Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 110 : The Rocky Cadden Tiernan Show

Episode Date: April 6, 2021

We talk Cherry, Rocky and why James would be great on the Tommy Tiernan Show

Brian and James Fugge at her are back for free episodes. This is the one that changes it all, Brian. This is where it all turns around for us. This is when people finally stop and pay attention to us. Yeah. And they say, oh, they weren't racist. They weren't awful, bitter, ugly people. They actually were very satirical and they actually made very good points.

Nah. Just watched Borat there. Awesome. Love Borat. Watch it at least once a week. Nah. Classic stuff. classic stuff.

You came up with the idea of doing the impression, didn't you? You were like, someone should do an impression of that. I'm pretty sure I invented the concept of impressions of shitty, shitty impressions

that only half sound like the people some of the time. It don't have to be good as long as you're loud. That's why you've learned. As long as your stupid, loud voice bombasts over the silence.

no one can tell the difference if you're at a party and you do a really loud borat impression who cares if anyone else likes it you like it that's all that matters exactly yeah yeah how are you feeling james good good yeah all good you know where are you i'm in dublin i'm in my house in dublin my bedroom in glass nevin no i know it's probably i don't want to give away my address but i'm in glass nevin so i'll give you that much if you want to come and find me you'll have to put the work in your It's like Q drops. You drop little bits of information and the true fans can slowly piece together the puzzle of where you live. Jay drops. I'm jay dropping all over the place. How's Dublin these days with lockdown? Apparently lockdown will not end. No, it doesn't seem to be fucking ending anytime soon. It's actually the weather here. The last few days has been very nice. That's not mean. If people just being like fuck lockdown, we're going to take the shirt off and drink cans. Yeah, a lot of young ones are drinking and drink. And, yeah, a lot of young ones are drinking and. And like I live pretty close to Albert Park. So at night I can hear the young people out drinking and laughing.

And I kind of like to, you know, just drive around the perimeter of the park. Just slowly peeking in through the fence. Just like, oh, yeah. Jesus. I, you know, I used to do that myself, you know. I used to try, you know, hang out in the park with girls in skimpy shorts, laughing, having a good time. I'm pretty much the same as them.

Sure, I'll tell you, I'll head over to them. Should they know that I'm good crack? They'll know, like, I'll be, I'll do anchorman quotes. I'll let them know I'm good crack. And like, you know, I'll have a few cans myself and like, oh, what's the crack boys? You're having the laugh. Are you, Jay?

What is it? Leaving cert? Leave it cert. I'm just the cool older guy. Who's this chick you of age? I don't care. We're here to party, man. No, because in your head, you're like,

I got to protect these people. people. I've got to protect these beautiful angels. Yeah. I'm like, I'm like De Niro and taxi driver's like, I don't want to make it. Don't you want to get out of here? Do something with your life selling your tight little bushy everywhere. And then you act surprised you don't get your taxi driver coats. You're talking to me. You're talking to you? No, please leave me alone. I'm just trying to walk home. Even follow me for 12 minutes. Please. You're talking to me,

yeah. You're talking to me. Oh, God. I don't do that. No. It would be wrong. It would be very, very wrong. So I don't do it.

See, on the Patreon episode, he'd be like, yeah, we do it. But on the free episode, I have to be like, no, it's wrong. It's wrong and it's bad.

It's even worse. No man can wear one face to himself and another to the world without forgetting which is which. Hawthorne, my friend. But yeah. So it seems like you're having a great time.

We're like double agents. Seems like you're having a great time. I'm really not. No, I assure you. That's just the, you know, lingering effects of a manic episode. You know, I appear to be in good spirits, but really I'm just in a state of mental disrepair. But you realize you have all the pieces at hand.

You have like, you're in Dublin. You have a cool job. It's really a mindset, James. It's not a cool job, though. Well, I guess it sounds better than it is. It's fine. A lot of people do think it sounds, a lot of people do think that you have an awesome life.

I kind of feel bad without telling you don't. God, it's, yeah. Look, no, it actually is a good job and I'm lucky to have it. But I have to remind myself of that on a near hourly basis whenever I'm in there. It's like, this is a good job. You're lucky to have it. It's pandemic. You know, you're earning a enough.

to live just about. I can afford rent and bills and food. I don't really splash out on anything because I can't. But like, the money's not great. The hours are fucking hectic. It can be either really tedious or really stressful.

So the best of both worlds. Look, it's a job. A job's a job. You know, you're not meant to like your job, really. And I don't. So just work to you. You're right. It is a mindset. You know, I can make things better at any moment. If I choose to, but I don't.

That's the thing. I know what I need to do to better myself. I need to eat right and exercise and lose weight and get healthy and stop drinking and doing drugs and all those things. But you know and I know that ain't going to happen because it's not in my nature. The good of the frog, the frog is not always the good of the scorpion. Yes, yes. Yeah. And it doesn't help as well that I'm like, James, be happier.

mindset as if I'm doing any those things. In fact, I'm living much worse life than you. I'm still in college. I'm just reliving my like, yeah, I was happy eight years ago when I started college. Let's do it again. You weren't really though, were you? You just were less miserable

or less obviously unhappy. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. Don't even know what I'm doing with my life. Nobody does. Look, don't worry about it. Nobody does. Do I tell you there's an insurrection in my group, in my college group? Yeah, we're raising money for a women's charity.

That's what the treasure hunt was for. How was the treasure hunt anyway? Was it a success? Nah, barely. A lot of fuckheads don't know how riddles work. And like, I kind of fuck myself over because, like, they were like, someone has to be charged the riddles. And I was like, I'll do it.

And they were all like, oh, Brian, riddles is a very difficult job. Like, it's, you know, we've, maybe, maybe someone else should do it. I was like, no, I'll do it. I can do the riddles. Yeah. Like, I could barely do the riddles. And what exactly did it entail? Did you have to come up with the riddles?

No, they came up with the riddles. They wouldn't let me come up with them. They came up with the riddles. So what? I just send them out. I just send them out and deal with the people asking me questions. But like, I kind of fucked up immediately because like if something like you have to run 5K, you get a certain amount of riddles.

Who came up with that aspect of it? Run 5K and solve a riddle. Some one of the other girls. But I kind of messed up. It does sound like something. one of them would come up with. So I think the way it worked is if you ran

4K you got two riddles by accidentally sent out four riddles and that was a whole ordeal right there. You sure it's like an episode of the fucking West Wing Brian sent out four riddles

dear God yeah everybody's just like walking and talking down corridors well who let Brian be in charge of riddles he was a diversity hires sir he was wearing glasses we had to take him on board so that was the first strike

that was the first strike against me I was like oh fuck they're all going to take him an idiot now I can't mess up this time I gotta keep going and then your redemption so then like it was going okay I was dealing with all the people and people were like giving me the weirdest answers like one answer okay what's in the middle of Tokyo

think about this now what's in the middle of Tokyo okay all right okay okay okay yeah that's the answer right yeah you answer it you get next one people were giving me like oh mountains oh yeah people were sending me like like like those like actual like locations like oh this mountain or this river and i was like uh i don't really know what to do here because they ran the k like they ran it but they got the answer wrong what do we do here and i was asking them and they're like oh brian just be easy if we just did it well well i mean what do you do i mean are you really going to tell

someone who, you know, ran 5K, but didn't get a stupid question right, that they can't, you know, participate anymore. That is a bit of a fuck you, isn't it? Yeah, and they've paid to be part of this, by the way. Yeah, and it's for charity and then

what, somebody's going to go, no, you got the riddle wrong, so you basically beat those women yourself, you monster. Go home, you're done. It's like, fucking relax, pal, will you? Yeah, so anyway, the final If I were you, I just would have given them

the answers. I were like, yeah, here's the answer. I don't care. Yeah, I would have been the cool guy, like the good cop, like, oh, they don't want you to get to rid of us. But hey, look, like you give me the answers. Hey, look, I smoke grass. Sure, everybody does. I listen to bad company on my free time, but you got to play it cool, Jack.

Yeah, I'm like, the cop comes in like, hey, look, you know, that my daughter, her friends come around in their little dresses. I think about sometimes. I wouldn't, you know, wouldn't do it but I wouldn't do it but I'm a man I'm a man alright I see these girls I mean they're getting ready for grade school I'm a man a red-blooded male who wouldn't think about it but I don't do it because I'm a good

fucking guy so then the final the final straw was I was kind of joking around because we got refund buttoned on the go fund me page right so you could just press that and then refund everyone's money so no one none of the charities get any money wow it's like a you got the self-destruct button. The red button that could detonate the nukes like

you know. And I was just joking around with like, oh, I could press this and ruin everything. Wouldn't that be funny? Yeah, but you posted it. Yeah, I posted it. Yeah. I kind of, I went public with it. Yes, yeah. Much like Julian Assange, I went public with it and then

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They fake a rape case against me. You're Chelsea Manning. Yeah, so then they locked me out with a go fund me profile then. So they booted you out then. They were like, they changed the password. They were like, ah, it's best if Brian's not around.

Let his grubby little fingers near it. Oh, my God. Wow. So, are you going to like, you're not, what? I'm going to do good at work over it. No, your grades. Will your grades be affected by a, no, no, because I've done my bit. Like, it's a group project for the entire class.

so most people aren't even doing anything. I just hope that like, because I remember in college when you did like the big group projects and then don't you have to like write up about it afterwards how it went and all that there. No, I've got the evidence I did the riddles.

Okay. They can't fuck that over. They can't fuck me over there. You got receipts. You got receipts. I'll be glad to be done at this. Doing the riddles doesn't feel like, it doesn't feel like college, does it?

Yeah, I'm in charge. charge of the riddles, you know, I don't think James Baldwin ever said that. Do they really feel like, I say, I have to remind myself sometimes. I'm paying for this. This is somehow supposed to help me get a job, as if like, I apply for a job anywhere. I'm like, does anyone need riddles? Well, like, here's the thing about college, right? More and more, it's becoming like a fucking, it's a scam, really, because everybody goes to college. everybody gets a level eight degree.

If everybody has it, it reduces the value or validity of the qualification. Also, you know, every single person from the age of 18 up is going to college. There aren't that many fucking jobs in this country, you know what I mean? It's like a finite amount of resources and we're all scraping for it. College is a fucking, it's like a fucking pyramid scheme, man. con you know once upon a time it meant something to go to college but now it really doesn't like people go to get shit face for a few years and get the ride and maybe get a job out of it probably not though a lot of people just drop out yeah it's more daycare just to like teach people basic

social skills which didn't work for me yeah yeah i thought i'd be prom king after i made up the riddles Yeah, yeah. It's just like being a football star, isn't it? I've got a riddle for you, Susie. What's long and odd? It gets bigger when you touch it. That's right, talk about. Yeah, I think the current system of college, it won't, it can't last.

It's bullshit. It really is bullshit. And like, you know, whatever about. over here, it really doesn't matter that much because it's not all that expensive, you know, it's like, what, like a couple of grand a year or whatever. Obviously, that varies. But like, when you look at like the likes of America where it's a hundred grand a year, I mean, that's fucking, that's insanity. Like, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I didn't get that at first. Because you know the way on American TV shows you'd have jokes about like, oh, I'm still paying off my college

loans. Yeah, yeah. And then you look into it's like, yeah, obviously you're still like everyone's pain after college zones. Yeah, everybody is like in crippling financial debt for really no good reason. Like it doesn't, it really doesn't, you know, it's not fiscally responsible to go to college, really. Yeah, it's actually, you're literally better off taking opiates. Yes.

Well, that's what most of them end up doing to cope with the stress of debt. It's like, well, you're dead. got cancelled the minute you ODed on fentanyl. Well done. Oh, wait, no, just joking. Your grieving parents are we've given the debt to them now. So, yeah, well done. Yeah, well done. Not a wise investment.

Speaking of fentanyl addiction, I watched a film Cherry. Oh, yeah, yeah. The Rooster Brothers film with Spider-Man in it. Yeah. Yeah, how was that? Terrible. Yeah. Just embarrassing. I saw the trailer and I was like, this looks like dog shit.

like I could tell it was the kind of movie I would fucking hate and just like kind of Gen Z shite like you know just like really marketed at like TikTok kids or whatever you know but the fact that it was the Russo brothers is depressing because I like the Russo brothers you know they've they've done good stuff well the story's interesting because it's based on a true story this guy called Niso yeah so what's the story lay it out for me there B man

laid out for me man B dog okay so like there's this guy called Nico, all right? And he went to war, he got addicted to the drugs afterwards. He had PTSD if you believe in that thing. And then he started robbing banks. Which doctor's shit

is it? voodoo. Voodoo nonsense, all right? Okay, so PTSD is kind of like your life, James. It's like, just look at it differently, okay? Yeah, look, yeah, you're having horrific flashbacks of

war, but what if you just had a flashback of a pretty rainbow for flowers and puppies change your outlook. So Nico Walker is his name okay and it was a big story because he went to jail and he wrote a book in prison. He wrote a book called Cherry

about his life Robin Banks and then it became a big thing immediately because it's a good selling point to be like this guy wrote the book in prison. Yeah and he's an ex you know it's got a lot of hooks It's got, you know, ex-military, PTSD, you know, opiate addiction, bank robbery. It's a lot of sensationalist stuff, you know?

Yeah, it's all relevant, though. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. Yeah, and I think he exaggerated, like, I think it's, I think it's, the book is semi-fictional. I think he only robbed a few banks, but in the book, he robs way more. So I walked into the bank holding a gun and my nine-inch cock. Yeah, he exaggerating a little bit. well it was cold that day funny if he was like yeah

exaggerated a tiny bit and he just like printed out the screenplay for heat let's call him Nico Pacino and in the book he's like so then me and Val Kilmer were running around

and Kilmer got shot but I wouldn't leave him behind okay so he published this book it was like an overnight a big publishing sensation and then the Rousseau has bought the rights for a million dollars

which is kind of fuck all really yeah I mean but if you're in prison oh wait did he what the book got published while he was still in prison yeah or like he wrote it in prison and he got out and he got published okay but I figure like if it got published then it's a big success

well I don't know I really don't know how these things work million dollars seems low but whatever I think it was like a million dollars but also you get like points. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I don't think he got scammed. I don't think the Roosutters wrote him a check on like a napkin. They're like, yeah, it's, that's legal, that is. You big PTSD freak.

Go on, Dad's Army, on your bike. So they made this film and there was real Oscar buzz when they were making it. Because I saw the trailer and I know you can't really tell a lot from the killer, but no, it just looked like pop rocks and candy type movie making, you know? Yeah, they're trying to be cool. Feature Lance music video. Yeah, we'll get into that, but there's a lot of stuff in the filmmaking where it's like, oh, you're really trying here. That's embarrassing. But there was a lot of Oscar buzz and like the

Rousseauber's like, yeah, this is a very serious film for us because we come from town that was ravaged by fentanyl. So this is like, this is us. This is a message. We're hoping this can raise awareness for the issue and we think this is this is going to be a very powerful film and then it came out and it was shite okay and weirdly enough no one

no one liked it okay good because you think that there be a few people who'd be like well you know it's an important message so we you know it's not great but I like Spider-Man no everyone just agreed it was kind of shite

very boring okay yeah so get into what was so shite about it. So it's kind of just boring, was it, the story? Very repetitive. So what happens is, it starts off with this guy, Tom, let's call him Spider-Man, okay? Spider-Bitch. Sergeant Spider-Man.

So, in the film, he's called Cherry. Why? Because the book's called Cherry, James. Why? I don't know. Probably he wrote like, oh, that's an interesting name, isn't it? No, it's not. Is there no reason why he's called

Cherry. No, I don't think so. If there was, I missed it because I was bored. Right. Okay. I was probably something like he liked cherries as a kid and cherries represent innocence. Are they popped as cherry? Part of you, there's a lot of rape in the military. Yeah, there is like, like male and female rape. Like dudes get raped in there too. Oh, really? Yeah, that's what I hear. Well, my sources. That's why fantasize about. The Reddit, the subredits I subscribe to. They've never steered be wrong before. So anyway so Tom Holland,

I'm not going to call him Cherry because that's too dumb. Tom Holland, okay? He's just a regular kid. He likes a bit of drug sometimes. He's in college. He's not doing well. He falls in love with a beautiful girl on site called Emily. Yeah, and it's like...

He's a bit of a fuck-up in sites to go to war. Yeah, that'll sort you out. Yeah, yeah. The Iraq... Gee, you know, I remember. really struggle with the academic thing what should I I'll go to war

that'll sort me out help me concentrate hearing loads of explosions and my friend get blown up that'll help me it's time I buckle down

and fly right that'll help me with my essays so yeah it's a pretty basic story I'll run I'm not going to go to the whole plot

I'll just run through it so he goes to the army he sees people getting blown up and he's like oh now I feel bad surprise surprise surprise he goes home

he gets addicted to drugs Michael Gandalfini is one of his friends Oh is he in it much Not much Yes I'm very interested Just just I haven't seen him act yet Because I haven't watched that and he's in

But don't watch this He is an actor In some things he's good He's good in the deuce Because he plays a bit of a loser Right Yeah I get you So like he

He gets addicted to the drugs And his girlfriend's like Oh stop that But then she gets stick to the drugs as well That'll shut her up Problem solved That's great Now

Is it Is it just like Kind of What do you call it Percocet and OxyCotin Or do they do like Straight heroin There's a bit heroin in it

There's like Coke and stuff There's a really weird scene In it Where their drug dealer In it is called He's called Coke and Pills That's his name

Coke and Pills Yeah that's his name Bit on the nose Yeah, and he's played by Jack Rainer. The Irish guy. Yeah, yeah, you like him, don't you? I like him. Yeah, I mean, he was good in what Richard did, and I liked him in there free fire as well

that Ben Wheatley film, he was good in that. Yeah. I hated him in Sing Street, but I hated everything about Sing Street. He played the cool brother. No, I fucking hated that film. I was shy. Sing Street is the one guy, isn't it? I don't even care. That's right, Brian.

I'm saying it. What? Yeah. But Glenn Hanser. No secret, no sick. Glenn Hansard. He groomed that bitch. He like met her when she was 14.

No, no, no. 13 James. You don't like me bringing it up. But that's the truth. My mate. He met the, what happened was he was walking through the park one day. He saw a pregnant woman and he was like, I'm going to be friends with your baby.

And he started serend. in her in the like the fetus through the uteril wall take this shrinking cock and stuff it all we still got anyway sorry

go on so anyway this is a weird scene so he goes to the house the drug dealer played by Jack Rayner yeah yep and there's drugs coke and pills there's drugs all over the kitchen all right like his proper drugs lab everywhere

He's not even trying to hide it, okay? And then his sister who lives with him comes down. She's like, oh, what's that? Is that candy? And his sister has Down syndrome. Oh, I see. Yeah, but it's like, surely she's seen these drugs before. Yes, she's like coming down.

Like, he's got a fully functional meth lab in his kitchen. I was just powder everywhere. And she comes down, it's sweeties. It's like, yeah, yeah. She does this act every day. She's like, oh, what's this? You know what it is. You're getting free shit.

It's like 50 first dates. Fifty first date rapists. I don't know. Whatever. Yeah. So then she's like, oh, are those sweets? And Jack Rainer's like, yeah, they're sweets. Yeah.

And he goes to Tom Holland. Like, she'll give her the sweets. He he, he, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. Go on, Jack. Yeah. He has a needle, a syringe, okay? And he goes, here comes the airplane.

And he puts in her mouth. But it's not like, he doesn't like, injector, it's not like a needle, is it? You can squirter a bit into her mouth. Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah. Syringe full of liquid. It's just messing about, you know? I was going to say that's the only good scene.

It's not exactly good, but it's only like, well, that's somewhat interesting. It's interesting. It peaks, yeah, it picks your, it gets your attention. Yeah, yeah. And then the rest of it, he just rose banks for a while, and then the bank robberies go wrong and he goes to jail. Right. Okay.

It's not, it's literally not, there's nothing happens in it. Does he get turned out? Like a little bitch. No, we missed that. Maybe he does, because he goes to jail and he comes out with a mustache. So what does that employ? I think we can all read between the lines there. Yeah.

There's a lot of stuff in the film where it feels like even the directors got bored, so just start adding stuff to it. Like, they change the aspect ratio when he goes to war. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? It's so fucking, that's like so hacky and dumb. And it's just like they literally couldn't think of anything else. It's like, oh, we'll change the aspect ratio to convey his claustrophobia and suffocation of his situation.

Beb, be, be, be, b, b, b, b, b. Well done. Dickhead. Fucking retards, sorry. That always annoys me when I see it in films. Also, his girlfriend in it looks about 12. Oh, well, hey, just when I thought I was out. You'll pull me back in. He's like, Tom Holland looks fairly young, but like he just, about pulls it off, even though it's a lot of times when he's talking about war, you're like, you didn't go to war,

you're fucking Spider-Man. But like, she looks really young. And there's a one, and there's lots of like scenes where they sexualize her, but it feels like it's like, like a gay guy thinking what hetero people think is sexy. Oh, really? Yeah, like it's a bit where he's in the army

and he's, he's jacking off. And he says, he, he, when he's in the army jacking off, he never told about anyone else, only beautiful Emily. That is gay. Yeah. I'm sorry. When he fantasises about her, it's her on a swing with a bra. Oh, what the fuck? We're on a bra.

That's what guys are thinking about. Oh, she's on a swing. She's a swing. He's like, yeah, that's like, that's a fantasy, Vladimir Novakoff would come up with. Like that highbrow reference? Yeah. Highbrow pito jokes, people. That's what you get.

You try your best. I had it written on my hand. Vladimir Naboky. Nabokov, what? So, and it was very boring. I don't even want to talk about it anymore. Didn't like it. I watched loads of films this week, James.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, I want to come into America. Coming to America. Yeah, yeah. Because it was the second one. Yeah, it's a clever title. That's all I need. I see that title.

I'm already laughing. It's the number two, and it's the bloody second one. but you'd use the word in coming to oh that's geniuses it's very multi-layered in it, very cerebral oh tough to ask

I don't even have time to watch the film I'm just too busy laughing to myself and that's Lily turns in the tears so how was coming to America? Pretty boring yeah I kind of felt like a TV pilot I've kind of heard it was a bit of a misfire

no it's not it's not it's not like bad about it per se like it's not even something you can hate on just feels like oh yeah it's a bit of no tits in it oh wow but Leslie Jones does get eating out at one stage it's as well she's implied she's eating out

Jesus Christ Who you're gonna call I actually like Leslie Jones She gets a lot of shit and it's really not She's all right in this film She's funny like she's genuinely funny I think but She just gets hated on so much

It's as well I re-watched Raging Bull there a couple of days ago fucking incredible man it actually is so fucking good I think it might be his best film I watch Rocky 5

and I fucking both watching boxing films you watch Rocky 5 yeah watch Rocky 5 and Balboa that's so funny because like my roommates

well like it's Leanne and Evan they're watching all the Rockies really watch Rocky 5 yeah I swear to God yeah and like I

I seen all the Rockies when I was a kid, right? The first one is like a, you know, legitimately decent film. It's not incredible, but it's solid. You know, it works. Underdog story, the whole thing. But it, I just forgot just how farcical it gets almost immediately. From the second movie onwards, it just is absurd. And that fifth movie is legitimately one of the biggest piles of dog shit that has ever been committed to cellulose.

Oh, really? And I only kind of walk. in and out of the kitchen a couple of times. Oh, I swear, yeah, yeah. And, like, it's just like, I got problems, okay? I got problems. You got a win, Rocky.

You got a win. You got no heart. Like, it's just like the most fucking expositional bullshit is like, I got these feelings in my brain and my heart. And his little fucking annoying dweeby son is like, yeah, the kids are bullying me, but I'm going to learn to be tough and stick up for myself. Hey, you're smoking cigarettes now?

What are you shucking cock, do? You want that crack, brock, you little fuck. But I don't know. Yeah, it's terrible. That kid died. Yeah, he did. Well, you know, no good deed goes on punished. And the fighter he trained is at died of AIDS.

The machine gun, Tommy. Yeah, yeah. What's the name again, Machine Gun Tommy or something? Tommy Gun. Yeah, Tommy Gun. Yeah, he got AIDS. Well, the scythe is swift and mercy. There's some good stuff in it though

What about the bit in the car park Where he hits Don King I didn't I didn't see that bit I haven't seen it since I was a kid I was just kind of in the I was like in the kitchen Like kind of making some dinner I could just hear it in the background So yeah fair enough I wasn't watching it properly

But just the bits I was present for Just were horrific like really bad Well even Stallone kind of says Yeah the fifth one was kind of shit Whereas like two, three and four cinematic masterpieces Yeah, yeah

Just fucking perfect Dog shit The whole fucking franchise is dog shit Have you watched Creed? No Creed's good Yeah I heard Creed is good So I'll

You know I'm not gonna Rocky gets Hopkins lymphoma Lymphona He gets sick Yeah Yeah

Hodgkins lymphoma Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he gets sick and he's like, I'm not going to fight you. He's going to let, he's not going to do the chemo. But then Creed convinces him to do chemo. He's like, you fight in the ring. Now you got, this is your biggest fight. The hospital. I told you, I don't have my wallet on me, kid. Leave me alone, please. Oh. Actually, Creed isn't that good. Whoever told you it is lying. Yeah, I kind of heard, like, I heard anytime somebody mentions Creed, it's always like, you know, it's actually quite good. You know, But it's with that inflection It's like, you know, it's not bad. It's actually okay. It's actually not horrific.

It's actually not as terrible as I thought it would be. It was serviceable. It's what people mean when they say that. The Rocky stuff is good because Stallone wrote the dialogue and that. But I think like Michael B. Jordan's a good actor, but the character in it is a little bit too perfect, I think. Okay. Yeah.

Because Rocky works because he's a big dummy. And he couldn't work. anywhere else you know he couldn't get an office job no where michael b jordan like at start he works in like a company a regular company and he just like fights on the weekends down in mexico for fun like okay like fight club yeah like that well they're not it's not like illegal fights just down in mexico or laws a little bit more lax sure yeah yeah and then he's like i want to fight jordan versus a chicken and then he's like oh i got a fight to impress my dad even though like he's he's an affair baby

his dad didn't look after him at all oh and his dad's Apollo creed is that yeah yeah so his dad didn't raise him at all his dad like just fuck some random girl and then like got killed by a Russian and then you know Michael B. Jordan's like I got to do for my dad's legacy

even though I've never really met him and he disowned me he's basically like Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice's baby and I was like Eddie was like after about 12 years that he was like, all right, fine. You can live in the pool

house, but keep it down. You know? And in the first Creed movie, he has to fight, he has to fight a scouser, a Liverpool guy, and they fight in Goodison Park in Everton's stadium.

Okay. And I was actually more rooting for the scouser, to be honest. I'm going to fucking knock your block off, you fucking dirty bastard. Yeah, and the rush, the, the scouser's making, good points. He's like, you're a fake creed. You're a phony creed. There's the fucking line, boys.

You're a phony creed. Yeah. And then the second creed, he fights Drago's son. Oh, right. But you're actually kind of rooting for Drago's son, because Drago's son is almost like his dad's making a fight to prove a point. Is it, what's his name in it? Is he back in it? Yeah, Longgren. Original. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And his wife sent back there, you know, Bridget Nielsen. Oh, yeah. She's back in it. She's the main villain in it. How's she looking? Great, because she's big in the plastic surgery. Oh, okay. Yeah. I was that a weird thing for Bridget Nielsen. Ever since I saw Beverly Hills cop too as a kid. And then I saw her titty's and celebrity big

brother. I was like, yes, please. You saw it in like someday. Could be something to read into there. There could be the slight androgy thing. She's tall, broad shoulders, big titty, short hair. I just want it all Brian, that's what I want. I want Dolph Lundgren and Pamela Anderson to fuck me at the same time.

So who better than Bridget Nielsen? She perfectly embodies both those two people at once. Oh man. You know she slept with Stallone and Arnold? Oh yeah. She was married to Stallone. Wow. That's what I call

a hero sandwich. Whoa. And she was an alcoholic. Sex. Yeah, she was in Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab thing. That's such a cool life. You know who else had a really cool life?

You know in the first Rocky, he talks to that random girl and he's like, you're a fucking whore. You should be off the streets. Yeah, vaguely. Yeah, I remember that little girl, it's not little.

Like, she's like a teenager and he's like walking with her going like, oh, you know, you walk around with these little dresses. What do you expect? You got respect yourself. you got to stop dressing like that. Slot shaming.

Yeah. She's from Belfast. What the fuck away from me? You droopy-eyed, lock and con. No, I looked drop out of interest. She's from Belfast and she moved. Basically, these Hollywood producers came over to Ireland and they were like, we're going to pick three children

to bring back with us. Nice. It's like, so they had to outbid the Catholic Church. They, dollar two, dollar two, dollar three, number three, number three, da, blah, blah, blah. yeah okay so they picked like the three best children they could find and it brought them over and then they were like yeah you can you can you can be actors now and we'll be your agents and then she ends up being Danny DeVito's a babysitter

interesting she was the bait for a dying of Vito and the woman from Cheers she looked after the kids oh okay so that's a pretty cool life acting didn't really work out for her then no this is like part time what else was she ever in uh Rocky Balboa she came back in da. Oh, God. How's she looking? Grand. What's her name?

Not a mess. She didn't look like a mess. I'll look her up now, James. We can gawk at her. Yeah, do it. Well, you'll gawk. And I'll just have you describe her to me. Yeah, yeah.

That's how I like to get off. Geraldine Hughes. Geraldine Hughes. Yeah. Yeah, she is from Belfast, isn't she? Oh, and she's in Grand Tarino. She had a lot of makeup on. One of the Asian gang members.

Let me tell you something about you Belfast, bitches. I used to kill Belfast who was like you in North Korea. I don't think any of that's right, mystery. So I'd keep rolling. This is gold. She's had the career, I wouldn't mind, where she's just been a working actress since the 80s. And she's never been like big,

but she's done like law and order, SVU and regular law and order. All she had to do is just, wank off Danny DeVito once a month you know that's a good deal that's you do that for free like oh yeah so what are we talking about oh yeah creed

creed too uh so I like all the Rocky films yeah I mean you like them but you realize they're not actually good though you always got plans for more Rockies it's actually impressive that he has just been like the start of his career and the end of his career

and it's all a Rocky. Obviously there's other stuff peppered in there, but I mean, it is Rocky that puts the food on his table, you know? So there's a whole cinematic universe now. So the plan is there's going to be Creed Tree. And then it's going to be a separate film starring Rocky where Rocky finds an immigrant

and then teaches the immigrant how to fight. Isn't that like reverse karate kid? Basically, yeah, yeah. It's going to be It's going to be Mexicans It's going to be A border crisis

It's going to be very topical Oh, okay And then he's going to do a Rocky TV series Life is like a taco All right I try to fit all the stuff

in it and a taco But it thought all fit But you got to make a fit Because this life He's going to push you down And give you the shit Like bad taco meat You got to fight back

What are you talking about Mr Stallone Though I continue they've got the hedges. They don't got hedges, man. And then he's going to do a Rocky TV show, a prequel about Rocky as a kid. Pebble. They'll call it pebble.

Pebbley. Eh, eh, eh, eh. Go on, keep up. So he's got big plans for Rocky. Okay. That's good. I'm glad. It's good days working. You know, his mother only died like a year ago. Yeah.

was still active. Man, she looked like patient zero for plastic surgery. Like, she looks like she just went into a lab as like, you know, we're just going to try some stuff out. We're just going to fling shit at the wall and see what sticks. Her face by the end of it was a fucking disaster, man. Like a Chernobyl abortion. It was horrific. It was awful. Oh, no. Take a look at it. if you get a chance. I'm looking up now, James. I can't disagree. Jackie Stallone. No, nobody could disagree. I mean, that was an absolute fucking train wreck.

Like, plastic trash is getting bare. You're right. Asterix, but not Jackie Stallone. Yeah. You're right. Back then, it was kind of freestyles. Like, we'll try this. Like contemporary jazz. Yeah. I'm the John Cole train of plastic surgeons.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, God. It's kind of hard to tell what age she is because Yes, that's the thing And you know what Stallone is the same

Like Stallone is in his 70s He doesn't look Like he's in his 70s But he also doesn't look Human So I guess That's good

You know Oh no I didn't know this She was in Celebrity Big Brother With Bridget Nielsen That's right Yeah yeah And that was the whole big thing

It's like Oh I'm here with my ex-mother-in-law but Bridget Eilsson got all boozed up and showed her tiddies in the hot tub pretty awesome Did you see it? Yeah, she did yeah I did I saw them

Both of them All present and accounted for Yeah I'm pretty sure I saw her titt yeah I'm pretty sure I hope so I'm going to look at just a dream I'm seeing them but not on big brother Oh I am I'm seeing him

Yes Wow Yeah I'm glad we got to some tape. We got my life reaction to seeing them. And you know what? Your reaction was perfectly acceptable. That's exactly how someone should react

to Bridget Nielsen's tidies. It's like oh yeah, there they are. Yeah. Yep. I should have done a real like like, oh, wowzers. Like, read over the top. You just like get up and walk around the room. Yeah. Yeah, I throw the

mic down. You just like slap your knee with the mic like Chappelle. What else was? I mean, watching the Tommy Tiernan show. Oh, good. You know, I've never actually watched that. And I realize it's definitely, I mean, it's good and it's definitely the best thing that RTE are doing currently. But I haven't sat down and give it a proper go.

It's kind of a, it's gone weird because I feel like at the start, Tommy would have a few, like, interesting interviews where people would open up and get a little sad. I feel like now guests go on expecting that to happen. Right, yeah. So, yeah, I do kind of see everyone was like so brave, such and such on Tommy Turing and talking about mental health or sexual abuse survivors or blah, blah, blah. Whereas, like, the original gimmick of the show was like,

it could be funny, it could be serious. We don't know until the interview starts. We don't know who it is. That was the little gimmick of it. whereas now people just kind of come up, come in with their sob story written on a napkin ready to go and Tommy's just like

Jesus, that's Tara. I feel like you know the way with Howard Stern everyone was like, oh, he's going to ask me lots of juicy questions so I better have some like some stuff ready. You know, he's going to ask me about sex and money and drugs, so I better get those stories ready because that's what Howard wants to hear.

I feel like a lot of these actors in Tommy Tieran the show they're like he's probably going to want to hear about the abuse. So I better start off with that straight away before he even says hello. Like, Brenda Flickr was Rod Hall like in real life? Yeah, he raped me. Oh, okay. I wasn't so many of the guests

on it are just sad before it even starts. Like Brenda Flickr came on, you know her? Yeah, the pigeon lady from home alone. Yeah, yeah. She got on the show and you swear to God you would take her shoelaces away. Like she came on and it looked like she was going to kill herself any second. Really? Yeah, she was so depressed on it. And she immediately was like, yeah, it's doing well.

I got the new antidepressants and I like to stare at the wall. Oh, God. Yeah. What, I mean, she must be a right old age now. She looks old and sad. She still got a career though, isn't she? No, she says she doesn't want to act anymore. She's just wants to stay in her house and she's like going outside.

And she just feels very depressed all the time. Really? Yeah. Wow. She'll be a good guest on Fallon. do your wheel of impressions here's my impression of Robin Williams oh I can actually do this one

hand me a belt please yeah it's so weird they got like they keep getting guests on and they'd be like you know I work in the zoo and I teach penguins how to play the piano and Tommy would be like that's great he's like yeah well you know after my father died

and it's like oh okay here we go Yeah, they had that fucking prick, or maybe this was the late late show. See, that's the thing, that's what I don't like now. It's becoming pretty hard to discern from the Tommy Tiernan show or the late

late show. It's kind of, they're both going very samey, you know, obsessed over morose tragic bullshit. It's like, yeah, we're all fucking depressed and miserable and all of our loved ones are dead. I'm watching the fucking telly to forget all that

shit. You tubbered you're never going to say anything poignant enough to warrant me listen to you talk to some fucking sad sack cunt so why just entertain me you worthless coked up piece of shit I forgot this isn't Patreon

but anyway I'll stand by it I don't care yeah it's a shame because Tommy's a very good interviewer and I like what Tommy is he doesn't go for the joke straight away yeah no he's legitimately good and like the way that he could

at the start when it was more unpredictable, that's when he was at his best because it showcased his ability. He could go funny or he could go serious and he could do both with, you know, relative ease. Whereas like now it seems like he's just coming on.

He's probably getting more depressed doing the show. It's like, oh, definitely. There's no energy to it now, especially because there's no audience now to record about an audience. They basically get celebrity come out and just, the celebrity just basically performs the one act play about like, you know, like a friend of mine killed himself

and I taught things to be bad but then I learned things weren't bad and Tommy, you know, there's not much to play around with that, Tommy has to be like, yeah, jeez, yeah. So you were a popular member of the Tri channel and had big Edinburgh shows but then it all went wrong. Yes, it did Tommy, yes. And some gay shoes you're wearing by the way.

Yeah, he's had, he has like some, I feel like he gets better guests than the late, late show. I feel like RT give him the good guests. Well, the ratings probably, I mean, it's still miles better than the late late show. But that's why the ratings are so big, because it was a welcome break from the late late show and the fucking just repetitive, depressing shit. But now it's slowly morphing into the same. I don't get me wrong, it's still better because it's Tommy Tiernan and, and, not fucking Ryan Poverty. That's producer's fault.

It's producers' fault you're letting these sad people in the show. Sad people should be moving television. No, you're right. Yeah, unless they're very good at masking it and then they go off into the woods and we never see them again. That's fine.

I can live with that. But, you know, we don't want any fucking boo-hoo sad cunts on the fucking tele crying about their problems. I don't give a fuck if Shane Dickhead Westlife fucking what's his name. You see the lad from Westlives like, My parents had cancer.

It's like, I don't give a fuck. You're a multi-millionaire and everyone's parents of cancer. I don't give a fuck about you or your shitty parents. I'm just looking up to guests here of who he's had. They'll not Patreon. But whatever. He had Fogue Williams on. He didn't know who, um,

he didn't know who she was and she could tell she was like raging. Yeah. Yeah. She's kind of, everyone seems to have forgotten her now, which is good. Um, so,

the deaf person on the latest episode, Tommy did. Oh, really? Yeah, and she was giving him shit. Really? Yeah, she was like, at first I thought you were hateful because I saw your comedy

and I saw your show and I saw there's actually empathy in there. At first I saw your comedy show and I thought you were hateful. But then somebody put on the subtitles and I realized, ah, he's not that bad. Yeah, okay, I'll give him a go. That's what he should have said.

See, put me in, put me in, coach. You need to be Tommy's hype, man. You need to be Tommy's hype, and he gives him shit. You're like, you're death. and your desk Yeah Yeah

Boo, boo, boo, that's you that is I'm actually You look at Tommy Am I right Tommy To do good And he's like Please stop Who let you in here

Where's Fred Cook I just have Fred tied up In his dressing room Like I'm holding Julie Jay hostage With a knife No no I'm not I'm not doing that. I actually, I've met both of them and I, you know, I know Julie a bit better. I met Fred

once, but they're both lovely, very nice people. Yeah. And very funny. And I won't threaten them with a knife. So there, ha ha. Saved myself. It's sorted now back to normal. We're back to normal. It was a silly joke that went a bit wrong. But it's fine. I've made it work. all right that's it i'm getting the knife this time no jokes you push me to this we can laugh over this years from now while i'm wearing friends face you remember when you said we should we probably should have wrapped up a while ago but oh well cats out of the bag now yeah that's fun We make it silly.

Yeah. Julie was actually very nice to me. Like, we did a couple of gigs together. She was mocking you, James. She was mocking you. She was, wasn't she? I knew it. I was a dog whistle.

I can tell. And fucking Fred was really nice to me as well. Like, I was in a green room with him. And he was like, whereabouts and monny from? I said, Scotts Town. He's like, well, Scottsdown, do you know such and such? And apparently he was related to this woman who used to run the post office in my village, Scotstown so yeah

it was nice you know Fred he never forgets the little people so that was nice you know I bet what happened I don't murder his family you know what I bet what happened that's the that's the takeaway from all of this no I bet okay his family are completely

safe wait what did he say I bet what happened is Fred and Julie are beyond nice to yet and he'd be like oh you should come over to the house James okay and you'd be like oh really and you'd be like yeah yeah in fact we got some very interesting projects we'd like to be part of and you're like

oh sweet and then you come over and you open the door big bucket of blood falls in your head and they all laugh at you and they all rip your dress you're wearing a dress by the way they rip your dress on oh oh little piggy why why are you doing this yeah they throw tampons at you as well yeah my mother's there drinking shardinay laugh and it's like they gave me free tickets to the show so ha ha ha that's how small his dick was when he was coming out of me the little queer

mother please no the ultimate betrayal yes that's why don't talk to their comedians James just talk to me they'll make fun of you you're right I keep forgetting but I'm so glad I have you looking out for me Brian looking out for my best interest

if Fred Cook ever approaches you just say stranger danger and walk away yeah okay i think uh that's a good way to end it yes it sure is yeah i think we should wrap up yeah we got a little silly and goofy on the comedy podcast where we say silly things that don't come true and if it should happen that something happens to them i was nowhere near it so there let's make that a matter of record public record yeah I'm innocent yes I'm just going to make sure that from now on every time I go into shop I'm going to like keep my receipt time stamped and dated it's like your honor if

you'll allow me I have the following all right all right all right thank you good luck guys sure see you next week bye