Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 112 : Sylvia Plath gets CANCELLED

Episode Date: April 18, 2021

The Greatest baseball player of all time.

And we're off. And we're back another episode. Yeah. Brian and James fuck each other is back and let's get a little

literary. Literary. We were just talking about Sylvia Platt. We were. Yeah. We were just about

to cancel her. I can't, I don't know what poem it is. Like my roommate, like Kiron, Rooney, we'll call him Rooney.

He's very well read individual. So he has a lot of like, he's not like us. No, he's not a troglodyite. He's a proper, he's an actual person.

He reads poetry. we watch Thunderforce. He reads it for fun. He enjoys it, if you can imagine such a thing. No. But anyway, so he is a collection of Sylvia Plath poems. And in one of them, I don't know what it is. And I didn't really read the poem, just Leanne, my other roommate is like, how do I say this?

N-word. The N-word. The N-word I, as in you've got the D-I. Yeah. I mean, I don't even know what that means. I presume it's a black eye Yeah but you know And then like Rooney was like

But that's you know That's what it is in Latin And uh I was that excuse I was just telling him as a friend Look you never want to be The guy who's defending the use of the N word You know

When you're walking on the street You see a bunch of teenagers They're like all in Preston with my Latin Anybody like Sylvia Plath Well what's up dudes Waguan my slime It's Latin for black So yeah

So we're saying we should cancel Sylvia platform Head in the oven Yeah Teach her a lesson Do you like poetry? No Do you ever, Does any poem you've ever read that touched you?

No In a way Yeah There was one called No, I don't know I know I know as a kid Any poem make you cry

No as a kid I was like even in English class and they'd be doing poetry and it's like it didn't really click with me or register that I was supposed to like read into it and like you know symbolism or imagery or any of that stuff I was just like what's that mean that's stupid what who cares if he's in a forest and there's two different paths going what is that who even cares about that I didn't realize that was like you know an allegory for being a closeted homosexual let's what it is, isn't it? It's not the main... They all are. Every poem. Yeah. Even you're like Itsy Whitsy Spider, up the water, spout. Yeah. I met a man who wasn't

there. Wait, no. As I was going up the stairs, I met a man who was a queer. He was a queer again today. I wish, I wish he'd go away. See, literary. Brilliant. Well done. I was wondering if any poems made you cry, James,

because this is a mental health podcast. I know what is This is the catch-up With Brian and James Okay And we talk about our feelings Okay So I've been crying a lot

This week Yeah Okay And that's healthy It is Yes Yeah that's what they tell you Anyway

That's not something to be ashamed Because back in day Like oh stop crying Stop you're ruining the wedding But now I can cry as much as I want She can't say anything That fucking dumb bride

Cunt wear dress Fucker You show up in the same dress And start crying it's like mental health just for what it's great isn't it mental health it's just like a big shield

of armor for whiny cunts to be pathetic and self-indulgent and bubub yeah that's what some people think but we're pro mental health teams remember that yes no of course I was you know you're playing the character

what character fuck the character it's all me sorry go on mental health so I I've been crying over some things I thought it'd be good if I describe things that have made me cry

Okay And I can call you A bend over man Or you can say You can rate it from one to ten Okay One being no tiers I'm gonna

I'm gonna homophobically attack you Yes And ten being like I'm crying with you Yeah Okay Yeah okay So the first ad

Yeah It's an actamil ad Already Yeah okay An old man Picture this An old man Wakes up

in a run down house with an old dog with him the dog's probably going to die before he does he gets up take the dog for a walk Britain is not why he used to be Broken Britain There's hoodies everywhere With knives

Happy slapping people Yeah the newspapers have words like Recession, Poverty Iraq war With like three exclamation Yeah Okay This old man's walking along

he can barely even walk he's so old and he's so depressed his his his neck has given up yeah yeah he's crouching okay his spine is just warped like a piece of plywood in the rain yeah he's walkers there's some multicultural bunch of kids playing football all right they're playing football

okay they're kicking the ball around one kid kind of kicks the ball weird hits off the post bounces away and rolls towards the old man and the kid's like I Granddad Kick us the ball

Alright Kick us the ball And tin Yeah And now you're going to Think the old man Probably can't kick the ball Because he's so weak

That's what I was thinking Yeah Guess what The old man pulls out Actimel Drinks it Yeah He gets insane energy

Right Kicks that ball So hard It almost breaks the net Wow And now the kids are like Wow We should respect them

Now here's the thing Yeah We haven't seen his face The whole time the old man turns around David Beckham No no

It's Bobby Charlton Oh okay He won the World Cup In 1966 And actually the picture of Doing it Just in case You don't know

Who the fucking is Yeah Yeah yeah And it's kind of like Old people Can do things too Yeah It kind of

The message of that Is it doesn't matter If you were Once champion Of the world You'll soon be an old Kant That people don't care about

Getting beaten up By children Yeah Yeah Unbelievable Those kids probably ran up And gang raped them And you can't say nothing

And the media are afraid to report it I'll probably get cancelled Because I say The fucking Pakistani teenagers Rape the old man I'm telling the truth That I get cancelled Hey

You ain't gonna get me off the Mandalorian You know what's fun though One of the multicultural kids Okay Turned out to be Marcus Rashford, who now plays for, he's now a professional football player. Wow.

So that's a nice little bit of serendipity. That's amazing. So does that make you cry? It does. Yeah, how's it even sad? Because he's an old man, but it's like, it's a legend, and he gets one last shot of the ball.

And then he goes and hangs himself. Yeah, good. Yeah, he got dementia then. He uses the dog leash to hang himself. He actually has full on dementia right now. He's not dead yet, but he should be. Bobby Charlton? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, you know what I'd like to do now if I worked in the nursing home, I'd make sure no one else is around and I'd dangle my balls in his mouth like, hey, granddad

remember the footballs, do you? Yeah, I've a keepy-upy with that, you old cunt. Actually, his brother was in the ad as well, but the ad was more funny.

He played the dog, did he? No, Jack Charlton was in an ad, okay? You wouldn't get away with this now. It's Jack Charlton, I think Mick McCarty,

and if you were there, like, English and Irish coaches, right. They're in a big castle and they're like, oh the Italians are coming over and they're taking all the coaching jobs what are we going to do

and then Jack picks up a Heineken and drinks it and he's like I got an idea like fucking abit yeah no they're like I got an idea they go over to Italy and they start coaching a girls team and those girls look very young

nice they're very young looking girls and then it's just Jack Charles football's coming home winks to the camera he actually goes like that's why they call it a beautiful game as a 12 year old jumps around

apparently that's a big problem though with like the like there's a three part documentary he just come out called football's darkest secrets and it's all about like the group like you know what do you call those guys like the scouts right so the scouts go to like you know

amateur under 13s football games or whatever Yeah To look for talent as they call it Looking for that talent Yeah yeah Much like Dan Schneider Yeah apparently there's a lot of grooming

That goes on and all that there Oh yeah I was watching a thing about it Not that thing I'd be meaning to But it's kind of like little heavy Yeah I've been watching smaller things about it Like Renford Rejects You don't remember that day

No I don't know yeah But I've been watching some things And it seems like a lot of these things They're not even trying to hide it yeah like they're falling like hey i'm gonna take this kid out um i'm just gonna rape him downstairs if you all just like pretend not to hear it that'd be grand they were like yeah okay yeah i guess i guess he's he's just making the kid do stretches yeah that's how you have to play for leads it's a deep tissue massage and you know what's good his penis is softer than his fingers

so it's actually clever to massage him with your cock the amount of sense. The amount of them that are like when they're talking about it now they're like yeah I mean he was a scout so I guess I just assumed he could do whatever he wanted as a kid I didn't take anything wrong about it. I mean we all had to laugh about it really you know when I took the

blindfold off and it turns out it weren't a popsicle oh the lads the lads they call me a right daff bugger no oh they were egg on my face along with something else well it's such a different culture now with

football, okay? Because like, yeah, they're getting molested, but they're also having a great time. Like, you go back and read some of the stories about the football players back in the day. A lot of, you could make a connection here, a lot of fecal stuff. Oh, really? Yeah, a lot of like, you, we shit in the bag and then we threw at him. Okay. A lot of like, he was such a character. He'd shit on my shoes every single day for 12 years. And it was banter and if I said anything he'd hit me so hard my teeth would fly across the pitch and go into the goal we didn't have internet so we had to amuse ourselves somehow you know what I mean yeah it was it was a completely different time yeah the amount of rapes I bet those players did and the newspapers were

like well if we report it they might not win the FA Cup well yeah apparently that's a big problem with like professional footballers like just raping women in hotel rooms you know what I mean It's like they play five aside with some fanny, you know. And again, it comes from that molesting thing. Yeah. Have you heard the thing that's called imprinting? Imprinting? Yeah, that's what they say.

That's the theory that, you know, the way, like, a lot of people who have been molested end up becoming molesters themselves. If you say so, I'm not sure there's any evidence to back that up, but all right. Let's go conspiracy for a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all to do with Hall of Word. Okay, so yeah, yeah, yeah, it's called imprinting. where like a lot

so let's say a lot of those players okay if they're molested by a scout when they're young and now they're successful

they can do whatever they want without getting in trouble and they're like oh I can actually like you know do whatever I want like literally

break a woman's legs and rub my cock on her face in that order yeah in that order and I won't get in trouble yeah

I'll give it a go yeah but now it's different now they're all Twitch streaming and it's sick that's the more problematic aspect of it.

Okay. Let's go back to another thing. I didn't find that ad. That rated 0.0 on the cry meter for me. The next cry meter, okay, this might make you a bit sad. The ending of Superstore.

Superstore? You know, the sitcom Superstore? With Ogley Betty in it? Yes, yes. No. So the ending of Superstore came. I defy anyone to watch it and not cry. How many seasons?

Six seasons. So Spire Alert, okay, what happened is... Ice just comes in, it's like, get in the van! Oh, no! He said ice! Well, ice did come. Oh, did they? Yeah, ice came in season, I think, five, and they arrested the Camp Asian guy.

Okay. But they worked it out. Yeah? Yeah, they... Yeah, it turns out he actually had a gig on weekend update, so they couldn't get rid of him. Anyway. So, um, what happened at the end is the store goes. a shutdown. Good. But they all

went their separate ways, okay? Yeah. So the guy in the wheelchair married the fat girl. Okay. And America Ferreira became a businesswoman, but she was a good CEO because she knew what the working man was like. Right. Yeah, yeah. She wasn't out of touch like Jeff Bezos. So she made a good company. Right. And then the Jewish guy

became a politician. Okay. And at the end, they all met up for like one final barbecue, okay? And they're all friends and they're all happy and smiley and they start playing music and there's one Muslim guy on the show who didn't like dancing. Guess what he did? Suicide bombing.

He starts busting a move. Yeah, he starts dancing. He just starts doing the running man. He's Will Smith. They all start dancing together like, oh my friends are dancing together. It's kind of, yeah. And then at the end they're closing up the store. The wheelchair guy turns off the lights and wheels away. I was like

That's That's satisfyingly sad Oh Jesus Did you actually watch the whole thing? I watched the whole thing, yeah Have you like watched every episode? Yeah Are you serious?

Yeah, some episodes twice Why? Because I was watching with someone else at the time Oh okay Yeah and I was like Sit down and watch this you fucking bitch Hey guys in a wheelchair Have some respect

You bitch Yeah okay That makes you cry No no it's dumb Pretty lame Hey Look I'm a bro

I'm a dude over here I ain't got no feelings Because that's for fucking buffedies What about This always Let's tell you what

Lola lads Say this makes them cry Remember that episode Of Futurama With the dog With the dog Yeah That was sad

I'll give you that That was sad Yeah The dog waited For Fry Yeah Frye never showed up Here's the thing

When I was a little kid I was a little Dweeb I would cry anything you know what i cried at this is no no joke i like broke my shit crying at a an episode of keenan and keel when like keenan moved house and kell shows up with a picture of when they were young but he gets there and the house is empty it's like and then you know it's just like he's there in his own so he just like sits a picture down and walks out i legitimately cried a lot about that's pretty was your dad understanding

No, actually, funny enough, he cried at every episode of Keenan and Kel. He just, yeah, they run a business. I'll never drink orange soda again. Well, with Keenan and Kel, what was it like, what was the crack with them? What do you mean? What was, did they both have families and stuff? No, well, like, yeah, Keenan, like, it was kind of like Keenan was there with his family, and Kel would always be over at Keenan's house

you never got to see Kel's parents or anything like didn't he did he have it was there an episode where he's like No he did a parent Were they in prison? They made one Actually now they think about it They made one joke

His mother was a brain surgeon And his father was a rocket scientist Oh And he was like really stupid Oh he went that direction Yeah yeah Yeah Look it was the 90s

It was a kid show in the 90s Remember he liked orange soda? I do I do You know like kind of like in the early days the internet there was a big theory that he died like everyone like it was a big like urban legend type things like you know keel from keel and keel is dead and then turns out he wasn't he was just living in some crack den somewhere no i'd say i wonder like i'm very interested in royalties i always want to sit down with people like how much money you make it right now

no like i remember like seeing a video not too long ago it was right before right after they announced they were doing a reboot of all that right Yeah. The sketch show which is where Keenan Kelle first They all It was then

And Dan Schneider was on it Yeah No Dan Schneider was on all The Nickelodeon shows Good Good But yeah

So they were on all that Which was a Kade's sketch show It was like Keenan Kell Amanda Binds A few others But then Keenan And Kelle

They kind of had a spin-off Did their own thing But Yeah What was I saying there? Yeah I can't remember

How we got to this About Keenan or Kel And or Kel, money, royal peace? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, no, sorry. So, Kel, just after they announced the reboot, like Kel did this whole video,

like, you know, I'm so happy that this has come together because, you know, things have been really bad for a long time. I was living in a really rough area. That's depressing. Yeah, yeah, basically no money and he was just living in a shit hole. And he was like, I can't even afford

to keep the electricity on. So, yeah, so I was glad to hear that, you know, things are turning away from him. Oh, I don't want to hear that. That's making me. cry. Because Keenan was like, Keenan kind of didn't want anything to do with Keel, Keel and Kel, it was like

I'm done with that, that's over, I'm on SNL now, and my own things. He never even wanted to, like, address it or talk about it. Well, there was a space between Keenan and S&L, you didn't just jump straight into that. There was a time, remember he did the Fat Albert movie and stuff? Yeah, yeah. He did a few movies and stuff

when then he jumped into S&L, which things suited him better because he's been doing, he's been performing since he was like 10. Yeah, yeah. That's why he's so naturally And he's, what's fucking insane is he has been hilarious since he was 10. He was a really funny, talented kid actor who then crossed over and became like a really talented, funny adult actor. Like, he's just, you know, Keaton Thompson is fucking, I think he's one of the greatest S&L cast members of all time. Oh, yeah.

And doesn't get enough fucking, like, props for it. Because Kate McKinnon's always there doing her dance. Doing her little RBG. dances, yeah, yeah. I've heard, like, she's kind of like, nah, she has, like, a lot of power now on that show, so she'd just be like, nah.

Oh, as in, like, just like, what about the sketch? Nah, I'm going to do it dance instead. Right, okay. And they, you know, they look at Lauren, but Lauren's afraid of her as well. You know, I hear a lot of little rumblings, like, you know, don't be, you know, like Lorne would always have, like,

he'd have, like, five PAs, and they'd all be really hot blonde. and so basically it's just like yeah he's just been he's basically just been fucking 22 year old since the 70s and like you know don't be surprised if some shit comes out about him

and now in 2016 that's wrong well he had a good run well I heard some guy recently and he was proper like if you're an old man and you're fucking a girl under 30 you're a pedophile it's like well that's just not true

it made me nervous I was like but I want to I'm going to be an old man some day. Yeah, yeah, fuck that man. Like, look, if you're 80 years old and a 30-year-old wants to fuck you, then do it. What's the big deal? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Fethin, she's the wrong one.

She's daft in the brain. She's the one that should be punished. Not poor old Lorne. Poor old innocent Lorne Michaels. These whores just keep throwing their pussy at me. What am I to do like a kid in a candy store? I feel

like from Lorne, he's so cool. He wouldn't even need to, like, even like approach a woman I think he'd be the kind of guy that like he'll just let a girl suck him off but he wouldn't even like touch her in any way he's like yeah not gonna get

not gonna get in trouble my friend yeah he can suck me off and leave but I'm not doing like a like a statue right a sexy statue yeah yeah he's kind of like just got them on a lazy susan just like big titted blonde bitches with their mouths open he's just

yeah actually speaking of uh I mentioned Dan Schneider earlier. You know, he's on Instagram. Really? Yeah. And he's posting stuff

every single day. Is it still feet? No, it's just like wishing people happy birthday and stuff. It's like real wholesome. Yeah, it's weird because it always seemed like it was about to come out

and then it just didn't. About him. Yeah, it was a real prick tease. Yeah, yeah. But it's so funny that everyone knows. Everyone knows. And he's still friends

with a lot of people in the industry. Yeah. Well, at least he's wished him happy birthday. Yeah, yeah. Like, I think a lot of them don't really talk to him much anymore. Like, even just like a few days ago, he was like, hey, congratulations on my friend Keenan and his new sitcom.

Love you, man. You think Keenan's like, ugh. Yeah, probably. Please don't tweet me, Dan. I know what you did in that pool. That's why Kel's all fucked up. Yeah, that's right. Kel took the bullet.

Yeah, well, I mean, Kell was the sexy one. Keenan was the funny fat guy. Hmm, you know. Here, what else you got in the Sadometer? I've kind of boreded that. You know, I was looking up, though. I was looking up, you hear the story recently where Jeff Bezos has like a Twitter army? No.

What's that? Well, Jeff Bezos has... What's a Twitter and an army and a Jeff Bezos? Break it down for me here. And an A. Yeah. So, like, basically, he has a group of people. More like Jeff Gazos.

Ah! Ah, genius. Yeah. I'm glad I derailed us for that. I just go, yeah, yeah. It was worth it. Anyway. So he has a group of people.

So you think like Twitter army, you think like, oh, are they like bots or are they like, you know, like some kind of Russian bot farm? No, they're like people from Amazon that he hires. It's like, hey, do you want to have fun and be sassy for us for Amazon? So what? They have to just write that funny tweets. They write sassy comments against anyone who talks bad about Amazon. Oh, okay. So let's say Bernie.

Sanders is tweeting something like oh Amazon the 99% to the 1% okay they'll have someone

an employee go like oh I'm not going to take advice from someone who wears those shoes right you know

kind of something of a sassy comment like that he should come back at it is like why wouldn't the richest man

in the world spring for a fucking hair piece you bald bitch oh yeah so like that's basically

controversy now is that like it's a valid question by the way why doesn't he? He likes it bald he's like

Statum Nah And he's ripped as well He works out a lot Oh yeah Probably just Nanobots

In his flesh sculpting him It's funny how Like he just Started off Like just Guy who's like Let's sell books

Online And now it's like Facial Recognition AI technology And shit He's gonna be He's like I think

What is it By 2025 He's Estimate That he'll be the world's first trillionaire? No, I think it's like something above trillionaire. No, it's tri-

What? It couldn't be... No, I heard Deca trillionaire. So, some word like that. But he's not even a trillionaire yet, though. No, they're saying at this rate. Yeah. When, like, when Amazon Prime

becomes even more popular and stuff. And, like, he's doing, like, a lot of, like, military contracts. A trillionaire. Something like that, yeah. Mega fucking, fucking, fucking money fucking air. so yeah his Twitter army they just like

attack people that give him shit yeah but in a sassy way right okay yeah he should hire us yeah it's like yeah why'd you go kill yourself

you retort nah he wouldn't know do we get the job Jeffie so see that's not he doesn't want that we have to be a little bit more like sassy

we're like maybe you should kill yourself with those shoes you know like that you know a little bit more the assy yeah definitely kill yourself is not the problem yeah that's the good part okay let's try

it on you you think of a bad thing to say against amazon and i'll come back at you okay here's another here's a thing so they're drivers okay all the pissing in the bottles thing and shitting in bags shitting in bags yeah they have to shit in bags because they have so short breaks that i don't have time to piss like to pull over and piss so they have to shit like shit in a bag while driving Now, what's your sassy comments of that? I don't really have one. That's just really sad and gross. Have you seen the video of the girl's shit in, uh, at the house?

Why, though? Why, like, why can't, like, are they... Got hit those targets. Really? So it's like that, is it? Yeah, exactly... You don't get penalized. Oh, really?

Yeah, you get like a fucking, like a little, a mark if you're late in any way. That's grotesque. That's actually grotesque. The video I saw, okay, it's actually kind of even... this woman drops the package I'm not joking here don't make a package joke all right I see you in your eyes I'm not saying this poor woman

you're like package like she dropped a big dump did she I'm pretty sure I'd come up with something better than that that's perfect so yeah she drops off she's walking back to her van all right and she just kind of in one smooth motion

crouches down pulls down her jeans shits and then gets back up all in one smooth motion Where did she shit? Just on the side of the road That's what? Yeah

And they got it on camera And the news report on it It's so disgusting Where they're like I hope that woman was fired Oh really That's not the kind of package You want to see

Yeah They made the joke Yeah They made the joke It turns out She was planning To deliver something else A special delivery

And at the end They're like And she was fired Rightfully so hopefully she's dead now septic shock that's so fucked up man like what like

yeah it's disgusting like no but it's like it's so dehumanizing and grotesque that these like this real toxic corporate culture I was like meet the targets get within that you have to get there within this amount of time is like

why though actually why do they have to do that it would be fine if you just removed all those absurd draconian restrictions where they're being forced to meet all these targets the shit would still get delivered

you know what I mean? Yeah yeah It's like But like it's just like We gotta go faster Yeah it's this sort of like Next day delivery I deserve to have it now

Kind of thing And their whole kind of ethos If that's the right word I believe it is Yeah okay It's like we got to get better Yeah

So it's like If they're working flat out And they deliver something In 20 seconds Let's get it down to 19 seconds. Come on, chop, chop, people. This is why they want, like, the self-driving cars and all, and the robots and the AI?

Yeah, they basically want to get rid of the workers. Because the workers at the moment are being a real pain in the arts, because they're trying to unionize the moment. Yeah, yeah, because they want basic human rights. Have you seen the union videos they make? No. It's so brass eye. Oh, really?

Yeah, it's very Chris Morris, where it's like, hey, we're not anti-union, but we're not neutral but union either. Unions are detrimental to customers and workers. That's just horrible. Like, how the fuck is it in 2021 that, you know, normalising an anti-union rhetoric basically promoting the stripping away of common human decency and rights for workers? And but it's like totally, people are like, well, you know, that's, you know, if they didn't, if they don't like those jobs, they should go to college and get better jobs. But then these sassy Twitter people are like,

I actually like my job. Oh, right. So whenever a journalist is like, we have this shocking news report about working conditions and like a man was fired for mentioning the word union in the email. And then the comment underneath would be like a paid Amazon worker being like,

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. I'm too busy having, looking at all these great prices on amazon.com oh god well hope that guy got fired who ever wrote that no no that's what they're paid to do that no i know that's what i mean but it's just the quality of it wasn't very good that wasn't a good example let me think of a better one no don't one that i did hear okay was that there was a news report talking about like oh they have to piss in bottles yeah yeah the place smells like urine right and the comment underneath this is true now the comment was like well we do sell bear urine for hunters maybe that was it okay

I do remember when this story broke though not even when it broke properly but when it was first kind of the rumors were coming out the kind of response was come on be realistic if people who worked with us were forced to piss in bottles they wouldn't work with us be you know don't be silly

and then it came out that it was actually true and you know what I mean so it was just yeah fuck Amazon and then their message was hey other places are bad to work for as well IBM the Holocaust Need we say more Have you read any of Jeff Bezos's business secrets

No He's got some great business People cream themselves Listening to his business secrets Want to hear some Please He believes in something called A Two Pizza Meeting

Two Pizza Meeting Yes He never has a meeting Pizza Burnt Cheese Pizza He never has a a meeting where there's

so many people in the room that they can't all be fed by two pizzas. Okay. And people are like that's fucking genius. That's why he's a trillionaire because of that. I'm going to start doing it now in my hot dog truck. And then they

invite me to the meeting and I eat both pizzas like, well, this isn't what we meant. Jeffie, please. Do you have any antacets? I don't feel well. This is fucking pepperonial. all over you. Jeffrey,

I had the piss in a bottle. Please. I'm shitting myself right now. Full cost security. I think if I have a Calzone, that'll help. I'll level myself off. Give me some ice cream.

I need some ice cream. Okay. And so it's like basically keep the meeting small. Yeah, keep the meeting small, keep him short. He's a big believer in short meetings. Give me the bullet points.

That's it. Don't fuck up my time. Right. He's also very, verbally abusive, apparently. Yeah, I would imagine so. Wait, what, the trillionaire isn't a nice guy? Give me some examples.

Here's one. Have you taken your stupid pills today? That's just lame. No, I want something like, I will see that fucking fetus cunt in your cunt. I will rip it out and fuck it to death. I'll bring it to life and then fuck it to death, you whore. skull fuck your little fucking fetus baby

you bitch no he's not Malcolm Tucker okay another big thing he loves to say is why are you ruining my life then he just runs into his office and starts to listen to Lincoln Park

and cutting himself yeah yeah yeah I tried so hard it got so far have you taken your stupid pills today yeah that's like a catchphrase

time he was invited to host the Special Olympics. You're not lighting the torch anymore, Mr. Bezos. It's not like he said it once. It's like that's like, if anyone messes up, he says that, like, if anyone messes up, he's like, oh, the stupid pills again, and they all have to, like, pretend laugh. Hey, see when they light the torch on the Special Olympics, they have to use one of those safety lighters? Eh, eh? Get it? Hey? Come on.

Waka, waka. Anyway, yeah, so I don't know, that's really, that's dumb trashed. What else? What else? He was born in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Breaking Bad. Okay. So he's a desert rat. Yeah. Desert trash. He was really smart when he was growing up and he even built a mechanical arm to keep his siblings away. Oh, sure. That's what he used it for. He was an only child, but he didn't want to take the chance. Just in case how his siblings show up. Yeah. Bob, where's my fucking mechanical arm? I threw it out, Jeffrey. starting to smell you bitch yeah yeah uh he then went to princeton oh very prestigious he worked in a pizza place pizza again yeah a running team yeah uh he then decided anybody who likes pizza is a pedophile

that's just a fact yeah um he then decided to set up an online bookstore all right and he was going to build it on like uh some kind of uh Indian burial ground. Of course. I'm not even joking because it's for tax reasons. Right. But then it's like it's away from everything I was going to put it in San Francisco.

Okay. And so initially what Amazon was... It's a bookstore. An online bookstore. So people order books online and you send it to them. Yeah. That's crazy that that's how it started. Compared to other...

Like, well, it's going to be bigger than the computer companies and stuff like that. Yeah. He's also... He's big into pit in... applies against each other. Right, okay. So if you're a bit working a project,

he likes to have like five teams working on projects and tell him like, hey, the worst team's going to get fucking fired here or you're going to get seriously demoted. Yeah, yeah. So you better fucking work hard here than he gets off on it. Yeah, I imagine it's a very toxic

workplace environment, I would imagine. What else about his life? He married a novelist? Well, he was married to a novelist before he got rich. Oh, is this the bitch you divorced him? Yeah, yeah. And now she's the richest woman in the world.

Yeah. Now, is that fair? No. Really? No. This is classic radio stuff. Like, what did that bitch ever do? There's an epidemic of gold digging horse.

No, but come on. Like, I mean, after a certain point, like, if we are, if you're talking about fucking billions, I mean, the 50% thing is like, give the bitch 10%. That's still our set for life, you know? yeah but anyway whatever I'm more that I like it because it kind of fucked him well yeah that's true but not really though it is a real yeah but he's still the richest man

in the world yeah he had to give half his money away he's still the richest man in the world and people are like yeah but he's very he's not he gives money to charity and he's like yeah but he also buys newspapers hmm controlling the media

oh yeah yeah yeah he's also like like all these like super rich elitist cunts are all huge into philanthropy but like Bill Cosby was a huge philanthropist. A lot of piss. But you know what I mean? It's like Jimmy Saville, the same thing.

Like these cons, they use it to mask their horrific deeds, you know? Yeah, and also if you're super rich, it's just great taxing. Yeah, exactly. And it's fun. If you're doing like charity stuff, using quotation marks, it's basically just like go to a nice dinner and eat a pheasant. You know? Have everyone tell you what a great man you are. And it's just like, everyone claps and like, oh, you did all this.

Yeah. Yeah. And you invite one black kid there, be like, we're helping people like that. Take it away. Take it away. Yeah. It's the facial recognition thing that's a real, like, how did you get to that? So what is this facial recognition?

It's a thing called, I think it's called, like, recognition. Okay. I think there's a K in there somewhere. Right. Because it's awesome. Right, right, right. And it's designed to, like, and they describe it like, it's a handy way to recognize people, uh, instantly. So, you know, like, uh...

But, wait, I'm sorry, but so this is a piece of software, but in what capacity, like, on your phone, in business, in... He's going to sell to, like, defense, to the army and stuff. Okay, so where is this facial recognition technology going to be? For, like, immigrants, uh, okay. It'll make ISIS job easier. Right, okay. Uh, if you're looking for a criminal. If you're looking for terrorists

Someone didn't pay their TV license But what? So presumably we'd all be on the database? Yeah Right, okay And then It's gonna be such an weird Amazon world Where it's like you work for them

And then Like They get you deported Yeah, okay And then you have to You only like On your free time You just watch fucking Amazon show

Amazon Prime Yeah, yeah That is weird actually I don't really order shit from Amazon Not out of any sort of like protest or anything i just don't i just never i mean i have in the past but it's not a common thing but i know people are like yeah i'm always just buying random shit on amazon it's like why it's like because you can get it the next day it's like yeah but do you mean do you really need like a wiffle

ball bat i mean what do you i need it yeah but i get six of them for two dollars it's a bargain you know yeah it's it's actually quite great for them because people's lives are becoming more and more depressing due to working in the fulfilment centres and they're like, I just need something to keep, cheer me up. What's a fulfilment centre? That's where they work. That's what it's called. The warehouses. That's the warehouse.

They're called fulfilment centres. Yeah. Jesus. Doesn't that sound so happy? That's so dystopian though. I mean, like, I even hate saying it because, but that is, that is so Orwellian. They're fulfilling. You're in the fulfilment centre where you make wishes come true.

Little children have Christmas and birthdays because of the great work from one of our fulfilment centres and you gotta keep working nonstop you got hit targets

do you hear that case where like a woman died no yeah that was a thing where like a woman died okay and she was just lying on the floor all right

and people are like oh can we take you know can we stop and they're like well she's dead so just leave people will take her away just keep packing up

the wiffel balls yeah what the fuck how did she die like a heart attack it was just I think old age a lot of these people

are very old really a lot of old people like they don't have pensions any pensions are like almost like a for fancy people now

yeah yeah like do you watch that film Nomad Land no it's really good it got nominated for an Oscar there yeah it's Francis McDermott

McDormand dormit it's own McDermit it's it's it's based on true thing where basically there's like

thousands of elderly people in America but no pensions. They have no pensions and basically can't afford a house at this stage, all yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're all living in vans and basically working like summer jobs where they have to travel to the job.

Fucking hell. And that's what the movie's about. It's Francis Bickdermit. She works in like an Amazon fulfillment center but she's like, I can't fucking do this like. And so she decides just live in a van and just kind of drive to like, oh, there's seasonal work over here, I'll work here for like a while.

That's interesting, though. It starts off for her taking a big, oh, I don't think she's taking a dump, I've imagined that. She's taking a piss, though, in a field. Okay. And I, I clap straight away. It's like, the Coen brothers get the, both of them get to put their dick in that.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an interesting film. Yeah, that's fucked up, isn't it, though, like, they don't have any health insurance. Like, because, you know, a lot of them that, like, you know, whatever, there's obviously people maybe lower education or had

drug problems or whatever criminal records blah blah blah but even people that like did it right that like went to college got a job oh yeah saved up for a pension then the fucking 2008 recession happened the Lehman brothers pissed their pensions away and they were just

left with nothing the fucking Bernie Madoffs of the world just financially raped them and now they have to live in a van shitting in a bucket yeah and it's kind of it's an interesting film because they kind of embrace this nomad lifestyle because they have no choice.

Yeah, yeah. It's like actually it's kind of fun to live in a van and travel around. Yeah. Yeah, but it's like, it's not like I'm going like, do you want to live in this mansion? No, no, that's commercialized, man. I like this old van. Yeah. It smells like piss. My piss. At least I hope it's mine.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, a lot of the people in it, she talks to people and like, it's like, yeah, I worked since I was 14. and I'm dying of cancer and I'm still working It actually kind of freaked me out that film But you could end up like that Kind of gave me anxiety, yeah

Yeah, yeah Yeah, I guess because like we don't really have a plan You know? Yeah And this, the rate of old people That are in poverty That's just getting higher and higher Yeah

And it ain't getting better I'll tell you that much Yeah It's a fun film You see your tits in it as well Oh good Yeah, finally A bit of levity

That'll cheer us all of Get the lads around Let's look at Francis's Tiddies You want to see Some Fargo Tits boys Here we go Wee

Oh yeah Here's my big Bountiful bosoms Yeah We've all got big foam fingers Whee I watch some Awesome

A couple nights ago I watch Cobb Cob Oh yeah Well that little clip You sent me I was like Well

This looks great Man I've been getting into baseball history there are some amazing characters like just one guy this wasn't called just another guy there's one guy

he was a great baseball player but he loved fire trucks and if a truck went by he'd run after it during a game so I don't think he was 100% they'd have to run and get him

and of course we're taking a fire truck break as a Johnson chases him down the street he's trying to lick it again the fire dwell Oh, the poor guy, now he's biting it. Take me a jah, jah, ball game.

Yeah, there's a lot of characters, I'd say. And a lot of wife beaten. Yeah, it wasn't Babe Ruth like a real, violent, drunk? Oh, my God, all of them were. All of them wore. So who was, it's Thai Cobb. There was an interesting history to Ty Cobb, because what happened is he's considered one the greatest baseball players who ever lived.

He was around the same time as Babe Ruth. And those two were all of his competing. right okay for great and it's also who can beat the record this year

all that shit okay sure yeah so he retired and there was kind of rumors that he was a bit you know

on the edge he liked getting drunk and firing his gun and stuff okay and then this writer called

Al Stubbs I think his name they call or stump stubsy they call him Stumpy Stumpy

yeah so Stumpy was a writer okay Stumpy also like to chase fire trucks I'm a

Wider for the New York Times. So Stumpy, okay, he goes to Ty Cobb's house and he's going to write an autobiography of Cobb. But it becomes more of like a fear unloading thing where it's about his crazy adventures

Wick Cobb who's like this insane drug adult, racist, madman, okay? Now people say that book is completely exaggerated. Okay, right, right. like dramatic effect. And to make almost stumpy the star of the book. Right. Okay. It's kind of like I'm

and here I am thrown into this situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do I do? And years after the book was published, a lot of people, I think, went a bit overboard. We were like, he was actually an angel. Okay, right. Like they're saying like, because there's rumors that he was a bitter,

bitter racist, okay? Yeah. And then they were like, no, he was actually so caring and he loved every black man like it was his own baby and they're proof of that he's like when Jackie Robinson started playing he didn't vomit you know

he wasn't completely against black baseball players so they're like that and that proves that he was basically a civil rights leader yeah yeah so there's definitely a middle he's Harvey Milk yeah so there's definitely a middle ground okay right right but the movie's based

on the book itself and it's insanely good and I know if you made it now you have to be like at the end he has to learn a lesson but there's no lesson this is like the 90s it came right yeah yeah it's just Tommy Lee Jones Tommy Lee Jones plays Cobb and a well-known character actor plays Stumpy he's someone you'd recognize he's in like the Batman films the original Batman films oh he's like uh oh is he like the kind of uh he's like the detective or the reporter

guy yeah yeah you see his face around yeah comedy kind of actor comedy guy yeah comedy guy yeah Yeah, he never really has anything huge, but you see his face around. Yeah, okay, right, right. So it's basically like this guy, Stumpy, comes to Cobb's house, all right? And Cobb's like, God damn it, he's already got a gun. He's taking, like, fucking loads of injections, all right? Oh, what are the injections? Anything can get his hands on.

Nice. Yeah, okay. Opium, more opium. A lot of opium, really. Heroin, I presume. That's the same thing, okay? Yeah, yeah. And then the film is basically, like,

okay there's a baseball Hall of Fame thing coming up you're going to be the first person ever inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame I've got kind of like write your book while also traveling with you to it trying to not get arrested

and then trying to get back alive okay right even though he insists that he can drive and he's always like almost crashing the fucking car right okay and it's you say that there's a goddamn Chinaman driving it's insane just give you an idea of how

insane it is there's one scene where I think it's kind of half played for laughs to go to stop in a place on the way

to the Hall of Fame all right and they have a room but like let's go for a few drinks okay so the journalist finds a nice blonde girl

brings her back to his room he's about to get down and dirty and then he's like that's my woman okay

kicks her in the head he kicks her full in the head all right and drags her by the hair and the hair into his room, all right?

Oh, my God. He pulls out a gun, okay, and it's like, get fucking naked. Oh, wow. Again, one of the greatest baseball players. Back when the sport had a lot of clays,

they didn't let any bomb off the street. He was real guys back then. Okay, he's like, get fucking naked. She's like, oh, who are you? I'm fucking Thai Cobb. I hit 576 home runs

and you're going to suck my pecker okay right so she gets naked he bends

her over the bed okay gets on top of her still with it going at her

head okay and he's like okay I'm gonna do it fuck he just gives her a thousand

dollars and it's like now you tell everyone I fucked you oh my god she's like

is that eh do you want more and she's like no this is okay and she runs away and he's like

god damn he starts punching his dick He's like, God damn it, you can't fucking work, God damn it. Wow. The next day he comes down to breakfast

like, I tell you, I had a spooky evening there. I had a couple of a couple of a few Tom Collins and, oh, I got a bit loopy. The next day, all right, they're

coming downstairs. He sees the blonde girl again talking to a black man. He goes, insane. He pulls out the gun again, gets up on the table and starts going, my girls with a beep.

He walks over to the black guy, bends him over and this time he gets super hard straight away. Because he wasn't racist. And then gives him a thousand dollars like, I don't tell anyone I fucked you. That would ruin me.

Yeah, okay. This is just on the way to the fucking... Okay, sorry. I So he gets on the table He tries to kill a black man Because he's talking to the girl He tried to rape Right All right

And then the reporter's like Oh come on Ty We got to get out here Then driving away like That was close We really stuck into those Stuffed shirts back there The main

Society Hey We just like the party It's free love So they're driving Then to the Hall of Fame Okay And then Ty

starts to reveal a bit about himself. Okay. Turns out He actually has some problems. He says Emotional demons. I guess you never know

the kind of battles people are fighting internally. So it turns out his father married his mother when she was like 12. Nice. What age was he?

Oh, like fucking 50. Yeah. Okay. Nice, perfect age. Well, women mature faster, Brian. That's what people always forget. They matured faster because it wasn't fluoride in the water. Now it's all different.

So, and then he tells the journalist that eventually his mother lost it and shot him in the stomach. Shot her husband. Shot the dad. Yeah, yeah. In the stomach and he died. Okay, right. And that's like meant to be like the big like, I guess that's why. I guess he couldn't help himself when he kicked that woman in.

the head. If anything, she was in the wrong because she was a woman just like his mother. So that triggered him. So they get to the Hall of Fame all right. And it's a big event. I should mention as well out of interest. Cobb was a multi-millionaire

because not only was he like big from all the baseball sponsorships and stuff like that. He also invested in a little company called Coca-Cola. Oh shit. Yeah. Way back in the day. And also a car car, a certain car company in Detroit

Oh I forget which one Either Ford Ford or It's one big recognisable one Mustang Something big

Okay So he was like Mega rich Even you know Like He was basically The Jeff Bezos Of his day

Yeah Exactly like Jeff Bezos As he's bending Over like He was a less problematic Jeff Bezos

Did you take your stupid pills As he kicks her in the head Yeah It wasn't all his stupid pills it was B-pill.

Hey, did you take your B-pills? So they get to the Hall of Fame, all right? And they played this really nice film about all his accomplishments. Right. But he starts hallucinating. Oh? Okay, because he's high on the drugs. Yeah.

And he starts seeing all the women he's beaten over the years. Oh, God. And also all the bad things he did. Like, for instance, I think he used to sharpen the spikes on his shoes. Oh. So he could jump and, like, get. like really fuck someone up. Like impales somebody?

Yeah, impales someone, yeah. And also he, this is true, he was accused of rigging games. Oh. Like losing on purpose or like missing one or two hits. So the betting averages would be sure.

Yeah, you know whatever like that. So there's a lot of dodgy stuff about him. Right. So he starts hallucinating during this and he's freaking out. And then they're like, let's get him on stage. So he gets you the clip. He gets on stage and he says some very,

very problematic things Yeah, yeah Well, I mean I thought he was being satirical and ironic Yeah, yeah Nope

I'll say what he said But in like a toned down version Okay He said, okay That The Harlem Globetrotters Were a certain race He didn't like

And they reminded him Of a certain sexuality he didn't like and it's probably because basketball was controlled by a certain religion he didn't like well done Brian you're really fair play that was good yeah

and because his Thai Cobb they're all like just clap a bloody good speech if you ask me about time somebody said it so afterwards he tries to go to there's like a party there's like an after party it's like on the red carpet

so how do you think that went Ty oh pretty good you know I kind of lost him in the middle there, but I won him back at the end. So he tries to go to an after party with all his teammates and they're all like, get the fuck out of here Cobbs. Yeah, yeah. You're going to ruin everything. Get out. He's like, fuck you!

You fucking sexuality I don't like. Yeah. Yeah. Plural. Okay. Yeah. So then they drive home then, him and the reporter. Right. And they're all kind of sad and they go to the grave of

his mother and father, right? Ah. And then Cobb reveals what really happened to his father Oh, did Cobb shoot him? No, no, that would have been better actually No, what actually happened is His mother was cheating on the father

With like a random guy from the town Okay And the guy Killed the dad But Cobb never told anyone I think he saw it or like Okay I think he witnessed it

Or he was around the house and happened And he kept his secret Yes And that's why he's got problems of women Because his dad was a cuck Yeah, yeah, yeah He was like, I'll never be like that again. And so then he's like, so what story are you going to print?

People need the legend of Cobb. Are you going to ruin that legend for all the kids out there? And then the journalist is like, you can me not think about. And then he goes home then. Right. Who all his friends and they're all like, gee whiz, you were a tight Cobb. What was he like? And he's like, hmm, he was a great guy.

And, you know, it's like. He decided to publish, which doesn't make sense. No, because obviously he didn't decide that because he just saw all the horrible stuff. Yeah. And in the book, it was all about all the horrible stuff. Yeah. And in the book ends him going like, I decided to publish the truth. No, I decided to publish a lie because in a way, isn't that more true than the truth?

He literally just had his cake and eat it too, you know? And it was all bullshit anyway. Yeah, yeah. Most of it was all lies. Wow, fuck that guy, whoever he was. It was a very, tell you what. If it was just a work of fiction, it's a very entertaining work of fiction with no moral, no lesson. Nice.

That's what I like. Not a single scene where Cobb meets a black guy and, like, you know, like, he's like, Oh, howdy, Mr. Cobb? He's like, hey, your music ain't so bad after all. That was great. What else was the watch? Also, I watch Shape of Water finally. What's that?

Remember the one that the Oscar? No. Remember she fucks a fifth? Oh, fucking, yeah. some dumb bitch fucks a fish I didn't mean to watch that

for like five years when did it come out like 2016 yeah something like that it's like yeah so I've been meaning to watch all this time and I finally sat down

and watch it what a big piece of shite yeah what oh can you guess this dreams all right

you actually look like you're about to get sick yeah yeah I got like choking on my own rage at the start at the start

at the start of the film the girl has like weird things around her neck yeah oh are those gills, I wonder?

Yeah. And at the end of the film, did she drown? No, because she actually had gills. Oh, yeah. So shit. And she quiefs out those gills. Queefing out tadpoles.

Oh, yeah, it's like just fucking, like, such a, I think they were going for, like, it's like a classic Hollywood fantasy where, like, this mute girl finds a ugly fish monster. Yeah, who is it, Gliermo del Toro? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's like an allegory for interracial love. Oh, just like interracial. It's an awful monster lays eggs in you. It's a retarded woman fuck some half-breed fish man. And that's just like what John

legend is. It was just like moonlight. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so like, oh, it's so like, she finds like this fish monster in her lab that could be completely dangerous. She's like, I'm going to rescue it and bring it home and fuck it. COVID. That's where COVID

really. I bet you that lab was in Wuhan. Yeah, the version of like, the Wuhan version of Shape of Waters, like, oh, that bat, I'm going to bring it home. I bet it's like a beautiful creature trapped in an awful lab. She brings out just bites her. Yeah. And then she starts coughing over the place and be like, oh, hope that doesn't cause any kind of lockdown. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so she brings the fish monster home and she lives with a gay guy. How, like in a big fishbowl or whatever? They bring it out in the truck. like free willie yeah yeah yeah and jumps over jizzes on her face yeah

and then she's just like well we brought him home now and I'm just gonna fuck it I better fuck him you know yeah yeah and there's no

there's like if I fuck him will I die can he talk no he can't she can't talk either that's the only she's such a simple tin

she's like he can't talk I can't talk that's her thing but she has gills on her neck we don't know that yet we think she says scars

gill-shaped scars but it turns out she's a fish woman too because she's an orphaned they found her retarded this sounds so dumb no I remember like people talking about it and trying to describe it to me and I was like

this sounds really fucking stupid and I don't want to watch it Michael Shannon is a government guy that's like let's keep the fish monster you know in his tank and let's not fuck it and he's the villain

like and wait was it like the day they created it? No, they found it in the Amazon. Oh. Yeah. Oh. And he brought it to, like, study it.

Right. And he's the bad guy. Okay. It's like, yes, this unstable fish creature monster man. Maybe we should keep him in a cage. Yeah. And like, no, no, we should all fuck him because it's love. It's love.

Love is magic. It doesn't matter if he's a fish monster with awful scales. I'll probably rip out my throat. Ugh, Jesus. And she lives with a game. How do they fuck? Is he of a dick? Yeah, there's actually a funny...

There's a funny scene in it, all right, where, like, because she's mute, she can't talk, all right. So she can't say no. Yeah, okay. Yeah, probably know he was raping her. Octavia Spencer's her friend. She's like, yo, how big is Dick? She doesn't talk like that.

Yo, that fish motherfucker pack? What he got? She's like, how big is it? And she goes, it's kind of hard to describe on the radio on the podcast. Yeah, she puts her hands. out to form but then she does this to suggest that there's

an extra bit at the side kind of like you know what dildo has the extra bit for the asshole or like yeah the bunny rabbit for the clit as well yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's what he has okay that'd come in handy hey really hit the back walls with that yeah yeah nice and then spew fucking toxic

waste into her toxic fish waste fucking disgusting she'd stone her head in where rock she also lives with a gay guy so it's like a subplot about like he's gay fucks him too yeah yeah yeah no the subplot with him you know if you leave some something sweet lying around i'm gonna give my hands on it no richard jenkins is a gay guy all right i told you i was allergic to shellfish well i guess i outgrew that so um and his richard jenkins yeah yeah he's great his subplot is he's a gay artist and he's like you want to look at my drawings

And they're like, um, we don't want to get gay off you. Who's the woman, actually? Who's the hot piece of age? Um, the mute girl is, uh, I actually don't even remember. She, she's someone I like, and the movie was so bad. I kind of, like, messed up my brain. Yeah. Doug Jones plays the fish monster.

Who's Doug Jones? He's like a guy who specializes in playing monsters. Sally Hawkins. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What else is it? Oh, also at the start of the film is a thing where, like, she has like this very clockwork life where everything's like timed out and even when she masturbate she's an egg timer

uh to to so she knows how long to masturbate okay so it's kind of this fish monster is like I'm gonna go a bit in the wild side yeah yeah it's like you know you could just like bang a guy why do you have to go to a fish freak no she doesn't know that because she's she lives with a gay guy she thinks all guys are like that oh I see yeah so she's I have no choice but to bang the fish monster is that or the dog so at the end

so Michael Shannon's the villain because he's like I gotta get that fish monster back God damn it and then at the end he's got the gun he's like I get back here

but then the fish monster eats him I think and then the other army guy he's all shoot with the fish monster and then him and the woman jump in the water

and it's like well she can't survive in that water It's not like she is gills But then But then they kiss James Just the cry meters back They kiss underwater

And her gills open up And then they swim away Like a fantasy It just sounds retarded It is It's so bad The only bit of light in it It's a bit where Michael Shannon

Goes home to his wife Beats her No No I wish Pass No his wife takes her tit out Oh

I was like, you want to have sex now, and he's banging her, but he can't concentrate because he's thinking about that fish monster. I think that fish monster is like pheromones or something. Everyone's just obsessed with him. Yeah. Even Michael Shannon can't admit it, but he's just like, God,

so it's the fuck the fish. Yeah, why does she get all the fun? Yeah, yeah. Sounds terrible. Yeah. Now, I remember when it came out, people describing it's like, I will never watch that,

because I will hate it completely. There's so many Oscar films where like you go oh that one and then it feels like the next day everyone's like that was a huge mistake

yeah yeah you're right that one Jesus I seem a green book you know it's like oh okay

that one no one's gonna ever remember that fondly again same of parasite except people thought that in the moment what you're giving it to one of them

what the fuck but they're all fish monsters yeah parasite was actually good I haven't seen it yeah you should watch

that. Watch that and shape of water at the same time. That'll groove your melon. You're twisting my melon, man. So, I'm heading back to Carlo now. Yeah, yeah. You're going to miss me? I will. Yeah, it's been nice

having you here. Yeah, I can't wait to get back. Hopefully some more regular things. Yeah, I think I'm free next weekend as well. Oh, I'm going to come back then, yeah. Perfect, yeah. It'd be good to get out of Carlo, though, like, it is bringing back lots of memories. Yeah, like, did I ever tell you the time I found a condom in school? No. Yeah, I completely forgotten about this

Inside a child's asshole Inside my asshole The child was dead I picked What's that I'm like Inspector Morse I'm going to investigate this Okay

So yeah there was just a condom Okay in the school Wait so like Underground Like a used condom Yeah yeah Oh This is so nine

I picked it up I was like what's that No actually not I forgot They said hey Brian you should pick that up Oh no I was like Oh yeah

I'm an inquisitive child Who told you to pick it up I could say the name Is this a cunt Primary or secondary Not fucking It's primary Primary, yeah

What age are you then What are you like This is early primary as well Like seven maybe Yeah something like that Yeah How did they even know what it was I don't know

I think it's more like You hung out with some pretty cool kids They were all fucking in their 20s. The teacher's like here Brian pick that up. You love it.

I think, I don't think they knew exactly what it was. They were just like, uh, something gross. Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah. They were like, Brian doesn't know it's fucking, it's semen in there. Hey, bro, hey dudes,

remember that gang bang we were in and we threw the Johnny's there? Brian doesn't know that's a prophylactic. Or a sheath, if you will. Yeah,

so I just picked up and like, oh, it's weird and dropped it. Right. And this rumor went around I put it in my mouth. Yeah

Everyone was like Oh Brian Did I hear you put in your mouth I was like no I didn't Okay And I swear to God It's true Then one morning

I was getting ready for school My mother was like Brian did you pick up something in school Oh And I was like No I'm lying now okay But you knew what she was talking about

Yeah yeah And she said did you put in your mouth You have to tell me You should go like You can tell me Okay she's just like You have to tell me Tell me, did you put it in your mouth?

Did you like it? Did you get horrid, you little queer? You little gnaz. Yeah, your dad's just in the jeep outside, crying, punching the steering wheel. No! No! I'm corrupted now.

He's in the garage. It's full of fuse and your mother has to go in and break the window to get him out. Yeah, I always remember I shouldn't see it in nice It wasn't like Yeah If you did something

You can tell me It's okay Like did you do what you have to tell me Yeah It was like Do you have the codes It was like you know It's a serious shit

Yeah you bet you have to tell Tell me now Yeah yeah So yeah that's a very like Of course Even if I had Which I didn't put in my mouth I'm not gonna be like

Well like I better say it's okay Well if it's just between us So I just lied Oh no sorry I said no, I didn't She was like, okay And remember she went back To a phone then

Okay So she was lovely talking to someone about So this must have Got to the stage Where everyone around the village Was like You hear the O'Too child Put a Johnny in his mouth

Oh like mother like son Am I right? Hey lads Yeah Fuck it out Oh That's hilarious Yeah

Yeah It brings back Good memories Being back home oh wow yeah okay let's that's wrap this up yeah