Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 11 : Racist Pornography

Episode Date: February 19, 2019

We talk about Abducted in Plain Sight, Michael Jackson, Donald Trump, Take me Out, and Racist Pornography.

We're live. Welcome to go to stamps.com to get stamps. Lock the gates. We're here in my garage with Obama. Hello. Moore. How's it going? Hey, it's Brian and James, fuck each other.

Is it racist? Because Obama's kind of doing a white guy voice. If anything, Obama's being racist. He's doing white guy voice. Hashtake ban Obama. Welcome to the show. Should have impeached him. They should have.

I'm trying to rectoractively impeach them. But I don't even know how to say the word retroactively. I'll tell you, well, jump. into it because I want this podcast to be very news-orientated. Okay. And there hasn't really been that much interesting news. I was kind of hoping for more like a... No.

I was kind of hoping for a terrorist attack or something. Oh, yeah, yeah. They think sexy. 9-11 part two. Yeah, put in Dundrum or something like Tala. So the big story of the week, and it's also quite boring. We'll go into it, is the Trump national, he issued a state of emergency. He's declared a national state of emergency in order to get funded for his border wall around Mexico.

His border wall, yeah. It's just not feasible. I don't see how it can be built like logistically it just... I'm not saying on forward this but I don't understand like a wall isn't practical and more practice get a gun

they have guns in America but that's no I mean it's being like guns around the border like would be way hard but I think the only reason of doing the walls because he said he's doing a wall and he wants it to look

it's like a monument yeah it's like a thing that will last like for the years it's legacy shit you know right right but again I just don't see

how an entire wall can be erected to separate Mexico and America like it just I don't know And that it's going to work to keep people out. Well, to be a bit pessimistic here. Yes.

I think eventually with global warming and mass migration, there will come a stage where there literally is just too many people trying to get into America. Yeah. And they will just block it up. Okay. And only the best and brightest will get in and we're not getting in. That's not happening for us. No.

So what are you thinking? Some kind of dome like the Simpsons movie? More like, have you ever seen Judge Dredd? Yes, I have. Yes. It's going to be like that where it's going to be like statues of Trump's head everywhere

and there will be concentration camps and stuff like that but everyone will be okay with that if you don't like all the fake Hollywood celebrity like all those liberal celebrities like yeah they will become in favor of concentration camps really what's the argument for concentration camps

too many people eventually because they live in a separate world so they don't have to deal with immigrants but eventually like they're like you know like she's like Meryl Streep's trying to film her new movie and these Mexicans keep getting the way and she's like she's like fuck it

let's just let's start the trains okay choo-choo yeah yeah okay Jesus and it will just become like just a Nazi kind of and everyone will just be cool with it and everyone will accept it

what kind of things are going to happen to people in a 21st century concentration camp like are they going to have internet access they're going to be able to like tweet their incarceration? I watched the Matrix recently Ah, good So it could be like that

You reckon Everyone's going to be wearing leather Poof That's What a dark future Concentration cap slash BDSM club Very German

Yeah So it would be something like that Something like just some nightmarish kind of future Okay And speaking of Judge Shred I was reading a Judge Shred comic recently

Where I'll explain Okay So in the Judge Redd universe, there's a character called President Boot, and he was the last president of America, and then he started the nuclear war. And that's what caused the judges. So nuclear war happened, everything went to shit. And then Judge Red and guys had to, like, bring law and order to a world full of anarchy. But then years later, they find President Boot, and he's hidden out in the wastelands. So he survived it, like... Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. So who's, like, taking control then? No, he's out, like, he's running the little town out in the wastelands, okay? but then Judge Dredd finds him and then they get in a big fight and during the fight they attach

the president to the front of a van and use them as a human shield and then they're driving into the guys who are all shooting at him and at the end of the thing like doing this left of President Boot is just a head in the spinal cord and then there's a great bit of dark humour

where like he's just him like you know just all like dead and stuff and then Judge Dredd goes like that's the president be taller bougho yeah that's real yeah that's i hope that's what happened to trump you're going to kathy kathy griffin route of oh yeah she like de kaffa that wasn't a big deal

no people fucking went mental over that that was the only kind of bit of like proper like satire because most of satire in america is all like he's got small hands we all know what that means yeah and that's it like and it's just like how lame is it should i like my cat in she's gonna be out yeah the cat's here loving this yeah the cat wants it Hear our opinions. Alright, come on in then. Get in, yeah.

This is a cat. I'll say another thing about Trump, actually, before I move on. Go on. A lot of people make jokes about him when they're sex with his daughter. Yes. But, like, his daughter's nearly 40,

Ivanka. She's, and I wouldn't say this, but in Trump's mind, she's going to become an unfuckable hag. God, yeah. Has he ever gone over 40? Yeah, but he probably doesn't like it. Probably not, no.

So what? Do you think he still wants the banger? Yeah, but he won't like it. I'm the president. You have to do? with your talent, okay. Speaking of having sex to your daughter

Valentine's Day. How was yours? What did you do for family today? I actually, I had a gig in town. Oh, how did it go? It went very well, actually. Yeah, it was really good. In Dante's Club, comedy club,

Dante's, yeah. I should have gone there. That sounds more fun. It was. It was good gig. Really, like, really good lineup. Like, everybody, there was so many Americans in the crowd as well.

I love that. They're more crack. They actually are. Yeah. To get all my references. Yes, exactly. You know yourself, like, you go to like a more of like a small

town to do comedy and they don't get your like your Transformers references. No. They don't know what Energon is. Fools. Oh yeah. Traglodytes. Yeah. So you did that. I wish I'd gone. What did you do? What did you do? It's nothing. Like, some people are going out like the Valentine's ball, but I didn't want it because I was drinking on Monday.

Right. Okay. I got very drunk on Monday. Too drunk? Oh, yeah, very drunk. I brought a girl back to my house and like I had to like leave, lay down the bathroom floor because I thought it was going to get sick on her. Jesus. Yeah, yeah. You know yourself, like,

when you just put your forehead on the grounds of the bathroom? It's just you feel the cold, tile, you just lie in there sweating. A stench of piss. Yeah. Just put you to sleep.

So that was Monday. So then Valentine's Day, I was like, I don't want to do that again. So I went over to student apartments for a bit. And student apartment is a real college you going to place.

The two boys I know, I won't say their names. Like, they were on MDMA playing video games, which is kind of a waste of MVMA, isn't it? Yeah. Well, I don't know. It might be fun. If you're really into video games.

Yeah. I don't get it like they're playing Fortnite and stuff like that I've never I've never played Fortnite you know I'm not a gamer at all to be honest but um it's just weird to watch them like they're all twitchy from the MDMA and were they like having fun or is it kind of putting them in a paro's day and no they're having fun like well I just couldn't join in like no they're not on their level like for multiple reasons so you just spent Valentine's Day watching two guys well here's here's a good part all right go on so then um I was like oh I can't be doing this this is a

depressing okay sure so I walked down to the car park on the way down this girl I'll say her name Kira okay okay she's like hey my friend passed out in the car park

right so I went down her friend was just passed out just drunk just some girl defenseless like in the car park well was she on the ground on the ground yeah she's falling out of the taxi and just on the ground

and the taxi man doesn't drool yeah the taxi man doesn't get a fuck nice nice yeah he's from Dunn dock he's seen all before he's seen a lot worse And now normally it would just left the girl But I've seen that Gillette ad

So I know like Oh no, you know how to be a real man Yeah, yeah So I had to fucking lift her Okay Into her gaff like with help of another lad And it's fucking It's so hard

I don't know if you got the right message From that Gillette ad Because what I'm getting from this Is you come across An unconscious girl And you bring it back to a bedroom Well that's why I'm glad Kiro's around

Because otherwise it looks really bad Oh yeah It's me and my friend And she didn't want to be lifted Like she was going like She's struggling Yeah she was which looks even worse then

and I'm like you know it's okay I'm trying to help her get off of me yeah I was trying to fuck she knocked off my glasses I was trying to like get my head under her shoulders and she was going oh you fuck off fuck off like that

and I'm just glad I had another girl there so it doesn't look sinister it doesn't look too Hollywood yeah yeah it's a bit of a wangstein effect right there yeah so we brought her fucking back to her apartment put her to bed Yeah, I felt like a bit of a hero down.

That's a noble thing to do, Brian. Well done. Yeah, yeah. I walked home with a bit of a skip in my step. And now I watched leaving Las Vegas. How was that? It's pretty depressing. It is pretty depressing.

Nicholas Gage is great in it, though. But that bit where he goes, you can never tell me to stop drinking. A friend of mine, I won't say his name. Like I knew him from years ago, he was like telling me this story of he was having sex with a girl. And just as he was about to come, he just whispered in your ear. you can never tell me to stop drinking and she was just so confused she didn't get the reference at all and he just thought it was the funniest thing you get the reference you don't get the reference you know what I mean just what a weird time to do it but yeah he thought it was

very funny and I'll admit I laughed I thought it was quite amusing yeah if you're like not in the moment god it's an awful depressing film though especially like what was it like you know that bit like that weird kid they're trying to get him laid and he just punches her at the end he's dying and he just comes for the final time His debt rattle slash orgasm. It's very grim, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. I wonder how many people are actually doing that right now in Las Vegas,

just drinking themselves to death. Because of the film. People watch that, and even at the end, they're like, that's awesome. That's awesome. It'd be like Nicholas Cage. If you see him in real life now, he kind of looks like he's been, you know... Drinking himself to death for the last 20 years. He's like a RELMet actor.

He's doing a Daniel Day Lewis. You know how he trained for that movie? How? He went to Dublin. he's serious that's not a joke yeah he went to dublin for two weeks and just drank nonstop and he got his friends to film him i wonder what that footage is like because this was like back in the 90s yeah oh it was a whole different ball game back then he was nicholas cage fucking had conair come out no i don't think not yet but he was big he was big yeah yeah yeah and this is the 90s where you could do anything literally anything you wanted in ireland Ireland Ireland in the 90s Jesus Christ no rules no do whatever you want you and haught you can just

kill a bitch. Charlie Hyde. Wow. That was a full-on gangster, man. You watched that movie with Aidan. I never actually seen Aidan Gillen plays Charlie. Anytime they want to portray a kind of dysfunctional, fucked up Irish person,

they always get Aidan Gillen. They get Aidan Gillen, but he doesn't actually like... He doesn't actually immerse himself in the role. He's just like, I'm Eden Gillen, and this is all I'm going to do it. Like, he did... Houghty and I did the fuck that comedian, Dave Allen.

Dave Allen. But in both performances, he's just did himself really, like, we're just going like, I'm Dave Allen, I'm Charlie High, I'm serious all the time,

but slightly sinister. Like that, that way. Like, he doesn't do it at all. Like, if he was doing any other, like,

if he was playing Bosco, he'd do it the same way. Yeah, yeah. He's always just kind of the same level of sort of smugness and sinister vibes, but also very watchable.

You kind of, you get mesmerized by, I like him more after the wire. Yeah, the Y, he's great on the Wire. Do you watch Game of Thrones? Yeah, he's very good on that. You haven't finished it, though. No, I'm literally, I've never watched it.

Like, I had never seen it before. I'm only, but I start watching it all on season six now. So, yeah, yeah, it's pretty good. It's pretty good, yeah. One of the greatest television series of all time. Yeah, it's good. No, it's very good. It's very good, enjoy when you can because they're going to, like, probably milk in

those of spin-offs and shit. Yeah, I'm definitely not going to watch any spin-offs. Yeah, they're going to just do loads of... Do you see Netflix are released on a Lord of the Rings TV show? It's Amazon. Oh, Amazon. Yeah, and they've paid, like, so much money. It's going to be garbage, man.

Oh, I know, yeah. I'm very cynical about the whole thing. So the only way they can save it is if they hire us. Yeah. So I've got big ideas. And they all involve awful things. So let's go back to you and this, or were you done with that story. What story?

You and the girl. There's not really much. This girl are you kidnapped. I'm not really much to say. I did kind of expect, like, Heroes welcome when you went back to student apartments

There he is Yeah Saviour of the people Brian O too I taught the word It's bread like Because I've done too I've done that

And then Also last week I hosted a take me out With Ben to the college Actually how was that Yeah That was really fun Yeah

So I've realized that Like hosting game shows Is actually piss easy Really Yeah Because the energy is still high And you're just Kind of reading

The questions And playing along With the audience A lot of times Don't really need To put any kind of energy into it or and stuff like to... And the funny thing is, you actually,

you weren't meant to host it? Do you want to go fast to do it last? I found out three hours one thing is meant to start. That you have to host it. Someone else meant to host it at first and they pulled out. Yeah, yeah. It's done doc. We can't blame them. Fair enough. Yeah, yeah. So I had the host, I had no idea, like... So I went

all right. There's a few things that I kind of like forgot how it worked. I don't even know how take me out fully work. Yeah, I'd never... I've seen bits of it. I kept forgetting like what was going on. And like, I was supposed to ask some questions, but I kept like forgetting that, I'm just going, like, who are you going to pick? You're going to shag him,

oh, bye, yeah. Apparently you have to ask him questions first. Okay. So she knows who the fuck. There was one weird bit that at the start of it, I had to go like, oh, hello, everyone, welcome to the thing. And I had to show my video about consent. Oh, Jesus crap.

I wish every fucking, every game show, the next episode of Winning Strike and Spin the Whale. But before you do, we're going to watch this video about consent. Just Marty Wheelan telling you when it's, It was very weird, because they told me you have to watch a video, but I talked to do a bit of jokes up top, you know? Right, right. So, like, I did the whole, like, hey, welcome, thank you so much,

give yourself around applause. And then as I was going to say, a joke, the guy, like, he was, like, giving you the signal, like, come on, show the video. And he was like, video, like that. So I had to go, like, all right, well, you know, we're big fans of consent here in DKIT. Let's watch the video. And it's like a three-minute video.

And, like, you've seen this. that thing like consent is like a cup of tea? No, actually, I haven't. All right. So it's, I'm not a fan of consent or tea. I'm a coffee guy. Coffee and rape. That's what I'm all about.

The only way to start your day. It's coffee and cigarettes. And I'm clearly being facetious. Please don't come after me. You're going to get done. I will get done. I've watched the video. You have watched a video.

I haven't. So basically it's called consent to a cup of tea. Right. And you watch it and it's kind of like funny to start and it gets a bit tiring where it's kind of you wouldn't give someone a cup of tea without your consent and you wouldn't rape someone either and it's like you know if someone was passed out

you wouldn't give him a cup of tea and you wouldn't rape them either do they think this is the only way Irish people are going to grasp the concept of consent? What I use people love? A good cup of tea, right? We need to frame it in a way that they'll understand. What about Guinness?

Potatoes. Well I was joking about the fact that they don't need to watch it. People don't understand it. With the far as looking back and some of the lads in that college. They need to want... Apparently there's few booze. Well, as soon as you said, I were going to watch your video.

It's like, just a lot of grumbles. He wouldn't have sex someone when they're asleep and you're like, what? What? What? What?

Oh, hey, are you talking about? Are you serious? Yeah. Well, since when? Nobody told me. It's so funny if they were like... Come on my town. You can't have sex with someone

if she's asleep. And if someone's like, what if you do, gah? what if you're really good of hurling what then like obviously it's a loophole in the law so anyway

watch the video okay yeah yeah and so the video ends and there's no like big round of applause or anything so I just get back on stage I'd kind of like let's give up for

let's give up for that video come on consent's great all right yeah and get a bit round of applause that and then I did a joke where I didn't mean to sound so bad

okay and it's not even an original joke I think I've heard keep Fox do something similar Right. Keep Fox is much better comedian than me. Yes. Where I said, if you think consent is like a cup of tea, you've never been to my granny's house.

Now, in my head, that meant your granny's going to give you tea when you're like, I'm not. But I think a lot of people taught I meant, I'm going to rape my granny. So there was a lot of, like, there's a big, like, oh, fucking out. Jesus Christ. So, yeah, I had to, like, win him. I had to literally spell that out I had to go like because she'll give you tea

when you're unconscious that's the joke and there was still a bit of like no we know what you meant we know what you met Jesus yeah but apart from that I went well

like there's a great moment where because again if you let the people talk they're going to be funny like you don't even have to really do anything so you know we inverse it

so it was like three girls and like 15 lads where and take me out we'd sort of around but we couldn't get enough women to agree to this so you had three women Yeah, then they had to decide which lads to pick

to take me out, all right? I see. So, like, one of the girls asked, what's your favorite type of porn, all right? Good question. Yeah, it's a good little question, okay? And then the one black guy in the 15 guys goes interracial. Ah, yeah.

Big round of applause, okay? Big round of applause. And the girl goes in. Oh, holy shit. Are you serious? She just started gagging around. Oh, my God. No, she didn't say it.

I won't say which girl. Jesus Christ. Ew. Actually, this, yeah, let's keep in. Who gets fucked? That, um, how did the crowd react? No, they didn't hear her say that. Like, the interation of bit they loved it.

Oh, so only you know the real, uh, the dark crew to take me out. Jesus Christ. And it was good crack. Sounds like a very weird event. There was, um, a few lads there that were pretty fucking nine, to be honest. like kninkle knuckleheads knuckleheads ninkin tards

just like a few kind of proper like you know like a girl asked like if we're in a nightclub how would you seduce me in something that I was going give you a fucking rub right

okay which is like all right you get response but then like he kept saying it I was like here man it was his cat a fucking rub what does it even mean give her a rub

yeah I don't know what I don't know I can't do that he was probably one of the guys who booed the video yeah so I was good I got a bit of money from it oh nice

but I kind of fucked up because I seen before haven't really been drinking that much yeah so I ended up going to the pub afterwards and yeah yeah I've got a bit of money so I started buying people drinks

and fucking kind of living the high life yeah I thought it was a real fucking Richard Branson yeah and now it's just throwing money around buying people's shots and stuff

yeah sure then then I fucking missed all day Tuesday I can't bounce back from drink the way used to like definitely gets harder as you get older also depends on what you did the night before the heavier sense of shame

the longer you'll be confined to your bed I had no real shame I said fucking just sickness like and then I just watch the Matrix then to recover as you do you're in the computer Neo I've never seen the second Matrix it's very good

well it did look good back in the time it kind of looks very CGI now that works for its favour again I was hung over and just wanted something to catch that show it like it was kind of like everyone loved the first one and then the second one came out, people were disappointed, and then the third one came out and people were like, what the fuck was that?

And in fairness, the third one is a train wreck. Oh, I'm going to watch... I'm going to watch his night now. I'm kind of looking forward to it. It's just, yeah, just so erratic and you can't really follow what's going on. Well, maybe that's just me. Well, I was hung over... What do you mean? No, in a computer? That's daft is

that. Is it Sims? We're playing Sims. Sims the movie. Yeah, that's how I watch films. That's my my Roger Ebert critiquing hat That's blow me and dafties that You take over from Ebert's spinning

Yeah I liked it though It was kind of interesting I saw it in the cinema I remember when I saw in the cinema I really liked it I thought it was great But I was only like 14 maybe

It is interesting because like the directors are both transgender So you can kind of like Yeah that's right actually Yeah it's into watching now You can see scenes of identity and stuff like the Yeah that's true actually in retrospect you can't sort of see

there is some bits in the dough that you're just kind of like especially in the second one you're kind of like what the fuck like you know that big naked rave scene goes on for age and then Neo's fucking the girl but like just like so like just slow and like there is a real sort of a PDSM vibe right because they're all in

leather and like you know well they're definitely all clubbing and stuff the two Wukowski's like they're big clubber nerds hardcore dance baby and then studio gave him like a billion no a million dollars and that's that's what you get like God, they made The Matrix, and it was such a fucking good film, the first one. And everything else that they've made has just been a disappointment in that, like, very high concept stuff that has a lot of potential, but inevitably sort of collapses under the weight of its own genius or gravitas or whatever you want to call it.

I've never seen a load of, they kept giving them huge budgets. Massive budgets, yeah. So they did the one where they made Tom Hanks Chinese. No, it's Hugo Weaving. Oh. Yeah, he does yellow face. Oh, that's grand, then, I thought it was Tom Hines. But, yeah, no, that was really, they make his eyes, like, narrow and his skin.

They change the pigment of it slightly, very offensive. Yellow face. You don't see it a lot, but... No, him and Mickey Rour. That was him, didn't he do, like, proper, like... Did it, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he did.

That's another guy who looks like shit now. Well, that's the Wokowski's for you, like, they're always... And then they had that other film, Jupiter ascending, like, it's getting massive. Just, like, really high-concept stuff, like... I would love. to just blow a budget some stage. Well, apparently, what's that new one? Oh, God damn it, what was it that's like gone?

World War Z, the sequel to World War Z is currently, like, it's way over budget. I think they got cancelled. Yeah, I think it had to get pulled halfway through, wasn't it? Or Fincher left it. I didn't see the first one, so, I don't know. I didn't see it of, like, because I stand with Angelina. She did the dirt of Jennifer Ashton. Well, technically he did.

Well, yeah, but it's the woman's fault. Oh, of course. Yeah. Always. Can't blame Brad Pitt. I heard, this is the gossipy here now from the streets. I hear he went to her birthday party to her friends again. Oh, is that right?

And he's with Paltrow or something. Making amends with all the women he fucked over. Yeah, yeah. And Jolese out in the cold with all the fucking. Singing with all the little kids, like the Vaughn Trapp family. I bet fucking Pitt, Brad just hid all the fucking. Just calm down with you adopting the kids,

you bitch. How many does he get like seven or years? Oh, too many. Seven too many if you ask me. And then she kept pumping out her own ones as well. But he got bored of her.

He gets bored of women and then he just moves on. Jesus. Imagine what... I had no, I'm not even remember. Imagine being Brad Pitt. I don't want to imagine

it's too depressing. When the imagination ends, you're back to your own life. My cat was here chilling. I had the embarrassing moment, actually. This is a day after Valentine's, okay?

So it says, right and high. You thought it was a hero. Yes. Save the day. Yeah, yeah. Again, I'm kind of walking around the college, wondering why people aren't fighting over me.

Why minstrels aren't writing songs of your bravery? Well, it's kind of like, if I was in a band and I got up in front of the whole college and performed, fucking I'd be king. Yeah. But because I do stand up and I get up on stage and make inappropriate jokes about my granny, they look at me almost as if I'm a freak. With disdain and contempt. Yeah.

They get, like, oh, you were good. Like, one girl said it wasn't a complete fucking disaster. And I was like, cheers. But, like, I kind of like, I thought about like Beatlemania, like, O'Toolemania and D.K.I.D. You'd just be like running around. Yeah, yeah. You know, they'd like run past me and hold the newspaper,

and I put newspapers down and run you the other way. Eight days a week. You're just like running down the streets of women chasing you. No, I didn't happen. But anyway, so I was in college here on the Friday after Valentine's. I was chatting to this girl. We're doing a lab, you know, to start the computers.

And everyone's kind of quiet doing their work. Yeah. And it's kind of chatting to a girl, like, and she was talking with life and stuff. But she's 19, I'm 23, like. And she was like, oh, I don't like fucking, you know, being an adult. And I was like, oh, wait till you're 23.

Like, he was like, oh, I hate this. I wish I was 14 again. And you go, so do I love. No? That's exactly. Are you serious? That's exactly. Oh, my God.

I literally went, I went like, I wish you were 14 as well. like that, okay. Great minds, Brian, great minds. Now see, we take a line. No one else. No one else thinks the way they do. Everyone heard it. Even my next year went,

Brian. Brian, step out of the class. We've talked about this. What was the girl's reaction? Oh, she just thought it was kind of funny because of how awkward it was for me. Like, you know, I went when you read. Oh, yeah.

And that kind of ruined my whole reputation then I was like, fuck I should have left that girl in the car car. This is what you get for trying to be a good summaries. You should, because like, I do think about that. I'm a real kind of people pleaser. I want people like me. Yeah. I'd like to be more of the bad boy.

Oh. Yeah, I want to be a real nuisance to society. Okay. Yeah, just like really. Who would you idolize? yourself after in terms of a bad boy this is not like I would like no no actually no I'll take that back I was going to say

like I'd like to be able to control people that sounds really bad yeah that's a bit of an Arkellie vibe right there yeah yeah but I would like to be able just like a little bit play more to kind of like mental tricks on people you know be a little more cunning and devious yeah a little bit more like you know not just like hey

oh how's it going yeah and it's like I feel like just take a step back and just kind of judge the room before just jump it in like hey you like me do you like me. You come in, you're like, juggling and shit. What's where to go? You're doing, like, I'm going to take all the pills.

I don't know, but you're a fault. You ring people up at like three in the morning. I'm going to do it. Yeah. Like, I just feel myself, like, when I'm a bunch of strangers, my immediate reaction is like, instead of just kind of hanging back and, like, smoking a cigarette and going like, what's your story, kid? Yeah, yeah, and let them do the talking.

Yeah, yeah. I just kind of dump in immediately try and make him laugh, which is, is goofy. Yeah, you come across, he's the goofy guy. And the goof, like, I've had, this happened to me, I swear to God, okay, this happened to me a few weeks ago. I forgot to tell you, okay, where I'll say her name, Roshin, okay. Paddy's messes? No, no, different Roshin. Never mind.

Okay. And she was saying, you know, Brian, you know where you'd fit in really well, San Francisco. Okay. And I was like, what, you think I'm gay? is that why? And she was like, no, because like, there's a lot like freaks there. I was like, that's way worse. That is way worse. I've got that before with people. She meant it a nice way. Yeah, yeah. She was like, you know, you're kind of like weird.

Yeah. And they're kind of weird. So you'd fit in there. And I had another girl going like, you know, like, I wouldn't never get with you because you're kind of goofy. But I can see like another girl. Yeah, I can see another girl liking that. Certain girls like the sort of Michael Serra. No, they want fucking Ted Bundy. That's true. They want some alpha meal to like some big dick beef cake. They want, you know, like, UCM ducked in plain sight. Oh, of course.

They want someone like that, you know. That was mental. Yeah. Did you see that? The girls want someone who will make their dad whank them off. He was so good at grooming this little girl. He managed to groom both of our parents and he had a sexual relationship with all three of them. It's insane.

Jesus Christ. is, last thing, like, he is a genius. So you want to be like that guy? No, I'm just saying, like, just, because he used his powers for evil, okay? But, like, he's a proper genius and he could have gone, like, he could have done anything, okay? He could have, yeah.

He could discover perpetual emotion. He was, like, incredibly, he was very intelligent, and he was very, um, sort of, like, very sociable, very likable and stuff. But instead, but that's probably all calculated. Yeah, yeah. But instead, he could have, like, discovered a cure for cancer, but instead,

he got wanked off in a car. By the father of a girl He was molested And he pretended to be an alien And shit like that It's so bizarre If anybody hasn't seen the documentary Abducted and play inside

Go and watch it Well let's just explain it If you haven't Because there's bits of it I don't understand Yeah It's really hard to wrap your head around I'm not with you

Like I was half paying attention Half talking someone else About how mad it was So I probably missed it So like family Yes Dad mom Yeah

A couple of kids But there's one One yeah Yeah There's this one Guy comes in the town He's like a neighbor Yeah, he runs a furniture store, which is a red flag.

Is it? I don't know. Listen, all the guys who bless me have run own furniture stores. I'm not saying, I don't want to stereotype here. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure there's many people who run furniture stores who don't molest me. But I guess...

Probably just have sex as animals. Yeah, yeah, go on. Yeah, okay. Or the wood. Famish. Getting wood for wood. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, okay.

so he comes over and he starts grooming the whole family. Yeah, yeah, like he's just really fucking, they're enamored by him, he's very like as you say, calculating and devious and he befriends them all and he starts grooming the little girl, but while he's doing that

he begins an affair with the mother and like the dad kind of knows what's going on but doesn't say anything and then he eventually somehow ends up wanking off. That was him being cheeky and risky. I bet he couldn't believe in a that was, you know, that whole

time was like, I can't believe you're actually doing this. That was him, that was him, you know, he did it to other people as well. Yeah. So I'd say he probably got a bit bored and he was like, you know, it's almost like, you know, like someone bet him, like another pedophile bet him. I bet you a bloody can, mate, I'll have him,

he'll be wanking me off in that car by the time, son's damn. So like the dad was whanking him all and he probably like handed like a 50 euro, you know, like $50 someone else going like, what fucking did it? didn't know like that's insane and what the dad like when he did it like when he talks about on camera yeah um starts crying and licking his lips a little bit like just a little bit like i noticed that anyway like the fact that the power of that like and then the next step of like you know tricking

well no the bit i don't understand okay so he goes to the dad that he got molested himself when he was young and then he said that a way to help him if he spent time with his daughter oh my god that's right. Yeah. So the parents allowed this guy, who they were pretty sure was interfering with their daughter, they let him be alone with her and take her on trips and stuff. Was this after he kidnapped her the first time

he'd kidnapped her like three times. It's ridiculous. And in retrospect the parents, when they're being interviewed about it's like, well, they just didn't know what pedophilia was. We'd never heard about it. It was just it's so normal to me that he would take our young

daughter away for weeks at a time. You know, this was, you know, we didn't lock our doors back then. It was a different time. Reagan was president. Everything was segregated. It was just a beautiful time to be alive. And we didn't know better. But I don't, if you were an agent, okay, would you believe them?

Or would you think they were getting money? Oh, see, that's a thing. Like, I mean, maybe they... Can people be that stupid? That stupid, that gullible? I don't know. But either way, it was a huge thing. Failure on their part as parents.

These people should never have had children. They should be at least taken away by your stage. Yeah, absolutely. I almost think it's punishment. They should let the guy go. Just to prove that, like, just to, like, you get. This is what you get. Reap what you sow.

Yeah, yeah. And then the dad, it's for community service. The dad has to wank him off. Twice a day. It's just not. Good parenting thing. Like they bring him, you know, like an lethal injection where there's like

a big glass, some people come in and sit there. The dance has got to be wheeled in to wipe him off in front of like there's the judge. They're the minister. Administering the last right. Just shake his head. Are you sure I have to do this, sir? This is your sentence. This is your punishment.

Now, we can't offer you a latex glove. Is that something you'd be interested in? No. I do not believe in contraception I will use my bare hand as the good Lord intended Oh God So slippery

He was He deserved Like they were not good parents Bad parenting Just bad parenting one of them How did they like I'm not sure Do the daughter and the parents

They still interact I think yeah They still have a relationship Because then when the girl When she grew up She became an adult And then she became an advocate for like um survivors of sexual abuse and stuff and she actually took the guy to court and they even

have like a bit of a face-to-face confrontation in the courtroom and that's all in the documentary it's really good documentary but it's super fucked off you know i kept thinking of um you don't catch me if you can yeah yeah leonard decaprio yeah the way like he he's like the best of the best in that yeah yeah so the fbi i was thinking like surely he could do more goods we need your help you're the best we've ever seen. You're an artiste sir and we need your skills. Maw! I've never seen such talent.

You could be the best. With my help, I could take you to the top. Like, that could be a great show or, like, okay, the thing is, like, he's got to earn his freedom by solving casers. So every episode is a different pedophile. A bit like Hannibal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But every now and again, he sneaks off.

Mine. And, like, oh, wait, I've been done. You did it again, did. you? Yes, I did. Oh, we've talked about this. He's like, you've heard a story of the scorpion and the frog? It's in my nature. By the way, I don't get

that story. What, the parable of the scorpion and the frog? Yeah. Well, it's like... You explain to them, because a lot of young ones listen to this. A lot of them, let me just drop it. No one listens. No one. Listen to it. Well, there's an old tale of the scorpion and the frog,

so the scorpion needs to get it from one... Across the river. Across the river. The scorpion needs to get across the river And the frog says, I'll take you over the river But just don't sting me Because if you sting me, I'll drown And then you'll drown.

So scorpion's like, yeah, fair enough, let's go. So they go over the river And halfway through, the scorpion stings them. And as the frogs dying, saying, Why did you do that? Now we're both going to die. And scorpion goes, it's in my nature. Yeah.

And the whole metaphor, the meaning behind that is that one cannot change their nature even if their nature is self-destructive and will eventually be their own undoing. Oh, that's the way you see it. Yeah, that is. Well, that's what I didn't get that. I thought it was kind of like racist. How? I kind of was like, you know,

them people are going to be like that and you can't, you can't fix them. Oh. That's, I thought that's like the parable of it. Okay. Well. I like your one better. Like, yeah. You know, it's... Where my one is, like, back to the immigration thing. It's like, you know. Yeah, yeah. They're going to sting frogs. Okay. If the Mexicans get in, they're going to be stinging on the frogs. So they're the scorpions and the Americans are the frogs. Yeah, that's the way I was looking at. Yeah. Well, I think you're

one's better now. You're going to take that the heart. Yeah, I think it's, you know, I think that my, well, I'm saying my one. I'm not, like, I'm not, like, I. Oh, you came up with it. I came up with it. Yeah. Yeah, this is all. This is a patent pending. Yeah. But I think, you know, I think it was, you know, that's why it's lasted through the ages, because it's got a real sort of, you know, it transcends age and race. and gender, if something's in your nature, you'll never be able to escape it. You know what?

It's actually a truth that you don't want to hear. That's a thing. Because so much of it is like, hey, you can be yourself and change. Yeah, you can change and you can overcome. This is more realistic, like, no. It's like, yeah, you know, you can't change what you are on the inside. Down to your core, there's something that you are that you'll never not be. No matter what you do.

No matter how hard you just, all your self-help books and your yoga and your, anti-depressants aren't going to help you Brian you're fucked just like me we're both fucked and that's why it's called Brian and James fuck each other what a twist what a twist I tell you

getting very deep here would it be how funny would it be if like they start crying and wanking each other on oh god I just only one thing oh oh

please don't molest my daughter oh I'll tell you what, speaking of documentaries, actually, have you heard about this one? This one is getting a big fucking... Giles, I'm still reeling from the truth you told me there. Oh, I'm sorry. Let's go back to documentaries.

Do you need a moment? Do you need a moment? It's like, your life's fuck, Brian. Anyway, this is great documentary. You'll never be happy. Anyway, have you heard a new Louis Teru documentary? Anyway, go on, go on. Well, just, it was in keeping with the same vein of crazy documentaries,

but this one, it just got shown at Sundance, a couple of weeks ago. It's called Leaving Neverland. And it's about Michael Jackson and it's like first-hand accounts from abuse victims and people that worked in Neverland, people that were close to Michael Jackson.

Apparently it's four hours long and it's incredibly detailed and graphic and really just once and for all shows that these rumours aren't rumours that there's a lot of truth to them. I can't believe we're only talking Michael Jackson now.

I know. A wealth of like, oh my God. But the thing about it is, I know this is a really old thing, the whole Michael Jackson thing, but this documentary, it's going to be screened on HBO and Channel 4 in a few weeks time. I think when it hits, everybody is going to be talking about it again. And apparently it's so graphic that in Sundance, they had to have professional, like, counselors on the, like, ready to, like, counsel people because it's so graphic and horrible.

So, yeah, I think a lot of people, this documentary is going to be, like, huge. And, like, a lot of people, like, a lot of fans of Jackson are trying to boycott it. Like hashtag boycott leaving Neverland So I think actually There was some lad In the late show on Friday Who hung out in the never

As a kid on Neverland Is that right Well he's a real defender of Michael Yeah Or he was saying that he was Banting the kids They're taking advantage of him The little grabby bastards

Wouldn't keep their hands to themselves Michael's poor innocent Just poor innocent 40 year old man In a bed with a boy Yeah Yeah How are you making a sexual

You know, Colkin was slipping him roofies. Fucking Home Alone slipped him a Mickey. Well, like, he, like, a lot of people are very, I think there is kids who defend him and say didn't get molested. Yeah. But I kind of think those are the kids that made out alive. It's like he had so many kids around him. He couldn't be molested in all of them.

The ones that I didn't molest probably, like, just became drug addicts. And, like, the boys in this stuff, have you seen it? No, I haven't seen it. The thing about it is, how many, last interview? There's two main guys. There's two main. accusers. And what's interesting about one of them, one of them has actually gone on and had a very successful career as a choreographer, like dance choreographer. And he's worked with

Britney Spears and NSYNC and all. Like he made a real career for himself. He's trying to dance the memories away. Pretty much. And he said that he kept it to himself and he just like he said he ended up having a nervous breakdown. But it was when he himself had a child. His son was born. He realized, what if this ever happened to him? I have to come. out, I have to tell people. You have to be brave. Yeah, essentially, well, that's, you know, that's the way of it. Especially if you're going

up against the Jackson estate. Yeah, yeah. Like, they will come at you at everything out. But I think the Jackson... Janet will slash your tires. You know, but he suffered a real loss. Like, he was really... Before he died, he was like, his estate was hemorrhaging money.

Oh, yeah, yeah, because of all these allegations, like, there's all these, the big court case where he was like, outside dancing on top of the car. Like, I take the beat doka! didn't molester, remember I'm a dancer, oh yeah, my baby. And he was trying to, you know, the fans were like, we love you, Michael, oh my God, we believe you. So during that, like, but that was the big case that we saw, but apparently for like decades, like all the ways through the 90s and early 2000s, he was like having out of court settlements, like paying out loads of money to loads of different people.

So he was like hemorrhaging money. And like, during the time of his death, he was like about to, he was like going on a big tour. He was called the This Is It tour. this was all so he could earn money but then he goes and dies because you know he had to like every night he had a doctor had to like put him basically into a mini coma

just to get him to sleep he was on propofall what could have been on his mind that was keeping him up a little a bit of a guilty conscience perhaps so I don't know I reckon this documentary when it hits when he gets screened in HBO Channel 4 a lot of people are going to be talking about it

what do you think though do you think what do you think can be done I would like to rub it in the face in those people because I know a few people are like no, Michael's Gray and a little bit of like you shouldn't be allowed

rape people just because you can do you can walk backwards Yeah The moonwalk is pretty cool But I don't think it warrant It doesn't allow you to I wonder if you'd ever do that

When he's molesting the kid Just moonwalk into a room And grab one I think the beat do that As he goes into the closet As he goes into the closet I wonder if he like ever came in Did you ever see the music video for Thriller?

He's like as the were-off, he just comes into the room. No, that's too horrible. We're getting a bit too horrible. Yeah, sorry, sorry. I'm going to get in a lot of trouble. No, we're punching up. Yeah, punching up.

Fuck Michael Jackson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's about time someone made a joke of Michael Jackson. It's too long. It's like Islam. No, we've been afraid. Yeah, yeah. But, like, that's the thing.

It's kind of been public knowledge. Everyone's pretty much known the story. He's clearly incredibly troubled individual with all the plastic surgery, all the drug use, all these court cases. Like, you know, I reckon this documentary is going to, like, because it's always been speculation, but I think we're finally going to get some confirmation, which will be interesting. Well, again, like, what's going to happen? He's dead. What are they going to do? People still listen to Triller.

That's the thing. People, I mean, Billy Jean is a damn good song. Beat it. Thriller, these are good songs. It might just be a case of like they won't be played in public, like no more nightclubs will play it. Ah, they still will. Yeah, they probably will, yeah.

It's not like if you play it, his soul comes back. And rapes again. Yeah, yeah. And the other thing is like, if that was the case, people still be like, ah, let's just take the risk, come on. A lot of crazy documentaries coming out now. I'm excited for it's Jackson one. Yeah, but four hours long, so it's going to be a two-partner.

Strap in. Yeah, it's kind of like the Judd-Apto's Gary Shandling, although I imagine this one will, have more comic relief in it. Well, look, this is interesting now with the Jackson case. It's going to land in a few weeks

and we'll see how it turns out. So we'll keep you posted, ladies and general. Yes, I'm sure people will come to us for the information. Forget CNN. If you come right here. We're like the new source people can trust. So like if save a terrorist,

like we were joking for about like a terrorist attack happening like Dundrum or something like that. But if that did happen, like let's say and hopefully it just won't happen. Yeah. Nuclear bomb, Temple Bar, hundreds dead. Hundreds from a nuclear bomb? Thousands.

Thousands. We'll go thousands. Loads. Loads dead, okay. They're the lucky ones. Everyone else is like mutated. You know, people have like, um, fucking ears going out with their cock and stuff like that. Okay.

They're all crawling around the place. Yeah. People like the edges are like, oh my God, they see the mushroom cloud. They're going, oh my God, what's happening? Yes. They run to the lap. laptop to listen to us but we're not live so we can't

help them where's Brian and James we need their truth now more than ever come save us Heroes of the Night which guys if you want to prepare for the future that's why we're going to start the Patreon and you can buy our

James and Brian End of the World supplements here and this will protect you from radiation from zombie attacks I love to do that love to do that Folks, I'm telling you now These supplements, they are what you need Look at me, I'm big, I'm strong, I'm an alpha male You need, please supplements

Have you on this website and seen this You can buy, like, except for like 5,000 You can buy like a year's supply Of like canned food? It's fucking ridiculous, yeah Alex, he's going after Rogan now, did you see that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he showed that clip of Joe Rogan from like 10 years ago

talking about when he went to Sea Planet of the Apes but it was in a movie theater of predominantly African Americans so Rogan just kind of makes like one off the cuff remark is like dude we went to see Planet of the Apes we actually walked into Planet of the Apes

it was like we walked into Africa not a single white person so this is like 10 years ago we made this joke and obviously out of context it sounds really bad even in context it doesn't sound very good but like Alex Jones basically he took this little clip and he's sharing

it everywhere it's kind of like wait Alex Jones is becoming the PC guy yeah he's trying to tarnish joe rogan for whatever reason that's so funny because like he's literally going like to parents of dead children like you're a fucking actor you're a liar and also racem's bad the can trails folks they're gonna turn you into mutes i i actually liked him for stage back in the table he's kind of spiraling out now and it's it's sad it is sad but hey eventually you'll have a heart attack there'll be a there'll be an opening and we can uh we can jump in I would love to see us all sweaty, fucking... Yeah, yeah. But I'm sweaty right now. Jeez, yeah, yeah. We'll wrap this up soon

because we're going very long. Yeah, we are, yeah. We can go two ways, okay? I'll give you the choice. Now, we've got to talk about a wife tracking app in Saudi Arabia. Okay. Or an anti-racism rally in Ross Common.

Which one strikes your fancy now? Oh, well, to be honest, the racism thing we've touched. on race quite a bit in this one, but the fact that it's Ross Common, I'm genuinely interested, because I haven't heard about this. You've heard about the key, well, immigration centres in Ross Common keep burning down

seriously. Oh, right, right. Yeah, almost as if someone's burning them down. In Ross Common, I wouldn't believe it. Yeah, okay. So now, if you're from Ross Common, I'm sorry. It's a backward kick. I haven't fact checked this, but it is. But I haven't fact checked this, but apparently

there's an anti-racism rally in it today. Okay. And we're recording this on the 17th. And then Rosscommon people felt like the anti-racism rally makes them look racist. Yes. So they decided to boycott the anti-racism rally. So they had an anti-anity-racism rally. Yeah.

And I think I'm not sure exactly what happened. I think there's some scuffles on the radio's like... Oh, is that right? He kicked off, didn't it? I think a little bit. Jesus Christ. Who cares if it's true or not? We're the news.

Yeah, yeah. But like Ross Coleman didn't, like, they were against, they were the only county or one of the few gandis that were like against the marriage equality bill. But it was weird. They were against gay marriage but pro abortion. I think they were kind of, were they pro abortion? They voted yes on abortions. Dundigal was only one to vote against them.

Okay, yeah. Well, I think Ross Common, I know for a fact, did vote for abortion. So it's kind of like you can get an abortion, but only if the baby's gay. That is what Ross Conn of people think. You heard it here first. Yeah, the whole place. tell you what we'll end on the fucking since you probably look

we'll end on this Saudi Arabia yeah I'm interested about that too yeah so as you know yourself Saudi Arabia not the best track record no women aren't allowed to go out in public without a man yeah they're getting slightly bare

like to let a woman drive but even then like it's like only if it's into like what a literally like a man's headless corpse has more rights than a woman like he'd be allowed drive more than like a fully excited yeah yeah maybe you can only

drive with a headless core you have to have at least the head in the front seat yeah but like there's a new thing now okay so you know you know yourself you know you can't be following your woman around all the time no you know you're busy i'm busy she's busy yeah yeah she's very she's good at kind of keeping you know you know she's busy um being quiet and i'm busy uh being uh patriarchy you know so it's new wife tracking app so say i'm off fucking uh you know i'm off beating some other woman yeah yeah i can keep track of my wife on the app Oh, okay And then there's a whole thing

And now where they're saying like Well, it's interesting Because obviously your first thing is like That's a shit app Google shouldn't have that on their app store But then other actual women Are going like, hey, This might actually be a good kind of like

It's a first step in a way Okay To give them a little bit more freedom So it's kind of like Because this app exists They're going to let women go out in public By themselves Just as long as they can track them

So it's like a step forward Which is kind of all right but also is pretty bad because you know yourself a lot of times it'll be like you know where's my wife

let's check the app oh yeah she's in the cage I put her in like stuff like that but I was thinking it'd be cool now if like

and I'd be well up for helping this I've got some friends who can hack and stuff like that we help the women okay by hacking

the app so it makes it look like they're in the house and actually they're off fucking do whatever they're off having a fucking quince in year

wherever the fuck they have whatever they have in Saudi Arabia we even a cosmopolitan magazine which is punishable by death

in Saudi Arabia yeah you have a good time you know seven ways to please your man without being stoned today

so that's my hope anyway women can trick their owners basically and go out and see a movie go see like a

Sandra Bullock film yeah yeah and then like leave a review and rotten tomatoes I don't know why you've been on that

oh we've something to end this song. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's riff now, it's riff, let's think. Women, rights. They should be allowed them, I think. Yeah, okay, that's very... Stop pandering to the crowd.

I just feel I've got to be saying sorry for a lot of this stuff in the years to come. We've cut out the worst stuff. We've cut out that... I'm keeping that stuff. We'll cut out that 20-minute rant on there. And the you know-who's. Well, actually, we'll end up this, sorry. So, I was on Pornhub recently.

I was kind of stay off Pornhub because it's bad for your cock and your brain, okay? Yes, yes, but I saw, um, that's weird. We're talking about immigration, so I'll kind of circle back, okay? Yeah. There was a video on Pornhub that said, Fall of Europe. I think I sent you a screenshot is Fall of Europe Immigration 2020. Jesus, Chris. And it was of like an Arab guy, fucking a white girl.

Oh, my God. And I was just thinking, like, who? is like I like porn but I'm also racist and I point in some way and then like he combined to me by accident where you're like hey

you got you got racist in my porn you got porn in my racism it's a million dollar idea son I represent the porno and racist from companies and I just got to say I think this is absolutely genius

I'll tell you a business is moving it's a million dollar idea and I want to get on board I'm saying yes, we're gonna be rich I want to see an episode of Shark time Really bring that Hello, thank you for being here today So let me just

A glass of water So Hands up, who's racist And everyone puts their hands Obviously And hands up, who likes to orgasm And then they put their hands up all It's a bit slower

They're like Yeah, sometimes And it's like racist porn And it's like this This is slow give this man a noble peace they lift him up on their shoulders

and carry them around time oh looks like we made it everyone and Ross Common loves them Trump literally is a brain hemorrhage he's so excited oh Jesus Christ okay I think we'll end it there we went long but we'll edit it

and make it into something good anyway look my name is Brian I'm James. And we just fucked each other. Thanks for listening. And I'm tired. Good luck.

Good night.