Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 115 : Breaking Bad

Episode Date: May 13, 2021

Lets cuck

yeah let's go right right yeah you guys missed out there this opened up a can of monster yeah we'll put that in in post though yeah a little like that in post the sound of me opening the can because what's fun is people might be thinking maybe brian's drinking harder stuff from pretending it's monster yeah yeah to cover up his you know brian's pretending to drink monster to cover up his addiction to child porn very clever i put the child porn in the can of monster and no one know it can walk around public drinking away and wink winking drinking and winked I actually don't like kids good I get a bit weird

I'm glad that the intervention work yeah yeah no kids are annoying as shit and also I get nervous around them because they might do something you know like what I'm just saying if they say something

who are they going to believe that's true yeah you're right even I went to the shops there to buy the kind of monster yeah he was about six young lads hanging out around the shop

and I was going to go around them yes but I was like no I'm going to be a man here I'm going to walk I parted the seas. Is that how you got those bruises? I didn't want to ask.

Yeah, well, you know, I was asking for it. Yeah, yeah. With my glasses. And you're Daisy Dukes. I'm trying to be more manly. And, uh... Try me more manly. I'm not trying to get afraid by children.

I mean, trying to do... Sure. This might sound a bit lame, but I'm big into Lewis J. Gomez. So I mean... Skankfest, bro. Skankfest, Dublin. Yeah. Imagine we should try that.

Yeah. Set up our own skag fest. In your house. comes tries to sue us skank fest Dublin but I've been trying to like be more in that Louis J. Gomez mindset right so stop being a pussy

say the N word openly I said the N word is those white children teach them a lesson but yeah I've been trying to just be a bit more manly like you know like if someone offers me something sometimes be like no I'm okay I'm like yeah I'm gonna fucking take it

like what do they offer you like downstairs they offer me lasagna oh right fucking tuck it that's sure that's being a man. I had dinner. Earlier. Yeah. And I was like,

no, I'm going to eat the lasagna as well. Because what Louis J. Gomez would do. How are you feeling now? Be sleepy. Yeah, yeah. It actually was a bad idea. Well, I've been trying to do more stuff like that. Like, let's see if I wake up in middle of night.

Yeah. I go downstairs to get something. Yeah. I used to be like real quiet because I want to wake my parents. Yeah, yeah. But now I'm like, what would Louis J? So I'm just stomping around the place. That's right.

Yeah. Just kicking things. Listen to limp biscuit. Yeah. Keep rolling. Roll it, roll it, rolling, roll it. Yeah. Fucking, that's what you should do.

Yeah. You got like a chain wallet and wrap around shades 24-7. Yeah, like a man. Like a man. Like a true man. Any man not like that is a woman. Yeah. End of.

End of. So I'm trying to be more manly. So I'll keep you guys updated on that. Keep us posted. I tell you what, James, you're going to know those big changes in me. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Next week, next week I'll be completely different.

I'll come through the wall. Yeah. Don't use Doors are for women. But it's going to be a good episode. Okay. I'll tell you what, the last episode is very good. The last, the Patreon one is... I don't like to promote the Patreon too much,

because I don't want to make too much money. Yeah, yeah, that would be a shame, wasn't it? But I think the last one we did was really smart, clever, and satirical. I think all these women who are like, they're wrong. Yeah, why don't you give you some money and then you'll see? Yes. Yes.

But by the time they figure it out, we're all ready. over in the Cayman Islands living it up. Yeah, with the three quid we make per month. Yeah. Bit of Wonga. But I do think

like if the women that hate us and it's only women, if they like, if they sat down and gave us a chance, I think they'd be pleasantly surprised. And all the women that like, you know, they're out to get us.

If we broke into their house and forced them to listen, I think they'd quite enjoy it. They'd respect you. Because secretly, that's what they all want to happen. Yes. They want you to force them to listen to your podcast. Well, you know what they say?

Women want, like, a woman cannot have one man. Okay. Like, biologically, it doesn't work for it. I've been listening to a lot of interesting opinions online. Right. But, yeah, see, a woman needs to procreate with lots of different women. Men? And need lots of, oh, yeah, sorry.

No, women. Okay. No, so a woman needs to procreca, needs lots of dick, they're saying, yeah. Sure. So she needs one that's like the safe one. Right, right, right. Yeah. One that's like the bad boy, dick.

Yeah, the bad boy that records a podcast. The professor dick. Yeah. And the ethnic dick. No, I don't know. Whatever. Whatever. But yeah, women biologically need Brian and James.

That's what I'm trying to say. So you're saying biologically, they need both of us at the same time. Yes. I like that. Yeah. Shotgone Anus. Yeah. I watched an episode of Onhtarage.

recently were Turtle and who is it? Turtle and Johnny had a bit of a bit of an incident like that. A devil's three way Yeah, okay. I think they touched poles if you know what I mean. They crossed the streams. And then Turtle went back into his shell. Yeah, Entourage

is a terrible show. Let's not talk about the terrible show. Yeah, okay. Let's talk about good show. Okay. Breaking Bad. Yes. So I rewatched the first two episodes of Breaking Bad. Yeah. I was going to watch one. I was like I need to watch more. You need more.

I'm addicted. You're a bit like crystal mess. You were addicted. Yes. Get it? That's why I lost all my teat. Yeah. So, Breaking Bad.

Yes. When I say Breaking Bad to you. Yeah. What do you think? Some people say it's a commentary on the healthcare system. Some people say it's a commentary on the war on drugs. Some say it's about the dangers of man's eagles. or toxic masculinity

I like the opinion I heard this on Twitter that it's actually a white fantasy because it's about a man a white man doing a Mexican man's job better yeah I like that

he sees the Mexicans doing drugs and making drugs like I can do that better and that's what happens like you come in and it's like whoa Mr fucking white this is art man oh thank you Jesse

I'm glad that it's acceptable Yeah, his name's White as well. How more obvious can it be? Mr. White. Yeah. And he takes on these Mexicans and he wins. It's kind of like eight mile. You're right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're probably like, you can't do. He's going in the bus to make Met and they're all laughing at him. He's writing equations on his hand in the bus. I got to get out of these streets, Mom. I got to cook meth. Oh, rabid. You're never going to go to Guist.

Oh. Yeah. So when I say Breaking Bad to you, what do you think? great performance from Brian Cranston. That's by far the thing that anchors the show best. Like there's some great bits in it. There are definitely a few like,

oh shit moments in it. You know, like it's a good watch. It's not like, people kind of say like it's as good as Sopranos. Or prison break. I'm joking. Just look at your face. You weren't even,

you weren't even with me with that joke. I was just looking for something to stab you. Yeah, yeah. I was like, just before it's one little quip there. Because you said two, things, and I was going to throw one the third thing. Comedy comes in trees. It was too much for you. You ruined it.

I don't want to even want to do this podcast anymore. I overstepped the mark. I just watch you out of my house. I overstepped. I triggered you. Brian Crass did, great performance, great show. It's a lot of fun. It's not as good as Sopranos. Definitely on a rewatch. It's a bit, there's some bit you're like, eh, it's a bit silly.

I think there's a little bit heavy-handed, you know. I think though, like, it's great for like the foreshadowing. It's a little bit too much foreshadowing for me sometimes a little too on the nose like that whole thing with the bear

and the eye and the pool They were trying something Yeah yeah they're going for kind of like a high art thing

but it never they never quite achieve it they should have just sort of stuck with like it's a bit kind of trashy and fun and a bit of a thrill ride

You know what it's like It kind of has a bit of an identity crisis in that respect Well I think you're seeing them try things Yeah and sure there was some things

that didn't work But the high hit rate you're right no here look fucking great show like absolutely and uh like the cinematography is great like you know the color palette how that reflects you know his descent like that whole thing with the fly

on his you know that all all that shit like that works I like that I love the world they've created because I also am a big fan of Better Call Saul okay see I haven't watched Better Call Saul we'll get into that during the episode because the few things that tie into the pilot I assume there's going to be spoilers

and this Breaking Bad spoilers? We don't need to spoil. Yeah, he makes drugs. We don't need a spoil. We're just talking with these two episodes. And if I say, oh, certain character also appears in Better Call Saul,

I doubt anyone's going to jump off a cliff because of that. And if they do, you know, rock on, dude. Rock on. Oh, Cliff, very good. Look at that. They're made of rocks,

I assume. Did you write for Breaking Bad? That means two things at once. Genius. Anyway, so let's get in. What do you think of Breaking Bad? bad. Did you like it? I was just going to say, I love the whole world.

So I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm suckered in. Okay. So there's lots of stuff, uh, I think I'd be able to be indoctrinated. There's lots of stuff that, like, you probably would be like, oh, that's, that's bit I didn't really like. And I'm like, oh, but that was referenced in better call Saul, so it's good, and you probably like, I'm still not good, Brian. Yeah, well, I mean, if it's reference and better call Saul, it's very much an afterthought. Oh, yeah, it is, yeah, well, I don't know that. Okay.

I think it was made before. I'm such a fucking idiot. I'm like, they made this all before. Because he hasn't actually met Mr. White. Mr. White, the good man, White.

They made all six seasons of Better Call Saul before Breaking Bad and then released them periodically. Okay. So that's the little thing. I was a baldy move on their part. Yeah.

Well, you know, they shot the tree lord of the rings. They went like millions into the hole to like shoot all six seasons. You know, like they shot Tree Lord of the Rings. the same time. So it's the exact same thing. Right, okay.

Moving on. Anyway. All right. Now, uh... Breaking bad. Okay, we start off. The pilot episode. Pilot.

Pilot is the first one. Yeah. It's not one written by an actual pilot. Do you know why it's called pilot? I learned in film school because it's not written by a pilot. They all called me a retard. No, why is it called a pilot, Brian? Oh, I don't know.

I don't know. Because like... Let's just guess. See if it gets off the air and terms of ratings? It's probably something like that. Something like that. Yeah, I don't know.

Or it's like something like, the guy who invented that raped a girl in an airplane. How will the world remember me? And the pilot gave him a wink. He's like, hey, that guy is cool. Yeah. Anyways, look, can you start off,

all right? An RV, racing through the desert. The guys driving it are in a bit of a panic. Yes. One of them seems to be knocked out. The other guy's wearing a mask. There's smoke everywhere. It's all crazy and hectic.

You don't know what's going on. You're having the panic attack at the start. I am, yeah, yeah, yeah. Vomiting everywhere. There's a Mexican there. Okay, the RV crashes. Yeah. A man steps out, a white man.

Called white. Yeah, okay. So you know he's good. He takes off his mask. The hero of the piece. He takes off the mask. Yeah. It's Brian Cranston.

Yes. Howl from Malcolm in the middle. Yes. There's something approaching. We think it's a police car. He takes out. a gun, he's ready to shoot. Flashback.

Yes. Now, before we get into the flashback, do you know before they got Brian Cranston? They originally wanted two different actors. They were trying to get either Matthew Broderick. No. He can drive.

I've killed before and I'll do it again. You don't need to do that for a show, Matthew. Well, I've already done it. Don't tell me about my process. I was Ferris Bueller, you queer. That, or John Cusack? I could see Cusack more than Broderick, but, no, it's definitely Brian Cranston. Cusack, you'd be thinking, that's Cusac, you know?

Yeah, okay. Well, I see Cusac, I think Cusac. That's Cusac. Cue, Cue, and on. They should have got Joan Cusack. Now, that would have been something. All right. Okay, so, okay.

But they got Brian Cranston. Yeah, definitely. He'd worked with Vince Gilligan on X-Files. Right, okay. He did an episode called Drive. Oh. That was good. The CIA put a bug in his head that was going to explode.

Or is it all his mind? I forget. Who cares? Whatever. So we flashed back. We see Walter White. Yeah. His life, he's not doing too well.

Right. We're seeing the kind of existential horrors of suburban life. Yes. Yeah. You know, wife. Oh. Son. Barely.

some assembly required batteries not included they were building him they gave up halfway dad what's going good he's literally Jimmy from South Park what is his disease

muscular dystrophy or something but he's on crutches and he's all like did what are you doing he never really added much to show I always thought like oh something bad

will happen to him he kind of just got off like no spoilers but like not much happens nothing he's a nothing character.

Yeah, it's not like, oh, in season six, you find out he's actually a spy. Yeah. And he lifts up the head of a statue, presses a button, and then sails down. Slides down a pole. But he crashes at the end, because he can't stand. Because he's still all spasticated, yeah.

So, and like, he's kind of like he's been emasculated. Brian Cranston has. Yeah, yeah. Like, even to the stage where he has to work two jobs. Yeah, so he works, he's a chemist teacher. Chemistry. chemistry teacher and car wash

attendants Yeah he's at a car wash Which is worse Probably the car wash I imagine Well about all you have to hang out All those kids Exactly

Sexy Yeah invite him down to the car wash That's what I do Be one the cool Much like the character In garage I would be a cool guy Who brings cans and biscuits

And shows them Porn OVHS I'm like look at the chemistry I've shown porn I'm like hmm looks like biology to me he's shooting molecules on her tits so yeah he's like he's not

doing well no and even worse like so the kids don't respect him in the chemistry class yeah he like you know he tells one of the kids to stop talking and the kids like you know kind of giving him attitude or whatever but Brian Cranston he's the authority figure so he's like you'll do what you're told

kind of thing but then at the car wash Who pulls up? The same jock. The same jock with his letterman jacket and his sexy girlfriend. Yeah, and he's holding the football. Convertible car. Yeah.

And it's like a real nice car, so he's obviously a rich kid. Yeah, and he's pointing a lot of taking pictures of Mr. And he holds him down and pulls down his trousers. Wee! Wee! Yeah. And the girlfriend's like, yeah, do it. Do it for state.

It's a prank. Well, yeah, no, so Brian Krausset has to get down his knees and start mopping, like, cleaning the kid's car. Because he's getting bossed around in the car wash job. And the kid starts, like, filming on his phone. It's like, check it out. It's Mr. Wide cleaning my car. Hey, make sure you get all the dirt spots off it, you old bitch. Yeah.

So he's not doing to, he's not a happy chappy. No, no. He comes home, surprise birthday party. Oh, okay? That's all he needs. So now, it's not worse than that. After the bloody days, Ed, you have an elaborate. He just wants to go into the fucking cupboard to have a wank.

Give it the old David Caradine, you know? He just wants to fucking solve everything in one go, if you know what I mean, all right? But if the fucking the party's distracting him, and we meet his brother-in-law. Hank. Hank, all right? Dean Norris. Hank, now, Hank is what a man should be. He's a real man.

Yeah, he has a Mexican friend that he bullies a lot. Yeah, calls him. beaner, which is great. That's what I need. He's got no hair and a huge beer belly and says racist slurs. He's a. A.k.a. A. A. Real man.

That's what you need to be right. Fuck Lewis J. Gomez. Shave your head, get fat, and call people beaners, even if they're not. That's how you get the respect you deserve. That's how you get the ladies. And have a fucking bitch wife. Yeah.

What's his wife called again? Marie. Marie. Oh, yeah. So, God, that whole, the two of them

fucking, and what's, Schuyler? Yeah. Ugh. Well, you know. I know,

it's a good performance, but yeah, she's a bit like, ah, whatever, Locke. That's me just being that weird

prick. Incel. Insel, eh. Hey, try to be more of a hank and less of an

in cell, you know what I mean? Okay, right, right. Hey, Beaner! Yes.

So, my dick. So, during the party, they're watching, It's funny, it's a party for Walt, but they just turn on the news and watch the arrest that Hank was responsible for it.

Check out this drug bust. There was a bunch of fucking Vietnamese or some shit. Cooking up happy pills. And then they all go like, good, yeah, Hank, yes. Yeah, I wish this party was for you. Hank, you're a man, we should celebrate. But Walt's watching, he's like,

huh. How much money is in there, Hank? Is that, oh, that much? Would that be a high amount? And Hank's like, doesn't that's a pretty low amount in comparison to what we normally get and it's like, huh, can I go on a ride along sometimes? Yeah, yeah. He's already

thinking. The wheels are turning. Yeah. So, but before he goes on this drive-by, he's teaching in class again. It's not drive-by, it's a ride-along. He's not rolling up. He's like, hey, man, get ready for the pain. What's up now, partner?

That'd be funny if you're like... He does a drive-by? No, he's asked to go on a ride-along. Like, yeah, sure. you just start out, lean out the car, start shooting people. I'm like, oh, I got confused. Whitsand, motherfucker! So, before that, he's in the car wash again. He gets dizzy, falls over.

Yeah. And then the kids again pull down his trousers. I'm ripping him. Pull it on live leak, you know? Yeah, yeah. So, it turns out he's got cancer. Lung cancer. Long cancer, yeah.

Never smoked a day in his life. Yeah, he found out from a mustard-stained doctor. Remember that? Yeah, yeah. So the doctor's telling him. you've got six months to leave or some shit and then his only response is

you know you've got mustard on your tie see that's a very real response no it's not I think I bet a lot of doctors put mustard on their shirt because they're big breaking bad fans

and they pointed out oh you've got cancer you see the mustard you like Vince Gilligan yeah yeah it's pretty good I'm a cool guy you don't smoke some met

so they go down the ride along yeah ride along now he doesn't tell anyone he's got cancer. No, he keeps it to himself. Like a real man.

Like a real man. A real man doesn't, doesn't fucking, oh my mental health. Shut up. Shut up. Go cook some meth, you wimy, bitch.

And then, yeah, fucking be a man about it, all right? Yeah, yeah. See, this,

this is coming from Tuler now. He's like, he's turning into a real man. Yeah. He's like, yeah, all the way, look the way I'm lying

on the bed right now, my leg spread, like a real man. So they go on this drug bust, okay? Yeah. And they see him, busting and it turns out it's a half beaner

a half beaner yeah called captain he's half Asian half beaner so he's called and he's called Captain Cook Captain Cook yeah okay they call me Captain my girlfriend called me Captain Cook do you get it? No the cook is in like oh I see yeah oh from when she

had sex with all those men in front of you yeah yeah I'm over the corner going like hey Captain Cook over here like breaking bat you like the mustard it's a reference I also have cancer. Sorry, I'm distracting you. You go ahead, Jamal.

I wish I'd cancer. I have cancer of the heart. So, while waiting in the car, while the men are inside you in the drug bust, whilst in the car, they'll leave him in the car like a dog. But he looks out, the neighbour's door, a certain

pink man, Jesse Pinkman. Jesse Pinkman. He's climbing out and we see some tits. Yeah, yeah, some chick he was banging. That's the only time breaking bad you see tits.

Oh, really? Yeah. So you went through the you're like, you was like, oh, if there's tits in the pilot, I'm in for five seasons

of big old boobies. And the whole time I was like, come on. Where are you? The whole time I'm hard holding my cock, edging, being like,

come on. Come on. I can't bust to Dean Norris, then I'll be a homo. Come on. Yeah, I miss time I bust

to Bob Oden Kirk. Hey, it could be worse. Yeah, I like nobody. Yeah, you could have busted to that Mongolite child he has.

Dead! You're some guy with Glace. He's jerking off. So he sees Jesse running off, okay? And Jesse's license plate

says Captain Cook. Oh. So Walt is a bit of detective himself now. He puts it together. So he goes to Jesse's house and he's like, can I talk to you?

And Jesse's like, I, well, you're going to try lecture me, man. Yeah. And Walt's like, no,

I want to cook with you. right yeah that's basically that's exactly what to say jesse's like what what are you talking about yeah bitch you think i gotta buy that crap yeah he's a real little douche in this yeah the episode moves fast yeah it's a good pilot it's definitely like as far as you know episodes go in like you know getting your attention initially and then reeling you in and making you want to watch more like I think it's one of the best pilots you know ever done I think a Netflix show would spread this out way more

yeah it was kind of I'm glad that it finished up before Netflix really took over because the thing is like breaking battles made in the time where it's like we've got to get their attention now yeah yeah where I think a lot of Netflix shows the people are like it's a slow burn it's like people leave it on

it all plays yeah yeah it's like oh nothing actually happens till episode three but you know we're all dead inside anyway so what do you care so Rob W. W. Walt Very good

Brian, well done. The monster is kicking in all right. Walt robs That's what I was trying to say I kept up. Rob Waltz.

Rob, Robert Redford. He robs some shit from his lab, okay? Yeah. And, oh Jesse calls him

an F maggot if you know what I mean. F maggot. Yeah, if you know. Faggaggat Fag magnet

Fag magnet Yeah Yeah Which you know It's the pilot You got to get to people's attention Well I mean Also

The first season was like 2008 Yeah You were allowed to say Faggaggat All you wanted back then Yeah all they said it like Hey fagmaggmy They said it during a state of the union

You know Yeah Ladies Gentlemen Fags May I have your attention please They're like so progressive Well

Ladies and gentlemen Fags, that's my first order As president in the United States All of you get the fuck out of here And you know who I mean, get out Right now I don't play that shit You suss

Yeah All you motherfuckers Suss is a motherfucker Y'all on the Glyssie I know you're a glissie gau Please get the fuck out So they need to find the place To cook the stuff

Because they can't cook it You know in the neighborhood Oh right So they get an RV Who's it, is it Jesse's RV? No it's a friend Of Jesse they buy it off

and they buy it off. Oh, okay, right. So they get an RV, all right. Drive out to the desert? Yeah, yeah. And, well, no, they're in the process of buying it, all right? Oh, but if you remember this scene,

Walt already is feeling a bit like, yeah, I'm fucking doing shit, all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes to buy some clothes with Walt Jr. Remember this? Oh, yeah, this is great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It gets me so hard. Now, this is where you bust at this moment right here. Fuck those tits. Yeah, forget those tits. So they're in the clothes store and those. mean bullies who probably have a podcast

are like do look at that disabled disabled F maggot yeah I like so fucking yeah what's the kids called what's his name again Walt Jr. Walt Jr., yeah so he's like trying on the jeans right but then like the kids were all like

Mommy I've got my big boy pants like imagine being so desensitized and lacking in empathy and humanity that you would do some sort of voice or mannerisms to mock the mentally infeble. Grotesque. It should be illegal.

It should be illegal. We need to bring in stricter laws. Unless you've got a podcast. Take it away. Thank you. Thank you. Now, you don't realize because it's audio, but James went full into character there. Literally. How is, like Daniel Lee Lewis does it all the time.

Yeah. But when I do it, suddenly it's a problem. Have you ever seen gangs in New York? He went full retard. Whoopsie Daisy! That's when he shits himself. Yeah. So, yeah, they're making fun of Walt Jr. And then Walt doesn't take any crap.

But you don't know what's happening because Walt just storms off out the front door. And Skylis like, Walt, where are you going? And then a few seconds later he comes in the back door, goes up behind the bully and, like, kicks him in the back of the leg. And, like, holds him down. It's like, how does that feel, huh? When somebody's picking on you, do you like that? Does it make you feel big?

Remember, then the dad comes over. It's like, get off my son and Walt's like, yeah, take your head. Yeah, take your shot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You feeling like a big man, take your shot. Make a move. He starts speaking like a 70s jive guy.

He's like, you crack-ass motherfuckers. They go shit on me. I'm a chemistry motherfucker. I'm cooking all shit up in here. I start giving him the forest Whitaker eye, you know? And then the dad backs away. because he's a little bitch Yeah, yeah

And then Schuyler Skyler's watching And she is dripping Oh, drenching clean up An aisle 3 Every woman wants four type of guys And one of them beats up I don't know fat

Children Yeah, fat children Was he fat the bully? They were both not I thought he was a jock guy Like jocks in America Are kind of fat Okay

A lot of the NFL guys Have big bellies Yeah, okay And big big dicks for supermodels and you can't handle it, can you Tuller? Makes you sick. Yeah, that's why I don't watch it.

It's problematic. That's why I only watch shrill. That's why I only watch sports for people who have small dicks. That's why I love the NBA. I'm sure they all have very small dicks. That's right. And if I found out the truth, I'll be horrified. Actually,

a little side quest for a minute. I was on a girl's only fans. Right. And she fucked an NBA star she wouldn't say who but Jesus Christ I was it shouldn't be allowed like what do you mean it was so big oh his what it showed his dick

yeah didn't show the face but but it showed his dick yeah it was insane really yeah I'm talking like three hands what do you think size wise what are we talking 10 inches I don't think numbers exist it would just be the pie symbol it has his own gravitational

pole yeah It was terrifying Nice Yeah And like you know That meme from Predator With the two biceps Meeting together

Yeah That's what his dick looked like She was taking it All in her throat All right Really She wasn't even getting down To the bell end

Wow Yeah Yeah Jesus Isn't that put fear in your heart Are you gonna show me later Uh yeah We're gonna project it on

Oh sweet The neighbours are gonna love that Yeah Project on the wall outside And invite the whole Neighborhood over Like a drive-in movie theater, yeah, yeah.

God. I actually can't talk about breaking bad anymore. Yeah, you're looking at you, you're very distracted. You got this, like, dazed look in your eye, kind of like that thousand yard stare that, like, military veterans get when they've seen too much action. You've seen too much black dick. I assume black, yes?

Oh, yeah. Okay, good. Oh, 100%, yeah. No mistaken there. Pure, pure Wesley Snipes. I see. Yeah, his dick probably dodges taxes too taxes and alimony if you know what I mean

so they cook some crystal met yeah yeah yeah Walt and Jesse and it's great like the crystals Walt makes are big yeah and they're clear and like Jesse's like well Mr. White this is art man this is

amazing yeah this isn't just some Mexican crystal met this is pure white white pure. Yeah, you're right. I like Jesse, when he cooked he was like, apparently his signature calling card was putting a bit of chili

pepper in it. And Walter White's like, no more chili pepper. What? Chili pea is my signature, yo. That's how everybody knows me on the streets. Yeah. No, Walt's like very, it's weird. Walt is like, immediate, like, we have to do a great job. We have to put our quality product. Yeah. We have a reputation to uphold.

immediately like... Yeah. I want to get these motherfuckers addicted like they never thought possible. I want them to rip out their own fetus and sell it for a fiver. And, yeah.

Yeah? Why wouldn't you? Is that a good price for a fetus? I want them to pimp out their fetus while it's still attached to them. Umbilical cord. You can sell them for big money. Yeah? Oh yeah, man. You're right, actually. Yeah, the billionaires. Adrenachrome. Look into it.

If you're selling a fetus for a Fiver, Jesus, man, you were a real chump. Yeah, you're right. You're right, I am. You can at least get, like, tenor. Anyway, good to know. So, they're selling crystal, not fetuses. So, Jesse goes to his friend, Crazy Eight. Crazy Eight. Remember what about Crazy Eight?

Yeah, he was like the local dealer. Yeah. Now, this is kind of weird for me, because I'm so used to seeing Crazy Eight and Better Call Saul. Oh, is he in it a lot? Good bit, yeah. He's not like a major character, but he's always around, all right? and it's very weird to almost be like like oh shit I kind of forgot he was even in Better Cut

he was even in Breaking Bad Yeah yeah yeah yeah it's not really a huge appearance No no yeah So and it kind of makes this even weird Because it's like oh I know the character more Because before he was just some fucking dog But now he's a human being in my eyes Oh okay

Yeah I've changed The power of cinema Yeah They're empathy machines Do you ever hear that? What film? Yeah No I've never heard that

Ebert said that Well, he tried to say it. It was like... He didn't really come out like he intended. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, um... Let's see.

Oh, yeah, so, um... He goes to me crazy eight, but guess who else is there? Emilio, aka the guy who had just been busted, he got out on bail. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Emilio thinks Jesse ratting him out.

Right. Because he's a white boy. That's what white boys do. Yeah, they're right. They can't do the time. Can't trust white boys. Oh, no, no, no. So they're like, you know what?

Bring us to where you made the Met. Right. So now they travel back to the RV where Walt's just chilling. Yeah. And they want to see Walt Cook because Emilio recognizes Walt from the bust. Oh, so he's like, he's a fucking cop. He's D.A, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. So they watch Walt cooking the stuff, but Walt's smart. What it does is he throws the wrong powder in so it goes all blowy up. and they all turn gay and they get knocked out yeah it's knock out gas yeah I think they well they assume they die

they assume the gas kills them okay and then they hear what they assume is police sirens and they're like oh shit so they get in and start driving yeah yeah but they're panicking so they crash

and then Walt gets out to like point the gun and then we're at the start again yeah hold on your hats alright but it turns out it was just fire engines go into a different location yeah but surely wouldn't the fire trucks kind of alert like yeah there's a man his underwear in the

middle of the road with a gun beside a crashed RV with loads of smoke coming out of it this is albuquerque oh okay albuquerque that is like that's just an everyday occurrence that's just a sunday like right so you do you bring the wife and kids you do that okay the only way some dads they'll be like oh we're gonna go like hunt a deer right you know it's kind of like that okay if the son doesn't want to do it he's a queer fair enough and instead of Hunter Deer, it's Hunter Queer. Yeah. It's not Monaghan. You're right. So,

let me just give a second you. So, yeah, Walt, they've got away with it. They got away with it. No cops are coming. They get away with it. Now, do you remember this bit at the end? Walt goes home, all right? Now, earlier, we have seen Skyler giving Walt a hand job.

Remember this? Yeah, for his birthday, and it was a very, like... She's on the fucking laptop. She's distracted. And she's talking, shite the whole time and he's just like it's just like the most pathetic looking hand job ever he just he can't even finish he goes soft yeah

now and it's her fault yeah yeah yeah yeah he didn't hit her though what's that about it's that's the natural progression it's fantasy she wanks you off you go soft you get angry and hit her but that didn't happen and then you're both happy exactly yeah no he's not hank oh okay right he's a little cook yeah but this time when he gets home do remember this he sticks up her ass yeah like he literally flips her over

and just like and the episode literally ends at her going oh Walt oh Walt yeah oh my what's better

getting fucked in the ass or watching your husband beat up children you know she's lovely it's been a great day for her oh these new vitamins

you're on are really doing the trick cancer makes you horny yeah I tell you so I was going to end it there but I was like I want to see what happens next I think the ass fucking got me intrigued

Yeah, of course Yeah, that's what it does So this episode Remember this episode two starts off He's still fucking her Yeah, it kind of finishes Starts where the last one finish Yeah, yeah

Finishes A fucking cum Jeez And cock Jiz and cock Jiz and cock Jiz and cock Jiz and cock

Jizank Oogie oggy Ogie Ogie Ogie Jiz Cock Cuck Anyway, yeah So he finishes

inside her says you make me sick and then leaves no no I don't think he even finish this he's coughing so much he has to go into the bathroom and he passes out naked

yeah yeah that's more of a Walt move the fucking in the ass thing that was a bit too much for Walt yeah he didn't need like

it was imagine it was an accident he got the wrong hold by mistakes like what's going on and he just like had a panic it's like oh my gosh I didn't know that existed

I had it to say pass out of the bathroom floor yeah he got too over-excited just imagine that your wife having an asshole that's terrifying so anyway we cut them back to 12 hours earlier they're in the RV again

but one of the Mexicans Crazy 8 is coughing right yeah so one of them died but the other one didn't yeah yeah so they're like oh shit what are we going to do they just keep them in the basement in Jesse's basement yeah yeah but they still got to get rid of the body of the

other dude. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, Walt's got a life. So he's like, hey, look, you chill out here in the house with the body downstairs and the other corpse, all right? I got to go, you know, be a family, man. Be a dad.

I got to go, fuck my wife in the ass. I'm pretty sure I can finish without coughing all over the place. Come on, I got to go. I can't lose this boner. I took a blue two hours ago. Yeah, yeah. So, um.

Mr. White, bitch. You're going to go, fuck your old lady and the ass and leave me the fucking half-dead beaner? That's right. Jesse. Oh, you suck, dude. Do you remember a little subplot

with Skyler in this episode where she's like, hmm, what's my husband doing? Oh. And she rings up because Jesse called the house. Right.

And then she rings up Jesse again. It's like, yo, leave the message, bitch. Yeah, yeah. Yo, what it is, what it is. It's Jay Dog in the motherfucking his head. Drop that message at the tone, bitch. And then, oh, my word. She's such an old lady in this.

Yeah. And even like, She goes on to Jesse's website, remember it is? Yeah, and it's like a Bebo page, and it's all, like, weed leaves and hip-hop music. Yo, AK, Tupac for Life. Yeah, yeah. Education, the streets, yo. And then she's reading it like, my, what's a milf?

Yeah, didn't she actually say, what's a milf? Come on. Yeah. You're a grown woman. How do you not know? She is a milf, so. She wishes. Ah, you would, though.

Come on, Tuler. I would. I would, yeah. I'd even have a pop with that mongo they have in the back. Something very reassuring. Yeah, he's humping, he's humping my leg. Like a fucking Jack Russell Perry on crutches. I tell you, there's something very reassuring about having sex with an older woman. Sure? Yeah, you just feel like, you know, she knows what she's doing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of like she's been so disappointed by life that even if the sex is subpar, It won't even register with her as a disappointment because everything else has gone to shit. So why should she care about your inadequate penis? It's like putting on an old glove. It's been nice and worn now. Yeah, yeah. Still sweaty from the first lad who was wearing it.

And the smell. Oh, brother. So she goes over Jesse's house. Yeah. She's like, you better not sell my husband anymore marijuana. Yes, yeah. Because she was asking Walt, how do you know this guy? It's like, he sells me marijuana.

Yeah. You're hooked on the devil's lettuce, Walt? That's right. And I'm listening to Jazz Records all night. What if you become, you monster? Yeah. I've been listening to Black Music, she passes out. I've just watched all two seasons of the Chappelle Show.

Yeah. He didn't like season three. No, nobody did. Schuyler, if I told you I'm Rick James, bitch. What would your reaction be? that's why you're white as fuck, Skylick. Sorry, go on. So they have to get rid of the one body

and decide what to do with the other body. Yeah, who's alive. So, yes. So they're like, for the dead body, we need to melt them. In, like, acid. Yeah, so he... The old Jeffrey Dahmer.

Yes. So he sends Jesse over to buy a plastic container. They're going to make some beaner soup. Oh, no. Is that too much? I think it is. I think we have a very big Latinx fan base. ah whatever

but i don't eat because bean soup which kind of isn't even a soup i just think beaner is white people yeah because we love beans yeah i do we're notorious for it big beans kidney beans not black be no black beans too yeah yeah yeah yeah mushy that's peas no idiot no i have mushy beans i have a bean smoothie yeah so they're like he sends jesse off to get a little plastic container but Jesse's like these are too small bitch yeah I can't even fit in this shit bitch so Jesse has a good idea he's gonna just put the body in the bathtub yeah perfect problem solving okay so he's like he puts the body in he's like problem solved dumps in the acid yep yeah yeah it goes down to smoke a bowl yeah yeah this is very um almost like you know in um

only fools and horses where they're holding the chandelier it actually yeah yeah you're right oh my god Fitzgilligan's a big only fools and horses fan. Yeah, yeah. We're like, Got some money in your pocket. Yeah. Yeah, where a Dell body comes home with, Rodney, where's the dead Mexican?

Oh, I'm sorry, Del. I don't know what I'd done with it. I put it in Grandad's bathtub. During the war, I killed lots of Mexicans. Shut up, Grandad, you pick. Yeah. Yeah, so he's like, where's the dead body?

And then drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. oh oh and then splash well no we should no because then Walt is like what did you do

with the body is like oh yeah no like I don't it in the bathtub because why would I buy containers

when I have a perfectly good bathtub upstairs scratch yeah and then just all the all the blood and guts

and splooge and jizz and balls all comes peeling out intestines and willies everywhere Yeah. And it gets you hard, doesn't it? You loved it too.

I started show bolting. I started dancing. Started air guitar and... It's a great comedic scene. It is, yeah. And then so like it all crashes through the roof or whatever. And then Walt's like, The Reason, Jesse. He does it in a very deadpan way. It's a very comedic thing, isn't it? It is. It's very funny.

Well, Jesse, the reason why I said to get these containers and not the bathtub is because blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever, sulfuric acid will melt through anything except for this specific type of plastic. Like, well, that's a bunch of fucking nerd bullshit Mr. White, bitch. And then the audience cheers. Yeah. And

Hooray for science and white people. The end. And that's how the show ends. There's no more after that. It's all you need. I saw a Mexican melt. Wait, is that the actual end of the episode? Yeah, yeah. That's how it ends. It's a great comedic moment again. I don't they kind of go

Oh Who else but Jesse? I get my own spin-off bitch Like Joey from Friends Yeah Jesse goes to Hollywood Try and make it I'm gonna make need for speed

So that's how the two episodes I loved it Yeah it's a great Like that one especially is like You really want to watch The next episode Yeah Which you can now

But obviously back in ye olden times of 2008 you had to wait a whole other week I did that I watched it was on FX on sky you had FX I think it was that

in 2008 you middle upper class it was on sky it was on cheap sky nobody had sky I didn't have sky plus I listen I only have one mansion

look my parents had Idris Elba come over for my birthdays and act out the sky adverts just like everyone. Everyone had that. And he'd better do it right, or else I'll sulk and throw things at him. Like my super sweet sex stain.

That's not the color I wanted. Oh no, Brian. I wanted Denzel. This is wrong. Well, I mean, like, he's looter. Is that good? Is it good? Are you having to fucking laugh? Okay, I'll tell you what.

I'm starting to get hot here. So I think the best thing you do is the move away from Breaking Bad Going to Justice League Wow Yeah Really changing gears Zach Snyders

From television to You're jumping mediums In one episode Television to cinema I know Oh my God We're local man We're thoroughly crazy

Huh Yeah This is why they can't handle this shit Yes A fucking woman She just breaks down crying She's like We're talking about

Justice League now Yes Power to Bad Bang We are the limp biscuit of podcasts And we're going to get so violent Just one of those days When you don't want to wake up

Okay Justice League Justice League Now do you know much about Justice League No it's like the DC universe And like there was this theatrical version But then now this is the just Or the Zach Snyder

Yeah so real Snyder cut Yeah so real short version okay Zach Snyder Do you want to direct the movie? He says yes but then it's not going too well they're thinking let's replace him daughter kills herself or does she

who knows did just Sweden do it did just Sweden and the studios come together to suicide Zach Snyder's daughter make it look like a suicide the old Kirk Cobain trick and then that forced Zach Snyder off the movie and got Josh Sweden

in did it happen in order to help Hillary you can't prove it didn't happen so the burden of proof is on you a good sir So they get, after the suicide of his daughter Yeah. That's fact now because James said it, all right? Hey, hey.

Josh Whedon comes in, Joss Whedon. Don't get angry at me for telling you how to sausages get made, all right? This is the way it works in Holly Weirred. He comes in, Joss, not Josh. Joss. My name's Joss. My name's just, my name's actually Joss. Well, you rip.

Yeah, that's such a red flag right there. It's like I was christened. Josh, but I prefer to be called Joss. It's like, well, you murder children and fuck the corpse. That's what you do, sir. And we can say that. Yeah. So he comes in... Prove me wrong. Again, prove me wrong. They basically shoot a whole

new movie. Right. They do loads of reshoots. It comes out. No one likes it. Then, years later, they put $70 million into making the Zach Snyder cut because fans wanted this so much for some reason. So, yeah, when people were like released the Snyder cut, I assumed it was like,

already footage that had been so he actually went and shot extra footage. What's funny is they shot extra footage and some of the stuff Ben Affleck looks very different. Really? Because in Justice League he's very big and bulky. Sure. And some bits in the reshot, it looks like he has

chemo. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I think they got him just right when he was like, you ever see the footage of him like dropping all the coffee? Yeah, yeah. They got him just as he was dropping the coffee. There's a lot of kind of like memes of like sad Affleck and all

and like he just looks miserable and kind of like unshaven and just like scruffy Yeah Then there was that thing What happens some little rat? Oh some fucking little rat whore Go on Brian

You tell me Woo Yeah some rat whore Cunt all right Was disrespecting a great man And she doesn't deserve him And well actually what happened is Yeah

She went on an app called Ray app Which is subscription based So a lot of richer, older celebrities take it, okay? It's Tinder for the elites. Yeah, all right? So they're not buying shit munchers like us. Yeah, but somehow the shit munchers still get onto it, right?

So what happened is she matched with Ben Affleck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She didn't believe it. She texted him something like, oh, I don't believe this is you. And blocked them. Ben Affleck then went onto her Instagram and sent a video being like,

hey, it's me, I'm Ben Affleck. Yeah. That's it, all right. It's like, hey, it's me. It'll be nice if we could chat or whatever. Rape! Yeah, exactly. There was no weird shit.

There was no, here's my dick, show me your tits. It was just like, hey, no, it actually is me, Ben Affleck, I can see. Yeah, ha, ha, ha, but, you know, maybe we could meet up or whatever. Now, in fairness, she wasn't going like, he's a bad man. She was just saying it's funny. Yeah, she's actually a comedian. Oh, is she? She's a stand-up, yeah.

Oh, yes. She did a gig in 2014. Well, well. So, yeah. Well, the final piece of the puzzle comes into the picture. Peter Pepper Picked a peckled Cunt

And a stand-up Would never lie about these things Yeah Yeah The most virtuous people On the planet So she wasn't saying Like he was weird

She was like Oh it's funny But the press took it up And people on Twitter were like He's bad Bad creepy older man Chrissy Tegan was like What's up with these older creeps

Trying to get young women Yeah How about you stop eating your own babies You sick, cunt Again fact Look into it Done, done, look, hey, don't get angry at me, all right? This is just the truth, and you people can't handle it.

There's a girl in my class is a big Chrissy Tegan fan. She's a... I thought Chrissy Tegan was like six. I thought she's an old lady. I also thought she was like an old lady. Turns out she's like a newish model, like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like in her 30s.

Yeah. That was big, it was crazy for me. Was she, because, like, she originally played the Maguire and Gremlin, so... I don't even know what that means. Anyway We're getting wild Yeah Yeah

Let me tell you something You don't want to get her pussy wet Or feed it after midnight Because then it all hell breaks loose All right So yeah Ben Affleck Anyway

Yeah anyway Let's just jump into the movie Alright How much time do you have I don't care Okay Yeah we'll go through this quick enough Go on

Go on yeah Because I need to get home and cry And distance yourself From this podcast So the movie starts all right. Superman is saving the day. Okay.

And the little kids are filming him. They're like, Mr. Superman, can we film you for our podcast? So we can relate. Oh,

wait, do they actually say that? Yeah, they literally say that, yeah. Can we film you for our podcast? It's an audio medium,

you little swine. Yeah, yeah. But, so they're talking Superman. Now, first thing you know about Superman is weird upper lip.

Do you know about this? Yes, yeah. So they CGIed out of mustache. Yes. Who's the actor? Henry Cavill Henry Cavill

Yeah He's a real nerd Is he? Yeah that's what he likes to say Because he likes video games He's like I'm a nerd I'm a nerd Just like you guys

I'm a six foot nerd Who's like ridiculously handsome And has an eight pack Yeah Come gutter stomach I'm just like you guys Yeah yeah Yes

So you know the lips straight away Because what happened is He was making one movie When they're doing the reshoots Right Mission Impossible, all right? And he needed a mustache. Yeah, and the studio, Warner Bros. were like,

can you just shave off the mustache and wear a fake one for Mission Impossible? Yeah, which seems way more logical. Mission Impossible guys were like, no. Really? They're not allowed that. Wow. So instead, Warner Brothers had to spend millions on taking the mustache off digitally. I mean, really, it's just a big dick move, isn't it?

It's just like a fuck you. Oh, it's definitely a fuck you, too. Who flinch's first kind of thing. Because they were like, no, it would harm the integrity of Mission. possible. Seven. Yeah, if you wore a fake mustache. People wouldn't believe it.

Tom Cruise is his own stunts. Yeah. Henry Cavill has to grow his own mustache. Yeah. So, we then cut, so it's a nice little scene of, like, him being nice to kids. Right. We then cut to the present day. Mm.

All right. Superman is dead. Yes. Yeah. The end. Superman is dead, okay? He was killed by Doomsday. Oh, right.

He was a big month. It's actually, um, what's the name the actor with the mean face he was in 8 Mile and Michael Shannon So Michael Shannon turned to a big monster

called Doomsday and then killed Superman Right And now because Superman's dead Men's baser evils Have taken over the world Oh no So racism is back

What? Yeah We see Superman got rid of racism Did he did he? He flew all the black people Back to Africa No more racism

problem solved. No, I flew the white people back to Africa, James. Ah, okay. Yeah, see, Progressive. There you go. So, uh, they're all like, oh, like, some white people are bullying a Muslim woman. A homeless guy is crying. Right.

You know, the world's gone to shit now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, uh, this is boring. I'm going to give up on this. Really? Yeah. Okay. It's so, I'm just stuck in this three pages of notes and so much of it, it's just like stuff I even I don't care about.

So it's hard This is a four-hour film Okay Look why don't you just generalize How you felt about the film overall So If anybody cares Go watch that fucking

Four hour lump and shine The whole plot to you right now Go on, yeah Superman gone They all sad Batman bring team together Right Wonder Woman show up

Cyborg show up The Flash show up The Flash is very funny in this film Is it? I'm shaking my head to suggest I'm lying Yeah he's good They give him a lot of like

funny dialogue He's like the wild card, the wacky guy. So, like, at one stage he's like, yeah, I move real fast. And, you know, I find it hard to relate to people, you know. Like, people are weird. Like, what's up at brunch? You know, you wait in line for lunch? Doesn't make any sense.

Right. Yeah. That's just Joss for you there. That's why you bring him in for the rewrites. I thought that was like a Elon Musk monologue joke. Hey, what's with, uh, brunch? People in line for lunch? So they all team up to defeat Steppenwolf.

who's... Get your motoron. He's Darkside's uncle. Of course he is. Okay. Who's Darkside? Darkside's the main villain. Of course.

Okay, we don't... Yes. That makes sense to me, Brian. I've never seen the film or read the comic books, but something about that rings truths. Hmm. Yes. Yeah. Darkside is a troublemaker.

Yeah. But anyway, so... If the statistics are to be believed. So, Steppenwolf wants Take Over the world The gang all come together From the Justice League

Try and take him on They lose Ha, dorks They need Superman back They need the white man Back So what they do is They dig up Superman's corpse

Yes And then they They throw them in They get a magic box Call a mother box All right And they just Cunt box was taken

Yeah Mother cunt Well it's the same thing Yeah So they throw the cunt box in the water There's like magic water Because you gotta get the cunt box wet If you want it to work

So throw it in the water So there's a thing where like If you throw the cunt box in the water With Superman's corpse And the flash runs fast enough We can bring Superman back to life Is that what happens? This is why it'd be hard for me to describe

You know what I mean like Sure yeah Because if you'd be you going like Why you'll be like So dumb, who cares Yeah so Superman comes back to life then Hooray yeah How far into the film does this happen?

This is like three and a half hours in. Okay, right. So Superman shows up and defeats the bad guy. Right. And then at the end, they're all happy. And, oh, someone was trying, they were trying to foreclose on the rec center. Hey, Superman, these bad guys are going to close down the rec center.

Where are we going to hang up? And Superman's like, I don't want to be a sociobu. So then at the end, the nice little moment is they're going to shut down because Superman's mother lives on a farm but they're going to shut down the mean banks

you're going to shut down the farm all right but then Batman's like don't worry I bought the bank oh so now he basically owns Superman's mother

and I got to put that bitch to work you're going to dress up like Robin and do a few little jobs for me go on sweep up yeah

you little shorts and that's you ever seen straw dogs Mrs Kent Yeah We're going to reenact my favorite scene We're going to Cornwall

If you know what I mean Yeah So that's Justice League As I was like I think you made the right choice By not describing the plot Yeah as I was talking Like this isn't breaking bad

Yeah Yeah This is not good So how did you How did you enjoy the Justice League You know what I think it is I think the Snyder cut It's better than the original

Theatrical yeah But that's like You know what's like It's like when the girls been dating a really bad boy friend for years, okay? Yeah. And then she breaks up with him and dates someone and she's like, yeah, I mean, like,

he's also unemployed and does nothing and you know, smokes a lot and passes out from alcohol alcoholism all the time. But like he hasn't like been drunk driving recently. So he's better. He's got that good dick.

Yeah, well his dick, you know, the last boyfriend, he had a two inch cock. And the new boy friend has a two and a half inch cock so I don't think I could ever be happier oh I'm a new woman I'm beside myself yeah yeah it's kind of low expectations right don't don't watch it you didn't

don't watch anything James you're right I don't I don't watch anything I let you describe it to me that's the best way it is kind of like you know the way to have like um like people who come to like you know a blind person to describe a film to him yeah it's kind of like why do you do to you you, you know? Yeah, it's true.

You have no idea what the world's like, and I come to you and bring you tales of the outside. But it's good, because I can be the, like, if there's somebody listening to this who hasn't watched any of the stuff you've watched, then I'm sort of assuming the role of the idiot savant, the fool, the ne'er-do-well, who's un-cultured and knows nothing of art or film or cinema. Much like a midsummer's night's dream, you are puck. Yes, yeah. I think that's the character's name. You're fuck

So why don't you go Puck yourself, Brian? Yeah Okay, what are we doing? What are we on here? Okay, we're just at an hour now. Just an hour, yeah. Okay, great.

And tell you what, we did some episodes there? Yeah. I'm feeling good. You know, sometimes you do episodes and I go into the bathroom afterwards and I puke on purpose, all right? And don't clean it up as revenge. And I'm pointing like, that's what,

that's your fault, okay? You should carry the bits more. Where were the voices? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to think is there anything else? Are you going to make this Patreon? I don't think you should.

No. This isn't Patreon. This is free. Good. Because people love Breaking Bad and Justice Deed. See, this is how it works, okay? We use the big films to draw them in. Yeah, yeah.

So, like, let's say some dumb man. I was going to say a woman, but let's say it. Let's change it up a bit for the last 30 seconds. Because sometimes the ironic sexism goes too far, I believe. I've heard that. I've heard that before. Yeah? Yeah.

From who? Ah, some woman. Tell me off air. No, it's not actually someone you know That's when the rail fun begins No, no, it was at a gig That's the real Patreon She actually liked me

Because I'm such a little pussy on stage I'm like, oh, women's writer, lit So she was in the crowd An audience member, yeah So after the gig sheet What were you talking to them? I normally like Have it like fucking pepper spray

All the time, like stay away from me Listen, love, if I'll give a dog a bone I don't expect to hear how it tastes So right So yourself out After the gig shake came up to a different comedian, she was like, yeah, I get that it's ironic sexism,

but sometimes the ironic sexism, it's a little much, okay? It's a little much, especially the week I've had. Oh, really? Oh, sorry, I didn't know about the week you've had. Yeah, yeah. Please tell me more. Oh, no, did you have a bad week?

Yeah, whatever. Yeah, I remember, like, the comedian involved got a little bit of noise at her. Sure. Which I've never, I've never, I actually had other people come up to me and complain about gigs, And I was going, oh, yeah, you're right.

Like, you're right. We're complaining to you about your set. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So I ever tell you, my first time in Edinburgh, um, I was, there was like an old lady in the crowd.

Right. Probably like 30. Yeah. No, she was an old, rancid, 33 year old hag. No, she was like, I'm trying to remember exactly what,

this is like a long time ago now. She had her daughter with her in the crowd. And I think like the daughter was like in her 30s and the mother was like in her late 50s. like 60s okay and then a few times I was talking about other things like oh it's gonna be weird between you guys

oh yeah are you glad you brought her yeah yeah yeah a real hack I am yeah yeah she don't know you suck dick baby hey I know you I know at least I know the back of your head you ugly ass bitch I'll be fucking your daughter in the eyes

popping the pussy all night long what you got what you got and afterwards she was offended Can't take a joke Can you not love, eh? No, I made some kind of joke Like, I was talking about ecstasy And it's like, oh, you might not know about this.

Yeah. Literally, that's it, all right? Right, all right. Didn't really address it that much, all right? And then afterwards she came up to, he's like, I actually have a lot of experience with drugs. So a lot of people, like, you know, you kind of assume things were looking at me,

but maybe you should learn that, you know, you can't really judge a book from his cover. And older people have a lot of experience too, okay? Jesus Christ. I know, it'd be easy to be like, Like, what? Yeah. She should have just glassed you.

Then you would have respected her. Your dad, yeah. Yeah. But to come up to you, it's like, well, you know, we actually have experiences of our own and maybe you should respect that. You, I do. I take her an X-C pill right there.

I'm like, yeah, take it. Prove it. Take the red pill. Yeah. Or no, what you should have done. It's like, yeah, you're right. You can't judge your book by its cover. And then pick up a hard back and whack her over the face of it's like,

because I bet you didn't think that had hurt as much. You've done, bitch! But then when people are like, Brian, you shouldn't have done that. I'm like, oh, she was bullying my son. Brian Jr.

She's statutory raped my son. Yeah. And if you'll wait right here, I'll go get him and he'll explain the whole story. He's just run out into the front with money,

be like, come on. I need your son. Give it your son. Give me your son now. Ah, it sounds good to me, Paul. Off you go. There you go,

Hamish. That's your new dad. Oh, no, daddy, please. I don't like that's shone. Hey, shmiel, schfune.

Anyway. Yeah. I've never had that, though. I've never had someone come up to me as like, your material

was disgusting and offensive. It's because you're a pussy. It's because you're a fucking man. It's all right. I remember my skull fucking bit?

That was hardcore, bro. That old lady would have loved it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have had people come up to me afterwards said, oh, man,

I really liked your stuff and all, blah, never had the... Yeah, I just have old ladies been like... I remember it to show me the funny, the one that I was

in the final of. I remember that first year when... I don't remember. Your guy called me the N-word. Oh, yeah. I didn't win anyway. But like, it was like three other people

came first, second and third. And then someone came up to me. He's like, oh, I really like you said, and it's a shame you didn't win. It's like, you know, I was going to drive my car into a river tonight, but you saved me, dear angel. And, uh... Do you want to come back to my room?

And by room, you mean, my car. Yeah. But it has no wheels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my fixed residence, because I can't drive it anywhere. It's up on cinder blocks. Well, I was just saying that, like, you know, it depends, like, some, it's easier to be like, oh, you're right, yeah. I never really say sorry.

I just go, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't know how I'd react. I'd just be like, yeah, well, it's fine if you didn't have, you don't have to like it or something. I wouldn't be like, how dare you attack me in my. I know some comics you would be like they try to explain you like no you don't understand

all right because what I'm doing is so smart you can't understand what you're small little brain you're fucking idiot do you understand

satire Bill Hicks you know what that means yeah he was standing enough for something I'm standing enough for something here

yeah yeah when I talk about I don't know that I'm single and I don't know how Tinder works that's actually me fighting imperialism

but you wouldn't get that would you you ignorant you probably voted Tory didn't you no I'd just be like yeah Look, here, you know, it's okay

that you didn't like it, that's fine. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, you know. You know what it's remembered? That old lady, Australian. Oh, of course. It was Damo Clark's mother. Yeah. Yeah, and you got your revenge on her?

Actually, I have met Dimo Clark's mother. Have you? Yeah, really? Bit of a milfishing. Lovely lady. Gilf. I have to say. No, Australian gilf.

Milf. Well, she would be a granny because Demos got kids. Not in my eyes. Oh, okay. No, my eyes. Why, Brian, I really liked your seat. I thought it was very funny. I don't like Dameau.

He's got too much energy, but you, you're really depressed on stage. That's what I like. Now, go on. Shove it right up, me, Jackson. Lovely lady. Well, I would imagine so because I've never met her, but Dame O' Clark is genuinely one of the nicest people I've ever met. There's no, like, badness in it.

No, he's such a nice guy and such a good comedian. and so hopefully I love to see dark demo yeah where he's just smoking a cigarette me like demo after dark you ever notice these fucking

cunts don't know when they shut up let me tell you something these fucking birds like I'm round here with their little tits what's that I expect eh yeah

don't go being a smart keffer anyway yeah look much respect to demo and his beautiful mother and no offense intended

Damo is a great dad as well I'm sure he is gay for Damo that's what we are now you like you like picked up his kids after school

I'm a friend of your dad we're going out of play Don't worry I'm gay for Damo I'm Gamo I'm Gamo I uh he draws comic books

Yeah Yeah yeah That's cool He um I'll show it to you You can buy him online But I got a physical copy From the Fringe

It's like a It's like Edinburgh Diary. Okay. So it's like 30 pages, and each page is the day in Edinburgh. That's cool. Yeah, pretty wild stuff. What have you done? Nothing.

Yeah, can you draw? No, I can't. I like to see your comic book about Edinburgh. Just blood. Stick figures. Blood and stick figures and jays. It's a pop-up book. It's a pop-up book, but it's just knives and dirty needles.

And random teat you've collected. Her name was Sally. At least I think that's what she said Hard to tell over the sounds of chainsaws and screaming Anyway We can't top that

No I'm getting dizzy now From laughing Which is good Like what time is it Good Well we went over an hour Yeah

This is a phone one Just 10 o'clock So perfect Yeah I can head home And it won't be too late Yeah All right

I'll come home And make loads of noise Yeah And be a man Assert your dominance Yeah Yeah yeah Kick my dad out of bed

What would Damo do? He wouldn't take no shit. Damo don't take no shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go later, cock. This is a cock. Yeah, Demo just fucks my man, yes. Oh, Damo?

That's a real kangaroo cord. I still don't know what that means. But anyway, let's end it. Let's end it. Before we end it, okay? Yeah. Thanks everyone listening. Thank you all.

Very fun. Yes. We will be back. As always, we will never leave. We will never stop. You'll try it. and stop us but it just won't work so all your cries and protests

and your demands for us to be drawn and quartered in the town square will all be futile my friend yes yeah go fuck yourself and fucking text too shh