Chappelle gets the guns Like you didn't actually mean

that crackhead stuff did you Yeah just gave me that gun Damn right I meant it And walks away Yeah He's like Chappelle's like That wasn't even in the script

This motherfucker's wearing No No he didn't James No he didn't Did you grow up already you're 31 for fuck sake how long are you going to keep doing these silly silly

voices he's got COVID James you can't do that anymore okay the COVID is yeah it's wrecked COVID and Comedy Central ruined his life he signed a deal with COVID yeah okay so yeah now the criminal's plan

now okay is they're going to do a drop off yes collect more prisoners yeah and they're switch him out with some white guys yeah yeah So Poe was the chance to go out with the white guys and get switched. But he doesn't.

He doesn't. Because he stays with his diabetic friend. And also there's a girl tied up who wants to get raped probably. Oh, and she most definitely is. I mean, it's just second. Johnny 23 is lurking in the background. Yeah. He's like, hey, don't make a Johnny 24, eh?

Which they like, and in this film, all the criminals, nearly all of them are noble people who are like, yeah, we don't actually harass women. Yeah, that, even Malkovich says that. it's like I despise rapists you're like a cockroach to me you make me sick but you know I'll still I will use your help when we're escaping

but you'll shoot in some people I'll blow up fucking houses and burn people and uh but I'll always get consent from a lady because you know he could see the tide turning he knew it was coming

don't get me too I'll go to prison for years that's grand but me too I'll fuck you up I don't want to get my Twitter cancelled Yeah So they're going So Po decides to stay

Right And do the switch They do the switch Now this is where we meet I would think The best character in the movie And kind of like the mascot Of this podcast

Okay What's his name again Something garlic green Oh Garland green Yeah Yeah Yeah And he's all like

Stancho Lambs He's all like He's got like the mask He's all restrained end and all. So he's basically like this kind of Jeffrey Dahmer-esque character where he murdered like 30 people and wore their skin and

fucked in their blood and just fucking ugh! I'm out of made up some of this stuff. My hero. You look at him say the way like women look at Lizzo. You're like, yes. That's what I aspire to. I'm 100%. He, I thought he's like a pedo.

He's way more than a pedo. Yeah. Well, they don't even say he's a pedo. Yeah, I just imagine that. yeah I'm gonna why yeah but no definitely

we'll probably get to that oh yeah we'll get to that but yeah so he's just like he comes on the thing and like what's so funny

it's like he's in the cage and Ving Rames is like yo you think we should let him out and John Malcovich is yeah sure

he's great and like Steve Ashemi is this tiny little scrawny white guy Ving Rames is this big huge muscular dude

and he's like oh okay I'm opening the cage now don't hurt me garland green. It's like, man, you're three times his size, literally. Ah, yeah, boy, sneaky, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fear to be shemmy, you know. And they're right to do it. Yeah. So they're trying to do this, like, sneaky thing of, like, switching, they're giving us some hostages and they have them taped and bagged and tagged. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they can't, like, be like, help! Yeah. But, fucking, um, Cameron Paul has written a note.

No, that's not what he did. He gave, there was. He gave him a note? No, he gave them on the, what do you call it, the undercover guy? Yeah. He was wearing, like, a recording device, right? Like a wire, and, you know, camera pole finds it on him. So then he stashes it in, like, the shirt of one of the guys they're switching out.

Oh. Because it had, like, an audio recording of, like, you know, the shooting and everything. Yeah. Sorry. You're right. I just watched it this morning. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.

Well, I watched it a couple nights ago. Yeah, yeah. But my brain was fried from all that are you being served. I told you it's bad. for you, Brian. Just smoke weed like the rest of us. So anyway,

so he, that's the thing, but also QSack earlier was like, hmm, something's a bit odd with this mission. Remember this bit?

And they go check Cyrus's cell. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. Why did he go check his cell again? Because they had the, the pilot be like, everything's grand here, definitely not being hurt.

Right, right, right. But it sounded suspicious because he had a gun to his head. Okay. So QSack was like, time to investigate. I'll get to the bottom of this. one more thing

so they checked the cell I just think there's something going on in that plate I don't know what it is but something's wrong they checked his cell and it's a I don't agree with that in the web like

so stupid sorry go on they go and check John McGritch's cell and the very fucking like over the top like oh it's a picture of the last supper and all the eyes are cut out it's so fucking stupid

And if you put that over the fucking constitution, however, you can just, it's cold. Like it's fucking national treasure too or something. If you hold that picture up to the sun, the light shines on it. Yeah, it's so dumb. But, yeah, it basically is like, meet in Carson's City's the secret coded message. Jesus Christ! Jinkies! Yeah, he's got to run out.

He's like, don't touch anything. But there's also like schematics of the playing. There's loads of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the 90s. He couldn't just get this off the internet. That's like someone that goes to a library. Yeah, yeah.

Well, he is Cyrus. The virus. Yeah, he spreads. Yeah, yeah. So, like, he's like, don't touch anything. The security guards, like, yeah, whatever. And there's a box that says, do not open. Like, and one of the other security guards?

Hey, he told you not to open that. You think I'm going to listen to that big smelly. That big smelly, fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a big explosion there. Yeah, a big kind of fake-looking explosion. The door nearly hits QSac. Yeah, but he ducks just in time.

Oh, God, is QSack going to be okay? he won't be able to say anything if that door hits him huh bruh listen to that folks yeah that's right

you'll miss him when he's gone you'll appreciate him now I'm like Patrice yeah yeah yeah years now my god but like was even more

problematic opinions on women that's them bitches a smell of dogs put them in cage out you fuck you know it's so funny the other way like something happens now people are like I wish Patrice was around now you know

something like you know like the George Floyd case people like I wish Patrice was around now years from now it would be like you know it would be something like a horrific case of like police brutality I wish Cadden was around now because he would really put his finger on the button he'd bring peace to the nation

he'd do a voice that would just end all this disputes in a minute yeah okay so yeah his cell blows up I just want to say a Kuzak, not great. No, really not good. And I like John Kuzak. Really?

Yeah, like high fidelity. You'd like high fidelity? Yeah. Oh, I love high fidelity. I said, yeah, but it sounded like, yeah. Better off dead? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, like young Kuzak, obviously kind of...

I almost think of that as different Kusak. Yeah, it is. They are kind of two different. There's like that Kusak and then there's the Kusak who was in the Edgar Allan Poole movie. Yeah, I didn't see that. Yeah, yeah. It's like two different people to me. Right.

They were thinking of getting Robert Downey Jr. Now that would have been way more fun. Much better, yeah, I agree. With the Australian accent. Because that's, he was still like off his face on drugs then. Yeah. So it would have been really over the top and it would have been a lot of fun. Yeah, I think we need someone, because I think, um...

Cusack tries to play too straight. I think someone was saying that like, oh, he plays a straight guy. We don't need a straight guy in Conair. Not in Conair, yeah, exactly, yeah. We need, oh, we need, there should have been pumping Downey full of drugs. Yeah, yeah. Like even more drugs than usual. They should, you know what they should do.

they should clean him up get him all sober three weeks in rehab and then bring him back out so when he gets back on the drugs he's even more crazy and fucked up Was he on

Was he fucked up during Was there any film That he was like Nostly fucked up or I think on the set of What was that? Natural Born Killers Yeah

But apparently everybody was fucking wild On that set Oh fucking Seismore Yeah yeah Tom Seismore Sizmore Sousmore is sweating During that film

Man he yeah he's a bad boy He got so many chances You know what He is actually a really good actor I love him But And you know what

I love him so much Okay I'm sure he's going Some bad thing But if I needed someone Look after my seven daughters Yeah You don't

I mean You don't give them Decise more Look You don't ask a fox To look after the chicken coop You know what I'm talking about Who's fault is it

Okay Anyway back to this The Scorpion and the Toad it's in my nature Anyway So like Cusack's boring in this But Cusack's on the case

He's like Get the police over to the airport So the police are coming anyway Even just without the tape Oh we This one bit Fucking Chappelle He switched out the transponder

From the plane Put it in a little other plane Remember he was talking to a honey Yeah he was like Damn girl What's you at Turn around Let me see that eh

So he's all He gets distracted So they're like They get caught Okay And you know Cyrus is like Oh shit

That's to shoot guard and they all to run in. Yeah. They don't forget about Chappelle. So Chappelle's got to run after him. Yeah. And he's like banging on the window, but who's at the window? The Native American.

And I personally, I see this one interaction as a commentary on not only the Native American genocide throughout history, but obviously you have slavery in the Jim Pro era. And a wonderful little juxtaposition where he goes, let me out of plane, motherfucker. And the, you know, the engine, yeah. He doesn't let him on the plane. He's like, oh, you like me now, bitch. And Chappelle's like, fuck you!

And then, a beautiful. And notice as well, it's the two minorities fighting, but the white guys driving the plane. Of course, he's got a gun in his hand, he's flying the plane, running the show. Yeah. Yes. It's beautiful. We make the minorities fight amongst themselves. divide and conquer good sir

that's how we stay in power so Chappelle gets caught in the machinery yeah he tries to like climb on the landing gear but he gets caught and they find his body later here's a bit of a comedy scene we just go into it okay they find him in the fucking caught in the plane

all right in the landing gear so Paul has an idea he writes their next location because he finds out where to go next yeah for to refuel again and he writes larkin which is John Cusack's name yeah yeah yeah and then kicks him

off. Yes. I mean, a comedy scene where there's this white couple, okay, in the car.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and actually the guy the guy in that is major Briggs from Twin Peaks. Oh, okay. So it's nice

to like, oh shit. So they're like, how could this day get any worse? Yeah, no, because there was some

bird shit on his window's like, I tell you, honey, every time I get this baby waxed and polished, the bird does it dokey,

right? Oh, oh, Jordan, don't you worry about it now they say it's good luck. Well, if you say so, Margaret.

Cabam! Fucking Chappelle. They could have more fun with it. He's like, oh, I'll do that the day, Negroes fly. That would have been good. Yeah. Come on here, you can do it.

But, like, I mean, this part really doesn't make sense because, I mean, he would have just obliterated when he hit the ground. Like, when you drop a pig on the ground, it goes to pieces. It goes splat. Whereas, like, his body's,

day is completely intact. He fell it from a fucking plane. From a plane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And his body's intact. Also, I think the couple are still alive. Yeah, no, they are. They're like,

Oh, ho, ho. I knew this had happened. Yeah. Must have been an Asian driver somewhere. Yeah. That's what Major Briggs said. Yeah, that's what he said. Where?

Yeah, whatever. Yeah. Maddie, I'm done defending it. Yeah. Yeah. I thought I'd give up. Yeah. Nobody's listening.

Anyway, we didn't get a shout audio on anybody's fucking little funny parody songs but I'm not bitter I'm cool I'm real cool Let's get back to Dead Chappelle That'll cheer you up

That'll cheer me out So they find the message It's perfectly intact And the cop immediately's like I better call this Larkin guy Yeah Yeah And it's like

We just got a body fell from the sky Oh yeah What's it got to do with me It's got your name written all over it because it actually does because he wrote he written

he wrote his name on his shirt so he clever in it See this film it's like you watch it once you're like I get it watch it twice like oh shit It's like an onion Yeah it is like an onion You shove it up your ass

And you can't stop crying Yeah Where are we now So he finds out that Where they're going next To refuel again So Cusack steals Colomini's like sexy Jaguar

car. So now Cusack is on his own. Now, Mee instead of going and listening to what Cusack told him, he's following the little plane. The transponder that Chappelle put the plane in. And it's a little, like, you know, tiny little airplane with like an old couple on it. It's like one of those, you know,

fly around the city thing. Yeah, what do you call him? Puddlehoppers, whatever you call him? Yeah, it's a little nickname for him. The little shitty planes. Yeah. Okay. As little couple, like, look at the sights. Oh, look at the sights.

Oh, look. that it's about... I don't know why she talks like that, but... You know, it should reminds me of the scenery back in Tennessee. Oh, yes. Chuffing, brilliant, isn't it, you?

And then, like, Meanie shows up with, like, three helicopters. Yeah. Kill him! It's, like, full-on, like, fighter jets. Like, you know, get them. It'd be funny if they actually... If there was a darker film, they would have actually just pure shot him

and had a scene of, like, hmm, we're just gonna... Yeah, well, that's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they don't shoot the old couple, which is a shame. Which is good, yeah. Anyway, they get to the next stop. Am I missing anything?

No, no. They're in like some kind of like desert airfield, kind of deserted. You watch this today. Yeah. I have to ask you a question, because I'm pretty dumb here. Sometimes things don't connect in my brain, okay? Sometimes I just like put socks on my hands, okay? Okay, so Cusack gets the airfield.

before them. Yeah. He checks the guy who runs, like, the air control team. Yes. He's dead. His throat is slit.

Yeah. What happened there? You see, because there's a passenger, there's a prisoner on the plane who's, like, connected to the cartel, right? And there's basically meant to be a deal,

like, you know, he's meant to, like, I think, well, maybe not, yeah. But I think the cartel members were going to help the prisoners escape because they're delivering one of the cartel

back to them or whatever, but the cartel guy kind of betrays them, he runs off. Why? Because he just wants to fly away. It doesn't, like, you know, it's easier for him to escape by himself with his cartel buddies than for all of them escape together, you know what I mean? So he betrays them, and he tries

to fly off, and but he doesn't get away crashes because Cusack pulls the crane on them. Really? Yeah, he drops a crane on the thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Funny, I'm just kind of like, this is a blur. Yeah, but then there's a really But then it's like the asshole guy

with his little plane as well, remember him? Yeah, yeah. But then there's this like cheesy bit where like he gets out of the plane but there's like fuel pouring everywhere. It's like, I was coming to get you, Cyrus. Sy and Nora. And he flicks the cigarette

and it all goes up on flames. Very silly and stupid and cheesy and I loved it. Yeah. So by this stage you've landed, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's actually funny because like they had to do

like kind of like a crash land thing and they're stuck in like the sand of the desert so the cops are all like coming like they're all flying down the road to get them while the convicts are all trying to dig the plane out of the dirt and it's like ring rames

has got a whip and he's cracking the whip on all the white boys and it's like yes the black gorillas reign supreme yeah you forgot one thing though no I didn't so they got some downtime Mandela effect

yeah I just imagine the whole new film They've got some downtime When they land on the plane Okay, land of the plane, okay? Right So Bouchemi goes for a little walk Oh yeah

And like spider senses, okay Yes It's like an abandoned town He immediately finds the one kid It's like, yeah, it's weird It's in a really shitty trailer park And she's got a little Like an empty pool

In an empty pool She's doing like a, you know A play set tea What do they call that? Tea party, right, right And she's there in her own and her everything is dirty her toys are dirty her face is

dirty like she's just like covered in filth so it's like obviously you get the sense that this is like a from a poor shitty redneck trailer part of the litter's probably on the gear yeah exactly she's popped a few too many percassette and she's passed out she's probably on the game

so it's kind of like you really get the sense like this is a child that could easily go missing and no one would really care this is a child probably better off if she gets picked up by garlic. Yeah. Or garland.

Garland. Yeah. And he sits down and it's real like he's very, it's just very, you really get the sense like this could go bad. I remember the first time I saw this as a kid and I was like, what's going to happen? This is making me, you know. Yeah, they're playing what your expectations. Yeah, yeah.

Because there's even like weird POV shots of him looking at the young. It's weird. Well, anytime Bouchemi's with a child, you know, you are kind of like, hmm. Yeah, yeah. What's going to happen? Even like the King of Staten Island, when he's a little. own with a Pete Davidson.

He's behind you. Oh, no, he isn't. Yeah. But, yeah, they really play it up, like, what's going to happen? But they don't go that way with it. Because at the end, when they're flying out, we see the little girl there.

Yeah, she's safe. Bye, Mr. Garland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What happens then? Another bit, a brief thing we forgot is, like, one of the passengers is obviously like a prison punk or a prison bitch. And he puts a dress on, but he's very effeminate.

Now, can I say something? Please do. That guy is attractive. Yes. Now, we can all say that. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

That's all I want to say. Okay. I watch this a young age. It's like, hmm. Okay. Sometimes they can. Not always. Yeah, yeah.

I get what you mean. It's kind of gotten an effeminate thing. But you know what? I actually knew that actor from a different movie called Dangerous Mind. you ever seen that? Michelle Fyfer is like a teacher in a tough high school Oh yeah I haven't seen it

But I know the reference But like so he's like this one kid In a dress No no he's like a real like Tough street kid Homeboy kind of thing And he gets it Like there's this really epic fight scene

Where him and this other lad beat the shit out of each other And when I was a kid I was like Awesome So then when I saw Conner and saw him in a dress I was like traitor You're not a tough guy at all

This shows a different mindsets you were like bad and I was like hello I'd still fuck him I'd just you know Oh I would yeah Yeah yeah yeah There's something about that

I'd like that's better than actually any woman Real or imaginary Yeah The women are just fucking Just not good enough No I mean what woman can hold an M16

In that dress Yeah yeah Totally pull it off I'm gonna call her she She In this She is fucking Whatever whatever she likes

Okay Well it's just Okay She's got a gun And it's just like It's not presented like that, though, because this is like the 90s. Prison bitch. Yeah, but we

see, you know, in his, you know, yeah, whatever, fuck it, it's not even worth. It's not a , it's a fictional character, James, you can say he. Well, okay, but when we're first shown the prisoners, because it's presented like they're all men, right? And then we only kind of discover that

he's kind of like, uh, transgender or whatever when, like a prison bitch is the correct term. Yeah, okay, whatever. It's like a discovery halfway drew the film. So whatever. Yeah, he finds the dress like hello and then releases the inner yes his inner queen

yes or I meant that in a positive way I know it didn't sound like that coming out of my mouth but I did jizz hole

jizz hole or as I call our mum anyway let's move on enough about me yeah but like I yeah

that's a fucking I would 100 I would full on like if they were like just a spin off you know you could probably find

him on cameo now you know get him to do your secret message you know wear the dress cut your hair short and wear the dress do you want to talk about dangerous minds no no don't you dare do you want to fuck Michelle

wife no no and you're like you have your head shaved and you have a goatie is like are you meant to be Cyrus the virus no and diamond dog hang on oh wait no sir please stop putting on that makeup it's for your shoes

okay so yeah there's a lot of stuff happened yeah it's very like action they're gonna kill the hostages and then and then fucking Paul was like no he's he smart he's like no we should keep them for uh yeah use them later on

Cyrus like yeah like the way you think yeah yeah okay and uh then they then they take off yeah so they you know it's a real like race against time moment they're trying to dig the plane out of the sand while the cops are gaining they're getting there you know slowly but surely but they do they take off they fly away they're back in the air and then they start playing sweet home alabama yeah and like you know she's dancing in her

dress drinking a bottle of whiskey yeah yeah oh my god yeah how could you hate trans people like i don't yeah i don't seriously yeah i dare anyone who's like oh i don't like them show him that put them on a plane put her on a plane look you either fuck ving rames or I don't know what her name is what's her name in the

character. Dream. Angel. Just call me Angel of the morning. And then what doesn't Bishemi say

like define irony? Yeah. Define irony. Because they're Leonard Skinner. A bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song written by a band

who died in a plane crash. Not really irony. No, not really. I think anybody is like to unironically say the term define irony is

it turns my stomach yeah especially if you've murdered children yeah well but he puttied out with that kid yeah that kid come on well look

we don't know what happened we only saw what we saw yeah he made the imagination maybe a little quick feel yeah just keep them going you know it's like a shot like a little espresso I'll show you a real deep body honey

hey I hate the one anyway so now they're in the air having fun oh um and but paul now is he going to save the fucking day yes so um wait did we miss uh yeah we missed johnny 23 trying to get a piece oh yeah and he killed him yeah yeah yeah okay yeah no they didn't like no he tries to sexually assault the female guard and like the guy poe's friend who's got diabetic like the diabetes he's like gone into shock now and he's like crawling trying to stop him but he's too weak

and then Cameron Poe shows up beats the shit out of him and handcuffs him to the railing and then yeah he does die eventually Oh yeah he does from diabetes What? No I'm talking about Johnny 23

Oh he does yeah Why would the black guy He The diabetes man He gets his insulin shot Okay But then literally two seconds later He gets shot by a stray bullet

No it's not even a stray bullet It's like fucking Malkovich realizes somebody's tipped off the cops like who is it and your man gets up

it's like it was me who stupid cracker and Malkovich shoots him. Yeah he took the fall for for camera pole

Yeah yeah yeah because now it's getting suspicious because the cops are always on their tails Exactly it's like they knew we were going to be

at Carson they knew we were we were going to be at this airfield how were they what was one step ahead somebody's talking and then they also

discover fucking the letters in fucking Cameron Poe's box and they figure out he's he's on parole Because he told him he had 50 more years Yeah he told him like he's a hard You know he's in for life basically or whatever

So um Then the planes catch up with him Mean he's in the plane He's about to shoot them But QSax's like god damn he's got a daughter And he flies his helicopter in front of the Oh yeah Were they in

Anyway QSax's like in the way So they can't shoot him down Okay So then they're good Now I made a mistake here James I want to apologize listeners. I wrote that they crash in L.A. That's not true. No, the crash

in Vegas. Why do they do that? Because you don't care about this podcast. You have contempt for the people that listen. You literally do nothing. You hate me. You come into my home. They verbally and psychologically abuse me in front

of my housemates. To make myself feel big. Yeah, and it works. And I feel oh so small. Yeah. And look at you there, giggling. And I'm like, that sure is bad, isn't it? I'm playing mind games.

I'm six steps ahead, you fucking cunt. Now wash the ground, get on the floor. Yes, sir. And I just start licking my dirty carpet. Which really could do with a Hoover. Here's a fun fact for you, James. Go on. Let's just get back on track, okay?

It was meant to be the White House. That they crash into it. Yeah, yeah. Wow, okay. That's a bit much, isn't it? It's a bit much, isn't it? That's taken it to a whole other level. Like, I mean, they're trying to escape.

Why would they crash into the white house? Well, it was the original idea. But then Independence Day, they were like, nah, well, they've already kind of done it. Yeah, they've got a spaceship. That kind of tops. That's true. Non-space ship. Yeah, we've got Malkovich, but he's not an alien.

So they crash in a city of, uh, Las Vegas. Gambling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's like, fow, sparks and shit. Yeah, it's weird. because then they crash right and you think it's all over but oh no ving rames and john malcovitch and the pilot guy who's like real funny guy yeah one-liner guy he's a fun guy yeah but they steal a fire engine and start to make their getaway but then Cameron poe and john kuzak both get on uh fucking

cop motorcycle's like yeah gotta get them be it's a bit it's a bit much it goes and it's like crazy I love the film but it's a bit like look we're done here guys come on like the plane is on the ground we could just end it there we could end it with like maybe like

Cyrus crawling out trying to get away and then like a foot comes down and he's like not today my friends yeah but no and then Johnny 23 comes back to life I didn't say I was gender

specific homes and then mean he shows up and saves the day and he has a big tricolor and then he fucks this the fucking lady And then McGregor comes out It's like

Yeah, Dale fucking Nottingry McGregor 23 Yeah, 600 Yeah Oh, hello Okay, so then they go You read for the New York Times Do you?

So then it's a big fucking fire truck Car chase And yeah, they Crash or some shit Imagine it was the White House And Cyrus takes The President hostage

And he also takes a fire truck then but like yeah it's weird because the thing about these kind of action movies is like it's so easy to just like tune out for two seconds yeah because it's like you're just like bombarded constantly

with all this like boom boom crazy action explosions eventually it gets a bit boring like you know what I mean it's fun for a watch but like yeah you're saying like please stop yeah just like come on now we're done this is this is con here it's getting silly you know it's not it's not con fire truck

which was the much anticipated sequel Con Fire Trucks So they stop him And he's reunited with his family Paul I mean Everyone's happy Everyone dances

And And the final scene They're playing craps at a table Yeah And it pans up And it's Steve Bouchemi Is the show I feeling lucky tonight

Oh I'm feeling very lucky Yeah Bim Bino Sweet Home Alabama Yeah, so it's like, oh, thank God Bushemi's okay. Yes, the mass murderer who possibly rapes children is playing craps in Vegas. Success.

I think even as a kid, I remember watching that and think like, like, Bushemi's so likable. They actually ended it on him. Not Cameron Poe, a hero of the film, but like, they're reuniting with his family. Yeah, yeah. Because it is really cheesy. Like, they're playing that Leanne Rhymes song, remember that one? You know how I would have ended it, and I think this would have been so good. but okay.

So Paul sees his wife and they hug and he's like where's our daughter and then it's just like

stupid shibby just right he's got his own fire truck and she's all taped up and she's all taped up sweet

oh male I'm feeling lucky tonight yes yeah yeah yeah that'd be great

oh fucking hell Yeah, fucking ill. Do you even remember how Malkovich dies? No. It's so weird. It's like the fucking, so yeah, the fire engine crashes or whatever. And I obviously took my eyes off the screen because when I looked back, he's on this conveyor belt in a junkyard. Yeah.

And then this big metal thing just comes down and crushes his head. And I was like, wait, how the fuck did he get there? But I didn't skip back. I was like, you know what? I don't need to know. It's one of those films I think I could watch Conair 20 times. I think I'd still forget how it ends There's some films like that

Where like I literally be like I've seen this How do I not remember this Yeah watching me like Oh that's I'm not gonna remember that now Yeah yeah I know what you mean That's going straight out on my brain Yeah I've had like full blown

Like went to the cinema and seen films And like don't remember any of it Like it's troubling Every day in my life I'm like what's going I'm just forgetting more and more stuff You ever forget how they drive And you crash into a bus

Yeah yeah And then you start playing Sweet Home Alabama It's from Conair It's okay But yeah Conair It's a lot of fun

Look I tell you what That was great Yeah We're over the hour Let's end it Okay And I'm feeling so hype You might do one more later on

Yeah Because we're going to talk about The Knights Tell you what Thank you so much For listening Thank you If you're on a Patreon

Subscriber We're going to switch over And talk with the Nightstalker The new Netflix series That's a little teaser Also that little bitchy comment I made. I was just having fun. Don't take it personally. And we might talk

about Mr. McGregor. Oh, really? So that's for the Patreon just in case his legal team get involved. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like Your Honor, they subscribe to our Patreon, so ipso facto if this is standard boiler

plate, I believe the court is in recession. You're going to jail. Okay, okay. I-Vey. Now you have to get on the plane. So we're going... That was a call back there then there. Yeah, brilliant.

Yeah. You're a professional. Yeah. Well, look, we're going to get food now. Your housemates are going to make us food. I'm kind of hungry. My stomach's rumbling. So let's, uh...

Yeah. Let's wrap this sucker up. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening, everybody. Go fuck yourself! Yeah. I'm sorry about nothing, motherfucker I'm in it. You on wax now, bitch!